Implementation Guide - Meta Moment

2LESSON

Introducing
Meta-Moments

Step Four

© 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC TM

Introducing Meta-Moments Lesson 2 | Lower Elementary

RECOMMENDED GRADE Lesson 2:
LEVELS: K - 2 Introducing Meta-Moments:
Steps Four
Purpose: To provide
students with a formal Lower Elementary
introduction to the Meta-
Moment (Step 4) Procedure
1. Review. Review the first three steps in the Meta-Moment process.
Learning Objectives:
Students will be able to… Remind students about the previous lesson where they met Meta
• Describe and use Step and learned about the first three steps to taking a Meta-Moment.
4 in the Meta-Moment Using the Poster, Popsicle sticks, or Velcro wall, ask students what
process each of the first three figures means.

Materials and Show them Step 1, Something happens. Ask them to share the
Preparation: things that make students feel angry and or the things that made the
Students will need… characters in the book they read feel angry.
• The Meta-Moments
Poster, or Point out Step 2, Sense. Remind students about the different things
• A Velcro wall with each that happen when we feel angry: we think certain things; our bodies
Meta-Moment character feel different; and our faces and bodies look different. Confirm students’
cut out and stuck to the understanding by asking them to share responses for each of these
wall, or components of anger and act out how each would “look.”
• Popsicle sticks with each
of the Meta-Moment Finally, remind students about Step 3, Stop, which taught them to
characters; pause and breathe in order to calm down and not hurt others’
• Paper with crayons, feelings. Conduct the same 3-second breathing exercise (Do a few
markers, or pens rounds, remembering to use only the nose, counting to three for both
and pencils the inhale and exhale). Students should practice with their hands
on their thighs or knees, backs straight, and eyes closed.
Time: 20-30 minutes,
repeated with different Let students know that there are other things that Meta will teach
emotions throughout them today.
the year

Evaluation: Students will
be able to share why it is
important to be their “best
self,” including adjectives
like kind and caring.

TM

C330 © 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC

Introducing Meta-Moments Lesson 2 | Lower Elementary

2. Introduce Step 4, See your best self. Show students the figure CASEL Competencies:
of Meta looking at his “best self.” Remind students that Students will develop
when we feel angry, we often do and say things that are the following CASEL
hurtful to others like say mean things, throw things, or recommended
even hurt others. Breathing really helps, but there is still competencies:
more we can do. Let students know that Meta doesn’t • Self-awareness
really want to say or do hurtful things to the friend who • Self-management
took his toy. That’s why Meta first took some deep • Social awareness
• Relationship skills
breaths to calm down. But what else can Meta do? Meta can be his • Responsible
“best self.” decision making

Now that Meta has taken some deep breaths to calm down, he is
thinking about his “best self.” The bubble next to Meta shows that
Meta is imagining his “best self” – the ideal friend (classmate, brother)
he wants to be.

Remember when we wrote our Charter together and we described
how we all want to feel and act in school? When we act this way, each
of us is being his or her “best self.” Review your classroom Charter
for a few minutes. Highlight the feelings or behaviors that may be part
of students’ best selves (like being kind and caring).

How do you think Meta wants to think about himself? How does
he want to feel and act? Let’s think of some words that could describe
Meta’s “best self.” List all the words on the chalkboard or experience
chart. If students have difficulty, you can help them with words like
kind, caring, helpful, accepting, honest, friendly, etc. You also can ask
them to think about someone who they admire and respect. They
can think about a super hero, a character from TV, or a family member
who can handle anger well. Then, ask them to describe that person
or character. What does that character, friend or family member say
or do that demonstrates his/her “best self?” Try your best to get
students to come up with adjectives to describe their best selves.

Compliment students on their responses. Wow, we have so many
words to describe each of our best selves.

TM

© 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC C331

Introducing Meta-Moments Lesson 2 | Lower Elementary

Now we are going to choose which words we want to use and create
a picture of our selves being our best self. Decide if you want students
to focus on one or two adjectives you select or to pick their own
adjectives. Think of a time when you were with a friend (or a family
member) and you were your “best self” (e.g., kind, caring). Repeat
the adjectives like kind, caring, helpful. Draw a picture that shows
you being your “best self.” Encourage children who can to write
to provide a description to go with the picture. Provide students with
5-10 minutes to draw their “best self” picture. Also, provide students
with as much coaching as necessary.

Once they are finished with their drawings, ask students to share them
with the class. Make sure each student can explain why his or her
picture represents his or her “best self.” Asking open-ended questions
can help students to explain these different behaviors. Compliment
students on their responses.

Record all of the different ideas that students shared with the class.
Many teachers like to create a master list of students’ ideas about the
“best self” to post on a classroom wall. Remind students that in order
for people to know you are being your “best self,” you have to show
it, not just feel it, and that you, too, are going to do the same.

3. Wrap up and review. Review the first four steps in the Meta-Moment
process.

Conclude the lesson by reviewing the first four steps of the
Meta-Moment process.

Over the last few days/weeks, we’ve learned a lot about how to handle
our angry feelings. We learned that when “something happens” that
makes us feel unpleasant emotions like anger, our thoughts change;
our bodies feel different; and our faces and bodies look different. [Ask
students to remind you of these components; if they have difficulty,
share experiences from the story book.]

TM

C332 © 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC

Introducing Meta-Moments Lesson 2 | Lower Elementary

Then, ask students what Meta did next. Try to get students to recall
Step 3, Stop, where Meta paused and took a few deep breaths.
Ask students to remind you about “how to breathe” when they feel
angry. Do one or more round of breathing with them.

Finally, review Step 4, See your best self with students. Read the final
list of “best self” behaviors that students created. Remind students
that it’s hard to always be our “best self,” but that we should always try.
For that reason we have to practice being our “best self” every day.

Suggestion: share with students the behaviors that describe your kind
and caring best self.

When you
are angry you
should take
a Meta-Moment
to calm yourself
down and not
get more
angry.
(Student,
Oceanside)

TM

© 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC C333

Introducing Meta-Moments Lesson 2 | Lower Elementary

Kindergarten students from Oceanside School District
in New York create “best self” self-portraits

TM © 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC

C334



Introducing Meta-Moments Lesson 2 | Upper Elementary

RECOMMENDED GRADE Lesson 2:
LEVELS: 3 - 5 Introducing Meta-Moments:
Step Four
Purpose: To provide
students with a formal Upper Elementary
introduction to the Meta-
Moment (Step 4) Procedure
1. Review. Review the first three steps in the Meta-Moment process.
Learning Objectives:
Students will be able to… Remind students about the previous lesson where they met Meta and
• Describe and use Step learned about the first three steps to taking a Meta-Moment. Using the
4 in the Meta-Moment poster, ask students what each of the first three figures means.
process
Show them Step 1, Something happens. Ask them to share the things
Materials and that make students feel annoyed.
Preparation:
Students will need… Show them Step 2, Sense. Remind students about the different things
• Meta-Moments Poster that happen when we feel annoyed: we think certain things, our bodies
• Paper with crayons, feel different, and our faces and bodies look different. Confirm students’
markers, or pens and understanding by asking them to share responses and act out how
pencils each would “look” for the feeling of annoyed.

Time: 20-30 minutes, Finally, remind students about Step 3, Stop, which taught them to
repeated 3-4 times pause and breathe in order to calm down and not hurt others’ feelings.
throughout the year. Conduct the same 3-second breathing exercise (do a few rounds –
reminding students to use their nose only – counting to three for both
Evaluation: Students will the inhale and exhale). Students should practice with their hands on
be able to share why it is their thighs or knees, backs straight, and eyes closed.
important to be their “best
self,” including adjectives Let students know that there are other things that they will learn today
like kind and caring. to help them regulate unpleasant emotions like annoyed.

CASEL Competencies:
Students will develop
the following CASEL
recommended
competencies:
• Self-awareness
• Self-management
• Social awareness
• Relationship skills
• Responsible

decision making

TM

C336 © 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC

Introducing Meta-Moments Lesson 2 | Upper Elementary

2. Introduce Step 4, See your best self. Show students the figure Meta-Moments
of Meta looking at his “best self.” Remind students are important
that when we are annoyed or feel any other unpleasant because you can
emotion, we often do and say things that are hurtful just take a deep
to others like say mean things, throw things, or even hurt breath and relax
others. Breathing really helps, but there is still more and you don’t
we can do. That’s why Meta first took some deep breaths have to take it
to calm down when he felt annoyed. That’s also why out on people.
(Student,
we taught students how to breathe properly. But what else can Meta Oceanside)
do? Meta can be his “best self.”

Now that Meta has taken some deep breaths to calm down, he is thinking
about his “best self.” The bubble next to Meta shows that Meta
is imagining his “best self” – the kind of friend (classmate, brother)
he wants to be.

Remember when we wrote our Charter together and we described
how we all want to feel and act in school? When we act this way, each
of us is being his or her “best self.” Review your classroom Charter
for a few minutes. Highlight the feelings or behaviors that may
represent one’s best self, like kind and caring.

What are some adjectives/descriptors that could describe Meta’s best
self? If Meta wants to be a good friend, how might he act? Let’s think
of some words that could describe Meta’s “best self.” List all the words
on the chalkboard or experience chart. If students have difficulty, you
can help them with words like kind, caring, helpful, accepting, honest,
friendly, etc. You also can ask them to think about someone who they
admire and respect, such as their mothers, fathers, grandparents,
aunts or uncles, or an actor/artist/musician. Then, ask them to describe
that person/character. What does that character, friend or family
member say or do that demonstrates his/her “best self.” Try your best
to get students to come up with adjectives to describe their best self.

Compliment students on their responses. Wow, we have so many
words to describe our best selves.

TM

© 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC C337

Introducing Meta-Moments Lesson 2 | Upper Elementary

Now we are going to choose which words we want to use and create
a picture of our best selves. Decide if you want students to focus on
one or two adjectives that you select for the class or if you want to have
students pick their own adjectives. Think of a time when you were with
a friend (or a family member) and you were your “best self.” Repeat the
adjectives like kind, caring, helpful. Draw a picture that shows you being
your “best self.” Provide students with 7-10 minutes to draw their
picture. Also, provide students with as much coaching as necessary.

Once they are finished with their drawings, ask students to share their
drawings with the class. Make sure each student can explain why his
or her picture represents his or her “best self.” Asking open-ended
questions can help students to explain these different behaviors.
Compliment students on their responses.

Record all of the different ideas that students shared with the class.
Many teachers like to create a master list of students’ ideas about the
“best self” to post on a classroom wall. Remind students that in order
for people to know you are being your “best self,” you have to show
it, not just feel it, and that you, too, are going to do the same.

3. Wrap up and review. Review the first four steps in the
Meta-Moment process.

Conclude the lesson by reviewing the first four steps of the
Meta-Moment process. Over the last few days/week, we’ve learned
a lot about how to handle unpleasant feelings. We learned that when
“something happens” that makes us feel unpleasant emotions like
annoyed, our thoughts change; our bodies feel different; and our
faces and bodies look different. [Ask students to remind you of these
components; if they have difficulty, share experiences from the
story book.]

Then, ask students what Meta did next. Try to get students to recall
Step 3, Stop, where Meta paused and took a few deep breaths.
Ask students to remind you about “how to breathe” when they feel
angry. Do one or more round of 3-second breathing with them.

TM

C338 © 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC

Introducing Meta-Moments Lesson 2 | Upper Elementary

Finally, review Step 4, See your best self with students. Read the final list
of “best self” behaviors that students created. Remind students that it’s
hard to always be our “best self,” but that we should always try our best.
For that reason we have to practice being our “best self” every day.

Suggestion: share with students the behaviors that describe your
best self.

TM

© 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC C339

Introducing Meta-Moments Lesson 2 | Upper Elementary

Upper Elementary students at Girton Grammar in Australia create
“best self” self-portraits.

TM © 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC

C340



Introducing Meta-Moments Lesson 2 | Middle School

RECOMMENDED GRADE Lesson 2:
LEVELS: 6 - 8 Introducing Meta-Moments:
Step Four
Purpose: To provide
students with a formal Middle School
introduction to the Meta-
Moment (Step 4) Procedure
1. Review. Review the first three steps in the Meta-Moment process.
Learning Objectives:
Students will be able to… Remind students about the previous lesson where they learned about
• Describe and use Step the first three steps to taking a Meta-Moment. Using the poster or
4 in the Meta-Moment PowerPoint, ask students what each of the first three Meta-Moment
process figures mean. Confirm students’ understanding of each step by asking
open-ended questions about the meaning of “Something happens,”
Materials and “Sense,” and “Stop.”
Preparation:
Students will need… Next, implement Step 3, Stop. Conduct the 6-second breathing
• Meta-Moments Poster exercise (do a few rounds – reminding students to use their noses only).
• Paper with pens, pencils Students should practice with their hands on their thighs or knees,
or markers backs straight, and eyes closed, if comfortable doing so.

Time: 20-30 minutes, Let students know that Step 3, Stop, is critical to the next step in the
repeated 3-4 times Meta-Moment process, See your best self.
throughout the year
2. Introduce Step 4, See your best self. Show
Evaluation: Each student students the figure on the Meta-Moment picture
will be able to share why where the character is looking at his “best self.”
it is important to be his or Remind students that when we are irritated or feel
her “best self.” another unpleasant emotion, we often do and say
things that are hurtful to others (discussed in the last
CASEL Competencies: lesson). Step 3, Stop, when we breathe, really helps,
Students will develop but there is still more we can do. A critical next step
the following CASEL in the Meta-Moment process is to activate
recommended an image of the “best self.”
competencies:
• Self-awareness
• Self-management
• Social awareness
• Relationship skills
• Responsible

decision making

TM

C342 © 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC

Introducing Meta-Moments Lesson 2 | Middle School

a. The best self in the context of the Meta-Moment means the “ideal” Meta-Moments
kind of friend, classmate, student, brother, sister, son, or daughter are important
we would like to be. To develop your best self, it is important to think because you can
about a particular situation (at home, school, etc) and the specific role just take a deep
for which you want to develop a best self (as a friend, student, etc.). breath and relax
and you don’t
b. The best self can be divided into three components: have to take it
out on people.
i. Your ideal self –an image of what a best friend, student, etc. (Student,
“looks like” Oceanside)

ii. Your reputation – this has to do with how you want to be seen
by others – how do you want your friends to see you? How
do you want your parents to see you? Your teachers, etc.?

iii.Your ideal outcome – when we are triggered and resort to our
typical (often ineffective) ways of handling our feelings of irritation,
we tend not to achieve our desired goals. Sometimes being mean
or hurtful stops the other person’s behavior, but do we actually
achieve the most desirable outcome for ourselves and the other
person? Not usually. Therefore, it can be useful to consider the
ideal outcome. Put simply, the question to ask oneself is: How can
I react to my irritation in order to achieve my goal in the situation?

c. Next, ask students to return to their Meta-moment worksheets
and to reflect on the situations they wrote about for Steps 1 and 2.
First, ask students to consider their ineffective responses. Second,
ask them to think about the people with whom they were interacting.
Third, ask them to think about what the ideal outcomes would
have been like.

d. Now, have students consider the top 5 adjectives or descriptors
they would ideally like to use to describe themselves in relation to
the person who made them feel irritated. Then, they should describe
what the that ideal self would “look like.” What is one concrete way
the person could see each descriptor expressed? For instance, if a
student would like to be “patient” (adjective/descriptor) to a younger

TM

© 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC C343

Introducing Meta-Moments Lesson 2 | Middle School

sibling who made her feel irritated, what would being patient look
like? Perhaps, it would be nodding and smiling instead of rolling her
eyes. Remind students that this is similar to what they did for the
charter – they first described how they wanted to feel and then how
the feeling ideally would show up in everyday behavior.

i. If students have difficulty with this, you can ask them to think
about how someone who they admire and respect (like a parent,
grandparent, aunt or uncle, actor/artist/musician) would handle
the same situation. Then, ask them to describe the qualities
of the person. What adjectives/descriptors do you ascribe
to this person? How and where do these qualities show up in the
person’s behavior?

ii. Another option is to have students think of a time when they
acted like their best self with a friend (or a family member).

e. Finally, ask students to share with a peer either their descriptors and
behaviors or just what the experience was like.

3. Wrap up and review. Review the first four steps in the
Meta-Moment process.

Conclude the lesson by reviewing the first four steps of the Meta-
Moment process. Over the last few days/week, we’ve learned a lot
about how to handle unpleasant feelings. We learned that when
“something happens” that makes us feel unpleasant emotions like
irritated, our thoughts change; our bodies feel different; and our
faces and bodies look different. [Ask students to remind you of these
components]. Then we learned the third step, Stop, when we take a
few, slow, deep breaths to calm our minds and bodies. Ask students
to remind you about the key components of Meta-Moment breathing.
Next, quickly review this last step, Step 4, See your best self. Ask
students why they believe that activating the best self may help them
to regulate their emotions more effectively. Let students know that the
next lesson will focus on the actual strategies they could use to ensure
they act in a way that aligns with their best selves.

TM

C344 © 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC

Introducing Meta-Moments Lesson 2 | Middle School

Students in D75 in NYC display self-portraits that demonstrate qualities
that make them successful members of their communities.

© 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC TM

C345



© 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC 3

LESSON

Introducing
Meta-Moments
Steps Five
and Six

TM

Introducing Meta-Moments Lesson 3 | Lower Elementary

RECOMMENDED GRADE Lesson 3:
LEVELS: K - 2 Introducing Meta-Moments:
Steps Five and Six
Purpose: To provide
students with a formal Lower Elementary
introduction to Meta-
Moment Steps 5 and 6 Procedure
1. Review. Review the first four steps in the Meta-Moment process. This
Learning Objectives:
Students will be able to… will be the third time students are exposed to the first three steps so
• Describe two types of these can be reviewed quickly. For Step 4, See your best self, remind
strategies to handle angry students that in the last lesson they learned about the “best self.” Ask
feelings: positive self- students to recall some of the adjectives they came up with to describe
talk and getting help or their best selves.
support
Then, let students know there are two more things that Meta has to
Materials and teach them about handling feelings of anger.
Preparation:
Teachers/students will 2. Introduce Step 5, Strategize. Show students the
need… figure of Meta looking into his toolbox. Let students
• Meta-Moments Poster; know that Meta is reaching into his toolbox to help
• A Velcro wall with each him find a helpful way to handle his angry feelings.
He wants to find a helpful tool so that he can be his
Meta-Moment characters “best self.”
cut out and stuck to the
wall; or Look how Meta is searching in his toolbox. He is
• Popsicle sticks with each looking for the best way to handle his angry feelings
of the Meta-Moment toward his friend who took his toy. Remember, Meta
characters already took some deep breaths to calm down and
he reminded himself that he wants to be his “best
Time: 20 minutes self.” So what can Meta say to himself in order to feel
less angry? We call this “positive self talk.” Positive
Evaluation: self talk is when you say positive things to yourself to
Students will be able to help you stay calm and be your “best self.” So, what
describe their “positive self could Meta say to himself to feel less angry? [Elicit
talk” to feel less angry at a student responses.]
friend and what they might
say to a trusted adult to List all of the different responses students come
help them handle angry up with.
feelings toward a friend.

TM

C348 © 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC

Introducing Meta-Moments Lesson 3 | Lower Elementary

Meta also could talk to his friend or someone else to get help. Who CASEL Competencies:
could Meta talk to in order to get help? [Elicit responses.] What could Students will develop
Meta say to his friend? Remember, even though Meta is angry with his the following CASEL
friend, he still wants to be kind and caring. So, what could Meta say to recommended
this friend to let him know that what he did made him feel angry? [Elicit competencies:
responses]. Examples might include, “Please ask to play with my toy/ • Self-awareness
share my toy/borrow my toy before taking it,” “I don’t like it when you • Self-management
take my toys without asking,” or “It hurts my feelings when you take my • Social awareness
toys without asking.” Compliment students on their responses. • Relationship skills
• Responsible
It’s also a good idea to create a list of effective strategies (scripts) that decision making
students can use regularly.

3. Introduce Step 6, Succeed. Show students the last image of Meta
who is feeling successful at behaving in a kind and caring way. Let
students know that Meta feels proud of himself because he handled
himself in a positive way.

Importantly, allow students to draw or practice one of the
successful responses that they shared from Step 5.

It’s important to provide students with the opportunity
to act out scenarios to practice self-regulation. For
this reason, finish the lesson with a make-believe play activity where
students pretend to be Meta and act out different strategies with
the class. Ask students how they feel using these new strategies.
Compliment students on their helpful new strategies and reinforce how
taking Meta-Moments will help them be proud of their behavior.

Suggestion: Share a time when you used a helpful, kind and caring
strategy and felt proud of yourself.

Finally, this lesson can and should be repeated for other emotions like
nervous.

© 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC TM

C349

TM

C348 © 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC

Introducing Meta-Moments Lesson 3 | Lower Elementary

Teachers in Oceanside School District in NY designed a lesson
called “My Magic Machine” for Step 5. Strategize. Student’s
drawing is on the following page.

TM © 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC

C350

Introducing Meta-Moments Lesson 3 | Lower Elementary

A student’s drawing of his happy place for the Magic Machine Lesson.

© 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC TM

C351

Introducing Meta-Moments Lesson 3 | Lower Elementary

Kindergarten students in Oceanside School District in NY drew pictures
of their strategies for Step 5.

TM © 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC

C352





Introducing Meta-Moments Lesson 3 | Upper Elementary

RECOMMENDED GRADE Lesson 3:
LEVELS: 3 - 5 Introducing Meta-Moments:
Steps Five and Six
Purpose: To provide
students with a formal Upper Elementary
introduction to Meta-
Moment Steps 5 and 6. Procedure
1. Review. Quickly review the first four steps in the Meta-Moment
Learning Objectives:
Students will be able to… process. This will be the third time students are exposed to the
• Describe two types of first three steps. Spend most of the time reviewing Step 4, See your
strategies to handle best self. Remind students of the behaviors they came up with
the feeling of annoyed: to describe their best selves.
private, positive self-talk.
Then, let students know there are just two more steps to handling
Materials and unpleasant feelings in the best way possible.
Preparation:
Teachers/Students will 2. Introduce Step 5, Strategize. Show students the
need… figure of Meta looking into his toolbox. Let students
• Meta-Moments Poster know that Meta
is reaching into his toolbox to help him find a helpful
Time: 20-30 minutes way to feel less annoyed at his friend. He is searching
for a strategy to help him be his best self. The focus
Evaluation: of this lesson will be on private (positive) self-talk. It’s
Students will be able to important to focus on the private aspect of self- talk
describe their (1) “private at these grade levels. In the earlier grades, self- talk
self talk” and “reframing” often happens out loud. By the third, fourth, and fifth
(4th/5th grades) strategies grades, we want to teach students to keep it private
to feel less annoyed at a - in their minds.
friend and (2) action plan
for talking to their friend. Look how Meta is searching in his toolbox. He is looking for helpful
ways to regulate his feeling of being annoyed at his friend. Remember,
CASEL Competencies: Meta already took some deep breaths to calm down and thought of his
Students will develop “best self.” But what else could Meta do? Today we are going to focus
the following CASEL on a strategy that can help us all to regulate unpleasant emotions, like
recommended annoyed, effectively. Private, positive self-talk is when you say things
competencies: to yourself, privately, to help you calm down and be your “best self.”
• Self-awareness (You may need to explain this term, but likely they learned this term
• Self-management
• Social awareness
• Relationship skills
• Responsible decision

making

TM

C354 © 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC

Introducing Meta-Moments Lesson 3 | Upper School

from the activity on Mood Meter Strategies.) Now that we are older,
we can use private self talk so that we can regulate our emotions
effectively without letting other people hear what we are saying.

So, what could Meta say silently to himself to feel less annoyed?
[Elicit student responses.] List all of the unique students’ responses
and also compliment students on their ability to come up with a rich
list of strategies.

Note. Students must be able to justify their strategies. For example,
sometimes students come up with avoidance strategies or will even

say, “nothing.” If that is the case, it will be necessary to
probe them to think outside the box.

3. Introduce Step 6, Succeed. Show students the last
image of Meta who is feeling successful at behaving
in a kind and caring way. Let students know that
Meta feels proud of himself because he was able to
use his positive self talk and not say or do
something to hurt his friend’s feelings. But now,
students need to come up with an action plan. Meta
has handled his feeling well, but what exactly will he
say to his friend?

Now that Meta has regulated his emotions effectively and feels less
annoyed, what can he say to his friend who keeps bothering him?
Remember, his friend was pressuring him to play and Meta didn’t want
to do what his friend wanted. [Elicit student responses].

It’s important to provide students with the opportunity to act out
scenarios to practice self-regulation. For this reason, finish the lesson
with a skit or role-play activity where students demonstrate effective
ways to talk to a friend who may be annoying them.

Suggestion: Share a time when you used a helpful, kind and caring
strategy and felt proud of yourself.

Finally, this lesson can and should be repeated for other emotions like
nervous and sadness.

TM

© 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC C355

Introducing Meta-Moments Lesson 3 | Middle School

RECOMMENDED GRADE Lesson 3:
LEVELS: 6 - 8 Introducing Meta-Moments:
Steps Five and Six
Purpose: To provide
students with a formal Middle School
introduction to Meta-
Moment Steps 5 and 6 Procedure
1. Review. Quickly review the first four steps in the Meta-Moment
Learning Objectives:
Students will be able to… process, focusing primarily on Step 4. This will be the third time
• Describe two types of students are exposed to the steps. Remind students of the adjectives/
strategies to handle the descriptors and behaviors they came up with to describe their best
feeling of irritation: (1) selves. Then, let students know there are just two more steps to the
positive self-talk and (2) Meta-Moment process.
positive reappraisal
2. Introduce Step 5, Strategize. Show students Step
Materials and 5 on the Meta-Moment poster or on a PowerPoint
Preparation: slide. Let students know that Step 5 focuses on the
Teachers/Students strategies we use to regulate our emotions effectively.
will need… Remind students that activating the best self in
• Meta-Moments Poster/ advance of choosing an effective strategy is critical;
it guides us in choosing an effective as opposed to
PowerPoint ineffective emotion regulation strategy.
• Meta-Moment Worksheet 1.4
a. Ask students to take out their Meta-Moment Worksheets 1.4.
Time: 20-30 minutes
b. Let students know that there are many strategies we can use to
Evaluation: regulate our emotions, but in intense moments, like when we feel
Students will be able to irritation, two strategies are especially helpful: positive self-talk and
describe their (1) “positive positive reappraisal. Define these strategies for students:
self talk” and “reframing”
strategies to feel less i. Positive self-talk: Telling yourself something helpful or repeating a
irritated at a friend/family statement in your head that will help you through a situation.
member and (2) have an
action plan for talking a ii. Positive reappraisal: Reminding yourself of another person’s life or
more effective response in situation; putting a positive spin on the way you look at a situation
the future.

CASEL Competencies:
Students will develop
the following CASEL
recommended
competencies:
• Self-awareness
• Self-management
• Social awareness
• Relationship skills
• Responsible

decision making

TM

C356 © 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC

Introducing Meta-Moments Lesson 3 | Middle School

c. Ask students to re-evaluate their ineffective response in the
scenario they wrote about previously. Optional: review the video clip
again and ask students to consider the positive self-talk/positive
reappraisal strategies the character could have used.

d. Ask students to write what their positive self-talk and positive
reappraisal could be for their own challenging situation. Then have
them share with a partner. The partner should engage in active
listening and also ask open-ended questions to ensure the self-talk/
reappraisal strategy is realistic and potentially helpful and effective.
The goal is for students to make a commitment to using this strategy
when a similar challenging situation arises.

3. Introduce Step 6, Succeed. Show students the last image on the
Meta-Moment poster, which demonstrates success at taking a Meta-
Moment.

a. Take students through the entire Meta-Moment
process again.

i. First, ask students to imagine themselves in the
challenging situation where they felt irritated and
acted in a way that did not align with their best
self.

ii. Second, ask students to consider how the experience affected
their thoughts, how their bodies felt, and how they looked.

iii. Third, ask students to imagine themselves taking a few deep
breaths to calm their minds and bodies.

iv. Fourth, ask students to imagine their best selves – for each
student to visualize his or her own best self and bring it into
consciousness.

TM

© 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC C357

Introducing Meta-Moments Lesson 3 | Middle School

v. Fifth, ask students to consider their positive self-talk or positive
reappraisal strategy.

vi. Finally, using the worksheet, ask students to describe in detail
their successful action plan for interacting with the person. How,
exactly will you respond/behave? Specifically, students should
describe in detail how the Meta-Moment process will be used to
interact with the person more effectively the next time this or a
similar situation occurs.

Finally, this lesson can and should be repeated for other emotions
like nervous and sadness.

TM

C358 © 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC

4LESSON

Eve r yd a y
Use of Meta-
Moments

© 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC TM

Everyday Use Lesson 4 | Lower Elementary
of Meta-Moments

RECOMMENDED GRADE Lesson 4:
LEVELS: K-2 Everyday Use of Meta-Moments

Purpose: To empower Lower Elementary
students to take Pro-
Active Meta-Moments Procedure
1. Remind students about their new friend Meta and the steps involved in
Learning Objectives:
Students will be able to… the Meta-Moment process.
• Use Pro-Active Meta-
Moments on a daily or 2. There are two options for this lesson, depending on your students’
weekly basis to manage levels of emotional development.
emotionally-challenging
situations a. Option 1: After considering your students’ individual challenges
with regulating different emotions in school, meet with each student
Materials and separately to share what you believe they need work on. Let
Preparation: students know that you want to help them to be their best selves
Teachers/Students will each day in school.
need…
• Meta-Moment Worksheet b. Option 2: Meet with students individually and ask them to choose a
1.2 (Kindergarten – 1st situation they have difficulty managing. Ask them to think about
something that happens a lot at school or at home that makes them
Grade) or 1.3 (2nd Grade) feel really frustrated, mad or nervous.
• Teacher should review
c. Examples include:
class roster and consider i. Getting angry at a friend who won’t leave them alone
the needs of each student ii. Feeling frustrated when their mom or dad says “no” to something
in order to identify an they really want
area of the student’s iii. Being lazy about making their bed or keep their desk space neat
school life that could be
improved upon by taking 3. Work with students to complete the Meta-Moment Worksheet. Guide
Meta-Moments (e.g., them through the process, step by step.
recess, lunch,
transitions, etc.) 4. Remind students each day about the importance of being their best
selves. This can be part of a morning ritual or a class/morning meeting.
Evaluation:
Students will be able to a. Students should be reminded to put into practice the principles
demonstrate success with in their class Charter when working with their partners (e.g., no
taking Pro-Active Meta- gossiping, respect, active listening, etc.)
Moments by explaining
positive shifts in their
behavior.

TM

C360 © 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC

Everyday Use Lesson 4 | Lower Elementary
of Meta-Moments

5. As your students’ teacher, you likely know when a student is about to CASEL Competencies:
“lose it” – or even when a particular student tends to feel out of Students will develop
control on the inside, while trying to keep control on the outside. the following CASEL
Therefore, you might inform students that you would like to help them recommended
to become Meta-Moment experts. Tell them you would like their competencies:
permission to remind them when you believe they might need to take • Self-awareness
a Meta-Moment. You could even suggest that they tell you when • Self-management
they believe you may need one! Creating a variety of visuals of “Meta” • Social awareness
holding the stop sign and placing one on a student’s desk can be • Relationship skills
helpful if you think s/he needs to take a Meta-Moment. A private hand • Responsible decision
signal also is quite helpful to remind students to take a Meta-Moment. making

Time: 15-20 minutes;
initial lesson plan may
take longer

TM

© 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC C361

Everyday Use Lesson 4 | Lower Elementary
of Meta-Moments

Examples of tickets and tokens that teachers created
to reward students for taking Meta-Moments and being
their “best selves.”

TM © 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC

C362

Everyday Use Lesson 4 | Lower Elementary
of Meta-Moments

A second grade student completes a Proactive
Meta-Moment Worksheet

© 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC TM

C363

Everyday Use Lesson 4 | Upper Elementary
of Meta-Moments

RECOMMENDED GRADE Lesson 4:
LEVELS: 3-5 Everyday Use of Meta-Moments

Purpose: To empower Upper Elementary
students to take Pro-
Active Meta-Moments Procedure
1. Quickly review the six steps in the Meta-Moment process.
Learning Objectives:
Students will be able to… 2. Let students know that the first step to mastering Meta-Moments is
• Use Pro-Active Meta- to make a commitment to practicing Proactive Meta-Moments ideally
Moments on a daily or every day, but at least several times a week. Teach students about
weekly basis to manage the terms proactive and reactive. When people are proactive, they
emotionally-challenging are “in charge” of what they are doing. When people are reactive, they
situations often are driven by their emotions versus being the managers of their
emotions. Teach students that regularly using Proactive Meta-Moments
Materials and eventually will help them when situations present themselves suddenly
Preparation: and unexpectedly – when they are caught off guard.
Teachers/Students will
need… 3. Ask students to choose a specific issue, situation, or interaction that
• M eta-M om ent consistently evokes an unpleasant emotion (anger, frustration, anxiety,
stress, or boredom), that they have difficulty managing. For regular
Worksheet 1.4 work on Meta Moments, especially at the beginning, encourage
students to choose examples from the ones below. Examples include:
Evaluation:
Students will be able to a. A parent who doesn’t stop bothering them about something like
demonstrate success with getting a haircut, having more friends or a particular friend, joining
taking Pro-Active Meta- certain clubs, bedtime, homework
Moments by explaining
positive shifts in their b. A brother or sister who doesn’t respect privacy or property, for
behavior. example, keeps going on their computer, takes candy or gum from
them, borrows clothes or pens or anything from their room, makes
CASEL Competencies: fun of their private phone calls
Students will develop
the following CASEL c. A friend who won’t leave them alone about something like their
recommended appearance, getting together, or having a sleepover
competencies:
• Self-awareness
• Self-management
• Social awareness
• Relationship skills
• Responsible

decision making

Time: 15-20 minutes

TM

C364 © 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC

Everyday Use Lesson 4 | Upper Elementary
of Meta-Moments

d. Being lazy about studying for something that is not interesting,
including daydreaming, watching TV or playing games instead of
doing homework

Note: If your students have difficulty, you can provide them with examples
or with something concrete to work on based on your observation of their
behavior or performance.

4. Ask students to complete the questions on the Meta-Moment
Worksheet 1.4. The first few times, you may need to guide them
through the process, question by question, very much like the training
you experienced when the facilitator guided you through making your
own Meta-Moment movie. After the first few weeks, students should
be able to complete their worksheets independently or with minimal
guidance.

5. Ask students to set a daily goal of enacting the Meta-Moment in this
situation and other, related situations. Encourage them to choose
situations that they encounter often - explain that the more they
practice, the better they will be at using Meta Moments. Students can
post reminders of their best selves on their desks or in the lockers,
as well.

6. At the end of each day or week, ask students to describe in writing the
successes and challenges they had with their difficult situations. This
can be handed in and reviewed. Your feedback is best focused on
providing students with constructive strategies to help them manage
their situations more effectively. For example, you might push your
students to think about other creative self-talk or reappraisal strategies.
If a particular student’s challenges are great or overwhelming, involving
the school counselor, psychologist, or social worker (if available) is
the best route to take. Also working with the student’s parent or family
member may be useful – simply keeping them up to date with the
action plan sometimes can help students stay on track.

TM

© 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC C365

Everyday Use Lesson 4 | Upper Elementary
of Meta-Moments

a. If you believe your students are capable of working with a partner or
small group to discuss their challenging situations, that also can be
a great option. Students should be reminded to put into practice the
principles in their class Charter when working with other students
(e.g., no gossiping, respect, active listening, etc.)

7. As your students’ teacher, you likely know when a student is about to
“lose it”. You also may know that for some students, staying controlled
on the outside is essential and that particular triggers leave them
feeling like they are falling apart on the inside. Therefore, you might
inform students that you would like to help them to become Meta-
Moment experts. Tell them you would like permission to remind them
when you believe they might need to take a Meta-Moment. Creating
images of “Meta” holding the stop sign and placing one on a student’s
desk can be helpful if you think s/he needs to take a Meta-Moment.
A private hand signal also is quite helpful to remind students to take
a Meta-Moment.

8. Finally, remind students that developing one’s best self and using
effective strategies to manage emotions is the work of a lifetime, that
you are still learning too, and that you are proud to be a part of their
first steps in mastering this critical tool!

TM

C366 © 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC

Everyday Use Lesson 4 | Upper Elementary
of Meta-Moments

A third grade student completes a Proactive
Meta-Moment Worksheet

© 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC TM

C367

Everyday Use Lesson 4 | Middle School
of Meta-Moments

RECOMMENDED GRADE Lesson 4:
LEVELS: 6-8 Everyday Use of Meta-Moments

Purpose: To empower Middle School
students to take Pro-
Active Meta-Moments Procedure
1. Quickly review the six steps in the Meta-Moment process.
Learning Objectives:
Students will be able to… 2. Let students know that the first step to mastering Meta-Moments is
• Use Pro-Active Meta- to make a commitment to practicing Proactive Meta-Moments ideally
Moments on a daily or every day, but at least several times a week. Teach students what it
weekly basis to manage means to be proactive versus reactive. Being proactive means looking
emotionally-challenging forward into the future and using the Proactive Meta-Moments to plan
situations ahead so as to not allow a potentially emotionally-charged situation
to take over. Teach students that regularly using Pro-Active Meta-
Materials and Moments gives them the necessary experience and learned responses
Preparation: to take Meta-Moments when situations present themselves suddenly
Teachers/students and unexpectedly – when they are caught off guard.
will need…
• Meta-Moment Worksheet 3. Ask students to choose a specific issue, situation, or interaction that
1.4 consistently evokes an unpleasant emotion (anger, frustration, anxiety,
• To schedule weekly stress, or boredom) that they have difficulty managing. For regular
15-20 minute meetings for work on Meta Moments, especially at the beginning, encourage
students to choose examples from the ones below. Examples include:
students to check-in with • A parent who is overly controlling about appearance, homework,
their buddies (partners) friends, or independence
• A parent who is intrusive and invades private property like backpacks,
Evaluation: drawers, and closets or interferes in private matters like Facebook,
Students will be able to emails, or phone conversations
demonstrate success with • Criticism by a friend about schoolwork, appearance, decisions, or
taking Pro-Active Meta- friends
Moments by explaining • Pressure put upon them by a teacher or parent to perform well in
positive shifts in their school such as getting perfect grades or being selected for an award
behavior. • Someone questioning their skills or abilities, particularly in a
challenging or aggressive way
CASEL Competencies: • Feeling lazy about studying for something that is not interesting,
Students will develop including daydreaming, texting rather than studying, watching a movie
the following CASEL or playing mobile game instead of homework
recommended
competencies:
• Self-awareness
• Self-management
• Social awareness
• Relationship skills
• Responsible

decision making

Time: 15-20 minutes

TM

C368 © 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC

Everyday Use Lesson 4 | Middle School
of Meta-Moments

4. Ask students to complete the questions on the Meta-Moment
Worksheet 1.4. During the first few times, you may need to guide them
through the process, question by question, very much like the training
you experienced where the facilitator guided you through making
your own movie. After the first few weeks, students should be able to
complete the worksheet independently.

5. Ask students to set a daily goal of enacting the Meta-Moment in this
situation and other, related situations.

6. Create a buddy system: ask students to work with a close friend –
someone they trust and with whom they can check in with on a regular
basis to discuss the challenges they face when taking Meta-Moments.
At the end of each week, students should have time set aside to meet
with their buddies to share and analyze their patterns of challenges.
Questions that can be posed to one another include: Which step in the
Meta-Moment was your challenge? What aspect of our best selves did
we not live up to? What other strategies could be used to handle the
situation better?

a. Students should be reminded to put into practice the principles
in their class Charter when working with their buddies (e.g., no
gossiping, respect, active listening, etc.)

7. Students also can give permission – even an invitation to their buddy
and other friends and family members to alert them when they might
need to take a Meta-Moment.

8. Remind students that:

b. Initially it is NOT easy, but making a deliberate commitment to
practicing Meta-Moments will help them to become better at taking
them successfully.

c. Meta-Moments are useful for almost all emotionally-charged
situations, including the avoidance of pro-social behavior like
helping others or being lazy like cleaning up or not loitering.

d. They can be role model for why taking Meta-Moments is important.

© 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC TM

C369

TM

C370 © 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC



Everyday Use Lesson 4 | Middle School
of Meta-Moments

9. Finally, remind students that developing one’s best self and using
effective strategies to manage emotions is the work of a lifetime, and
that you are privileged to be along for the first steps of their journey in
mastering these critical skills!!

TM

C370 © 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC

Meta-Moment

FAQs

© 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC TM

Meta-Moment FAQs

1. Why is the Meta-Moment so complicated?
• In the beginning, the Meta-Moment steps may seem too difficult to teach and even
overwhelming. If this is the case, breaking down the teaching of the steps into
manageable chunks is helpful. For example, spending one lesson focusing only on Step
1 (Something happens) can be highly educational. That way students will have ample
time to consider what causes them to feel certain emotions like anger or stress. This can
be repeated with all steps. For example, in Step 2 (Sense) the focus of one entire lesson
can be on how one emotion like anger affects students’ thinking, body/physiology, and
behavior.

2. What do I do if a student does not have a “best self?” Perhaps, my students are too
young to think about the “best self?”
• Many students (and adults!) may never have considered what their best self looks like.
Some may even have difficulty with the concept itself. If this is the case, it is helpful to
have students consider different role models in their lives. For example, if they are
working on a Meta-Moment to deal with anger, students can be asked to think about
someone they know well who handles anger effectively. Questions such as: Why did you
choose this person? How would they handle it? What about this person do you admire?
In that way students can develop their best selves by thinking about other important
individuals in their lives who they respect and admire.
• Younger children, in particular, can grasp the “best self” concept by thinking of someone
who they admire that always makes good choices. Students can consider a fictional
character (e.g., Superman) or a particular person like a parent, teacher, or religious figure
who they believe would handle him or herself well in the trigger situation.
• It also can be helpful to ask students to think about how their role model would want
them to behave. Most children have an idea of what is “ideal behavior” and what adults
expected of them. Posing questions like, “what would make X proud of you?” or “what
would make you proud of yourself?”

3. How do I find time to take a Meta-Moment?
• In the beginning, putting Meta-Moments into practice takes tremendous commitment and
determination. Many of us are on the go and the mere thought of stopping to breathe and
strategize may feel foreign and just too much. With time, practice, and dedication, the
“space in time” between our emotional triggers and responses gets shorter. The central
question to individuals who are resistant to learning or teaching Meta-Moments is, “Can
we afford to not take the time to bring Meta-Moments into our lives?” The consequences
of poor self-regulation are too great to not take this tool seriously.

TM

C372 © 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC

Meta-Moment FAQs

4. What if my personality gets in the way of taking Meta-Moments?
• For some individuals, particularly those with short fuses, taking Meta-Moments can
present a real challenge. Such individuals have to catch (Sense) themselves early in the
emotion-generative process, take deep breaths, and activate images of their best selves
rapidly. The use of Pro-Active Meta-Moments is particularly useful for those who “lose
it” easily. Daily, deliberate practice of Meta-Moments helps to ensure they become a
permanent part of one’s life. Also allowing others to inform you when you need to take a
Meta-Moment can be useful.

5. What do I do when none of the Meta-Moment strategies work for me?
• There are myriad emotion regulation strategies. Not all strategies work for all emotions or
all people. For example, taking deep breaths and reframing may work well for some
individuals to manage anxiety, but not for dealing with disappointment. The key is to
practice many strategies because not all strategies are available at all times. For instance,
we can’t “leave the situation” in the middle of a difficult staff meeting; however, in that
meeting, positive self-talk could be very helpful.

6. How is the Meta-Moment any more helpful than what I already do (like counting to
ten, etc.)?
• If you are already accustomed to stopping and taking deep breaths when you are upset,
you are off to a good start! However, thinking about your best self before you act on
your emotions is unique and essential to making good choices. Sure, calming down by
breathing sometimes helps, but evoking the image of your best self and making a choice
from that perspective will ensure that your behavior consistently aligns with your values.

7. How will taking Meta-Moments really change how I feel in the heat of the moment?
• The goal of the Meta-Moment process is not to “take away” your feelings, but instead
give you the choice of using effective strategies to deal with your feelings. When you “see
your best self,” after stopping and taking a breath, you have a myriad of strategies to
choose from that allow you to maintain your integrity and act from the person you ideally
would like to be. For example, you may still feel angry at someone after they have treated
you unfairly, but instead of insulting or dismissing the person, you may choose to talk
openly and constructively with them and avoiding an interpersonal mess.

© 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC TM

C373

TM

C374 © 2013 Emotionally Intelligent Schools, LLC