Atam Vishwas

1. THE SULK

Kiki was sitting on the window, keeping her head on the cold iron rods. Her
gaze was on the white pigeon-like clouds. Her silk sari had spread in all
directions exactly like the troubled waterfall that had not been able to
contain itself within the mountain.

Her mother had stopped knitting the cord and was looking at Kiki’s body and
gaze. She was listening to the intermittently rising sweet melody…

The forgotten chapter of the past of her own life had opened in front of her.
The scene of half century ago had flown here, on wings, and filled the
atmosphere. The same agony. The same window. The same cold rods. The
same waiting. The beloved’s letter had not arrived. When the beloved had
come from abroad, at that time, the aunts, sisters-in-law had only
condemned Kiki’s mother and as result she was left waiting like Sita in Ashok
Vatika.Years passed by. Seasons changed. The beloved neither came himself
nor sent any letters. In the meanwhile, Kiki too grew into a marriageable age,
but the stars in the sky remained always gloomy and weak.

Watching the yellow tinge of the Moon, Kiki’s mother’s lips also turned pale.
Sometimes, while talking to the Moon she would ask, “What fault did I
commit? That I did not follow any law while laughing? Did not follow any law
going anywhere? I did not complain about my mother-in-law and sister-in-
law? Where was there any place for complaints in my heart full of life? I just
wished to fill my beloved with the nectar of love for those happy six months.
How I had memorised so many love songs! How else could I relate with my
beloved staying far away? But alas, you flowers of love! I should have also
created a cover of cleverness over you to protect your beauty. Just see how
my lover has left me longing! How he crushed the Lotus of my heart!”

Kiki’s mother gave out a cold sigh. She came closer to Kiki and began knitting
again. After a while, when her mind lost control, she called, “Kiki”

Kiki gave a jerk. Mother herself was afraid, “Kiki, why did you get
frightened?”

Kiki, hesitantly answered, “Just like that. Perhaps I was lost in a dream. I felt
as if I was alone in a valley and there were waterfalls…There were wild
flowers and grass around which were giving a strange and heart-wrenching
fragrance. The breeze was flowing through the leaves of the trees. My hair

was flying. My clothes were flying. More than my body, my mind was keen
on flying away from that sad valley…Oh, you are crying Ammi!”

A voice was heard below, “Kiki’s mother, aren’t you coming for the Satsang
today?”

Kiki’s mother said, “Yes, yes…” and left aside the half-knitted cords. She
asked Kiki, “Shall I go? Will you go to Leela the neighbour and spend time?”

After singing songs with friends, when Kiki returned in the night, she saw that
her mother had arrived long ago. She did not even look in her direction. She
felt a certain sort of bitterness in her chest. She thought, “Looking at me in so
much sadness Ammi had gone away to the temple!”

Her mother told her, “Kiki, I have cooked such a good khichdi that you would
love to eat it even with just a papad.”

The fragrance of the delicious khichdi had reached Kiki’s nostrils as well but
her cover of bitterness on her chest did not allow that fragrance to touch her
inner being.

Her mother put the khichdi in a plate along with a bowl of curd, and began
cutting a mango. Kiki pulled her plait hard and asked, “But you said we will
eat only plain khichdi!”

“Why will we have plain khichdi my dear child!”

Kiki felt her mother’s words like a bitter medicine. Somehow, they ate while
gossiping about the neighbours and went to sleep.

For a long time, they both kept tossing and turning. Finally, because of the
daze of youth one went to sleep and because of tiredness of old age the
other too went to sleep. The morning sun rays tried to remove the cover of
bitterness from Kiki’s mind, but they were unsuccessful. Afternoon passed
into evening but both mother and daughter hardly spoke a few words to
each other.

In the evening, the sky was filled with small clouds. Few clouds even brought
in some drizzle. There a fragrance of fresh wet earth. A boy was playing on
his flute far away.

Kiki’s mind went into a trance. Covering her head with a dupatta, she went
up on the terrace. She lay down under the sad sky spread out far and wide. A
smoke was emanating from the hot floor of the terrace because of the light

drizzle. Kiki closed her eyes to experience that fragrance fully. That smoke
mixed with her mind’s disturbances melted and turned into tears and were
flowing from Kiki’s eyes. Suddenly somebody came and kept hands on her
eyes. She felt those arms and realised that they a man’s arms! She sat down
with a jerk. She was shocked to see the face in front of her. She kept quiet for
a long time. The temple bells could be heard in the distance.

Shyam asked her, “Did you really miss me so much?”

Kiki put her head on her husband’s lap. As Shyam caressed her hair, she burst
into tears. The day entered into the being of night in great excitement.
Shyam was not Shyam anymore. Even he cried like Radha.

Somebody switched on the light of the terrace. Kiki removed the letter from
Shyam’s pocket. “Who has written this letter?’

Seeing the shaky handwriting with many mistakes, Kiki’s heart was
overflowing. She starting reading it fast.

“Dear Son.

Sons-in-law are like sons itself. So, looking at a mother’s sorrow you too will
feel sad. Won’t you? I have kept a Monday fast today; I shall not lie. Kiki is
really longing for you. She keeps leaning on the window rods and keeps
talking to the clouds. She keeps singing softly and her mind is very heavy.
Tears flow from her eyes all the time. I don’t know what is her fault. But
sulking for any fault does not suit a man like you. My entire life has gone by
waiting and longing. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law instigated my
husband. I did not complain to them about anything. But still they
complained to him and distanced him from me. My sweet child, I know how I
have suffered. I don’t wish this suffering for any one else. Write a loving
letter immediately to your wife. My mind will feel rested only when I see that
letter.

Your loving mother.”

“Ammi. Ammi” Kiki give out such a loud shout that Shyam was shocked. As
she rushed towards the staircase, Shyam caught her by the arms and asked,
“Where are going, leaving me?”

Kiki wiped her tears and said, “I was sulking with Ammi. Should I not go and
console her?” Saying this Kiki rushed down, two stairs at a time.



2. WHERE ARE MY ANCESTORS

Sindhunagar is the pilgrim centre for the Sindhis…

The voice of the bhajans (Bhagat) could be heard at dawn like the call of a
homeless bird –

“Where are my ancestors,

Where is my Maleer…?

Alas, where has destiny brought us…”

Barracks spread on the hills- the elders have woken up in make-shift houses…

“Amma, why are you sobbing?”

“My son, these bhajan (Bhagat) singers are reminding me so much of
Sindh…Where are my ancestors…”

“Oh, my mother, what are you doing…Consider this place as your Sindh…As if
the bhajans are being sung in Doman Wah in Sindh…You are listening to
Maruee’s calls…”

“Yes son, I know that Sindh is wherever there are Sindhis…But what can I do?
My mind does not agree…”

“Arey, again you are longing…Come, have this water…”

“Papa, why is big mummy clying (crying)?”

“Oh, my little flower, you have woken up. You don’t talk to mama in Sindhi,
that is why she is crying…”

“No big Mama, Now I will talk to you in Sindhi” she said in a childish manner.

“Yes, my dear, why will you not talk in Sindhi? After all you a Sindhi child.”

“Amma, you have some water.”

“Dear child speak this way not that way” the father corrects the child.

“Thank you, God…How pure is the water of Sindhunagar. Just like the Sindhu
ocean!”

“Look Amma, the Sindhu river was the same, but at Gidunagar it was called
the Sindhu ocean…”

“Yes, my son, but many ladoos cannot taste like a malpuha.”

“Arey, my ladoo daughter, why have you woken up so early?”

“Papa can I hear a story from Amma?”in a childish language

“Oh, you fat one! Come here and I shall protect you in a blanket and tell you
a story. But you are so forgetful. Listen to the story and try to remember it.
When I ask you about the story the next day, you say you have forgotten it.”

No Mama, tomorrow I shall surely tell you” in a childish language.

“Pronounce the word correctly. Again, you are saying it incorrect.”

“Amma, it is not Gulli’s fault. She is playing the whole day with children in
the neighbourhood who speak in Hindi.”

“My sweet child, they are neighbours but if our Gulli daughter doesn’t learn
Sindhi at home then where will she learn?”

“That is right but many alphabets and pronunciations in Sindhi are not found
in other languages at all. For example, Baar Muchh jo Waar…”

“Big Mama, Kutti, Kutti. I am Kutti with Papa.”

“My dear, why are you Kutti with him?”

“Papa is calling me Muchh jo Waar? In a childish language.
“No dear, you are my Ladoo…my Boondi…my honey…How will you be a hair
in the moustache?’

“No dear, you are a grandma of the world…How can you be a hair in the
moustache…Forgive me dear…. Now make peace with me” the father put his
two fingers forward…

“Leave the sulking girl alone. See how much she is sulking. First tell me if the
people who are going to holy places Sindh have agreed to take me along?”

“Amma, what has happened to you? You are born and brought up in Sindh,
where you went and prayed to Sachal Sai in holy places. You went to Bhitt
Shah to pray so many times and yet you are not satisfied? It is better that
you consider this Sindhunagar, the land of saints and sages as Sindh itself.
Are you not listening to the voices singing Bhajans (Bhagat)…?”

The bhajan (Bhagat) too is truly saying…

“To make relationships with strangers,

leaving aside one’s own friends,

leaving one’s motherland is worse than death.”

“I am telling you to consider Sindhunagar as your Sindh.”

“Just see. The government is still not agreeing to consider the name

Sindhunagar. They refer to it as Kalyan and Ulhasnagar…The same songs of
Sindh are making me cry today.”

“You also used to sing those sad songs.”

“My eyes are crying,

The paths of traveling to and fro are closed,

So how will not the eyes shed tears.”

“Amma, you start crying while laughing.”

“Let it be. You were too small when we left Sindh. I am troubled by
memories of my relatives and neighbourhood…”

“Amma, now it is only Sindhunagar. It is also you’re your pilgrim centre. It is
also your album of your memories of Sindh…”

“But my son, you too are looking sad…I am seeing that even at dawn you are
yawning so much.”

“Amma, I have a reason to be sad, isn’t it? The Sindhi language which is the
only link to relationships has been under a bad omen. The Sindhi schools in
big cities are closing down. Even in smaller cities, convents are sought after.
What can be done?”

“My Sindhi culture too is been bitten by a worm. Look, even your Rani is
convent educated, isn’t it?’

“But now we have left this baby with you. Teach her Sindhi.”

“Oh Yes. The young madam is in service and roaming about. I, an old woman
should be a servant to her daughter.”

“This is the opportunity you have got. Teach your grand daughter Sindhi and
make your life successful.”

Okay. Okay! Son, do you think these convent -educated children will
recognise each other as Sindhis? Sindhis actually remain strangers to each
other.”

“Amma, look, you are the forever young Sindhi mother of ours! You should
not listen to your daughter-in-law like an ignorant old woman.”

“My dear, you really joke too much. Now I am ‘forever young’! My one leg is
already in the grave…Now tell me, what ignorance have I done with the
daughter-in-law?”

“Amma, she says that she was ashamed in front of other communities in
college. She was not aware of the good behaviour, culture and rituals of
Sindhis. That is why she has sent her daughter to you so that you will fill
Sindhi life into this lifeless statue…But you say that the young madam is
roaming about and you have to serve her…”

“Acha, she is too much. But my son, now I have understood. Just see how I
make Gulli into a perfect Sindhi. See, she has gone off to sleep. This girl is
very naughty. She is complaining that papa is calling her a hair in the
moustache…I love this little Sindhi of mine. Listen, again the bhajan is heard”

What is the point of living

For those you have lost their land?

Where is the rest for the breath?

Where are my ancestors?

Where is my Maleer?”

3. THE FINAL DECISION

It was not an easy job to blow off eighteen candles at once and it was also
not possible that after the problem of blowing the candles was sorted out
the friends would not clap. The entire atmosphere grew beautiful with the
sound of the English radio and the clapping. Sita patted her eighteen-year-old
friend’s back and said, “You did a wonderful job Suri”

Suri hugged her and kissing her cheek put a piece of cake in her mouth.
Rubbing her cheek when Sita looked up she saw Sarla’s fiancé looking at
Sarla with pure love in his eyes. Sita felt that the control she had over her
thirty-three-year emotions had been let lose like the knots of old clothes
over a poor woman’s youthful body. There were jokes doing the rounds
amongst the guests and Sita laughed at each of them the most. But Sarla’s
widowed mother could see the pain under that laughter which was like the
energy at the last breath of a dying human being.

” Sita stay back here tonight” Putli told her happily. Sita’s body was oozing
with the nectar of love.

“You are tired isn’t it Didi?”

“No stupid. I didn’t say it with that intention. You did not allow me to get
tired at all today. Lucky will be those in whose family you will get married.”

“Lucky?” Sita said, looking around at the eatables spread out, the balloons,
the paper lanterns and the oil painted shining walls and suddenly while
laughing, she burst out crying.

Putli asked, “Are you crying or are you laughing?”

Sita sat beside Putli and put her head on her shoulder. Putli understood this
state of her mind. Seeing the clouds dancing in the sky at first the lightning
brings a storm and then after dancing a lot when she gets tired then the
whole universe becomes sad looking at her state.

Putli kissed her on the forehead and said, “Just watch Sita my daughter how
God graces one’s destiny. A day shall arrive when your destiny will change in
such a way that everyone will be amazed.”

Through her tears and smiles Sita was watching Putli who was atleast ten
years older to her. There was a question in those tear-filled eyes, “Didi did
Bhau get married a second time when his first wife was still alive only so that

that action of his should become an obstacle in my path? What kind of justice
is this that someone else bears the consequences of another’s faults?”

Putli said, “I can hear even that what you are not speaking. But sweetheart I
am helpless in front of this senseless world.”

Suddenly Sarla came in, dangling her earrings and said, “Mummy, how do
they look?”

“Who has gifted you these?”

“Somebody” Sarla said, going red in the face. There was a smile on her
dimpled face and dangling her diamond earrings she went and stood before
the mirror. Putli deliberately ignored her.

She told Sita, “Is eighteen an age to be married? This one has gone crazy. She
simply loves clothes, ornaments and perfumes. The right age is later when
the girl considers her husband to be her closest relative and when she forgets
all her pains and sorrows after getting his love.”

Sita kept looking at Putli with same wise look and smiling. The storm had
ceased but the leaves were still moving.

Putli said, “Speaking of destiny, my nephew lost his wife. Now tell me why
are the innocent going through such suffering?”

Sita visualised Manu’s face. He was a nice man but the misfortune of him
being a father of three children.

Sita said, “Didi if I am laughing and talking today, I hope it is not considered
as disrespectful?”

“No sweetheart. I have never ever hidden anything from you myself. You are
so intelligent that you can reach anybody’d heart and their secrets.”

Sita put her hand on Putli’s hand and pressing it warmly said, “Didi, your
Manu has the misfortune of being a father of three children and I have the
misfortune of being a sister to a brother with two wives.”

Understanding the difference between the two misfortunes, Putli happily
caught Sita by the shoulders and said, “Really?’

“Yes. True.”

Putli was so happy that night that only Sarla her daughter could explain. The
whole night both mother and daughter kept talking about Sita.

The mother said, “I have never seen such a maternal instinct in any
unmarried girl as I have seen in Sita.”
The daughter said, “Uncle too will be very happy.”

From far away one could hear the decision from the temple- BOL SIYAVAR
RAMCHAND KI JAI

In the Praise of Lord Ram.

The mother said, “Our Manu is not much older than Sita. Perhaps a year and
a half.”
“Had there not been the dowry system in our community then Sita would
have not been unmarried till this age.”
” Yes, ofcourse. She would have been a mother of atleast four children.”
Halting a little she said, “May be not. She is intelligent in every way. Manu’s
wife was beautiful but she was not quite intelligent. But let us not criticise
the dead. The poor thing must be looking for her innocent souls even from
heaven.”
“Oh, she was not bothered. She was only fair- skinned. There is no doubt that
even in heaven she must be sleeping.”
Putli started laughing “So you know that after marriage a girl has to look
after every responsibility in life.?”

Sarla silently started staring at the ceiling fan.

Even in the dim light Putli felt that her daughter’s cheeks had turned red. She
laughingly said, “You have relieved me completely. I used to wonder how
would you take care of your life, being pampered in such comforts. Perhaps
today is a day of good newses.!”

It was not as if Manu had never seen Sita but he said, “I had never seen her
with this intention which I am going to do now.”

Putli made Sita sit before him and told him, “Now you can see Sita with
whatever intention you wish to. I shall go and make some tea.”

Sita was a bit nervous but felt a sense of freedom when Putli left them alone.
She also felt a bit shy on this thought of freedom.

She wondered that if Putli was so close to her then how was Manu less close
than Putli, to her.

Manu said, “The praise I have heard from Bhabhi about you has made me
trust you even more after seeing you.”

“That is very good.” Saying this, Sita hesitated a bit but gained confidence.

“My children will forget everything after getting you. But don’t think that I
will put the entire burden on you immediately. For the first few months we
shall travel to Singapore and Hong Kong.”

Sita felt a certain joy arising within her. She imagined herself in silk and nylon
saris that swayed and waved a bye-bye from the plane in the sky. But she
pinched her mind and stopped her fantasy, “Does anybody ever get pure

happiness?’

She placed her hand straight on the table. The fair hand was shining on the
black glass. Sita controlled her excitement and thought ‘Atleast praise the
beauty of this hand, Manu!’

But Manu sat in deep thought with his hands folded behind his head. He said,
“To tell you the truth Sita I am not a greedy man. I may have not got
remarried at all but when I think about my children’s future, I become
hopeless…”

Sita stared at her feet, “I assure you that I shall never ever make your
children feel that I am their step-mother…” She couldn’t say more than that
from embarrassment.

“That is all. I needed just this assurance from you. I do not want anything
more than that. I already told you that I am getting married for the sake of
my children’s happiness.”

Manu stood up…Sita had tears in her eyes.

Manu’s chair was empty. He had gone to the kitchen to break the good news
to Putli. Sitting alone under the bright lights of the big room, Sita imagined

her inner being and as she lifted her gaze, she saw the reflection of her round
and beautiful face in the mirror. She could hear Moomal’s soft whisper
saying that she was looking for a person who would destroy the outward
illusion of her beauty and reach to the depth of her soul. But alas. She felt
like the thirsty bird who pecked at the sky thinking it to be water, but there
was no water!

She reflected that when she reached home her brother with two wives
advised Sita, “Don’t be mad and sacrifice yourself. If there are already three
children then you will be obviously entering that house as a maid, not as a
bride.” At that time Sita had answered him firmly, “Brother when getting
married you too had not taken any advice from me. Then why are you
advising me now?”

But now Sita realised that the pecking on the glass, in search of food had
resulted in pain in the beak.

After spending the whole night in tossing and turning, early morning Sita
visited the Shiva temple and went and knocked at Putli’s door.

“Didi, I have come to tell you something. Listen Didi, I liked everything about
your Manu. But make him agree to one of my conditions too. Since he is
getting married for the sake of the children then he should not even touch
me till I bring up the little six-month old child and she becomes five years
old.”

The cup of tea from Putli’s hand slipped down, “Leave aside these childish
talks.”

“This is not childish talk Didi, it is my final decision.”

“Final decision? Don’t be stupid.”

“Didi, my self-respect demands that.”

“Woman and self-respect! The world is not worthy of that. We shall have to
create another world for that.”

“But this final decision of mine should reach him.”

“You rest assured. I will tease him a lot. His dizziness, sleeplessness, sleeping
on the floor…Is all that for his children? I will teach him a lesson. But for
God’s sake, keep this final decision of your only up to your words,
understood?” Saying this Putli pinched her cheeks lovingly.



4. ORPHANED

Amma used to say, “A sensible daughter is much better than a spoilt son like
you.”

The friend said, “Come once to Kalyan camp and you shall see the other side
of the world too.”

I liked the friend’s manly nature as well as the advice.

When my friend returned from office we met up and took a train together
from VT station. We took a bus to the camp from Kalyan station. The bus was
quite worn out but hearing the talk in it was like eating a sweet dish of pure
ghee (Lola). Everyone from the driver to the coolie was a Sindhi.

Getting down from the bus we walked through the bazar.

“Look at Siru Chowk. How crowded it is. There are different types of shops
but the language is the same everywhere-Pure Sindhi. But in our Churchgate
home our grandmother too always made an attempt to talk in Hindi. Even
me, a semi-literate person tried to talk in English. Even my father would act
like a teacher. He would talk in English like coffee coming out of a machine.
That is why there was an atmosphere of suffocation in the entire house. But
here there is a fragrance of wet earth even in the absence of rain.

As soon as the bazaar road ended, there were crooked streets beginning.
Perhaps a poet had rightly written about them-There were many potholes on
the way and not a single lamp or light. But having a friend along made the
travel easier.

After dinner in the night we sat down in a group on the floor itself, to talk.
My friend ofcourse is a strong man but his sister and mother are not less
manly. They told me many stories of the Kalyan camp and yet they left all the
doors open while sleeping. They only kept a torch and a stick with
themselves when sleeping. My friend’s two arms seemed very strong and fat
from the very beginning. So, I too did not want to be left out and I slept
fearlessly outside the house.

Just as I gone off to sleep, I heard my friend’s mother shout loudly, “To hell
with you. Wait I am going to destroy you.”

I got up with a jerk but my friend was sleeping. I went into the inner room
and asked Amma, “Where is the thief?”

She answered, “The rascal has gone towards the bathroom. He has
threatened and gone”

I took Amma’s stick and stood ready outside the bathroom. Some neighbours
who had heard the shouts had gathered too. Amma stood there with the
torch.

“Come out you coward.” I shouted, stumping the stick on the floor.

The door of the small room began opening very slowly and I quickly hit the
head of the person with my stick. There was utter confusion. I said, “Oh, this
is a pig! Amma, then who threatened you?”

Maybe I had a dream and when I woke up, I saw the sun shining above.
Perhaps it was the water of the Camp or the stories told by the ladies, but as
soon as I woke up, I felt the urgency to rush to the toilet. But there was a
queue outside. Finally, I got to enter but I had hardly relieved myself that I
heard a gentle knock on the door. I started sweating in embarrassment. After
a few minutes there was another knock on the door. I wondered who could
be so indecent to do this. As I pushed the door, somebody pushed it in again.
I was furious and somehow after relieving myself as I opened both the sides
of the door a pig rushed inside, sniffing away. I pushed it aside and came out.
I jumped and came out and shouted, “Mannerless!”

My friend’s sister who was standing a little distance away, was bending in
laughter. Passing by I overheard her telling a friend, “People from Bombay
are quite strange. They talk even to pigs.” I was so ashamed and
embarrassed.

Reaching home, I stood on a step peeped into the room to see if my friend
was awake so I could ask him for some water. But he was asleep and his
mother was lovingly trying to wake him up, “My son, Raj Kapoor, Dilip
Kumar, Ashok Kumar…” And the poor fellow was pulling the pillow over his
head, stretching his arms and saying, “Even on a Sunday you won’t allow me
to rest.”

After a little restraint I asked water from my friend’s sister. When I returned
in to the room, wiping my hands with a towel, I saw that my friend was
awake and sitting on the cot. I asked him, “Friend Raj Kapoor, Dilip Kumar,
Ashok Kumar, how are you?

My friend replied angrily, “Those actors who ease the difficult lives of Kalyan
even if for three hours, are the final heroes for the mothers of our country.”

As I got up to go for a bath, the little sister was asked to rush and buy some
oil. In my own house I would have created a ruckus if there was no oil at
home, but in a stranger’s home it is good to be silent. I tactfully said, “There
is no problem if I don’t apply oil one day.”

The mother replied, “Yes, there is no problem at all. I use oil once in eight
days.”

I hardly relaxed when my honourable friend said, “If you were working in an
office you would have had to apply oil twice a day.”

I don’t know how I blurted out, “Then she would have to apply Brylcream.”

My friend too gave out a weak laughter. Rubbing his mother’s head, he said,
“Are you listening? You would have to use Brylcream. Have you ever seen
Brylcream?” The way he was laughing made me feel he was a patient with
whooping cough who was coughing and clearing his chest.

His mother said arrogantly, “Ofcourse I have seen it you fellow. Just because
you don’t use all these. The people from Kalyan are not like you.”

My friend’s laugh was again echoing. I don’t know why I felt a pain in my
chest. My friend got up, took a colourful paper pot and dusting the paper
flowers said, “I find such people like these Amma.”

Mother said, “Okay son, now eat your breakfast now.” Saying this she
brought an omelette of four eggs and two rotis. This breakfast was a
reflection of the Amma’s rich heart inside her frail body.

For some time, my friend and me had a discussion on books but as the day
was passing by, I began getting restless. The tin sheets on the roof had not
learned any lessons I hospitality. We made a plan to go to the hills to enjoy
the cool evening breeze. As we had crossed quite a distance, I saw a
policeman passing by very quickly and very firmly. He was walking as if his
feet were above the ground, afraid to make any sound. I whispered in my
friend’s ear. “He is a policeman but has a walk of a thief…”

My friend did not allow me to complete and stood still Amma said,” Sri Ram”
and shook her entire body. I gave a jerk because was because right before
our eyes we saw that below the bridge some culprits had stabbed a youth in

his stomach. The young man’s intestines were popping out and he was
bleeding and struggling for life. The crowds standing at a distance were
sighing in shock. Taking quick steps towards him I said, “If we put his
intestines inside, perhaps he will survive.” But suddenly there were weights
on both my shoulders. My friend and his mother both said, “This is Kalyan
camp. Do you wish to get entangled in another crime?’ I realised that the
murdered man is a more dangerous than a contagious disease. I felt helpless
inspite of having two arms and not being able to do anything. Helplessly I
said, “it is said that one who saves is closer than one who kills.”

My friend had the same sad smile on his face and he said, “Already the
refugee Sindhis of the Camp are washing the old proverbs with blood and
giving them new colours.”

“What do you mean? By then a number of policemen had come to the scene
and the youth was now lying there, lifeless. The police carried the corpse
away and within few minutes the entire play was over. My friend took a
deep breath and said, “That’s it? You have turned pale. This is an everyday
matter here.”

I felt suffocated. “That’s it? No appreciation? No grievance?”

“Who will complaint? Who will grieve? Did anyone hear anything while we
were migrating? Orphaned… horses! What proverb you used to say Amma?”

“Mysterious riders” …Amma completed the proverb but feeling suffocated
and suppressing a pain within me I visualised the entire Sindhu Nagar before
me-totally orphaned!

We reached the peak of the hill and from there we could see the entire
barren land in her lap. Lights appeared in some of the homes in the Camp.
We three had climbed the hill and sat there in silence. After a long time, we
three realised that we grown quite for a long time. Now more lights were
seen in the barracks.

Breaking the silence, I said, “Friend, today I am feeling very sad looking at the
island with the stars before us…”

“Ofcourse it is sad.” said my friend with same fake laughter. He simply took
some stones and threw them towards the island of stars.

I don’t know why, there were tears in my eyes and they were shining in the
valley before me.I don’t know how many tears from the eyes of those

separated by the Partition had become stars, shining in the barracks of the
orphaned Camp !

5.PACKING GIRL

“Has Sunita gone to sleep early today?”

“First you have some water and then you ask about Sunita.”

“But is she okay?’

“Yes, she is absolutely fine. Wake up Sunita. You have got your dad worried.”

Sunita woke up. Putting a glass of water and papad on the table, the mother
said, “She is absolutely your daughter. If she doesn’t go to five neighbouring
houses, she doesn’t taste food.”

“Look Bhabhi, you are insulting me again. I have fixed a job for myself today.
After this you won’t find me at home. Talk nicely atleast today.”

“O God. An ultimatum! But tell me, what good job have you got?” the father
asked.

“She has become a grocer, making small packages.”

“Look Bhabhi, if you don’t want to talk, I’ll go away.”

“Go. But where will you go? You have only one room in your house. No
terrace. No balcony. No compound. Not even a store-room where you can
hide yourself from us.”

“Your taunting has grown with age Sunita’s Bhabhi!”

“It is the same for everyone. You are not much younger to me.”

“Will you stop now or will you make me very angry as I have just stepped
into the house?”

No. No. Please have papad. Now my daughter, talk…talk. I’ll keep quiet now.
You yourself told me that Shoba’s father was taunting you about your job of
packing parcels!”

“Dada. I have got a job in a pharmaceutical company with a pay of four and
half thousand rupees.”

Patting his daughter’s back, the father said, “Then you will become a bigger
earner than your dad!”

“What about me? First, I was serving one. Now Ill have to serve two.” Bhabhi
said angrily.

“My dear, you can hire a servant then! So, Shoba’s father is calling it packing
packages job?”

“Yes. Dada he is saying that Sunita’s father got his daughter educated till
Matric so that the girl would go and become an officer, sitting on a table and
chair. But look at her, she has agreed to become a compounder. Shame.
Shame. Dada he taunted me a lot.”

“My dear, his habits are like this. He did not get his own daughters educated.
So, he is jealous. Let him be.”

“And there is Devika’s mother. You know hat she said? She said, ‘Sunita you
don’t consider yourself as a lesser human being, doing the job of packing
medicines. Do you know that because of research in medicines so many
deaths have decreased in the world? In the past a woman gave birth to
twenty children. If ten survived, ten died too.’ That woman is of a progressive
mind.”

“Then why don’t you bring her and keep her here! Do you know that the
entire neighbourhood talks about her that there is no one as irreligious as
her” Bhabhi’s anger grew.

“Don’t you have to cook today?’

“Ofcourse! Is Devika’s mother going to feed you today…? I have kept
everything ready.” Bhabhi clenched her teeth.

“How envious you women are. Shakespeare rightly said…”

“Are men less envious? If I ever praise any man in front you, you would pull
me by the hair and your blood would boil till you threw me out.”

“Leave your mother alone. I just praised Devika’s mother and she is so
furious.”

“I am telling you, bring her and keep her at home. What else? Should I hang
myself?’

“You are really crazy. If people praise actresses then do they bring them
home. You take me to Geeta Bharti, then should I bring her also home? Leave
troubling me now.”

“Won’t I get mad if you compare Devika’s mother to Geeta Bharti and
actresses? A two-penny teacher, she sent her daughter to college …Why are
you twisting your face? I am not abusing her.”
“A teacher means a Guide, a Guru, a Mentor... If you call her a two-penny
teacher then what worst abuse can there be?”
“Now Dada, you both keep arguing. I am going to somebody’s house in the
neighbourhood.”
“No, my child. This is the time when all the male members return home in
every house. I am giving your mother some tranquilizer. Her nerves will ease
and she will be alright.”

**** **** ****

“Are you awake?’
“Yes, I am awake. Tell me.”
“I am unable to sleep.”
“Why? Are you afraid that Sunita will lose her job? But now…”
“I am remembering the taunts of Shoba’s father to Sunita.”
“What was that drunkard saying? He is such a scoundrel of a low-caste.”
“That’s the pride he has, of his caste. He says ‘people like us never get our
daughters educated and not even share their earnings’…”
“Leave that illiterate alone. We too have not shared our daughter’s earnings.
I have gone on saving all her money she has earned. I have spent the interest
in the house but the capital earned in eleven months is safely saved. As long
as I am able to earn, I do not need even a penny from my daughter’s
earnings.”
“The rascal is saying that Sunita has become good-looking after working and
she even dresses well. So, he has challenged that very soon she will elope
with a boy.”

“Let the crazy man keep talking. Our Gobindram’s son is waiting. Now he has
a good job too. They have also asked for her. We will get our daughter
married next month itself. We will give her the cash which we have saved
from her earnings. We will not have a lavish and elaborate wedding.”

“The rascal has hurt me so much with his taunts that I cannot explain. He has
neither educated or married off his daughters and he advices me to keep a
strict watch on my daughter so that she does not elope in the night!”

“Why will she elope? She is a sensible girl. If she is interested in someone, we
will not stop her. If she wishes to get married, we will not be an obstacle in
her way.”

“Arey listen. Can you hear the shouts outside?”

“Wait, I shall go and see”

“Keep quiet. It could be a thief.”

“Even a thief should be caught and handed over to the police, isn’t it?”

“Open the door… Who is that?’

“Devika’s mother.”

“At this time? Everything okay? Come. come.”
“There is the police outside. They have arrested Jaman’s daughter Shoba. She
had run away last evening with the compounder of Dr. Seetal.” Devika’s
mother said, walking inside.

“O God! The idiot was advising others.”

“Ram! Ram!”

“How much I told him to get the children educated and employed so that
they could have an open mind. But he would say that working girls are all
spoilt. Now let him who is spoilt.”

“My dear. Still waters will surely gather moss!”

6.SACRIFICE

The doctor said that Geeta had cancer. Ratan had tears in his eyes. Was
Geeta alive only for a few days? Rattan forgot all about his business. All the
time he only sat beside her. The scooter outside had gathered rust. The
relatives began whispering. Geeta’s mother took her son-in-law aside and
said, “Son, the children will not live on water only.” But even then, everyone
saw Ratan sit beside his wife’s bed. Friends came and said either laughingly
or tauntingly, “People grieve at the grave but you are grieving on your living
wife Geeta.”

Rattan consoled himself, “These friends do not realise that this palace is soon
going to turn into ruins and they also do not know that the light which is
burning in this palace today is nothing but my body and my mind’s light.”

When Geeta heard his thoughts, her eyes shed tears. She softly told him,
“No, Ratan this is light belongs to somebody else.”

Ratan smiled, “After reading so, many love letters which idiot will say that
this light is not mine but somebody else’s?”

Geeta took her husband’s hand and with both her hands pressed it to her
cheek saying, “My soul does not have any courage to tell lies at this
moment.”

“Then who is asking you the difference between truth and falsity at this
moment?”

“My own mind is asking it.”

“Consider that I may be upset but I don’t have any reason for that. I have
always received infinite love from you and I have always considered myself
fortunate. I don’t know whether any one else has loved you more than me.”

“I agree that nobody else has loved me more than you have but a sentence
from a song is so artistic that one feels as if one has heard only that sentence
all life.”

Ratan slowly released his hand from Geeta’s hand. Wiping Geeta’s tears with
his hand he took a deep breath but ripples that were created by a stone
thrown in the pond of the mind had now spread throughout the body and
were eager to break the limits of the body. In the middle of the night Geeta
felt someone kissing her foot. Geeta got up and kissed his forhead. Seeing

the condition of his face Geeta was frightened, spreading out her weak arms
she said, “Come closer.”

The bangles on Geeta’s pale arms were shining more than usual in the light
that was coming in from the street lamps. Geeta brought her arm forward
and started rubbing his head. The sound of her bangles made Ratan turn cold
in his body. Playing with the bangles on her arm he said, “Their sound is like
that of the Ganga flowing in the night…but...there is no Ganga water here.”

He gave a sob while saying this and as he got up, Geeta held him by the hand
and said, “I take back my words.”

There was a faint and weak smile on Ratan’s face which fell in the dim light.
“What can be done now? My eyes have seen everything…”

“But I have not done any such thing which should make me feel that I am
hiding something from you.”

Ratan gave a sharp and bitter laugh. “Same letters in which you loved
somebody else and I simply watched like a fool.”

Rattan thought that she would scream at the opening of this secret but
nothing like that happened. Geeta was lying down quietly.

Ratan removed a bundle of letters from his pocket and said, “Take these
letters. Take them with you.” Then Ratan left the room in such a way as if
there was no relationship left with her.

A week passed by and Geeta was still alive. Now only Sharda and the
children were seen sitting on all four corners. Ratan went to work every day
on his scooter. In the evening there would be bundles of notes under Geeta’s
pillow but she did not have any strength left to lift the pillow and see how big
the pile had become.

Even after the energy gone from every part of her body, Geeta’s voice was
still strong and the paleness on her face could not be considered as dull.

That night Geeta saw two shadows in the passage. She was awake for a long
time. Suddenly the light of her room was switched on. Ratan asked, “O you
are still awake?’ His voice was very clear.

“Did Sharda sleep or not?”

“Am I keeping a watch if Sharda has slept or not?”

Geeta was quiet. Ratan was about to leave when Geeta said, “Today is
perhaps my last night. Will you come here?’

Rattan came reluctantly. Geeta gestured towards the bed. He sat down.

“Today Ammi has gone home. Only Sharda is staying here?”

Ratan sat with folded arms as if the question did not concern him. For some
moments they both were quiet. It was cold outside that is why the doors and
windows were closed and the light of the room appeared brighter than usual.

Geeta said, “Will you bring my letters?’

For a moment Ratan’s face stretched but he got up and brought the letters.

Geeta removed one letter and asked Ratan to read it.

Dear,

You are a stable stranger but when I, an outsider, came to your village, I lost
a lot. But how can I say that I only lost something, I gained a lot too. Yes, I
must say that what I lost does not have a concrete form and neither what I
have gained has any concrete form. Even then, the memories are so concrete
that I get lost in them. That full Moon night when you had said, “You must
always wear these clothes.” I liked that gentle style. And that morning when I
was drying my hair you had said, “A poet perhaps has described lightning
over dark clouds in this way…” And that look which I got after my answer.
The answer was so simple although the question was difficult, I felt the
answer to be very ordinary. “Truly, nature in a virgin form.” I don’t find it as
beautiful as the flowers in an artistic form, decorated in the garden. On top
of that, I would get such a wonderful look from my beloved! That look has
entered in some corner of my heart. Every time I feel like the moonlight is
playing in the sky and I am intoxicated.

**** **** ****

Rattan did not read further and he sat down. Suddenly there was a sharp
smile on his face and the next moment he pursed his lips tightly and threw it
out. After a while he said, “Why all this now that the game is getting over?”

“With one game getting over, simultaneously another game is beginning, and
in all these years I have just learned one thing that there is progress in this
world only because there is feeling hidden in every human being that the
thorns that pricked him in his feet in my life, he should somehow get them
out of others’ lives.”

“Should I switch off the light?’

“Let it be on. Today I feel like watching your face with all my heart.”

“Now you need me?’

“Who said that I never needed you?”

“Today there is a confusion in your respect in your addressing me.”

“I have no confusion in me.”

“Really?” Ratan gave a jerk. “Are you the same who said one night, ‘In our
tradition there was born a Gandhari whose husband was blind and so she

lived her life with her eyes covered…’ Are you the same woman who took
pride in Gandhari?”

“But there is a need of another truth in life too…Ratan you are like pure
water to me who is flowing in every cell of my body.”

“And that lover?”

“Yes. That is a gulp of alcohol.”
“A women is prohibited from alcohol.”

“After paying for alcohol nobody can stop any one.”

“Traditions of this land can stop you!”

“This land also has the tradition of Radha. My dear, this land has as many
traditions as the colours of life.”

“But accepting such a big truth is like walking on sword’s edge for me.”

“Isn’t your relationship with Sharda like lying on a bed of arrows for a dying
Geeta?”

“Don’t talk rubbish…” saying this, Ratan lifted his hand to hit her, but his
hand stopped there. At the door, in front, stood beautiful Sharda!

**** **** ****

In the morning when the police were writing a report in Ratan’s house, the
whole neighbourhood came to know that Geeta, tired of her cancer, had
consumed a bottle poison in the night and had sacrificed her life.

After the police left, Sharda came in and quietly covered her sister Geeta’s
blackened face with a cloth.

7.SELF CONFIDENCE.

Sitting in a comfortable position, with one leg over the other, Mohan could
visualise his life in the smoke from his cigarette. Much of his life had passed
by and now it had stopped at a strange junction.

Last night Mohan had actually hit his Veena and his mother had entered his
room and dragged him away.

Mother told him, “Son, even the trees of Ajmer had warned you that this
Khadi-clad, simple girl of Ajmer was not suited to you. But you were
stubborn, and had said, “How did I open so many shops in Manila when I had
only a thousand rupees in my pocket? Now I shall cast that same magic on
Veena too in such away that within a year she will turn from old-fashioned
Veena to Madam Veena.”

Dusting the ash from his cigarette, Mohan took another puff. In the swirling
circles of the smoke he could see Veena with long black hair, worshipping the
Sun. On seeing Mohan, she had given him such an attractive smile which was
influenced by the Sun, that it entered deep into his heart.

On the first night of their wedding when Mohan looked into Veena’s eyes, he
could not see that look. “Where are you Veenu? I have come from so far off,
from Manila for you. But where is that look which you gave me the first time
when you were worshipping the Sun?” At that time the same attractive
Veena raised her face and touching Mohan’s lip she said, “At that time you
had not had any alcohol.”

“Right. I had drunk the light which was spread. on your face.”

“You have my promise that you will never drink again.”

For a while they both were quiet. Finally, Mohan spoke and like Veena, he
touched her lips and holding her hand with his other hand, he said, “What if I
teach you also to drink in Manila?”

“This will not happen.”

“And if it happens? Even then you will not stop me from drinking?”

“How will I stop you? I will not be able to.”

That night had passed off so happily. That native but educated Veena from
Ajmer. Her entire body was alive. I had experienced all the pleasures of the
world.

The cigarette had almost burnt his fingers. He stood up and went into his
mother’s temple where he sat down quietly on a low stool.

“Amma, what were you telling me last night?”

“What was I saying? I don’t remember now. Now leave me early in the
morning. See, I have undressed these idols. Let me finish bathing them.”

Holding his mother’s wrist Mohan said, “First you put on clothes on your son
who has become totally naked. Last night you had asked me why I was
stubborn about changing Veena into Veena madam in twelve months.”

“Yes. I had said that.”

“At that moment did you not think that I made her Veena madam from
Veena or not?”

“Yes Baba, you made her. God knows what magic you cast on her that she
started eating non-vegetarian food, she would sit with you having a drink
and she was so addicted to smoking that I smell the smoke in the whole
house. But my dear son Mohan, why are you beating her now? Do you now
wish that she leaves all this and become the same old Veena from Ajmer?
But my son, how can milk flow back into the breast?”

Showing his hand, Mohan said, “First of all, living along with me she has
learned to back answer me for everything. I cannot tolerate this. I want her
to be under me.”

Mother kept her hand on his cheek, saying, “A wife should always walk under
the man. How I spent my life under your father’s authority? “His mother had
a look of desire”

Opening his second finger Mohan said, “The second thing is that I do not
desire that she comes and sits with me on the shop.”

His mother said, “You are right. There is peace in the house when the woman
stays more at home and the children get a proper upbringing too.”

“But she is not listening. She says that she finds the house like a prison.”

“Okay, now the third thing.” Mohan now opened the third finger of his hand,
“I have been telling her not to talk at all to my customers and my friends. But
Ammi, each and every rascal coming to the shop says, “Your wife, with her
sweet talk is selling double the liquor to us.”

“But my sweet child, this way she is actually increasing your business, isn’t
it?”

“I don’t care for such a business in which these rascals think that I have no
business sense. Only this villager has intelligence to do business. And they
are so wicked that they say that I am envious. I put them off. What do I say
Amma, it hurts me right here.” he touched his chest.

“Why don’t you break their mouths? Don’t you tell them how you have
carefully selected such a girl? Or she would have been in some sweet makers
house In Ajmer, frying pakoras for her mother-in-law.”

“Its okay, I’ll tell them that too. Now listen to the fourth thing my mother, “
saying this Mohan opened his little finger, “Whenever she smiles and laughs
and talks to my friends I get a feeling that this treasure is only mine and only
I have a right over that joy and laughter. I feel that they are cheating me and
stealing from me.”

The last words were spoken with so much pain that his mother’s heart was
torn to pieces. She immediately put her arm around her son.

“Share son, share. Share everything with me today. You don’t have a father,
so today I will take over that responsibility too. Tell me son, is there any
other pain hidden in your heart? Even I kept wondering what has happened
to my Laila-Majnu type Veena and Mohan. What has happened to my Mohan
that he has raised his hand on his Laila? She is somebody’s daughter my dear.
Let us face the truth. She has given you two sons and she has also
contributed to your shop’s progress. Did we have so many properties in
Manila before?”

Pulling his hair and clenching his teeth Mohan said, “Arey, why are you also
talking like these rascals? I had opened many shops before Veena’s coming
and today all my four brothers are running those shops.”

“No, my son, leave the false and see the truth. What you have earned with so
much struggle, none of my other sons have done so. Not even your Laila has
contributed to all this.”

Mohan hit his head with both his hands and showing his thumb he said, “Do
we have anything left now? All the shops are gone…”

“Where?’

“From where they came. They disappeared. Each time I went out to gamble
my luck was my enemy and I lost.”

His mother was shocked. Putting her hand on her chest she sat a little
distance away. Hiding near the door, Veena was listening to this entire
conversation and not standing any longer, she went towards her room. When
shouting and screaming, Mohan went towards her room he saw that Veena,
in a white sari, with a pooja thali(plate) in her hand was leaving. She was still
in the corridor when Mohan caught her, saying, “Don’t go anywhere
Veenu.Today don’t go anywhere. You have already worn a white sari, now
just see my dead body too and then go.”

Veena was quiet for a moment, and then said, “You have been drinking early
in the morning? Then with what authority are you trying to stop me from
drinking.?”

“Again, those questions and answers? “Mohan gave her a tight slap on her
cheek.

She said, “If I had not heard your talks today, perhaps I would have hit you
with this Thali itself.”

‘Disrespectful tongue…” Mohan caught hold of Veena and threw her on the
bed. Veenu sat up. Mohan was seething inside. Veenu understood that he
might drown the banks of the ferocious ocean. With great patience and
folded hands, she said, “Listen My sweet Mohan, I am prepared to do
everything. I can give alcohol, gambling, smoking…. I can even leave this
world for you. But you become the same old Mohan in whose voice there
was love and affection. Listening to which my entire would ring with music.
At that time, I would tell myself, “Veenu, this Mohan who is only asking you
to drink two two sips of alcohol. Meera had even consumed poison for the
love of such a Mohan.” But then why did I start to gamble? There were
servants and maids at home, and you would often take me to parties. At first,
I hated parties but when some of my friends advised me that in a country of
lame people a man has to hide his other leg…At that time I hid everything-my
knowledge, my education, my Yoga, like a leg.”

“Oh…You have done me a great favour!” Mohan said heavily. “And now that
leg of knowledge and religion has dried up?”

“Listen, Mohan you are not small anymore, and even I have married children.
I am not a child. Taunting like this doesn’t suit you and neither will I tolerate
it. It is you who has brought me out of a world of toleration I agree. But milk
cannot flow back into the breast. Your children studied history and
geography in Manila convents which I did not understand. That is why I did
not find it necessary to stay at home and make them study. Had I not gone
out to gamble then what would I have done sitting at home? Your mother
was always busy with temples and idols. Actually, I had thought that I too
should join a temple…But you did not have any concern in a world beyond
eating and drinking. So, I too did not keep that relation. I started teaching in
a Sindhi school only for some days and that too I would leave the shop half
an hour early and you said that customers come only in the evening. Without
you, most of the customers go back.”

“I must have not said ‘without you’. What a great person you consider
yourself to be? I had set up four shops on my own. After marriage I taught
you the talent of making customers…Do you remember how you used to
fumble with customers?”

“Yes, sweet Mohan, you only brought me to your friends and put me in touch
with clubs and made me so strong that I learned to speak to your customers
in style and grace…”

Mohan lit a cigarette quickly and as he put it to his lips the burnt end
touched his hand. Furious, he threw the lighter which went and hit the
teapot on the table. As it is there was a silence in the house and with this
noise the silence grew even deeper. Perhaps Amma was in her room, praying
and her bell suddenly stopped. Both the boys had got up and were fooling
with the maid in the kitchen. Veena called out to the maid.

Mohan said, “Why are you calling the maid like a cat? Roar her like a tigress,
Maid…Maid.”

The maid cleared the broken teapot. The cuckoo clock in hall chimed ten and
went back to rest.

The daughter-in-law had reached the corridor with her child and suddenly
her babbling with her child stopped. Perhaps the maid had told about the

disturbance in the house since last night. It was in the mother’s room in the
morning and now it is in the wife’s room.

Mohan again roared like a lion, “It is me who made you a lioness,”

“I agree” Veena said, wiping the sweat from her face.

“Then what are you arrogant about?”

“I have no arrogance sweetheart. I always feel that man progresses according
to the conditions he finds himself in.If you see my conditions…The love and
affection of my parents…The free flow of knowledge and wisdom…If any
other woman had got this like me, she too would have agreed to join you in
your world of alcohol and fun which you offered me with so much love and
affection. This is the training of every Sindhi house…a married woman has to
succeed…”

“But I would escape from your embrace again and again.”

“But I had read in school in the story of Leela Chanesar in which Leela tells
her husband ‘You may have many. I have only you.’

“Veena! Veena! All this knowledge of yours did not come to my use.” Mohan
went restlessly to the window facing the garden…

Veena came and stood by his side. “Will you come to the small garden
outside? The swing and the beautiful flowers are calling you.”

Mohan said, “The way your daily lifestyle has planted beautiful flowers in the
garden and your cheeks too bloom like petals in this age…”

“Enough. Enough. My sweet Mohan is not less than me. Inspite of applying
rouge on my face I cannot have the same freshness that you have on your
face.”

Veena now put her face on Mohan’s chest.

Throwing the cigarette butt in the garden Mohan said, “Difficult days have
come.”

“So what? We shall face them. One does not have to build a permanent fort.”

“I am not saying that.” Mohan explained. “For so many days I have been
playing big stakes in Jakarta and I have been losing everyday.Yesterday I lost
the last game too…”

So, what? One loses sometimes and wins sometimes in gambling. What
about that?’

Mohan tauntingly laughed and said, “Consider all the flats gone in repaying
the bank loans.”

Veena stood silent, lost in some thought.

“Hey. Where is all your knowledge now? I only asked you to give up alcohol
and you were showing me your big eyes. You drew me also out of control.”

Veena said with a sulking face, “I don’t understand your fast-changing
behaviour of arrogance. I agree that there is poverty in the house. But there
was also an ocean of wealth in this house. We must learn to face joy and
sorrow in equal measure like the Geeta says.”

“God knows what big words you are using. The end has come Veenbai! The
end!”

“Your friends will help you in these bad times.”

“Call them enemies. Friendship? Chee. I had first gone to their doors before
hitting you. Understood? When time you speak for them…”

“I don’t talk on anyone’s behalf. Yes, I do say that why should we find fault
with everybody? Everyone has good and bad points…”

“it is foolish to talk to you. You don’t know my friends. Even then you are
defending them. I don’t accept that…Now, the end has come. I am ready to
die.” Saying this Mohan brought out a new whisky bottle from the bar.

Veen somehow gathered courage and snatching the bottle from his hand, she
threw it into the garden…

Mohan was furious. He said, “Do you know the consequences of that?”

Veena locked the bar as well and threw the keys too in the garden, saying,
“Your friends may become your enemies, but I will never leave your side…”

“Are you supporting me? Or pulling me out of the water? What if I kill you
now?’

“I am pulling you out of the waters of the death and taking you on the path
of life…”

Suddenly Mohan grew quiet.

The silence in the house grew even deeper. Suddenly the elder son shouted
from the hall, “Who has taken kept both the phones off the hook?” and as
soon as he put them back, both the phones began ringing…

Veena answered the phone, saying, “Mohan is not at home. When he comes,
I shall ask him to call you…”

On the other phone she said, “Yes, brother, I know everything…We will not
cheat anyone even of a single penny. We shall face what all has happened…”
As she put down the phone, Mohan caught her by the neck from behind.

“You will face it? You will face it? Do you know how much loss has been
incurred?”

Veena freed herself from his clutches and said, “I said we will face it. That
includes you also.”

The elder son’s voice was heard, “Why? Will we leave the country like
cowards?”

The mother brought the Arti plate before Mohan and said, “Take the
blessings. I am also with you. You are not alone…”

Now the younger son too came and stood in front… “You too? “Mohan
looked at his son in disbelief. The younger son answered, “Yes dad, me too.”

After that there was no excuse or reason for any conversation. There were
calls after calls and people coming in. There were strange threats on the
phone and some people even came personally and spoke harshly.

In the evening, carrying his account books, Mohan shut himself in his room
with his elder son.

People told Veena on the phone and personally such terrible things about
Mohan that finally in the evening, she put her head in her mother-in-law’s
lap and began weeping.

Patting her head, her mother-in-law blessed her. Veena was crying and
saying, “But why are all these friends saying all such things? That my husband
has no other option, but death. They are so wicked.”

The mother said, “The gold becomes more luminous in the fire. If you are
really my children of gold, you will face all the difficulties and sail through.”

Late in the night, when both father and son came out of the room, the
mother said, “Mohan, my son, she too will support you.”
Mohan said arrogantly, “What support will this ignorant woman give me?
Now I will keep her at home and look after all the shops alone. Just watch,
how I clear all my debts in just twelve months!”
Veena was smiling. Hugging her mother-in-law, she said, “Ammi, I have
found my old Mohan…”
“Really.?” Mohan had a self-confident smile on his lips. “Come on. Get me
something to eat and a peg or so…”
“Stop these ways, son, atleast for some time. But you don’t know my dear
how much this Veenu has gone through in your absence.”
“In absence?”
“Was it not absence? In the arrogance of a peg I looked so small to you…If
two semi-circles are not equal, then how will the full circle be formed…”
“Today’s hit has really made me realise your intelligence. Otherwise I would
have left the world by morning…these two sons of yours are really very
courageous…”
“Afterall they are the sons of a courageous and self-confident father like
you.”

.

8.GHOST OF DISCRIMINATION

He asked “Will you listen to a poem?’

Controlling a jerk within her, Sheela said, “I don’t like poems.”

Deepak looked into her eyes. Sheela felt as if someone is holding two lamps
in a dark room and her gaze fell on the scattered poverty within, where there
was neither wealth nor knowledge because neither the pages of books were
flying nor were there silk curtains flowing. Feeling ashamed of her poor state,
she lowered her gaze. Before her was the master who had wealth as well as
wisdom and even then, what was the reason for covering her poor house
with her eyelids? Was it self-pride or self-respect? Her heart said -self-pride
and Sheela, opening the back door of her courtyard, had said once, “I do not
like poems because I don’t understand them. But I did not say that I don’t
like your talking.”

“Okay.” Deepak took a deep breath and giving Sheela a passionate look, he
moved towards his group of friends.

Sheela pulled out the grass surrounding the big stone she was sitting on and
threw it away. The bell rang for the lecture in college. She got up and went to
her class. As she met Deepak’s gaze, her gaze lowered as if she was saying,
“You consider me a pretty toy isn’t it?”

But in the aloneness of the night when she reflected on this small college
incident she could not sleep without taking a decision on it.Much was
decided in very few words, “If I was a nobody then why would he have come
to me to recite a poem, leaving aside all other college girls? But because I
was sitting alone, in the corner of the college garden he perhaps
misunderstood that I was tired of my friends’ mischievous behaviour and so I
must be a serious soul. Whatever it was, he has misunderstood, that is why it
is not correct to say that he has hurt my self-respect.”

And the next day she grew restless and wished to apologise to Deepak…But
she couldn’t find any reason for such feelings.

But the wait was in vain. That day Deepak did not come to college. Sheela
went home and plucked all the flowers from her courtyard and threw them.

On the third day as Deepak was entering the college door, a voice fell on his
ears, somewhat hesitant and somewhat bold. She was saying, “Why didn’t
you come yesterday?”

Deepak’s face brightened. Behind these words- “Why didn’t you come
yesterday? Was echoing the feeling- “How much you made me wait.”

Listening to that his mind lightened up like a glow-worm.

Walking along with Sheela on the college lawn he softly said, “It was the
flower’s (Gul’s)naming ceremony.”
“What do you mean?” Sheela hid her disappointment with her eyelids.
“Nothing. It was just my nephew’s naming ceremony, so I did not come.”

Sheela took a sigh of relief.

“What did you name him?”
“His name is Gulab.”
“Gulab?”
“Why, did you not like it?”
“It is old-fashioned.”
“Flowers are never old.”
“Calling people by flower-names is old fashioned. I would certainly not call
myself Chameli.”
“And what about Kamal and Kamilini?”
“They sound okay. They are not too old.”
“In the same way Gulab is old and Gul is a new name.”
“Then why didn’t you say that he is named Gul?”
“Then how would his mother’s desire to add ‘Rai’to the name be fulfilled?”
“I did not understand.”
“I mean that from Gulab he will become Gulabrai, but from Gul he will also
be able to become Guldas.”
“Why, he can become Gulraj too?”
“Our elders loved to add ‘Rai’ and ‘Das’ and ‘Mal’ because it gives out a
Sindhi fragrance.”

“I don’t know what kind of elders you have. Our elders must have been
happy to be called ‘Raj’, otherwise how would our surname be ‘Gulrajani’?”

Deepak gave a frozen look and said, “This ‘your’ and ‘‘ours’ discrimination is
very expensive.”

“Arey. Arey. Such a long face?”

“This also comes from an English expression- ‘Long Face’ and I did not like
adding ‘such a long’ instead of ‘what a long’…”

Sheela’s face withered.

For some time, Deepak kept thinking within himself and as his gaze fell on
Sheela’s sad face, he burst out laughing, saying, “Oh oh…”

Sheela said in a heavy tone, “If someone sitting nearby is busy searching
himself then it is better that the other should disappear. Anyway, we two
have found each other. Let us go, the lecture has begun.”

Sheela looked around and was surprised, so many girls and boys were
passing her by, entering the door. She could understand how, standing at the
corner, at the entrance of the door, she was so happy that she had been
unaware of all the students passing by. Keeping back to awareness she took
quick steps, went ahead of Deepak and reached the staircase. A little
distance away, a young boy was humming the song, Pyar Kiya Toh Darna
Kya!

***** **** ****

“Sheela, whom are you voting for?”

“For Deepak.”

“That old-fashioned Jiani?”

Sheela frowned. She pinched her friend, Kanta and said, “Whatever, he has
become Deepak from Deepo.”

“That is why I don’t like talking to girls at all.” Kanta folded her hands in a
Namaste and went away. When Sheela heard her two friends’ laughter from
a distance, she felt thorns pricking her. That day she also felt the food very

tasteless at home and she complained of the glasses at home being very

dirty. She felt that the blouse her sister-in-law had stitched for her very out-
dated and ill-fitted.

That evening when she saw Deepak at her place, she was shocked. Suddenly,
she understood the root cause of the storm within her. She looked at him in
amazement…

“Miss Gulrajani, will you ask me to sit or will you continue to stare at this
strange animal?’

Her sister Maina, sitting in a corner, gave out a laughter. Sheela felt like
telling her to get out but such a thing had never happened in Gulrajani family
before. Saying, “I’ll get some tea…” she went into the kitchen. In a few
minutes she returned with a cup of tea in one hand and some biscuits and
kept it on the table.

“This was not necessary.” Deepak said.

“Everything is not done out of a necessity.”

“But you too have some tea.” Deepak said endearingly.

“I have just had some.” Again, Maina gave a laugh from the corner of the
room, but her face was bent down towards a book, as if she was reading
something funny and laughing.

Deepak and Sheela took a sigh of relief. Sipping his tea Deepak said, “In this
election I’m sure you will canvas for me.”

“You are acquainted with many girls.”

“Not ‘am’ acquainted, but ‘was’ acquainted.”

“Okay, so now you have become a sanyasi?’ Sheela teased him with a
twinkle in her eyes.

“Anyway, there are no flowers without thorns. I must get going now.”

Even then Sheela continued staring and from the corner Maina kept giggling
loudly. After Deepak left, Maina came and said, “Didi, look at this.”

Sheela saw that Maina had drawn a cartoon of Deepak and had captioned it

NO TIE. NO CAP. NOT EVEN SHINING SHOES.

HIS HEAD IS TRIANGULAR, CLEVER IN TALKING.

NO WAIST BELT.HOW WILL HE MANAGE HIS SUIT?

HE WOULD BE CALLED A FOOL CANVASING FOR ELECTIONS.

For a moment Sheela felt like strangulating her sister. But the next moment
she thought that Maina had saved her from committing a big mistake and
she burst out laughing.

**** **** ****

The elections were over. Jiani got only eight votes but even then, there was
no sign of any defeat on his face. He happily shook hands with the new
secretary. Friends joked that Jiani has lost the whole world because of one.

With emotion-filled eyes Jiani said, “But somebody can find the whole world
in one also.” The friends clapped and applauded him. One of them said, “That
was a good one.”

Deepak started sipping water with intoxicated eyes.

In the evening Deepak was sitting in Sheela’s house and casually talking to
her. Suddenly seeing the corner empty he said, “Sheela, I am confused about
something.”

“What is it?”

“My family is thinking of getting me married.”

“In your caste they get you married before this age.”

“Yes. But what do you think?’

Sheela remembered Maina’s cartoon and she softly said, “This is your
personal matter. I cannot say anything in this. It all depends on you.”

“I found it necessary to ask you because of our relationship that has
developed in the past few months.”

“So, you asked me and I answered. Otherwise I don’t interfere in other
people’s affairs.”

Deepak was quiet for a while and then with a cool sigh, he stood up to go.
Turning back, he said, “Namaskar to Sheela Kumari, the city-bred lady.”

The word ‘city-bred’ pierced Sheela’s heart.

Now Sheela was looking for Deepak not only in the college but even on the
roads. She would become sad if she spotted anyone on the roads, looking
even a bit like Deepak.

One day she told her sister Maina, “Show me Deepak’s cartoon once again.”

“Arey Didi, I am ready to make another cartoon now. When Deepumal will
on a horse with a crown on his head and a handkerchief on his face…”

With a sharp gaze Sheela told her sister, “You are very rigid about caste and
creed. Even after losing our motherland, the discrimination between native
and urban lingers like a ghost.

9.HARJAS AND CHETAN

“Hari, did you like this hotel?” Chetan asked.

“Chetan you have this knack of understanding others’ liking” Harjas said.

Chetan and Harjas were relaxing by the poolside of the hotel, on iron chairs
with soft cushions.

Chetan had turned to look at Harjas, to hear her answer. He laughed and
said,” I never imagined that in the seventy-five years of life you would live up
to your name.”

Now Harjas too turned towards Chetan. There was a very small gap of a few
fingers between their two armchairs. She said, “Chetan, this name of mine
has also been responsible for me bearing a lot in my life. But you tell me, why
did you call me ‘Hari today when you always referred to me as Jassi?”

“No, I called you Hari sometimes and Jassi too at times. Who can call out a
name -HARJAS!”

Harjas laughed with her false teeth.

Chetan said, “Hari, even at this age, your laugh is endearing.”

“Chetan, atleast you don’t make me realise my age. I always say that I am a
seventy-five-year-old young lady.”

“In that way even, I call myself a sixty-five-year-old young man. But Hari,
much water has flown through in the last many years. The storms of
memories have created craters on the mind.”

Hari become sad too and after a moment she said, “So many of our friends
have left us and gone away. I had never imagined even in my dreams that
Indru would go before me. As long as he was alive, he stood before you. Even
now he must be looking forward to seeing you up there. You are very difficult
Chetan.”

“Oh, am I the difficult one? Your husband Indrumal was the one who was
difficult. Perhaps he will forgive me from the heavens. But he really kept me
longing to have a relationship with you.”

“Chetan why do say that? Even you must have felt irritated at your Vandana
speaking freely with someone or the other?”

“Hari, what argument can I have with you. I cannot tell you the amount of
freedom I had given Vandana. I had never ever stopped her from meeting
anybody. We two had a very strong loving relationship.” Chetan was silent
for a while, watching a few couples swimming in the pool.

Harjas looked towards the direction where Chetan was looking. She said,
“Chetan, you are looking at the pool, but the past is working on your mind.
Tell me frankly, what incident had taken place. Now that Vandana is no
more, so there is no question of verifying anything.”

Chetan sat upright on his iron chair. Taking the support of her arm, Harjas
turned to look at Chetan. He said, “Thoughtful. Actually, a wife never has any
envy. She only wishes to have the topmost position in her husband’s eyes,
above all other women. A wife’s love is very aggressive.”

Now Harjas too sat up, saying, “Today you have said something very true. If
my Indru had some feeling of love then our lives in the last few years would
have not been so difficult.”

“What do you mean?

At first Harjas tried to avoid Chetan but on his insisting, she finally gave in.
She said, “It is a laughable matter. He was suspicious that we both shared a
love-relationship.”

“How come? He had kept you away from all your friends. It is a laughable
matter because you and I were so far off from each other.”

Looking far away in distance Harjas took a deep breath and said, “It is a
laughable matter but when he accused me then I became mad with sorrow.
You are ten years younger to me and I was a domestic woman.”

Chetan went into deep thought.

Harjas said, “Actually Indru was very insensitive. Being a man, he wished to
be superior to a woman. Like two flowing rivers coming from opposite
directions create a fog, such was the condition of his life.”

Chetan asked, “You also fell a victim to that fog?”

“No,” Harjas said, “I was helplessly drawn into that fog. But I was saved
because within me I knew that Indru’s allegations and insensitivity towards
me were baseless and were based on falsity. I pitied him on hearing his
abuses and accusations. I used to forgive him for everything.”

Suddenly there was a splashing sound. Someone had jumped into the pool
from the top. Chetan and Harjas kept looking in that direction. As the
swimmer’s head slowly came up above the water, Harjas heaved a sigh of
relief. That moment Chetan got up and put his hands on Harjas’s feet. She
tried to move her feet away, saying,” Oh, oh. What are you doing Chetan?”

Without moving his hands from her feet, Chetan said, “Let me call you ‘Didi’.
I shall call you Didi from today.”

Patting his head Harjas said, “If you call me ‘Amma’ too I shall not mind
because I have understood since a long time, that the artistic middle-class
family that I have been brought up in, you too have been brought up in the
same. The family in which you have been brought up is similar my maternal
family, where there was awareness about devotion, love and Bhakti,
compassion and such qualities. When I saw these human feelings in your
thoughts, I was very happy and that is the time perhaps when Indru became
doubtful.”

Helplessly Chetan said, “What can I say Didi? We men are not only
passionate about creating property but are also passionate about considering
our wives as our property.”

Taking a deep breath and cracking her fingers Harjas said, “I wish the time
will come when a woman will be considered as an equal partner in the
property rather than a man’s property.”

“Didi, to bring about such an equality is a woman’s responsibility too.”

“Ofcourse. Ofcourse. If a woman handles her mental qualities, and
progresses with her mind and intelligence, if she stops wasting time in gossip
only then she can climb that ladder and some percentage of women have
already climbed that ladder. The question is acknowledgement of such a
progress from the man.”

“What do you mean?’

“The meaning is clear. If a woman is working in an organisation along with
man, then the man has no right to blame her for anything.”

“Didi, even women blame men unnecessarily .We sit in offices, hotels and
trains with women and talk to them; that does not mean that every woman
we meet should get the position of a ‘wife’”

Pausing for a moment Chetan said, “Didi! If you watch, you will see that it is
all a lack of vision. Mahatma Gandhi tried to bring about a revolution about
this wish that the male-society should consider the woman intelligent like
man. In Russia, Lennon too had worked hard about this. Women like you
have already achieved such rights in the world!”

Harjas smiled and lied down again on the iron armchair. Chetan was still
sitting erect on his chair. Suddenly he shouted and said, “Didi, see the sky has
come down!”

Harjas got up and looked in the direction that Chetan was looking and said,
“Wow, the whole pool has become like a red sky.”

“Isn’t it? The entire sky has fallen into the pool…”

Slowly the redness of the sky was fading away. Harjas said, “Chetan, let us
go.” And she started searching for her slippers.

Chetan kept looking at her. Finally, he said, “Shall we go?”

Harjas raised her eyes and looked at Chetan. Chetan saw that there were
tears shining in Harjas’s eyes. Taking a deep breath, he said, “Let’s go.”

Harjas took his support and got up.

10.LONGINIG FOR SINDHI

As Ram’s mother entered the hall, wiping the sweat from her neck, she
noticed that a crowd had gathered to see her. She laughed and said, “Kishin’s
mother, what has happened to you? You did not come yourself to receive me
at the airport. But your poor grandsons were waiting with a placard with my
name on it. Oh, but please get up and give me a hug. We are meeting after so
many years.”

Kishin’s mother continued to sit on the sofa. Pointing to her knees she said,
“They are very painful” Then, Ram’s mother moved away the child sitting
next to her, and she sat next to Kishin’s mother, hugged her and kissed her.
Now Kishin’s mother’s daughters-in-law stood in a queue, waiting to touch
Ram’s mother’s feet.

Ram’s mother’s luggage consisted of wheeled bags. Kishin’s mother gestured
to her grandsons who took both the bags and kept them in a room.

A maid servant came in pushing a wheeled table on which were some
papads, biscuits, water and tea.

Ram’s mother said, “Oh, what will I do with tea? Please get me cold drink or
something. It is so hot in your Bombay.” Kishin’s mother told her daughter-
in-law to increase the air-condition. Then she sat down to talk about Spain
with Ram’s mother. Ram’s mother said, “I am living in actual heaven. First
you tell me. Why did you return from America?”

“My dear, I had gone for twelve months but…” Hitting her legs she
continued, “Firstly that wretched winter, and then, the English language
which I don’t understand. So, I would be sitting for days together like a dumb
person. My grandchildren would teach me a little but they were so busy in
playing, TV…”

“O my God, Good you came back! How can one live like a dumb person? That
too in old age! I am surrounded by my grandchildren. I give them idols to
bathe, to dress. I have taught them the JAP SAHEB. They are playful and
mischievous…”

“They must be doing that in English?
“What English? I myself am not a London -educated grandmother that they
will talk in English. My son and daughter-in-law have learned Spanish,
because it is used in business also. They have also learned a little of French

and German. But why should I lie, they speak Sindhi in front of me. I had told
them once that they may speak in any language when at the shop but at
home, I get angry if they speak in any other language. Listening to Sindhi
language being spoken is like a cool breeze in summer.”

Kishin’s mother started laughing, “You have taught them cleverly…”

“My dear, you call this cleverness? Once when they had put me on a train to
go to Ajmer all alone, an old man had given me cold water on a station. I told
him “God bless you Abba”. The old man was overwhelmed and said, “My
dear Amma, you are a Sindhi. That is why I will get a double blessing.”

I asked him, “Why Abba? Why will you get a double blessing?” Then he
replied, “Amma, during the holy months I have always been offering cool
water to everyone at this station; just like we used to do in Sindh. But today,
listening to a few words of Sindhi blessings felt like a cool breeze in a hot
summer.”

“O great, my good-hearted Ram’s mother! Now tell me, do all your
grandchildren talk to you in Sindhi?”

“Now, again you are asking the same thing? My grandchildren speak to me in
Sindhi. While feeding them every spoonful of milk I tell them-Kheer Piyande
haaren, Ta Vaar khusanda Maarey…” (Sindhi Proverb)

“Enough. Enough. Now one may say that you are less of a grandmother and
more of a teacher at home…. I would not have the patience to do the same.”

Forgetting about her knees, Ram’s mother patted Kishin’s mother’s knee and
said, “Amma, you pay for your own deeds.”

“Oh, my Amma, you hit me so badly. I am in so much pain now….”

“Kishin’s mother…Kishin’s mother…What has happened to you? You have
become crippled. Why don’t you get up and walk? You didn’t even get up to
hug me. You are sitting like a lame person. When you go to America you
become dumb. And you are a few years younger than me.”

“Yes. Yes. I remember everything.”

“Just see how I make you walk and laugh before leaving! We both don’t have
any problems of money. I will make sure to take you to a few Homeopaths,
Allopaths, Magnet therapists and apply other Home remedies and make you
walk with me.”

“Oh, you will make me walk? If I am able to walk with a strong and healthy
person like you then I will surely pay you a visit in Spain too. But what is this
hugging and kissing that you have learned?”

“It is a custom in Spain. Men and women greet each other this way. And you
know very well that my whole life is spent in Spain. But everyone abroad has
a desire to come to India. This year my sons asked me, “Amma don’t you
wish to visit India this year?’ I said, “Sons, ofcourse I wish to, but I have a
great desire to see Sindh first.” Right now, I actually wish to meet my best
friend in Bombay…” I hardly expressed my feelings and my son had already
booked my ticket to Bombay.”

Kishin’s mother said, “My sons only need my services. But though I love their
children, I don’t like their arrogance. They are surrounded by maids and
servants…”

“I too can afford many maids and servants if I desire so. But I have taught
everyone that they should have so much love for each other that they should
never back out to put in any effort to see each other happy. Daughters-in-
law, sons and grandchildren have such a connection between them that
when my husband died, they wouldn’t leave me alone even for a moment.”

“And they all converse with you in Sindhi? Their Covent education was all
wasted?”

“Shut up my stupid friend! Some one may hear you. Convent education is for
their business and what about all that I have taught them with each spoon of
milk? Should that go wasted?”

Shaking her head Kishin’s mother kept reflecting for quite some time.
Suddenly she remembered something. She rang the bell near the sofa and a
servant appeared. She asked Ram’s mother, “What will you have? Soda or
Lemonade…?” Saying this, she covered her mouth with her dupatta and
began laughing.

Ram’s mother answered, “That lemonade which we would open with our
thumb in Sindh…” Saying this she burst out laughing too.

Kishin’s mother told her, “Your same laughter of Sindh has filled me with a
longing for Sindh and Sindhis!”