Healing Journal Guide-Christian 8-15-17

A Time to Heal

Grief Recovery Guide

Paulina Rael Jaramillo, M.A.

“Earth hath
no sorrow that
Heaven cannot heal.”
Thomas Moore

1

Special Acknowledgements
Photography provided by: Michele Bryer, Paulina Rael Jaramillo
Book cover by: Michele Bryer
Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible: New International Version

Copyright © 2008, by Paulina Rael Jaramillo
First Printing 2008
Second Printing 2009, Revised

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means,
electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system,
except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without permission in writing from the Author/Publisher.

Dedicated To
And

In Loving Memory Of:

Selina Jaramillo
Eugenia Rael Rodriquez

Eugenio Rodriquez
Frank Bonilla

Raymond Jaramillo Trujillo
Robert Jaramillo Trujillo
Patrick Jaramillo
Charley Garcia

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Mightier than the thunder
of the great waters,

mightier than the breakers
of the sea—

the Lord on high is mighty.

Psalm 93:4 (NIV)

Contents

Introduction...……………………….……….….........3
Purpose……………….……………..…….………….5
Preparing to Write………………....…….…………..7
Getting Started…………………………….…… …...9
Dealing with Denial…………………….....………..11
Feel the Feeling…………………..……...…………13
Facing Fear………………………..…….…..……...15
Addressing Anger……………….……….…...…….17
Handling Hurt…………………….……….…...……19
Giving Up Guilt………………………………..…….21
Defeating Depression……………...….……….…..23
Letting Go……………………….…..…….….….....25
Saying Farewell………………………...……..…...29
Living in the Present………………….....…..…….31
Discovering My Passion………..……...……..…..33
Planning For My Future…………….……..…..…..35
Appendix: “Life is for Living”………...….…...…....37

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Everyone grieves when someone dies,
but if we are to heal,
we must also mourn.

Alan Wolfelt, PhD

Introduction

Healing after the death of a loved one, a divorce or a life-altering situation is a deeply personal ex-
perience and by its very nature—a lonely process. Grieving involves the sentiments and emotions
connected with loss. Mourning is the expression of those feelings. In order for healing to take
place, we must first acknowledge our loss and give ourselves permission to mourn as we seek
God’s abundant mercy and healing grace. When we release our associations and dreams connect-
ed to a person or lifestyle that is no longer a part of our lives, we open ourselves to new possibili-
ties. Eventually, the memories that are now painful, will become memories that we can cherish and
treasure.

Healing is a process. It cannot be hurried or accomplished in a predetermined length of time. Of-
tentimes, emotions that were present at an earlier stage may reappear. But even those moments of
regression are evidence that healing is taking place and serve as signals that more work needs to
be done at that stage. Like all journeys, healing begins with a single step, followed by a second and
a third, until the destination is finally reached and the peace that we long for is ours in Christ Jesus.

Because none of us are alike, nor are we at the same stage in life at the same time, and due to the
uniqueness of our loss as well as our personal life experiences, each of us must carve our own trail
through the dark forest. Thankfully, we don’t have to rely on our own strength. The same power
that Jesus called upon to heal the sick and raise the dead is available to us today.

This book and the accompanying workbook were written as a result of my personal experiences
with loss and healing due to multiple deaths in my family in a short span of time. My desire is that
my pain, struggles, setbacks, regrouping and eventual triumph will provide hope and encourage-
ment for those who are taking their first tentative steps toward healing.

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I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber...

the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night...

the Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

Psalm 121 (NIV)

Purpose

 Help you to name and own your behavior and emotions (denial,
anger, fear, hurt, guilt, depression) that are often present as a
result of a loss or crisis.

 Help you to examine the source and nature of your feelings in
order to release them.

 Help you to move forward by connecting to God, your own
strength and enlisting help from other sources.

 Help you to let go of the past and connect with a richer and more
fulfilling life in the present.

 Help you to discover your passion and set new goals as God
leads.

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Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

Preparing to Write

Important

 Find a private and quiet spot.
 Say a prayer asking for guidance.
 Write in your workbook everyday.
 Don’t plan ahead of time what you’re going to write.
 Write what you feel without censoring or editing.
 Don’t read what you’ve written until the workbook is finished.
 Store your workbook in a private place.

Not Important

 Spelling
 Grammar
 Content
 Penmanship

Keep It Simple
Keep It Real

Keep it Personal

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I guide you in the way of wisdom
and lead you along straight paths.

Proverbs 4:11 (NIV)

Getting Started

You’ve made a life-altering decision, one that will affect your emotional, mental and physi-
cal health, as well as your walk with God, relationship with others, employment and each
and every area that your life touches. You’ve decided to begin the journey of healing and
reclaiming your life—and your God given right to live it abundantly!

Now that you’ve taken the first step, you need to take the next one and the one after that.
(The accompanying workbook is designed to assist you.) Making the decision to start is
only the beginning. Staying focused and continuing to move forward requires time, effort
and commitment and most importantly, God’s mercy and grace at work in you. It won’t be
easy, but it will be rewarding.

Some of us have been prisoners of our own emotions for months, or perhaps years, be-
fore realizing that we can no longer remember what it’s like to experience love, peace and
joy. We can’t even recall what it feels like to be alive and free! Whether your loss is re-
cent or it took place several years ago, healing can and will happen if you’re open and
willing to work toward it.

My prayer for all of you is that your healing will be complete, and when that happens, that
you will help someone else who’s just starting out.

Page 9 in the workbook will help you get started.

…I will heal my people and let them enjoy
abundant peace and security.

Jeremiah 33:6 (NIV)

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Set me free from my prison,
that I may praise your name…

Psalm 142:7 (NIV)

Dealing with Denial

Denial serves a purpose, at least in the beginning. It helps to cushion the initial
shock. But when denial is used to avoid reality it becomes a cushion with a “false
bottom.” The longer we remain in denial, the more we risk falling into one or more
of the traps that denial leads to: self-indulgent behavior, rage, clinical depression,
illness, etc.

In order to avoid being trapped, we need to face reality, and that means grappling
with all the emotions that are being suppressed. Thankfully, not all of them have to
be dealt with at once. We can examine and work through them as they emerge.
While dealing with raw emotions may not sound very appealing, it’s comforting to
know that God understands our suffering and is eager to help us.

Pages 13 through 17 in the workbook are designed to help you work through denial
in order to begin your journey of healing.

God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.

Psalm 46:1 (NIV)

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...weeping may remain for a night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.

Psalm 30:5 (NIV)

Feel the Feeling

Feelings are a natural part of our emotional being and play a vital role in our lives. With-
out feelings (and our reactions to them) our lives would be drab and colorless, and in
some cases we could be in real danger. Emotions enable us to laugh when we hear a
joke, empathize with the misfortune of another, react with anger when we see an injus-
tice. They also serve to warn us of impending danger or when a situation is not safe.
Feelings are illusive and transitory. They’re also very real and can dictate how we live
our lives. Our goal is to admit and experience our emotions but not let them control who
we are, what we do, or what we say.

The first step in working through our feelings begins with acknowledging that we’re re-
sponsible for what we feel at any given moment. Although it’s easier to assign responsi-
bility to someone or something other than ourselves when we experience negative emo-
tions, doing so causes us to revert back into denial.

Emotions are connected to expectations and perceptions. If we change how we per-
ceive a situation, or what we expect from it, our emotions connected to that situation will
change as well. Expressing our feelings verbally or in writing gives them meaning and
clarity. It also helps us to acknowledge and release them to God and, in so doing, allow
Him to redirect their power.

Pages 19 through 23 in the workbook are designed to help you examine and accept your
emotions.

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The Lord is my rock,
my fortress and my deliverer…

Psalm 18:2 (NIV)

Facing Fear

Unacknowledged fear can disguise itself in a variety of forms, with anger and withdrawal
being two of the most common. After experiencing a life-altering loss, our fears tend to
coalesce around ourselves. The fact that our old identity is no longer what it used to be is
scary. In addition to that is the fear of what lies ahead and the overwhelming feeling that
we won’t be able to cope. And lurking just around the corner is the fear of who or what
we’re going to lose next. Even the act of grieving is scary because of its intensity and
unfamiliarity. Healthy fear can serve to warn us of impending danger and enable us to
take appropriate action. Unhealthy fear can paralyze us or cause us to react in such a
way as to create danger to ourselves or others.

Thankfully, we don’t have to face our fears alone. God repeatedly assures us of His de-
sire to help and protect us. The more we rely on Him, the less we have to fear.

Pages 25 through 29 in the workbook will help you face your fears and encourage you to
release them.

...do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed,
for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)

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In your anger do not sin.
Do not let the sun go down
while you are still angry…

Ephesians 4:26 (NIV)

Addressing Anger

Anger is a normal response to an unjust situation and serves a purpose in our lives.
However, anger can also be a reaction stemming from other emotions that have been
suppressed (fear, guilt, hurt, etc.). It can be directed inward or outward. A telltale sign
that anger is directly linked to other emotions is the intensity and duration. If the reac-
tion to a given situation is out of proportion to what occurred, you can be sure that oth-
er emotions are involved. Anger can also be misdirected. When a tragedy or crisis
occurs, we may blame the doctor, the hospital, God, or anyone else that we feel could
have averted the tragedy or was responsible for creating the crisis. Feelings of anger
can also extend to others around us who have not suffered a loss and whose lives are
seemingly calm and undisturbed.

Acknowledging our anger and admitting the real source, as well as our negative reac-
tions, will provide perspective and enable us to receive the healing that God longs to
give us.

Pages 31 through 35 in the workbook are designed to help you examine and express
your feelings of anger constructively.

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He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.

Psalm 147:3 (NIV)

Handling Hurt

When a crisis or catastrophic event occurs, it’s normal and even healthy to feel hurt.
Some of the ways that hurt expresses itself is through feelings of sadness, disillusionment,
depression and anger. These feelings can become intense, and when suppressed, can
find an outlet through bouts of rage followed by guilt and self-loathing. When someone or
something important to us has been lost, the pain we feel is compounded by the chaos
and profound impact it has created in our life. In some cases, existing relationships may
undergo a transition or cease to exist altogether. People occasionally distance them-
selves from someone who’s hurting because they don’t know how to help, or in some cas-
es, may be unable to as a result of their own issues.

Recognizing our hurt feelings and allowing God to repair our brokenness requires time
and effort. However, as God mends the pieces of our broken heart, He not only restores
wholeness, He enables us to reach out to others and extend His mercy.

Pages 37 through 41 in the workbook will help you examine and release your feelings of
hurt and make changes that may be necessary.

...comfort those in any trouble with the comfort
we ourselves have received from God.

2 Corinthians 1:4 (NIV)

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Create in me a pure heart,
O God, and renew
a steadfast spirit
within me.

Psalm 51:10 (NIV)

Giving Up Guilt

Unhealthy guilt is like a small sore that keeps getting bigger and causing more pain until the
wound is so large that it affects the entire body. We need to attend to it long before that
happens.

Being that we’re imperfect humans, we’ll occasionally say or do something that we wish we
hadn’t, or perhaps fail to say or do something that we wish we had. An important step in
releasing guilt is to write down in detail whatever obsessive thoughts and memories you’re
having. Next, read scripture that speaks of God’s forgiveness and write it down on a sepa-
rate sheet of paper. Two of my favorites are: “For You, Lord, are good and ready to forgive
and abundant in loving kindness to all who call upon You.” (Psalms 86:5 NKJ) And, “If we
confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all un-
righteousness.” (1 John 1:9 NKJ) Lastly, say a prayer asking God for forgiveness and dis-
card the paper you wrote your thoughts and memories on. If/when they return, remind
yourself that you’ve released them, repeat the scripture verses and say a prayer.

Pages 43 through 47 in the workbook will help you examine your thoughts and memories
associated with guilt and help you to release them.

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Seasons of the Soul

Why am I cast down
And despondently sad
When I long to be happy
And joyous and glad?

Why is my heart heavy
With unfathomable weight

As I try to escape
This soul-saddened state?

I ask myself often,
What makes life this way.
Why is the song silenced
In the heart that was gay?

And then, with God’s help
It all becomes clear...

And, Oh! What a blessing
To know there are reasons,
And to find that our soul
Must, too, have its seasons...

Helen Steiner Rice

Defeating Depression

Depression is an indication that something is wrong and needs our attention. Episodes of
depression can be debilitating and insidious. They can affect our sleep, our appetite, the
way we see ourselves and our attitude toward life in general. Depression resulting from a
crisis or a traumatic event is referred to as situational depression and is a normal reaction
to loss. However, if left untreated, situational depression can lead to a more serious form
referred to as clinical depression, especially in individuals with high risk factors.

If feelings of depression persist or become increasingly worse, seeking Christian-based
counseling and joining a support group may be necessary. Hearing others testify of the
faithfulness of God as He walked with them through the “valley of darkness,” provides
hope and encouragement and makes our own valley seem less daunting.

Pages 49 through 53 in the workbook are designed to help you explore your feelings of
depression and ways of overcoming them.

A bruised reed he will not break,
and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.

In faithfulness he will bring forth justice.

Isaiah 42:3 (NIV)

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Forgetting what is behind
and straining toward what is ahead.

I press on toward the goal
to win the prize

for which God has called me…

Philippians 3:13-14 (NIV)

Letting Go

I want to take a moment to congratulate you for the courage, strength and commitment that
you’ve shown in working through the various stages on your journey toward healing.
You’ve overcome several roadblocks that were keeping you from making headway, and
now it’s time to let go and begin to live your own life in the abundance that God has for you.

Some of you may find this section and the section that follows (Saying Farewell) to be the
most difficult, but also the most liberating. The reasons for the difficulty are complicated
and multifaceted. Simply put, we’re not only letting go of the person or situation, but of the
lifestyle connected to them and/or the expectations that were not fulfilled. Letting go is a
process that requires faith (that God will enable you) and commitment (to His will). It also
requires time and energy. Some of the stages may have to be repeated more than once
before you experience complete release. But it will happen! God is faithful!

Before you begin working through the corresponding section in the workbook (page 55), I
want you to take a moment to consider what letting go means (see page 27).

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How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them.
Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.

Psalm 139:17-18 (NIV)

Letting go is...

Trusting: God to provide strength and guidance.
Releasing: The person or situation because I choose to do so.
Appreciating: The time I was given with that person or in that situation.
Remembering: The person or situation for the positive influence they had in my life.
Recognizing: That life is full of new beginnings.
Seeking: New direction for my life.
Fulfilling: The purpose for which I was created.

And the peace of God
Which transcends all understanding
will guard your hearts and your minds

in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:7 (NIV)

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Your word is a lamp to my feet
and a light for my path.

Psalm 119:165 (NIV)

Saying Farewell

I would like to share with you my personal experience in saying good-bye to my mother. I
was fortunate to be by her bedside and able to hold her in my arms when she died. A cou-
ple of years after her passing, I wrote a story describing the experience (included in the
appendix section of this book). I also wrote her eulogy, which my then 22-year-old daugh-
ter and I read at her funeral service.

Mom’s death was the second in a series of deaths in our extended family during a short
span of time! Experiencing multiple losses and sustaining shock and anguish repeatedly,
cast a surrealistic shroud over our lives. What sustained us during that horrific time? I can
say with complete honesty that it was God’s loving kindness and mercy that enabled us not
only to survive, but to thrive and bear witness of His faithfulness.

A couple of years ago I began writing the workbook, A Time to Heal, in order to help a fami-
ly member who has sustained additional losses and is still struggling with many of the emo-
tions. For one reason or another, I wasn’t able to continue working on it until recently. Dur-
ing my hiatus from writing, my thoughts kept returning to it and I realize now that God was
nudging me to complete the task. When I began writing again, it became obvious that God
intended these books for an audience much larger than my family and friends.

I have done my best….with my daughter’s help and God’s providential hand guiding
me….to finish the task. It has required a few sleepless nights and more than a few
tears to complete. I trust that these books will find their way into the hearts and
lives of the people who need them.

Pages 57 through 61 in the workbook provides instructions that you may find helpful in say-
ing farewell.

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The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Reinhold Niebuhr

Living in the Present

The exact moment that we’re living in is the only moment that truly exists. To live in the pre-
sent is to be mindful of what is taking place around us and to be conscious of our feelings,
attitudes and actions. Focusing on the present is a decision to disallow worries or concerns
about the past or future to impinge upon the immediate moment. It means paying attention to
what our sense of touch, smell, sight, hearing and taste are telling us and allowing our mind
and body to absorb the experience.

Living in the present means savoring every God given moment to its fullest with childlike faith
and freedom. It also means trusting God to provide for our needs now and in the future.

Page 63 in the workbook will help you connect with the present and evaluate your reactions.

Consider how the lilies grow.
They do not labor or spin.

Yet I tell you, not even Solomon
in all his splendor was dressed

like one of these.

Luke 12:27 (NIV)

31

…let us run with perseverance
the race marked out for us.

Hebrews 12:1 (NIV)

Discovering My Passion

Passion is a part of everyday life and encompasses the entire span of human existence, from
birth to death. Passion is in us and all around us and is inseparable from life. It can be found
in the most ordinary and sometimes unlikely places—the stillness of a moonlit night, the shat-
tering of silence by a screeching owl seeking its prey, the laughter of children as they turn
cartwheels, fragile snow flakes hanging in the air before landing gently on your open palm,
the smell of damp earth after a rainfall, the fervor of a mother intent on foraging for food in a
war torn country.

Passion is looking at ordinary life and finding the beauty, uniqueness and sometimes sadness
contained within, and allowing yourself to experience the feelings that it evokes in you.

Passion is reaching heavenward with one hand and with the other serving your neighbor.

Passion is living your life fully—with no explanations and no excuses.

Pages 65 and 67 in the workbook will help you discover your passion, embrace it, and use it
to pursue your dreams.

Whatever your hand finds to do,
do it with all your might…

Ecclesiastes 9:10 (NIV)

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“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future.”

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

Planning For My Future

Many of the obstacles that were preventing you from moving forward and receiving God’s
healing have been dealt with. Now it’s time to look ahead and, with your newfound freedom,
begin planning your future.

Writing down your goals will help solidify your commitment, give you a concrete plan and
help you stay motivated. Use the information you entered in the section of the workbook
titled, Discovering My Passion, to start planning. Make any adjustments that you feel are
necessary. Next, write down your goals for five and ten years from now. With those goals
in mind, write down smaller ones that will lead you toward your desired results. Place the
list in an area that’s highly visible and easily accessible. If you stray from your goals, return
to them as soon as possible. Rewrite them if necessary.

Be flexible and make any changes that you feel are important and will enable you to stay
motivated. Reward yourself when you’ve made significant headway. Reaching long-range
goals may take longer than you expected. However, staying motivated and working steadily
is more important than adhering to a strict timeline.

Pages 69 and 71 in the workbook will help you plan for your future and work toward achiev-
ing it—one step at a time.

35

I consider that our present sufferings
are not worth comparing

with the glory that will be revealed in us.

Romans 8:18 (NIV)

Appendix

“Life is for Living”

by
Paulina Rael Jaramillo

“Mom, I’m here,” I whispered, barely able to force the words past the lump in my
throat. The only response was the harsh sound of labored breathing as she struggled to
force air in and out of her lungs. “Mom.” I leaned closer and gently stroked her face. Her
eyes stared past me as if focused on a future event that I could neither see nor share. I
picked up the sponge tip that the nurse had left by the bedside, dipped it into the water
glass and began to moisten her mouth and lips.

Throughout the day and into the night, family and friends came and went. Some
cried softly, others prayed, while a few shared how their lives had been touched by the
woman who lay dying. I barely heard them. My attention was focused on the struggle
taking place on the bed, as well as on the less visible but equally fierce one taking place
in my heart. Dip. Wipe. Dip. Wipe. Minutes turned into hours while I continued with my
self-appointed task.

Being the youngest in a family of seven children had taught me many things, includ-
ing when to persist and when to let go. Now, I found myself clinging fiercely to the life
that was fading before my eyes. I had a myriad of questions and no answers and no in-
tentions of letting go.

I felt a touch on my elbow. My sister reached for the sponge and took it from my
hand. I stepped into the hallway, leaned my head against the wall and closed my eyes.
Six weeks ago my sister had called, and in a few abrupt sentences said what we had all

37

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.

Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is precious, do not destroy it.

Life is Life.

(Excerpts from Mother Theresa’s poem, “Life Is.”)

been dreading. “I just got off the phone with the doctor. Mom’s cancer has returned. It’s
spread throughout her body. There’s nothing they can do.” Week after week, as Mom’s
health deteriorated and her strength weakened, my feelings of helplessness and dismay
intensified and so did the questions. Why is life so unfair? Why did she have to endure so
much injustice? And, the most bewildering question of all—after a lifetime of struggles,
why does leaving it have to be a struggle too?

“Life is for living.” A sob caught in my throat at the childhood memory of Mom’s voice
saying those words to me whenever I stood scowling, hands on my hips ready to do battle.
The words meant little to me then, and during my teenage years I dismissed them entirely.

I opened my eyes and looked down at my clenched fists. I sighed deeply, walked to-
ward the hospital exit and stood gazing at the night sky. The distant stars and planets
seemed to emphasize the aloneness I felt. “God, help me!” The words hung in the air like
a delicate piece of crystal before falling to the ground and shattering. I turned and walked
back inside. The sound of Mom’s labored breathing pulled me to her bedside. I picked up
the sponge from the table where my sister had laid it and dipped it in the water glass. Dip.
Wipe. Dip. Wipe. Tears flowed down my cheeks until it seemed to be my tears that mois-
tened her lips and mouth. I closed my eyes in an effort to stop the flow.

Silence! A force more intense than Mom’s harsh breathing filled the room. My eyes
flew open. I stared at her and willed her to breath while my own breath caught in my
throat. Finally she drew a soft, shallow breath. Another long pause. Another shallow
breath. “Mom! Mom!” Her eyes opened wide and her head moved slightly toward me. I

39

Thinking I could keep you with me,
I fought and struggled and strained.
What I held instead was fear and anger and pain.

Now I choose to release you and cherish
the memories of love and joy and laughter.

Paulina Jaramillo

looked at the beloved face that with quiet strength had prevailed through so many struggles—
her own mother’s death at the age of twelve, loneliness, hard work, poverty and when she mar-
ried, dad’s alcoholism, violence and infidelity. And now, her final enemy—the cruelest and most
lethal of all—was claiming her life inch-by-inch as I watched helplessly. I leaned close and held
her face between the palms of my hands while my mind raced with a new set of questions. Why
does she have to leave us now? Could I have done more for her? I looked into her eyes, will-
ing her to live. I wanted to stop time. I wanted to give her all the things that she’d missed. In-
stead, her eyes looked directly into mine and silently pleaded with me to let her go. “Life is for
living.” Slowly I relaxed my hold and in a soft voice whispered in her ear—Vaya con Dios.”

Her body became limp and seemed to sink deeper into the mattress. I waited for her next
breath. It didn’t come. I kissed her forehead and touched her eyelids with my fingertips as I
closed them for the last time.

I held her frame until the undertaker arrived. Later, as he wheeled her covered body past
us, a loud and desperate sob pierced the silence while my arms reached out, grasping at the air
in a futile attempt to stop him. Family and friends formed a circle around me. Their arms sup-
ported me until slowly their strength became my own.

“Life is for living.” At last I understood the meaning of her words.

#

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