You're the best you

30 You’re the best you
2017







30 You’re the best you
2017

Cris Cruz

“I think the saddest people always try their hardest
to make people happy because they know what it’s
like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want

anyone else to feel like that.”
- Robin Williams

1 Do you have to be so loud?
1998

6

7

HoCwhilDdoreEnxBtrevhearvteed?
People believe that an extro-
An extrovert is a person introvert, who often prefers better choice than public vert is a person who is friendly
who is energized by being solitude to a crowd, is schools where children are and outgoing. While that may
usually encouraged to “do
around other people. seen as shy or judged to their own work.”What many be true, that is not the true
This is the opposite of an have some kind of social people don’t realize is that meaning of extroversion.
introvert who is energized disorder. Introverts who
by being alone. Extroverts don’t want to participate an extrovert can also be
tend to “fade” when alone in group work are seen as shy. Shyness is another
name for social anxiety.
and can easily become not being team players.
bored without other people Because extroverts are This can be difficult
energized by interaction because the extrovert
around. When given the really does crave company,
chance, an extrovert will with other people, but the shyness can make
extroverted children may it difficult to succeed in
talk with someone else need some time to wind interactions with people
rather than sit alone and down after having spent they don’t know. Shy,
think. In fact, extroverts time socializing with other extroverted children are
children. For example, if an those who are probably
tend to think as they extroverted child attends
speak, unlike introverts a party, he can come home most in need of help
who are far more likely still quite excited. She may overcoming their shyness.

to think before they want to talk about what Some shy extroverts do
speak. Extroverts often happened at the party, if very well in organized
think best when they are not with her parents, then
group situations in which
talking. Concepts just with her friends. If the they can be socially
don’t seem real to them party is in the evening, the
unless they can talk about extroverted child may have engaged without needing
them; reflecting on them a hard time getting to sleep to come up with topics of
isn’t enough. Extroverts
because she is still full conversation or reasons
enjoy social situations of energy. An extroverted to connect. Examples of
and even seek them out child may be quiet and get this type of activity include
bored easily when he has team sports, community
since they enjoy being
around people. In fact, it to spend too much time theater or drama club.
may be the case that an alone. Once he is around
extrovert is only able to others, however, he may
do his or her best work as immediately perk up. This
suggests that extroverted
part of a team. Studies children, especially those
suggest that up to 75%
of the general American who are gifted, may be
population consists of best served in situations
extroverts. Because the that involve group work,
collaboration, and social
majority of people are interaction. In some cases,
extroverts, behavior tends private schools may be a

to be judged against the
ways an extrovert would
behave. For example, an

2 Cruz, do yourself a favor and burn that hat.
2003

8

9
3 Are you trying to look like a boy?

2001

My problem is
that I always
want to talk
to people,

a

10

11

and I always show it.

Stop Bullying
Yourself and Start
Loving Your Body
Body Positivity is the radical notion that all bodies have value and
In a perfect world, worth. It is the belief that all people deserve respect and to be free
this point wouldn’t be of body-based judgment in their day to day. That seems pretty sim-
controversial. It should
be that whether you’re a ple and straightforward, right?
size 0 or a size 30, whether
you’re the poster child index fingers or blue eyes. lipstick is ugly!) or do your until you’ve tried it out.
for perfect health or not, In truth, confidence is hair how you want because, More importantly, you’ll
people should recognize “it’s not flattering”? Maybe never know if orange lips or
that you’re a person and more like a skill, and like stripes will make you feel
that makes you worthy any skill, it needs to be you see articles on the awesome and powerful if
of fair and respectful internet that tell you you you don’t do it once. Pro-
treatment. Even if someone practiced to be effective. couldn’t possibly cut your tip: avoid the naysayers in
doesn’t agree with your Remember that you are a hair short because that’s your life when you try these
lifestyle, they should still living, breathing, wonderful only for people with certain things out for the first time.
not talk down to you, right? face shapes. Most dreaded They probably mean well
There’s probably a golden human being, and that — you probably value their
rule about that hiding you have value simply by of all, you’ve almost judgment! — but if they
somewhere! Because we existing, and that anyone definitely seen websites don’t like something out of
live in a diet-obsessed and tell you what shape you hand, they’re probably not
body-shaming culture, lots who would judge your going to like it in practice.
of people feel the need to appearance as undeserving are and lay down rules
comment on how people about what that means you
look and judge a person of respect is unworthy
for their shape. You can of your time. You’re not can or cannot wear. What
push back on this in a very perfect, but you can be nonsense! And, also, how
small, but important way beautiful with or without
by embracing confdence.A the perfect makeup and boring. If we all lived by
lot of people think that clothes, no matter what these fashion rules, we’d
confidence is a trait that size or shape. It means all be looking the same and
you either have or you you have the right to take
don’t, like dimples or long up space, no matter what that seems horrifyingly
dull.
anyone else thinks.
Do you have a person in So if there are trends
your life that tells you that you’ve always wanted to try
you cannot wear a certain
thing (“stripes make you but have always avoided
for fear of how you’ll look,
look big!”) or put on a
specific makeup (“orange do it anyway! There’s no
way to tell how that lipstick

or pattern will look on you

12

13
4 I honestly can’t picture you wearing a crop top.

2015



15

They Said Girls
Don’t Play With
When 13-year-old Sydney Boysof the teams they were
Phillips asked her school on teams is often seen
to let her play basketball as radical or newsworthy. scheduled to play refused
on the boys’ team, things to take the field if they
got really bad really fast. Sydney is definitely not had to play against girls.
the only girl who has been
St. Theresa’s School in Cash’s team, the New York
Kenilworth, New Jersey, turned away because
wouldn’t let her play on the she’s a girl. When the Liberty, invited Sydney “I’m definitely good enough to
boys team, so Sydney’s dad under-11 Charlottesville
filed a lawsuit in hopes of Cavs boys basketball to practice with them to play with them,” she said. “My
her getting her back on her team was disqualified
school’s team. The lawsuit from the semifinals of the inspire her to keep playing, rec team could beat them.”
— which was denied by National Travel Basketball
Association tournament no matter what. But girls
a judge — resulted in for having a girl on the
Sydney’s school trying to team, WNBA player Swin shouldn’t have to feel that
expel her. Now, Sydney is Cash pointed out the
still in school, but whether discriminatory behavior. discouragement in the
or not she stays there is “At the end of the day,
still up in the air. This all she shouldn’t feel any first place. According to
happened because Sydney different,” Swin told the
wanted to play basketball. Huffington Post about the research from Always, 7 chance to play on a nearby
Cavs’s situation. “She’s a
Teen Vogue talked with young girl, she loves to play out of 10 girls feel they school’s girls basketball
Sydney to get her take on sports and this experience
the situation, and what she is only going to make her don’t belong in sports. team (Sydney’s father
better. I think she’s learned
said is something many a valuable lesson. She’s By puberty, Always found denies this), which seems
girls and women have felt seen people around her
rally, and I think that later more than half of girls like it would be an equal
for years. “I was really on she’s going to come
bummed,” Sydney said of back and be able to teach quit playing, even if opportunity. Moreover,
not being allowed to play young kids just like her
with the boys. The reason someday. So I would tell her they love it. Clearly this St. Theresa’s says middle
her school gave her might to keep her head up keep
sound familiar. “I wanted pushing forward, and don’t discouragement has an school rules require
to play on the boys team take my job too soon.” And
since there’s no girls team even when girls are allowed effect. While there are girls and boys to play on
and they wouldn’t let me. on the boys’ team, they
They said that girls don’t still face discrimination. federal laws that try to separate teams (Sydney’s
play with boys. Girls play When two sisters in Arizona
joined their school’s boys prevent some parts of father denies this too).
with girls, and boys play soccer team because there
with boys.” When it comes wasn’t one for girls, one that discouragement, Even though St. Theresa’s
to sports, gender seems to
be a huge factor. Teams are it’s still happening. Title may be playing by the rules,
segregated by gender, and
the co-mingling of genders IX mandates girls and they’re not necessarily

boys be provided equal playing fair. Sydney said

opportunity to participate she just wants to play

in sports, yet despite the basketball for the school

longstanding federal law, she’s grown up in. Even

we’re constantly seeing more than that, she knows

that responsibility being she’s good enough to play

shirked. According to the with the boys.

American Civil Liberties

Union’s Women’s Rights

Project, more resources

are put toward boys’ sports

than girls’. It’s important

to note that St. Theresa’s

doesn’t seem to be in

violation of Title IX. They

say they offered Sydney a

5 Oh look, the yeti wants 6 Come on yet, try and get 7 Looks like the yeti is 8 You seriously look like a
to play basketbal the ball! trying to shoot. fucking yeti when
with us 2005 2005 you play.
2005 2005

9 You’re like that annoying girl from that movie that’s like
“this one time at band camp...” over and over again
until she says that really bad thing.
2002

16

17
10 I got you a muzzle for secret santa because you don’t

fucking shut up.
2012

DON’T LOMOA

18

19

MOAKTE 11 hahaha I can’t believe your vagina actually looks
like that, that’s crazy
2007



HOW I SURVIVED
MENTAL ABUSE
IN MY
RELATIONSHIP
AND WHAT
YOU CAN
LEARN
FROM
IT

Gaslig
Closets are traditionally seen as the enemy of queer “I was 19. My boyfriend was a serial cheater so I went
identity – if you’re really yourself out in the open, you’ll through his computer and saw proof that he had been
be awarded in a perfect world with love for who you really messaging girls and hooking up. When I confronted him,
are. That’s not really how life works, though. For a long he started yelling and turned it around on me,” she said.
“He told me I didn’t know what I was talking about, how
time, a physical closet was the only safe space in my dare I not trust him, how dare I go through his things. He
life as a queer person: it was the only place my abusive made me feel like a bad girlfriend and I ended up curled
up in a ball crying as he destroyed my stuff. He told me
girlfriend couldn’t contact me. The Teen Vogue beauty
closet didn’t get any cell service, and it became my only it was my fault because I didn’t trust him and didn’t
refuge for the long, painful end to a relationship that put understand what I had seen. It wasn’t until I was in a
me on suicide watch more than once. It was in there that healthy relationship years later that I understood what
I’d go to remember I was still capable of understanding
had happened before wasn’t right.”
what beautiful things were, and what happiness can
be: simple, and not up for argument. I am a survivor of Gaslighting refers to these experiences of emotional and
mental manipulation and abuse. Dr. Robin Stern, an expert
gaslighting, and beauty pulled me out. on gaslighting and author of the book The Gaslight Effect,

The term “gaslighting” comes from a 1938 play called “Gas calls this the “systematic attempt by one person to erode
Light,” in which a husband leads his wife to believe she another person’s reality, by telling them that what they
is insane to hide his own crimes. She sees the gas light
in their house dim when he searches for jewels to steal, are experiencing isn’t so, and the gradual giving up on the
but, when she asks, he tells her the lights flickering are part of the other person.” You see, it takes two people; it’s
a dance of power and truth. Dr. Stern calls it “The Gaslight
simply her overactive imagination. By the end of the play,
nobody believes she’s in her right mind, including herself. Tango.” I have never been a good dancer, but in this
instance, I know every part.
My perception of the world while being gaslit was like a
gigantic Rubik’s Cube I couldn’t figure out. “Perhaps if I try We learn the first steps to it very early on. As teen girls
and women, we’re constantly told our experiences aren’t
harder, love more, win this argument, surrender enough,
this will work out,” I thought. I stopped eating much out of real. We’re told this every day and in every possible
scenario. You may see it at the doctor’s office: “Are you
pure exhaustion from arguments.
sure you’re experiencing this illness, and it’s not just
My friends didn’t understand why I stayed, and I thought something else?” Like your body is hysterical and you
my explanations – my defenses – were just not good don’t know yourself and have the test results for years
enough, that I wasn’t being empathetic enough to my on end to prove it. You may see it in interactions with
partner. I thought that the pain I was going through
was really, in the end, all my fault. Whenever I tried to police: was your “alleged” assault really a big deal,
confront the situation, I was told nothing was wrong something you can blame others for? Did you not bring
this on yourself because you are a “party girl”? It happens
except for the fact I was upset, and for n real reason at in the military, too: are you sure you’re not just mentally
all. In a conversation with any of my girlfriends, we can
all pull up instances similar to this like they’re a deck of unstable, and unfit to work? You don’t need to look
cards. Meagan Rosario, an artist whose work focuses on
misogyny, recalled the first instance of gaslighting she

could remember.

22

23and it’s a
serious issue
ghtingIt’s Called
anywhere farther than your local newsstand for proof I still flinch sometimes when I hear that old ringtone, I still
that women are told over and over again that we’re not scan her old neighborhood for her face sometimes. I wish
worth listening to, or that we are wrong. Thirty-five women
so deeply that this situation never happens to you. So I
spoke out about Bill Cosby before our culture started will teach you what I learned the hard way: your reality
paying attention. They were all gaslit, too. We are taught is not up for debate. Your empathy for others does not
to shoulder the burden and the blame in every scenario, to preclude reality and it does not excuse abuse. You have to
say “sorry” every time we bother to talk. When we’re being recognize the start of the pattern, and you need to know
lied to about what is happening to us, when people argue that your instincts are a powerful tool – they could be what
with us about our truth, we’re being told that our worth is saves you. Because gaslighting is everywhere in different
on loan, that our realities and our truths are negotiable.
Gaslighting teaches you that your mind isn’t good or smart forms. By the legacy of your gender, you’ll be doubted
enough to be right about what is going on. It convinces you for your intellect, your talent, your worth. The ultimate
that if you try hard enough, lie correctly, and love harder, success, your magic, your spell – how you will survive
you can save your relationship with the person to whom the endless attacks on your psyche and your heart – is
you have given power, your trust, your love. Worth and love to learn that it’s not your fault. When you feel confused,
become a game of self-determination: maybe love, and when you second-guess yourself, when you apologize for
strength in our love, can be enough. Maybe compromise the space you take up, when you wonder if you’re “good
enough”, you must understand that it isn’t your fault. It
will solve it all. is not in your head despite what your partner is telling
you. If it feels bad, it is bad, because you feel it. Breathe
The secret I learned from experience: it won’t. Some into your doubt: it is enough to feel bad about something,
things fail, regardless of the effort involved. You can let you need no excuses. You, precisely the way you are, are
enough. Your instincts are undervalued and systematically
it take you with it or you can move through it. When I
realized I was on the path to my dream job but was using discredited. You have to trust yourself.

it as a crutch to escape my relationship, I knew I had to And you need to get out.
get out. I had to stop when I realized the only pleasurable

things about my life were material. So I made a game
plan; I wrote down a list of every effect the relationship

had wrought on me: I lost weight and shrunk several
sizes, my friends had to feed me to make sure I ate. I lost

sleep and became reliant on NyQuil to the point where
my friends had to monitor my intake. I started flinching
at the sound of my ringtone for fear that it was my lover.
I lost so much of myself that it didn’t matter at that point
if I loved them or not. Love isn’t enough if it is physically
destroying who you are. I read that list of changes out loud
before I broke up with her on the phone, and blocked her
on every platform. That was years ago, now. I am writing
this to you so you can save yourself – that is your mission.

24

12 No I don’t want you taking protein you’ll gain too much
muscle, girls with a lot of muscle aren’t attractive
2010

For all the times that you rain on my parade
And all the clubs you get in using my name

You think you broke my heart,
oh, girl for goodness’ sake

You think I’m crying on my own. Well, I ain’t

And I didn’t wanna write a song
‘Cause I didn’t want anyone thinking I still care.

I don’t, But you still hit my phone up
And, baby, I be movin’ on

And I think you should be somethin’
I don’t wanna hold back,

Maybe you should know that

My mama don’t like you and she likes everyone
And I never like to admit that I was wrong
And I’ve been so caught up in my job,
Didn’t see what’s going on
But now I know,
I’m better sleeping on my own

‘Cause if you like the way you look that much
Oh, baby, you should go and fuck yourself

And if you think that I’m still holdin’ on to somethin’
You should go and fuck yourself

FUAndwhenyoutoldmethatyouhatedmyfriends
The only problem was with you and not them
And every time you told me my opinion was wrong
And tried to make me forget where I came from

And I didn’t wanna write a song
‘Cause I didn’t want anyone thinking I still care.

I don’t, But you still hit my phone up
And, baby, I be movin’ on

And I think you should be somethin’
I don’t wanna hold back,

Maybe you should know that

My mama don’t like you and she likes everyone
And I never like to admit that I was wrong
And I’ve been so caught up in my job,
Didn’t see what’s going on But now I know,
I’m better sleeping on my own

‘Cause if you like the way you look that much
Oh, baby, you should go and love yourself

And if you think that I’m still holdin’ on to somethin’

CKYoushouldgoandfuckyourself

For all the times that you made me feel small
I fell in love. Now I feel nothin’ at all

And never felt so low when I was vulnerable
Was I a fool to let you break down my walls?

26

27

KYOURSELF‘Cause if you like the way you look that much
Oh, baby, you should go and fuck yourself
And if you think that I’m still holdin’ on to somethin’
You should go and fuck yourself
‘Cause if you like the way you look that much
Oh, baby, you should go and love yourself
And if you think that I’m still holdin’ on to somethin’
You should go and fuck yourself

13 What are the chances of me getting you drunk enough to give me a kiss?Is that
bad to ask an ex lol i don’t really care is i ask actually. I mean maybe I’ll
get lucky and get you drunk lol maybe not. sure is a bummer tho wanted
to try some new tricks on you and see if i still got it lol.
2014

28

honestly the amount of crushes I
had on girls as a youth but didn’t
recognise because the only option
offered to me was heterosexuality is

mind-blowing

29

growing up
finding girls
attractive without
registering it as
attraction sucks because
you basically end up
weirdly fixated on them
but also super insecure
and competitive

“What do you think?” was curious as to whether suddenly said to her, “Hey, The thing is, it didn’t work.
I asked. He was not I had “gotten it right” yet. you look great!” It was the While he has definitely hurt
I am generally a secure most sincere compliment
enthused. He didn’t think my feelings, I am secure
it was festive enough — or person — I know I am good I had ever heard him give enough as a person to
sexy. I wasn’t really looking at my job, I know I am at in regards to someone’s
least marginally talented appearance and he had know that changing who
to be sexy — dressing at a few things, I know I given it to her. I wasn’t I am — because the way
typically “sexy” isn’t my give a mean blow job — jealous. It wasn’t like he I express myself with my
thing. Low cut and super was flirting. I was just clothes is part of who I am
short doesn’t feel like me. but here was something I — to meet someone else’s
That stuff is better left to suddenly felt unsure about. sad to realize that he had
Cosmo models. After giving never complimented me on approval, and to make
frowny face to a couple I had always thought I had themselves feel better, is
other dresses I pulled out good taste in fashion, but the way I looked in such a
of my closet, we eventually this person I really liked, sincere and enthusiastic not a worthwhile way to
settled on a blue dress hell, loved, was saying the way. I asked him later what spend my time.
with an open back that I
hadn’t worn before. I felt opposite. it was about her outfit
good about how I looked I wanted his approval that he liked so much,
in it, but I was also feeling in this area especially mostly out of curiosity, as
a little off-kilter. This was because it’s associated I still didn’t “get” what he
the first time a dude had with something that is key didn’t like about the way
actually thumbs-downed in a romantic relationship I dressed. It spiraled into
an outfit — and not in a — sex appeal. So long a fight, which I’m sure
joking “I don’t get harem as he didn’t like what I sounds really immature.
was wearing, I felt like I Two adults fighting over
pants” sort of way. He wasn’t pretty, that I wasn’t clothes? Seriously? The
really didn’t like that sexy. Perhaps he could truth is, it wasn’t about
have “made up” for the clothing. There were other
disapproval in my clothing issues at play. I mentioned
choices by softening

dress I had on. Comments the critique with some in a previous piece that he The drama was wearing thin.
about my clothes started compliments. “You look so was insecure and self- Plus, he hated my clothes.
coming more frequently. pretty,” said suddenly and Yeah. My clothes.
loathing, both of which are
“That doesn’t fit you.” meaningfully every once flip-side characteristics
“Why do you have so many in a while may have gone a of narcissism. I
long way. “I love your ass,” think, consciously or
prints?” “Everything in might have taken the sting unconsciously, he was
your closet looks exactly out of “that dress is ugly.” trying to chip away at
the same.” “You dress so my confidence, because
conservatively.” “Why don’t That didn’t happen often I had so much more of it
you show off your figure at all. I made it clear that than him. He would have
more?” “You can’t see your these criticisms hurt me,
body shape in that.” “I like been hard-pressed to find
that I didn’t understand many areas in my life he
simple.” why he had such strong
He also liked long hair, opinions about a subject could nitpick, but going for
which was unfortunate, no other guy had seriously something shallow, like my
ever even noticed before
I suppose, because I — yet they continued. He clothing/hair, was easy.
had chopped mine off to said he was being honest.
shoulder length about nine Apparently, no one told
months ago. “Your hair was him that honesty is not

so pretty long,” he said always the best policy,
wistfully when looking at especially when it leads
an old photo of me. I got my
to needlessly hurting
hair trimmed anyway. someone you’re supposed
In short, he had a lot of
opinions. In fairness to to care about. One night
him, often I asked what he we went to see a band play
thought, mostly because I and then stopped by to see
a female friend of his who
30
was DJing at a bar near
my apartment. She was
outside when we arrived
and as we were making
friendly conversation, he

He Hated My Clothes 14 Why don’t you dress more like my mom?
2014

He has a superiority complex. Emotionally abusive people 4
aren't satisfied by feeling OK about themselves; they have

to feel better than other people.
This can play out as competitiveness or self-
righteousness, and can be alluring at first because he
might flatter you with the ways in which you, too, are

superior.

8 He's jealous. A dab of jealousy is fine, but any 8
more can be toxic. Stosny calls jealousy "the

only naturally occurring emotion that can cause
psychosis"—the inability to distinguish the real

from the imagined. Most severe relationship
violence has jealousy at its root.

6 He's resentful. People like this aren't able 2
to deal with the fact that life can sometimes

be tough and unfair. They dwell on the
injustice. Their resentment is a self-defense
mechanism, masking a fear of inadequacy or

failure.

He's sarcastic. This sort
of humor is designed
to make someone feel
bad. Eventually, you'll
be the target.

He's a blamer. A guy may blame someone for cutting him off 1
on the road, or more insidiously, he can blame his ex-girlfriend
for making his life tough. Early on, this deplorable blaming trait
is hard to detect because it is often couched in a compliment

"The law of blame is that it goes to the closest person. You'll
eventually be the object of it."

He's petty. If he's the sort of 5 NINE
person who makes a mountain RED
out of the proverbial molehill—
let's say, when a waitress doesn't
put enough ice in his soda—be

warned.

FLAGS
It's important for women to recognize early
warning signs of emotional abusers.

He's deceitful. If he exaggerates or distorts 7 9
his past, it's a bad sign. It's not unusual to He's pushy. While this might
be done under the guise of
put on a good face when you're trying to "sweeping you off your feet,"
impress a potential mate. But lying shows guys who push for too much too

that his self-respect—and his regard for 3soon can be trouble. He should
you—is low. care more

He has an entitlement complex. This is
sometimes related to resentment: If life is so
damn hard for him, then he's entitled to cut in
line and break other rules. Let him get close and
he'll feel entitled to abuse you if you don't let

him have his way.



15 You don’t look like my girlfriend, you look like my
lesbian best friend. It’s embarrassing.
2014



16 You’re just doing it for attention
2007



Your future self is
watching you right now

through memories.

17 No I probably couldn’t date you if you smoked
weed, that’s disgusting
2011



18 I think you’d need to lose weight if you
wanted to cut your hair short,
which I’m against
2012



GRDPT

THIS IS
P ORNOYou know what’s funny,I’ve been hearing so much about Ghost as a provocative video and I put out the same fucking

video of me and the lead was a male. If anything there was more sexual content. There was like, fucking nails
scratching down backs and orgasm faces and being thrown up on a desk by my thighs. And everyone was like, “Oh, what

RAPHICa great love story. This is like 90’s love.” And then I put out the Ghost video where I’m making out with a girl and all of a
sudden everyone is like “THIS IS PORNOGRAPHIC”!

And it blows my mind
that it can be considered
more provocative or near

pornographic because
of that, which is lowkey
why I made the fucking

video. Female/female
relationships are so often
portrayed as pornographic

DESIGNinthemedia.Wetickle
fight and have fun and
play games and are sad
and cuddle and do a whole
lot more that pretend to
finger each other with giant
acrylic nails, which doesn’t
happen in real life,
by the way.

19 I can’t believe you would get a tattoo
without letting me have a say.
2013

46

47
20 How does it feel knowing I’m the last dick

you’ll ever have?
2014

They Deny Gay People Room to Experiment with Their They’re Harmful to Trans People. The main way that these
Sexuality Sexuality isn’t as rigid as we like to pretend it is terms hurt trans people is that they tend to be entirely
based on genitals – platinum gay especially. There’s
– regardless of your sexual orientation. And by creating already a lot of prejudice within the gay community
this category of “gold star” or “platinum” gays, you trap towards trans men because they’re men who generally
people into the idea that they can never ever hook up with
have vaginas, and creating a ranking system that clearly
someone of a different gender, or else they’ll lose values people who haven’t touched a vagina doesn’t
their gold star or platinum status. But sexuality is a
fluid and ever-changing thing, and though you might only go over well for someone who actually has a vagina. It
reinforces the awful misconception that trans men will
be attracted to one gender right now, never be “real men” – and it puts a stigma on any gay man
who wants to date a trans man. The same goes for gold
6it’s totally okay to experiment. star lesbian. While it’s generally used to mean a lesbian
who hasn’t slept with a man, it’s often conflated with a
lesbian who’s never touched a penis. And just like there
are trans men with vaginas, there are trans women with
penises. Anti-trans terms like these have no place within

2the queer community.

They’re Harmful to Bisexual People Gold star and
platinum are clearly meant to give value – they’re meant
to be good things. So a platinum gay is seen as “more gay”

or somehow as a “better gay” because of his platinum
status. But bisexual people exist. And the fact that they

might sleep with people of different genders doesn’t
make them any less queer. One myth that bisexual people

constantly have to confront is the idea that they’re only
“half-gay,” but that’s just not true. Bisexual people feel
same-gender attraction just as much as gay people do,
and their bisexuality shouldn’t make them worth any less

4within the queer community.

15 I’m getting used the the fact that you wanna
be a lesbian or bi or whatever.
2014

48

49

They Harm Gay People Who Came Out Later In Life 6 Reasons
Ranking people based on whom they’ve slept with is We Shouldn’t
never a positive thing. Even if someone is a cisgender
gay person, it’s very possible that they’ve had sex with Say
someone of a different gender before. Lots of gay people ‘Gold Star
go through that before coming out – for so many different Lesbian’ or
‘Platinum
reasons. They might have been trying to convince
themselves that they were straight. They might have really Gay’

liked somebody and thought it could work. Their sexual
orientation might’ve been more fluid before. Or any other
number of reasons. It isn’t uncommon, and those people

are no less gay because of those experiences – just
like a straight person isn’t gay just because they kissed

3someone of the same gender once.

They Insult Rape Survivors I’ve even heard these terms Your Source Of Pride Doesn’t Have to Harm Others Some
used to shame survivors of rape, because people would people will say that the terms “gold star” or “platinum” are
argue that you can’t be a “gold star lesbian” if you’d been a source of pride for them. They identify with these words,

raped by a man. And I honestly can’t think of anything and they make them happy. And that’s great for them,
more fucked up than that argument. Because obviously, but these aren’t words that exist in a vacuum.“Gold star”
rape is not sex. But “gold star” and “platinum” rankings
and “platinum” are inherently divisive within the queer
put so much emphasis on what your genitals have community because they create a hierarchy of queer
touched that many folks won’t consider you “gold star” or
“platinum” if you’ve been raped by someone of a different people where some are “better gays” than others. I’m all
gender.And ranking someone lower – even just implicitly for words that you can relate to and take pride in, but not
by using these terms – just because they’ve been raped is
5if those words are harmful to others.
1honestly sickening.

21 You’re just a poor slut who
sucks everybody’s dick
2008

50