Practicing Affirmation Sam Crabtree all rights reserved

Practicing
Affirmation

Sam Crabtree

all rights reserved

Practicing
Affirmation

Practicing
Affirmation

3 x 5…

The most eye-opening thing you have
discovered in your years as a counselor…

Practicing
Affirmation

Practicing
Affirmation

Session 1

Affirmation:
The Problem and Opportunity

for Every Person

The Pervasive, Universal,
Non-optional Mechanism
That God Has Wired Into the Universe

Practicing
Affirmation

God-centered Praise
of Those Who Are Not God

Practicing
Affirmation

Practicing affirmation is not about
self-esteem.

It is about esteeming the work of God
in the lives of people.

Practicing
Affirmation

Jails are overrun with people who have
plenty of self-esteem.

So are asylums. (Chesterton)

Practicing
Affirmation

Folly and sin conspire to make us desire to
be made much of, thinking that we deserve
to be loved.

This is idolatrous and deadly.

It is about esteeming the work of God
in the lives of people.

Practicing
Affirmation

Practicing affirmation is not about
self-esteem.

It is about esteeming the work of God
in the lives of people.

Practicing
Affirmation

You are not the author of your story.

Your story isn’t mainly about you.

Practicing
Affirmation

A key is not the main thing,
but it is a crucial thing.

Practicing
Affirmation

Affirmation is not optional.

That is, doing it and not doing it
both produce an effect.

They do not produce the same effect.

Practicing
Affirmation

 A fire not stoked goes out.
 A refrigerator unplugged rots the eggs.
 A garden not tended produces weeds, not

vegetables.

Practicing
Affirmation

Affirmation is the fire-stoking,
refrigerator-electrifying, garden-tending
aspect of relationships.

It is not optional.

Practicing
Affirmation

The principles of affirmation apply
universally to all human relationships…

…including your relationship with God.

Practicing
Affirmation

Mistake: failing to grasp the connection
between lack of affirmation and one’s own
reputation.

Practicing
Affirmation

The Mercy of the Lord
to You

in Affirming Others

Practicing
Affirmation

2Timothy 1:16-18
The Lord grant mercy to the house of
Onesiphorus for he often refreshed me, and
was not ashamed of my chains; but when
he was in Rome, he eagerly searched for
me, and found me – the Lord grant to him
to find mercy from the Lord on that day –
and you know very well what services he
rendered at Ephesus.

Practicing
Affirmation

Unless physiologically driven,
depression is a signal that something in
my life has become more important than
God.
 Depressed persons need mercy.
 Refreshing others (including
affirmations) introduces mercy. (see p54)

3. Oppositional

Practicing
Affirmation

Romans 15:2-3
Let each of us please his
neighbor for his good, to build
him up. For Christ did not please
himself, but as it is written, "The
reproaches of those who
reproached you fell on me."

Practicing
Affirmation

The Affirmation Ratio presupposes things like:

God sovereignly brings about ends through
means.

Believers are dependent upon the Spirit.

Love affirms; love also corrects.

Everything can’t be said in one seminar.

Practicing
Affirmation

The Affirmation Ratio presupposes things like:

 Our behavior does not save us.

Jesus alone is our justification.
 The root of every sin is idolatry.
 Idolatry is a failure to look to Jesus alone.
 Idols thwarted bring discouragement, anger,
anxiety, etc.
 So don’t make practicing affirmation an idol.

Practicing
Affirmation

Proverbs 11:25
He who refreshes others will himself be
refreshed.

It is the law of the harvest.
Caution: God (not others) is the ultimate

source of our refreshment.

Practicing
Affirmation

Matthew 10:42
And whoever in the name of a disciple
gives to one of these little ones even a cup
of cold water to drink, truly I say to you,
he shall not lose his reward.

God rewards us when we refresh others.

Practicing
Affirmation

Caution:
Self-interest is not selfishness.
Though we benefit from refreshing
others, the refreshment is theirs and is to be
real refreshment.

Romans 15:2
Each of us is to please his neighbor for his
good, to his edification.

Practicing
Affirmation

“Though boys throw stones at frogs in sport,
the frogs do not die in sport, but in earnest.”

Bion of Borysthenes

(Greek philosopher)

Practicing
Affirmation
Sustain the Weary With a God-given Tongue

Isaiah 50:4
The Lord GOD has given me the tongue of those
who are taught, that I may know how to sustain
with a word him who is weary.

Practicing
Affirmation
Peanuts Cartoon (removed for copyright reasons)

Practicing
Affirmation

Affirmation Ratio
Correction

1. Stop hearing the correction
2. Stop hearing you
3. Oppositional

Practicing
Affirmation

insufficient plenty of healthy
affirmation affirmation

Natural winds blow to the left.
Correction accelerates that wind.
Practicing affirmation is non-optional.

Practicing
Affirmation

Affirmation Ratio
Correction

1. Stop hearing the correction
2. Stop hearing you
3. Oppositional

Practicing
Affirmation

Affirmation Ratio
Correction

Consider it like a checking
account.

Practicing
Affirmation

Affirmation Ratio
This is about earning the right
to be heard, gaining a hearing.
People are influenced by those
who praise them.

Practicing
Affirmation

Gang behavior

Practicing
Affirmation

Affirmation Ratio

 You catch more flies with
honey than with vinegar.
 A spoon full of sugar helps
the medicine go down.
3. Oppositional

Practicing
Affirmation

“We readily believe those whom we
know to be desirous of our welfare.”

John Calvin

3. Oppositional