The words you are searching are inside this book. To get more targeted content, please make full-text search by clicking here.
Discover the best professional documents and content resources in AnyFlip Document Base.
Search
Published by PLHS Library, 2022-06-15 00:59:39

Reader's Digest USA 03.2020

Reader's Digest USA 03.2020

5 MARCH 2020

Anger FIND THE
Fixes
By MICHELLE CROUCH
By LISA
BENDALL Outrageous
RULINGS!

From YOU BE THE JUDGE

Tragedy Couldn’t
Kill Their Faith

From TEXAS MONTHLY

“How I Quit My
Fast-Food Habit”

From the book
THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM

The Most Daring
Parachute

Rescue EVER

An RD CLASSIC

Z K Rw Reict Ņhip HLeŮVQs RHJPDĺOIHH dGigLHitQ. Wŷ"

No artificial flavors or colors
No animal by-product meal
Great taste your dog will love

Learn more at Beneful.com/wholesome

Purina trademarks are owned by Société des Produits Nestlé S.A.

Reader’s Digest

I ~ CONTENTS

Features 78 92

56 first person national interest

cover story My Fast-Food Faithful Friends
Love Affair
FIND THE DOCTOR Sabika was a Muslim
YOU TRUST It was an obsession student from Pakistan.
that the author couldn’t Jaelyn was a home-
It’s a worrisome era seem to quit. Then he schooled Christian.
for us patients. A found inspiration on Somehow, they became
veteran RD health the day before Lent— inseparable—until the
journalist shares aka Fat Tuesday. unthinkable happened.
hard-won lessons
from her reporting— by tommy tomlinson by skip hollandsworth
and her family’s own from the book from texas monthly
health crisis. the elephant in the room
106
by michelle crouch 84
inspiration
70 you be the judge
He Trots the Air
drama in real life Outrageous Verdicts!
Her horse had stayed
Miracle in Midair An RD favorite is back, by her side for 25 years.
with four rulings that Now it was time to let
Almost 80 years after infuriated their losers. him go.
it unfolded in the sky Do you agree?
over San Diego, this by pam houston
rescue mission remains by vicki glembocki from outside
one of the most
joleen zubek daring in
aeronautical
history.

by virginia kelly

78

Reader’s Digest Contents

Departments

6 Dear Reader
8 Letters

everyday heroes

10 A Cut Above

by frank bures

13 Four-Legged
Ice Rescue

by andy simmons

i won!

14 The World’s
Ugliest Dog
Contest

quotable quotes

18 Ellen DeGeneres,
Harry Styles,
Mariano Rivera

department of wit

20 Daddy Issues

from the onion

10

On the Cover ~ ackerman + gruber

Photograph by Hannah Whitaker ~ ~ ;;:;.1

Find the Doctor You Trust...................................... 56 ~ ""'!'!~~
Outrageous Rulings! .............................................. 84
Tragedy Couldn’t Kill Their Faith.......................... 92 0 ~-;:-!4.-:~:
“How I Quit My Fast-Food Habit”........................ 78
The Most Daring Parachute Rescue Ever........... 70 ""..~._.!.:.n.:.'u.:.
5 Anger Fixes............................................................ 24

2 march 2020 | rd.com

a Abbott

lifo. to the f ullest:•

HIGH a~ @
PROTEIN.
LESS £nsu::;_·
SUGAR.*
PROTEIN
PROTEIN SUGAR
nutrition shake

Col. $ 3•,. ins t a n t

•. t Get a
coupon and savo now at
I
ensure.com/ma (< ~v 'lOs
I!) .

Reader’s Digest Contents

24 Humor 116 left to right: joleen zubek, jenny sturm/shutterstock, vipman/shutterstock

how to 16 The Genius
Life in These Section
24 Get Angry the United States
Right Way 116 Train Like a
46 Master
by lisa bendall Laughter, the Best
by aishwarya kumar
everyday miracles Medicine from espn.com

28 Rescue in a Bottle 69 120 Brain Games
Laugh Lines 123 Word Power
by jen mccaffery 128 Photo Finish
76
we found a fix All in a Day’s Work

33 Use Less Soap, 104
and More Humor in
Uniform
the food on
your plate Send letters to [email protected] or Letters, Reader’s Digest, PO Box 6100,
Harlan, Iowa 51593-1600. Include your full name, address, e-mail, and day-
36 I Am Pork time phone number. We may edit letters and use them in all print and elec-
tronic media. Contribute your True Stories at rd.com/stories. If we publish
by kate lowenstein one in a print edition of Reader’s Digest, we’ll pay you $100. To submit humor
and daniel gritzer items, visit rd.com/submit, or write to us at Jokes, 44 South Broadway,
7th Floor, White Plains, NY 10601. We’ll pay you $25 for any joke or gag and
your true stories $100 for any true funny story published in a print edition of Reader’s Digest un-
less we specify otherwise in writing. Please include your full name and address
40 Long-Lost Heroes in your entry. We regret that we cannot acknowledge or return unsolicited
and Lunchtime work. Requests for permission to reprint any material from Reader’s Digest
Laughs should be sent to [email protected]. Get help with questions on sub-
scriptions, renewals, gifts, address changes, payments, account information,
13 things and other inquiries at rd.com/help, or write to us at [email protected] or
Reader’s Digest, PO Box 6095, Harlan, Iowa 51593-1595.
42 The Dirt on
Organic Farming

by jen mccaffery

news from the
world of medicine

52 A New Type
of Dementia,
and More

4 march 2020 | rd.com

OUCH.

Is your cell
phone bill just as
out of control?
Then this is your
wake-up call.

NEW TRACFONE WIRELESS GIVES YOU COMPLETE CONTROL WITH UNLIMITED CARRYOVER® DATA.*

UNLIMITED Only Tracfone Wireless gives you Unlimited
Carryover® Data. With us, you pay for just
TALK & TEXT what you need and keep the data you don’t
use. Plans start at $20 a month. Learn more
+CARRYOVER DATA at tracfone.com

$20/mo

†Actual availability, coverage and speed may vary. *Unused data will not expire if service is active and in use with the Unlimited Talk & Text Smartphone Plan. A month equals 30 days.

Reader’s Digest

1: IDEAR READER

A Life Saved

L ast year, we heard from reader With content now found on from top: courtesy veronica njoku-carter. matthew cohen
Veronica Njoku-Carter the kind thehealthy.com, Njoku-Carter
of tale we’ve been hearing for gave her husband new life.
decades. A college counselor in Cali-
fornia, she was browsing our e-mail and taxes as the grim givens. A survey
newsletter in bed the morning after done for us by IPSOS (see our cover
Thanksgiving when she spotted a story on page 56) found that about
headline that made her curious. half of adults with chronic conditions
are frustrated by their MD’s diagnosis.
As she read our comfortingly sci- Many, like Njoku-Carter, have to take
entific article, she got worried. Her their care into their own hands.
husband, Derrick Carter, hadn’t been
feeling great for a while; now the That’s why we just started a website
little discomforts he’d noted jumped called The Healthy. RD has led cov-
off her screen. All were symptoms of erage of medicine for a century, but
congestive heart failure. today the need is for more intensive
online help. Staffed by our best health
She got him to phone his doctor im- reporters, the site curates our most
mediately. The call nurse directed him trusted content from experts and real
straight to the ER. “I thank God that I people to inspire positive action.
read your article when I did,” Njoku-
Carter wrote. “It saved his life.” At the Try out thehealthy.com. And
hospital, an angiogram revealed write me about your own medi-
three blocked arteries. “We had cal mystery. I know Njoku-
no idea his symptoms were Carter is not alone among you
signs of something so severe,” in having a valuable health
Njoku-Carter said. Five days story to share.
and a few stents later, he was
back at home, alive and well. Bruce Kelley,
editor-in-chief
Dealing with myste-
rious ailments with- Write to me at
out much help seems [email protected].
to have joined death

6 march 2020 | r o.COM

Stretch Your
Dollars This
Tax Season

Save more of your hard-earned cash this year. Get a quote with
GEICO and see how easy it is to save big on the coverage you
need. After all, new customers report average annual savings
over $500 when they switch. You could, too.

JHLFR FRP _ $872 _ /RFDO 2IĆ FH

Some discounts, coverages, payment plans, and features are not available in all states, in all GEICO companies, or in all situations. Boat

and PWC coverages are underwritten by GEICO Marine Insurance Company. Homeowners, renters, and condo coverages are written

through non-affiliated insurance companies and are secured through the GEICO Insurance Agency, Inc. Motorcycle and ATV coverages are

underwritten by GEICO Indemnity Company. Average savings amount based on national GEICO New Policyholder survey data through July

2019. GEICO is a registered service mark of Government Employees Insurance Company, Washington, DC 20076; a Berkshire Hathaway

Inc. subsidiary. GEICO Gecko image © 1999-2020. © 2020 GEICO 19_229013

Reader’s Digest

LETTERS visiting a friend at
Notes on the a local hospital and
Dec./Jan. issue had recently had hip
surgery. I was dealing
A Time for Miracles with hip issues myself,
and he offered me
I lost my father in May. Today in the mail advice. My husband
I received a Reader’s Digest in his name arrived and whispered
but with my address. Of all things, it was to me, “That’s Charles
the Christmas Miracles issue. We both Barkley.”
enjoyed the magazine, but I usually buy it —Peggy Schroeder
at the grocery store. I just wanted you to Albuquerque,
know they sell subscriptions in heaven. New Mexico

—L.M. via e-mail The View from
Gun Country
Mind Your Manners! the damaged phone.
The young lady was As a gun-owning
Even before reading irresponsible for southerner, I want to
this article, I had de- leaving her phone next thank Elaina Plott for
cided what to say the to the pool, where writing a piece that so
next time someone anybody could have eloquently illustrates
says I don’t look handi- kicked it into the water. the way many of us feel:
capped: “Thank you. —Mike Barnard torn between a way of
It’s nice to know the Plano, Texas life we love and the
eight orthopedic sur- commonsense things
geries don’t show that “My Pal Charles” many of us feel should
much!” be done to curb gun
—Dori Ownbey Several years ago, my violence. Every Ameri-
Laramie, Wyoming husband and I were can, regardless of
meeting in a hotel bar, where they fall on the
I could not disagree and I arrived early. A political spectrum,
more with the advice tall man with a cane should read this.
that the son should pay joined me, and we got —C.h. via e-mail
for some of the cost of to chatting. He was
How to Help a
Friend Grieve

Several people stand
out in my memory from
my mother’s death

8 march 2020 | rd.com

more than 30 years ago. and I”? Or is that one EVEN EARLIER
Mom died suddenly of of the grammar rules PREDICTIONS
a heart attack just after that has gone by the
midnight. Just after wayside? (Sounds like ✦ In your roundup of
sunrise, I looked out a nice relationship with science fiction gadgets
the window and saw your mom!) that later became reality,
Mrs. Luckas and Mrs. —Fran McCullough I was surprised you left
Hamilton walking up Bethesda, Maryland out Maxwell Smart’s shoe
the drive. They told us phone from Get Smart,
they had come to wash From the editors: which preceded the
dishes. All day they On me versus I: If the cell phone by several
washed dishes and photo were of Bruce decades. It even went off
stored the contributions alone, the caption once in a theater.
of food that friends and would be “Me, back
family brought. They in the day.” Nothing —Stu Lewis
didn’t ask us what we changes grammatically
needed. They just saw when you make it prairie village, kansas
a need and filled it. As “Me and my mom ...”
author Megan Devine As for always putting ✦ In the 1960s and ’70s,
said, “Say something. other people before sci-fi author Larry Niven
Do something.” yourself in a sentence, often wrote about people
—Sue Ellen Brazell we heard this grammar who would no longer
Clarksville, Tennessee tip from a number of use cash but instead
readers, but there’s ac- conduct transactions
Dear Reader tually no official rule with an electronic card
dictating it (though it that took the money
In the photo caption certainly sounds straight from their bank
of Bruce Kelley and his polite!). account.
mother, shouldn’t it
be “My mother, Shirley, —Douglas Engelhardt

las vegas, nevada

redpixel.pl/shutterstock Go Ahead, Flatter Yourself

“Flattery will get you nowhere.” Oh, really? Who among us doesn’t stand up

a little straighter after receiving a well-timed word of praise? Thinking back,

what was the best compliment anyone ever paid you? (On the flip

side, if you recall a particularly clever backhanded compliment, GREAT
we’d love to hear that too.) Please visit RD.COM/FLATTERY to
share your story and see terms. JOB !//

Reader’s Digest

EVERYDAY HEROES

1111 1111

Wheeling her red chair and scissors around
the city, a salon owner gives out-of-luck strangers

the gift of visibility—one free hairdo at a time

A Cut Above

By Frank Bures

L ast summer, Katie Steller to help her load a red chair into her
pulled off the freeway on her car. Then the two of them drove back.
way to work in Minneapolis. She The man, named Edward, took a seat,
stopped at a traffic light, where a man and they trimmed his curly graying
was sitting with a sign asking for help. hair. He told them about growing
She rolled down her window. up in Mississippi, about moving to
Minnesota to be closer to his adult
“Hey!” she shouted. “I’m driving children, and how he still talks to his
around giving free haircuts. If I go mom every day.
grab my chair, do you want one right
now?” After Steller was done, Edward
looked in a mirror. “I look good!” he
The man looked to be in his 60s. He said. “I’ll have to remember to put my
was heavyset, balding, and missing a teeth in next time.”
few teeth. As Steller likes to tell the
story, he laughed, then paused. “Ac- To date, Steller has given 30 or so
tually,” he said, “I have a funeral to go such haircuts to people around the
to this week. I was really hoping to get city. These clients are all living on the
a haircut.” margins, and she is keenly aware of
the power of her cleanup job.
“I’ll be right back,” Steller said.
She drove off, went to the salon she “It’s more than a haircut,” she
owns, and recruited one of her stylists says. “I want it to be a gateway, to

10 march 2020 | rd.com Photograph by Ackerman + Gruber

Steller and her
magic chair, on
the road to their
next free haircut

Reader’s Digest

show value and respect, but also to back on their feet. The attention ap-
get to know people. I want to build parently works. When she was cutting
relationships.” a woman’s hair one day, someone
drove by and yelled, “You look amaz-
Steller knows that a haircut can ing!” The woman in the chair beamed.
change a life. One changed hers: As a
teen, she suffered from a bowel dis- “I’m not invisible,” she exclaimed.
ease called ulcerative colitis that was “I thought I was invisible. Look, peo-
so severe, her hair thinned drastically. ple see me!”
Seeing this, her mother arranged for
Steller’s first professional haircut. Another man was on his way to a
job interview at a pet-supply store
“To sit down and have somebody when he accepted Steller’s offer.
look at me and talk to me like a per- When she followed up, she learned
son and not just an illness, it helped he didn’t get that job, but he did get a
me feel cared about and less alone,” landscaping job soon afterward.
she says.
An offshoot of the Red Chair Proj-
“I CAN’T FIX THEIR ect is the Steller Kindness Project,
PROBLEMS, BUT MAYBE in which people who commit acts of
I CAN HELP THEM FEEL kindness (volunteering for hurricane
relief, helping neighbors in need) are
LESS ALONE.” invited for a free makeover at Steller’s
salon. In exchange, they tell their sto-
After that, Steller knew she wanted ries, which Steller shares on her web-
to have her own salon so she could site. Her hope is that by reading about
help people feel the way she’d felt that kind acts, others will be inspired to
day. Not long after finishing cosmetol- spread their own.
ogy school in 2009, she began what
she now calls her Red Chair Project, So far, it’s working, she says. “I’ve
reaching out to people on the streets. had people reach out from around the
country, saying, ‘I’m going to shelters
“Part of what broke my heart was and cutting hair.’ Or, ‘I’ve driven by
just how lonely people looked,” she this woman for the past two years, and
says. “I thought maybe I’d go around I’ve never stopped to say hi. Now I say
and ask if people want free haircuts. hi to her every time I drive by.’”
I can’t fix their problems, but maybe
I can help them feel less alone for a And it all began with a belief in
moment.” simple acts of kindness, such as a
free haircut. “The way you show up in
Steller listens to people’s stories of the world matters,” says Steller. “You
loss, addiction, and struggle to get have no idea what people are going
to do with the kindness that you give
them.” RD

12 march 2020

Everyday Heroes

A Four-Legged His heart thumping, Arens slid
closer to the dog and used the other
man’s rock to smash away at the ice.
Ice Rescue He gave one strong heave too many

and slipped off the boat, crashing into

16 feet of frigid water.

By Andy Simmons He resurfaced in time to see the dog
going under. Using nervous energy to

U PS driver Ryan Arens was keep warm, he swam about five feet
making his rounds near a pond toward her, grabbed hold of her col-
in Bozeman, Montana, when lar, and pulled her to the ice. He then

he heard an unearthly sound. “Like boosted the dog into the boat and slid

a cry for help,” he told thedodo.com, it back to the shore, where anxious

a website for animal bystanders carried

lovers. It was Decem- the dog to the home

ber 2018, and about of the rowboat owner,

15 feet from the frozen a retired veterinar-

banks was the source ian. Once in the house

of that cry—a half- himself, Arens jumped

submerged brown- into a warm shower

and-white wirehaired with the dog until

hound, struggling to they both defrosted. A

cling to a thin layer of few more minutes in

ice. How she got there the pond, the vet told

no one knows, but an Arens, and she would

elderly man was al- have likely suffered

ready on the scene, de- cardiac arrest.

termined to save her. Arens and Sadie on terra firma The next day, Arens

He’d entered the pond was back working the

in a rowboat and was hacking away at same neighborhood when the dog’s

the ice with a rock to create a path to owner came over to thank him for

the dog. It was slow going, and Arens, saving Sadie. “Would you like to meet

courtesy ryan arens 44, thought he stood a better chance. her?” he asked.

“Animals are my weakness,” he told He opened the door to his pickup,

the Great Falls Tribune, explaining and Sadie bolted out. She made a

why he stripped down to his boxers beeline for Arens, leaping on him and

and socks, even though the tempera- bathing him in wet kisses. That special

ture was in the 30s, and comman- delivery, says Arens, “was the high-

deered the rowboat. light of my UPS career.” RD

rd.com 13

Reader’s Digest

I WON!

The World’s

UGLIEST
DOG

CONTEST

yvonne morones,

Santa Rosa, California

How did you first meet get a mango shampoo him. They’ll even write
Scamp the Tramp? and a coconut condi- little adventure stories
It was just like the tioner, but these gray about Scamp. He just
young people on Tin- dreads just appear on inspires people.
der. When I saw Scamp his head, back, and tail.
on Petfinder, all of a The groomer says his Has being crowned
sudden I understood hair is uncontrollable. the world’s ugliest dog
what that was like. I changed him?
swiped right because I Scamp works with you He’s no longer Scamp
fell in love with his face. as a social therapy dog the Tramp. He’s now
too. How do people react Scamp the Champ.
What did you know to his unusual looks? Now I have to get him
about him when you The first time he went a new dog tag.
adopted him? to the senior center
He’d been living on the with me, the seniors Scamp will defend his
street in Compton, Cali- just laughed and said, World’s Ugliest Dog title
fornia, and people were “Yvonne, what have at California’s Sonoma-
feeding him Taco Bell. you got there?” Then Marin Fair in June.
And his name was Muf- they fell in love with
fin Man, which didn’t
seem to fit him at all.

What do you do to give
him that bed head look?
It’s au naturel! He does

14 march 2020 | rd.com illustration by John Cuneo

Trademarks owned by Société des Produits Nestlé S.A., Vevey, Switzerland.

~ P U R I N A ," Your Pet, Our Passion:

~---

-- -- ----,.-_--------~- ---- barbara smaller/everyone’s a critic/courtesy princeton architectural press

“It’s good, but I don’t know if it’s refrigerator-door good.”

LIFE admitted. “What’s all me to eat dirt three
this I hear on the news times a day in order to
in these about banning baking survive. It’s a good
United States products?” thing my older brother
told me about it.
Over dinner, I could I patted her hand
sense something was reassuringly and said, —onelinefun.com
bothering my mother, “That’s vaping
so I asked if anything products.” In one of his last inter-
was wrong. “Yes,” she —Joseph McLaughlin views, Eddie Money,
Winthrop, Massachusetts the late musician and
16 march 2020 star of AXS TV’s reality
When I was a boy, I had show Real Money, ad-
a disease that required mitted to Rolling Stone

Reader’s Digest

The difference between dog people and off at a bakery to

cat people: Dog people wish their dogs were pick up dessert. After
scanning the display
people. Cat people wish they were cats. case, I settled on a

— @simonsinek dozen pound-cake

cupcakes. The clerk’s

that his wife didn’t like Something tells me pleasant response:

how he appeared I need to lose some “Is that for here or

on-screen. weight. During a recent to go?”

“My wife says to me, trip to visit my son and —Mike Cowan

‘You look heavy on TV.’ his family, I stopped Sandersville, Georgia

I said, ‘Honey, the

camera adds ten

an nguyen/shutterstock (jalapeños), africa studio/shutterstock (cookies) pounds.’ She said to WHY, GRANDMOTHER, WHAT A SHARP
me, ‘How many cam- TONGUE YOU HAVE!
eras did they use?’ ”
Sure, they look sweet, but some grandmas just

Kitchen Yin ... don’t have a filter.

My husband’s favorite ✦ My freshman and said, “We

place to stand is right year of college, always thought it

in front of whatever my grandma would be you.”
cabinet I need. mailed me sugar
— @sixfootcandy cookies for my ✦ I had just met
birthday but wrote my boyfriend’s
... and Yang in the card that family for the first
Pretty sure my wife’s she’d put jala- time. As I was
memoir would be peños in them so
called Just Take the that I would know leaving, his
Extra Two Seconds she was thinking of grandma gave me
and Put It in the me “but wouldn’t a hug and said it
Dishwasher. gain the weight.” was wonderful to
— @Tired_Dad_of_2 meet me. I said,
✦ When my “Thank you. It’s
nice to know I

older sister told have approval.” To

Your funny true my family she was which she replied,
story could be worth pregnant out of “Oh, now, dear, just be-
wedlock and not in a cause we like you doesn’t

$$$. For details, go to relationship, my grandma mean we approve.”

rd.com/submit. sighed, looked at me, —thechive.com

rd.com 17

Reader’s Digest from left: kristina bumphrey. broadimage. marion curtis. ken mckay (all shutterstock)

~I QUOTABLE QUOTES
1111

Man cannot live by coffee alone, but he will give it a good try.

—Harry Styles, musician

I want people to see me and go, “Oh my God, she got so old!”

—Linda Hamilton, actor

Karma’s going to make sure I come back
as a lobster—I’ve cooked too many.

—David Chang, chef

If you’re one of those people who says, “Please, no gifts on my
birthday,” you and I are very different. I like gifts. I demand

them. I’ll make you feel awkward if you don’t get me one.

—John Krasinski, actor

To me, that’s the American dream—that if you just keep putting
one foot in front of the other, fantastical things can happen.

—Sheryl Crow, singer

styles hamilton krasinski crow

from left: michael buckner/variety. seth wenig/ap. ap (all shutterstock) When I say “Be kind to one another,”
I don’t mean only the people that think the same way

you do. I mean be kind to everyone.

—Ellen DeGeneres, comedian

Work eight hours and sleep eight hours,
and make sure they are not the same eight hours.

—T. Boone Pickens, businessman

There’s some good in this world, and it’s worth fighting for.

—J. R. R. Tolkien, author

POINT TO PONDER

I was a boy from Puerto Caimito, with a glove
made of cardboard and a tree branch as a bat and a baseball
wrapped with tape. That’s the reason why I always thank God,

because my abilities weren’t enough. To end up
in Cooperstown the way I ended up there is like the cherry on

top of the ice cream, or however that goes.
—Mariano Rivera, athlete

degeneres rivera tolkien 19

DEPARTMENT OF WIT

Daddy Issues

Important breaking news about fathers!

from the onion

Reader’s Digest

1Four-Year-Old Convinced Father even crouched behind it or anything.”
At press time, a visibly frustrated
Is a Moron After 45th Consecutive
Hide-and-Seek Victory Connor had emerged from his hiding
spot to help his father search for his
GLENDALE, PENNSYLVANIA—Expressing two-year-old brother.
embarrassment and disappointment
over being the son of such a loser, lo- 2Reality of Fatherhood Never
cal four-year-old Connor Heyward was
convinced Friday that his father, Craig Truly Dawned on Man Until He Held
Heyward, was a moron after losing 45 Newborn Son’s Hospital Bill
consecutive games of hide-and-seek.
MISSOULA, MONTANA—Describing how
“Jeez, this is bad. I’ve hidden be- he suddenly found himself over-
hind that bush a dozen times, and this whelmed by a flood of intense emo-
dope still can’t find me,” said Connor, tions, local man Mike Bentzen told
confessing that after finding his father reporters Monday the reality of father-
hood didn’t truly set in for him until
“HIS BEST HIDING SPOT the moment he held his newborn
WAS BEHIND THE BACK son’s hospital bill.

DOOR. WHO HIDES “Wow, this is going to totally change
BEHIND A DOOR?” my life,” said Bentzen as tears welled
up in his eyes, adding that he was left
crouched behind a chair half his size, completely speechless by the little
he had started to worry he might bundle of papers and that it would
grow up to be a “complete imbecile” probably take some time before the
just like his dad. “At first, I thought I magnitude of what had just happened
might be really good at this game, but fully sank in. “I’ve had friends tell me
after about an hour hiding under- about their experience, but you can’t
neath a hamper with visible holes, I understand what it feels like until
realized he’s completely out to lunch. you’re looking down at it in your own
It’d be one thing if he were only bad hands. It’s hard to even put into words.
at seeking, but so far, his best hiding Whatever my world was like before, I
spot was behind the back door. Who just know things are going to be very
hides behind a door? There’s no strat- different from this day forward.”
egy to it whatsoever. One time, I went
out to find him and he was just stand- Bentzen reportedly started weep-
ing behind a kitchen stool—he wasn’t ing softly as he sat down with his son’s
medical invoice in his lap and began
imagining how he would deal with
this for the next 18 years.

illustrations by Martin Laksman rd.com | march 2020 21

Reader’s Digest Department of Wit

3Baby Distracted by Father.

Now He Fears He Left Home
Without Oversize Multicolored
Plastic Keys

ROCKFORD, ILLINOIS—Patting down his
onesie with mounting concern, local
eight-month-old Joshua McManus
was reportedly overcome by a sharp
sinking feeling Monday upon realizing

HE WAS LEFT
SPEECHLESS BY THE

LITTLE BUNDLE
OF PAPERS.

he had left home without his over- I headed out that I must have totally
size multicolored plastic keys. “Oh spaced on grabbing them. I bet they’re
no—you have got to be kidding me,” still sitting there on the activity table
Joshua thought, his stomach dropping right next to my phone on wheels. I’m
as he wondered how he could possi- such an idiot.” RD
bly make it through the day without
his large ring of blue, pink, yellow, reprinted with permission of the onion, copyright
and green keys. “Ah, for crying out © 2015, 2016, and 2019 by onion, inc., theonion.com.
loud. I got so wrapped up in that
game of peekaboo with Dada before

---------- ~~~ ----------

The First “American” Word

In a letter he sent home in 1608, British explorer John Smith described
a critter he called a rahaughcum. There was no English word for the North
American animal, so Smith borrowed the sounds used by the Algonquian.
Over the years, the name was simplified to raccoon, which is now considered

one of the first English words coined in America.

rosemarie ostler, in splendiferous speech:
how early americans pioneered their own brand of english

22 march 2020 | rd.com

COMPLETE
COMFORT.
PREMIUM
PROTECTION.

With a sleek modern design and
smooth fabric that’s just like
underwear, Depend® Silhouette®
Briefs deliver discreet, protection
that’s more comfortable than
Always Discreet Boutique*.

HOW TO stylist: mae lander

Get Angry
the Right Way

Understanding your rage can help
you express it more healthfully

By Lisa Bendall

T HE DRIVER WHO cuts you off in
traffic. The neighbors who don’t
pick up after their dog. The in-
surance company that keeps you on
hold for an eternity. Situations such as
these get our hearts racing and send
our stress levels skyrocketing. Anger
isn’t a pleasant feeling. Some of us
bottle up the emotion, while others
explode in a wild rage. Both habits
have repercussions for our bodies, our
minds, and our relationships.

Anger may feel uncomfortable, but
it’s also normal and healthy. “A lot of

Photographs by Joleen Zubek

Reader’s Digest

people think they have to get rid of doesn’t take much imagination to pre-
their anger,” says Patrick Keelan, a dict how a furious rampage can affect
registered psychologist in Calgary, Al- your relationships with your spouse,
berta. “But anger is an emotion built your kids, or your coworkers.
into us to signal that something needs
to be addressed.” When we take notice It also hurts your health. A large 2016
of that signal and actually rectify the study at McMaster University found
problem instead of ignoring it, we’re that people are more than twice as
usually much better for it. likely to have a heart attack after an an-
gry outburst. The increased blood pres-
Unfortunately, many of us have been sure and heart rate put stress on the
conditioned to keep our emotions cardiovascular system, and if there’s al-
hidden. Increasingly, research is sug- ready some plaque buildup, the blood
gesting that this can have long-term ef- flow to the heart may be restricted.
fects on our health. Investigators at the
University of Rochester noticed that If we shouldn’t bottle up our angry
people who suppress their emotions
tend to have shorter life spans. They’re BOTTLING UP ANGER
more likely to die earlier from cancer, ISN’T HEALTHY, BUT
for example. When we’re angry, stress NEITHER IS LETTING
hormones such as adrenaline and cor-
tisol are released, which can make us IT OUT IN A FURY.
prone to developing a wide range of
diseases, including diabetes, depres- feelings but aggressive behavior isn’t
sion, and autoimmune conditions. healthy either, how should we handle
things that tick us off? It’s the extreme
Is it better, then, to scream and hol- highs and lows that take a toll. If you’re
ler whenever something makes you able to apply techniques that smooth
mad? That’s the rationale behind the out some of those peaks and valleys,
“rage rooms” that have popped up in you can have a gentler ride.
many American cities, where folks are
invited to vent their anger by violently Start by looking beyond the super-
smashing stuff in a “safe” environment. ficial trigger to your fury. Anger is
often precipitated by underlying feel-
“The theory is that you get the anger ings of fear, anxiety, disappointment,
out of your system through aggressive and guilt. Maybe you’re furious that
actions, and it’s cathartic,” says Keelan. your spouse is late, but it’s really be-
“But the research indicates that when cause you were afraid he or she had
we display our anger aggressively, it had a car accident in the bad weather.
can actually increase the intensity of
the anger—and increase the likelihood Also, pay closer attention to your
of aggressive actions in the future.” It

rd.com | march 2020 25

Reader’s Digest How to Get Angry the Right Way

Talk it out It helps to take a cool-down period
before explaining to someone you’re
Focus angry with how he or she rocked your
boat. That will allow for the effects of
Breathe the adrenaline to wear off, which in
turn allows you to reflect on what’s
triggers—those daily irritations that bothering you. Do some controlled
you know will set you off. Do you get breathing or find some physical activ-
angry at the long lines at the grocery ity to take the edge off. “There’s clear
store? Take a step back and consider evidence that exercise helps with feel-
that it isn’t personal. Everyone in the ings of anger,” says McIntosh.
line has dinner to make, just like you.
When you’re ready to approach the
One proven method of dealing with other person, focus on the behavior
anger is to talk about it. Brain imaging and why it upsets you, not the person’s
at the University of California–Los An- character traits. Avoid calling the other
geles and elsewhere has shown that if person names. Don’t swear, and don’t
you name your feelings, you can actu- make generalizations, such as “You
ally calm the activity in the amygdala, always do this!” The idea, says Keelan,
the part of the brain that triggers the “is to bring up your reasonable points
release of adrenaline and cortisol. to the other person in a manner that
“There is a value to expressing that is most likely to get a constructive and
you don’t like what’s happening, be- nondefensive response.”
cause it’s an opportunity for change,”
says Diane McIntosh, a psychiatrist in If you’re on the receiving end, re-
Vancouver, British Columbia. member that there are benefits to ac-
knowledging and trying to understand
the other person’s anger. Try offering
to make a change, if that seems fair to
you. If you’re willing to be a partner
in working through heated situations,
the other person will be much more
likely to bring matters up construc-
tively in the future. In the end, you’ll
both be healthier for it.

- - - - - - - - - ~~~ ---------

A Joyful Measure

Happiness makes up in height what it lacks in length.

robert frost, poet

26 march 2020 | rd.com

ADVERTISEMENT

BRING A NEW STORY HOME WITH YOU TODAY.

Energy Made Easy

Helping Citizens Become
Energy-Literate
Ronald Stein / Todd Royal
www.xlibris.com

Hardback | Paperback | E-book
$29.99 | $19.99 | $3.99

From renewable intermittent electricity to
global warming and electrical grids, Energy

Nature Is My Teacher Made Easy brings easy-to-read, layman’s
explanations to complex issues helping
Baby Steps to Follow Mother Nature citizens become energy-literate.
Prabhash Karan

www.xlibris.com

Hardback | Paperback | E-book Retribution

$26.99 | $18.99 | $3.99 A Jack Sanders Novelette

Mother has been and will always remain Philip Barnard
synonymous with love, devotion, and www.xlibris.com
dedication; and giving nature the Hardback | Paperback | E-book

attributes of a mother—life-giving and $24.99 | $15.99 | $3.99

fostering—is simply personification as Horrified by what he finds, clinical
a caring mother. When Mother Nature psychologist Dr. Jack involves himself in a
teaches, we learn. Nature Is My Teacher
perilous journey in an attempt to atone for his
reveals the deep emotional connection
family’s murderous behavior.
between human evolution and civilization!

Poems Short Stories And Intra-Operative Monitoring
Things Remembered
A Comprehensive Approach
Gloria G. Blakeney Donald Farrell M.D.
www.authorhouse.com www.xlibris.com

Paperback | E-book Paperback | E-book
$10.68 | $7.99 $92.99 | $3.99

Poems Short Stories and Things Remembered This book introduces the basics of evoked

shares Gloria G. Blakeney’s poetry about potentials and their use as a diagnostic tool

angelic encounters, short stories inspired by and as an intra-operative tool to reduce injury

books of the Bible and memories from her during surgery on the central and peripheral

family life in one compilation. nervous systems.

Reader’s Digest

~ EVERYDAY MIRACLES
1111

Rescue in a Bottle

By Jen McCaffery

C urtis Whitson knew the water- continue on his way, as he had on a
fall was coming. He’d rafted previous trip.
down the Arroyo Seco, a river
in central California, before. He fig- But this year was different. Heavy
ured he would hop out of his raft into snow and spring rains had turned
the shallow water, rappel down the the usually manageable falls into
rocks on either side of the falls, and something fierce. And this year,
instead of his buddy, Whitson’s

28 march 2020 Illustration by Gel Jamlang

companions were his girlfriend, carved “Help!” on it. Ramirez also re-
Krystal Ramirez, and his 13-year-old minded him that he had a pen and
son, Hunter. As the three of them paper, which she’d brought to play
approached the falls late in the games with, in his backpack.
afternoon of the third day of their
camping trip, Whitson could tell from Whitson knew it was a long shot.
the increasing roar of water in the But he scrawled “6-15-19 We are stuck
narrowing canyon that they were in here @ the waterfall. Get help please”
serious trouble. There was no way and shoved the note into the bottle.
they’d be able to rappel down the
rocks as planned. This time, his throw over the water-
fall was perfect.
“The water was just gushing
through there with tremendous force,” “All right, that’s all we can do,” Whit-
recalls Whitson, 45. son told Hunter.

They could wade to the shore, but It took 30 minutes to navigate back
would anyone find them there? They upstream to the beach where they’d
had no cell service, and they hadn’t
seen a single person in the past three WHITSON KNEW IT
days. And Whitson knew that they’d WAS A LONG SHOT,
be sharing the ground there with BUT HE SCRAWLED
rattlesnakes and mountain lions. “GET HELP PLEASE.”

As he pondered what to do, Whit- had lunch. They made a fire and
son hit on a bit of luck—he heard laid out a tarp. With no reasonable
voices coming from the other side of expectation that their message in a
the falls. He yelled, but the sound of bottle would find its way to anyone,
the rushing water drowned him out. they threw another Hail Mary pass:
They spelled out SOS in white rocks,
We have to get these people a mes- which they set on the blue tarp. As the
sage, Whitson thought. evening wore on, they placed a head-
lamp with a flashing light on a ledge
He grabbed a stick and pulled out so that the SOS could be seen from
his pocketknife to carve “Help” in it. overhead.
Then he tied a rope to it so the people
would know it wasn’t just any stick. By about 10:30 p.m., they decided
He tried tossing it over the falls, but they probably weren’t going to get
it floated away in the wrong direction. rescued that night, so they pulled out
their sleeping bags. Before turning in,
“We’ve got to do something!” Whit- Ramirez stoked the fire to keep the
son yelled to his son. “Have we got mountain lions away.
anything else?”

Then he spotted his green Nalgene
water bottle. Whitson grabbed it and

rd.com 29

Reader’s Digest Everyday Miracles

Then, just after midnight, they by a message in a bottle,” Whitson says.
heard a helicopter hovering above When the officers dropped them
them. Whitson turned to his son and
started shaking him. back at the Arroyo Seco Camp-
ground, the trio learned more about
“They’re here!” he said. the long shot events that had saved
Whitson ran over to the headlamp them: Two men had seen the water
and started flashing it at the heli- bottle bobbing in the water. When
copter. He, Ramirez, and Hunter were they picked it up, they noticed
waving and hollering when they heard the writing on it—“Help!”—which
the magic words: “This is Search and piqued their curiosity. Then they re-
Rescue. You have been found.” alized there was a note inside. After
The helicopter circled as the pilot they read it, they hightailed it to the
looked for a good place to land. campground, turned the bottle in,
Finding none, the crew announced and took off without leaving their
to the campers over the PA system names.
that they would not be rescued until
morning and told them to conserve “It wasn’t about notoriety; it wasn’t
their firewood. about leaving their names,” Whitson
The next morning, the helicopter says. “It was just a matter of: Here’s
returned and lowered a crew mem- the water bottle, here’s the note, here’s
ber on a cable. Then rescuers lifted the information we know.”
Hunter, Ramirez, and Whitson out of
the gorge one by one and deposited A few days after news of the rescue
them and their gear on the closest broke, one of the hikers contacted
bluff where the helicopter could safely Whitson. That’s when he learned the
land. rest of the story. There were actually
It was a moment of pure happiness two little girls hiking with the men
as the three chatted with the officers that day. It was the girls who first
who had rescued them. Together, they spotted the bottle and swam to get it.
marveled at the unlikelihood of it all. Whitson is planning on having a big
“They said that in the 25 years that barbecue to meet the hikers—and
they’ve been performing these kinds thank them.
of rescues, no one’s ever been rescued
“I imagine it’s going to be one of
the greatest moments of my life,” he
says. RD

---------- ~~~ ----------
A Work in Progress

I love you just the way you are. Though I do have a few suggestions.

@wildethingy

30 march 2020 | rd.com

You save smartly on homemade kites

You save smartly
on Medicare Part D

Filling prescriptions at a preferred network pharmacy
can lower your copays. Fortunately, your local Walgreens
is a Preferred Pharmacy with many plans.

* Copay savings based on filling a Tier 1 generic prescription at a Preferred Pharmacy compared to a Non-Preferred Pharmacy with select plans.
†Points good on future purchases. Points on prescriptions and other pharmacy transactions limited to 50,000 per calendar year and cannot be earned
in AR, NJ or NY. Only prescriptions picked up in store are eligible to earn points. Complete details at Walgreens.com/Balance.

SAVE MONEY by solving
problems yourself with everyday

household items!

FREE Now you can help yourself when
30-Day “disasters” strike—and save time,
Preview! money & hassle—simply by
following the straightforward
steps inside our inventive book,
Easy Fixes for Everyday Things.

• 1,020 QUICK & SIMPLE FIXES

• PRACTICAL NO-NONSENSE ADVICE

• DETAILED STEPS & PHOTOS

• PROVEN SOLUTIONS FOR EVERY
AREA OF YOUR LIFE

SAFE & EFFECTIVE

IDEAS YOU CAN TRUST!

Get genius Find out what
tips for how garden tool
to give your temporarily
old cookware repairs a
a makeover.
cracked pipe!

Learn the Discover Look to your pantry
5-step the secret for the common
remedy to adding staple that can dry
for fixing life to out a wet phone!
a dripping your car.
faucet in
just 10
minutes.

HURRY—this special offer may not be repeated!

See FREE PREVIEW details at RD.com/EASY20

WE Reader’s Digest
FOUND
A FIX 1

9 Tricks to Keep Your Cat from Getting a Shock
Improve Your Life* pets Does your cat like to gnaw on elec-
trical cables? Discourage him or her
by dabbing the cords with Grannick’s
Bitter Apple or another deterrent
spray for pets. Cats hate the flavor.

pakula piotar/shutterstock (cat), xpixel/shutterstock (wires)

*From RD.com reporting

rd.com | march 2020 33

Reader’s Digest

2 4 joleen zubek

Use Less Soap Don’t Shop for a
Car in the Rain
money Save money by swapping your liquid hand
soap dispenser for a foaming version. Its pump turns auto Hunting for a used
regular liquid soap into foam, so it takes about half as vehicle? Go on a clear day.
much soap to create a lather, according to one study. It’s not about slippery
You’ll also use about 16 percent less water. roads for the test drive;
it’s that rain can hide
3 scratches and other im-
perfections. Other things
Wear Different Shoes Every Day to look out for, no matter
the weather: difficulty
health Who among us hasn’t fallen in love with a opening the doors, trunk,
pair of super-comfy shoes and proceeded to slip or hood or mismatched
them on day after day? While that may feel good, you paint between the inside
aren’t actually doing your feet any favors. Podiatrist of the trunk and the body
Jacqueline Sutera says that wearing the same shoes of the car, which may be
day in and day out can cause foot fatigue because the result of an accident.
you’re constantly using the same areas of the foot for
support and walking. Make sure you have a few pairs 5
of comfortable shoes and rotate through them.
Nourish Your Hair—
34 march 2020 with Breakfast

beauty Everything you
eat at breakfast goes to
fuel the body’s essential
systems, but hair doesn’t
make the “essential”
short list. That means it
receives nutrients only
once the major organs
have been fed. Since eat-
ing breakfast fuels the
body’s life-giving func-
tions right away, filling up
your tank first thing
means that follicles will
get the nourishment they
need later in the day.

We Found a Fix

joleen zubek 6 8

Sweeten Your Protect Your Fingers When
Yogurt Without Hammering
Sugar
home Ouch! You just hammered your finger
food Flavored yogurts instead of the tiny nail you were trying to pound
often contain dozens of into that piece of wood. To keep this from happen-
grams of sugar, but plain ing again, before you start hammering, stick the
yogurt can be pretty blah. nail through a small piece of thin cardboard.
Add flavor without many Position the nail and, holding the cardboard by
calories with a few drops the edges, hit it home. When you’re finished,
of vanilla, mint, or al- use your bruise-free fingers to tear away the
mond extract. You can protective cardboard.
also microwave your
favorite fruit into a com- 9
pote and, once it’s cool,
swirl it into the yogurt. Clear Your Ears Before Flying

7 travel Thirty minutes before takeoff, take a deconges-
tant. Your sinus and ear membranes will shrink, leaving
Clean Your your nose and ears clear when you’re in the air. RD
Charging Port

technology When you
stuff your phone into your
pocket or purse, lint and
dust can get caught in the
charging port, causing
problems with charging.
(Similarly, dirt in the
headphone jack can
make it malfunction.)
If you are careful, you
can clear any debris with
a toothpick. To keep an
opening clean, insert a
dust plug (a package
of them costs less than
$10 on Amazon).

rd.com 35

The I t is my favorite episode of The jamie chung/trunk archive
Simpsons of all time. Homer is
FOOD holding forth at his dinner table
ON YOUR about the diverse deliciousness of
PLATE bacon, ham, pork chops, and other
porcine products.
I Am Pork ...
“Dad, those all come from the same
Bringing Home animal,” his daughter says helpfully.
the Bacon
“Yeah, right, Lisa,” Homer responds,
By Kate Lowenstein amused by her naivete. “A wonderful,
and Daniel Gritzer maaaagical animal!”

As is usually the case, Homer was
speaking a fundamental truth to
which he happened to be hilariously
oblivious: I am pretty magical. For
starters, my fellow pigs are as smart as
most any dog, capable of being taught
how to play video games. I also make
a great pet that can live for 20 years.

But if eating me is the route you
prefer, so be it. After all, I’m the sole
farm-raised animal whose main pur-
pose is to be food: I don’t graze pas-
tures, pull plows, lay eggs, produce
drinkable milk, or make wool. Nearly
every part of me is useful and succu-
lent, and my range of flavors and tex-
tures is unrivaled.

No wonder I am the most-consumed
meat in the world—even as two major
religions, Judaism and Islam, prohibit
eating pork. The rest of you grill my
chops, braise my shanks, cure my legs
into hams and prosciutto, devour me
in pâtés, fry my skin into crispy pork
rinds, and so much more. I am the
cornerstone meat of barbecue, my
ribs and shoulders slowly smoked over
hardwood until tender and flavorful.

36 march 2020 | rd.com

Reader’s Digest With 2% milk, at least half of adults
had a lower desire to eat
And then there’s bacon, the darling of
breakfast, burgers, BLTs, salads, and, than before breakfast for 3 1/2 hours.
let’s be honest, pretty much anything
else you put on a plate. Hungry yet?

My fat is arguably what makes me
so extraordinary. It’s saturated just
enough to be solid yet silky at room
temperature, making me perfect for
chopping, mixing with seasonings
and other meats, and curing into de-
lectable sausages, terrines, and ril-
letts. In fact, it’s the foundation of the
whole centuries-old tradition of cur-
ing meat. Charcutiers can’t produce
quite the same sublime mouthfeel
with beef, chicken, or game that they
can with porky old me.

All this talk of fat might have you
confused if you remember “The Other
White Meat.” This was the ad slogan
developed in 1987 for the National
Pork Board as a way of keeping me
relevant during the anti-fat craze of
the time. It worked: My U.S. sales grew
20 percent by 1991 as consumers be-
gan to view me as a health-conscious
choice alongside white-meat chicken.
I’m nonetheless considered red meat
by nutritionists and the USDA—and
always have been.

Here’s the truth: Sometimes I’m
healthful; sometimes I’m not. The
Other White Meat campaign focused
on my loin and tenderloin, those
swaths of flesh along my spine that are
quite low in fat and good sources of
protein and minerals. But other parts
of me, not so much. You’ll find the
fattiest slabs of fat on my belly, back

10 Reader’s Digest

LAYERS PERFECT
OVEN-ROASTED
OF WHEAT BACON

IN EVERY BITE for the tender version:
On a rimmed baking sheet,
set a wire rack or a large piece of joleen zubek
crumpled aluminum foil into accordion-
like peaks and valleys. Arrange bacon
slices close together with no overlaps.
Place sheet with bacon on the middle
rack of a cold oven, then set to 400°F and
allow to heat. Rotating the pan once mid-
way, cook 15 to 25 minutes, depending
on the thickness of the rashers and your
desired doneness. Transfer cooked bacon
to paper towels to drain, then serve.
for the shatteringly crisp-all-over
version: Line a rimmed baking sheet
with foil, only without the ridges, and
follow the same cooking directions.

(right on top of those lean loins), and
jowls. Falling in between, fat-wise, are
my shoulders and legs. Think of them
as my dark meat, with fat interspersed
with muscle as well as lots of connec-
tive tissue. That tissue—actually col-
lagen that forms when a muscle is
well exercised—may start off tough
when it’s raw or briefly cooked. But
roast a pork shoulder for eight hours,
and that muscly tissue will melt into
succulent gelatin to produce a fall-off-
the-bone pork juiciness that makes
you humans fall off your chairs.

One thing everyone knows about
me is that I am an insatiable omnivore,
which means that those who raise me
have the power to vary how fatty I am

The Food on Your Plate SILENCE

and how I taste simply by feeding me YOUR
differently. Take the pata negra pigs
in Spain and Portugal that spend their GROWL
lives grazing on acorns. Their famous
funky, translucent-pink jamón ibérico
(Iberian ham) is so rich in healthy
monounsaturated fats—up to 55 per-
cent, a higher ratio than in any other
meat—that farmers call their hogs
“four-legged olive trees.” Such a privi-
leged lifestyle and meals don’t come
cheap. These days, a 15-pound bone-
in ham from the elite Spanish brand
Cinco Jotas will stop your heart at
$1,200—or $80 a pound. Meanwhile,
a conventionally farmed American pig
fattened on run-of-the-mill grains and
meal made from meat and bone pro-
duces pork that’s higher in saturated
fat but costs a mere $4 per pound.

There are few easier weeknight
meals than a pork chop roasted in a
cast-iron pan. But boy, do you Ameri-
cans overcook me. Chops, lacking in
fat as they are, dry out when they get
too hot. For decades, the USDA made
it worse by recommending an inter-
nal temperature of 165°F for pork,
which delivers a very dry puck indeed.
In recent years, they dropped it to
145°F, which is medium-well and a
real improvement: juicy and just hav-
ing lost its pink. Sink your teeth in and
enjoy the magic. RD

Kate Lowenstein is a health editor
currently at Vice; Daniel Gritzer is
the culinary director of the cooking
site Serious Eats.

Reader’s Digest

YOUR A Very Special Finish
TRUE
STORIES My son, Mark, volunteered to help
Cherie, a young runner, at a local Special
in 100 Words Olympics. Cherie was happy and enthusias-
tic. Mark encouraged her, kept her calm,
Just Like Dad and let her know when it was time to line
up for her race. When the starting pistol
Nearly 25 years ago, sounded, she took off like a lightning bolt,
my father told me about leaving her fellow racers behind. As she
his experiences in the neared the finish line, she stopped, turned
Vietnam War. One night, around, and motioned for the other run-
he was stranded in un- ners to hurry. She waited for them so they
familiar territory with a could all cross the finish line together.
flat tire. Luckily, a fellow
soldier came along and —Debra Holley American Fork, Utah
gave my father his spare.
Now I’m a paramedic. Waste Not, Want Not had asked for. Was that
I recently worked with all right? I said it was fine
an older EMT I had never I was getting lunch at the and that it wouldn’t go
met. At the end of our deli counter of our neigh- to waste. That’s when the
12-hour shift, he said, borhood grocery store. In grandmotherly customer
“You know, you look a addition to my sandwich, next in line replied, “Well,
lot like your father.” He I ordered a quarter pound it would sure go to mine!”
recognized my last name. of macaroni salad. The
I had been paired up with clerk put the salad on the —Jim Perkins
the hero who’d saved my scale and apologized that east hampton,
father 50 years earlier. it was a little more than I connecticut

—Albert Thweatt

nashville, tennessee

To read more true
stories or submit one,
go to rd.com/stories.
If we publish yours in
the print magazine, it
could be worth $100.

40 march 2020 | rd.com Illustration by Hallie Bateman

ADVERT ISEMENT

NASA Scientist Harnesses Surprising
Ingredient to Help Block Arthritis Pain

Dr. Phil Birbara knew a thing or two about solving space-age problems. As a NASA chemist, he helped
crack the code on creating drinkable water and breathable air to help humans survive in space. But it's

his krwwledge ofnatural chemicals found in plants that's making a big difference here on earth - thanks

to his patented, proprietaryformula that provides 24-hourjoint pain relief to arthritis sufferers.

The Secret Ingredient is Found in Chili Peppers!

We've all experienced the "instant heat" sensation that
comes from an unexpected bite into a hot pepper. Well
it turns out that capsaicin, the natural ingredient that
gives chili peppers their eye-watering strength, works
amazingly well to relieve pain - offering new hope
for arthritis sufferers and anyone looking for long-last-
ing pain relief from aching muscles and joints.

Use for a Week. Get Relief for a Month! See What Arthritis Sufferers are Saying:

PainBioc2441 is made with the highest concentration "1 am a handyman a11d 1am 011 my kllees a11d up a11d
of pharmaceutical-grade capsaicin allowed by the down ladders all the time. Atfirst I used it twice a day
FDA without a prescription. Its patented NeuroMax* the11l went to once aday now about every 3 days.lt's
Technology helps the med.icioe more comfortably the best thing 1have ever used! 11wnk )lOll very much."
penetrate the skin than would otherwise be expected
with its high dose of capsaicin. It relieves pain at the Jeff
source by deactivating certain nerve fibers that
transmit pain signals to the brain, for relief that builds "111is is the only product that has helpedmy 86-year
with each usc. Within a week, the maximum pain- oldmother with her corutant leg and hip pain!''
blocking power of capsaicin takes hold, providing
round-the-clock pain relieF. In fact, PainBioc24• is so Janelle
effective, use it every day for a week as directed, and
your pain relief will last up to a month. "For the first time in aLONG time I do notlwvejoi11t
pain! The product works great on myselfas well a.r
24 Hour Pain Re!Jef my "wther who has chro11ic arthritis. Love it!"

PainBioc24• is not a gimmick or a fad. Its patented' Q.D.
formula has been clinically shown2 to provide
long-lasting relief ofarthritis pain by helping to block
arthritis joint pain at the source of the pain signal.

PainBioc24• is different than
other pain relievers. Its pain
relief BUILDS with daily use
and is so effective, use it every
day for a week, and feel relief
that lasts for 24 hours a day all
month longz. It comes in a
no-mess, easy-to-usc roll-on
applicator aod is odor-free.

Choose 24-Hour Pain Relief
l8l
Available at:

•~cvslimphanmacy· llo1I,!J, : CO.~IIIr 1M ltttllllf: ---

=and other fine retailers !~

00

o

!• LIMII ONE(I)CW'ONPER PIIRCHASEOf SP£CiflfOPROOOC1OOOOANffiYSTAl£0 NOI 10BE COMBINEDWIIHANY OTHER
COUPON(SfU~[OfTWO(2)I(I(NTICAL llOIJPONS INSAAI£SHOPPING T~P.'!,;dIftl~red.reprocl,ced. ollered co~ed.IOicl.PIJ<hosed.
• trarsf«ltd.cr excf'la1gl!d 1011rfprrson, ''M.cr gro11pprior 1011ore r~pbcr~,or ~ttt~e·e prohlb!IKI« restockdtrylaw.Anyothtr 111e
• constrtuDeS IJaJCI. Cons..: You Pflllny WH ra:..lttllltt: Vwi Heel!h~ wll reMburstyoufor!he fac:tvaiJtofthisO)Jtlon
: pl\.s 8CIordino 111Jbllill''""accordance M!h"'"''Hoa:h Sclenceo Co•ponRederT~>IIonPollet(MI~b~upon"""~). Mollcoupons

.;:•. _sloe_:llln_lmg_opr_nDc_ee.~_ll'li_llld1_7o_0r7ly,_vh_al.h_,IeH_Ue_SoAl_.lhE_>s~_or.e_.s._6.1_.3._0I/_2F0a•_'C_OI_I O_n_•t_o_.l_Ri_o.T_ll_78_84_il_. _ ____1_/IO_O_C_.N_oc_es_hb_e_cl<_K_e_o<_.p_o_n.._.r_ut_•._...O_S_
www.PalnBioc24.com

U"flf llirwNd

._________ Col'"''"If~'Iiili 99J61WJ,I008,9J6,oM10106S9l
'CIIMtvtl ~t•lf7 l1t NltH~lt.rlM MH,.;.

Reader’s Digest

13 THINGS

1111 1111

The Dirt on
Organic
Farming

By Jen McCaffery

L

1 people assume that organic owns Bolthouse Farms; and organic
products come from small family produce grower Earthbound Farm is
farms, but many of the foods itself a giant, earning nearly half a
labeled organic in supermarkets billion dollars in 2018. Big or small,
are actually produced by large corpo- a farm must follow the same rules
rations. For example, Conagra owns to be certified organic: fertilizing soil
Alexia; a private-equity company with natural ingredients

42 march 2020 Illustration by Serge Bloch

such as compost and 4 While it may producing synthetic
manure, planting with seem that there fertilizers. Ironically,
organic seeds, rotating are all-natural the era of mass-scale
crops to prevent soil farms everywhere these chemical fertilizer and
erosion and disease, days, less than 1 per- pesticide use is com-
and allowing animals cent of the 911 million monly referred to as the
to graze. acres of farmland Green Revolution be-
in the United States cause of the dramatic
2 Using pesticides are certified organic, increase in crop yields
isn’t completely according to the Pew worldwide. For in-
forbidden on an Research Center. The stance, the yield of rice
organic farm. “There most organic state: in India increased by
are about 25 chemicals Vermont, where 11 per- 164 percent from the
that have been ap- cent of farms have the 1950s to the 1990s.
proved for use,” says USDA designation.
Jessica Shade, PhD, 7 We know it’s good
director of science pro- 5 Nearly half of for our health,
grams at the Organic organic farmers but eating organic
Center in Washington, are women, even can put a strain on
DC. “But before organic though women make the budget. According
farmers can even use up only 29 percent of to the USDA, organic
those 25, they have all American farmers, produce carries a
to prove that they according to the USDA. premium of 10 to
have used every other Organic farmers are 30 percent. Fortunately,
method possible for also younger (average a study has shown that
controlling their pests age: 52) than farmers the risk of ingesting
and weeds.” overall (58), according pesticides is relatively
to Modern Farmer. low with certain foods,
3 Organic farmers primarily because
aren’t supposed 6 There was no their thicker skins or
to use antibiotics, need for “certified outer coverings protect
but their cows do organic” before us. At the top of the
sometimes get sick. the mid-20th century— Environmental Working
“You do have to give because organic was the Group’s “Clean 15”
your cows medicine only way to farm. But list: avocados and
if they need it,” Shade in the 1940s, after World sweet corn, with less
says. Also allowed: War II, nitrate factories than 1 percent of the
aspirin. (Cows get that had been making samples showing any
swollen joints too.) bombs switched to pesticide residue.

rd.com 43

Reader’s Digest 13 Things

8 The biggest and fart up to twice as Pigness of Pigs and has
organic retailer in much methane as con- appeared in documen-
the country isn’t ventionally reared cat- taries such as Food, Inc.
Whole Foods—it’s tle. Methane is 20 times The Virginia-based Sal-
Costco, which sold more powerful a green- atin also enjoys a bur-
about $4 billion in or- house gas than CO2. geoning friendship with
ganic products in 2017, Prince Charles. The fel-
compared with $3.6 bil- 11Don’t even low farmer and future
lion at Whole Foods. think of saying king has invited Salatin
your farm is to his residence in
9 The top-selling organic if it isn’t. The Dumfries, Scotland.
organic products, government will fine
in order: cow’s you as much as $17,952 13 Organic
milk, eggs, chicken, ap- for each time you farming isn’t
ples, lettuce, strawber- falsely sell or label a just about
ries, grapes, tomatoes, product as organic. feeding you. According
and corn, according to The USDA has a list of to Statista, pet owners
the Pew Research Cen- people fined for “fraud- will spend $6.8 billion
ter. (See No. 7 above for ulent certificates” on on organic food for
why organic corn might its website. their dogs and cats this
not be worth the cost.) year, more than double
12 Perhaps the than a decade ago.
10 Do you know most famous But beware, animal
which residents organic farmer lovers: Foods marked
of organic in the United States to- “natural” do not carry
farms aren’t all that en- day is Joel Salatin. He the same requirement
vironmentally friendly? is the author of books as those that are
The cows. They burp such as The Marvelous certified organic. RD

- - - - - - - - - y~~ ---------

Great Moments in American Cheese History

President Thomas Jefferson first ate macaroni and cheese on a trip to France.
He loved the dish so much that he later served it at a state dinner in 1802.

smithsonian

For his last public party in the White House, President Andrew Jackson served
his guests a 1,400-pound wheel of cheese. It was gone within two hours.

the atlantic

44 march 2020 | rd.com

ADVERTISEMENT

NEW STORIES AWAIT JUST FOR YOU.

Greetings from Gehenna Be Wee with Bea

Etzel Edelweiss Liz ONeill

Paperback | E-book Paperback | E-book
$19.99 | $3.99 $10.99 | $3.99

www.xlibris.com www.iuniverse.com

Gehenna is in danger. Vermins are walking Bea the wee bear has a good heart, but carries
the streets unnoticed. Now, a group of heavy memories of the times other bears were
hunters has set out to eliminate the growing mean to her. Can she ever get better?
beast threat to protect the citizens.
Pages and Leaflets of
55 Reflections of a North Oxfordshire
Searching Skeptic
My Lineage Pre-1700–1959
~scanning the depths of
spirituality and mental health~ Angela Fortnum
Hardback | Paperback |
Rich Melcher E-book | Audiobook
$25.94 | $12.90 | $4.99 | $9.99
Hardback | Paperback | E-book
$38.95 | $29.95 | $3.99 www.authorhouse.co.uk

www.authorhouse.com

Enjoy the eclectic offerings of hope and This family genealogy and history chronicles the
enlivenment in 55 Reflections of a Searching Skeptic and story of the Page family and the changes in work
experience many moments of stunning openness and religion that the family experienced over three
and helpful insight. centuries living in England.

Haiku For Today’s World The Yearning Heart

Haiku-Inspired Triplets and Poems of Contemplation
Observations-Commentary and Stillness
for Today’s World
Hilary K Sinclair
Jon Seymour
Paperback | E-book | Audiobook
Hardback | Paperback | E-book $30.26 | $4.99 | $9.99
$24.99 | $15.99 | $3.99
www.authorhouse.co.uk
www.xlibris.com
This is a book about an internal spiritual
In his first ever commercial work, Jon voyage. The Yearning Heart offers contemplative
Seymour entices the reader with his Haiku- poems reflecting a personal but also
inspired musings on myriad things, both universal consciousness.
universal and unique to our time- a genuine
page-turner!

Reader’s Digest

LAUGHTER “Parlate italiano?”
No response.
The best Medicine The Swiss guy gives
up and drives off. The
~I first American turns to
SUPPoRI GQooP the second and says,
“We should really learn
~oR HR~T PANCAK(S a foreign language.”
“Why?” asks the sec-
A Swiss man looking for sprechen?” he asks. ond. “That guy knew © mark parisi /offthemark.com
directions pulls up at The two Americans three, and it didn’t do
a bus stop in Zurich him any good!”
where two American just stare at him.
tourists are waiting. “Parlez-vous fran- —englishforum.ch

“Entschuldigung, çais?” he tries. What happens when
können Sie Deutsch The two Americans an artist has trouble
finding inspiration?
continue to stare. She draws a blank.
—Submitted by
Cheryl Herman
Baltimore, Maryland

So you’re telling me ...
... a shrimp fried
this rice?
— @Zuluonly
... a flea runs this
market?
— @Adam_Derpin
... this garage is on sale?
— @slimshaneshark

The police arrested
a man selling “secret
formula” tablets he
claimed gave eternal
youth. It was actually

46 march 2020

I just read that 4,153,237 people got DEAD LINES
married last year. Not to cause any trouble,
but shouldn’t that be an even number? An obituary for someone
you don’t know can seem
—MadDany94 on reddit.com bland, but these lines
(from real obits!) might
the noun project the fifth time he’d been movies. A few minutes just make you miss a
caught for committing into the film, Fred person you never met:
the same medical noticed Sam searching
fraud. He had been for something under “His regrets were few
arrested in 1794, 1856, his seat. but include eating a
1928, and 1983. rotisserie hot dog from
“What are you a convenience store in
—investorshub.advfn.com doing?” Fred asked. the summer of 2002.”

A nurse noticed a golfer “Well”—Sam “Civilians will
pacing up and down sounded aggravated— recognize him
the hallway outside an “I had a candy in my best as Spider-Man
operating room where mouth, but it fell out.” and thank him for
another golfer—who protecting our city.”
had a golf ball lodged “Forget it. It’ll be
in his throat—was be- dirty by now.” “His wife refuses to honor
ing treated. his request to have him
“I’ve got to find it— standing in the corner of
“Is he your relative?” my teeth are in it.” the room with a glass of
the nurse asked. —Submitted by Jack Daniel’s in his hand
Fern Hansen so that he would appear
“No,” said the golfer. Onawa, Iowa more natural to visitors.”
“It’s my ball.”
My dad suggested that “When the doctors
—swingbyswing.com I register for an organ- confronted his daughters
donor card. He’s a man with the news that ‘Your
My husband cooks for after my own heart. father is a very sick man,’
me like I’m a god—by —Masai Graham, in unison they replied,
placing burnt offerings comedian ‘You have no idea.’”
before me every night.
—Bokbreath Got a funny joke? —loveliveson.com and
on reddit.com It could be worth $$$. the new york times
For details, go to
Two old guys, Fred rd.com/submit.
and Sam, went to the

rd.com 47

The first and only overactive bladder (OAB) treatment in its class.

R () fl00 I .. , .... " . ... -

BOARDiNG PASS

IS YOUR
BLADDER
ALWAYS
TAKING YOU
ON A TRIP
OF ITS OWN?

0 Urgency

Frequency

0 Leakage

USE OF MYRBETRIQ (meer-BEH-trick)

In clinical trials, those taking Myrbetriq Myrbetriq® (mirabegron) is a prescription
made fewer trips to the bathroom and medicine for adults used to treat overactive
had fewer leaks than those not taking bladder (OAB) with symptoms of urgency,
Myrbetriq. Your results may vary. frequency and leakage.

IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION

Myrbetriq is not for everyone. Do not take

TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR Myrbetriq if you have an allergy to mirabegron
OAB SYMPTOMS BY TALKING or any ingredients in Myrbetriq. Myrbetriq may
cause your blood pressure to increase or make
TO YOUR DOCTOR ABOUT your blood pressure worse if you have a history
MYRBETRIQ TODAY. of high blood pressure. It is recommended

that your doctor check your blood pressure

while you are taking Myrbetriq. Myrbetriq

may increase your chances of not being

able to empty your bladder. Tell your doctor

-,;.astellas right away if you have trouble emptying your
bladder or you have a weak urine stream.

Myrbetriq® is a registered trademark of Astellas Pharma Inc.

All other trademarks or registered trademarks are the property of their respective owners.

©2018 Astellas Pharma US, Inc. All rights reserved. 057-2985-PM


Click to View FlipBook Version