Belfast 1975 - April

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lst BATTALION THE QUEEN’S REGIMENT

BELFAST

FOREWORD Middle of the Road

Easter has gone, the half point of THE BUFFER
the tour is past, and the girls have
beaten us to it! The first Edition of of State puts it, a genuine cessation of
”Frustrations" has been with us for
some weeks — and I dare say we will violence, so that Northern Ireland may On the 4th February Kirkes
have the second before this gets into soon return to being the peaceful, Company took over operational
print. Has Maggie Thatcher’s success friendly and beautiful Province that command of a large part of the
gone to their heads, or have they more many of us have known in the past. Battalion area. Part of this area of
time for literary pursuits than us.7 Of Belfast, which is in itself not much
course, like true sportsmen, we must J.G.W.D.
accept defeat chivalrously and admit
that we are all enormously impressed EDITORIAL bigger than Kiwi Barracks, is known
:by the great effort of our families to all as the Buffer.
,‘back in Bulford. To all involved | To begin with, we would like to
jsay well done; you have given us a _Some of the older members of the
I thank the girls in Bulford for their Company have served here before,
l ,' great deal of pleasure. You have also and it was the scene of many gun
:' raised the male chauvinistic instincts magazine. It has had a wide distribut- battles, (in which it has been reported,
of Captain Kealy, the Editor of our Company Sergeant Major took a
ion over here and we look forward to great part). However, since the cease-
g , Braganza. I hope that you will enjoy fire began on 10th February, the whole
reading the next edition as not only area has been relatively quiet. The
our magazine as much as we enjoyed fact that the various illegal organ~
male chauvinistic instincts have been isations are not in active conflict
l yours. It may, however, be the only with the men of Kirkes Company
aroused. ‘ does not mean that life has returned
edition this tour. Each edition costs to normal.
about £100 and I do not think we can For our part, this will be the only
afford this unless we have more excite- With a population of roughly 15000-
ment and therefore more to report. edition of Braganza and it is hoped 20000 and many derelict buildings
you can imagine how crowded the
Thr; Edition of Braganza goes to that it will be of some interest to all houses are. Our presence keeps the
press while we are still in a state of two warring factions at bay. Some
ceasefire. This does not mean that of us here in Ireland, our families at pass the time of day, while others
all the war stories you have heard of move off the pavements into their
shootings, bombings, stonings, egg- home, and perhaps to a wider audience houses as soon as we appear. On the
throwing and severe verbal abuse are whole the normal inhabitants are
untrue; we've had plenty — but of less involved in the Battalion's
course it is not like it was in the good
old days. (says he having not served here activities. I hope that you do not get
'before!). Indeed the ceasefire means
different things to different people. If lost in the Northern Ireland jargon
we so much as speak to the (ex Pistol-
packing) girls in the Ardoyne, we are jungle.
breaking the ceasefire — or truce as
they call it. Yet these same darlings Finally we would like to thank
happily stone us and call us all sorts of
things — and worse — that do little the many contributors to this edition
justice to our parents.
of Braganza. Thank you both.
Nevertheless, we are all doing our
utmost to strengthen the somewhat enjoying the 'peace’. Streets that have
fragile ceasefire. The vast majority of
the people want to be friendly, and Seen in a Nigerian Newspaper: ”To heard the crack and thump of rifle shots
they desperately want peace and a real convert lbs to kgs simply multiply by now echo to the cries of small children
return to normality. They are sick and 0.45359237". playing, skipping, and gathering on
tired of violence and of the small gangs street corners.
of murders, thugs and layabouts ——
both Loyalist and Republican — who
thrive on it. We are determined not
to let these gangs win the day, and we
. ray that there will be, as the Secretary

The Protestant stronghold of Tiger UNHAPPY SNAP Sitting: Pta Annett, Pte Stockwell, Pte
Bay still provides the Company with Standing: Pte Longmore, Cpl Lovell, Pte Enoch, chl Moffatt, chl Coomber.
masses of tea and sympathy. Many of Gardiner, Cpl Bickham, Pte Friend.
the old ladies have been giving tea to 5. The cease-fire has meant a
soldiers since 1969. Their 'parlours’ 2. In the Lodge we have four number of political and military
are adorned with plaques, and photo platoons. The fourth platoon is the restraints being imposed. This is very
graphs of soldiers from many different Corps of Drums whom we have the frustrating but inevitable and every-
regiments, including our own. privilege to have under command for body has accepted it. Perhaps the
the tour. Platoons rotate through our local Provisional Sinn Fein weekly
As with any theatre of conflict four platoon tasks every two days. issue of ‘Campaign' sums it up best
when violence decreases, the problem The first two days are spent guarding under the heading of 'Don't Fratern—
of community relations come to the our base, (charity begins at home) ise' and we quote "... What we have
fore. The Company is involved in a followed by two days doing mobile observed in the area recently is the
few local organisations. CSgt 'Bas' patrols in Iandrovers; this is then appearance at street corners of small
Rawlings can be seen in the Robina followed by a two day period manning crowds consisting of a few smiling
Youth Club helping the youngsters our observation posts (OPs) and keep- British soldiers having a 'friendly’ chat
forget, at least for a little time, the ing a beady eye on the local hoods with members of the Republican Move
conflict outside and Lt Simon Pielow (a Pyperism) or baddies. Three OPs ment who should know better. This
and other members of 2 Platoon are are on the top of the high rise flats is how wars are won! A casual con-
planning a playground in Hillman and the fourth is in a former funeral versation with an ordinary 'Tommy’
Street. parlour. The function of the parlour who is probably a very highly trained
has now changed from providing coffins intelligence officer can be most advant-
So with the fragile peace holding, and gravestones to providing candidates ageous to the enemy ...... Our only
we continueto patrol in the labyrinth or clients for other parlours in Belfast; comment is that perhaps after all the
of streets which form the Buffer. Finally when the platoon has done two lollipop does work.
days in the DPS they return to our
"We base and become the foot patrol
THE DUNMORE HILTON platoon. It is from the foot patrols
Our home for 4 months that much of our information is gained
and they provide the most excitement
B COMPANY NOTES when the IRA does not have a cease-
fire.
1. B Company's area, which covers
the Catholic New Lodge and is well 3. Life is not without it's amusing
known by most of the battalion, moments. Pte Balfour, in 5 Platoon,
is a different place. The majority of suffered from a severe case of
people are thoroughly fed up with the tonsilitis. We think this may have been
war of violence and are longing for caused by cooking his sausages in rifle
peace and quiet. They talk to soldiers oil when he was in the DPS. The
more freely than on previous tours. Kojak lollipop campaign is increasing
The hardcase men of violence however but for some reason our lollipops are
are stili trying to force their views on not producing the same rapid results
the majority and whilst we have the that Kojak always seems to get. How-
cease-fire the IRA shooting and bomb— ever our own Kojak has now mastered
ing has stopped This has been replaced the radio and tells us that his brain
by a well thought out propaganda doesn't hurt so much
campaign which is difficult to refute
even though we know the facts are so 4. The tour so far has been very
thoroughly twisted. quiet but a number of small finds
including some shot gun cartridges
The Prime Minister visits Girdwood Park, (Drums), incendiary devices (5 platoon)
He is seen here with Sgt Bream, Major and gelignite (Search Team) have been
Acworth and Pte Jennings. made. Our major incident was of
course the bombing of the Starry
Plough. This was severe and although
no one died a number of people
were very seriously injured. It is un-
believable that men with extreme ideas
can go to such revolting lengths to
force their unwanted views on all and
sundry.

CORPS OF DRUMS What I actually said at the Postings 0. What’s got number 11 on its
Conference about I Queens was “Let's give back, carried a rifle, gives milk
Once again our scarlet tunics are 'em a whirl". and lives in the North?
back in mothballs our musical
instruments packed away and we are THE COMMANDING OFFICER A. A right wing military coup.
carrying out our primary role as VISITS SOBRAON COMPANY
infantrymen for another four months. Upon the day of Valentine OF DUTY IN
To callsign 3 came callsign 9. SOBRAON COMPANY
The Commanding Officer in all his
wisdom posted us to Holland Company The day before, with great aplomb, Alpha, Bravo , Charlie, Delta;
for the N. Ireland tour and it is from The Shamrock went up on a bomb. Watching kids play heltaskelta;
the heart of the once warry 'New And then, some twenty minutes later Echo, too, on Old Park Road
Lodge’ that we write these few notes. McKenna went into the Mater Sitting daily like a toad,
To several older members of the With face and hands both badly charred Watching loads of bloody kids
platoon it is an old stamping ground, by ANFO in a sloppy card. And their mothers banging lids
having been in the area with Quebec Or blowing on their penny whistles;
Company on the '72—'73 tour. The day of Love had brightly dawned Nowt to do but write epistles.
And 9 all thoughts of love had scorned. Alphas where we guard the buses;
We are well into the tour now, He drove into the New Ardoyne Six of us and no one fusses.
R at R has already started and we have Like Billy — victor at the Boyne —— The spud machine there sometimes
had one loss in the platoon. Cpl Hoping for bombs or something better,
Richard Smith has departed from the Whether from parcel, bomb or letter. blocks
fold and is now hopefully enjoying Thanks to Mister "Dormouse" Cox.
life at the Divisional Depot. There is Three Three Alpha then suspected Bravo looks towards the Gap;
absolutely no truth in the rumour that That a bomb had been detected Brompton Park and all that crap.
he has been back-squadded. Fort- Felix came. Controlled explosion. Charlie watches Etna Drive
unately our numbers were not affected Crowd alarmed by strong emotion. And the Highfields ~ what a dive!
as we were reinforced by Drummer Now the drama was unfolded; Brick built Delta's super view
Phillip Watson who joined us after By the bomb had been exploded Used to be a children's loo.
training at Bassingbourn. Phillip is Some poor lady's pants and socks Echo’s perch now manned by Plod
just eighteen years old and hails from Wrapped up in a metal box. Can see into Land of Prod.
Chatham in Kent. Knickers twisted; stockings laddered; Crowds that gather chill the spine.
Callsign 9's excitement shattered. Chimney fires — dial 999.
We had the first find in the Company Let them burn, l’ll sit like Nero
a small one consisting of four shotgun Next a saga very droll At my post — Callsign Three Zero.
cartridges, and hopefully one day will Callsign 9 went on patrol
come up with something really |n company with 00 C 0 Where do tracker dogs make for?
substantial. To watch the Irish on the spree. A. The Bone.
To Rock’s bar went his party large,
Our task here is difficult and thank- Into the pub they then did barge. WHEN THE CHIPS ARE DOWN
less but we soldier on regardless. A drunkard made a nasty scene Major Trotman, Sgt Taylor and Pte Hooker
Letters from wives and sweethearts With words all slurred and quite at the scene of an explosion in a fish and
back home help a great deal to brighten chip shop in Old Park Road.
up our lives, so please keep them obscene:
coming. “He called me 'pig’ "Whom do you A SLIGHT HOLD-UP

We are, of course, all looking accuse?" Armed raiders held up an Ulster
forward to our return to England Asked 9, the drunk said. “Youse.” Bank and escaped to.their get-a-way
where we can get down to some real car. Unfortunately, this failed to start
soldiering on the square. Finally, the crowning glory. and later they were caught pushing
Blood and sweat and very gory. it. The raiders were reported as saying
We would like to deny the following The colonel wanted to play squash they wouldn’t bank on it next time.
rumours: And have a sauna and a wash
Three nine Alpha was his victim. Recently a UVF spokesman stated
That the Drum Major and chl Nine himself in person picked him. that a Top Secret meeting would be
Barry Bristow draw Old Age held at the 57 Club at 0900 hrs on lst
Pensions. Three nine Alpha not abashed April 1975 to discuss security.
That Cpl Danny Sandiford is His own CO with racket smashed.
really Mohammed Ali. (It just Out of mouth the life blood poured.
sounds that way). Cpl Rushbrook said ”Oh Gawd”.
That Dmr Pete Anderson has Doctor came; expression dark;
applied to the Company CO sent to Musgrave Park.
Commander to change his name
to Gloria. (After all fur coats are all Apologies from callsign three
the rage in Greenland). To colonel, Sir, for tragedy.
That's all for now. In closing we The lesson's clear: ”Some folk don't
would ask all our readers to keep
smiling, that way you definitely fool dig
the neighbours. Being called a bloody pig."

TESTING THE ATMOSPHERE
Soccer against a RUC team — a close
match which we lost 11—0. Opposition
player, Pte Lavender, Cpl Hamilton, ch|
Hooper.

Capt McGhie is challenged in the Ist In January The Daily Telegraph See Letter lnsert —>
round of the Infantry Cup against ‘I RRW. reported. ”Amin Knows. President
Amin of Uganda says he learned in a This letter was formally handed to OC
Who is this Max Baloney .7 dream who is going to become the B Company on completion of a march
Conservative party leader, according to North Queen Street RUC Station.
Hello dere I to Radio Uganda monitored in London
Dis am de voice 0' de VIGILANT yesterday. But he does not want to TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN
disclose the name”. NOTICE TO QUIT
P1, coming to you direc' from Sunny
Belfast, de Ballysillan/Ligoniel area to Northern Ireland Emergency We, the people of the New Lodge
be precise. Road area, do hereby give Notice to
Letter Proforma Mark 3 Quit to the tenants of 'North Queen
Well den, what happen to all de ol‘ St. Interrogation Centre. We demand
Lydd and Hythe training? What about (NIELP/3I the immediate vacation of the above
all de leapin' and runnin' around den? premises as we are of the opinion that
De only violence we seen so far is General purpose/Repeat type they are not fit for human beings to
when de ol' ladies won't let us pass be dragged into.
without having a cup of tea! Notice to intending readers: Well, well, We also demand the removal of all
here we are again. This letter has been equipment e.g. noise machines, hoods,
Course, the old bodies been advised to assist those of your loved/ batons, heavy boots etc. etc. forthwith.
thumpin' the pavement like coconuts hated ones to send their greetings to We also inform the occupants that the
on a windy day and we've had a few you whilst they are fighting the foe in aforementioned prerru'Ses are consider-
bombs, but boys will be boys and if a a foreign land. ed by us, the people, to be slums of
man can’t disagree with his friend, the first order and are due for de-
what freedom has he left? My DearlDarling/Light of my eyes/ molition at an early date to be replaced
Hot Lips/Sir or Madam. * by a memorial to the memory of all the
What makes things worse is every- I am sorry/glad that l have left the men, women and boys who have died
thing so damn complicated now. What warmth/coldness of your arms/bed‘ at your hands.
used to be the Prods and the Micks is to bask/stagnate in this Sylvan City/
now PlRA — IRSP — UDA — UVF, Hole.* BY ORDER
etc, etc. What we need is de old l tremble in delight when | see the THE PEOPLE
Kampala solution, de one party epistle that flows so readily from your
system where we could send de whole quill like pen/why on earth don't you 2—TON RHINOS MAY HAVE
dam lot abroad to Scotland or some- write so as I can read it? * DIED FOR LOVE
where. Today I have been bored to tears/
shot at/kissed by a girl/friend/given Two of Whipsnade Zoo’s valuable
Still we’ve been findin' plenty of tea by a released/escaped terrorist, white Rhinoseros herd, found dead by
de ol’ petrol bombs and pourin' dem spent twenty two hours on stag/spent keepers, may have died while
away. At 74p per gallon no wonder twenty two hours asleep. ‘ attempting to mate.
the UDA is short of money I My boss is a lieutenant/captain/major/
colonel/corporal. He is an absolute A post mortem revealed that
Must go now and get on with brick/plant/fruit/tart/apple of his own Mulunda, 15, died from a heart attack
practisin de ol deep interrogation eye. He is after a medal/court martial/ and Myrtle, five, from spinal injuries.
techniques, i.e., playin' constant loud me/a sixteen year old terrorist/girI/boy Both animals weighed more than two
reggae music to the pl and talking from the Ardoyne/Lodge/Blessed O. tons. What you might call heavy mares!
in de foreign language. Dey all reach Plunket girls/boys school. ’
ing de breaking point any day now. You might have heard a rumour that Honest Ethel — It's not doing MY spine any
Sex and Sangars mix. This is true/ good either I l l
Thumper, Lightning and Youth. untrue/l wish it was true/l wish it
wasn’t true/l am over-run by nubile
" '1" 'M‘. maidens/brazen hussies/l haven’t seen
any women like you my darling/thank
HAT AND MOUSE God.’
Cpl Croot at work. So far in the tour we have found:
1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9/0 weapons/bombs/
pigs/geese/swans/cows in the area'
To solace myself in your absence, all I
have is a Coffeepot/Ruckbag/a little
Brown Jug. *
Although the rest of the blokes are
nice, they are no substitute for your
dusky arms/they are a very good
substitute for your own hairy arms.‘
I look forward to seeing you on
R ’n’ R,/| am spending R 'n' R with
your sister/mother/here.’
It will be nice/awful/boring to come
home.’
Give me a ring/ten pound note/a lock
of your hair/some nail clippings for
me to remember you by.’
All my love/two words, one involving
sex, the other movement/l remain,
Yours faithfully,

( ' Delete where applicable)

Q SEE PHOTO OPPOSITE

THE GREEN DRAGON

Members of B Coy and Tac Ops and Int will recall the heat generated over the

”Green Dragon" on 21 and 22 March. They will be interested to see copies of
Correspondence between our Brigade Commander and The Commander Land Forces.

From: Brigadier R. F. Richardson, 0.8.E. Headquarters
39 Infantry Brigade
Lisburn
County Antrim

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0. What do they call a nympho ECHELON JOTTINGS uuartermaster ror orawmg up the
maniac in Spain 7 mock plans for the ’Carnmoney
Once again we find ourselves back Cathedral’ last tour only to be faced
A. A senor-eater. in Ulster. Alas not this time to the with the harsh realities of a church
pastures of Carnmoney and the prize hut and an ambitious Padre on
OPERATION SPRUCE UP dairy cattle herd, but to the more arrival at Flax Street.
Avehicle hulk is removed from the Ardoyne. sombre surrounds of Flax Street.
Who's been playing lip service with Something else that is different this The Echelon has acquired a sort of
the Colonel ? time is the fact that we share the mascot for the duration. This mascot
location with not one but two is a sad-eyed brown and white spaniel
NEW TRANSPARENT KOJAK HAIRPIECE companies. Having sorted the Mill out who answers to the name of Roger.
Ali, who is a bit of a wig, says it grows on to everyone's satisfaction the three He is a refugee 'from the Ardoyne and
you aher a while. distinct sub units are integrating well who, other than Senior Officer Mill
and co-existing peacefully, most of (SOM) would hold that against him?
DEFINITION the time that is ! ! Cpl Crane, formerly, MT Platoon but
Acorn — a type of nut of late Chief Gauleiter Flackenstrasse,
There are some familiar faces to be has been charged with the respon-
Q. What do they call a girl in Spain seen in the Echelon, together with sibility of de-flea-ing, washing, brush-
who has only got one tooth left. some new ones. Those that are here ing and feeding the animal. The dog is
for the third four-month tour are intelligent, and sits to attention when-
A. Juanita. considering forming a club and striking ever CSM Callsign Sis passing.
yet another necktie to celebrate the
fact. One suggestion is the ’Penthouse' All were most impressed with the
motif on a grey background. newsheets passed out by the Wives
Club. The Echelon has only one
We were able to enjoy, for a brief suggestion for its improvement.
spell, the exhilarating company of a Pension off ’Auntie lvy' who has not
Troop of 48 Squadron Royal kept abreast (sorry) of the times. Let’s
Engineers. They made a great impact have a "Patricia Ross’ of Bulford to
on us all and we were certainly most whom all us lonely hearts can write
impressed with their Barber. Also with for frank answers to our most intimate
the Echelon, under the dashing leader- questions. We were given a whisper of
ship of Second Lieutenant David the latest talent in the first issue of
Harding, is ’A’ Troop of 9th Squadron ”Frustration". Shake off your inhibit-
RCT and grateful we are both for the ions girls, and get to it.
pleasure of their company and the
Stirling work they do on the A vehicles. DROPPED IN IT
Pte Taylor and Pte Moody emerge from a
Around the departments, each is check of the Sewers at Flax Street Mill.
combining the routine daily task with
an irksome number of guard duties Following the CSE show, the Padre
plus, in certain cases, latching on to did a deal with the OM. The Padre
the fighting troops for a taste of agreed to write an article for Braganza
operational experience. if the OM went to church on Easter
Sunday. The GM agreed. The reason
One or two personalities have there is no article is the OM returned
earned the right to a mention: Cpl to Bulford on Good Friday.
’Buggsy' Curtis for inviting the PHI
to sign for a bit of PHI Kit put in the
OM'S store for safe custody; Pte
'Chippy' Wood for actually having
been seen the other side of the
Armoury door; Cpl 'Alfie' Bishop for
thinking that 'Long Range' Tombola
meant calling the numbers in Belfast
for the Rear Party at Bulford; Pte
Lavender for believing that his work
on the Church would excuse him
Padres Hours for five years; the

Q. What succeeds .7

A. A beakless budgie.

STATISTICS
(as at 20 April ’75)

A. FINDS 12
16
1. Rifles/Shotguns 1048
2. Pistols/SMGs 88%
3. Rounds/Cases 31
4. Explosives - lbs 12
5. Hand bombs
6. Detonators 6
7. Incendiaries
86
B. HOUSE SEARCHES 3106
1. Occupied
2. Derelicts 20
291
C. BOMBINGS
1. Explosions no. 33
2. Explosions lbs 29788
3. Hoaxes

D. CAR SEARCHES

FLAX STREET COOKS
Sgt Wilson, Pte Usher, Cpl Kelly, Pte
Hawkins, Pte Perrin Pte Booker Lc l Croat.

"I've heard about taking up hobbies" On the arrivals scene we welcome DRESSED TO KILL
during the ceasefire — but this is ridiculous !! Pte David Waldren who is doing his Captain Acworth and the Commanding
best to increase the Chief Clerk's grey Officer on the squash court.
Q. What are sheepshearers called? hair count. chI Peter Hooper has
joined the flock having been duly B Company recently found a hole in
A. Baabaas (Yeuckl shorn of his Int locks and looks quite Hillman Street. A Company were
human in boots and denims again. Cpl looking into it.
NOTES FROM THE NUCLEUS Max Manji has taken over what is
deemed by most to be the most THE NIGHT SHIFT
Unaccustomed as I am to the art of important job in the Battalion .—
penmanship, l have nevertheless been Movements Clerk. He deserves a vote There’s a well known Duty Ossifer
asked to write a few paragraphs on the of thanks from the wives and sweet- Just South in Tac HO
personalities and activities of that great hearts for getting their men home on He sits and picks his whelk all night
hub of activity, the Battalion Orderly Fl and R on time. (He’s nuffink else to do).
Room. Although at times scorned by
the glory hunters of the Rifle Com- Cpl Pete Gurr is very happy and He sends us silly messages
panies, who are convinced of their contented with life now that we've Like “Get your finger aht,'_'
indispensability here, may I be per- moved his desk into the sangars. Pte My Guv’nor says, if he does it again
mitted to point out that to date no Robert Small is presently comtem- He'll go and sort him aht.
one has declared a ceasefire in the plating taking the plunge. Ah well,
never ending paper war. there goes another unhappy ending to We nightly sit and do our bit
a beautiful romance. Pte "TC” Hobgen The net is going well,
After a very pleasant trip across plods on in his usual complacent Then Callsign One just mucks it up,
the Irish Sea, made memorable by the indifference and despite rumours con- And fingme gives ’em hell.
showing of some invaluable training cerning the number of coffees he
films, we arrived at North Queen consumes daily, he has not taken out "You silly fool" ’he shouts at one,
Street ready for anything. After a shares in the Golly Shop. A word of His screaming scares the Mouse,
period of 'digging out' and unpacking thanks must go to Sgt Ted Tombling "I’ve called you fourteen times so far,
we soon settled into a frenetic orgy on the Rear Party whose one aim in Why don't you listen aht?"
of interminable main gate and sangar life appears to be to bombard us with
stags, OFIF and standby guards. all the bumph he can lay his hands on. Then Callsign Two (lt's you know who,
And Noddy and Bigears),
Sgt Malcolm Lindsay, who never A special word of thanks also to the Forget their callsigns, soppy dates,
tires of telling us the number of days ladies who produced a very good And Fingme shouts his fears.
he has left to do in Belfast, is progress- Frustrations magazine. We enjoyed
ing well on his diet. He just manages reading it and were only puzzled by “If you don't answer when I call,
to squeeze it in between four square one thing — where did Chris Tombling |'|| fink that you’re aslumber,
meals a day. On reflection, substitute get the orange box from when she rang And if you are, then Gawd help us —
”mountainous" for ”square”. He has the bell? Who can only sit and wonder.”
gained three stone since arriving and
his vital statistics now read 54, 63, 64, There is little further to add, except Then Callsign Free (JC and me),
— and that's just his head! to say we will be glad when Malcolm We sort of get a stutter,
Lindsay goes — added to the fact that You should uv heard old Fingme yell,
Pte Andy Smith has abandoned the his departure means less time for us to He bellowed like a nutter.
cause, he is now busily fertilizing his do, we will then have room for two
hair in an attempt to bring it into the more cIerks. And wot abaht old callsign Five?
fashion current in the Int world. Is That's Max and Gary G. _
hair really an indication of intelligence? WANTED They didn’t answer up at all,
If so, then we have a very clever A well-dressed man with a wheel They'd all knocked orf for tea!
Adjutant (Seagull) indeed, and I feel barrow. Last seen in lRWF's area.
sorry for Telly Savalas and Ali. Then Fingme really did his tank,
Speaking of Seagull, if you happen to ‘2! cap: 5. "lfll sort you blighters aht",
be in the vicinity of Tac HO he is 000' More“ :ng If you don't answer when I call,
easily recognisable by the raucous ir NI‘ sent you I’ll blow the lot right aht.”
cries of “Attention to detail" and mums umu'M'l-L
”I know I haven't left it in my BF. um ML atom ”And when you find that you can't
briefcase ..... I think” emanating from work
the plush confines of his centrally Lady Georgina Hormone-Jones laid a
heated, smoke filled office. When not stone this morning. Both are com- Wivout my agile brain,
hustling the Chief Clerk at Back- fortable. You'll come and beg me to help you
gammon, he can be found in the Ops
Room, challenging all and sundry to Daily Telegraph report: ”Ha/met: Hung out,”
a game of Mastermind. In moments of 0n Trees Help Scientists” But Mouse said "Say again!"
passion he has been observed to pick Perhaps the Int Cell could help out in
up a receiver and try to dial out on June. “You heard me first time. ”Fingme
another telephone! Not a pretty sight, screams,
I can tell you.
And then he starts to coff,
We heard sweet nuffink after that, a.»
Becos we'd all switched off!

"It's all right son, it's only yer Dad takin' Later a clerical collar swept into the t
Uncle Cedric out for a bit of drill practice." room. it was Brimstone clutching a
cake and a bag of shortbread biscuits. \
HOUSE AT WHOSE CORNER “Ah,” said Kestrel, who does not miss
much when it suits him. ”Hands off”, It?
“Hello", said Prophet. “What was said Brimstone uncharitably, "the The M3 on stage during the CSE show on
that?” asked Kestrel. Kestrel cannot shortbreads are for Sunray, they're not 19 March. The show was a great success.
hear very well and he addressed his surplice you know!" He handed them
remarks to the duty signaller. "I said to Prophet who's got Divinity ’A’ Level. At that moment Sunray appeared
hello”, said Prophet. ”Oh", said Hungry Kestrel was upset and he told with a large white sock over his right
Kestrel, "Hello”. ”I didn’t see you One Ninah that he was distorted and foot. "Any problems?" ”No, sir," said
there." Prophet smiled to himself. to call him on the landline. One Ninah Kestrel, "just a false alarm but I’ve
Kestrel is quite large — more like a used the telephone. At the same time been on to Brigade". The signallers
Great Bustard — and he would like Acorn came in gathering nuts in May. smiled. Sunray hobbled to the incident
to have said he hadn't seen Kestrel. ”You’re early", said Kestrel and Acorn board and the second watchkeeper,
From down the corridor a voice left. who never gets a mention, asked if he
shouted, "Hello zero this is fivah. could give him a hand. Sunray thought
Wrong, fivah this is zero ovah." Occee -r . it was a bit of a lame joke and limped
Admin had just come off Doom- The Padre. away. Kestrel asked what was up and
watch and he appeared to be having the Assault Pioneer Pl Comd replied
a nightmare. Whatever it was, callsign Sometime about midday Two Slash ”Search me." Kestrel did not hear
five came back and said he heard Charlie stumbled his way into the what he said but it didn't really matter
zero strength fives and not to shout. Ops Room and opened his eyes. — he was back to his normal bluff
Occee Admin seemed mollified and ”There's a very good film tonight”, colour ~ and the duty signallers were in
there was silence. he said. "Guaranteed". He then sat control once again. The Rossum
down with a transistor radio pressed ordered Pooh, Piglet and Pronto out of
In the Ops Room there was a slight to his ear and started snapping his the room and Occee Admin, who
scrabbling sound. "Oh there's Seagull", fingers. couldn’t remember where he was,
said Prophet. "What was that?" asked requested a Finds Team.
Kestrel. Prophet is very patient. ”Contact 20 minutes ago," said the
“Seagull", he said, "Seagull'.. “Yes" duty signaller. Kestrel choked on his C
Seagull and landed untidily in the tea, dropped ash all over his nice clean
Disorderly Room. "Where's Seagull?” 065, and issued a series of orders. Jim
His plumage was definitely ruffled.
asked Kestrel. "He's gone now." said Seagull, who is a poor loser, knocked Well Sarge — you did say get ready for a
Prophet, who is otherwise known as over a game of Mastermind and quick run round the Ardoyne I
DC Tact. "Oh, I see", said Kestrel, Prophet rang the Press Desk to find
but he looked confused. At that out what was happening. Acorn could DEFINITION
moment the door opened slowly, and be heard humming, ”IO, IO it's off to Behave — a high class home for bees.
Pooh appeared. Sorry, no it wasn't work we go", and Two Slash Charlie
Pooh, it was Pronto. Pronto came in, promptly rang the Company concerned Guess who saw a mountain lion in
blinked, said ”Hello" and talked to and told them they'd got the range on Dunmore Stadium?
the duty signallers whilst brandishing a Saturday — last Saturday. Pronto, who
screwdriver — pretty versatile really. was investigating his other means, got
"Oh, hello”, said Kestrel and everyone a shock from his screwdriver. He
breathed a sigh of relief. thought he had been cut off. From
down the corridor Occee Admin
shouted ”Wait out", and was then
heard to ask "What do I do now?"

Kestrel got through to Occee Bee
who told him to buzz off. ”But
Brigade are on to me,” wailed Kestrel
as his eyes traversed the room to see
who had given him away after all
this time. Was the gnome bugged?
Eventually the duty signallers got
through to Kestrel. “It's alright", they
continued, “everything's been done. It
was declared a false alarm and we have
informed Brigade." Kestrel fell back
into his chair. Between them they let
out a sigh and a creak.

WHAT THE BUTLER SAW WHAT A MESS "OK Bodkins ....... thats enough for today!"
Cpl Yoa, chl Sword (in background), Pte
Cope, Pte Thornton, Pte Austin, chI Odell To read this tale remember well FOOD FOR THOUGHT
(seated). He that said that war was hell
At the Sergeants Mess of Tat: HQ On 4th April it was reported in
SIGNALS PLATOON AT If he saw what's there his words he'd the papers that six school girls and a
TAC HO biology teacher were planning to live
rue for a week off sparrows, starlings, mice
As members of the Signals His courage indeed would turn to and hedgehogs. Predictably the
Platoon Ops Room staff we are taking suggestion has run into sharp criticism
the opportunity to write these few jelly and a leading conservationist has said
notes for Braganza on behalf of the To see the scramble for colour telly. he finds the idea unpalatable.
lads. At five pm it's tea and kippers.
Then change to ”trackers" and carpet Seems as if things may not come to
On taking over from 32 Lt Regt we the crunch after all.
spent the first couple of weeks getting slippers
back into the swing of things. First _ Here we stay and like or lump it Where there's a will there‘s a way.
priority was to reorganise the Ops
Room and this was attacked with We’d rather have some tea and crumpet. Guess who said he didn’t want any
gusto by us all. Even the R80 lent a Flakey puts his daily bet more lip from Acvvorth ?
hand. He will have left by the time On pools and dogs, but as yet
this is published and we wish him the His dreams of being a millionaire ”Wm
very best in his quiet posting to 45 Are so far absent, like Ali's hair. - -"s
C00 RM. Sadly, he never did manage Alan’s patience sometimes flags
to make'us into cross country champ- Finding beds to do his stags, 4
ions and his red-handled screwdriver And courage strong he must muster
will also be missed. For a daily four hour duel with Buster. B k Row: Pte De'lara, Cpl Mclvor, Lt.
George Whittle says he’s fit to weep Polden.
In the Ops Room itself the Int He cannot get his beauty sleep. Front Row: Pte Anderson, L/Cpl Dale.
Section are still busy sticking up maps At the box he says he's peeping
and Queens Regiment badges. Their But we all know he’s quietly sleeping. Slowly, her eyes glowing softly, the
new hairstyles are much admired — The RSM holds in high regards beautiful debutante raised her glass
mostly by themselves — and Kestrel David’s prowess at the cards on high and exulted: "Sherry to me
has indented for further stocks of But when a partner Dave will need is the nectar of the gods. When I sip-‘;
badges just to keep the lnt in business. Exit Tara with a burst of speed. its fluid, my soul begins to throb and
”I’m losing weight", cries the ORC glow. The music of a thousand violins
The ceasefire has seen a reduction But to all of us it’s plain to see whispers in my ears and l am trans-
in incidents in our area yet the Eating cream and rice and crab ported by this elixir to the make-
operators are still hard at work. Car Is not the way to fight the flab, believe world of dreams." ”On the
checks take up much of our time and And this advice we give instead; other hand port makes me fart."
a golden car number plate will be To lose some fat remove your head.
awarded at the end of the tour. Gig Young with snores keeps us awake .K
Callsign 3 is in the lead at present. And causes wall and roof to shake
Remember that we do all the work But he is best at making tea
at.this end so please bear with us. And tops at Whist, it’s plain to see.
Kestrel is now more relaxed but he The Int Team, Paddy, Spike and Steve
still makes the occasional heavy Sit and wait for mid-tour leave.
landing. It seems for Steven the time just drags,
Last year, it‘s said, he bought some fags
Hickory dickory dock While at ’crashing' he's not slow
The mouse ran up the clock But perhaps that's on a "need to know."
The clock stopped. Why does Paddy whilst he’s reading
Put his specs on hair receding?
Perhaps beneath his hair there lies
Another pair of bloodshot eyes?
Remember Spike, with tash so jolly,
You could be taken for a golly
So when you zoom to Wadi Shekkel
Don’t forget your shaving tackle.
To slings and jests you're now innured
But one more question must be endured
Although this may not be hot news,
How come the Int wearing running

shoes?
Peter and Desmond are attached
But really are not that well matched.
To boost their Corps they both aspire
But sit all day just pulling wire.

If you go to Lofty's stores
Please take care of his bed sores.
If on the streets, watch out for Fritz,
As through the Bone with Vid he flits.
And when you come to ponce some tea,
You're bound to meet our young Keith

Lea,
Watch his patter — smooth as silk,
While he slurps his mug of milk.
Whilst at night we sleep in bliss.
There is a man we'd sadly miss
His motto is (now please don't sneer),
”Never fear, John Stent is here!"
And now my tale at length is done
Until next time, goodbyee ...........

Anon.