Create Your Own Patience Mantras Mantras are a fabulous way of working on your self-development toward patience. You can use them to guide yourself toward your goal to be more patient by designing mantras that specifically target this key trait. When you create your own mantras, make sure they feel personally relevant and meaningful to you so that they’ll be more impactful. Here’s how to create your own patience mantras: 1. Think about what situations you want to practice more patience in (see the exercise on the previous page, Make a List of Your Impatience Triggers, if you need help identifying these situations). 2. Determine what reminder or idea would be most helpful in each situation. For example, if you get impatient during traffic, you might need to remind yourself that you’re not in control and that you need to let go. 3. Now, create a mantra to match each situation. For the traffic example, you might use: I can’t control everything. Go with the flow. Take your new list of mantras for each situation with you. You can use these whenever the need arises.
It is far better to endure patiently a smart which nobody feels but yourself, than to commit a hasty action whose evil consequences will extend to all connected with you. —CHARLOTTE BRONTË English novelist and poet
Practice Patience Affirmations Affirmations can help you work toward many of your goals, and they can be particularly beneficial for building patience. Affirmations are often confused with mantras, as they have a similar form and function, but they’re two distinct tools. Mantras are about reminding yourself of a truth about the world, a theme, or a more abstract idea. Affirmations, on the other hand, are all about you: your capacity, your competence, your value, and your ability to do what you set your mind to. Affirmations for patience are sincere, heartfelt messages from you to you about the patient person you want to be. Here’s how to create and practice patience affirmations: 1. First, get out a pen and paper and write your own affirmations. They should be short, just a brief sentence or two at most. They should also be positive (e.g., “I am” instead of “I am not”) and framed in the present (e.g., “I am” instead of “I will be”). Examples include I choose patience and I am at peace within and without. 2. Now that you have your affirmations, carry them with you. You can take the piece of paper with you, copy them on a sticky note, save them to your phone, or use any other method to make them easily available. 3. At least a few times a day (in the morning, at night, and in difficult moments), take out your affirmations and practice them. Say them out loud to yourself, preferably in the mirror.
Practice for just a few days and you’ll start to see yourself be more patient in every situation!
Engage Your Empathy When you feel irritated and impatient with someone, you might feel wrapped up in your own experience. In those moments of impatience, you are stuck in your own thoughts and feelings, and you might struggle to understand and identify with others. Not only is this a negative and disconnecting state to be in, you’re also cut off from one way out of impatience: empathy. It’s tough to be empathetic when someone is making you feel impatient, but it’s also the key to building your character and enhancing your capacity for patience. Here’s how to engage your empathy: 1. In a moment where you are feeling impatient because of another person, notice what is happening and hit the “pause button” on the experience (e.g., take a break, stop and think, journal for a few minutes). 2. Think about how the other person is feeling right now. Don’t just assume you know how they feel and move on. Instead of judging or dismissing the way you think they might feel, allow yourself to truly feel it. 3. Spend a few moments empathizing, then pull back into your own present moment. Think about how you’d like to respond now that you have some understanding of what they’re feeling. You’ll likely notice that you feel more positively about this person and more patient about the situation after empathizing. This is a difficult but important way to practice patience.
Knowing trees, I understand the meaning of patience. Knowing grass, I can appreciate persistence. —HAL BORLAND American author, journalist, and naturalist
Practice Radical Acceptance Most of the time spent feeling impatient or frustrated is born out of the discrepancy between how things actually are, and how you think they “should be.” When you are able to let go of this strict idea of what “should be,” you give yourself permission to live fully in the real world, where you can create realistic expectations that help you instead of hurt you. Radical acceptance is, as you might guess from the name, a radical idea: that you can choose to accept reality exactly as you find it, no matter how far that is from what you would like it to be or what you think it should be. Here’s how to practice radical acceptance: 1. In any given moment (but especially when X thing is causing you to feel impatient), remind yourself that this is your current reality. 2. In your current reality, acknowledge that X is happening. Acknowledge that it’s uncomfortable or unpleasant. 3. Let go of any idea about whether X should be happening or not happening, or how, where, or when it should be happening. Shed these expectations and accept that X is happening in front of you, right now. 4. Say to yourself, “It’s okay that X is happening.” That’s it! That’s all there is to radical acceptance. It’s establishing a baseline for accepting the reality of your life. You don’t have to like it, but accepting it is the only way to cope, address, or move past feelings of impatience.
Play “Five Years from Now” When you are impatient, your perspective narrows: You see only your own woes. When you choose patience, you broaden your perspective to see the positive in your own experiences and the full spectrum of things happening outside of your narrow view. This is a fun and easy game called “Five Years from Now.” It’s designed to give you perspective on your current situation and to help you choose patience. It’s meant to be played by yourself, although you can incorporate other players if you’d like. Here’s how to play the game: 1. Grab some paper and a pen in case you want to write during the game. 2. Either write out or ask yourself the question, “In five years from now, will this matter?” 3. Put yourself in your own shoes, five years from now. Imagine yourself walking around, enjoying your life. Ask yourself whether your current frustration matters to this version of you. Write down your answer. 4. If the answer is no (and it almost always is), allow yourself to let it go. Let the problem or issue slide off of you like rain off an umbrella. 5. If the answer is yes, give yourself some compassion and determine the best way to mitigate the damage. Generally, you will find that your current problems will not matter in five years. Use this game to remind yourself of what really matters and let go of your impatience.
If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow. —RAINER MARIA RILKE Bohemian-Austrian poet and novelist
Find a Patience Model Everyone has strengths and weaknesses when it comes to patience. Some can be completely Zen in situations where others would tear their hair out, and vice versa. This means that whenever you’re ready to tear your hair out, there’s likely at least one person you can think of who would exude patient Zen vibes in the same situation. You can look to this person for support, encouragement, and inspiration. If you’re feeling impatient, try finding a patience model. Here’s what to do: 1. Think back over the past few weeks and try to remember when you witnessed someone being patient. Maybe you saw a mother being patient with a toddler tantrum at a store, or two dog owners patiently calming their excited dogs. It may take some scanning of your recent memories, but you’re bound to find at least one person. 2. Revisit that moment in as much detail as possible. See how patient they looked, and imagine how patient they were feeling inside. 3. Adopt this person as your personal model of patience in this moment. Try to shift your experience and your outward presentation to match theirs. Strive to look and feel as patient as they did. This exercise rolls many helpful techniques (including observation, empathy, and connection, among others) into one,
providing a big boost to your ability and willingness to choose patience.
There is one form of hope which is never unwise, and which certainly does not diminish with the increase of knowledge. In that form it changes its name, and we call it patience. —EDWARD GEORGE BULWER-LYTTON English writer and politician
About the Author Courtney E. Ackerman is the author of My Pocket Meditations for Self-Compassion, My Pocket Positivity, 5-Minute Bliss, My Pocket Gratitude, and The Illustrated Book of Mindful Meditations for Mindless Moments. Her early travels sparked an interest in learning about human nature at a young age. Courtney holds a master’s degree in positive psychology and program evaluation, and her professional interests include compassion, mindfulness, survey research, and psychological assessments. She enjoys reading and writing, spending time with her dogs, practicing yoga, traveling, and sampling the offerings at local breweries and wineries. MEET THE AUTHORS, WATCH VIDEOS AND MORE AT SimonandSchuster.com www.SimonandSchuster.com/Authors/Courtney-E-Ackerman
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Index A note about the index: The pages referenced in this index refer to the page numbers in the print edition. Clicking on a page number will take you to the ebook location that corresponds to the beginning of that page in the print edition. For a comprehensive list of locations of any word or phrase, use your reading system’s search function. Acceptance, practicing, 16, 30, 97, 249 Affirmations, 198, 206, 246 Apologies, 160, 192 Aura, changing, 61 Balloon, floating like, 191 Blessings, counting, 27 Blue, power of, 11, 103 Body scan, 100 Breaks, taking, 18, 39, 47, 60, 91, 118, 163, 164, 176, 205 Breathing techniques, 34, 39, 52, 75, 78, 93, 107, 150, 185, 188, 212, 222, 227, 229, 234 Breezes, enjoying, 66, 71, 116 Bubble gum, 26 Buddha, 44, 62, 106 Calming scenes, 50, 67, 117, 130, 171, 184 Centering techniques, 39, 117, 214, 229, 230 Chocolate, eating, 60 Clouds, watching, 48, 170 Cocoon, visualizing, 231 Coloring exercise, 91 Comparisons, making, 23 Compassion, 16, 45, 85, 120, 121, 160, 180, 198, 208, 223, 250 Connections, making, 219, 252 Counting to ten, 14 Creativity, 13, 18, 89, 91, 123, 141, 178 Crocodile, channeling, 190 Dancing, 123, 153 Discomfort, tolerating, 185, 207, 239 Distractions, 11, 14, 24, 26, 39, 95, 96, 113, 143, 149, 173, 205 Doodling, 91, 141 Empathy, engaging, 247 Energy, positive, 27, 46, 59, 103, 104, 151, 223 Exercise, 79, 86, 104, 116, 216. See also Stretches; Yoga Eyes, resting, 36, 134 Face, admiring, 17, 30 Face, cradling, 99 Feng shui, 151 “Five Years from Now” exercise, 250 Folding and unfolding, 88 Forehead, tapping, 57 Forest, visualizing, 50, 117, 171 Forgiveness, 159, 160, 192 Forward folds, 199, 215 Friends, enjoying, 31, 121, 147, 153, 154, 219 Gifts, choosing, 183 d
Gratitude, 20, 27, 43, 60, 66, 82, 109, 203, 208, 218, 227, 235 Grounding techniques, 14, 34, 39, 57, 71, 93, 116, 123, 133, 134, 164, 167, 174 Hair, brushing, 69 Hands, observing, 21, 35, 65, 133, 225, 226 Heart center, 43, 202 Humming, 143 Impatience, accepting, 16 Impatience jar, 196 Impatience, journaling, 114 Impatience, killing, 81 Impatience, personifying, 63 Impatience triggers, 243 Importance, prioritizing, 242 Jokes, enjoying, 147, 153, 154 Journaling, 9, 114, 125, 136, 210, 247 Joy, sparking, 153, 233, 236 Jumping jacks, 79 Kindness, 81, 85, 97, 102, 120, 121, 194, 208 Laughter, 147, 153, 154, 233 Lights, appreciating, 203 Listening, 36, 47, 116, 121, 164 “Long way around” exercise, 240 Looking up, 18, 48, 170 Lying down, 18, 100, 146, 163, 181 Mantras, 7, 59, 244, 246 Massage, 37, 65 Meals, 6, 169 Meditation, 7, 34, 43, 82, 92, 102, 124, 136, 157, 174, 210 Mental energy, 27, 118, 146 Mental math, 95 Mental nap, 146 Mental time travel, 118 Mindfulness, 7, 33, 35, 56, 60, 69, 70, 77, 88, 97, 111, 116, 124, 128, 129, 133, 144, 164, 167, 177, 187, 203, 216 Mirror exercises, 17, 30, 246 Mountains, visualizing, 171 Mudras, 124 Naps, 146, 181 Negativity, releasing, 52, 59, 102, 104, 144, 150, 195, 229 Overthinking, reducing, 9, 136 Patience, finding, 3, 7, 9, 10, 64, 110, 125, 126, 244, 246, 252 Pauses, taking, 10, 11, 106, 164, 210, 211, 218, 247 Peaceful places, 50, 67, 117, 171, 184, 206, 229, 231 Perspective, changing, 18, 77, 109, 151, 155, 166, 170, 174, 206, 215, 225, 238, 250 Pets, 40, 183 Photos, viewing, 166, 167 Plants, watering, 70 Play-Doh, kneading, 89 Pond, visualizing, 130 Prayers, 6, 10 Questions, asking, 9, 33, 64, 84, 106, 178, 219, 235, 250 Responses, choosing, 9, 106, 211, 214, 247 Rest, taking, 146, 176, 181 Results, focus on, 5, 206, 246, 250 Rooms, viewing, 11, 77, 144, 151, 167, 195 Safe spaces, finding, 46, 117, 195, 231 Self, hugging, 45 lf l
Self-love, 30, 74, 99, 160, 198, 208 Self, patting on back, 74 Self, soothing, 185, 221 Senses, engaging, 128, 163, 164, 173 Shore, visualizing, 184 Showers, taking, 20, 37, 225 Silliness, 84, 96, 153, 154, 178 Silver linings, finding, 235 Sips, mindful, 56, 111 Smiling, 17, 97, 121, 125, 147, 236 Snacks, 54, 60, 162 Songs, favorite, 47, 143 Spinning around, 77, 123, 167 Sprints, quick, 104 Star, being, 189 Stillness, 34, 46, 50, 125, 129, 130, 140, 146, 190, 205, 214, 223 Stress ball, 24, 183 Stretches, 53, 113, 132, 138, 150, 155, 199, 230 Sweets, eating, 54, 60 Teeth, brushing, 28 Third eye, pressing, 41 Thoughts, labeling, 214 Thumb war, 96 Tidying up, 73, 194, 238 Time, using wisely, 238 Tree pose, 230 Trees, observing, 33, 48, 116, 117, 230 Twisting, 138 Waiting exercise, 176, 239 Walks, mindful, 104, 116 Windmill, being, 132 Wings, flexing, 200 Writing exercises, 5, 9, 13, 42, 114, 125, 136, 137, 149, 157, 169, 243, 246, 250 Yoga, 7, 34, 43, 49, 124, 188
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