Project 18 It’s All About Him Couch Time “The greatest gift you can give another is the purity of your attention.” RICHARD MOSS Your Project OK, ladies, now is not the time to pull out the BBC version of Jane Austin’s Pride and Prejudice (unless your husband is into that kind of thing). This is a time to find a movie with lots of action (and maybe even some gratuitous violence thrown in for good measure). It’s guy couch time at your house. Purpose of the Project Now it’s his turn to pick the movie, TV show, or whatever he’d like to do on the couch. Girls, this is a great excuse to snuggle up with him and bury your face into his shoulder during the scary parts of the movie. Let me just put it out there. This is one of the harder projects for me. It’s not because I hate action movies (because for the most part, I do) or because I hate snuggling on the couch (because I love it). It’s because I have to just sit there. No laptop. No cell phone. No blog updates. No notepad to just jot down a few things. Nothing. I just have to sit there and watch a movie. And that makes me a little bit nuts.
I always feel as though I should be doing something—anything—to get things done. I’m the person who listens to books on CD while driving to the store (instructional books, of course). I don’t go for a walk without a ballpoint pen and an index card to make notes—while simultaneously listening to yet another instructional download on my iPod. I memorize Bible verses while cooking soup, and file papers while watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. (I figure if they can build a whole house, the least I can do is clear off my desk.) Danger isn’t my middle name, but Multitasking is. Some would call it efficiency. My husband calls it a need for medication. So the thought of not getting anything done for 90 minutes is a little disconcerting. Especially when instead, I’m taking in a movie I have no interest in whatsoever. (I know, I know, “Selfish? Party of one?”) I do realize that while sitting there watching Mythbusters or Storm Chasers is not my idea of a good time, it is something my husband loves to share with me. Even if most of our time watching Storm Chasers includes me screaming at the TV, “Get indoors—can’t you see that tornado? Who cares if you get great footage of that twister if you DIE IN THE PROCESS!” And how can I complain when Roger can now name the past three winners of Project Runway? It’s more than fair for me to have to sit there and watch boy TV. It’s a struggle to remember that any time I spend with my husband is never a waste of time. If I can just push the computer (or the book or the filing or the notepad) away for a moment, make sure the coffee table is laden with popcorn and Diet Cokes, and get snuggled on the couch with my husband and my favorite quilt, I know that not only am I going to have a good time, but my man will feel loved and honored. Definitely worth putting down the Bic pens for the night. Prayer for Today Dear God, let me lay aside my own agenda for the moment and be what my spouse needs me to be. Getting Creative
• You can watch something that is rented, downloaded, saved, or already in your movie collection. Just make sure it’s something that the man of the family really wants to watch. • For extra points, make sure appropriate snacks are available. • This may be the evening to loosen up on the “no food in the living room” rule and enjoy a carpet picnic of Chinese food or takeout pizza. Lay down a blanket to create that picnic ambiance (and save the carpet from pesky spills). Project Reports “Um—who knew all the boy TV there was out there? It was so much fun just to sit next to my husband and hear him laugh. He has been so stressed out at work that it was great to see him relaxed and happy.”—Marie Your Plan for the Project (copy your plan into your Project Planner) Results (mate’s reaction, my reaction)
Project 19 All the Kids Are Doing It Text or Email Some Sweet Nothings “Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.” RUDYARD KIPLING Your Project Text or email something fun or flirty to your love. No suggestions to “pick up milk on the way home” allowed. Purpose of the Project I want you to kick up the flirt-and-fun level just a notch today. Who knows, this may become such a fun part of your marriage that you develop carpal tunnel syndrome from flirting too much! Remember when you were dating and you couldn’t wait for your sweetie to call? Just hearing the phone ring made your heart skip a beat. I bet that you’ve calmed down since then. I know—it’s hard to call her at work because you never know when you might be interrupting an important meeting. And it’s hard to call him at work—he doesn’t want to be whispering sweet nothings over the phone while the guys are listening. It’s time to learn the art of “Text Flirt.” 1. Figure out how to text on your cell phone.
2. If you can’t figure it out, find any person under the age of 30 and hand her your cell phone. People born in the ’80s and after have an extra compartment of their brain that those of us born before hip-hop are missing. Doesn’t matter what kind of cell phone you have—they can figure out how to text. 3. Type something flirty and press send. The beautiful thing is that you won’t be interrupting your love at work —they can read that text (or email if that’s the way you want to go) anytime they have a spare moment. If you didn’t grow up in the era of ROTFL (rolling on the floor laughing) and other text/instant message talk, here’s a quick primer on some texting shortcuts you may find useful: BBS: Be back soon CM: Call me CYE: Check your email F2F: Face-to-face HB: Hurry back JFF: Just for fun KOTC: Kiss on the cheek SLAP: Sounds like a plan TMB: Text me back UGTBK: You’ve got to be kidding DH: Dear husband DW: Dear wife Just a Warning When I came up with this project, I thought it would be just a cute way to incorporate some flirting into your marriage. But over the past few
months I have received several emails like the one below: “My husband was out of the country on business. I hadn’t had the foresight to stick a card in his suitcase. So I used my camera phone to take a shirtless pic of myself, and I emailed it to his Blackberry. (And then immediately panicked that someone in his IT department would intercept!) No interception happened, and he was surprised, to say the least!”—Susan I about fell off my chair when I read that. Now, Roger will never receive a picture like that from me, but I think it’s great that so many women are…let’s just say, having a lot of fun with this project. If you can’t be slightly scandalous with your spouse, then what is the fun of being married? (But please, please, please, only personal cell phones and email accounts—ones that neither your kids nor your boss have access to.) Prayer for Today Dear God, please let me be free in expressing my love for my mate. I pray they never have to guess about my love and admiration. Project Report “I have to admit that I forgot about this project, so when my wife sent me a text, I was shocked because she had never texted anyone before in her life. Just the fact that she would go to the trouble to ask our daughter how to use the text feature on her phone made me appreciate her even more.”—Brad Your Plan for the Project (copy your plan into your Project Planner) Results (your mate’s reaction, your reaction)
Project 20 Clean Toilets Are Sexy Help Out with One of Your Spouse’s Chores “Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side.” ZIG ZIGLAR Your Project Just for today take over one duty that you know your spouse hates to do or is burned out doing. Purpose of the Project “Shotgun!” As soon as I hear it I inwardly groan. The day both my kids were old enough to safely ride in the front seat of the car, the fight began. Who was going to ride up front? We devised a number of elaborate systems to make sure that everything was fair. One kid would ride next to me on the way to school, one on the way home. If it were an even numbered day, my daughter would ride up front; on odd days, it would be my son’s turn. But no matter how diligently we kept track of turns, the kids were never satisfied. It always seemed that the fairer things were, the more cheated everyone felt.
This attitude isn’t exclusive to our kids (and let me just put it out there that my kids still do this, even though my son shaves and my daughter is of dating age); it extends to adults as well. So many times when I discuss the topic of this book, the person I’m speaking with says, “Yeah, I used to do those nice things for my spouse, but I never got anything in return.” The sentiment is that if things aren’t even, it’s just not worth the effort. A Spousal Bill of Rights Recently I was reading a friend’s blog when I noticed a link to “The Wife’s Bill of Rights.” I wondered what rights I had been missing out on and, more importantly, how I could start to claim some of them. What was probably supposed to be an article with some funny musings (“We have the right to keep and bear tons of girly products”) turned out to be mostly a list of “rights” that seemed just bitter and demanding, including statements such as, “We have the right to keep secrets” and “We have the right to healthy flirting.” When either a husband or wife goes through marriage intent on protecting or enforcing his or her rights, little room is left for love and grace. While 1 Corinthians 13 talks at length about what love is, it is also very clear about what love is not: “It does not dishonor others, it is not selfseeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5). Several times my husband and I have had to rip up the mental scorecard tracking what our spouse “owed” us in our marriage. Things are never going to be fair. And they shouldn’t be. Each of us should take Jesus’ approach when we want things to be fair: “If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles” (Matthew 5:41). I thank God every day that He’s not fair with me. I have so much more than I deserve or even need. When I start to look at all the times when I feel as though I’ve been the extra-mile person in my marriage, I try to remember that fair is not something I should be striving for in any of my relationships. In her article, “What Have You Done for Me Lately,” posted on her website, speaker and writer Teresa Drake talks about recognizing the
important contributions our spouses make by simply covering the basics: I used to associate the question, “What have you done for me lately?” with job performance, not marital partnership. During a stressful season in our marriage, however, I discovered that attitude lodged in my heart, provoking an explosion of anger toward my husband. In my mind I was a wonderful wife; the proverbial woman in the expression behind every great man is a great woman. In fact, one of my biggest claims to marital fame was that I packed/unpacked for Randy’s business trips; something I started doing soon after we were married. I was so good, in fact, that I provided a clothing itinerary, detailing outfits for each event, down to the color of socks, shoes, ties and belts. At the time, Randy seemed more than grateful, even bragging to co-workers how I spoiled him with my deluxe packing. So when he stepped into the ring to spar over my What Have You Done for Me Lately challenge, I was surprised, but wasted no time delivering my one-two punch: that after 16 years I was still packing for him, despite my workload having increased exponentially. I hadn’t anticipated this comeback: “Uh-huh, that’s just what you normally do now. It’s not something special anymore.” I had no fitting reply. I stormed out of the room further convinced I was taken for granted. That Randy might feel the same way never crossed my mind. After all, the only thing he does all day is work. That’s nothing compared to my accomplishments on any given day, I thought. On weekends he makes pancakes for breakfast, pays the bills, and usually cooks dinner, too. There’s nothing extraordinary about that. It’s just what he…normally does. Oh.
That was my light-bulb moment. I realized that taking someone for granted had insidiously become a two-way street, right through the middle of our home. “For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of yourself more highly than you ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned” (Romans 12:3). I now understand that Randy does what he normally does because that’s how he demonstrates his love and commitment to me and our family, that he delights in lightening my load and, occasionally, surprising me, just because. I’m learning to recognize blessings that are both big and small; and in doing so, I’ve discovered a heartwarming answer those few times I’ve found myself pondering…what have you done for me lately? Prayer for Today Dear God, may I experience Your joy today as I serve my mate by helping to lighten his (or her) load. Getting Creative • It doesn’t matter how it gets done. Some of the most romantic words my husband whispers to me are, “Would you like me to pick up something for dinner?” • When your spouse does a chore for you, no fair criticizing her if it’s not done to your standards. If you constantly critique other people’s work, that might be why your spouse isn’t willing to jump in and help sometimes. Just something to think about. Project Reports “I am absolutely amazed at how much my attitude has changed! I am looking at my husband differently, and I’m
finding myself trying to find more than one thing to do for him per day. Some things are small and probably won’t be noticed, but that doesn’t really matter to me in the long run.”—Wendy Your Plan for the Project (copy your plan into your Project Planner) Results (mate’s reaction, your reaction)
Project 21 What I Like About You You Really Know How to Dance, How to Pay the Bills, How to Be Nice to My Mom “Nothing is more honorable than a grateful heart.” SENECA Your Project Write down ten things you like about your mate. Then tonight before you go to sleep, read the list to your spouse. In an earlier chapter, I had you write down why you were in love with that person sitting across the table from you. Now I want you to write down the things you like about him or her. While you may not have fallen in love with your wife because she makes a mean chicken cacciatore, that could fall into the “like” category. Think of some of the fun and silly stuff that makes life together great. Purpose of the Project All too often we’re quick to grumble and complain, detailing the nittygritty things in our marriage or spouse that drive us nuts. Most couples are well aware of the things their spouse thinks they do wrong or could do better.
Today you can make sure your spouse knows all the wonderful things you adore about her (or him); the things she says, does, believes—whatever you like about your mate. Remember, “the tongue has the power of life and death” (Proverbs 18:21). “Fred Rogers, will you be proud of me?” I read these words in Tim Madigan’s excellent book, I’m Proud of You, in which he tells his personal story as a newspaper journalist whose life was falling apart. He and his wife were on the ragged edge of divorce, his drinking had gotten out of control, and in every way—mentally, spiritually, physically, and emotionally—he was on the brink. After being sent on assignment to interview the famous Mr. Rogers, Madigan and the TV legend formed a profound friendship unlike any he’d ever experienced before. Mr. Rogers provided much of what seemed to be missing from Madigan’s life—someone to encourage him, someone to be proud of him. We often have no idea the power that our words carry in our circle of influence. The power to encourage or discourage, the power to shape how other people see themselves. If someone were to ask your spouse, “Why is your husband (or wife) proud of you?” would she have an answer? Make sure your spouse knows what you admire about him or her. You may be the only person who offers such encouragement today. Prayer for Today Dear God, thank You for my spouse. You have given me just the right person to grow me to become more like You. Getting Creative Below is a quick list of statements you could say to your spouse: • You make the bed every day, making coming home so much nicer. • You work long hours to support our family, helping me feel more secure. • You always make sure we have my kind of milk in the house.
• You are nice to my friends and always make them feel welcome. • You never complain when I say, “Can we just order in tonight?” • You never erase my shows on TiVo. • You watch guy/girl movies with me. • You’re a great dad (or mom). Now it’s your turn… Project Reports “One of my favorite projects was ‘What I Like About You.’ It was very easy to come up with ten things I like about Karyn. I think the interesting thing about this particular day was to express things that you’d assume your mate would know you think about them. I really enjoyed hearing Karyn read her list to me.”—Rob “The things I heard in this activity were shocking. He likes my ‘athletic build’? At first I thought this was a joke, but the reality was that he enjoys that we can play golf together and that I can hold my own on the course and have a great time doing it. It was interesting to hear his perspective of the fad of skinny girls and that he loves me just the way I am!”—Kristina “We enjoyed doing ‘What I Like About You.’ I could have written forever about the qualities of my wife and how much I love her. I was totally amazed about the similarities we have in common with each other. After 20 years of marriage you come to recognize you are one flesh, not only physically but mentally as well.”—Harlenn Your Plan for the Project (copy your plan into your Project Planner) Results (mate’s reaction, my reaction)
Major Project 3 Date Your Mate Double Your Pleasure, Double Your Fun Your Project Go out with another couple. Have the men plan together the details for the date—a date you ladies will love. Purpose of the Project Instead of going through all the reasons why I want the guys to team up and plan your date, I’m going to show you what one set of couples planned for their double date. I hope you will be as inspired as I was. Chris and Lee (my friend Kristina’s husband) took the double date project very seriously. They banded together like all men do and sent each other emails for a couple of days planning the strategy. Chris would be in charge of the invitations, and Lee would be in charge of the reservations. A couple of weeks before the date, Kristina and I received our invitations (which really looked like wedding invitations). Mine was waiting for me on the couch when I was about to settle in for the night. It was really cute the way Chris snuggled up to me while I opened it. He just loves to see my face when I’m surprised.
The invitation was beautifully written and truly brought a tear to my eye. It was the thought and intention behind it that was so touching. The invitation was for a romantic dinner at Forbes Mill Steakhouse, followed by a night of Bunco fun with our couples’ Bunco group. (Bunco was already on the calendar, so they piggy-backed onto that…such a manly, efficient thing to do!) When we got to the restaurant on the night of the big date, we found an intimate table for four. There waiting for us was a personalized menu and two vases filled with our favorite flowers (gerber daisy for me; orchid for Kristina). Lee had gone to the florist ahead of time and took the flowers to the restaurant. After a fabulous dinner, we headed over to Bunco and continued the fun. We (the girls) usually do everything: think of the date, plan the date, arrange for the sitter, etc. Not that they’re complaining, but the guys don’t even get a chance to plan anything. If it hadn’t been for this project, I don’t think we would have given them the opportunity to plan…and plan they did! What impressed me the most was that they: 1. talked about the evening ahead of time 2. had “to-dos”—which they accomplished, and 3. paid attention to detail (which, let’s face it, men sometimes have a hard time doing) When we talked about it later, Chris said he and Lee had such a great time doing this for us. Using their creativity and working together to make us happy made them happy. After hearing this, my heart melted! —Camilla
Prayer for Today Dear God, fill us with Your creativity as we plan our double date. May our evening together be a special time we will look back on with many happy memories. Getting Creative • Meet at Starbucks for a cup of coffee. • Have another couple over for a barbecue and s’mores. • Go go-cart racing together. • Go miniature golfing on a warm night. • Do lunch after church. • Work on a service project together. Your Plan for the Project (copy your plan into your Project Planner) Results (your mate’s reaction, your reaction)
Bonus Project 3 Sex Ladies, It’s Ladies’ Night “Sex hasn’t been the same since women started enjoying it.” LEWIS GRIZZARD Your Bonus Project If I’m expecting the guys to plan a date for this week, it’s only fair that the girls do a little planning of their own. Ladies, I want you to be the ones who get things rolling in this area this week. You suggest the time (or maybe keep it a surprise if your husband enjoys that kind of thing), set the mood, and when it comes to lingerie, if your guy is a fan, it’s your time to “suit up”! Guys, make sure to keep this week extra flirty and helpful. Trust me, the more dishes that are done during the week, the more relaxed and romantic your wife is going to be when it’s time for your very special date. Prayer for Today God, thank You for Your gift of sex in our marriage. Help me to enjoy my mate as fully as You have intended.
Your Plan for the Project (copy your plan into your Project Planner) Results (mate’s reaction, my reaction)
Tools of Happy Habits for Every Couple
Project Planner Consider this the place to put the CliffsNotes of your marriage project. Project managers have told me over and over that it was great to have their entire plan laid out on just a couple of pieces of paper so they could make copies and refer to it often. • Write down one or two sentences about what your plan is for each day. • Make copies of this plan to share with your accountability partners to help keep you on track. • Make some extra copies for yourself. Leave one at the office, one in your purse or daily planner, and one in your Bible. That way, no matter where you are, you’ll know what your project is for today and be able to plan for what’s coming up. • As you complete the projects, make sure you give yourself a checkmark on your planner. Nothing feels quite as satisfying on a busy day as a “project accomplished” checkmark. You can download a copy here: http://www.kathilipp.com/happyhabits/downloads/projectplanner
Week One
Week Two
Week Three
Recommended Resources For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women by Shaunti Feldhahn and Jeff Feldhahn For Women Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Men by Shaunti Feldhahn Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix How to Save Your Marriage Alone by Ed Wheat Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome: How to Grow Affair Proof Hedges Around Your Marriage by Nancy C. Anderson I’m Proud of You: Life Lessons from My Friend Fred Rogers by Tim Madigan Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage: Unlocking the Secrets to Life, Love, and Marriage by Mark Gungor The Man You Always Wanted Is the One You Already Have by Paula Friedrichsen Red-Hot Monogamy: Making Your Marriage Sizzle by Bill Farrel and Pam Farrel Sex Begins in the Kitchen: Creating Intimacy to Make Your Marriage Sizzle by Kevin Leman Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage by Kevin Leman When Two Become One: Enhancing Sexual Intimacy in Marriage by Christopher and Rachel McCluskey
Dear Reader Dear Reader Thanks for being a part of Happy Habits for Every Couple. One of the greatest privileges I have is to hear back from the people who have used my books. I would love to stay in touch. WEBSITE: www.KathiLipp.com FACEBOOK: facebook.com/authorkathilipp TWITTER: twitter.com/kathilipp MAIL: Kathi Lipp 171 Branham Lane Suite 10-122 San Jose, CA 95136 In His Grace, Kathi Lipp
Also by Kathi Lipp: The Husband Project 21 Days of Loving Your Man—on Purpose and with a Plan Keeping a marriage healthy is all about the details—the daily actions and interactions in which husbands and wives lift each other up and offer support, encouragement, and love. In The Husband Project women will discover fun and creative ways to bring back that lovin’ feeling and remind their husbands—and themselves—why they married in the first place. Using the sense of humor that draws thousands of women a year to hear her speak, Kathi Lipp shows wives through simple daily action plans how they can bring the fun back into their relationship even amidst their busy schedules. The Husband Project is an indispensable resource for the wife who desires to
• discover the unique plan God has for her marriage and her role as a wife • create a plan to love her husband “on purpose” • support and encourage other wives who want to make their marriage a priority • experience release from the guilt of “not being enough” The Husband Project is for every woman who desires to bring more joy into her marriage but just needs a little help setting a plan into action.
The Get Yourself Organized Project 21 Steps to Less Mess and Stress Finally, an organizational book for women who have given up trying to be Martha Stewart but still desire some semblance of order in their lives. Most organizational books are written by and for people who are naturally structured and orderly. For the woman who is more ADD than type A, the advice sounds terrific but seldom works. These women are looking for help that takes into account their free-spirited outlook while providing tips and tricks they can easily follow to live a more organized life. Kathi Lipp, author of The Husband Project and other “project” books, is just the author to address this need. In her inimitable style, she offers • easy and effective ways you can restore peace to your everyday life • simple and manageable long-term solutions for organizing any room in your home (and keeping it that way) • a realistic way to de-stress a busy schedule • strategies for efficient shopping, meal preparation, cleaning, and more Full of helpful tips and abundant good humor, The Get Yourself Organized Project will enable you to spend your time living and enjoying life rather than organizing your sock drawer.
21 Ways to Connect with Your Kids Parents spend a good chunk of time making sure their kids are okay— they’re getting good grades, doing their chores, and just enough cleaning that their rooms won’t be condemned if the Board of Health happens to drop by. 21 Ways to Connect with Your Kids offers a straightforward, workable plan that coaches you to do one simple thing each day for three weeks to connect with your kids. Daily connection ideas include: • planning a family fun night • telling your child what you like about them • developing a character growth chart • writing a love note to your child • working together on a family project Written in Kathi’s warm and personable but thought-provoking tone, this book will motivate you to incorporate great relationship habits into your daily life and give you confidence that you can connect with your kids even in the midst of busy schedules.
The Cure for the “Perfect” Life 12 Ways to Stop Trying Harder and Start Living Braver Are you crumbling under the burden of perfection? You know the expectations are unreasonable—even unreachable. And when everyone else seems more together than you, where do you turn for help? Meet Kathi, a disguised perfectionist always looking to put everyone else’s needs above her own, and Cheri, a formerly confused and exhausted poster girl for playing it safe. They’ve struggled just like you—and found the cure. With unabashed empathy and humor, they invite you to take part in their rebellion against perfection. Step-by-step they’ll teach you how to challenge and change unhealthy beliefs. As they free you from always seeking more or needing approval of others, you’ll discover a new, braver way of living. At last, you’ll exchange outdated views of who you should be for a clearer vision of who you are in Christ. The truth is you don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be brave enough to read this book.
Your gateway to knowledge and culture. Accessible for everyone. z-library.se singlelogin.re go-to-zlibrary.se single-login.ru Official Telegram channel Z-Access https://wikipedia.org/wiki/Z-Library This file was downloaded from Z-Library project