Parents Magazine (February 2020)

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A D V I C E A S Y O U R C H I L D G R O W S






























Brush twice a day.
It takes approximately 24 to 36 hours
for plaque to harden into tartar. That’s
0–12 M O N T H S 1 – 2 Y E A R S
why dentists recommend brushing
twice a day. Even before your baby has any
H O W T O H O W T O
teeth, clean her mouth and gums with
a damp washcloth. Once her first tooth
Boost Your Baby’s Keep a Little
sprouts, switch to a small, soft-bristled
toothbrush. Put it on your baby’s gum
Oral Health Sprinter Safe
by TAMEKIA REECE line and brush in small circles, making by TAMEKIA REECE
sure to reach the front and back of
every tooth. Also avoid putting her to
bed with a bottle of formula or juice, or
breastfeeding her on and off throughout
Protect baby teeth. Set ground rules.
the night. Don’t worry about dental
Having cared for your own teeth all Once your toddler masters walking,
floss yet: You can wait until she has two
these years, you’d think your baby’s tiny getting him to stay near you can seem
teeth that touch before you floss.
ones would be no big deal. Yet many to be an almost impossible task. Don’t
parents are still confused about what bother explaining why wandering off
Use fluoride toothpaste.
to do when teeth start appearing around is dangerous; he won’t understand.
Experts once thought babies should use
6 months. The American Academy of Instead, let him know what you expect
fluoride-free toothpaste, but now they
Pediatrics recommends all babies see during an outing, such as holding
advise using a brand with fluoride right
a dentist by their first birthday. Even hands. Be sure to heap on the praise when
from the start to avoid tooth decay.
though primary teeth are temporary, he cooperates. If he feels good about his
However, too much fluoride can cause
they are essential for eating, holding actions, he’s more likely to repeat them.
white spots on teeth, and very young
space for adult teeth, and developing
children tend to swallow toothpaste, so
facial structure and speech. (They Give the right commands.
use only a small smear the size of a grain
are particularly important for producing If your kid runs off giggling toward a
of rice. Parents often wonder whether they
sounds like l, th, and sh.) And while baby busy street, your natural instinct is to yell,
should use a toothpaste with a “baby”
teeth will someday fall out, that doesn’t “Stop!” But she’ll be confused about which
label. Any fluoride toothpaste will have
mean you shouldn’t worry about decay. behavior to cease: running or laughing.
the same concentration of fluoride, but
Instead, call her name; she’s more likely
the flavor of kids’ toothpaste may be more
to respond. Then be specific about what
pleasant. Just be sure to avoid adult
you want her to do. If you’re in a safe
toothpaste with ingredients for whitening
GET MORE area, reverse the chase to divert her
or tartar control.
AGE-SPECIFIC TIPS attention and let her try to catch you.
Scan this code with
your phone’s camera Sources: Homa Amini, D.D.S., associate professor
to subscribe to of clinical pediatric dentistry at The Ohio State University
our daily newsletter College of Dentistry, in Columbus; Jill Lasky, D.D.S., Make sticking around fun.
(no app needed). a pediatric dentist at Lasky Pediatric Dental Group, in Sometimes toddlers run off simply
Los Angeles; Jade Miller, D.D.S., past president of
the American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry. because they’re bored. When you’re doing


illustration by ROBIN ROSENTHAL P A R E N T S 101 F E B R U A R Y 2 0 2 0

AGES + STAGES





something routine like grocery shopping, your child that he must repeat the process of the moment, for example, help her
be prepared. Point out interesting objects, until the tissue comes back clean, then calm down rather than demanding an
play a color-hunt game, or sing interactive finish up with a thorough hand-washing. apology. If you insist on her saying
songs like “B-I-N-G-O.” When it’s possible Keep everything matter-of-fact and she’s sorry while she’s still upset, it’ll
to do so safely, let him explore and build simple. After you’ve shown him how to be harder for her to focus on how her
his sense of independence. If he satisfies do it a couple of times, turn the task over behavior affected her friend. At this age,
his curiosity, he’ll be less resistant when to him (but do a check afterward). He she is learning to have more empathy
he needs to stay close. may not want to try it, but stay firm. This and appreciate the pain her actions can
is a skill that preschoolers need to learn. cause. This naturally triggers remorse
Sources: Adelle Cadieux, Psy.D., a pediatric
psychologist at Helen DeVos Children’s Hospital, and will help her handle conflicts better
in Grand Rapids, Michigan; David Elkind, Ph.D., Eliminate constipation.
author of Parenting on the Go; Stephanie Mihalas, in the future. When her anger is directed
Ph.D., founder and clinical director of The Your child can become stopped up at you, saying “We don’t talk that way!
Center for Well-Being, in Los Angeles.
because she’s choosing not to go, or her Apologize right now!” will only escalate
diet or a lack of fluids might be causing the situation. Instead, tell her something
the problem. Either way, constipation like, “That hurts my feelings. I love
can turn into a vicious cycle: If she you, but let’s take a few minutes apart
doesn’t go for a while, pooping becomes and come back later.”
difficult and painful—and that makes
3 – 4 Y E A R S
her not want to go even more. Although
Review what happened.
it’s important for a kid to eat plenty
H O W T O Once your child cools off, you can ask
of fiber and go when she gets the urge,
questions that help him see the other
bathroom breaks aren’t high on any
Follow Through person’s perspective, such as, “How
child’s priority list. She’d probably rather
would you feel if that happened to you?”
on Potty Training
hold it in and keep playing. You can’t
When it comes to apologizing, actions
by KATHLEEN M. REILLY force your child to use the bathroom,
speak louder than words. So ask, “What
and you definitely don’t want to turn
can you do to make your friend feel better?”
the situation into a power struggle. The
He might suggest drawing a picture, giving
natural urge to poop is usually in the
a hug, or offering to share a special toy.
morning or after a meal, so make it a
Avoid accidents. These gestures help a child realize he has
routine to get her to the bathroom
Even after you’ve ditched diapers, the power to correct his own mistakes.
then. Offer high-fiber foods like whole-
accidents can happen. The bladder is You can also remind him of a time when
wheat pasta, black beans, and apples.
a muscle just like any other, and if he was in a similar situation. Then you
If her constipation—or any other
your child is doing the potty dance all can brainstorm ways to handle the conflict
potty trouble—seems to be chronic,
day, that means she’s constantly together. You might ask, “What could
consult your pediatrician to rule out
contracting her bladder. Over time, this you have done differently?” If your child
any underlying issues.
makes the muscle thicker and the got mad at his brother for not sharing,
bladder’s capacity smaller. Pretty soon, Sources: Lawrence Balter, Ph.D., a psychologist in remind him that in the future he could
New York City; Edward R. Christophersen, Ph.D.,
it will start contracting with less a clinical psychologist at Children’s Mercy Hospital, in just say, “Please don’t do that.”
warning and more force, and your kid Kansas City, Missouri; Steve J. Hodges, M.D., a pediatric
urologist at Wake Forest Baptist Health, in Winston-
may end up unexpectedly wetting Salem, North Carolina. Lead by example.
her pants. The solution is getting her in One of the most powerful teaching
the habit of going to the bathroom tools you have is your own behavior. If
regularly. You don’t have to escort her you snapped at your child when she
there every ten minutes, but be aware 5 – 6 Y E A R S interrupted a conversation, you might say,
of the last time she went (and how much “I’m sorry I didn’t respond in a nicer
she’s had to drink). As she gets older, way. In the future, I’ll take a deep breath
H O W T O to relax when I’m feeling frustrated.”
she’ll become more in touch with her
body’s cues. This apology models the steps you are
trying to teach her: taking responsibility
Teach the Art of
Tackle wiping woes. Apologizing and developing a plan for next time. As
Most kids don’t have the strength or by AMELIA DRESS she sees this process in action, she
dexterity to wipe properly until at least will internalize the words and the meaning
age 5, but you can still teach the basics behind them.
now. The best way to do this is the “wipe,
Sources: Ericka Anderson, a licensed
look, and drop” method. Explain how Take a step back. professional counselor at The Healing Grove,
you press firmly to wipe, look at the tissue, If your child is having a disagreement in Basalt, Colorado; Jennifer Kirk, Psy.D.,
a psychologist at Kirk Neurobehavioral Health,
then drop it into the toilet. Remind with a friend and pushes her in the heat in Louisville, Colorado.




P A R E N T S 102 F E B R U A R Y 2 0 2 0

to draw more attention to real-life rock Support coping skills.
stars, such as firefighters, police Instead of rushing to fix the problem,
officers, doctors, nurses, and teachers. ask how she’d like to settle down; does
7– 9 Y E A R S You can even talk up your child’s friends she want to have some tea, cuddle with
and family, and ask her what makes the cat, or take a jog around the block?
them special to her. The idea is to help Some kids like to note their worries on
H O W T O her see that people all around her have index cards, then put them away—or

Handle Celebrity a positive impact on others, and they write down reassuring mantras like
don’t have to sell out concerts or lip kits “Everybody makes mistakes.” Keep in
Obsessions to make a difference in the world. mind that kids are moody when there


by TAMEKIA REECE Sources: John Duffy, Psy.D., a psychologist and are too many demands on them. Having
author of The Available Parent: Radical Optimism a regular routine will make her world
for Raising Teens and Tweens; Gail Gross, Ph.D., Ed.D.,
a parenting expert in Houston; Katherine Lamparyk, feel more predictable and manageable.
Psy.D., a pediatric psychologist at Cleveland Clinic.
Sources: Parents advisor Lisa Damour, Ph.D.,
author of Under Pressure; Jill Emanuele, Ph.D.,
Explore the appeal. senior director, Mood Disorders Center, Child Mind
Kids this age are searching for role models, Institute, in New York City; Parents advisor Wayne
Fleisig, Ph.D., clinical psychologist at Children’s
and whether they’re watching The Dolan Behavioral Health-Ireland Center, in Birmingham,
1 0 – 1 2 Y E A R S Alabama; Parents advisor Eileen Kennedy-Moore,
Twins on YouTube or craving Billie Eilish’s
Ph.D., author of Kid Confidence.
newest hair color, it’s common for them
to idolize stars. Instead of joking about your
H O W T O
kid’s infatuation, try and relate to her by Contest Rules
asking what she admires about the person. Respond to BEST OF GIGGLES CONTEST, PAGE 104
You may be surprised. Even if you don’t NO PURCHASE NECESSARY TO
agree, you can be accepting of a crush without Mood Swings PARTICIPATE. Send your funny story to
[email protected]. Include your full
letting it get out of control. It’s okay to give by DIANE DEBROVNER
mailing address, phone number, and your
her an occasional celebrity-related gift or eligible child’s name and date of birth.
let her use her own money when she wants Subject to Terms and Conditions at
posters, T-shirts, or concert tickets, but parents.com/gigglespromotion. Open to
legal residents of the 50 United States and
don’t indulge every request. Also, keep Don’t be frightened
the District of Columbia, 21 years or older.
an eye on what she’s watching online. As by big feelings.
One submission per person per email
long as your child’s superstar fascination There’s a major reorganization going address per day. Void where prohibited.
doesn’t seem to cross into unhealthy territory, on inside your kid’s brain at this Sponsor: Meredith Corporation,
just let it run its course. age, which makes her more likely to 225 Liberty St., New York, NY 10281.
experience all sorts of intense
Encourage individuality. emotions—from anger to elation to
His obsession could have more of a negative anguish. Tweens are increasingly
impact if he talks about the celebrity as self-conscious and worried about what
though they have a personal relationship, he others think of them, so they can
wants to do everything the star does, or he feel smart and cool one minute, then he won’t be ten
begins to make frequent comparisons to stupid and awkward the next. If you forever.
his own appearance. When children have show her that you can handle her
solid self-esteem, they are more likely to strong emotions, you’ll help her realize
follow their own instincts rather than the they’re nothing to be afraid of.
influence of celebs, athletes, or peers. So help
your child develop his sense of self by Be an empathetic listener.
exploring his talents. Before the pull of social Even if your kid’s behavior seems out
media kicks in, which can lead to constant of proportion, acknowledge and
comparison to his peers, help him take pride validate the way he feels. You might
in his actions. A compliment from you say, “I’m sorry that happened” or
goes a long way, so offer genuine praise for “You have every right to be mad.” Keep
his skills and characteristics. the focus on him rather than you—he
may find it annoying if you say,
Focus on “everyday” stars. “I know what you’re going through.”
Following celebrities is easier and more Using a calm tone of voice, repeat
enticing than ever. While you can’t shield what he’s told you so he knows you’re
her from the Internet, try to cut back paying attention, and articulate how
on her screen time. Look for opportunities you think he’s feeling.

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Adelyn, 3

My sister told my niece that she
couldn’t play with a toy until
she cleaned her room. Adelyn handed the
toy back to her mom and said, Hayden, 5
“I looked at my room, and it’s not
worth it.” I noticed
my son intently
Lori Moran
La Habra, CA playing with
our TV remote.
I asked him
to put it down
because it
Maya, 7
Ana Sofia, 4 was naptime.
My daughter He looked up
I was pregnant
had been
with twins, and and said, “If I’m
learning about going to be
my daughter
bees in class a daddy someday,
was watching me
when she asked, I have to
eat an apple
“Did you know
when she said, figure out how
that bees dance to this thing
“Mommy,
tell other works.”
your mouth isn’t
bees where to go
that big. Angie Buelteman
because they
How did those Columbia, IL PARENTS (ISSN 1083-6373); FEBRUARY 2020, Vol. 95, No. 2, is published monthly by Meredith Corporation, 1716 Locust Street, Des Moines, IA 50309-3023. Periodicals postage paid at Des Moines, IA, and at additional mailing offices. Subscription prices, $15.98 per year in the U.S.; $27.00 (U.S. dollars) in Canada; $49.00 (U.S. dollars) overseas. POSTMASTER: Send all UAA to CFS. (See DMM 507.1.5.2); NON-POSTAL AND MILITARY FACILITIES: Send address corrections to Par
don’t have Siri?”
babies get in Heavenly, 8
Sonja Jividen
your tummy?” I My younger Centreville, VA
nearly choked. sister sneezed

Laura Medrano in front of
Chicago, IL
my boyfriend.
He politely
said, “Bless you,”

to which
she replied, “No,
thank you, Creighton, 3
I’m already
I told my son I was headed to a
blessed.”
baby shower and asked if he’d like to come.
Yarielix Owens When we arrived at the event, he asked,
Buffalo, NY
“Where is the baby, and where is the shower?”

GOT A FUNNY KID QUOTE Kylee Low
TO SHARE?
Scan this code with your Enoch, UT
phone’s camera to
submit it for a chance to be ILLUSTRATIONS BY ELISE GRAVEL.
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P A R E N T S 104 F E B R U A R Y 2 0 2 0

Award your breakfast with

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Make mountains




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The 2020 Subaru Crosstrek takes the ups, the downs, the icy stretches, and the
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Subaru, Crosstrek, and X-MODE are registered trademarks. *EPA-estimated highway fuel economy for 2020 Subaru Crosstrek CVT models. Actual mileage may vary. MSRP excludes destination and
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delivery charges, tax, title, and registration fees. Retailer sets actual price. Certain equipment may be required in specific states, which can modify your MSRP. See your retailer for details. 2020 Subaru
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