2004-06-13_www-campmeriwether-com--concept--CampSongBook

International SongsInternational Oompah, oompah, oompah, oompah, oommmmm.
Songs Black Velvet BandBlack Velvet Band
In a neat little town they call Belfast
Zum Gali GaliZum Gali Gali Apprenticed in trade I was bound
And many an hour of sweet happiness
As we work we sing a song, I spent in that neat little town
We sing it all day long Till bad misfortune befell me
When we reach the end of the day, And caused me to stray from the land
We will dance, and sing, and be gay. Far away from my friends and relations
Zum ga-li ga-li ga-li, Zum ga-li ga-li ga-li, Zum ga-li To follow the black velvet band
ga-li ga-li
Zum ga-li ga-li ga-li Her eyes they shone like the diamond
You'd think she was queen of the land
Vive L'amourVive L'amour And her hair hung over her shoulder
Tied up in a black velvet band
Let every good fellow now join in a song Well, I was out strolling one evening
Vi-ve la com-pag-nie! Not meaning to go very far
Success to each other and pass it along, When I met with a pretty young damsel
Vi-ve la com-pag-nie! She was selling her trade in a bar
When I watched, she took from a customer
CHORUS And slipped it right into my hand
Vi-ve la, vi-ve la, vi-ve la-mour; Then the Watch came and put me in prison
Vi-ve la, vi-ve la, vi-ve la-mour, Bad luck to the black velvet band
Vi-ve la-mour, vi-ve la-mour Next morning before judge and jury
Vi-ve la com-pag-nie. For our trial I had to appear
The judge, he said, "Young fellow
A friend on your left and a friend on your right, The case against you is quite clear
Vi-ve la com-pag-nie! And seven years is your sentence
In love and good fel-low-ship let us unite, You're going to Van Dieman's Land
CHORUS Far away from your friends and relations
To follow the black velvet band"
Now wider and wider our circle expands, So come all you jolly young fellows
Vi-ve la com-pag-nie! I'd have you take warning by me
We sing to our comrads in far away lands, And whenever you're out on the liquor
CHORUS Beware of the pretty colleen
They'll fill your with whiskey and porter
Edelweiss Until You're not able to stand
And the very next thing that you know
Edelweiss, edelweiss, every morning you greet me. You're landed in Van Dieman's Land
Small and white, clean and bright, you look happy to
meet me. Aki Taki Umpah
Blossom of snow, may you bloom and grow,
Bloom and grow forever. Chorus:
Edelweiss, edelweiss, bless my homeland forever. Aki taki umpah, aki taki umpah
Blossom of snow, may you bloom and grow, bloom Hey diddle, hi diddle, ho diddle, hey
and grow for ever. Aki taki umpah, aki taki umpah
Edelweiss, edelweiss, bless my homeland forever. Hey diddle, hi diddle, ho diddle, hey
(While singing the chorus, arms are crossed in front of
Ging Gang Goolee chest. Wave back & forth in rhythm - paddling a
kayak)
Ging gang goolee, goolee, goolee, goolee Verses:
watcha, ging gang goo, ging gang goo. Hey Tacoma Mishi Waki
Hey Tacoma Mishi Waki
Ging gang goolee, goolee, goolee, goolee Hey Tacoma Mishi Waki
watcha, ging gang goo, ging gang goo. Story line:
1. Hunters getting ready to go on the hunt, hands are
Hayla, hayla shayla, hayla shayla hayla ho. over top of eyes looking at horizon.
Hayla, hayla shayla, hayla shayla hayla ho. 2. Hunters leaving on hunt. Families, sad. Wave to
Shally wally, shally wally, hunters, sobbing.
3. Hunters stalking with bow & arrow. Pull back bow
and shoot. Arrow swishes as it is shot.

Page 101 of 101

4. Hunters got a walrus. Now they have to pick up Victoria and Prince Albert. The rigabamboo is
the heavy walrus and put it on their kayak to bring correctly the Regimental Camp Color, affectionately
home. Pick up known by the
the walrus and put it on the kayak with Princess Pat as "The Ric-a-dam-doo".
a big grunt. The chorus, according to Col. C. Sydney Frost, is...
5. Families see the hunters returning and wave to them "A Ric-a-dam-doo, pray what is that?
happily. On the last chorus - Hunters have seen their It was made at home by the Princess Pat,
families It's red and gold, and purple-blue
and are now hurrying to get home. That's what we call The Ric-a-dam-doo, dam-doo,
Speed up the final chorus. dam-doo"
The Princess Pat (Egyptian hand movement & hips)
Shut De Doh Lived in a tree (Arms up over heads, making a tree
bow)
CHORUS She sailed across (wave hands over water)
Shut de doh, keep out de debil. The seven seas (Seven fingers, wave hands over
Shut de doh, keep de debil in de night. water)
Shut de doh, keep out de debil. She sailed across (Repeat hand wave over water)
Light de candle, ev'ryting's all right. The Channel too (thumb and finger channel, two
Light de candle, ev"ryting's all right. fingers)
And took with her (sling bag over shoulder)
Oh, when I was a baby chile, Arickabamboo (hands wave down move hips)(riga-
(Shut de doh, keep out de debil.) bam-boo)

Good and bad was just a game. Chorus
(Shut de doh, keep de debil in de night.) A riga-bam-boo, now what is that?
It's something made, by the Princess Pat.
Many years and many trials, It's red and gold, and purple too.
(Shut de doh, keep out de debil.) That's why it's called a riga-bam-boo.
(chorus Alt)
Proved to me they're not the same. A rickabamboo (hands wave down)
(Shut de doh, keep de debil in de night.) Now what is that
Its something made
CHORUS For the Princess Pat (repeat Egyptian move)
Its red and gold (hand on right hip)
Oh, Satan is an evil charmer, and purple too (hand on left hip)
(Shut de doh, keep out de debil.) That's why its called
a rickabamboo (repeat motion)
Hungry for a soul to hurt. Now Captain Dan (stand at Alert)
(Shut de doh, keep de debil in de night.) and loyal crew (salute)
They sailed across the channel too (as above)
And without your holy armor, but their ship sank (hold noses and move body down)
(Shut de doh, keep out de debil.) and your's will too (point out and finger two)
if you don't take (sling bag over shoulder)
He will have you for dessert. a rickabamboo (hands wave down)
(Shut de doh, keep de debil in de night.) NowCaptain Jack, had a mighty fine crew.
He sailed across, the channel too.
CHORUS His ship did sink and so will you,
If you don't have a riga-bam-boo.
My mama used to sing this song,
(Shut de doh, keep out de debil.) Waltzing Matilda

My papa used to sing it, too. Once a jolly swagman camped by a billabong
(Shut de doh, keep de debil in de night.) Under the shade of a coolibah tree,
And he sang as he watched and waited till his billy
Jesus called and took them home, boiled,
(Shut de doh, keep out de debil. "You'll come a waltzing Matilda with me!"

So I sing this song to you Chorus
(Shut de doh, keep de debil in de night.) Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
You'll come a waltzing Matilda with me
CHORUS

Princess Pat

The song and the music (that I know, anyway) is the
song of the Princess Patricia's Canadian Light Infantry.
Princess
Patricia of Cannaught was the daughter of a
Governor General of Canada 1911-1914 and a
grand-daughter of Queen

Page 102 of 102

And he sang as he sat and waited till his billy boiled No pretty little girls to deceive me,
"You'll come a waltzing Matilda with me!" I'm as happy as a lark, believe me,
As we go rolling, rolling home,
Down came a jumbuck to drink beside the billabong Rolling home, (Rolling home!)
Up jumped the swagman and siezed him with glee; Rolling home, (Rolling home!)
And he sang as he talked to that jumbuck in his By the light of the silvery moon.
tuckerbag;
"You'll come a waltzing Matilda with me!" Happy Is the day when we line up
for our pay,
Tie Me Kangaroo Down
As we go rolling, rolling home.
(The first verse is almost spoken or narrated) 2ND VERSE:
There's an old Australian stockman - lying, dying... I've got four pence.....
And he gets himself up onto one elbow Two pence to spend, and two pence to lend,
And turns to his mates who are all gathered around And no pence to send home to my wife, poor wife.
And he says.... 3RD VERSE:
Watch me wallabies feed, mate Watch me wallabies I've got two pence.....
feed. Two pence to spend. and no pence to lend,
They're a dangerous breed, mate So, watch me And no pence to send home to my wife, poor wife.
wallabies feed. 4TH VERSE:
I've got no pence.....
Chorus: No pence to spend, and no pence to lend,
All together now... And no pence to send home to my wife, poor wife.
Tie me kangaroo down, sport (VARIATIONS)
Tie me kangaroo down. Instead of " ... when we line up for our pay,b try
Tie me kangaroo down, sport ... when the camp staff goes away ..
Tie me kangaroo down. ... when the campers go away ..
Keep me cockatoo cool, curl Keep me cockatoo cool. Or make up your own.
Don't go actin' the fool, curl Just keep me cockatoo
cool. Patsy Orry Orry Aye
(chorus)
Take me koala back, Jack Take me koala back. CHORUS:
He lives somewhere out on the track, Jack So, take me Patsy orry orry aye, Patsy orry orry aye,
koala back. Patsy orry orry aye, A-workin' on the
(chorus) Railroad.
Let me Abos go loose, Lou Let me Abos go loose. In eighteen hundred and ninety-one,
They're of no further use, Lou So, let me Abos go The ErieRailroad was begun
loose. The Erie Railroad was begun
(chorus) A-workin' on the Railroad.
Mind me platypus duck, Bill Mind me platypus duck. 1892.- I found myself with nothing to do.
Don't let him go running amuck, Bill just, mind me 1893 - The Erie Railroad hired me.
platypus duck. 1894 - My back was getting mighty sore.
(chorus) 1895 - I found myself more dead than alive
Playyour digeridoo, Blue Play your digeridoo.(Dying) 1896 - I found myself some dynamite sticks.
Like, keep playing it 'til I shoot through, Blue Play your 1897 - I found myself on the way to heaven.
digeridoo. 1898 - I found myself at the pearly gate
(chorus) 1899 - I found myself In heaven sublime.
Tan me hide when I'm dead, Fred Tan me hide when In eighteen hundred and ninety-ton,
I'm dead. I started life all over again.
So, we tanned his hide, when he died, Clyde And
that's it hangin' on the shed. The Irish Rover
(chorus)
In the year of`our Lord, eighteen hundred and six
Sixpence We set sail from the fair Cobh of Cork.
We were bound far away with a cargo of bricks
I've got six pence, jolly jolly six pence. For the fine city hall of New York.
I've got six pence to last me all my life.
I've got two pence to spend, and two pence to lend, In a very fine craft, she was rigged fore-
And two pence to send home to my wife, poor wife. and-aft

No cares have I to grieve me, And oh, how the wild winds drove her.
She had twenty-three masts and withstood
several blasts

Page 103 of 103

And we called her the Irish Rover. In three weeks time I was badly bent
There was Barney McGee from the banks of the Lee, Then off to sea I sadly went.
There was Hogan from County Tyrone. In a blood boat Yank bound round Cape Horn
And a chap called McGurk who was scared stiff of Me boots and clothes were all in pawn
work Bound up Cape Stiff through ice and snow
And a chap from West Meade called Mellone. And up the coast to Cally-o
An' then back to the Liverpool Docks
There was Slugger O'Toole who was drunk Saltpeter stowed in our boots an' socks
as a rule Now when I got home from sea
A soger had her on his knee.
And fighting Bill Casey from Dover. * I've omitted 7 of Hugill's rather clumsy attempts to
There was Dooley from Claire who was sanitize the song. If you can't figure out how an
strong as a bear "anatomical
And was skipper of the Irish Rover. progrEssion" works, you're beyond help. RG
We had one million bales of old billy goats' tails,
We had two million buckets of stones.
We had three million sides of old blind horses hides,
We had four million packets of bones.
We had five million hogs, we had six million
dogs,
And seven million barrels of porter.
We had eight million bags of the best Sligo
rags
In the hold of the IrishRover.
We had sailed seven years when the measles broke
out
And the ship lost her way in a fog.
And the whole of the crew was reduced unto two,
'Twas myself and the captain's old dog.
Then the ship struck a rock with a terrible
shock
And then she heeled right over,
Turned nine times around, and the poor dog
was drowned--
I'm the last of the Irish Rover.

A-Rovin'

In Amsterdam there lived a Maid, Mark well what I
do say!
In Amsterdam there lived a maid
And she was mistress of her trade

I'll go no more a-rovin' with you fair maid
A-rovin', a-rovin', since rovin's been my ru-i-in
I'll go no more a-rovin' with you fair maid
One night I crept from my abode, Mark etc.
One night I crept from my abode
To meet this fair maid down the road
I'll go etc.
I met this fair maid after dark
And took her to her favorite park.
I took this fair maid for a walk
And we had such a loving talk.
I put me arm around her waist
Sez she, "Young man, you're in great haste!"
I put my hand upon her knee
Sez she, "Young man you're rather free!"
I put my hand upon her thigh
Sez she, "Young man you're rather high!"

She sore that she'd be true to me
But spent me pay-day fast and free

Page 104 of 104

Patriotic Songs Francis Scott Key was an lawyer in Washington D.C.
at the time of the War of 1812. He received
The Star Spangled Banner permission from
President James Madison to ask the British to release
Tune: Anacreon in Heaven, a drinking song of the his friend, Dr. William Beanes, who had been taken
Anacreontic Society of London. prisoner.
By British composer John Stafford Smith. On September 13, 1814, Key was rowed out to a
Anacreon: Greek Poet b. 582BC Poems in praise of British ship in Baltimore Harbor to secure the release.
love and wine.O say, can you see, by the dawn's The request
early light, was granted, but Key was detained on- board
overnight as a precaution against his warning the
What so proudly we hail'd at the twilight's last garrison of Fort
gleaming McHenry of the attack the British were about to make.
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, thro' the During the night, Key witnessed the attack from the
perilous fight, deck of
O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly the British ship. The hours passed slowly as he
streaming, anxiously waited for dawn. When the sun finally rose,
And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air the sky was
Gave proof thro' the night that our flag was still gray with low-hung clouds and patches of mist. But as
there, the day grew brighter, Key was able to make out the
O say does that star-spangled banner yet wave enormous
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave? American Flag still flying over the fort, showing that it
had not surrendered. Key's exhilaration at the sight
On the shore, dimly seen thro' the mist of the deep, began to
Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence take poetic shape; using the back of a letter he
reposes, pulled from his pocket, he jotted down a few lines
What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering and phrases. When
steep, the British withdrew and the Americans had returned
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses? to Baltimore, Key added to his lines and entitled the
Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam, poem
In full glory reflected, now shines on the stream "The Defense of Fort McHenry". Shortly afterward he
'Tis the star-spangled banner. O long may it wave conceived of it being sung to a popular tune of the
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave. period,
called "To Anacreon From Heaven"; this was the tune
And where is that band Who so vauntingly swore we know today as "The Star Spangled Banner".
That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion The song immediately caught on in Baltimore; the Fort
A home and a country should leave us no more? McHenry garrison adopted it, and the local
Their blood has washed out their foul footstep's newspapers
pollution. published it. As rest of the nation began to realize the
No refuge could save the hireling and slave significance of the events at Fort McHenry, people in
From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave, other
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave cities began putting Francis Scott Key's words to the
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave. tune. Contenders for the status of national anthem
included
Oh! thus be it ever, When freemen shall stand such rivals as "Columbia the Gem of the Ocean". "The
Between their loved homes and the war's desolation, Star Spangled Banner" eventually prevailed and was
Blest with vict'ry and peace, May the Heav'n-rescued made
land the official national anthem of the United States by
Praise the Pow'r that hath made and preserved us a an Act of Congress in 1931. The flag that flew over
nation. Fort
Then conquer we must, For our cause it is just, McHenry was originally 42 feet long. Each stripe was
And this be our motto-- "In God is our trust." nearly two feet wide, and the five-pointed stars were
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave two feet
O'er the land of the free, and the home of the brave. from point to point. Tattered and marred by relic-
seekers, it is now preserved at the Smithsonian
About The Song Museum of History
and Technology in Washington, D.C.

Page 105 of 105

My Country, 'Tis Of Thee Respect The Flag

America ('Tis Of Thee) (Samuel F. Smith) Tune: "Lovely Evening"

My country, 'Tis of Thee, O how lovely is our flag, is our flag
Sweet land of liberty, As it floats up in the blue sky,
Of Thee I sing; In the blue sky,
Land where my fathers died, Give respect. Give it respect.
Land of the pilgrims' pride:
From every mountainside, Stars And Stripes Forever
Let freedom ring.
My native country thee, Hurrah for the flag of the free,
Land of the noble free, May it wave as our standard forever,
Thy name I love; The gem of the land and sea,
I love thy rocks and rills, The Banner of the Right.
Thy woods and templed hills, Let despots remember the day
My heart with rapture thrills When our fathers with mighty endeavor,
like that above. Proclaimed as they marched to the fray,
Let music swell the breeze, That by their might, and by their right,
And ring from all the trees, It waves forever.
Sweet freedom's song;
Let mortal tongues awake, This Is My Country
Let all that breathe partake,
Let rocks their silence break, This is my country!
The sound prolong. Land of my birth.
Our fathers' God, to Thee, This is my country
Author of liberty, Grandest on earth.
To Thee we sing; I pledge thee my allegiance,
Long may our land be bright America the bold,
With freedom's holy light; For this is my country.
Protect us by Thy might, To have and to hold!
Great God, our King!
You're A Grand Old Flag
This Land Is Your Land
You're a grand old flag, tho' you're torn to a rag
This Land Is Your Land, This Land Is My Land And forever in peace may you wave.
From Cal - I - For - Nia - To The New York Is - Lands You're the emblem of the land I love;
From Redwood For -Est -To The Gulf Stream Wa - The home of the free and the brave
Ters, Every heart beats true under red, white and blue,
This Land Was Made For You And Me. Where there's never a boast or brag.
But should auld acquaintance be forgot,
As I Went Walking That Ribbon Of Highway Keep your eye on the grand old flag.
I Saw Above Me That Endless Skyway.
I Saw Below Me That Golden Valley, God Bless America
This Land Was Made For You And Me.
I Roamed And Rambled, And I Followed My God bless America, Land that I love
Footsteps, Stand beside her and guide her
To The Sparkling Sands Of Her Diamond Deserts, Through the night with a light from above.
All Around Me A Voice Was Sounding, From the mountains, to the prairies
This Land Was Made For You And Me. To the oceans white with foam
God bless America, My home sweet home.
When The Sun Came Shining, Then I Was Strolling, God bless America, My home sweet home.
And The Wheat Fields Waving And The Dust Clouds
Rolling, Beautiful America
A Voice Was Chanting As The Fog Was Lifting,
This Land Was Made For You And Me. Tune: "Home On The Range"

Our America's grand,
With such beautiful land,
From the redwoods

Page 106 of 106

To the far eastern coast. Undimmed By Human Tears.
With spectacular views America! America!
In so many bright hues, God Shed His Grace On Thee,
About America, we really can boast ! And Crown They Good In Brotherhood
From Sea To Shining Sea.
Chorus:
Land, beauty up land; The State Song
With beautiful sights everywhere.
For the grandest on earth, Oh, What Did Tenna-See Boys, (Tennessee)
Is the Land of our birth
For beauty, she's beyond compare. What Did Tenna-See? (Sing Three Times)
Let's always be proud, I Ask You Again As A Personal Friend,
Let's all stand and sing loud,About the sights
That we see all around. What Did Tenna-See?
In no other land She Saw What Arkan-Saw Boys, (Arkansas)
Can we find scenes so grand,
It's the loveliest land we've found. She Saw What Arkan-Saw, (Sing Three Times)
Chorus. I Tell You Again As A Personal Friend,

Fly Your Flag She Saw What Arkan-Saw.
(Similarly)
Tune: Row, Row, Row"
Where Has Ora-Gone Boys? (Oregon)
Fly, fly, fly your flag She's Taking Okla-Home Boys. (Oklahoma)
On our holidays.
Be a loyal citizen How Did Wiscon-Sin Boys? (Wisconsin)
In this and other ways. She Stole A New-Brass-Key Boys. (Nebraska)

America The Beautiful What Did Della-Wear Boys? (Delaware)
She Wore A New-Jersey Boys. (New Jersey)
Oh, Beautiful For Spacious Skies
For Amber Waves Of Grain. What Did Io-Weigh Boys? (Iowa)
For Purple Mountains Majesty, She Weighed A Washing-Ton Boys. (Washington)
Above The Fruited Plain.
America! America! Where Did Ida-Hoe Boys? (Idaho)
God Shed His Grace On Thee. She Hoed In Mary-Land Boys. (Maryland)
And Crown Thy Good In Brotherhood.
From Sea To Shining Sea What Did Missy-Sip Boys? (Mississippi)
She Sipped A Mini-Soda Boys. (Minnesota)
Oh Beautiful For Pilgrim's Feet,
Whose Stern, Impassioned Stress, What Did Connie-Cut Boys? (Connecticut)
A Thoroughfare For Freedom Beat, She Cut Her Shaggy Mane Boys. (Maine)
Across The Wilderness.
America! America How Did Flora-Die Boys? (Florida)
God Mend Thine Every Flaw. She Died Of Misery Boys. (Missouri)
Confirm Thy Soul In Self Control,
Thy Liberty In Law. Yankee Doodle

Oh, Beautiful For Heroes Proved, Yankee Doodle went to town, a-riding on a pony;
In Liberating Strife. Stuck a feather in his cap and called it macaroni.
Who More Than Self
Their Country Loved, Chorus
And Mercy More Than Life. Yankee Doodle keep it up, Yankee Doodle dandy,
America! America! Mind the music and the step and with the girls be
My God Thy Gold Refine handy.
Till All Success Be Nobleness,
And Every Gain Divine. Father and I went down to camp along with Captain
Gooding
Oh, Beautiful For Patriot Dream, And there we saw the men and boys, as thick as hasty
That Sees Beyond The Years. pudding.
Thine Alabaster Cites Gleam, CHORUS
There was Colonel Washington, upon a strapping
stallion,
A-giving orders to his men, I guess there was a million.
CHORUS
And there I saw a cannon barrel as big as mother's
basin,
And every time they touched it off they scampered
like the nation.

Page 107 of 107

Wood Badge Songs Where e re we go the world will know our fellowship
is good,
The Gilwell Song We ll reach our goal and bells will toll, about Scout
brotherhood.
I Used To Be A Beaver, And A Good Old Beaver Too. The soul of Baden Powell lives on and we shall never
But Now I ve Finished Beavering, I Don t Know What fail,
To Do, Our course is set, We ll ne er forget, we walked the
I'm Growing Old And Feeble, And I Can Beaver No Woodbadge Trial
More. Please guide the Woodbadge staff dear Lord, in
So I'm Going To Work My Tic - Ket If I Can. reverence to Thee.
***Chorus*** And bless them God, they worked so hard and taught
Back To Gilwell, Happy Land, I'm Going To Work My a Scout like me.
Tic - Ket If I Can. O Great Scoutmaster of all Scouts, on you we can
I Used To Be A Bob White rely.
I Used To Be An Eagle That someday you will call us to your Gilwell Field on
I Used To Be A Fox high
I Used To Be An Owl
I Used To Be A Bear .Woodbadge Staff
I Used To Be A Buffalo
I Used To Be An Antelope (Tune: Tarzan of the Apes)
I Used To Be A Raven I like to train and to sing and to laugh,
(If There Are More Patrols Add Their Names) I like to train and to sing and to laugh,
I like to train and to sing and to laugh,
I've Got That Woodbadge Spirit That s why I want to be on
WOODBADGE STAFF
I've Got That Woodbadge Spirit,
Up In My Head, Up In My Head, Up In My Head. Woodbadge Camp
I've Got That Woodbadge Spirit
Up In My Head, Up In My Head To Stay. Tune: Camptown Races
I've Got That Woodbadge Spirit
Deep In My Heart, Etc. Joe, with some help from friends
(Continue As In First Verse) At Woodbadge Camp you ll hear our songs, Do Da,
I've Got That Woodbadge Spirit J Do Da
Down In My Feet, Etc. While training I ll just hum along Oh, Di Do Da Day
(Continue As In First Verse) Chorus:
I've Got That Woodbadge Spirit Be Prepared at Camp, Train real hard all day
All Over Me, Etc. Do a Good Turn and You will learn, There is no other
(Continue As In First Verse) way!
I've Got That Woodbadge Spirit Beavers working through the night, Do Da, Do Da
Up In My Head Chip, Chip, Chew with all their might, Oh, Di Do Da
Deep In My Heart Day
Down In My Feet, Chorus:
I've Got That Woodbadge Spirit Bobwhites always like to win, Do Da, Do Da
All Over Me, All Over Me To Stay Scurry about like the wind, Oh, Di Do Da Day
Chorus:
Wood Badge Farewell Song Eagles set their sights real high, Do Da, Do Da
Take to flight up in the sky, Oh, Di Do Da Day
(Tune: Auld Lang Syne Chorus:
Written by Alva Martin NE-III-10) Foxes study notes they took, Do Da, Do Da
Travel camp fleet a foot, Oh, Di Do Da Day
The time has come, for all of us to bid our fond Chorus:
farewell, Owls kudo had to toot, Do Da, Do DaNow their call is
We leave behind, love for mankind within, the field just a hoot, Oh, Di Do Da Day
Gilwell, Chorus:
God bless us each and everyone. May Scouting Bears get up before the dawn, Do Da, Do Da
never cease, Oh, they look so big and strong, Oh, Di Do Da Day
May Woodbadge stay within our hearts and give us Chorus:
lasting peace Antelopes look like fun to ride, Do Da, Do Da
If you try they run and hide, Oh, Di Do Da Day
Chorus:

Page 108 of 108

Ravens train real hard, Do Da, Do Da To Help Put On An Extra Special Feast.
Always look so pretty to me, Oh, Di Do Da Day
Chorus: By George
Staffers having too much fun, Do Da, Do Da
Making sure the work gets done, Oh, Di Do Da Day (By Barry Joynes)

Troop Guides If You're On The Scouting Trail Without A Rudder Or
A Sail
Through The Mud, In The Sun, You Oughta Do That Woodbadge Thing By George.
We Will Walk The Woodbadge Trail. Here's The Stuff To Cure Your Ills
As The Troop Guides Go Teaching Along. And It's All About Eleven Leadership Skills
Leadership, Scouting Skills, You Oughta Do That Woodbadge Thing, By George.
Fun And Games For Thrills. ***Chorus***
As The Troop Guides Go Teaching Along. Now If You Want To Know Just How To Grow
Well, It's Hi! Hi! Ho! A Woodbadge We'll Go. And Have Lots Of Fun
Shout Out Our Name Loud And Strong. Gain Some Clout, Lose All That Doubt,
Troop Guides Go Back To Your Scouting Job And Really Make It
For Where're We Go, Everyone Will Know, Run.
That The Troop Guides Go Hiking Along.
Be The Best That You Can Be
The Feast Explore The Possibilities
Come On Out And So That Woodbadge Thing
(Words By Ruth Joynes, 1990) Come On Out And Do That Woodbadge Thing
(Tune: Humoresque) Come On Out And Get Your Woodbadge Beads, By
George!!!!
While In The Woods Preparing Dinner Woodbadge Quartermaster's Store
Several Of Those Woodbadge Critters
Thought The Scoutmaster A Little Slim There Are Beavers, Beavers, Beavers Wielding Silver
All Week Long They Practiced Menus Cleavers
Gave Him Samples Of This Good Food In The Store, In The Store.
Hoping He Would Somehow Favor Them There Are Beavers, Beavers, Beavers, Wielding Silver
Fruit Salad Full Of Cantaloupes Cleavers
Was Favored By The Antelopes In The Quartermaster's Store.
Preferring Meals Of Fruit To Those Of Meat My Eyes Are Dim I Cannot See, I Have Not Brought
The Bobwhites Wanted Something New My Specs With Me.
Not Caring Much For Chicken Stew 2. There Are Bobwhites Turning Out The Lights.
They Thought More Of Making Something Sweet. 3. There Are Eagles, Chasing All The Beagles.
With Fish Cuisine Upon Their Minds 4. There Are Foxes, Sitting On The Boxes.
The Eagles Didn't Care What Kinds 5. There Are Owls, Eating Paper Towels.
Of Other Food Were Piled Upon The Plates. 6. There Are Bears, With Curlers In Their Hair.
The Stomach Growls That Scared The Bears 7. There Are Buffaloes, With Mud Between Their Toes.
Soon Gave Way To Other Cares 8. There Are Antelopes, Eating Cantaloupes.
They Found Sampling Food To Be Just Great. 9. There Are Ravens, Spending All Their Saving's
The Owls Were Up Again All Night 10. There Are Staffers, Hanging From The Rafters.
Fixing Something Nice And Light
They Never, Ever Seem To Go To Bed.
What It Is That The Buffaloes
Are Making That Seems So Slow
It Surely Smells Suspiciously Like Bread.
Wanting All To Be Surprised
The Foxes Play It Very Sly
Was Their Meal Made Of Beef Or Was It Ham
The Beavers Being Very Clever
Had Vegetables As Their Endeavor
But They Really Didn't Give A Darn
So, If You're Wandering Through The Woods
And You Start Smelling Something Good
Begin To Look About For Fowl Or Beast.
You'll Find Them Busy With Their Food
Fixing Something Extra Good

Page 109 of 109

Climbing Up The Ladder Gonna Hire a Boy Scout

Tune: "Railroad SongKEY: G. TIME: 6/8
In 1921,

I Thought That Scouting Must Be Fun, Came home late Sunday afternoon
I Thought That Scouting Must Be Fun, Finally got out all my gear as she opened the door
Climbing Up The Ladder. She said your not going to do this any more...

(Chorus) Chorus
Patsy Oree, Oree Ay, She said I'm going to hire a Boy Scout to decorate our
Patsy Oree, Oree Ay, home
Patsy Oree, Oree Ay, So you'll feel more at ease here, you won't need to
Climbing Up The Ladder. roam
In 1922, I Set Myself To Work It Through-----E- We'll take down the family pictures, hang backpacks
In 1923, A Boy Scout Troop Accepted Me. on the wall
In 1924, My Badge As Tenderfoot I Wore. And we'll lash a latrine seat in our bathroom down the
In 1925, As Second Class I Did Arrive. hall
In 1926, With First Class Scouts I Did My Tricks.
In 1927, A Star Reminded Me Of Heaven. Just bring those tin foil dinners, and I'll cook them all
In 1928, To Be A Life Scout Was My Fate., right here
In 1929, At Last The Eagle Badge Was Mine. And we'll drink Apple Bug Juice & Good ole
In 1920-10, If You Want More, I'll Sing't Again! Schwepps Root Beer
Reprinted from "Scouting" And just for you I'll keep a stock of those all Aluminum
cans,
Mr. Johnson Has a Troop so you can go recycling for your environmental plans
Chorus
(Tune: Old McDonald has a Farm)
We'll rip out all the carpet and put pine needles on
Mr. Johnson has a troop, E-I-E-I-O the floor
And in this troop he had some Bobwhites and Beavers, And we'll put up a gateway for when you come
through the door
E-I-E-I-O And when you want your super you can flick your bic
Eagles and Foxes Instead of gourmet cooking we'll have hot dogs on a
stick
Owls and Bears Chorus
Buffaloes and Antelopes
Instead of nightly teevee we'll have a campfire show
With a bob-bob here and a chop-chop there, And I'll get you to sing for me those stupid songs you
screech-screech yip-yip know
And I'll do a funny cheer for you each time you tell a
hoot-hoot gr-r-r - gr-r-r joke
stomp-stomp swish-swish As long as you don't repeat old skits I'll laugh until I
croak
Here a bob, there a chop, eveywhere a bob-chop Chorus

screech yip screech-yip
hoot gr-r-r hoot-gr-r-r

stomp swish stomp-swish
Mr. Johnson has a troop, E-I-E-I-O

Instead of family planning we'll have a PLC
And maybe plan the council calendar for the year
2003
If my trading post is open, you can rob your piggy
bank,
And when you make Silver Beaver, why you'll have
me to thank
Chorus

So the next time you want to go camping
And you have a weekend free
Why there won't be any reason why you can't stay
here with me
Chorus

Page 110 of 110

The Badgered Wood-Badger We were all promoted to the kudu band;
We blew and blew, and we raised a shout
The Badgered Woodbadger was passed out to We were all promoted to the kudu band;
participants of NE-I-93 after the staff sang it at a We blew and blew, and we raised a shout
campfire. (With When finally a feeble little note came out.
profound apologies to Bill Gilbert, Art Sulivan and Chorus: Yes, finally a feeble little note came out.
Admiral Sir Joseph Porter, D.C.B) Written by a I made that note through the woods to ring
member of WB Till they finally awarded me a Wood Badge string.
1 3 as an STA after a few nights sleep at home. R.S. Chorus: He made that note through the woods to ring
Skinner Till they finally awarded him a Wood Badge string.
We hurried around with ne'er a break
At Wood Badge camp I served a span Till muscle and nerve began to shake,
As junior helper to the clean-up man. But I achieved such self-control
I burned the garbage and I cleaned the bunks, I was made the leader of the whole patrol.
And I chased through the forest after coons and Chorus: He was made the leader of the whole patrol.
skunks. My patrol did march and shout and sing
Chorus: He chased through the forest after coons and Till they finally awarded me a Wood Badge string.
skunks. Chorus: His patrol did march and shout and sing
I chased those critters with zip and zing, Till they finally awarded him a Wood Badge string.
So they finally awarded me a Wood Badge string. So, Scouters, that's my story sad
Chorus: He chased those critters with zip and zing, Of the toilsome winning of the Gilwell Plaid.
Till they finally awarded him a Wood Badge string. You walk and work from sun to sun,
As clean-up man I gained such fame But still you're sorry when the week is done.
That vice-dishwasher I soon became. Chorus: Oh, yes, you're sorry when the week is done.
I scrubbed the silver and I scoured the pans, So never draw the line at a dawgone thing
And rinsed the dishes in a garbage can. If you want to be rewarded with a Wood Badge
Chorus: He rinsed the dishes in a garbage can. string.
I dried those dishes with a mighty swing, So never draw the line at a dawgone thing
So they finally awarded me a Wood Badge string. If you want to be rewarded with a Wood Badge
Chorus: He dried tHose dishes with a mighty swing, string.
So they finally awarded him a Wood Badge string. Chorus: No, never draw the line at a dawgone thing
One day I started to relax, If you want to be rewarded with a Wood Badge
So someone handed me a woodman's axe; string.
I chopped and hauled and sawed and split,
But the wood-pile never seemed to grow a bit. Trusty Tommy
Chorus: No, the wood-pile never seemed to grow a
bit. Tune: "Yankee Doodle Dandy"
I kept the fires a-smoldering
Till they finally awarded me a Wood Badge string. TRUSTY Tommy was a Scout, LOYAL to his mother,
Chorus: He kept the fires a-smoldering HELPFUL to the
Till they finally awarded him a Wood Badge string. folks about, and FRIENDLY to his brother.
My fires smoldered dim and red COURTEOUS to the girls he knew, KIND unto his
Until they made me cook instead; rabbit, OBEDIENT
I spilled the pudding and I burned the meat to his father too, and CHEERFUL in his habits.
Till there was nothing in the place to eat. THRIFTY saving for a need, BRAVE, but not a faker,
Chorus: No, there was nothing in the place to eat. CLEAN in thought
And so as cook I had my fling, and word and deed, and REVERENT to his Maker.
And they finally awarded me a Wood Badge string.
Chorus: And so as cook he had his fling, Woodbadge Prayer
And they finally awarded him a Wood Badge string
On service patrol I did my bit (Tune: Tannenbaum)
At cleaning up the building where the people sit;
I swept the floor and I spread the lime, Lord, In This Evening Hour I Pray, For Strength To Do
And I did a little sitting on my own spare time. My Best Each Day.
Chorus: He did a little sitting on his own spare time. Draw Near To Me That I See, The Kind Of Scout That
I sat so little on that wooded thing I Should Be.
That they finally awarded me a Wood Badge string. In Serving Others, Let Me See
Chorus: He sat so little on that wooded thing That I Am Only Serving Thee.
That they finally awarded him a Wood Badge string. Bless Me, Oh Lord, In Thy Great Love, That I May Be
Our service work, it was so grand, A Better Scout.

Page 111 of 111

The Way It Oughta Be Chorus

***Chorus*** The Scout Who Never Returned
Got That Woodbadge Training Spirit;
Got That Woodbadge Training Spirit [Tune: Charlie On The M.T.A.]
And There's Nothing Quite Comes Near It;
That's Good Enough For Me!!! Let me tell you of a story of a Scout named . . . ,
Yes, That Family Kinda Feeling On that tragic and fateful day;
Yes, That Woodbadge Family Feeling Put his/her Scout knife in his/her pocket;
That's What Make It So Appealing Kissed his/her dog and family;
That's The Way It Oughta Be!!! When to hike in the woods far away.
Well You Won't Have Any Hold Outs Well, did he/she ever return?
When You Mix Those Young And Old Scouts No, he/she never returned.
And We're Working To Uphold Scouts And his/her fate is still unlearned:
That's The Way It Oughta Be!!! He/she may roam forever in the woods and
***Chorus*** mountains,
Its That Feeling We Are Sharing He/she's the Scout who never returned.
Working Hard; There's No Despairing Now you citizens of [town name],
Helping Out And Really Caring Don't you think it's a scandal
That's The Way It Oughta Be!!! How ol' [Scout's name] got lost that day?
Well There's Beavers, Fox And Others Take the right equipment; TAKE ALONG A BUDDY,
It Don't Matter One Or T'other When you hike in the hills that way.
'Cause In Scouting We're All Brothers Or else you'll never return,
That's The Way It Oughta Bee!!! No, you'll never return.
***Chorus*** And your fate will be unlearned: (just like [Scout's
name])
Friends You may roam forever in the woods and mountains,
Like the Scout who never returned.
Friends we are and friends we'll ever be,
Where e're we go, where e're we may be. Ticket Song
Scouting Friends we'll always be,
Through all eternity. (tune: Grandfather Clock)

Patrol So Kind Every Wood Badger spends a week on the hill.
And not one bit of it is a bore.
(Tune: Clementine) But he's not through with work when he's down from
On a Campout, in a Canyon, the hill.
It Was Dark There All the Time He must work for at least six months more.
Dwelt a Scoutmaster very Salty Yes, he works in his district, his council, or his troop.
And his Name was Mr. Brine Using skills and having scouting fun;
And he gets his neckerchief, woggle, and his beads,
Chorus: When his ticket is done.
Oh My Scoutmaster; Oh My Scoutmaster
Oh My Scoutmaster s Aging Mind. (chorus)
Thou Art Lost and Gone Forever With goals that are challenging, ticket,ticket.
Dreadful Sorry, Patrol So Kind Concrete and Measurable, ticket, ticket.
Old He Was and Scarred and Hairy, You get your neckerchief, woggle, and your beads,
And His Feet a Strange Size Nine, When your ticket is done.
But his Toes were Very Cold, There
Were no Socks on Mr. Brine. Oh, I once knew a man who worked hard on the hill,
Chorus But then for a while he retired.
Walked the Scoutmaster to the Kybo, When he sent in his work he did not get his beads
Every Morning Just in Time, For his full two years had expired.
Tripped his Bare Toes on a Yo-Yo, And what you must do so this won't happen to you.
Fell into the Foaming Slime. Write it up, get your working begun.
Chorus And you'll get neckerchief, woggle, and your beads,
Saw His Bald Head Above the Water, When your ticket is done.
Heard His Language Not so Fine, CHORUS
But Alas There Were No Choices,
For the Boy of Patrol So Kind

Page 112 of 112

Wood Badge Patrol Song And If You Ask Me
This Is What You'll Hear Me Say:
(tune: If You're Happy) ***Chorus***

If you're a beaver and you know it, Shipwrecked
Slap your tail.
If you're a beaver and you know it, Tune: Gilligan's Island
Slap your tail.
If you're a beaver and you know it, Our troop set sail on the sea one day,
Then you really ought to show it, In search of coins of gold.
If you're a beaver and you know it, A group of hearty Boy Scouts
Slap your tail. With leaders true and bold.
The weather started getting rough.
(Repeat for other patrols) The tiny ship was tossed.
Bobwhite - Bob your head. If not for the courage of our Scoutmaster,
Eagle - Flap your wings. The whole troop would be lost.
Fox - Scamper around. Our boat touched ground on a rocky isle.
Owl - Shout WHO WHO. And, up walked an old, old man.
Bear - Scratch your back. He tossed a towel to dry us off.
Buffalo - Stomp your feet. And, he raised high is right hand.
Antelope - Jump up high. He said, ``You're a sharp troop of Boy Scouts.
Crow - Say CAW CAW. Your courage's brave and sure
Wolf - Howl out loud. To sail out to see like this
For a scouting adventure.''
Come And Join The Boy Scouts He gave us directions to get home.
We set sail with good cheer.
(Tune: Oleanna) We reached home with the setting sun,
And tied up to the pier.
***Chorus*** We looked in the bottom of the boat
Come And Join The Boy Scouts To see the old man's towel.
Be A Boy Scout Volunteer! His name was stitched along the hem.
You Will Find Your Cares And Worries His name was Baden--Powell.
Soon Begin To Disappear!
I Was Sitting Watching TV. Trails At Gilwell
When A Man Came Into View
Said "Listen To Me Friends And Neighbors (tune: Streets of Laredo)
Boy Scouting Had Need Of You!"
***Chorus*** As we hiked out on the trails at Gilwell,
On A Train I Was Commuting As we hiked out on the trails that day,
There Were Posters Everywhere
With Their Messages Proclaiming We spied a course director
Loudly Seemed To Fill The Air! All wrapped in white flip charts,
***Chorus*** All wrapped in white flip charts,
I Arrived Home At The Station With something to say.
And Was Looking For A Ride
When I Heard A Voice Behind Me I see by your beads that you are all Wood Badgers,
There Was Not Place I Could Hide! These words he did say as we boldly stepped by.
***Chorus*** Come sit down beside me and hear my sad story,
When At Last I Did Arrive Home I tripped on my tripod; now, I'm going to die.
I Was Greeted At The Door
By Some Stranger Smiling Broadly We beat the drum slowly and played the horn lowly,
And The Message That He Bore. And wept in our grief as we drug him along.
***Chorus*** Though we love that course director,
My Son Has Joined The Local Boy Scouts So brave and so handsome,
Now They Said They Needed Me He got to ripe to carry, so we buried him alone.
So I Took An Application
On The Cover I Did See:
***Chorus***
Now I Am A Boy Scout Leader
With The Boys At Work And Play Having Fun

Page 113 of 113

Come And Be A Wood Badge Man And before I get to sleep the moon's shinning bright.
CHORUS
(tune: The Green Berets)
Oh, it's campin' and hikin' every single day;
The Wood Badge man has sung the song, I'd sooner be workin' to draw my pay.
Blown Kudu horn loud and long, CHORUS
Trained and shaped by B - P's hand,
He stands tall, the Wood Badge man, I went to my Wood Badge man to approve my ticket,
He had it figured out that I was makin' wickets.
Come and be a Wood Badge man, CHORUS
Stand up straight, give us your hand,
Scouting's Oath and Law to live, I cruise the roads in a Ford V8
A life of service yours to give. I go to every meeting in this here state.
CHORUS
Ready to lead he's stood the test,
Wood Badge man, Old Baldy's best, Uniform Song
On Gilwell field he's learned the way,
The Wood Badge man will win the day. (Tune: Gillette Look Sharp March)

Holcomb Valleys's his domain, To Look Sharp (Clap) Wear Your Uniform
In heat or sun or in the rain, To Feel Sharp (Clap) Wear Your Uniform
From mountain peaks to sessert sand, To Be Sharp (Clap) Be A Uniformed Cub Scout (Or
A rugged land fit for a man. Leader)Look And Be The Best You Can (Clap, Clap)
(every one stand on the last line) (could be sung as a
He's climbed the hill, he's walked the trail, round)
He's on the path that cannot fail,
He'll come down from off the hill, Training Staff Song
In brotherhood to share his skill.
(tune: Quartermaster's Store)
The Wood Badge man is trained to lead,
Trained to meet Scouting's need, We will train, train, train
He stands proud, he knows he can Even in the rain.
Come and be a Wood Badge man. We're the staff! We're the staff!
We can sharpenup your skills
Come and be a Wood Badge man, And cure digestive ills.
Stand up straight, give us your hand, We're the Boy Scout training staff.
Scouting's Oath and Law to live,
A life of service yours to give. (chorus)
Our eyes are tired, We can't be fired.
I want to be a Wood Badge man, We are the Boy Scout training staff.
I want to be the best I can, The famous Boy Scout training staff.
My Oath I'll keep, our Law I'll live,
All my life, I'll service give. Wanna learn knots and bends,
Might even make some friends.
The Scout Leader Trail Ask the staff! Ask the staff!
Fix blisters on your feet.
(tune: The Old Chisolm Trail) Ask the Boy Scout training staff!

Well, come along Scouters, and listen to my tale. CHORUS
I'll tell you about my troubles on the Scout Leader
Trail. Need to find a trail?
Or bar-ba-que a whale?
(chorus) Ask the staff! Ask the staff!
Come a ti yi yippy, yippy yay, yippy yay! Build a bridge or two,
Come a ti yi yippy, yippy yay. Or hike to Katmandu!
Ask the Boy Scout training staff!
With a ten dollar belt and a sixty dollar hat,
I started out just a lookin' for the fax. CHORUS
CHORUS
While you're at a patrol meeting,
I'm up in the morning before daylight We'll just keep right on eating.

Page 114 of 114

We're the staff! We're the staff! If you send someone to the office, Send someone with
When you're hiking in a thicket, vigor and vim-
We'll holler; "Where's your ticket?" We’ll get an adult application, And make a Boy
Ask the Boy Scout training staff! Scouter of him!

CHORUS Bucky the Busy Beaver

When your knuckles bruise and bleed, (Tune: Puff, the Magic Dragon)
'Cuz you're working on your beads.
Blame the staff! Blame the staff! Bucky the Busy Beaver Lived by the River
That's the time to write a verse, And Frolicked in the Autumn Mist In a Land
About the Boy Scout training staff! Called Gilwell
CHORUS Little Baden Powell, Loved that Rascal Buck
And Brought him Strings and Camping Gear
Scouting Lament And Other Fancy Stuff
Together They Would Travel, On a Trail with Many
(tune: My Bonnie Lies Over The Ocean) Trees,
Baden Kept a Lookout Perched On Buck s Gigantic
Since Scouting has taken my hubbie*, My worries are Tail
shocking to see, Nobel Kings and Princes would Bow When E er They
Oh, what have they done in Boy Scouting, To turn his* Came
affection from me? Other Camps Would Lower Their Flags When Buck
Flapped His Tail
Chorus: Chorus
Bring back, bring back, oh bring back my A Beaver Lives Forever, But Not so Little Boys
hubbie* to me, to me Giant Strings and Painted Axes Make Way for Other
Bring back, bring back, oh bring back my Toys
hubbie* to me ! One Gray Night it Happened, Baden Powell Came
Last night as I lay on my pillow, And tossed to and fro No More
on my bed, And Buck that Busy Beaver Ceased His Endless Knaw
I thought of the rift it is causing, And hoped Scouting Chorus
soon would drop dead! His Head Was Bent in Sorrow, Brown Fur Fell Like
Chorus Rain
Each Monday I m lonely at dinner, On Tuesday I m Buck no Longer Went to Play Alone the Power Line
left all alone, Without His Lifelong Friend Buck Could Not be Brave
The rest of the week I m a widow*, And weekends he* So Buck that Busy Beaver Sadly Slipped into His Dam
never is home!
Chorus
Oh, Who will go to the Scout Office? Oh, Who will
go down there to see?
If hubbie* won t listen to reason, And give up Boy
Scouting for me?
(Scouter)
My darling, I see that you re worried, The hair on
your head s turning grey
Don t worry about my affections, I love you the same
sweet old way!
Chorus:
I m here, wife* dear, and never will leave
you- at least not long
I m here, wife* dear, and never will leave
you for long!
Last night as you lay on your pillow, I drove ninety
miles to Everett
To hold a commissioner meeting, And organize six
brand new troops!
Chorus
Each Monday I have a big meeting,, Finance makes
Tuesday so cramped
The rest of the week I have training, And weekends I
m out at the camp
Chorus

Page 115 of 115

Philmont Songs While we open up the spaces and try to break the
chains.
This Land And if the truth is told they will never come again.

CHORUS Welcome to our evenin', the closin' of the day,
This land is your land, this land is my land You know we could try a million times, never find a
From Baldy Mountain to Rayado Canyon better way
From Cimarroncito to the rugged Tooth of Time To tell you that we love you and all the songs we
This land was made for you and me. played
Are to thank you for allowing us In the lovely day you
As I was walking that ribbon of trailways made.
I saw above me that endless skyway
I saw below me that golden valley Repeat Stanza I
This land was made for you and me. CHORUS

I roamed and rambled and followed my footsteps I'm Happy When I'm Hiking
To the sparkling sands of her diamond deserts
And all around me a voice was sounding Tramp, tramp, tramp, tramp, tramp, tramp, tramp,
This land was made for you and me. tramp,
I'm happy when I'm hiking, pack up-on my back
When the sun came shining and I was strolling I'm happy when I'm hiking Off the beaten track.
And the wheat fields waving and dust clouds rolling Out in the open country, that's the place for me.
A voice was chanting as the fog was lifting With a true Scouting friends to journey's end,
This land was made for you and me. Ten, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty miles a day.
Tramp, tramp, tramp, tramp, tramp, tramp, tramp,
Philmont Hymn tramp.

David Westfall Philmont Ranger Song

Silver on the sage, starlet skies above I want to go back to Philmont
Aspen covered hills, country that I love Where the old Rayado flows,
Philment here's to thee, scouting paradise Where the rain comes a seepin'
Out in God's country, tonight. In the tent where you're a sleepin'
Wind in whispering pines, eagles soaring high And the waters say hello. HELLO (shout)
Purple Mountains rise, against an azure sky
Philment here's to thee, scouting paradise I want to wake up in the morning
Out in God's cotmtry, tonight. With my socks all wringing wet,
For it brings back fondest memories,
Welcome to My Morning (at a PTC) * That a Ranger can't forget. WANNA BET

Welcome to our mornin', welcome to our day, I want to hike once more the canyon floor
Oh, yes, we're the ones responsible, we made it just From Scribblins to Old Camp,
this way With my pack sack a-creakin',
To make ourselves some pictures, see what they might With my back with sweat a-reekin',
bring. And my legs beginning to cramp. OHHHH
We think we made it perfectly, we wouldn't change a I want to hike again with such great men
thing. As made those famous treks,
From Beaubien to Porky
CHORUS And from Cito to Car-Max. HIP, HIP, HORAY (shout
la, la la, la la la la la la. 3 times)
La la la, la la la la la la.
Little Tommy Tucka
Welcome to our happiness, you know it makes us
smile, Little Tommy Tucka
And it pleases us to have you here for just a little Sat on a Yucca
while, And he began to cry,
MAA, MAA
Poor little perforated guy.

Page 116 of 116

Black Songs Their comrades were heard to say,
"What a colorful way to die."
I would not suggest singing these to scouts at any time.
They are popular in certain circles and so I included And as they lay there rolling in the
them. welter of their gore.

Gory, Gory Rock Climbers Oh they ain't gonna climb no more!
There was blood upon therucksacks,
(Tune: Battle Hymn of the Republic)
there were brains upon the rope,
CHORUS Intestines were entwined across
Gory, gory, what a heck of a way to die,
Gory, gory, what a heck of a way to die, the green and grassy slope.
Gory, gory. what a heck of a way to die, We picked them up in a lunch pail after
And he ain't gonna climb no more!
VERSES salvaging the rope.
"Will it go around the chock-stone?" Oh they ain't gonna climb no more!
called the belayer, looking up,
Our hero feebly answered, "Yes," It's An Insect Covered World
and slowly inched on up.
He was trying to drive a piton Tune: "It's a Small World"
when his foothold crumbled out, It's a world of centipedes, a world of moths,
Oh he ain't gonna climb no more! It's a world of katydids, a world of wasps,
He slid right down the chimney There's so much that we share that it's time
and he quickly gathered speed. We're aware, it's an insect covered world.
He shot past the belayer,
who'd forgot the Climber's Creed, Chorus:
An anchor to a piton would've been It's an insect covered world, It's an insect
all he'd ever need, covered world,
Oh they ain't gonna climb no more! It's an insect covered world, It's an insect
The belayer felt the rope pull taut covered world.
and tried to let it run. It's a world of beetles, it's a world for fleas,
But it jerked him from position It's a world of caterpillars and a world of bees,
and he know his time had come. In this world that we know, there is so much to show,
He left the ledge behind him It's an insect covered world.
and it shot up toward the Sun. Chorus: As above.
Oh they ain't gonna climb no more! It's a world of snakes and a world of snails,
They sped on down the Chimney It's a world of turtles and a world of whales,
and they passed the Southern Col.... Big or little, great or small, it's a wonder to us all
They had such good exposure that It is Mother Nature's World.
it made a glorious fall Chorus:
They slithered over a friction pitch It is Mother Nature's World, It is Mother Nature's
and sped on down the wall, World,
Oh they ain't gonna climb no more! It is Mother Nature's World, It is Mother Nature's
The medic in the valley watched them World.
through his telescope.
And as they neared the bottom, It's A Real World
his eyes grew bright with hope.
For it had been a week or more since (Tune: Small World)
the parting of the rope.
Oh they ain't gonna climb no more! It's A World Of Aches And A World Of Germs
One had a rope around his neck and a It's Your Brand New Dog Coming Down With Worms
piton through his spleen. It's The Notes Being Played By A Cockroach Parade,
An Ice-axe in the rucksack had It's A Real World After All
split the other's bean. It's A World Of Ulcers, A World Of Cysts,
The trails of red marked their descent as they It's The Hole In The Road That You Never Miss
neared the slopes of green. It s That Cheap Underwear Creeping Up To Your Hair
Oh they ain't gonna climb no more! It s A Real World After All
They hit the ground, the sound was "SPLAT!"
the blood went spurting high! ***Chorus***
It's A Real World After All, It's A Real World
After All
It's A Real World After All, It's A Real World
After All
It's A World Of Hunger, A World Of Sin.
It's A Million Products To Keep You Thin

Page 117 of 117

It's Machinery Exhaust Causing Air To Be Lost No need explaining, the one remaining,
It's A Real World After All Is stuck in the kitchen door.
It's A World Of Stark Mediocrity I'm looking over my dead dog Rover
It's A World Of Mindless Activity That I overran with the mower.
It's A Little White Lie Inside Mom's Apple Pie I'm looking over my dead dog Rover
It's A Real World After All Who died on the kitchen floor.
***Chorus*** One leg is broken, the other is lame,
It's The Real World After All, The third leg is missing, the fourth needs a cane.
Cold Hard Steel World After All No need explaining, the tail remaining
Slimy Eel World After All, Was caught in the oven door.
It's The Real World After All I'm looking over my dead dog Rover
It's A World That's Black And A World That's Blue. Who died on the kitchen floor.
And You Must Duck Logic To Get You Through
It's The Sudden Attach Of A Knife In Your Back The Parachutist
It's A Real World After All
***Last Chorus*** Tune: "Battle Hymn of The Republic"
It's The Real World After All
Spitting Real World After All He Jumped from forty thousand feet
Cold Hard Steel World After All, And didn't pull the cord,
It's The Real World After All He jumped from forty thousand feet
And didn't pull the cord,
National Embalming School He Jumped from forty thousand feet
And didn't pull the cord.
(Tune: Oh Christmas Tree) And he ain't gonna jump no more.

(Solemnly) Chorus:
We Live For You Gory, gory, what a heck of a mess he made,
We Die For You Gory, gory, what a heck of a mess he made,
National Embalming School Gory, gory, what a heck of a Mess he made,
We Do Our Best And he ain't gonna jump no more.
To Give You Rest Continue with the following verses:
National Embalming School 2. He landed on the pavement like a hunk of
And When You Die, strawberry jam.
We Dig A Hole, 3. They scraped him off the pavement with a hunk of
And Put You In moldy bread.
To Turn To Coal 4. They took him home to momma and they laid him
We Live For You on the bed.
We Die For You 5. She put him on the mantelpiece for all the world to
National Embalming School see.
(Quickly, With A Little Solemnity As Possible) 6. He fell off the mantelpiece and right into the fire.
Post Mortem! Post Mortem! Post Mortem! 7. He went right up the chimney in a puff of dirty
Autopsy We Must Have! smoke.
Post Mortem! Post Mortem! Post Mortem!
Autopsy We Must Have! America the Ugly
Slish-Slash, Cut The Body,
Must There Be A Reason? George Carlin
Ooh! How That Body Smells!
Must Be Out Of Season! Oh beautiful for smoggy skies - insecticided grain
(Solemnly, Again) For strip-mined mountains majesties, above the
We Live For`You asphalt plains.
We Die For You America, America! Man sheds his waste on thee,
National Embalming School And hides the pines with billboard signs from sea to
oily sea.
My Dog Rover (Two versions)
My Uncle
(Tune: I m Looking Over a Four-Leaf Clover)
(Tune: My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean) (Substitute
I'm looking over my dead dog Rover someone else's name for "uncle" if you wish)
That I overran with the mower.
One leg is missing, another is gone, My uncle fell into a pothole
One leg is scattered all over the lawn. In a glacier while climbing an Alp.
He's still there after 50 long winters,
And all you can see is his scalp.

Page 118 of 118

Chorus: Shhhhhaving cream, be nice and clean Shave every
Bring back, bring back, day and you'll
O bring back my uncle to me, to me. always look keen.
Bring back, bring back, Our baby got into some peaches,
O bring back my uncle to me, to me. We thought he had swallowed a pit.
My uncle was proud of his whiskers, Next morning we looked in his diaper,
To shave them would give him the blues. But the darned thing was loaded with...
They hung all the way to his ankles, Shhhhhaving cream, be nice and clean shave every
And he used them for shining his shoes. day and
Chorus: you'll always look keen.
My uncle had faith in a sailboat And now folks my story is ended,
He had built from an old hollow tree. I think it is time I should quit,
My uncle set sail for Australia, If any of you feel offended,
Now my uncle lies under the sea. Stick your head in a bucket of...
Chorus: Shhhhhaving cream, be nice and clean Shave every
My uncle made friends with hyenas, day and you'll
He gave them a ride on his raft. always look keen.
When a crocodile reached up and grabbed him,
The hyenas just sat there and laughed.
Chorus:
My uncle annoyed his dear parents
They tossed him right out of the bus.
And if we don't mend our behavior,
Why that's what will happen to us.

Shaving Cream

I have a sad story to tell you,
It may hurt your feelings a bit.
Last night when I walked into my bathroom,
I stepped in a big pile of ...
Shhhhhaving cream, be nice and clean, shave every
day and you'll
always look keen.
A baby fell out of the window,
You d think that her head would be split,
But good luck was with her that
morning, she fell in a barrel of...
Shhhhhaving cream, be nice and clean shave every
day and you'll
always look keen.
An old lady died in the bath tub.
She died from a terrible fit.
In order to fulfill her wishes,
She was buried in six feet of...
Shhhhhaving cream, be nice and clean Shave every
day and you'll
always look keen.
I went for a hike with Troop 80,
At lunch time I looked in my kit,
I thought I would find me a sandwich,
But the darned thing was loaded with...
Shhhhhaving cream, be nice and clean Shave every
day and you'll
always look keen.
While watching a swell game of baseball,
One player got him a nice hit.
While on his way down to first base,
He stepped in a big pile of...

Page 119 of 119

Paratrooper Song They picked him up, still in his chute and poured him
from his boots.
[Note: These are the original words. Appropriate He ain't gonna jump no more.
substitutions should be made for scouting.] Chorus

"Is everybody happy", cried the Sergeant looking up.
Our hero, feebly answered "Yes!", and then they
stood him up.
He jumped right out the open door, his static line
forgot,
He ain't gonna jump no more.

Chorus:
Gory, gory, what a Helluva Way to Die!
Gory, gory, what a Helluva Way to Die!
Gory, gory, what a Helluva Way to Die!
He ain't gonna jump no more.
He counted loud, he counted long, he waited for the
shock.
He felt the wind, he felt the clouds, he felt the awful
drop.
He jerked his cord, the silk spilled out, but wrapped
around his legs,
He ain't gonna jump no more.
Chorus
The risers wrapped around his neck, connectors
cracked his dome.
The lines were snarled and tied in knots around his
skinny bones.
The canopy became his shroud, as he hurtled to his
death.
He ain't gonna jump no more.
Chorus
The days he lived, and loved and laughed, kept
running through his mind,
He thought about the girl back home, the one he left
behind.
He thought about the medics and he wondered what
they'd find.
He ain't gonna jump no more.
Chorus
The ambulances were on the spot, the jeeps were
running wild.
The medics jumped and screamed with glee. They
rolled their sleeves and smiled.
For it had been a week or more since last a chute
had failed,
He ain't gonna jump no more.
Chorus
He hit the ground, the sound was "SPLAT". His blood
went spurting high.
His comrades then were heard to say, "A helluva way
to die".
He lay there rolling round in the welter of his gore,
He ain't gonna jump no more.
Chorus
There was blood upon the risers, there was brains
upon the chute.
Intestines were a dangling from the paratroopers
boots.

Page 120 of 120

Dexter: Absolutely.

Skits Sebastian:Well, all I'm trying to find out is what's the

guy's name on first base.

Who's On First? Dexter: Oh, no, no. What is on second base.

Dexter: Now, on the St. Louis team we have Who's Sebastian: I'm not asking you who's on second.

on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on Dexter. Who's on first.

third Sebastian: That's what I'm trying to find out.

Sebastian: That's what I want to find out. I Dexter: Well, don't change the players around.

want you to tell me the names of the fellows Sebastian: I'm not changing nobody.

on the St. Louis team. Dexter: Now, take it easy. -

Dexter: I'm telling you. Who's on first, What's on Sebastian: What's the guy's name on first

second, I Don't Know is on third base?

SebAstian: You know the fellows' names? Dexter: What's the guy's name on second base.

Dexter. Yes. Sebastian: I'm not askin 'ya who's on second.

Sebastian: Well, then, who's playin' first? Dexter: Who's on first.

Dexter: Yes! Sebastian: I don't know.

Sebastian: I mean the fellow's name on first Dexter: He's on third. We're not talking about him. -

base. Sebastian: How could I get on third base?

Dexter: Who. Dexter: You mentioned his name.

Sebastian: The fellow playin' first base for St. Sebastian: If I mentioned the third baseman's

Louis. name, who did. I say is playing third?

Dexter: Who. Dexter: No. Who's playing first.

Sebastian: The guy on first bise. Sebastian: Stay offa first, will ya?

Dexter: Who is on first. Dexter: Well, what do you want me to do?

Sebastian: Well, what are you askin' me for? Sebastian: Now what"s the guy's name on first

Dexter: I'm not asking you -I'm telling you. Who base?

is on first. Dexter: What's on second.

Sebastian: I'm asking you - who's on f irst? Sebastian: I'm not asking ya who's on second.

Dexter: That's the man's name! Dexten: Who's on first.

Sebastian: That's whose name? Sebastian: I don't know.

Dexter: Yes. Dexter: He's on third.

Sebastian: Well, go ahead and tell me! Sebastian: There I go back on third again.

Dexter: Who. Dexter. Well, I can't change their names.

Sebastian: The guy on first. Sebastian: Say, will you please stay on third

Dexter: Who. base, Mr. Broadhurst.

Sebastian: The first baseman. Dexter: Please. Now, what is it you want to know?

Dexter: Who is on first. Sebastian: What is the fellow's name on third

Sebastian: Have you got a first baseman on base?

first? Dexter:What is the fellow's name second base.

Dexter: Certainly. Sebastian:I'm not askin' ya who's on second.

Sebastian: Then who s playing first? Dexter:Who's on first.

Dexter: Absolutely. Sebastian:I don't know.

Sebastian: When you pay off the first Dexter and Sebastian: Third base!

baseman every month, who gets the money? Sebastian:You got a pitcher on the team?

Dexter:Every dollar of it. And why not, the man's Dexter:Wouldn't this be a fine team without a pitcher?

entitied to it. Sebastian:I don't know. Tell me the pitcher's name.

Sebastian: Who is? Dexter: Tomorrow.

Dexter:Yes. Sebastian: You don't want to tell me today?

Sebastian:So who gets it? Dexter:I'm telling you, man.

Dexter:Why shouldn't. he? Sometimes his wife comes Sebastian:Then go ahead.

down and collects it. Dexter:Tomorrow.

Sebastian: Whose wife? Sebastian:What time?

Dexter:Yes. After all, the man earns it. Dexter:What time what?

Sebastian: Who does? Sebastian: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell

Page 121 of 121

me who'se pitching? Sebastian: Then who gets it?

Dexter: Now listen, Who is not pitching. Who is on Dexter: Naturally.

Sebastian: I'll break your arm if you say who's Sebastian: O.K.

on first, Dexter: All right.

Dexter: Then why come up here and ask? Sebastian: I throw the ball to Naturally.

Sebastian: I want to know what's the pitcher's Dexter: You don't. You throw it to Who.

name. Sebastian: Naturally.

Dexter: What's on second. Dexter: Well, naturally. Say it that way.

Sebastian: I don't know. Sebastbn: That's what I said.

Sebastian and Dexter: Third base! Dexter: You did not.

Sebastian: Gotta catcher? Sebastian: I said I'd throw the ball to

Dexter: Yes. Naturally.

Sebastian: I"m a good catcher, too, you know. Dexter: You don't. You throw it to who.

Dexter: I know that. Sebastian: Naturally.

Sebastian: I would like to play for the St. Louis Dexter: Yes.

team. Sebastian: So I throw the ball to first base and

Dexter: Well, I might arrange that. Naturally gets it.

Sebastian: I would like to catch. Now, I'm Dexter: No. You throw the bail to first base -

being a good catcher, Tomorrow's pitching Sebastian: Then who gets it?

on the team, and I'm catching. Dexter: Naturally.

Dexter: Yes. Sebastian: That's what I'm saying.

Sebastian: Tomorrow throws the ball and the Dexter: You're not saying that.

guy up bunts the ball. When he bunts the Sebastian: Excuse me, folks.

being a good catcher - I throw the guy out Dexter: Now, don't get excited. Now, . don't get

at first base, so I pick up the ball and throw excited.

it to who? Sebastian: I throw the ball to first base.

Dexter: Now that's the first thing you've said right. Dexter: Then Who gets it.

Sebastian: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M Sebastian: He better get it.

TALKING ABOUT. Dexter: That's it. All right now, don't get excited.

Dexter: Well, that's all you have to do. Take it easy.

Sebastian: Is to throw it to first barre. Sebastian: Now I throw the ball to first base,

Dexter: Yes. whoever it is grabs the ball, so the guy runs

Sobastian: Now who's got it?. to second.

Dexter: Naturally. Dexter: Uh-huh.

Sebastian: Who has it? Sebastian: Who picks up the ball and throws it

Dexter: Naturally. to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I

Sebastian: Naturally. Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow-a

Dexter: Naturally. triple play.

Sebastian: O.K. Dexter: Yeah. It could be.

Dexter: Now you've got it. Sebastian: And I don't care.

Sebastian: I pick up the ball and I throw it to Dexter: What was that?

Naturally. Sebastian: I said, I don't care.

Dexter: No you don't, you throw the ball to first Dexter: Oh, that's our shortship!

base.

Page 122 of 122

Life After Camp Staff Scout sign) I'm Trustworthy, Loyal, ... Clean,
Reverent, and of course, Enthusiastic!
By Mark Stueve, Camp Cowles (giggles, then picks up chair and sits)
Doctor: (Obviously reading from cue cards.) Hello, I: What jobs have you worked before?
I'm Dr. Percival C. Kneejerk, Director of Staffology at J: I';ve been working on the railroad!
the Staff Infection Coalition of Kansas with an urgent I: Anything else?
message. Our research has shown that tens of J: Hello, my name is Joe, and I work in a butto
thousands of Boy Scout summer camp staff members factory!
suffer from a terribly crippling malady. Untill J: John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, that's my
recently, Staff Infectin has been an unrecognized name too!
disease. Yet it has handicapped many of our I: I see. Do you have any dietary needs?
countries most productive citizens. Join me now as we J: I like bannanas, coconuts and grapes. I like
look in on an actual dramatization of an event that bannanas, coconuts and grapes!
happened to my friend, whom we will call "John". I: What sports so you participate in if any?
(Office Scene -- table with two small chairs.) J: Swimming, swimming in the swimming hole!
I: So you like the water. Do you have any
Interviewer: (John is walking in.) Hello, welcome concerns about a waterfront job?
J: There's a hole in the bottom of the sea.
to the Acme Post-CampEmployment There's a hole in the bottom of the sea.
There's a hole, there's a hole, there's a hole
Agency (holds out right hand to in the bottom of the sea.
I: Well, that's all of my questions, do you have
shake). anything to ask?
J: Can you do the Funky Chicken?
John: (super enthusiastic, shakes interviewer's right I: What's that you say?
J: I said can you do the Funky Chicken?
hand with left.) A Scout shakes with the left I: What's that you say?
J: I said , ooo-ah-ah-ah-ooo, ah-ah-ah-ooo,
hand -- closer to the heart! ah-ah-ah-ooo!
I: Thank you for stopping in, I';ss get back to
I: Please sit down. (Interviewer sits, John you about any positions we have for persons
of your qualifications.
stands in front of chair.) Relax, you can sit J: Who knows when we'll be all together
again, singing all together again we're here!
there. I: Good-bye.
J: Good-night Scouts!
J: Nobody has said grace yet.
Doctor: As you can see, Staff Infection is a serious
I: We're not going to eat. disease for which we must find a cure soon.
If you can help with time or money, please
J: (While sitting.) Sorry, camp just got over, not write:
S.I.C.K. (Staff Infection Coalition of
used to civilian life.
Kansas)
I: That'sw OK, you're here now. Department of Sustaining

J: (Singing) We're all together again, we're Membership Sanity
8921 Sorethroat Blvd.
here we're here. We're all together again, Tightsox, Kansas 36014

we're here we're here. or call
1-800-STAF-ROT, that's 1-800-S-T-
I: (Looking through stack of papers) What was
A-F-R-O-T.
your name? Folks like John and I , thank you for your donation.

J: John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt! John: (Jumping in) give till it hurts, because a Scout
is brave and helps other people at all times!
I: I seem to have misplaced your paper.

J: Be prepared, prepared, prepared, the

motto of the Boy Scouts!

I: Ok, here it is. We have limited time, and I

have several questions John, so please pay

attention.

J: (Snapping to attention and knocking over

chair) Attention!

I: Don't tell me you're going to salute.

J: Salute - one! (Salutes)

I: This is too..

J: Two! (Salutes with both hands)

I: ...weird. John, really, you should take it

easy...

J: At ease! (Picks up chair and sits down)

I: What are your qualifications for a job?

J: (Stands at attention, knocks over chair, shows

Page 123 of 123

Radio Skit Cooking Show: ...the meat into the pan and fry for
fifteen minutes or until brown. Now
Commercial: Are you missing something in your ladies, this next step is very crucial
life? Do you always find yourself to the success of your meatloaf, if
unprepared? Do you like camping, you do not get it correctly...
hiking, and the great outdoors? If
you do, join the Boy Scouts of Gangster: ...I'll smash your head in and make
America. Scouting today - It's a lot mashed potatoes out of your face.
more than... So don't mess up or I'll send you to...

Baseball: ...a beautiful day at County
stadium, where the brewers are
hosting the Orioles. It looks like it Commercial: ...the Boy Scouts of America. Just
will be a very close battle today as imagine the fun you'll have
both teams are very strong and are swimming, boating hiking, and at
led by two great pitchers, Scott and night, sitting around the campfire,
Fernandez. The Pirates will be at only you, the moon, the stars and...
the plate first and leading off the
batting will be... Storytime: ...Little Red Ridinghood," said the
Wolf. "What do you have in your
Cooking Show: ...meatloaf, scalloped potatoes, basket. "Well, Mr. Wolf,' said Little
peas, and we'll top it off with apple Red Riding Hood, "I have...
pie for desert. O.K. ladies, get out
your notepads and cooking utensils Baseball: ...two outs, Orioles on first and
and listen carefully and you will second, at the bottom of the fifth
learn to prepare this scrumptious and theyre down two runs. They've
dish to please that hard working got to have a hit this batter or
hungry husband of yours after a their...
long day's work at...
Cookshow: ...meatloaf will be burnt, so be
careful ladies, because burnt
Storytime: ...Fantasyland, where all of your meatloaf can cause...
dreams come true. Hello boys and
girls. Today's story is an old time Baseball: ...a homerun! And that will put the
favorite. It's about a famous little Orioles in the lead - six to five in
girl, and her sweet old the bottom of the sixth inning here
grandmother who is... at County Stadium. Wow! What a
change of events. This game has
Gangster: ...a dirty, no-good, two-bit, double- changed from a dull typical
crossing crook and when I get my pitcher's battle to an...
hands on him I'll pulverize him to a
pulp, fit him to a pair of cement Commercial: ...afternoon of fun and adventure at
shoes and he will never be seen beautiful Camp Fire Mountain. And
again in my territory. Even if that to remember as the Scout Slogan
low-down dirty rat is... goes, "Be Prepared" to...

Baseball: ...the next batter at the plate for Gangster: ...get your guts blown out if you
the Orioles. Here's the first pitch... double cross me again. I'll put so
it's a ball, outside... the pitcher gets Commercial: many holes in you that you'll look
his signals... winds up... OOHH!! it's Baseball: like a screen door. No one fools
a hard fast ball right down the around with me except...
pipe, strike one... the count is one ...the boy Scouts of America...
and one. The picher delivers
again... the batter swings... ...have struck out again and oh boy
is the Brewers' manager giving it to
the umpire. I can just imagine him

Page 124 of 124

saying...

Storytime: ..."My what big eyes you have,
grand mother," said Little Red
Riding Hood, "The better to see you
with, my dear," said the wolf. "And
grandmother," said Little Red
Ridinghood, "What a big mouth you
have...

Baseball: ...says the umpire to the Brewers'
manager as he throw him out of the
game. Well, Bob it looks like the
only thing that can save the Brewers
is...

Commercial: ...the Boy Scouts of America...

Cooking Show: ...and your piping hot peas, by now,
your pie crust should be tender and
flaky, just like...

Storytime: ...Little Red Ridinghood was about
to be gobbled up by the wicked
old wolf. Suddenly, the door burst
open and the woodsmen leaped in
and said...

Gangster: ...You dirty bugger. I've got you
dead to rights, now. Mess with my
girl will you. Well, nobody messes
with my girl and gets away with it.
The only thing that can save you
now is...

Baseball: ...The Milwaukee Brewers...

Cooking show: ...your crisp apple pie...

Storytime: ...Little Red Ridinghood...

Commercial: ...The Boy Scouts of America...

Page 125 of 125

Don't Interrupt Me Lord P: I haven't thought about it very much until
now, but I really would like to cut out some
Praying Man: "Our Father, who art in Heaven..." of those things. I would like you to know, be
really free.
God: YES.
G: GOOD! NOW WE'RE GETTING
P: Don't interupt me. I'm praying. SOMEWHERE. WE'LL WORK TOGETHER,
YOU AND I. SOME VICTORIES CAN TRULY
G: BUT YOU CALLED ME. BE WON. I'M PROUD OF YOU.

P: Called you? I didn't call you. I'm praying. P: Look Lord, I need to finish up here. This is
taking a lot longer than it does. "Give us this
"Our Father who art in Heaven..." day our daily bread"...

G: THERE, YOU DID IT AGAIN G: YOU NEED TO CUT OUT SOME OF THAT
BREAD. YOU'RE WATCHING YOUR
P: Did What? WEIGHT, YOU KNOW.

G: CALLED ME. YOU SAID "OUR FATHER WHO P: hey, wait a minute! What is this? "Criticize
Me Day? Here I was, doing my religious
ART IN HEAVEN." HERE I AM. WHAT'S ON duty, and all of a sudden you break in and
remind me of all my hang-ups.
YOUR MIND?
G: PRAYING IS A DANGEROUS THING. YOU
P: But I didn't mean anything by it. I was, you COULD WIND UP CHANGED, YOU KNOW.
THAT'S WHAT I;M TRYING TO GET
know, just saying my prayers for the day. I ACCROSS TO YOU. YOU CALLED ME, AND
HERE I AM. IT'S TOO LATE TO STOP NOW.
always say the Lord's prayer. It makes me KEEP ON PRAYING. I'M INTERESTED IN THE
NEXT PART OF YOUR PRAYER... (PAUSE)
feel good. Sort of like getting the job done. WELL, GO ON.

G: ALL RIGHT. GO ON. P: I'm scared to.
G: SCARED? OF WHAT?
P: "Hallowed be thy name..." P: I know what you'll say.
G: TRY ME AND SEE.
G: HOLD IT. WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT? P: "Forgive us our debts as we forgive our
debtors."
P: It means...it means...good grief, I don't know G: WHAT ABOUT HELEN?
P: See? I knew it! I knew you would bring her
what it means. How should I know? It's just
up! Why, Lord, she's told lies about me. I've
part of the prayer. By the way, what does it sworn to get even with her!
G: BUT YOUR PRAYER? WHAT ABOUT YOUR
mean? PRAYER?
P: I didn't mean it.
G: IT MEANS HONORED, HOLY, WONDERFUL. G: WELL, AT LEAST YOU'RE HONEST. BUT IT'S
NOT MUCH FUN CARRYING THAT LOAD OF
P: Ah, that makes sense. I never thought about BITTERNESS AROUND INSIDE, IS IT?
P: No. But I'll feel better soon as I get even.
what "Hallowed" meant before. "Thy Boy have I got some plans for old helen!
She'll wish she never did me any harm!
Kingdom come, Thy will be done, on Earth as G: YOU WON'T FEEL ANY BETTER. YOU'LL
FEEL WORSE. REVENGE ISN'T SWEET.
it is in Heaven." THINK OF HOW UNHAPPY YOU ALREADY
ARE. BUT I CAN CHANGE ALL THAT.
G: DO YOU REALLY MEAN THAT? P: You can? How?
G: FORGIVE HER. THEN I'LL FORGIVE YOU.
P: Of Course, why not? THEN THE HATE AND SIN WILL BE HELEN'S
PROBLEM AND NOT YOURS.
G: WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT? P: but Lord, I can't forgive Helen!

P: Do? Nothing, I suppose. I just think it would

be rather good if you got control of

everything down here as you have up there.

G: HAVE I GOT CONTROL OF YOU?

P: Well, I go to church.

G: THAT ISN'T WHAT I ASKED YOU. WHAT

ABOUT YOUR BAD TEMPER? YOU'VE

REALLY GOT A PROBLEM THERE, YOU

KNOW. AND THEN THERE'S THE WAY YOU

SPEND YOUR MONEY - ALL ON YOURSELF.

P: Stop picking on me! I;m just as good as some

of the rest of those hypocrites in the church.

G: EXCUSE ME. I THOUGHT YOU WERE

PRAYING FOR MY WILL TO BE DONE. IF

THAT IS TO HAPPEN IT'LL HAVE TO START

WITH THE ONES WHO ARE PRAYING FOR

IT. LIKE YOU, FOR EXAMPLE.

P: Oh, all right. I guess I do have some hang-

ups. Now that you mention it, I could

probably name some others.

G: SO COULD I

Page 126 of 126

G: THEN I CAN'T FORGIVE YOU. be a real follower of You.
P: Oh, you're right. You always are. And more G: YOU JUST ANSWERED THE QUESTION.
P: I did?
than I want revenge on Helen, I want to be G: YES. THE THING THAT WOULD BRING ME
right with You, (Pause) (Sigh) All right, all
right, I forgive her. Help her to find the right GLORY IS TO HAVE PEOPLE LIKE YOUTRULY
road in life, Lord. She's bound to be awfully LOVE AND FOLLOW ME. AND I SEE THAT
miserable now that I think about it. Anybody HAPPENING BETWEEN US. NOW THAT
who goes around doing the things she does SOME OF THESE OLD SINS ARE EXPOSED
to others had to be mixed up inside. AND OUT OF THE WAY, WELL, THERE'S NO
someway, somehow, show her the way. TELLING WHAT WE CAN DO TOGETHER.
G: HOW DO YOU FEEL? P: OK, Lord. Let's see what we can make of
P: Hmmmm. Well, not bad. Not bad at all. In me....
fact, I feel quite tremendous! You know, I G: YES, LET'S SEE, LET'S SEE.
don't think I'll have to go to bed tense tonight
and for the first time since I can remember. The Reporter at the Bridge
Maybe I won't be so tired from now on
because I'm not getting enough rest. CAST:A reporter contemplating suicide. Several
G: YOU'RE NOT THROUGH WITH YOUR people passing by.
PRAYER. GO ON
P: Oh, all right. "And lead us not into SCENE:A bridge.
temptation, but deliver us from evil.'
G: GOOD! GOOD! I'LL DO THAT. BUT JUST ACTION: A reporter comes onstage and stands by the
DON'T PUT YOURSELF IN A PLACE WHERE railing of an imaginary bridge. The reporter says it
YOU CAN BE TEMPTED. is impossible to get a good story nowadays. The
P: What do you mean by that? reporter has given up and plans to jump off the
G: SOME OF YOUR SO-CALLED FRIENDS ARE bridge and end it all. Just as the reporter is about
BEGINNING TO TEMPT YOU. THEY'LL HAVE toleap, another person comes by. When this person
YOU COMPLETELY INVOLVED IN THE hears the reporter's sad tale he tells the story of his
WRONG THINGS BEFORE TOO LONG. own woes and decides to jump with the reporter.
DON'T BE FOOLED. THEY ADVERTISE THAT Another person comes byand listens to their sad tales.
THE'RE HAVING FUN, BUT FOR YOU IT She decides to jump too. Repeat this until all your
WOULD BE RUIN. DON'T USE ME FOR AN actors are onstage. Each can make Mup his owns
ESCAPE HATCH. tory of despair.
P: I don't understand.
G: YES, YOU DO. YOU'VE DONE IT A LOT OF ENDING:The reporter suggests that on the count of
TIMES. YOU GET CAUGHT IN A BAD three everyone leap from the bridge together. All
SITUATION, YOU GET INTO TROUBLE THEN do, except for the reporter. The reporter races
YOU COME RUNNING TO ME. LORD, offstage shouting "WOW! What a STORY!"
LORD, HELP ME OUT OF THIS MESS AND I
PROMISE YOU I'LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN.
YOU REMEMBER SOME OF THOSE
BARGAINS YOU TRIED TO MAKE WITH ME?
P: Yes, and I'm ashamed, Lord, really I am. Up
until now I thought that just praying was
enough. I didn't expect you to answer like
this.
G: GO AHEAD AND FINISH YOUR PRAYER.
P: For thine is the Kingdom, and the power, and
the glory forever. Amen.
G: DO YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BRING ME
GLORY? WHAT WOULD REALLY MAKE ME
HAPPY?
P: No. But I;d like to know. I want to please
you. Now I can see how good it would be to

Page 127 of 127

J.C. Penny's Clothes ENDING:The watch holder finally responds. "Yes. It's
TIME." When this answer has been
CAST:Salesperson, J.C. Penney, ainy number of passed back down the line, all
shoppers. look at one another . . . then
everyone crosses legs in the
SCENE: Clothing store. A curtain behind which J.C. opposite direction and refolds the
Penney hides. newspaper, in unison. All sigh. And
the skit is over.
ACTION: Shoppers enter one by one and ask for
items of clothing. "I'd like to buy a shirt." Salesperson The Pickpocket Contest
says "Certainly!" and calls behind a curtain, "We
need a SHIRT up front." An arm holds out a shirt. The CAST: Several pickpockets. An announcer.
salesperson shows it off proudly to the customer. "This
is J.C. Penny's shirt. I'm sure you'll like it." Shopper SCENE: Pickpocket competition.
buys it and leaves. Other customers come in and ask
for a belt, tie, pants, shoes, hat, socks, etc. ACTION:The announcer introduces the greatest
pickpockets in the world to
ENDING:The last shopper says, I'd like to buy a, pair compete for the championship title.
of shorts. "The curtain shakes and J.C. Penney races "Would the first two pickpockets
out through the audience shrieking, wearing only a please take their places? Get
pair of undershorts. ready. Get set. Go!" Two
pickpockets cross the stage from
Shopper: "Who was THAT?" opposite directions. They meet in
Salesperson: "That was J.C- Penney." the middle and stop to chat briefly,
patting each other on the shoulder,
Is it time yet? chest, leg, etc. Each walks on, then
turns to the audience and holds up
CAST: Person with watch. Any number of waiting a stolen object. One has a
people. pocket watch; one has a ballpoint
pen. Repeat this with as many
SCENE: A waiting room with a row of chairs. competitors as you like. Increase
the level of pickpocket difficulty
ACTION: Everyone has right leg crossed over each time.
left. Everyone is reading a
newspaper. The person on one end ENDING:The announcer says that two semi-finalists
asks the person sitting next to have been chosen to compete for
her, "Is it time yet?" The question is the championship title. They take
passed down the line. The person their place and begin the
at the other end looks at her encounter. As they walk away
watch and says, "No. Not yet." from each other, one holds up the
This answer is passed back down other's belt. The announcer and
the line. The person on the end other pickpockets cheer. But the
waits awhile and then asks again, second pickpocket suddenly whips
"Is it TIME yet?" The question is out a pair of boxer shorts! The
passed down and comes back first pickpocket looks into his jeans...
with the answer, "No, not yet!" shrieks... and runs offstage. The
Repeat this, adding variety by winner is handed his prize.
asking the question in a bored
way, an angry way, an impatient
way, etc. Another approach is to
carry it out in a detached, deadpan
manner.

Page 128 of 128

The King's Royal Papers Floor, Men's Clothing"; "Sixth Floor,
Kitchenware"; etc. As the elevator
CAST: King, courtiers, queen, prince, etc. rises higher and higher, the
passengers jiggle more and more.
SCENE: Throne room.
ENDING: The elevator stops. The operator calls "Top
ACTION:The king is on his throne. He beckons to a Floor, Last Stop." Everyone starts
herald and whispers something. to jiggle like mad. "Bathrooms . . .
The herald announces, "The king !" Everyone rushes off the elevator
demands his royal papers!" A and races offstage toward the
courtier runs in with a sheaf of bathrooms. The elevator operator
papers. The king tosses them shakes her head in disbelief.
aside. The herald makes the Suddenly she looks funny and she,
announcement again. The queen too, begins to jiggle. The
runs in with newspapers. The operator shouts, "Me, tool" and
king tosses these aside too. rushes off after them.
Another announcement is made.
The king is getting more and Presents for the Teacher
more agitated. The herald
announces with desperation. CAST: Teacher, students.
People run in with magazines,
letters, books, etc. None of this SCENE: Classroom.
seems to be what the king means
by "royal papers." ACTION:Children come into the class with presents for
the teacher. The teacher says,
ENDING:The court jester (or the tiny prince) comes in "Welcome to the first day of
and presents the king with . . . a roll school. Oh, I see you've brought
of toilet paper. The king grabs his presents for the teacher." The first
sword, knights the jester, and runs child brings a present and the
off. teacher unwraps it. It is stationery.
Teacher: "I'll bet your parents own
VARIANT: A boss in his office wants his the stationery store downtown."
The student says, "Wow! How
"important papers." did you guess?" Second
student brings up a basket of
The Elevator apples. Teacher: "I'll bet your
CAST: Elevator operator, any number of parents run the fruitstand on the
passengers. edge of town." Student: "That's
right!" The baker's child can bring
SCENE: Inside a department store elevator. rolls, the candymaker's child brings
candy, etc.
ACTION:An elevator operator intones "Ground
Floor" and opens the door. A ENDING:The last package is wrapped crudely.
passenger gets on and begins to Yellow liquid is leaking from the
jiggle slightly as the elevator bottom of the package. The
rises. The elevator operator teacher tastes the liquid with her
announces each floor: "First Floor, finger and smiles. "Oh . . . orange
Women's Lingerie." She opens pop. I'll bet your family runs the
the door and another passenger pop bottling factory." Kid: "Nope.
gets on and begins to jiggle too. My dad's the dogcatcher. That's a
Continue up through as many floors puppy."
as you need to get your whole
group onto the elevator. "Second

Page 129 of 129

Submarine Attack passengers all lean to the left and
look out. "I'm sorry to trouble you
CAST: Submarine captain and crew. passengers, but it appears our
RIGHT wing is now on fire." They
SCENE: A submarine. all lean and look out the right
window in terror. "Please don't be
ACTION:Crew is seated in line, one behind the other. alarmed, but that speck you see
The gunner is last in line. The falling toward the ground is our
gunner passes word up to the co-pilot bailing out." Everyone
front: "Can I fire now?" Each gasps in horror. "Now promise
sailor passes the question to the you won't panic. That second
person in front until it reaches speck you see failing from the
the captain. The captain sends plane appears to be our pilot
back the message, "No. Not bailing out." Everyone is now about
yet." Repeat this chain message to panic.
several times, putting lots of tension
into the moment. ENDING:"Thank you for flying Air Camp Grizzly.
I've enjoyed serving you. That last
ENDING:The captain finally passes the order down person you see bailing out is your
the line: "Okay. FIRE!" The gunner stewardess. Thank God this is a
fires. The entire crew turns to recording."
watch the torpedo go. Then they Everyone jumps up and panics off
break into a cheer and begin to
sing, "We sunk a rowboat! We stage screaming.
sunk a rowboat!"
Sympathetic Patient
Airplane Crash
CAST: Receptionist in doctor's office, patient who
CAST: Pilot, stewardess, passengers. catches all ills, other patients, doctor.

SCENE: An airplane in flight. SCENE: Doctor's waiting room.

ACTION:The stewardess welcomes the ACTION:Patient sits in waiting room reading a
passengers to the plane. magazine. Another patient enters,
"Welcome aboard Flight 121, the tells the receptionist he has the
Camp Easton Special. Please hives, and scratches all over. The
fasten your seatbelts for take-off." first patient begins to scratch too.
The passengers all buckle up. The doctor sticks his head out of his
They lean back in synchronized office and calls, "Next." The
motion as the plane takes off. scratching patient goes in to see the
All make the "vrooom" noise of doctor. Another patient comes
engines as they lift off. The plane onstage. This one tells the nurse he
settles into a normal flight pattern has a horrid headache. Patient
and all return to upright positions number one, who is still scratching
in their seats. the hives he caught from the second
The stewardess leaves the stage patient, now gets a splitting
and her voice is now heard as if headache as well. Add as many
on an intercom. She can talk patients as you like. Each time
through a megaphone made from someone enters, the waiting patient
a rolled-up newspaper if you catches whatever they have. Soon
don't have a microphone to use. he has a headache, stomach ache,
The stewardess announces that the sore foot, hives, etc.
left wing is on fire. The
ENDING:A patient enters who is very pregnant. The

Page 130 of 130

patient who catches everything spitballs. The teacher can't tell who
screams, "NO, NOT THAT!" and runs is doing this. Every time a spitball
off the stage. flies the teacher takes a student
offstage and spanks him. The
Variations: Sometimes this is performed with audience hears the whacking
the examining doctor curing offstage. The teacher comes back
everyone by taking on their dusting his hands together as if to
diseases. As he examines them he say, "I sure took care of that!" and
suddenly acquires their hives, the culprit stays offstage. Repeat
headache, etc., and they are as this until all but the one truly
suddenly cured. The skit ends as naughty kid have been taken out
the pregnant woman comes on and spanked.
stage and the doctor rushes off
screaming, "Anything but THAT!" ENDING:The naughty kid shoots another spitball, and
like the rest, is dragged offstage
Movie by the teacher. There is a sound of
spanking again. Then the naughty
CAST: A boyfriend and girlfriend. Several student comes back onstage alone,
moviegoers. dusting her hands together in the
same proud way the teacher
SCENE: The movie theater. had used.

ACTION:A row of people are watching the movie. A Firing Squad
couple sits at one end. The girl asks for
popcorn. The boy passes money down the CAST: Soldiers, and a captain who gives orders.
row for someone to go buy it. The end Prisoners for execution.
person goes out and returns with the
popcorn. It's best to use imaginary food SCENE: A firing squad execution wall. Prisoners in a
rather than real food, since everyone has to cell at one side nervously watch the
share it. As the popcorn is passed back action and are brought out one by
down the aisle to the girl, everyone takes a one.
handful. When it reaches her the box is
empty. She turns the box upside down and ACTION:The firing squad aims rifles at a prisoner.
shows it to the audience in disgust. The boy- The captain calls,"Ready . . . Aim......... The
friend orders her a Coke. The same routine prisoner shouts, "Tornado!" The soldiers all
is followed. Again, everyone takes a drink run for cover and the prisoner escapes. A
as it posses down the line and it reaches the second prisoner is brought out. "Ready . . .
girlfriend empty. She orders candy with the Aim......... The prisoner calls out,
same result. "Earthquake!" Everyone runs for cover and
the prisoner escapes. Repeat this using as
ENDING:The girl orders chewing gum. As it passes many natural disasters as you like: flood,
down the line everyone chews it for awhile landslide, etc.
and then passes it on. When it reaches the
girl she throws all her empty containers at ENDING:The last prisoner is brought out. The same
her boyfriend and stalks out shouting, "THAT sequence is used. "Ready . . . Aim .
DOES IT!" . . ." This prisoner thinks quickly,
having seen the others escape, and
Naughty Student yells out, "Fire!"
The soldiers do.
CAST: Teacher, naughty student,
other students.

SCENE: A classroom.

ACTION:A teacher is trying to control a roomful of
kids. One kid keeps throwing

Page 131 of 131

The Mysterious Flying Object massive eating binge. They stuff
themselves with an assortment of
CAST: Person with a stiff neck, as candy until all begin to look ill and
many passersby as you like. hold their stomaches.

ACTION:One person walks onstage with head tilted ENDING:The leader of the candy-eating gang says,
up at an awkward angle, stops, "We've gotta go now." Candy store
and stares up into the sky. The owner: "Why is that?" "Oh, we're on
position of this person's head should our way to a candy-eating contest.
not change during the entire skit. We just came in to practice."
One by one others walk on stage,
notice this staring person, and look Bailing Out
up to see what she is looking at. All
comment to one another: "Do you CAST: A Boy Scout, a priest, the
see it?" "There it goes!" "I think I Smartest-Man-in-the-World, and an
saw it just then!" etc. They clearly airplane pilot. Add more
believe something is up there and characters if needed.
talk excitedly about the mysterious
flying object in the sky. SCENE: A crashing airplane.

ENDING:The last person to come onstage asks the ACTION:The group is flying in an airplane. The
person on the end of the line what Smartest-Man-in-theWorld starts
he is looking at. That person asks showing off his knowledge, telling
the next person, "Do you know what the passengers all about the
we're looking at?" "No. I thought airplane, all about the country they
you did." He asks the next person in are flying over, etc. He keeps
line. "Do you know what we're telling them that he is the
looking at?" The question passes Smartest-Man-inthe-World. Make
down the line in this way, finally it clear through the conversation
reaching the first person. She is still that one of the passengers is a
staring up into the sky and has priest and one is a Boy Scout (Girl
taken no notice of the people Scout, Camp Huston camper, etc.).
behind her. She is topped on the After the actors have had time to
shoulder. "Pardon me . . . but what improvise enough to establish their
is it we're looking at?" The first characters, the pilot announces that
person turns with her head still the plane is going to crash. "I'm
cocked awkwardly. sorry, folks, but the plane is going
"Oh, hi. I didn't see you all there. to crash. You'll all have to bail out.
I'm afraid I've got a stiff I'm afraid there aren't enough
neck today." parachutes for everyone on board.
But I've got mine! Good luck." He
The Candy Contest jumps out and disappears offstage
in free fall.
CAST: Candy store owner, kids The Smartest-Man-in-the-World
eating candy. says, "Well, the Smartest-
Man-in-the-World isn't about to get
SCENE: A candy store. Table with jars of candy. caught without a parachute . . . I've
got MINE!" He freefalls offstage.
ACTION:Kids come into store and start buying candy. The priest and the Boy Scout are
One asks for a dozen licorice sticks, left. The priest offers to let the Boy
and eats them all at once. Another Scout take the final parachute.
asks for twenty gumdrops and
gobbles them up. A third buys ENDING: The Boy Scout says, "Thanks, but
fifteen candycanes and crunches it's no problem. I've got a
them up. You will have to mime this

Page 132 of 132

parachute. The bus. An ambulance comes onstage
Smartest-Man-in-the-World took and carries Johnny off. The
my backpack!" ambulance is played by another
The priest and the Boy Scout jump. group of kids. These roles may all
be double-cast, and everyone must
One Armed Bandit be running around hard trying to
CAST: "One-armed bandit" slot bring this off. The director calls,
machine, any number of players. "Cut" and says to do it over again -
The " one-armed bandit" player only this time make it sadder. The
might wear a paper box or paper players repeat the action making
bag costume with dials and lights everything exaggeratedly sad.
drawn on. The machine should The director calls, "Cut. Do it over.
stand with one arm bent at the Make it faster this time." The
elbow, the hand pointing up. This director keeps asking for them to
arm is pulled down to activate the do the scene over until everyone is
machine. exasperated. Meanwhile the
cameraman is filming away madly
SCENE: A pinball arcade. and making a big deal of the
filming.
ACTION:A player enters and puts a coin in the
"one-armed bandit." The object is to ENDING:The director yells, "Cut. That's just what I
outdraw the machine with a pistol. wanted! You con all go home!" The
The player then takes five paces cameraman shouts, "Stop!" and
away from the machine, whirls, and whispers to the director, "Maybe
fires on the count of five. The we ought to shoot it just once more."
machine easily wins and shoots the Director: "Why?" Cameraman: "I
player. A series of players enter forgot to put film in the camera."
and are defeated by the machine. Everyone chases the
cameraman off the stage.
ENDING:A fast-draw expert enters and tells the
audience how good he is. He puts in The Employment Agency
a quarter and outshoots the
machine, gloats over this, and puts CAST: Secretary, personnel
in another quarter. This time the director.
machine refuses to draw. The
fast-draw expert gloats again and SCENE: An employment agency.
turns to go. The machine draws and
plugs the fast-draw expert in the ACTION:Applicants arrive looking for a job. They
back, blows on its pistol, and turns are received by the secretary, who
into an innocent machine again. takes their names. They are famous
characters: Cinderella, Little Red
Johnny Got Run Over By A Bus Riding Hood, the Big Bad Wolf, etc.
The personnel director interviews
CAST: Movie director, each. They tell him their
cameraman, actors, bus, ambulance. qualifications for the jobs they
want. Let each character decide
SCENE: A movie set. what job to apply for and make up
their qualifications. For example,
ACTION:A director is trying to film a scene. Little Red Riding Hood might be
Cameraman shoots the action while applying for pizza delivery, but the
the actors play it. Johnny is playing personnel director could discover
ball, runs into the street and is run through questioning that she didn't
over by a bus. A group of kids do so well on her last delivery job.
chugging along together form the The Big Bad Wolf might apply to

Page 133 of 133

be a hog farmer, and so on.
ENDING:The personnel director tells the applicants he

can't place them in the jobs they
want, but asks them to wait. He
makes a phone call: "Mr. Disney? I
think I've got just what you need
here. Yes. I'll send them right
over!"

Page 134 of 134

Index Bicycle Built for Two 27
Big Iron 70
A Garden 37 Big Rock Candy Mountain 67
A Thanksgiving Song 100 Bill Grogan's Goat 49
AchaWaddeley-Acha.i.Waddeley 48 Billboards
Acka - Backa.i.Yells:Acka - Backa 53 Bingo 24
Acres Of Apples 69 Bingo 27
Acres of Clams 42 Black Mountain 61
Adams Family Grace 58 Black Mountain Cabin Song 72
Ain't No Bears In Arkansas 82 Black Songs 65
Airplane Crash 130 Boa-Constrictor 117
Aki Taki Umpah 101 Boom Chica Boom 19
Alfalfa Hay 24 Born Ten Thousand Years Ago 54
Alfalfa Hay (Boop-De-Doo) 34 Bound To Leave Ol' Texas
Alice The Camel 46 Boy of the Mountains 93
All God's Critters 98 Bucky the Busy Beaver 86
Aloutte 60 Buffalo Skinners 76
Alvin the Alligator 22 By George 115
Amazing Grace 87 California Here I Come 79
America 9 Camp Baldwin Fight Song 109
America The Beautiful 107 Camp Easton Song 73
America the Ugly 118 Camp Granada
Angels We Have Heard on High 91 Campfire Burning 8
Annie's Song 80 Charlie On The M.T.A. 7
Are You Sleeping 15 Children Of The Heavenly Father 27
A-Rovin' 104 Chisolm Trail 10
At the Summer Scout Camp 21 Christmas Time 65
Aunt Rhody 65 Christmas Time 96
Austrian Yodeler 46 Clementine 84
Away in a manger 89 Climbing Up The Ladder 91
B The Boys Are Here 53 Coffee
B With an S 54 Come And Be A Wood Badge Man 91
B-A-Bay 17 Come And Join The Boy Scouts 68
Baby Beluga 51 Comin Round the Mountain 110
Baby Bumble Bee 25 Computer Song 55
Back of the Bread 58 Cool Water 114
Backyard Treasures 44 Cosmic Cowboy 113
Bailing Out 132 Cotton-Eyed Joe 27
Ballad Of Mae West's Bust 69 Country Roads
Barges 74 Cover Of Scouting News 32
Battle Cry of Freedom 33 Dakota Land 84
Battle Hymn Of The Republic 96 Dark As A Dungeon 84
Be Prepared 10 Day old Donuts 64
Be Present 59 Day-O Day-O 66
Beans In My Ears 38 Deck The Patch 41
Beautiful America 106 Deep In the Heart of Scouting 84
Beautiful Savior 96 Deep In The Heart Of Texas 77

Page 135 of 135 23
23
99
12
74

Dem Bones 90 Friends We Are 13
Dem Bones 97 Frog Song 42
Desperado 79 Funky Chicken 53
Did You Ever 40 Georgetown 71
80 Get Acquainted
Dinah 36 Ghost Chickens 37
Dixie 95 Ghost Riders 36
Do Lord 49 Gimme A Yell 83
Do Your Ears Hang Low? 20 Ging Gang Goolee 53
Donald Where's Your Trousers 126 Git Along Little Dogies 101
Don't Interrupt Me Lord 44 Go Tell it on the Mountain 64
Down by the Bay 99 Go Tell it on the Mountain 93
Down By The Graveyard 96 God Bless America 98
16 God Bless My underwear
Down By The Riverside 67 God is Good 106
Down By The Station 58 Goin' On a Lion Hunt 49
Down In The Valley 50 Gonna Hire a Boy Scout 58
Doxology 59 Goodnight Irene 51
Dum Dum Da Da 42 Goodnight Scouters!
Eagle Thanks 54 Gory, Gory Rock Climbers 110
Early As I Me Walked 86
7 Granny's in the Cellar 12
Easton Family 60 Greasy Grimy Gopher Guts
Easton Hula Hulu 19 Great Pumpkin Is Coming To Town 117
Eats Song 58 Green Grow the Rushes 27
Eddie Brown 101 Grizzly Life 16
Edelweiss 47 Ground Round 99
Edelweiss 54 Hallelujah! 13
Ensie Wiensie Spider 94 Halloween Is Here! 55
Ernie's Yell 61 Halloween Song 60
47 Ham & Eggs 96
Faith Of Our Fathers 47 Hanukkah
Fast Food 99
Father Abraham I 7 Hanukkah Fun Song 99
Father Abraham II 7 Happy Trails 60
Fire Mountain Boy Scout 64 Happy Trails To You 91
Fire Mountain Hymn 131 Happy Wanderer 92
Fire On The Mountain 22 Hark Hear the Chimes 62
15 Hark to the Chimes 80
Firing Squad 71 Head Shoulders ...
Fishing Song 15 Hello, my name is Joe 28
Fishy in the Sea 15 Herman the Worm 59
Five Foot Two, Eyes Of Blue 107 He's got the Whole World in his Hands 59
Flee Fly Flo 13 Hiking 46
Flee Fly Mosquito 14 Hole in the Bottom of the Sea 46
Fly Your Flag 92 Holiday and Inspirational 20
Follow Me Boys! 72 Home on the Range 94
39 Home on the Range II 31
Follow The Scouting Trail 100 How Funky is Your Chicken?
For The Beauty Of The Earth 16
Forty Acres Page 136 of 136 87
Found A Peanut 63
Frankenstein 63
53

How Ugly I Are(dolefully) 19 Let All Things Now Living 97
Humpty Rap 17 Let Me Call You Lizzie 38
Hymn 95 Life After Camp Staff 123
I Don't Wanna Grow Up 39 Lions and Tigers and Bears 21

I Love the Mountains 9 Little Bunny Foo Foo 17
I Points To Myself 49 Little Green Frog 15
I Ride an Old Paint 67 Little Joe The Wrangler 75
I Wish I Were 31 Little Tommy Tucka 116
I'd Like To Teach The World To Sing 13 Little Town of Bethlehem 89
If I Had a Head Like a Ping Pong Ball 21 Long Black Veil 71
If I were not a Boy Scout... 10 Lord of the Dance 90
If It's Raining And You Know It 48 Lovely Bunch of Coconuts 34
48 Madelina Catelina
If You're Happy 20 Mairzy Doats 16
I'm A Little Acorn Brown 38 Mariah 32
I'm A Little Piece Of Tin 13 McDonald's 74
I'm Glad I'm A Boy Scout 116 McTavish is Dead 23
I'm Happy When I'm Hiking 10 Me and my Uncle 15
In The Good Old Wintertime 93 Me and this Old Guitar 77
Inch By Inch 101 Merry Christmas 71
128 Michael Row the Boat Ashore
International SongsInternational Songs 43 Mickey Mouse 92
Is it time yet? 117 Moreno Valley 87
It Ain t Gonna Rain No More 117 Morning Has Broken 54
It's A Real World 108 Mountain Lady 71
It's An Insect Covered World 34 Mountain Dew 64
I've Got That Woodbadge Spirit 128 Movie 74
I-Vee 53 Mr. Johnson Has a Troop 30
J.C. Penny's Clothes 66 Mules 131
53 My Bonnie
Jay Bird Song 48 My Country, 'Tis Of Thee 110
Jeremiah Johnson 72 My Dog Rover (Two versions) 37
Jigga-Cheer 17 My Duty 49
John Brown's Baby 35 My Gal's a Corker
John Henry (Steel Drivin' Man) 58 My Uncle 106
John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt 133 National Embalming School 118
Johnnie Verbeck 39 Naughty Student
89 Neath The Crust Of The Old Apple Pie 12
Johnny Appleseed Grace 97 Neath These Tall Green Trees 16
Johnny Got Run Over By A Bus 47 New & Different
Johnny Went Down In A Bucket 53 New Mexican Cowboy 118
Joy to the World 93 Night Rider's Lament 118
Joyful We Adore Thee 56 Noble Captain Kirk 131
Junior Birdman 28 O Chester
Junior Birdman 87 O Come All Ye Faithful 36
Just as I am 13 Oh Wente 59
60 Oh! Susanna 53
King of the Camp 76
Koo Koo Song Page 137 of 137 62
Kum Ba Yah
Kum Ba Yah - Scouting 50
Le cou, Le dos, Les pattes 48
90

8
27

Oh, How I Hate to Get up in The Morning 56 Ravioli 61
Oh, Lord 59 Red River Valley 64
Old King Cole 24 Respect The Flag 106
Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly 32 Rise and Shine 94
34 Robert Baden Powell
Old Lang's Sign 39 Rock My Soul 50
Old Mac Donald's Beehive 16 Rock of Ages 95
Old McDonald Had a Melody 11 Rock You Grace 88
On My Honor 56 Rocky Mountain High 58
On My Honor 80 Rocky Mountain Suite 82
On Top of Old Smoky 28 Rocky Top 81
On Top of Spaghetti 10 Roll Call 68
Once a Cub Scout went to Camp 30 Roll Out The Barrel 54
50 Rolling Over The Billows
One Bottle Of Pop 25 Run With The Wind 23
One Finger, One Thumb 97 S.T.A.P.H 98
One Man Went To Mow 21 Sailing, Sailing 81
One Tin Soldier 92 Santa Fe Trapper 54
Only Playing Leap Frog 44 Scottish Grace 32
Only Visiting This Planet 34 Scout Hearted Men 73
Onward Spotted Bed Bugs 53 Scout Law Version - Kum Ba Yah 58
59 Scout Vesper
Oom Plucky Plucky 59 Scout Wetspers 11
Our Eyes are Hayseed 99 Scout! 87
Our Father 37 Scouting is a thing
Our Father, Our Father 62 Scouting Lament 9
Over The River And Through The Wood 120 Scouting Spirit 28
Pack Up Your Wieners 94 Scouting Thunder 54
Paradise 105 Scoutmaster's Hymn 18
Paratrooper Song 112 Semisill-I-Ficial Camp Song 115
103 Shaving Cream 46
Pass it On 22 She'll Be Comin' 'Round The Mountain
Patriotic Songs 58 Shipwrecked 9
Patrol So Kind 116 Shut De Doh 11
Patsy Orry Orry Aye 116 Silent Night, Holy Night 23
Peanut Butter and Jelly 116 Silver Paddles 119
Philmont Grace 19 Simple Gifts 70
Philmont Hymn 59 Singing Grace 113
129 Singing in the Rain 102
Philmont Ranger Song 102 Sippin' Cider
Philmont Songs 31 Sixpence 92
Pink Pajamas 36 Sixteen Tons 9
Praise Be To God 100 Skeeters And The Bedbugs
Presents for the Teacher 100 Skin Diver's Song 96
Princess Pat 88 Skits 58
Propel, Propel, Propel Your Craft 124 Sleepy Staffer 52
Puff the Magic Dragon 18 Slewfoot 31
103
Pumpkin Bells Page 138 of 138 69
Pumpkin Wonderland
Put Your Hand In The Hand 32
Radio Skit 38
Rattlin Bog 121
55
82

Smile 38 The Irish Rover 103
Smiles 13 The King's Royal Papers 129
Song of Wyoming 77 The Littlest Worm
Sons of the Sea 47 The Long, Long Nail 31
66 The Marvelous Toy 19
Sourwood Mountain 79 The More We Get Together
Spider John 54 The Mysterious Flying Object 40
Staff Wave 45 The Parachutist 11
Star Trekkin' 106 The Pickpocket Contest 132
Stars And Stripes Forever 130 The Quartermaster's Store 118
Submarine Attack 65 The Reporter at the Bridge 128
Summer 60 The Rooster 28
Sunny Side 47 The Scotsman's Kilt 127
85 The Scout Leader Trail 43
Super Lizard 87 The Scout Who Never Returned
Sweet Betsy From Pike 130 The Seaman Sailed Out To Sea 56
Swing Low, Sweet Chariot 114
Sympathetic Patient 9 The Star Spangled Banner 112
Taps 15 The State Song
Tarzan 15 The Strawberry Roan 40
Tarzan of the Apes 83 The Swimming Hole 105
59 The Trapper's Life 107
Tennessee Stud 59 The Twelve Days of Halloween
Thank Thee 58 The Way It Oughta Be 78
Thank You Lord 39 The Weekend
Thanks Be to God 21 There s a Long, Long Trail 46
The Animal Fair 111 There Was A Bee 74
The Ants go Marching 75 There's A Hole In The Bucket 99
The Badgered Wood-Badger 29 There's A Long Long Trail 112
The Battle Of New Orleans 29 They'll Know We are Christains by our Love 22
47 Things That Go
The Bear 26 This Old Guitar 9
The Bear In Tennis Shoes 18 This Is My Country 37
The Big Birdie Song 32 This Is My Father's World 22
The Boy Scout Camper 132 This Land
The Bull Frog 40 This Land Is Your Land 82
The Calliope Song 68 This Old Man 98
The Candy Contest 50 Three Blind Mice 37
71 Three Little Angels 80
The Cat Came Back 66 Throw It Out The Window 106
The Cowboy's Lament 133 Ticket Song 95
The Duck Song 66 Tie Me Kangaroo Down 116
The Dying Cowboy 109 Titanic
The Eagle and the Hawk 19 Tom Dooley 106
The Employment Agency 62 Tom The Toad 51
The Erie Canal 108 Tommy, The Tall-Tailed Turkey 32
The Feast 48 Trail The Eagle 26
38 Trails At Gilwell 17
The Frog, He Am A Weird Bird.
The Gambler Page 139 of 139 112
The Gilwell Song 103
The Grand Old Duke of York
The Green Grass Grew All Around 33

73
35
100

9
113

Training Staff Song 114 Your Web Footed Friends 32
Tree Toad 20 You're A Grand Old Flag 106
Tree Toad 39 Zum Gali Gali 101
Troop Guides
109
Trusty Tommy 12
Trusty Tommy
Tumbling Tumbleweeds 111
Twelve Days of Summer Camp 81
Two Buffaloes 55
UPSS 41
Unicorn Song 54
Uniform Song 25

Up On The Housetop 114
Upon a Midnight Clear 92
Vive L'amourVive L'amour 89
Waddeley Achee
Wah Sah 101
Waiting For Christmas 51
Waltzing Matilda 10
95
Way Over the Irish Sea
Wayfarer's Grace 102
We Are Crazy 52
We Gather Together 59
We Thank Thee Father 54
Welcome to My Morning (at a PTC) * 92
We're Here For Fun 59
We're On The Upward Trail
116
What Child is This 29
What Child is This 12
When The Saints Go Marching 88
Where O' Where 91
Whew-W-W-W 90
Whistle While You Work 18
White Underwear 46
55
Who's On First? 31
Winter of '29
With My Hand on Myself 121
Without Warning 81
Wood Badge Farewell Song 51
Wood Badge Patrol Song 78
Woodbadge Camp
Woodbadge Prayer 108
113
Woodbadge Staff 108
Workin on the Railroad 111
Worms 108
Yankee Doodle
You Can Tell a Scout 16
34
107

7

Page 140 of 140

Bibliography

The Skit Book, Margaret Read MacDonald (1990)
Linnet Books, Hamden CT
The Philmont Songbook
The Camp Easton Songbook
The Camp Wente Songbook
The Camp Baldwin Songbook
The Camp Thunderbird Songbook
The Inland Empire Council
Mark Stueve
The Fire Mountain Songbook
The NEI-606-96 Wood Badge Songbook
Grand Canyon Council Junior Leader Training
Program

Page 141 of 141