Psychology Now

IT’S A LAUGHING MATTER

laughter is social: it
cements both the group
we are in, in addition to our
place in that group

produce laughter in people: tickling, play contexts, people laugh for all sorts of reasons, being more nasal, and for it being subject to
and social interactions. It’s the last one that but not often because something is actually voluntary control. People can stop this sort
is crucial for us: studies have shown that funny. Laughter is social: it cements both the of laughter but involuntary laughter can’t be
people are 30 times more prone to laughter group we are in, in addition to our place in stopped, even if your sides are aching, your
in company than when on their own (which that group. eyes are streaming and you feel like your
also means that any book that can make chest might explode. Psychologists have
you laugh out loud must really be funny, as There do, however, appear to be two established that people are good at telling
reading is a solitary pursuit). different sorts of laughter. There is the the difference between these two different
involuntary laugh, where your sides start sorts of laughter. Among chimpanzees, there
This conclusion about laughter being a hurting and your eyes water. This sort of seems to be a similar split between these
social behaviour has been established by laughter is characterised by its length – it types of laughter, between laughter
closely observing when people actually can continue for longer than you think produced from tickling and that produced
do laugh as opposed to when they think you can bear, and the laugh contains major by play.
they laugh. Pose someone the question changes in pitch with a very high top note.
‘When do you laugh?’, and they will likely On a physiological level, the intercostal However, the ability to distinguish between
mention something about watching that bit muscles that move the rib cage are acting these two sorts of laughter is something we
in Blackadder when Baldrick had a cunning like rapid bellows, pushing air out of your learn. A child cannot tell what is involuntary
plan. Monitor that same person over a period lungs. And then there is more social laughter, and what is social laughter, and in fact the
of a few weeks or months, and psychologists the sort of laugh people emit when they ability to distinguish the two is something
have definitively found that the vast majority want to acknowledge or accept something we work on through early adulthood, only
of their laughter comes when they are that has been said. This polite laughter is becoming secure and reaching a peak when
with friends, family or colleagues. In these characterised by less marked pitch changes, in our late 30s and early 40s. This fine-tuning
of the ability to understand laughter seems
FUNNY CAT VIDEOS to be particularly relevant in happily married
HELP YOU WORK couples. Studies have shown that couples
with enduring, happy marriages use laughter
The next time your boss catches you watching a funny cat video as a way of dealing with the everyday © Getty Images / CSA Images
on YouTube when you should be working, you can tell them you’re stresses of married life. In fact, there is a direct
doing that so you can complete the tedious task they have set you correlation between the reported happiness
more quickly. Researchers have found that if a person prepares for of a marriage and the frequency of laughter
a boring and repetitive job by watching something funny, they will within it. So the couple that laughs together,
persist with the task far longer than somebody who had previously stays together.
watched a calming or energising – but not humorous – video. In a study,
researchers asked the subjects to do a taxing job, crossing out all the In an evolutionary context, it appears that
letters ‘e’ over two pages. They then either watched a Mr Bean video, laughter has developed in mammals and
a video of dolphins or one on management before being asked to do humans in order to create and maintain
a task that, unknown to them, was essentially undoable in which they the social groups that are necessary for us
needed ten correct sequential answers to win and which they could to thrive, and then when we are ensconced
stop at any time. The experimental subjects who had watched Mr Bean within those groups it helps us to feel better
stuck longer at the second task, making roughly twice the number of by providing a channel and outlet for many
attempts before giving up. So those cat videos? An essential tool for of the difficult emotions that are an inevitable
consequence of living with other people. So
your productivity. yes, laughter is good for you and the people
around you. In fact, it’s one of the glues that
holds human societies together.

PSYCHOLOGY NOW 51

THE BLIND EYE

THE

EYE

Do people really turn away when
someone cries for help? The

bystander effect suggests they do

WORDS EDOARDO ALBERT

I t all began with a scream. At about rear entrance of the apartment block, which
3.15am on 13 March 1964, Kitty was out of sight of everyone. The door was
Genovese parked her red Fiat car in locked though, and she could not get in past
the car park of the Kew Gardens Long the hallway. Then Moseley returned and,
Island Railway Station in the borough finding her, proceeded to stab Genovese
of Queens, New York. She had been working again before raping her and stealing $49. A
double shifts at her bar job to save up money neighbour found Genovese and held her
to open an Italian restaurant. Her apartment until the ambulance arrived at 4.15am but
was about 100 yards from the car park. But she died before the paramedics could get her
as she started on the walk from her car to the to hospital.
entrance to her apartment block, she did not
know that she was being followed. Winston Winston Moseley was arrested six days
Moseley, 29 years old and married with three later and confessed to murdering Kitty
children, had woken at 2am and started Genovese as well as two other women. He
driving around the neighbourhood. He was was found guilty and, after an initial death
looking for a woman to kill. penalty, was commuted to life imprisonment.
He served the rest of his life in jail, apart from
The crime that shocked America four days in March 1968 when he escaped.
During this escape, he held a couple hostage
Moseley found one. He started following a and raped the wife. Becoming eligible for
slim, young woman with dark hair. Spotting parole in 1984, Moseley presented himself
Moseley, Genovese started running for her as just as much a victim of crime as those he
apartment block, but Moseley caught up had murdered and raped, telling the parole
with her and stabbed her twice in the back. board: “For a victim outside, it’s a one-time
Genovese screamed that she was being or one-hour or one-minute affair, but for
attacked and one neighbour, hearing the the person who’s caught, it’s forever.” The
call, yelled from his apartment for Moseley parole board rejected Moseley’s application.
to leave her alone. Moseley, disturbed by the Moseley applied for parole 18 times, being
shouts, fled the scene. But then Genovese, denied each time. He died on 28 March 2016
badly injured, tried to make her way to the aged 81. He had served 52 years in prison.

52 PSYCHOLOGY NOW

THE BLIND EYE

The brutal murder of Kitty Genovese was experiment involved splitting these students with unexpected, possibly emergency
reported on by that most august of American into two groups: the first group filled out the situations. According to the two psychologists,
newspapers, The New York Times. On 27 questionnaire alone in a room, while the the stages are:
March 1964, Times reporter Martin Gansberg second group did the questionnaire in a hall
filed a report detailing the brutal murder and with many other people who were also filling Notice that something is happening.
stating that 38 people heard or saw the attack out the questionnaire. However, these people –
but did nothing to stop it. An anonymous were actually confederates of Darley and
quote in the story summed up, for a stunned Latané. While busy filling out the form, the Interpret what they see as an
American public, the callous reality of living subjects noticed thick black smoke coming emergency.
in a city such as New York. “I didn’t want to in to the room through the air conditioning, –
get involved.” The story became a sensation, swirling around until the room was heavy
passing rapidly into common knowledge. with smoke. But in the hall with Darley and Assess what degree of responsibility
Latané’s confederates, the confederates they have to act in this emergency.
Why didn’t they help? filling out the form acted as if the smoke
Among those who read the story were was of no consequence, blithely carrying on –
two social psychologists, John Darley and answering the questions. When alone in the Decide what to do or what form of
Bibb Latané. They set out to understand room, 75% of participants quickly left and
this phenomenon, conducting a series went looking to raise the alarm. But in the assistance to render.
of experiments that became classics of hall with lots of other people acting as if there –
social psychology and which have been was no problem, only 10% of the subjects
replicated many times over. Through these went looking for help, and even these took Put that assistance into effect.
experiments, they investigated how likely twice as long to leave as those who, alone in a
people were to intervene in some sort of room, went searching for help. (An interesting Darley and Latané therefore explained
emergency situation where they adjusted the question that no one seems to have tackled is the bystander effect that had taken place
number of other people present who were why 25% of people stayed in a room that was in the tragic case of Kitty Genovese and
also witnessing the apparent emergency. filling up with black smoke!) among their own experimental subjects
In the first experiment, Darley and Latané as being particularly relevant to stages two
recruited university students to take part in The bystander effect explained and three. In the experiment where black
a study ostensibly about social interactions To explain this behaviour, or lack of smoke filtered into a room filled with lots
in which the subject, alone in a room, put on behaviour, Darley and Latané developed a of other people, the experimental subject
headphones to speak to other subjects in series of stages for the cognitive processes rapidly noticed the smoke but then, looking
other rooms. They were told that they could that people undergo when they are faced
not see the other people in order to protect 38 people
anonymity. In the first group, the subject heard or saw
thought they were having a one-on-one
conversation with one other person via the the attack
intercom. In the second group, the subject but did nothing
thought he or she was speaking to two other
people. And in the third group, the subject to stop it
was told he or she was speaking with a group
of five people. Then, during the conversation,
the person in the other room – in fact an
accomplice of Darley and Latané – pretended
to have a seizure, gasping and crying for
help. Darley and Latané found that 81% of the
first group subjects left the room to look for
help. In the second group, when the subject
thought they were speaking to two people,
64% went looking for help. And in the final
group, when the subject thought that he or
she was part of a group of five people, only
31% sought help. So it appeared that they had
found direct evidence that being part of a
larger group of people diffused the individual
sense of responsibility to act when someone
is in distress or danger. That was what the
newspaper had said had happened in the
murder of Kitty Genovese.

Darley and Latané delved deeper into
these findings by conducting a second
experiment to see whether being personally
at risk reduced this behaviour. They recruited
a fresh batch of university students who
were told they had to fill out a questionnaire
– which indeed they were given. But the real

PSYCHOLOGY NOW 53

THE BLIND EYE

WHAT REALLY
HAPPENED THE NIGHT
KITTY GENOVESE WAS

MURDERED

it turns The whole elaborate edifice of bystander effect theorising arose in response to
out that the shock and horror elicited by the report that a whole neighbourhood stood by
The New and did nothing while Kitty Genovese was murdered on the street, in plain view of
York Times 38 witnesses. The murder, and the lack of response from Genovese’s neighbours,
was not as
infallible became emblematic of the atomised nature of American cities. After all, if The
as it might New York Times, the most respected and respectable newspaper in the world,
seem said it, it must be true. Only it turns out that The New York Times was not as
infallible as it might seem. The first warning flag should have been the dateline
54 of the story. While Kitty Genovese was murdered on 13 March 1964, the Times
only ran the story, written by reporter Martin Gansberg, on 27 March, two weeks
later. The metropolitan editor of the Times, Abe Rosenthal, heard about the killing
while lunching with the New York City police commissioner Michael J Murphy, the
commissioner telling Rosenthal: “That Queens story is one for the books.” For amid
the heightened racial politics of 1960s America, the story of a black man raping
and murdering a white woman ticked every atavistic box for a sensational crime

report. But couple that with an America still reeling from President Kennedy’s
assassination, along with the inchoate sense of things falling apart, and the
Genovese story provided a sensational explanation for what was wrong with
the country. In the story’s lede, the first sentence that summarises the most

important aspects of the story, Gansberg claimed that for more than 30
minutes, 38 law-abiding residents of Queens watched and did nothing while a

killer made three separate attacks on a young and defenceless woman.
Only, this was almost all wrong. There were not three attacks, but two. There
is no record at all of 38 witnesses; the district attorney responsible for the case
could only find six. Just as significant was the location of the two attacks. The first,
which occasioned Genovese’s calls for help, was swift and ended when a neighbour
called from his window, causing Moseley to apparently run away. Anybody coming
to their window from their beds at this early hour would have then seen a young
woman, probably staggering but moving under her own power, moving to the rear
of the building, where they lost sight of her. The second attack occurred in a closed
entrance lobby, out of view of everyone apart from one possible witness. Because
the stab wounds from the first attack pierced Genovese’s lungs, it was likely that
she could not call for help when attacked again and although she tried to fight
Moseley off, weakened by blood loss she was unable to do so. But no one saw this
final, fatal and mostly silent attack. So rather than three brutal attacks carried
out in plain sight of 38 witnesses, Kitty Genovese’s murder happened unseen and

unheard in an entrance lobby.
On 12 October 2016, The New York Times added an Editor’s Note to the archived
copy of its original report saying that: “Later reporting by The Times and others

has called into question significant elements of this account.”

PSYCHOLOGY NOW

THE BLIND EYE

around, saw that everyone else was acting bystanders around. Due to science research Lancaster and Amsterdam. So, in
as if there was nothing untoward going ethics, the studies conducted by social contradiction to the findings of somewhat
on. Faced with this blanket rejection of his psychologists could not actually put people contrived psychological experiments, the
or her own perception, the experimental into real danger, and nor could they cause largest systematic study of real-life
subject struggled to classify the smoke as an bodily harm. But with the proliferation of behaviour in the face of public conflicts
emergency – ‘maybe everyone else was told closed-circuit TV cameras around the world, revealed that bystanders do act, in fact they
about a fire test and I missed the warning’ it has become possible for researchers to are more likely to act when more people
would be one possible explanation. In the monitor what happens in real-life emergency are present to witness what is happening.
case of Kitty Genovese, some of the observers situations. So a team of scientists, led by Dr Philpot and his team end their study by
may have misinterpreted Kitty’s screams as Dr Richard Philpot of Lancaster University, suggesting that it is time social psychology
a row between lovers, and therefore chosen analysed the footage from CCTV cameras changes its narrative from people walking
not to act. in urban parts of Lancaster in the United on by to trying to understand why people,
Kingdom, Amsterdam in the Netherlands when faced with a clear act of aggression,
It’s not my responsibility and Cape Town in South Africa – the three will in nine cases out of ten, step in to help
The second obstacle between people seeing cities being chosen to provide cross-cultural and protect the victim.
an emergency and acting on it, Darley and comparison to see if there were differences in
Latané hypothesised, was what became responses between the cities.
known as diffusion of responsibility. This
was demonstrated in their first experiment, Philpot’s team found that, when witnessing
and has been replicated in many similar 219 assaults and arguments, bystanders in
experiments. Diffusion of responsibility 91% of these situations took action to stop
predicts that a particular person will be less or ameliorate what was going on, these
likely to act if he or she is surrounded by actions including making gestures to get the
other bystanders, who similarly have the aggressor to calm down; pulling the aggressor
opportunity to come to the rescue of the away or interspersing his or her own body
person under threat. It’s the background to between aggressor and victim; and helping
the I-don’t-want-to-get-involved orientation the victim. What is more, and in direct
of city living that is a consequence of living contradiction to the prediction of Darley
among strangers: in a small community, and Latané’s bystander effect theory,
where everyone knows everyone else, the Philpot and his team found that the more
person calling for help would be a known bystanders were present the more
individual who could call on direct links with likely it was that someone would
the people around. In the throng of a city, act, with typically several people
there are always lots of other people, some of rendering assistance. What was
whom – doctors, paramedics, police officers – also very notable was that the
might be more qualified to help. Better let one team found no difference in the
of them sort it out. rate of interventions between
the three cities, which
Darley and Latané’s work quickly became suggests that the inclination
one of the best known findings of social to act to help people –
psychology, even prompting the passing of strangers – under attack is
a number of ‘Good Samaritan’ laws around a human universal. This
the world that sought to penalise people part of the result is further
for failing to render assistance in cases of supported by the fact that
emergency, the thinking presumably being Cape Town is a significantly
that by threatening arrest for failing to act, more dangerous city than
the law would concentrate the sense of Lancaster or Amsterdam,
responsibility in the minds of everyone with presumably greater
witnessing an emergency. Indeed, the idea risks involved for bystanders
of the bystander effect became one of the taking actions against
shibboleths of common knowledge: we might aggressors, and yet the
think we would come to the aid of people in rate of intervention
distress, but actually we know that, in most compared with
cases, people will probably just hang back that in
and wait for others to act. It’s the realist view
of human nature. © Getty Image / rudall30

The bystander effect overturned
However, recent work strongly suggests that
the clear bystander effects discerned by
Darley and Latané, and apparently replicated
by a host of other similar experiments, might
not be so obvious in real-life situations.
Indeed, in some cases, the bystander effect
might even be reversed, with people being
more likely to intervene when there are more

PSYCHOLOGY NOW 55

THE PSYCHOLOGY OF THE CLIMATE CRISIS

THE PSYCHOLOGY
OF THE

CRISIS

The climate crisis is a risk that our minds
struggle to deal with, but psychological
insights can help catalyse action

WORDS BEATE SONERUD

I n 2019, the climate crisis gained Intellectually understanding that we
mainstream attention. Millions of face threats in the future is not the same
people, spearheaded by students, as experiencing that threat directly in the
took to the streets in mass present, right now. But, increasingly, global
demonstrations around the world, heating is experienced in the present. 18
calling on political leaders to take climate of the 19 warmest years on record have
action. The teenage climate activist Greta occurred since 2001, and meteorologists
Thunberg was named Person of the Year say we’re seeing clear fingerprints of
by TIME magazine. The UK government human-induced climate change. Recently,
declared a climate change emergency. This unprecedented wildfires ravaged Australia.
massive rise in attention to the crisis comes While wildfires start for natural reasons or
after decades of scientists and activists through human actions, climate scientists
shouting about the myriad of risks climate stress that climate change plays a
change poses to our societies. catalysing role in the fires, as record
heatwaves and droughts have
After decades of awareness, we have created the conditions that enable
not solved the existential threat of climate the fires to reach extreme intensity
change. In general, as humans we excel at and coverage.
developing solutions to our problems. Our
minds were evolved to do exactly that: spot Despite climate change edging into our
risks and find solutions to them. But climate present-day lives, a small minority of people
change is a particular risk that our minds still deny that climate change is real and
are poorly designed to deal with. Our minds happening. But denial of human-induced
developed to swiftly address concrete global heating only applies to 4% of the
threats we can see and feel, threats that are population, according to a 2017 survey. While
happening right here, right now. it may gain media attention, this strongest
type of climate science denial is not what’s
“Climate change is exactly the kind of holding back action. The vast majority of
threat our minds aren’t equipped to worry people now recognise that climate change
about,” writes Leo Barasi, author of The is real. However, even as the distance barrier
Climate Majority: Apathy and Action in an is increasingly overcome, this does not
Age of Nationalism, in a 2018 article. “It seems necessarily lead to action, as the ‘doom
distant, happening mostly in the future and barrier’ comes into play.
to other people.”

56 PSYCHOLOGY NOW

THE PSYCHOLOGY OF THE CLIMATE CRISIS

18 of the The doom barrier is a powerful defence “Most feel that climate change is too big to
19 warmest our brain applies to protect ourselves fight. Instead, we choose to run away from
years on record psychologically. Stories of extreme heat it.” Fear leads us to shy away from thinking
have occurred and drought, floods and cities drowned about climate change completely, as our
since 2001 by rising sea levels – and the more-recent mind attempts to protect us from feeling
stories of out-of-control wildfires across those uncomfortable emotions. We will see a
Australia – fill us with fear. “When we headline about climate change and instead
feel fear, our minds have three options: of clicking on it, we will scroll on. A friend
fight, flight or freeze,” explains Caroline may start a conversation about the crisis and
Hickman, a psychotherapist, researcher at we immediately change the topic. For those
the University of Bath and a driving force who do not shy away completely, over time,
behind the Climate Psychology Alliance. they will not feel anything at all when they

PSYCHOLOGY NOW 57

THE PSYCHOLOGY OF THE CLIMATE CRISIS

see yet another headline on the severity Then there is dissonance. Say you take RESPECTING
of the climate crisis, as our minds become a carbon-intensive long-haul holiday
desensitised to an apocalyptic narrative, no for some winter sun, at the same time DIFFERENT
matter how scientifically valid. As a result, we as you are deeply concerned about
end up with climate apathy. the climate crisis. That flight leads to a VALUES
conflict between behaviour and values,
“The media tends to use climate denial as and what psychologists call ‘cognitive “Understanding that people are
a label only for those who actively oppose dissonance’ occurs. Cognitive dissonance is motivated to take climate action
climate science, but from a psychological psychologically very painful. A funny thing
point of view, there are several types of happens in our minds as a result: rather than for different reasons is vital,”
climate denial,” says Per Espen Stoknes, a change our behaviour to fit with our values says Per Espen Stoknes. We all
psychologist and director of the Centre for – say giving up long-haul flights – more often, feel motivated from noticing the
Green Growth at the Norwegian Business it’s our beliefs we change instead. Our brains immediate benefits to ourselves,
School. “Individual passive denial is an desperately want a congruence between our but what we consider a significant
important one. At the same time as you values and behaviour, so it alters our values personal gain will vary, as people
know the scientific facts of the crisis, and beliefs, which is a quicker, simpler thing have different values. A political
you also don’t want to think about it and to do than change our behaviour. Dissonance liberal may put solar panels on the
you go on with your life as it is. You keep downgrades the climate crisis in importance roof of their house for the warm
inconvenient knowledge at bay and lead a in our minds – or we may put in place a belief glow of feeling they are having a
‘double life’.” Caroline Hickman stresses that that someone else will fix it for us. positive climate impact, while their
climate change denial in its different forms conservative neighbour may want
is an unconscious process: “Psychological The rise of eco-anxiety solar panels on their roof to feel
defences are there because people On the other side of the spectrum from independent from the grid or to
subconsciously fear they will not survive climate science deniers sit the climate reduce electricity bills. Yet another
knowing the truth.” fatalists. 14% of people now believe that neighbour may simply be driven
catastrophic climate change is inevitable, by adopting the latest trend and
The louder, more visible type of climate according to a 2017 survey. This is a install solar panels for that reason.
denial – people stating to the media that significantly higher share of the population If these three people initiate a
they don’t believe human-made climate than those who don’t believe climate conversation around the action
change is real and problematic – doesn’t change is real. These climate fatalists are of solar panels and how it makes
necessarily imply disagreement with disproportionally represented by young them feel, the whole group of
climate science deep down. “These publicly people aged between 16 and 35. In that people can find common ground
active deniers ignore, or ridicule, the climate younger age group, 22% believe it’s too late around a new behaviour. In The
crisis to keep the social contract of that to curb climate change. On the surface, the Happy Hero, author Solitaire
particular group going,” explains Per Espen climate fatalists who believe we’re doomed Townsend sets out specific actions
Stoknes. George Marshall, founder of the and the people who deny climate change for different personality types.
climate communications organisation exists at all seem to be polar opposites. When
Climate Outreach, put it like this in a 2019 it comes to climate action, however, climate develop that gets us out of this mess’. But
interview with the BBC: “Climate change science deniers and climate fatalists look Caroline Hickman says it’s important to
doesn’t become an issue to be evaluated the same: neither group will act to solve the tell eco-anxious people that their feelings
on its own terms, but it becomes part of problem. If you believe a climate crisis is are valid. We shouldn’t ignore and push
a package of tribal identity.” In the US, for inevitable, you will do nothing, because you down the horror we feel at contemplating
example, climate change views are strongly believe that your actions will have no impact. catastrophic climate change, but accept the
divided along political lines, with the If you believe the climate crisis is a hoax, you feelings and process them. Caroline and other
left significantly more concerned about will also do nothing, because you believe it’s psychologists stress that feeling anxious
the threat of the climate crisis than the not necessary. about the climate crisis is not a mental illness,
conservative right. but a normal – even healthy – reaction to
Eco-anxiety – defined by the American the distressing state of our planet. “I would
Psychological Association as ‘a chronic actually be quite worried about the people
fear of environmental doom’ – is on the rise. who are not expressing anxiety,” Caroline
“Feeling depressed, overwhelmed says. “What we need to do is become okay
and anxious about the climate crisis is our with not feeling okay. Feeling depression,
mind’s freeze response,” explains Caroline hopelessness and despair is a crucial step on
Hickman. For many, it’s not a fear grounded
in the immediate present, but rather a fear
of what the future will look like – and a
discomfort with the uncertainty of what to
expect. A persistent fear of climate change
is not just an issue impacting adults; it is also
seen in a growing number of children and
young people.

It may seem tempting to try to yank the
eco-anxious out of their depressed state by
moving into cheerleading mode. ‘Solving
the crisis is still possible’, we might say.
‘Come on, it’s not that bad!’ ‘Technology will

58 PSYCHOLOGY NOW

THE PSYCHOLOGY OF THE CLIMATE CRISIS

Conversations with others Stoknes argues that we need to focus on the
who feel the same can help us immediate benefits individuals will feel from
move through eco-anxiety adopting sustainable behaviours instead
of trying to sell behaviour changes on the
the journey to develop resilience. We don’t “Often people rush into activism as a way basis of avoiding future societal risks. To shift
want to stay in that anxious, depressed state, to avoid feelings, but that quickly becomes behaviour, the benefits of acting should be
but we want to move through those feelings, unsustainable,” explains Caroline. emphasised at least three times as much as
not get rid of them.” the negative risks of not acting.
Flipping to a positive script
Conversations with others who feel the Psychology also tells us how we can shift Whether it’s eating less meat and dairy,
same can help people move through eco- the behaviours of those who are not yet switching to an electric car or putting your
anxiety, Caroline explains. Through the eco-anxious, but remain disengaged from pension into sustainable funds, individual
Climate Psychology Alliance, she runs the climate crisis. While the distanced climate actions are often positioned as
Climate Cafés, where people come together doom of the climate crisis itself means sacrifices made for the greater good of people
over a cup of tea and cake to talk informally a whole host of defences pop up in our in the future. This is a narrative that doesn’t
about how they feel about the climate crisis. brains when we hear it mentioned, how make for strongly motivated individuals.
Talking to people you already know, like climate solutions are communicated also Psychological distance of the benefits we will
friends, family or colleagues, can have the matters. In his 2017 TED talk, Per Espen see kicks in. Moreover, as humans, we are
same therapeutic effect. “It doesn’t matter averse to loss. Our minds hate losing more
if they’re strangers or people you know, as than we like gaining, and so if we see eating a
long as people feel their feelings are valid falafel burger instead of a beef burger as the
and shared by others. It reduces isolation loss of taste or even freedom of choice, we
and shame.” Once we’ve processed our won’t feel good, even if we recognise that at
anxiety and feelings of hopelessness, we can the same time we’re also gaining.
move onto taking climate action – and that
activism will be more sustainable and robust. But what will we gain? If a single individual
changes their behaviour and reduces their
carbon footprint as a result, that doesn’t
mean that same person will automatically

PSYCHOLOGY NOW 59

THE PSYCHOLOGY OF THE CLIMATE CRISIS

experience less adverse climate change Research suggests that sustainable funds of The Happy Hero: How to change your life
impacts in the future. Motivation to change can outperform standard funds. Voting for a by changing the world says that we must
our behaviour drops if we feel we’re making government committed to moving to a low- remember that doing something that has
sacrifices when others like us are not: ‘Why carbon society will lead to things like better a positive impact on other people also
should I give up meat if no one else does it?’ low-carbon transport networks, in the form makes us feel good. On the Happy Hero
‘Why should I give up flying if everyone else of trains, public transport and electric cars, website, she writes: “Research shows that
continues to fly?’ which would improve air quality – a desirable trying to make a difference, even in the
thing for the majority of people who live in smallest ways, can extend your life, improve
If we want people to shift their behaviours, cities. The reduction of carbon footprints as your relationships and even help you recover
we should instead emphasise how an a result of any of these behaviour changes from a cold… because, it turns out, saving the
environmentally sustainable lifestyle can then becomes a bonus in people’s minds, not world is good for you.
boost their own wellbeing in the short-term. the primary driving force.
Biking instead of driving enables you to Feeling a sense of agency and purpose has
get more exercise and fresh air, and save Still, some of the actions involved in a a positive impact on our mental health – a
money on petrol. Swapping minced beef for more climate-friendly lifestyle – like foregoing desirable thing in societies where depression
mushrooms and lentils when cooking can long-haul flights – may feel like sacrifices, and anxiety is rife. Particularly for those
have health benefits, as well as cutting down even if there are always silver linings that can experiencing eco-anxiety, taking concrete
the money spent on the weekly food shop. be emphasised, like avoiding jetlag, saving climate action is part of the prescription
money and exploring places closer to home from psychologists – alongside processing
Because, you would otherwise not have seen. Solitaire the emotions themselves. Regaining a sense
it turns out, Townsend, sustainability expert and author of control feels good, and there’s also simply
saving the
world is good
for you

60 PSYCHOLOGY NOW

THE PSYCHOLOGY OF THE CLIMATE CRISIS

CLIMATE PSYCHOLOGY IN OUR
PROFESSIONAL LIVES

As individuals, we can take climate action in our professional lives as well as our personal ones. But depending
on the organisational culture where we work, it can feel threatening to our professional identities to raise the
topic of climate action, explains Per Espen Stoknes. “If people expect tension between the company culture

and their own personal views, they’re not likely to speak out. The fear of social dissonance, a difference
between yourself and the rest of the group, is a strong deterrent. We’re constantly scanning for responses from
colleagues to what we are saying, and we worry that if we say something that doesn’t align with everyone else,

we will lose career opportunities.”
Instead of becoming internal climate activists within their organisations, people shy away from the topic. This
might be changing as more organisations are setting public climate targets, and top management are putting
climate strategies in place. Individuals in the organisation will then feel it would be aligned with the culture to
bring their thoughts and ideas on climate action to the table. “The psychology really differs if we have disclosed

organisational climate targets and strategies,” says Per Espen Stoknes.

less room in our minds for anxiety when come from a myriad of disconnections, Governments and businesses play a central
we’re busy doing something practical. For including disconnection from meaningful role in determining the choice architecture of
those who are anxious and depressed for work, from other people, from meaningful our lives. To see behaviour changes at scale,
other reasons than the rapidly deteriorating values, from the natural world and from we want to change the default settings for our
a hopeful or secure future. Taking behaviour to make it simple for ourselves to
environment, engaging in climate climate action, particularly if done act in a climate-friendly manner. Businesses
action may also come with together with a group of others, can determine product placements in shops, for
mental health benefits. In the simultaneously contribute to mending example, and they influence social norms
book Lost Connections, Johann several of those disconnections. through advertising. They determine how
Hari argues that the widespread products and services are produced and
states of depression and anxiety Influencing the default settings delivered, and they control what innovation
Seeing sustainable lifestyles as good for our funding is put into. Governments direct
own immediate wellbeing is a motivator to innovation funding as well, and through
shift behaviours. But our decision-making regulations and incentives, they influence
is influenced by many factors besides a what transport networks and energy sources
fully rational analysis of benefits relative to are available to us and what our food systems
costs. While we like to think we’re rational look like. As individuals, we may often feel
beings, a large share of our decision making we have little influence over how choices
is irrational. We’re strongly influenced by how are presented to us in our everyday life. But
choices are presented to us, what behavioural we do have an impact on the government
economists call ‘choice architecture’. For through voting and lobbying. Companies
example, what is considered the default also respond to what they believe their
option hugely influences our choices. Until customers are asking for. Retail company
now, our tendencies to select the default has Tesco, for example, is now exploring how it
largely been a contributing cause for climate can alter how choices are presented in its
inaction. But our preference to continue with shops to nudge its customers towards more
the status quo also means that once you environmentally friendly and healthier food
move to more environmentally sustainable products. If climate sustainable choices are
behaviour patterns, they will stick as well. presented as the default, simplest choice, our
minds will want to take that route.
Moreover, many of the behaviour changes
that have the largest impact on our carbon We are social animals
footprints, we also only have to make once As humans, we are social pack animals. Much
before the sustainable version becomes the in the same way that our decision making
default. Switching your pension and savings is strongly influenced by how choices are
into sustainable funds, you only do once. presented to us, we are swayed by what
Ditto for moving to a renewable electricity people around us are doing. We want to fit
provider or putting solar panels on your roof.

PSYCHOLOGY NOW 61

THE PSYCHOLOGY OF THE CLIMATE CRISIS

in with others like us. As much as we might THE STORY OF
like to think we act independently of social
pressure, our minds are constantly checking ASHTON HAYES
in with others around us and adjusting
accordingly. Studies prove just how much The small English town of Ashton Hayes implemented a community
we alter our behaviour to fit with social program for climate action that reduced emissions by 24%. Looking
norms. Hotel rooms that have signs saying
that 75% of guests staying in the rooms at the initiative with a psychology lens can explain its success.
reuse their towels leads to an increase in First, local campaigners focused on highlighting the immediate
towel reuse by as much as 50%, say the personal benefits of making changes, like the cost savings that come
results of a study published in the Journal with reduced energy use following energy efficiency improvements.
of Consumer Research in 2008. Similarly, The primary motivation they appealed to was not to save the world,
informing online shoppers that others were
buying environmentally sustainable products but to experience benefits right here, right now.
resulted in a 65% increase in shoppers Second, the campaign tapped into our social nature and relied on
making at least one sustainable purchase, neighbours and friends sharing the initiative with others in their circle.
shows a study published in the Journal of As more people got the sense that others like them were interested
Environmental Psychology in 2015. and getting involved, they would have been driven to join in to feel

For companies, institutions and campaigns, like they were following social norms in the group.
reminding the target audience that others Third, success stories of people coming up with and implementing
like them are participating can see a surge original actions that saved energy and money were shared widely.
in engagement. The group we want to fit Hearing that others were taking action and feeling benefits from it
with can be a close-knitted circle of family would have incentivised others, as they wanted both to experience
and friends, a network of colleagues, or the the benefits for themselves as well as be in line with group behaviour.
larger and looser constellations of people Fourth, community meetings about the campaign were informal and
in the same town, city or country. Even the light. This lightness would have allowed the motivating feelings of
behaviour of people we’ve never met, but interest and hope to emerge, rather than the guilt, shame or fear,
who we consider to be similar to us, because
we travel to the same place or shop at the which could have only cemented denial and apathy.
same store, can influence decision making. Finally, the community teamed up with a university professor who
volunteered to track emissions over time. The community overall
Social tipping points happen as the social could then see tangible results of their actions on a group basis,
form switches from one thing to another. We
might initially suspect that a shift in social boosting motivation further and overcoming any misleading
norms happens when the majority has negativity bias that their small actions didn’t matter.
changed their viewpoints and behaviours.
However, research suggests that a relatively PSYCHOLOGY NOW
small minority group of committed activists
can suddenly transform the viewpoints of
the rest of the group. Until now, social norms
have largely held back climate action, but this
may change.

Sharing positive stories
Our brain’s desire for narrative and stories is
another feature of our hardwiring relevant
to the climate crisis. Media coverage is often
focused on the facts of climate science. Even
if what we hear are facts about the potential
solutions – how much cheaper solar panels
have become over the last decade, for
example – numbers and logic do not stick in
our minds in the same way that stories do.

Stories, rather than facts, are what will allow
us to imagine what a desirable, sustainable

We alter
our behaviour
to fit with
social norms

62

THE PSYCHOLOGY OF THE CLIMATE CRISIS

future could look like. The documentary and referring to your feelings can lead attacked and fall into a denial state. This is
2040, released in 2019, sets out what a to conversations that are more fruitful in detrimental to the relationship, but also to
sustainable future could look like in the year sparking behaviour change. And, importantly, spreading the new positive behaviour.
2040, if we implement at scale the climate conversations that allow you to maintain or
solutions that already exist today. strengthen the relationship with the other Conversations around sustainable
person. “Many environmentalists struggle behaviours should be grounded in curiosity
After being motivated by worry about what with having these conversations. Facts and and genuine interest in the other person’s
the unabated climate crisis would mean for rationality become more important than the experience and feelings – as in any other
his young daughter, Australian documentary relationship with the other person,” explains conversation. Enthusiasm for the climate
maker Damon Gameau travelled widely to Per Espen. actions you may have taken yourself – like
meet individuals who are implementing replacing beef burgers with vegan ones – is
solutions like solar farms and sustainable If you share with your friends how eating positive, but conveying a ‘holier than thou’
farming practices. In a 2019 interview with more plant-based makes you feel good, attitude tends to backfire and provoke rather
The Guardian, the filmmaker says we’ve instead of telling them about the amount of than inspire. Social media may play a limited
had a failure of imagination when it comes carbon emissions associated with red meat, role as a space for these conversations. “I
to the climate crisis. The climate crisis is that is a more enticing story to the person have little faith that social media newsfeeds
most often a story of what the world we listening: it’s character-driven, which our can create shifts in attitudes,” says Per
don’t want would look like; the climate story brains connect most strongly with. Moreover, Espen. “Social media mainly reinforces
must become one about the kind of world it helps us to avoid falling into lecturing existing attitudes. We need to have these
we want to live in. Some people are starting the other person, who can then easily feel conversations in person, face to face.”
to recognise the power of story to spark
mainstream interest in solutions. © Getty Images / Olena Chernenka

The Viable Cities program in Sweden has
employed a ‘chief storyteller’ to communicate
to city-dwellers. Through stories, citizens will
be able to deeply relate to what it would feel
like to live in a carbon-neutral future world –
and as a result get on board with supporting a
societal shift in that direction.

We need stories about what a desirable
future could look and feel like, but we also
need stories about the individual people
who are acting today to make those attractive
visions a reality, according to Per Espen
Stoknes. Character-driven, human stories
capture our brains most effectively. If we
are captured by a story, we absorb the
emotions of the characters in the story – and
neuroscience research can now prove it.
Even after the story is over, those feelings
– and even desire to mimic behaviours we
have seen in the story – remain in us.

Solitaire Townsend argues that stories
are instrumental in galvanising hope
that we can solve the climate crisis. In a
2018 article in Forbes, she writes that
since humans started telling stories,
our ‘meta myth’ – the story we most
often tell – is a tale of an unlikely hero
who uses courage, collaboration and
cleverness to overcome terrible odds
and win in the end. We now need to
tell each other these kind of stories about
climate heroes, she argues.

From debates to conversations

Movies, television series or novels may
be what first comes to mind when we
think of storytelling, but each of us tells
stories in our own lives all the time, in
conversations we have with other people.
“We need more conversations about climate
actions, but we want to avoid arguments
about climate facts,” says Per Espen
Stoknes. He explains that talking
about your own experiences

PSYCHOLOGY NOW 63

5 FACTS ABOUT HYPNOSIS

1 Hypnosis has been 2 You’ve probably already
around for centuries experienced hypnosis
The use of hypnosis as a complementary therapy might Hypnosis is a natural state of mind in which you become
seem quite modern, but it has a long history. In some highly focused without being consciously aware. You
cultures and religions, forms of hypnotic or trance-like lose awareness of your surroundings and can shut out
states have been practised for thousands of years, in the belief
that they have healing properties. In the late 18th century, German distractions. You might perform tasks on autopilot during a state of
physician Franz Mesmer adopted a form of hypnotism that later hypnosis. It’s not unusual to fall into this hypnotic state regularly in
became known as ‘mesmerism’. However, Mesmer believed that there your normal daily life. For example, when you’re walking along a route
was a mystical or magical element – he called it ‘animal magnetism’ – that you know well, you might arrive without having consciously
that fuelled his therapies, but this idea was discredited as hypnotism thought about what you are doing. Or when you’re engrossed in a
evolved and found its way into modern medicine. These days, television programme, you might enter a kind of trance state where
hypnotism, through hypnotherapy, is considered an alternative you ‘zone out’ your surroundings and only take in what you are
therapy and is available through private therapists in the UK. watching. During this state, you receive information into your brain
subconsciously and act accordingly.

64 PSYCHOLOGY NOW

5 FACTS ABOUT HYPNOSIS

FACTS

5ABOUT

Hypnotherapy, which induces a state of hypnosis to
help treat conditions or change habits, is different
to ‘stage hypnosis’ used to entertain. We present the

facts and dispel some myths

WORDS JULIE BASSETT

3You’re awake 4 Hypnosis 5 You are © Getty Images / Pitju / Anastasiia_New
during hypnosis affects people in control
Many believe that you are in a differently If your only experience of
form of sleep during hypnosis. It’s It’s difficult to know what hypnosis is by watching it on
understandable really, as the word to expect when it comes to TV or at a stage show, then

hypnosis derives from the Ancient Greek hypnosis and how effective it will be, as no you might think that you’re handing over
word for sleep (‘hypno’), and stage (theatrical) two people will have the same response. For control of your mind to another person. This
hypnosis typically involves ‘waking up’ the a start, different therapists will use different is a common myth, but there is no mind
person being performed upon when the trick techniques, so even if you have a bad control in hypnosis. You can’t be made to do
is finished. However, the type of hypnosis experience with one form of hypnotherapy, anything that you’re not comfortable with. A
achieved during hypnotherapy treatment it can be worth trying another therapist therapist can make suggestions to help you
is a state of mind during which you remain who may use a different method to induce meet your goals or explore your thoughts,
awake. You are taken into a deeply relaxed hypnosis. Also, some people are more but really they’re just guiding you through the
and focused state. In this period of time, a susceptible to hypnosis than others, meaning process, not controlling you. You can even
therapist can tackle the things you want to that they are more freely able to enter that learn the art of self-hypnosis to help change
work on and make gentle suggestions to help relaxed, concentrated state of mind in which long-term habits, for example, though it can
meet your goals. You should remain fully in suggestions can be made. Some people take some practice to be effective. You can’t
control and aware during these sessions, and describe being in hypnosis as a light or floaty be hypnotised against your will, and if you’re
you can often remember the suggestions experience, whereas others say that they feel not open to the process, then it’s less likely to
made during hypnosis. heavy during the trance state. work for you.

PSYCHOLOGY NOW 65

HOW TO NAVIGATE SIBLING RIVALRY IN ADULTHOOD

HOW TO NAVIGATE

66 PSYCHOLOGY NOW

HOW TO NAVIGATE SIBLING RIVALRY IN ADULTHOOD

IN ADULTHOOD

You love your brothers and sisters, but why do they
leave you so… ‘arrrrgh’? Read on to discover how to

turn your sibling rivalry into sibling revelry

WORDS KATHERINE BEBO

D rama… kindness… resentment… acknowledged as a key factor in sibling rivalries.
love… bitchiness… friendship… If you perceive you’re not the ‘favoured’ one, your
grudges… warmth… arguments… inner child can’t help but scream: “But it’s not
concern… belittling… No, this isn’t faaaaaaaaair!” And if you are the ‘favoured’ one,
describing the latest highs and lows perhaps you feel added pressure from your parents
of your favourite soap opera, but the relationships to achieve more, so resent your siblings for having
many people have with their family members – an ‘easy ride’. Although parents often try to treat
specifically siblings. “For many of us, our sibling their children equally, favouritism is actually very
relationships existed before we could even typical, and research has shown that parenting
speak,” says Hilda Burke, psychotherapist, couples plays a powerful role in contributing to sibling
counsellor and author of The Phone Addiction rivalry among adults. A study carried out at Cornell
Workbook. “Because they were formed for most University found that only 15% of those interviewed
of us at a time when we were preverbal, logic and felt that they were treated equally to their siblings
reason may not feature as prominently as in other by their mothers.
relationships.” For this reason, Burke – who is a
member of the British Association for Counselling Birth order can also play a part in sibling rivalries.
and Psychotherapy – believes that the sibling As a child, perhaps you were ‘displaced’ by a new
dynamic is the most challenging to change. sibling, which can be particularly challenging if
there’s a big age gap between you and the new
That’s not to say change isn’t possible. If you have arrival. You may have liked being ‘the baby’ but, with
a tricky relationship with your siblings, you can a new sibling, you were suddenly in the middle,
certainly steer it in a more positive direction. But, which could have been unsettling. “That can create
first, it’s important to look at the reasons why your a lot of animosity towards the new family member,”
sister leaves you feeling inadequate, your brother says Burke, “which may never totally dissipate.”
makes you want to scream, and they both leave you
wanting to emigrate to the other side of the world to Parent trap
avoid family get-togethers at all costs. Adult sibling rivalries can manifest themselves
in various ways. Perhaps you and your siblings
The favourite have out-and-out rows? Maybe snide remarks
Sibling relationships are influenced by a number pepper your interactions? Or it could be that your
of factors, such as gender, genetics, life events, relationships have completely fallen apart and you
experiences away from the family, money and are now estranged. However the thoughts, actions
parental relationships. Parental favouritism is often and behaviours present themselves, there’s often

PSYCHOLOGY NOW 67

HOW TO NAVIGATE SIBLING RIVALRY IN ADULTHOOD

a lot of blame and envy flying around. “One a third had either hostile or indifferent for how your own resentment towards them
sibling may blame the other for the fact (or relationships with their siblings. This seems is affecting the relationship,” advises Burke.
their perception) that one or both parents such a shame. While your siblings might not There are two sides to every story (or three,
treat them differently,” explains Burke. But be perfect (who is?), if you can foster, fix or or four… depending on how many siblings
rather than it being because the parents forge a strong, positive relationship with them, you have), so try to see the situation from
love a particular child more (a notion that you’ll likely find that you are more content for your siblings’ point of view. What role have
most mums and dads would balk at), there it. After all, who else can you reminisce with you played over the years? Are you entirely
are often other factors at play. Perhaps your about that time your dad fell in the lake at blameless? Chances are, probably not. If you
mum lives closer to your sister than you, so Center Parcs? are jealous of your sibling, it’s good to admit
is on-hand for babysitting duties, impromptu this jealousy – if only to yourself. “So many of
shopping trips and day-to-day quality time. Or The green-eyed sister us feel we ‘shouldn’t’ feel jealous,” ventures
maybe your brother and dad have a similar So, what can be done to combat sibling Burke, “so we suppress these feelings and,
sense of humour, so guffaw at jokes that, to rivalry? First, you need to identify the root [as with] any suppressed feelings, they will
you, are high up on the cringe scale. These cause of your grudge or frustration towards likely surface in other ways, maybe a bitchy
things are no one’s fault – they just are. And your sibling. It may not be one specific thing comment here or there.”
the sooner you can accept them, the happier but a tangle of experiences and feelings,
you’ll be. Try not to take things personally. so sit down and allow yourself the time to Jealousy can stir up preverbal feelings
Your relationship with your parents is yours; unfurl your emotions. “Take responsibility in us, Burke explains. Ultimately, it brings
theirs is theirs. There’s really no point in us back to the time when we first wanted
comparing them. identify the what someone else had – like our mother’s
root cause of attention – and couldn’t fully express that.
Research carried out between a group of So when we’re envying someone else’s
18 to 65 year olds found that more than your grudge achievements, what we’re experiencing is
towards your something very young within us. “As such, we
need to go gently on ourselves,” says Burke.
sibling Instead of reacting to your jealousy, judging
yourself for having such feelings or trying to
suppress it, be curious – ask yourself why you
feel this way. What is this jealousy telling you?
“So rather than resenting your sibling for what
they have, bring your focus to what is within
your frame of influence and act on that,”
advises Burke. Envy is often caused by low

“I’VE ALWAYS FELT
ON THE BACK FOOT”

“My brother is two and a half years older than me. My
parents had planned to have just one child, but then
realised a sibling for Paul would be nice, so I came along.
I’m naturally competitive, but as the younger child I’d lose
at most games we played. Paul was just that bit more
advanced, plus he’d never teach me all the rules to give
himself an advantage – a fact he denies to this day. I’ve
always felt on the back foot. The other areas in which
I began to outstrip Paul didn’t count for much to me.
Whatever Paul did, I wanted to do. I even tried to follow him
to Cambridge University – while he secured a place, I didn’t.
It’s still a sore point for me. Paul is pretty oblivious to all this.
We’re good friends and close. This rivalry is very one-sided;

he doesn’t see it as a competition.”

JESSICA, 35

68 PSYCHOLOGY NOW

HOW TO NAVIGATE SIBLING RIVALRY IN ADULTHOOD

FAMILIAR Now you’re talking much more toxic, unpleasant edge. It can © Getty Images / CSA Images
SIBLINGS Don’t try to compete with your siblings. In niggle, fester and ultimately make each
fact, don’t try to compete with anyone. The family gathering incredibly awkward and
“Having lots of siblings is like most content people are those who look at fun-free. No one wants that. Although it’s
having built-in best friends” what they have and are grateful; not those not always easy to rise above the barbed
who look at what other people have and comments made at you, or fake-smile your
KIM KARDASHIAN covet it. Rather than comparing what your way through your sister’s ‘hilarious’ tale of
siblings get from your parents and wanting when you accidentally spilled red wine on
“He’s rude, arrogant, intimidating it (more time, more affection, more phone her wedding dress, don’t retaliate with your
and lazy. He’s the angriest man calls… whatever), think about what you get own passive-aggressive comments. And if
you’ll ever meet. He’s like a man from your parents and appreciate that. Or, if your brother constantly tries to bait you by
with a fork in a world of soup” you feel you can talk to your parents about calling you ‘Muppet’ (the ‘cute’ nickname
how you feel without causing World War he gave you when you were kids), just don’t
NOEL GALLAGHER III, do that. It’s likely they’re not aware of engage. Simply carry on as if he has called
ON LIAM how much it bothers you when they regale you by your actual name. He may want a
you with endless tales about your brother’s reaction, so don’t give him the satisfaction of
“My first job is big sister and I children, or how upset it makes you when giving him one. You can always scream into a
take that very seriously” they tell you how huge your sister’s pay rise pillow later! Of course, if it’s just good-natured
was. The childish urge to plead, “But what banter, laugh along and enjoy the time you’re
VENUS WILLIAMS about meeeeee?” can be framed in a mature spending together.
manner and you can start a dialogue with
“It’s that middle-brother something like: “I know you love us all the Sibling relationships are very often the
syndrome. The older child has a same, but it bothers me when…” Don’t be longest ones that we have in our lives, so
very clear identity, and the baby confrontational or rude; just tell them how trying to nurture them – or, at the very least,
you feel. Chances are, they’re not actively not get riled by them – can be a key part to
gets a lot of attention. trying to hurt your feelings but, instead, are our happiness.
The middle brother is a little simply being a bit oblivious. If you make
them aware of this, they can change their
bit in no-man’s land” behaviour. Or you could try to discuss
things with your siblings. You may very well
OWEN WILSON discover that your parents have been telling
them all about your achievements and
“Be nice to your siblings, they’re your siblings are similarly annoyed/upset/
your best link to your past and frustrated. Voila: a bonding experience!
the most likely to stay with you
Support act
in the future” If talking to your family isn’t an option and
would only cause a greater rift in your
BAZ LUHRMANN relationships, try to accept the situation
as best you can. You may not get as much
self-esteem and diminished self-confidence. If support or approval from your parents or
you can work on these areas within yourself, siblings as you would like – but that’s okay.
you can stop things about your siblings – like This support and approval can be gained
your sister’s ludicrously flawless skin or your from elsewhere: your partner, other family
brother’s enormous house – from making you members, friends, or your own children. With
feel inadequate. You’re not able to control your own children, try to raise them so that
what your siblings do or how they are, but they won’t have negative issues with their
you are able to control your reaction to it. If, siblings in adulthood. While it’s impossible
however, it’s your sibling who is jealous of to treat each child exactly the same – they
you, remember that their jealousy is theirs all have different needs, wants, talents and
and not yours to make right. In the words of personalities – it’s important that the whole
RuPaul: “Whatever people think of me is none family celebrates each child’s abilities and
of my business.” uniqueness. Don’t compare your children or
define what ‘success’ means to you. Success
is different for everyone – whether you’re
a child or an adult. The crucial thing that a
child needs to know is that their parents ‘have
their back’ and are proud of them and their
achievements – whatever they may be.

Banter or bitchiness?
While sibling rivalry among children can
often result in some harmless bickering
or competitive dives for the last biscuit, as
adults, sibling rivalry can start to take on a

PSYCHOLOGY NOW 69

10 UNETHICAL PSYCHOLOGY EXPERIMENTS

10

UNETHICAL

EXPERIMENTS

Meet the researchers who cast aside morality to
uncover secrets of the human mind

70 PSYCHOLOGY NOW

10 UNETHICAL PSYCHOLOGY EXPERIMENTS

WORDS JAMES HORTON

D espite our immense its harshest would be minimal. But studies A
intelligence, humans are weren’t always this way. researcher’s
irrational, confusing pursuit for
creatures. Our emotions A researcher’s pursuit for knowledge – and knowledge can
and behaviours are sometimes personal glory – can drive them drive them to
sometimes hard to predict and even to conduct studies of an insidious nature on conduct studies
harder to justify, making the science of human test subjects, and in past decades of an insidious
psychology essential for truly understanding there has been little legislation to keep these nature
our incredible minds. Like in any science, experimenters in check.
psychologists have long used controlled 71
experiments to test their hypotheses, but Throughout this feature, we’ll reveal a
their test subjects aren’t viruses or bacteria – government-funded study that secretly
they’re us. spiked civilians with psychoactive drugs,
uncover several experiments that aimed
Today if you were to enter a university to traumatise young children, and explore
psychology study, you would likely be met others that caused volunteers considerable
by a young, excited graduate student with distress in a bid to reveal some unsettling
a detailed disclosure form. They’d take you truths about the human psyche. So strap into
through the process and explicitly warn your harnesses and read on, and see if you
of any discomfort you may feel, which at can discover when a human being simply
becomes a datum to the experimenter’s eye.

PSYCHOLOGY NOW

10 UNETHICAL PSYCHOLOGY EXPERIMENTS

LITTLE ALBERT
STUDY

Pavlov’s dogs were conditioned on treats;
baby Albert was conditioned on fear

Experimenting on unwilling or unaware test time one of them would get close to the baby
subjects is always considered dubious, but to he would clatter on a metal bar and frighten
experiment on an innocent baby is arguably him. This caused Albert distress and he soon
the worst of the lot. But that is exactly what learned to associate the animals with his fear,
John Watson decided to with little baby and would either cry or try to crawl away
Albert, who found himself as Watson’s subject when in their presence, even without the bar
at just nine months old. being struck.

The experiment started off innocuously But it appeared that this torture was not
enough. Albert was introduced to an enough for the researcher. Over time, the
adorable rabbit, an excitable monkey, a conditioning affect faded, and Albert would
friendly dog and a curious small white rat. grow more settled in the presence of the
He appeared engaged and interested in all animals. This encouraged Watson to re-
of them – especially the scurrying rat – and introduce the clanging of the bar, re-igniting
even cupped the dog’s paws with both of his Albert’s fear to prove that his conditioning
hands. He showed no signs of fear, which was theory could be used repeatedly.
exactly what Watson wanted.
Albert’s mother received the paltry fee of
As the months progressed, Watson began $1 for her infant son’s participation in
conditioning Albert to fear the animals. Every the experiment.

THE MONSTER
STUDY

An attempt to cause a life-long affliction
in children to prove one theory

Wendell Johnson was a prominent speech negative reinforcement
pathologist in the 1930s. For those who knew to make them self-
him this was no surprise, because it was a conscious when speaking.
profession he had a personal stake in – he The study hoped to find
had suffered with a speech impediment that those with speaking
since childhood. He was adamant that difficulties would improve in the
his parents’ actions were to blame for his positive group, while impediments
disorder. He believed that highlighting a would worsen in the other.
child’s speaking difficulties made them
overly self-conscious of their words, which The experimental data supported
over time would develop into a life-long neither hypothesis, but the legacy of the
impediment. To prove his theory, in 1938 study was the emotional trauma suffered
Johnson recruited a master’s student, by the children in the negative group.
Mary Tudor, to experiment on unwilling Some withdrew and became incredibly
orphan children. quiet and self-conscious individuals,
causing Tudor’s peers to dub her thesis
During her sessions, Tudor separated the as ‘the monster study’. Johnson himself
children into two groups, both containing committed another ethically dubious act
children with pre-diagnosed speaking by not discussing the work upon its
difficulties and able speakers. One group completion, deciding instead to ignore
received only positive input regarding their evidence that clearly contradicted his
speech, and the other received chastising and preferred hypothesis.

72 PSYCHOLOGY NOW

10 UNETHICAL PSYCHOLOGY EXPERIMENTS

THE ROBBER’S PROJECT
CAVE EXPERIMENT MK
ULTRA
A scheme that manipulated children
into tribal warfare The drug-induced
investigation into mind
Any fan of a sports team will tell you flag, inspiring an act of vengeance where control funded by the
that it’s easy to become competitive the flag-destroyer’s cabin was ransacked. US Treasury
and antagonistic towards members of Soon fist-fights broke out, and the
rival groups. Psychologist Muzafer Sherif researchers had to pull the boys apart. In the 1950s, the United States had grown
described these tribal thoughts as part of concerned over reports that China
the realistic conflict theory, which states and the Soviet Union were developing
that different factions will inevitably fall mind-control technologies to use on
into competition and animosity when their undercover operatives. Not to be
battling for limited resources. outdone, the US started administering
psychoactive drugs as a gateway to mind
In his most famous experiment, Sherif control, sometimes on willing subjects
designed an experiment involving and sometimes on unsuspecting victims.
unsuspecting youths at camp. After
arriving at Robber’s Cave State Park, Part of the MK Ultra’s operations was
Oklahoma, US, a cohort of 12-year-old one Project Midnight Climax, in which
boys was divided into two groups. During prostitutes under the employ of the CIA
the first week, the groups were kept lured in unsuspecting men and sneakily
unaware of each other’s existence, and the drugged them with LSD, a psychoactive
boys bonded with their peers and shared agent that causes hallucinations. The
in activities such as hiking and swimming. agents, secretly watching from behind a
However, this tranquillity was not to last. mirror, would then observe the effects it
had on the men’s minds.
Over the following days, the groups were
introduced and forced to compete. They Although much of the documentation
would race to pitch tents, wrestle in tugs of MK Ultra has been lost or destroyed,
of war and play baseball, with the winners we know that it directly caused at least
receiving a prize. To increase the tension, one death. A CIA scientist named Frank
experimenters would also declare that the Olson consumed a drink secretly spiked
contests were extremely close, and feelings with LSD and several days later fell to his
of deep prejudice soon formed. One group death from a hotel window. President
even went so far as to destroy their rival’s Gerald Ford finally ended the futile and
sinister project in 1976 as he moved to
AVERSION THERAPY limit the powers of intelligence agencies
operating in the US.
A brutal treatment plan that preyed on desperate,
persecuted and coerced individuals 73

The time when homosexuality was images or videos of a homosexual
considered a disease is still well within nature before inflicting them with pain
living memory for many. A slew of or discomfort. In South Africa electrical
governments were eager to help ‘cure’ shocks were applied under the arms,
such an affliction and established centres but other centres would give the patient
reliant on unproven yet widely used sickness pills so they’d vomit as they saw
procedures. The conscript military of the images.
apartheid South Africa was home to one of
the most nefarious treatment centres The hope was that the patient would
for homosexuals. begin to apply feelings of pain and
nausea to those of sexual thoughts about
The main practice to convert patients members of their own sex, thus driving
to heterosexuality was aversion therapy, them into heterosexuality, but success
which involved showing the patient erotic was rare.

PSYCHOLOGY NOW

10 UNETHICAL PSYCHOLOGY EXPERIMENTS

THE THE BYSTANDER
NATURE VS APATHY TEST
NURTURE
CASE Sometimes the results of a study are
STUDY just as dark as the experiment itself

One vulnerable On 13 March 1964, a young woman named Unbeknownst to the test subjects, every
family afforded an Kitty Genovese was stabbed to death as she member of the group aside from them was
ambitious researcher walked home from work in Queens, New an actor, one of which would feign a severe
his ideal subject to York. The brutal murder was committed epileptic fit during the test. Disturbingly,
test gender roles in a populous neighbourhood and Kitty the researchers observed the bystander
screamed for help, but to no avail. It was effect in full force. If the participant was in a
At just eight months old, twins Bruce and reported that 37 people heard her cries, one-on-one group with the suffering actor,
Brian Reimer were admitted to hospital but not one came to her rescue in time. they would seek help nearly every time.
for a routine circumcision operation. Psychologists described this phenomenon But when they were part of a group, they
However, the surgical equipment as the bystander effect, a trait that means would seek help less than one-third of the
malfunctioned during Bruce’s surgery we’re more likely to do nothing when part time, instead leaving the supposed sufferer
and the child unfortunately lost most of of a group (see page 52). to their fate.
his penis. Bruce’s parents were dismayed
until they saw Doctor John Money on Social psychologists John Darley and
television. Money believed that gender Bibb Latané decided to conduct an
roles were solely determined by how experiment in the wake of this heinous
children were raised, and so together the crime to test the extent of the bystander
Reimers decided that the young child effect. They invited participants into a
would become Brenda. She was Money’s study under the guise that the goal was to
ideal experiment. discuss their college lives. The participants
were physically isolated from one another
Money published the gender-switching but would be placed in groups of various
case study when Brenda was nine years sizes to discuss the problem via audio.
old and claimed it was a massive success,
but privately the child was having THE FACIAL
EXPRESSIONS
difficulty mixing with other girls. Her EXPERIMENT
depression only worsened as
she reached puberty, and Do we all look the same when
at 13 her parents took massaging a box of frogs?
the step to tell her the
truth. Brenda swiftly In the 1920s, psychologist Carney Landis He electrocuted his subjects to
decided to become was interested in the expression of photograph the expression of pain, and
David, and would emotion. He wondered if, innately, told them to place their hand in a bucket
later have a penis humans all pull their muscles in similar of frogs to witness their disgust. At the
constructed, get ways when they smile and grimace. most extreme end, he instructed them
married and act as Landis planned to illicit emotional to behead a live rat with no training and
a step-father to his responses in his patients through tangible minimal instruction. One-third of the
wife’s three children. cues and document their facial muscle participants agreed willingly, but for those
However, a deeply movement to see if a common pattern who refused he simply decapitated the rat
disturbing childhood existed. His belief was that simply in front of them and made them watch.
appeared to have asking someone to imitate an emotional
deep roots, as after expression would not be the same as a Despite Landis going the extra mile
separating from his genuine reaction, and so his cues were to capture the authentic emotional
wife and losing his job, designed to evoke them organically. responses, he couldn’t find any common
David took his own life pattern of facial expressions in his results.
aged just 38.
PSYCHOLOGY NOW
74

10 UNETHICAL PSYCHOLOGY EXPERIMENTS

MILGRAM SHOCK EXPERIMENTS

Just how far can authority force us to go?

In the wake of World War II, members of clearly labelled as dangerous, to beyond to
the former Nazi Party were put on trial 450v. If the teacher wavered on delivering
and defended their heinous actions by the punishment, the authoritarian figure of
claiming that they were simply following the experimenter was there to prompt them
orders. A little over a decade later, one to continue.
Yale psychologist named Doctor Stanley
Milgram became increasingly interested The role of teacher and student was
in the role of authority and obedience on supposedly randomly assigned between
morally questionable acts, and in July 1961 two volunteers, but in reality it was rigged
he began a series of experiments to see just to place the genuine volunteer as the
how far obedience could go. teacher and an actor as the student. The
shocks themselves were also artificial, but
His experiment involved three the fake student was told to scream out in
participants: a ‘student’, ‘teacher’ and pretend agony following a shock. Despite
‘experimenter’. The teacher’s role was to ask protestations and signs of visible distress
the student questions based on memory, from the volunteers who reluctantly
and if he failed to answer correctly to apply electrocuted the student, over half of them
an electric shock as punishment. The delivered what they believed to be a shock
voltage would be increased incrementally of 450v purely because they were under the
from 15v, clearly labelled as safe, to 300v, instruction of a respected authority figure.

THE STANFORD
PRISON EXPERIMENT

A meticulously designed study that swiftly devolved into anarchy

Do positions of authority corrupt us? And They started blowing whistles in the middle © Getty Images / DrAfter123
how easily can our individual identities be of the night and soon escalated to making
stripped away? Questions such as these the prisoners do push-ups as punishment
inspired one of the world’s most – sometimes with a guard’s boot planted on
controversial psychologists, Dr Philip their back.
Zimbardo, to build a mock-up prison in
the basement of Stanford University’s The prisoners lashed back, staging a
psychology department building and rebellion on the second day by piling their
populate it with young innocents. The mattresses against the bars and refusing to
Stanford Prison Experiment would leave. But once they had been subdued, the
randomly divide half of the 18 volunteers guards became worse: they removed the
into guards and the other half into prisoners, prisoners’ mattresses, made them urinate and
and over the following six days it would defecate in buckets, and then locked them in
morph into one of the most absurd studies ‘the hole’ – a small, dark cleaning closet that
ever conducted. was too small to sit in – for hours at a time.

At the beginning of the experiment, the Several of the prisoners suffered emotional
‘prisoners’ were arrested, stripped of their breakdowns and had to be removed from
clothes and possessions, and locked behind the study, which was brought to a close after
barred doors. The ‘guards’ were given a six days. It was scheduled to last two weeks,
uniform and minimal instructions, save but after Zimbardo’s girlfriend witnessed
that they were there to keep the prisoners the experiment, she spoke out against its
in check. It didn’t take long for some of the inhumanity. According to Zimbardo, 50 other
guards to begin to relish their new roles. witnesses had viewed the experiment prior
to her and none had raised any objections.

PSYCHOLOGY NOW 75

BREAK UP WITH SOCIAL MEDIA

BREAK UP

WITH SOCIAL

Step away from the Likes, the intrusive algorithms
and the life comparisons, and discover the benefits of

disconnecting from your digital life

WORDS JULIE BASSETT

F ebruary 2020 marked 16 years messages, to interact with common interest things you might like to see. Read one article
since Facebook was launched. groups or to keep up to date with events on a subject you want to know about, and
Originally called TheFacebook, in your local area. These are all perfectly within minutes you’ll be bombarded with
the service was designed to good reasons to use social media, but how suggestions of related pages, products and
be used by Mark Zuckerberg often do you pick up your phone with no articles. It can be mentally exhausting trying
and his fellow Harvard students. It then real intention and scroll mindlessly through to process all these different options and
expanded to other colleges and universities, your news feed out of habit? These social tangents, to the point where you find yourself
and eventually, in 2006, to everyone over the networks keep you coming back for more. unsure of what to do next, what to buy and
age of 13 with an email address. Today, there The ‘reward’ system of a Like gives value to even how to think and respond. This ‘social
are around 2.5 billion monthly active users. the content you post, which in turn feeds media fatigue’ is leading to more and more of
Nearly 1.7 billion people log in to Facebook on an in-built desire to put out more posts and us opting to take a break from these networks.
a daily basis, and there’s a good chance that garner more Likes.
you’re one of them. Add to that Instagram and A US survey from 2018 found that 42%
WhatsApp (also members of the Facebook And yet, for all its benefits, there is a darker of Facebook users had taken a break from
family) and you’re giving over a lot of your side to social media, one that can have a checking Facebook for at least a few weeks or
time to the hugely influential conglomerate. significant impact on our mental health and more, and a quarter had deleted the app from
wellbeing. The question is: do the positives their phone. And in the UK, data showed a
There are many reasons why you may use outweigh the negatives? Is it time to take a slight decrease in the number of UK residents
social media: to catch up with friends, to read step back from social media and find out? who used Facebook between November 2019
news from your favourite brands, to send and December 2019.
One of the biggest problems with social
Reclaim the media is that it can overwhelm us – do we There are further negatives to our constant
time to do really need so much information available social media interaction. For a start, our
something for at our fingertips all the time? According to online profiles aren’t truly reflective of our
yourself the website NetAddiction.com, information real selves. We tend to curate the information
overload is described as ‘when you are trying we post and only present the version of
to deal with more information than you are ourselves that we want people to see. This
able to process to make sensible decisions’. can be quite isolating; of our many hundreds
This is in no way helped by Facebook and of online friends or people we follow, few
Instagram’s algorithms, which detect your of them know us intimately in a way that
browsing habits and ‘helpfully’ suggest other we can connect with them and share our

76 PSYCHOLOGY NOW

BREAK UP WITH SOCIAL MEDIA

SLIM YOUR
SOCIAL

ACCOUNTS

thoughts and worries. We’re more connected the gym, paint a picture… all those things you Not quite ready to break up © Getty Images / yokunen
than ever digitally, and yet far more have probably said you don’t have time for, with social media completely?
disconnected personally. despite spending an hour or more a day on There are ways you can gently
Facebook. These things will lift your spirits step away while also keeping a
And then there’s the problem of and nurture your soul. Make actual real-life digital anchor. It’s important to
comparison. It can be much harder to feel dates to see friends and catch up over a good remember that you are in control
content and happy in your own life when meal. Phone people and have a chat, write of your social media; you can
you’re presented with picture-perfect daily long letters, visit family – it can be refreshing
insights into the lives of other people, who to step away from digital communication and curate your own feed.
always seem to be richer, happier, thinner build strong, personal connections instead. Facebook, for example, has
and so on. Despite being hyper-aware of Having strong relationships and friendships lots of controls. Set up a Close
how much we want to control our own can help ease the symptoms of stress, Friends list and opt for any of
online appearance, it’s easy to forget that depression and anxiety. your updates to only be shared
everyone is doing the same, and what we’re with those contacts. Similarly, set
comparing ourselves to is just someone else’s When you’re on social media, you spend up a Restricted list, where you
presentation of how they want to be seen. a lot of time thinking about the lives of can pop all those colleagues and
other people, whether you know them or family members you feel obliged
If you do make that conscious decision not, which can inflame negative self-talk. By to befriend, but don’t want to
to break away from social media, then what stepping away from social media, you can engage with. Next, do a good
can you expect? Well, at first, a kind of loss; a return focus to your own life. It gives you a cull of your Friends list so you’re
worry that you’re missing out on something chance to think about your priorities and to only connected to people you
(FOMO!), the fear that you won’t get invited focus on your goals. really want to hear from. You can
to events, or might miss out on the latest also opt to Unfollow (but remain
work gossip. It will take a little time to build Of course, there may be genuine reasons friends with) people. ‘Unlike’ the
personal connections back up outside of why you can’t or don’t want to give up social Pages you’re no longer interested
social media, but the benefits of leaving social media completely. You can still take a step in, and leave all the Groups you
media behind will surely compensate. back and reap some of the benefits. For a don’t participate in. All this will
start, delete the apps from your phone so seriously slim down your news
For a start, it frees up time. Rather than your feeds are more than just a tap away. feed and can help to make it feel
mindlessly scrolling apps on your phone, Track the time you spend on social media
why not reclaim the time to do something and set a personal goal to reduce your usage. less overwhelming.
for yourself? Read a book, go for a run, hit Similarly, on Instagram you can

create a Close Friends list. If
following an account makes
you feel bad, stop following it.
You are under no obligation to
do anything on social media –
only follow accounts that add
something to your day, and that
you enjoy seeing content from.

Turn off your notifications so you don’t have
the constant update alerts, and set aside
some days that are free from all social media.

Give it a go and see how it feels – there’s
a real world out there, waiting for you to
rediscover it.

PSYCHOLOGY NOW 77

COGNITIVE BIAS PSYCHOLOGY NOW

BIAS

Explore how the peculiarities of human
information processing influence our
perception of situations and events

WORDS PETER FENECH

A s humans living in an ever-
changing world, we have
rather a lot to think about. We
make hundreds of decisions
every day, from simple
choices like what to eat for breakfast to
devising complex business strategies at work.
As we are bombarded by sensory inputs,
each providing new information to process,
we must draw on previous experiences
to recognise, understand and act on our
perception of the world. To do this, our brains
take shortcuts to enable rapid judgements –
known as heuristics – whereby we prioritise
certain parts of larger problems over others.

While this is a critical coping mechanism
to compensate for the limited processing
amplitude of the human brain, it can lead
to faulty thinking – errors in perception that
cause us to make assessments based on
subjective influence rather than real-world
information. This is known as a cognitive bias
– a deviation from rational, logical thinking
influenced by multiple psychological and
social factors.

There exists a variety of recognised
cognitive biases, each with the potential to
negatively impact on the economy of our
real-world decisions, with consequences
for our social and financial success. Here
we examine ten of the most widely
studied biases and how these habits
impact our perceptions.

78

COGNITIVE BIAS

a deviation from rational,
logical thinking influenced
by multiple psychological
and social factors

PSYCHOLOGY NOW 79

COGNITIVE BIAS

SURVIVORSHIP BIAS

The tendency to ignore absent information
and only ever plan for the best

It can be a challenge to consider our sample is not representative of
information that is not observable in subjects that have been excluded.
our assessment of a situation. Where
a person or object is not present, Looking at data on injuries
humans will naturally focus on those sustained by car crash survivors,
that we can see and form an opinion we may conclude the worst injuries
based solely on that condition. occur when sitting in the front seats,
when in fact this data does not
Survivorship bias refers to include people who were sat in rear
situations where we make seats and were killed. To say better
assumptions based on the apparent crash protection should be installed
success of a group of objects or in front seats would be a common
people but fail to recognise that but clearly false conclusion.

ENDOWMENT HYPERBOLIC
EFFECT DISCOUNTING

The attribution of greater regard Immediate rewards don’t always
for that which we already own, offer the greatest benefits, but you
independent of actual value are still more likely to select them

We can all find ourselves becoming sentimentally attached to Willpower plays an important part in society and
objects, even when there is no obvious reason to value them so is often seen as a measure of strength of character
highly. The endowment effect describes a common situation by our peers. However, the choice to accept a
where people place greater value in something they already own smaller reward sooner rather than a larger return
than something they are yet to acquire, due to an emotional bias. in the future is a far more complex behaviour
than may be immediately obvious at first.
In psychological studies, such as that by Kahneman, Knetsch
and Thaler in 1990, it has been regularly observed that There is a tendency among humans to perceive
participants will demand a far greater price for something they future rewards as less attractive, attributing less
perceive as their property than the amount they are willing to value the more temporally distant this becomes.
pay for something of equivalent value. It has been suggested that We make inconsistent choices over time, even
this is a form of loss aversion – as a species we experience greater when presented with the same information.
anxiety in losing something than we feel pleasure from gaining an
equal reward, although the motivation is unclear. In evolutionary terms this can be explained
by the choices early humans would have faced
An evolutionary suggestion is that in the past, natural selection – with immediate risk, such as starving to death,
favoured humans who were less willing to part with property it made more sense to select instant solutions.
when there was less choice of people to trade with to find a Today, however, where we need to think longer
better deal. In economics this can be problematic in the modern term, such as saving for a pension, this can
day, as holding on to something unprofitable, such as inherited be ineffective – worth remembering the next
shares in a failing company, is irrational and can prove financially time that you’re tempted to buy an
expensive pair of shoes.

80 PSYCHOLOGY NOW

COGNITIVE BIAS

the clustering illusion is centred around
the human predisposition to see events
closely distributed in time as related

CLUSTERING CONFIRMATION
ILLUSION BIAS

How we interpret groups of events Our process of gathering information
can affect our ability to predict to form our opinions is not as
future probabilities impartial as we may believe

Sport and gambling are two activities that are most obviously While we like to believe that we are open-minded and observe
affected by cognitive biases and are two of the most all of the available information on a subject before drawing
studied. This is largely due to the great influence individual a conclusion, the reality is that this doesn’t always happen.
perception can have on our ability to see patterns in events Confirmation bias is a flaw in how we collect, process and recall
and predict future outcomes. information, which suffers from a tendency to favour that which
confirms pre-existing beliefs.
The clustering illusion bias is centred around the human
predisposition to see events closely distributed in time as Since decision-making falls back on experience and
related, when in fact such events are random. The most preconceived ideas, it can be uncomfortable for us to reject what
famous example of a study of this effect is a 1985 investigation we think we already know and accept a new truth. We therefore
carried out by psychologists Gilovich, Vallone and Tversky, pay greater attention to data that reaffirms our beliefs and ignore
of Cornell and Stanford universities on the ‘hot hand fallacy’ facts that question them. This can have significant implications
– the belief that in basketball a player is more likely to score if in areas such as the medical profession, where a doctor
previous attempts to do so have been successful. diagnosing a patient may recognise initial indicators of an illness
and fail to seek, recognise and act on other diagnostic markers
While confidence can improve performance, this incorrect that may disprove their hypothesis. On the other hand, multiple
assumption is largely caused by an overestimation of our doctors observing the same information but with opposing
ability to predict random events, something that is actually preconceived ideas may draw very different conclusions due to
impossible. When we have little information to rely on (a their unconscious choice to dismiss disaffirming facts.
small sequence of attempts at something) we assume events
will be more spread out, so when a cluster occurs, such as a With an influence in stereotyping, confirmation bias can make
string of successes, we perceive it as non-random. This makes us see patterns in data where there are none and fail to see
us overconfident in predicting such a sequence will continue those that are present in new information.
for future attempts.
81
PSYCHOLOGY NOW

COGNITIVE BIAS

AVAILABILITY STEREOTYPING
HEURISTIC
While it may be associated
The bias towards recent, easily with discrimination against
remembered information when minorities, stereotyping does have
assessing importance and an innocent cognitive function
relevance in new situations
Stereotyping is one of the most recognised cognitive
Memory recall is a critical brain function, yet we experience biases and carries with it many negative connotations.
so much sensory input that we rely on mental shortcuts The stereotyping of people often results in the feeling of
to identify familiar stimuli. The availability heuristic, first judgement within the subject group, and there are sinister
described by Amos Tversky and Daniel Kahneman, is the implications for unreasonably assuming all members of
process of unconsciously prioritising most recently acquired that group are the same. However, as with many biases,
information, biasing assessments of a situation towards that there is a heuristic component that allows for the rapid
which is most easily recalled. identification of people, places and objects.

Research has shown how participants overestimate the You might find yourself instinctively asking a person
relevance of information that they are able to easily remember, dressed in an airline’s uniform for help with flight
even if this is a first impression of the broader situation. The information, for example, assuming that they will be
likely thought process is that we assume if information is an expert. This stereotype provides a rapid solution to
readily available to recall it must be more important than that a potentially complex real-world problem. With such
which does not quickly come to mind. While cognitively useful, social categorisation we learn to identify people less as
the implications for judicial decisions, education-curriculum individuals and more as part of a social group. We may be
design and learning performance are significant, where the aware of this or it may be a subconscious process – known
methods for conveying information in a lesson and then as explicit and implicit stereotyping respectively.
demanding recall in an exam situation are not compatible.
As a type of confirmation bias it can be difficult to
challenge our own beliefs about a group. This explains
how easy it is to link emotional responses to our
stereotypes (develop a prejudice) and in turn alter
our social behaviour (discriminate against a group).
We naturally seek characteristics that reinforce our
assumptions.

gambler’s fallacy is the incorrect reasoning
that after a series of repeated events, such as
scoring red on a roulette wheel, a different
event becomes more likely

82 PSYCHOLOGY NOW

COGNITIVE BIAS

RISK COMPENSATION

Does perceived safety yield increased complacency?

Every decision we make is a process of Gerald J S Wilde noted decreased traffic
weighing up costs and benefits. If we deaths in Sweden after a change in driving
deem the potential costs too high to side. However, once drivers became
justify an action, we may decide not accustomed to right-hand driving, fatality
to engage in it. Risk compensation is a rates increased, an effect termed risk
hypothesised mental adjustment homeostasis – the balancing of perceived
whereby we take greater risks when and actual danger. This is likely due to
perceived safety is increased, thereby our predisposition to seek actions that
nullifying those safety measures. will yield the greatest reward with the
least effort, a trait that poses a challenge in
Closely associated with this theory is hazardous workplaces. Recurrent training
Professor Sam Pelzman, who suggested is often required to maintain safety.
road safety strategies are useless, since
with increased protection comes Knowledge of risk compensation can
increased risk taking. While this has also help in marketing, as a safe online
been widely disputed, another study by marketplace can encourage sales.

GAMBLER’S ANCHORING BIAS © Getty Images / akindo
FALLACY
Even business-savvy people
An opposite effect to clustering can fall foul of this bias
illusion, this bias also results in faulty towards initial information
expectations about future events
As other cognitive bias examples have demonstrated,
Gambling creates complex responses in humans. There is a clear humans rely heavily on impressions of a situation in
emotional investment in the outcome of a bet, yet there are more deep- order to quickly make assessments. However, anchoring is
seated psychological processes at work. Gambler’s fallacy is the incorrect another shortcut that can prove inefficient in the modern
reasoning that after a series of repeated events, such as scoring a red on world. With this bias, we are prone to fixing on the first
a roulette wheel, a different event becomes more likely – scoring a black, piece of information that we receive and then using this
for example. This is opposite, yet related to, the hot hand fallacy, arising as a basis for judging all subsequent facts. The common
from a misperception about small sample sizes, where we assume shorter example is being given a lower-than-expected price for a
series of random occurrences yield similar results to longer sets. Where product and immediately accepting this while missing out
a winning or losing streak is encountered, we expect an inverse event to on potential better deals elsewhere.
create balance. Tversky and Kahneman called this the representativeness
heuristic – comparison to previous experiences of event sequences. Another Tversky and Kahneman investigation suggested
that we often incorrectly adjust expectations from the
In reality, where events are discrete, one will not affect the probability anchor, affecting our judgement. Even with experience and
of the other occurring. Suggested biological causes for the false belief when armed with awareness of anchoring in action, it can
that they will are the stimulation of parts of the frontal and parietal lobes prove difficult to avoid, influencing multiple decisions of a
financial, social or professional nature. While it is possible
of the brain involved in decision-making, judgement and to illustrate the effects, it has proven a challenge to pinpoint
reasoning – zones attributed to increased risk-taking the greatest psychological causes.
after experiencing a loss. The bias is sometimes
dubbed the Monte Carlo fallacy after a famous 83
night of roulette
losses in 1913 in
the casino of the
same name.

PSYCHOLOGY NOW

THE BENEFITS OF BOREDOM

THE BENEFITS
OF

From childhood onwards, we’re
encouraged to chase boredom

from our lives. However, research
is showing that this much-
maligned emotion is actually
crucial to our wellbeing

WORDS JULIA WILLS im
Chandler
B ored to death. It’s so boring, it’s ©J
like watching paint dry…
Few emotions get such JULIA WILLS
a bad press as boredom. WELLBEING JOURNALIST
Uncomfortable and
unwelcome, it makes us feel lethargic and Julia Wills studied psychology at
restless at the same time. Lurking in dull tasks Oxford. However, it’s as a journalist
at work, tedious meetings and slow-moving
checkout queues, when we become trapped and children’s author that her
in it we wriggle mentally, desperate to escape, interest in using our imaginations has
reaching for our mobile phones for a fix of
excitement and distraction. flourished. She is passionate about
helping people of all ages nurture
The unwelcome emotion
their inherent creativity.
The word itself only entered our language
as recently as 1852 in Charles Dickens’ Bleak WWW.JULIA-WILLS.COM
House, yet it’s fair to say that the feeling of
glum sluggishness has probably always been repetition of things, and called it nausea. Early
with us, albeit under different names. Ennui. Christians termed same-old, same-old ‘the
Existential dismay. Melancholy. It’s possible, noonday demon’ or acedia, and theologians
of course, that our earliest ancestors may warned that the devil would make work for
have been too busy hunting, gathering and boredom’s idle hands. Fiction brims with
simply staying alive to worry about whether bored heroes: Jack Torrance’s cabin fever in
things could be a bit livelier, but once we felt The Shining certainly pepped things up for
safe from sabre-tooth tigers and starvation, everyone else, while Scarlett O’Hara famously
boredom took root, universal and unwanted. became “so bored she could scream.” And
Seneca felt a sense of disgust at the constant nothing has changed. In fact, boredom
feels less welcome than ever nowadays.
Technology has contributed to its prevalence

84 PSYCHOLOGY NOW

by making our working lives more repetitive THE BENEFITS OF BOREDOM
and duller, but it has compensated us too,
with a huge range of digital distractions to THE BRAIN ON BOREDOM
chase the doldrums away. Apps, computer
games, social media, email, Snapchat, Functional imaging experiments reveal that boredom is felt in our
WhatsApp. We have an armoury to repel insula – the part of the brain that lies near the bottom of the cranium
boredom because we still don’t like it. And I
mean, really don’t like it. and close to the brainstem. Researchers have discovered that it
plays a role in the perception of pain and in translating sensory
A recent study conducted by Professor information into emotional feeling. Research done at the University of
Timothy Wilson at the University of Virginia Kentucky recorded how the insula responds in people with different
asked people to sit alone with their own personalities. Through MRI scans, the team discovered that thrill-
thoughts and without any distractions. seekers showed strong and rapid responses to arousing stimuli in
Not only did Professor Wilson discover their insula, while those lower on the sensation-seeking scale showed
that people found it uncomfortable an increased activity in the anterior cingulate – that bit of the brain
to simply sit and think, but almost that regulates emotions. All mammals are thought to have insula,
half of the subjects chose to give which may go some way to explaining those pacing polar bears in
themselves mild electric shocks cages and the way dogs will chew to seek stimulation if they are kept
– shocks that they had previously in crates for too long. Doctor Deborah Wells of Queens University,
found unpleasant – just to liven Belfast, discovered that classical music reduced bored behaviour in
things up a bit. Having elephants at Belfast Zoo. She and her team then went on to discover
‘something’ happen, it that other animals’ boredom levels were also reduced by music,
seems, even when that
something is painful and seeming to curtail their frustration at being confined.
bad, was preferable to
nothing happening. 85

Of course, it’s easy to see
how this carries into the real
world. Drug addiction, gambling,
overeating, excessive drinking,
risk taking, vandalism, rioting and
even ‘thrill-kills’ have been linked to
chronic boredom. And this dark side
to boredom appears to affect certain
personality types more.

Only boring people are bored?
Research carried out by John Eastwood
at York University, Canada, has identified
two types of personality that suffer most
from boredom. Those people for whom the
everyday is underwhelming and mundane,
which leaves them seeking thrills; and
anxious people who already find the
world too exciting and whose instinct is to
withdraw. However, as Eastwood points out,
this latter group discover that dull isolation
isn’t the happiest of places either, and the
ensuing boredom prompts them to seek out
more excitement again.

In each case, boredom seems to act like
an inner thermostat, registering a feeling
of discomfort with the status quo, and
triggering people to seek out stimulation

we have an
armoury to
repel boredom
because we
don’t like it

PSYCHOLOGY NOW

THE BENEFITS OF BOREDOM

and to be curious again. Which, perhaps, The kindness of strangers boredom with aggressive and destructive
gives us the first hints as to why it has evolved Better still, recent research into boredom behaviour, van Tilburg instead found that it
as a human emotion in the first place. has shown that it can lead us to think about catalysed people into positive, empathetic
others more, and go on to stimulate more behaviour. He discovered that boredom
Emotions tend to protect, warn and altruistic behaviour. Wijnand van Tilburg, caused people to look for meaning in their
unite us. Fear signals the need for fight, at the University of Limerick, investigated lives – an effect that outlived the length of the
flight or freeze. Joy and sadness strengthen the link between boredom and prosocial time of the boredom – and led to an increase
social relationships, foster empathy and behaviour, and discovered some refreshing in socially beneficial activities, such as
cooperation. Shame keeps us acceptable to results. In a world that tends to associate donating blood.
the group after a transgression. So, it only
seems logical that boredom should have a MAKE BOREDOM
useful role too. It turns out, it has several. YOUR BUDDY

Wake up and smell the roses WATCH THE GRASS GROW
Peter Toohey, a classics professor at the
University of Calgary, explains in his Studies in biophilia show that idling away time in nature boosts both
truly fascinating book Boredom – A Lively our physical and mental wellbeing. Feel the wind on your face. Listen
History how the emotion can wake us up
to ourselves. In his far-reaching study, he to the birds singing. Forget the endless to-do list and connect with
explains that boredom comes in two main the world around you.
flavours: ‘situational boredom’, the sort you
endure on a tiresome car journey or during WINDOW SHOP
a deadly dull meeting, the sort that escalates
into Jack Torrance’s axe-wielding mayhem; Visit unfamiliar shops and indulge your curiosity. Who’d wear those
and ‘the boredom of surfeit’, Seneca’s bugbear, rainbow-striped shoes? Who’d spend that much on a dog’s bowl?
born of excessive food, drink or repetition, Who’d go out in that bright-blue suit? Imagine what the lives of those
and making us feel ‘fed up’.
other shoppers might be like.
In the case of a boredom of surfeit, Toohey
describes the work done by the psychologist KEEP A BOREDOM DIARY
Robert Plutchik, who concludes that just as
disgust warns us away from signs of disease Write down your thoughts when you’re feeling antsy and listless. Does
and sickness, boredom acts in a similarly something in your life seem to need changing? What might that be?
protective role, in steering us away from toxic
social situations. And what steps might you take to make things better?

This is something supported by Eva WALK
Hoffman in her book How to be Bored. She
highlights how our busyness culture thrives Walking has been associated with problem solving
in our digital and competitive world, and and creativity since the Roman Empire. Put away your phone, and let
depletes us. It’s hard to simply step off the
treadmill and just reflect. Yet boredom your feet walk and your mind ramble.
enables us to do precisely this. She points
to the ancient Greeks who considered this DAYDREAM
downtime as ‘a therapy of the soul’. They
maintained that ‘we cannot be fully human Whether watching the clouds out of the window or simply listening to
without thinking about what being human a piece of new music, let your mind drift. Where does it take you? You
means’. When we let our minds wander and may well be surprised by fresh ideas and solutions to problems that
invite that sense of frustration, it can tell
us important things. Perhaps, then, it is no just seem to pop into your mind.
wonder that the world’s great faiths indulge
contemplation and meditation, enabling us to
recalibrate our spiritual satnavs to keep us on
course for a more fulfilling and generous life.

it only
seems logical
that boredom
should have a
useful role

86 PSYCHOLOGY NOW

THE BENEFITS OF BOREDOM

Boredom is also an essential seeding between 1871 and 1877, she dictated the text up into fresh ideas) remained with him for life
ground for creativity of Black Beauty to her mother. The resulting and blossomed into his Theory of Relativity.
A recent experiment by Doctor Sandi book remains not only a children’s classic
Mann, a senior lecturer in psychology at the but is also responsible for the more humane Switch off and tune in
University of Central Lancashire, showed treatment of horses. However, the work of journalist Manoush
surprising results on how a period of Zomorodi bears this out too. In her book
boredom could galvanise lateral thinking. She The painter Henri Rousseau was rather Bored and Brilliant, she definitively sets the
asked volunteers to copy out the telephone patronisingly nicknamed ‘Le Douanier’ (the record straight on just how much we need
directory for 15 minutes before being asked customs officer) because of his boring day job to be bored. “When our minds wander,”
to come up with as many uses as possible when his art was first exhibited in the salons she discovered, “we activate something
for a plastic cup. Compared to the control of Paris. Yet, his pictures of fantastical scenes, called the ‘default mode’, the mental place
group, who hadn’t been copying out the lavish jungles and ferocious animals remain where we solve problems and generate our
numbers beforehand, the ‘bored’ group were astonishing to this day. He never travelled best ideas and engage in what’s known as
significantly more creative in their thinking. and explained that his pictures were inspired ‘autobiographical planning’.” This, she says, is
by visits to the hothouses at the Jardin des how we make sense of the world, ourselves
Her findings make you wonder about the Plantes where, tellingly, he looked at the lush and our goals. Allowing our minds to wander
seemingly mundane lives of some of our greenery and, “it seems to me that I am in a leads to new connections between things,
greatest creative thinkers. For example, the dream.” A dream? A daydream? The sort of new ideas and new directions. It also gives us
Brontë children, brought up in a parsonage mindset you might have when there’s little the time to make sense of things, particularly
in Haworth, hemmed in by the Yorkshire else demanding your attention? social encounters.
Moors and stifled by Victorian society.
Their response to such a curtailed life was And then there’s Einstein. His remarkable However, in our 24/7 online world, this
to invent imaginary worlds, such as the insights often arose when he was aimlessly ‘nothing time’ has rapidly filled with the ping,
African kingdom of Glass Town, and write playing the piano, looking at art or sailing. swipe and tap as we check our phones, our
stories about them in tiny books the size of In fact, as the theoretical physicist Carlo Facebook ‘likes’, Snapchat or tweet. And what
matchbooks. It seems likely to me that the Rovelli, author of Seven Brief Lessons in does that do to us?
tedium of their early lives helped spark the Physics explains, Einstein loved to loaf. As a
creativity that led to some of the world’s most young man, he took a year off high school Zomorodi started the Bored and Brilliant
beloved literature. with no particular aim other than to indulge project – a programme of seven steps, or
both his curiosity and imagination, and this exercises, that develop people’s capacity
Or there’s the novelist Anna Sewell. In ‘making room for idling’ (while allowing the for boredom in tandem with reducing their
declining health and largely confined to bed knowledge he’d acquired to simply simmer technology usage to investigate whether
switching off their devices could catalyse
creativity. More than 20,000 people signed © Getty Images / holaillustrations
up, actively reducing their digital exposure
and tuning in to inner quiet.

At first, she found the results rather
disappointing. Participants had, on average,
only shaved six minutes from their baseline
daily phone usage. But on discussing her
findings with Doctor Malia Mason, a cognitive
psychologist, a bigger picture emerged. Was
six minutes really insignificant? Moreover,
what were the participants actually saying
about their experience? And it was here
that Zomorodi discovered something both
surprising and refreshing: 70% of participants
felt they had enough time to think. After
freeing up their downtime, individuals
reported solving problems, finishing projects
and generally being more productive.
Authors wrote. Painters painted. Goals were
achieved. In a nutshell, people flourished.

How surprising then that boredom has
such a silver lining. Yes, it’s uncomfortable,
but so is physical pain and perhaps, like
pain, it is telling us that something needs our
attention. And that rather than avoid it at any
cost, boredom – if we indulge it – can actually
help us personally, creatively and socially.
By flipping us out of autopilot, it gives us the
chance to steer our own directions again, and
who knows what we might discover?

So, do excuse me if I sign off from all
this ‘thinking’ and pop to the DIY store for a
pot of paint. Watching it dry never felt
so inspiring…

PSYCHOLOGY NOW 87

YOUR BRAIN ON MUSIC

YOUR BRAIN
ON

What happens inside your
head when you are listening

to your favourite tunes?

WORDS LAURA MEARS

B rains are complex, as is music, the activity in different parts of the brain in nervous system, which comes hand in hand with
so teasing out the neurological response to music. an increase in heart rate and deeper breathing.
response to melodies is Researchers looking into exactly what triggers
something of a challenge, but One major revelation from this kind of this think that it might have something to do
researchers across the world work is that music is separate from language. with surprise; unexpected shifts in the music are
have been working to demystify the baffling Aphasia is the medical term for a neurological particularly good at setting off this response.
science behind it. disorder that results in difficulty speaking. It
can happen as a result of a brain injury, like The urge to tap your foot along to a strong beat
The first components of music to be a stroke, and makes it challenging for people is often irresistible. It was previously believed that
processed by the brain are the basic sounds – to find the words that they need to express our movements in response to music reflect how
pitch, length and volume. From this, the brain themselves, but strangely it doesn’t always we perceive that it was created – a tapping foot
then teases out melody and distinguishes interfere with their ability to sing. Similarly, imitates a drummer’s pedal, for instance – or our
between different instruments. This people with a stammer may struggle with mood upon hearing the music. However, more
information is then compared to memories, speech but can sometimes sing a song recent research suggests that tapping your foot
establishing whether the incoming sound is without hesitation. may influence the way you perceive the music,
familiar and revealing any linked emotions. helping your brain to process what you’re hearing.
All together, the processing leads to a Around 1 in 20 people is tone deaf, or
response, whether that’s switching the song ‘amusical’, and has trouble identifying the Researchers have an interesting way to
off or starting to dance. And if you move, that notes in a tune. Brain scans have revealed describe this phenomenon – they sometimes
feeds back into your brain again, affecting the that the white matter in the area involved refer to it as a ‘brain itch’ or an ‘earworm’. Some
experience even further. in processing sound is thinner in these
individuals, indicating that it could be less
Some of the complexities of the brain’s well connected than the same pathways in
response to music can be revealed by their musical counterparts.
people with damage or injury to their brains.
By seeing what happens to the ability to Good songs can make your hairs stand on end,
process music after the brain is injured in and this is thought to be triggered by the way that
a certain place, and by observing how that our brains are wired. Music taps into the parts of
improves as the brain heals, scientists can the brain involved with emotion and reward, and
start to piece together which parts of the listening to certain tunes can light up the same
brain are involved. This is aided by areas tickled by food and even drugs. At the same
advanced imaging technology, such as time, music seems to decrease the activity in the
functional MRI scanners, which can monitor areas of the brain involved in fear. Getting goose
bumps is linked to arousal of your autonomic

88 PSYCHOLOGY NOW

YOUR BRAIN ON MUSIC

songs seem to get stuck in people’s heads more PROCESSING MUSIC
often than others, but there is not a simple
formula that determines catchiness. Researchers Different areas of your brain come PARIETAL LOBE
working in the field have noticed that catchy together to handle rhythm, melody,
songs tend to have short, repetitive sections, and This region links incoming sound
they also often have some connection to the lyrics and emotion information with the other senses,
listener. A similarity to a song that you already
know, or a cultural connection – such as lyrics LIMBIC CIRCUIT such as vision.
that you can relate to – both help to get a tune
stuck in your head. Ultimately, though, a song that The hippocampus, amygdala and PLANUM TEMPORALE
is catchy to one person might not be for another. other central structures deal with
memory and emotional responses This area deciphers complex
This is down to acoustics. If you sing in a big sounds, picking out rhythm, timbre
room with plastered walls, the sound travels a to music.
long way before it reaches an obstacle, and a lot and patterns.
of the vibration is absorbed. In a bathroom, the
room is smaller, and the tiles or glass reflect the FRONTAL LOBE INSULA
sound back at you in all directions. This creates
reverberation. The result is that the sound is The front of the brain coordinates This is part of the cerebral cortex
louder, and the multiple reflections help to even your emotional and behavioural and is involved in recognising
out any tiny mistakes in your voice. The size of familiar tunes.
the shower cubicle also has a part to play – lower responses to the music.
frequencies tend to be amplified more than
higher ones, making the voice sound richer. AUDITORY CORTEX SUPERIOR
TEMPORAL GYRUS
People have been making music for millennia, This part of the brain receives the
and the oldest known instruments date back sound input from the ears, and This region specialises in stringing
42,000 years. They are bone and ivory flutes, works out the pitch. sound information together, keeping
discovered in a cave in Germany alongside
other early human art and ornaments. track of lyrics and melody.
However, it’s generally believed that music was
around a long time before the first instruments,
as people used their voices to make melodies.
Being able to produce music could have helped
with social bonding, an idea that is sometimes
described as ‘vocal grooming’. These kinds of
cultural advances are thought to have given our
species an edge over our human-like cousins,
including Neanderthals.

Good songs © Getty Images / Nadine_C
can make your
hairs stand
on end

PSYCHOLOGY NOW 89

GRADES OF GRIEF

GRADES
OF

Whether you’re struggling with losing someone close
to you or coming to terms with the death of someone

who wasn’t, grieving is a very personal process

WORDS SARA NIVEN

F reud once wrote that grieving dementia-related condition for instance, When someone dies suddenly and
was a natural process that involves a grieving process while the tragically, denial is very understandable –
should not be tampered with. person is physically alive. This can be more it is hard to come to terms with a person
In reality, dealing with losing harrowing than mourning an actual death, as being absolutely fine one minute and not
someone dear to us is one of the grief is experienced in conjunction with here the next. However, it is a common
life’s hardest challenges. The process we the feeling of being in limbo.” reaction regardless. People have talked
go through is different for everyone, and about calling a recently deceased person’s
sometimes help can be necessary as we try Stages of grief phone for example, even though they are
to navigate it. The five stages of grief were first identified in aware they cannot answer. During this
the book On Death and Dying by Elisabeth period, you may still be in a state of shock
Grief can also be complicated. Perhaps the Kübler-Ross in 1969. She categorised grief into and not feeling much at all besides disbelief
person we’ve lost wasn’t as dear to us as we five distinct stages: denial, anger, bargaining, and numbness.
would have ideally liked (if at all) and we’re depression and acceptance. Although
confused as to how we should feel or react. these sound as though they naturally run Anger
Alternatively, we may be mourning a pet we consecutively, it is not uncommon to skip As reality emerges, so too can anger. This can
regarded as a family member but others can’t stages, get stuck in one or go back and forth be directed at anyone, including the person
fully comprehend our devastation. between them. The relationship you had with who has died. If we felt angry with them
the person you’ve lost and the circumstances while they were alive, the emotion can feel
“The process of grief is unique and how we of their death can also influence how you particularly overwhelming.
express it also varies culturally; some people progress through them.
will be left feeling they are not grieving “Anger can be a reaction to the fact
properly or meeting societal expectations Denial somebody can no longer interact or share
of how they should be doing this,” says This is a first line of defence against their feelings with the deceased person,”
psychologist Ingrid Collins, the director of overwhelming emotions. People will say explains counsellor Pauline Couch who
the Soul Therapy Centre in London. “But or think things along the lines of, ‘This isn’t runs the Step4ward Counselling Support
there is no right or wrong way, it is a very happening/they will walk through the door and Training agency in Dorset, UK. “That can
personal thing. This is even more the case any minute/the doctors must be wrong’. compound any sense of that experienced
if a bereavement has added complications. when the person was alive, leading to
Suffering the loss of someone from a

90 PSYCHOLOGY NOW

GRADES OF GRIEF

PSYCHOLOGY NOW feelings of guilt and missed opportunities
to sort the relationship out. It can also turn
inwards so the person is angry at themselves
as well as the deceased.”

Bargaining
We replay events repeatedly in our head,

wishing certain situations or circumstances
could be changed – that if ‘such and such’
hadn’t been the case, the death could
have been prevented or delayed. If your
relationship was not ideal, you may
also berate yourself for not reaching
out to resolve issues before it was
too late.
“This is incredibly common – I
regularly hear people talk about
if only they had done this, that
or the other,” says Collins. “From
a young age, we believe we are
omnipotent, and as we grow
some of that leaves us but there
is often still a lingering sense
that we should be able to control
things, even the circumstances
and timings of a death, which very
clearly we can’t.”

Depression
Although depression is generally seen as
something that is helpful to be diagnosed and
treated, after a death, overwhelming feelings
of sadness, not wanting to get out of bed or
not feeling up to the demands of daily life, are
a natural stage in the grieving process.

With the right support and the passing of
time, we start to function normally again.
How long this takes varies. Complicated grief
– when someone is still experiencing these
difficulties many months, even years later,
whereby they have lost all motivation and/
or even wish they had died too – is another
issue and worth seeking medical help for.

Acceptance
The final stage of the grieving process
represents coming to terms with our loss.
This doesn’t mean we won’t still feel sad
or have bad days, rather that we recognise
someone is not coming back and our
emotions start to stabilise as we adjust to a
new reality without them.

you
may berate
yourself for
not resolving
issues

91

GRADES OF GRIEF

HELP IS ON HAND Some stages of the grieving process
will be more relevant to certain situations
If you are struggling with loss, or dealing with any aspect of unresolved than others. There may be very little of the
grief and need support, in addition to one-to-one counselling there are denial or bargaining stage for the relative of
someone elderly who dies peacefully after
other support systems available to you: a long and happy life, and is now considered
‘at peace’. Conversely, those close to
* Cruse Bereavement Care and Cruse Bereavement Care Scotland someone who dies young or very tragically
(www.cruse.org.uk) is the United Kingdom’s largest bereavement charity could spend a long time in both, and
struggle for years to reach acceptance.
and provides free counselling. Sometimes anger over a senseless death or
You will additionally find details on its website of places to contact a strong desire to change what happened
for help in specific circumstances, such as grieving for someone with can be harnessed into a driving force by
relatives who campaign for a change in law
dementia or after a suicide. or seek to hold someone accountable for
*Winston’s Wish (www.winstonswish.org) offers support for children, their loss.
young people and their families after the death of a parent, sibling
or significant carer. Parents can access free professional advice for The stages are not a blueprint, more a
pathway that can be stepped off, walked
supporting a grieving child.   backwards at times or deviated from. We
*Pet owners can contact the Pet Bereavement Support Service run by are also individuals, dealing with different
situations and circumstances in our own way;
the Blue Cross (8.30am-8.30pm) on 0800 096 6606, some people show a lot of outward emotion
www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-bereavement-and-pet-loss as they grieve, others very little.
*Cats Protection also offers a Paws to Listen service with trained
volunteer listeners on 0800 024 9494, from 9am-5pm Monday to Friday. No regrets
Grieving when there are things left unsaid
Grieving when there are or done can be additionally difficult.
things left unsaid or done can “Regret is the lousiest thing to be adding
be additionally difficult to grief,” confirms Collins. “Depending on
their views, some people may seek relief
92 in these kinds of circumstances by visiting
a professional medium, others can find
help in the form of therapy. When clients
have unresolved issues with someone who
has died or a longing they’d done or said
something, it is important to try to process
this to move forwards.”

A ‘no send’ letter is an exercise sometimes
suggested by counsellors. This can include
anything you wanted to say and couldn’t
express or didn’t get the chance to, be it
anger, betrayal, hurt or love. This can be a
very effective tool in enabling people to
move on.

One client in therapy reports writing a
letter to a deceased parent they felt upset
with, explaining why. They initially intended
to put the envelope in the coffin but after
writing it, their anger lifted and instead they
were able to put their feelings to rest at the
same time as their parent.

Another option is what therapists refer to as
the ‘Empty Chair’. For those comfortable with
role playing, it involves speaking to a chair
as though the person you want to address is
sitting in it. In some circumstances, you may
consider swapping chairs and replying from
the other person’s perspective.

Delayed grief
Sometimes we experience grief a long time
after a person’s death but that doesn’t mean
we don’t face the same pain as if they’d just
died yesterday. This can be hard for others
to understand, and they may not show the

PSYCHOLOGY NOW

GRADES OF GRIEF

same empathy as they would for someone Even if you were not estranged, a PAWS FOR © Getty Images/ Ponomariova_Maria/undefined undefined
experiencing a recent bereavement. complicated relationship with a parent can
still be highlighted when they die. Jayne THOUGHT
“I had a very dear friend I hadn’t seen for Harris lost her father a year ago and says
decades due to circumstances and many grieving alongside her siblings was a Danielle Tanner is a veterinary nurse
years later found out they had taken their difficult process. “My dad had seven in the UK. She lost her beloved
own life,” recalls Collins. “They were someone children by two marriages and his
in the public eye and I later ended up reading relationship with each of us was different. Labrador, Taz, nine months ago and
a book about them – it wasn’t until then that One son refused to come to the funeral, says it is hard for some people to
my grief fully hit me.” while another was so upset at my father’s
death, he struggled to go back to work. On a understand the bereavement felt by
If you haven’t seen someone for many personal level, I found my dad tricky to deal pet owners.
years, finding out they have died can be with; he’d say hurtful things sometimes and
a shock. If they represent a specific time could be very critical. “Taz was my best friend and went
in your life that has now passed, you may everywhere with me from the
find yourself mourning part of yourself in “Even so, I underestimated the impact of
addition to the person. Their death can also his death. In the funeral home I wanted to moment I got him as a rescue dog.
highlight the upset of any past fallouts or hug his body, even though I had sometimes My friends, family and co-workers
separation the two of you had. held back from that when he’d been alive. It who knew what he meant to me were
brought up a lot of childhood issues and in fantastic and when I cried at work,
Grieving for a pet talking about his life with others who’d known I had sympathy and understanding.
“Losing a pet can be as devastating as losing him, I gained a better understanding of why The pain is still very real and I am
a relative or close friend for a pet owner, as he was the way he was and wished there lucky to work in a profession where
there is often a very strong bond there and were things we’d discussed. My brothers and people know first-hand how much an
pets are part of, or sometimes a person’s only, sisters were all affected so differently, and my
family,” says Diane James, Pet Bereavement experience of him as a father didn’t quite fit animal can mean.
Support Service manager at national pet anyone else’s. “However, nobody expects you to
charity Blue Cross. need any time off work as they would
“Since his death, I’ve experienced anger, a human relative. Colleagues gave
“It’s important that people take the time to guilt, regret and a deep sense of loss, both me allowances such as not having
grieve a pet, as with any loss, and we fully for the father I had and the one I’d ideally to speak to the public that day or
support understanding employers who wanted. It took his death to know there was dealing with any ‘put to sleeps’ for
offer bereavement leave to allow time for love between us. Ironically, I feel it more now a while. But others who were not
pet owners to come to terms with their loss. than when he was alive.” animal people expected me to act
Every year we are contacted by more than like nothing had happened. Some
12,000 owners who have been left devastated When you really didn’t like someone assumed I’d immediately replace him
and struggling to cope after losing a pet.” It may not be a good idea to shout it from or felt I’d be okay because I have two
the rooftops at their funeral but the simple
As counsellor Pauline Couch, points out, fact is that not everyone deserves to be other dogs.”
animals can often play a vital role in some mourned by you to the same extent as a Danielle says she had enough
people’s lives as a source of comfort, in loved one – if indeed they deserve it at all. support but if that hadn’t been the
addition to companionship. If someone maliciously made your life a case, she would have called the Pet
misery, abused or generally mistreated Bereavement Support Service run
“Some people have animals to support you or was simply not a very nice person,
them emotionally around issues such there is nothing wrong with you or the by the Blue Cross.
as anxiety, low mood, low self-esteem or need for guilt if their death just leaves “People need to know there
debilitating illnesses,” Couch explains. “Once you feeling relieved or indifferent.
that pet dies, it can leave the person feeling are places to turn and it’s
unsupported and very alone. I have had Not speaking ill of the dead a helpline I’d like to be
many clients who have lost family members does not need to mean speaking part of. Something that
and coped with those well, but when their pet good of them if you genuinely helped me was to have
died it felt even bigger, because their support have nothing positive to say. some of Taz’s ashes
was no longer there to help them through the If others feel differently, then made into a ring.
grief and pain.” it is just about respecting The company who
that and a personal did it treated it with
Losing an estranged relative decision as to if you as much respect as if
One in five UK families are affected by attend the funeral. If you he were human, which
estrangement according to UK charity Stand do, out of respect for meant a lot.”
Alone, while a US study reported that 10% other people (if not the
of mothers had no contact with at least one deceased), the best 93
adult child. course of action is
either to keep quiet
Not having any contact with a parent or say something
might appear to make their death easier to neutral but truthful,
come to terms with but it doesn’t necessarily such as being sorry
work that way. We have still lost part of our for their loss or it
heritage and will likely mourn any possibility being hard to find
of an apology or reconciliation. There will the right words.
also be the pain and loss experienced by
other family members we do have a close
relationship with to factor in.

PSYCHOLOGY NOW

COMPLEX LOSS

COMPLEX
LOSS

Founder of @ThatGoodGrief, Rachel
Reichblum, talks about the complexities
of losing both parents in close succession,

and the different emotions she felt

WORDS RACHEL REICHBLUM

I t was August 2017, and I finally she was admitted to the hospital to the day RACHEL REICHBLUM
started to catch glimpses of my she died on 7 December 2017, two days after FOUNDER OF
old self. The on-top-of-it-ness. The my 28th birthday.
laughter at something small and @THATGOODGRIEF
silly. The self I was before my dad Logic told me: they’re both your parents.
died after a ten-month-long diagnosis of They both died of the same disease. You are study found that a father’s death led to more
glioblastoma, a terminal form of brain cancer, around the same age. Ergo, the loss you’re negative effects for sons than daughters,
when I was 26 years old. It’s all a bit of a blur feeling should be the same. The pain you’re and a mother’s death leads to more negative
now, but I know I felt hope in those moments experiencing should be no different. effects for daughters than sons. In short, the
that there was a chance I’d get to return to results of the study suggested that people
my former self. That at some point, I’d get to What I didn’t see then, but can so clearly should not underestimate the impact of a
put all of this distraction, sadness and messy now, is that grief is universal. Each of us goes child’s mourning on their wellbeing, even as
thing we call grief behind me, to return to life through life knowing we will watch people an adult.
as a 20-something living in a big city. we love disappear between now and the
day we, ourselves, die. But relationships are How can it be that I feel so differently about
In October 2017, my mum was diagnosed completely individually experienced. Even two people so consequential to my being
with glioblastoma, the same form of terminal between the same two people: both find – both of whom make up 50% of my literal
brain cancer that offered my dad a shortened different strengths, weaknesses, boundaries DNA, who without either, I would not exist
lease on life, but a death with dignity and a tested, and love gained in the same as I am today? Biologically, I am as much my
chance to say goodbye. relationship two people share. mother’s child as I am my father’s. Why is the
loss so different?
Their diagnoses are the end of similarities The death of my father was, is and forever
about their illnesses and ultimate deaths. will be different compared to the death of I realise now it’s different because we live
Cancer ravaged my mum’s mind and body my mother. Nadine F Marks, Heyjung Jun in a world made up of much more than
immediately, rendering her mostly mute, and and Jieun Song conducted a study in 2007 biology. We live in a world filled with biology,
incoherent when sound did leave her lips. It on the death of parents and the impact
was just a mere seven weeks from the day on the adult children’s psychological and PSYCHOLOGY NOW
physical wellbeing. At a high level, their

94

COMPLEX LOSS

psychology, anthropology and sociology. My sons across the adult years. Although there opposite-gender parent. That has also been
biology argues the losses are the same. All is certainly a level of attachment to one’s validated in empirical evidence showing that
others would argue it makes perfect sense father, empirical work guided by attachment the mother-daughter intergenerational bond
that the loss then, as now, as forever, will theory shows time and time again that it is is in fact the greatest in closeness of all within
manifest differently. the mothers who are the primary attachment the family unit.
figure for children.
Even in today’s evolved time, where we When my father died, I lost my mentor, my
have made leaps and bounds on progress Gender theorists have long suggested that business partner and my biggest cheerleader.
towards gender equality, mothers continue children are socialised from an early age to When my mother died, two things happened:
to provide a range of financial, emotional identify with their same-sex parent, naturally I lost my best friend, my confidant and my
and consequential support to daughters and creating a sense of distance from the support system, but I also lost my space in
the world to be a child. Yes, I was 28 years old,
FIVE UNEXPECTED so hardly a child, but I was still someone’s
ASPECTS OF GRIEF child. I found myself as this adult orphan.

IT’S NON-LINEAR The part of this whole experience that
I have trouble admitting even to myself is
Grief is non-linear. There’s no getting better, there’s just getting this: I miss my mum more than I miss my
through it. Over time, waves of grief will become more dad. Two people, equally responsible for
manageable and expected, but the loss doesn’t just stop propelling my existence into being and yet,
hurting one day. when my dad died, I told myself, ‘Well, at least
it wasn’t my mum’.
IT’S PHYSICAL
So, where to go from here? My dad’s
Grief not only takes an emotional toll, but a physical one, too. There are death was consequential. My mum’s death
lots of studies on what grief does to your brain and your body, compounds the impact of my father’s. My
including causing fatigue, chronic pain, weight loss or gain and brother’s commitment to staying on the
other physical symptoms. straight and narrow provides a moment of
relief that they’re both dead (this is a whole
IT’S BITTERSWEET other story). And I miss my mum more in my
every day than I ever did my father. In short:
Memories of your loved one that reappear can often feel both bitter it’s complicated.
and sweet. There is still joy in those moments, they’re just overlaid with
the sadness that the person you shared them with is no longer present. Singular or multiple. Before their time
or at their time. Expected or unexpected.
Regardless of how a person died, there are no
stages to grief, or getting ‘over’ grief. There is
just going through it.

when dad
died, I told
myself, ‘at
least it
wasn’t mum’

IT’S ALWAYS ON YOUR MIND

People often tip-toe around the topic because they’re worried they’ll
‘remind you’ of the loss. News to them: it’s always on your mind, no

matter what, even at a subconscious level.

IT’S UNIVERSAL © Getty Images / Ponomariova_Maria

The greatest gift of grief is the potential for connection. Every single
person on this earth will experience grief at some point in their lives.

If you can bond over the deep emotional journey that is grief, the
connection is far more meaningful than chatting over sports or fashion.

PSYCHOLOGY NOW 95

THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP

96 PSYCHOLOGY NOW

THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP

THE

POWER
OF

Strong personal connections in our lives can provide
much more than simply companionship; friendship can

shape who we are and enhance our overall wellbeing

WORDS JULIE BASSETT & LAURIE NEWMAN

F riendship is the hardest thing early twenties, friendships can be extensive, part in. We are drawn to people who share
in the world to explain. It’s not part of a larger network of acquaintances and the same interests and who have similar life
something you learn in school. connections to have fun with. And then, as experiences to ourselves, which is why most
But if you haven’t learned the we get older, it shifts again. Our friendships of our friends are in the same environment
meaning of friendship, you are refined as we navigate through our as us and broadly the same age. We also
really haven’t learned anything.” working lives, marriages, children and gravitate towards friends who share our
reduced social time. If we’re really lucky, there ideologies and beliefs.
Those are the wise words of Muhammad might even be friends that make it through all
Ali, who understood both the importance these stages of life, their stories interwoven In addition, we select some friends based
of friendship in our lives, as well as the tightly with our own. on our own individual preferences. This can
difficulty of putting what ‘friendship’ means overlap with our environmental situations,
into words. It’s a mutual affection shared How we make friends especially if we’re actively pursuing an
between two people who care for and All of these different friendships that we interest and hoping to meet others in the area
respect one another. Your closest friends are forge throughout our lives play a purpose, who share the same interest. But thanks to
those you can rely on in times of need, who and ultimately help to shape the person the internet, we can also ‘meet’ people who
you can laugh with, whose company you we become. But they will all have certain share these same interests online, and over
elements in common. We usually form time they can become true friends.
enjoy and who you communicate with on friendships based on two key factors: our
a regular basis. environment and our individual preferences. Types of friendship groups
Our concept of friendship changes Many studies have investigated the
over time. As small children, it’s We tend to make friends by being in the different models of friendship that we may
not uncommon to make friends same place, both literally and figuratively. experience. One such study, by Dartmouth
with strangers in the park after Our first friends tend to be those people that sociology professor Janice McCabe, found
just minutes of sharing the we are at nursery or preschool with, or the that there were three distinct models of
slide. Best friends can children of our parents’ friends. Throughout friendship types. While her research related
change at school with school, most of our friends are also our to college students, it’s thought to likely be
dizzying regularity. classmates, and later college friends, room representative of the wider population.
In the social peak mates and work colleagues. We might meet
of our teenage people through clubs and hobbies we take First there is the ‘Tight-knitter’, who is
years and someone with a very dense group of friends,

PSYCHOLOGY NOW 97

THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP

who all know each other and are all closely ourselves means that we can get the most social network of a specific size. He set the
connected. It’s thought that this type of group out of our friendships. number of people we can meaningfully have
is excellent for social support, but can be a connection with at 150. Through extensive
quite fragile, with disputes between members How many friends can we handle? studies of both contemporary and historical
of the group affecting everyone and changing There may be limits to how many friends data, Dunbar found that 150 was consistently
the dynamics. we can sustain. According to British the maximum number a social group would
anthropologist Robin Dunbar, we’re reach before it either collapsed or split off into
Second is the ‘Compartmentaliser’, who hardwired to only be able to process a different factions.
has several clusters of different friendship
groups. Most of us probably identify with Good friendships might
this category, having groups of friends even help you to live longer
we’ve known since school, work friends and
friends from our clubs or hobbies. This can DIGITAL RELATIONSHIPS:
be a useful setup, as we turn to the different A NEW MODEL OF
clusters to meet different needs. FRIENDSHIP?

Last is the ‘Sampler’, who tends to have If Dunbar is right and we can only handle 150 personal connections
one-on-one friendships with a number of at any one time, then where does social media fit in? We might have
individuals, rather than groups of people. hundreds or even thousands of connections on these networks. It’s
This can make a Sampler feel somewhat thought that the brain can differentiate between the online chats we
socially isolated and lacking a sense of
belonging. That said, Samplers are often quite have with acquaintances and our face-to-face social interactions,
independent, not reliant on a group for their but it still requires some of our cognitive power. This means that we
self-worth or personal success. could be expending some of our ‘friendship energy’ on these online

Whether you prefer group interactions and connections, rather than nurturing our physical friendships.
events, or one-to-one chats over coffee, when Being online also takes up valuable time, leaving us with fewer
it comes to your personal style of friendships, opportunities to invest in our real-life relationships. This could, over
the group that you most identify with can time, erode the strength of our face-to-face friendships. While social
tell you a lot about yourself. The type of media certainly has its place to help us feel connected, ensure that it
friendship style we’re drawn to is linked to isn’t taking away from your real-world relationships, as these bonds
our own personality and behaviour, and
identifying the types of friendships that we have the greatest positive effects on your wellbeing.
have can reveal a lot.

Someone who is quite introverted is less
likely to have big groups of friends, preferring
instead to have meaningful one-on-one
connections. These can be less draining and
more manageable for those who like the
company of others in calmer environments
and who feel lost in big groups – even those
made up of friends. For someone who is
more extroverted, having the chance to meet
up with lots of friends at one time is exciting
and pleasurable, energising and enjoyable.
It might be that you like a bit of both – large
social engagements and smaller meet ups
with friends individually. Being true to

98 PSYCHOLOGY NOW

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with more social support in their lives are
more likely to make it to an older age. The
results of some studies even suggest that
breast cancer survival rates are higher in
patients who have large social networks they
can depend on for support.

Friends with benefits
There are practical benefits to having friends
that can also impact your overall health and

This might seem a lot, and you’d probably Oxytocin is a hormone secreted by the MALE VS
struggle to name 150 people off the top of brain’s pituitary gland. This molecule is
your head, but this is the total number of often referred to by the somewhat twee FEMALE
personal connections that you could have in nicknames ‘the cuddle hormone’ or ‘the
your life. This figure comprises an estimated love hormone’. Its effects are better known FRIENDSHIP
five loved ones (such as immediate family in women, as oxytocin is essential in the
or best friends), 15 close friends, a further process of childbirth and nursing, as well In general, there are some
50 friends, and our more casual friendships as helping to form the mother-child bond. differences between male and
make up the total of 150 meaningful contacts. The same hormone is released in men too, female friendships, though the
Taking the theory further, you then might which is one of the reasons that skin-to-skin overall benefits on our health
have some 500 acquaintances and 1,500 contact is so encouraged when their child
faces you can recognise. This is a range of is born. Oxytocin is an important factor in and wellbeing are much the
values, and depending on personality type, building strong relationships, and enhances same. Male-to-male friendships
you might have much lower numbers, or bonding and loyalty to our partners. It is are often formed more around
have more people in the early circles and also very important to our social bonding a shared activity and tend to be
far fewer as you expand outwards. This and friendships as it plays a role in the less intimate. However, they are
whole theory is related to the ‘social brain development of trust. more robust, as male friends are
hypothesis’. Dunbar argues that the reason more likely to retain friendships
primates have unusually large brain sizes in Another hormone that plays a role in our after a disagreement, for example.
relation to body size is in order to manage friendships is progesterone. It’s also thought Male groups of friends can be
these complex social systems – friendships when you feel emotionally close to a friend, more tribal, meeting up in larger
are cognitively demanding. your progesterone levels are increased, groups rather than one on one.
which leads to improved wellbeing, and Female-to-female friendships
The matter of who falls into which of reduced stress and anxiety. It also helps to however, tend to be based more on
these social circles often comes down to our create strong bonds between friends, which support, intimacy and connection.
frequency of communication with them. is why you and your friends feel protective Women are more likely to want
Those you make time for are likely to be your of one another. According to the NHS UK, to spend one-on-one time with a
closest friends. The less you communicate stress can cause physical symptoms (such friend, to have time to chat and
with someone, the further outside your as headaches, muscle tension and stomach communicate their thoughts and
meaningful contacts they are likely to be. problems); mental symptoms (difficulty feelings. Women tend to require
concentrating, feeling overwhelmed, more communication with each
“What determines these layers in real life, worrying); and changes in behaviour other to maintain a friendship,
in the face-to-face world… is the frequency at (irritability, sleep problems, changes in and these relationships can be
which you see people,” says Dunbar. “You’re appetite, avoiding people). Therefore, having more fragile if there is a dispute.
having to make a decision every day about strong friendships in your life can help us However, female connections are
how you invest what time you have available to manage these symptoms by improving emotionally stronger and the bond
for social interaction, and that’s limited.” our stress control. The simple act of having is greater. This doesn’t apply to all
someone you trust to talk to when you are friendships, of course, since all our
Impact on health and wellbeing worried or overwhelmed can have a big effect connections are unique, but these
Dunbar also stated in a later review that: on your wellbeing. common traits have been observed
“Friendship is the single most important
factor influencing our health, wellbeing and One study found that strong social bonds in a number of studies.
happiness.” It’s no surprise then that those can also help you to stay sharper as you get
who are lonely are more prone to depression older. Improved cognitive function in later life 99
and other mental health conditions. has been observed in those with high-quality
social relationships and friendships. Added
But how can something as simple as to that, good friendships might actually help
friendship have such a profound effect on you to live longer too. It’s thought that those
us? In part, it’s down to our brain chemistry.

PSYCHOLOGY NOW

THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP

wellbeing. For example, if you want to start a keep our stress levels in check, lower blood as us, which helps us to validate our thoughts,
new exercise regime, you are far more likely pressure, maintain a healthy weight, sleep opinions and beliefs, giving us confidence
to stick to it if you have a friend by your side. better and much more. All of which improves and self-esteem. Our friends see us as who we
Or if we see a friend getting positive results our health, wellbeing and mental state. truly are, as we’re less likely to put up barriers
from a new diet, we may feel more motivated or adopt a persona around those we feel most
to follow their example. We’ve already Of course, the flipside to this is that we are comfortable with, which is very liberating.
established that our brains are hard-wired just as likely to mimic negative behaviours
to release hormones that promote trust and in our friends. If this is the case, it’s worth With such positive effects to having good
bonding in friendships, which means that considering whether such friendships are still friendships, it’s important then to nurture
we’re more likely to mimic behaviours in healthy – or do the negative habits they bring those bonds with the people closest to us. It’s
those closest to us. into our lives inhibit our personal goals? said that losing a good friendship is akin to
the grief of losing a loved one or a break-up
This can have a significant effect on our Another positive benefit of friendships is with a romantic partner. Spend time with
lifestyle. Whether the goal is to lose weight, that they teach us a lot about ourselves. We your friends, message them to check they are
get stronger, eat better or engage in more often recognise certain traits in our friends okay and show how much you value them,
self-care activities, we’re far more likely to that we find attractive, and from that we can and you will continue to reap the rewards of
succeed if we’re doing it with our friends. In start to build a picture of the kind of person the strong, positive friendships that you have
turn, these positive behaviours can help to that we are or that we want to be. We often forged over the years.
select friends who represent the same values

LETTING GO OF FRIENDS

As we embark on life’s journey, we meet a lot of people along the way,

but having too many friends can be exhausting

Too often O ver the course of your acquaintances and life-long companions?
we hold on lifetime you will, without a And why should you hold on to some and
to friendships doubt, meet a lot of people. As not others?
that no longer we navigate our way through
serve us life, some of these people The three types of friendships
we meet will end up becoming our friends. According to Aristotle we have three types of
Friendships can form when we meet people friendships: friendships of utility, friendships
at various stages of our lives, including when of pleasure and friendships of virtue.
we go to school and university, when we Friendships of utility are relationships that
start a new job, or when we participate have a mutual benefit to both parties and
in hobbies. But what really defines a true they are the more functional out of the three.
friend? What are the differences between For example, these could be a neighbour

GET TO KNOW YOURSELF

The one person who you need to get to know the most is yourself.
Spending some quality time in your own company is one of the best
ways that you can truly understand what makes you happy and what
makes your soul sing. When we have too many friends, we frequently
neglect our own problems as we become overwhelmed with everyone
else’s. We put our own problems and worries on the backburner – but

this is wrong and this is when things can get a bit too much. Take
a moment to organise and reflect on your own journey, and stop
worrying about everyone else. Why not take a walk to your local park
or spend an hour doing something you love solitary, such as baking or

making music.

010 PSYCHOLOGY NOW