The Telegraph Magazine

xanthe clay

The inside scoop

The first ices, shar- What to look for in an ice cream maker
bats, sold on the
streets of the medie- Is the paddle a very snug fit in the to serve straight away: scrape it into
val Middle East, were bowl? Most ice cream machines a tub and put it in the freezer for at
made from snow car- work by stirring the mixture in an least half an hour to firm up.
ried down from the mountaintops ultra-cold bowl, whose double wall How sturdy are the lids and pad-
and flavoured with syrups. contains refrigerant. The thin layer dle? As with food processors, these
Now we can make them at home of mixture that sticks to the surface parts are key to the functioning of
– without the romance of carrying of the bowl freezes instantly, and is the machine. Some brands are
mule-loads of ice down precipitous scraped away by the paddle back flimsy, many aren’t dishwasher-safe.
paths. But there is still nothing into the bowl, while a new layer How wide is the opening in the
more crowd-pleasing than home- forms. If the end of the paddle is lid? You are going to need to pour
made ice cream. more than 1mm from the sides of your mix in as the paddle is turning,
So why do you need a machine to the bowl, a thick layer will build up so the opening must be wide enough
make it? It’s because, prosaically which will stop the rest of the ice for thick mixtures and any chunks
enough, this food of the gods is just cream freezing properly. you want to add in at the end.
an aerated emulsion of fat, sugar and How strong is the motor? When How much ice cream will it make?
water. As it freezes, the water forms the mixture becomes frozen and Bear in mind that the stated capac-
ice crystals. Large crystals are the thick, the paddle stops turning. ity is after churning and includes
enemy of good ice cream: just about How cold and thick – and so how added air, plus space for the mixture
everything in the process is smooth – depends on how strong to move around. The liquid mixture
designed to reduce them to a size so the motor is: a higher wattage indi- you can freeze will be around 60
small it can’t be detected in your cates more power, but motor qual- per cent of the capacity.
mouth, so the ice cream tastes silky ity matters too. Even with a strong
rather than gritty. There are ways of motor, the ice cream will be too soft
doing this by hand but the latest FROZEN ASSETS: WHICH TYPE TO CHOOSE?
machines make light work of it.

Self-freezing Freeze-first Micro-purée

These include a freezer compressor, These rely on a double-walled bowl, more quickly than in a self-freezing Chefs have been using a micro-
so you just need to allow time for it filled with refrigerant, which you machine. The downside is that you puréeing gadget called a Pacojet for
to cool, pour in the mixture and freeze before attaching a paddle need to have freezer space for the years. Rather than churning a liquid
churn. The downside is that they and motor to churn the ice cream. bowl, and if you don’t store it there while it freezes, the mixture is
are expensive, noisy and bulky. The They are fairly cheap and make all the time, you’ll need to plan 24 frozen solid in a canister, then blades
mechanism needs to settle every pretty good ice cream. Provided hours ahead. Your freezer will need rasp away at the block, whipping
time it’s moved, so you really need a you have been storing your bowl in to be really cold, -18C or below. You it into smooth ice cream. Ultra-
permanent surface for it to live on. the freezer you can make a batch can make only one batch a day. expensive, these sell for over £4,000.

GETTY IMAGES Sage The Smart Scoop Magimix 1.1 Le Glacier Ice Cream Cuisinart Iced Dessert Maker Ninja Creami
£369.95. Capacity: 1 litre; Maker 11047 £55. Capacity: 1.1 litre; £140. Capacity: 1.4 litre; £179.99, Capacity per canister:
max fill: around 650ml 473ml; max fill: around 400ml
max fill: around 700ml max fill: 600ml Featuring similar technology to
It’s a beast, with a footprint as big A simple machine at a good price. Unlike most ice cream makers, the Pacojet, this is simple to use.
as a microwave, but gets down to The consistency was softest of all Cuisinart machines spin the bowl It’s noisy, but takes only a couple of
chill temperature in nine minutes while the paddle stays still. The ice minutes to grind the ice block to a
and freezes 600ml to a firm, super- the machines I tried: after 30 creamy texture that’s firm enough
smooth ice cream in 30 minutes. It minutes’ churning, it needed a cream froze fairly firm in 25
even plays a jingle when it’s done. couple of hours in the freezer to set minutes, but wasn’t nearly as to eat straight away.
9 July 2022 firm, to a slightly grainy consistency. smooth as the compressor machine. the telegraph Magazine

51

52 The Telegraph Magazine 9 July 2022

Victoria Moore RAISING
Wine as an act of
resistance A GLASS

As event director of the W INES
London Wine Fair, Hannah OF
Tovey is used to dealing THE WEEK
with delivery logistics.
Unsurprisingly, though, EH Booth & Co
the decision to support Ukrainian viticul- Gavi 2020, Italy
ture by offering Wines of Ukraine a free 13%; Booths, £8.85
exhibition space at the show in June A glorious gavi: a bit
brought a unique set of challenges.
How do you even get wine samples out glossy, very
of a country that is at war? ‘People drove refreshing, with
them,’ says Tovey simply. ‘Each tiny con- suggestions of
signment was brought by Ukrainian volun- lemon pith, bay leaf
teers, sometimes driving 24 hours at a time, and thyme, made by
arriving at my home in London to hand Azienda Agricola
over one or two very battered boxes that in Massone Stefano.
some cases had apparently been taken
RUBY MARTIN from the rubble of a [shelled] winery. Two imported by Jamie Wynne-Griffiths of just in time to be tasted by restaurant, Robert Oatley
women turned up at 10.30pm one Sunday Propeller, a branding-come-distribution retail and agency buyers attending the fair. Semaphore Series
night and I offered them food and a rest, business that has also offered its services,
but they said they had a long drive ahead of free, to Ukrainian wine producers. I’ve never seen such a buzz around a Cabernet
them and set off straight back again.’ stand as I did around this one – a wine Sauvignon 2018,
Ukraine is better known as a manufac- Having managed to get 19 pallets – TV channel was filming and, separately,
turer of glass bottles (the conflict has 8,232 bottles – out of the country, Phillip Schofield was tasting as I elbowed Australia
exacerbated the current bottle shortage) Wynne-Griffiths actually had wine to sell, my way through to the wines. 14%; selected Co-op
than as a wine producer. But the country including bottles from Beykush and the
has – or had, until very recently – around eponymous winery owned by Ukrainian ‘Reception to the wines has been stores, £8
42,000 hectares of vines, most of them in tennis ace Sergiy Stakhovsky. Extracting extraordinary, so hopefully we can get the What a wine for the
the south, around Odesa, with some in them involved considerable shenanigans stock sold pronto and get another truck price. Cassis with a
Kherson and Mykolaiv. – the stock was hidden, then moved, then loaded,’ says Wynne-Griffiths. He refers to hint of eucalyptus;
The grapes range from international stranded for two weeks after the Russians the bottles he has already trucked as ‘a rich but beautifully
varieties such as chardonnay and caber- bombed a strategic bridge. It was then tiny protest: 8,232 fingers extended in
net sauvignon to saperavi (a red grape taken to another mustering point where it Moscow’s direction.’ And, to the produc- structured.
native to Georgia) to indigenous varieties was eventually picked up, adding an extra ers who made them, they are a financial
like telti kuruk and kefessiya. €2,000 to the cost of shipping, but arriving lifeline as well as a link to the heart of the Domaine de
And the quality? Beykush winery, matter: the right to carry on being. Valensac
near the town of Ochakiv in the Mykolaiv The bottles are ‘a tiny protest:
region, which has come under heavy 8,232 fingers extended in At the time of writing, these wines are Sauvignon Blanc
Russian shelling, managed to get wines Moscow’s direction’ in the process of being sold to retailers and 2021, France
out of the country, via Hungary, to enter restaurants so I can’t make any recommen- 13%; Lea &
the Decanter World Wine Awards this dations, but keep your eyes peeled and you
spring and was rewarded with a gold for might be lucky enough to find one. Sandeman, £9.95
its Reserve Chardonnay. A pleasingly fluent
At the London Wine Fair I was particu-
larly impressed by a 2019 blend of caber- and refreshing
net franc, merlot and saperavi from Shabo sauvignon blanc
winery – it was fresh and perfumed. I
also tasted several good Ukrainian wines that tastes of
gooseberries and
9 July 2022
kiwi fruit.

The Telegraph Magazine 53



William Sitwell SITWELL S

‘Thai food to drool, dribble TIRS IT UP
and rave about’

Plaza Khao Gaeng, London

LOCATION OK, so I’ve only eaten lunch in a bit of it at Plaza Khao Gaeng – up a flight of stairs and find your house and set fire to it.
Arcade Food Hall and had a small cake and cup of coffee in and separate from the main hall – I’m There was further joy in a sea bass dish
another, but on that reckoning alone about to drool, dribble and rave about.
103-105 New Arcade Food Hall is an exceptional (pad phed pla krapong), where the soft
Oxford Street triumph. You’re not supposed to like Firstly because it allows me to use a fish rested in a rich, gently spiced sauce.
food halls or food courts because, unless term I fetch out only on special occasions, A plate of shrimp paste relish and veg
WC1A 1DB they’re at the top of a department such as this: authenticity. (nam chub) was piled high with mint,
arcadefoodhall.com store in Tokyo, they’re crap. Conflagra- basil, lettuce and cucumber, fresh and
tions of average food brands (cold If you’ve dined in a decent, unpreten- bulbous as you get in south-east Asia; and
STAR RATING sushi on conveyor belts, Lebanese tious restaurant somewhere like Phuket we wolfed down lovely rice (khao hom
LUNCH dishes for people more interested in or Ranong you’ll recognise the canteen mali mai) that came in a sweet yellow-
beard sculpting than food) with little vibe: strip lighting, dark blue wall tiling, beige pot with a little metal handle.
FOR TWO pleasure for the senses. functional plastic tablecloths, plain teak
£37.50 excluding chairs. To recreate this in central Lon- No pud, but our friendly waitress in
drinks and service But in the hands of JKS, things can be don without it feeling silly is actually a yellow and white uniform brought us
different. You may not have heard of remarkable. But then taste the food: for a sickly sweet, absolutely foul, pink and
THE MENU example the chicken and coconut curry artificial drink called Hale’s. One sip and
JKS, and that’s probably the (gaeng gati gai). If you like fiery hot I flinched as if I was dodging a bullet.
Gaeng gati gai point. But for what they are dishes that burst with fresh, fragrant, Just the horrid type of thing you get in
• doing on the ground floor life-giving flavour and you eat this dish Thailand: genius.
of Centre Point I demand and think little of it, such will be my
Pad phed pla that you know about them. disagreement with you that I shall come I recovered over excellent coffee and
krapong JKS are three siblings: Jyo- a tiny little butter cake at a café stall
• tin, Karam and Sunaina It allows me to use a term downstairs.
Sethi. Between them they I fetch out only on special
Khao hom mali do numbers, vision, food and staff and occasions: authenticity So go and have a ball at Plaza Khao
mai they have created a flock of restaurants Gaeng and the Arcade Food Hall. Giggle
• and pubs in London with no discernible at the juvenile art by the loos then eat
link save precision and quality. Among your way around heaven.
Nam chub them are Lyle’s, a British restaurant in
• Shoreditch, various Sri Lankan Hoppers,
posh Indian Gymkhana in Mayfair and
Mixed vegetables a Spanish paradise off Regent Street
called Sabor.
9 July 2022 Yes, they really are that clever, and
now they’ve opened an atmospheric
food hall at the bottom of the reopened
Centre Point. Though many are from
established restaurants, every eatery
here is a new brand – a testing ground
for new concepts, perhaps – and
each looks horribly appetising and is
niftily designed.
There’s also the most marvellous col-
lection of art hanging near the loos, the
theme of which is one of the greatest
words in the English language, a word
that you’ll either love or find simply
appalling. But the wit of it warms me fur-
ther to the JKS cause, whose Thai food

The Telegraph Magazine 55

56 The Telegr aph M aga zine 9 July 2022

Style

ALAMY Fashion editor Melissa Twigg Sarah Jessica Parker as Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City (1998-2004)
on the enduring glamour of The Telegraph Magazine
wearing white 57
Thanks to Princess Diana, we tend
to think of a great revenge dress as
being black. But when Sex and the
City’s Carrie Bradshaw wore this
bias-cut slip to confront Mr Big
after his engagement party, it
showed the dazzling power of the
white version. Perhaps because
there is something inherently joyful
about white clothes, and you know
what they say about living well
being the best revenge…

White is associated with happy
events – weddings, christenings and
midsummer parties – but also
afternoons playing tennis or cricket
in the sunshine and mornings spent
wandering around Provençal
markets. White is also associated
with many of the most glamorous
people – Liz Hurley in her jeans,
Bianca Jagger in her sleek suits,
Marilyn Monroe in her wind-blown

9 July 2022

dress. Even royals have £345, Lock & Co £39.95, Massimo Dutti Forét
focused on it this summer, Brioni Helen Anthony Boss
with the Duchess of
SHOPPING BY SOPHIE TOBIN. ALAMY, GETTY IMAGES Cambridge seen in a white £119.99, Mango
Alexander McQueen £79, Rains
blazer dress and a white
suit by the same label. Above left Elvis star
Austin Butler in May.
Most of us wear white Above John Lennon
shirts and T-shirts by rote, and Yoko Ono in
but this season is all about 1969. Left Mick
white on white. That Jagger on stage in
means pairing those 1969. Below Tom
ubiquitous T-shirts with Wolfe in 1990; Robert
Liz Hurley jeans to make Redford and Mia
a picnic in the local park Farrow in The Great
(watch out for grass Gatsby (1974); John
stains!) feel like a day on Travolta in Saturday
the French Riviera, or Night Fever (1977)
wearing an oversized
white shirt over a £235, Massimo Alba at Mr Porter
cream silk skirt for
an evening out.
White shoes – once
unbearably naff – are
now the darling of
the fashion crowd,
while white sunglasses
are even catching on for
always-the-bride types.

As for men, the best way
to embrace this trend
(and avoid looking like a
doctor in an American
television series) is to play
with different shades. Mix,
say, a stark white T-shirt
with an ivory or off-white
jacket and cream trousers.
Oh, and make sure you
have a good dry-cleaner
on standby…

58 The Telegr aph Magazine

£380, Usisi Sister

Christian Wijnants 12 Storeez Adam Lippes

Tove

Hermès Top left Cher performs £200, Essēn
with Sonny, c1965. £415, Rodebjer
£225, Aeyde Top right Marilyn
Monroe in 1954. Left
Grace Kelly on the set
of High Society (1956).
Above The Duchess
of Cambridge last
month. Right Bianca
Jagger in 1972. Below

left Elizabeth Taylor
on the set of Cat on
a Hot Tin Roof (1958)

Alberta
Ferretti

£85, Jigsaw

9 July 2022 The Telegraph Magazine 59

60 The Telegr aph Magazine 9 July 2022

Lisa Armstrong AGELES S STYLE
on the new office
appropriate (2)
(3)
1. Cashmere T-shirt, £210, (1)
Brodie (brodie (4)
cashmere.com)

2. Lid Lustre in Mink, £30,
Victoria Beckham
(victoriabeckham
beauty.com)

3. Wool-blend blazer,
£268, Reiss (reiss.com)

4. Leather tote bag, £525,
Kaai (kaai.eu)

5. Eye Kohl in Costa
Riche, £16, Mac
(maccosmetics.co.uk)
Lisa wears: stretch linen/
cotton jacket, £345
(down from £575),
Joseph ( joseph-fashion.
com). Linen T-shirt,
£45, Lavender Hill
(lavenderhillclothing.
com). Linen trousers,
£39.50, Marks & Spencer
(marksandspencer.com).
Jewellery and bag,
Lisa’s own

(5)

PHOTOGRAPHY: SARAH BRICK. MAKE-UP: SOPHIE MOORE, USING MARC JACOBS Not so long ago, if you spent most of tailoring much more enjoyable – as destination currently is Reiss, where Lid Lustre in Mink, which she’s mad
ENAMORED HYDRATING LIP GLOSS STICK IN P(R)EACH. SHOPPING: ALICE DENCH your waking day in an office, chances well as adaptable, especially in sum- jackets top out at around £300.) about and now I am too, as it’s just
are you spent most of your fashion mer. You could wear this to a wed- the right intensity for the office, but
budget on clothes for the office. ding or Ascot with the right styling. The trend for (slightly) oversized can be blinged up at night with
It’s also almost half price in the sale silhouettes means current jackets smudgy liner. Many of us no longer
Not any more. With flexi and and that, my friends, is the time to are comfortable all day long and less need a bag specifically for the office,
remote working, priorities have head to Joseph for stylish classics. likely to end up over the back of your so they can do double duty too. If
shifted. These days the money’s in chair. There’s also room to wear a you’re lugging around a big laptop,
special-occasion wear. Apparently It’s part of a suit, but can be bought blouse and even a tank underneath if check out Kaai, a Belgian label
we can’t get enough of it. separately. Enter another saving: the your colleagues are air-con zealots. doing stylish totes that are built to
matching trousers would run into the last but are not extortionate.
Sounds a blast. Except I think it hundreds, but these M&S flares, also If you do take your jacket off,
makes more sense to invest in pieces linen, machine-washable and in sev- what’s underneath needs to look Even if your work codes are dress-
that can do double duty: smart office eral lengths, are £39.50 and one of the good on its own. This lemon T-shirt down, it’s worth shifting the gears up
and smart occasion. Exhibit A: this bargains of the summer. Split ‘suits’ from Lavender Hill is a great shade a notch. Good kit helps us look, feel
gorgeous linen blazer with its chic can look just as smart as matchy- and has contrast stitching at the and perform the part. I wouldn’t be
contrasting buttons from Joseph, a matchy and mixing in neutrals can neck, an elevating detail. If tailoring surprised if, as things get tougher out
brand that’s pricey, but which has make them easier to pull off in real isn’t your thing, look for interesting there, the working-from-Starbucks-
some spectacularly good tailoring. life than head-to-toe bright colour. knits, like this striped cashmere tee. in-joggers schtick doesn’t make way
(The other good high-street blazer for something sharper.
Remember when suits all seemed Other details? Sophie, the make-
to be navy or black? Colour makes up artist, used Victoria Beckham’s

9 July 2022 The Telegraph Magazine 61

62 The Telegr a ph M aga zine 9 July 2022

Jan Masters FUTUREPRO
on the hair necessities
of (later) life OF BEAUTY

These three golden cushion of the brush and glide through This week
rules will keep locks more easily.’ The Philip Kingsley I am mostly…
looking their best Vented Paddle Brush, £25, and Vented
Grooming Brush, £20 (philipkingsley. Enjoying Susanne
It used to be 40 – the age when co.uk), are top choices. Kaufmann’s Hyaluron
it was incumbent upon anyone
with long hair to cut it short. Rule two: rethink your shampoo Body Gel (£48.50,
And as I’m 60, by rights, I and conditioner. After all, you libertylondon.com). Not an
should have done the deed dec- wouldn’t use teenage skincare prod- everyday indulgence but
ades ago. Yet while mine’s not as ucts in middle age. Same goes for hair. gorgeous kept on ice for a
long as it used to be, it’s still below my shoulders, So look for shampoos and condition-
and I’m not about to chase to the cut, especially ers with plumping agents. Kérastase special holiday treat.
as I like to wear it in an updo. Densifique Bain Densité shampoo
I concede that it is thinner than it was in my (£22.40, kerastase.co.uk), which contains Eschewing mascaras with
youth. But thinner how, exactly? It’s not like I see hyaluronic acid, gluco-peptides and cera- big, beefy brushes. Give me
lots more hair left in the brush. I consult my mides to strengthen and promote elasticity
mane man, Glenn Lyons, clinical director of the has been a game-changer, leaving my hair feel- a slimmer wand for slick
Philip Kingsley Trichological Clinic, London. ing fuller and even, dare I say it, a little bit separation and a finessed
‘When you’re talking about natural ageing younger. It’s so tempting if you want more
rather than specific problems with hair loss, volume to forgo conditioner, but supple hair look. I’ve used Max
two factors usually come into play,’ he says. is always going to be healthier in the long run. Factor Masterpiece High
‘One is that the anagen – or growing – phase In the same range, Fondant Densité (£29.50) Definition Mascara (£11.99,
tends to shorten as you age, so hair doesn’t have delivers oomph without the built-in wilt of boots.com) for many a year.
the chance to grow as long as it used to; this is heavy conditioners.
why hair may feel thinner throughout the Above: Envying Jennifer Connelly’s
lengths. The second is that the diameter of each Grey hair tends to be coarser and when The Philip natural, not overdone,
follicle decreases, which means the hair shaft you’re older, if your scalp is producing less Kingsley older-woman beauty in
itself isn’t as thick.’ sebum, it’s prone to dryness. I don’t have it Vented Paddle
I learn that the first rule of haircare I (yet) but my sources whisper that although Brush. Left: Top Gun: Maverick. And oh,
need to change is to brush up on my it ’s not specifically for grey hair, Kevin Larry King that tousled hair – best it’s
understanding of, well, brushing. Murphy’s Blonde.Angel (£25, kevinmurphy My Nanna’s
Apparently, anything with dense store.com) with its cocktail of nourishing seed Mousse; ever looked (IMHO).
bristles, where each tuft is Kérastase
arranged in varying lengths, can oils, delivers a taming touch Densifique
cause hair to stretch as it’s pulled of heavenly softness. Bain Densité
over them – this tugging exerts
unnecessary stress. Lastly, lay off the heat-
‘While I totally appreciate styling as much as you can
these kind of brushes are useful and embrace products that
when you’re heat styling – we protect, inject lift and build
even offer as-kind-as-possible volume. The upshot is I now
versions at Philip Kingsley – ration the hairdryer and
when you’re simply brushing to tongs to when I’m going out
refresh hair in the day or before and I’ve abandoned the
bed, look for those with single naked (no-product) blow-dry.
prongs,’ Lyons says. That way, Having heard mousse is back
the hair is able to sink to the with a bang, as if to prove it,
hair supremo Larry King has
9 July 2022 just launched My Nanna’s
Mousse (£19 larryking.co.uk)
in homage to his grandmother’s
blow-drys. He’s nailed it. Call it
the bounce-back factor. You see,
Nanna knows best.

The Telegr a ph M aga zine 63

64 The Telegr aph M aga zine 9 July 2022

Richard Madeley
Agony uncle

Dear Richard practical support he is giving me Openness Openness and honesty are like throw-
I’m very close to my grandmother, right now, and I don’t have the and honesty ing open windows to let the fresh air in. So
who is terminally ill at 92. I’ve bandwidth to talk about how our are like sit down with your partner and talk this
been visiting as much as possible, relationship is going when I throwing through. Describe your fears and doubts
and my partner has been a great have to be there for Nana. Only open in exactly the same way as you have to me.
practical support: batch-cooking now I’ve started to feel guilty windows to You may be surprised by the response!
vats of veggie curry to be eaten at that I am using him. Am I just let the fresh
odd hours, offering lifts and being a bit crazy? He hasn’t said air in Also, Frances, be kind to yourself. You
keeping the show on the road at anything negative about us as a are confronting the loss of a dear soul to
ALEC DOHERTY home. However, he doesn’t know couple since the crisis began, you – of course that makes you sad and
my grandmother personally and but he’s very decent and preoccupied. It’s clear your partner under-
hasn’t really been in the loop on wouldn’t. Do you think I should stands this, and that’s rather a good sign.
the emotional side; I feel like make time to just have a
there’s a huge sad thing in my life conversation? So yes, make time for that conversation.
that I can’t talk about with him. — Frances, via email Whatever ensues, at least you’ll know
Dear Frances where you stand. I sense doubts about that
Things weren’t going are gnawing away at you. Banish them.
brilliantly with us before this and Yes, I most definitely do. You’re building
I have started to worry that he up all sorts of negative fantasies in your Dear Richard
wants to break up but can’t head and you need a reality check. You’re I am British Asian; I came to the
because I am worrying about second-guessing your partner’s thoughts, UK in the 1970s as a late-teenager
Nana. I wouldn’t want someone feelings and intentions, and although and trained as a nurse in London,
to stay with me out of pity, but you might be right, equally you could then met a doctor who was also
the fact is I really need the be far wide of the mark. from India. We settled down, and
our marriage lasted until 2013,
9 JULY 2022 when he died of cancer. We have
a son and a daughter, both very
well educated and successful in
their chosen careers. I more or
less sacrificed my career to bring
them up, and thoroughly enjoyed
it. They grew up thinking I was
domineering whereas their father
was kind, gentle and generous;
however towards me, in private,
he could be cold, and he rarely
consulted me on financial or
other family decisions, or showed
respect for my opinion (he came
from a very traditional
background, where the views of
women do not count for much).

Our daughter is the younger
child: her father doted on her and
she got anything she wanted.

Once when she was a student
I saw him giving her a wad

of notes as I came in; she

THE TELEGR A PH M AGA ZINE 65

sheepishly said it was for a new her father in treating me with The fact the money off – as you say, you don’t
dress. He assisted both children disrespect. Would bringing up the your parents really need it. Choose a moment to tell
when they were buying their first money be a way to bring wider are divorced your daughter of your decision. Then step
flats. When he was in hospital, issues in our relationship to light? is absolutely back. When she realises it is no longer a
my daughter and her husband — Anon, Middx nothing to potential ticking time bomb in your
went to see him. Among his Dear Anon do with you. relationship, she may, in time, reach out.
things I later found a note from That’s down
her saying they’d repay the Well yes, but not in the way you might like. to them But don’t count on it, Anon. I’m very
money he had given them – this If you raise this matter of a deathbed loan much afraid your late husband’s divisive
must have been another loan – to you will rip open a can of worms, and I fear behaviour has done lasting damage.
me in two years; that is, in 2015. some pretty nasty stuff will wriggle out.
No money was forthcoming, and Dear Richard
neither loan nor letter has been I’ve reread your letter and it’s clear you I am 16. I know it’s a good
mentioned to me. are quietly but profoundly resentful of the problem to have in a way, but my
way your husband excluded you from divorced parents are both
I have no major problems with financial decisions, especially those offering to take me on holiday
money now, though I am worried regarding your children. And I don’t and it’s doing my head in. In the
that my late husband’s generosity blame you. It was outrageous of him. You past they have divided the six
to his daughter came at the cost of should have been fully consulted, but it weeks of summer into two lots
an injustice to his son. But the seems he was playing his own peculiar of three – both parents would
whole thing has confirmed my power games. You suggest, somewhat arrange some time away during
feeling that my relationship with generously, that his attitude stemmed ‘their’ half, and it more or less
my daughter is not good. She from cultural factors; but the problem is worked out. But this summer
doesn’t want to see me very often that his treatment of you has conditioned I want to go away with a friend’s
and never leaves her children with your daughter’s mindset towards you. In a family, and have tickets for a
me; she even said to me rather sense, she was bribed to share his festival at the end of August, and
snidely, when her father was disrespect: the money he gave her came it’s really hard to arrange. It’s also
diagnosed with terminal cancer, ‘I with strings attached. (Think about her making my parents scrappy and
expect you will outlive all of us.’ It ‘sheepish’ comments about a new dress.) argumentative – I thought they’d
still hurts. I feel she is imitating got better. Is there some solution?
I doubt you’ll see a penny of that last — Archie, via email
‘loan’ and as I say, if you ask for it, my Dear Archie
instincts tell me there’ll be a flaming row.
My advice? I’m afraid you’ll find it Yup! Do your own thing! You’re old
difficult to accept, but here goes. Write enough. (When I was your age I was a cub
reporter on the local paper and very
much went my own way, so I know how
grown-up you can feel at 16.)

The fact your parents are divorced is
absolutely nothing to do with you. That’s
down to them. So it follows that you aren’t
responsible in the slightest for any tugs of
war over who gets to spend time with you
this summer. Or any summer. You say it’s
a nice problem to have, and I know what
you mean, but actually it isn’t even your
problem. It’s theirs. The happiest children
of divorced parents I know are the ones
who let their mum and dad work these
things out between them and don’t worry
too much about the outcome. They go
with the flow but make their own way too.

So prioritise your own wishes. Book
that holiday with your friend’s family; ink
in that festival as a definite date in your
diary. A double fait accompli. Then tell
your parents, and let them work around
it. And have a great summer, Archie.

66 The Telegr aph Magazine Have a question for Richard? Write to
Dear Richard, The Daily Telegraph,
111 Buckingham Palace Rd,
London SW1W 0DT or email
[email protected]

9 July 2022



68 The Telegraph Magazine 9 July 2022





9 July 2022 The Telegraph Magazine 71





The way we live now
A burning question

Old hand Christopher Howse and young gun Guy Kelly wonder
whether scented candles really do spark joy

If there is a scented downtime’. Not perfect, though, if I noticed a new item 1975? Player’s No 6 and notes of body
candle in the room, the smell drives you up the wall. in my bathroom odour? Moist corduroy with a hint
my first thought is: last weekend. This of melted Brylcreem? Watney’s Red
‘Why?’ Talking of which, one health is not an unusual with an aftertaste of blurred con-
site advises you to ‘avoid using occurrence. My sent? I inhaled. Bergamot, citrus and
I once found clary sage oil before driving or girlfriend, whose sandalwood. And they say people
myself staying in a operating heavy machinery’. I had quest for the ideal feng shui tearing down statues are the ones
quiet hut in the biggest date-palm never been aware of clary sage is about the journey, not the destina- rewriting history…
grove in Europe. But a scented can- before, but should have been. It is tion, likes to introduce (or reintro-
dle had been deployed, and I had to not named after the amusing duce, or shift around, or simply hide) I am not especially old, but I am
lock it in the adjoining bathroom Julian Clary, I discover, but has objects in our flat on an almost old enough to remember when
because it was making a horrible been in use for 1,000 years, if not hourly basis. And here was another – scented candles were manufactured
pong. Once it was gone, only the among drivers and operators of a small brown jar containing a wick. solely so primary school teachers
honest damp, mouldy smell of the heavy machinery. ‘DISCO INFERNO,’ the label had something to open at Christmas.
irrigated trees hung around. read, ‘Smells like a good time in ’75.’ They were never lit, but instead
The intended smell of these Don’t mistake me. I like candles, Unscrewing the lid, I called out into regifted to boring people who were
candles seldom pleases. The musky and proper, hard beeswax candles the void and asked why we now otherwise impossible to buy for,
end of the spectrum is worst, have a faint smell. But when the own this, given we already had 312 then regifted again, and again, circu-
but a sour cough-sweety note, as lights go out next winter, God for- other candles. ‘It’s handmade!’ the lating unwanted in the British econ-
favoured for air-fresheners in local bid that all I have for reading my response came, ‘and subtle!’ omy until we all had at least six.
minicabs, often features too. Like Telegraph and warming my por- What did a good time smell like in
the Pooper Star Citrus Splash Post- ridge is a nauseating, headachy, And then, around 2010, scented
Poo Air Freshener that I saw adver- asthma-inducing scented candle. candles became… cool. An essential
tised online, the smell of the candle part of living well. This came with no
soon becomes associated with the official announcement from Gwyneth GETTY IMAGES
odour it attempts to disguise. Paltrow; no press conference given
Apart from the deodorant func- by the Hipster Synod. They were just
tion, relaxation is the declared aim silently rebranded, around the same
of the scented candle. It’s a wonder time as cassette tapes and offal.
anyone is left awake. One of John
Lewis’s finest is called Rituals Seren- Because this kind of volte-face
dipity. Serendipity is many people’s happens a lot in my generation, we
favourite word, almost as if they’d have all just accepted it, and now live
discovered it personally by happy balancing the promise of relaxation
chance. John Lewis does not dis- and the immediate threat of fire in
close what ritual the smelly candle every room. My own home is covered
suggests. It would certainly please in them. They have names like, ‘A
a smaller audience if called by the Thousand Sunsets’ or ‘Orgasm’ or
synonymous Potluck Sacrifice. ‘Summer of 69’, but all just smell of
For £29.50, Marks & Spencer bergamot, citrus and sandalwood.
offers the Calm Extra Large Three-
Wick, with ‘a relaxing blend of I could fight back, extinguish
lavender, sweet orange, clary sage the disco inferno; but there’ll just
and cedarwood, perfect for a little be another in its place next week.
If there’s a scented candle in the
74 T h e T e l e g r a p h M a g a z i n e room, Christopher’s first thought is,
‘Why?’ Mine is, ‘Of course.’

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9 July 2022 The Telegraph Magazine 75

76 The Telegr aph Magazine 9 J u ly 2022*