Giving Effective Instructions handout

Giving Effective Instructions

Rule Reason Examples
Make commands direct, not
indirect ● Direct commands tell the ● Direct: Please sit down right here.
child that the parent expects ● Indirect: Would you like to sit down?
Make commands single and small, him/her to listen (as opposed ● Direct: Please pick up your toys.
not compound to making a suggestion) ! ● Indirect: Let’s pick up your toys, okay?

State commands positively (tell ● Makes it clear that the child, ● Please put your shoes in the closet (instead of
child what to do, instead of what not the parent, is to do the . . . Clean your room)
not to do) task
● Please put on your pajamas. !
● It is easier for children to ● Please brush your teeth. !
comply with small commands ● Please use the bathroom. (instead of. . . Get

● Some children can’t ready for bed.) !
remember multiple-part
commands d! ue to ● Child: (on kitchen counter)!
developmental level ● Parent: Please get down. (instead of . . . Don’t

● The child gets more climb on the counter!)!
opportunities for praise ! ● Child: (bouncing ball)!
● Parent: Please get a book to read. (instead of .
● Helps parents stay on track !
. . Stop bouncing that ball!)!
● Children often “rebel” against ● Child: (runs away from parent)!
“stop” and “don’t” commands ! ● Parent: Please hold my hand. (instead of . . .

● Tells child what (s)he can do Don’t run away!)
instead !

● The child gets more
opportunity for !praise !

Adapted from Parent-Child Interaction Therapy by Hembree-Kigin T. & Bodiford McNeil, C., 1995.

Rule Reason Examples
Make commands specific, not
vague ● Lets child know exactly what ● Please use your indoor voice. (instead of . . . Act

Use a neutral tone of voice, instead is expected nice!)
of pleading or yelling
● Eliminates confusion ● Please walk. (instead of . . . Behave yourself!)
State commands positively.
(tell child what to do, instead of ● Makes it easier to decide ● Please wait for your turn. (instead of . . . Play
what not to do)
whether the child has nicely.)

listened (easier follow-

through)

● Children need to learn to ● Come sit next to me. (instead of . . . Sit here
respond to commands given now!!)

in a normal tone of voice ● Hold my hand. (instead of HOLD MY HAND

● Prevents escalation RIGHT THIS MINUTE!)

● Models self-control for the
child

● Makes interactions more
pleasant for both the child

and the parent

● Interactions are more ● Please hand me the crayon.
pleasant
● Please sit next to me.

● Models good social skills ● Please put the toy in the box.

● Less likely to cause an ● Child: (runs away from parent)

oppositional child to disobey ● Parent: Please hold my hand. (instead of .

. . Don’t run away!)

Adapted from Parent-Child Interaction Therapy by Hembree-Kigin T. & Bodiford McNeil, C., 1995.

Rule Reason Examples
Avoid giving too many direct
commands ● Neither adults nor children ● Make time each day to play “their way”
like to be told what to do ● Only give instructions when necessary –
Provide consistent consequences constantly
give choices the rest of the time
Use choice commands when ● If parents give too many ● Stand up vs. do you want to clean up now or
appropriate. direct commands in a day, it
is hard to follow through finish another puzzle
consistently
● Parent: Please hand me the cup.
● This is the fastest way to ● Child: (hands cup to parent)
teach young children to ● Parent: Thanks for listening! You’re a good
follow rules better
helper.
● Compliance should not be ● Child: (fails to hand parent cup)
taken for granted (or it may ● Parent: Two choices.. hand me cup or sit in
soon disappear)
time-out.
● Encourages the development ● You can watch TV or color quietly.
of autonomy and decision- ● Do you want to put on your white socks or
making
your blue socks?
● Increasing choice has shown ● Use your indoor voice or play in the
to decrease problem
behaviors backyard.

● Doesn’t take the “power”
away from a child who tends
to get in power struggles

Adapted from Parent-Child Interaction Therapy by Hembree-Kigin T. & Bodiford McNeil, C., 1995.