Sleeping With Your Best Friend

Sleeping With Your Best Friend
Rosa Temple
0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Sleeping With Your Best Friend

Rosa Temple

©Copyright 2015 Rosa Temple

The right of Rosa Temple to be identified as the Author of the work has been
asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Design and Patents Act 1988
All characters in this publication are fictitious and any resemblance to real persons,

living or dead, is purely coincidental.

This is an authorised free edition from www.obooko.com
Although you do not have to pay for this book, the author’s intellectual property
rights remain fully protected by international Copyright laws. You are licensed to
use this digital copy strictly for your personal enjoyment only. This edition must
not be hosted or redistributed on other websites without the author’s written
permission nor offered for sale in any form. If you paid for this book, or to gain
access to it, we suggest you demand a refund and report the transaction to the

author and Obooko.

2

About Rosa Temple
Rosa Temple is the pseudonym of writer, Fran Clark who was awarded a
Distinction in her Creative Writing MA from Brunel University in 2014. A mother of
two, Fran is married to a musician and now lives in Herefordshire. She spends her
days creating characters and story lines while drinking herbal tea and eating
chocolate biscuits.
For information about Rosa Temple please visit:
https://www.rosatemple.co.uk/

Also by Rosa Temple:
Natalie’s Getting Married
Single By Christmas
Playing By The Rules
Playing Her Cards Right
Playing For Keeps

3

Table of Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14

Connect with Rosa Temple

4

1

The day I met Julia was our very first day at school. There I was, a skinny five year
old with freshly trimmed hair and neatly pressed dungarees, who skipped into the
playground holding her mum's hand. And there was Julia. She had two, carrot
coloured ponytails, tied up by flame red ribbons. She bounced up to me and said,
'You're going to be my best friend,' and that was fine by me because I had already
warmed to this chubby girl with a big smile.

We always sat next to each other, from primary school right through to high school.
And, although we were on different degree courses, we even went to the same
university. Inevitably, once we'd graduated, we shared a flat.

Now some people might find that a little unhealthy, to seemingly be joined together
at the hip, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. Julia was my best friend and
I adored her.

But it wasn't as if we were exact replicas of each other. For example, I grew up to be
tall with a slim build, long, straight fair hair and lived in jeans and t-shirts. Julia was
a curvaceous red head with a natural pout and great dress sense. She was arty and
in to languages and literature. I was sporty, with a love of the great outdoors. Our
taste in men was different too; very handy because that also meant we never fell
out over them.

About two years ago we started dating two guys who also happened to be best
friends from childhood. That meant a lot of double dating. We were like a gang,
think Friends but with couples. It was always Lori and Sam and Julia and Matt.
The Awesome Foursome – Julia and I used to joke about it all the time.

And that's where my story begins. About two years ago. Because it was then that
Julia and I began to have something close to our first big falling out. We had never
fallen out completely. It hadn't gotten to that. There had been times when little
things annoyed us about the other and, sometimes, trying to ignore the little things
became a little hard.

5

I always thought, though, that being honest about how you feel about another
person was the healthiest way to be. Being truthful could either make or break
a relationship. I hated to think that because we finally had serious boyfriends that
our friendship would suffer but there was something about Julia that bothered me.
It was like she had something to hide.

Then out of the the blue, this happened.

'Wouldn't it be great if we could have a double wedding?' I said to Julia. We were in
our flat. I was looking at a magazine with my feet up on the sofa and Julia was
flitting about, watering the plants by the window.

'I suppose.' Julia's answer was long and drawn out. 'But what if we got into
arguments over it,' she said, not looking at me.

'Like what?' I said.

'Well, I know we like a lot of the same things but what if my dress upstaged yours
and you got jealous, Lori? You're always saying you wish you had my curves.'

'True, but you always said you wished you had my catwalk figure.'

'Well, being skinny is fine, but guys like something they can grab hold of.' She
looked me up and down and turned her head away.

'And guys don't like pretentious women who talk about foreign films every second
of the day,' I said, trying to be blasé and flicking over a page in my magazine.

'I don't do that,' she protested. 'I don't talk about foreign films every second of the
day.'

'Well practically. Besides, you just called me skinny!'

'I meant slim. And don't start getting paranoid about your 32d's.'

'Who said I was?'

'Well you should be. Like I said, men prefer bodies that aren't going to snap in two
after a good, hard-'

6

'Julia! What's gotten into you?'

'Nothing! I'm going for a walk.'

'Good!'

'Fine!'

She slammed the door on her way out. I fumed with anger but I was sad about our
outburst, too. We'd never really shouted at each other and I had no idea why we
did. It was a stupid, pointless argument and for the three hours Julia was away from
the flat, I worried about her.

She came back home later with a hint of alcohol on her breath and hugged me.

'Mum's got cancer,' she said into my shoulder and we both wept for ages.

It was after her mum's funeral that things got really strange. Julia had inherited her
mum's house and asked if I wanted to rent a room in it. Instantly, I didn't like the
idea of being Julia's tenant. Besides which, Sam and I had talked about moving in
together and about marriage. I hadn't said as much to Julia earlier, mainly because
of her mum's illness and because she and Matt didn't seem to be getting along so
well. In fact she dumped Matt, out of the blue, just before her mum died. Our
Awesome Foursome took a serious nose dive from then on.

Once Julia and Matt split up, we saw very little of Matt. Sam either didn't notice or
didn't care. But I did. Matt was one of the good guys, genuine. I told Julia she'd given
up someone special, but she just shrugged. I thought she loved him but I suppose
I was wrong. I just had to let it go.

Because Sam and I had not quite committed to moving in together, I got a new flat
mate when Julia moved out. The off the wall, Riz. Probably the most insane woman
I'd ever hope to meet but she was loveable with it. Riz was a copy writer and
worked mostly from home. She was usually working away at the desk in her room
but broke out once in a while to spread her high energy craziness around the flat,
leaving me exhausted in her creative wake.

7

Eventually things between Sam and me became serious. I was twenty five when he
asked me to marry him and he was twenty seven. The age he finally showed signs
of growing up. He seemed to have run out of steam when it came to mad drinking
sessions with his mates; drinking sessions which lasted the whole weekend after
his rugby matches.
Instead he started to care about personal grooming. His messy, sandy hair got
combed and trimmed. His tough, masculine chin got shaved more often and he
carried his six foot two frame in a more dignified manner. Sam's new image went
hand in hand with his promotion at work. Not only that, a lot of his friends, apart
from Matt, were tying the knot and maybe he thought it was time for him to finally
settle down.
I began seeing less and less of Julia, though. She was completely absorbed by
refurbishing her house, updating her car and forging ahead with her career in
journalism. Her job took her out of the country an awful lot. We spoke on the phone
more than we saw each other. Times were definitely changing between us. It was a
shame but I just had to get used to it.
When I finally told Julia that Sam and I were getting engaged, she kept asking, 'Are
you sure?' 'Don't you think it's a bit quick?' But I was convinced I'd found the
perfect partner in Sam and I couldn't understand why she had a problem with it.
But the biggest blow of all was yet to come. One week before my wedding, Julia, my
best friend and Maid of Honour, suddenly announced that she was leaving London
for a job abroad that very day. The announcement came by text and she had no
plans to return in the immediate future.

8

2

'Didn't you think it was a weird decision?'
'Well it was last minute and she didn't really have a choice.'
'But Marina of all people! I never met such a terrible Maid of Honour.'
'Yeah, well, I think the weirdest thing was Julia taking off like that and missing the
wedding. I mean, Lori was her best friend.'
'Was, being the operative word. I wonder where she went?'
They didn't know I was there, sitting in a cubicle in the wedding venue bathroom
with my wedding dress all bunched up over my knees. I was thankful that the door
went to the floor so they couldn't see my wedding shoes and realise I'd heard them
gossiping about me and Julia.
The gossiping two, Cara and Shelly, had big mouths but they were right, it was
weird. My best friend wasn't at my wedding. I had gone into the toilet to cry –
again. I missed Julia and I wondered what I'd done to hurt her and make her run off
a week before my big day.
I waited until Cara and Shelly were gone then I washed my hands, splashed my face
and made my way back to the reception party. Sam and I were going to the
Caribbean for our honeymoon and it was nearly time to leave. He was close to
being drunk and was dancing with every woman in the place.
I bumped into his best friend, Matt, on my way into the hall. He'd been quiet all day.
'Oh, sorry, Lori,' he said. 'You look beautiful by the way, I don't think I told you
before.'
'No, you never said. In fact you've been keeping a low profile all day. I wondered if
something was wrong. Was it anything to do with you and Julia?'

9

'No, that was a long time ago, Lori. I'm just glad her not being here didn't spoil the
day. She's your best friend...'

'Was. I knew when a great job came up she had to grab it. I just thought she'd fly
back. For today at least. She didn't answer my calls, emails, texts. She's completely
off the radar.' I had to try to calm myself. I'd been round and round it in my head so
many times and it never got any easier.

'Julia can be impulsive but even this is a bit much for her.' He shook his head and
looked down at his feet, his dark hair hiding his expression.

'Well, I just put it down to the fact she thought I was making a mistake. I don't even
know why she was so against Sam all of a sudden.' I looked into the hall where Sam
was doing the Running Man with my aunt Maggie. It was a good thing I didn't
marry him for his dance skills.

'Whatever it was, I hope it wasn't anything I'd done,' I said. 'I really miss her you
know?'

'I can understand that,' Matt said.

'Anyway, now to rescue my aunty. Sam and I will miss our plane if we don't go
soon.'

'Right,' Matt said. 'I'll see you guys in a couple of weeks.' He had a sad look in his
eyes, those green eyes that danced and sparkled whenever he got excited about
something he was passionate about. He was a graphic artist as well as having a love
for the arts. He enthused about writers and painters. I would have thought he was
the perfect guy for Julia, but Julia just seemed intent on breaking ties that year, in a
big way.

I kissed Matt on the cheek and watched him leave the venue, looking over his
shoulder to wave and then placing his hands into his pockets and walking away.

Sam and I managed to get away on time and took off for the airport. I had to hold
Sam up and, as I suspected, he fell asleep in the plane, mouth open, with a weird
gargling snore rumbling from his throat. Since when did he start snoring like that?

10

I was so ashamed, I hid my face behind my hand when the flight attendants walked
down the aisle. I kept closing Sam's mouth but it kept dropping open. After
unsuccessful attempts to make my drunk and snoring husband look like a catch to
nearby passengers, I figured, if you can't beat them, join them. I ordered a double
Jack Daniel's and coke followed by another and then another until, before I knew it,
Sam was shaking me by the shoulder and telling me we were coming in to land.

'This is incredible,' I said as we left the plane.

The heat swept around us and all I could see was blue skies, tall mountains in the
distance, brightly coloured flowers and palm trees. It was like a clichéd photograph
of paradise and it was all ours for two weeks.

'Welcome to the Hibiscus Beach Hotel.' The receptionist was called May and she
smiled sweetly at us. 'You're booked into the honeymoon suite, Earle will take your
bags and show you to your rooms. And congratulations from all of us here, we hope
you have a wonderful stay.'

'Thank you!' Sam and I said it at the same time.

It was amazing. There was a pool within the suite, not to mention the sumptuous,
sunken bath in the marble bathroom and a king sized bed in the middle of our
luxurious bedroom. A veranda went all the way around the outside of the
honeymoon suite which was on the top floor of the hotel and there were views of
the mountains and the sea on either side.

There was also a welcome basket on the glass table out on the balcony. We sat in
the reclining, wicker chairs and Sam broke open the free champagne and poured
freely. He leaned over and we clinked glasses. They were real crystal and made a
beautiful chiming sound that dulled the sound of the ocean for just a moment.

'To us,' Sam said. 'Thank you, Mrs Munroe, for making me a very, very happy man.'
We both sipped our champagne. 'Should we go and test that bed?' he asked.

'Let's watch the sunset first and then I have to try out that amazing bath.'

11

'You're on, but we're going to need another bottle if we're staying up,' he said
heading inside to call for room service.

'Quickly,' I called to him, 'you're going to miss the sun going down.'

He came back out and we held hands as the sun sank beneath the ocean and the sky
turned dark and inky in just seconds. I listened to the crickets, singing their song in
the night air which was warm, with scents of tropical flowers blowing our way.

Our second bottle of champagne arrived but I left Sam to pour as I ran a bath.

'Can I join you?' Sam came into the bathroom and put two glasses of champagne
onto a side table and started taking off his clothes.

I was up to my chin in bubbles watching Sam who was doing his best male stripper
routine. On a scale of tipsy to drunk, Sam had to be somewhere in the middle.
Somehow, he managed to slip on the tiles and lose his balance. He saved himself in
time by grabbing the side table, but knocking over our champagne and a vase of
tropical flowers in the process.

Sam pulled a flower from the vase, drew closer to the bath, away from the mess
he'd made, and sang to me in just his under pants. I clapped when he got to the end
of the first verse, just to shut him up – he was absolutely killing the moment.

'You know Lori, you really are an incredible girl.' He knelt next to the bath, slurring
his words.

'I am?' I asked.

'Yeah, you know you are. I never thought you could be so... well, so free spirited.'

'I didn't think I was. What are you talking about?' I scooped some bubbles into my
palm and blew them into his face. Dipping his arm in the water he began running
his hand up my leg. I parted them as his hand reached my inner thigh.

'You know what I'm talking about,' he said. 'The fling idea.'

I closed my legs together with a snap and squashed his hand between my thighs.

12

'What fling idea?' I asked sitting up while he tried to move his hand further toward
my groin. No chance, I always had strong thigh muscles.

'Oh come on,' he said. 'You know what fling idea. Julia told me. I know you and her
planned it years ago.'

'Planned what, Sam? Stop messing about and tell me.' I was gripping the sides of
the bath now, his hand wasn't going anywhere until I found out what he meant.

'The fling!' he said. 'Just before you get married you have one last fling that you
never have to talk about – no asking questions and no getting jealous.'

'And Julia told you I thought it was okay to have one last fling before getting
married?'

'Yes.' He was shaking the blood back into his hand after I released it.

'And you had a fling?' I said, quietly.

'Well, yeah. But, so did you, didn't you?'

I closed my eyes. I thought when I opened them again I'd be at the altar and the
priest would be asking if there was any reason why this couple should not get
married and I would shout, 'Hell, yeah.'

'A fling, Sam. You had a fling?' My eyes flashed open and I leaned towards him.
'Who with?'

'But, you know who it was with. She said if I had a fling with anyone, you'd want it
to be her.'

I put my fingers on his big fat mouth. Bubbles melted and dripped down my hand
and onto his chin.

'Sam, please... tell me you didn't sleep with Julia.'

'Didn't I?' he said in a muffled voice.

'Oh my God.' I covered my eyes. 'Sam you slept with Julia. Oh my God.'

13

I leapt from the bath, almost slipping on the tiles myself as I pulled a bathrobe off a
hook on the back of the door. I tied the belt as I ran into the bedroom.

'Lori, wait!' Sam came after me and caught hold of my arm.

'Let go of me.' I shrugged his hand off. 'You shag my best friend and you have the
nerve to casually drop it into the conversation?'

'But Julia said you and her both planned to do it. She said you were out getting laid
the day she and I were...that we...'

'For crying out loud, Sam! And you believed that crap? I can't believe this is
happening. You don't know me at all do you? And I don't know you.'

I ran out to the balcony and held onto the rail, looking out in the direction of the sea
even though I couldn't see it. Sam came out, his head lowered.

'Just keep away from me Sam. I swear I'll kill you if you come anywhere near me.'
I swung around. 'You bastard! How could you do this to me? How could you listen
to a big load of crap like that and believe it? Don't you think if I'd wanted to do
something so ridiculous I'd have mentioned it myself? We talked about always
being honest, Sam, but you failed – and we've only been married a day. How can
I ever trust you now?'

'You can trust me, Lori. I swear I'll never do anything like that again.'

'Why do you think Julia took off so quickly? Are you blind, Sam? She must have
fancied you all this time and now she got what she wanted, she's gone. I wonder if
there ever was a job abroad.'

'You mean she tricked me?' he said looking puzzled.

'No-one can be tricked into bed unless they want to be, Sam.'

I came up close to his face.

'You better find somewhere to sleep tonight, you're not staying here. Consider this
honeymoon officially over. In fact that goes for the whole marriage.'

14

'You want me to get another room?'
'In another hotel. I never want to see your face again.'
I stormed away and into the bedroom, throwing myself onto the bed. I couldn't stop
the tears, crying loudly into my pillow as Sam gathered his things. He stopped what
he was doing to sit on the bed beside me and stroked my hair.
'Lori, please. I'm sorry. I didn't know.'
'Get away from me before I do something we'll both regret.' I sniffed into my pillow.
He finally left. I heard the door close and I wished I could call my best friend and
tell her what happened. But Julia had broken my heart just as much as Sam had.
Well, if I was honest, what Julia did hurt me even more.

15

3

Sam pestered me all day the next day. I tried to ignore him as I lay on a sun lounger
in the hotel's private stretch of beach.
'Lori, please we need to talk,' he kept saying.
'No, you need to piss off. You're standing in my sun.'
I waved frantically at a member of staff from the hotel.
'Excuse me, this man isn't booked into this hotel. This is a private beach isn't it?
Could you get security to remove him, he keeps hassling me.'
In the blink of an eye, two large men in uniforms came along, hooked Sam by his
underarms and carried him away, while his legs made bicycle movements in the
air.
'Lori,' he kept calling. 'I love you, please, please talk to me.' His voice diminished
into the distance. I put my sunglasses on and picked up my book. My hands were
shaking.
'That was awkward,' a deep voice said from above my lounger.
I looked up and saw a bronzed man with a chiselled face and fine tuned abs, who
had difficulty crossing his arms because his biceps were so big.
'I know, but what can I do?' I said, looking over the top of my sunglasses at his
body.
'That must have shaken you up,' the Adonis said.
'Why do you say that?'
'Your book is upside down.'
'Oh.' I looked at my book.

16

I never suspected for a moment I'd have any time to read on my honeymoon. There
was a list as long as my arm of activities at this resort, not to mention the sight
seeing and... well, it was supposed to be a honeymoon wasn't it?

'Don't worry about it,' the well proportioned man said. 'Life can get a little
complicated at times. Listen,' he knelt beside my lounger on one knee and I tried
hard to keep eye contact. 'There's a welcome party for new guests to the hotel, why
don't you come along?'

'I would, but-'

'I won't accept no for an answer. I won't have you sitting alone in your room. Seven
o'clock. I'll meet you at the bar.'

What did I have to lose? I was thinking about going home the next day, anyway. One
drink with a nice guy before I left wouldn't hurt.

'All right. You've convinced me. See you at the bar.'

'My name is Jack Lewis.' He held out a large hand for me to shake.

'I'm Lori.'

'Nice to meet you, Lori. I'll see you later.'

That evening I got dressed in a long, printed summer dress with a halter back.
I couldn't be bothered with make up, I just ran a comb through my hair and popped
down to the hotel bar.

The waiter asked if I wanted a drink, but I decided to wait for Jack Lewis.

In no time, a tall slim guy who had watched me walking in, sidled up to me.

'On your own?' he asked in an American accent.

'No, I'm waiting for-'

'Of course,' he interrupted. 'Someone as beautiful as you was bound to have a date.'

'That's very flattering,' I replied, managing to blush a little.

17

'I'm serious,' he replied. 'Your date is very lucky indeed.'
Just then I saw Jack entering the bar. He was wearing a crisp, white shirt and his
hair was sun kissed with streaks of gold. Just behind him was a slim and attractive
woman with wavy black hair who took his hand. I let my mouth drop open. He
smiled when he spotted me and came over with her.
'Lori, you made it. I'm glad. This is my wife, Bridget. I told her you were on your
own and that I asked you to come for a drink, she's been looking forward to
meeting you.'
I shook her hand and still couldn't speak. I turned to the American guy on my right,
he was blushing a deep red and looking at me with pity in his eyes.
'Let me introduce my date,' I said to him. 'Mr and Mrs Lewis.'
We all shook hands. I had one drink with my new friends but made my excuses,
saying I had a terrible headache and went up to my room.
I didn't sleep all night and made travel arrangements to come home as early as
I could.
I sat on the plane with my sunglasses on and didn't eat or drink. I expected many
things out of my honeymoon, one of them being coming home all loved up, holding
hands with my beloved, new husband. Wrong.
I landed at Gatwick at night and got a taxi into London. I wondered what I would
say when everyone asked to see the holiday snaps. All I'd come back with was a
broken heart.

18

4

Just as the taxi pulled up to the flat in Fulham that Sam and I had recently moved
into together, I had a panic attack. I intended to avoid Sam like the plague when
I got home. He might be on a flight back and I just couldn't bear to see him. Since
the honeymoon I had hit dilemma after dilemma. Where the hell could I go to
escape him?
I thought about the place I'd shared with Riz and I knew she'd had trouble finding
someone to replace me. I decided to call her and see if she still needed someone to
share. I had my fingers crossed as I listened to the ringing sound, clutching my
phone in hope.
'Hey Riz, it's Lori.'
'Lori? Why are you calling me from your honeymoon? Don't tell me you're looking
for advice?'
'No, actually, a place to stay. Did you find a new flat mate yet?' My fingers were
turning white from the excessive crossing.
'Not yet. You're in luck, but why on earth do you want to come back?'
'It's a long story, put the kettle on and I'll see you in about half an hour.'
I sat in the taxi thanking my lucky stars I could go back to my old place. I dreaded
the idea of running home to my parents. My mother would be in hysterical floods of
tears and my dad would probably have had a fit. He never liked Sam from the start.
I gave the taxi driver a large tip and dragged my sorry self and my over stuffed
suitcase up the stairs to the house and pressed the buzzer to the top floor flat.
When I got in, Riz had cracked open a bottle of wine and handed me a glass that
was full to overflowing as I slumped onto the sofa.

19

'Tell me everything,' she said, curling her legs up onto the sofa beside me. She
wrapped her long, dark curls into a bun on the top of her head and reaching for her
equally full glass of wine.

The story came out as fast as the tears spilling down my face. By the end of all the
name calling, threats of violence to certain parts of Sam's anatomy and plans to hire
a private detective to find Julia, we had gotten to the end of a second bottle of wine.
My head was thick, my eyes half closed and puffy and the tip of my nose was red.

'How come I never saw any of this coming?' I blew my nose into the last of the
tissues on the coffee table.

'How could you? That's got to be the worst betrayal in the history of worst
betrayals. She was your best friend for Christ's sake!' Riz started crying now.

'I know!' I spluttered.

Riz opened a third bottle of wine as she sniffed.

'What will you do?' she asked. 'I mean you're married now, do you think you can
forgive him?'

'Forgive him? I want to murder him.'

'But people do get over these things. Women are always taking men back who stray
from their rightful track.'

'God, Riz. I do love him. But I don't know. Maybe I would take him back, in time, but
right now I don't think I've got it in me to forgive and forget.'

'I hope all your wedding guests kept the receipts then.'

'That's just it. How do I tell everyone?'

'Well, if you did take him back then no-one would have to know, would they?'

'True. But...I couldn't take him back – could I? I mean how can I put this behind
me?'

'Well it did happen before you got married...'

20

'I know but my boyfriend and my best friend?'
'I've got it!' Riz sat up and raised a drunk finger in the air. 'What about getting your
revenge? Yes, that's what you'll do. Get your revenge and that way you'll feel
better.'
'I've never murdered anyone, Riz, I don't know if I have the heart to.'
'I'm not talking about killing anyone. Just play him at his own game.'
'What? How?'
'Sleep with his best friend.'
'Who, Matt?'
'Yes, then you'll be on a level playing field and you'll both have the same issues to
put behind you.'
'Or, I could consider marriage counselling.'
'Or...' Riz said, pouring more wine into my glass. 'You could sleep with Matt.'
'Yes!' I exclaimed in what felt like a Eureka moment. 'That's exactly what I need to
do.'

21

5

I woke the next day with a sense of purpose. I was determined to put right the
wrong that had been done. I was a woman scorned and now I was on a mission to
take my life back. But I had to act quickly or I was bound to back down. What
seemed like an amazing plan during a tear filled, wine fuelled night, was seeming
pretty slutty on a sunny, hungover morning.
I called Matt at his office as soon as I could see the numbers on the phone.
'Lori? What you doing calling me from your honeymoon?' he said.
'Um, it's just that there was a change in plan.'
'So you guys are still here?'
'Well I'm here, but I'm not to sure about Sam.'
'Sorry Lori, you lost me there.'
'I'll explain later. Is it all right if I come over to yours this evening?'
'Of course. Are you okay, Lori?'
'Couldn't be better. I'll see you around eight?'
'Fine.'
'And, Matt, I'd really appreciate it if you'd keep this to yourself. I mean, tell no-one.
Not even Sam.'
'Promise.'
As I got ready to go to Matt's that evening, Riz came into my room with a few tips
and a bottle of wine. She plonked two large glasses on my bedside table and poured
generous amounts of Cabernet Sauvignon into each of them.

22

'You might want to wear something a little more suggestive of your intentions,' she
said leaning back on my pillows with her feet up on my bed.

'To be honest with you, Riz, I really don't know what I'm doing. Matt is a really nice
guy. I shouldn't just use him like that.'

'How old are you, Lori?'

'Twenty six. Why?'

'You think that if a woman offers sex to a man and he accepts, he's going to feel in
any way used?'

'Well..'

'Well nothing. Lose the knickers and wear a shorter dress. Here take a sip of this.'

I sat beside her and gulped back a few mouthfuls before inspecting my outfit in the
mirror.

I had on a black, fifties style dress that was hip hugging with a low cleavage. It came
to the mid calf and I wore three inch high stilettos.

'I think I'll stick with this and keep the knickers, Riz,' I said.

'Suit yourself. Either way, they're coming off tonight.'

I stared into the mirror and knocked back more wine. I was feeling like backing out
but Riz was relentless.

'Look, Lori, I can see you're worried. But think about it. Sam slept with Julia, no
matter how many times he says he's sorry, he can never take it back and you'll
always know what happened. It's a simple equation. If you're considering taking
Sam back you need to cancel out what he's done by playing him at his own game.'

'You sound like an expert. Has this ever happened to you?'

'Well, no, but I know of tons of girls who've done the same. Whether you take Sam
back or not it's a guaranteed way to get over what he did and move on. It'll be
therapeutic. Trust me.'

23

When I got in the cab over to Matt's flat I wasn't sure if trust was my number one
priority. I was hurt, angry and frustrated. I wanted to kill Sam, jump on a plane, find
Julia and kill her too. But rather than having a double homicide on my hands,
I thought trying Riz's method might prevent my inevitable arrest as a serial killer
and keep me out of prison. Depending on how the revenge affected me, I would
then either start divorce proceedings or forgive Sam.

Matt opened the door. He was wearing a t-shirt and baggy sweat pants. His black
hair was wet, the waves loose and silky, framing his face and just touching his
shoulders.

'Excuse the attire. I went to the gym after work,' he said holding open the door.

He led me through to his living room. I'd been there millions of times with Sam and
Julia but that night it seemed different. There was smooth soul playing on his
system, turned down low but the male voice was just there enough to suggest a hint
of seduction. At least the atmosphere was right. The lights were dim, too. I was
feeling heady from the wine I'd consumed a little earlier.

'Take a seat,' he said. 'You know you really got me going. I've been so worried since
I got your cryptic call.' Matt was warm and gentle. He was a couple of years older
than Sam, almost thirty and the difference in maturity between them both was
staggering. Matt had originally been friends with Sam's older brother but Sam
always tagged along. Soon Matt and Sam's common interest in cars, rugby and
music developed their friendship and they continued as good friends through to
adulthood.

'Did you talk to anyone?' I asked Matt, sliding into his large leather sofa and
immediately wanting to slip my shoes off.

'By anyone, you mean Sam?' he said.

'Yes.'

'I've not heard from him. In fact I didn't expect to for two weeks. You guys billed it
as your honeymoon to end all honeymoons. Are you going to tell me what's up?'

24

He was close to me on the sofa, his knee was touching my right thigh and for the
first time I noticed how incredibly deep those dimples of his actually were and just
how wide his shoulders were too. There were veins on his biceps and a small mole
on his upper arm that moved as his muscle flexed.

'I don't want to talk about Sam. Do you mind? I just needed to see a friendly face.'

'That's fine by me. You just relax. I've got pizza in the oven. Have you eaten?'

Before he could actually finish that sentence properly I had slipped my hand across
his thigh and let it rest there. He looked into my eyes.

'Lori, what are you doing?'

'I don't know Matt. Just go with it. I need this.'

'But, Lori, you guys just...'

I placed my fingers on his lips; full, pink lips that in the dim light and all that sexy
music were just perfect. I moved in closer and slowly let my hand leave his lips and
move across his cheek. He was unshaven, the after effects of his shower left him
with an intoxicating aroma. I pressed my lips against his. He did not back away.
Instead he held me, kissing me back.

I leant against the sofa and his body was close to mine. We got into a lying position;
him above me running a finger along the neckline of my dress, me pulling the t-
shirt up his back. I felt fluid in my lower body and couldn't stop the rippling
movements I was making with it.

'Wait!' I gasped, pushing Matt away. He leapt off me and sat up with a straight back.
I pulled myself up to sitting.

'I'm sorry,' he said. 'I don't know what I was thinking.'

'It's not you, it's me. I just got married for Christ's sake.'

'But Sam is my best friend.'

'He's my husband!'

25

'I know!'

Despite that, our lips clamped together again, only coming apart for Matt to pull off
his t-shirt fully. I never knew he'd had that many sessions at the gym. He pulled me
to his chest and started to lower the zip at the back of my dress. Then he pulled it
off my shoulders and down to waist level. He kissed my neck, my shoulders, slow
and deliberately before unclasping my bra. He traced a pattern of kisses around my
breasts and circled my nipples with his tongue.

I tried to wriggle out of my dress, Matt helped me out of it.

He undressed us both before I could cry, 'Wait', again. This time I didn't want to.

I caught the look in Matt's eye as he sank inside me. No-one was being used, this
was all feeling very natural, comfortable, as though it always should have been.
Matt moved faster and faster on top of me and breathed my name as his back
stiffened and then relaxed. I felt an intense pleasure that came and kept on coming
before I collapsed against the cushions on the sofa.

We ate burnt pizza in bed and I fell asleep wrapped in Matt's arms.

I was woken by a phone ringing. It wasn't mine.

'Hello?' I heard Matt say. I suddenly realised where I was but pretended I was still
asleep as I listened to his conversation.

'She did what?...Where are you?... It's four o'clock in the morning, mate... Okay, I'll
speak to you then.' Matt let out a deep sigh and flopped onto his back. I rolled over
onto mine. We were both staring up at the ceiling.

'Was that Sam?' I said quietly.

'Yep.'

'Where is he?'

'The airport. He's waiting for a flight back.'

'What did he say?'

26

'That you and he had broken up and he needs to talk to someone.'
'You?'
'Yep.'
'Shit, I should go.' I sat up and put on the side lamp so I could find my clothes. They
were all in the living room. Matt held my arm.
'Wait,' he said. 'Don't you think you should tell me now?'
I lay on my side, facing Matt.
'Matt, I'm really sorry about this, I shouldn't have... I shouldn't have...'
'Just tell me.'
'I found out Sam and Julia slept together.'
'They did what? When?'
'Just before Sam and I got married.'
'And he told you this while you were on honeymoon?'
'That's why I came back without him.'
Matt sat up. 'Hold on, Lori. Did you just sleep with me to get back at him?'
I rolled onto my back again and closed my eyes.
'I'm sorry, Matt. I was so angry with him, I thought it would help.'
'And did it?'
I looked at him.
'Not one bit.' I sighed. 'I used you.'
'And that was all it was for you?'
'I'm sorry.'

27

I got up and ran to get my things. I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I dressed
quickly in the living room and Matt came through from the bedroom with just a
pair of track suit bottoms on.

'I called you a taxi,' he said.

'Thanks. Matt, you must think I'm a slut.' I was trying to zip my dress but it
wouldn't co-operate.

'Of course not. I wasn't exactly holding back myself and Sam is supposed to be my
friend.'

'Nothing has to change between you two and you don't have to tell him. I never
will,' I said, panting away while struggling to do up my dress. I pulled a muscle in
my shoulder from trying too hard because I needed to escape.

Matt came over to help me with the zip, pulling it up, nice and easy, his breath hot
on my back.

'There,' he said, turning me by my shoulders to face him. 'So this was all just
revenge and you want to forget about it?' His eyes penetrated mine. I looked at him,
closely, for a few seconds before replying.

'We have to forget it,' I said at last. 'Two wrongs don't make a right. I'm no better
than him now.' I put my head down.

'And me? How do you see me?'

'Well, you're still Matt. That wonderful guy. Sweet, kind to me. And Sam's best
friend.'

He released his hold on my arms and sat down.

'Your taxi will be another five minutes.'

I pushed my feet back into my stilettos.

'I can wait downstairs,' I said.

'Don't be silly,' he said. 'I'll get dressed and walk you down.'

28

He dressed silently and I tried not to look at his body, the muscle tone, the smooth
skin on his back and the way his hair was all messy and wavy.
After I got into the cab I turned to see Matt still standing at the side of the road,
hands in his pockets and looking at the cab as it got further away. The sun was just
breaking through the clouds and it was going to be another warm summer's day in
London. One I'd be spending on my own while Sam and Matt talked... about me.

29

6

There was a knock on my bedroom door, I pulled the covers over my head and
pretended to be asleep. Riz was persistent and knocked again. I wished she had a
regular job and could have gone to an office far far away, today of all days. But as a
freelancer she was going to be around and in my face at a time when I couldn't face
anyone.
'I know you're in there, I heard you come back,' she said. 'I'm coming in.' She
pushed open the door and poked her head around it. Her hair was tied up in high
ponytail and her curls were cascading down the side of her face. I looked at her and
screwed my face up into a guilty knot.
'Oh my God you fucked him.' She burst into the room and bounced onto the foot of
my bed and crossed her legs. 'I never thought for one moment you had it in you.'
'So why did you send me out there? Why did you make me do it?' I sat up and
pulled the covers up to my chest.
'Hold on, missy. I didn't make you do anything. You're the one who went round
there and wrapped your legs around his neck.'
'I didn't do that.'
'Well what the hell did you do? I want details.' She scooched up closer to me. I swan
dived back against my pillow and covered my face with my hands.
'I should never have gone over there,' I moaned aloud.
'So you did it and now you feel bad. That wasn't what was supposed to happen. You
were supposed to feel better.'
'Well I don't, and now I can never look Matt in the face again.'
'Don't be over dramatic, he won't mind. I'm sure he enjoyed it. Didn't you?'

30

'That's just it. I did. I really did. He's so good.'

'Better than Sam?'

'Actually... No I can't talk about this. It isn't about comparing notes. I was supposed
to be getting revenge and now I'm just confused.' I looked at Riz through the gaps in
my fingers. I could still smell Matt's shower gel and deodorant on them and I could
still feel the tingles of him inside me. My stomach danced at the thought of him
penetrating me again. I told myself: I should shower, I should try to forget this ever
happened and just deal with the Sam situation instead of thinking about the Matt
situation.

'I don't get why you're confused,' Riz said. I looked at her more intently through my
fingers. 'Oh.' She drew the word out. 'You like him.'

I got up out of the bed and tried to avoid looking at her. I pottered around the room,
aimlessly, and then ran to the door. 'I need to take a shower,' I said and headed for
the bathroom. Riz followed close behind and leaned up against the door frame of
the bathroom before I could close the door. She crossed her arms.

'And when did you first start having these feelings for Matt? Have you always
fancied him? Are you just horny because he's good in bed or is there more to this?'

'I wish I knew. I'm in love with Sam. I'm sure I am. I can't have feelings for Matt...
can I?'

'Lori, my love, I think you already have. I'm going to the supermarket. What can
I get you? Milk? Bread? A pregnancy kit?' She left the bathroom.

'Don't even joke about it,' I said, closing the door and then running the shower tap.
I stood in front of the bathroom mirror and looked at my sorry face. What had
I been thinking? I'm not even that person. I let Riz convince me that I could get over
Sam's infidelity by trying to top it. How wrong was I?

My mind flitted over to Tooting where Sam would be arriving at Matt's place and
pouring his heart out about me and the big revelation. Should I go back, face him
and have it out once and for all?

31

I looked down at my wedding ring. Sam and I had gotten matching rings. Julia said
it was tacky and that she didn't think I was that kind of person. Julia. And where the
hell was she? I should have left a nasty message on her voice mail. She might not be
picking up but at least I could have given her a piece of my mind. Make her come
back and face the music. What a cruel trick she'd played. Weren't we supposed to
be best friends?

Leading up to my big day, all she did was slam my wedding ideas and make me feel
insignificant. And in the same breath, throw her arms around my neck and tell me
how lucky I was to be marrying someone like Sam. She wasn't the Julia I thought
I knew. She was the Julia she became as soon as I got engaged. Mum thought she
must be jealous but I refused to believe that someone I loved so much could ever
have those feelings about me. I would never have been jealous had it been the other
way around, I would have gone all out to make it special for Julia. She had a hell of a
lot of explaining to do. We all did.

The tiny bathroom got hot and a bit like a sauna. Through the steamed up mirror
I looked pale and my mascara was clumping and on the verge of running. I stripped
off and stood under the shower. It was scalding hot, almost too hot to bear but
I thought I needed to punish myself for being such a ridiculous slut. I had reduced
myself to Sam and Julia's level. What were we all anyway? Swingers? I shuddered at
the thought and poured a handful of shampoo over my head. It was way too much,
it stung my eyes and I blinked and winced and realised that I was crying. Proper
tears. About the whole situation.

Sam had broken my heart – Julia had too. The two people I loved the most, in bed
together. Him doing all the things we did in bed but with her. I rubbed my eyes and
realised I was rubbing more shampoo into them. I let the foam dissipate and then
tried scrubbing Matt off my body. The act of revenge was not pretty and it also
meant I'd lost my moral high ground.

32

7

It was Friday morning and as far as all my friends and family were concerned, I was
coming to the end of week one of my two week honeymoon in the Caribbean.
Sam had called me, constantly, since I flung him out of the honeymoon suite,
leaving message after message until his voice was affected by the amount of crying
he was doing. In fact one of his messages was just him crying. Didn't say a word but
cried for a full minute, sniffed and hung up.
I was not in the right head space to deal with Sam but I half expected Matt to call
me after his meeting with Sam. Maybe it was difficult because Sam might still be
there instead of being at our new flat in Fulham. I thought about our lovely flat and
all the plans I had for it. All the plans I had with Sam. But still my mind went back to
Matt and I wished I knew what he was thinking and what he'd said to Sam.
I decided to call him at work.
'Oh, Lori. I was going to call but it was a bit, er, difficult.'
'Can we meet? I need to know what you guys spoke about,' I said.
'Is that such a good idea? I mean you got what you wanted from me. Didn't it make
you feel better? Are you taking him back? He says you haven't called him. I think
he's planning to try to find you and talk to you.'
'He won't get past the front door.'
'So you're not taking him back?'
'I still don't know.'
'Well you need to sort this out.'
'That's why I need to see you. I need to talk to someone involved. I can't do this on
my own.' There was silence on Matt's end. I worried I'd lost him as a friend.

33

'Look,' he said. 'I finish work early today. I've got a few personal things to take care
of but I'll be home at about four. You can come over then.'

'That's brilliant. Thank you Matt. I'll see you later.'

That was so good of Matt. He didn't have to sit and listen to me bothering him with
my problems when all I'd done is use him. He didn't owe me anything. But, true to
form, the generous and kind Matt was giving up his time.

I arrived at Matt's just after four. But I was feeling paranoid, believing Sam might be
following me and might spring out from a bush and start crying and begging me to
come back to him. I'd sent Riz out to scout the streets before I'd set off.

'All clear, you nut job,' she had said to me. 'Can I get on with my work now?'

Then she'd gone back to her room and I could hear her fingers on her laptop,
clicking away as if nothing was wrong. I was mad at Riz for getting me into this
situation and then casually just getting on with her life. I needed to blame her.
I didn't want to believe I was that pathetic.

When I rang the bell to Matt's flat, he buzzed me up. He opened his door dressed in
suit trousers and a formal shirt.

'You look smart,' I said.

'Oh this.' He looked down at his shirt as he stepped aside to let me through. 'I had a
meeting with my bank manager so I had to look the part.'

'How did that go? Your meeting.'

'Very good, actually.' He motioned for me to take a seat. I sat in the middle of the
sofa but he took the armchair adjacent rather than sit next to me. It was just as well
because looking at the way his white shirt contrasted with his olive skin, I was
getting a squishy feeling in my lower abdomen and had to squeeze tight on my
inner thighs to help it pass.

'Was it a loan?' I said, absently.

34

'Oh, you mean at the bank? Yes something like that. I'm thinking of starting up my
own graphic design company. The one I work for is so big, there's no scope for
really getting to know clients, building up relationships and having return
customers. People like the personal touch these days, not having to deal with a
faceless, corporate body. My company will end up going bust because of the
number of smaller ones setting up. So, I'm getting out while I have a chance.'

'Oh really?'

'Sorry. I can see I'm boring you. You didn't come here to ask about my plans, did
you, Lori? You want to know what Sam said, right?'

'I suppose. But I am interested in you Matt. I don't see much of you.'

'Apart from last night,' he said. I blushed. 'Sorry, I didn't meant to bring that up,
especially with the state Sam is in.'

'He's in a state?' I sat forward.

'Of course he is. He loves you, Lori. He thinks the world of you.'

'So why sleep with my best friend?'

'I have no idea what that was about and by the sounds of things, neither does he.'

'Is that what he said? I mean, did Julia get him drunk or something? How in the hell
could he think I'd agree to such bullshit? Doesn't he know me at all?'

'You've got lots of questions, maybe you should be asking him all this.'

'I know, I'm sorry. You're right, of course – I do need to hear him out. I'm just
finding it so hard and how do I know I can trust him after this?'

'If it's any help, Julia does have a strong power of persuasion. I mean you must
know that.'

'I'm not sure I do.'

'Come on, Lori, you're always doing what Julia tells you. She always manages to get
her way.'

35

I sat with this thought. In a lot of respects he was right. I gave in to Julia an awful lot
and I did it to keep the peace. I'm a lot more easy going and she is prone to the
sulks when she doesn't get her way. I wonder if that's why he and Julia split up. He
got tired of her Princess Julia routine. In relationships there is sometimes the
element of one being the leader. Julia hid it well but it was true, she did know how
to manipulate me.

I was in deep thought about Matt's observation and looked up to find him staring at
me. His face was serious, I would go as far as saying intense. It was almost as if he
were reliving the night I'd almost sent my knickers into orbit in order to have his
cock inside me. I felt that squishiness between my legs and knew it was time to
break his gaze.

'Matt?'

'Yes, sorry, I was just wondering; what will you do about Sam? Will you meet him,
speak to him at least? I know he's sorry.' There was a long silence as both Matt and
I stared at each other. Neither wanted to be the one to bring up our heady night of
sex; the fact that it was so good and felt so natural to be together, almost as if we
were the ones dating and that nothing else mattered outside the bedroom. Apart
from the physical excitement there was more than that. I could feel something else
happening but I wondered if Matt did too.

'Are you going to take him back?' Matt asked after a long while.

'I...' Even as I spoke I didn't even know what I wanted to do. 'Yes, I'll give it a
chance,' I blurted out. 'I'll speak to Sam but it's a bit hard to face him straight away.'

Matt put his head down slowly, his large eyes lowering so that all I could see were
the semi-circles of thick lashes that surrounded them. He blinked fast and did not
look up for the longest of moments.

'I should go,' I said eventually. 'I suppose I'll have to pick up his call at some time.
I've got my phone on silent.' I stood up. Matt stayed where he was. 'This is a mess.
But we're all friends. We all want what's best for the other. Sam and I should be

36

able to work through this. For goodness sake, we only just got married. Surely it
can't be over.'
Matt said nothing and walked to the front door. I followed like a puppet operating
on only half the strings. I clip clopped behind him and stared at the waves at the
back of his hair as he unlocked the door.
'Can you see yourself down?' he asked, looking at a spot between my chin and my
cheek but not into my eyes.
'Yes,' I said and made my way down the stairs and out onto the street.
The sun was warm on my face. I wished I was in the Caribbean. I wished Sam had
never told me the truth. I wished I'd never known Julia.

37

8

That evening I thought about Matt's reaction to our talk earlier. I sat in the living
room looking at my phone light up every time Sam called. I resisted picking it up
because an unknown force was telling me to wait. Wait for what I didn't know but
I kept letting his message go to voice mail and I didn't listen to a single one.
'Hey!' Riz leaning on the sofa behind me made me jump out of my skin.
'Shit!' I said, grabbing for my heart. 'What are you doing sneaking up on a person
like that?'
'I wasn't, I've been standing by the door talking to you for five minutes and you've
ignored me.' She came round and sat beside me. 'I was saying, I planned a little
soirée with a few of my writer friends. I hope you don't mind them coming over.'
'Of course not,' I said, with a crooked half smile. 'It might be nice to have people
over. Take my mind off things.'
Riz just stared at me and pulled a face.
'What?' I said. 'You don't want me here?'
'Well not if you're going to look all wrung out and sad. You should see your face.
I don't want you bringing everyone down and I don't want you going on about your
problems all night.'
'What a bloody cheek. As if I'd do that.'
'Look,' Riz said. 'You're insured to drive my car. Go out for a spin, or better still,
take a long drive. When did you last visit your mum?'
The door bell rang and Riz got up to answer it. I could hear kisses and greetings in
the corridor. I got to my feet. Riz was right, I was only going to ruin the night for her

38

friends so I decided I'd go out for a drive. Riz rarely used her car and mine was
parked outside my own flat.

I quickly grabbed Riz's car keys. I waved to her from the living room door and bade
everyone a good evening and not do anything I wouldn't do. They all looked at me,
bleakly. It was time for me to leave.

Riz's car was parked down the end of the road. When I let myself in it felt icy inside.
A bit like a crypt, I thought, even though I'd never set foot in one. The car smelt of
stale takeaways and I looked over my shoulder to make sure a homeless family
hadn't moved into the back seat. I'm sure I'd read somewhere that it had happened
to someone before. I shivered and wondered where I'd drive to.

I put the key in the ignition and turned it. The engine spluttered back at me and
sighed to a silent rebellion. Please, I thought. Please start. I tried again, nothing. I
put both hands on the steering wheel and bowed my head. I began to cry again.
Loud, hopeless sobs filling the cavity of Riz's Renault Clio. My hair covered my face
and my shoulders heaved up and down. Eventually there was banging on the
window. I looked up through scraggly hair and tears and saw a homeless man
peering in at me. I screeched, slammed the door lock down and tried the engine
again. It started. I pulled away while keeping an eye on the homeless guy. I actually
wasn't sure he was homeless when I think about it; he may well have been
someone asking if I needed help. I looked at him through my rear view mirror and
he was shaking his head at me like I was crazy.

I drove around for a while and then headed towards mine and Sam's flat in Fulham.
I got to the top of the road and wondered what I'd do if the lights were on. Would
I go in and talk to him or just drive by. Maybe I could circle the block and make a
decision. But the decision was taken away from me when I noticed there were no
lights on in the ground floor flat. I parked across the road and tiptoed across the
street. I opened the gate as quietly as I could and peered through the window. The
curtains were open and I could see across the open plan layout that there was no-
one in the living room or the kitchen diner. It was too early for Sam to have gone to
bed but he had stopped ringing and texting me.

39

I went back to the car and wondered if he'd found his way over to Matt's. Were they
both sitting there now, discussing the whole ugly situation? Was Matt consoling
Sam? Did Sam still want me back? Had he given up on me? He'd stopped ringing
after all.

I felt like I needed a drink. I knew there was booze back at the flat with Riz and that
her friends had turned up with even more bottles and nibbles. I felt a pang of
hunger and realised I hadn't any money on me. If I could look happy enough, maybe
Riz wouldn't mind me joining them.

I was entering Wandsworth, thinking about food and drink and contemplating
going home, when I found myself driving back via Julia's house. I drove down her
street, even though it was out of the way but I felt compelled and, anyway, I needed
to be out as long as possible. I should at least allow Riz's friends to have had enough
drink in them to tolerate me.

To my surprise, there was a light on in Julia's living room. I parked the car and let
my curious feet take me to the front door. The curtains were closed but it didn't
seem as though anyone was in the living room. How come Julia was back and did
she know that I knew? Of course she didn't. Why would she? But it was strange that
she was here.

I rang the doorbell and waited, all the time fighting the urge to run away and hide
behind the hedge. But I would have to face her some time. There was no answer.
That made me even more curious and a wave of bravery overtook me as I rang the
doorbell again. Nothing. I must have waited a good few minutes, long enough for
someone to have come to the door, even from upstairs. I walked back to the gate
and looked up to the bedroom window. A soft lamp was creating a circle of light in
a corner of the room. Perhaps she's fallen asleep, I thought. Well at least I knew she
was back.

I got into the car and carried on down the road so I could turn and get back on
course. I drove slowly and my heart began to thump like crazy in my chest. I double
parked beside a Golf GTi. It was Sam's car. Sam was there. He must be up in that
seductively lit bedroom with Julia. I wanted their blood. Instead I drove home to

40

Riz's and let myself in as stealthily as I could. I stood in the kitchen, opened a bottle
of wine and began to drink from it.
Riz came into the kitchen after a tip off from one of her friends. She watched me
drinking without taking a break and then encouraged me to sit down.
'Here,' she said, putting some party food in front of me. 'You need to eat.'
After chomping down some nibbles, I consumed a lot more wine and then stumbled
into the living room. There was music playing and I started to dance, even when
everyone else was sitting perfectly still. Eventually Riz managed to stop my crazed
movements long enough to usher me to bed.
I had a restless, dreamless, night and I was dreading the morning coming round too
soon.

41

9

I knew it would happen. I woke up the next morning with the inside of my head
expanding and deflating in rhythmic booms so that it squashed my brain in and out
like an accordion. But it had been my intention, when I drove home in a daze the
night before, to blot out what I'd just seen. It wasn't my fault that I needed lots of
alcohol, two bags of Dorito's, a plate of vegetable samosas and a large slice of flan to
do that.
I peeled myself off the bed and in leaning forward I threw up in my mouth a little
and swallowed hard. I staggered into the corridor and looked into the hall mirror.
I noticed I was still in my clothes and I could see large rings of black mascara under
my eyes. Even though I knew it was my reflection, I shrank back thinking that
zombies were in the flat. I touched my face and groaned. Then I thought I heard
someone in the kitchen.
I ventured in and saw a tall, thin man wearing Riz's dressing gown stirring the
contents of a steaming cup, the spoon making a grating sound that hurt my teeth.
He turned to see me just standing there in the doorway. 'Here,' he said. 'I think your
need is greater than mine.' I took the cup and sat down.
'You're not Riz, are you?' I asked the tall man, just to be sure I wasn't hallucinating
too.
'No, I'm a friend. Riz is sound asleep.'
'Okay.' I hung my head over the cup and could feel the steam lulling me to sleep but
the coffee inside it compelling me to consume it. “Drink me,” it said, so I began.
'So, that Sam guy has a lot to answer for,' the tall man said as he took a seat
opposite me.

42

'You know about Sam?' I looked up sharply but it hurt my head and I massaged my
temple.

'We all know about Sam. What a fucking bastard,' he said.

'Don't call him that, you don't even know him.'

'Yes I do. You talked about him non-stop last night. You even sang me the song you
wrote about him.' He smiled, a white smile with overly ambitious teeth. They had
ambitions of getting to the other side of the room, minutes before the rest of his
face.

'Christ. I'm sorry.' I took another sip of coffee, and lowered my eyes. 'Wait. We
didn't do anything did we? I mean the fact you're in Riz's clothes means you spent
the night with her right?'

'That's right. Don't worry. No-one was in your room. The only shag you've had is
the one you had with Matt the other night. I was quite jealous of the size of his
manhood, by the way.'

'His manhood?'

'Yes that's what you kept calling it. I mean I was quite impressed by my nine and a
half inches before last night. That's above average I'll have you know. But it seems
Matt beats that by a mile and he's got girth going for him too, apparently.'

'Oh my God.' I pushed the cup to one side and lay my head on the table.

'Don't be embarrassed,' he said going to put the kettle on again. 'I know size does
matter for you girls. I haven't had any complaints so I'm not bitter.'

I looked through my messy hair and saw Riz standing by the door grinning like an
idiot.

'Riz, I'm sorry. I ruined your party after all.'

'No you didn't. You gave everyone something to write about. There was the salsa
dancing and the jive, the balancing of samosas on your nose and not to mention the
boob measuring competition.'

43

'I didn't!'
'No, you didn't. I just thought I'd add that in.'
Riz and her nine and a half inch penis friend sat opposite me with their coffees.
'So,' Riz said. 'Looks like a reconciliation with the groom must be well and truly out
of the question now.' Her face was serious.
'Looks like it,' I sighed.
'And probably for the best. It takes away the confusion.'
'What confusion?'
'After sleeping with Matt you said you were confused. So if you're leaving Sam, you
and Matt can...'
'I don't think so. I'm still a married woman and I seriously doubt Matt would be
interested. Not now. Not the way things have worked out between us all.'
'Why don't you all agree to share each other,' Riz's friend chipped in. 'Now that
would really be something to write about. Of course I'd change all the names,' he
said earnestly.
'Who are you?' I asked him. He reached a long tattooed arm across the kitchen
table.
'I'm Lennox, but I told you that last night.'
'I can't remember last night. I just know one thing. I need to sort out this chaos.'
'You need breakfast,' Riz said. 'We don't have anything in the house apart from left
over greasy food. We need to shop. Let's all go out for breakfast, plan your next
move and then...'
'No Riz. The last time we sat and planned my next move I ended up in Matt's bed.'
'You don't still blame me for that do you?'

44

'Er...No, well, not really. That wouldn't be fair. I've got a mind of my own. I knew
what I was doing.'

'So,' Lennox said, stretching out his arms, which I noticed were both tattooed, and
putting one around the back of Riz's chair. 'What has Matt got to say about all this?'

'Meaning?' I said, trying to knot my brow but finding it difficult to move my
forehead.

'Meaning – does he like you?'

Both Riz and Lennox then placed their elbows on the table, chins into their hands
and stared at me. I looked from one eager expression to the other and found myself
going cross eyed. I didn't know the answer.

'Well, he was the one encouraging me to take Sam back,' I said. 'So, I suppose, he
can't really like me at all. Can he?' Neither answered, they just sat there like
therapists waiting for me to start working things out for myself. 'Maybe I should
ask him if our night meant anything?'

'Are you asking us or telling us?'

'I don't know,' I admitted. 'Let's go and have breakfast. I'm getting in the shower,'
I said, standing. 'If you don't see me in ten minutes I might have passed out. Come
and save me.'

It was a balmy summer's day, more Madrid than London. I wore shorts, trainers
and a skimpy t-shirt with no bra. I couldn't do up the one I pulled out of the drawer
because my fingers ached as much as my head and neck. There was a soreness in
my ankle which probably had something to do with the salsa and jive I was
apparently doing from the night before.

The three of us had breakfast in the delicatessen come café about five minutes
away from the flat. Lennox was buying. I managed some coffee and half a croissant
before my stomach began to refuse admission to a single thing more. I noticed that
Lennox and Riz were getting very cosy and had wrapped their lean upper torsos

45

around each other while reading the same newspaper. My problems had taken a
back seat and once they started talking about a book on the review page of the
Telegraph, I thought it best to make myself scarce.

'I'll see you guys later,' I said. But I had no intention of going back to the flat. I knew
that look in Riz's eye. Lennox was in for a weekend of loving and I didn't want to be
privy to the salacious gasps and creaking bedsprings I'd overheard in the past
when Riz was horny.

I walked for ages and spotted a new shop I hadn't seen before. It was a gift shop of
sorts. One of those that sell handmade cards, picture frames and various artefacts
that are nice to look at but that you'd buy for a friend rather than yourself.
I thought of Julia immediately when I saw it. It was the type of place I'd go to buy
her a birthday present.

I could smell incense as soon as I walked in and there was the sound of a doorbell
as I entered. The woman on the till nodded at me and I smiled back while thinking,
please don't bug me to buy something I'm just passing time. Like an answer to my
prayer her telephone rang and she was distracted. I looked over my shoulder to see
her pick up some reading glasses before answering the phone and turned my
attention to the various gifts on display and I walked straight into someone.

'Julia!'

'Oh – Lori. What are you...? Are you all...? How are you?'

'How the fuck do you think I am?' The woman on the counter cleared her throat
and carried on speaking on the phone. I lowered my voice. 'You lied to Sam. You
little...'

'I can explain.' Julia looked over at the woman and nodded to the door.

'No! I'm not going anywhere,' I insisted. 'You might as well say what you have to
say right here and now so I can tell you what a two faced, cheating tramp you are.'

'That's a bit strong, Lori.'

46

'Strong? Strong? Is it stronger than seducing my fiancé?' I was aware of the
doorbell ringing as someone else walked into the shop but the new customer froze
when he sensed the atmosphere. The woman behind the counter had looked up
from her phone call. A lady who was already in the shop was trying to discreetly
look at Julia and me from in between the shelves that divided us.

'I wouldn't say it was seduction,' Julia said, her eyes roaming the inquisitive
customers and owner. 'Sam was willing. Very willing.'

'Well what man is going to say no to a pair of 36dd's shoved into his face?'

'I had my bra on, initially, thank you very much. I was playing a game with Sam,
seeing if he'd play along. You should thank me.'

'Thank you?' I looked at the woman behind the shelves, she was giving Julia dirty
looks and the man who'd just walked in had his hand on a scented candle and
wasn't moving. 'You want me to thank you for shagging Sam?'

'Let's get this straight.' Julia put her fists on her hips. 'In the first place, I didn't shag
Sam – we shagged each other.' We both looked around at the people in the shop at
that point and they quickly turned their eyes away. The man pretended he wanted
to buy the scented candle, the woman on the other side of the shelf coughed and
the owner hung up the phone, even though I could hear someone still speaking.

'And you say that to my face as if it were nothing.' My lips were quivering when
I said those words and I was fighting to keep the tears pricking the lids of my eyes
at bay. 'I never want to see your face again, Julia.'

The shop fell silent. I turned around and left, marching up the street with enough
determination to make cracks in the pavement with my trainers. It's not that
I expected Julia to come running after me and I hadn't even covered the fact that
I knew Sam was at her place last night. I felt like such a fool.

But I was ready now. Ready to face Sam and ask for a divorce. It was over for us and
I couldn't wait to tell him so.

47

10

My hangover had worked its way out of my system by the time I got to my marital
home in Fulham. I figured that's where I 'd find Sam and I was right. He was about
to leave our garden flat when I arrived at the gate. He had his back to me and did
not see me straight away.

'If you're going to Julia's, she's out,' I said. He jumped and the colour ran from his
cheeks.

'Lori.' His voice was weak and he couldn't meet my gaze. I was firing all the venom
in my blood at him through that gaze.

'I assume you're going back there,' I said.

'No, as a matter of fact I was going round to Riz's. I assumed that's where you might
be staying. I hoped you might come home.'

'What home? Why would I want to come here of all places?'

'Because... this is where you live. It's lonely without you.'

'Is that why you spent the night at Julia's?'

He was shocked. He moved his lips but said nothing at first. He took a breath and
looked down.

'It's not what you're thinking, Lori. Can we go inside?' His eye shifted up and down
the quiet, leafy street. Maybe he didn't want to upset our middle class neighbours
with what was definitely going to be a heated conversation at the very least.
I would have liked to have drawn blood but, apart from the fact I couldn't stand the
sight of it, I'm just not a violent person. Not really. I shout a lot and rant a lot but
falling to the floor in floods of tears is as demonstrative of my anger as it gets. Sam
knew his balls were safe. If I was to hurt him it would be in words and he was
reluctant to have witnesses to what he knew I was likely to say.

48

I followed him into the cool living room. It was a sunny day but it hadn't gotten to
that side of the house yet.

'Before you say anything,' he said as he turned to face me, 'I didn't sleep with Julia
last night. If you must know I went there for advice.'

'Advice? That's a good one.' I looked at the armchair behind me and flopped into it.
'I don't know what advice you can get from a home wrecker. Enlighten me.'

'Well to be fair,' Sam said, sitting on the coffee table in front of me. 'You can't
officially call her a home wrecker if we weren't technically married when I slept
with her – technically.'

'What's the difference Sam? Technically, untechnically. We were on our way to
being married. When exactly did this little love pact happen? Or was it more than
once.'

'It was just one night.'

'But how many times?' He put down his head. 'Don't bother. I know what you're
like.' I shook my head. 'You know every time I close my eyes all I see is your
backside, humping up and down, Julia looking up at me and grinning while you
make her come. You know how I'm feeling right now?'

'I can imagine.'

'No you can't, Sam. Because it didn't happen to you. She's my best friend. I can
imagine you having a lap dance as a final fling before we got married but a full
blown shag – with Julia?'

'I suppose you won't believe me when I say I'm sorry?'

'No, you're sorry all right but sorry doesn't help me, Sam. You must see that?'

He flung himself onto his knees and leaned against me, putting his hands in prayer
position. 'Lori, please. Let's work this through. It was a glitch, that's all. Julia didn't
mean a thing to me. It's you. Always was, always will be. I lost my head. It will never
happen again. I know you think I'm an idiot and maybe I have had too many

49

concussions in rugby, but I've got my head screwed on now. I want to make our
marriage work. I know it can.'

I was so convinced he meant it. So, so convinced. I opened my mouth to ask him if
he was sure he could keep his pants up but, instead, I screwed up my eyes and his
backside humping up and down on Julia, her legs in the air and the smug look on
her face was all too much for me. I got to my feet and brushed him aside.

'No Sam. I can't work through this. It breaks my heart that we could have started
our married life this way. I like romance. Champagne and chocolates.'

'I know,' he said, getting to his feet and following me to the window. 'And that's
what I want our lives to be. The Julia thing was well and truly over before we
walked down that aisle. When we took those vows they meant everything to me.
You mean everything to me and I don't want one stupid, shameful, juvenile mistake
to ruin all we could have together.'

'It's too hard Sam. I can't get the images from my mind. How can you expect me to
live like that? I can't fake it.'

'You don't have to. You'll see, the images will fade. We'll have children. Like we
talked about. Two girls and a boy. You'll look at them and you'll see our love
reflected back. That's magic right there. That's champagne and roses, Lori. It's what
I want our lives to be.'

I looked deep into his eyes, I knew he was telling the truth. I knew it. It would be so
easy to fall into his big rugby players arms and feel him crush me into his body. To
feel protected and warm and to know that he loved me and wanted to be with me.
Easy, except for one thing. Alongside the images of Sam's backside and Julia's legs
in the air, there was another. It was the image of Matt's face, hovering above me as
he thrust into me with something close to love and not lust in his eyes. At least
that's how I remembered it.

I shook my head and turned away from Sam.

'What is it?' he said. 'What are you thinking? Tell me what worries you and I'll lay it
all to rest. I can do that Lori. It's in me to do.' I looked at him again. He had his arm

50