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April 18, 2022 The Neatest Little Paper Ever Read Issue 6

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BRIGHTON | LANSING | FENTON | HIGHLAND | NEW HUDSON • A researcher wanted to answer the
question: “What makes a joke funny?” [email protected]
We are offering: His research methods included setting up
a website where he asked respondents to
Family Owned and Operated Window Cleaning rate jokes on a scale of funniness from
Pressure Washing one to ten. There was also a section where
Christmas Lights people were encouraged to submit their
own favorite jokes. Over 40,000 were
CALL NOW! 248-574-8426 sent in. By analyzing this data, he found
that the funniest animal was the duck. He
also found that the shorter a joke was, the
higher it was rated. The optimal length of a
joke contained just 103 letters.

• In one experiment, subjects were asked to
pick up a series of objects and then guess its
weight. The long line of objects included
items that weighed between 2 and 6
pounds. However, the final object that they
were asked to pick up was absurdly and
deceptively lightweight, and the subjects
were surprised by this. All of the subjects
laughed when they picked up this final
object. The experiment had not been about
estimating weights; it had been about what
makes people laugh. There was nothing
inherently funny about lifting a lightweight
object; it was the surprise that they found
funny.
turn the page for more!

Chris Vish

[email protected]
810-534-7373

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Now Open! LAUGHTER (cont) * On April 20, 1841, Edgar Allan Poe’s story, “The
• A group of test subjects were first given a battery Murders in the Rue Morgue,” first appears in print. The
Color & Blonding tale, generally considered to be the first detective story,
Cutting of personality tests before being handed a stack of describes the methods used to solve a series of murders.
Waxing cartoons lacking captions. They had 30 minutes to * On April 22, 1889, at precisely high noon, 50,000
Lashes come up with as many captions as possible. The end to 60,000 would-be settlers make a mad dash into the
result was that the people classified as extroverts newly opened Oklahoma Territory to claim cheap land.
Extensions came up with the greatest number of captions. Towns like Norman and Oklahoma City sprang up
Those who were introverts had fewer captions, but almost overnight.
Ninalee Costelnock their captions were judged as funnier than those * On April 18, 1906, in San Francisco, an earthquake
517-225-5958 created by the extroverts. registering 8.0 kills 3,000 people as 30,000 buildings
• Test subjects were asked to view three funny films are destroyed. Two days later, 20,000 refugees trapped
138 W. Highland #900 Howell and rate them for their level of humor. A control by a massive fire were evacuated from the foot of Van
www.district308.com group watched the films while the researcher sat Ness Avenue onto the USS Chicago.
@district308 quietly off to the side reading a book. The next * On April 21, 1930, a fire at an Ohio prison kills 320
set of subjects were told by the researcher that inmates, some of whom burn to death when they are
these were her very favorite funny films. She sat not unlocked from their cells. The prison, built to hold
behind them, laughing at all the funny parts. Not 1,500 people, had 4,300 prisoners.
surprisingly, the second group rated the films far * On April 23, 1945, two weeks after taking over as
higher on the funniness scale than the first group. U.S. president, Harry Truman gives a tongue-lashing to
• A study set out to see if funny movies could reduce Soviet Foreign Minister Vyacheslav Molotov. Truman
the amount of distress suffered by post-surgery was determined to take a tougher postwar stance
patients. The answer was yes, pain was tolerated with the Soviets than his late predecessor, Franklin
more comfortably when patients watched humorous Roosevelt, had. Molotov, indignant, stormed out of the
films, as they tended to ask for fewer doses of meeting with Truman.
painkillers while being entertained. Watching tragic * On April 24, 1953, Winston Churchill, the British
films or serious dramas also reduced the need for leader who guided Great Britain and the Allies through
painkillers, but not as much as funny movies did. the crisis of World War II, is knighted by Queen
• A study set out to see if comedians live longer than Elizabeth II. He would win the Nobel Prize in literature
non-entertainers. The answer was that comedians later that same year.
tended to die at an earlier age than non-entertainers, * On April 19, 1993, near Waco, Texas, after a 51-
perhaps because of the stresses of being on the day siege, the FBI launches a tear-gas assault on the
road, staying up late to perform, or being constantly compound of Branch Davidian leader David Koresh
judged. The study also showed that comedians are and his disciples as part of an investigation into illegal
not prone to suicide or depression. possession of firearms and explosives. The compound
• There’s no single joke that amuses everyone. at Mount Carmel was burned to the ground, and some
However, some researchers have found that the 80 Branch Davidians, including 22 children, died in the
best way to make people laugh is to show them inferno.
clips of people who are trying not to laugh in a
situation where it would be inappropriate to laugh.
(cont)

Her Lack of Perspiration Has Reader in a Sweat

Downtown Howell 517-548-7059 DEAR DR. ROACH: I am an elderly woman DEAR DR. ROACH: I have had excessive
who has never perspired and would like to sweating for the past few years. I don’t mean
David & Lauren know why. Heat makes me very sick. I love the underarms; I mean head and face. In warmer
Brimhall outdoors, but can be out only a short while in weather, my hair will be soaking wet in no time.
the warmer weather. No one seems to have an My doctor thinks it’s related to the anxiety
Owners/Publishers answer for me. -- P.M. syndrome I have had since I was a small child,
and prescribed nortriptyline 10 mg once daily.
(313) 629-3456 ANSWER: The name for the condition of no When I looked it up, I thought it might be a
sweating at all is anhidrosis, and there are several little dangerous for me. I am 79 years old. I am
[email protected] causes. There are rare conditions people are born very healthy otherwise. I hope you can help. It’s
www.TidbitsofLivingston.com with. These are a possibility, since you have never a horrible problem, and it ruins my summers.
perspired. However, nearly all of these rare dis- -- J.H.
eases have other significant symptoms you don’t
mention. ANSWER: We use the Greek terminology to define
Damage to sweat glands can be seen in autoim- this problem: primary focal hyperhidrosis, specifi-
mune diseases and diseases that can destroy sweat cally craniofacial hyperhidrosis. “Primary” because
glands. None of these is likely, as they too have it isn’t associated with any other known problem;
additional symptoms you would have identified “focal” because it is in one area; “craniofacial”
during your life. Likewise, you don’t mention meaning “head and face”; and “hyperhidrosis” just
medications, which may have lack of sweating as a means “too much sweat.” The underlying cause is
side effect. unknown, but your doctor might be right that anxiety
I suspect you don’t have a diagnosable disease but is playing a role. However, it may run in families.
rather that you are on the far end of the normal I disagree with nortriptyline in most people. Not
range for sweating (this would be called hypohidro- only is it not a good treatment for anxiety, it may
sis). Just as there are people who get drenched with have excess sweating as a side effect, but the very
sweat in mildly warm weather, there are some who low dose makes that unlikely. Doses for depression
sweat very little. are often 300 mg.
Since sweating is a major way of keeping cool, The usual first treatment is topical antiperspirants
you are at higher risk for heat injury, including to the affected areas. If over-the-counter treatments
heatstroke. Avoiding hot weather, as it sounds like don’t work, then prescription strength (20%) alu-
you’ve done, is wise. Sun protection (e.g., wearing minum chloride hexahydrate can be tried, although
a wide-brimmed hat) is also wise, as is making sure it can be irritating to the skin of the face in some
you have enough fluids. Avoiding excess heat be- people. Other treatments include a different topical
comes even more important as you get older, since treatment called glycopyrrolate, botulinum toxin
an older person has less ability to adapt to heat than (Botox) injection and oral medications like oxybu-
a younger person. tynin. In people in their 70s and 80s I try not to use
the oral agents.

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LAUGHTER (cont)
• In 1921 a group of 11-year-olds were given

personality tests, and their individual traits were
cataloged. They were followed for the next 60
years to see how long they would live. The thought
was that those with a robust sense of humor
would outlive those who were more serious.
However, humor had no impact on longevity.
Neither did sociability or self-confidence. There
was only one factor that led to increased lifespan:
conscientiousness. If a person cared about other
people, their lifespan tended to run five years
longer.

IT’S A FACT
• In ancient days of Athens, performers at the

Dionysus theater routinely paid shills to sit in the
audience and laugh, cheer, or jeer.
• In 1950, The Hank McCune Show became the first
show to use a pre-recorded laugh track in place
of a live audience. 49 years later, Time Magazine
included the laugh track in their list of “The 100
worst ideas of the century” along with Muzak and
aerosol cheese.
• Charlie Douglas invented the laugh track by
recording people laughing, sorting them into
different combinations, and running them on
loops which could be played like “laugh chords”
depending on whether the situation called for
giggles, chortles, or guffaws.
• To be “sardonic” is to be grimly mocking or
cynical. Why is it called “a sardonic smile” or
“sardonic laughter”? There is an island in the
Mediterranean Sea called Sardinia (from which
we get “sardines.”) On that island there is an herb
called marsh crowfoot, which is a member of a
toxic family of buttercups. Ingesting the plant can
result in grotesque grimacing and convulsions
resembling laughter. The term has come into
medical terminology, with “risus sardonicus”
meaning literally “the grin of Sardinia” referring to
the permanent grimace usually found with tetanus
or strychnine poisoning. (cont)

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Q: Who is Regina Hall, one of the three women LAUGHTER FAST FACTS 1. What college athletic
conference produced both the
who hosted the Oscars this year? I liked the con- • Women talking with other women generate the men’s and women’s NCAA soccer
cept of multiple hosts, but I didn’t recognize her. most laugher. By comparison, men talking with champions in 2021?
-- E.W. men laugh only half as often. Women laugh at 2. Name the brothers, known
men more than men laugh at women. for their violent style of play,
A: Actress/comedian Regina Hall initially who were teammates on the
• Researchers studied kids that were watching Montreal Canadiens in the
had plans to use her master’s degree in cartoons, and found that when girls were 1920s and died within days of
journalism from NYU when her acting audi- watching cartoons with boys, they laughed each other in 1956.
tions were more miss than hit. In the early more than when they were watching cartoons 3. What NASCAR driver had 40 wins in his Cup Series
2000s she had audiences in stitches playing with other girls. career from 1981-2013 and finished second in
Brenda in the “Scary Movie” films, which the standings five times without winning a season
were a parody of the “Scream” movies. She • Women tend to laugh less as they get older, but championship?
was also a regular on the short-lived “Law not men. 4. What pro golfer from Australia portrayed comic-strip
& Order: LA” series. boxer Joe Palooka in 11 films from 1946-51?
Her career has definitely been on the up- • Babies laugh up to 300 times a day. 5. On Sept. 7, 2021, what Tampa Bay Rays rookie reached
swing lately, which is likely why she was • Children under the age of 6 cannot distinguish base safely for the 37th consecutive game, passing
chosen to host the Academy Awards this Mickey Mantle’s 36-game on-base streak for a player
year alongside Amy Schumer and Wanda between a lie and a joke, nor can they recognize age 20 or younger?
Sykes. Her recent acting roles include play- irony and sarcasm. Children learn to joke 6. Name the Canadian men’s figure skater who won silver
ing a stockbroker in “Black Monday,” a around the age of 6. medals at the 1994 Lillehammer and 1998 Nagano Winter
dark comedy series about 1980s Wall Street; • A 6-year-old child laughs about three times Olympics.
a heartbroken divorcee in “Nine Perfect more than an adult. The ages at which we laugh 7. In what Nintendo Entertainment System video game
Strangers”; and a lifestyle guru in the hit most exuberantly are 5 and 6. included basketball teams named the New York Eagles,
film “Girls Trip.” • Research has found that being around other Los Angeles Breakers, Boston Frogs and Chicago Ox?
Hall told “Entertainment Weekly” that she people is the most common trigger of laughter.
loves doing drama and comedy equally, It’s not really about jokes. Social laughter is far
and she’s certainly adept at both. Next up more common than solitary laughter. People
for her is another satire, “Honk for Jesus. laugh about 30 times more when they are with
Save Your Soul,” starring Sterling K. Brown other people than when they are alone.
(“This Is Us”), where they play disgraced • When people are on the phone when they are
televangelists. alone in the room, they will laugh and smile
more than people who are on the phone in the
Q:*** middle of a crowded public place.
Now that “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” isn’t • Speakers laugh 46% more than the audience
returning for any new episodes, what can I see its that they’re speaking to.
stars in next? -- G.G. • In normal human communication patterns,
laughter punctuates the end of sentences but
A: Created by Dan Goor and Michael seldom interrupts the middle of a sentence.
• When researchers eavesdropped on people
Schur of “The Office,” “Brooklyn Nine- conversing and laughing, they found that only
Nine” was a hilariously silly comedy series about 20% of comments that elicited laughter
about detectives starring Andy Samberg (as were intended to be funny. Only about 10% of
Jake Peralta) and Andre Braugher (as Capt. laughter is related to a joke.
Holt). Since the show ended in 2021, “Sat-
urday Night Live” alum Samberg has been * A garden manicure is what my mother calls * “Garden tool storage doesn’t have to be hard.
doing voice work for animated movies such it: When working with plants and dirt, rake your Fill a wide mouth bucket with clean sand. Add a
as “Hotel Transylvania 4” and “Chip ‘n’ nails across a bar of soap. The soap prevents half quart or motor oil and stir. Then use the sand
Dale: Rescue Rangers.” Braugher is return- dirt particles from lodging under nails, and the to clean and store your garden tools like shovels,
ing to drama as a regular on next season’s soap washes away easily when you are finished. rakes or hoes. The sand/oil mixture helps clean the
“The Good Fight.” Happy Gardening! -- JoAnn metal surfaces, and the heaviness of the container
Terry Crews, who played Terry Jeffords, lets you stick them in the sand without fear of
most recently hosted “America’s Got Talent: * “If you have a spade with a long handle, you everything falling down, like it would if you leaned
Extreme” and can be seen in the upcom- can transfer common measurements to the them along a wall.” -- E. in North Carolina
ing anthology series “Tales of the Walking handle. Just lay a tape measure alongside
Dead.” Melissa Fumero, who played Amy the handle, and use a black marker to note * Here’s a recipe for a quickie bird feeder or bath:
Santiago, is starring in “Blockbuster,” an common spacing, like feet and inches. Then, Flip over a nice-size flower pot, and place the pot’s
upcoming Netflix series about the last video when you put in plants, you can check quickly tray on the top. Fill with seed or water. The birds will
store in America. whether they are spaced correctly. Very handy!” thank you -- maybe even by eating some nuisance
As for the creators, Goor’s next project is -- P.E. in Arkansas bugs along with the seed.
the comedy series “Killing It,” with Craig
Robinson (“The Office”) as a security guard * If the string on your trimmer is always breaking
for a bank in Miami, while Schur is busy or jamming, try this old trick: Give the coiled string
producing the Emmy-nominated series a spray with vegetable oil before you thread it. It
“Hacks,” starring Jean Smart. lubricates the line, making it less likely to pull and
less likely to break.

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Boutique DIY Studio

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CONTACT
1. Is the book of Iscariot in the Old
Testament, New Testament or nei- (248) 921-7720
ther? [email protected]
2. From Matthew 28:2, who rolled www.champtherapyandwellness.com
back the stone from the door of
Jesus’ tomb and sat upon it? Simon,
An angel, Villagers, Disciples
3. When Mary Magdalene and “the
other Mary” came upon the risen
Jesus, who did He ask them to in-
form? Priests, Disciples, No one, Villagers
4. From John 20, which disciple doubted Jesus had risen unless
he could see the wounds? Peter, Andrew, Thomas, Thaddeus
5. How long did Jesus remain after His resurrection before He
ascended into heaven? Instantaneously, 1 hour, 7 days, 40 days
6. According to the apostle Paul, above what number saw the
risen Christ at one time? 100, 300, 500, 1000

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* A honey badger named Stoffel, resident of Out Of This World 1. FOOD & DRINK: What was the first food eaten in
a wildlife center in South Africa, was noted not space?
just for repeated escapes from his enclosure, CHIMP IN SPACE 2. LITERATURE: A character named Piggy is featured
but his stubborn penchant for pursuing much in which 20th-century novel?
larger animals than himself. After ending up • On January 31, 1961, a chimp named Ham was 3. GEOGRAPHY: What are the residents of Cyprus
in the clinic after attacking two lions, upon his launched on a rocket from Cape Canaveral in called?
release, he immediately broke free to attack Florida, and returned to Earth alive. Ham was 4. MEASUREMENTS: How many pounds are in a stone?
them again! the first primate to survive a trip into space. This 5. LANGUAGE: What does Ph.D stand for?
* The novelty song “Monster Mash” by Bobby was an important development in knowing what 6. ANIMAL KINGDOM: What is the color of a giraffe’s
Pickett was banned by the BBC for over a effects space would have on mental and physical tongue?
decade on the grounds it was too morbid. abilities. 7. MEDICAL: What is the common name for
* Sorry, Honey Nut Cheerios fans, your cereal onychocryptosis?
doesn’t contain any nuts. While ground • Ham was born in 1957 in a rainforest in Cameroon. 8. HISTORY: What is a more common name for the
almonds used to be included, since 2006 He was captured by trappers and sold to an exotic 19th-century killer known as the “Whitechapel
just “natural almond flavor” has been used, animal farm in Miami. In 1959 he was purchased Murderer”?
and that is typically derived from apricot and by the U.S. Air Force and sent to the Holloman 9. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE: What is the color of “black
peach pits. Air Force Base in New Mexico to be trained with boxes” used to record flight data on aircraft?
* An estimated 5% of the population has about 40 other chimps. As their training progressed 10. SCIENCE: What is considered to be the ideal
never experienced a headache. over the next 18 months, the group was winnowed “room temperature”?
* Who needs Red Bull? In the early 1900s, down to the six with the best aptitude.
distance runners were given champagne, Mango-Glazed Ham
brandy or even strychnine (rat poison) as a • The astrochimps were trained to pull levers in
type of “energy drink” during long races. response to specific stimuli, with a banana pellet The secret to this sweet glazed spiral-cut ham is
* Robert Pirsig’s “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle as a reward and an electric shock to the feet for mango chutney and mango nectar.
Maintenance” holds the world record for failure. They became habituated to being strapped
being the most-often rejected book to later into a chair for long periods of time, and for 1 cup Major Grey’s mango chutney
become a bestseller, with a whopping 121 tolerating probes and sensors. 1/3 cup mango nectar
refusals before a publisher finally agreed to 2 cloves garlic, crushed with press
buy it. • Ham’s “real” name was #65 but his handlers 2 tablespoons honey
* On the moon, the Earth doesn’t appear to called him “Chop Chop Chang.” Just before he 1 tablespoon mustard powder
rise or set, just wobble a bit. was launched into space, he was dubbed Ham, Pepper
* A Ukrainian couple tried to save their failing short for Holloman Aero Medical where he was 1 (7 1/2 to 8 pound) fully cooked, spiral-sliced,
relationship by handcuffing themselves being trained, for publicity purposes. smoked bone-in reduced-sodium half ham
together. They lasted about four months 1/4 cup (or up to 1/2 cup) boiling water
before throwing in the towel for good. • Ham was chosen on the day of the flight because Parsley springs, for garnish
* Studies have shown that removing lead he was in a good mood that day. He was strapped Mango slices, for garnish
from gasoline was a factor leading to the into a capsule inside the nose cone of a Mercury- Pineapple slices, for garnish
decline of violent crime in 1990s America. Redstone rocket.
Individuals exposed to lead at young ages 1. Preheat oven to 375 F. In blender, combine
have numerous conditions and problems with • He travelled at 5,800 mph (9,334 kph), to a chutney, nectar, garlic, honey, mustard powder
impulse control, all of which may negatively height of 157 miles (253 km) above earth. He and 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper.
impact their decisions as they reach experienced 6 minutes of weightlessness and Blend until very smooth. (Chutney mixture can
adulthood. 14.7g of acceleration on descent, much greater be made, covered and refrigerated up to 1 day
than anticipated. The capsule suffered a partial loss ahead.)
of pressure, but his space suit prevented any harm. 2. Place ham in 13-by-9-inch roasting pan.
The biomedical data from body sensors showed Rub chutney mixture on skin sides of ham.
Ham experienced stress during acceleration and Bake 1 hour 15 minutes or until golden brown
deceleration, but was calm while weightless. crust forms and meat thermometer inserted
horizontally in bottom portion of ham (not
• Ham performed his tasks correctly and missed touching bone) reaches 140 F.
only two out of 50 cues. His performance in space 3. Transfer ham to serving platter. Pour juices
was only a fraction of a second slower than on from pan into small bowl. Whisk in 1/4 to 1/2
Earth. cup boiling water, until pan juices are desired
consistency. Garnish platter with parsley sprigs
• After the flight, the capsule splashed down 130 and mango and pineapple slices. Serve ham
miles (209 km) from its target, and began taking with pan juices. Serves 16.
on water. It took several hours for a recovery ship
to reach Ham, but he was alive when rescued. His
only injury was a bruised nose. His reward upon
emerging from the spacecraft was an apple, which
he immediately devoured.

• When pulled from the capsule, he was showing
a huge grin on his face. Many people interpreted
this as happiness, but expert Jane Goodall said that
it was actually a chimpanzee expression of terror.
When media wanted a picture of Ham in his space
chair, he completely refused to go near it and
grown men were unable to force him back into it.

• Just 10 weeks later, Soviet cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin
became the first human in space, followed by Alan
Shepard’s flight.

• If Ham had not been kidnapped as an infant
and his mother killed, he still would have been
nursing at age 3_, completely dependent on his
mother. Humans are considered more intelligent
than chimpanzees, yet it is hard to imagine a
human toddler performing as well as Ham in this
challenging task. It speaks to Ham’s character,
intelligence, and bravery.

• He was transferred to The National Zoo in 1963,
where he lived alone for 17 years, before being
sent to the North Carolina Zoo where he could
live with other chimps. He died 22 years after his
historic flight into space, on January 18, 1983, at
the age of 26.

• Ham’s remains were buried at the International
Space Hall of Fame in Alamogordo, New Mexico.
Colonel John Stapp gave the eulogy at the
memorial service.

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By Samantha Mazzotta

Avoid Predatory Loans From Some Pet Stores

DEAR PAW’S CORNER: I recently read shell out thousands more for medical care.
an article about a predatory lender that is The message here is clear: Don’t take out a
targeting people buying dogs at some pet high-interest loan to buy a pet. If you spend time
stores. These loans have insane interest rates researching the perfect dog for your family,
as high as 130% to 189%! Please warn your then you should also spend time studying the
readers to avoid taking out high-interest loans financial aspects of dog ownership.
to buy a new pet. So many pets are in shelters, Do business with reputable breeders -- you
waiting for their forever homes. Don’t buy should be able to visit the breeder and see the
from a puppy mill! -- Janie F., Sarasota, conditions your prospective pet lives in, meet
Florida the puppies and their mother, and discuss their
DEAR JANIE: Thank you for sounding the care. Good breeders care about their dogs’
alarm! A recent CBS News report warned about welfare. If you’re going to pay thousands of
a lending business called EasyPay Finance that dollars for a pet, choose this route.
charges huge interest rates. Find the article here: Shelter pets are another option. If you aren’t
https://tinyurl.com/26b8mdcz/ breed-specific but want a wonderful companion,
Predatory loans and pet stores that source from contact the local shelter. Adoption fees are a
puppy mills are a nasty storm of awfulness. few hundred dollars, but that is significantly
Often, puppy mill dogs arrive at the store in poor less than what puppy mills are charging. And
condition, and new owners who’ve just paid you’ll get a healthy dog that’s ready for a new
thousands of dollars to buy a dog now have to family. It’s a win-win.

The Stress of IBD RANDOM ANIMAL FACTS

Coming on the heels of a stressful two years of • The Gila monster keeps itself cool on hot days
pandemic, the Department of Veterans Affairs has by covering itself in its own urine.
aligned with a website dedicated to those who suf-
fer from stress-related inflammatory bowel disease • Aquatic newts are able to regenerate not only
(IBD), ulcerative colitis and Crohn’s disease. And their tails, but also their legs and the lens of
just in time. A recent long-term study of veterans their eye.
concluded that over time, the stress of veterans with
bowel disease has increased. • When Australian fiddler crabs see a member of
There are likely 66,000 veterans with bowel disease their species under attack, they band together
who all need information and resources, and the to drive the intruder off. This cooperative
Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation (CCF) is the place to neighborhood-watch program gives the smaller
go. Right on the dedicated webpage (www.crohn- crabs a better shot at surviving.
scolitisfoundation.org/veterans), it asks important
questions: What kind of doctor do I need? Where • When a snapping shrimp is threatened by an
do I get care? How quickly can I get VA care once intruder, it snaps its claws as a warning. Every
I’m registered? other snapping shrimp in the vicinity will then
As noted above, these last two years have put most join in, and they all snap their claws in unison
of us under extra stress, and those with bowel as a show of force until the intruder leaves.
disease are many times more likely than others to
experience depression, PTSD and anxiety as a fact • Caribbean spiny lobsters usually cluster
of daily life. The CCF website points to coping together to share underwater dens. But there’s
tips that can help, such as meditation, relaxation a type of fatal virus that can be passed among
techniques and exercise ... and getting help from lobsters. Somehow, healthy lobsters are able
a mental-health professional. Scroll to the bottom to sense when another lobster has become
of the mental health page for sections on pain and infected with this virus, even months before
fatigue, strategies to improve mental health, depres- the infected lobster shows any symptoms or
sion and anxiety, and daily life. becomes contagious. The infected lobster is
One section stands out: If you’re going to be mov- driven out of the den.
ing, you’ll need a traveling veteran consult. Con-
tinuous care will begin before you leave and follow • The paradise tree snake is able to glide
you through the move to your new location. With astonishing distances by flattening its body as
a traveling veteran consult, your records and info it launches from a tree top while adopting an
about your health and history will be ready for you S-shape to increase lift. The snake undulates
on the other end. Any required care can pick up while falling, and the result is a longer and
where it left off. Your responsibility will be to plan more controlled glide than is achieved by flying
ahead and give them notice. squirrels.
The website is loaded with information: diet and
nutrition, complementary medicine, medications, • The smallest known mammal is the pygmy
resources and much more. The most help might be white-footed shrew, about the size of a thimble.
found in local chapters and support groups (there
are over 200), where you’ll find others who know • When tourists flock to areas of Alaska and
exactly what you’re experiencing. British Columbia where bears gather to feed
on salmon, their presence scares off the male
grizzlies. With the males out of the way, the
females raising cubs feel more comfortable
feeding, and gain more weight than they would
have if people had not been there. (cont)

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HOWELL ANIMAL FACTS (cont)
NUTRITION • In 1996 researchers found a dolphin who was deaf

1131 E. GRAND RIVER and mute. She was estimated to be nine years old
HOWELL, MI and was monitored for seven years, during which
time she never whistled or made any echolocation
Home Cleaning 8am-9pm bursts. Nevertheless she seemed to be well fed and
Office Cleaning 810-599-4701 healthy.
Carpet Cleaning [email protected] • Orcas form some of the most stable family units in
the animal kingdom. Each baby remains with its
Breaking News Alert! Turn Off of the hour, I’ll turn on a cable news channel, watch family for the rest of its life.
the Television for several minutes ... and then turn it off. Whatever • Porpoises do not form tight social bonds the way that
is new will be talked about then, but it’s often a re- dolphins do.
I learned a lesson this week when I discov- peat of the top of the previous hour. • Regardless of species, when most babies are born,
ered I’d spent over 10 hours glued to the news they tend to sleep most of the time. Exceptions to this
on television. Afterward, I was depressed and What do we do instead once we turn off the rule include the orca and the bottlenose dolphin. The
full of anxiety. I knew that couldn’t be good for news? Change to a different channel, perhaps one newborn calf and the mother will not sleep during
me. that shows re-runs from a previous era. The “Andy the first month of the baby’s life, remaining on the
Griffith Show” comes to mind. So do “My Three move around the clock. The calf needs to breach at
It makes sense that a gym chain turned off Sons,” “I Love Lucy” and “Columbo.” Then there’s the surface to breathe. The lack of blubber makes it
the TVs in their locations in 27 states, believing premium fare like The History Channel, Smithson- unable to control its body temperature until it puts
that cable news wasn’t good for a healthy life- ian Channel and even best of British TV channels. on weight. The danger of predators is ever-present.
style. And this was several years ago, when the When the calf is a month old, calf and mother will
news was comparatively milder than it is now. Or we can turn the television off altogether and, both begin to sleep in small segments that gradually
Consider how much different our lives -- and the now that spring is here, go outside and walk. Or start increase in length to five to eight hours a day.
news -- are today, and it makes a lot of sense a new garden. Or talk to neighbors who are also es- • There is no difference in the DNA of a domestic
to avoid an overdose of what’s going on in the caping the television. dog and a wolf. Whether it’s a chihuahua, beagle, or
world. timber wolf, they are the same species.
There are specific health reasons to get away from • In Florida in the years between 1948 in 2005,
My newest tactic is to use a timer. At the top the television news, and sitting too long is at the top alligators attacked 391 people. Sharks attacked 592
of the list. It leads to memory decline, anxiety, stress people. But alligators killed 17 of their victims,
... which leads to insomnia and changes in diet. compared to just nine people killed by sharks.
• The European hedgehog is immune to the venom
We think we need to keep up with current events of the South American viper snake, containing
... but at what cost? a substance that inhibits the blood-thinning
compounds contained in the snake’s venom. No one
really knows how or why the hedgehog developed
this immunity, since the two species live on different
continents and never interact.

King Crossword

1. The ACC, with BIBLE TRIVIA 1. In 1961, Russian cosmonaut
Clemson (men) and ANSWERS: Yuri Gagarin ate pureed meat
and then chocolate sauce.
Florida State (women). 2. “Lord of the Flies”
3. Cypriots
2. Sprague and Odie 1) Neither; 2) 4. 14
An angel; 3) 5. Doctor of Philosophy
Cleghorn. Disciples; 4) 6. Blue, black or purple
3. Mark Martin. Thomas (called 7. Ingrown nail
4. Joe Kirkwood Jr. Didymus); 5) 40 8. Jack the Ripper
5. Wander Franco. days (Acts 1:3); 9. Bright orange to aid in
6. Elvis Stojko. 6) 500 (1 Cor. recovery
7. “Double Dribble.” 15:3-8) 10. 68-72 degrees Fahrenheit