THE TEXAS GUNSLINGERS
ROUT THE TUPACCA WOOKIES
EN ROUTE TO THEIR FIRST
“THE FORREST” – MKFFL TIME MAN OF THE YEAR – YEAR IN REVIEW
VICTORIOUS MAN OF THE YEAR
THE GUNSLINGERS ARE CHAMPS RYAN WOLKEY CAPS OFF AN EPIC YEAR
PG 4 PG 12
YEAR IN REVIEW 3|Page
TEAM-BY-TEAM SUMMARIES OF 2019
IT’S THE BEER THE GUNSLINGERS HOLD.
JARED EDWARDS ENDS A PE5R|IPLaOgUe S TEN-
YEAR ROAD TO THE GRONK WITH A TITLE
MAKING his debut in 2010, Jared teamed 2012: 5-9
up with his twin brother Zach. The
results leave much to be desired: In a
three-year run as a tandem, the Twins
combine to go 12-30 in the MKFFL.
2011 may have been a miserable fantasy 2011: 4-10
season, but Jared saw success off the
field: a first-team All-State nod & state 6|Page
record for punt return TDs. His High
School career ends with a Final Four
loss to future MKFFL star Ezekiel Elliott.
ARMED with the 2nd overall pick, Jared
grabs reigning MVP Peyton Manning.
The QB fails to lead Jared to glory, but
helps push the team to a .500 record for
the first time in team history.
2013: 4-10 2015: 6-7
AS 2015 approached, Jared underwent
his first team rebrand: SubZero. The
makeover failed to produce results, as
his squad endured back-to-back 6-7
THE newly-minted Gunslingers crashed 2019: 9-4
to earth in 2017 with a league-worst 3-
10 regular-season record. But thanks to
a hot postseason team, they avoid the
last-place award (won by Tony).
2017: 3-10 FULFILLING their offseason vow, the
2018: 7-6 Gunslingers steadily cruise through
the regular season, picking up a
share of the Russian Division title on
their way to Mortal Kombat X. They
take full advantage of their matchup
vs. the shit-talking Ryan, blasting
the Tupacca Wookies & claiming The
A 7-6 2018 record didn’t give much
hope for a title, but Jared’s Gunslingers
catch fire in the playoffs. They upset
the #2 & #3-seed teams en route to
Mortal Kombat IX, where the decision to
start Dak Prescott over Deshaun
Watson costs them their first
MVP: AARON JONES, RB – 26 PTS
PERHAPS no season was more disappointing than that of the Shockers: The preseason choice of this
Magazine to win the Gronk & lay claim to their first championship, the Shockers found themselves off
to a 3-1 start & 5-3 heading into Week 9. With their tiebreakers, the Shockers would need just one win
over their final five games to make the playoffs.
Instead? The Shockers dropped their final five games, scoring less than 80 points in four of them.
Their bad luck continued in the Toilet Bowl, as they scored 64, 65 & 66 points in their three
postseason Loser Bracket games. They captured the last-place trophy in defiant fashion, failing to
score 90 points after Halloween in any game - becoming the unquestioned worst team in the MKFFL in
For 2020, the MKFFL will fight to avoid winning…THE FORREST.
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Big, Hairy Winning
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Wolkey pops the question,
starting the year off on the right
foot. It would prove to be a
precursor to one of the
strongest showings in life from
any MKFFL owner.
Wolkey launches the Draft
Olympiad, consisting of 10
randomized events to find out
who would draft first overall.
The Olympics land Wolkey a
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Wolkey debuts the MKFFL
Podcast, perhaps his greatest
contribution to the league. The
pod is a hit amongst owners,
recapping each week &
providing a platform for smack
talk in “The Dojo”. The debut
episode nearly cancels the
Propelled by the first-half MVP
in the Patriots’ D/ST, Wolkey
starts off 5-1, including a five-
game stretch in which he scores
at least 118 points. The
Wookies roll to an 8-5 record
& take down the rival Grand
Poobahs in the Wild Card
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On the final podcast of the season, “Mortal
Kombat Gameday”, Wolkey declares that he is
now a conservative, and endorses President
Trump for a 2nd term in an historic move.
Wolkey becomes the final league member to
endorse the President, unifying the league as a
A red-hot run through the playoffs
pits Wolkey into Mortal Kombat X
vs. rival Jared Edwards & the Texas
Gunslingers. A come-from-behind
victory by the Gunslingers spoils
Wolkey’s dreams of a 2nd title, but
the success of a championship
appearance closes out a banner year
& gives the Wookies’ leader
momentum heading into a new
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MORTAL KOMBAT X CHAMPION:
RUSSIAN DIVISION CHAMPIONS: TRUMP DIVISION CHAMPION:
TEXAS GUNSLINGERS & THE KRAKEN HIGH FIVE WORLD CHAMPS
THE TONY – LAST PLACE, REGULAR SEASON: THE ZACH – LAST PLACE, TOILET BOWL:
SHOCKERS – NOW CALLED THE FORREST
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FINISHING 3RD IS SMALL
CONSOLATION FOR “WHAT COULD
WHAT WENT RIGHT: Landing Christian
McCaffrey helped this team roll through the
regular season at a torrid pace, with the
Gronk in sight. The Panthers’ RB set
records for total points, and helped Alex
Edwards cruise to a share of the division
title & earn a first-round bye. QB Dak
Prescott was an early breakout star, and
WR Michael Thomas anointed himself as
the most dominant player at the position in
WHAT WENT WRONG: Simply put: the wheels
fell off. The Kraken needed just 75 points-
per-game over the final two weeks of the
season to set the scoring record – and
failed. After a bye, they flopped in the Final
Four, losing to the Tupacca Wookies in
blowout fashion before salvaging a bronze
medal in the final week.
MVP: McCaffrey. The man led the league in
scoring, clearing 10 points in all but one
game. The historic campaign makes the
playoff exit that much more painful.
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THEIR FIRST YEAR BACK RESULTS
IN THEIR WORST SEASON
WHAT WENT RIGHT: Patrick Mahomes played
well when he was in the game, and gave
Raiden hopes of a playoff run during the
final few weeks of the season.
WHAT WENT WRONG: Injuries to Patrick
Mahomes & T.Y. Hilton, David Johnson’s
disappearing act & other issues plagued
the team all season, but they still could’ve
salvaged a playoff run had they not dealt
MKFFL MVP Finalist Lamar Jackson & RB
Sony Michel to the Mean Machine in Week
Four. Melvin Gordon – acquired in the
trade – eventually produced for Raiden, but
it was too little, too late for their playoff
hopes. The playoffs showed some life, but
an overall disappointment for Justin.
MVP: Mahomes. He was the lone bright spot
in an otherwise nightmare season. Justin
will look to return to glory in his 2nd season
post-retirement in 2020.
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FORREST FOR THE
SHOCKERS FAIL TO BREAK 90
AFTER HALLOWEEN & CAPTURE
WHAT WENT RIGHT: Aaron Rodgers didn’t
suck, and neither did George Kittle.
WHAT WENT WRONG: An 0-5 tailspin into the
Toilet Bowl was bad – but not nearly as bad
as their 0-3 run in the Bowl, in which they
scored less than 190 total points.
Averaging 65 per game in the postseason,
the Shockers earned their owner “The
Forrest” for 2020.
MVP: George Kittle. The TE had the best
season in relation to position, and proved a
lone bright spot for Forrest.
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THE GUNSLINGERS AVENGE THEIR
2018 SEASON WITH THEIR FIRST
WHAT WENT RIGHT: Aaron Jones, Drew
Brees, DeAndre Hopkins & Travis Kelce
banded together to push the Gunslingers to
their first championship in team history.
The QB position was juggled brilliantly all
season by Jared, as Brees, Matt Ryan &
Kyler Murray all started games. Jones –
acquired in a masterstroke of a midseason
trade that bolstered the Gunslingers &
crippled the rival Kraken – led them
through the playoffs, eventually securing
MVP Honors in Mortal Kombat X. The
Gunslingers become the first team since
the Tupacca Wookies to win three games en
route to an MKFFL title.
WHAT WENT WRONG: Nothing!
MVP: Jones. He was the unquestioned star
amongst a strong team, earning Mortal
Kombat X MVP honors & removing a key
piece to the Kraken in the process
following his acquisition.
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SINGIN’ THE BLUES
LIMPING INTO THE PLAYOFFS AT 6-
7, THE FORMER CHAMPS ARE
WHAT WENT RIGHT: RB Saquon Barkley – a
disappointment for much of the season –
scored 65 points in the Poobah’s two-week
playoff game against the Mean Machine to
propel them to a 6-point win.
WHAT WENT WRONG: Injuries & bad luck on
the scoring front. The Poobahs earned a
losing record despite having the 2nd-most
points in the league, and faced a playoff
run without star RB Dalvin Cook. QB
Russell Wilson joined Cook & Barkley in
taking star turns in leading the team, but
weren’t able to muster results.
MVP: Cook finished as a top RB in the
MKFFL, and alongside WR Chris Godwin,
was the lone consistent star on the team.
Cook’s time missed in the MKFFL Playoffs
hampered the club & ended any dreams of
a championship run.
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A TERRIBLE DEBUT IS SALVAGED IN
THE TOILET BOWL
WHAT WENT RIGHT: The Hombres avoided a
last-place finish in the Toilet Bowl by
defeating the Shockers. Pairing that with a
2-0 record vs. the rival Grand Poobahs
gave owner Bryce Bowman silver linings to
a dreadful start to his MKFFL career.
WHAT WENT WRONG: Just a poor draft & ill-
advised trade. Really, simply put: Bowman
made terrible personnel moves that capped
the potential of his team.
MVP: RB Josh Jacobs. He was a fun player
to watch as he became an impact player on
the Hombres and in the MKFFL. Jacobs will
likely become a first-round pick in 2020.
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MAYBE NEXT YEAR
ANOTHER YEAR, ANOTHER
DISSAPOINTMENT FOR THE
WHAT WENT RIGHT: HMD rolled through the
Toilet Bowl, going 3-0 and showing the
potential that preceded the team’s 10th
season. Tyreek Hill was a top performer
despite missing four games, and Davante
Adams put up big-time numbers as well.
WR D.K. Metcalf was a surprise rookie star
WHAT WENT WRONG: Another season of
injuries dismounted HMD. They made a
strong run to the finish, and got hot in the
playoffs, but a lackluster regular season
bounced them from contention for their
MVP: The difference Tyreek Hill makes is
undeniable – he is a consistent top-
performer and bona-fide first round pick in
all 2020 formats. His showing when
healthy gave HMD the belief that they could
win a Gronk if they got into the playoffs.
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2nd PLACE IS THE ONLY BLEMISH TO
A FANTASTIC SEASON
WHAT WENT RIGHT: Savvy roster moves, elite
drafting, timely victories & good luck
blended together this season for the
Wookies, as they looked like destiny’s child
for much of 2019. An easy rout of both the
Grand Poobahs & the Kraken led them to
Mortal Kombat X, paced by strong playoff
showings from Julio Jones & Todd Gurley.
WHAT WENT WRONG: Todd Gurley did not live
up to the hype, and although he ran
roughshod through the playoffs, they didn’t
have the firepower when it mattered most.
MVP: The Patriots’ D/ST was a top-10
PLAYER in the MKFFL in 2019 – and as a
waiver-wire add, perhaps the best roster
move of the season. They became a league
MVP finalist & carried the Wookies to many
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A WINLESS POSTSEASON ENDS A
WHAT WENT RIGHT: MKFFL MVP Lamar
Jackson led the Mean Machine to the
postseason with as much hype as you could
ask for. They looked like serious dark
horse contenders for their first-ever Gronk,
and favorites to make their first Final Four.
WHAT WENT WRONG: A three-week slump at
the wrong time during the playoffs. The
Mean Machine stumbled in the first round
vs. the eventual champs, and were
outlasted by the pesky Poobahs. Tyler will
enter season 11 still in search of his first-
ever playoff victory.
MVP: When you win league MVP honors, it’s
only fitting you win team honors as well.
Lamar Jackson was the best trade of the
season – and maybe in league history –
and completely turned Tyler’s season
around. Tyler is riding the league’s second-
longest active playoff season streak (5) into
2020, and the next step could bring him the
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GOT TOO HIGH
A FIRST-ROUND BYE SET UP A
MASSIVE DROP TO 4TH PLACE
WHAT WENT RIGHT: Rolling to a Trump
Division Title, Danny looked like a top-end
favorite to win the Gronk. Deshaun Watson,
Ezekiel Elliott & co. were playing their best
football leading into December.
WHAT WENT WRONG: A first-round bye killed
their momentum, as they lost back-to-back
games to finish 4th overall, sandwiching a
red-hot middle of the season between a
shitty first few games & playoff showing.
MVP: Watson took the next step towards
elite MKFFL QB with his 2019 season,
making tons of plays for Danny. His QB
play sent the HFWC to a bye & division
championship, and did his best to will them
back to Mortal Kombat. Danny has had a
lot of success when he chooses to draft,
and 2020 should look just as good if he
continues to avoid autodrafting.
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