Reader's Digest_Feb 2022

Shark Encounters

MAKING AN IMPACT There she collects information on
the types of sharks, recording their
What keeps Kathy going are the size, commercial value, and gender,
changes she sees in people. “I’ve as well as talking with fish traders to
been amazed at the small transfor- find out where the fish are caught,
mations I’ve seen in the fishermen,” which parts are sold and for what
she says, “many of whom have been purposes.
set in their ways for years.”
In 2019, while she was doing field
Like Suhardi who, after seeing tour- research with a conservation consult-
ists picking up litter from the ocean, ant, they found a female Rhynchoba-
also became an enthusiastic garbage tus cooki or clown wedgefish at Jurong
collector. He went from throwing cig- Fishery Port. Imported from Indone-
arette butts into the ocean to an ocean sia, the species, which is a relative of
advocate who now deep dives to pick the shark, was widely believed to be
up the rubbish he sees on coral reefs. extinct as it hasn’t been seen for more
Then there are the school children than 20 years. The new discovery
who tell their parents about what they gave scientists hope that the clown
learned about sharks on their tours wedgefish is not extinct and argued
and how eating shark fin soup impacts that an in-depth study for conserva-
the shark population and ecosystem. tion purposes should be undertaken.

Kathy also assists marine scien- Kathy dreams that one day people
tists and Wildlife Reserves Singapore, will come to realise that everything in
which focuses on protecting biodiver- the environment is interconnected –
sity in Singapore and Southeast Asia even sharks. “I love the grace of sharks
with their data collection and ongoing and decided that I wanted to change
surveys of shark populations. Kathy the negative opinion people have from
goes to Singapore’s Senoko and Ju- the media,” she says. “By encountering
rong fishing ports, which handle a shark in its natural habitat respect-
about 30 per cent of the country’s fully, maybe there could be more
seafood imports, to gather data on compassion and empathy towards
the sharks and stingrays that come marine wildlife and people could see
from Indonesia, Malaysia, Thailand we are all interconnected.”
and the surrounding straits.

Running On Coffee

A Finnish company has created ‘performance’ trainers
made from used coffee beans and recycled plastic bottles.

A new kind of coffee kick, anyone? WWW.THEGUARDIAN.COM

readersdigest.com.au 49

READER’S DIGEST

LIFE’S LIKE THAT

Seeing the Funny Side

and peanut butter out along with two CARTOON: TREVOR WHITE/CARTOONSTOCK.COM; (CAR, VIKING) GET T Y IMAGES; (HEART) VECTEEZY.COM
knives. When he decided to take over,
he asked why I had got two knives
out. I explained it’s so that I don’t get
peanut butter in the butter and vice
versa. “Oh,” he replied, “I usually use
one knife and then lick it each time.”

SUBMITTED BY JANE WHITAKER

All Work And No Play Missed The Point

Our son’s friend’s dad telephoned Right before I got my COVID-19
our house and asked to speak to his vaccine, the nurse went through a
11 year old who was over to play. series of questions. One question
made me pause: “Are you a painter?”
“Hello, Dad,” said his son.
“I want you to come home AT I excitedly replied, “Why, yes!
ONCE,” we could hear his dad say, How did you know?”
“I need help with your homework!”
As the conversation continued,
SUBMITTED BY MICHA BRYN I realised she’d actually asked,
“Are you a fainter?”
Licking His Lips
SUBMITTED BY CECILIA TAYLOR
On the odd occasion, my partner Lee
makes his own sandwiches for work. Running On Repeat
The other day I got the bread, butter
If you hear me telling the same story
twice, just let it go. I only have six
memories – and they all take turns.

@JZUX

Off Message

My husband realised our son had
left his mobile at home, so he texted
him to tell him. It was only when
our son got home that evening and

50 february 2022

checked his phone messages that Life’s Like That
my husband realised how stupid
he had been! THE GREAT TWEET OFF:
FEBRUARY 14
SUBMITTED BY AMBER JACOB FOR PARENTS

Fish Out Of Water Ahhh, Valentine’s Day. Flowers and
chocolate. And for some, children.
I promised myself a tattoo for my
50th birthday. I chose two beautiful This Valentine’s Day, say the three
fish leaping from the sea. After the little words she’s longing to hear:
first fish, it had hurt so much that I
had to call a halt. I was really lucky “You sleep in.”
that the tattoo artist decided to start
with the fish. I can’t imagine how I @COPYMAMA
would be able to explain the splodgy
blue puddle on my shoulder blade. Me: Do you want me to pick up
some Valentine’s chocolate for you
SUBMITTED BY SUSAN KENNEDY
and the girls today?
Hot Air Wife: Absolutely not.

Humidity is just a fancy way of Me: Seriously?
saying even the air is sweating. Wife: It’ll be on sale tomorrow.

@DARLAINKY @XPLODINGUNICORN

Classic Conveyance Me: What are we doing
for Valentine’s Day?
Our neighbour, Joe, has a vintage
car and while we were chatting to My husband: Raising three kids.
him one day, we were trying to get
him to reveal just how old it was. @NOT_THENANNY

“Put it this way,” he confided, I’m chaperoning a Valentine’s Day
“It’s been insured against fire, theft date for my 15 year old and his
and Vikings!” SHULA CLARKSON
girlfriend so I made her garlic pizza
for dinner. Genius Level: 100.

@JENNYPENTLAND

readersdigest.com.au 51

READER’S DIGEST In 2010, then US President Ba-
rack Obama paid a visit to the
I Am The Gandhi Museum in Mumbai,
India, where palm trees full of
FOOD ON me dotted the grounds. The for-
YOUR mer president knew me well; coco-
PLATE nuts were a part of life in Indonesia,
where he spent his boyhood.
I Am A
Coconut… A later video of him in Laos, cool-
ly sipping my sweet water straight
A Killer Nut?
Not Even Close from my green shell as if he’d
done it a thousand times, be-
BY Kate Lowenstein came a popular meme.
and Daniel Gritzer
Yet, before his visit, Indian au-
52 february 2022 thorities methodically removed

every last sign of me from
the premises. Why? They
were afraid he would be
taken out by one of me
falling on his head.
Let’s get this out of the
way: my reputation as the

‘killer fruit’ of countless inno-
cents was then and still is a myth.
A repeatedly misinterpreted 1984
study greatly exaggerated the num-
ber of deaths I cause by ‘beaning’,
and the vicious rumour spread. To-
day, the only things about me ‘to die
for’ are the sometimes too-delicious
foods you humans make with me,
such as macaroons, piña coladas,
rich curries and custard tarts.

A decade ago, health nuts brief-
ly gave me a halo because some
of my saturated fats, called medi-
um-chain triglycerides, may raise
beneficial HDL cholesterol. But ask
a heart doctor today and they’ll tell

HOW TO OPEN COCONUTS

• To open a ‘hairy’, • When it breaks into • Firstly, take me

use a clean screwdriver large pieces, wedge a outside – as this can
spoon between my
and find the softest of shell and my flesh to get quite messy.
separate.
my three dimples. • Place me upside
• To open a green
• Push the screwdriver down on a hard surface.
coconut, lever the
into said dimple, flower-top section off • Using something
with a knife. Then
wiggling it around to insert a coconut- large and heavy, like a
opening tool around the
make the hole larger. hard core and twist to saucepan, strike my
remove. Insert a
• Invert me over a reusable straw and pointy end with
drink my sweet nectar
bowl and let my water or invert over a cup. moderate force. Turn

drain out. • Then, unless you are me slightly and repeat.

• To separate my flesh handy with a machete, Continue turning
it is probably best you
from my shell, place use a blunt tool to break and striking until the
me open and remove
me in a 200°C oven for my gelatinous flesh. green husk cracks

20 minutes or until open on both sides.

cracks appear on my • Pull me apart with

outer shell. your hands and

• Then, using a meat scoop out my flesh

cleaver or hammer, hit with a spoon.

the shell repeatedly

along the cracks (keep

fingers well away!).

PHOTOS: GETTY IMAGES you that coconut oil will raise your already knew that botanical factoid,
bad LDL cholesterol as much as it’ll you’re likely mistaken about what part
raise HDL. Death by coconut, indeed! of me you’re eating.

You have other wrong ideas about Picture a young coconut, the
me, too. I never look brown and hairy green things that get hacked open
on the tree, despite what cartoons with a machete so that you can drink
might have you believe. In my whole the water within. That green part is
form, I’m smooth and green, yellow, my skin, and the fibrous beige stuff
orange, pink and even sometimes red. hacked through is my flesh, essen-
And you may think I’m a nut, but I’m tially an inedible husk. Inside that
actually a drupe (a fleshy fruit with a is the shell of my seed, within which
single seed in the centre), like a cher- you’ll find the nutrients of my en-
ry, apricot or peach. And even if you dosperm. W hen I’m young, that

readersdigest.com.au 53

READER’S DIGEST

endosperm is mostly water – the I have been grown in warm, tropical
sweet, vaguely nutty juice that is bot- coastal locations, such as India, Thai-
tled and sold worldwide. land, Sri Lanka, the Philippines and
Indonesia, for more than 4500 years.
As I grow, solids start depositing
on the inside surface of my shell un- Besides my long-lasting source of
til little water is left and there’s lots of food and water, my fibrous flesh is
firm white jellylike flesh, ready to eat. used to make rope, mats, mattress
So the brown hairy ‘coconuts’ you see stuffing and fishing nets. My shell can
in the supermarket aren’t me. They’re be turned into charcoal for fire or used
my seeds. as a bowl or musical instrument. My
leaves are used for thatching roofs and
My older self is by no means worse making brooms and baskets, while my
than my younger self, I simply have trunks are used for building houses,
different ratios of coconut water to boats and drums. My tree’s roots have
flesh. Before making your selection, an array of folk medicinal uses and
know what you want to do with me. produce pigments that become dyes –
‘Hairys’ often still have water inside, and their frayed ends have even been
if this is what you want, pick me up repurposed as toothbrushes.
and give me a shake. If you hear liq-
uid sloshing around inside, there’s Is there no end to my uses? No won-
water there. Less sloshing means a der coconut-rich cultures not only
higher flesh-to-water ratio. survived but thrived.

SOFT AND TENDER COCONUT MACAROONS PHOTO: GETTY IMAGES

• Preheat oven to whites until stiff then over, about 35 minutes,
fold into coconut rotating the tray
175˚C and line a tray mixture. (It’s OK if the halfway through
with baking paper. eggs mostly deflate cooking.

• In a bowl, mix during folding.) • Let cool on the tray,

together 400 g • Using clean hands, then transfer to an
sweetened flaked airtight container
coconut with 150 mL form the coconut and store at room
coconut cream, 150 mL mixture into golf-ball-size temperature.
evaporated milk, ½ tsp mounds.
vanilla extract and a
pinch of salt until • Arrange on the
thoroughly combined.
prepared tray. Bake,
• Beat two large egg until macaroons are
deep golden brown all

54 february 2022

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HUMOUR

Talking With Dad

BY Richard Glover

“ H ave you checked the oil in advice. In my experience: it’s mostly ILLUSTRATION: SAM ISLAND
the car?” my father used about your motor vehicle.
to say to me, his version of
“hello, hope you are well.” “How’s the car running?”
Sometimes our phone calls would be- “Did you get it serviced?”
gin with an inquiry about the oil, and “How did you get that scrape on the
end with an inquiry about the oil, with side?”
not a lot in between. My student car – a battered, green
Fathers have a lot of love to give, Toyota Corona, bought from my friend
but that love is often supplied David for $500 – was the parchment
through the medium of practical upon which my father inscribed his
paternal affections.

56 february 2022

Talking With Dad

I bet it’s always been so. Back in an- it comes to an electricity supplier?”

cient Rome the father would quiz the asks the man who’s been on the same

son on the state of his chariot. overpriced deal for decades. As the

“Are you keeping up the oats to the expression has it, “Do as I say...”

horses?” Why can’t we fathers just say “I love

“Have you checked the spokes on you” or “it’s great to see you”?

the wheels?” The point is: that’s exactly what we

“How did you get that scrape on the are saying. You just have to translate

side?” from the language of fathers.

The father might then offer some Listen closely enough and the

helpful advice about the state of phrase “I love you” can be heard in

his son’s toga. “The trick is to buy the slightly lengthier: “I could come

high-quality gear, and then look after around Saturday and replace the sil-

it. That, my son, is true of clothing, icon seal around the base of your toi-

chisels, tridents ...” let, because I reckon

Contemplating fa- that thing is getting
really stinky.”
ADVICE ISthers over the mil-
GIVEN FREELY –lennia, I can hear the The sentiment, “You

murmur of a million OFTEN WHEN made my life better

male voices, over THE FATHER from the moment
thousands of years, HASN’T TAKEN you were born,” may
trying to gently guide be rarely heard, but

their wayward off- IT HIMSELF the gist is there in the

spring. more common, “I’ll

“A sabre-tooth tiger, hold the ladder while

once cornered, can be quite a chal- you get the leaves out of the gutter.”

lenge. You really must sharpen all And “I admire you, I really do” is

your spears before you go out in the mostly heard in the more idiomatic,

morning. And do tidy up your cave ...” “There’s no tread left in those tyres,

“W hen building a pyramid it’s you need to run it down to the tyre

all in the planning. You need to sit shop. I’d do it first thing Monday, I

down and work out the mathematics really would.”

before you try to shift anything. And Not that we fathers are claiming

do make sure you make an offering to to be perfect. The reason we advise

the sun god.” on personal grooming – “You really

Whether it’s then or now, advice is should shave”, “You can’t wear shoes

given freely – often including advice like that to work”, “That’s not a dress,

that the father hasn’t taken himself. it’s a tourniquet” – is that we look

“Have you compared offers when back to the absurdities of our own

readersdigest.com.au 57

READER’S DIGEST

younger years and hope that our fail- When I was 17 I went on my first

ures will not be repeated. road trip. A friend and I, exuberant

What’s the point of making errors and giggling, climbed into that bat-

in your own life if such foolishness tered student car.

cannot help the next generation? My father stood on the corner in the

We look back and we shake our pre-dawn cold to bid us farewell.

heads in bafflement. We realise that “The highway is dangerous,” he

we left it too long to have children – said, “so I don’t want you to overtake

or that we didn’t wait anything faster than

long enough. That we “I DON’T a horse and cart. And
stayed too long with WANT YOU TO you must take a break
one employer, or left every two hours. And
rather too fast. That OVERTAKE every time you fill
we remained in the ANYTHING the tank, you really

university bar when FASTER THAN should check the oil.”
we’d have been better A HORSE AND At the time we
off studying.
thought his speech

And so: check the oil, CART,” HE SAID was pretty funny and
get a haircut, and why would chant “horse

not buy a filing cabinet and cart, horse and

so that you can always find the right cart” every time I floored the accel-

document at the moment you need it? erator to overtake some other speed-

Oh, and another thing: have you ing vehicle.

considered putting money every year Now, all these years on, I realise he

into your retirement account? If you was just talking in his own language of

look at this table I’ve prepared, you’ll love, which, at the time, I was unable

see that by the time you are my age ... to fully translate.

Loch Ness Monster On The Move

The first-ever sighting of the Loch Ness Monster from China has been
reported. Weiming Jiang from Jiaozhou City, 8500 kilometres from
the mythical creature’s home in Scotland, claims to have spotted
Nessie via a webcam overlooking the loch southwest of Inverness.
Gary Campbell, recorder of the Official Loch Ness Monster Sightings
Register, said: “She saw a black dot, then two, very close to the
shore.” Campbell logged 14 sightings in 2021, including one from
Texas and another from Ireland. WWW.PERTHNOW.COM

58 february 2022

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60 february 2022

SEE THE WORLD...

Turn the page ››

readersdigest.com.au 61

READER’S DIGEST

...DIFFERENTLY

IN BERLIN, 30,000 WISHES
lined Straße des 17. Juni (17th of
June Street) to commemorate
the 30th anniversary of the fall of
its infamous Berlin Wall. People

from around the world were
invited to place their hopes and
wishes on colourful ribbons. The
ribbons were then interlooped
with others to form a 150-metre-

long flying carpet which
seemed to float weightlessly
over the street right up to the

Brandenburg Gate.
The idea behind the week-long

installation, called Visions in
Motion, came from American
artist Patrick Shearn, and was
the signature attraction during
events marking the anniversary

in November 2019.

PHOTOS: PAUL ZINKEN/DPA

62 february 2022

readersdigest.com.au 63

READER’S DIGEST

LAUGHTER

The Best Medicine

Anything For I left without CARTOON: DAN REYNOLDS/CARTOONSTOCK.COM. ILLUSTR ATIONS: (WINDOW) GET T Y IMAGES; (HEART) VECTEEZY.COM
A Quiet Life making a scene.
■ Fran and her
There is an order friends named
of monks that is their band Duvet.
sworn to silence. It’s a cover band.
But each year, one
monk is allowed Higher Court
to say two words.
The day arrives and A lawyer dies and
a monk stands up goes to heaven.
and says, “Porridge
lumpy.” “There must be
some mistake,”
The abbot then the lawyer argues.
declares the session “I’m too young to
over. The following die. I’m only 45.”
year, another monk
stands and says, “Forty-five?”
“Porridge fine.” says St Peter.
“No, according to
A year later, it’s a our calculations, you’re 135.”
third monk’s turn. “I quit,” he says. “How’d you get that?” the lawyer
asks.
The abbot is shocked. “Why?” St Peter replies: “We do it by
The third monk replies, “I can’t billable hours now.”
stand the constant bickering.”
L AUGHFACTORY.COM
SUBMITTED BY ERNEST FREEMAN

Here Comes The Pun Unwelcome Mat

■ Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to I recently passed the house I grew
put my glasses on. up in while driving, so I stopped and
■ A generous army general walked asked if I could go in to look around.
into a bar and ordered everyone The owners said no and slammed the
around. door on me. Parents can be so rude!
■ I lost my job as a stage designer.
SUBMITTED BY LUKE HAMMETT

64 february 2022

Laughter

Safety Risk WINDOW ON THE WORLD

Hot-air balloons are terrifying. As a couple who had just
It’s just a tiny wicker basket in the moved to a new neighbourhood
sky attached to a flamethrower. ate breakfast, the wife looked out
I first have to take off my shoes in
order to board a flight, but I can fly the window and saw their
around on patio furniture? neighbour hanging clothes
out to dry. “That washing isn’t
RYAN HAMILTON, COMEDIAN
very clean,” she said.
Wake-Up Call Her husband looked but

A teacher is droning on and on when remained silent.
he notices that a student sitting all For the next month, every
the way at the back of the classroom time their neighbour hung her
has fallen asleep during his lecture. clothes out to dry, the wife made

“Hey!” the teacher yells to the girl the same comment.
sitting next to the sleeping student. Then one morning, the wife
“Wake that kid up!” was surprised to see clean

“You’re the one who put him to washing on the line.
sleep,” she calls back to the teacher “Look!” she said. “Our neighbour
with a shrug. “You wake him up!” finally learned how to do laundry!”

LEARNENGLISH.DE “Nope,” the husband said.
“I got up early this morning and
LABOURERS
OF LOVE cleaned our windows.”

I’ve come across so many of the STARTSAT60.COM
same people on dating apps over
the years that I’ve started to see First And Foremost

them as co-workers. I went to see the doctor about my short-
term memory problems. The first thing
ANNE SUNDELL, WRITER he did was make me pay in advance.

It’s crazy to think that my boyfriend MEMESBAMS.COM
existed and had a life before we
met. How did he live without me Weather Watch
for all those years?
Tonight’s forecast: dark; continued
@ISABELASERAFFIM dark tonight, turning to partly light
in the morning.

GEORGE CARLIN, COMEDIAN

readersdigest.com.au 65

Erno˝ Rubik, the
inventor of the
Rubik’s Cube

66 february 2022

ENTERTAINMENT

MEET
ERNO˝ RUBIK

PHOTO: GETTY IMAGES He devised one of the world’s most popular and
enduring puzzles – and he’s still learning from it

BY Alexandra Alter

FROM NEW YORK TIMES

readersdigest.com.au 67

READER’S DIGEST

he first person to solve a Rubik’s Cube spent a
month struggling to unscramble it. It was the
puzzle’s creator, an unassuming Hungarian
architecture professor named Ernő Rubik.

TWhen he invented the cube in 1974, he wasn’t
sure it could be solved. Mathematicians later
calculated that there are 43,252,003,274,489,856,000
ways to arrange the squares.

When Rubik finally did it, he was a pastime, a learning tool, a source of
overcome by “a great sense of accom- metaphors, an inspiration.”
plishment and utter relief.” Looking
back, he realises the new generation of But even as t he Rubik’s Cube
‘speed-cubers’ (Yusheng Du of China conquered the world, the public-
set the world record of 3.47 seconds in ity-averse man behind it has re-
2018) might not be impressed. mained a mystery.

“But, remember,” Rubik writes in Rubik, 77, is lively and animat-
his recent memoir, Cubed, “this had ed, gesturing with his glasses and
never been done before.” bouncing on the couch in his living
room, running his hands through his
In the nearly five decades since, hair so that it stands up in a grey tuft,
the Rubik’s Cube has become one giving him the look of a startled bird.
of the most enduring, beguiling, He speaks formally and gives long,
maddening and absorbing puzzles elaborate, philosophical answers.
ever created. More than 350 million
cubes have sold globally; if you in- “I’m very close to the cube,” Ru-
clude cheap copies, the number is bik said during a Skype interview
far higher. They captivate computer from Budapest. Sitting in a home he
programmers, philosophers and art- designed himself, he fiddled with a
ists. Hundreds of books, promising cube absent-mindedly as we spoke.
speed-solving strategies, analysing “The cube was growing up next to
cube design principles or exploring me and right now, it’s middle-aged,
their philosophical significance, so I know a lot about it.”
have been published.
Ernő Rubik was born on July 13,
Cognitive scientist Douglas Hof- 1944, in the basement of a Budapest
stadter wrote in 1981 that the cube “is hospital that had become an air-raid
an ingenious mechanical invention, shelter. His father was an engineer
who designed aerial gliders.

68 february 2022

Meet Ernő Rubik

PHOTOS: RUBIK’S BRAND As a boy, Rubik loved to draw, paint Top: Rubik’s initial design was made of
and sculpt. He studied architecture wood. Bottom: He later added colour to
at the Technical University of Buda-
pest, then attended the College of Ap- make the squares’ movement visible
plied Arts. He became obsessed with
geometric patterns. As a professor, their movement visible. Rubik gave it
he taught a class called descriptive a twist, then another turn, and kept
geometry, which involved teaching twisting until he realised he might
students to use two-dimensional im- not be able to restore it to its original
ages to represent three-dimensional state. He was lost in a colourful maze,
shapes and problems. It was an odd and had no clue how to navigate it.
and esoteric field, but it prepared him And there was no way back.
to develop the cube.
After the cube became a glob-
IN THE SPRING OF 1974, when he al phenomenon, there would be
was 29, Rubik was in his bedroom at
his mother’s apartment, tinkering.
He describes his room as resem-
bling the inside of a child’s pocket,
with crayons, string, sticks, springs
and scraps of paper scattered across
every surface. It was also full of cubes
he had made out of paper and wood.

One day – “I don’t know exactly
why,” he writes in his book – he tried
to put together eight cubes so that
they could stick together but also
move around, exchanging places.
He made the cubes out of wood, then
drilled a hole in the corners of the
cubes to link them together. The ob-
ject quickly fell apart.

Many iterations later, Rubik figured
out the unique design that allowed
him to build something paradoxi-
cal: a solid, static object that is also
fluid. Next he decided to paint the
faces of the squares yellow, blue, red,
orange, green, and white to make

readersdigest.com.au 69

READER’S DIGEST

Erno˝ Rubik, right, at the 1982 Rubik’s Cube World Championship in Budapest.
The contenders included, from left, Zoltan Labas of Hungary, Guus Razoux Schultz

of the Netherlands, and Minh Thai of the US

erroneous accounts of Rubik’s crea- wanted one million cubes to sell PHOTO: RUBIK’S BRAND
tive process, that he worked on the overseas. The company had Rubik at-
cube day and night for weeks. In re- tend a New York toy fair in 1980. The
ality, he went to his job, saw friends, shy architecture professor wasn’t the
and worked on solving the cube in most charismatic salesman, but the
his spare time, for fun. company needed someone to show
that the puzzle was solvable.
After he cracked it, Rubik submit-
ted an application at the Hungarian SALES EXPLODED. In three years,
Patent Office for a “three-dimen- Ideal sold 100 million Rubik’s Cubes.
sional logical toy”. A manufacturer of Guides to solving the cube shot up
chess sets and plastic toys made 5000 the best-seller lists. “There’s a sense
copies. In 1977, Rubik’s Buvös Kocka, in which the cube is very, very sim-
or ‘Magic Cube’, debuted in Hungari- ple – it has only six sides, six colours,”
an toy shops. Two years later, 300,000 said philosopher Steve Patterson. “In
cubes had sold in Hungary. a very short period of time, it be-
comes unbelievably complex.”
Rubik got a contract at an Amer-
ican company, Ideal Toy, which

70 february 2022

Meet Ernő Rubik

At first, Rubik didn’t have a sala- enthusiasts discovered the cube. New
ry from the toy company, and for a speed-cubing records were set, as were
while, he saw little of the royalties. records for solving the cube underwa-
He lived on his professor’s salary of ter, while skydiving, while blindfolded,
$200 a month. Rumours began to while juggling. The World Cube Asso-
spread that he was the richest man ciation now hosts more than 1000 com-
in Hungary, or that he had lost all his petitions each year.
money to unscrupulous sidekicks.
Neither was true. RUBIK HIMSELF wouldn’t make the
cut. He can solve the cube in about
Rubik started to feel trapped by a minute, but he’s not interested in
his creation and was unnerved by speed. “The elegant solution, the
the attention. “I’m not the person quality of the solution, is much more
who loves to be in the spotlight,” he important than timing,” he said.
said. “That kind of success is like
a fever, and high fever can be very These days, he spends his time
dangerous.” reading science fiction, playing table
tennis and gardening.
Almost as quickly as the craze
started, it sputtered out. Cheaply Rubik is not done with the cube. He
made counterfeits flooded the mar- still reflects on its possibilities – not
ket, and demand fizzled. Rubik start- an improvement to its design, but on
ed his own design studio in Hungary its potential applications.
and began to work on new projects,
including puzzles called the Snake “I see potentials which are not used
and Rubik’s Tangle. yet,” he said. “I’m looking for that.”

In the 1990s, a new generation of FROM NEW YORK TIMES (SEPTEMBER 16, 2020),
© 2020 BY NEW YORK TIMES

Paws Over That TV Remote

Your four-legged companion no longer has to put up with joining
you on the sofa for a binge-watch series – dogs now have a range
of their own pooch-friendly TV content to enjoy. DogTV, a new TV
network created specifically for four-legged friends, launched in
several countries in November last year. Created after three years
of research, the channel airs scientifically tested sights and sounds
designed to alleviate separation anxiety, loneliness and stress. Each
episode is around the length of a dog’s attention span – three to five
minutes – and has themes like stimulation and relaxation as well as

exposure to things such as car rides and doorbells. SKY NEWS

readersdigest.com.au 71

READER’S DIGEST

QUOTABLE QUOTES

I have ALL THAT
decided to YOU ARE IS
stick to love; ALL THAT I’LL
EVER NEED.
hate is
too great ED SHEERAN,
a burden SINGER
to bear.
When we love, we always strive to
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR, become better than we are. When we
strive to become better than we are,
HUMAN RIGHTS ACTIVIST everything around us becomes better too.

PAULO COELHO, AUTHOR

YOU ALWAYS In truth a family is what You can’t PHOTOS: GETTY IMAGES
GAIN BY you make it. It is made blame gravity
GIVING strong not by number
LOVE. of heads counted at the for falling
dinner table, but by the in love.
REESE WITHERSPOON, rituals you help family
FILM ACTRESS members create, by the ALBERT EINSTEIN, SCIENTIST
memories you share, by
the commitment of time,
caring and love you show
to one another, and by
the hopes for the future
you have as individuals

and as a unit.

MARGE KENNEDY,
PL AY W RI G H T

72 february 2022

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CULTURE

MUSIC

FROM
THE
VAULTS

Meet the music custodians
whose life mission is to
preserve forgotten
recordings for posterity

BY Simon Button
ILLUSTRATION BY Sarah Bee

74 february 2022

readersdigest.com.au 75

READER’S DIGEST

eep in the vaults of the publish a book, newspaper or maga-
British Library lies a zine in the UK you’re legally obliged
veritable treasure trove to send a copy to the British Library
for pop music lovers. but that law does not apply to sound
Housed across the main recordings.”
building in St Pancras
Among the treasures are an early
Dand the library’s Bos- voice recording of Florence Night-

ton Spa site, both in ingale, and a cassette tape that was

London, are more than 350,000 CDs sold at gigs in the early 1980s by a

and 250,000 LPs, as well as around sixth-form band called On A Friday

a quarter of a million 78rpm discs – who eventually re-formed as none

and numerous reel-to-reel and other than Radiohead. There are also

cassette tapes. old blues 78s, rare LPs from the 1950s

Throw in an array of wax cylinders where the covers were designed by a

along with old issues of music bible pre-fame Andy Warhol, and promo-

NME, books, newspaper clippings, tional copies of Beatles singles that

catalogues and recorded inter- only had a couple of hundred

views, and you have a vast pressings.

collection that Andy “IF ANYONE When it comes to
Linehan, the library’s CAN SALVAGE preservation, the team
curator of Popular ANYTHING FROM
Music Collections, A BATTERED OLD is tirelessly transfer-
is understandably ring music from me-
very proud of. TAPE IT’S dia that’s vulnerable
DEFINITELY OUR and digitising it for
Every genre is prosperity. “So long
covered, from mu- ENGINEERS” as it’s stored correctly
sic hall to metal and most media remains

jazz to grime, and Andy stable, but certain types

feels he and his team are of tape can deteriorate fast-

not only preserving pop, they’re er than others,” Andy elaborates.

honouring history. “One of the British “But if anyone can salvage anything

Library’s functions is to be the cultur- from a battered old tape it’s definitely

al memory of the nation,” he says. our engineers because they have the

“We do that with books, journals and know-how as well as the equipment

newspapers and it’s absolutely right to play back everything.”

that we should also do it with music.” Private companies and specialist

They rely on donations from record record labels are also doing their bit

labels, artists and members of the to ensure music is safe-guarded for

public because as Andy notes: “If you generations to come. Iron Mountain

76 february 2022

Music From The Vaults

Preservation specialist Kelly Pribble at Iron Mountain Entertainment Services

PHOTO: BRITISH LIBRARY BOARD Entertainment Services (IMES) has itself. If you don’t know this is hap-
branches in the US, London and Par- pening, you can instantly and perma-
is, offering digital transfer and pres- nently damage the tape the moment
ervation services for music as well as you try to rewind or play it.”
other media.
Having already developed a pro-
Principal studio engineer and cess to safely unbind affected tapes,
preservation specialist Kelly Pribble he was able to apply the process to
leads the company’s Media Recovery the Dylan masters and archive the
Technology Programme. Among the entire collection.
projects he has worked on is a part-
nership with the Bob Dylan Archive to He recently helped Mariah Car-
save more than 60 original recordings ey with the curation of her Rarities
that were suffering from so-called ad- album, going through countless mas-
hesion syndrome. tertapes of unreleased songs from
the last three decades. IMES has also
“With this problem,” Kelly elabo- partnered with the Prince estate to
rates, “the tape is in a state of decay digitise all the unreleased music from
or degradation and starts binding to the artist’s famous vault.

readersdigest.com.au 77

READER’S DIGEST

Over at Cherry Red Records, chair- releases are handled with great care,
man Iain McNay describes the label’s with Iain adding: “For example, we
work as “historical R&R” with a mis- have someone looking after Howard
sion to treat catalogue music with Jones reissues and he’s a huge How-
TLC. “When we buy the tapes it’s that ard Jones fan. We try and use experts
initial process of discovery because we in the field who are really engaged and
know roughly what we’re going to get want the releases to best reflect what a
but there are all kinds of things that real fan would like.”
aren’t listed,” he says. “Then, it’s all
about looking after all that material Mastering engineer Alan Wilson
and letting it see the light of day. We’re from Western Star Records is current-
music fans who are also custodians.” ly hard at work going through nearly
2000 items from the Joe Meek’s ‘Tea
Musicians are often involved in the Chest Tapes’ (so called because they
process, such as Level 42’s Mark King were stored in 67 tea chests), which
who has recently been promoting a have been acquired by Cherry Red.
boxset of the band’s first five albums The tea chests include such finds as
that also includes extended ver- previously unheard music by Da-
sions, B-sides and bonus tracks. And vid Bowie’s first band, The Konrads,

Alan Wilson, Cliff Cooper and Iain McNay with the Joe Meek’s ‘Tea Chest Tapes’

78 february 2022

Music From The Vaults

Level 42’s The Complete Polydor Years: Volume One boxset by Cherry Red

alongside songs the legendary pro- Alan is thrilled with the assignment.

ducer worked on with the likes of Tom “It’s a massive chunk of British rock ‘n’

Jones and Billy Fury. roll history and important in so many

The tapes date back around 50 years ways because Joe Meek was such an

and they’ve been carefully stored innovative engineer and producer

by their owner, former musician who took on the music industry and

Cliff Cooper, otherwise they beat it at its own game on a

might have deteriorated shoestring budget.”

PHOTOS: BRITISH LIBRARY BOARD too much to be usa- “IT’S ALL Another record com-
ble. But they’re dirty ABOUT LETTING pany that carefully
and have mould THE MATERIAL
on them, so they SEE THE LIGHT OF curates reissues and
need to be pains- restorations is De-
takingly cleaned DAY. WE’RE mon Music Group,
before they can MUSIC FANS WHO with head of prod-
be played back and uct and marketing
transferred from an- ARE ALSO Ben Stanley saying:
alogue tape to digital CUSTODIANS” “I’m a big music fan
and I’m disappointed

files. Once it’s been de- when things are reissued

cided which material from and they don’t sound or look

the vaults will be released, the se- up to scratch.

lected tracks will then be restored and “We’re all about creating premium,

remastered. definitive versions.” Vinyl is a growth

It’s a mammoth task that will take market, especially among fans of

18 months, but lifelong Joe Meek fan 1990s music when vinyl pressings of

readersdigest.com.au 79

Left: Close-up of tape adhesion; (right) there are hundreds of thousands of 78s vinyl discs

albums by acts like Pulp and Oasis still be playing [The Beatles’] Revolv-

were hard to come by. Impulse buys er and Bowie’s Station To Station in

of supermarket CD compilations may 50 or 100 years’ time and it’s impor-

be on the decline, maybe because tant they’re taken care of.”

those buyers are migrating to digital, Kelly Pribble over at IMES agrees.

“but then you have a person “We can go to a museum and

who wants to own a 24- see a book or painting

CD Donna Summer “WE CAN GO TO that is 500 years old PHOTOS: BRITISH LIBRARY BOARD
boxset,” Ben adds A MUSEUM AND SEE and is in amazing
of the mammoth A BOOK OR PAINTING shape, but we have
Encore tribute THAT IS 500 YEARS music recorded on
to the Queen of formats 40 years
Disco which took OLD, BUT MUSIC ago that is rapidly
more than three RECORDED 40 YEARS degrading. It keeps
years to compile. me up at night
AGO IS RAPIDLY pondering how I
“There are huge DEGRADING”
challenges in bring- can help ensure that

ing these things to all of this recorded his-

market, whether it’s deal- tory is saved.”

ing with estates, record companies, To access 90,000 free recordings of
licensing, publishers,” he says. “But everything from classical music to bird
the heritage and history of popular sounds, go to the British Library Sounds

music is so important. People will website at https://sounds.bl.uk/

80 february 2022

CALL FOR MANUSCRIPTS

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a Publisher?

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it is a brave step to hand over one’s work to a stranger. specialises in new and emerging
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RECENT TITLES…

PHOTO FEATURE

JUST A

Kiss

Science shows that kissing and cuddling
produce more than just magical moments.

They can also boost overall health

BY Cornelia Kumfert

82 february 2022

Babies are too young
to understand what we say,
but they do understand
the language of touch.
A mother’s tender kiss on
her baby’s little feet sends a
silent declaration of love that
gives the infant a sense of
security. Touching and
kissing are important for
early childhood
development. Researchers
say that children who are
regularly hugged and kissed
often develop better than
those who are embraced
less frequently.

readersdigest.com.au 83

READER’S DIGEST

84 february 2022

PHOTOS: (PREVIOUS SPREAD) SOLSTOCK/GETTY IMAGES; (THIS SPREAD, CLOCKWISE FROM LEFT): MONDADORI PORTFOLIO/HULTON FINE ART WW One of the most famous kisses Just A Kiss
COLLECTION/GET T Y IMAGES;© PICTURE-ALLIANCE/DPA; GABRIEL BOUYS/AFP VIA GET T Y IMAGES; SUNSET BOULEVARD/CORBIS VIA GET T Y IMAGES in human history has nothing to do with
love. Even today, it is still seen as a symbol readersdigest.com.au 85
of betrayal – the Judas Kiss. According to
the Bible, Judas Iscariot agreed to identify
Jesus with a kiss in the Garden of
Gethsemane, an act of betrayal that
revealed him to the Roman occupiers.

W The kiss of the gourami fish
is not exactly romantic. This is how the
ornamental fish – that live in waters off
Pakistan, India, Korea and Southeast Asia
– fight territorial battles. The two rivals
face up to each other, press their lips
together and then try to push their
opponent away. But in this kissing
marathon, none of the squabblers is
ever seriously injured.

X This couple smooched to
international fame through a kiss in New
York’s Times Square – even though they
didn’t even know each other! In 1945, the
young sailor walked up to a nurse and
kissed her passionately after news had
broken of the Japanese surrender in
World War II – right in front of
photographer Alfred Eisenstaedt’s lens.
The snap he took probably became his
most famous photo.

W An innocent kiss moved millions
of cinema-goers to tears in the 1980s.
In the Hollywood film E.T. The Extra-
Terrestrial, three siblings befriend an alien
and help to get him home. As they say
goodbye, little Gertie (played by Drew
Barrymore) delivers a message with her
kiss that is more relevant today than ever:
friendship knows no boundaries.

]The aim behind this kiss of brotherly PHOTOS: (THIS PAGE, CLOCKWISE FROM TOP LEFT) MARA BRANDL/PICTURE ALLIANCE/
love between Leonid Brezhnev and Erich IMAGEBROKER; JE AN-CL AUDE DELMAS/AFP VIA GET T Y IMAGES; PICTURE ALLIANCE
Honecker – the heads of government of
the Soviet Union and the German
Democratic Republic (East Germany) – in
1979 was to reflect the solidarity between
the two socialist nations. Dmitri Vrubel
painted the kiss on the remains of the
Berlin Wall – the East Side Gallery –
11 years later, transforming it into a
symbol of the fall of the Wall.

SPope John Paul II gave a symbolic kiss
of blessing to each country he visited. Our
picture shows him at Auckland airport in
1986. It was his first and only visit to New
Zealand. The Pope, who died in April 2005,
blessed a total of 129 countries in this way.

WBy kissing a lady’s hand, a gentleman
shows his deep regard for her. But it’s
important to know how to do it. The lips
should not actually touch the back of the
hand. The kiss and the bow that
accompanies it are merely suggested.
Leonardo DiCaprio did not always adhere

86 february 2022

Just A Kiss

PHOTOS: (THIS PAGE ,TOP) PICTURE ALLIANCE/AP PHOTO/KIRST Y WIGGLESWORTH; to the etiquette and this was a problem for
(BOTTOM RIGHT) GRAPHICA ARTIS/GETTY IMAGES Claire Danes, especially when the camera
on the set of Romeo and Juliet was not
rolling. Rumour has it that she got
incredibly annoyed by the numerous
pranks her film partner played on her.

^Kissing is healthy: it releases
happiness hormones and boosts the
immune system. But it doesn’t truly
explain why top athletes like giving their
trophies a big smacker. Tennis pro Andy
Murray was probably just delighted about
winning Wimbledon. In 2013, he became
the first Briton to have won the tennis
tournament in more than 70 years.

X A meadow of flowers, two lovers
elaborately intertwined, the painting of
The Kiss by Austrian artist Gustav Klimt
was immediately purchased by the
Austrian government when it was first put
on public exhibition. Embellished with
gold leaf, this masterpiece is widely
regarded as one of the most famous
paintings in the Alpine Republic.

readersdigest.com.au 87

THEN AND NOW

ReHmaoirval
A shortened history of hairfree faces and bodies

BY Zoë Meunier

W e’ve all got a pretty Of course, the motivation was more PHOTOS: GETTY IMAGES
stereotypical image of practical than aesthetic, such as de-
cavemen in our minds. terring mites and lice. Hair removal
(Long, shaggy locks, also prevented frostbites (those eter-
one-shouldered animal print outfit, nal Ice Age winters were notorious for
wooden club, etc). But sleek, smooth making water freeze on a hairy bod).
and hairless is probably not one of Not to mention the added bonus of
them. Yet, our Stone Age ancestors making it impossible for a foe to grab
were in fact hair removal trailblaz- one’s thatch in a fight.
ers, using flint blades, seashells,
shark’s teeth and other sharp objects The far-more-civilised Ancient
to denude themselves of body hair. Egyptians of circa 3000 BCE were
also sticklers for hairfree bodies, a

88 february 2022

readersdigest.com.au 89

READER’S DIGEST

combination of their obsession with alongside their jewel-encrusted or

cleanliness and hygiene, the intense gold razors, ensuring that manscaped

Egyptian heat and, well, vanity. glow continued into the after-life.

Those plucky women of Ancient Women of ancient India (1500 BCE

Egypt removed all of their body hair, through to 500 BCE) employed pum-

including the head (take that, lice). ice stones and cotton threads to re-

Initially, tweezers made from sea- move any unwanted hair from their

shells or pumice stones were used to face and body – with ‘threading’ still

painstakingly get the job done. De- considered an effective option to get

pilatory creams, featuring such in- rid of facial hair to this day. PHOTOS: (FROM LEF T), GET T Y IMAGES; PINTEREST; PINTEREST

triguing mixtures as burnt lotus leaf, A hairless body was considered

tortoiseshell and hippo fat, were also a sign of class throughout the Ro-

used. The Ancient Egyptians were man Empire – as was being clean

also waxing pioneers, using beeswax shaven for men, largely influenced

and sugar-based waxes. by Alexander the Great’s order that

This didn’t mean they all wan- his troops shave off their beards.

dered around bald in public, as this Again, this was so their enemies

was considered very gauche. Instead, would have nothing to grab in hand-

they wore elaborate wigs designed to to-hand combat. After tak ing to

maximise airflow over the scalp while their facial hair with a razor blade,

protecting against the sun’s rays. known as a novacila, Romans would

Egyptian hair removal later got a then rub the stubble off with pumice

whole lot easier with the produc- stones, and massage oils and per-

tion of blades and razors for shaving fumes into the skin.

(made of solid gold, no less). Nicked yourself with a dull

So revered were these that GETTING razor? No problem, a plaster
Pharaohs were often buried TO THE ointment made from spider
ROOTS

Depilation

devices

Stone Ages Ancient Egypt 18th Century

SHARK’S TOOTH GOLD RAZOR STRAIGHT RAZOR

90 february 2022

Hair Removal

PHOTOS: (ALL) GETTY IMAGES webs soaked in oil and vinegar would forever changing the horizon of man-
heal you nicely. scaping. It would take another three-
and-a-half decades of men bristling
Throughout the 16th century, it over women borrowing their razors
was Queen Elizabeth I who set the before the same company brought
trend for hair removal amongst wom- out a razor specifically marketed for
en. Not content with just removing women, with the ‘Milady Decolletée’
body hair, the fashion of this era was making its debut in 1915. (Although,
for a long, prominent forehead (or given that décolleté is French for the
‘fivehead’, as it is now affectionately cleavage area, one wonders from
referred to today by those who are where they thought miladies might
blessed with one). This was achieved be trying to remove hair.)
by removing one’s eyebrows and
several centimetres of hair from the The early 1900s would also see ad-
forehead line. As if that wasn’t un- vertisements for depilatory cream,
dignified enough, the method of hair after the first modern-day depilatory
removal was to use bandages soaked cream, Poudre Subtile, launched in
in ammonia – generously supplied by 1844. Quicklime, arsenic and starch
one’s own pet cat – as well as walnut featured among its non-user-friendly
oil and vinegar. ingredients.

A more civilised approach to hair Even with these enticing new offer-
removal was finally achieved in the ings, many women adopted simpler
late 18th century, when French barber methods, such as rubbing hair off
Jean Jacques Perret created the first with abrasive mitts.
straight razor for men in 1760. Over a
century later, in 1880, American busi- The 1920s saw one Colonel Jacob
nessman King Camp Gillette created Schick patent the first electric shav-
the first modern day razor for men, er – after his time spent in Alaska
and British Columbia created an

1930s 1960s The Future

GILLETTE SAFETY RAZOR WAX STRIPS PERSONAL LASER

readersdigest.com.au 91

READER’S DIGEST

aversion to shaving in freezing weath- a permanent form of hair remov-

er. His first attempt wasn’t that prac- al. Around for almost a century, it

tical, featuring a large external motor surged in popularity in the 1970s as

that required two hands to use. But the rise of transistorised equipment

he tinkered with the design until all made it faster and easier to use. It ac-

the components were squeezed into tually wasn’t very fast or easy, given

a compact design. Sales were soon that it treated one hair at a time.

buzzing, with over 1.5 million shavers The bikini styles of the 70s saw

sold until Schick’s death in 1937. much navel-gazing as women pon-

The Remington Rand Corporation dered various methods of taming their

– who first distinguished ‘bikini line’. While vari-

themselves by devising ous depilatory creams,

the first electric razor eye-watering epilat-

with a micro-screen ing devices, razors and

foil covering the blades, tweezers all raised their

much improving the hands for the task, it was

comfort level – also re- waxing that achieved su-

leased the first electric ‘THREADING’ premacy. Different styles
women’s razor in 1940. IS STILL of waxing this delicate
And it was just in the area – such as the ‘land-

nick of time, as a war- CONSIDERED ing strip’ and ‘mohawk’

time shortage of nylon ONE OF THE – culminated in the ‘full

saw women forced to go MOST EFFECTIVE monty’, also known as
bare-legged more often. OPTIONS the Brazilian wax, which
achieved cult status by
During the 1950s, hair TO REMOVE the turn of the century.
removal for women be- FACIAL HAIR
came much more widely Having upped its

embraced, with most relying on ra- game, laser hair removal also re-en-

zors to shave their legs and under- tered the scene in the late ‘90s. Using

arms, and tweezers to groom their a pulsed laser light that destroys the

eyebrows. In the 1960s, wax strips hair follicle, this (mostly) permanent

started making their presence well form of hair removal has changed the

and truly felt. The first laser hair re- landscape of hair removal. It was PHOTO: GETTY IMAGES

moval method also hit the market in found in one study to be 60 times fast-

the mid-1960s, but with its uncanny er, less painful and more reliable than

knack of singeing skin as well as hair, galvanic electrolysis. But permanent

it beat a hasty retreat for several dec- hair removal advocates be warned:

ades to work on its technique. there’s no telling what direction hair

In its place came electrolysis, trends will take in the future.

92 february 2022

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HUMOUR

94 february 2022

Don’t put your elbows on the table, don’t
talk with your mouth full. Who made up

these rules, and what are they for?

BY Felicity Lewis

FROM EXPLAIN THAT EDITED BY FELICITY LEWIS

ILLUSTRATION: GETTY IMAGES It was once said, in some families, They can be an ‘Upstairs, Down-
that one should always be pre- stairs’ morality, designed by the elite
pared to dine with the Queen. It so they remain “the cherry at the top
wasn’t as if Her Royal Highness of the tree”, says a Catholic priest who
might drop by for dinner during grew up in working-class Melbourne.
a surprise tour. It was more that one
should know how to handle oneself – And yet every family follows table
and a dizzying array of cutlery, glass- manners in its own way, from those
es and goblets, dinner rolls and butter who pepper their urbanity with the
pats, troublesome foods and fellow odd broken rule – “Whoops, I may
guests – should one crack it for an in- have just passed the port to the right!”
vite to a fancy formal do. – to those whose etiquette follows
their moods – “I’m only saying this
Nowadays, dinner with the Queen with my mouth full because it just
is less likely to be on our minds, but can’t wait.”
table manners still matter. Attitudes
to them vary. Adhering to them is a Even in families where no one
sign that you value “the whole food, mentions elbows, there are always
eating thing”, says a Melbourne hair- behaviours at play when sharing
dresser whose parents migrated from meals. There are many common
Mauritius, a former French and British threads to the rules, even as differ-
colony. ences in table etiquette across cul-
tures have long vexed diplomats,
They are a way to show respect, par- traders, travellers and other citizens
ticularly for one’s elders, says a chef of the world.
who grew up in Malaysia.
So, what are the rules when it
They help to build relationships, comes to table manners? Who
says an etiquette expert from the US. thought them up? And why can’t you

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put your elbows on the table? Where into a ball; do not bolt down vari-

did table manners come from? ous dishes; do not swill down [the

The custom of families meeting for soup]...”

meals goes back two million years Centuries of Islamic dining eti-

“to the daily return of protohominid quette were drawn on by Muhammad

hunters and foragers to divide food Badr al-Din al-Ghazzi of Damascus in

up with their fellows”, writes Margaret his 16th century Table Manners, notes

Visser in her fascinating classic The historian Helen Pfeifer in her article

Rituals of Dinner. From her home in ‘The Gulper and the Slurper: A Lex-

the south of France, Visser says, “I icon of Mistakes to Avoid While Eat-

start the book by saying there’s no ing with Ottoman Gentlemen’. Ghazzi

such thing as a society with no table warns against dining types such as the

manners. And that’s why I started with annihilator (al-mukharrib) who leaves

cannibals, because even they have “only scattered bones in his wake”, the

table manners – very strict ones that trickster (al-muhtaal) who slyly piles

make a big difference between eating meat on his neighbour’s plate and

an animal and eating a IF YOU WANTED then eats it all when
person.” his neighbour politely

Table manners ex- TO BE DELICATE, refuses, and – shudder
press “all kinds of YOU USED THREE – “the one who leaves
usually unconscious FINGERS TO PICK greasy traces” (al-mu-
prejudices”, she says. dassim).

“You can find out a UP YOUR MEAT Sociologist Norbert
huge amount about Elias puts a thousand

any society by watch- years of European

ing them eat: who’s higher than you, manners under the microscope in

who’s missed out, who’s not invited.” his 1939 study The Civilizing Pro-

cess, studded with gems that make

SOME OF THE RULES are codified. us chortle only because we modern

The Book of Rites, a group of texts adult diners simply know what kinds

attributed to Confucius, declares of behaviour are beyond the pale.

that mealtimes separate savagery The 13th-century German poet

from civilisation, writes Jonathan Tannhauser offers this, for example:

Clements in his intriguing story of “It is not decent to poke your fingers

Chinese food, The Emperor’s Feast. into your ears or eyes as some people

Clements quotes the ancient book do or to pick your nose while eating.

to illustrate what being ‘civilised’ These three habits are bad.”

might have looked like in the fifth By the 13th century, courtesy (how

century BCE: “Do not roll the rice to behave in court) was gaining

96 february 2022

Formal table etiquette includes using a complex array of cutlery and dishes

PHOTO: GETTY IMAGES currency with a warrior nobility in speaks unabashedly of belching
Europe, writes Elias. and farting at the table – “Beware no
breath from you rebounde” – as does
The kingdom of Provence and the Erasmus of Rotterdam’s On Civility
city-states and principalities now in Children (1530), which warns that
known as Italy were trendsetters. fidgeting in your chair gives the im-
The Islamic rulers of southern Spain, pression you are trying to squeeze
from 711 until the late 1400s, were out a fart.
no slouches when it came to refined
courtly dining, either. Such talk of bodily functions is
typically medieval in its directness,
The English caught on and, by 1392 notes Elias. Life was a visceral affair.
poet Geoffrey Chaucer was poking If you wanted to be delicate, you
fun at ‘curtesy’ in The Canterbury used three fingers to pick up your
Tales. We meet a nun whose “upper meat and you refrained from offer-
lip was always wiped so clean/That ing a half-eaten hunk to someone
on her cup no speck or spot was seen/ else, even if you liked them.
Of grease, when she had drunk her
draught of wine”. But Erasmus’s nuanced adv ice
hinted at a change in the wind –
When William Caxton set up a the impression you made mattered.
newfangled printing press in Eng- Power was shifting from feudal
land in 1476, it was no surprise that a lords to a new kind of aristocracy
book of manners was among the first for whom delicacy and civilité were
titles he cranked out. at a premium.

Caxton’s Book of Curtesye (1477)

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The picnic was a deliberate transgression away from stuffy table manners

BUT IN THE COLONIES, manners it all: too hot to eat but so beautiful PHOTO: GETTY IMAGES
were more relaxed, right? “I was to swallow.”
brought up to have table manners,”
says celebrated chef and author It was into this pungent cultural
Tony Tan, who grew up in coastal mix that a Mrs Windsor (no connec-
Kuantan in Malaysia, eating Indian, tion to the Queen) arrived to instil
Chinese and Malay cuisines with “Britishness” into the locals.
chopsticks, hands, spoon and fork.
The Federation of Malaya became “A ll I can remember was ver y
independent of the British in 1957. heavy, red velvet curtains and all the
Tan’s parents ran rest houses for the cutlery was being laid out on the ta-
British where his mother cooked ble,” says Tan. “What is a fork? Knife?
roast chicken and trifle. Serving knife? All those things that
put the fear of god into all of us. And
One of Tan’s earliest memories then we’ve got to start eating from the
is of watching Indian road workers fish knife to the oyster fork. And that
eat lunch. “They unbundled their was really very daunting, particular-
bag of food. They were eating with ly for an eight or nine year old who’d
their fingers, and I was salivating.” never actually ever eaten an oyster
Seeing the little boy looking peck- in his life – those horrible, squig-
ish, a woman rolled some rice and gly-looking things! And I was just
curry into a ball and flicked it deft- thinking, Why is she wearing stock-
ly into his mouth. “I burst into tears ings, because they are just so hot?”
because it was so hot, chilli hot ... It
was like the pain and the ecstasy of Tan, who went on to train as a chef
in Paris and London, is an expert in
Asian cuisines from Cantonese to

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