10435 Geneva Pages

MATTHEW RENFROE

“Fun fact: The hat hanging from my light is Austin
Turgon’s and I still haven’t given it back to him.
Sorry bro.”

Photos Submitted 101
Layout Ainsley Plesko

GIVINGA HANDY GUIDE TO PICKING OUT THE PERFECT GIFT
MADE EASY
Words Sydney Dennis

Have you ever had one
of those moments where
you simply forget it’s
your loved one’s
birthday, anniversary
or other special day?

It’s last minute and
you're scrambling to
get something together
but you're running out
of time.

The best thing you can
find is an old gift card
that you’re hoping has
money on it and to add
the final touch, you add
in a paper card saying,
“Your real gift is still on
its way.”

Well, now that you have
some time to spare, here
are some gift ideas to
save you from that last
minute stress.

DAD GUY Spa Day Package Running Shoes
MOM GIRL Potted Plant Tie
Slippers Amazon Alexa
Candles Cologne

Jewelry Hoodie Sweatshirt
Skin Care Products Fuzzy Blanket
Sunglasses Fast Food Gift Cards
Flowers Chocolate

When all
else fails, a gift

card always
works.

Graphics Sydney Dennis 103
Layout Sydney Dennis

GazTHeE tte
Words Sophia Baldwin

The Great Divide “One of the young gentlemen whose name
starts with Stephen picked up the divider and
Desktop dividers: a casualty of the pandemic was kind of mockingly hitting Sol Ward over
the head with it and then it just snapped! All
When asked how many dividers have been of the sudden I hear all this noise and I turn
broken in her class, Mrs. Christina Jeffcoat’s around and they’re just holding pieces of the
initial response was, “Oh no.” Jeffcoat estimated broken divider,” Jeffcoat said.
that close to 10 dividers have suffered the
wrath of the freshman class of 2024. Jeffcoat proceeded to hand the pieces of
divider back to the boys and instructed them to
“Nine were broken in my classroom and take them to Mr. Graham. The insanity did not
then one since we’ve been in Mrs. Short’s stop there with at least one other confirmed
classroom,” Jeffcoat said. casualty. Could the freshmen be stopped?
Thankfully since the dividers are no longer in
Two of the main perpetrators were identified use, they are out of harm’s way…for now.
as none other than Stephen Syamken and
Christian Yarbrough. It was simply a typical
Monday study hall when disaster struck.

Cookie Poll Samoas
25%
A poll of students favorite Girl Scout Cookies
Savannah
Thin Mints Smiles 2%
54%
Lemon
Tagalongs Ups 1%
14%
S’mores
Do-si-dos 1%
2%

Trefoils
1%

Senior Whips

Some seniors are known by the car they drive

BIGGEST CAR SMALLEST CAR

Gabe Ross’ Ford Van, “The Van” Quincie Hartman’s Chrysler Crossfire, “Vikki”

OLDEST CAR NEWEST CAR

Matthew Renfoe’s Toyota ‘03 Camry, “Gerald” Hayes Hutton’s Ram Rebel TRX

COOLEST CAR LOUDEST CAR

Brock Ambelang’s Ford Mustang, “Scarlett” Quentin Hartman’s Hyundai Genesis, “Jenny”

Graphics Sophia Baldwin 105
Layout Sophia Baldwin

The Talon

WHEREBY MR. SHELTON DOES THE IMPOSSIBLE AND CREATES A NARRATIVE
FROM EVERY THESIS TOPIC…IN ALPHA ORDER
Words Rob Shelton

After advocating for board game classes in school, commercial featuring Soren Burkholder finally getting
Parker Akin was late for his first Monopoly class, so to take public rail transportation to his favorite venue:
in a cruel irony, he was sent directly to jail…where he the zoo. Unfortunately, as the train was pulling into
met Brock Ambelang serving time for academic fraud the zoo station, it ran over Caroline Chandler who
he committed in order to keep his NCAA football was laying on the tracks in protest of animals in
scholarship. Unfortunately for both of them, this jail cages. But she was okay because she took Isabella
was in Venezuela, where José Ballí had been sent Coates’ advice about not eating genetically modified
by the U.S. as a sanction against him for saying they foods, which in turn genetically modified Caroline
shouldn’t sanction Venezuela. The Venezuelan jail into a superhero, who threw the train off of herself,
had only one TV that got only one channel, so they where it landed on Emma Cress, effectively canceling
were forced to watch a talk show from the states that her (but she was eating GMO-tainted food, so she
featured Cade Barone arguing that Quidditch should was on her way out anyway). Emma was on her way
be a mandatory high school team sport. Tanner to meet Alexis Davis at a track meet where Alexis
Bruss, who was in the studio audience, chimed in by was making sure no biological males were competing
saying that he didn’t even think high school should be against females. But her school did not heed Audrey
mandatory, let alone team sports. Davis’ advice for providing sex education, so Alexis
realized that she didn’t know the difference.
The Venezuelan prison guard turned off the TV at In desperation for help, she sought out Julianne
this point, which is a shame because they missed a De Luna, a truly empowered woman, only to discover

that she and Michael De Vries had joined the U.S. under the piecework payment method, which saved
Space Force and were taking Sydney Dennis to him a lot of money since most of the children were
the space station to protect her sensitive thesis too young to accomplish much work anyway. Cody
topic from being lampooned. With this, the Lane George was going to adopt one of the children
commercial ended. herself, but when she discovered that they were
all from Russia, she declared war on them instead.
In frustration, Judah Diller turned off his television She would have gone through with it had not Alexa
and was heard to remark, “The spiritual gift of Georgelos saved the day by getting the internet
lampooning did not cease with the apostles.” back up and distracting Cody Lane with a smart
However, Emma Grace Erfurt thought he said, “The phone loaded with social media. One of the social
spiritual lift of harpooning squid not geese with media sites was sponsored by large beer companies
the colossals,” leading to her false allegation that protesting Lana Harrison, something that Quentin
Judah was a poacher of some kind. This nearly Hartman said happened all the time in Ancient
ruined Judah’s life until Luke Evans shut down Rome (the protest part, not the Lana part).
everyone’s internet, which shut down the rumors Quincie Hartman, however, was disappointed
and false allegations. But this also shut down Jackson that Cody Lane’s war was called off since she
Friesenhahn’s online adoption site, so the children was going to supply Cody Lane with nukes from
already in the pipeline moved in with his brother, her new powerplant.
John Henry Friesenhahn, who put them all to work
107

Meanwhile, Grey Herlihy came to Lana’s defense by
shutting down the beer companies’ advertising, thus
cutting off their funds for their social media site. To
thank Grey, Lana took him to a golf tournament to
watch Hayes Hutton compete, but since Grey didn’t
think golf was a sport, Lana’s gratitude fell flat. Not to
be insulted further, Hayes solicited the help of Alex
Iyer to rewrite school curricula with a revisionist
history of sports in which golf is hailed as the highest
form of sport. However, with this revision came a
revision of the nation’s standardized tests, so colleges
brought back the SAT and ACT. This really upset
Gracie Janse who responded to this news by going
on a crime spree of vandalizing college admissions
offices. However, nothing happened because Corvin
Jonas’ law enforcement reforms caught on so widely
that nobody was arrested for anything anymore.
Instead, at Katherine Lacy’s encouragement, most
police became language instructors since they
still had their tasers and tasing seemed to be an
effective motivator for memorizing conjugations.
In fact, the only person still in jail at the time (in the
U.S., not Venezuela) was Chris LeBorne because,
before Corvin’s reforms, it was discovered that video
games do indeed lead to crime and should be rightly
stigmatized. Chris was the scapegoat for punishing
this discovery, but Hannah Ledoux came to his rescue
when she changed the prison he was in into a rehab
center. Hannah’s first hire was Hannah Pratt, and they
thought it would be cute to name their rehab center
“Hannah and Hannah, bo-bannah, Banana-fana
fo-fannah, Rehab-uh.” But of course, this only made
them look silly and they slid into bankruptcy, but
when they applied for a federal bailout, Lily Radigan
decreed their company name too large to bail them
out. Meanwhile, Pauline Rahal realized that she was
going to need a brand new language acquisition
theory if she was even going to understand Hannah
and Hannah’s business name.

However, wouldn’t you just know it: Matthew
Renfroe discovered that the Parker Akin who started
this story wasn’t even Parker Akin, but an internet
deepfake, so the whole story up to now was bogus.
This was too much for Gabby Reyes to handle, so
she took some soma and went to see her friend
Gabe Ross for comfort, only to discover that Gabe
was really an alien robotic cyborg sent to conquer
the planet. He was almost found out in college, but

Emma Russell’s reforms didn’t allow for allegations

against him because he was a man (which is ironic,

since he wasn’t a man, but a machine). In any case,

Gabe even went on to become a senator (most of

whom were alien cyborgs, as well) and would still

be there if Connor Schaefer hadn’t established term

limits, thus saving the planet from an alien takeover

without even knowing it. Trevor Scott would have

helped, but in a cruel twist of fate, he was accidentally

imprisoned while in a prison advocating for prison

reform. Lily Shrode said it served him right since

prison reform was just another whack socialist idea

being forced unknowingly on the American public. Lily

had joined forces with Dylan Southwick to advocate

for overthrowing the socialist NCAA policies that

prevented students athletes from getting the pay the

free market demands, but Trey Stepanow rendered

this moot when his idea for a universal basic income
made everyone, athlete or not, a millionaire overnight. a side-effect for a pill doctors were prescribing to

everyone, including Alethea Ward, who protested

Unbeknownst to any of us, Katie-Grace Styles had that, despite the side-effect, this was not the pill she

a change of heart and discovered that she enjoyed was worried about. Chase Wilson said he didn’t care

tracking people’s movements, so she started tracking what kind of pill it was, no one should be punished

all of her friends’ movements through their smart for it. This lax attitude led Emma Wilson to conclude

phones. She tried to track Jack Swanson and Riley that she didn’t want to be part of such a silly world, so

Tippit, only to find out that both had gotten rid of their she took the redshirt year that could have been hers

cell phones and couldn’t be tracked. Through a quirk and decided to go through her senior year all over

of science and to the narrator’s relief, this rendered again. However, she left midway through the year

their thesis topics immune to parody. Meanwhile, when she was shocked to learn that Jackson Young,

Katie-Grace noticed that J.C. Treusdell’s tracker was now on the Geneva faculty, was teaching that there

slowly moving closer to the sun. This was because was no biblical proof that Jesus was a Republican.

she was strapped to Austin Turgon, who was doing So, in a last-ditch effort to find meaning in life, she

the gnarliest skateboard trick ever—so gnarly that joined Lindsey Zuniga’s startup company dedicated

it launched him into orbit. J.C. didn’t care because to licensing dogs. But alas, she left disillusioned when

she was all about solar power and figured getting she discovered that her dog was not going to get its

closer to the sun could only help. It also worked drivers’ license—this was different license entirely. But

out for Austin because in the middle of the trick, it didn’t matter because Lily Shrode showed up again

skateboarding was declared illegal on planet earth. and shut down the whole story as just a bunch of

This sudden aversion to skateboarding happened as socialist propaganda.

Photo Pam Akin 109
Layout Alexa Georgelos

GENEVA JAMS
MUSIC TO EMBRACE THE SOUNDS OF SUMMER
Words Gwyn Lewellyn

Summer is almost here! It’s time for lake days, car rides with the windows down, beach trips, late nights,
barbecues, picnics, hikes and a new summer playlist! In this playlist, you’ll find some upbeat, sunny songs
to get you through this season stress-free. So, turn your speakers up, pour some lemonade, sit by the pool
and enjoy the sunshine!

BITTER California Sunrise

Palace Dirty Gold

Eclipse Tangible Intangible

Inner Wave Fly Golden Eagle

Always Forever Real Love Baby

Cults Father John Misty

Cinnamon Orpheus Under the Influence

Palehound The Buttertones

Beach Comber Heat Wave

Real Estate Snail Mail

Mushroom Dræm Girl

Inner Wave No Vacation

New Flesh In Your Arms

Currents Joys Sunbeam Sound Machine

Sweet to Me Eastover Wives

Summer Salt Dent May

Alrighty Aphrodite Swing Lynn

Peach Pit Harmless

Giving Up What Once Was

Whitney Her’s

What a Pleasure

Beach Fossils

Graphics Hailey Kirchner
Layout Sarah Coultress

QUARTERLY STAFF

INDESIGN

Sydney Griffey Mattie Sue Arnold Alexa Georgelos Sophia Dacy Hannah Pratt
Editor

GRAPHICS

Sophia Baldwin Sydney Dennis Kate Evans Hailey Kirchner Garrett Loflin
Editor

EDITORIAL

Ava Ayers Pauline Rahal Claire Coultress Guy Kohler Spencer Yarbrough Jackson Young
Editor

PHOTOGRAPHY

Abby Bower Hayle Heinen Kate Travis Exec. Marketing Editor
Editor Exec. Editor of Content

Adviser

EXECUTIVES

Christina Hammock Ainsley Plesko Lauren Abell Nicolas Siller Sarah Coultress Gwyn Lewellyn

Exec. Editor of Design Exec. Managing Editor/ Exec. Co-Editor of
Exec. Co-Editor of Photography Photography

Seniors 2021 — Geneva School of Boerne @genevaquarterly