Technical Comminication Instructor Manual

Chapter 17 Editing Revisions
Exercise 4: Sentence Clarity

a. The client asked us to collect a sample from above the water table. To do so, we
abandoned the initial boring, repositioned the drill rig about two feet away, and drilled a
new boring.

b. First, we capped the soil sample ring with PVC end caps and notified all members of the
project team. Then we placed the ring in a cooler for storage on site and transport later to
a chemical analytical laboratory.

c. We used the following criteria to evaluate the feasibility of installing a leachfield-type,
on-site, sewage-disposal system: (1) geotechnical data obtained from the subsurface
exploration program, (2) results of the percolation testing, and (3) planned plumbing
fixtures.

d. We performed percolation test #1 about 40 feet east of the existing pump house and
percolation test #2 about 65 feet west of the pump house, near the base of the slope. Then
we submitted the results to the builder.

e. Thank you for the opportunity to provide our services to XYZ Trading and
Transportation Company. We look forward to working with your Finance Department
next spring on the Zanter Project.

f. If two conditions are met, you can use the earth materials encountered in our exploration
for trench backfill above manhole and pipe bedding. First, the materials must be free of

44

Copyright © 2013, 2010, 2006, Pearson Education, Inc.

organic material, debris, and other deleterious materials. Second, they must be screened
to remove particles greater than six inches in diameter.

g. Our study had one goal: to find out whether activities near the site involved the use,
storage, disposal, or release of hazardous or potentially hazardous substances to the
environment. The study was based on available information from the city files and on
criteria described in our June 18, 1996, proposal.

h. The properties consist of about 5,000 acres, including the following:
1. Parcels of Heron Ranch owned by American Axis Insurance Company,
2. The unsold Jones Ranch parcels
3. Village commercial area,
4 The mobile home subdivisions
5. Two condominium complexes
6. A contractor’s storage area
7. An RV storage area
8. Sales office
9. Gatehouse
10. Open space parcels
11. Undeveloped areas for future Buildings 1666, 1503, 1990, and 1910

i. We still need to apply for the storeroom permit. However, we have already requested
permits for construction of the (1) bath house, (2) medical center, (3) maintenance
building, (4) boat dock, (5) swimming pool, (6) community building, and (7) addition to
the community building.

45

Copyright © 2013, 2010, 2006, Pearson Education, Inc.

j. The report was dated May 25, 2007, and submitted to the ABC Corporation. It confirmed
that (1) the updated business plan had been completed the previous month and (2) a new
plan had to be submitted by May 25, 2008.

46

Copyright © 2013, 2010, 2006, Pearson Education, Inc.

Chapter 17 Editing Revisions
Exercise 5: Active and Passive Voice Verbs

a. The personnel committee recommends you consider changing the requirements for
promotion.

b. The corporation did not issue a formal report about assets before it announced the
merger.

c. Appendix A includes graphs showing (1) the differences in depreciation and interest and
(2) the net loss on the investment.

d. The Department of Environmental Services noted that the laundry was storing toxic
chemicals in an unsafe location.

e. We will send the samples from the Scottish Highlands to M-Global’s engineering lab in
London.

f. The commissioner reported the violation of ethical guidelines to the president of the
association.

g. M-Global’s Boston office has not completed an equipment inventory.

h. The employee committee concluded that M-Global’s retirement program needed to be
revised.

47

Copyright © 2013, 2010, 2006, Pearson Education, Inc.

i. The on-site engineer should evaluate dirt brought to the site before it is placed in the
foundation.

j. We expect the excavations to be relatively stable because the location includes a good
deal of sand.

48

Copyright © 2013, 2010, 2006, Pearson Education, Inc.

Chapter 17 Editing Revisions
Exercise 6: Biased Language

a. The company decided to create a more diverse workforce by encouraging people with
disabilities to apply for the management training program.

b. Although all managers were responsible for their own budgets, some obviously had better
accounting skills than others.

c. The company policy manual states that all secretaries should submit their time cards
twice a month.

d. All employees who are temporary foreign workers are encouraged to attend the workshop
about legal requirements to maintain their employment status.

e. All flight attendants are required to meet special work standards as long as they are
employed by an international airline.

f. Typically, new engineers at M-Global receive their first promotion after about a year.

g. All workers wonder whether they are saving enough for retirement.

h. Using these methods to improve the user interface will make our product more popular
among older users.

i. Upon arriving at the site, M-Global scientists should make immediate contact with their
client representatives.

49

Copyright © 2013, 2010, 2006, Pearson Education, Inc.

j. [Replace “Gentleman” with name of specific reader or readers. If names are not
available, use a department or organization name preceded by “Attention:”]

50

Copyright © 2013, 2010, 2006, Pearson Education, Inc.

Chapter 17 Answer Key
Exercise 7: Plain English Style

a. We determined that the site contained chemicals that were hazardous to human health.
Our conclusion was based on our review of the available records, conversations with the
various agencies involved, including the Fire Department and the Police Department, and
a thorough survey of the site where the spill occurred.

b. After seven hours of negotiations, the union representatives and management decided that
the issues they were discussing could not be resolved that evening. They met the next day
at the hotel complex, and they agreed on a new contract that would increase job security
and benefits.

c. We recommend that you immediately replace your mainframe computer system with a
newer, more up-to-date model.

d. The research team published the results of the study in the company newsletter one
month after completing the study. Then, the president called a meeting of all senior-level
managers to discuss strategies for addressing problems highlighted by the research team.

e. Our project activities can be generally described in this way:
1) The samples were retrieved from the site.
2) The samples were transported to the testing lab in the containers made especially
for this project.
3) At the lab they were tested to determine their soil properties.
4) The data were analyzed by all the members of the team to establish findings and
conclusions.

f. First, the old asbestos tile was removed. Then, the black adhesive was scraped off, and
the floor was sanded smooth. Soon after that, the wood arrived, and the floor was
installed.

g. The team suggested that company should invest in modern equipment.

h. I believe that the company’s health plan is adequate.

51

Copyright © 2013, 2010, 2006, Pearson Education, Inc.

i. I and other members of the senior staff of the company decided that the company was in
trouble. We came to this conclusion shortly after the last change in leadership. During the
time that the board of directors was expressing strong views about the direction that the
company was taking.

j. Our weed-spraying procedure will not harm the shrubbery on the building site.

52

Copyright © 2013, 2010, 2006, Pearson Education, Inc.

Handbook Answer Key
Exercise 1: Grammar and Mechanics

1. Our report mentions several concerns about the plumbing design; however, we do not
expect any unusual design problems. [Active and Passive Voices/ Punctuation (commas)]

2. We use our standard fee schedules to estimate charges for an audit and three site visits.
[Subject-Verb Agreement/ Active and Passive Voices]

3. The drill bit was efficient, cheap, and available. [Punctuation (commas)]

4. Unless we have completely misjudged it, the plan will increase sales markedly.
[Punctuation (commas)]

5. Our proposal contains design information for these two parts of the project: Phase I
(evaluating the three computers) and Phase 2 (installing the computer selected).
[Punctuation (colons)/ Numbers]

6. If conditions require the use of all-terrain equipment to reach construction locations, the
cost of the project will increase slightly. [Wordiness]

7. An asbestos survey was beyond the scope of this project. If you want one, we would be
happy to submit a proposal. [Punctuation (commas)]

8. Jones-Simon Company, the owner of the new building, was informed of the problem with
the foundation. [Subject-Verb Agreement]

9. Also provided are the number and type of tests to be given at the office. [Subject-Verb
Agreement]

10. The prices decrease $0.65 if usages are calculated according to the current purchase
order. [Wordiness/ Sentence Structure]

53

Copyright © 2013, 2010, 2006, Pearson Education, Inc.

11. At the end of this report, Table 7 contains data for standard uses of the steel. These data
include allowances for scrap, waste, and end pieces of the tube rolls. [Sentence Structure/
Active and Passive Voices]

12. Because this equipment has not operated for three months, we could not determine its
condition by a quick visual inspection. [Wordiness/ Active and Passive Voices/
Punctuation (commas)]

13. Arthur Jones, manager of the Atlanta branch, wrote that three proposals had been
accepted. [Punctuation (commas)]

14. Harry Thompson has already shipped to Tampa the generator that broke yesterday.
[Active and Passive Voices/ Sentence Structure]

15. The first computer lasted eight years; the second, two years. [Punctuation (semicolons/
commas)]

16. He wants one thing out of their work: speed. [Punctuation (colons)]

17. On 25 September 2008, the papers were signed. [Punctuation (commas)]

18. On March 23, 2009, the proposal was accepted. [Punctuation (commas)]

19. The meeting was being held in Columbus, the capital of Ohio. [Punctuation (commas)]

20. M-Global, Inc., completed its Indonesia project on time. [Punctuation (commas)]

21. He decided to write for the brochure; then he changed his mind. [Punctuation
(semicolons)]

22. The Kettering Hospital staff has expressed interest in developing a master plan for the
new building wings. [Active and Passive Voices]

23. However much he wants to work for Gasion Engineering, he will turn the job down if he
has to move to another state. [Punctuation (commas)]

54

Copyright © 2013, 2010, 2006, Pearson Education, Inc.

24. Although 35 computer scientists attended the convention, only 11 were from private
industry. [Numbers/ Sentence Structure]

25. Although he likes the high salary, he would like more emotional satisfaction from his job.
[Sentence Structure (run-on sentence)]

26. His handwriting is almost unreadable; therefore, his secretary asked him to dictate letters.
[Punctuation (semicolons)]

27. Any major city, especially one as large as Chicago, is bound to have mass-transit
problems. [Punctuation (commas)/ Wordiness]

28. He ended his speech by citing the company motto: “Quality first, last, and always.”
[Sentence Structure/ Punctuation]

29. Houston, situated on the Gulf of Mexico, is an important international port. [Punctuation
(commas)]

30. In that student’s opinion, the word effect is difficult to use. [Punctuation (commas)/
Sentence Structure]

31. All persons who showed up for the retirement party told stories about their association
with Charlie over the years. [Punctuation (commas)]

32. The data that were included in the study seemed inconclusive. [Data/ Datum]

33. My colleague John handled the presentation for me. [No error]

34. Before he arrived, failure seemed certain. (Punctuation (commas)]

35. While evaluating the employee’s job performance, the supervisor studied her writing
skills. [Active and Passive Voices/ Wordiness]

36. I shall contribute to the fund, for I feel that the cause is worthwhile. [Punctuation
(commas)]

55

Copyright © 2013, 2010, 2006, Pearson Education, Inc.

37. James visited the site; however, he found little work finished. [Punctuation (semicolons)]

38. There are three stages: cutting, grinding, and polishing. [Punctuation (colons/ commas)]

39. The three stages are cutting, grinding, and polishing. [Punctuation (commas)]

40. Writers occasionally create awkward verbs: prioritize and terminate, for example.
[Punctuation (colons/ commas)]

41. Either the project engineers or the consulting chemist is planning to visit with the client
next week. [Subject-Verb Agreement]

42. Besides Gerry, Dave worked on the Peru project. [Punctuation (commas)]

43. The corporation made a large, unexpected gift to the university. [Punctuation (commas)]

44. The reason for his early retirement is the financial incentives given by his employer.
[Subject-Verb Agreement]

45. Profit, safety, and innovation affect the design of many foundations. [Punctuation
(commas)/ Wordiness]

46. In May 2012, the building will be finished. [Punctuation (commas)]

47. Each of the committee members completes a review of the file submitted by the
applicant. [Subject-Verb Agreement]

48. The team completed its collaborative writing project on schedule. [Pronoun-Antecedent
Agreement]

49. Both the personnel officers and the one member of the quality team are going to attend
the conference in Fargo. [Subject-Verb Agreement]

50. He presented a well-organized presentation, but unfortunately the other speakers on the
panel were not well prepared. [Punctuation (commas/ hyphens)]

56

Copyright © 2013, 2010, 2006, Pearson Education, Inc.

Handbook Answer Key
Exercise 2: Usage

1. implied
2. among
3. uninterested
4. percentage
5. fewer
6. inferred
7. affected
8. principal/ principal
9. continually
10. continuously
11. compose
12. whom
13. its/ it’s
14. flammable
15. a while
16. ensure
17. are composed of or comprise
18. expects
19. supplement
20. altogether
21. agreed to
22. Alternatively
23. number
24. Because of
25. too/ too
26. used
27. an oral
28. discrete/ discreetly
29. definite
30. complimentary
31. lose
32. either fortunate or fortuitous would work here
33. datum
34. principal
35. ensure

57

Copyright © 2013, 2010, 2006, Pearson Education, Inc.

PART 3: PLANNING FORMS
AND TEMPLATES

58

Copyright © 2013, 2010, 2006, Pearson Education, Inc.

PLANNING FORM

Name:____________________________________ Assignment _____________________________
I. Purpose: Answer each question in one or two sentences.
A. Why are you writing this document?

B. What response do you want from readers?

II. Audience

A. Reader Matrix: Fill in names and positions of people who may read the document

Decision Makers Advisers Receivers

Managers

Experts

Operators

General
Readers

B. Information on individual readers: Answer these questions about the primary audience for this document. If
the primary audience includes more than one reader (or type of reader), and there are significant differences
between the readers, answer the questions for each (type of) reader. Attach additional sheets as is necessary.

Primary audience:

1. What is this reader’s technical or educational background?

2. What main question does this person need answered?

3. What main action do you want this person to take?

4. What features of this person’s personality might affect his or her reading?

59

Copyright © 2013, 2010, 2006, Pearson Education, Inc.

III. Document
A. What information do I need to include in the
1. Abstract?
2. Body?
3. Conclusion?
B. What organizational patterns are appropriate to the subject and purpose?
C. What style choices will present a professional image for me and the organization I represent?

60

Copyright © 2013, 2010, 2006, Pearson Education, Inc.

M-Global, Inc.
127 Rainbow Lane ● St. Louis, Missouri ● 63103 ● (314) 555-8175

61

Copyright © 2013, 2010, 2006, Pearson Education, Inc.

MEMORANDUM

DATE:
TO:
FROM:
SUBJECT:

M-Global, Inc.
127 Rainbow Lane ● St. Louis, Missouri ● 63103 ● (314) 555-8175

62

Copyright © 2013, 2010, 2006, Pearson Education, Inc.

PART 4: INTERNET RESOURCES

This section lists Internet resources that students can use to practice technical
communication skills and create effective technical documents.
Companion Website

The Companion Website at http://www.pearsonhighered.com/pfeiffer offers additional
examples and activities for students. These include:

• Chapter Outlines—An overview of major chapter concepts.
• Text for assignments—For end-of-chapter assignments that ask students to revise text.
• M-Global Portfolio Activities—A set of related assignments that can be assigned as a

single portfolio.
• Sample Forms and Documents—Included are example documents and M-Global

document models in downloadable Word doc format.
• Online Resource Links—These are links to online resources including guides to

document preparation, job search information, and library research tools.
• Chapter Quizzes—Self-gradable multiple-choice quizzes help students master chapter

concepts and prepare for tests.
Open Office

A productivity suite that includes word processing, spreadsheet, database, and
presentation software. OpenOffice can be downloaded free from http://www.openoffice.org.

63

Copyright © 2013, 2010, 2006, Pearson Education, Inc.

GoogleDocs
Available from http://www.google.com. GoogleDocs includes a sharing function that

allows students to use it as groupware for collaborative writing projects. You must have a gmail
account (free from Google) to use GoogleDocs.
NVU Web Editor

A free, easy to use Web editor that can be downloaded at http://net2.com/nvu/. The
interface is similar to Netscape’s Composer.

64

Copyright © 2013, 2010, 2006, Pearson Education, Inc.

PART 5: RESOURCES FOR NEW TEACHERS OF
TECHNICAL COMMUNICATION

This section is intended as a starting point for new teachers of technical communication.

As such, it includes a listing of (1) major journals in the field, (2) a few anthologies and other

books on the teaching of technical communication, and (3) some professional organizations for

writing teachers. These are selected lists. Once you consult the journals, books, and professional

associations listed here, you will be guided toward many more sources of information.

Major Journals

College Composition and Communication
National Council of Teachers of English
111 W. Kenyon Road
Urbana, IL 61801-1096

IEEE Transactions on Professional Communication
IEEE Corporate Office
345 E. 47 Street
New York, NY 10017-2394

Journal of Business and Technical Communication
Sage Publications, Inc.
2455 Teller Road
Thousand Oaks, CA 91320

Journal of Business Communication
The Association for Business Communication
Department of Speech
Baruch College
17 Lexington Avenue
New York, NY 10010

Journal of Technical Writing and Communication
Baywood Publishing Company, Inc.
26 Austin Avenue, P.O. Box 337
Amityville, NY 11701

65

Copyright © 2013, 2010, 2006, Pearson Education, Inc.

Technical Communication
Society for Technical Communication
901 North Stuart Street
Arlington, VA 22203

Technical Communication Quarterly
Department of Rhetoric
202 Haecker Hall, 1364 Eckles Avenue
University of Minnesota
St. Paul, MN 55108-6122

Written Communication
Sage Publications, Inc.
2455 Teller Road
Thousand Oaks, CA 91320

Books on Teaching Technical Communication

Albers, M. J. & Mazur, B. ( 2003). Content & complexity: Information Design in Technical
Communication. .Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence, Erlbaum, 2003.

Anderson, P. V., Brockman, R.J. & Miller, C. R., eds. (1983). New essays in technical and
scientific communication: Research, theory, practice. Volume 2. Farmingdale, NY:
Baywood Publishing Company.

Barnum, C. M. & Carliner, S. eds. (1993). Techniques for technical communicators. New York:
Macmillan Publishing Company.

Brockman, J. R., ed. (1985). The case method in technical communication: Theory and models.
St. Paul: Association of Teachers of Technical Writing.

Conklin, J., & Hayhoe, G. F. (2011). Qualitative research in technical communication. New
York: Routlege.

Couture, B., ed. (1987). Professional writing: Toward a college curriculum. St. Paul:
Association of Teachers of Technical Writing.

Dubinsky, J. M. ed. (2004). Teaching Technical Communication: Critical Issues for the
Classroom. Boston, MA: Bedford/St. Martin’s.

Fearing, B. E. & Sparrow, W.K., eds. 1989. Technical writing: Theory and practice. New York:
Modern Language Association.

Gould, J. R., ed. (1985). Directions in technical writing and communication. Farmingdale, NY:
Baywood Publishing Company.

66

Copyright © 2013, 2010, 2006, Pearson Education, Inc.

Harris, J. S. (1989). Teaching technical writing: A pragmatic approach. St. Paul: Association of
Teachers of Technical Writing.

Hughes, M. A. & Hayhoe, G.F.( 2007). Research Primer for Technical Communication:
Methods, Exemplars, and Analyses. Lawrence Earlbaum Associates.

Johnson-Eiola, J. & Selber, S.A., eds. (2004). Central Works in Technical Communication. NY:
Oxford UP.

Jones, D. (1998). Technical Writing Style. Boston, MA: Allyn and Bacon.
Kogen, M., ed. (1989). Writing in the business professions. Urbana, IL: National Council of

Teachers of English and the Association for Business Communication.
Kynell-Hunt, T. & Savage, G.J., eds.( 2003). Power and Legitimacy in Technical

Communciation. Amityville, NY: Baywood.
Mirel, B., & Spilka, R., Eds. (2002). Reshaping Technical Communication: New directions and

challenges for the 21st century. Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.
Odell, L. & Goswami,D., eds. (1985). Writing in nonacademic settings. New York: The Guilford

Press.
Selfe, C., ed. (2007). Resources in Technical Communication: Outcomes and Approaches.

Amityville, NY: Baywood.
Spilka, R, ed. (2010). Digital literacy for technical communication: 21st century theory and

practice. New York: Routlege.
Staples, K. & Ornatowski, C. eds. (1997). Foundations for Teaching Technical Communication:

Theory, Practice, and Program Design. Greenwich, CT: Ablex.

67

Copyright © 2013, 2010, 2006, Pearson Education, Inc.

Professional Organizations

Association for Business Communication www.businesscommunication.org
Association for Computer Machinery Special Interest Group on Design of Communication

(ACM SIGDOC) www.sigdoc.org
Association of Teachers of Technical Writing http://www.attw.org
Council for Programs in Technical and Scientific Communication www.cpstc.org
Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers (IEEE) Communications Society

http://www.comsoc.org
National Council of Teachers of English http://www.ncte.org
Society for Technical Communication http://www.stc.org

68

Copyright © 2013, 2010, 2006, Pearson Education, Inc.