Poppies and Leaves
It’s not like there is much of a reason, an intuition perhaps. A desperation for something that
couldn’t reach the light, slowly unwound and cut apart. Snip, snip, snip, scissors cut through any form of
serpent. She could feel herself becoming unwound as she slides open and allows her dark secrets to
flow across the pavement and into traffic.
She leans back against the hood of the truck and fumbles with her lighter. Ashes flare up as the
smoke curls past her lips and through her hair. She is wreathed in a halo of smoke and ashes, glowing
against the pale blueness of the sky.
The truck is dead. She needs booster cables, a hero now that hers is gone. There needs to be
something or someone to save her, allow her to move forward at the speed of freedom while she tears
down the streets of the city and plunges into the back roads.
What are you doing? Where are you going? What are you bleeding and why?
She is bleeding painful internal manner as her red desire spreads out across the snow, sinking
deep into the earth and coagulating.
She throws herself back into the snow.
She knows she is going to die and that he will find her, it is simple to accept. The question is
when?
Part I: Nirvana
It’s a jungle, thick with the scent of the tropics in a pot. The vines curl upwards and around the
cheap knock offs of Monet hanging loosely on the wall. The door clicks shut behinds her and her shoes
hit the tiled floor of the foyer with two distinct thumps.
“I’m home,” she calls as she weaves her way through the obstacle course that is their apartment
in her goal to reach the kitchen. It’s like a third generation art café exploded as the coffee drips across
the kitchen floor and into the garden that is the living room.
The books trail off into the distance and she follows them knowing who will be at the end of the
journey. She finds him unconscious across the bed, littered with the stubs of cigarettes long gone and
the remnants of a garden. Poppies and leaves flower along the sheets, remnants of a dying summer.
Opium and marijuana.
She loosens her hands and today’s mail falls loose, landing hard on top of him. “Wake up,” she
whispers. He probably won’t through. He’ll be out for another hour at the most. She gathers the poppies
and walks back to the kitchen. The rush of running water in the sink, of nature against metal echoes
through the place until she shoves the bowl beneath the stream. She places the poppies within the
water and watches them float there, sustained in animation as she curls up on the overstuffed sofa, a
sad replacement for a lover.
She breathes deeply and leans back, her hands surfing along the gentle curves of her body while
the buttons snap open, falling away to the floor.
It’s Tuesday and she should be at work.
She’s at home though, making love to a man who can’t participate and probably never will.
Part II: Poison
There’s no substitute for pain. She can hear the laughter in the bedroom; see the shoes perched
upon the carpet like weapons of war. That’s what stilettos are in her opinion; she sees no other sensible
reason to wear them unless marching into battle. How easy it would be to catch a man then, with the
quick preliminaries of a contract.
Do you want to?
Sure, why not? Catch me won’t you?
It’s over before it’s even done.
The apartment smells like an oven, over cooked with the spices and tastes of a meal gone
wrong. Sex is carved into the place like a celebrity’s name. The remains of passion sullied in the papers
are spread across the living room floor with the evidence. The whole room feels sticky and heavy.
She’s not going to touch it; they can clean up their own trash. He’ll probably make her do it later
though. And then maybe as a reward he’ll touch her, lay her back upon the bed that not hours ago
contained another woman and fuck her into oblivion.
He wants her body and she wants his love however she’ll take what she can get in this
relationship.
The noises have stopped. She stands there like she does every time unsure of her position,
where she should be standing. The bedroom door clicks open and the other woman slides out into the
open, smiles and blows her a kiss as she disappears out the front door. He’s standing in the doorway and
beckons her over.
Who’s the other woman really?
Part III: Church
He’s brought a sculpture of an angel home and left it on the kitchen table. “What’s this?” she
asks.
“Something the church on 5th St was giving out.”
“Do you know why?”
“Said it was their anniversary or something?”
Later that evening she leaves under the pretentions of coffee and bagels for tomorrow’s
breakfast. The wind is blowing hard as she stumbles upon the cobble stones. She’s warm though. She’s
wearing a shirt with a high neckline and long sleeves under the coat to hide the marks he left on her.
The building is tall and contains what seems to her to be a thousand stained glass windows. The
people inside as sitting in the pews praying. That doesn’t seem right to her, if they were really praying
for forgiveness they should be on their knees in an image of subservience. Just like last night.
She slides into the pew closest to her right and stares at the image of Christ all strung up on the
heavy wooden cross in the center of the building. “Can I help you?” asks the priest.
She turns to him. “Yeah, can you tell me why I’m still here?”
“Here as in life?”
“Doesn’t matter. Just give me an answer.”
“Because it’s all part of God’s plan. Be joyous about the role you are given in this world.”
Joy. “What joy is there in pain?” she whispers. The priest doesn’t hear her though. He’s gone off
to most likely save another poor soul in danger of damnation.
Part IV: Rave
The music is too loud. She can’t make out any sounds but can feel the vibrations of it all though
the floor. She’s caught in a swirling mass of energy pulsating around her. The lights are faint and bright,
a juxtaposition of the darkness. From the shadows she can see people dancing, making out and having
sex in the corners of the rooms.
She can’t see him at all. The phone call had been from someone new this time, usually she knew
who he was with whenever he was out. This one must have been brave though seeing as she’d received
the call from his cell phone.
“Hey over here!” screams a voice. She can recognize no one as she walks over.
“Where is he?”
“In the bathroom in a heap on the floor. Marilynn is trying to wake him up.”
“Yeah with shock treatment!”
“Head down that way, just follow the signs.”
“Man I want a piece of that!” She dashes away and finds a woman smoking while blocking the
door to the men’s room. She smiles, whispers good luck, and hands her the cigarette, heaving her there
alone.
She pushes open the door and recognizes him among the gloom and filth of the walls. He’s
grinning like a lunatic as he lies there among the remains of whatever drug he’s high on. As soon as she
gets in reach he swings before she can even see it coming, dragging her down to him before she can
even protest.
Part V: Fish tank
She can’t feel her skin. The ends of her body are indistinguishable from his as her eyes trace
their locked limbs. She’s sticky and matted with violence. The mirror is no longer on the wall, while the
books are torn and scattered among the glass pieces on the floor.
The window is open and the cold night air of late November floods through. It stings and she can
feel the ache of it all as it caresses her injuries.
If this was a story maybe she could feel shock, anger or disbelief. A stranger in the dark as he
pulls you off the streets into the bushes. An urban legend, a myth.
She’s not the girl found murdered in her hotel from a one‐night stand. She’s not the pretty little
thing with a stressed boyfriend who sometimes loses his temper and beats his girl.
She’s the slacker who’s been with a drug addict for the past three years. She’s the tramp who
lefts her guy cheat and sleep with other women. She’s the whore who still sleeps with him even as he
beats her to a bloody pulp while kissing her lips.
She’s the fool who’s in love with the Devil.
She knows that nobody will hear the screaming. She knows her pleas will go unanswered. What
is the world going to say, she already knows the answer; she’s heard it a million times before.
She asked for it. She likes it. She loves him and for that reason she doesn’t deserve help.
She’s swimming around their fish tank of an apartment looking for an escape. Tonight though,
she’s lucky.
He left the window open.
Part VI: Thief
She can’t breathe. The cold ice burrows itself deep into her throat and makes it difficult to think.
She’s got a coat hanger and one bag. The life in the city at night is haunting her, the imaginable
presence of a cat, a bird, an unknown person. She quickens her pace as she maneuvers the hanger,
attempting to reach the lock.
The keys are in the ignition, the window is slightly open, and the truck is parked in one of the
deserted back allies. There are all sorts of fools in the world. It’s not like she can complain though; she’s
one of them.
Half an hour to dawn, four hours before he realizes she’s gone. Less it she accidently woke him
up as she escaped out the window and down the fire escape ladder.
The lock won’t come open. She pulls the hanger clear of the window and readjusts it. It’s an old
truck and she needs it. It has no alarms or value and will get her out of the city fast enough. Who would
think of looking for her in a rusted blue pickup with the back doors corroding through from rust?
She wouldn’t and neither would he.
The hanger isn’t working. She’s not thinking really as she moves and bangs her fists on the glass
sobbing. The temperature was going below ten, a nice start of an average winter.
It was a split decision really. In one quick move the glass was gone. She had in her hand a brick
from one of the ruined houses behind her. The window was open and she reached in to unlock the door,
climbed over the glass on the seat and started the ignition.
She’d be gone by the time he woke up and then the hunt would begin.
Part VII: Fire
One second and it was over, careening into the snow banks on the 96 North.
She didn’t know what it was, maybe the age of the truck, maybe the damage she’d done to the
engine as she sped away on the asphalt.
She had a feeling it was him though.
Part VIII: Blood
She lay in the snow, whistling. She gave that up soon though.
She knew she would die before he found her. It was just a little though she had. He supply of
cigarettes were now gone and she had nothing to keep her going.
She thought of the poppies she’d collected every time and places in miniature lakes, swimming
across the apartment on the waves caused by her movements. They were such a beautiful red, almost
like a smile, curving in the grimace of an unshared secret.
Poppies on the water beaching themselves behind the hidden screen of the floating world,
tangled in the images of the jungle growing along the apartment.
I wonder who’s going to water the plants now.