A PRECIOUS PEARL (PRECIOUSNESS OF MY LIFE) The day a baby is born among the Ngoni of Mchinji in Malawi, is usually one of the most beautiful days where smiles, laughter, happy faces are seen, and stories are shared and heard all over, and the joy around the neighbourhood is simply contagious. We hear from all sides the drumming, ululation, gifts are brought for the baby and the parents, there is even singing and dancing which are the best part for me! But what is this whole celebration about? It is a celebration of life, it is an appreciation of the gift that the parents have received, together with the whole community and the society. Just imagine how mothers run to rescue a child from wandering off to the road or how they run to bring them back home when they are running away because they do not want to have a bath! I miss those childhood fun moments. They are to me a great reminder of how precious my life is, not just to myself but to others also. By making such memories, I gave my mum and siblings who would watch me run, a gift, of my presence and humour. I am trying to imagine when I began to play, sit, walk, talk even sing! These new steps brought great joy in the lives of the people around me. Their love and care in seeing that I am warm enough, dry, that the diaper has been changed, that we have eaten and showered, that I am happy and growing up healthy, are a sure sign of how dearly I have been loved, because I am a precious pearl, a gift to them, and they too to me. As we continue growing sometimes we meet challenges and life might not seem to look like a gift anymore. I know of a young man who had a happy childhood, but when he grew up he could not find a decent job, nor a young lady to marry him because he was jobless. Due to his frustration he decided to take his own life. The night before that fateful day when he was to take his own life, he had a mysterious dream. His whole life was shown to him like in a movie, all the joys he had experienced in life while growing up, and the sad times and how the beautiful moments had overshadowed them. When he woke up he looked at the materials he had prepared for his 'last' job, he wept and saw that there had been so much good that he had managed to do with his life already, taking his own life would hinder him from discovering what else he could do in life. When he left his room he met his neighbour who smiled at him and wished him a happy day. That moment was a gift which he needed, to reaffirm that his presence was a gift to others, and that of others to him. Not everyone gets to experience a childhood that is filled with happy memories but all of us are precious in the sight of God. Even our experiences no matter what they are should become stepping stones to a better life. Talking about stepping stones we may take the story of Joseph and his brothers in the Bible. Joseph was sold out of jealousy by his brothers. Life was very hard for him but despite all the difficulties he faced he still became the only saviour for his people in time of famine. Life may be difficult now but let us look into the future with hope that all will be better. Debbie’s tips Life is a gift, it is a precious pearl, and its preciousness can become fruitful if: • I make great use of it to discover what I am capable of doing for myself and for others; • I appreciate what I have, be it intelligence, material things, or beautiful inspirations; • I take time to appreciate nature and learn from it; • I appreciate the people around me like family, friends and new people I come across and the beauty they reinforce in my life. • I appreciate the small things in life like greetings, a smile, a pat on the back, a compliment, even being corrected. • I remember some childhood fun moments; they will help me to understand how much I have been loved and am still loved and appreciated.
CONFIDENCE IS MY NAME I was watching one of these teen movies one afternoon and then I came across a story of a princess who was always dressed in beautiful gowns, who was so beautiful, and when she was to be abducted, she was protected by her bodyguard, but when worse came to worse, she used self-defense techniques which she had learnt from her bodyguard. Prior to watching this movie, one of my classmates had called me an ugly clumsy girl. I was really hurt and when I looked at myself in the mirror later on, I confirmed that what she had said was true. Because like her even this princess in the movie had applied makeup, which I had never used on me. My classmate had a boyfriend and the princess had a bodyguard to defend them both, and I had no one not even a boyfriend ever in my life. The princess defended herself when she was attacked but I could not assert myself, when she uttered that demeaning comment neither could I challenge myself to see myself positively and admit that I am beautiful just as I am, with or without makeup. I had forgotten that during one of my classes in school I was told that I have the capacity to become what I was created to become, not a princess nor my classmate but a unique me. I had forgotten the times I did not rely on someone’s compliment to be reassured that I am beautiful. I was believing and relying more on what other people were saying, my self-esteem had become very low. Self-esteem depends on many aspects and values. What then is self-esteem? It is the ability to look positively at myself both at the strengths and weakness which make up the wonderful person that I am. So later on when I took time to re-evaluate how I see myself, I discovered that I was actually underrating my potentials. So I made a point then to say that as I begin each day I will strive to think well of myself, within the day there is no guarantee that I will not make mistakes, but regardless of the mistake I will be able to say I am unique, my mistake does not define me. Then I will be motivated to challenge myself to do better the next moment. When we watch TV or surf the web we find that there are standards marked out to classify the successful and confident from the weak and timid. There is the conclusion that those who wear this type of clothes are still living in the 70s, or that those not possessing a particular kind of phone or tablet are living under average. Sometimes we consider those not married at a certain age or not having a nice paying job as failures in life. These are other people’s opinion which should not make me spend sleepless nights, or live a miserable life. That is how they look at life according to their values. But being a unique person, I am capable of challenging myself to try out something new that I value as being important. “You’re different from any other person who has ever lived in the history of the Universe. You are the only one in the whole creation with your particular set of abilities. There is always someone who is better at one thing or another. But nobody in the whole world can reach the quality of the combination of your talents, your feelings. You are special.” (from the book: “Teenagers Love and Sex” by Michael Moloney) How then can I boost or maintain healthy self-esteem? This requires commitment and sincerity. • By congratulating myself for the small and big achievements every day. • I will not define myself by a mistake, but instead challenge myself to do better next time. • I will keep good thoughts about myself and others, and keep positive people around me. • I will not demean myself, nor consider life worthless, nor think I am not good or beautiful enough. • I will believe in the sincere positive image of myself. • I will live life with enthusiasm that it is infinitely beautiful and enjoy happy moments.
FURAHA (HAPPINESS) Hie! My name is Furaha and I have a young sister called Chiletso who was learning English in her class, and decided to construct a sentence, mind you the name Furaha means happiness, and Chiletso means to restrict. So her sentence was like this, ‘Happiness was crying because Restrict denied her food.’ Well, this is the most awkward sentence I have ever heard but we had a good laugh about it, and she even ran to share her new sentence construction with my parents. Because she could not fully understand what was funny about her sentence, she wrote it down and 10 years later when she stumbled upon it, I found her rolling on the ground in laughter while holding her stomach, finally she had understood, and just like that day we began laughing again, but now with her. Every person in this world deserves to be happy. It is a gift which comes with being alive. If we observe the events of the day, we may discover that there are many incidents that are a source of happiness and laughter. There are those funny moments when we enjoy a great laugh until the stomach aches, there are those beautiful moments when we know and feel that we are loved, they are those great moments when we have achieved something or finished an assignment, and there are those rare moments when we welcome a child into the world, meet an old friend coincidentally or find some valuable treasure or object which had been lost for a long time. On the other hand, there are moments also when we are faced with a dilemma, either to lighten up the moment and make it a happy one or lament, get angry and annoyed. Like when someone who was running away from the Landlord hides under a table and the dog being playful comes to pull down the table cloth while the child was explaining, as instructed, that mum/dad is away on business, or when during a conference we find ourselves sleeping off to the point of snoring, having forgotten that the microphone attached to our jacket is still on, and everybody’s attention now is on us. We can either burst out into laughter and then apologize or get angry, embarrassed and experience an awkward moment. The saying goes, no person is in charge of our happiness. Imagine a boy and girl in a relationship, and during those glorious days they tell each other ‘you are my happiness’. What then will happen if they annoy each other? Happiness will be locked up in the closet until this ‘source’ has changed their mind. We should keep in mind though that, if we treasure happiness as a very important aspect of our life, then we will not trade it for anything in the world. When happiness is threatened by embarrassing moments let us ask ourselves? • Is this worth getting mad over and trading my happiness for? • What value will I achieve when I lock up my happiness in the closet, will I benefit or lose? Rather let us maintain our happiness in these ways; • By keeping positive thoughts in our mind. • By quickly letting go of bad events having learnt some lessons from them. • By working on, improving or developing a great sense of humour to lighten up tough moments. • By focusing on the beauty of life, of living. • By keeping in mind that happiness produces enough laughter and laughter releases stress, disappoint ment and despair.
GREATEST TREASURE EVER (LIVE LIFE TO THE FULL) One Saturday evening I found myself feeling bored. Then I asked myself, ‘why can I not do something about how I am feeling?’ So I decided to watch a movie! Yes, I am a great fan of nice movies! So I came across ‘Gifted Hands’, have you had a chance of watching it? I hope you have but if not, then let me tell just a bit about it, in order to provoke your interest. So, Gifted Hands is a movie about the life of Ben Carson, you might have heard about him some years back, he was a Neurosurgeon, that is a Doctor who works on the nervous system and brain, and stuff like that when there are problems. Now he also was running for Presidency for the United States of America, just imagine! I do not think that when he was young he ever thought that he could reach this far, but he did. Well, as a child his parents divorced and he had to move from place to place, with his mum and brother, as she was looking for a job. This affected both their performance in school, since it also meant changing schools quite often. His mother now had to find a strategy to help them perform better in school, because despite the movement the two brothers were also glued to the Television and did not have much time for their books. So she decided that they would read at the Library, 2 books each week and make a book report on them to give her. This came in handy for Ben especially when he joined Medical school because he found it quite hard to understand what he was learning during lectures and perform well. So he decided to attend less lectures and concentrate on reading more text books. This helped him a lot until he passed and graduated. His use of knowledge and application helped him also to solve complex cases of conjoined twins, who after an operation were separated successfully. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ben_Carson) Living life to the full can be achieved through discovering first of all the greatest treasure lived, and that is our life itself. In life we can do many things which we have never thought of doing and living. Great archaeological discoveries were made when the archaeologists discovered a place suspected to have hidden treasure, dug with commitment and care until they uncovered what have been the greatest discoveries in this world. We mentioned earlier on that life is a gift. When someone dear to us has given us a gift, we try to make the best use of it right? We are so fortunate that we have been given many gifts and talents which we can make use of to live our life to the full. In our world today, we see many people who against all odds have and still are living their lives to the full because they appreciate this greatest treasure which they have, life, and with commitment work to make the best out of it. How then can I live life to the full? How can I appreciate this greatest treasure lived? Debbie’s tips • Appreciate each day that I have to live and discover beautiful things in my life. • Not letting myself get bored yet I have the potential to make life beautiful for myself and others. • Utilizing the knowledge I have acquired, making use of it according to my way of thinking and under standing, and then trying out some new invention or improving one that exists already. • Giving value to the help I receive from people and the materials which I come across which are sources of knowledge. • Taking time to discover what I am capable of doing and challenging myself to do even better. • Always to give the best to the world, it makes life more fulfilling and lively.
I AM DALITSO (MY MISSION ON PLANET EARTH) The name Dalitso means blessing from where I come from. Among my people a name is very significant because you have to live up to it. Everyone expects you to live as your name dictates. If you are called Dalisto then your life must be a blessing not a source of sadness for the people. If your name means hope, everyone will look up to you in hope. Your name defines your mission on earth. Someone said that we were given names so that we can be called out when we have gotten ourselves into trouble. Well, trouble making is part of growing up but with time we become more responsible and less trouble makers. There is a purpose or mission of life that is somehow hidden and connected to one’s name. There are those called Amari meaning one who possesses great strength, Bahati meaning lucky or fortunate, or Ekon meaning strong. This is just part of our self-discovery. Discovering our mission on this earth is always a quest that each person has to undertake. Our basic mission is to live life to the best of our capabilities and that includes making great use of our talents, gifts, inspirations and moments of learning. We learn about ourselves through what people tell us and also through what we discover about ourselves with time. However, each individual person has a specific mission to accomplish. Lulu was always trying to imitate other girls her age but she could not manage to be like them. One day her mum decided to help her understand that she too had a different mission to fulfill in this world. So she brought out a Jigsaw puzzle and kept one piece away from the others. Lulu began to put the pieces together because she really liked puzzles. In the end she discovered that the picture was incomplete because a piece was missing. Only then did she understand the importance of that piece, it had its mission too and without it the picture would remain like that, incomplete. What then is my purpose or mission on this planet earth? How do I discover it? Having discovered it, what will I do with that knowledge? And what do I need in order to accomplish it? Debbie’s Tips • Take time to discover your gifts, talents and achievements; • Look realistically at the inspirations and aspirations that you have for the future; • Do some research and see how other people have managed to discover their own missions on earth; • Learn what you can from their lives, see what works out for you, keeping in mind your uniqueness; • Find strength in the meaning of your name from whichever language it is from; • Commit yourself to accomplishing your mission on earth as YOU and not as others have done. You will be surprised at what you will discover; • Always keep in mind that you are the one to accomplish this mission on earth, no matter how incapable you might think you are; • Use the knowledge you already have and what you are passionate about, then you will be able to come up with something new and better, which is unique for you; • Start small.
MR./MISS CONFIDENT (SELF-ESTEEM: THE CONFIDENT I) Happiness in one’s life is very important. ‘Happiness begets love, tranquility, wisdom, cheerfulness, patience, tolerance, solidarity, forgiveness, perseverance, mastery of self, goodness and self-esteem. If we ill-treat one of these members, we risk losing everything. When we hurt love, we lose tranquility, it abandons us and we do not persevere, then we lose wisdom and the last one, self-esteem disappears. (Augusto Cury in the book: “Educating the emotions”) What we are trying to say here is that self-esteem depends on many aspects and values. What then is self-esteem? It is the ability feel good about ourselves while acknowledging our giftedness, talents and on the other hand, limitations and weaknesses with hope on working on them to grow and become better each day. There are many ideas which are suggested to us to boost our self-esteem. When we watch TV or surf the web we find that there are standards marked out to classify the successful and confident from the weak and timid. Self-esteem means being able to accept myself as God created me without wishing to change anything, because there is no human being on this earth who is exactly like me. But at times the temptation comes to us to re-evaluate ourselves and begin to see imperfections which we had never seen before. Why is that? Because the media has presented to us a specific criterion for beauty or success or being noticed and appreciated. We are shown people who look cool and fleeky when they have cut their hair in a particular way or when their makeup is done in this way or the other, they look more beautiful in this dress or that Jeans or suit. When we look at ourselves in the mirror, just as a person we need to be able to convincingly and sincerely say, ‘I am beautiful or handsome as I am, with or without this hairdo or makeup, because beauty is both interior and exterior’. And with our head held high we go about doing good, doing our duties well, working hard in school and not being troubled by minute things which when we give them room will settle in our minds, cripple our thinking and so distort our way of seeing ourselves as we really are and then doing our best in whatever it is that we are to do. “You’re different from any other person who has ever lived in the history of the Universe. You are the only one in the whole creation who has your particular set of abilities. There is always someone who is better at one thing or another. But nobody in the whole world can reach the quality of the combination of your talents, your feelings. You are special.” (Michael Moloney in the book: “Teenagers Love and Sex”) With this thought in mind we will be able to challenge ourselves to learn new lessons; for example, if reading is our hobby, we can then challenge ourselves to read even more and use that knowledge for the benefit of others or even try to write some stories ourselves. If we like computer games, why then can’t we challenge ourselves to learn to create one or learn how to draw? Where our passion is that is where we need to challenge ourselves even more to learn and develop ourselves, confident that even if we fail a couple of times, we will persist and learn from that failure and succeed. When we begin to doubt ourselves there will be anxiety, nervousness, fear, withdrawal and feelings of being inferior because we do not believe in ourselves. We should rather acknowledge the advances we have made regardless of failure and then try again differently until we master it. Let us never demean ourselves, never consider life worthless, never think we are not good enough. If for any reason our self-esteem is low, and we feel the whole world is against us, we should not measure ourselves by what others say and think about us, nor should we assess ourselves by the number of problems, errors, failures, tears, or losses, life is infinitely beautiful. Life will remain beautiful because we are in the world, confident and having healthy self-esteem, and because we will go about our daily work, joys and challenges holding our heads high, hoping to do our best, because we are Mr. or Miss Confident.
MY PILLARS OF LIFE (MY PRINCIPLES AND VALUES) Sometimes I do remember some songs we used to sing when I was younger. One of those songs is “Soweto, Soweto” and goes like: ‘Soweto, Soweto, Soweto, aah say no to apartheid say no.’ Whenever I remember this song I think of Nelson Mandela. The man of principles and values which made him become the first black South African President and a great role model to many people until today. The things that he valued were: • Fairness and justice to all people regardless of race, colour, and the like. • Service, regardless of the possibility of losing his own life at that time. He stood up for what he believed that was for the good of all the people of his nation. • Dignity; he spoke for those who were suffering because of the colour of their skin • Non racism, regardless of how he had suffered for defending his people, he never revenged but forgave those who were persecuting him. • Freedom, which meant people living together in harmony and with equal opportunities. And now based on these values he was able to form principles which guided him in life such as, learning and interpreting how other leaders had made mistakes which he opted to avoid in the future, to firmly hold on to the decisions he had made, anticipating the future and seeing that the only way to end apartheid was to unite all the people, and challenging the system of apartheid at that time by his words, and deeds. Nelson Mandela was a man of values. What are values? According to Sr. Clothilde in her book “The A-Z Guide to looking at the Media”, values are motivating forces that move us to respond to a situation. Imagine you are walking on the street and you see a child crossing the road aimlessly while a car is approaching, what would move you to run and take that child away from the impending danger of being hit by the car? That is a value for life; the life of that child. Principles are formed based on these values which we possess as we grow up. You probably might have heard someone saying that, ‘she is a principled lady because she does not go out partying beyond 10pm.’ This means that this young lady has made it a point, that she can go out to party but no matter the case, she has to be at home by 10pm, for her own safety. What are your values in life? Understanding, humility, modesty, politeness, obedience, kindness, flexibility, punctuality, charity, purity, integrity? When we take a moment to look back at all the good that we have done in our lives and the lessons we have learnt, we will discover that these are the values that we have learned from childhood until now. Reaching adolescence does not make them invalid, no, rather they should be enforced each day and we should hold on dearly to them because from them we will form principles which will govern our future. Values and principles are often challenged by this transition from childhood to adulthood called adolescence, when seen as a new beginning of life yet it is a continuity of life. So then what should we do in order to discover which values and principles are the pillars of our lives? Debbie’s Tips • Take some time to be alone and see what it is that important in our lives, and then make a list. • Take time to discover which value or principle I have, by seeing what makes me happy or angry. • While chatting with friends, ask them about their values. • After an action I try to see what it is that moved me to act in that manner. • Having discovered the values and principles which are so important to us, let us keep them as the pillars of our lives because they are what will guide us into a bright future.
WHAT AM I HERE FOR? (MY MISSION ON PLANET EARTH) A little boy named Johnny was puzzled to see that his older brother was quite gifted when it came to keeping order in the house, his sister was quite a great cook even at a tender age. Now whenever he would try to keep order in the house he ended up putting things in the wrong place, or breaking them. Whenever he would try to help out in the kitchen, he would either cut himself or burn the food or present uncooked food. Eventually he decided to stop trying to do any of those things. One day it so happened that his sister burnt the food because she was distracted. She was corrected but was also made to understand how she could do better next time. Now little Johnny was confused because in his mind he knew that his older siblings were perfect and not capable of making any mistakes but him alone. His sister helped him to understand that in order to be capable of doing something there is need for a couple of trials, there is no promise of success always but where there is commitment and correction, he would be able to discover his purpose in life. And that begins with the small things in life. Discovering our mission on this earth is always a quest that each person has to undertake. My mission is to live life to the best of my capabilities and that includes making great use talents, gifts and learning. We learn how to do something better through the advice that others receive when they are being corrected. We learn and discover our potentials through the encouragement of our older siblings and even from the young ones. (Minute Motivators for Teens, page 116) Each person in life has a purpose, imagine a puzzle where you have to put pieces together, if one or two pieces are missing, that picture you are putting together will not be clear nor complete. Only when that particular piece, no matter how small it is, has been put in its rightful place, only then will it have fulfilled its purpose. What then is your purpose in life? What is your mission on this earth? Take time to discover it, and you will come across many beautiful discoveries which would have otherwise remained hidden had you thought of keeping them there without being curious to find out this mission. Begin now then to discover your mission on this earth, you will be surprised at the things that you will come across, and learn. Little Johnny eventually discovered that he was capable of mowing grass better, cutting people's hair and fixing broken things in the house, because he took his time to pay attention to details. It was not a day’s work, it took him some practice and failure but because he was committed to achieving this goal, he began slowly to discover his place, his purpose in this beautiful world. What then is your mission on this earth?
DEVELOPING IN-BORN GIFTS AND TALENTS Each day presents to us various gifts of nature and life. Amidst all of them, am I aware that each person possesses within himself or herself, in-born gifts and talents? A gift is a special ability that I possess; which I was born with and a talent is a natural ability to do ordinary things in exceptional ways. From the time I was born, I have been equipped with gifts and talents that help me to learn better, relate well with others, journey through life’s challenges and trials. In the midst of all this, these gifts and talents which I possess need to be developed because if I do not develop them, they will remain stagnant within me. Imagine an Apple seed, which is dry, tiny and brown. If it remains kept in a container in one corner of the store in the house, nothing about it will change. And yet I will miss out on admiring how big a tree it can grow into, the beautiful green color of its leaves, the tiny pink beautiful flowers that it produces, seeing the little fruits grow into big apples that eventually turn into green, red, yellow or striped yellow and red fruits. Analogously, this is what happens to my gifts and talents if and when they remain within me, undeveloped and unused. They do not add any meaning to my life. And yet they are like small seeds planted within me but not watered and so they wither, disappear or die. So how can I develop these gifts and talents? Firstly, I need to discover what they are and this is a daily journey where I come to that ‘Aha!’ moment of realization that all along I have had this gift and talent within me. So having realized, I now make a step to begin watering them, in the sense that I begin to apply knowledge that I possess in order to uplift this gift. Constant use of these gifts and talents also will give me room to improve, discover some flaws and rediscover some new inspired ways to utilize that gift or talent well so that I may not benefit alone but also make use of it for the good of other people that I meet every day in my life. Practically speaking, I might have a gift of good articulation of words. This might have been influenced by having the ability to listen and learn fast. And so, for a good listener it is easier to pronounce a word as it has been pronounced. The application part comes in through exposure to many other different words and languages. And in the end I might use this developed gift or talent to direct me into a particular profession like becoming a Linguist. This in the end will be quite beneficial to many people especially in translating books or talks during conferences. So the aim of developing my gifts and talents is not only for my own benefit but also for other people who may be in need of that quality which I possess or may be inspired to learn from my example and develop their own gifts and talents. Debbie’s Tips Gifts and talents lead me to discover more about myself and provide beneficial services to other people. In order to develop my gifts and talents I will; • Commit myself to a task of discovering what gifts and talents I possess which are in-born. • Identify role models with similar gifts and talents as mine. • Learn from other people how they too have developed their own gifts and talents. • Creatively find my own way of making good use of them. • Research on what others have done in order to be motivated to challenge myself. • Nurture my gifts and talents through constant practice and work.
PROFESSION AND CAREER PURSUIT Teachers often ask their pupils about their career of interest or, what they would like to become when they grow up and their answer is usually influenced either by who is asking or what those around them do. Growing up initially I wanted to be like my teacher, then I wanted to be like my dad who is a pilot, and later like my brother who is an architect. I kept on changing until now I am a photographer because I love to take pictures. So what then is a career? And what is a profession? A career is an occupation which I assume in life based on: what is important for me, what I care about, what I am good at, salary, because it is an opportunity I have come across, or as a hobby I am passionate about and developing. A profession is an occupation which requires proper and prolonged training often times in an Institute, University, or from an expert. They also have a code of conduct which they follow, like for Doctors and Nurses, they take an oath to protect lives at all costs for this is the field in which they are professionals. With a career, success which leads to promotions, salary increment or the happiness and satisfaction of having accomplished something is important and yet for a profession, service delivery is very important and Professionals cannot take advantage of people because of the service provided and knowledge shared, that is part of their professional ethics. I might decide to be trained to become a Professional Pilot, and yet I may also be interested in writing Novels or photography even farming, so these hobbies fall among my career options which I may use as side jobs. Meaning that it is possible to be trained in a particular professional field and have others careers as side jobs. But how then do I begin this journey of discovering and pursuing the profession of my choice and career? Career and profession search begins with self-knowledge. This means having the capability to know my values, gifts, talents, interests, and things I am naturally good at and are appealing to me. Then I will take some time to research and see what is required of me to venture into that field, the training, expenses and my performance and conduct. I should then remain focused on what I am pursuing, I might ask other people already in that field for enlightenment and clarity, and having finished my training I may work as an intern in a particular company in order to be conversant with that profession or career. When searching for career and professional opportunities there are resources on the internet which act as a link between prospective employees and future employers. Such sites are like LinkedIn, Indeed, Glassdoor among many others available online and for some which are country specific. Debbie’s Tips In order to discover and pursue the profession and career that is suitable for me, I will; • Seek to get a clear understanding of the profession or career of my role model. • Do some personal research to understand what it entails to become a professional in that field. • Focus my studies and training to be properly oriented in this field. • Use creativity and make productive initiatives leading to best service delivery and growth. • Observe and keep the code of conduct that my profession expects of me. • Apply to work as an intern or volunteer in order to gain more knowledge and experience in the field. • Assess myself to see if I am capable of being a professional and having other side jobs.
SELF-DEVELOPMENT Life is a beautiful journey where I keep on learning new things about myself, others and my surrounding. As I learn, I adopt and adapt to some situations and develop my own mentality and perspective of life with time. Self-development in life is quite essential for it enables personal growth and change so as to make progress, achieve goals and pursue dreams while letting go of those defects within me that hinder progress. Without self-development, life will come to a standstill, yet it is a journey to be lived progressively. Self-development then might include developing skills and hobbies that will amplify my in-born gifts and talents, or even learn and develop new ones. The primary aim of such self-development is to increase the value of and growth in my life. I can never really say that I am content with my growth in life. If I take a good look at how I am living, I will discover that there is something new that I need to develop. And this includes all aspects of life. In the work place, I might decide to improve on better use of time for maximum productivity meaning that I need to be able to prioritize duties to be accomplished in order of importance each working day. In school, I need to see how best I can grasp what I learn in class and retain it in my mind so that I can use that information to develop my perspective of life and shape my future. In interpersonal relationships, I can learn from observing how other people carry on healthy conversations that make them likeable and at home with anyone they meet, so as to increase my social circle and especially with those who have made great achievements already and are positive minded. In order to avoid boredom, I can come up with different activities that will help me grow as a person like reading, writing, learning something new; for example, learning a certain type of sport and/or musical instrument even dancing or singing. With self-development, I will be able to have and maintain a healthy body and mind, work on my weaknesses so as to live a more productive life. Also make use of and challenge myself to improve, and in the process inspire other people to begin their own journey of self-development. Debbie’s Tips To live each day while developing myself in all aspects of life, I will; • Find meaning in why I wish to develop myself. • Begin the journey keeping in mind that it may not be so easy but worth it in the end. • Prioritize what needs to be done in order to have progressive growth. • Commit myself to work on myself each day by developing different skills. • Encourage myself even when I meet failure and disappointment. • Change activities in order to achieve better performance, attentiveness and productivity. • Do my best to improve so as to help others also improve through good example.
MEDIA Media is plural of medium which is a means that passes on information from one end to the other, from a sender to the receiver. Media has existed throughout the ages in different ways and especially within Africa, our ‘Traditional Media’ comprises of storytelling, drama/theatre, dance, proverbs, the use of music and musical instruments like drumming, signs, symbols, names, ways of dressing and rites of passage. On the other hand, the modern means of communication are the internet, television, videos, radio, cell phones, DVDs, newspapers, magazines, journals, books and periodicals.’ (New Media, 2013) All these instruments are used to transmit different information that has contributed to the enlightenment of people at different stages of life. When I was a child, while in class at times I used to daydream and the next moment I would hear clapping of hands or whistling or my name being shouted out loud. All these means were used to communicate to me that I have to come back from that other world and concentrate. Funny as it sounds, this too is a form of media and can come in handy at times. Signalling at someone not to share an embarrassing story too is a form of media. A wink of an eye acts as media by symbolizing agreement to what someone has said or to showing a liking for them, a nodding of the head would mean that my message is being understood and accepted, a glance coupled with a smile would mean that somebody likes me or they are interested in what I am communicating. These are mostly means of communication on the physical level. When we look at modern means of media we find that there are two groups; Print media which comprise of books, magazines, newspapers and materials of such kind, and Electronic media comprising of the internet, cell phones, videos, eBooks, digital magazines, online music and many more. In our world today we are able to see that there are many messages which are being transmitted to us, but do we ever take some time to question the kind of information that it is? If it is helpful or not? If it can help us to grow or regress? Can build or break our relationships? Gossip some years back used to be done in person and it would take a long time to spread. But today with all these means of communication it is very easy to destroy the character of a person merely because of envy, personal hatred, jealousy, competition and many other malicious motivations. But I as a recipient am responsible for how I translate the information which I have received and what I do with it. These days there are newspapers, magazines, and different means that have been used to tarnish the image of certain people, whether true or false. The passing on of immoral, violent, and abusive information which have tremendously influenced our perspective of life can easily make us get used to violence, abusive behaviour and also learn to demean others. I think that the media can be used in a different way to share good things that others have done, innovative ideas, information that builds up and promotes the integrity of people, among many other good things. Now how can I positively make use of media? Debbie’s Tips • I will analyse and see what it is that is being communicated to me through the different forms of media. • I will be critical in seeing if the information which I am receiving is beneficial for me or not. • I will make sound judgements on what kind of information I will retain in my mind. • I will censor and choose what kind of information I can have access to. • In using and sharing information I will aspire and work at communicating positively influential informa tion. • I will respect and promote, especially in the use of these forms of media, the dignity of other people and my own. • I will be objective before believing hearsay, by doing more research to understand the subject matter better. • I will be precise on what I wish to communicate as to be give the very best to others.
SOCIAL MEDIA Social media is the commonest word being used almost everywhere in the world simply because it has become for most of us a way of reaching out to others, of creating friendships, maintaining relationships, grabbing opportunities for jobs, auditions and participation in different entertainment activities. There are many social media platforms which are being used to cater to the different needs of people throughout the world such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, WhatsApp, TikTok, WeChat, and many more. There are many good things which have come up as a result of the use of these means such as reunion of family members who either lost touch or were separated from birth, in the case of parents and children, it has also become quite easy to learn how to cook delicious meals for those who are interested in that field, to learn some computer programs or musical instruments, art, basic life skills and many other things that we can aspire to learn that are beneficial to us and to other people. However, there has been a lot of cyberbullying, hacking, peer pressure even in the use of these social media platforms among others. At times I can post a picture of myself and instead of getting compliments I end up receiving unwarranted criticism, not really because the photo is not good but merely because the person bullying me, also called a troll, does not like me or has a personal grudge against me. There are also risks of becoming addicted to the internet and social media platforms, I remember one time I used to have my phone with me everywhere even in the bathroom so that I could not miss any posts by my friends. It is also becoming quite common that people are meeting and creating relationships online, others end up in marriage yes but some turn out to be stalkers or so possessive that they request for the password to monitor and see who I am communicating with. There are different forms of abuse online. Online gaming is quite enticing and yet it too can lead to addiction. If I have not managed to create authentic physical friendships with my peers, it will become so easy for me to immense myself in this other world of gaming as a way of escaping my reality and doing something about else. Pornography has become a very dangerous immoral plague that is ruining our society. It is quite easy even today for any person of any age to have access to it, and consequently there are many youths being lured into participating in the shooting of such immoral videos. What then can I do to make a difference in my use of the different social media platforms? Debbie’s Tips • I will evaluate the necessity of having accounts on all the available social media platforms in the world. • I will choose to use each social media platform for its rightful purpose. • I will respect the dignity of others and my own in commenting and seeing what to post and not to post. • I will aim at sharing with my peers information that is building and not destroying. • I will aim at resisting peer pressure that comes through friends and the different advertisements. • I will keep in mind this question when posting anything: “Would I be able to say the same things to this person face to face?” • I will observe what friendship truly is and not just accept all friend requests just to broaden my social network. • I will make a clear distinction between my life online and physical social life, so as not to live an illusion ary life. • I will be open to new ideas and initiatives, while also paying attention to the risk of predators roaming the different social platforms. • I will keep private things private and protect my passwords and personal information. • In case I meet a person online to begin a romantic relationship with, I will take my time to get to know him/her in person before making any long term decision.
Educating My Emotions As we live in life, we have silent companions who help us navigate the different situations which we find ourselves in. What is it that you feel when you are excited, angry, have been scolded or are surprised? All these are emotions which help us, according to James Breig in his book entitled The Emotional Jesus, to recognize, accept and tap into the fact that they are part of human nature, and without them, we are less than what we should be, less than what God intended us to be. Therefore, emotions are strong feelings, like love, hate, fear among others, which can be caused by a situation I am in or the people I am with, and in turn influence my thoughts and behaviour towards people or objects. In order to express emotions we either use up a lot of energy or less depending on the feeling. Positive emotions renew and refresh our energy while negative emotions burn up a lot of the energy within us. Anybody can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy, Aristotle, a Greek Philosopher said. I remember when I received a text message from an old friend whom I had lost touch with and then we planned to meet up, there were many emotions which I experienced like anxiety, excitement, restlessness at times, anticipation and the joy I had was so visible on my face that my family were surprised to see me like this for a couple of days. Then a day before our ‘meeting day’ I received a text message late in the night from my dear old friend who apologised that there was an emergency which she had to attend to and so we could not meet as planned. A storm of emotions flooded my heart again; there was disappointment, sadness, lack of interest and energy, and lack of sleep because I just could not understand why she let me prepare so much and yet she cancelled our reunion just like that without any explanation or a sincere apology. The next day was quite dull for me in that I could not work, I was bored by anything and everyone, I had neither appetite nor interest in being happy with the rest of my family. This went on for almost a week and my older brother had to intervene by enlightening me about emotions. ‘To educate the emotions means to develop the most important functions of the mind, like controlling our thoughts, protecting our emotions when in the heat of tension, thinking before acting, putting oneself in the place of others, pursuing dreams and valuing what life has to offer’ “Augusto Cury in the book ‘Educating the Emotions’”. Now in my case, I should have controlled my excitement about our meeting while leaving room for some unpredictable situations like postponement of the meeting. Since I did not know her reason for cancelling the meeting, I should have at least remained optimistic that another opportunity will suffice, and not let this disturb the flow of my life. There are many situations in our lives which call for different emotions to be expressed but at times we can fall into two extremes: either we allow our emotions take a toll on us or we supress them and not express them at all. Probably we have come across people who tell us, ‘men don’t cry because it shows weakness’ or ‘women who do not cry are hard hearted’. In a way this is not the proper way of educating our emotions, since we have seen earlier on that by expressing our emotions we live our human nature, then we should let ourselves feel and express these emotions according to situations. However, there are moments when we find ourselves unable to control the joy and excitement and end up breaking all the plates and glasses that come our way, or when we are fuming with anger we bang all the doors and windows and anything that crosses our path. Such moments when we are still trying to navigate our way into proper expression of emotions, it is better to excuse ourselves until we calm down and then carry on with our work. Emotions are important elements of our life for they help us to participate in discussions, express our opinion freely, respect the opinions of others, promote creativity, promote self-confidence and healthy self-esteem. Debbie’s Tips How then will I practically deal with my emotions? • Through exercise I will keep my body healthy and let good emotions flow within me. • I will work on being kind towards, compassionate and thoughtful of others and myself. • I will be open to myself and name the emotion which I am feeling at the moment in order to deal with it in a better manner. • I will find someone trustworthy whom I can talk to about my emotions. • When feeling low I will find other activities like watching Television, listening to music even dancing which will bring back good emotions. • When I find myself having negative feelings, I will look back to find out what provoked them and either write them down in my journal in order to bring them out or go to do some physical work so that I can release that negative energy. • I will take some time to have a walk outside, admire and contemplate nature in order to clear the mind. • I will thank people for the good things which they have done for me.
The super PC (My mind) Gray was only ten years old when he became curious about the world and the different equipment commonly used. Whenever he got a screwdriver, he would unscrew whatever instrument he found and often his parents would notice only when he had already opened it. At times because of anger and frustration they would tell him that he does not have a mind and he thinks with his mouth by only eating. But that was not true, he surely has a mind which he uses to pursue and satisfy his curiosity. It was the mind that was at work, when he wanted to understand how that particular instrument was made. Gray later became an Engineer even with all the scolding he got from his parents. Growing up he nurtured his passion to understand and creatively participate also in the designing, building and use of machines. So now, what is the mind? Fergus Garrett in the book entitled ‘Body, Mind and Spirit’ wrote: “The Mind is the part of the Self that gives meaning to our experiences and our memory of them”. There are a lot of things that enter our mind through visual pictures, stories we listen to, books we read, and many other ways. Now what do we do with all this information which we come across during the day or even at night. Stella found herself on the streets, because she was abandoned by her mother who eloped with a married man. She has no knowledge of her father’s whereabouts and she found herself at the mercy of street families who taught her many ‘survival skills’ to protect herself. There were cheap ways of living a comfortable life like prostitution, stealing or joining a gang to be involved in big heists in the city. However, since she had learned previously to love reading and believed that she could use her mind to creatively educate herself and then build a future for herself, she went to talk to her teacher who offered to support her while searching for organisations which could support her with her basic needs and education. And she was able to come to this decision because she had heard and read stories of children who against all odds did what they could to obtain a decent future for themselves regardless of their circumstances. Now she had made great use of her mind by feeding it with productive information. She could have easily sought for the easy way out but she had learnt that hard work and focus can make one reach far as long as there is hope and positivity in life. Guided by inspiring information, the mind is reactivated and become creative enough to reach specific goals. The mind is like a sponge, it absorbs everything that we feed it with. But how then can we educate it in order to be creative and productive at every stage of life? Debbie’s Tips • Read and listen to information that inspire you to creatively become productive. • Keep in mind those inspirations that come even from childhood. • Nurture and tame curiosity so that it may aid growth of talent. • Based on lived and observed experience, use the mind to make wise decisions. • Do not read and listen to everything, focus on what is important for your growth in life. • Practice and remember lessons acquired over the years. • Venture into new discoveries and initiatives that will contribute to the good of other people. • Feed the mind with good materials and it will pay you back with good results.
TICK TOCK (Time Management) My life has been really interesting. You see, from the moment I was a child my mum used to wake me up every day to prepare for school or church. If not for her I would have been late every day. Now I had gotten so used to being pushed to be on time, that when I went for studies and had to stay alone far from home, I found it very hard to adjust. I would either wake up at 3am thinking that it is 6am or at 7:30am while I should have been at school by 7am for my first lesson. Lucky enough, I had one classmate who was always punctual, and in order to help myself to improve, she gave me some great lessons on time management. So what is time management? It is the ability to make great use of time in order to accomplish the tasks which have been planned. There is a saying: ‘Time is money’, meaning that time is expensive and once lost cannot be retrieved. And yet others speak of ‘African time’ meaning that if we have agreed to meet or begin a particular program at 10am then we will begin say around 10:30 or even mid-day. Such attitudes are detrimental to our progress in life. If we are always or most of the times late for functions, classes or appointments people will never take us serious. In a certain village people were used to the ‘African time’, and one day Mr Mutu organised a contest. Now there was this hard working young man called George who had learned the value of time, and since he was one of the contestants, managed to arrive early that day. While Mr Mutu was monitoring the place in order to make sure that everything was in order, he came across George who was patiently waiting, and had a talk with him. When the other contestants arrived, Mr Mutu surprised everybody with an announcement thanking them for having come to witness the prize giving ceremony to the winner. ‘But they had not had a chance to contest yet’ some people murmured. Then George was called to receive his prize, and he also got a job as the personal assistant of Mr Mutu for his good value of keeping time. There are many reasons why it is hard to keep time: poor planning, lack of commitment to the work given, procrastination, inability to understand the value of the work which is to be performed, a habit of always being late, inability to say NO especially when I have a lot work to do already, having less or interest in the work to be done, and many others. Let us talk a bit more about procrastination. There are times when we can say that, ‘Oh I will do this or that later’ and without being aware work keeps on piling and in the end there is never enough time to finish up all that work. At the end of the day, we are not able to do a good job. So then how can we make sure that we are time conscious and use it well? There are many hours in a day; we spend about 6-8 hours sleeping and the remaining hours are at our disposal. So how can we make great use of the remaining hours while keeping in mind that the clock does not stop but continues moving ‘tick tock tick tock’ ? Debbie’s Tips According to Sumbye Kapena in the book “How to Succeed”, these techniques will ensure effective time management. • Develop the habit of making a ‘things to do today’ list. • Know how to deal with procrastination. • Prioritise your tasks by concentrating on the most important ones first. • Being convinced that our value is not on the approval of others but in doing our best. • Performing tasks with confidence, positive attitude, and with a calm mind-set. • Reasonably planning work that can be achieved within an allocated time limit. • Celebrate accomplishments, this will prepare you to begin the next task with more enthusiasm.
Unfolding the Maze On a bright sunny day, Paul came out of the house and saw that there was so much work to be done and so he told himself, ‘aah work is too hard, let me look for something much more interesting to do, work is just too hectic for my fragile body and does not fit my holiday schedule.’ And so he went back inside the house, grabbed a book to read but he could not concentrate because he was eagerly waiting for that Soap Opera which he loved watching. One day his mum called him to inquire on how he was doing since they were close and he used to confide in her at times. ‘Hmm life is the same every day, I feel bored most times,’ Paul responded. ‘What have you been doing for the past two months of your holiday then?’ his mum inquired. Paul answered, ‘well, after waking up I do not feel like doing any household chores because according to the Soap which I have been watching, it is work for women and they are there to serve us, as heads of families. So I wait for my breakfast to be prepared and brought to me while I watch, when I am tired I sleep and after waking up I chat with some friends on some social media platforms, but when I am bored or they are busy reading, or in the garden or learning how to play some new musical instrument, I leave them and go back to watch Television, and I think I have watched over a 100 movies within these months. So that is where I have been spending most of my time, but now it is becoming monotonous.’ Now this is a typical example of how some or most of us spend our days during holiday. Entertainment pertains to activities which bring pleasure and delight to us as we watch, participate, listen to, read and they also shape our perspective and influence our attitudes and judgements on different issues. There is also the term Edutainment which refers to the use of entertainment as a means of also educating those who will participate in it, be it a movie show or radio programme or activity on the internet. Entering into this sphere is like walking through a Maze and there are many traps, dead ends and good paths along the way which determine how we reach our goal, which is learning good values while being entertained. So then what components is this Maze made of? It can be music, books, Television programs and movies, radio programmes, playing musical instruments and using different gadgets to communicate or play games. Within all these there are many messages out which are being given out to us on a daily basis, so when we watch, read or listen are we capable of questioning the authenticity of that message? Are we able to relate it to our own lives and adapt it to our culture or what we have known so far in our lives? Are we capable of critiquing it to see if it is helpful for our growth, daily life and future? Our minds absorb all these things and if we are not careful we can pick up values which are not helpful to us in our context. Debbie’s Tips I will be able to make the best use of edutainment activities if: • I alternate manual activities with indoor activities to avoid boredom. • I am critical about what I watch, see and listen to for in one way or the other it shapes my perspective of life and judgements. • I take some time to develop new hobbies and talents based on the inspiration from edutainment activi ties. • I select and use what is useful to the people I relate with in order to maintain my good values. • I consult someone trustworthy to guide on what is good for me to participate in. • I challenge myself to keep a lesson or too from what I watch, read or listen to so that I can grow and relate better with other people.
CRUSH I have heard such statements like ‘she or he has a crush on you!’ but what does it really mean to have a crush on someone? A crush entails developing a special liking of someone and desiring to be with them because I find him/her attractive and exceptional. It depends on how intense the feeling is. It might be simply to befriend that person or having a strong feeling that intensifies with time until I begin to fall in love with the other person. Now what might lead me to have a crush on someone else? When I was still in school it so happened that I was so young and naïve and had made a commitment to finish school without having a boyfriend, so that I do not get distracted and fail my exams. Unfortunately, while still in school I developed a special liking for one of my classmates. He was very intelligent, light skinned, had cute dimples which were so visible whenever he would smile and laugh, and so I liked having small talk, and making jokes so that I would often catch a glimpse of those dimples. Unknown to me was that he too had a crush on me but both of us did not have the courage to share with each other. At one point I even began unconsciously walking like him, until one of my close friends pointed it out to me. I could not admit it to her and she left me to discover on my own what I was feeling. This close friend of mine was mature enough not to reveal this information to any one, until I finally admitted it to myself and shared with her. Over time I discovered that I had a crush on this classmate of mine merely based on the physical level. Yet there are many other things that can make me have a crush on someone, some might be the unique way of speaking, laughing, dressing, behaving, the good hearted, popularity, wealth, how the person carries him/herself, character and many others. There are a couple of things to keep in mind though, that my body language often communicates what my mouth cannot easily say meaning that the other person can easily notice that I like them based on how I act in their presence, or how I communicate if it is through the different social media platforms. It is quite healthy to have a crush on someone be it a mere friendship, or something beyond that, what matters now is how I handle those feelings and emotions, which I am having within me. Signs that I have a crush on someone might be, often finding myself day dreaming about this crush and smiling alone or planning what we will do when we meet or talk, his/her name is the first name that comes out of my mouth while calling someone else, and I might even begin to sing romantic songs because of my crush. In the presence of this person I may also find myself feeling nervous, shy, physically shaking or even having butterflies and becoming dumb all of a sudden. It is tempting at times to consciously or unconsciously begin to flirt with my crush if and when I am not aware of my feelings and how to express them. This at times may make the other person uncomfortable and so s/he may distance themselves from me, and I become heartbroken, simply because the feeling was not mutual or unreciprocated. Debbie’s Tips So then having realised that I have a crush on someone I will; • Take time to understand what kind of feelings I am having towards that person. • Take time to really be honest as to name what it is that is making me feel attracted towards that person. • Continue communicating with him/her if we are already friends without any awkwardness. • Not to share with everyone about my crush and what I am feeling. • Seek guidance from a mature person to help me understand and see how best I can handle these feelings. • Give myself time to grow and be ready to truly clarify if my crush is simply momentary or growing into a deeper yearning to love the other person. • Respect myself and the other person by not being flirtatious until I have a clear idea of my feelings for them.
COURTSHIP Courtship is the moment when two people who have fallen in love with each other, have passed through the stages of infatuation and flirting, begin making a journey of commitment towards each other in the hope that this will lead to engagement and eventually marriage. This is when we begin to officially address each other seriously as Boyfriend and Girlfriend. There are many things that might happen during this period, there is a deepening of knowledge of each other through constant communication either through the phone, social media platforms or even in person through dates. This enhances the sharing of intimate knowledge of each other, and allows each person to grow in learning how the other partner behaves in different situations. Misunderstandings and arguments are bound to come up, but it takes a whole lot of courage to accept my responsibility, admit my mistake and apologise. Often it is said that the three difficult phrases are ‘thank you’, ‘may I’ and ‘I am sorry’, yet courtship is a moment to begin practising and growing in this habit of feeling for the other. Of course care is to be taken so that these moments help me to grow and not to give in to unhealthy demands or threats that I might receive. I remember this beautiful relationship I once had with a handsome young man whom I was in love with. When we began ‘seeing’ each other or courtship in other words, there was that constant desire to communicate and we both enjoyed texting, speaking, meeting up and calling each other during the day and even at night. When we would meet in person, as we walked and talked it seemed as if the whole world had disappeared before our eyes, and probably the hooting sound of a car or bicycle bell would have to bring us back to earth. One time having hugged each other good bye, I entered a taxi and immediately took the phone out of my pocket and began texting him because I was already missing him, the taxi driver looked at me, smiled and said, ‘the two of you are really in love’. I smiled shyly and continued on to send an ‘I miss you already’ text and immediately he responded, ‘I miss you more’. So at this moment what I truly feel deep within me is expressed through my body language at times by holding hands, smiling at each other and my boyfriend/girlfriend is able to understand this and the words which I am communicating, and reciprocate them. It is during this period in life that we begin to also get involved in the lives of each other and that might entail meeting the siblings of my boy/girlfriend, being introduced to his/ her friends, attending social occasions together, others even go to church together, these are beautiful moments when I get to share my life and get accepted as I am without fear of being rejected. It is a moment of growing intimacy which may eventually lead to the beginning of planning for a life together, officially declared through our union in marriage. By the time we begin to make plans regarding our future, we should be aware of our differences in opinions and way of life. Courtship time is considered a moment of experimentation, but it is better to keep intense intimacy and sex for marriage for it is a union of those who have given themselves totally to each other and not just a one night stand or passing moment of fun. Debbie’s Tips Keeping in mind that having a boyfriend/girlfriend is the beginning of growth in commitment I will; • Commit myself to be an active participant in our relationship. • Let myself express what I feel while respecting my boy/girlfriend. • Introduce my boy/girlfriend to my friends and siblings as a way of sharing my life. • Conduct myself respectfully while also respecting my boy/girlfriend. • Not to put conditions so that s/he always bends to all my whims. • Be careful not to be alone always so that we may not tempt each other into sexual activities. • Express myself, my point of view and be open to listen to my boy/girlfriend’s so that we can solve our differences harmoniously.
FALLING IN LOVE When I hear these words ‘Falling in love’ my face lights up with joy, and I begin to think of the experiences I have had, how it felt like being in love and being loved. So then what does it mean to fall in love? ‘Falling in love’ sounds like one is walking blindly until s/he falls into a ditch and then exclaim, ‘I have fallen in love!’ Well, it is a journey that one goes through. It all begins with having a crush on a person and then other reasons. (See the article on CRUSH) Attraction begins to grow and a desire to see the face of the person, talk or just to share ideas or joke around begins. All this comes after I have accepted myself as I am, and love myself healthily that I will be able then to have the capacity to reach out, love another and wish to begin to share my life journey with him/her. There are many things said about falling in love, that ‘it was love at first sight’ or ‘I found myself having fallen in love with you just like that!’. Well, it takes more than instant attraction at first sight. Sometime back, I was walking in the streets and I came across a handsome young man, we looked at each other as we passed and after a few steps I found myself turning to have a better look at him only to find out that he too had just done the same thing, we smiled at each other, he turned and began walking back towards me and I also turned and waited for him to reach me. He introduced himself and I did the same, but since we were both in a hurry we agreed to get to know each other better and so we exchanged phone numbers. That evening I got a text message from him. We began sharing some personal information as a way of knowing each other slowly. Then whenever we would get a chance within the day we would check on each other to see how the day was going and share whatever experiences we had gone through. At the end of the day we would spend more time to talk about everything that came to mind and slowly we began to discover that love and acceptance was growing between us. It was not a smooth journey because we were two unique people with different backgrounds and perspectives of life, however, along the way we discovered what would make the other uncomfortable and with the ability to express ourselves, love continued to draw us stronger together. So falling in love is not a magical feeling that just appears from thin air, it all begins from somewhere and with the passage of time it grows mutually, not one-sided, until the two people take this journey together to see where it will lead them. Debbie’s Tips How to know if I am in love: • Pay attention to the feelings deep within me especially towards this particular person. • Admit what I feel and take some time to see how to go about the feeling of love that I am experiencing. • Give time to the other person also to discover that which they are feeling without imposing my own feel ings. • Accept myself as a unique person and with this in mind allow myself to reach out and begin this journey of loving another person. • Take time to listen to the other person as they begin to open up and share their life with me. • Spare some time to spend with the person I am developing a relationship with so as to gradually make them a part of my life. • Respond to this person with love so that in growing to know him/her I can love him/her as s/he is.
MARRIAGE Beautiful white dress with a long train and veil, Black Tuxedo, wedding bells, huge 5 tier wedding cake… this is how our weddings are like these days. So having decided that I would like to share my life with this particular person, the big day is lavishly planned for. Most times though the main focus is being put on the engagement ceremony, or weding day rather than marriage life itself. Life after wedding day should be given more importance, so that the couple understands that it is a lifetime commitment and not just a ‘contract’ which can be terminated anytime one feels like it. Those moments of growth and getting to know each other were actually preparing the couple for this particular life, a life where two become one by the bond of marriage while remaining two unique human beings. Each contributes from the abundance of his/her gifts, talents and skills for the growth and development of each other and the family which they will raise together. The transition of thinking from my needs to our needs requires a great deal of commitment, trust, love, and patience from each partner’s part. The couple are to work as a team, put ideas together in managing finances, relations with other people, household chores, duties and needs, planning for their future children, balancing between work and family life. Boundaries are quite important to be set in order to safeguard the sacredness of marriage. Often times, if one was not faithful, during courtship, to this one person I was intending on sharing my life with then it will be even more difficult to remain faithful during marriage. Others complain of the monotony of seeing the same face day in day out, how nagging my partner is, how there is lack of understanding between us ever since we got married, how restrictive s/he became after marriage, and many others reasons. At times the reasons might be true but having extra marital affairs is merely a justification and not a solution. Each human being is capable of listening and understanding what the other is communicating. I should not lose sight of the fact that we have been united majorly by love and it is easier to understand and be understood. Expectations at times can cloud my judgement but rather acceptance of who I am and my husband/wife should take precedence. We begin our journey as we are, beautifully unique individuals brought together by love to begin a journey of life as Husband and Wife. Debbie’s Tips Marriage is a lifelong adventure and while at it I will make plenty of discoveries about my spouse and myself, and so I will; • Keep in mind that my commitment has been made to this one person with whom I will spend the rest of my life with. • Begin this new journey without being pressured nor because s/he is the next best thing that I have come across. • Keep in mind that the engagement and wedding days are merely a preparation to the goal which is mar riage. • Remember that we both continue to grow together through trust, communication, patience, understand ing, discovery of ever better ways on how we resolve disagreements and share different life experiences. • Support my husband/wife in fulfilling his/her dreams through encouragement, moral support and believ ing in his/her potential. • Always remember that my spouse becomes the first person to turn to in everything. • Treasure moments of sharing the day’s events which help us to walk together on this journey of life. • Share temptations and challenges which I might be going through because s/he is my basic support in life. • Set boundaries in my relationships with other people especially of the opposite sex so as not to fall into the temptation of having extra marital affairs. • Keep in mind that I cannot change someone but can change my perspective of him/her and treasure more the things I like than those that make me uncomfortable. • Keep handy those beautiful moments of love which we have shared and we can easily go back to especially during moments when the going gets tough. • Do my best to work as a team in going through life with all that it brings along the way.