Ascetic Hedonism: Self and Sexual Conquest in the ...

Ascetic Hedonism

Ascetic Hedonism: (2006). Over the course of its history, the
Self and Sexual Conquest in self-help movement also expanded its
the Seduction Community thematic outreach. While late nineteenth-
century self-help predominantly offered
Eric C. Hendriks career advice, idolizing the figure of the
University of Mannheim so-called self-made man, contemporary
self-help covers everything from advice
Germany on career advancement, relationships,
Abstract happiness and spiritual growth to more
Much of contemporary self-help discourse and specific topics such as dieting and dating.
practice revolves around a peculiar intertwining The result is a diverse jumble of self-help
of hedonistic goals and diffused forms of products and gurus—some of which
innerworldly asceticism. To illustrate, the present claim to have uncovered the fundamental
paper will uncover the ascetic tendencies of a law of the universe, while others merely
particularly “hedonistic” self-help movement: the offer practical tips for solving specific
so-called Seduction Community. In the Seduction problems. The accompanying self-help
Community, dating coaches teach men how to groups and movements range from
attract and seduce sexually attractive women. secular fan clubs to (semi-)religious cults;
This paper argues that in spite of the manifestly and from peer-to-peer mutual-aid groups
hedonistic goal of sexual conquest, disciplinarian to loosely knit movements revolving
and ascetic values permeate the discourses and around a charismatic self-help guru,
practices of the Seduction Community. Before us is a bestselling publication, or a popular
the work ethic famously described by Max Weber; advice blog.
albeit in a form that is diffused, fragmented, and Though contemporary self-help is
“applied” to twenty-first century dating. thus highly heterogeneous, there are a
couple of elements or general themes that
Introduction loosely bind the unending mass of self-
help discourses and practices together.
In the early twenty-first century, the These are as follows:
international self-help movement 1. The attempt to cultivate a “positive
seems more wide-reaching than ever attitude”; or more generally, a therapeutic
before. The self-help movie The Secret or psychological approach to life
reached millions of people, first through 2. A focus on the problems and
the cinema and then through a globally- opportunities of the atomistic individual,
distributed DVD. It stands in a long line frequently at the expense of a critical
of international self-help blockbusters, stance towards collective social issues
spanning from Samuel Smiles’s (McGee 2005)
foundational 1859-book Self-Help and Dale 3. the value put on self-discipline and
Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence critical self-observation
People (1936) to Spencer Johnson’s Who 4. the idea that people can and should
Moved My Cheese? (1998) and The Secret radically transform themselves

Cultural Analysis 11 (2012): 1-16
© 2012 by The University of California.
All rights reserved

1

Eric C. Hendriks

That last point—the belief in self- place within it. Self-help can thus exert
transformation—in fact constitutes the a socio-cultural influence irrespective
fundamental premise of all self-help of whether or not it actually changes
teachings and is that at which all self- people in the way it initially promised
help practices are ultimately aimed. You them; that is, irrespective of whether it
help yourself by transforming yourself actually helps self-helpers to become
into something better: a more socially happy or successful. So, even if a certain
skilled, spiritually enriched, financially self-help teaching or product is in fact
successful, or sexually satisfied person. not delivering on its promises—or if self-
Self-help books, DVDs, and training help in general simply “doesn’t work”
programs promise to assist their or “doesn’t help,” as many public critics
readers, viewers and clients in effecting contend—it is still valuable to study its
a transformation of the self; and they impact on people’s social and cultural
usually suggest—at least initially, on the identities.
marketing level—that this transformation To that end, the present research
will be spectacular, extensive and shows how self-help, in spite of its
relatively abrupt. often inflated promises of a “quick-fix,”
In recent years, there has been an can cause people to adopt a new self-
increased scholarly interest in self-help understanding and lifestyle that centers
narratives and teachings, as well as in on an ideal of self-improvement through
their broader social and cultural impact. self-discipline. Interestingly, in the case
Recent works on the topic include Sandra of the most dedicated self-helpers, the
Dolby’s folkloristic study Self-Help Books, initial promise of (quick) results and
Micki McGee’s critical analysis Self-Help, the real identity changes self-helpers
Inc. and Eva Illouz’s broader sociological undergo often come to intertwine in a
research Saving the Modern Soul: Therapy, highly complex fashion. Along the road
Emotions, and the Culture of Self-Help. What to change, small groups of dedicated
these researches show is that self-help self-helpers may partially or completely
narratives and teachings not only help, or reinterpret what it means to be “helped,”
fail to help, individual self-helpers with as they partly or completely distance
tackling specific (perceived) personal themselves from their initial search
challenges, but that they also encourage for quick fixes to particular personal
self-helpers to adopt a particular way of challenges and begin to see their
describing and perceiving their social life disciplined quest for self-improvement
and overall identity. As Eva Illouz points as constituting a goal in itself. The result
out, the importance of self-help literature is a curious interplay between hedonism
is its role “in providing a vocabulary for and an ascetic focus on self-discipline: the
the self and in guiding the perceptions of hedonistic attainment of financial, social,
one’s social relations…” (Illouz 2008, 53) erotic or romantic success no longer
The basic idea here is that self-help constitutes the only envisioned end
can and frequently does change people goal, but rather become part of a larger
and social groups by altering the way attempt to reach a state of empowerment
they view themselves, society, and their and excellence through an ascetic focus
on self-discipline.

2

Ascetic Hedonism

This subtle interaction between the sex.
the secular ascetic practices and the In the Seduction Community, we
hedonistic promises of modern self- find a diffused, fragmented expression
help is central to one of self-help’s major of the work ethic described by Weber.
branches: the Seduction Community. This work ethic—instrumental to what
Although not representative of modern Weber calls “the spirit of capitalism”—
self-help as a whole, the Seduction is rooted in a secularized and inner-
Community, an international self-help worldly expression of asceticism. This
movement in which men are taught how ascetic work ethic drives the hedonism
to attract and seduce women, shares of the Seduction Community and vice
much of its conceptual terrain with other versa. Thus, rather than asceticism and
self-help movements. hedonism being two opposed forces
In the Seduction Community, dating keeping each other in check in the
coaches or seduction gurus teach their movement, they seem to strengthen each
all-male students conversation skills and other. The search for sexual enjoyment
body language techniques, as well as intertwines with the quest for self-
psychological strategies that are meant to perfection and empowerment through
produce an inner state of self-confidence. self-discipline and voluntary suffering.
The gurus furthermore advocate
values, lifestyles and worldviews that The Seduction Community
they consider useful when it comes to There is a long history of advice literature
transforming oneself into an enormously on seducing women, of which Ovid’s
attractive and seductive individual: a poem “The Art of Love” (Ars Amatoria)
womanizer, a “pickup artist,” a master of is perhaps the most artistic product. This
the “Venusian arts.” longer history should not be equated
At first the Seduction Community with the Seduction Community. The
appears to be a purely hedonistic Seduction Community is a specific set
movement in which all moral of related schools in Western popular
considerations are set aside. The direct culture. These schools originally formed
goal seems quite clear: sexual intercourse an underground movement in Los
with a large number of attractive women. Angeles in the late nineties, but they then
Equally clear is the commercial character rose to mainstream prominence in the
of the seduction community: the schools first decade of the twenty-first century
are companies, the gurus businessmen, after the publication of Neil Strauss’
the students consumers. However, there bestselling book The Game in 2005 and the
is also a strong ascetic component to reality television series The Pickup Artist
the Seduction Community which has on the American VH1 channel in 2007
remained hidden from view to outsiders, and 2008. What sets the dating schools
if not also to many insiders. In this of the Seduction Community apart is
asceticism, the means take priority over their highly systematic approach to
the end; the self-discipline needed to dating and their largely shared technical
strategically attract and seduce women vocabulary—a kind of idiosyncratic
takes priority over the sex, or at least community “language.”
forms an important end in addition to

3

Eric C. Hendriks

The main contributors to this dating coaches began to use their real
vocabulary and the community’s body names again. For example, the prominent
of dating knowledge are as follows: coaches Jlaix and Tyler Durden once again
1. the neuro-linguistic programming became Jeff Allen and Owen Cook.
(NLP) and hypnosis-based school Despite the dominance of a handful
rooted in Ross Jefferies’ Speed Seduction of larger companies, the Seduction
method Community is not only organized around
2. The Mystery Method school built the top-down dissemination of products
on Mystery’s somewhat mechanistic and teachings, but also by the horizontal
step-by-step method sharing of dating knowledge between
3. The “natural game” or identity- non-professionals. Horizontal exchanges
oriented school, represented by Tyler between students are typically non-
Durden and other coaches connected to commercial in character and take place
the dating advice company Real Social in special online discussion fora and
Dynamics in local student meetings in numerous
Besides these larger schools and the cities worldwide. In these meetings,
dating advice companies associated with known as “lair meetings”, groups of
them, there are all kinds of less distinct seduction students not only discuss
seduction schools and methods, many topics pertaining to womanizing, but
smaller dating advice companies, and a also team up for approaching women—
number of celebrated freelance dating perfect strangers—in “the field”. You can
coaches such as Sasha Daygame, Asian find seduction students roaming around
Playboy or Badboy. in nightclubs and bars, on streets and in
A distinctive feature of the community parks, from Los Angeles to Tokyo.
is the use of special pseudonyms (e.g. Ross The ideas and approaches propagated
Jefferies, Mystery, Tyler Durden, Sasha by members of the Seduction Community
Daygame, Asian Playboy, Badboy). Most vary widely. Some gurus and schools
gurus and students use a pseudonym: encourage the use of “canned material”—
a special seduction nickname by which that is, rehearsed, status-conveying
they are known within the Seduction stories that are thrown into conversations
Community. This signals both their to make a strong impression—whereas
determination to become a new person others advocate “natural game,” which
and their wish to be part of an exciting involves a more spontaneous way of
“underground” movement; but often it interacting. Some put the emphasis on
is also simply a way to post on seduction learning specific strategies, whereas
without one’s real name being linked others stress the value of enhancing one’s
to a controversial self-help movement psychological strength or “inner game,”
on Internet search engines. However, as arguing that attractive behavior flows
the movement entered the mainstream naturally from a state of self-confidence
media and subsequently became a and emotional stability.
steady source of income to a number of However, these disagreements do not
top dating coaches linked to a handful run deep enough to result in sectarian
of larger dating advice companies, some divisions; there is clearly one Seduction

4

Ascetic Hedonism

Community. The movement develops In the spirit of the familiar English
its unitary identity, in part, through a sayings “Love is a game” and “It’s all part
vocabulary that is to a great degree shared of the game,” the community establishes
and which produces common values that seduction is ethically permissible.
and outlooks on life. Though each of the Moreover, conceiving of seduction as
seduction schools attempts to distinguish a game may also help the student to
itself by developing novel concepts and desensitize himself to rejections by many
metaphors, these merely overlaid onto women, which, most gurus insist, is an
the movement’s larger shared vocabulary. inevitable component of becoming a
Moreover, the students active in the skilled womanizer. The game metaphor
Seduction Community are usually not pops up everywhere: there is “night
completely loyal to any particular school game” and “day game,” “club game”
but, rather, mix different metaphors and and “street game,” “inner game” (the
concepts in their communication with psychological dimension of being an
other students. attractive male) and “outer game”
Lair meeting discussions and Internet (the behavioral dimension of being
fora are dominated by a number of an attractive male). Most importantly,
widespread terms and metaphors. These becoming a successful womanizer
include terms such as: “set” (a group of requires that you “work on your game.”
friends in a social gathering), “approach My experience with the concept of
anxiety” (fear of initiating conversations “working on your game” began with
with attractive women), “routine” my visits to local lair meetings, and my
(canned story for impressing women), participation in a weekend “bootcamp” in
“kino escalation” (the establishing of Frankfurt led by an international team of
physical intimacy), “alpha male” (the dating coaches. Most of the lair meetings
attractive, high-status male), “social I attended took place in Mannheim
proof” (a way of signaling high status), and Heidelberg, though I have also
“frame” (based on Goffman’s theory of attended meetings in the Netherlands
dramaturgical social frames), “wingman” and the United States. The local lairs in
(one’s in-field assistant), “plowing” Mannheim and Heidelberg are so-called
(the act of slowly breaking through a “street lairs”; rather than assembling at
woman’s standoffishness), “field report” night for “club game,” they assemble on
(an online report on events in the field), Saturday afternoons, and participating
“shit test” or “congruence test” (a students are given the opportunity to
provocation by means of which a woman approach young women on busy streets.
tests a man’s strength and authenticity), New participants learn about these
“sarging” (going to social gatherings meetings either through word of mouth
with the purpose of seducing women), or through announcements on a German
and “game.” seduction website. Usually about four
Of these terms and metaphors, the to ten people—some familiar faces,
most important one is “game.” By means some surprise guests—show up for each
of the game metaphor, traditional moral meeting.
considerations are swiftly brushed aside.

5

Eric C. Hendriks

The first time I showed up for the international dating coaches and
Heidelberg lair meeting, I was called to their assistants trained nine students
introduce myself to the other participants including myself over the course of three
by the local lair organizer, a young consecutive evenings and nights. The
German man who, despite his slightly three coaches each paid special attention
timid appearance, posts on German to three students. My assigned coach was
seduction websites under the name the twenty-four-year-old Julien, a Swiss
of Aphatier (alpha animal). Alphatier American who had made a name for
then directed us to split up into smaller himself in the Seduction Community as
teams of two or three participants and the wingman of RSD head coach Owen
to spread out across Heidelberg’s main Cook.
shopping street to begin our seduction The bootcamp began with Julien’s
practice. At lair meetings, there are often repeated admonition: “You always do
a few participants who, despite being what your coach tells you to do.” In
pressured into taking action, remain practice, this meant that a student must
passive. But most participants are able follow the instructions of his coach and
to at least initiate a couple of flirtatious approach a woman or group of women
conversations and get one or two when ordered to do so. This emphasis on
phone numbers. Occasionally, a student obedience stems from the explicit purpose
manages to immediately take one of the of a bootcamp: to drill the student out of
approached women on an “instant date” his “comfort zone” and acquaint him with
behavior that runs counter to his “social
to a nearby café or ice cream stand. At the conditioning.” On three consecutive
end of each lair meeting, the entire group nights in Frankfurt nightclubs, Julien
typically reassembles for a “debriefing” demonstrated his womanizing skills
in which the participants report and to his students, while observing and
reflect on the day’s results and lessons. commenting on our efforts. Though the
During my first debriefing in Heidelberg general atmosphere among the coaches,
I also received advice from more senior assistants, and students was animated
participants, who had already been “in and playful, the bootcamp—as the
the game” for a number of years. military metaphor already implies—also
In contrast to the informally had a strong disciplinarian component.
organized lair meeting, a bootcamp is a This content reflects the diffused ascetic
commercial event led by professional or values hidden behind the hedonism of
semi-professional dating coaches, with the Seduction Community.
prices ranging from several hundred to
several thousand dollars for a weekend The Hidden Asceticism of the Seduction
or full week of field training. The Community
bootcamp I went through in Frankfurt, Thereisadiscrepancybetweenmuchofthe
Germany was organized by the Los marketing of the Seduction Community
Angeles-based dating advice company and its actual teachings and practices. In
Real Social Dynamics (RSD), one of the the marketing of the different seduction
largest companies on the international schools, the teachings are presented as
bootcamp market. Three well-known

6

Ascetic Hedonism

a quick-fix, as an easy and fast way of effort to achieve a transformation of
obtaining the skills necessary to attract the self. This transformation, like all
and seduce beautiful women. However, ascetic transformations, involves a total
as soon as the student digs into his newly remaking of a person’s lifestyle, self-
acquired book or DVD, he will discover understanding, and worldview in order
that a good deal of self-discipline and hard to achieve a more empowered and
work are required; there are sacrifices enlightened way of being.
to be made. Underneath a surface The suffering of the Venusian artist
layer of marketing, the teachings of the derives from his need to rationalize
Seduction Community revolve around and objectify his social interactions and
endurance, sober abstinence from naïve intimate relationships, and to constantly
romanticism, critical self-observation, place himself in stressful and challenging
never-ending development of the self, situations “outside of his comfort zone.”
and a tremendous rationalization of All this causes the boundary between
social life and intimacy. If the student recreational socializing and work to blur,
eventually manages to master the especially in the case of socializing in
Venusian arts, he will be able to have sex nightclubs and bars. Those who practice
with many attractive women. However, the Venusian arts perceive nightlife
the relation between means and goal as a means towards rational gain
becomes a complicated one. The more maximization, so that it loses much of
involved he becomes with the Seduction its recreational function and can instead
Community, the more a student’s system even become a scene of hard labor.
of self-discipline will take priority in his It first might seem strange to speak of
practice. The reason for this shift is that suffering in this context, for nightclubs
adhering to a system of self-discipline and bars are usually seen as revolving
is intimately connected to the formation around fun and pleasurable social
of a certain lifestyle, self-understanding interaction. However, in these settings,
and worldview that is often purported to the man who fully embraces the Venusian
effect an empowering transformation of arts feels obliged to convey status, to
the self. employ his techniques, to constantly
The asceticism of the Seduction examine himself critically, and to harden
Community consists of its members himself to countless harsh rejections by
orienting their lives towards a system women—all while not falling back on
of self-discipline—a system that creates the “liquid courage” offered by drinking
a peculiar kind of meaningful, identity- alcoholic beverages. The Venusian
shaping suffering. This system of self- artist therefore requires a high work
discipline is neither religious nor aimed ethic. As dating coach DJ Fuji explains
at otherworldly rewards, as are the at an international dating conference:
ascetic traditions of many religions. The “The more difficult the task, the higher
self-inflicted suffering of the dedicated your work ethic has to be.” (2007)
practitioner of the Venusian arts can According to Mystery, a founding figure
nevertheless be seen as an ascetic practice of the Seduction Community, the direct
because, to him, it is part of a systematic purpose of going to bars and nightclubs

7

Eric C. Hendriks

is to systematically improve one’s “social Despite sharing this general insistence on
calibration” and internalize one’s “skill the importance of emotional indifference
set”: and a strong work ethic, the central
schools and doctrines of the Seduction
A Venusian artist goes into the field Community differ somewhat in the ways
[bars and nightclubs] night after night in which their most devoted adherents
primarily to improve his calibration discipline themselves. On one side of the
and to internalize his skill set. You’re spectrum, the adherents of the Mystery
not trying to ‘get this one girl’ or even Method mechanistically execute a step-
‘get laid tonight.’ Rather, you practice by-step method, which involves them
with the long-term goal of having a memorizing, rehearsing and eventually
powerful social skill set in the future… telling hours and hours of prefabricated
(Mystery 2007, 42) stories (“routines”) to women. On the
Notice two things: First, the rewards are opposite side of the spectrum, there are
moved to the future while the present the “natural game” schools which teach
becomes a scene of labor. Second, students to interact in a more natural,
the student is advised to emotionally spontaneous fashion. They contend
disconnect from direct and immediate that tricks do not work and that you
successes (getting laid tonight) and actually need to transform yourself in
rejections, as well as from a fascination an authentically attractive person. These
with this or that special woman. Direct different approaches to the Venusian
successes, the pains of rejection, and love arts entail students undergoing slightly
for one specific woman: these are exactly different forms of suffering.
the matters men would normally care The greatest discomfort that adherents
about most, but obsessing over them is of the Mystery Method face is their
seen as an obstacle when the goal is to increasing difficulty in interacting with
systematically improve one’s skills set others in an unpremeditated or natural
so as to seduce large numbers of women way. Therefore, as the student becomes
over a long period of time. In his online more skilled, his mastery of preplanned
video blog, Owen Cook explains that the routines of interaction also disconnects
practitioner needs to “live drama free,” him from all the non-practitioners, which
indifferent to the low, earthly distractions often exacerbates a sense of loneliness.
that occupy the petty emotional lives As part of their practice, students of this
of “the masses” (Cook 2012a). Also, school will likely spend more and more
practically speaking, emotionally time socializing, only to find themselves
detaching oneself from the outcome of increasingly disconnected from the people
any specific interaction with any specific in their surroundings. Groups of people
woman is a vital component of being an become “sets”; attractive women become
effective Venusian artist: “targets”; their friends “obstacles.”
If the outcome of any specific approach This also entails an objectification and
becomes important to you, it’ll have thorough rationalization of social life.
subtle, insidious effects on your game In this vein, the occasional feminist
and compromise your win. You really criticism that the Seduction Community
do have to not care. (Mystery 2007,
42)

8

Ascetic Hedonism

objectifies women (Johnson 2005) misses not seeking out challenges, not exposing
the broader pattern: members of the yourself to humiliation, rejection and
Seduction Community not only objectify pain—equals stagnation in life and
women, but also other men—and they should be avoided at all costs. Julien,
first and foremost objectify themselves. my bootcamp coach, regularly compared
Described by Mystery as “biological comfortable stagnation to a slow death.
machines” (2007, 15-16), these men In a similar vein, RSD head coach Owen
thoroughly rationalize their emotional Cook has expressed his disgust for “the
and intimate life in order to become the masses” that give in to their biological
object of female desire. inclination to settle for a comfortable
Whereas the most devoted life that allows them to avoid investing
practitioners of the Mystery Method time and effort in personal growth (Cook
suffer because they systematize, 2012b).
mechanize and routinize their conduct, Ironically, perhaps, those same RSD
the practitioners of natural game-oriented coaches also teach that it is much easier
schools suffer in a different fashion. Real to seduce women when you are not in
Social Dynamics (RSD), the largest dating pain but are actually enjoying yourself
advice company representing the natural in social settings. During the bootcamp
game philosophy, advises practitioners to I participated in, Julien repeatedly
undergo a “deep identity-level change.” instructed me to have fun, beam with
It does not call upon practitioners to joy, and avoid a serious state of mind.
painstakingly systematize, mechanize He frequently reminded everyone
and routinize their conduct; however, its that “pickup is fun,” providing visual
gurus and devoted students are perhaps testimony to this statement by cheerfully
even more ascetic, because they conceive jumping up and down in the nightclub.
of their practice as a laborious and never- In the same breath, however, he would
ending “quest” for personal growth. stress the importance of being willing to
Such a quest requires practitioners to undergo suffering and pain. The idea here
constantly break out of their “comfort is that it is strategically advantageous to
zones” in order to gradually expand have fun and project joy while interacting
them, thereby pushing themselves to with women, but that if, for whatever
greater personal heights. reason, you are not enjoying yourself in
Breaking out of your “comfort zone” any particular situation or moment—the
is, of course, uncomfortable, potentially most important thing is that you keep
humiliating, and even painful, but it is on working. Owen Cook has frequently
essential to your growth as a confident described situations in which he felt
womanizer. “I believe in pain,” RSD miserable, sleep deprived, and hungry,
coach Ozzie explained to an audience and has wanted nothing more than to
of students in 2012 in Las Vegas. Only leave the nightclub, eat, and go to bed.
undergoing pain, he argued, can lead However, true to the ideal of asceticism,
to growth because “there is no growth he claims that he punishes “his brain” in
inside of your comfort zone.” According those unhappy situations, and “hammers
to this logic, staying comfortable—that is, it out until the bitter fucking end.” He

9

Eric C. Hendriks

recommends giving up only after “every Despite the insistent focus in all
last damned girl has gone home and sections of the community on the
there’s nothing left” (Cook 2012c). transformative potentials of their
All the different forms of voluntary practice, there is a debate about whether
suffering described above are meaningful the path of transformation itself should
to those practitioners who see in them a be seen as the practitioner’s highest goal.
means to a full transformation of the self. Is the path or journey of self-discipline,
Those active in the Seduction Community empowerment and personal growth
frequently remind each other that there the ultimate goal? Or are enhanced
is more to the Venusian arts than having self-discipline, personal growth and
sex with women. The Venusian arts, they empowerment merely a useful side
argue, also offer a new way of living, a effect of learning how to seduce women?
road to true manliness, a key to extending Owen Cook seems to believe the former;
one’s control over one’s destiny. And that the path itself is the ultimate goal.
perhaps such statements are less absurd He argues that “the journey of success
than they might seem at first, for what with women” is ultimately more
the seduction schools offer are various important than the direct results (i.e.
“technologies of the self” (Foucault sexual intercourse with many women)
1988). In other words, they provide the because it is that “powerful journey” that
self-helpers with tools to transform “changes the person you become…on a
themselves into a new type of subject— core level” (Cook 2012b). He explains that
one that more closely approximates a when you are involved in “pickup” for a
particular ideal of empowerment and longer period of time, you tend to change
perfection, a state embodied by the quasi- what “you’re in it for,” moving away
holy master of the Venusian arts. from hoping to accomplish the “petty
Those determined to master the goal” of effortless sexual successes (Cook
Venusian arts create for themselves 2012b). In contrast, a senior member of
a lifestyle that centers on self- his team of coaches at RSD, Jeff Allen
improvement through the systematic believes that disciplined personal growth
seduction of women. They furthermore and empowerment are only a “happy
see themselves as creating a new way of side effect” of becoming successful with
relating to their social surroundings by women and not an independent goal on
attempting to convey superior status in itself:
all social gatherings. Furthermore, they
tend to adopt an outlook that centers The guys who get good want to
on sociobiological and evolutionary FUCK, plain and simple. For me this
psychology-based understandings of the has always been about getting laid; the
human condition. In his book The Mystery self-actualization and all that shit was
Method, Mystery devotes one chapter— a happy side effect. (Allen 2012a)
fittingly titled “The Ultimate Purpose Finally, to understand the asceticism of
of Life”—to outlining his “Darwinian” the Seduction Community, and modern
theory on the purpose of human existence self-help in general, it is important to
(2007, 10-24). realize that—as with traditional religious

10

Ascetic Hedonism

asceticism—it belongs to a tiny yet a disciplined long-term commitment to
potentially influential elite of devotees the playboy lifestyle. An experience from
and virtuosi. Serious attempts to closely my fieldwork illustrates this point. At the
imitate the, supposedly exemplary, end of my bootcamp training weekend,
identity transformation of a seduction I jokingly suggested in front of the
guru such as Owen Cook are rare. entire group of participants that I might
Thus, it is certainly not the case that all immediately find a girlfriend and settle
practitioners of the Venusian arts are down. One of Julien’s assistants quickly
ascetic to the same degree. There are admonished me on the necessity of
perhaps a few million people worldwide avoiding relationships from interfering
who have come across a DVD, book, with one’s learning process.
or television program produced by This same uncompromising ascetic
the Seduction Community. Of this spirit also is also expressed in a video
gigantic mass of predominantly passive message by Jeff Allen on RSD’s online
consumers, only a minuscule part is forum. He calls on fellow pickup devotees
or has been actively engaged with the to ridicule, berate, or ignore every online
community. Furthermore, engagement post that addresses “nooby” issues
with the community takes many forms, such as how to win over any particular
ranging from participation in Internet special girl, how to find true love, how
discussions or attendance at public to avoid having to go out constantly,
lectures, to live practice sessions in bars how to avoid having to change one’s
or nightclubs. Generally speaking, these personality, etc. These kinds of posts, he
varying levels of engagement in the explains, betray “an inner resistance to
community are connected to varying the player lifestyle.” It is important, Allen
degrees of commitment to the ascetic- adds, not to further reinforce a nooby’s
hedonistic values of the Seduction inner resistance with positive or polite
Community. responses that will ultimately hurt him
For instance, it is clear that students by allowing him to slide back into the
attending lair meetings are, on average, comfortable passivity of his familiar life.
much less committed to the distinctive Instead he must become aware that he
values of the Seduction Community needs to “get more girls” by remaining
than the students participating in an active and taking constant risks (Allen
expensive bootcamp, let alone than the 2012b). In other words, there is work to
professional bootcamp coaches and their be done and hedonistic rewards to be
advanced assistants. Many students earned.
at lair meetings profess that they are
simply looking for a steady girlfriend, The Asceticism of the Larger Self-Help
and they usually immediately leave the Movement
seduction scene as soon as they meet Although the Seduction Community is
a woman willing to fulfill that role. dominated by discourses drawn from
Among elite circles, this kind of attitude socio-biology and evolutionary theory,
is looked down upon, since it conflicts much of its conceptual content exists
with the ideal of continued growth and in relationship with a longer historical

11

Eric C. Hendriks

tradition of self-help asceticism as well. good happens to you, this was because,
Through this longer self-help tradition— in the recent past, you thought positive
as well as, more generally, through the thoughts. So if you think positively all
ascetic work ethic incorporated in “the the time, you will become rich, healthy,
spirit of capitalism”—the Seduction esteemed and beloved within no time.
Community ultimately connects to the No real labor in the outside world is
inner-worldly asceticism that sprang from required; you can simply think yourself
a particular psychological reaction to the rich. However there is a catch: for as it
Protestant Reformation. Weber argues turns out, one needs to perform a good
that the inner-worldly asceticism of the deal of ascetic labor on one’s mind.
early Protestants gradually detached One needs to purify oneself of negative
itself from religion (Weber 2003). In its thoughts by constantly monitoring
secularized form, this asceticism—the one’s mind—reminiscent of the way
work ethic—fuels capitalism, taking traditional Christian ascetics sought to
hold wherever capitalism has spread. rid themselves of sinful thoughts.
Throughout the twentieth century, that As many scholarly treatments have
ascetic work ethic diffused further, indeed overlooked the workings of
spreading out over many new cultural asceticism in the contemporary self-help
fields while becoming harder to movement, the movement has often been
recognize (Gorski 2003, 172). Among the misinterpreted as nothing but a symptom
most important of these fields are the of how individuals are surreptitiously
modern self-help movements, including repressed and exploited by capitalist
the Seduction Community. society (McGee 2005; Ehrenreich 2009).
An inner-worldly asceticism For example, Micki McGee’s polemical
permeates every circle of virtuosi within study, Self-Help, Inc., offers a rich account
the self-help movement. It is hard to of modern self-help discourses and
find examples of self-help discourses recognizes that these discourses promote
and movements that lack the ideal of exhausting labor on the self. However,
self-improvement through an ascetic she describes this labor as a misguided
focus on self-discipline. Even a simplistic self-enslavement to a repressive capitalist
and seemingly discipline-undermining system. She argues, for instance, that
movie such as The Secret has strong “self-help can lead workers into a new
ascetic tendencies. The various self- sort of enslavement: into a cycle where
help gurus featured in the 2006-movie the self is not improved but endlessly
argue that the universe simply fulfills all belabored” (McGee 12, my italics).
your wishes if only you have a positive However, by revealing the asceticism
mental attitude. “The Secret” turns out of the very secular Seduction Community,
to be the “law of attraction” which states this paper portrays self-help, not merely
that everything that comes into your life, or primarily as a repressive force, as
you attracted into it. If something bad does McGee, but also as a potentially
happens to you, this was because you creative force that offers people practical
attracted disaster by thinking negative “technologies” through which they can
thoughts in the recent past. If something transform, discipline, and empower

12

Ascetic Hedonism

themselves. Among the elite practitioners truth-about-success-2-execution-
of the Seduction Community, a diffused, learning-failure-not-being-lazy-
inner-worldly asceticism and the slug?#comment-863064.
hedonistic goal of sexual expressivity _____. (c). 2012. “Rough Night? Out Of
seamlessly intertwine. This illustrates State? Not Clicking? Hammer It
how asceticism and hedonism are able to Out Til The Bitter Damned End.” 5
join forces within the self-help tradition, Jan. Online forum post. Accessed
which in turn permits us a glimpse at October 19, 2012, http://www.
the idea that modern self-help provides rsdnation.com/node/208121.
popular culture with a dose of ascetic Dj Fuji. 2007. “A Call to Action.” Lecture
hedonism. at the 21-Conference in London.
Accessed October 17, 2012,
Works Cited http://www.the21convention.
Allen, Jeff (a). 2012. Post on the main com/2011/05/07/dj-fuji-
t21c-2010/.
forum of RSD Nation under the Ehrenreich, Barbara. 2009. Bright-sided:
name “Jlaix.” 20 Aug. Accessed How the Relentless Promotion of
October 22, 2012, http://www. Positive Thinking Has Undermined
rsdnation.com/node/244886. America. New York: Metropolitan
_____. (b). 2012. “Why You Must Embrace Book.
Pickup As a Lifestyle.” 23 Sept. Foucault, Michel. 1988. “Technologies of
Online video message. Accessed the Self.” Lecture Transcript in
October 19, 2012, http://www. Technologies of the Self: A Seminar
rsdnation.com/jlaix/blog/get- with Michel Foucault, edited
more-girls. by Luther H. Martin, Huck
Byrne, Rhonda. 2006. The Secret. Prime Gutman and Patrick H. Hutton,
Time Productions. 16-50. Amherst: University of
Cook, Owen (a). 2012. “Transcending Massachusetts Press.
Drama With Girls And Drama In Gorski, Philip. 2003. The Disciplinary
Your Own Mind!” 10 Oct. Online Revolution: Calvinism and the Rise
video message. Accessed October of the State in Early Modern Europe.
22, 2012, http://www.rsdnation. Chicago: University of Chicago
com/tyler/blog/2-new-vblogs- Press.
assume-all-attention-positive- Illouz, Eva. 2008. Saving the Modern Soul:
transcend-drama-relationships- Therapy, Emotions, and the Culture
and-within-yours. of Self-Help. Berkeley: University
_____. (b). 2012. “The Truth About of California Press.
Success Part Two: Execution, Johnson, Andrew. 2005. “Passing on
Learning From Failure, Not Being ‘Foolproof’ Pick-up tips. Is this
A Lazy Slug.” 17 Apr. Online ‘Grooming’ for Adults?” 25
video lecture. Accessed October Aug. London: The Independent.
19, 2012, http://www.rsdnation. Accessed October 19, 2012, http://
com/tyler/blog/new-2hr-video- enjoyment.independent.co.uk/

13

Eric C. Hendriks
books/news/article308631.ece.

McGee, Micki. 2005. Self-Help, Inc.:
Makeover Culture in American Life.
Oxford: Oxford University Press.

Mystery. 2007. The Mystery Method; How
to get Beautiful Women into Bed.
New York: St. Martin.

Strauss, Neil. 2005. The Game: Penetrating
the Secret Society of Pick-Up Artists.
New York: Reganbooks.

Weber, Max. 2003. The Protestant Ethic and
the Spirit of Capitalism. New York:
Dover.

14

Ascetic Hedonism

Response

The Hedonistic Pleasure of as a “path” or “quest,” becomes just as,
Asceticism if not more, important than sex itself.
Hendriks notes the similarity between
Philip Longo the ascetic hedonism in the seduction
University of California, Santa Cruz community and the ascetic work ethic at
the heart of the capitalism as described
Modern self-help books often by Max Weber in The Protestant Ethic
promise us a “quick-fix” that and the Spirit of Capitalism. The self-help
in fact entails quite a bit of movement is undoubtedly part of a
work. As Eric C. Hendriks demonstrates capitalist world driven by a religious self-
in his essay on the “ascetic hedonism” discipline as Hendrinks claims. However,
of pick-up artists in a shady corner in Hendrik’s description of the seduction
of self-help known as the “seduction community, hedonism follows asceticism.
community,” books like The Game and By hedonistic, Hendriks means both
TV shows like The Pickup Artist promise something that is pleasurable and also
easy hedonistic sexual rewards but of questionable ethics; a Venusian artist
require tremendous self-discipline, self- need not act ethically toward others in
denial and suffering. What seems like this game of seduction, even as he is
a relatively straightforward, if cringe- expected to maintain an ethics of the
worthy, method of seduction actually self. Hendriks’ critique of the seduction
involves participants adopting a radically community focuses on the way in which
new understanding of themselves and it locks its students into laborious self-
their social world. The “Venusian artist” discipline and ascetic suffering without
lifestyle Hendriks describes is profoundly the assurance of a (rather ethically
ascetic, involving “endurance, sober dubious) pleasurable pay off.
abstinence from naive romanticism, While he does claim that asceticism
critical self-observation” and a “never- and hedonism are intertwined here,
ending development of the self” (12). If Hendriks does not ask whether suffering
this “identity-shaping suffering” sounds itself may be pleasurable for its adherents.
exhausting, we should not lose sight In Weber’s formulation, labor merely for
that path supposedly leads to sexual the sake of the reward (here profit, not
fulfillment. Yet, the advertised quick fix sex) becomes suspect under capitalism.
of seducing a beautiful woman leads to Capitalism for Weber requires that labor
something else entirely: a disciplinary becomes an absolute end in itself, a
practice for self-building that turns out “calling.”1 Within the development of
to be pleasurable in its own right. the Protestant spirit of ascetic labor, the
In the seduction community, the means take over the ends as we adhere to
hedonistic goals of sex are continually a duty whose very reward is its continued
delayed as ascetic means take precedence operation. The ideal entrepreneur Weber
over sexual conquest. The practitioners describes as wanting “nothing out of his
find that self-discipline, self-described wealth for himself, except the irrational
sense of a having done his job well”
would similarly describe the ethic at

15

Eric C. Hendriks

the heart of the seduction community thoroughly the rationalization of social
where participants also find the pleasure life under capitalism has been extended
of self-empowerment and autonomy in to social life down to our most intimate
their practice.2 Asceticism both within desires. Besides the games of seduction,
capitalism and within the seduction we can see this rationalization in the
community is a source of pleasure in its pervasive use of data-driven algorithms
own right. in online dating like OKCupid and
The fact that we frequently refer to eHarmony, among others.
love and markets as a “games” reveals But the question of whether seduction
this paradox at the heart of asceticism. can be completely rationalized is largely
Games after all, are not only pleasurable irrelevant here. If obviously cannot, just
for winning, but become a type of calling as the social world under capitalism
in of themselves; you may not have won cannot be completely rationalized.
the girl, but you can have fun trying to win We desire new markets, new women,
her. The game metaphor highlights the new situations in which to practice our
similarities between capitalism and these calculating games of love and labor, not
methods of seduction, both which rely on only in the pursuit of some distant reward
a strategy of rationally maximizing labor but as pleasurable practices in their own
and gain within a complicated social right. In short, we like playing the game
field. Weber famously referred to this even more than winning it. The corrosive
as “the disenchantment of the world” effect of this pleasure of rationalization
through capitalism’s “rationalism on the further extended into social relationships
basic problems of life.”3 We can’t help demonstrates how even the most
but notice that seduction, something intimate relationships are circumscribed
seemingly outside of rational discourse under capitalism. The social world only
and control, is increasingly subject to it exists as a field in which to play our own
within self-help literature and Western games for the pleasure of mastery and
culture more broadly. control itself; other people exist for us
Contemporary seduction attempts to only in terms of their use-value for our
rationalize desire, historically described strategies. While Hendriks concludes
as outside of purely intellectual and that the intense focus on asceticism in
strategic understanding. In doing so, modern self-help reflects the discipline
it rationalizes the entire social world of the individual under capitalism, we
by defining everyone within it as he should be just as alarmed with how it
or she relates to the maximization of impoverishes the relationships of our
the player’s utility. Not only does the social world.
relationship between lovers take on
the framework of the “player” and the Notes
“target,” but an entire social world is 1 Max Weber, The Protestant Ethic and the Spirit
described in terms of how it maximizes of Capitalism, trans. Talcott Parsons (New York:
gain: groups of people are “sets,” friends Routledge, 1990), 62.
are “obstacles” or “wingmen” (14). The 2 ibid, 71.
seduction community demonstrates how 3 ibid, 76.

16