34002 GS 5.5x8.5 102pg guts PROOF

Copyright © 2016
by Julie D. Mitchell

Write the Vision
All rights reserved. No part of this writing / and or cover may be

reproduced in any form without permission in writing,
from the author. 
Self -Published
Printed in the USA

by E-Volved Print & Packaging
7370 Dogwood Park Fort Worth, Tx. 76118

Cover design by
Prophet Marquez
Prophet Marquez Griffin.com/Media-Services

Bible References. KJV- Reference Edition. NIV.

Contents
Greetings from My Closet

Introduction
Closet Conversations........page 1

The Secret........page 3
Rejection........page 4
Feelings of Rejection........page 5
Closet Conversation with God........page 7
My Inward Closet........page 8
Cleaning Out My Inward Closet........page 9
Overcoming Rejection........page 10
Carrying Out the Assignment........page 11
*Federal Bureau of Prisons
*The Classroom........page 12
*Facebook Stranger........page 14
A New Conversation........page 18
Purpose Fulfilled........page 20
My Gift to You........page 22

Dedication
TO GOD BE THE GLORY FOR ALL

HE HATH DONE!

I dedicate this memoir to an all knowing God who created
me on purpose with a purpose. In addition it is dedicated

to an audience of many victims facing rejection.

To my beautiful daughter De Etta Mitchell-Broadus and

wonderful grandsons Mitchell Reese Baylor and Antuan
Broadus Jr. Thank you for understanding my periodic absences
during the time of writing Closet Conversations. I felt like you all
understood how important this was for others and you allowed
me the freedom necessary to write.
I am so appreciative that you have been my reasons to keep
moving forward. Often times you stood on the sidelines
cheering me on as you watched me carry out my God given
assignments.

Although you are the product of divorced parents my prayers
De Etta were that you did not fall prey to being victimized by
rejection from either of us. Those prayers were answered. From
your birth, a link in my chain of rejection has been removed and
for that I am grateful.
I am not sure what the future holds for you all but I must tell
you that forgiveness and prayers are the keys you will need in
any painful situation.
I am eternally grateful that God chose me to be your pillar of
strength.
All of me loves all of you.
Love,
Mom/Grandma

Acknowledgements

Dr. Regina Spellmon - Pastor of
Ambassadors Today, Author

There are not enough words to describe how much you have
meant to me while writing this memoir. You see, you’ve not
only been my spiritual leader but you’ve been my “doctor” for
a number of years now. It seemed you were knocking on my
closet door Sunday after Sunday with so many messages. The
medicine you prescribed is what got me through my pain! I
just want you to know it’s working finally and I am well on my
way to recovery. Thank you for your patience and assuring me
there was purpose for my pain.

Prophet Marquez Griffin - Inspirational
Leader, Mentor, Author

Having faced the challenges of childhood abuse, rejection, and
overcoming the loss of a son, he inspired me to write this memoir
because our spirits bore witness that there is victory over any kind
of pain.

He was raised by his grandparents in Monroe, Louisiana a
few miles from where I was delivered at my grandparent’s
doorstep. What were the odds that I would encounter
someone with a story just like mine who now lives only
a short distance away within the same city where I now
reside. Thank you for designing the special cover of
Closet Conversations and being supportive of my vision.

H. Kim Newsome - Editor and Prayer Warrior
Kim and I became acquainted over two years ago during
our performance in a play entitled “Love Won’t Let Me Go
Back”. We spoke every now and then until I invited her to
a friendship party at my home, an ATC party an “Absolutely
Totally Committed to Friendship” dinner party. ATC is a unique
idea I birthed to bring friends together to open up to what’s
underneath their hat - the place where we hide what we feel.
During the ATC party I introduced a number of entrepreneurs -
little did I know her gifting was in the editorial business and that
I would be using her services for this memoir not yet birthed.
There were times we had to pause because it was emotional
for us recalling our pain. She gave me a new perspective on
how I had viewed rejection. The rejection she faced was the
opposite of mine but just as painful.
Kim, I could never repay you for the countless hours you’ve
invested and numerous revisions to see this project to
completion. Thank you for sharing your secret.
Veronica McNeary - Poet
PURPOSE FULFILLED - Wow! A total stranger many miles
away ironically in Chicago, Illinois - THE CITY WHERE I WAS
BORN! so willing to share a poem especially written for Closet
Conversations. I knew Closet Conversations was complete
when I received her poem. It concluded my memoir! She is a
visionary and someone I’m glad to have on my team. Her passion
and her vision is in line with my assignments. She desires to
open a transitional home for women being released back into
society from prison. It was definitely a divine appointment.
“Ms. V”, I am so appreciative and eternally grateful for God
placing you in my path. Thank you!

A very special thank you to all of my family and friends who
have supported me during this project. For me the secret
has been difficult to keep and equally difficult to share. Your
encouragement to expose my secret has been a great blessing.

Introduction

Mind if I have a closet conversation with you? You probably
have never been asked a question quite like this before.
I imagine I have aroused your curiosity just by the title and
cover alone. But, please don’t focus so much on the cover. I
have refurbished it to look good on the outside but as you flip
through each page you will discover, on the inside, I was all
messed up! I can hear you saying, “How interesting is this?”
Assuming, I now have your attention, you are ready to open
the pages and begin reading..

Greetings from My Closet!

Closet Conversations

Closet Conversations
If you are like me, my first guess would be that this conversa-
tion is about some sort of a secret in a closet. You are absolutely
correct, and I am just as anxious as you are to have a conversa-
tion with you about my secret.

The closet contents I want to disclose are no different than the
well know clichés “skeletons in your closet” and “coming out of
the closet.” “Skeletons in your closet” are your hidden secrets -
the closet within you. “Coming out of the closet” is associated
with revealing something about yourself you may have hidden
from others. And for the purpose of this text closets may even
be referred to as a storage place or a place of prayer.

I recommend when reading this memoir, you locate a quiet
place like your own closet or a designated place with no dis-
tractions to allow God to minister to you just as I have done.

You may wonder, “Why the closet?” The closet is a space that
you don’t frequent until you need to get something out (secret)
or put something in (God). You keep things in it that are not
visible to the eyes of others. The components are personal.

My closet is the place where I spoke to God and he spoke
back to me. I wrote Closet Conversations from my empty closet
floor. I was having a conversation with God about my biggest
secret - the one that once brought me so much pain. You see,
not long ago, this very closet was filled to capacity.

I had always known eventually I would have to sort through
the stuff and purge certain items I no longer needed or wanted.
Most times it appeared to be so overwhelming! You see a se-
cret can be difficult to keep and equally difficult to share.

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Closet Conversations

One day I was determined to confront this messed up place.
So I opened the doors of my closet. Note - this was not the first
time I had opened the doors. I can remember quickly peeping
in and just as quickly shutting the doors closed again. I couldn’t
quite figure out what appeared to be the urgency to clean out
this mess now. After all this is the state it had been in for so
long. And I was the only one who knew what had been hidden
inside. My thoughts were what difference would it make to
anyone else whether I cleaned it out or left things as they were?

God knew I didn’t want to step inside mainly because it was
so dark. I was afraid I would locate that skeleton I had tossed
inside amongst all my other hurtful memories. It occurred to
me if I would add some light (the Bible) then I would be able to
see my mess better. And, yes, the best part of having an empty
closet would be to locate some things I thought were lost like
self-worth, peace of mind, and tranquility.

I remembered somewhere inside of here there was a journal
in which I had recorded my secret. I wanted to find it and
compare my conversations back then with the conversation
that I am having today, with you.

Knowing me I had tucked it far away in the back of my closet.
I couldn’t imagine accidentally placing it amongst the pile of
mess I planned to get rid of. The thought of someone finding
this and reading it would only expose me and my secret. And,
if found, how could anyone else benefit from this?

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Closet Conversations

The Secret
Up until now I have been reluctant to disclose my secret to you
because your suspicion of me would only add one more hanger
of pain. My secret has finally come out of my closet, it was the
Spirit of Rejection and I struggled with it for many years –
note, I did say was.

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Closet Conversations

Rejection

Rejection is real! I say this because the emotional triggers as-
sociated with it and certain painful memories would turn my
closet upside down. Dysfunctional emotions of rejection can
and will hinder your ability to walk into the destiny that God
has chosen for you. It caused me to hide behind my pain. The
pain I experienced inspired me to write Closet Conversations.

Let’s further discuss rejection. It can be best defined as I saw it:
birthed out of opposition from both parents... a seed of obscu-
rity which grew breech, meaning it came out reversed needing
to be turned around... a feeling or situation that you want to get
rid of… a lack of self-worth that causes you to alienate yourself
from others… renouncing someone... turned down or turned
away!

As I reviewed numerous websites I discovered that rejection
is the greatest undiagnosed and untreated disease there is. It
starts as a seed planted in your life through negative situations
you face. The pain from it takes root in your mind and in your
emotions which ultimately distorts your way of thinking.

Truth is many people live in bondage, within their closets, to
feelings of rejection and don’t even realize it. There is an audi-
ence out there waiting breathlessly to make sense of the pur-
pose of rejection.

4

Closet Conversations

Feelings of Rejection
The Spirit of Rejection had attached itself to me and had taken
up residence as far back as I can remember. I imagine since birth!
Allow me for just a moment to describe how I felt. I felt like
a damaged package, rejected by the carriers – my biological
parents. And to make matters worse I had been stamped
“DO NOT RETURN TO SENDERS.” I had been delivered at the
doorsteps of my grandparents’ home, my father’s parents, at
the early age of one. I can’t help but think they must have had
a conversation with God too. They were elderly by the time
I arrived and had already raised 18 children. My father was
the oldest of the 18. Their closets had to be overflowing with
compassion, love, and vision to take on me.
Shortly after my arrival I was afflicted with what could have been
a fatal disease - Spinal Meningitis. It is a rare disease caused
by the inflammation of the protective membranes covering the
brain and spinal cord.
My grandparents were farmers and they depleted every dime
they’d earned to cover my costly medical expenses. Now that
all their money was spent seeking a cure for my disease were
they angry with me too? What more could they do but believe
God for a miracle? Because of their prayers and strong faith
in God they believed nothing was too hard for God – God
miraculously healed me of this disease. I am a miracle today!
I am eternally grateful for the safety nest they provided and
their fervent prayers. But, I must confess, even this was not
enough to suffice my longing for my own parents. What I really
wanted was a parent’s love. I thought about asking pertinent
questions regarding the whereabouts of my parents and why
had they abandoned me. But each time I hesitated because
of my upbringing. My grandparents’ response would have
been to “stay in a child’s place” or to “stay out of grown folks’
business.” So out of respect and obedience I shoved all my
unanswered questions in my closet. I noticed they never spoke
much on this subject either. It was probably because they knew
how painful this subject was for me. But whatever the reasons
were it definitely was a secret. Or, could I have been a secret?
I had so many questions and no answers.

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Closet Conversations

There were nameless occasions that my closet had been turned
upside down. As far back as graduation from Pre-K, up until
becoming a mother, I wished my parents had been there for
all the major events. It seemed Mother’s Day and Father’s
Day were especially painful. I dreaded those days the most. I
had no meaningful recollection of my parents and unlike most
people I had nothing to celebrate. There was not a single card
anywhere that I could purchase to say what I wanted to say.
And needless to say I never received a card on my birthday or
any other holiday for that matter from them letting me know
what they wanted to say. I associated those days with rejection.
So, I opened my closet doors again and tossed those hurtful
memories inside too.

At such a young age my closet had been filled to capacity with
rejection. I was at that point no longer fragile but damaged. I
was convinced of the devil’s tactics to take me out. Rejection
had forced me not to trust anyone with my feelings. I knew I
desperately needed to talk to someone. I needed someone that
would understand how I was feeling that could perhaps share
a few comforting words for my doomed situation. Who could I
trust? After so many years of stored up pain, I was close to one
more pill, turning the bottle up, injections, and as a last resort,
contemplating suicide to ease my pain. As much as life seemed
hopeless during those moments - I felt living and breathing
power from on High to do battle in the valley.

In your crisis situation or trying to cope with your secret you
may have considered one of these methods as a way to escape
too. If so, I am knocking right now at your closet door to deliver
a package that says, “Hang in there. God has plans for you!” It
is His desire to prosper you and give you a future filled with
hope. Keep reading.

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Closet Conversations

Closet Conversation with God
I was for sure thinking I had lost my mind! Just in the nick of
time I heard a voice saying, “Trust me with your secret.” I
looked around and noticed there was no one else in the room.
It had to have been the voice of God because truthfully no one
else could have known that I even had a secret. I believed I had
finally found a friend in Jesus!
He spoke to me with these words, “I will reveal the purpose
of your pain in this closet. Once it is empty I will refill it with
My secret. The package I am delivering to you will assist you
with your secret.” Jeremiah 1:5 (ESV) ‘Before I formed you in
the womb I knew you. And before you were born I consecrated
you; I have appointed you a prophet to the nations.’ I’ve also
stamped it “DO NOT RETURN TO SENDER.” I’ve assigned you
as a carrier to deliver this message to many closets.” God made
it very clear to me that I am to share what happened in my
life, so I am passing on descriptions of what I saw, experiences
I have had, and messages I have been given. He concluded,
“You were born on purpose with a purpose.”

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Closet Conversations

My Inward Closet
Follow me in your mind, to this desolate place, as I attempt to
describe what I saw. I was all messed up on the inside! I was a
total disarray! It was like I was walking with my closet on stilts
with unforgiveness pouring out of my pores from my head to
my toes.
I peeped in again. Opening the door, I observed a row of bent
hangers. Hanging was faded clothing. Some items even had
holes in them, and the place reeked of an unpleasant stale kind
of smell. There were compartments for everything! There was
one for my shoes, one for my hats, and one for my belts. And
far back in the corner I noticed what looked like the journal
that contained my biggest secret. I was relieved to know I had
located “my pain and my purpose.”
I began to recall all the hurtful memories as I read. To my
surprise inside of the Quiet Moments journal I stumbled
across my parents’ obituaries. It seemed like a lot of people
had fond memories of them AND I WAS NOT ONE OF THEM.
I was experiencing a very emotional moment. Reading their
obituaries turned my closet upside down. I sat the journal aside
and quickly exited the closet with intentions of returning when
I could deal with it.
Reading back over my journal Quiet Moments was much like
reading the Bible. The words hadn’t changed but the meaning of
the words had changed. Those very words started the journey
and carried me into the wilderness to tell others. Lord knows
the journey in the wilderness had been tiresome so going into
the closet was a quiet place to rest, reflect, and recall past
memories. And it is where I became spiritually awakened. But
then I came across a few pages that were stuck together from
the many tears I shed while writing years ago. They were the
pages on rejection that the devil did not want me to disclose to
you. As I flipped page after page and neared the end, I noticed
a few blank pages left. Closet Conversations was birthed out
of that old dusty journal onto those few blank pages from an
empty closet floor.

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Closet Conversations

Cleaning Out My Inward Closet

After having a closet conversation with God, I felt compelled
to rid myself of everything that reminded me of rejection. I
wanted to be free from the Spirit of Rejection once and forever.
I started with the bent hangers. They reminded me of all the
questions I had. I couldn’t help but notice they were shaped
like question marks too. The faded clothing reminded me of
how long and how much I had lost my brightness. The holes
in the items reminded me of the areas of rejection only God
could fill. That terrible smell reminded me of spiritual death.
The compartment of shoes reminded me of the many miles
and many years I had walked around feeling rejected. And
under those hats is where I tucked away everything that I felt. I
began to weep as I stared at the belts. You see they reminded
me of a weapon that the devil intended to use to inflict great
bodily harm – suicide. As I sit here writing tears are streaming
down my face. I am praying that the Holy Spirit will help you
to envision not only what a mess my closet was but to speak
to you concerning your inward closet. Truth be told we all
have inward secrets in our closets that hinder us from moving
forward with the assignment on our lives. This closet is now my
place of prayer. My storage is empty and I am available to assist
you with cleaning yours.

9

Closet Conversations

Overcoming Rejection
I’VE OVERCOME MY BIGGEST SECRET “REJECTION”, with two
powerful spiritual weapons, FORGIVENESS AND PRAYERS. The
first thing in the process you must do is to forgive yourself. I
forgave myself for not understanding the plans God had for
me in the womb. The Bible states He knew me in the womb. I
had been born on purpose with a purpose. Secondly, you must
forgive the other person that caused you pain. I forgave my
parents and understand now the package they delivered over
50 years ago was for such a time as this. And last but not least,
you must pray. Prayer is where my deliverance took place.
Maybe you are reading this and thinking to yourself, “But my
secret is not rejection.” Just know that you have a secret and
whatever it may be God wants to have a closet conversation
with you. He wants to fill your closet with more of Him. He
wants to renew your mind with the Word of God. He wants
to heal you from past hurts and memories and fashion you in
His image. He wants to equip you by using that very thing that
caused you pain as a weapon for spiritual battle. He wants to
use you as his mouthpiece to bring glory to His name. My pain
is now my purpose and my prayer request have become my
praise report.
As I think back over my life and from whence God has brought
me, there are not enough words to thank Him for me being a
well-kept secret and for abortion not having been an option by
my mother. God reminded me of a familiar story to all of us -
the birth of Jesus. He was a secret, too, you know. It wasn’t until
an angel appeared to Mary delivering the Good News that she
was impregnated with our Lord and Savior that she understood
her purpose. My parents were not Mary and Joseph but they
were chosen by God to deliver this package – me, in order that
I might save someone else by telling them there is victory over
rejection. And, that is the Good News. Someone somewhere
needs to know their biggest secret is their greatest blessing. It’s
only been the grace and mercy of a loving God that has kept
me carrying out this assignment.

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Closet Conversations

Carrying Out the Assignment
**Federal Bureau of Prisons**
God continues to use my old messed up closet as his message.
My first assignment was with the Federal Bureau of Prisons.
This assignment was for an extended period of 25 years. I
encountered thousands of women and men like myself that
were walking around on stilts within the confinements of those
prison walls with caged secrets. I was assigned to shake down
closets and confiscate the hidden contraband. I listened to story
after story as they conversed with me about what landed them
there, each story entirely different but identical because every
story originated from childhood. I couldn’t help but think I was
once like them a prisoner within my inward closet that had
caged my secret - rejection. The only difference between me
and them was my uniform.
How could anyone benefit from my secret? It was my opportunity
to promote healing and prevent further destruction by being
God’s mouthpiece. As a Special Investigation Assistant I was
assigned to conduct personal conversations with thousands
of prisoners by entering their jail cells (closets). Most of my
findings were matters on rejection. My personal experience
allowed me to share solutions to their problems. I used the
keys, forgiveness and prayers, that were handed to me at the
beginning of my assignment. I was an Angel on Assignment
and my mission was to save lives and assist those held captive
with taking inventory of their own inward closets.
I since then have been released from that assignment. Since my
retirement in 2007 I have revisited the prison, on occasion. It
has been rewarding to be reminded of just how many benefited
by all those closet conversations we’d had. I’m so thankful to
God for choosing me as the carrier of what once was a damaged
package to deliver my message on rejection to these chosen
few. I stamped it also “DO NOT RETURN TO SENDER.” My
prayer was that this package would not be returned to me but
would reach their hearts and they too would become carriers to
deliver this life changing message.

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Closet Conversations

**The Classroom**
After retirement, God sent me on a different assignment. He
led me back down memory lane to where my secret originated
– childhood. I could not connect the pieces of this puzzle.
Because truly going to work in the public school system was not
on my bucket list. The more I think about the sequence of my
assignments I’m sure that God wanted me to identify the root
of rejection. I was offered a position as a Behavior Intervention
Crisis Assistant in the Special Education Department to intervene
on behalf of elementary age children Pre-K through 4th grade.
In my spirit it sounded like the interviewer was asking me
if I would be willing to expose my secret to benefit special
children by educating them on why they had been set apart
and labeled challenged. At that moment I was redefining what
Special Education really meant to me. I had been given another
opportunity by God to promote healing.
These children’s closets are already filled to capacity, just as
mine was when I was that age. I desperately needed to go
inside of their inward closets to deliver a message of hope. I
remembered how blessed I had been from a message that was
delivered to me. I recalled the closet conversation between me
and God
Without hesitation and with a sense of urgency I entered a
classroom, and within those walls was an isolated 4x8 room that
resembled my closet. Inside of this empty room were padded
walls designed for the safety of these children to prevent them
from harming themselves during their emotional triggers or crisis
situations. It’s been both heartbreaking and challenging to hear
their fears and listen to their screams as they shout out their pain
from their inward closets. God is so amazing! He had even provided
protection inside of this closet with padded walls. Matthew 18:33
(KJV) “Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellow
servant, even as I have had pity on thee.”
The most effective therapy I could offer to assist with calming
their fears has been to tell them about the conversation I had
with God in an empty closet, much like their temporary padded
room. I share my secret to let them know I was once just like
them and I screamed out to God for help.

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Closet Conversations

How could I explain with simplicity the purpose of the closet?
A passage from my first book Write the Vision, was so perfect
for this setting because even a child could understand it. I
picked up the book and began to read these words: It is that
dark room (the secret place) a closet of the Most High God, is
where your process begins and this is just where Jesus wants
you. It is where the transformation begins. It is when you are
inside of here you can go to God in prayer and ask for help to
change your situation from bad (negative) to good (positive).
You are in desperate need at this point to allow God to help you
find your way out of dark situations (dark room).
In this room He will take your negatives and lay the exposures
out on development paper. He takes the negatives and soaks
them in solution and the solution is prayer. Finally, He hangs up
the negatives to dry. “Hang in there.”
My heart rejoices as I hand them the book to take a closer
look and watching their expressions as they cling to life from
a written word I had wrote many years ago during the time I
was in the closet. The funny part is the comments they make
about the cover. They say, “But that’s not you!” I’m so glad I
don’t look like all that I’ve been through. On the back of the
cover is an old photo of me of when I was masked in my secret.
I tell them, “Please don’t focus so much on the cover. I have
refurbished it to look good on the outside.” And for this reason
my spirits urgency to help you to get you into your own closet
kept me writing more and more.
I tell them I am an Angel on Assignment sent by God to deliver
a message that they have been chosen and their pain is their
purpose. I remind them that God cares and God knows how
they are feeling. To begin the healing process, I assign them to
write about their secret - to tell how they are feeling and to be
honest with themselves.
It is my desire to have a closet just like my grandparents, filled
with love, compassion, and vision. Without them I would not
have had the positive impact to equip these future men and
women with hope and confidence of success. I want them to
know within each of them lies a secret that God wants to use.
I can only imagine the many future authors whose stories will
read much like mine.

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**Facebook Stranger**

One day I met a stranger on my Facebook newsfeed under the
heading - “The Birthing Process.” I’m not quite sure how this
person ended up on my page. All I knew is that I was intrigued
by her post. My spirit led me to believe this writer’s closet was
filled to capacity and if nothing else she needed a few words
of encouragement for her situations. I trusted my instincts to
contact her. So, I picked up the phone – introduced myself –
informing her I had read several of her posts and just wanted
to encourage her by saying “Hang in there. God has a plan for
you!” I sensed there was purpose behind her pain.

It was definitely a divine appointment. To my surprise she
mentioned I had called at the most opportune time because
she was in the grocery store at the checkout counter struggling
in her mind (closet) with the question, “How am I going to
afford everything in my basket?” Her desire had been to feed
others and she needed everything. You see cooking had not
only been therapy for others but had really been her therapy, as
well. Her funds were limited and her secret was silence.

The point is perhaps this is the one secret we are all guilty
of - a secret of silence. Have you ever heard the phrase, “If
you only knew my story (secret) then…” Often times it is the
completion of this sentence at that very moment that sheds
some light of hope on another person’s situation. Strange as it
may sound my assignment that day had been in a grocery store
with a stranger many miles away in Chicago, Illinois. I couldn’t
believe we were sharing a closet conversation over the phone
in a grocery store. At that moment I was in her closet and she
was in mine. I had called her on purpose with a purpose.

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The following day we continued our closet conversation. We began
to cry as we shared our secrets. We discussed a few of her posts
that I had enjoyed reading. She told me she had been writing about
her pain since about 8 years old. She said she had at least three
recorded notebooks full of written messages stored somewhere
in her closet none of which had been published. I am so honored
to God and grateful to her for giving me permission to be the first
one to publish her poetry. A poem she wrote in her secret place
(prayer closet) “Purpose Fulfilled” is a blessing to conclude Closet
Conversations. I look forward to meeting her in person soon and
handing her a written copy of Closet Conversations.

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Closet Conversations

Here are her beautiful words to describe our first meeting in a
poem entitled “Introduction”.
INTRODUCTION

How we met, purpose defined, trying to figure it all out, at a deficit, not enough
finances, needed encouragement, an empty space
Trying to figure it all out, desired to cook, on a fixed budget, no more to give,
however wanted others to bless, a confused place …
There I was needing encouragement, someone to say it will be okay, God’s got
you, even in this, trying to find answers, help, somebody help me
Store filled with strangers, as I spoke to everyone, this was the usual for me,
so I picked a lane, basket full, understanding some things will need to be put
back you see
Therefore the task of getting what I needed most, versus what I desired to make
my cooking easy, has now become even more real
I understood no matter what, I was going to cook, others Peoples and hearts as
usual, I desired to fill, I believe in cooking encompassed with love can totally
heal
The encouragement, this phone call came in, when I needed it most,
encouragement it did provide, I was amazed, holding back the literal tears,
in disbelief
You see when you are gifted and hand picked by God, at times it’s a lonely
walk, very few friends, though you oftenly desire being ostracized, cast down
and rejected, some relief
Even in the call, my face lit up, I felt like yes Lord someone to help lift my
wings, enabling me to continue to soar, I no longer felt like a chicken, no more
bottom feeding
Amazing, the phone call, and then the total stranger who said get all you
want, I’ve got your tab, a miracle within itself, never happened to me, the
emotions were exceeding
Now I understood these were lean days where no one understood, at times the
necessities were a challenge, glad my children were there often did catch me

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I oftenly tried not to ask, feeling bad, as if it is my job to assist them, not for
them to always have to rescue me
Bottom line, they didn’t know I was suffering in silence, my best kept secret,
I was attempting to live totally by faith, I’m trusting the Lord to provide
everything
Yes there were times I felt like, Lord where are you, can you see I need help,
some boys to aide and assist, what part of this faith walk did I miss, I need a
few things
Now during this introduction, I felt covenant was attached, the right call at
the proper time, just to say I’ve been praying for you, during my closet time,
wow! Really, you don’t even know me,
The response was, the Lord lead me, now I thought God I guess you do see
He assured me child you are mines, I’ve never left you, and will never leave
you, no matter what as long as you trust me, I will provide, when you can’t
trace my hand trust my heart
After this introduction, and visit to the grocery store, I’m even more convinced
and assured, no matter what, While praying for covenant relationships, Lord
you’ve always been here right from the start

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A New Conversation

Thank you for having a closet conversation with me. I’ve
already began re-recording an updated journal editing my life.
My daily affirmation now is 1st John 4:4 NKJV “You are of God,
little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in
you is greater than he who is in the world.” The new value of
the old damaged package - me “DO NOT RETURN TO SENDER”
has begun to settle in. All the negative situations in my life have
taught me how to conquer my secrets by confronting them.
My very own pain has permitted me to help so many others
to understand their secret is their purpose. Forgiveness and
prayers have been the keys to unlatch inward secrets - from
my inward closet door, to the prison cells, to the classroom
calm-down room, to a Facebook Strangers’ poetry. In each
situation I found myself in the shoes of those that are facing
hardship and suffering. I hope writing Closet Conversations
has an appeal to you to take inventory of your personal closet.
Many are struggling with secrets but the battle is not theirs - it’s
the Lord’s. Trust Him with your secret. You have been born on
purpose with a purpose.

I am not sure of my next assignment or the stage God is
preparing. I believe there are thousands of others out here with
questions and no answers. I am the carrier and I am anxious to
deliver many more packages to whomever and wherever. My
bags are packed - HERE AM I - SEND ME.

I delivered this package to you. It’s now out of my hands and
into yours. I stamped it “DO NOT RETURN TO SENDER.” You
are now the carrier and your assignment is to look inside of
your inward closet and then assist someone else in cleaning
out their closet.

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I have not only heard God but I can see what He is continuing
to do in and through my messed up closet. By the way, the
best part of having an empty closet now is that God has filled
it with peace – compassion – love - and there is even a sweet
smelling aroma that overtakes me each time I open the door.
I am looking forward to the next Mother’s Day and Father’s
Day. Besides being a wonderful mother, I have another reason
to celebrate, because on these days I will remind myself of the
birthing of Closet Conversations.
I’ve redefined rejection by turning it around with redirection.
It has been a long journey! Forgiveness and prayers have been
the process. Will there be other hills to climb? Absolutely!
Maybe you have found yourself in my closet, you’ve misplaced
a few things and you have not been able to trust anyone. My
advice to you is to seek God from your inward closet. It is here
where I found my deliverance. All things are working for my
good. My birth had been intentional. He never failed me.
I want to leave you with Ephesians 6:10-18 (ESV) “Finally, be
strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the
whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the
schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and
blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the
cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual
forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole
armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil
day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having
fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate
of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the
readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances
take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the
flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation,
and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying
at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that
end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for
all the saints.”

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PURPOSE FULFILLED
They gave me life, the reason they were created, enabling me to grace the earth
Though afterwards they decided to discard me, shortly after giving me birth
I’m blessed they possessed the strength to pass me on, totally versus discarding
me
For that reason I’ve created this journal and guide, enabling me to help set others
free
You see, there were things I had to conquer, due to abandonment and rejection
Which I am now grateful to God, HE intervened and provided HIS loving
protection
You see Jesus too was the stone others rejected, yet HIS sacrifice saved us from
our sins
I’m sure if others would have known who HE truly was, HIS life they’d desire to
extend
His physical dying, was the purpose HE was created, the power in the shedding
of
His blood
After all, HE so loved the world that He willing gave His life, talk about true love
I now realize the way I graced the earth, the trials, and the process, possessed
validity
Because when you endure hardness as a good soldier in Him, he’ll set you free
Though at times freedom may appear to seem restraining, binding, not worth
the test
At the end of the day, the ones they ostracize, cast down, brand as non-necessity
are HIS best

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PURPOSE FULFILLED
I believe this is the thorn in your flesh action is very necessary, it actually births
humility
Gives me the wisdom and insight to prefer others above myself, handle them as
HE
Yes, after reading my story, my journey may appear to be of no significance,
simply here
Even in this I now realize, my sincere cry unto Him, has enabled us to draw near
Simple evidence, of the fact I now share, testify of His goodness, has removed my
every fear
My heart’s desire, as I evolve into this Diamond who was once in the rough, come
forth in Him
I pray through my testimony others will realize, Miracles are born, yet exist, even
regarding them
I would classify myself as a survivor, overcomer, one who HE’S chosen to use
and elevate
Though it took me quite some time to embrace this fact, in Him it’s never too late
Take a look at me now, assured, strong, confident, in Him I must remain, grateful
So glad he delivered me from during my evolution process, didn’t allow me to
become hateful
At the end of the day, I must remember, He makes all thing new, and they shall
remain
For this very reason, I yet desire to share and care for others, as he sustains

@all rights reserved by Veronica McNeary 2015

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My Gift to You

My gift to you is a Closet Conversations Journal with a few blank
pages that will allow you a place to write your own personal
secrets between you and God. The place you choose to write
may not be in an actual closet. It could be any place you designate
as your place of prayer. Included are scriptures I found helpful
as I searched for answers to my questions. The most amazing
part is that God was writing Closet Conversations from Genesis
to Revelation as He spoke to me through His Word. I pray that
these scriptures will bless you as well.

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Closet Conversations Journal

And God saw everything that he had made, and behold,
it was very good.
- Genesis 1:31a -

Closet Conversations Journal

Upon You I was cast from birth; You have been my God
from my mother’s womb.
- Psalm 22:10 -

Closet Conversations Journal

Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you;
- Psalm 55:22a -

Closet Conversations Journal

He sits in the shelter of The Highest
and is glorified in the shadow of God.

Aramaic Bible in Plain English
He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High

shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
- Psalm 91:1 -

Closet Conversations Journal

For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother’s womb.
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,

When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;

And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.

- Psalm 139:13-16 -

Closet Conversations Journal

He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up
their wounds.
- Psalm 147:3 -

Closet Conversations Journal

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on
your own understanding;
- Proverbs 3:5 -

Closet Conversations Journal

Come, my people, enter thou into thy chambers, and shut thy
doors about thee: hide thyself as it were for a little moment,

until the indignation be overpast.
- Isaiah 26:20 -

Closet Conversations Journal

For he put on righteousness as a breastplate, and an helmet
of salvation upon his head; and he put on the garments of
vengeance for clothing, and was clad with zeal as a cloke.
According to their deeds, accordingly he will repay, fury to his
adversaries, recompence to his enemies; to the islands he will

repay recompence.
So shall they fear the name of the LORD from the west, and

his glory from the rising of the sun. When the enemy
shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the LORD

shall lift up a standard against him.
- Isaiah 59:17-19 -

Closet Conversations Journal