PEACEFUL PARENT, HAPPY KIDS

ADVANCE PRAISE FOR
Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids
“Dr. Laura Markham offers us suggestions that help us create
strong relationships with our children. If we all followed Dr.
Laura’s original and authentic advice, we would indeed change
the world.”

—Peggy O’Mara, founder of Mothering.com
“ Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids can change your parenting life.
Dr. Laura Markham shares an invaluable set of insights that
are new to the world of parenting. She will show you how to
deliver your love and guidance in a truly nurturing way, and
how to avoid parental burnout in the process.”

—Patty Wipfler, founder of HandinHandParenting.org
“Dr. Laura teaches by example, holding parents with
compassion as she gives them priceless, easy-to-use strategies to
create a secure, healthy attachment with their child.”

—Lysa Parker and Barbara Nicholson, founders of Attachment
Parenting International and authors of Attached at the Heart
“Dr. Laura Markham’s guidance on fostering connection and
coaching instead of controlling are important ideas, and they
can make a huge difference in your life as a parent. Her
explanation of why parents need to regulate ourselves
first—before we can help regulate our children—is a
revolutionary idea. Read it and you’ll see why she calls her
work ‘Aha! Parenting.’”

—Lawrence J. Cohen, PhD, author of Playful Parenting
“Dr. Laura Markham’s work is practical, easy to apply, and
transformative. Get a cup of coffee, find a comfy chair, and be
prepared to get great advice from a wise, new friend and
fellow parent.”

—Jacqueline Green, host of The Great Parenting Show
“A much-needed resource . . . encouragement and actionable,
doable advice for parents to strengthen their connection with
their children and take care of themselves. Clearly helps parents
see how what they are doing today impacts and influences

what happens tomorrow, yet the tone is gentle and
nonjudgmental. Such a user-friendly format for (often) weary

parents.” —Lisa Sunbury, RegardingBaby.org
“Dr. Laura Markham’s compassion, wisdom, common sense,
love, and understanding radiate in each carefully chosen word,
example, and suggestion throughout this well-written,
easy-to-read, delicious book. From her chapter on effectively

managing anger, ‘Listen to your anger, rather than act on it,’
to my favorite quote, ‘Your child is acting like a child because
he is one,’ you’ll know you’ve found your parenting bible.
Thank you, Dr. Laura.”

—Rev. Susan Nason, parent educator and consultant
“My entire family dynamic has positively changed, and I
attribute it mostly to Dr. Laura Markham and
AhaParenting.com. I suspect you will not think it corny when I
say you are changing the world.”

—Jennifer Andersen, OurMuddyBoots.com
“I’ve searched high and low for parenting guidance that is
sensible, simple, effective, and adaptable. That does not heap
guilt upon me. That strikes a chord so it’s easy to remember
when I need it most. I have found it in Dr. Laura Markham.
My relationship with my four-year-old has improved a
thousandfold since trying your methods. The way you teach
this simple message of love has made it revolutionary for me.”

—Daniela, mother of girls, ages two and four
“Following your advice has meant our son rarely has tantrums
anymore. Dr. Laura’s advice really works and makes being a
parent (and a child, I’d say) much better. I don’t pretend I
am perfect all the time, but she helps me learn and do better
by my son.”

—Beatrice, mother of a two-year-old boy
“You have enabled me to change myself, something I never
thought I could do. Your writing taught me to really reflect on
who I was first, which was key to my ability to reflect on
myself as a parent.”

—Kimberley Yvette Price, TheSingleCrunch.com
“Dr. Laura, I tell everyone I know and even strangers about
your peaceful form of parenting. Instead of creating blow-up
moments, you are creating connections, loving times, and
sharing real emotions with our children. Thank you, Dr. Laura
Markham, for bringing so much knowledge and love to
parenting.

—Carrie B., mother of two boys under age four

Peaceful Parent,
HAPPY KIDS

How to Stop Yelling
and Start Connecting

DR. LAURA MARKHAM
A Perigee Book

A PERIGEE BOOK
Published by the Penguin Group

Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
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While the author has made every effort to provide accurate

telephone numbers, Internet addresses, and other contact
information at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor
the author assumes any responsibility for errors, or for changes

that occur after publication. Further, the publisher does not
have any control over and does not assume any responsibility

for author or third-party websites or their content.
Copyright © 2012 by Laura Markham, PhD
Text design by Laura K. Corless
All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or
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Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted

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PERIGEE is a registered trademark of Penguin Group (USA)
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First edition: December 2012
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Markham, Laura.
Peaceful parent, happy kids : how to stop yelling and start

connecting / Laura Markham.
p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 978-1-101-61362-7

1. Child rearing. 2. Parent and child. I. Title.
HQ769.M2857 2013

649'.1—dc23 2012031273
Most Perigee books are available at special quantity discounts
for bulk purchases for sales promotions, premiums, fund-raising,
or educational use. Special books, or book excerpts, can also

be created to fit specific needs. For details, write: Special
Markets, Penguin Group (USA) Inc., 375 Hudson Street, New

York, New York 10014.

For Daniel, Eli, and Alice,
Who taught me to love.
And for parents everywhere,
Whose love is shaping the next generation,
and transforming humanity:
Our future rests on your shoulders.

One generation full of deeply loving parents would change the
brain of the next generation, and with that, the world.
—CHARLES RAISON

Contents
Advance Praise
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Epigraph
Forward by Jack Canfield
Introduction: Secrets of Peaceful Parents

PART ONE: REGULATING YOURSELF

1. Peaceful Parents Raise Happy Kids
Your Number One Responsibility as a Parent
Breaking the Cycle: Healing Your Own Wounds
How to Manage Your Anger
How to Stop Yelling at Your Child
When Your Child Melts Down:
How to Keep Your Cool
You Can Nurture Yourself While Raising Your Child
Ten Rules to Raise Terrific Kids

PART TWO: FOSTERING CONNECTION

2. The Essential Ingredient for Peaceful Parents, Happy
Kids
Why Connection Is the Secret to Happy Parenting
Connection as Your Child Grows
Babies (0–13 Months): Wiring The Brain
Toddlers (13–36 Months):
Building Secure Attachment
Preschoolers (3–5 Years):
Developing Independence
Elementary Schoolers (6–9 Years):
Foundation For The Teen
Years
Connection Basics
How To Connect More Deeply With Your Child
How Do You Know When Your Relationship With Your Child
Needs Work?
Connecting With A Difficult Child
Action Guides
Your Child’s Emotional Bank Account
What’s So Special About Special Time?
Daily Habits To Strengthen And Sweeten Your Relationship
With Your Child
Use Connection To Get Your Child Out The Door In The