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Published by joelychou13142, 2015-07-27 21:22:34

Bounce Back In Style 2nd Edition

Bounce Back In Style 2nd Edition

Keywords: Bounce Back In Style,online flipbook maker,marriage

1

Contents

From The Editor‘s Desk -————————-—————–———-——–————3-4

On Your Mark, Get Set, To...Start Reading

Our Journey So Far by Rev Enomfon Ntefon ——————————————-—7-9

Moving On

Bouncing Back Into Wholeness by Dr Carol Tomlin & Sharon Murray-Sakumai -—13-15
They Were Wrong by Afonama Ntefon -———————————————-—–16
Bounce Back From Business Setbacks To Wholeness by Victor Kweji ———–——17-19

The Interview

Exclusive Interview with Aity & Dennis Inyang --———————————–——21-25

Starting Your Marriage Right!

Planning Your Wedding On A Wise Budget by Ruth Odunuga ————————–27-29
Are You Compatible With Her? by Dr Vic Victor —————————————-–31-33

Unique Marriage Builders

Make Your Unique Marriage Bed by Rev Sam Ukpai —————————–———36-39
Loving Your Spouse Even When It Is So Hard by Pastor Jack Surret -————–—-40-41
The Role Of 21st Century Wives On High Definition by Pastor Suzanne Nti ——43-45
Available Courses From The Love & Marriage School -———————————46-47
The Role of 21st Century Husbands by Pastor Ezekiel Atang ———————–—48-53

Bounce Back Stories

Overcoming Invisible Disabilities by Ferdinand Lawson —————————–-—–56-58
Bouncing Back from Divorce by Dawniel Patterson Winningham ———————-59-60

The Single Life On Highlight

Singleness: Choice, Calling Or Circumstantial by Abraham Jones ——————–63-65
New Trend
Stay-At-Home-Dads by Rev. Robert Ntefon ——————————————–—–67-70
Build The Bridges, Don’t Burn Them!
Protocols For Ending Church Relationships by Adewale Adefuye —————–——-73-74
Train The Trainers —————————————————————————–—78

2

From The Editor's Desk

The need to build empowering relationships or disconnect from an unhealthy ones is a vital re-

quirement of our time. We all struggle with this in the real world. Technology and fast-paced living
has helped to complicate close relationships intensifying what we already lack. Intimacy requires
skills for sustenance. Family relationships needs patience and love to be built. Friendship needs
commitment to be maintained. Church relationships need wisdom and leadership to grow.
Indeed relationship is a living thing and no success happens without it.

To that effect the spotlight is on really on marriage and relationships in this edition. So, many have
been hurt and bruised by relationships. It is almost phenomenal in its impact. To avert marriage
and family disintegration, strong marriages and stable families need to be built. Family cohesion
and unity is a major requirement for our time.

We therefore aim to answer these burning questions:
“How can marriages start strong"?
“How can they stay strong”?
"What makes marriage last”?
“How can we move our marriages from better to best?
“How can we move on when the odds are stacked against us”?
All of these needs to be done in a broken and ailing society.
On that note, Bounce Back In Style Magazine interviewed Aity & Dennis Inyang in their 24 years of
marriage journey. They have graciously shared such powerful insights and strategies into what has
kept them together in spite of intense pressure from ministry, trials of all sorts and shapes, delays,
hardships and harassments. Incidentally, I was at their wedding and they were at ours, so we
know that beginning so well. They share theirs with you and so much more.
In the same vein, we are celebrating a cross-section of couples who have recently celebrated their
marriage anniversaries. These models should encourage us to keep keeping on. Yes we all CAN!
Oh and my husband and I will be 24 years on the 23rd March, 2015! We have come this far, by
God’s grace. We do share some highlights of our journey in, " Our Journey So Far!

Starting Your Marriage Right points in the direction of answering the question, “ Are Your Compati-
ble With Her? Dr Vic Victor spills the beans by alerting young men on those aspects that facilitate
compatibility. Some marriages ended with the painful sigh, “we are not compatible”. You want to read
this and pass on to your friends!
Ruth Odunuga has released some powerful tips to our readers on "How To Plan Your Wedding On A
Wise Budget". Planning your wedding this year or next? You need her insightful tips to make your
wedding planning less stressful and your day stand out!

3

Make Your Unique Marriage Bed interweaves godliness and sexuality within the safe boundaries
of a purpose-driven marriage. The worldly perspective aided by Hollywood has so bastardised sex
that we need a total over-haul of how it should be God's way. After all, it is the Designer that has the
purpose and functionality of His product more than anyone else. Can I get an Amen, to that! I

t can get boring and monotonous without this needed information. Rev Samuel Kalu’s incredible ad-
dition will revolutionise this 'secret' department. You can create your own unique spice to sizzle
your romance and sex life in your marriage.

In the both The Roles of Husbands On High Definition and The Roles Of The Wives On High Defi-
nition by Pastor Suzanne Nti & Pastor Ezekiel Atang present a beautiful style that so intricately por-
trays this serious message in neon lights to point out that you can fulfil your roles without even ste-
reotyping them. They both uniquely emphasize the interplay of love, commitment and creativity
within the domestic setting where marriage is set. In this day and age, there is no role a loving cou-
ple cannot fit in and beat religious stereotypes and shatter cultural shackles that are disempower-
ing us in our marriages.

Dr Carol Tomlin and Sharon Murray have given those who have been in a marriage that did not
work great hope! Do read, "Bouncing Back Into Wholeness . Your marriage might not work, but
your destiny is on!

Victor Kwegyir has pitched in How To Turn Business Setbacks Into Comebacks to buttress the
fact that you can bounce back after a business failure. Where it took the traditional 3 years of busi-
ness failure or 30 years, you can bounce back while utilising lessons of a life-time.

Singleness: Choice, Calling Or Circumstantial, Abraham Jones throws a strong light on types of
singleness and the “why” behind this season or state. Singleness is not a curse. It is not a "wait and
see" nor is it a "glorified state of confusion". When we identify the reason why we can face the reali-
ties, demands and blessings.

Also looking at Bounce Back Stories, we share life lessons, relationship setbacks, and failure by em-
powered contributors Ferdinand Lawson and Dawniel Winningham who have so generously given
permitted us to share. Some of these stories will be out in The Bounce Back Effect for release later
this year!

Adewale Adefuye helps us close the door gently in Protocols for Ending Relationships with a
strong focus on church relationships. You cannot go wrong as you glean wisdom from his experience
based on love and grace to handle this silent but increasing phenomenon of leaving a church family
when necessary.

On the whole, this edition is a powerful contribution, our gift of grace and an oasis in the relationship
desert. I and my team really appreciate every Contributor. You made this
edition happen! May you experience more love, joy and productivity in your
life, family and destiny.

Every Blessing to every writer and reader,

Rev. Enomfon Ntefon

Editor-in-Chief
Bounce Back In Style Magazine

4

On Your Mark
Get
SReetading
...Start

5

Happy Marriage Anniversary!

6

Our Journey So Far !

Rev Enomfon Ntefon

“Don't you dare step into my
house ever again...!”
These are polished version of
words that were screamed at a
young man who really wanted
to make an impression by ap-
proaching the surviving parent
of the girl he hoped to get mar-
ried to.
This parent had single-
handedly raised her 21 year old
daughter and 8 other siblings
after the death of her husband
10 years prior. She had legiti-
mate reasons. She needed to
protect her own.
But he only went to declare his
intentions, why was she so an-
gry? But no use asking, action
was needed.
Undaunted, he went and gath-
ered support from his older
family members, pastor and
other leaders to help in the first
step of the journey of a life-
time.
It was a long walk to freedom,
according to Mandela but final-
ly almost 3 years afterward, a

7

That young man my husband now of 24 years is now a father to our 5 children. On the 23rd March, 2015, we
celebrate 24 years.

I remember as we went through the gruelling time of consistent no's from mum, I was weeping one evening as I
told him, "Why don't WE JUST END THE RELATIONSHIP". We do not have to get married.

If I did not get approval and blessing from my mum ( dad had passed on), I would not want to marry. I felt, she
represented my dad’s approval and that would haunt me throughout our relationship. But that is history now!

Today, we joke our children want to hear the stories of how we met, how mum did not attend my wedding (they
shed a few tears and give me some hugs , but we do let our children understand they have their own lives and
destinies and God will
weave out a tapestry of
beauty through the deep-
est pain.

Marriage is a covenant,
NOT A CONTRACT. Yes
we signed the papers, but
I never remember that as
our binding agreement. I
am committed
to fulfilling the reason
why we made the cove-
nant to raise godly chil-
dren, to fulfil my purpose
with him and vice-versa.

At this stage, I have a
daughter about to enter
marriage and I am committed to seeing our legacy lived out through her own family.

As Co-Founder of a thriving Love & Marriage School, I can say, how you live out what you learn is up to you. But
you have to have relevant knowledge, positive re-enforcements, empowering experiences to say the least. You can
build on these. You have the sole duty to up-learn what you can to succeed in marriage.
We have had our own share of the hard lessons through and we are aware ( as we do sometimes forget) some of
these lessons ourselves when under severe pressure. But we do have a strong foundation of faith, focus and vision.
The Love and Marriage School has a vision to establish strong and healthy families in the nations of he world.
Your partnership is highly crucial. Join us at the forthcoming Love & Marriage School in London or if

you so wish for a Love & Marriage School Outing in your city, community or church email us at
info@loveandmarriageschool.

Enomfon Ntefon is a Marketplace Pastor, an Entrepreneur, Leadership & Personal Development Trainer and
Marriage Mentor. She is a Co-Director of Winning Relationships, Co-Founder of Love & Marriage School and is
the Editor- in-Chief of Bounce Back In Style Magazine. She co-pastors The King’s Mission with her husband, Rev
Robert Ntefon and has authored several books, including Beyond Sexual Attraction, How To Know A Man Loves
You, Winning Mum all listed on Amazon.com. She has released musical album entitled “Break Forth Into
Singing with her original composed songs. She is a mother to 5 gifted children: Edidiong, Uduot-eti, Ese-abasi,
Ammek and Afonama.
8

Our Story In Pictures

9

10 Call: 07868015872 or 07828675037

We congratulate Our Daughter & Fiancé

Edi&Michael

On their Engagement

Date: 21st Feb. 2015
Time: 10am-1pm

Venue: Walter Pomeroy Hall
Royal Lane

Uxbridge, UB8 3QU

11

Moving
On!

12

Bouncing Back To Wholeness

Dr Carol Tomlin The collapse of a relationship, particularly a
marriage is possibly the most challenging life
experience that one could encounter. Individu-
als who have gone through the breakup of a
marriage have stated that it can be more trau-
matic on an emotional level than the death of a
loved one. The authors of this article who have
both experienced divorce, albeit, several years
ago, can attest to the devastation of having a
failed marriage, especially as Christian women.
The primary reason for this piece, is to encour-
age individuals who have undergone or, are
going through a similar experience to „bounce
back.‟ The authors can bear witness to God‟s
restoring power, hence the purpose of this arti-
cle. Divorce is not the end but can be the be-
ginning of a new chapter in life with the Lord.

Both authors would like to stress that the disintegration of their mar-
riage in no way diminished their love for the Lord neither did they
blame God for the break up. However, for one of the authors her
faith was greatly tested and she felt unsupported by her local
church, which also contributed to her backsliding, temporarily. For
the other author, the overwhelming feelings of guilt and shame had
actually helped her on a spiritual journey to real faith.

The causes of divorce are often complex and far-reaching. Divorce
can have varied effects on different people. Most individuals feel a
sense of failure; for some it is a sense of loss whilst for others they
become angry and even bitter. Sometimes, not being able to fully
express the range of emotions compounds the situation. Loneliness
can often set in because there may be no outlet to communicate
how one is feeling and the total upheaval as a result of a failed rela-
tionship is devastating.

Often, in the church there is insufficient biblical teaching or under-
standing about divorce; even when there are viable grounds, the
lack of guidelines could make such persons believe they have com-
mitted the „cardinal sin.‟ In order to support those going through
marital breakdown and to ensure their spiritual development, great
sensitivity and compassion are needed, as this can be a period
when individuals are vulnerable or susceptible to satanic attack.

13

Both inside and outside the church, divorce can Each human being wishes to be fulfilled. This can
be isolating. For example, invitations to various only be actualised through letting go of our lives,
social activities were given to you as a couple, but and trusting that God has our best interest at heart
almost overnight you become relegated to a sin- because He loves us so much.
gle‟s status and on the fringes of a local church
community or circle of friends. Moreover, we can accept God‟s peace and confi-
dence in a secure future when we surrender all
Alas! There is good news. God, our loving heav- areas of our lives to Him. There is life after a rela-
enly Father, embraces and reassures us of His tionship breaks down or divorce. Bouncing back
love, regardless of our experiences. At times, we with a new outlook is possible. Both authors dis-
fail to comprehend the magnitude of God‟s uncon- covered a deeper relationship with the Lord when
ditional love. The Lord has a divine destiny and their priorities changed. Seeking God‟s will has
purpose for every person on the planet and we become paramount to their decision-making. The
can be encouraged, irrespective of our current focus for their life has shifted from being self-
circumstances to move forward in Him. centred to Christ centred. For example, careers
had previously been at the top of their agenda, but
If many of us are honest, we doubt that God can they are now concerned about living according to
be trusted implicitly with our singleness (never God‟s purpose.
married, separated, divorced or widowed). As a
result, we are afraid to allow God to have the full The authors have found a new sense of wellbeing,
reigns of our lives. Unfortunately, the devil has and hope for the future has been restored surpas-
also convinced many that they are in a hopeless sing their previous existence. They have encom-
situation and can never enjoy life again. passed an identity, which reflects wholeness, evi-
denced in their relationship with the Lord. If you
For one of the authors, she had to come to the have been broken on the wheel of a relationship,
realisation that other people‟s opinions and atti- God is ready to heal your wounds and prepare you
tudes towards her changing status, could not pre- for the next phase of your life - if you trust Him.
vent her from having the relationship that she Why not sit at the Saviour‟s feet whilst He pours
once had with God. She decided it would require His fragrance of love on you. He will give you as
total surrender to the Lord for her restoration. The the Prophet Jeremiah said: „a future and a hope.‟
other author began to study the Bible in-depth and
focused on God‟s love. In addition, she compre- Rev Dr Carol Tomlin & Sharon Murray-Sakumai
hended the essence of what it truly means to be a
Christian and developed her relationship with Je-
sus Christ. Both authors came to the conclusion
that „dying to self’ was the necessary step towards
renewal and healing from the Lord.

Despite the God-given desire for sexual intimacy, Sharon Murray-Sakumai
it became a reality that God has to be centrepiece
in a person‟s life. On this spiritual journey, being
married to the Lord first is more important than
anything or anyone else. The biblical text that
says „For your Maker is your Husband‟ (Isaiah
54:5) reinforces the need for everyone (not gen-
dered) to rely on God, emotionally, psychological-
ly, socially, financially and in any conceivable way.

14

Rev Dr Carol Tomlin

Rev Dr Carol Tomlin is Senior Pastor of Restoration Fellowship Ministries (RFM). She
has been involved in ministry for several years including working as a Chaplain, regis-
tered with the UK Board of Healthcare Chaplaincy. She is an ordained minister with an M
Phil in Theology from the University of Birmingham, Ph D in Education and Sociolin-
guistics from the University of Reading, and has qualifications from other universities. As
a qualified teacher and academic, Dr. Tomlin has a long and established national and in-
ternational career in higher education including a recent appointment as a part-time tutor
at Oxford University, and won a Teacher of the Year Award (2005) from Wolverhampton
University. She is also an independent educational consultant, author and international speaker.

Dr Tomlin is often invited as a keynote/guest speaker at academic, community and church events. For example, she
presented a keynote speech at the BME (Black & Minority Ethnic) Women's Aspirations Network Conference in
(2009). Dr Tomlin is one of the leading experts on Black preaching style and has presented on this topic at various
conferences including at the Preachers’ Conference, Westminster College in Cambridge. Additionally, she gave an
interview on preachers in the diaspora for the BBC television production of the Black Messiah (2001).

As a published author, some of her academic work includes Black Language Style in Sacred and Secular Contexts,
and the following co-authored books with Dr Paul Mocombe: The Oppositional Culture Theory (2010); Race &
Class Distinctions in Black Communities (2014); Patterns in the Spirituality of Black Caribbean People in the UK
(forthcoming). She believes in the power of Jesus Christ to transform the life of each individual!

Sharon Murray-Sakumai

Sharon has a BA (Hons) in Literature, Certificate in Education and a Certificate
in Urban Pastoral Education. She is currently completing an MA in Teaching
and Learning at the University of Manchester. In addition, Sharon is setting up
her own business which offers educational programmes for both Christian and
secular audiences.

Sharon is a retired lecturer, who taught in sixth form and further education col-
leges for nineteen years. Prior to this, she worked as a researcher at East Lon-
don and South Bank Universities. She gained experience of working with
younger children when she was employed as the Assistant Director of the Com-
munity Youth Creative Learning Experience (CYCLE), an after school programme in Chicago, USA.

Sharon has experience of urban ministry and successfully completed a course for a year in urban ministry in Chica-
go; this gave her the opportunity to work with disadvantaged children, the homeless and recovering drug addicts.
She also served on the management committee of the Bow and Poplar Befriending Scheme for a number of years.

Sharon delivers seminars for women and young people, and desires to see people fulfilling the plan that God has
for their lives. She is an active member of her local church and is passionate about God’s will and purpose for her
life. She seeks to glorify the Lord in all her endeavours.

15

They Were Wrong!

By Afonama Ntefon
She's surrounded by people who say the rhyme "sticks & stones."
Well they were wrong,
They told her she was ugly,
She believed them,
She constantly looked at herself in the mirror,
Now she knows,
They were wrong,
They told her she would never be normal,
She took it to heart and hid in the shadows,
Hoping no-one will see her,
But now she knows they were wrong,
They called her a freak,
From then on she found herself living in a world of insecurity,
Now she sees,
They were wrong,
She said "don't tell me those words hurt less than broken bones,"
She learnt that "if you can't see anything beautiful about yourself, get a mirror look a little closer, stare a
little longer make sure at lest you see tour beauty because if you don't see they were wrong nobody will
for you.
AT LEAST REMEMBER THIS, THEY ARE WRONG!

Afonama Ntefon (11)

16

Bouncing
Back To
Success
From
Business
Setbacks

VICTOR KWEGYIR

17

Happy New Year to you! I want to believe you had a Interestingly the experience is what also inspired me to write
wonderful festive season, remembering and celebrating my first two books – ‚THE BUSINESS YOU CAN START -
the birth of our LORD and Saviour Jesus Christ. I am Spotting The Greatest Opportunities In The Economic Down-
excited and very expectant, trusting that you feel the same turn‛ and ‚YOU'VE BEEN FIRED! NOW WHAT? - Seize the
way as I do. Opportunity, Creatively Turn It into a Successful Reality". In
both books I talk about how to take advantage of adversity
It is also my expectation that you have been inspired to strategi- (layoff, unemployment or underemployment) to redefine your-
cally position yourself well to take advantage of the New Year. self and tap into your experience, skills and passion to become a
As with any new year, there will be abundance of opportunities, business owner. Both books are available in paperback and
it is what we do with them that will determine how we sign off eBook formats and on Amazon, Kindle, via my website and
the year, come 31st December, 2015. Someone once said, “Even other platforms to order worldwide.
when opportunity knocks, a man still has to get up off his seat
and open the door.” I trust we will be well placed to open the For the business owner who had to close down, it is not the end
doors to opportunities that come our way this year. of the road. As Robert H. Schuller, once said, ‚Failure is simply
the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.‛
Taking stock of the past year is necessary if we want to fully Besides ‚Failure doesn’t mean you are a failure it just means
appreciate what we accomplished and what we were unable to you haven’t succeeded yet‛. Henry Ford. I do enjoy reading
do, from our goals. The practice often times is to carry them over biographies and am yet to come across any successful person or
with the hope of making good on our promise to ourselves in the achiever who did not fail at something on their journey to suc-
New Year. In business terms we call this process of evaluation a cess.
‘Business Review’. If you are a business person and on LinkedIn
do make time to check out my latest three part post on In the words of the wise men in the book of proverbs ‚For a just
‘Positioning Yourself For Success In The New Year', where I man falleth seven times, and riseth up again: “‛ Proverbs 24:
talked about how to review your business for success. 16. In other words, because of the power and Spirit of God
which indwells the righteous person, it is impossible to keep
Business as with all facets of life has its own set of peaks such person down because of any kind of failure at any given
and troughs. Many experts will tell you that economic time. That is simply because, vested in the righteous person is
trends are in cycles. This means, there will always be enough grace and ability to enable them get up, dust themselves
times of plenty and positive growth as well as downturn off, and rise again even in the worst of times.
periods. It is also important to appreciate that although
a general economic downturn can lead to redundancies Let me share a few pointers with you to take away for anyone
or closing down of to take advantage of it to bounce who need to ‘bounce back’ in your business: businesses, it is
back from the seemingly adverse situation. possible for the affected individuals

Personally I was literally ‘pushed’ into starting my own con- 1. Immunity to Failure - Being righteous does not make
sultancy and coaching business, having worked in simi- 2. you immune to failure. It rather equips and enables you
lar capacities over the years, after the EU/Welsh As- overcome failure should you experience it in business.
sembly government project which I last worked on Proverbs 24:16 helps us to appreciate this much better.
wound up, resulting in the loss of funding at the height
of the 2007/08 economic downturn. Expert advice – There are always experts with
knowledge and years of valuable experience who you
3. Planning - Plan before you start or restart your can consult for advice and to mentor you in your busi-
bounce back journey. One of the major reasons of ness journey. God said ‚My people are destroyed for the
business failure is lack of planning. From a scriptural lack of knowledge “‛ Hosea 4:6. This means that being
perspective Habakkuk 2:2 and Luke 14:28 are two a child of God is not a guarantee you will succeed in
scriptures among many that clearly gives us insight whatever you do. Your guarantee is in stepping out after
into the wisdom in planning before embarking on arming yourself with the right information.

18

any venture in life. God has a plan for us, as such it is 7. Quitting - Never make provision to quit. Be deter-
only wise to have a plan for ourselves and our business. mined to make it, even if it means tweaking the idea, strate-
It’s a fact that refusing to plan exposes you to waste of gy, or packaging yourself and your products and services a
valuable time and resources. bit more differently than you set out to do originally.

4. Systems & Structures – Create a system and structures 8. Time – Master the art of time management. Time is
for your business so that at some point the business can said to be the most expensive commodity, because once lost
work without your direct involvement. This will enable its gone forever.
you focus on other vital aspects that will help you better
manage the business and seek ways to expand and grow These are but a few points you need to consider as you seek
the business. to bounce back to make success of this year. I will end here
and challenge you to always keep Proverbs 24:16 in mind,
5. Focus – We must learn to focus on one thing at a time especially if you are a born again Christian. I believe that as
until we have mastered it before taking on other opportu- long as we live, we have the ability to try again, of course,
nities. Focus on what must be done and leave other aspects smarter than we did before.
to those who can best handle it as the business grows.
Avoid running more than one business at a time until you Thank you very much Rev Enomfon Ntefon for the oppor-
have set up the systems, structures and have the right cali- tunity to share with your audience. God richly bless you.
bre of employees in place to run the business.
VICTOR KWEGYIR is an International Business Consultant &
6. Consistent - Be consistent and stay at it until you clearly Coach, Entrepreneur, Business Motivational Speaker, Author,
define your place in the industry or line of business. It is founder and CEO of Vike Invest Ltd, a growing International Busi-
also the only way to discover your full potential and a ness Consultancy firm in London, UK. He has over eighteen years’
better understanding of the industry, competition, client experience in business and is a sought after business speaker and
behaviour and even the products or services you offer. Entrepreneurship/Small Business Development consultant, who
inspires and equips his audience and clients with the knowledge
and practical tools to start and grow successful businesses. Victor
has been a guest on over 60 radio and TV shows in the UK, USA
and Canada. For more information please visit
www.vikebusinessservices.com for more details. To contact Victor
email: [email protected].

19

The

Interview

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