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Totally weird Tarot deck based of the mysterious world of classic vintage mini cooper cars. Some Adult contents.

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Published by bardunen, 2020-09-25 10:46:26

Ydrolinas weird mini tarot.

Totally weird Tarot deck based of the mysterious world of classic vintage mini cooper cars. Some Adult contents.

Keywords: ydrolina,tarot,mini,mini cooper

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The number of the Magician is one. We didn´t write it
in roman numerals, otherwise you would have read it
like an “i” as in i-tarot, i-magician, or i-card... We know
how the huddled masses think since i-pads took over
their brains.
The Magician is the bridge between the world of
incredibly strange beliefs and the world of empirical
engineering. On its head the magician wears Cheech
Wizards hat, ´cause it´s a great comic by Vaughn Bodé
with lots of lizards and naked chicks in it. On the altar,
strange signs are drawn in the blood of a decapitated
goat personifying Royalty in a modern democracy.
The card appears in a Tarot reading when you have the
power to make your desire come true. Meaning that
if you eliminate distractions and use all your skills you
may solve your problems. As if we were accustomed
solving problems while dancing around in a zombie
state...
The card suggests that you will come up with new
creative solutions, like adjusting a Lucas distributor
with various incantations.

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The High Priestess is also known as Patrizia, Persipina,
Persephassa, Persipnei or Persephone, but everybody
calls her Patti, ´cause it´s much easier to pronounce.
She sits behind the wheel of a small but luxurious car,
which suggests it is she who is the mediator of the
exoteric and esoteric passage into the realm of physical
reality.
Anyway, that part is a bit obvious...
In her hand, she holds the half-revealed and half-con-
cealed holy spanner, representative of her higher
understanding. The High Priestess represents wisdom,
good taste in cars, knowledge, and high engine oil
consumption. As she must be the priestess of some-
thing cool, His Noodly Magnificence the Flying Spaghet-
ti Monster is hovering above the Riley Elf. And it´s also
because I just had a sudden urge to draw meatballs. In
tarot reading, the card means you must listen to your
inner voice or more seriously to the ticking noises from
your engine.

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The Empress is the archetypal woman.
Mother Earth, the Anima, Audrey Hepburn, the Evil
Stepmother, Miss September in any old playboy calen-
dar, your beloved girlfriend and so on.
The card has to do with Femininity and that´s a huge
and quite complicated subject.
There was a movie by Alan Parker 1978 , called "The
Midnight Empress" but I can´t find the DVD, so I´m lost
here. Anyway, the card means that you have to connect
with your Femininity. Get creative, mingle with others,
use your charm to get what you want and start bossing
people around. If you do it with sensuality and a smile,
nobody will notice or complain. The Empress card can
also indicate pregnancy or birth. Do note that birth
without pregnancy occurs very rarely.
Only one undocumented and unverified account of it
can be found in old and weird religious pamphlets.
Anyhow, it´s probably wiser to buy a pregnancy test.
Usually from 6 to 15 € at your local pharmacy.
The card does not mean that you should start cross-
dressing next monday.

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The Emperor is the father figure of the Tarot deck. He
represents power and authority, rules and regulations.
In other words; that´s one stern control-freak awaiting
unquestioning obedience.
We really should get rid of hereditary public offices and
replace kings and queens with a real republic.
In Tarot, the Emperor card indicates that you have a
strong desire to see your idea result in a material gain
or accomplishment. The cards also mean you want to
bully people and boss them around.
That´s not cool at all.
Go to directly to jail.

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I was convinced that the Hierophant was some kind of
thick-skinned animal belonging to the same classifica-
tion as elephants.
I was wrong. It happens, sometimes.
A Hierophant is some kind of religious leader, often
represented within a formal church environment.
Well, at least I got the “thick-skinned” part right.
The Hierophant´s task is to bring newbies into the
church so that they can take up their appointed roles.
The card wants you to be involved in some kind of
traditional ritual and learn new skills. Don´t. The whole
thing sounds pretty unwise to me.

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In Tarot, the Lovers represent mutual attractiveness
and the ability to overcome obstacles.
Having gone through the indoctrination of the
Hierophant (!) the lovers are now ready to squeeze
themselves into the confined spaces of a British
microcar in order to mate frantically while surrounded
by various sharp and pointy things.
On a more personal level, the card represents the
establishment of a personal belief system, deciding
what is and what is not important in life. A backseat
quickie or the restauration of the interior trim ?
It is a time when you need to stay hard
and be as authentic and genuine as possible.
The fact that this is a Major Arcana card indicates that
sex still sell effectively in marketing and advertising.

Go and buy yourself an Austin Mini Countryman.

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Traditionally the chariot is represented with a canopy
of six-pointed stars, a crescent moon, a laurel crown,
wings and two sphinxes.
Very kitsch. Too much stuff to draw. Forget it.
The Chariot represents conquest, victory and overcom-
ing opposition. Seriously.
So, what could be more fitting than the Monte Carlo
Winner of 1967 getting in its 1960 Fiat Bartoletti Race
Transporter.
The card asks you to come to terms with your own
aggressive impulses and floor that pedal!
Once again, believe or not, but
The Chariot can also represent a lot of driving...

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A woman lifts a vehicle with her left hand in order to
change the front wheel without having to
mess with the bloody car jack. Her sexy top is that of
the innocent Fool, indicating a purity of spirit.
There’s absolutely no garment logic here whatsoever,
but who cares?
Her left arm represents mental effort, while the right
arm represents physical effort.
This means of course that the car itself weights less
than a single spare wheel.
Never doubt the truth of tarot cards.
The British mechanical masterpiece being lifted is a
symbol of our animal passions and desires.
You will find this very hard to believe, but the Strength
Tarot card represents strength.

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There´s been a slight confusion about the Hermit itself,
but anyhow, The Hermit card suggests that you are in a
phase of introspection where you are focusing inwards.
Which is in fact quite pointless if you are a greenish
plush puppet.
There comes a point in life when we begin to question
strings and stuffing and we know that the answers will
only come to us through solitary self-reflexion.
(and, No, it doesn´t lead to blindness.)
You must find your own limelight, shine it on our fluffy
skin and eventually self-ignite.

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The Wheel of Fortune is highly symbolic. Not only does
it enable the artist to put naked chicks here and there,
but it also refers to the fact that wheels tend to be
round. Numerous tests with square wheels have pro-
duced rather depressing results.
The lesson of the Wheel of Fortune is that you must
accept that a flat tyre will slow you down. Do not be
discouraged because you will find a spare, somehow.
The girl with wings is not an angel. She just needed the
wings to get on top of the wheel.
The Wheel of Fortune is about keeping optimistic and
having faith in your mechanical skills (how hard is it to
change a wheel, anyway?)
The card speaks of a pivotal point in your life, where
new options become possible.
You may even be witnessing miracles or a very fortu-
nate series of events, like a discount on brand new
alloy wheels.

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In tarot, as in many boring decrepit paintings, Justice is
personified by a young gal clothed in an old bedsheet.
An old madame in a new dress would have been less
crowd-pleasing.
She carries scales in her left hand, because you should
always gauge squarely the cocaine you just bought.
She´s blindfolded, which gives a nice little erotic touch
to the picture. In her right hand, she holds a double
edged sword, cutting both ways, signifying impartiality
and a real skill in balanced grinding.
Roaming around blindfolded with a deadly Damascus
blade when you just have bought some nose candy, is
not a very good idea. It usually has dire consequences.
Therefore, the card refers to legal matters of all kinds.

But do not fear, the card mean that you will walk free
from all accusations, whatever you did.

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The Hanged Man shows a man suspended.
Where hence its name.
Given the expression on the face of the hanged man, it
is believed that he is hanging there more or less on his
own will.
Nobody forced him up there save his own stupidity.
This is the card of ultimate surrender to various
physical laws, among others the one about universal
gravitation.
The Hanged Man card reflects a need to suspend
action, to reflect on the situation at hand and to
consider using the right tools for the right job, instead
of improvising wildly as we all do all the time.

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The Death card shows DEATH himself riding in a white
Google self-driving car.
Don´t come whining to me that you can´t see DEATH
in the car. It´s a self-driving car, so if I had put DEATH in
it, it wouldn´t look like a self-driving vehicle, huh ? The
background is neutral , showing Death’s impartiality
and the laziness of the artist.
The card is highly symbolic of the ending of a major
phase or aspect of your life. The card is indeed to be
feared. The big corporations wants you to stop driving
your own car and let a computer decide when you are
going to plunge in a lake, hit a tree or get crushed by a
steamroller. Ever tried to just print out a few mail from
your laptop ? How many time did the effing printer
succed without getting jammed ?
But changing lanes on the highway or crossing a round-
about is supposed to be no match for sensors that can´t
even understand “alt-control-delete” or “print-screen”.
We´re doomed.
And so are pedestrians, dogs and telephone poles.
The Death card contains elements of a sudden and
unexpected change, like going from happy and alive to
exasperated and utterly dead.

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In Tarot, The Temperance card means that you have a
clear, durable vision of what you want to achieve. You
are not rushing things along; you are on the contrary
taking your time to ensure that you´ll do the best job
and achieve perfection.
You are carefully analysing synergies and long-term
consequences of your project.
Damn, you are really in control, you´re a mechanical
genius!

This is only valid in the world of fortune telling, as you
have already guessed.

In real life, things are more whimsical and if anything
can go wrong, it will. But do not despair. In fact, there´s
nothing wrong with the turbocharger. It is that stupid
windshield that someone else designed much too
small.

It´s not your fault.
Everybody else is wrong.

Pick another card.

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The Devil is resting in a sun chair, he has nothing to do,
as humans are pretty good at killing, raping and tortur-
ing each other’s without any incentives.
At the foot of the Devil sits a naked woman,
ferociously guarding the messianic bottle opener.
This symbolizes that bondage to evil is a voluntary mat-
ter and that people with lower animalistic tendencies
do steal bottle openers if the get a chance to do it.
The card of the Devil represents the negative forces
that tricks you into thinking that you have not control
whatsoever.
Google, Apple, Facebook, the NSA, George Soros, have
total control. You don´t.
But, you can still pretend you have, and re-read all the
works of Jean-Paul Sartre.

I did hesitate a lot on which face to give to the Devil...
Finally, I thought that it would be more convenient if
you could choose yourself which politician, banker or
singer is your own Mephistopheles.

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The Tower signifies darkness and destruction on a
physical scale, as opposed to a spiritual scale.
6 tons of medieval granite stone hitting a car´s frail
body is pretty physical, don´t you think?
The Tower itself represents ambitions built on badly
mixed mortar. When you see the Tower in a Tarot
reading, you may feel afraid and insecure. Try to under-
stand how you could have been so wrong, why the fuck
didn´t you follow the instructions in the Haynes manual
and shit this is going to cost me a lot.
The tower asks you to think about which structures in
your life are breaking up.
Usually this results in a very long list, a huge compendi-
um of all the sufferings of your miserable existence.

The card means that you have to go down to the pub,
and get really really pissed, thereby feeling much better
again.

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The Star card shows a young woman pouring out water
and oil to nourish the cycle of life, here represented by
the cool Jaguar E-type parked behind her.
It´s an allegory, ok? You´re not really supposed to feed
daisies with unleaded gasoline.
Above her is a large five-pointed oil company logotype
representing your chakras.
The allegory on the card represents a need to open not
only your chakras but also your wallet, as any British
car needs not only oil, water and gas, but a lot of
WD-40 as well.
The Star card suggests that you have
endured life’s challenges and have been through
a difficult time but you are now so fulfilled and stacked
with cash that you can buy a nice and expensive car.
You´re going to get what you have been yearning for.
Isn´t that great?

Use the card as payment at your nearest car dealer.

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The Moon card appears in a Tarot reading when you
pick it up. Amazing.
Now, pick up another card at random. It´s a different
card! How could that be?!

In Tarot, the moon means inner disturbances, anxiety,
fear, confusion and heavy hangovers.
It´s not a good card. It´s a bit like “Go to Jail” in
Monopoly. Hide it in your sleeve.
Shortly, the card means that you don´t have a clue of
what you´re doing and you need to focus.
Only then the way forward will be revealed. There´s no
air on the moon, so you need at least a plastic bucket
when driving around on its surface in your converted
Rover mini.

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This Tarot card represents success, radiance, and en-
ergy. Positive and beaming energy will follow you and
will bring strength, happiness and joy both to you and
to the 24Wh rechargeable lithium-ion battery of your
car.
You might even try to grow some vegetables or run
naked in the streets.
That´s the Tarot concept anyway.

This warm energy will also get you skin cancer and the
battery Elon Musk sold to you will probably explode
anyway when you least expect it.

The Sun reflects the value of simplicity. Therefore,
avoid any elaborate scheming. Keep that faithful
A-Series engine, and don´t rebuild your vintage car into
a boring electrical hair dryer.

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The MOT tester sits upon his throne, holding a large
upward-pointing, pickaxe, ready to punch holes in your
car´s bottom plate.
The tester wears a blue tunic, symbolic of a desire for
understanding how much fiberglass you have used to
fill all those rust holes.
The tester also wears an evil grin, anticipating all the
faults he will be able to find, and all the money his
cousin who owns the repair shop next door will soon
make.
Around the hydraulic throne, hazard warning tape is
signifying the impossibility of avoiding judgment.
The Judgement card suggests that you should fix that
carburetor once for all, instead of pouring
denatured alcohol in your gas tank every time you have
to test your vehicle.

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The World card signifies completion, achievement
and fulfilment. A long-term project, period of study,
relationship, or career has come full circle and you have
now reached the beginning of the sixth mass extinction
event.
Everything has come together, and you are
feeling fulfilled and complete because nothing really
matters anymore. You might also panic, but please, do
remember what is written in large friendly letters on
the cover of “The Hitchhiker´s Guide to the Galaxy”.

The World card also represents a period where you
can see entire processes or systems for what they are
and you now are fully able to understand that your
existence is a negligible, inconsiderate and trifling
parentesis in the universe.

The sunny side of this, is that you can now throw all
you bills away and use the wad to party wildly.

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The Fool represents the need to set forth on a new
journey, one that is completely unknown and will take
you to new territories, like the emergency room of the
nearest hospital or the inside of a wooden box with an
engraved lid.
The Fool is all about new experiences. The card asks
you to take a ‘leap of faith’ and endanger others’ lives
just for fun. The Fool lives a carefree life, usually as a
managing director or politician. He does not
seem to mind at all what will happen next.

The Fool is a great tarot card to meditate on even if it
lacks nudity. The Fool enhances risk-taking and
the creative destruction of things and stuff.

Let´s blindly go forward, in the grand scheme of things,
the future of mankind is of little importance.

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more works by the same authors :
Ydrolina, in english, published by Bardunen,

ISBN:978-91-639-7083-2

Ydrolina, L´Aventurière en Mini, french version, published by
Editions C.Grange

ISBN: 979-10-93558-04-02

The french magazine “Maxi-Austin” regularly publishes our
cartoons and illustrations.
www.maxiaustin.com

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I first wanted to dedicate this book to all the people
who helped me survive its making.
Then I realized that such a list would start with
the name of several tobacco companies and the
appellation of quite a few winemakers, so instead it´s
an honour to dedicate it to the cartoonist F´Murrr who
gave me the idea of this slightly weird Tarot, and to my
friend the scenographer Åke Dahlbom who just left us
with his circus, his wagons, his horses, his dogs and all
his beautiful dreams.

This book has been made continuously listening to
the ska band “Reel Big Fish”
Kalle Bardun

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