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life

Like a hug

but fried.

Brunch shmunch

CHICKEN FRIES RAMEN NACHOS CHELSEA KYLE. FOOD STYLED BY DREW AICHELE.
TENDERS
Place an empty Dump everything Set your oven to
A gloriously hot baking sheet in a saucepan broil and place the
oven is your over low heat, top rack as close
inside your oven
friend here. Turn and preheat to and add a splash to the heat as
her up to 425 425 degrees. of water or a possible. Pop your
Once it hits that nachos on a foil-
degrees. Lay your temp, spread dash of soy sauce lined baking sheet,
tendies out on a out your fries to rehydrate
baking sheet and onto the (now your zombie top with fresh
throw ’em in for v hot!!) sheet. cheese, and slide
10 to 12 minutes. Bake for 5 to 10 takeout. Once it’s it in. For the love
Don’t burn your minutes, until steamy, you’re
they’re crisped to ready to slurp of margs, keep
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with salt and die precious angels so
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happy. then nom once the
cheese is melty.

48 Cosmopolitan Jaugust 2020

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life

“Following Throw traditional GETTY IMAGES.
your passion job-hunting rules
out the window
is bullsh*t ” and get realistic.

and other advice for “In downtimes, you don’t
the class of 2020 have much control over
the opportunities that
Gather round for story time from are presented to you, so
your elders, aka those who graduated ‘following your passion’
is bullshit. My experi-
during the last big recession. ence after graduating in
2007 was like riding on
By JESSICA GOODMAN a raft, grabbing on to
any opportunities within
50 Cosmopolitan Jaugust 2020 reach. I held on to the
ones that were interest-
ing and used them to pull
myself along. And I used
the miserable ones to
launch myself in a differ-
ent direction. As I’ve
floated down the river,
I’ve collected a ton of
ideas and experiences
that I carry with me—and
that make me very good
at my job, even if it’s a
million miles away from
where I started.”

—LILLIAN PONTIUS-
G O L D B L AT T,
35, strategy director
at a marketing agency

“It’s not about what you
want—it’s about what
you need. And necessity
is the mother of being
open-minded so you can
get paid. I majored in
journalism, but my first
job was not a ‘journalism’
job. I thought I’d be
breaking news. Instead, I
wrote tips on how to style
pillows. (Note: I say this
as someone who loves to
style pillows.) Point is,
taking that job was a toe-
hold. You may not start
where you want to be.
But every job will bring
you closer to where
you’re trying to go.”

—ELIZABETH KIEFER,
33, features editor (at this here
magazine, where she finally
landed her dream job!)

Illustration by
KATIE BUCKLEITNER

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life

WITH NATURAL Apply for to say I won’t end up with interviewed for more WOM AN IN WINDOW: CATARINA INACIO/GET TY IM AGES. WOM AN WITH PURPLE HAIR:
PROBIOTICS FOR approximately a real position by the end than 25 positions in LECHATNOIR/GETTY IMAGES. WOMAN AGAINST WALL: NYIMAS LAULA/GETTY IMAGES.
DIGESTIVE HEALTH, one billion of the summer? Two the art world between
positions. months later, a full-time 2009 and 2010. Hiring
THE CHOICE IS job opened up—and managers would tell me
SIMPLE. “Or at least 5 to 10 times guess which intern was they were ‘going with
the number you *think* first in line for the gig? someone with more
Learn where to buy Beyond at you should try for. That Moral of the story: Don’t experience.’ Do what-
BeyondPetFood.com. momentum will hopefully just stick your foot in the ever you can to find that
give you a sense of door—keep it there and experience in the interim.
accomplishment and force your way in! Hard For me, this meant find-
calm, knowing you’re work is undeniable. Even ing a temporary position
doing everything you when the stakes are low, working for the nonprofit
can. If a listing seems it really can pay off in the organizer of an art fair.
interesting, somewhat long run.” Not something I saw
related to your skills, or myself doing, but it
like something you —ERIN JAFFE, allowed me to keep inter-
wouldn’t hate doing to 32, assistant VP at viewing and pay my rent.
pay the bills, apply for it. a publicity firm When a job at a museum
One caveat: Don’t apply opened, I finally had the
to more than two jobs at …or temp jobs paid work experience
the same company. They while you search they were looking for.”
won’t take you seriously for The One.
if you’re applying for all —SASHA M. ROLLINGER,
levels in all departments.” “There are likely going to 34, membership manager
be unemployed people at a large university
—MADELINE BOARDMAN, with two or three years of
30, head of marketing at a experience who are
therapy start-up ‘ahead’ of you. I probably

Don’t rule out
part-time gigs…

“When I graduated in
2009, I had friends forgo
the job market altogether
and apply to grad
school. But I couldn’t
imagine making my way
to law school in the fall.
So I took a remote intern-
ship with a tiny wine-
focused PR agency from
my apartment couch in
Lancaster, Pennsylvania.
Despite being barely 21
and surrounded by miles
of farmland, I spent two
days a week calling
restaurants in New York
City to help organize an
event. I thought, If I can
prove to these people
that I’m as talented as an
entry-level staffer, who’s

52 Cosmopolitan Jaugust 2020

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88 THEY SEE THE
PERSON WHO
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of Cosmo
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graduating Beyond. Feed with purpose.
this year.
“It ’s not about what you want—it ’s
about what you need.” SOURCE:
COSMO POLL

Live in a shoebox.
It ’s not that bad.

“I lived at home for the
first nine months after
graduation to save
money and make a dent
in my student loans.
When I finally moved out,
I got a tiny apartment
with a roommate. My
room fit only a twin bed,
but I wouldn’t trade it for
anything.”

—ALESSANDRA SIMKIN,
33, senior PR manager
at a food company

Make your friends
your new network.

“When a friend would
get laid off in publishing
or media, we would
spread the word to get
them assignments—and
surprise them with fancy
shampoo samples we
grabbed from work. It’s
not just good karma for
when you’re the one who
needs help, it’s truly how
people get by.”

—JULIE VADNAL,
35, freelance writer

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life

UPLEVE
L
a8
This t first, the
fancy bar bougie
1 soap bar of
soap on
bathroom hack a rope I
is pretty much everything got for
my birthday seemed
Ahhh, so this is what “happy place” smells like. like the stupidest gift
ever. I mean…soap?
By ALEXIS BENNETT Then its luxe smell hit
me square in the
2 face—and I immedi-
ately decided to turn
7 it into the long-lasting
air freshener of my
3 rich-lady dreams
by hanging it on my
betI bathroom doorknob.
What also blew
Oprah has 6 my mind: *Any* high-
end bar can make
all of these. your space feel less
dumpster and more
4 fire. You can stash S T Y L ED BY L AU R A WO O L F.
one in a pretty crystal
5 dish and leave it on
display for something
1. Claus Porto Madrigal Water Lily Mini Soap, $9, clausporto.com. that’s cooler than
2. Simper Goods Cocoa & Mint Soap Gem, $14, simpergoods.com. potpourri. Or pile
3. Claus Porto Cerina Brise Marine Mini Soap, $9, clausporto.com. two bars with the
4. Drunk Elephant Pekee Bar, $28, drunkelephant.com. 5. Chanel No. 5 same scent into an
The Bath Soap, $26, chanel.com. 6. Diptyque 34 Boulevard Saint apothecary jar for a
Germain Perfumed Soap, $35, diptyqueparis.com. 7. Sisley Eau de museum-worthy
Campagne Soap, $40, sisley-paris.com. 8. Simper Goods Sugar & Citrus presentation. When
guests come over,
Soap Gem, $14, simpergoods.com. leave the lid off so
their noses constantly
56 Cosmopolitan Jaugust 2020 remind them how
baller you are.
Don’t forget to give
other areas of your
place some aromatic
love too. Hang a
soap on a hook in
your laundry room,
drop another in a
shoe in your closet,
keep one in your
sock drawer…wow,
this got real $$$$
real fast. But you get
my point. And you’re
welcome.

Photograph by COREY MAYWALT

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astro

Oh, your dog 10 WAYS
knows fetch?
Cute. My crystal you should be taking care
can manifest. of your pet crystal

1. 4. 6. 8.

Put it on a windowsill to Wash away the Cover it in brown Balance it out with
“charge” by absorbing mems in a bowl of salt rice, like a phone a single-tone song.
you dropped in the
s u n -/m o o n l i g h t. water or milk, aka a 9.
DIY ~crystal spa~… toilet, to soak
2. up the bad vibes. Lie down with
5. it on your forehead.
Bury it so it’s closer 7.
to Mother Earth. …or bring it with Zen!
you in the bath to Write an intention.
(Just, um, make sure Put your crystal on top. 10.
you remember where.) share energy.
IG pic not required. Yeah, it can read. Stick it in your bra
3. for mutual healing.
(Yes, it is.)
Hold it under running
water. Bye, old feels.

58 Cosmopolitan Jaugust 2020 Photograph by AARON DURALL

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astrology

I t ’s b e e n 13 WAIT,
years since WHAT’S A
I slept with STELLIUM?

Nate! By EMMALEA
RUSSO
He’s not in
the reboot, Basically, a
very mysterious-
is he?? sounding name
for what happens
ASK YOUR when you have

ASTROLOBESTIE at least three
planets in the
Real - talk advice from astrologer, author, and same sign. (Time
Instagram meme queen Aliza Kelly. to bust out the
free birth chart
Dear Aliza, Dear Lonely Leo, them wrong (casual). iced out on some- you downloaded LIVELY AND MEESTER: GIOVANNI RUFINO/©CW NETWORK/COURTESY EVERET T COLLECTION.
And they will def not one else’s terms? If CR AWFORD: AL A MY. RIHANNA ILLUSTR ATION BY K ATIE CZERWINSKI.
My former BFF is a The good news: Bonds change their POV you’re holding on to online and
Capricorn. I say “for- can be repaired. The until the other person sour feels—and deep check out which
mer” because about less good news: Some- has acknowledged inside, you still believe astrological signs
five years ago, we times it’s best to move their mistakes. your Cap was the one all the planets
had a huge falling- on. Let’s review your who messed up—she’ll
out. She hooked up circumstances. So it’s nice that be able to suss that were in when
with someone I was you sent your ex-BFF out. (You ever see an you were born.)
interested in, I told You’re a passion- a letter (with a stamp angry goat? Yeah.)
her I was mad, and ate, warm-blooded and everything!), but So if this is your case, Stelliums are
she said she was Leo driven by your if you didn’t include making a few new personality code
sorry—but I didn’t heart, making you an apology of your friends might be a bet- breakers, a way to
accept her apology, a wonderful, loving own, you’re gonna ter use of your energy. ~explain things~
and we haven’t talked friend. Buuut you’re now need to say sorry
since. I did send her a also ruled by the Sun, for that too. This is a To the Moon and back, about yourself
card via snail mail which means you choice, Leo. I know that you’ve never
when she lost some- sometimes think the it sucks to lose a BFF, xx Aliza really understood.
one close to her, entire world revolves but before reaching Let’s say your Sun
although I never around, uh, you. out, make sure you @A l i z a K e l l y is in Scorpio, but
heard back. Recently, really want to restore your Moon, Venus,
I’ve been thinking and Capricorns, mean- the friendship and are Need some cosmic help and Mars are all
even dreaming about while, are obsessed up for some emotional in Sagittarius—
her. Should I give up with accountabil- work. Ask yourself: @Cosmopolitan.com. that fiery stellium
hope or try to contact ity. They might not Am I *actually* sorry?
her another way? hold Scorpio-level Or do I just hate being P.S. RiRi a ls o h a s a is why you’ve
grudges…but they Capricorn stellium, always felt way
S i n c e r e l y, still keep lists of every- more impulsive
one who’s ever done mwahaha. than scheming.
Lonely Leo (And your Cancer

friend who’s
all, “Astrology
isn’t real”? She
might just have a
shitload of planets
in analytical
Virgo…which
would kind of
explain a lot of
other things, too,

wouldn’t it?)

RIHANNA

A dreamy Pisces
Sun—with a take-charge

Aries stellium.

60 Cosmopolitan Jaugust 2020

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astrology

Astrology has an explanation for

every millennial stereotype

an Old has ever told you

Actually, just hand this to your dad By EMMALEA RUSSO
and go make some avo toast.

Uranus made me take Millennials Made Like ol’ Uranus,
this selfie. Astrology Cool Neptune and Pluto
Again. And yeah, spend many years in a
there are astrological single sign, defining
reasons for our entire generations
obsession. A big one: (they’re actually
Uranus. The planet of called “generational
revolution and inno- planets”), including
vation was moving ours. This trio is
responsible for the
through Sagittarius traits that have given
from 1981 to millennials a bit of a
1988. So anyone rep. You know: We’re
(read: millennials) selfie-taking, cereal-
born during these killing monsters guz-
years was pushed zling kombucha and
early on by the refusing to apply for
stars to rethink tra- “a real job.”

ditional models of, Keep reading for
well, everything. more ~cosmic fac-
Oh, and ppl (read: tors~ behind why a
more millennials) boomer’s “wildly
born from 1988 to unrealistic” is a mill’s
1995 challenge “disruptive” and why
tradition instinctively, we got hit with these
thanks to our friend stereotypes (rude) in
Uranus lurking in the first place.
Capricorn then.

SO THIS EXPLAINS IT US

S TO C KSY/S ERG E Y FI L I M O N OV. “Millennials are “Millennials “Millennials “Millennials are “Millennials are
s e l f - a b s o r b e d .” can’t hold down love destroying always staring so jaded.”
at their phones.”
THE ASTRO-LOGICAL a job.” i n d u s t r i e s .” THE ASTRO-LOGICAL
E X PL A N AT I O N: THE ASTRO-LOGICAL E X PL A N AT I O N:
THE ASTRO-LOGICAL THE ASTRO-LOGICAL E X PL A N AT I O N:
Pluto, planet of E X PL A N AT I O N: E X PL A N AT I O N: Pluto, lord of the
transformation, was We can also thank underworld, was at
in Scorpio from 1984 Neptune, planet Remember Uranus, tech-loving Uranus home in Scorpio, sign
to 1995, creating our of dreams, was in the disrupter? (in Sag, which loves of death and rebirth, for
deep desire for self- Capricorn, sign of work, global connection) for most of our childhoods—
improvement that can from 1984 to 1998, Remember how it screen-time addiction. so, yeah, we’ve seen it
sometimes appear making us unwilling to was in Capricorn, Our 4 a.m. TikTok-ing all. Basically, we were
*ahem* self-involved. “settle” for work that which is all about makes sense now. born inside a mall Hot
doesn’t feel “right.” structure? You do Topic. Spiritually, that is.
Upside: We’re inventive!
the math.

Jaugust 2020 Cosmopolitan 61

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astrology

Some birthday
(tarot) cards

By KERRY WARD

CANCER

Ten of Swords

You know how the best
gift can be no gift at all?
Something (besides the
obvious, obviously) is sucking
up all your energy and

giving nothing back—
something that doesn’t need
to be there, like a frenemy,

an inconsiderate partner,
or a side gig that’s not making

you much (or any) cash.
Let it go and concentrate on

what really matters.

LEO

Six of Wands

*air horn* This is the
tarot’s victory card. And
your b-day is the turning

point. It might take a
little while, but this time
next year, your life is going
to look a whole lot better.

The catch: Don’t give
your energy to people who

don’t deserve it. Make
sure you double down on
your real friends and the
goals you legit care about.

62 Cosmopolitan Jaugust 2020

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YOUR JAUGUST
HOROSCOPE

By JAKE REGISTER

ARIES TAURUS GEMINI

(03.21– 04.19) (04.20– 05.20) (05.21– 06.20)

Your 9-to-5 is now your Get ready to speak The first chunk of July
24/7 thanks to Saturn your mind, starting asks you to push past
in Capricorn. But when right TF now. Oh, and the BS and commit to a
Leo season begins on double-check your person or project you
July 22, you’re thriving. texts and DMs when care about. Then, Leo
And thanks to Venus in August hits: A juicy season is about letting
Cancer, most of August everyone appreciate
is about your plus-one. opportunity is your super-social self.
coming your way.

CANCER LEO VIRGO

( 0 6. 21– 07. 2 2) ( 07. 23 – 0 8. 2 2) ( 0 8.23 – 0 9.22)

Your relationships are The best time of year Mercury Retrograde
feeling the pressure of (your season, obvi) brought the friend
begins on July 22. Until
stone-cold Saturn. then, the universe is drama, but the chaos is
We’re talking friend gonna push you to finally (!) ending. Focus
breakups, breakup focus on being respon-
breakups, and (good sible. Especially with on you until August,
news!) shit-that’s-just- when your chemistry
not-working breakups. self-care. with boo is the best

you’ve ever had.

LIBRA SCORPIO SAGITTARIUS

( 0 9.23 –10.22) (10. 23 – 11. 21) (11. 2 2 – 12. 21)

You’re all about A lot of people think In July, it’s time for
balance, and July ain’t you’re mad at them… some “we need to talk”
when you’re really not.
it. Once Leo season Please resist the urge talks, but things get
starts, tho, you better when Leo sea-
to text “K.” In mid- son kicks off. August
and your squad are August, life gets way will be extra, espe-
thisclose. In August, a less serious thanks to cially re: your love life.
*wiggles eyebrows*
new face shows up your fun crew.
and the chemistry is .

CAPRICORN AQUARIUS PISCES

(12.22 – 01.19) (01.20 – 02.18) (02.19 – 03.20 )

You’re getting an Saturn’s been putting It’s time to practice self-
extreme makeover on on the pressure, but love bc (meep!) you’re
your insides rn, Cap, you finally get a break not getting it anywhere
so focus on yourself— on July 1. Then, Leo else. It’s okay: When
until August, when you season makes your Venus enters Cancer
should spend time with relationships better…
the people who’ve got and more practical. on August 7, your
Shared GCal, anyone? love life lights up like a
your back.
Nintendo Switch.

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astrology

Astrology is
your sex
coach now

As above, so below. And here’s more:THE SUN in Leo, giving you
permission for all the
oB y L I S A S TA R D U S T WOMAN: GETTY IMAGES.Whichever sign it’s inbest kinds of selfish-
kay, so the past few is the sign you can ness. Gift yourself an
months just may have look to for…ideas orgasm, an OnlyFans
been the un-horniest of *wiggles eyebrows*. subscription, what-
your entire life. Or maybe they The big ol’ ball of fire ever you like.
were actually the horniest but, has been in Cancer
like, a weird, why-am-I-suddenly- since June 20. Have THE NEW
turned-on-by-the-governor kind you ever seen Can- MOON
of horniest. Or hey, maybe your cer’s symbol? Yep,
libido is still on a semi-permanent, looks just like a side- This kind of energy is
semi-enjoyable roller-coaster ways 69. Also, many always about recon-
ride. Stress does strange things crabs live in the necting with yourself.
to our bodies, y’all! water, so: Try a little For exactly how to do
Lucky for everyone, then, that shower sex, bathtub that in the bedroom—
the stars can also influence our sex, even beach sex or, TBH, anywhere
mood—and by “mood,” I mean (pls put down a towel else—look to the New
~mood~ (when and if you’re first!). Next up, start- Moon’s location.
ready to go there again). ing July 22, the Sun is
Basically, depending on where
the planets are in the sky, they’re
dropping some pretty sexy vibes
you can use in your own life.
Moon in Cancer? Snuggle up.
Mars in Scorpio? Put those BDSM
fantasies into action. Anything in
Aquarius? Order the most high-
tech sex toy you can find.

64 Cosmopolitan Jaugust 2020 Illustration by KATIE BUCKLEITNER

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Leo rules the upper
back, if you need
a(nother) reason to ask

for a massage.

lives. The best
advice for both
depends on (yep,
you’re really getting
it now) which sign
Venus is in. When it
swims into tender
Cancer on August 7,
you’ll want to focus
on foreplay, get in a
cuddle puddle,
basically just touch
someone hot (your-
self included).

When it’s in sappy THE FULL MERCURY much previously. MARS
Cancer on July 20, MOON Like, say, telling
go on a pleasure This planet rules your IG followers Mars is all about
hunt with a vibrator No surprise here: Full communication and just how good boo is desire, drive, and
or get emotionally Moon vibes are technology, so look in bed or indulging our animal instincts,
intimate with bae. extra. During one, here for inspo on your exhibitionist so…Pretty. Damn.
Bring on that eye you’re more sensitive dirty talk, phone streak and hooking Sexy. (That woozy
contact (try a mirror to touch and taste, sex, video sex, you up with the curtains feeling when you’ve
if you’re solo) and and everythingone get the idea. When open. In the middle scrolled all the way
use this as a time to looks and smells even Mercury enters flam- of the day. And with to the end of your
sexually recharge. better than usual. boyant Leo on August the window open. crush’s Insta, fear of
Then really let your And that’s before you 4, it’s a great time to a double tap be
physical explorations consider which sign post your thirstiest VENUS damned? That’s
loose during the pas- it’s in. On August 3, thirst traps, send your Martian energy.)
sionate Leo New that’s Aquarius, mak- sexiest sexts, and, Sure, it’s the planet For most of this sum-
Moon on August 18. ing it the perfect time basically, embrace of love, but it also mer, Mars is in
to push yourself to anything that may rules pleasure, so it Aries, so expect to
finally talk through have felt like too plays a major role in feel a lil like the
your fetishes with your love and sex zodiac’s ram—
bae—and then, you super confident,
know, act ’em out. wanting to make the
first move, and
wanting what you
want, like, right
now. Permission to
go ahead and just
double-tap that
2013 Insta granted.

Jaugust 2020 Cosmopolitan 65

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lust

y o u ’1dv0 aeK ItNedD S O F TE

e f X

T

E

Love ya, mean it! R

i

S

n

i

d t

e

l

y

CL AYTON CUBIT T.

66 Cosmopolitan Jaugust 2020

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1. 3. 5. 8.

THE PERSON THE ALWAYS- THE BAD TEXTER THE STORYTELLER
WHO USES ADDS-A-PERIOD A cringey combo Always leading a
of all of the above.
EMOJI SENDER convo with something
You can’t call it out What are Although...this person that happened to
without offending we, fighting? is usually sweet
’em, so you just try to them, bc their life is
ignore it. At least it’s 4. and weirdly good in *so* interesting.
bed? Think about it.
not brackets? THE GUY WHO 9.
SENDS THREE 6.
2. PARAGRAPHS IN THE DEL AYED
THE “BAD TEXTER” RESPONDER
THE REACTION-ER ONE TEXT Aka the one who’s Don’t laugh at my
Jamie “Ha Ha!”ed Yes, this one “so bad at texting meme 10 hours
is always a guy. back,” but you know after I send it. It’s
your meme! Just type they’re just lazy.
“haha,” Jamie. It’s not too late!
7.
that hard. 10.
THE CHAOTICALLY
GOOD TYPER THE NO-
They respond to RESPONSER
Hey, you should still
your every message
exactly when laugh at my
meme even though
you want them to. I sent it 10 hours ago!
Which is often.
It’s polite!

Send me exclamation p oints now it’s real.
so I k

Jaugust 2020 Cosmopolitan 67

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lust

The swipeability
generat or, brought t o

you by science

Or how to impress our robot overlords and reel in
the dating-app matches.

By JILL HAMILTON

Verizon

Hello, self-time r pics for the Here’s the thing:
socially distance It pretty much
seems like fact
d win. that the major-
ity of right-
swipes are
based on physi-
cal attraction.
As in, if some-
one looks like
your particular
brand of Regu-
lation Hottie (or
if you look like
theirs), match-
ing is gonna
ensue. Well,
friends, I am
here to tell you
that’s not totally
true—at least,
according to
Snappr, an
on-demand
photographer
marketplace
that also cre-
ates artificial-
intelligence
tech to analyze
profile pics. The

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actual factors D
behind what
makes an These tips go wayyy beyond perfecting your smize. oggos: always a
image most
swipeable have hard yes.
more to do
with how you Shoot from 120 nal of arousal, swipes, possi-
take the photos high angles something your bly because it
than what gaze—so if swipers may makes you
you look like. Yes, vantage you’re looking be drawn to come across
point absolutely away, your subconsciously. as caring, sensi-
So basi- matters. Higher- future lifemate/ tive, and/or a
cally…you up lenses from random hookup Saturate your good prospec-
could send above eye level may too. photos a smidge tive parent. But
your BFF to way above also, who needs
another batch your head reel Stay inside Sixty percent of research?
of nearly identi- in more swipes. dating-app C’mon, just look
cal selfies to Women who users post pho- at that face!
swipe through... Serve face… use outdoor tos with poor
orrrrrr you and some body photos get 40 saturation, so Wear some-
could harness percent fewer adjusting yours thing red
the coldly ana- Aim for some- swipes and slightly higher
lytical powers thing more responses— will make your Or put on red
of AI—and zoomed out and timing mat- pics stand out. lipstick. The
these data- than your ters too (late- Aka even if you color reads as
backed photo- LinkedIn head- afternoon and think you’ve attention-get-
taking tips—to shot (no shame late-night shots already gotten ting, bold, and
set yourself up to that profesh perform best). the perfect powerful.
for max swipe- bb tho!). Waist- The kinda cool, image, go just a
ability. Your up is ideal, and very technical bit more bluey SOURCES: JESS CARBINO,
choice, ofc! look directly at explanation: on those blues. PHD; EXPERIMENTAL BRAIN
the camera. Your pupils (Hey, we don’t RESEARCH, 2012; JA M A
Show the left Swipers will look larger in make the rules!) FACIAL PL ASTI C SU RG ERY,
side of your face automatically dimmer light- 2018; OKCUPID; ROYAL
follow your ing, and dilated Get a wingman SOCIETY OPEN SCIENCE,
Or rather, what pupils are a wingpet 2017; Q UA RT ER LY J O U RN A L
the ppl looking biological sig- OF EXPERIMENTAL PSYCHOL-
at your pics It’s legit O GY, 2012; SNA PPR; ZO OSK
see as “left.” research:
Since we tend Posing with
to scan images your pet will
from left to earn you more
right, showing
this side gets
your photos the
most play—so
make sure it
isn’t totally hid-
den by a photo-
booth prop or
shadow.

Photographs by ALLIE HOLLOWAY Jaugust 2020 Cosmopolitan 69

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lust

By Nothing says “Hi, future in-laws!” like moving in with them.
KIRSTIE TAYLOR

SPENDING
QUARANTINE

IN YOUR
BOYFRIEND’S
CHILDHOOD

HOME IS

exactly
as

awkward

AS IT
SOUNDS

Disney World w.ill never be the same

70 Cosmopolitan Jaugust 2020

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K AT BORCHART/THE LICENSING PROJECT. a t first offer, it I’d never seen from Colin’s dhoti budding TikTok career (lol). As
seemed like ceremony (it’s an Indian rite of I was trying to throw it back like
“Bet ween you and me, I low-key enjoyed sleuthing around and discovering new parts of him.” a social passage). Between you and me, Charli D’Amelio—twerking, shak-
distancing paradise: a patio! I low-key enjoyed sleuthing ing my butt, and moving my hips
A pool! Every streaming app around and discovering new and all—I didn’t notice Mama
and cable! Basically, things my parts of him. Bear standing in the doorway.
cramped apartment and his frat When the song ended, she gave
house of a place could never pro- In fact, it actually really me an awkward slow clap.(Bye.
vide. So without knowing exactly turned me on. Which was kind of See you never.)
what we were getting into, my a major problem, because it
boyfriend, let’s call him Colin*, turns out that 15+-year-old beds FWIW though: My time in
and I committed to living out our can be LOUD. Side note: A isolation with Colin wasn’t all
quarantine (almost 100 days, to Mickey Mouse doll is way less hilariously cringey moments. We
be exact) with his ’rents. cute when he’s staring at you definitely had a couple of small
Kind of a bold move, yes, while you’re bent over in doggy. fights (mainly me just feeling suf-
especially considering I’d met TBH, it kind of felt like there were focated by all of his things), but
them only four times before. And eyes everywhere. I also got the chance to see him
it’s true that as I packed up my in a new, more serious way. Like
comfiest sweats and not much Maybe because there were? when we unexpectedly had to
else, I probably should have One afternoon, while our, um, put his family’s 8-year-old golden
remembered that the most casual roommates were out running an retriever to sleep. The vet came
thing I’d seen his v chic mother in essential errand, we started to to the house to go through the
was a pair of ironed dark jeans. take off our swimsuits to enjoy procedure, and I watched as my
That part’s on me. some poolside foreplay…until I boyfriend comforted his crying
On Colin, or at least in resi- noticed a small white device on brother. It was powerful seeing
dence at our new abode, were something attached to the house. him be there for his family like
many, many stuffed animals, mid- Yup, his parents had security that, and the experience brought
dle school basketball trophies, cameras, and we were giving us closer than ever as a couple.
and bad-bowl-cut portraits. Oh, them a hell of a show. I clutched
and the most precious photos Colin’s swim trunks over my So although parts were
boobs and made a run for it weird—and I admittedly have a
because I, for one, was not thing against stuffed animals
about to have a sex tape leaked now—all those strange days
courtesy of my own boyfriend’s solidified that he’s my person.
parents’ security system. And let’s just say I’m very happy
we’ve since signed a lease and
Unfortunately, I hadn’t yet moved into our own place, tyvm.
reached peak embarrassment.
That happened when I decided *I’m changing his name because he’s
this gorge house would make still my BF and, well, I’d prefer to
the perfect backdrop for my keep it that way despite publishing
all this for the world to see.

Jaugust 2020 Cosmopolitan 71

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A NEW HOPE

KEKE PAL MER—

the same Keke Palmer from the pages of your future
history books, the Keke Palmer who stood up to

National Guardsmen during a Black Lives Matter protest,
demanding humanity—knows the story can end

differently this time. But she isn’t just waiting for that
change to happen. And neither are you.

Cover interview Photographs Fashion
by by by

HUNTER DANA CASSIE
HARRIS SCRUGGS ANDERSON

72

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Victor Glemaud dress.
Brother Vellies heels.
Jlani earrings and
ring (right, ring finger).
L’enchanteur Atelier
rings (left and right,
middle finger).
Hair: Ann Jones.
Makeup: Mimi Kamara
for Dior Makeup.

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humbaening“IF YOU’RE A And then eventually you come
WITH A HEART, face-to-face with the soldier...

with breath in your lungs, it’s just too We’re in the middle of this one-t wo So, we’re marching, and we get to this FOR SHOPPING INFORMATION, GO TO COSMOPOLITAN.COM.
much to bear,” says 26-year-old Keke punch: A lot of us are leaving our point where we’re not able to cross
Palmer over (of course) a Zoom call on homes for the first time in months to because the National Guard is being
a Monday afternoon in early June. participate in protests. How are you told to protect the nearby buildings. To
She’s sitting in her sister’s room, quaran- managing your emotions right now? me, it’s just such a slap in the face.
tining with family in Chicago. The We’re the ones that need to be pro-
world—Keke included—has been I’ve felt very tense, kind of obsessive tected, not the damn buildings! The
protesting the deaths of George Floyd, in my mind, ruminating on it all. buildings can be rebuilt.
Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, Tony Coronavirus and quarantine were
McDade, and too many others, and call- already making me anxious. I don’t I’m literally just thinking aloud,
ing for painfully necessary dialogue like not knowing what to do with “Why are they not with us?” Honestly,
and policy changes to eradicate racism. myself, being somebody who’s always for me, it went back—I’m sorry, I’m get-
working. My family has been a big ting emotional because it reminds me
Influencers are sharing infographics part of me unloading. They’re my of my niece. When I look at her and
about defunding the police. Moms are support system—plus my friends, she asks me such simple questions like,
posting about white privilege on people in my life I can really talk to. “Why is the sky blue? Where do plan-
Facebook. America is finally facing ets come from?” that’s what it felt like:
its generational curses. How did you first respond to the “Why are they not with us?” I really,
protests? honestly wanted to know why. I was
You can hear it in the sound of overwhelmed with the emotion of
Keke’s pleas to the National Guard to With a lot of different emotions, when everybody knowing what’s happening,
march with her at a protest, when, sur- I saw some of the violence. I couldn’t that it’s not right. And this is something
rounded by a halo of iPhones, she actually see myself doing that because that, as a Black person, we’ve known.
spoke passionately for two straight min- I work from a different place, but I
utes, the sky bright and clear, her glossy understand it. There are people out I know what it feels like to be hated
red nails punctuating her words like there who feel like that is their only for your skin. I know what it feels like
exclamation marks. You can see it in the option in order to be heard or their when somebody is racist toward you,
millions of times the video of this only way to have access to something and you literally go to a sunken place,
moment has been viewed, posted, they feel represents value. If the you can’t speak. It’s so hard to explain
retweeted, and shared. language for so long toward you has if you’ve never felt it. It hurts. And we
been violence, how would you expect get so strong because we’ve been
It’s impossible to watch without feel- someone to respond? carrying the weight of it for so long.
ing Keke’s fervor. Not that she considers
herself an activist—she’s just an actor I want to dig in to the moment when So you were thinking about all this?
(and, for the record, a singer, author, you asked National Guardsmen to join
and talk-show host) with a platform. a peaceful demonstration. How did it At that moment, I felt like, You’re
And she doesn’t know how not to speak feel to be out there? human like me. I’m fighting out here,
up. “I feel as if we can’t go back now,” not just for me but for you too, you and
she says. “It’s only going forward.” I can’t even tell you. It was so euphoric. the universe. Everything I said came
I just felt so united with everybody. It out like word vomit. I know I didn’t let
Just like most of us, her eyes and wasn’t no celebrity-type shit, you know him get a word in edgewise, but it was
thumbs are glued to her phone, refresh- what I mean? I’ve never felt like that because I wanted him to feel me. I
ing Instagram, tweeting about not being before. If I sit and think about every- wanted to connect to the human, not
able to fall asleep. She’s thinking about thing that’s happened in this country, I the suit, not this robot-ass shit.
deaths that become hashtags, the Black wouldn’t get out of fucking bed in the
Lives Matter movement, and how she fits morning. So for us to have that moment What do you make of the soldier
into it all. of just helping each other heal, just kneeling instead of marching?
standing by each other, marching and
And she’s feeling optimistic. saying, “No justice, no peace.” That’s I thought it wasn’t enough. George
so powerful. Floyd died because somebody kneeled
This interview has been edited for on his neck. I’m not looking for you to
length and clarity. kneel. I’m not looking for a moment.
I’m looking for us to stand together.
If now isn’t the time to do it, then when
is? Because there was a time when
standing up to the slave master seemed
crazy as hell too.

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“TO ME, IT’S JUST
SUCH A SLAP IN THE FACE.

WE’RE THE ONES THAT
NEED TO BE PROTECTED,

NOT THE DAMN BUILDINGS!

THE BUILDINGS CAN
BE REBUILT.”

And you host the Singled Out reboot
for Quibi and are working on rebooting
True Jackson, VP. How do you keep it
all straight?

Look, if my fans ask me for something
as far as entertainment, I’m going to
try to give it to them. A True Jackson,
VP reboot was as much for them as it
was for me.

So when you’re not filming something
or protesting in the streets, what does
Keke do for Keke?

I love Love Island! I like being in the
house, being on the porch, my daddy
cooking. We’re about to have some
ribs right now.

That wasn’t your first protest—you Victor Glemaud dress. It sounds like you’re ver y busy—
joined demonstrations in Ferguson, Brother Vellies heels. and feeling pretty empowered.
Missouri, after the 2014 killing of TenThousandThings
Michael Brown. What feels different earrings. Sewit Sium rings. I went on a great journey at the end of
this time? 2019—a journey of personal love and
In the midst of all this, you still have self-love and really understanding what
Of course no one wanted the corona- roughly one million projects going. that meant. There was a breakup, not
virus pandemic to happen, but I think What ’s next for you? just romantic but friendships too. The
quarantine allowed us to be more concept of loneliness used to weigh me
reflective. Maybe before, we’d be able Before the pandemic happened, I was down. But my 26th year has been a
to gloss over it because of work. It’s supposed to start a movie called Alice. golden year, because I’ve come to a
also been a buildup: There have It’s a true story about how a slave lot of revelations about myself.
been so many names turned into owner kept his slaves past slavery’s
hashtags, so much pain. It blows me end. Initially, I didn’t want to do it. I Speaking of how you see yourself,
away because our language has wanted to focus on comedy. But this is I saw a tweet that said something like,
progressed—I don’t mean specifically a story where a young woman finds “I’m not an activist. I’m just Black.”
Black people. I mean young people, her power, and I liked that. Does that resonate with you?
millennials. Naming white supremacy,
saying that out loud. When I heard You also cohost ABC’s Strahan, Sara I can relate to it. I’m an entertainer. I
“defund the police,” I’m like, Oh, shit. & Keke. Which, bt w, just earned you was taught at a very young age that
We actually could do that. two 2020 Daytime Emmy Award noms, because I’m Black, that’s not enough.
congrats! I can’t just entertain without thinking
I think President Trump plays into it about what it means to my community.
too. He’s inciting a race war. His I’m somebody who follows my heart. I know I have a platform, but at the
craziness is inspiring us to just really I’ve always loved hosting. I’ve dealt end of the day, I’m not the political
get him the fuck out! It’s like we with a lot of depression and anxiety, person that lives and breathes this day
needed somebody who riled us up so through my teens and especially as I in, day out or an activist that lives and
much for us to be activated to the point became an adult. As I did therapy, I breathes this day in, day out. I don’t
of saying, “Oh, hell no. I can’t let this wondered what would happen if my have all the answers, I just speak to
guy continue.” generation had a platform to take what what I believe in. Let’s speak our voice.
we talk about offline and actually let it Let’s not let up.
be televised for everyone to see.

Jaugust 2020 Cosmopolitan 75

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IN EARLY JUNE,

COSMO ASKED OUR

BLACK READERS

what they
want

to share

WITH THE COUNTRY.

HERE’S WHAT THEY SAID.

We’re featuring these and *ever y* response we received
at Cosmopolitan.com/your-voices.

Hand Lettering by CYMONE WILDER

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“I wonder which of my white friends will have a serious conversation with me about inequality without “Doctors need
making it about themselves. They don’t understand how much I’m struggling.” —KAYLA ACKER-CARTER to take the health
of Black women
more seriously.”

—ASHLEY

“To the people I’m
‘friends’ with, why is
saying that my life
matters so contro-
versial? Also, how
many Black lives
could we have
saved if it was
trendy not to be
a racist a little
sooner?”

—ALANA CARTER

“The system isn’t “To all my fellow “Posting on social “See us as more than
broken, it’s doing Black people, media and checking what scares you.
what it was made to I’d like to sa y t hat on Black friends See us as the
do and benefiting I love you and and coworkers strength that my
who it was made to value you beyond won’t solve any- enslaved ancestors
benefit. We are try- m e a s u r e .” thing if white mod- built this country on.
ing to change that erates refuse to #BlackLivesMatter”
system so that we —TAYLOR HOPKINS have the conversa-
have a chance to tion with those they —ANONYMOUS
live for ourselves.” know are a part
of the problem.” “I am about to give
—CACHÉ TAYLOR birth to a Black
—TIFFANY S. W. son in October.
I am exhausted. I
am tired. I am con-
cerned. And my son
isn’t even born yet.”

—ANTONIA COVER

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“Some of my friend-
ships have ended,
but that’s okay.
People show their
true colors in the
end. I hope this is
an opportunity for
them to learn and
educate themselves.”

—NIYA SINCKLER

“The country as a “Dear Cosmo: You HEFFNER: DARRIEN PULOS.
whole needs to do made a promise to
the work: Fix laws, do better and you
fix where funding definitely need to do
goes, and—most it. How many editors
importantly—start at Cosmopolitan are
caring about Black Black? How many
lives. I mostly want writers, assistants,
people to know photographers, etc.?
that WHEN THE Until I see numbers
P ROT ES T S S TO P, that prove you’re
THE FIGHT NEEDS doing more than just
TO CONTINUE!” posting statistics
and you’re actually
—JASMINE HEFFNER practicing the diver-
sity you preach
“I’m a Black, gay (instead of whenever
dentist that loves BLM trends and
her cats, girlfriend, only while it trends),
and dentistr y. everything feels
Too often, I don’t very hollow.”
feel seen.”
—T YLER
—SHANTAL WHITE
[Editors’ note: Tyler,
“So many things are thank you. We hear
bothering me, and I you. See our action
truly don’t know plan on page 4.]
where to begin. I
am exhausted all “Black women are
the time.” strong. Black
women are alche-
—RENEE mists who spent
centuries turning
societal oppression
into growth. Black
women are smart
and passionate and
capable. I am grate-
ful to be a proud,
powerful, strong,
smart, passionate,
and capable
Black woman.”

—DARIAN HALL

78 Cosmopolitan Jaugust 2020

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“The white commu- “As Black women, we don’t have the privilege of t aking care of ourselves ment ally and “I woke up this “I am an artist and
nity needs to do physically like our counterparts do. Self-care for us looks different.” —EBONEE MAHONE-TODMAN morning for the first a small business
better. So instead time in weeks owner. I am frus-
of staying silent, feeling supported trated on behalf of
commit to helping and uplif ted.” my Black communit y,
this movement in who have been
every possible way —TANISHA CHERRY fighting the whole
you can! Donate, time and are just
sign petitions, “I feel lost and like now being heard.
protest, educate I’m not helping However, our resil -
yourself, and the movement. Even ience and passion
check in on your though I am out- will continue to
Black friends. raged and would drive us for ward.”
Also, please don’t like to make a dif-
tell me that all ference, I don’t —LEAH BIRHANU
lives mat ter.” have the means. I’m
just tired of being “To any Black per-
—A L E X A N D R I A scared all the time.” son who’s feeling
MORGAN discouraged, don’t
—KHADIJAH worr y. Most of the
“I used to think time, things become
being biracial was really bad when
a superpower. It you’re on the verge
allowed me to exist of victor y. The truth
in two worlds. But is, they’re scared of
the truth is, the us. That’s why they
world sees me keep us down.”
belonging to only
one because my —SEYR AM AGUDU
skin happens to
look closer to my “One of my good “I feel drained from
white mother’s than friends died in a car having uncomfort-
my Black father’s. crash a few days able conversations
It’s why I can jog, before the protests and from the weight
get pulled over, and began, so I was of what is happen-
sleep in my home— already in a men- ing in the world. But
why I can exist with- tally unstable place. I also feel inspired
out living in fear. I’ve struggled and empowered.”
But members of my with my mental
own family can’t say health since I was a —ARI FORER
the same. It’s a child, and situations
crazy feeling to like these can
know, in the eyes easily push me
of some, my life over the edge.”
‘matters more’ than
the ones I love.” —LEXI GOLDSMITH

—BRITTANY DAVIS

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Yes, this makeup
will take you all morning,

and

YES,
it ’s
worth it

Good things come to those willing to tackle 20 -minute eyeliner.

Makeup Photographs Words
by by by

TYRON RUBEN LAUREN
MACHHAUSEN CHAMORRO BALSAMO

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dotted lids + red lips Total time 15:51 to 23:30

28 Clean up
your dots
minutes,
30 seconds Using the tip of
a white liquid liner, go
00:00 to 03:45
over your existing
Get all dewy dots to intensify

Blend a sheer founda- their color and polish
tion (like Maybelline their shape.

New York Dream Let the liner set for
Radiant Liquid a minute or two

Hydrating Foundation, before blinking—not
$13) over your face to exactly easy, but hey,
even out and glowify
(yep, we like making up you wouldn’t want
words here) your skin. your fine art
Then add a little warmth
by dusting bronzer on to smudge, right?

your cheeks 23:31 to 26:30
and cheekbones.
Fill in those lips
03:46 to 15:50
Line their perimeter
Now start with a long-wear lip
your liner pencil in an orangey-red
shade (hot tip: the Nars
Tricky(ish), but you Velvet Matte Lip Pencil
can do it: Take a white i n Re d S q u a r e, $2 7,

liner pencil, and lasts for hours).
like the artiste you are, Color in the center and
make dots along your
blot with a tissue,
upper lash lines. then repeat to prevent
They should be smaller fading and feathering.
at the inner eye corners,
26:31 to 28:30
gradually getting
bigger as they extend Finish with gloss

past the outer Dab some over your lips
corners. No need for a super-shiny
for perfection just yet
(we’ll get there). finish (good ol’ Aqua-
phor works too, btw).

For sheen up top,
take a teensy bit more

gloss and tap it on
your eyelid creases,

being careful to
keep it away from your
liner to avoid smearing

(the horror!).

82 Cosmopolitan Jaugust 2020

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Total time

24

minutes,
45 seconds

free-form liner 00:00 to 05:30

Apply your base

Smooth on a blurring primer
(fact: it’s what makes skin
look airbrushed). Then
take a long-wear matte

foundation and buff it every-
where, including your lids.

Sounds weird, but this is
ever y pro’s trick for getting

rid of discoloration and
keeping excess oil in check.

05:31 to 08:45

Do your lashes
and brows

Give your natural brows a
little oomph by brushing
them up with a tinted brow
gel. Coat your top and
bottom lashes with a black
volumizing mascara (you
can’t go wrong with L’Oréal
Paris Bambi Eye Washable

M a s c a r a, $11).

08:46 to 21:00

Draw on eyeliner

Before you do anything else,
set aside a Q-tip soaked in

makeup remover, JIC.
Pick up a pencil liner with
a soft gel texture, a water-

proof formula, and
a shimmery blue pigment.

Starting at your inner
eye crease, slowly (I repeat,

slooowly) draw an arc
that stops just past where
your eyebrow ends. Then
create a straight line that

connects the end of
the arc to the outer corner

of your eye.

21:01 to 24:45

Add a lil lip

Exfoliate your lips with a
sugar-based scrub
or damp washcloth

(flaky lips are this lewk’s
forever enemy) and

swipe on your favorite
neutral lip gloss. The subtle

sheen and hint of color
won’t compete with

your liner—it just ties the
whole thing together.

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84 Cosmopolitan Jaugust 2020

STYLED BY STACEY CUNNINGHAM. HAIR: REBEKAH CALO. MODELS: SARAH SNYDER, ROSSY HERRERA, SHANI ZIGRON. UPLOADED BY "What's News" vk.com/wsnws TELEGRAM: t.me/whatsnws 3:31 to 6:30
BEAUTY DIRECTOR: CARLY CARDELLINO. CREATIVE DIRECTOR: ABIGAIL SILVERMAN. PHOTO EDITOR AND PRODUCER: MYL AN TORRES.
Total time Give yourself
two-tone lashes a flush
21
*sets alarm early for Using a fluffy brush,
pink eyeliner and pink minutes, dust a matte powder
eyeliner only* 45 seconds blush in a rosy shade
(like Covergirl TruBlend
00:00 to 03:45 So Flushed Blush in
Love Me, $8) anywhere
Create a smooth you’d normally apply
~canvas~ your bronzer: your
cheekbones, the bridge
Blend a lightweight founda-
tion into your forehead, of your nose, the
each cheek, and your center of your chin,
and the top of your
chin. Go in with a matching
concealer to cover forehead.

any redness, dark spots, 6:31 t o 11:0 0
or breakouts.
Focus on your lids
03:46 to 06:20
Smooth on an eye
Make it shine primer, aka the only
reason your eye color
Using your fingers, apply
a creamy pearl highlighter won’t disappear
halfway through the
(it’ll melt into your day. Then, using your
skin better than a powder)
same blush and a
onto the high points flat brush (like Chanel
of your face—cheekbones,
Flat Eyeshadow
brow bones, the bridge Brush No. 202, $32),
of your nose, and
sweep that pink
above your Cupid’s bow. from your lash line to

your brow bone.

06:21 to 13:00 allover 11:01 t o 18:30

Shape your brows pink Draw your wings

Take a pencil that’s a Total time Grab a bright-ass
smidgen darker than your pink pencil and draw
natural hairs, and using 25
two lines—one that
short, soft strokes, minutes, starts on the outer third
give your brows a sliiightly 15 seconds
exaggerated shape. Diffuse of your lower lash
line and one that starts
the color by combing
through your brows one-third of the way
with a spoolie, then brush in along your upper lash
them up with a clear gel.
line. Connect them
13:01 to 21:45 right where your brow

Work on ends. Keep filling
those lashes in the wings until
you have an extra-
Curl first, then use a
white mascara primer. (And thick cat eye.

no, before you ask, 00:00 to 3:30 18:31 t o 25:15
this step isn’t optional.)
Once your primer has set, Prep your skin Pop on falsies
use a bright-blue mascara on
The vibe here Get yourself some
the outer half of your is natural, so use individual fake lashes
lashes and a lighter-blue a tinted moisturizer
and a concealer, (in general, strip
mascara on the if you need one. (If you sets just look too
inner half of your lashes, don’t own tinted “done”) and lash glue.
moisturizer, just mix Using a pair of
letting the colors your foundation tweezers, space the
overlap slightly in the center with moisturizer to lashes out along
your lash lines for a
for an ombré effect. sheer it out.) soft, wispy look.

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THEY
SNUCK

OFF
ON

break
during a
The students at the center of the
#Cabo211 scandal give an exclusive
account of what went down.

THEN Words by RACHEL MONROE
THE Photographs by WILLIAM MEBANE
INTERNET
FOUND
THEM.

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ASK K AYA E P S T E I N , U T F R E S H M A N : People
THEM, AND in my classes were saying they
were still going to go. It rubbed
THEY’LL me the wrong way. Our profes-
TELL YOU sors were like, “Are you sure?”

THEY C A L L I E *, U T S O P H O M O R E : Right
before we left for Mexico, I was at
asshboleeins.gWEREN’T a funeral with hundreds of old
people, everyone hugging. My
It’s just that ever ything had “Was there social distancing? No. People were having fun.” THE WEEK OF MARCH 9 parents weren’t self-isolating.
already been paid for…they
couldn’t not go. That’s how C A R O LY N P L E I N , U T S E N I O R : People TEXAS GOVERNOR GREG ABBOTT,
several of the now-infamous were talking about coronavirus,
211 Universit y of Texas at but it didn’t seem like that big a F R I DAY, M A R C H 13: COVID-19 poses
Austin students explain why, deal. It was just like, “Wash your an imminent threat of disaster….
for nearly a week this hands.” Everything felt pretty I hereby declare a state of disaster
spring, in the middle of the normal—until Friday. for all counties in Texas.
coronavirus pandemic and
social distancing orders, R I L E Y *, U T S O P H O M O R E : A group UT NEWS, FRIDAY, M ARCH 13: UT
they ended up partying in of us had booked spring break Austin will be closing operations
Cabo San Lucas. trips with a company called and canceling classes.
JusCollege. There were two char-
When they got back, they ter flights, one on Friday and J. B. BIRD, UT AUSTIN DIRECTOR
turned their Austin neighbor- one on Saturday. It cost about
hood into a COVID-19 hot $2,000 apiece, and I worked mul- OF MEDIA RELATIONS AND ISSUES
spot. More than 60 of them tiple jobs over the summer to pay
tested positive, and the group for it. The whole day before we M A N AG E M E N T: By that point, the
would become a national left was spent discussing university had restricted travel
symbol of selfishness, their whether we should still go for business purposes. We have
selfies from paradise dragged because of coronavirus. Lots of no jurisdiction, and certainly no
in thousands of tweets. my friends were like, “Who cares enforcement ability, to ban
if there’s a risk? You only live personal travel. But we did put
This is the story of what it once!” I have a friend with respi- guidance out encouraging
was like on the inside. ratory issues. He and I were students not to travel.
scared. We texted the trip rep for
refunds, but she said no. I was CAMRON GOODMAN, UT SENIOR AND
like, Whatever, okay. Let’s go.
S T U D E N T G O V E R N M E N T P R E S I D E N T: We
J U S C O L L E G E E M A I L , M A R C H 12 : Mexico all received emails from at least
currently has far fewer cases of three different offices talking
COVID-19 than the United States about taking precautions for
and we believe that our travel spring break.
destinations remain among the
safest and most enjoyable places A MY *, U T S O P H O M O R E : Our parents
in the world to visit right now…. questioned us about whether it
We are currently in our second was morally right to go to Cabo.
week of Cabo and have had almost They said it was a really bad idea.
5,000 travelers, all with no issues. The general consensus from
all our friends was that we were
still going to go. We all agreed
we’d socially distance as much
as possible.

R I L E Y: Everyone on my flight that
Friday was a sophomore, the
majority involved in UT Greek
life. The airport seemed normal,
but when we got there, they
were reading people’s names
off a list who weren’t there. It was
obvious that 50 to 60 percent of
the people who had booked the
trip didn’t show up.

* This person went on the Cabo trip and participated in this article under the condition that
their name be changed.

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BE ACH PART Y: AL AN D IA Z/ASSO CIATED PRESS. TH E I M AG E AT LEF T FE ATU RES THE WEEK OF MARCH 16 R I L E Y: Rae Sremmurd played a RODRIGO ESPONDA, MANAGING
SPRING BREAKERS IN FLORIDA IN 2016 AND IS USED FOR ILLUSTR ATIVE PURPOSES ONLY. concert. We went to pool parties. DIRECTOR AT LOS CABOS TOURISM
R I L E Y: My mom had stressed to me You can imagine a bunch of
“ONCE I GOT TO MEXICO, I DID that I needed to wear gloves and a college kids in Mexico—there’s BOA R D: On March 21, the first case
NOT ACT CAUTIOUSLY AT ALL.”mask on the plane, so I did. But no way we’re standing 6 feet of coronavirus was detected in
once I got to Mexico, I did not act apart. Honestly, it was the most Los Cabos. Shortly after, all
cautiously at all. Vendors on the fun trip I’ve been on by far. spring break activities were
beach were selling headbands suspended.
that said “NO Corona VIRUS,” GUEST AT PUEBLO BONITO, WRITING ON
and some of my friends bought THE WEEK OF MARCH 23
them. Nobody was worried. Y E L P, M I D - M A R C H : It was quiet until
spring break…do not recommend AND BEYOND
THE WASHINGTON POST, MARCH 19: coming in after the first week of
March. The dynamics of the whole R I L E Y: I’d returned home on a vaca-
Even as public health officials facility change. Loud, rowdy. tion high. But when I’d walked in
repeatedly urged social distanc- the door, instead of saying hello,
ing, the young and hip…gleefully C A L L I E: People were partying at my roommates were yelling at me
hopped on flights, tweeting about clubs and concerts in groups of to take off my clothes and shower.
the rock-bottom airfares. And they hundreds of people. Huge, huge Everyone who didn’t go on the
gathered in packs on beaches. groups. We started to hear about trip had been watching the news
people’s temperatures being all week. They were scared of us.
ENRIQUE GANDARA, VICE PRESIDENT OF taken in the airport. Then there
was talk of the border closing. C N N, M A RC H 25: The U.S. experi-
SALES AND MARKETING AT PUEBLO That freaked us out. enced its deadliest day of the
coronavirus pandemic on
BO N ITO G O L F & SPA R ES O RTS: Our R I L E Y: On the flight home, every- Wednesday….The dramatic
resorts in Cabo have been host- one was listening to music or spike brought the number of
ing JusCollege for three years. taking a nap. We wiped down novel coronavirus deaths…to at
When the spring breakers came seats, put on gloves and masks, least 928….More than 65,000
this year, there were no cases in and closed the A/C vents. people in the United States have
Los Cabos. We always have disin- now had a positive test.
fectant gel in our restaurants and T H E W H I T E H O U S E , M A R C H 2 0 : The
pool areas—we increased that United States has reached mutual S UZ A N N E , U T S E N I O R : There was
throughout the hotels and disin- agreements with Canada and some gossip going around in my
fected high-touching points. Mexico to restrict nonessential Zoom classes about students
Was there social distancing? No. travel across our northern and who went on spring break and
People were having fun. southern borders. may be sick.

R I L E Y: My friend told me one of the
seniors on our trip had a fever. He
told me not to tell anyone. She
ended up testing positive.

A MY: I tested negative, but one of
my guy friends tested positive.
He didn’t tell anyone—it’s a bad
reputation to have. Fortunately,
he never got sick.

J. B. B I R D: We initially heard from
UT Health Austin about a small
number of students who tested
positive. At that point, the most
important thing was reaching
out and diligently doing the
contact tracing, making sure
everyone those students came in
touch with got tested.

C A L L I E: My roommate, my friend,
and I got tested because we had

Jaugust 2020 Cosmopolitan 89

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been exposed to someone who Burner accounts popped up online, one can find out I went. My friends
was positive. I started crying including ones that doxxed people from and I deleted every single picture
afterward. I hid in my room for of us from Cabo.
a week. the trip.
A MY: Some people still found us.
REBECCAH MACIAS, UT SENIOR AND “EAT THE RICH” GRAFFITI: STEPHEN WAGNER.We all got DMs—they said we
really chaotic starting at 10 p.m. went to Cabo using our daddy’s
SOCIAL MEDIA EDITOR AT THE DAILY on April 1. Everyone was awake, money, called one of my friends a
just continuously tweeting and vapid cunt. Then someone spray-
T E X A N S T U D E N T N E W S PA P E R : I was at retweeting. There were more than painted “Eat the rich” on the side
my parents’ when I got a message 12,000 tweets about it. We were of a sorority house.
on Slack: A cluster of students who the number one trending thing on
went to Cabo over spring break Twitter for a good 12 hours. It was C A L L I E: I got really worried when
tested positive for coronavirus. like, How could you be so stupid? I saw my name on a Twitter
I tweeted it out. My phone started list of students who allegedly
going off every five seconds. C H A D, U T S O P H O M O R E : I was chilling went to Cabo. They were saying
on my couch when I saw what we should be blacklisted from law
TEXAS HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES was happening on Twitter. Some and medical schools. My room-
people did some sleuthing and mate got three anonymous
SPEAKER DENNIS BONNEN, MARCH 31: were posting screenshots of Insta- phone calls from people calling
gram photos of UT students who her “whore” and “slut.” It seemed
Quit being an ass….Get over went to Cabo. I went to one of the like all the hate was directed at
yourselves….Whether you think girls’ profiles and saw a pic of her women. I screenshotted the list
[coronavirus] could affect you or in a swimsuit on a boat, lots of and DMs I got and sent them to
not, it does. The reality of it is, if people around her, and I left a my parents because I was scared.
I’m a college kid who’s going to comment like, “You’re bringing I was like, There’s no way a stable
spring break in Mexico, you’re back corona.” I was a little pissed. person sent these.
affecting a lot of people. Grow up.
K AYA E P S T E I N : It came out that a lot R I L E Y: People posted memes on a
T H E N E W YO R K T I M E S, A P R I L 1: The of the students were members of UT page on Facebook with 45,000
Austin outbreak is the latest to sororities and fraternities. Greek followers. It was like the whole
result from a group of college life has a lot of power at UT. They school was coming together to
students who ignored social own the student government, they roast this group who went on
distancing guidelines, went on have the most money, the most spring break, including me. I
traditional spring break trips, and connections to the administra- couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking I
have now tested positive….Many tion. And they have a history of would get death threats.
of them appeared to be under the racism, of awful hazing, of sexual
mistaken impression that young assault that never seems to get C H A D: Later that night, I got this
people are not as likely to get the addressed. That anger fed into the message. It was the mother of that
coronavirus as older people are. reactions on Twitter. girl whose Cabo picture on Insta-
gram I’d commented on, saying
K AYA E P S T E I N : UT Twitter is kind C A L L I E: My friend woke me up and she was going to send the Austin
of like its own little army. It got was like, “Holy shit, look at what PD after me. My mind started
everyone is saying.” I thought, No wandering: What if they sue me? I
think almost any judge would
laugh this out of the courtroom
unless you gave them a ridiculous
amount of money—but this
woman does seem to have that
kind of money! Then these guys
started messaging me defending

90 Cosmopolitan Jaugust 2020

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the Cabo girls in the photo. I know did not give a shit. They were K AYA E P S T E I N : These wealthy
guys like to prove themselves to throwing parties pretty regularly white Greeks were able to come
pretty sorority girls—so if they see with a lot of people. back and get tests when others
the guy who put them all on blast, could not. I heard they faced no
they might want to go beat the shit S A M U E L V E L OZ , U T S E N I O R : Someone repercussions. But a few students
out of him real quick. I changed in one of my group projects said on who made comments on social
my Instagram name. Zoom that she had been to Cabo. media were supposedly called in
She was upset that they were being for disciplinary meetings.
KVUE, AUSTIN ABC-AFFILIATED NEWS cyberbullied, being called spoiled
white kids. She seemed more AUSTIN AMERICAN-STATESMAN, APRIL 3:
S TAT I O N , A P R I L 2: West Campus focused on the bullying than the
near UT Austin is now a “hot spot” harm she may have caused. We [Officials report] an increase of
for COVID-19….After more than were all taken aback. I’m a person 79 new cases, the largest daily
40 students who traveled to Cabo of color, and I know the virus jump since the pandemic began….
for spring break tested positive for disproportionately affects my The majority of those who have
COVID-19, the area will likely see community. I asked her if she got tested positive for the illness in
an increase in confirmed cases. tested, and she said no but her Travis County are between 20 and
roommates had and they were 39 years old, according to health
J. B. B I R D: Ultimately, there were negative. I was like, “That doesn’t officials’ data.
62 students related to the Cabo mean you’re not positive.”
cluster who tested positive or were R I L E Y: In my group chat, all my
presumed positive. friends were saying how this
wasn’t our fault. One girl I know
C A L L I E: Meanwhile, I know people thought what we did was com-
who were part of that group who pletely wrong—she was like, “You
were not self-isolating. They truly were selfish.” At first, I felt bad
that she wasn’t taking my side. But
After their neighborhood became she helped me realize that it was
a COVI D -19 h ot sp ot, t h e a t t a c ks e s c al a t e d. our fault, and we do bear a huge
amount of responsibility.

C A M R O N G O O D M A N : I think the
Cabo thing made students take
the virus more seriously because
no one wants to be dragged on
Twitter. In that way, it was good—
social pressure not to be dumb.

C A L L I E: I understand where people
criticizing us were coming from.
We were a bunch of kids who had
the means to go on this expensive
trip, and we decided to go despite
the pandemic. It was selfish.

R I L E Y: But I don’t think everyone
gets it. I met a girl who was on the
trip. She was like, “Oh, you went to
Cabo? I was one of the people who
got corona.” She was almost brag-
ging about it. Like, I was one of the
#Cabo211. Me and my friends, we
did feel bad. But I just wasn’t in the
position to throw away money.

K AYA E P S T E I N : I mean, yeah, it sucks
to lose money on a trip, but it’s so
materialistic to think not getting
your refund is worth more than
someone’s life. What makes any-
one think that’s okay? What gave
these people the right?

INSIDER INFO Fin ally, the off-duty disco gardener outfit yo UPLOADED BY "What's News" vk.com/wsnws TELEGRAM: t.me/whatsnws
Yes, we shot this u’ve been looking for.
story during
lockdown with
no hair or makeup
artists after some-
how finding a
photog who lives
with a model.
Pretty sure this is
what manifesting
looks like.

Gucci vest, pants, hat,
and sandals.

dress like

93 Cosmopolitan Jaugust 2020 no one’s UPLOADED BY "What's News" vk.com/wsnws TELEGRAM: t.me/whatsnws

looking

Turns out, you can really hone your whole vibe when there’s zero side - eye around. KNEE-HIGHS
INSIDE

Sorry to my down-
stairs neighbors for
wearing these fly
boots all day every
day. (I’ll make up
for it with a
sanitized wine
drop-off later.)

Valentino dress. Paris
Texas boots.

Fashion by CASSIE ANDERSON Photographs by ERIC R AY DAVIDSON

Words by RACHEL TORGERSON

UPLOADED BY "What's News" vk.com/wsnws TELEGRAM: t.me/whatsnws hion but all I can think is, “OMG, THAT PU
P.” So that’s the caption.
I’m supposed to be talking about fas

OK AY, BLOOMER
If wearing the
sweater version of
a lingerie set with
a coordinating mesh
blouse is wrong, I’m
not sure I ever want
to be right.

Fendi shirt, bra, briefs,
and bag. Lizzie Fortunato
earrings.

PIZZA COURTESY JON & VINNY’S PIZZA- MAKING KIT, L.A. MODEL: RACHEL TABB/NEXT MODELS. ocery list. UPLOADED BY "What's News" vk.com/wsnws TELEGRAM: t.me/whatsnwsCC statement by sliding them onto my gr

EXTRA
FEATHERS, PLS
When you’re
wearing pajamas
as sophisticated as
these, you reserve
the right to start
talking about
gourmet pizza in
Italian. Fun fact:
The Italian word for
“pizza” is “pizza,”
so you’re literally
already there.

Sleeper pajama set.
Brother Vellies heels.
Marlo Laz necklace.
Mateo New York anklet.

Sneaking these flip-flop heels past my

Jaugust 2020 Cosmopolitan 95

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lse play this game one too many times?
(The one where you drink af
Anyone e
ter 5 p.m. every day?)

I’M FLOORED... Erdem dress and sandals.
Mateo New York earrings and
…by this combo of rings.
scarf-print dress and
flatform espadrilles,
obviously. Pretty
sure this cocktail
hat will also hit the
runways as soon as
they’re doing that
again.

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SHOES ON THE
B E D, B C N O RU L E S
Also, sky-high slits
on both legs because
otherwise you can’t
get the kind of height
you really need on
these jumps.

Chloé top, skirt, boots,
and necklace.

Mom, but it’s for the grid!

So sorry,