oppressive. Instead of deplatforming Tate and others which share some similar views, I believe such messages may resonate with women who are discontent and unhappy with their lives, and provide them with a renewed sense of purpose and fulfillment. This may even work to reverse some of the problematic economic and social trends discussed earlier. However, Tate’s select positive messages are somewhat diluted by many of his hedonistic and self-indulgent attitudes and behaviours, as well as his intentional use of inflammatory language to increase his popularity. Although I believe Tate’s views on male and female expectations and duties largely promote the creation of stable and prosperous families and societies, he often disconnects the two, instead focusing on status, power, and sexual attention. For example, in a viral clip, Tate said that “women belong to men” because they are “given away” to men in marriage, and therefore, he would have authority over any woman he marries. He also added that a woman would need to “give him a cut” of her earnings if she decided to do sex work in a relationship, as “her intimate parts belong to him”. These words insinuate that women are the ‘property’ of a man, and their role is reduced to one of sexual servitude. The problem with these sentiments is that Tate imagines sexual and power dynamics outside the context of traditional relationships. I believe, women belong to men, and vice versa, in the sense that they become a joint family unit, with men holding ‘authority’ in a relationship within the context of their duty as protectors of the family. Statements such as these could influence impressionable young men, leading them to pursue outcomes such as wealth and physical strength to overpower and dominate others, rather than fulfill a duty analogous with Tate’s tenants, and pursue a higher purpose. In addition, Tate’s views on male fidelity, best encapsulated by the opening lyrics of his Spotify single ‘Sugar Daddy Ice Spice’, is another example of his hedonistic attitude toward life. His endorsement of cheating, promiscuity, and polygamy for men is inconsistent with his other messages— such activities destabilise the family unit and weaken mens’ ability to protect and provide for the people close to them. In addition, they contribute to higher divorce rates and higher rates of single parenthood, leading to the persistence of the social and economic problems previously outlined. When it comes to Andrew Tate, he is either adored and praised, or viscerally despised. This lack of nuanced thinking has meant that his views and their implications may not have been critically analysed and contextualised. Rather than demonise men (or women) for listening to him, I believe it is important to understand why people resonate with his messages, or the messages of those which have a similar or overlapping set of views. As the evidence in this article suggests, perhaps more messages like these, moderated through one’s own critical and independent thought, may have a positive influence on one’s life. *Under single or divorced co-inhabiting parents Kids of tomorrow: “Yeah okay, well my Dad is so much better at cooking than yoUr daD.” Pelican Fact 51
If Televised Sport Is So Good Why Do People Continue To Attended Sports Live? The television screen has come to dominate professional sports. Ever increasing TV rights payments, fixturing games in ‘TV friendly’ time slots, and the rise of streaming platforms such as Kayo, all indicate this. TV is the most common way fans consume sport, so why do people still attend live sport? And why are some sports more well attended than others? Some sports are undeniably better consumed on-screen, rather than live in-person. Take Formula 1, which has exploded in popularity in its last few seasons. This sport is immaculately broadcasted. There are hundreds of cameras positioned at every vantage point possibly imaginable, including aerial shots from two different helicopters. There are live car timings which aid viewers in tracking which car is gaining, and which car is slipping back in pace. It is the ultimate TV sceptical. Even when attending the Grand Prix live, the circuit is smattered with big screens which allow you to follow the race—for the ninety per cent of the time a car is not in view. Other sports have the same features. Another example of this is darts, the World Championship tickets always sell out for all Nothing beats the thrill of being in the same stadium as your favourite team. Pelican Fact 52
fourteen days. Crowds have two big screens so darts can be seen hitting the board. I mean sure, people can see the (normally) two rather large blokes throwing darts at the board with a scorer beside them, but they can’t actually see if the dart has hit the bullseye or missed the board completely. These completely different sports are prime examples of the powers of the screen in modern sport. Other sports are less dependent , but still benefit from being viewed on TV. Watching golf in person is a choice: waiting and watching at one hole or choosing a player and walking around with them for the entire day. While you can quite easily see a particular shot, it pales in comparison to the near constant stream of different players and shots you can see watching from home. The rugby codes suffer from a similar problem. To move the ball in rugby requires the carrier to throw backwards or to the side, and it is a penalty to pass the ball forward. Players bunch together and the result is a sport that is only really good to watch from the sidelines. This is excellent for the TV cameras positioned there, and bad for the fans who are watching from behind the posts and lack the depth perception of modern technology; they have no idea if a pass is forward or backwards. If it is so easy to watch on TV and so hard to watch in person, then why do sports fans even bother? Why do sports arenas require seats if the lounge room sofa is king? While some sports are better consumed live, the limitations of the screen mean only so much can be seen. Cameras are required to zoom in, this means for certain sports a lot can be left unseen, and so it is for Aussie Rules. AFL allows for forward kicks and handballs of the football, and is played on what is close to the biggest pitch size in professional sport; combined with the lack of an offside rule, this layout means the ball pings around at rapid speed. A lot of the time viewers cannot see matchups in the forward line until the ball is kicked towards it. While viewers who are at the ground can look ahead and see the spare defender who kills Knowing you could practically just lean out of your seat and lick them, really adds to the experience (please don’t though xx). Pelican Fact 53
the contest and takes an intercepting mark. The viewer at the ground can also see the free player who has lost his opponent up the field, while viewers at home are restricted to the location of the football. Aussie Rules as a sport is meant to be enjoyed in person, where there are no limitations on what you can see. Other sports are the same. American Football involves wide receivers running up the field and waiting to receive the ball, while the quarterback is elsewhere deciding where to throw it. The TV director can never lose sight of the ball, so the screen cuts out these brilliant, long range runs: the limitations of the screen. There is of course another limitation to watching sport on TV—atmosphere. They say to truly understand how loud the automobile can be , you need to watch an F1 car whine and crackle around a five-kilometre circuit, in person. The speed of these cars is simply lost on TV. The noise which follows a soccer ball being struck into the back of the net in European soccer matches, is in itself a topic of research. Soccer fans become a choir and belt out chants to urge their team along. We’ve replaced records with cassettes and then cassettes with CDs, and now we have Spotify. This process was replicated with screens; VCRs became DVDs, which is now Netflix. But in a world that is increasingly digital and less tangible, live sport remains. The sound of flesh on flesh when a person makes a bone crunching tackle. The instinctive roar of the crowd. The smell of cut grass and Deep Heat. These senses cannot be enjoyed kilometres away but rather only meters away. TV has given so much to sport, but it has also taken away, just as much music is meant to be enjoyed live and not transmitted. As long as people continue to crave the palpable, fans will continue the pilgrimage to the arena that is sport. In an effort to maintain social distancing, players will now have water delivered by others shooting it into their mouths with water guns. Pelican Fact 54
Haunting in VHS! A Review of Aftersun (2022) Jack Canning Trigger Warning: This article contains content that may be distressing for some trauma survivors. Beautifully bittersweet and subtle in its delivery, Aftersun (2022) represents a lot of what I love about cinema. Aftersun chronicles a holiday in Turkey of a young father (Paul Mescal) and his eleven year-old daughter Sophie (Frankie Corio)—shown through the perspective of the grown-up Sophie looking back at old VHS tapes. The time we spend with Calum and Sophie in Turkey is beautiful, but the fact that the film is shown in flashbacks, through archival footage, makes it clear that the viewer may be in store for some heavy water works. The relationship between Sophie and Calum is portrayed as being one of adoration, evident in the multitude of scenes where Calum applies moisturiser to his daughter’s face. The slow and methodical application of cream is shot so closely to the actors’ faces that you can see their pores, which helps create this welling of intimacy through proximity. These scenes can almost feel perverse, in the way that we as viewers have been invited to watch such tender showings of affection. But this intimacy that is created between father and daughter makes (whether imagined or not) Calum’s sufferings from severe depression and anxiety more visible, Aftersun review, aka Night-time. Pretty good but usually asleep, four out of five pelicans. Pelican Fact 55
and his breaking down in rooms away from his daughter even more gruelling to sit through. The viewer feels the pain of an older Sophie looking back at her younger self’s naivety towards her father’s deteriorating mental state. Mescal was fantastic in his role, portraying his character’s instability and internal turmoil through subtle changes in facial expression, or small contortions of body; he is able to say so much without the aid of dialogue, which I think is the mark for any great actor. Truly a performance for the ages and completely deserving of his Oscar nod for best actor! Charlotte Well’s direction was also superb, with her use of old VHS footage being absolutely inspiring. The tapes that Sophie watches are haunting in the way they portray seemingly happy memories, as harrowing. This creates an interesting avenue of storytelling that I think was extremely effective: exploring the perspective of an adult looking back at archives of their father, desperately trying to find clues that hint at why he ended his life. Did what he said on their holiday to Turkey carry more significance than what she’d thought as a child? Was there any sign of a cry for help? This is an incredible weight that would burden any person dealing with the loss of a parent at such a young age, and it is told with such sincerity that it hurts. I suppose one of my main critiques of this film is that it does start rather slow; the first half an hour, while mysterious, isn’t nearly as captivating as the rest of the film. While there are some heavy themes and implications regarding mental health, I think the film delivers these with a certain level of subtlety which I really appreciate in cinema. If you, as a director or screenwriter, can concisely and beautifully portray emotion without reliance on excessive exposition or heavy handed, on the nose delivery, that’s a big tick for me. Aftersun portrays these emotions of outward joy and private melancholy with aplomb. I think this film certainly deserves the praise that it is getting right now, and I encourage any readers to check it out! 4 out of 5 Pelican’s The tapes that Sophie watches are haunting in the way they portray seemingly happy memories, as harrowing. After you finish reading, gather some friends/family and take a look at some of your old videos. Pelican Fact 56
Gutenberg’s Demons Alexander Lwin When placed after ‘public’, Dr. Charles Yeung thought, many words became synonymous with transport. Humiliation, for one. Execution was another. Disgrace. The list went on. Yeung swept through the aisles of the bus, proactively scanning the seats for one unstained and unspoiled by empty tuna cans, crisp wrappers, and bottlecaps. Yeung had a car, a good one too; electric. The Galt Model-R which boasted ‘rocket speeds’ maxing out at 322 kph, a 1020 horsepower engine, a sleek design, and more features packed into its dashboard than the Starship Enterprise. What the advertisers hadn’t mentioned, however, was that it also wouldn’t budge an inch unless the driver paid a monthly subscription fee. A fee that Yeung was in no position to pay after spending a small fortune on purchasing and importing a luxury car. So, for the moment, Yeung was stuck with the bus. Yeung finally settled into a seat that was relatively clean—he gingerly kicked the empty energy drink can underneath down the aisle—just as the bus shook to life and began to move. The inane conversations of a million people surrounded him, louder than the wheeze of the engine or the incessant rattling of the windows. Two rows in front of him, two highschoolers—backpacks balanced on their The wheels on the bus go up and down, up and down—they really need to fix these roads! Pelican Fact 57
knees—chattered in stage whispers about the latest entertainment news. ‘—You hear Netflix is giving The King in Yellow a second season?’ The boy with slick wet hair and little red pimples dotting his cheeks announced. ‘No way!’ His companion, a girl with a long neck and a tight, blonde ponytail feigned shock. ‘Even with all the controversy?’ ‘They’re saying it’s started an important discussion about…’ In the row to Yeung’s left, a middle-aged man in a sweat-stained Lacoste polo with a greying buzzcut and a squat red nose argued with his phone. ‘—Two hundred jobs! That’s two hundred jobs.’ He repeated the number over and over. ‘No, you listen to me. You tell Nimrod if he wants to cancel the project, he can come down to the site and tell the crew himself!’ Somewhere at the front of the bus, a woman in an orange cardigan and hoop earrings laughed loudly as she talked to—talked at—the bus driver. ‘…and I know what Humbert did was wrong, look you don’t have to tell me twice, but in the end was it really that bad? Look, if you watch his video explaining his actions, you’ll realise—’ In front of Yeung, a tired mother tried not to drop her baby, gently soothing it with every violent lurch of the bus. Out of her airpods, leaked the characteristic prattle of a true crime podcast. To the surprise of no one, it was on Raskolnikov; after Damian Lincher’s film on his case, he’d become something of a global folk hero—a phrase which here means you could make an easy buck selling t-shirts plastered with his face. In front of her, a young man, dressed in a suit and tie that didn’t quite fit him, silently scrolled through his phone. His screen was turned to its most blindingly bright, demanding the attention of everyone who could catch it. The familiar white circle of a buffering YouTube video spun in the centre, overlaid on a skeletal man sleeping in the middle of an animal’s cage. ‘I Spent FORTY DAYS Without Eating!’, the title boasted proudly. From all around, a cacophony of lights and a cascade of sound pressed in on Yeung. It bothered him. Frankly, he couldn’t understand how it didn’t bother anyone else. To be forced into awareness—to have the existence of other people imposed upon you. “Excuse me, Sir.” A bony finger roughly pecked at Yeung’s left shoulder. Yeung attempted to ignore it at first, but the tapping refused to relent. Shuffling around in his seat and turning his head, he was greeted by the sight of a tall and thin man with a beak-like nose. He was obviously a vagrant. His matted hair and unshaven appearance—not to mention, Yeung mentally remarked, the smell—gave it away. To his credit, he’d tried his best to disguise it with a nice suit and cloak—a remnant of better days—but the unmistakable weather damage and general staining rendered the ruse unconvincing. “You wouldn’t, I suppose, happen to be a private psychiatrist currently heading to the home of Mr. Gatsby, by any The ‘Average Gatsby’ tells the story of Jay’s cousin Mike, whose dinner parties were always finished by 9pm. Pelican Fact 58
chance?” “No.” Yeung replied bluntly and turned back around in his seat. This was a lie. He was a psychiatrist and Jay Gatsby was his client for the day. But damned if he was going to carry on the conversation. “It does no good to lie, Sir.” The man who sat one seat behind him pressed on with the script he’d planned in his head, a pleading note cracking through the veneer of haughtiness he desperately projected. “I am a detective, of a kind, and it’s really quite a simple thing to tell. The bulge in your right coat pocket is a perfect match for that of a standard prescription pad. Therefore, a doctor heading to work. But there are no hospitals on this route. A home-visit, then. Yet, you bring no doctor’s bag—not even a briefcase. You bring no tools, whatsoever. Therefore, you must not require them. A doctor not of the body but of the mind; a psychiatrist!” “... As for how I came to know the name of your patient, that is but an elementary matter. When you stepped onto the bus, I noticed the creases on the front of your coat and across your chest. The unmistakable pattern of a Galt Mechanics brand automobile: the Model-R, I presume? My suspicions were quickly confirmed once I observed your behaviour upon reaching your seat. You, Sir, are clearly not used to taking the bus. Under other circumstances, you would have driven to your destination but a malfunction in your vehicle has prevented that. More than that, the slightest twitches of your eyes tell me that you actively resent being forced to ride on public transport.” “Why, then, are you putting yourself through this indignity? It is simple. The client you are meeting is very wealthy and very demanding. Now, on this route, there are only two individuals who fit the bill. However, we have already passed Mr. Kane’s home. Ergo, I deduce that you must be en-route to the home of Mr. Jay Gatsby. Now, surely in the face of such overwhelming reason, it would be difficult indeed to claim otherwise.” Yeung rested his cheek upon his palm and stared out the window, hoping that the scenery outside would drown out the homeless man behind him. There was a rhythmic, almost hypnotic, cyclic flow to the world outside. They would pass along the riverbanks where indistinguishable white mansions stood in lines, turn up a dirt road, through the glittering forest of office blocks and into the back side of the city where convenience stores and massage parlours bonded over neon signs and people spread cardboard mattresses over beds of metal and stone, turn onto the freeway, and back along the river. I don’t think I suffer from an inferiority complex, I’m just not as good as everyone else. Pelican Fact 59
“—I used to know Mr. Gatsby, personally. I even did some work for him. Though, he was more partial to the style of Mr. Marlowe and soon began to rely on his services. No matter.” The former-detective droned on. “Still, I was often invited to the parties. Me and my good friend, we’d—” Jay Gatsby lived in a river house, of course. He’d had a city house once but that was a long while ago. In the past, he’d thrown lavish parties at his manor. That, too, had passed. Nowadays, he locked himself in the dark of his bedroom and watched the world through the flickering blue light of his laptop’s screen. His friends talked of him like the modern reincarnation of the pilgrim Childe Harold, afflicted with a pining melancholy. But of course they would. It is the duty of a rich man’s friends to romanticise his flaws into features. Truthfully, despite his professional position, Yeung found it hard to empathise with people who had more money than him. Even harder than with those who had less. There was no denying that Gatsby was depressed, discontent and rife with all other manner of maladies. It was Yeung’s current theory that he was suffering from a particularly nasty inferiority complex. Perhaps even impostor syndrome, though is it really a syndrome if the sufferer is actually an impostor? Still, how a man with more money than God could be so miserable was patently absurd to Yeung. More than that, it was selfish. In Yeung’s world, you traded your right to sadness for money the wealthier you became. After all, what was sadness if not a request to others for free kindness? Once you hit that top tax bracket, you ought to be paying for that. Which, in Gatsby’s defence, he was when it came to Yeung. Things would be more bearable, Yeung figured, if Gatsby’s gloominess was inspired by something more real—more meaningful— than his preoccupations with romance and status. Something more in tune with the genuine problems society, if not the entire world, were facing. Someone on the street threw a bottle of Coca-Cola at Yeung’s window; it burst on impact. Yeung chose to ignore this, as he did the ranting ex-detective, and focused on the stitching of the seat in front of him.“—As you can imagine, the surveillance state hasn’t been kind to my profession. These days, the police don’t even need to knock on any doors.” The man behind Yeung continued to speak, his voice had crept up a pitch and his eyes were dark and intense. As he spoke, he thrust his square jaw with every word. “If the whole thing wasn’t all caught on camera, it’s a small feat to look through the victim’s phone and recreate their movements. And, of course, then you have social media which…” For example, just this morning, President Bardin had once again reassured the American public that the government was handling the situation in Massachusetts. Which wasn’t Pelican exclusive! Free smart-riders with every purchase of a smart rider! Pelican Fact 60
quite accurate as the rising of the Great Old Ones in Boston had successfully wiped the state off the map. Still, the situation in ‘we’re optimistic we can resolve the situation in what remains of Massachusetts’ wouldn’t inspire much confidence. Especially with all the flak the administration had copped. The situation was, if not preventable, at least foreseeable and everyone knew it. With pdf copies of the necronomicon being plastered all over the internet, it was a matter of ‘when’, not ‘if’, some lunatic was going to use it. President Bardin didn’t address this, though. After some vague promises, he’d concluded his speech by urging the public both not to panic and also to stay absolutely clear of the New England area. Alternatively, what about the threat of the Kasinki-ites? Those fanatical terrorists roaming the streets, burning down Apple stores and chanting demands for the return to a primitive age before the corruption of technology. Even in death, the ghost of the controversial philosopher Theodora Kasinki— who, incidentally, studied under the equally controversial (though for entirely different reasons) mathematician James Moriarty— haunted the public discourse. Just last week, twenty-five people died in a bombing of a factory run by U.S. Robots Inc. which they had orchestrated. Or what about the suit-wearing English youths calling for a return to IngSoc parading the streets in the lead-up to the next election? The reopening of the Josef K. case by German officials in the light of new evidence implying large-scale judicial corruption? The accusations of slavery lobbied at the former Duke of Milan who’d helped fund the world’s largest chocolate factory? The illegal and highly unethical human-animal hybridisation experiments taking place in the Pacific Ocean? The mass freak death of the Usher family who were behind one of the world’s largest corporations? The slow-moving radioactive reptile inching towards Japan and Korea? The imminent stock market crash in the wake of the freak deaths of the Usher family? For God’s sake, this world is going to shit! The bus came to a stop in front of the immaculately trimmed lawn of yet another lakeside mansion, and Yeung sat up with a jolt. From here, it was only a short walk to Jay Gatsby’s home. Eager to escape the bus, he hopped out of his seat and hurried to the door. “Just one moment of your time before you go!” His inadvertent travel companion yelled out behind him. “Please, could you at least let Mr. Gatsby know of my situation!” “I don’t think it’d be much help.” Yeung called back as the glass doors of the bus swung closed. “Besides, you and I don’t know each other.” You must always thank the bus driver. If you don’t you will have terrible/ horrible luck forever. Pelican Fact 61
MAFS Family Picnic—A Fiction Aiden White-Kiely ‘Reality Television Show’—what do these words really mean? If we inspect the phrase by definition, ‘reality’ would dictate a show which mirrors our real-life ups & downs, struggles, joys, and—foremost —drama. However, shows like Married at First Sight often seem out of touch and wholly detached from our ‘real life’ trials & tribulations. But maybe I’m not making a fair comparison— maybe we need to inspect the most drama filled portions of our lives… Welcome to your annual family picnic! Whether it be Easter lunch by the Garvey Park foreshore, Christmas brunch at a Yallingup beach, or your newly-born cousin’s first birthday on a patch of grass, which is no doubt crawling with ants also keen for a feed: family gatherings are perhaps the closest we get to the drama-filled highlight reels from over East. Let’s take a look at who’s coming to the family reunion. Melissa & Josh Because this aunt and uncle don’t have kids, they are a little forgettable. They just sit there every year and talk to the other adults. They seem okay—she always jokes a lot about her love of Marvel and he sits drinking and joking with the other adults. They don’t really seem that connected, not like the parents of your cousins. You don’t even know which one is the actual blood relative and which one is the partner. You heard your mom say to dad last year she doesn’t think Melissa will be back for the picnic next year. Guess we’ll find out… Tayla & Hugo You never know what to think about these two. You’ve always liked your only guy cousin, he’s nice, if a little scrappy around the edges. He started talking to this girl at your school, but she’s really mean to him. And you don’t know why they seem to keep wanting to be with each other even though they don’t get along? Last family gathering she left, seemingly randomly, half way through the day, just before lunch. Your brother said she went all the way home, only to return after lunch, a few hours later? You don’t know her well, but from the outset she seems so weird. If I were a fish and you caught me I’d say, “Hey put me back MAFS is on!” Pelican Fact 62
Bronte & Harrison Everyone has an older cousin who’s a weirdly-complimentary mix of unlikeable and ‘doesn’t-want-to-be-liked’. I guess it’s okay that he plays footy with your brother while everyone else is catching up and eating lunch. And that he scoffed his bread roll down in five seconds so that he could play king of the pack. He always says he’s amazing at footy and that he’s bound to be scouted by a WAFL team any day now—then why does the ball end up bouncing through the camp chairs and knocking over a bottle of cool drink, and dealing grandma a concussion so often? He’s brought his new girlfriend along to the family picnic this year and she seems equally annoyed at everything he does—but she sings his praises when asked by an adult how they’re doing. Maybe that’s just what all relationships are like a couple years above your age? I guess you’ll find out. Claire & Jesse Your cousin’s friend always seemed kindacool and kinda-weird. The long flowy hair and punk-rock hand signals he always makes, are they a bit much? But maybe that’s just who Jesse is, who are we to belittle or judge his hobbies. Apparently he always comes on family holidays with your cousin, and they’ve been friends for years, so he must be OKAY. Just a little quirky. A new face—your cousins’ friends’ new girlfriend— has shown up this year. You’re a little unsure whether they’re a good match or not. She seems like she’d sit at the cool kids table at lunch, but wouldn’t throw scrunched up paper at anyone if the substitute teacher was late—perhaps a good middle ground? Nonetheless it’s cool to have her around today, maybe she’ll throw the Nerf ball with you and the others later, and you’ll get to know her better. You just hope she’s not ‘too cool’ for Jesse and ends up hurting him. Tahnee & Ollie This older cousin is the forebear of initiating games of chasey. However, unlike the other scary older cousins, she grew up and stayed nice. She’s less shy than when she was little, and that seems in most part due to her neighbour who almost always comes along as a family-friend. They’ve always been friends, but you’ve heard they actually ‘like like’ each other. He even usually comes to family Christmas when it’s hosted at your cousin’s house, and you like him. They’re both just such lovely people and you lowkey want to be friends with her neighbour. Wouldn’t it be so cool if he could come over and play Xbox games with you and your friends, or go for a bike ride? It’d be rad. But is it weird asking your cousin’s (boy)friend to be mates? Hopefully you’ll also end up friends. God forbid they ever break up, it would ruin family Christmas. Evelyn & Rupert Your aunty hasn’t shown up this year. She has come to every previous family picnic, so why not this one? Maybe she’s sick? You pose this line of questioning to your mum and it’s revealed that unbeknownst to you, your dazzling ‘aunty’ was just your aunty-in-law. You never even saw them kiss or hold hands, or be close to each other. Some years they arrived separately, but, now that you think about it, some years they did arrive in the same car. They seemed to bicker a lot and you assumed they were siblings—because you bicker the same way with yours. It feels a little odd to not have her here now. Your uncle is a nice guy, but you’ll miss the clanging of your aunty’s bangles every time she moved her wrists, and your parents making comments to each other every year about how she was “a bit overdressed, don’t you think?” But you liked her. She’ll be missed by you, even if the adults seem not to want to mention her name around your uncle. She was kind of cooler than him if we’re being honest. Family, great in theory… complicated in practice. Pelican Fact 63
Janelle & Adam Everyone’s dad has an uncle they don’t get along with. Your dad distinctly does not get along with this one. You’ve asked your dad about it before, and every time he’ll deny there’s any animosity, but you can sense it. Your uncle seems to get along well with most of the other male family members—the other uncles, family friends, and your grandparents, just not dad. And to be fair, you don’t really like him either. You once overheard him offering your older brother ‘weed’. Later on your dad made a point of sternly asking him for ‘a word’ away from the family, and everyone could hear them yelling, when they returned it made things very awkward. Your uncle’s partner seems nice, but she never really gets a chance to speak, your uncle always answers questions for her. Although you don’t have the vocabulary because you haven’t been to therapy yet, you have a feeling something between them is different to the other romantic relationships you’ve seen at family picnics. Grandma always whispers to her when your uncle leaves to go to the toilet, or get more beer from the car, and she always smiles afterwards, once she even cried a little, hoping no one would see. But your grandma remains—with a concerned look on her face which never really goes away the entire day. I wonder what she said? Lyndall & Cameron Just about everyone at the picnic seems to disapprove of your fav aunt’s husband. You’ve always wondered why nobody refers to him by the title ‘uncle’. On the drive here you made a joke to your parents that you bet he would be wearing thongs, old shorts, a singlet, a fly-swatting hat, and holding a stubbie. They laughed for a second before telling you off, but lowand-behold, today he is wearing this exact combination. Your favourite aunt is always so bubbly and bright at family picnics, floating around between family members, and everyone likes her, but since getting married she notably no longer does any social fluttering. He once offered you a beer, before your dad snatched it from him and scolded “do you know how young they are?” Nobody seems to trust him and every year you realise more and more how uncomfortable he makes you feel. The only thing you look forward to about seeing him is hearing his ever-increasingly wild stories about his hometown; he tells of how a crocodile once stole his lunch and how he wrestled it back, and that time a water buffalo once rammed his car in Kakadu. Your dad usually rolls his eyes at these stories, and you have also started doubting their authenticity in recent years. Sandy & Dan This aunty seems nice. She always brings the best food to the family picnic and you have to grab some before your other cousins grab it all—lest you be left with the awful quiches. As soon as she arrives, her partner seems keen to get up and borrow your dad’s canoe or go for a jog to “see what the rest of the area is like,” should we want to move spots. And he inevitably spends the majority of the day away from the rest of the family. You’re not sure why you’re a little excited to spend more time with this aunty once you’re grown up. Alyssa & Duncan Your second cousin, whose parents are very religious, and whose family seems a little cult-like, now has a boyfriend! And the crazy part is—he’s ridiculously nice, even more, handsome! How did your cousin land this guy? Your cousin is rude to him all day, and you wonder what their relationship must be like outside of family gatherings like this, because why on earth is he staying with her? He’s actually quite dreamy, and it’s easy to lose focus watching him help his family-in-law prepare lunch for you and your siblings. Maybe it’s worth giving him your number in case (when) they split up? No, that seems unethical? Unless?... *Get out of jail free card* This Pelly-fact entitles the user to skip one family gathering of their choosing. Pelican Fact 64
Melinda & Layton When you were younger she was one of your favourite cousins. She would always be up for playing line chasey or gangups, and it would spur the rest of your cousins and siblings into playing as well. But as you got a little older she seemed to think she was ‘too cool’ for games like these and it was much harder to encourage other family members to play without her. Now she just goes off with a few of the other cousins and her friends, and walks around the area giggling and making fun of boys. While you do have a weird kind of ‘crush’ on her, you’re also so annoyed every year when you see that, yet again, she’s chosen gossiping over tag. Last year at the picnic a boy who had been playing on the swing came up to her and the others she was with, and they were talking for the entire picnic and not playing tag at all. Even the other cousins she had been with returned to the family huddle without her. Apparently this boy had given her his home phone number and they’ve been talking since. You’ve even heard from your older sister, they had been talking on Facebook! Nobody is allowed Facebook yet, not until we get phones and are in high school—and apparently none of the adults know. While you’re glad to see her boyfriend this year again, you want someone you can secretly message on the computer when your parents aren’t watching as well. And so that wraps up the family gettogether for 2023! As each family gets into their car and leaves for the day and an uncle tightens your seatbelt way too tightly, you’re left wondering if a TV show could ever accurately portray the medley of characters and relationships which are your extended family. If so, you can only hope it doesn’t dramatise the situation any more than the current level of spectacle you see here every year! Caitlin & Shannon It’s pretty well established—even if none of the adults would ever admit it—that she is the favourite of all the grandchildren. She plays an instrument at school, is in the choir, cooks for her parents occasionally, and is always helping clean the dishes up after tucker. All this admirable behaviour so maybe she harbours romantic desire for someone opposite to her? Her boyfriend came last year to the family picnic and not a single aunty or uncle seemed to like him. In the car ride home you heard—while pretending to be asleep on the backseat—your parents discussing how bad of an influence he is on ‘the favourite cousin’. You were rather shocked to see him reappear again this year! You can only hope he doesn’t rock up again next year… *Skip* This may be used at gatherings to avoid topics of your choosing. Pelican Fact 65
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