COMMUNICATION SKILL FOR WORKING WITH CHILDREN AND YOUNG PEOPLE

CHAPTER 14

Interpersonal Communication in Children’s
Services

Overview

This last short chapter takes an overview of interpersonal
communication in terms of social pedagogy, highlighting some of
the main themes and ideas covered in this book. A
Bibliography follows the chapter with suggestions for more
advanced study.
In social pedagogy, effective interpersonal communications are
those which best serve children and young people, as
individuals and as members of society. The book has suggested
ways in which you can develop interpersonal skills which are,
first and foremost, used in their interests. This holds for
face-to-face communication with children and young people
themselves and for all the interactions with adults, parents and
colleagues which directly affect them.
You can use the skills described in the preceding chapters with
adults and children to:
• Listen . Other people have a right to be heard. Listening
shows respect and builds self-esteem. A willingness to listen,
and knowing how to do so, is fundamental to effective
interpersonal communication and the basis for building good
relationships. Social pedagogy is based in relationships that are
both personal and professional.
• Avoid interference . If you have done the observations and
exercises described in this book, you are becoming aware of
what interferes with effective communication, especially the part
that feelings play in distorting communication. If what you have
to say is not based in respect, the other person may pay
more attention to that part of your message and their
emotional reaction to it, and block out the rest.
• Reflect back . You have learned that it is effective to ‘reflect
back’ to let people know that you have heard what they have
said and understand their feelings. Reflecting back lets them
know that you accept their experience – their ‘life world’ –
which is different from your own, and can encourage them to
express themselves.
• Use questions with discrimination . You understand the

difference between different sorts of questions and you have
learned something about answering children’s and young
people’s questions carefully. The chapter on questions indicated
some of the problems if you ask too many questions or ask
pointless questions. Answering children’s questions fruitfully
depends on being attentive to them and taking what puzzles
them seriously – dialogue is important.
• Speak to people about unacceptable behaviour, without
challenging their self-esteem . The exercises in Chapters 10
and 11 have provided practice in how to confront the
behaviour, rather than the person: this can be crucial for
people’s self-respect.
Effective communicators can take the other person’s point of
view. It is an essential interpersonal skill to be able to take the
other person’s point of view: to listen carefully to what they
have to say and to be aware of their non-verbal
communications. If you are alert to the many different
messages an adult or child is sending, you are in a better
position to respond to them. You can, for example, spot that
someone is upset – although they do not tell you in so many
words – and take this into account in how you respond.
Taking the other person’s point of view is necessary in
interactions with babies, as well as with adults and older
children. From the beginning babies are individuals with their
own experiences and wishes – even if they do not have the
ability to put these into words. With babies you need to be
sensitive to how they are at any one moment. Are they sleepy,
fretful, alert or crying, for example? What information do they
give about whether they are enjoying a game and ready for it
to be developed further, or want it to stop? Often they take
the lead and engage you in play and interaction – but you
have to be alert to their signals, to be able to see things from
their point of view. If you are, then you know when they are
ready for you to take your ‘turn’ to play, and can time your
contribution so that it fits in.
Effective communicators are aware of the part that feelings
play in interpersonal communications. Your own and the
other person’s feelings play a part in all interpersonal
communications. If you learn to pay attention to another
person’s feelings you can understand their ‘messages’ more
completely. If you become more aware of your own feelings,
you are less likely to let them interfere with what another

person is trying to get across to you.
Effective communicators respect other people. Respect is
shown in many ways, but at its heart is a recognition that
other people have an individual experience of life, that they
have their own feelings and ways of understanding and they
have the right to be treated equally. This can be shown by
trying to understand the other person’s point of view and
letting them know that you are doing so: that is acknowledging
their experience, not dismissing or ignoring it. It may be more
difficult to do this with some people than with others – it is
not possible to like people equally. But, as a professional, it is
important to take your share of responsibility for making
relationships work. So when there are conflicting interests, you
try to find ways which meet other people’s needs as well as
your own; you do not try to control them with blame or
judgemental language.
Respect is also shown in how you deal with confidential
material. You respect people’s right to privacy and only breach
confidentiality if a child is in danger – and you tell your
informant that you are going to do so.
Similarly, it is a spirit of respect which leads you to avoid
stereotyping other people or giving other messages of power
and control which keep other people ‘in their place’ – such a
place is always an unequal one. Giving respect to all the people
you work with promotes equality for all groups, including those
who are oppressed by racism, sexism, disablist practices and
other systematic injustice.
In conclusion , interpersonal communication is going to play an
important part in your working life. The skills introduced in
Communication Skills for Working with Children and Young
People , and understandings of the richness which social
pedagogy has to offer, can be developed throughout your
career. They are skills and understandings which will be of
service to parents, to colleagues and, above all to the many
children and young people for whose well-being – physical,
intellectual, social and emotional – you will share responsibility.

Bibliography

Barnett Pearce, W. (2007) Making Social Worlds: A
Communication Perspective. Oxford: Blackwell Publishing.
Fawcett, M. (2009) Learning Through Child Observation .
London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
Foley. P. and Leverett. S. (eds) (2008) Connecting with
Children: Developing Working Relationships. Bristol: Policy
Press.
Foley, P. and Leverett, S. (eds) (2010) Children and Young
People’s Spaces: Developing Practice. Basingstoke: Palgrave
Macmillan.
Gaine, C. (ed.) (2010) Equality and Diversity in Social Work
Practice. Exeter: Learning Matters.
Hargie, O.D.W. (2010) Skilled Interpersonal Communication:
Research, Theory and practice. London: Routledge.
Koprowska, J. (2010) C ommunication and Interpersonal
Skills in Social Work . 3rd edn. Exeter: Learning Matters.
Murray, L. and Andrews, L. (2000) The Social Baby.
Richmond: CP Publishing.
Nelson-Jones, R. (1996) Relating Skills. London: Cassell.
Petrie, P. (1994) Care and Play, Out of School. London:
HMSO.
Petrie, P., Boddy, J. Cameron, C., Wigfall, V. and Simon, A.
(2006) Working with Children in Care: European
Perspectives . Buckinghamshire: Open University Press.
Petrie P. (2011) ‘Interpersonal Communication: The Medium for
Social Pedagogic Practice.’ In C. Cameron and P. Moss (eds)
Social Pedagogy and Working with Children and Young
People: Where Care and Education Meet . London: Jessica
Kingsley Publications.
Pinney, R (1984) Bobby – Breakthrough of an Autistic Child
. 2nd edn. London: Harvill Press.
Schaffer, H.R. (2003) ‘Social Interaction and the Beginnings of
Communication.’ In A. Slater and G. Bremner (eds) An
Introduction to Developmental Psychology. Oxford: Blackwell.
Tizard, B. and Hughes, M. (2002) Young Children Learning .
Chichester: Blackwell Publishing.
In the UK, the field of social pedagogy is constantly changing,
and the best way to keep up to date with developments is to
join mailing lists and visit websites including:
www.infed.org/biblio/b-socped.htm

www.socialpedagogyuk.com/
www.socialpedagogy.co.uk/index.htm
www.unicef.org.uk
of related interest
Social Pedagogy and Working with Children
Engaging with Children in Care
Edited by Claire Cameron and Peter Moss
ISBN 978 1 84905 119 4
eISBN 978 0 85700 232 7
Social pedagogy is an innovative discipline that supports
children’s upbringing and overall development by focusing on
the child as a whole person. It has been described as where
education and care meet or as ‘education in its broadest
sense’.
This book provides a comprehensive overview of the theory,
principles and practice of social pedagogy and the profession of
social pedagogue. With chapters from leading international
contributors, it outlines the roots of social pedagogy and its
development in Europe, and its role in relation to individuals,
groups, communities and societies. Also covered is how it
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in a variety of settings, including children in care and in need
of family support, and its potential future applications.
This seminal book on an increasingly important topic will be
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Learning Through Child Observation
2nd edition
Mary Fawcett
ISBN 978 1 84310 676 0
eISBN 978 1 84642 964 4
This fully-updated second edition of Learning Through Child
Observation is a handbook for professionals working in, or
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With new material and updated chapters, this second edition of
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500 Tips for Communicating with the Public
Maggie Kindred and Michael Kindred
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This is a light-hearted, easily digestible guide with a wealth of
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Listening to Children
A Practitioner’s Guide
Alison McLeod
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‘Listening to children’ is one of those feel-good phrases that
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Listening to Children: A Practitioner’s Guide is a rich source of
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Working with Children and Young People Using Solution
Focused Approaches
Establishing Respectful and Effective Communication
Judith Milner and Jackie Bateman
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Solution focused approaches offer proven ways of helping
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Helping Children to Cope with Change, Stress and Anxiety
A Photocopiable Activities Book
Deborah M. Plummer
Illustrated by Alice Harper
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A Practical Guide to Caring for Children and Teenagers with
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Chris Taylor
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This book guides childcare professionals through attachment
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Attention and Listening in the Early Years

Sharon Garforth
ISBN 978 1 84905 024 1
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The ability to attend, to listen and to look are prerequisites to
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Attention and Listening in the Early Years is an innovative
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