Another component to consider, is that physical acts are also related to physical attraction. What happens to that red-hot sex drive when we inevitably age? If you’re reading this and you’re in your 20s, there's a nugget of truth you might not want to hear, but here it goes: appreciate the body you're in right now, because time, my friends, is a relentless motherfucker. One day, you're all about those late-night pizza binges and backto-back Netflix marathons, and the next, you're noticing lines and parts of you that just don't bounce back like they used to. Society gives you two options; you’re either going to shoot yourself so full of botox you’ll look plastic as a Barbie doll, or you’re going to remember my words in this chapter and embrace your aging beauty. It's not a scare tactic; it's a wake-up call to live in the moment, appreciate what you've got, and understand that the physical prime you're enjoying is a fleeting guest, not a permanent resident. Amid all this talk about changing bodies and the physical ebb and flow of life, there's one very important thing I want to point out: having confidence in your own damn skin. It's easy to get caught up in the mirror's reflection, to scrutinize every inch and bemoan what you perceive as flaws. The truth is, confidence isn't
about fitting into some cookie-cutter ideal that beauty ads or social media says; or having abs that could wash their own laundry. It's about standing tall in your own shoes, embracing every scar, every line, and every socalled imperfection as badges of a life well-lived. True confidence radiates from within, and I think any of you can agree with me that confidence is sexy as hell. It's that intangible quality that draws people in, that makes them sit up and take notice, not of what you look like, but of who you are. It's about looking in the mirror and saying, "Yeah, this is me. I've got stories, I've got scars, and so what? I've got a hell of a lot to offer." And when you carry that confidence, it's contagious. It changes the way people see you, sure, but more importantly, it changes how you see yourself. So embrace it all, and walk in your own self confidence and own that shit, okay? If you don’t trust me on anything else in this book, trust me on this. So what happens when things do inevitably change? It can get very awkward when you encounter this with your partner. Maybe they've packed on a few extra pounds, or perhaps life's stresses have led them to lose more weight than is healthy. It's easy to get caught up in the physical, to feel a disconnect when the body in front
of you doesn't match the one you fell for. But here’s what you should realize… you're on the same path! The changes might not have hit you yet, but they're coming, and when they do, you'll want the same grace and understanding from your partner. Getting past this physical disconnect isn't about turning a blind eye or pretending the changes don't exist. It's about deepening your connection beyond the superficial, about finding ways to reignite that spark, not in spite of the changes, but alongside them. Spicing things up in the bedroom isn't reserved for the newly hitched or the fresh-out-of-college crowd; it's for anyone who's ever looked at their partner and thought, "Let's not turn into one of those couples who schedules sex between 'Wheel of Fortune' and bedtime." Whether you're in your 20s or your golden years, here are five universally spicy tips to keep things interesting: 1. Secret Code: Develop your own sexy Morse code. It could be a specific emoji sent in a text, a certain phrase, or even a discreet hand signal at a dinner party. This little insider secret becomes your private bat signal for "Things are about to get interesting." It's like being in a spy movie, but the mission is all about pleasure.
2. Adventure List: Create a bucket list, but make it spicy. I call mine, the “fuck it” list. This isn't your run-ofthe-mill "skydiving in Fiji" kind of list. It's a collection of fantasies, positions, or even locations you're both curious about. Every month, randomly pick one to explore. It keeps the anticipation high and the routine at bay, proving that adventure isn't just for the outdoors. 3. Sensual Sabbatical: Take a break from the usual and dedicate a whole day or weekend to exploring each other's bodies without the goal of climax. It's like a gourmet meal versus fast food; you're there to savor every moment, every touch, without rushing to the finish line. This can be incredibly bonding and eyeopening, reminding you that intimacy isn't just about the big O. 4. The Treasure Map: XXX marks the spot, and you’re the treasure hunter. You can either purchase a world map if you’re international travelers, or a map of your own country. Every time the two of you go somewhere and get frisky, put a pin on that map. Next time your friends are over for game night admiring your map of “travels”, you can give your partner the side eye and
smirk knowing that your secret is safe between the two of you. 5. Tech Detox: Commit to a tech-free night or weekend where your sole focus is on each other. No phones, no TV, no distractions. It might sound simple, but in a world where our eyes are constantly glued to screens, giving your partner undivided attention is both rare and incredibly sexy. It's about rediscovering intimacy in its purest form, where conversations and connections deepen, paving the way for more passionate encounters. Light some candles, make a fire, and whoever reaches first for the phone gets to choose something off of the adventure list to try right then and there. Relationships thrive when you keep the flame alive. It’s about being intentional, creative, and open to exploring new avenues of pleasure, together. So, whether you're navigating the early days of discovery or rekindling the fire in a long-term partnership, remember: the best adventures are shared ones. So get out there, get naked, and burn some calories baby!
7 Mixed, Not Stirred: Mastering the Dynamics of Blended Family Life Blended families are like making a smoothie with ingredients you never thought would mix. You hope for the best, but sometimes, you're just holding your breath and bracing for the unexpected flavor. In this highstakes blending game, my daughters, Sam, and I are the main ingredients, each of us with our unique zest, trying not to turn the kitchen into a disaster zone. Every summer and alternating Christmases, my girls swoop into our life like a whirlwind of energy, bringing with them the challenge and joy of a temporary, yet full-
time, blended family. It's a dance of adapting and adjusting, where Sam and I work tirelessly to instill respect in the girls, not just for us but also for the dynamics we're nurturing. And for Sam? It's a full-tiltlike-a-peterbilt crash course in 'Kids 101', where she’s forced to go from girlfriend to “Bonus Mom” in their lives, navigating the chaotic beauty of parenting. The real struggle in blending families kicks in when you're juggling the myriad parenting styles on the table. There's mine, there's my ex's, and then there's Sam's budding approach, fresh and untested. It's like being a chef in a kitchen where everyone has an opinion on the recipe and all you can do is your personal best to blend it just right. The kids, caught in the crossfire, often become unwitting taste-testers in this experimental cuisine. This tenuous balance is further complicated by the silent battles we fight within ourselves. There's guilt, the constant questioning if we're doing enough, if we’re not doing enough, the fear of overstepping or not stepping up enough, and the ever-present concern of how this all impacts the kids. It's a delicate dance on a tightrope of emotions, with the hope that everyone makes it to the other side without too many stumbles.
As someone who has a co-parent that has a slightly different parenting style than mine, it often feels like a dance to try balance between the two styles we have. Neither of us are perfect, of course, but it definitely makes it an unnecessary challenge if we can’t seem to get on the same page. Much like how kids can be caught in the crossfire, Sam also finds herself in a similar position; trying to support me and my desired parenting style, while not trying to step on their mom’s toes in the process and remain respectful. It’s a dance. It’s not impossible to learn, it just takes time and that’s just the honest truth. So, how do you make this blend work without turning your home into a battleground of wills and wits? Here are five strategies to keep the peace and foster a loving, respectful blended family dynamic: 1. Open Communication is Your Lifeline: Keep the lines of communication so open that there's no room for assumptions or misunderstandings to fester. This means regular family meetings, one-on-one check-ins, and creating a safe space where everyone, kids included, can voice their feelings without fear of judgment. Remember, your kids watch everything, and I hate to
say it, but they’re often times smarter than us, and more in tune with what goes on than we give them credit for. So be the example. 2. United Front: You and your partner need to be on the same page, or at least in the same book. This doesn't mean you'll agree on everything, but when it comes to the big decisions, showing a united front provides stability and security for the kids. As your kids get older, they’ll begin to respect the united front and take that as a life lesson of their own one day. 3. Respect the Original Recipe: Do your best to acknowledge and respect the parenting styles and traditions that the kids are used to. If you’re like me, you may not agree with all of them, but trying to force new rules or erase old ones can feel like a direct attack on their other home. Instead, blend them with your new family's flavor to create a mix that respects everyone's tastes. This is probably the toughest of these 5 points to put into practice, but trust me, its worth it. 4. Patience is Not Just a Virtue; It's a Fucking Necessity: Blending families is a marathon, not a sprint. There will be setbacks, misunderstandings, and maybe a few hurt feelings along the way. Patience allows
everyone the time they need to adjust, heal, and grow into their new roles. So be patient, and you might just survive. 5. Celebrate the Small Wins: In the whirlwind of blending a family, it's easy to overlook the small moments of success. Celebrating these moments helps to reinforce positive dynamics and builds a foundation of shared joy and accomplishment. I don’t care how pedantic a “small win” might feel to you, put on your party hats and make it a big thing. Remember, blending a family isn't about achieving perfection. It's about creating a new, wonderfully complex recipe that, despite the occasional unexpected flavor, becomes your own unique blend of love, respect, and understanding. Here's to the messy, challenging, and ultimately rewarding journey of blended family life. In our next chapter, we’ll unpack the benefits of making sure you and your partner have the same future goals, and how that can be either a red flag, or a green light to pursuing a relationship together.
8 Growing Together - The Blueprint for Tomorrow Growth, in its essence, is the backbone of any enduring relationship. It's not just about sailing through the good times but about laying down a foundation strong enough to withstand the storms, the uncertainties, and, yes, the inevitable changes that life throws our way. Recently, Sam and I were chilling out in our living room, and had planned to just relax and watch a movie, but instead we ventured into a dialogue about the future; not the superficial daydreams, but the real, "what are we doing with our lives?" kind of talk. We talked about parenting philosophies, sharing our fears and aspirations about raising kids in a world that's
as beautiful as it is broken. We talked about our career goals, I talked about starting up a life & relationship coaching business since I noticed the film industry was utterly collapsing on itself. I admitted that what I had spent the last 20 years of my life pouring blood, sweat, and tears into was failing and I might need to find other ways to earn an honest living. She talked about nursing, and things she might want to do with it in the future, sharing her desire to start painting again, and getting better at taking the time to do things that were important to her. We both talked for hours about things like where we’d want to live one day, I talked about my container house I’ve always wanted to build, it was just, ya know… nice. What was most nice was to walk away from that conversation realizing we both wanted the same things in life. Those moments where you and your partner are comfortable enough with each other to be completely vulnerable with your thoughts, feelings, and fears is probably one of the best things about having a solid relationship. These conversations used to be the kinds that would scare me shitless to think about post-divorce. My inner dialogue used to sound something like, am I forcing this too soon? Is this someone I can genuinely trust? Is this actually the one? I’ve thought I’ve found the one
before, but is this real this time? But shelving those fears aside, and be willing to have this deep level of conversation left me feeling more connected, more in tune with her, and frankly, more in love. For the first time, I could actually picture all of this in my head and I didn’t get so freaked out that I wanted to run and throw up in the corner. When you think you’ve found your “right person”, try it and see if you feel the same. These moments of vulnerability, of shared dreaming and planning, are the glue that binds a relationship. It's not just about being on the same page but about writing that page together, acknowledging that while the future is uncertain, the journey is shared. So why do these conversations matter? Let’s talk about a scenario I hear all too often. I often tell people that out of all the pitfalls dating can have, the worst pitfall of all is wasting time with the wrong person; not just because they like A and you like B, but when that person is going on a completely different journey than you. An analogy I like to think of when it comes to this, is imagine you’re leaving your house to go for a walk. The
weather is perfect, you’re sporting some fresh kicks, and you just want to get out for some fresh air. You’ve a rough destination in mind, so you set off walking. Across the street, you see someone highly attractive, so you walk over and start talking to them. They’re walking in the opposite direction as you, but you don’t mind the deviation in your plan, after all, the conversation is great, and its nice having someone to go for a walk with. Before long though, your walking buddy waves goodbye. The sun starts to set, the streetlights come on, and you’ve got no fucking idea what neighborhood you’re even in anymore. You pull out your phone to check your GPS, but it died in your pocket. You find yourself thinking, “Fuck, I did it again. I’ve no idea where I am, no idea how to get back home… I’m officially lost. It’s a scary place to be, right? If that analogy is anything like you’ve felt, or are feeling currently, you’re not alone. It’s so easy to get distracted going on someone else’s journey, that we forget where we were even going in the first place. We gave that up so that we could walk on someone else’s path, meant for them, not us. This is why it’s a smart thing to do when
you meet someone, is to make sure you’re both going at least a similar direction. It’s okay if you want to deviate here and there for a little fun sometimes, but make sure you don’t spend too much time on your detour and lose sight of your destination. So what happens when you have the kind of conversation Sam and I had, but in your situation, you both sit down and vision-plan the future and the picture you envision isn’t what your partner starts painting? It’s a real scenario that happens often. When charting out the map for your journey, sometimes it can become glaringly obvious that you're both on completely different wavelengths. Maybe you're all in for that idyllic suburban dream, a steady job, a house with a picket fence, maybe a dog or two chasing the kids around. Meanwhile, your partner's got wanderlust in their eyes, thinking about a life out of a camper van, remote working from exotic locales, and no fixed address to call home. It's the classic square peg, round hole scenario. I’ll be honest, this isn't just about "agreeing to disagree." This is fundamental life path stuff, and trying to mash these two visions together without genuine common
ground is like trying to blend oil and water—messy and frustrating for everyone involved. So, what's the play here? First off, no rash decisions. This is the kind of chat that needs a round two, maybe even a round three. It's about digging deeper than the surface level "I want this, you want that." What's driving these dreams? Is there a slice of common ground you've missed? Maybe it's the craving for stability on one end and the thirst for freedom on the other. Find that sliver of overlap, and you've got a starting point. But—if the divide is too vast, if every conversation ends with that gut-wrenching feeling of being worlds apart, it might just be time to face the music. It's brutal, but ripping off the Band-Aid now is better than a lifetime of resentment, and a mountain of divorce costs. Calling it quits when you're at a crossroads like this isn't about giving up; it's about respecting each other enough to say, "Go live your best life, even if it's not with me.” Whether you find that middle ground or decide to part ways, remember: it's about being honest, with yourself and with each other. It's tough, sure, but sometimes, love is knowing when to let go.
This is why I strongly suggest having this talk as soon as you think you’ve found “The One”. So how do you make sure you’re not wasting time with the wrong person who may be an amazing human being, but may just be on a different journey than you? 1. Make sure you’re on the same page: Talk about finances, children, career ambitions, political leanings, and any other deal-breakers. These discussions might be tough, but they're essential in laying a solid foundation for your future together. 2. Understand Each Other's Love Languages: Knowing how your partner expresses and receives love can transform your relationship, turning miscommunications and missed cues into moments of deep connection and understanding. 3. Travel Together: You’ll learn a lot about each other when you travel with one another. From their bedtime routines (if you’ve not spent the night together yet) to the way they organize and pack, to their mindsets when plans change. There's also something about exploring new places that can reveal new layers of your relationship, and add fresh chapters to your own book
the two of you are writing. It's not just about the destinations but about the shared experiences and the memories you create along the way. 4. Meet Each Other's Inner Circle: Getting to know the important people in your partner's life can provide valuable insights into who they are and what shaped them, deepening your understanding and appreciation of each other. 5. Face a Challenge Together: Whether it's running a marathon, building a piece of that damned IKEA furniture with the little metal tool that turns your fingers into hamburger meat and the horrible directions that you can’t understand, tackling challenges together strengthens your bond and teaches you about each other's resilience, patience, and problem-solving abilities. Growing together is about more than just surviving life side by side; it's about thriving, evolving, and building a future that's as bright and hopeful as the love that brought you together in the first place.
Prologue: The End, or is it? In our journey through the pages of this guide, we've tackled the essential components that forge the foundation of a strong, resilient relationship. Let's take a moment to reflect on the ground we've covered: Chapter 1: Communication - When Words Fail: We started with the cornerstone of all relationships: communication. Through tales of misinterpreted "I'm fine"s and the struggle to bridge the gap between different communication styles, we learned the art of active listening, the power of "I" statements, and the necessity of clear, open dialogue. Chapter 2: Conflict Resolution - When Being Right Goes Wrong: Here, we navigated the turbulent waters of conflict, understanding that the aim isn't to emerge victorious but to find common ground. We explored the value of de-escalation, the importance of addressing issues head-on, and the transformative power of forgiveness.
Chapter 3: Trust and Honesty - A Bitter Pill: Trust and honesty were underscored as the bedrock of any meaningful connection. We delved into the pain of betrayal, the arduous path to rebuilding trust, and the critical role of honesty in maintaining the integrity of our relationships. Chapter 4: Respect and Boundaries: We acknowledged the significance of mutual respect and the establishment of healthy boundaries. Through anecdotes and advice, we underscored the necessity of respecting each other's individuality and the importance of clear boundaries for a thriving partnership. Chapter 5: Emotional Support and Empathy: This chapter was a deep dive into the heart of empathy and emotional support. We confronted the challenges of being present for our partners, especially during their darkest times, and discussed strategies for nurturing a compassionate, empathetic connection. Chapter 6: Keeping the Spark Alive: Here, we tackled the often delicate subject of maintaining intimacy and passion. We explored creative ways to rekindle the
flame, from embracing new experiences together to finding joy in the everyday moments that stitch the fabric of our relationships. Chapter 7 : Mixed, not stirred: Mastering the dynamics of the blended family life. We navigated the journey of blended families, emphasizing the importance of open communication, unity, and respect. By sharing personal experiences and practical strategies, we learned how to foster harmony in a newly blended household, highlighting the potential for growth and joy in the good times, and the bad. Chapter 8 : Growing Together: Finally, we looked toward the horizon, discussing the importance of aligning our dreams, facing life's challenges hand in hand, and laying down a shared path for the future. This book isn't the end-all-be-all; it's a collection of insights, anecdotes, and advice gleaned from the trenches of love and loss, success and failure. It's a tool to help you navigate the complex, often messy world of relationships with a bit more grace, understanding, and resilience.
As you turn the final page, know that the true work, the real adventure, lies ahead, in the day-to-day choices you make, the challenges you face together, and the love you choose to nurture and grow. It's a journey worth taking, with every step, every misstep, and every triumph along the way shaping the story of a love that's uniquely yours. I wish you nothing but success on your relationship journeys, and I’d love to hear from you from time to time on how its going! Feel free to find me on social media at Bondfire Coaching, and drop me a line sometime. Lastly, this isn't everything there is to know about relationships, but it's enough to set you on the right path. The rest is up to you. So embrace it, live it, and above all, love with all your heart. Here's to the journey ahead! Much Love, Chris
ABOUT THE AUTHOR Chris Hatchett is a seasoned storyteller, not just through the lens of a camera but in the intricate dance of human relationships. With experience spanning almost two decades in the film and television industry, Chris has mastered the art of weaving narratives, managing dynamic teams, and bringing visions to life against the backdrop of tight deadlines and complex human emotions. It's this deep dive into the human condition that has seamlessly transitioned into his latest role as the founder of Bondfire Coaching. Based in the Pacific Northwest, Chris applies the same passion and precision that defined his film career to the realm of life and relationship coaching. His approach is not about offering quick fixes but about kindling the
flames of self-awareness, communication, and connection that form the cornerstone of any lasting relationship. Chris's coaching philosophy is grounded in the belief that every individual holds the key to their own narrative; sometimes, they just need a little help unlocking it. His journey into the world of coaching was sparked by his own life experiences, navigating relationships, both personal and professional. His candid, “bullshit-free” style, infused with empathy well, his best attempts at empathy, and understanding, makes him a relatable and effective coach, mentor, and now, author. Through his debut book, Chris extends an invitation to all who seek not just to find love but to foster, nurture, and grow it. In a world with a ton of self-help books, Chris stands out as a trail guide of sorts, guiding individuals through their own love stories with practicality, humor, and dash of wisdom sprinkled throughout.