The Times Magazines

SARAH ORBANICI n Silicon Valley, the buzz is all about Pregnant with her daughter, now seven months old and slowed metabolisms to its links to
eternal youth. Billionaires are pouring osteoporosis, heart disease and Alzheimer’s.
cash into immortality tech, the science ‘We’re not fighting our
of hacking old age and even death. Peter biology… We just want “All these bad things had been characterised
Thiel, co-founder of PayPal, has invested women to feel good for as just what happens to women when they hit
millions in the Methuselah Foundation, as long as they can’ 50. We’ve always been told, ‘Oh, that’s normal.’”
a non-profit that aims to make “90 the
new 50 by 2030”. Amazon’s Jeff Bezos is so I could make a decision that was right In early 2020, Robinton formed Oviva to
a huge investor in Unity Biotechnology, a for me – whether it was to hurry up and find focus on research into delaying ovarian ageing.
start-up developing therapeutics to flush someone to have a baby with or to freeze my A week after she received the seed funding
out senescent cells (which are deteriorating eggs, or to decide I didn’t want children, which to begin the company’s research, she and her
but don’t die off when they should). was never really on the table for me.” fitness coach partner learnt she was pregnant
with her daughter, now seven months.
In the pursuit of immortality, these west The doctor explained many things that
coast wannabe Dorian Grays are trying Robinton did not know, including that in “It was interesting timing. It’s definitely hard
every form of biohacking, from sleep tracking, women’s late forties or fifties, when most still to juggle motherhood with a career that feels
fasting and meditation to implanting chips and look and feel young, the ovaries start shuffling like it’s taking off. But it feeds into the same
hardware into the body. Both Apple and Google into old age much earlier than any other organ. narrative of being able to choose a life that is
are showing interest in entering the sphere. Since ovaries also have a huge influence on fulfilling and vibrant and not letting our inherent
women’s health and wellbeing, from that point sex and gender differences keep me down.”
But so far, as with so much in the biotech female quality of life deteriorates dramatically,
sector, the race for life eternal has been with cellular ageing accelerating by 6 per cent. Each month women ovulate one egg but
almost entirely male-dominated. Until, that also lose thousands more – summoned from
is, the arrival of Dr Daisy Robinton, a former “I was horrified to find out how little their finite supply allocated at birth. Eventually,
Abercrombie & Fitch model with a Harvard I knew about my own biology. I thought, ‘If I millions of eggs are lost, until a threshold is
PhD in human biology and translational have a PhD in this and I don’t know anything, reached so low it triggers menopause. Oviva
medicine. She’s intent on not only grabbing a then how else does anyone know anything?’” is looking to develop an agent that can slow
slice of the potentially superlucrative pie but down or entirely stop folliculogenesis, the
also focusing exclusively on the field of female Why, Robinton wondered, wasn’t anything process whereby the follicles – sacs in the
ageing – until recently overlooked – aiming to available to slow down this process, with ovary that each contain one egg – mature.
keep ovaries for ever youthful so that within the potential consequence of not only keeping
the next couple of decades women may be women healthier far longer, but also giving In younger women, the anti-Müllerian
freed first from the tyranny of the “tick tock” them a much wider fertility window and hormone (AMH) is produced by the ovaries to
biological clock and, later, the menopause, preventing the havoc menopause can wreak, prevent additional eggs maturing during this
with all its attendant side effects and longer- with symptoms ranging from brain fog, process, effectively holding them in reserve.
lasting health implications. sleeplessness, mood swings, sexual dysfunction AMH levels in the blood are thought to
reflect the size of the remaining egg supply,
“Our research could be a hugely impactful or “ovarian reserve”, and AMH levels have
avenue to improve women’s health and stop therefore become one of the most commonly
all these natural, but awful, things that happen used indicators in female fertility tests.
to us,” says Robinton, 35, whose company,
Oviva Therapeutics, two years ago received Natural levels typically peak around the age
£9.5 million in seed funding, a vast sum that of 25, gradually declining until, after menopause,
acknowledges – after centuries of virtually they fall to almost undetectable levels.
ignoring women’s health – that science and
business are finally grasping the importance Robinton is working with a Massachusetts
of understanding 51 per cent of the population’s General Hospital researcher and Harvard
biology and transforming its healthspan (the associate professor called David Pépin, who,
number of years of healthy life). during research into slowing the progression
of ovarian cancer, has developed a lab-grown
The idea for Oviva began when Robinton, form of AMH that could maintain the ovary’s
whose work in the past has focused on stem reserve of eggs until much later, possibly
cell genetics and the developmental roots of indefinitely. Oviva is now testing Pépin’s lab-
neurodegenerative diseases, had just broken grown AMH as a potential drug on animals
up with her boyfriend of five years. She was 31, such as mice. For now, this version is too
and like every woman of that age, monstered expensive to manufacture in a form that women
by headlines screaming about fertility falling could potentially take as a daily dose for
off a cliff after 35, she knew if she wanted a years, but ideas are afoot as to how to make it
family time probably wasn’t on her side. cheaper. If the version proves effective, Oviva
hopes to start clinical trials within the decade.
“The headlines can terrify you,” Robinton Assuming genetic testing has been developed
says. “I wanted time to process the relationship to let women know what age they’ll enter
I’d been in. But when you get to your thirties perimenopause, at the appropriate time they
you start hearing horror stories about not could start taking drugs to stall the process.
leaving it too late to have children. My sister
had had troubles getting pregnant with her “That would put a pause on your ovarian
first child and I’d seen how stressful that was.” reserve indefinitely and because your ovaries
are putting out the signals that sustain
Robinton decided to consult a reproductive homeostasis [a regular balance] in our bodies,
endocrinologist. “I needed some information, we might not go over that hormonal cliff
where we end up with a whole host of
symptoms,” Robinton says.

The Times Magazine 51



It could also potentially help Robinton thinking about how I could communicate in particular, is suddenly a hot topic that
in her current dilemma over when to have a what I was doing to people whose last science investors are circling avidly, with the global
second baby. “What we’re doing can certainly class was probably in high school. Sometimes menopause market estimated to be potentially
be used for some people who have a desire they’d ask really thoughtful questions that worth £485 billion.
to have pregnancy later,” she says cautiously. hadn’t occurred to me and would give me new
“But we’re not addressing the fact that egg ideas and the energy to go back and try that It’s a welcome change from centuries
quality declines and the physical burden of experiment again for the fourth time. of completely ignoring, let alone investing
pregnancy on an older body definitely has in, female health: until 1993 experiments
higher risk. You want to be in good health “As a PhD student you just get such tunnel in the US were done on men with results
for your children.” vision; nothing works for months at a time extrapolated for women, even though their
and it’s somewhat depressing. But when physiology is very different, often leading
Nor does Robinton want to make hyperbolic I talked about the bigger picture of the work to them being prescribed drugs that were
claims about abolishing menopause. “Our and why it mattered, it was really energising.” inappropriate or in the wrong dosage. How
goal is more to target the negative symptoms much the issue is still seen as niche really hit
before menopause and the fact the disease Eventually she confessed her double life to Robinton in early 2020 when she temporarily
risks go up afterwards.” a respected senior. “He thought it was amazing. was involved in developing Covid antivirals.
He was like, ‘You have two careers and you’re On a Zoom, one lead scientist suggested
Robinton grew up in Palo Alto, California, the doing great at both of them!’ He was such a omitting female hamsters from their studies
second of five children of an engineer father serious scientist that for the first time I felt because their hormonal activity could mess
and artist mother. She was inspired to become comfortable, like I had permission to pursue up the data. “It was absolutely shocking. I was
a biologist to help people like her older sister, two disparate things, one of which was sitting there completely irate, thinking, ‘How
who had type 1 diabetes. seemingly frivolous, but which I thought do I address this professionally and assert
actually really added a lot of value to my life.” that actually we need both sexes, because
Talking to me over Zoom from her home the treatment isn’t just going to go to men?’
in Venice Beach, Los Angeles, it’s impossible The underlying message – female scientists It really blew my mind.” Eventually, both male
to ignore the fact that Robinton looks nothing can’t be glamorous – can’t help when it comes and female hamsters were used.
like the geeky boffin stereotype. In a grey
sweatshirt, she’s lithe-limbed, with Nefertiti ‘I never talked about Oviva is funded by Cambrian Biopharma,
cheekbones, honeyed skin and long blonde modelling. I didn’t want which invests in a range of research into
hair, which gives her an all-American Christie people thinking I wasn’t combating the diseases of ageing. Has the
Brinkley/Cindy Crawford aura. a serious scientist’ girlfriend of Robinton’s younger brother
invested? Businessman Leo Robinton has been
Superathletic (her Instagram’s chocka to attracting girls to do subjects. “Absolutely. seeing Harry Potter star Emma Watson, who’s
with shots of her snorkelling, jogging and It’s a weird thing. I remember very clearly 32 and estimated to be worth £70 million,
performing yoga poses on the beach), she was when I was a grad student I wore a sleeveless for three years. “She has not. She could!”
captain of her school women’s football team. knee-length black Calvin Klein dress for a Robinton laughs. “Perhaps in future rounds?”
After an injury left her unable to play, she conference, very business-casual. One of my
distracted herself by signing up with a model mentoring people was like, ‘You shouldn’t If Robinton’s work comes off, she could
agency, soon landing a big contract with wear that. People won’t take you seriously.’ become far, far richer than Watson. She’d
Abercrombie & Fitch. I was like, ‘What do you want me to wear? also be a feminist heroine. Naturally, some are
A paper bag? Sorry that I have a figure.’ I said, already complaining that her meddling with
When she moved on to the University ‘If someone can’t listen to my talk because female biology isn’t natural; earlier this month
of California, Los Angeles, she continued to they’re distracted by my outfit, I’m pretty four women doctors argued in a letter to The
pay her way (five children had stretched her sure that’s not a person that I care that British Medical Journal that it was wrong to
parents’ resources) by modelling for brands much about.’ ” Now Robinton regularly posts “medicalise” the natural process of menopause
such as Reebok, Adidas and Lululemon. shots of herself in skimpy athleticwear and and promote the idea that HRT – let alone
By day, she donned lab coats and logged bikinis, asking her followers, “Does that seem anything else – could “reverse” it. “The
experiments; by night, she dated actors and unreasonable to you?” message that menopause signals decay and
attended Hollywood pool parties. Yet few of decline, which can potentially be delayed
her scientific peers knew about her other life. Biology is the most “feminine” of the or reversed… is… often driven by marketing
sciences (60 per cent of UK biology students interests,” they wrote, to the fury of many
“I never talked about it, except to very are women, compared with 27 per cent in menopause campaigners.
close friends. I was very sensitive to having physics), but even then there’s little female
others think I wasn’t serious.” representation at the highest levels, with “We’re not fighting our biology; we’re
women making up only 15 per cent of UK supporting it,” Robinton retorts.
Once, procrastinating while writing her professors. “Part of the issue of why don’t we
dissertation at Harvard, she took an online study women’s health is because the heads of “Anyway, think of all the unnatural things
quiz: “What is your opposite profession?” labs are still predominantly men,” she says. that we do to our bodies all the time: boob
jobs, nose jobs, taking drugs to fight your
“Up popped: ‘The opposite of a molecular When scientists have tried to investigate cancer. We just want women to feel good
biologist is a model.’ It was hilarious – I was women’s health, no one’s wanted to fund them. for as long as they can.”
like, ‘Well, I’m just a very balanced person.’ ” Now in the US, however – largely because
of the likes of high-profile women such She continues, “There’s things I do or
In fact, Robinton found the opposites as Michelle Obama, Oprah and Gwyneth say that I’m sure will be a turn-off because…
fed each other. “At Harvard, in particular, Paltrow speaking out – the menopause, [she gives a deep chuckle] it’s not sober
modelling became a real outlet for me, a space or contained enough. But if people don’t
to really separate from my work and think like that because it doesn’t fit a certain box,
about it with a little bit more freedom.” then they’re the wrong partners. Whether
they have tons of money or not, I don’t want
On shoots, when she told hairdressers and their money.” n
make-up artists she was a scientist, they were
thrilled. “They’d be like, ‘No way! What are you
working on?’ It was a great exercise in really

The Times Magazine 53

THE (VERY) MODERN EDWARDIAN

How to glam up a traditional terraced house?
First paint the kitchen pink

REPORT Serena Fokschaner PHOTOGRAPHS Rachael Smith

INTERIORS SPECIAL

The dining room, with plaster
pendant lights by Rose Uniacke and

Camembert chairs from Howe.
Opposite: bespoke kitchen cabinets

by Plain English, finished in the
company’s Silver Polish paint

Alhambra Persian wallpaper
by Flora Roberts for Lewis
& Wood. Left, from top:
an armchair re-covered in
Neisha Crosland’s Hedgehog,
beside a Bombay Button
table from Howe; Brown
painted a junk shop console
in Bird’s Nest by Atelier Ellis

A t 43 years old, Sarah Brown took a and her husband Rory, who works in finance, Her background in graphics explains her
big risk. She quit her job in graphic bought the house in 2015. knack for using colour. “It’s like designing a
design and retrained as an interior page: I can visualise tones and work out where
designer. As a newcomer to the There was plenty of work to do but Brown, a gap needs to be filled,” she says. Red, blue,
industry, it made sense for Brown who set up her eponymous practice in 2017, green, tobacco yellow: mixing all these hues
to start experimenting on her own has conserved its Edwardian atmosphere. New in one house could have gone badly wrong.
home – a wide, double-fronted, additions – a window in the dining room, the But here, the paintbox juxtapositions sing.
end-of-terrace house in Chiswick, glazed doors that lead to the cloakroom with
west London. Behind its four-storey its neat rows of clothes pegs, or a large, cool “I’m instinctive about colour, but there’s
brick façade, light-suffused living pantry – feel as if they have always been there. a logic behind it. The ones I used here have a
rooms beckon from either side of the hallway. slightly muddy undertone – the blue’s bright,
You feel as if you have arrived at a classic Doing up the six-bedroom house, which but it’s not a cobalt bright – so there’s a
country house in London. previously felt like a “fusty rectory”, where thread.” Her tip is to paint a large square of
the couple live with their two daughters colour on to lining paper and stick it on the
Apart from a few unsympathetic details (17 and 18) allowed Brown to develop her wall before you buy. “Test one colour at a
– such as the laminate floors – the previous own style. She is part of a new generation time, otherwise you’ll get distracted.”
owners had hardly touched the 1901 interior. of British decorators whose look sits neatly
The original, decorative plasterwork and wide between classical and modern. They use She knew exactly how she wanted the
fireplaces were two of the reasons why Brown colour, pattern and a sprinkling of brown kitchen, basking in shades of pink and red, to
antiques, “but nothing is too fuddy-duddy”. look. The chilly expanse of the conventional

56 The Times Magazine

Home!

The bathroom, with a
Tate & Darby rug and
Nero Parquet tiles from
Lapicida. Right, from
top: a hallway door in
Farrow & Ball’s Stiffkey
Blue; a bench, table and
stools by Plain English

island is not her style. “I’m not a fan – they antiques. Her clients included pattern queen for that G&T – and glowing lamps. This was
Cath Kidston and Robin Hutson, founder of not an easy room to design because it is so
tend to dominate a space.” Instead, she opted the Pig chain of hotels. “I remember first wide. The solution was to add the L-shaped
visiting her house when I was 19. I grew up in bookshelves, painted a glossy pink, which
for the sociable “chop and chat” kitchen table a suburban two-up, two-down with very little bring definition to the deep space. Most of the
in it,” says Brown. “I’d never seen anything antiques in the house were found at auctions
and bench that overlook the pretty garden, a or through small dealers on Instagram.
like it. She opened my eyes to a new
set-up which comes into its own when the world. I’d never have thought of During lockdown, Brown’s business took
buying brown furniture, but mixed off. Stuck at home, homeowners flooded to
couple host relaxed get-togethers. The with the right things it looks social media to find ideas and designers.
wonderful.” The more formal dining Americans particularly have taken to her
new sash windows mirror the room is even painted a deep brown, froufrou-free take on English decorating and
“which looks great by candlelight”. she is working on several homes over there,
bespoke classical joinery, all made including a “Carrie Bradshaw” brownstone
From her internships, Brown in Brooklyn, New York. Proof indeed that
from solid wood by Plain English learnt about “those small details a career change was a risk worth taking. n
that add comfort to a room”. You
kitchens. A downside of being in can see this in the living room with sarahbrowninteriors.com
its side tables – at optimal height
the industry is the cost implications

of “a taste for the best”.

On the shelf above, the antique

French confit pots – as gold as

harvested fields – were a present

from her late mother-in-law.

Ann Brown combined a career Sarah Brown
in working for MI5 with selling

The Times Magazine 57



IS YOUR HOME A CLONE?

Bright, tall candles, cabbage-leaf plates, bum-shaped ceramics – why has
our decor started to look the same? Harriet Walker has the answer

PERNILLE LOOF/ART DEPARTMENT T he boobs pot. The bottom vase. The Vintage Seventies
splatter paint jug. Is your home an Ettore Sottsass
Insta-clone zone? Over the past
decade, Instagram has created a Ultrafragola mirror
booming industry out of “things you
can put on shelves”, more recently
dubbed “curatable objects”. The
social platform encourages us to
buy striking, statement items to
show off our aesthetic bravery. But
here’s the problem: we’re all doing the same.

When Goop launched its £77 “This Smells
Like My Vagina” candle – in dark glass with
a black on white sans serif label – it sold out
that day and has been restocked several times
over. So much for being daring or unique:
even our nethers all smell the same. So yes,
your Berber rug might be cool and covetable,
but don’t be fooled. It’s the algorithm that
told you so.

Instagram favourite Matilda Goad, for
instance, has a near-permanent waiting list for
her £190 giant half-metre-long ceramic clam
shells and £175 rattan pendant shades.

Or perhaps the trend that’s caught your
attention is retro glassware, pottery, colour-
coded books, succulents, porcelain animal-
head eggcups or a £73 bust of Michelangelo’s
David rendered in soy vegan wax. What’s
actually on the shelf isn’t really about
individual taste or even the owner’s
personality – it is zeitgeisty homogeneity.

Imagine this scene: minimally branded
scented candles from the Swedish fragrance
brand Byredo (£60) with esoteric names
such as Bibliothèque or Tree House sit
atop a stack of arty books, preferably with
a framed Matisse-ish face or abstract nude
propped up behind them. Maybe there is

1 234 56

1. £67, Neos Candlestudio (wolfandbadger.com). 2. £59, Hay (huhstore.com). 3. £30, Lex Pott (fenwick.co.uk). 4. £340, Anissa Kermiche (matchesfashion.com).
5. Plate, £14, Bordallo Pinheiro (johnlewis.com). 6. Candle, £60, byredo.com.

The Times Magazine 59



7 89 10 11 12

7. £25, souschef.co.uk. 8. £175, matildagoad.com. 9. £350, Anissa Kermiche (net-a-porter.com). 10. £21, &Quirky (trouva.com).
11. £30 for two, Anna + Nina (selfridges.com). 12. £45.75, bunches.co.uk.

13 14 15 16 17 18

13. Planters, £12.99 for three, The Alphabet Gift Shop (notonthehighstreet.com). 14. Tealight holder, £216.80, Reflections Copenhagen (selfridges.com). 15. £85,

Prairiee (glassette.com). 16. Salad bowl, £23.99, Kapka (souschef.co.uk). 17. £15.50, Quail Ceramics (trouva.com). 18. £41.74, & Klevering (madeindesign.co.uk).

19 20 21 22 23 24

19. £100, Raawii (selfridges.com). 20. £77, goop.com. 21. Vase, £428, Helle Mardahl (matchesfashion.com). 22. £410, Anissa Kermiche (matchesfashion.com).
23. Duvet set, from £125, Dusen Dusen (endclothing.com). 24. Tumblers, £22.50 each, casacelva.com.

a matt black, plaster-pink or sage-green vase patterns and a preponderance of sugary Design Masters. “Instagram and Pinterest
with wiggly handles somewhere nearby too. pastel shades. Yet its reach might extend to can encourage copycatting with no reference
Sound familiar? your home too in the form of wavy mirrors, either to the owner or their location.”
brightly checked textiles, mallowy knot
The Insta-home moment marks a move candles or tall, twisted ones in bright shades What then of the vast appetite for one
from what was once “interior design” into or marbled patterns. of Instagram’s most famous home buys, the
something more like fast fashion. Indeed, the Ettore Sottsass Ultrafragola mirror? This
former Topshop store at Oxford Circus is set On matchesfashion.com, the high-end neon-lit, full-length Seventies looking glass
to reopen next year as an Ikea, and a recent fashion retailer, sales of pieces by the framed in rippling pink opaline plastic used
survey found that the most popular places for ceramicist Anissa Kermiche – she of the to be a relatively unknown piece beyond the
buying homewares are Zara Home and H&M. £340 Insta-famous bum vase (or “Love design nerds. Instagram has given it a new
Even Boohoo, whose £15 dresses are modelled Handles” to give it its proper name) – rose lease of life. Set aside at least £7,500. These
by Love Island winners, launched homeware by 47 per cent during lockdown. Reflections days, the Gen Z model Bella Hadid has
last year and sells rope storage baskets and Copenhagen, a glassware brand known for snapped a selfie in one, as has the rapper
bottom-shaped vases for £17.50. its £400-ish art deco-inspired pastel vases Frank Ocean. Karl Lagerfeld owned one
and candlestick holders, increased sales by and so does Louis Vuitton’s creative director,
Social media and #shelfies have taught us 52 per cent during the same period. Nicolas Ghesquière. At the hip Paris hotel Le
to “dress” our homes the way shop-owners Grand Amour, customers regularly request
do their windows. In fact, the medium of the In 2017, the artist Emma Low used one of the two Ultrafragola rooms when they
shelfie is the way brands now sell items back Instagram to launch her “Pot Your Tits Away book. The mirror has an Instagram account
to us over the platform too. Luv” clay boob pots. She originally offered a dedicated to it and more than 10,000 tags
bespoke service, working from photographs on the platform. Even Etsy-sourced homages
So, eyes down for a game of interiors bingo. that clients sent in, but after her pieces were to it cost around £1,000.
Any rattan or wicker, cheese plants or fiddle- shared by influencers, popularity soared and
leaf figs? Embellished dinner candles? Is that she had to close shop. When the fast fashion label Pretty Little
a Bordallo Pinheiro cabbage-leaf plate on your Thing has an £18 “booty vase” reminiscent of
imitation midcentury sideboard? Full house! “Social media encourages fleeting Kermiche’s, an Ikea version of a Ultrafragola
‘moments’,” says Michelle Ogundehin, creative can’t be far off. n
At the Gen Z renters/house-share end of consultant and host of the BBC’s Interior
the spectrum, this translates to swirling op-art

The Times Magazine 61



Shop!

By Monique Rivalland

LUNCH ALFRESCO

1 2 34 5

1. £29.99, souschef.co.uk. 2. £75 for set, Soho Home (harrods.com). 3. £40, Artemis Deco (glassette.com). 4. £27, Masseria (wayfair.co.uk). 5. £65, Vaisselle (amara.com).

67 8 9 10

6. £100, Dinosaur Designs (matchesfashion.com). 7. £90, dinosaurdesigns.co.uk. 8. £14, Nicolas Vahé (arket.com). 9. £15, frenchconnection.com.
10. £26, anthropologie.com.

11 12 13 14 15

11. £125, Henry Holland (libertylondon.com). 12. £65, Vaisselle (willowandwolfboutique.co.uk). 13. £37, Hay (endclothing.com). 14. £98, Pottery & Poetry
(libertylondon.com). 15. £35, HK Living (endclothing.com).

16 17 18 19 20

16. £39.50, oliverbonas.com. 17. £95, Milo Made (endclothing.com). 18. £180, Sophie Lou Jacobsen (selfridges.com). 19. £43, Broste (selfridges.com). 20. £39.99, hm.com.

The Times Magazine 63





Pout!BEST BEAUTY BUYS FOR MEN

Nadine Baggott picks hair trimmers, skin serums – and even a scent for your car

GETTY IMAGES 1 THE SUPERLIGHT a hot, sweaty summer day. Plus bad breath’s worst nightmare. It the spot while they are at it.
FACE CREAM cruelty-free and vegan. has a sleek design and digital Expensive, but they really work.
Farmacy Daily display that tells you if you are
Greens Oil-Free Gel 5 THE SHAVING SERUM pressing too hard and brushing 13 THE NOSE HAIR
Moisturizer (£36; cultbeauty.co.uk) Lab Series Grooming for long enough, and has different TACKLER
A no-mess, no-fuss way to Electric Shave settings for whitening. Wahl Trimmer
hydrate skin after washing and Solution (£22; Kit (£17.49; boots.com)
shaving. It is an oil-free gel labseries.co.uk) 9 THE BLEMISH BUSTER This clever gadget can
moisturiser that is ideal for the So many men dread Paula’s Choice trim nose, brow and
warmer summer months. shaving because of sensitive skin, Skin Perfecting ear hairs without risk
nicks, cuts and ingrown hairs. 2% BHA Lotion Exfoliant of catching skin. The
2 THE NO-MESS This lightweight oil/serum allows (£31; paulaschoice.co.uk) rotating blades are contained
FACE WASH both an electric and manual razor This milky lotion works within a tube to safely reach nooks
Fresh Soy Face to glide over the skin and cut the overnight to tackle and crannies. If you are reading
Cleanser (£13; hair, not the flesh. It’s a bestseller breakouts, ingrown this and looking at your partner’s
fresh.com/uk) with good reason. beard hairs, blackheads and nose and ear hairs, then do your
The fact that this even body blemishes within relationship a favour and invest.
brazenly calls itself 6 THE HOT STUFF days. It might not be the sexiest
a wash and not a cleanser GilletteLabs product, but it works. 14 FOR HARD-
on Fresh’s website speaks Heated WORKING HANDS
volumes (it really is the Razor Starter Kit 10 THE MIGHTY La Roche-Posay
best gentle cleanser). This is (£74.99; gillette.co.uk) MOISTURISER Cicaplast Hands (£7.50;
pH-balanced to suit skin, even in Designed to mimic the Kiehl’s Ultra Facial boots.com)
hard water areas, has a pleasing feeling of a traditional Moisturizer (£38; A hand cream should sink
jelly texture, doesn’t really foam hot towel shave, this is lookfantastic.com) in quickly, never leave a
and rinses away to leave skin a manual razor that is Kiehl’s has the perfect greasy film and contain all the
fresh and hydrated. This is one charged so that the shaving bar gender-neutral packaging, ceramides and soothers skin needs.
women should steal – or share. can deliver heat to the skin (you and this is a cult buy for a This hits every target and is
can choose from one of two reason. Loaded with emollients unfragranced to boot.
3 THE COOL CAR settings). It softens the hair, and ceramides, this lotion suits
FRAGRANCE making it easier to cut, and gently all skins and all ages and comes 15 THE NO-GLOSS
Jo Malone opens the pores for a closer shave. in a richer cream in a tub if skin LIP BALM
Car Diffuser Set Good for the gadget-obsessed. is drier than normal. O’Keeffe’s Lip
(£73, refills £25; Repair Cooling Relief Lip
jomalone.co.uk) 7 THE MATTE 11 THE SENSITIVE Balm (£4.25; superdrug.com)
Imagine the exact opposite of STYLER SHAVER SOLUTION This matt-effect
those vile pine-tree shaped air Aveda Men Harry’s Post-Shave superhydrating lip balm is
freshener cards and you have this Pure-Formance Grooming Clay Balm (£7; harrys.com) unfragranced and has all that dry,
clever gadget that clips on over (£23.50; aveda.co.uk) This cooling cucumber chapped lips need to help repair.
your car’s air vents. Choose from If you need a non-sticky, non-wet and aloe-based lotion is
three fragrances: wood, sage and look hair product, this is the best. ideal if shaving leaves 16 THE AGEING
sea salt; lime, basil and mandarin; Applied to dry hair it adds a skin irritated. Formulated SKIN SERUM
or the more traditionally feminine touch of control but looks like to soothe redness and dry, tight, Lancôme Men
peony and blush suede. you have no styling product in post-shaved skin. Genéfic HD Youth
at all. It smells great too. Activating Concentrate
4 THE HAIR HEROES 12 THE ZIT (£64; lancome.co.uk and
Neom Organics 8 THE HIGH-TECH STICKER department stores)
Super Shower TOOTHBRUSH Zitsticka I’ll be honest with you,
Power Shampoo Oral-B iO9 electric Killa Kit (£27; I really can’t see what’s different
& Conditioner toothbrush (from £247; zitsticka.co.uk) between this and the brilliant
Duo (£35; Boots and Amazon) These little serum for women with the same
neomorganics.com) This is a gadget-lover’s patches contain microdarts of name, except that this comes in a
These smell like a toothbrush. Combining salicylic acid to gently break better pump-action container. Pre
five-star spa, give an traditional Oral-B rotating through a spot, deliver anti- and post-probiotic ferments, lots of
invigorating scalp tingle and are brush technology with inflammatory acids that dry skin-plumping hyaluronic acid and
ideal for a slightly oily scalp and ultrasonic gum and tongue up excess sebum quickly and glycerine, but it’s also lightweight,
short hair. Ideal post-gym or on cleaning, this is plaque and effectively, and cleverly cover non-greasy and non-shiny.

66 The Times Magazine

WHAT SMELLS GREAT ON A MAN

This hair England midfielder Jack Grealish LESLEY THOMAS, Times beauty editor Altra
product adds My last boyfriend was delighted when Profuture
control, smells 18 THE SERUM SPF I gave him a bottle of Monsieur from Dualist, £168;
great and looks La Roche-Posay Frédéric Malle’s Editions de Parfum, altraprofuture.
like you’re not Hyalu B5 Aquagel but I knew full well that I was the com
using anything SPF30 (£34.50; main beneficiary. This musky scent is
at all laroche-posay.co.uk) the most nuzzleable one I know. It’s Officine
Is it hard to get your so addictive I’m going to insist on it Universelle
17 THE FACE partner to use sunscreen? for all future suitors. Am I to become Buly Eau
SCRUB I get it. Most sunscreens like those men who take all their Triple Scotch
Goldfaden are sticky and pore-blocking, but girlfriends to the same restaurant Lichen, £116;
MD Doctor’s not this lightweight gel/serum. It’s on the first date? Oh dear. buly1803.com
Scrub (£65; spacenk.com) all most skins need in summer. n
This has been formulated Dior’s Fahrenheit will always Dior
by a male dermatologist with Find Nadine Baggott on Instagram, have a place in my heart. Ah, the Fahrenheit,
40 years’ experience. It has tiny YouTube and Facebook where she fresh smell (specifically vetiver £59; dior.com
crystal particles suspended answers your beauty questions and jasmine) of late Nineties
in hydrating hyaluronic acid metrosexual boys. Takes me right Terre
and lightweight oils to exfoliate back to Quaglino’s. d’Hermès, £65;
dead skin, lift out trapped hermes.com
hairs and yet also hydrate and These days I quite like a chap to
moisturise the skin. Once a smell like he might have just stepped Frédéric Malle
week is enough, though. off a boat in Sicily. Douse yourself Monsieur,
in Tom Ford’s Costa Azzurra (£94; £148; frederic
tomford.co.uk) or Creed’s Neroli malle.co.uk
Sauvage (£245; houseoffraser.co.uk)
for that Palermo-bro smell of massive Escentric
lemons and danger. Molecules
Molecule 01 +
Byredo’s scents are the ones Mandarin, £47;
the fashion set love and it has several escentric.com
that I adore. But my all-time favourite
of the brand’s for a man is the table- Frédéric Malle
bangingly hot Tobacco Mandarin. Geranium
pour Monsieur,
JEREMY LANGMEAD, grooming expert £134; frederic
I like a fresh, soapy or citrus scent. malle.co.uk
As if someone has just come out
of the shower. My favourites on a Byredo Tobacco
man are Escentric Molecules Mandarin,
Molecule 01 + Mandarin, Dualist £235;
by Altra Profuture, Eau Triple byredo.com
Scottish Lichen by Officine
Universelle Buly and Geranium Dior Homme
pour Monsieur by Frédéric Malle. Intense, £69;
dior.com
JESS DINER, European beauty
and wellness director, Vogue Byredo Mr
In my fantasy world my husband Marvelous,
would be wearing Terre d’Hermès £182;
– but he refuses to wear anything byredo.com
other than Dior Homme Intense.
I have come to love the Dior because The Times Magazine 67
it’s his signature scent.

NADINE BAGGOTT, beauty expert
Byredo’s Mr Marvelous – the name
says it all really. With mandarin,
neroli and cedarwood, it’s the smell of
clean sexy skin in a crisp white shirt.

Eating out Giles Coren

‘It’s all much more like
actual food than meals I’ve
had in other list-toppers
like El Bulli and Noma – less
of a laboratory experiment’

TOM JACKSON Ynyshir Restaurant and Rooms to Ynyshir, you’re not really there at all. You
drive five hours from London (what with
S hall we start with the reasons not widdle stops and a pub ham sandwich in
to go? It seems a bit curmudgeonly the borders), the last two hours of which
but seeing as you’ll never get are through the most beautiful countryside
a table anyway, it’s probably a in Europe, and then when you arrive they
mitzvah. So, for a start, it’s miles march you straight inside to the black-painted
away. And not just from London. It’s interior and a pitch-dark kitchen, where
three hours from Cardiff, Manchester you sit at wooden tables, in rows, all facing
and Bristol, two and a half from forwards like schoolchildren in the 1950s,
Birmingham and Liverpool, and three and a watching four blokes doing nothing you can
half from Leeds, Leicester and Swindon. To be see very clearly, with the eyes of the rest of
fair, it is only 20 minutes from Cwmyrhaiadr. the room boring into the back of your head
But if you live in Cwmyrhaiadr, then you’re for four hours, occasionally turning round
probably one of the chefs. to look at the small window at the back and,
through it, the lush, blue mountains in the
I’m talking by car, of course. The train distance, slightly wishing you were there.
takes even longer, and that’s if the trains are
running, which they mostly aren’t, which is And it’s loud. Very, very loud. House music,
how I got a table at Ynyshir just days after it more or less, with the volume going up all the
was crowned National Restaurant of the Year. time, until by the end there are strobing disco
You see, the national train strikes led to table lights and the beat is pounding like an old-
cancellations (so cheers for that, Mick Lynch) fashioned Rotterdam techno dungeon.
and I happened to know someone (my dear
friend Tom, a fellow restaurant critic) who And the cushionless wooden chair
knew someone who knows the chef there, you sit on for those many hours, in the
Gareth Ward, and so we were in. dark room, with the loud music, gets to be
pretty uncomfortable.
It’s also expensive: £350 per head for the
set menu, no à la carte, no substitutions, no Which is why, I think, a lot of people won’t
hypoallergenic or veggie options, and then the like this place at all. Certainly not the type
booze on top. But the dinner-plus-room deal is of pampered three-star Michelin junkies
only £495 and the rooms are world-class and who enjoyed the Waterside Inn and thought
worth £250 a night of anyone’s money. So make Ynyshir sounded like it might be “nice”. So it
a weekend of it and I’d say you’re quids in. is only fair I warn you of that.

Then again – and I’m still with the And it is certainly a strange crowd that
negatives here – when you do finally get foregathers in the bar for the obligatory
preprandial drinks (some provincial habits
die hard): big, pink, short-haired women in
sleeveless dresses with tiny bald husbands
in floral shirts they bought in Agnès B in

68 The Times Magazine

2002; fidgety urban couples going backwards Ynyshir Restaurant This is all much more like actual food than
and forwards to the loo all night (which was and Rooms meals I’ve had in other famous list-toppers
the principal entertainment from our seat at Eglwys Fach, like the Fat Duck or El Bulli or Noma, where
the front; that and the back of some metal Machynlleth, Powys it’s easy to feel as much like the victim of a
cabinets and, in the depths, Ward himself, (01654 781209; laboratory experiment as a hungry man in
vast, round-shouldered, stubble-headed, ynyshir.co.uk) need of dinner.
leather-aproned, peaceful, all-seeing, lit by Cooking 9
roaring fires, slicing and stabbing), and one Location 9 Though it is wacky as you like as well,
table of girls with bright pink hair, men with Niceness 6 with its animal skins thrown over chairs and
scabrous mullets and multiple piercings, and a Score 8 fur coats hanging on rails, black napery and
lad in little green running shorts and a green strange, primitive utensils. Tom says it’s
vest like he’d just come off the 1981 Dublin Hambleton Hall, then crazy big flavour wa-wa all “very Game of Thrones” but I’ve never
marathon. “Almost certainly Scandinavian at Sat Bains) and were there to give some watched that, so my best TV reference
chefs,” said Tom. notion of the very serious produce at the might be some sort of Flintstones Nights
core of his cuisine, the prominence of animal – a smashing together of Stone Age past and
Eeh, it were weird. When we arrived, protein, the blend of locavorism with the Blade Runner future, with Ward always in
they immediately fed us a “Not onion soup”, wildly exotic, and his big southeast Asian bent. vision at the centre, bare-armed, firelit, like
standing up at the front desk, which was a Vulcan in his stithy.
dashi stock poured over a Japanese savoury We went briefly to our rooms to change
custard called a chawanmushi, with a slice of but I just put on a fresh T-shirt, rather than There’s an Orkney scallop bound in wagyu
miso-cured duck liver, herb oil and croutons the collared shirt I had packed, for fear of fat under a sliver of duck liver served on a
and then slid back the top of that very desk looking like Jacob Rees-Mogg at Glastonbury, cylindrical plinth which has Tom in raptures,
to reveal a chiller cabinet containing: a big and then to the bar for our first courses but seems to me strangely underpowered
steak of A5 wagyu, the meat so intensely (of the 40 or so we’d be served, all just in this rat-a-tat-tat of multiseasoned mouth-
striped with white fat as to resemble pink a mouthful or two in size) and the beginning slappers; a beautiful yellowtail nubbin in a clay
seersucker; a fillet of very fatty tuna, the of a seat-of-the-pants grog journey – through chalice with white soy, sesame, yuzu and strips
only sustainable (because farmed) blue English champagne, a dry tokay, saké, mescal, of seaweed; that blue fin, two delirious ways; a
fin in the world; a duck; a Bramley apple; a cloudy yuzu shochu that came on like riff on black cod in miso with a stunning shard
four strawberries; six eggs; a live crab; a Victorian lemonade and much more besides of eel under kaluga caviar served on a wide-
bottle of rice wine; some very fatty pork – conducted by a pony-tailed young sommelier brimmed wooden bowl with a wooden spoon
belly; a half-pint bottle of Jenkins llaeth who put me in mind in a very deep way, and three-pronged forklet; a salt cod, smoked
organig (organic milk); six white aubergines; in looks, accent and shy charm, of Richard butter and parsley soup of wondrous simplicity
four kaffir limes. Beckinsale. Which was a surreal leitmotif to and directness…
a quite bonkers evening.
“F*** me,” I said. “Are we going to play And I’m starting to teeter. Free-flowing
Ready Steady Cook?” And, of course, there was food. A sliver of booze, dazzling mini-dishes and the company
raw lobster tail “nahm jim” in the bottom of of a mad, funny, freewheeling foodie friend
The answer to that was yes and no. a rustic mortar belaboured with fish oil, citrus have set me properly on fire. I’m up at the
These were (some of) the ingredients Gareth and chilli that made me suddenly very excited, pass begging shards of skin and fat from
would be cooking with (don’t worry, he for this was not going to be a procession of our (very gracious) Wagnerian host as he
learnt bourgeois precision and respect at gloopy French show-offy horseshit as these dismembers those fire-glazed ducks like a
long menus so often are, but something US Marine stripping his M27, throwing down
thrilling and light and wild that would build chicken wing katsu and a black-edged, red
and build… and white slablet of that superfat ibérico pork
belly I saw in the chiller, but this side of some
A tiny claw of lobster now on a beaten serious char siu treatment. I remember pulling
metal plate, enveloped in a punctilious satay a blistered lamb bone from my mouth and
sauce with a pinch of chopped peanuts; a feeling the fat and salt and smoke it left
little shrimp green curry foaming away; a behind, and that the wagyu came three ways,
puck of crispy scampi, vibing off sesame with maybe a wee burger in there, then nine
prawn toast, with a sweet chilli jam; rich, million desserts, little Bakewells, something
very spicy chilli crab with a deep fried bun… from the soft-serve machine I’d been staring
at all night, something licked from the belly
button of a birch log…

And then we’re out in the garden at last,
Tom and I, lying in the long grass and oxeye
daisies, looking up at the stars, battered,
with a bottle of something, smoking tabs
we’ve ponced off that sommelier, watching
the bats overhead as they swoop and hustle
for their dinner on the wing and… You know
all those reasons I gave you at the beginning
for not going to Ynyshir? I can’t remember
any of them. n

The Times Magazine 69

LIFESTYLE

LIFESTYLE

LIFESTYLE

LIFESTYLE

Beta male
Robert Crampton

‘There I was, I’ve developed a bit of a phobia about our Astonished, transfixed, above all very, very
a naked, soapy, upstairs shower. I’ve never felt entirely safe soapy, I watched as the flood water raced
overweight man in there, quite apart from the natural fear you swiftly across the tiny space like a spring tide
trying to rescue feel being naked, wet and occasionally blinded on a shallow beach, threatening to engulf my
by shampoo. It’s the surface of the basin. My discarded clobber and, infinitely worse, my
his phone…’ wife says it’s not slippery; I say it’s an ice rink. phone, before surging under the door and
Fair enough I’ve only had a couple of oo-er into the hall.
TOM JACKSON near-miss comedy skids in there over the
years, but a couple is enough to shake your Never get complacent, eh? It’s an old rule,
confidence for ever, like always being wary of for sure. We’ve all learnt and relearnt that
the place you fell off your bike or got stung by lesson 100 times, but you let your vigilance
a wasp or trod in some dog shit. drop for just one moment, and you’ll be
learning it 101 times, I guarantee.
By the same token, I’m also frightened of
the shower at our place in France because I say “transfixed” but the truth is, I like
20 years ago, in my mum and dad’s day, they to think I reacted PDQ. Put it this way,
kept the washing machine right next to it and you know when Bond is in a room about to
you’d often get an electric shock reaching for explode and the door is sliding down from
a towel. Heavy smoking, no seatbelts, drink- the ceiling, and he hurls himself through the
driving – that generation just weren’t so narrowing gap just in time? Well, it wasn’t
bothered about health and safety, were they? like that.

Nicola says I should use the kids’ bathroom Or when Indiana is in a cave with
on the middle floor. We recently had the bath poisonous darts spurting out of the walls and
there removed and replaced with a roomy a great big rock hurtling towards his spine,
shower, partly for my benefit, but I’m yet to and a massive slab of rock is slamming the
take the plunge, creature of habit that I am. exit shut, and he scoots beneath it, cheekily
I’d like to install some handrails and maybe a reaching back to retrieve his fedora? It wasn’t
flip-up seat like they have in care homes but much like that either.
I’m frightened to suggest it. So instead I’ve
taken to using the shower (yep, we have three) It was more like a naked, suds-slathered,
in the downstairs loo. It’s a rudimentary set-up overweight middle-aged man squeaking,
but I feel secure. “Oh no, me phone!” and waddling a few feet
to rescue it.
More fool me. 10pm on Wednesday and
I’d stormed through all my chores: watering; Which I did. Panic over.
tidying; dishwasher. On a roll, I got a load “Are you all right in there?” Rachel called
on – dark colours, 48 minutes, speed perfect through the door. Talk about role reversal! She
– and headed for the shower, well pleased might as well have said, “Do you need any
with myself. help, you silly old fool?”
After that it was mainly a matter of Nicola
Get this done, I was thinking (stripping spending an hour on the phone trying to get
off and dumping my clobber in a corner, some sense out of Thames Water. They’re a
phone on top), feed the cats, sort my gear regular thing, these blockages, almost certainly
out for tomorrow, walk around the garden caused by fatbergs originating at the factory up
in circles for a bit to get my steps up to 12,000, the street with which we share a drain. I’d have
by then the load’ll be done, hang yer pants words with the blokes at the factory, only I’m
on the airer, job’s a good ’un. You’ll be tucked even more frightened of them than I am of the
up in bed with the concise crossword by upstairs shower.
11 o’clock – result! The children, naturally, were content to
stand in the hall laughing themselves silly at
Cheerfully belting out the Wombles theme their father. Which was fair enough, seeing
tune, I got cracking with the shower gel. as he was wielding a mop stark naked, save
“Underground! [left armpit] Overground! for a film of encrusted shower gel.
[right armpit] Wombling free! [groin] The And because Nicola had pulled the plug,
Wombles of Wimbledon [posterior] Common literally, on my laundry mid-cycle, precisely
are we! [left foot, right foot]” I got all the way at the point when it was as wringing wet and
to Uncle Bulgaria before deciding it was time bubbling with suds as its owner, it wasn’t
to rinse. a great end to the evening, all in all. n

At which point, your correspondent [email protected]
having hit peak lather, the drain backed up.

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