2020-07-01 Reader's Digest Canada

reader’s digest

HEALTH

BY Leah Rumack

FROM CHATELAINE
illustration by marcos chin

Some experts believe the non-intoxicating
compound from the marijuana plant can

cure anxiety, chronic pain, sleeplessness
and a thousand other problems.
I decided to give it a try.

rd.ca 49

reader’s digest

’d like a Relaxed Fit,” I type in an (a.k.a. tetrahydrocannabinol), the better-
Instagram message to my poten- known cannabis derivative stoners have
tial drug dealer. It’s the code for been buying from “a guy” for years.

“  her high-dose CBD cookies. (The It’s also a potent anti-inflammatory,
THC-forward ones are called and its advocates say this potential mir-
I High Rise, get it? They’re both acle medicine can help treat everything
jeans, but those ones are high.) from pain, anxiety and sleep disorders
They’re $55 for a dozen, but she only to arthritis and even schizophrenia. The
has ginger with turmeric (blech!) avail- U.S. National Institutes of Health took
able at the moment. I give up and log out a patent on certain cannabinoids
on to cbd2go.ca, load my cart with in 2003, and in 2018 the U.S. Food and
two tinctures and a pain salve and Drug Administration approved a CBD-
then begin watching my mailbox for derived drug for the treatment of par-
the package that’s promising me sweet, ticular types of epilepsy (a similar med-
sweet relief. ication underwent a promising clinical
I’m not the only one waiting for the trial in Canada last summer). In the
mail—CBD2GO’s website has constant U.S., depending on what state you’re in,
pop-ups informing me that, in the past you can buy a dizzying array of CBD-
10 hours, someone in Stouffville or infused products, including luxury skin
Brampton or some other Canadian care, teas, makeup, beverages and lube.
town purchased a 1,000-milligram
Calyx Heal or coconut tincture. It’s like Canada legalized the use and sale of
they’re shouting, “You! Law-abiding certain kinds of recreational cannabis—
middle-aged mom—you are not alone! flower, oils, seeds and plants—in 2018.
All these Extremely Average Humans The next wave of legalization, which
have heard the promises of this magi- covers edibles, extracts and topicals,
cal elixir called CBD, and they, like happened last fall. Ever since the weed
the poster on Fox Mulder’s wall on The door opened, the biggest buzz has been
X-Files, want to believe.” around CBD. This makes sense given
And I do. I do want to believe. I’m one the potential size of the market—your
of the many average humans who, along neighbour might not smoke a joint in
with not-so-average scientists, doctors the rec room with you, but she definitely
and investors around the world, are cur- has sore knees and would like to try
rently obsessed with the possibilities some of that “special” balm you told her
that CBD—short for cannabidiol, one of about. People have always found ways
at least 480 components of the canna- to get high, but can CBD make us well?
bis plant—is dangling before our eyes.
CBD isn’t intoxicating, unlike THC DEENA GANDIN certainly thinks so.
After years of pain caused by her house

50 july/august 2020

cleaning job—and two car accidents balance. Our bodies naturally produce
within 10 months in 2018—the 48-year- cannabinoids on their own, and there
old from Binbrook, Ont., was ready to are receptors for them all over the
try anything. place—including in the brain, heart,
pancreas, nerve cells, skin, reproduct-
“I’m the most skeptical person on the ive organs, digestive system and liver—
planet,” she says. “But I didn’t want to that influence things like our immune
be on narcotics. I finally just said, ‘The response and levels of inflammation,
heck with it,’ and tried CBD.” She used appetite and pain.
a CBD oil. “It was life changing. I was
like, ‘Oh my gosh, is this what it’s like to Cannabinoids are also produced in
not live in pain?!’ I used to come home cannabis plants—these are called phy-
at four and barely be able to make it to tocannabinoids. When phytocannabi-
the couch. Now I can keep going until noids meet human body cannabinoid
nine. I’ve told everybody—I’m ready to receptors, it’s like an affair that was
shout it out from the mountaintops.” always meant to happen.

Gandin also noticed another inter- IT SEEMS TO WORK.
esting change when she started taking I’M SLEEPING BETTER,
CBD—her lifelong depression and anx- MORE CHILL AND LESS
iety subsided. “I don’t have that horri- GRUMPY, EVEN WHEN
ble feeling of worry in my stomach
anymore,” she says. I’M OVERTIRED.

How can one molecule affect so Dr. Richa Love is one of the more
many things? And if CBD does, in fact, outspoken proponents of CBD. She’s
help treat all the conditions researchers the founder of CannU Educational Ser-
think it might, how does it know where vices, an online cannabis education
to go in the body? “There are scientists platform. “Think of the receptors as
all over the world trying to figure that locks,” she explains, “and think of can-
out,” laughs Danielle Blair, the founder nabinoids as the keys.” (That’s the gist
of Calyx Wellness, a Canadian company of the ECS, though CBD doesn’t techni-
that produces CBD products. “Our body cally go into the locks—it just activates
just knows exactly where it needs to be.” them, prompting the body to produce
even more of its own cannabinoids.)
Part of the answer probably has to
do with our endocannabinoid system Love has been a family doctor for
(ECS). The ECS, which was only dis- almost 20 years. About five years ago,
covered by medical researchers in the
1990s, is a network of cannabinoid
transmitters and receptors that helps
maintain the body’s homeostasis, or

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reader’s digest

she turned down an elderly patient who In High Regard
asked for a medical cannabis prescrip-
tion to help ease the pain of her arthri- CANNABIS
tis. “All my training and all my instincts
were to think of it as drug-seeking A hearty plant grown for
behaviour,” Love says. “So she went to its tough fiber (as hemp) and
another source, and then I saw how her
arthritis got significantly better. That was as an intoxicant.
a humbling moment as a physician.”
THC
Love suffers from rheumatoid arthri-
tis herself. About four years ago she Tetrahydrocannabinol, a chemical
had a flare-up that was so bad she was compound present in the canna-
in constant pain, on multiple medica- bis plant. When the leaves and
tions and walking with a cane. Her oils have a higher concentration
rheumatologist even suggested maybe of THC, they’re more intoxicating.
it was time to pause—or end—her
career. “I tried CBD oil, and it trans- CBD
formed me,” Love says. “So I started to
look at it more seriously.” Cannabidiol, a non-intoxicating
component of the cannabis plant,
MY PERSONAL INTEREST in CBD stems purported to help alleviate symp-
from a long struggle with insomnia and
more recent issues with chronic pain. toms of stress, anxiety, arthritis
Since I hit my 40s, I’ve been constantly and other conditions.
straining or tearing things, resulting in
a daily Advil-plus-Tylenol (then maybe HEMP
some more Advil, topped off with a
splash of Aleve) habit, which is likely A non-intoxicating part of the
wreaking havoc on my liver and kid- cannabis plant, often used in
neys. I’ve also taken benzodiazepines textiles and rope. Its edible seeds
for sleep on and off for almost 15 years,
lately more on than off, putting me at and oil are rich in vitamins
a higher risk for developing a depen- and minerals.
dence and, eventually, dementia. Mas-
sage, osteopathy, surgery, acupunc- “Mommy can’t play with you right
ture, cognitive behavioural therapy now,” I tell my eight-year-old. “Mom-
and meditation—among other things— my’s arm hurts. Mommy is tired.”
haven’t totally fixed either issue.
“You’re always tired,” he sighs.
I need to find another way. And then
my other way arrives in my mailbox.
I try a small array of CBD-infused
products—chosen by the extremely
unscientific method of how much I
like their websites—to deal with my

52 july/august 2020

chicken-egg situation (my insomnia it’s very hard to overdose on CBD:
exacerbates my pain, but my pain keeps unlike opiate receptors, none of the
me from sleeping). A salve from a com- cannabinoid receptors are located in
pany called Organa doesn’t provide the part of the brain stem that con-
relief to my arm, where I’m still healing trols your breathing and heart. Also,
from a tendon- and ligament-repair because CBD research is still in its rel-
surgery, or my leg, where my doctors ative infancy, there isn’t a standard for
think I’m experiencing referred pain what’s an appropriate dose.)
from a torn tendon in my ankle—per-
haps a tall order for a $35 product. I And guess what? I think it starts to
take 30 milligrams of CBD oil capsules work. It’s not like popping a Percocet
from a company called CoCos Pure for or a sleeping pill—where you get an
a couple weeks, to little effect. instant, obvious result—but I notice
I’m taking fewer pain and sleeping
I’m starting to lose hope. Then I meds, I’m sleeping better, and I’m
turn to the priciest option in my new more chill and less grumpy, even when
arsenal: Calyx’s Heal tincture, which I’m overtired.
costs $140 for a 30-millilitre bottle of
1,000-milligram-strength CBD oil. “Heal “THE ENTHUSIASM
is intended to treat more serious health FOR THESE PRODUCTS
conditions,” CBD2GO promises, with-
out naming any specific ailments. “It FAR EXCEEDS OUR
delivers a larger dose to the mind and UNDERSTANDING
body to kick-start the healing process.”
OF THEM.”
“Whatever,” I think, popping open
the top. “It’s all probably snake oil.” I It could be the placebo effect, but I
start taking the oil—holding it under feel it helps enough that I decide to try
my tongue for 30 seconds and then to get a medical prescription for can-
swallowing it—with my daily vitamins nabis so my insurance will help with
and supplements. It’s, you know, oily, the cost. Manulife and Sun Life both
but otherwise inoffensive. I misread cover it. To my great surprise, both my
the instructions and end up ingesting family doctor and a pain specialist turn
more than the maximum recommended me down immediately, saying there
dose of 45 drops a day—about 60, isn’t enough evidence that it treats
divided into two full droppers through- insomnia or chronic pain.
out the evening—for about two weeks.
This amounts to approximately 68 mil- How could this be? I call Love again.
ligrams of CBD a day, more than dou- It turns out they’re right—sort of. There
ble what I had tried before. (Thankfully

rd.ca 53

reader’s digest

is lots of evidence demonstrating CBD’s there are hundreds of different types
efficacy for managing pain, but it’s all available on the Canadian market.
from observational studies or animal Which ones are you going to study?”
studies. There have been almost no
double-blind, placebo-control trials. Love puts doctors’ reluctance to pre-
scribe it down to a combination of a
“The amount of enthusiasm people lack of education when it comes to the
have for these products at the moment rapidly evolving field—since the endo-
far exceeds our understanding of them,” cannabinoid system wasn’t discovered
says Dr. Michael Allan, the director of until the 1990s, a lot of doctors didn’t
program and practice support at the learn about it in medical school, and
College of Family Physicians of Canada even now it’s often not on the curricu-
and the lead author on a set of simpli- lum—and, worse, a hesitation born out
fied guidelines for cannabinoid use. of a lingering discomfort around any
kind of cannabis use.
The guidelines recommend medi-
cal cannabinoid use as a last resort for CBD may be just the beginning of the
a small subset of conditions, includ- useful compounds found in cannabis—
ing neuropathic and end-of-life pain, the properties and uses of the dozens
and chemotherapy-induced nausea. of others it contains are only starting
The guidelines don’t differentiate to be understood. (If you haven’t heard
between products that are high in about cannabigerol or cannabinol yet,
CBD and those that are high in THC. you probably will soon, but that’s a
The research that’s available, says story for another day.)
Allan, is focused on THC and is
obtained mostly from people who are Despite the unknowns, there’s one
already using cannabis, which creates story I’ve heard from every CBD expert
a huge bias. “It’s guesswork at this I’ve spoken to, and it goes like this: In
point,” he says. “The limited studies a time that’s not so far away, taking
seem to indicate a combination of CBD will be as common as popping a
inhaled THC and CBD is needed for multivitamin or supplement.
pain. CBD on its own seems to have
no benefits.” “It will become an absolutely normal
thing,” predicts Blair. “You’ll wake up
Love won’t give up on the promise and take your CBD and your fish oil.
of CBD. “It isn’t a chemical model that It’s the best anti-inflammatory in plant
can be replicated the same way over medicine and so many diseases stem
and over in a lab,” she says. “CBD is from chronic inflammation. People will
plant-based medicine—it’s a square say, ‘Of course I take CBD.’”
peg that’s not going to fit in the round
hole we’ve created for pharma. Also, © 2019, LEAH RUMACK. FROM “CBD IS TOUTED AS A
MIRACLE COMPOUND, BUT DOES IT ACTUALLY WORK?
WE TRIED IT,” CHATELAINE (DECEMBER 2019).

54 july/august 2020

DOWN TO BUSINESS Silent Mode
The business I work for
had a dinner for all of
its employees and
invited all their family
members to come
along. Before the first
speech, the host made
an announcement: “We
kindly ask you to please
put all cellphones and
children on vibrate.”

— GREATCLEANJOKES.COM

“Monica, could you please send in a rebounder?” Due to enormous per-
sonal flaws that I refuse
CONAN DE VRIES High Expectations something my boss to work on, I will be
Today at work, a said,” my friend replied. arriving 20 minutes late
woman got huffy with to work and drinking
me because she didn’t “What did your boss an iced coffee. Please
know that sabre-toothed say?” the co-worker be respectful.
cats are extinct and asked.
thought the museum — @EWDATSGROSS
would have a live one “You’re fired.”
on display. My boss, on Friday: “This
— DISTRACTIFY.COM is the fifth day in a row
— @ADDISON_PEACOCK that you’ve been late.”
Strategy for Success Me: “Well, I can prom-
A friend of mine was I have a phone inter- ise it won’t happen
getting to know his new view today, and some- tomorrow.”
co-workers when one one told me to just
of them asked why he be myself, so I’m — JOKES4US.COM
left his old job. “It was not going to answer
the call. Are you in need of some
professional motivation?
— @CAITHULS Send us a work anecdote,
and you could receive
$50. To submit your
stories, visit rd.ca/joke.

rd.ca 55

reader’s digest PHOTO CREDIT TO COME
56 july/august 2020

CRIME

THE BROADDUS FAMILY
COULDN’T WAIT TO

MOVE INTO THEIR NEW
DREAM HOUSE—UNTIL
SINISTER LETTERS BEGAN
ARRIVING IN THE MAIL

BY Reeves Wiedeman FROM NEW YORK

reader’s digest

after he’d finished painting one even- vard? Why are you here? I will find out. (PREVIOUS SPREAD) CHRISTOPHER SADOWSKI
ing at his new house in Westfield, The letter identified the Broadduses’
New Jersey, Derek Broaddus found an
envelope addressed in thick, clunky Honda minivan, as well as the workers
handwriting to “The New Owner.” renovating the home.

Dearest new neighbour at 657 Bou- I see already that you have flooded 657
levard, allow me to welcome you to the Boulevard with contractors so that you
neighbourhood. can destroy the house as it was supposed
to be. Tsk, tsk, tsk ... bad move. You don’t
Buying 657 Boulevard had fulfilled a want to make 657 Boulevard unhappy.
dream for Derek and his wife, Maria.
The house was a few blocks from Maria’s Earlier in the week, the family had
childhood home. Their three kids, who gone to the house and chatted with
were five, eight and 10 years old, were their new neighbours. The letter writer
already debating which of the house’s seemed to have noticed.
fireplaces Santa Claus would use.
You have children. I have seen them.
The note went on: So far I think there are three that I have
My grandfather watched the house in counted ... Once I know their names I will
the 1920s, and my father watched in the call to them and draw them too [sic] me.
1960s. It is now my time. Do you know
the history of the house? Do you know The envelope had no return address.
what lies within the walls of 657 Boule- Who am I? There are hundreds and
hundreds of cars that drive by 657 Bou-
levard each day. Maybe I am in one.
Look at all the windows you can see from
657 Boulevard. Maybe I am in one.
Welcome, my friends, welcome. Let
the party begin.
A signature appeared in a cursive font:
—The Watcher

it was after 10 p.m., and Derek was
alone. He raced around the house turn-
ing off lights so no one could see inside,
then called the police. An officer came
to the house and read the letter. He
asked Derek whether he had enemies
and recommended moving a piece of
construction equipment from the back
veranda in case the Watcher tried to
toss it through a window.

58 july/august 2020

Derek and Maria emailed John and since the young blood ruled the hall-
Andrea Woods, the couple from whom ways of the house. Have you found all
they’d purchased 657 Boulevard, to ask of the secrets it holds yet? Will the young
whether they had any idea who the blood play in the basement?
Watcher might be.
Or are they too afraid to go down
Andrea replied that a few days before there alone? I would [be] very afraid if
moving out, they’d received an odd I were them. It is far away from the rest
note signed “The Watcher.” She said of the house. If you were upstairs, you
that she and her husband had never would never hear them scream.
received anything like it in their 23 years
in the house and had thrown the letter Will they sleep in the attic? Or will
away without much thought. you all sleep on the second floor? Who
has the bedrooms facing the street? I’ll
A POLICE OFFICER know as soon as you move in. It will
ARRIVED AT THE help me to know who is in which bed-
HOUSE. HE WANTED room. Then I can plan better.
TO KNOW IF DEREK
HAD ANY ENEMIES. Have a happy moving-in day. You
know I will be watching.
The Broadduses spent the next weeks
on high alert. Derek cancelled a work Derek and Maria stopped taking
trip, and whenever Maria took the their kids to the house. They were no
kids to the house, she would yell their longer sure when, or if, they would
names if they wandered into a far cor- move in. Several weeks later, a third
ner of the yard. letter arrived. Where have you gone to?

Soon, another letter arrived. Maria 657 Boulevard is missing you.
recognized the thick black lettering
and called the police. This time, the many westfield residents compare
Watcher used their names, misspelling their town to Mayberry, the idyllic set-
them as “Mr. and Mrs. Braddus” and ting for The Andy Griffith Show. West-
identifying their three kids by their field is 45 minutes from New York City,
nicknames—the names Maria had and the town’s 30,000 residents are
been yelling. largely well-to-do families. Built in
1905, 657 Boulevard was perhaps the
657 Boulevard is anxious for you to grandest home on the block, and when
move in. It has been years and years the Woodses put it on the market,
they received multiple offers. The
Broadduses won the bidding war and
got the house for US$1.3 million. They
initially suspected the Watcher might
be someone upset over losing out on

rd.ca 59

reader’s digest

the house. But the Woodses said one a bit odd, Schmidt said, describing one
interested buyer had backed out after son, Michael Langford, as “kind of a
a bad medical diagnosis, while another Boo Radley character.” (A mysterious
had found a different home. Andrea recluse from Harper Lee’s novel To Kill
Woods thought it was more likely some- a Mockingbird.)
one in the neighbourhood.
Derek thought the case was solved.
The letters did indicate proximity. But detectives said they had already
They had been processed in Kearny, the spoken to Michael. He denied knowing
U.S. Postal Service’s distribution cen- anything about the letters. Without hard
tre in northern New Jersey. The first was evidence, there wasn’t much the depart-
postmarked June 4, before the sale ment could do. Frustrated, the Broad-
was public—the Woodses had never duses began their own investigation.
even put up a for-sale sign. They set up webcams and employed
private investigators, including two for-
ANYONE COULD HAVE mer FBI agents.
BEEN THE WATCHER.
One of them, Robert Lenehan, rec-
MARIA SPENT ognized several old-fashioned tics in
HOURS GOOGLING the letters that pointed to an older
SUSPICIOUS PEOPLE. writer. Envelopes were addressed to
“M/M Braddus,” and the sentences
A few days after the first letter, Maria had double spaces between them. The
and Derek went to a neighbourhood letters had a certain literary panache,
barbecue. They hadn’t told anyone which suggested a “voracious reader,”
about the Watcher, as the police had and a surprising lack of profanity given
instructed, and found themselves scan- the level of anger, which Lenehan
ning the party for clues while keeping thought meant a “less macho” writer.
tabs on their kids, who ran guilelessly He didn’t think the Watcher was likely
through a crowd that made up much to act on the threats, but the letters had
of the suspect pool. enough typos to imply a certain errat-
icism. Lenehan recommended look-
John Schmidt, who lived two doors ing into former housekeepers or their
down, told Derek about the Langfords, descendants.
who had lived in the house between
theirs since the 1960s. Peggy Langford To Maria, it seemed like almost any-
was in her 90s, and several of her adult one could have been the Watcher, which
children lived with her. The family was made daily life feel like navigating a
labyrinth of threats. She probed the
faces of shoppers at the local supermar-
ket to see whether they looked strangely

60 july/august 2020

at her kids and spent hours googling that they intended to show the letters
anyone who seemed suspicious. to anyone whose offer was accepted.
Several bids came in, but they were
But the Watcher left no digital trail, well below the asking price.
no fingerprints, and no way to place
someone at the scene of a crime that The media caught wind of the tale.
could have been hatched from pretty News trucks camped out at 657 Boule-
much any letterbox in northern New vard, and one local reporter set up a
Jersey. The letters could be read closely lawn chair to conduct his own watch.
for possible clues or dismissed as non- The Broadduses got more than 300
sensical ramblings. In December 2014, media requests but decided not to
six months after the first letter had speak publicly. The attention forced
arrived, police told the Broadduses they Derek and Maria to explain to their
had run out of options. Derek showed children the real reason they hadn’t
the letters to his priest, who agreed to moved into their new home. The kids
bless the house. had plenty of questions: who is the
Watcher? Where does this person live?
the renovations, including a new alarm Why is this person angry with us? Derek
system, were finished, but the idea of and Maria had few answers.
moving in filled the Broadduses with
overwhelming anxiety. They moved in SIX MONTHS AFTER
with Maria’s parents while continuing THE FIRST LETTER
to pay the mortgage and taxes on 657 ARRIVED, POLICE
Boulevard. They told only a handful of
friends about the letters, which left oth- HAD RUN OUT
ers to ask why they weren’t moving OF OPTIONS.
in—“Legal issues,” they said—and won-
der whether they were getting divorced. “Can you imagine having that con-
versation with a five-year-old?” Derek
Meanwhile, they fought constantly said. “Your town isn’t as safe as you
and started taking medication to fall think it is, and there’s a bogeyman
asleep. “I was a depressed wreck,” Derek obsessed with you.”
said. Maria decided to see a therapist
after a routine doctor’s visit that began From a safer distance, the Watcher
with the question “How are you?” was a real-life mystery to solve. A group
caused her to burst into tears. of reddit.com users obsessed over Goo-
gle Maps’ Street View, which showed a
The Broadduses decided to sell 657 car parked in front of 657 with, one
Boulevard. But rumours had already
begun to swirl about why the house sat
empty. They told their real estate agent

rd.ca 61

reader’s digest

user thought, a man holding a camera. video games,” including one in which
Proposed suspects included a jilted he was playing as a character: the
mistress, a spurned real estate agent, a Watcher. He agreed to come in for an
local high schooler’s creative-writing interview on two separate occasions.
project, guerrilla marketing for a hor- He didn’t show up either time. But
ror movie and “mall goths having fun.” Chambliss didn’t have enough evi-
dence to compel him to appear.
Then Barron Chambliss, a veteran
detective who had been asked to look at while the broadduses continued to be
the case, discovered something surpris- consumed by stress and fear, for the
ing: investigators had analyzed the DNA rest of Westfield, the story eventually
on one of the envelopes and deter- became little more than a creepy urban
mined that it belonged to a woman. legend—a house to walk by on Hallow-
The police asked for permission to test een if you were brave. In spring 2016,
Maria’s DNA. It didn’t match. 657 Boulevard went back on the mar-
ket. But potential buyers would back
THE HOUSE BECAME out once they read the letters.
A CREEPY URBAN
LEGEND—A PLACE Feeling as if they were out of options,
TO WALK BY the Broadduses’ real estate lawyer pro-
ON HALLOWEEN. posed selling the house to a developer,
who could tear it down and split the
Chambliss decided to look more property. But the two lots would be just
closely at neighbour Abby Langford, shy of the 21-metre width mandated by
who worked as a real estate agent. Was zoning laws. When the planning board
she upset about missing a commission met to discuss granting an exception,
right next door? But her DNA sample more than 100 residents showed up.
wasn’t a match either.
Neighbours expressed concern that
One night, Chambliss and a part- the plan might require knocking down
ner were sitting in a van watching the trees and that the new homes would
house. Around 11 p.m., a car stopped have aesthetically unpleasing front-
out front long enough for Chambliss to facing garages. After four hours, during
grow suspicious. He says he traced the which there was little discussion of
car to a woman whose boyfriend lived the reason the Broadduses sought to
on the block. She told Chambliss her tear down their dream home in the
boyfriend was into “some really dark first place, the board unanimously
rejected the proposal.

Derek and Maria were distraught.
“This is my town,” Maria said. “I grew

62 july/august 2020

up here. I came back; I chose to raise The letter indicated revenge could
my kids here.” On top of the mortgage come in many forms. Maybe a car acci-
and renovations, the Broadduses dent. Maybe a fire. Maybe something as
have paid more than $100,000 in simple as a mild illness that never seems
Westfield property taxes—the town to go away but makes you fell [sic] sick
denied their request for relief—and day after day after day after day after
spent at least that amount investigat- day. Maybe the mysterious death of a
ing the Watcher. pet. Loved ones suddenly die. Planes and
cars and bicycles crash. Bones break.
Not long after, a family with grown
children and two big dogs agreed to “It was like we were back at the
rent 657 Boulevard. The rent didn’t beginning,” said Maria. The renter was
cover the Broadduses’ mortgage, but spooked but agreed to stay. The Broad-
they hoped that a few years of renting duses continued to press the case, send-
without incident would help them sell. ing new names to investigators when-
When Derek went to the house to deal ever they found something odd.
with squirrels that had taken up resi-
dence in the roof, the renter handed Finally, in July 2019, a buyer pur-
him an envelope. chased 657 Boulevard—for far less than
the Broadduses paid for it.
Violent winds and bitter cold
To the vile and spiteful Derek and his The prosecutor’s office has kept the
wench of a wife Maria, case open, but the Broadduses believe
You wonder who the Watcher is? it is unlikely the Watcher will ever be
Turn around, idiots. Maybe you even caught. They can’t help but feel, as the
spoke to me, one of the so-called neigh- last letter taunted:
bours who has no idea who the Watcher
could be .... The Watcher won.

NEW YORK (NOVEMBER 19, 2018), © 2019 BY NEW YORK
MEDIA, THECUT.COM.

Sunny Days

There’s nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing
the shoreline, no matter how many times it’s sent away.

POET SARAH KAY

A pool is, for many of us in the West, a symbol not of affluence but of order, of
control over the uncontrollable.

JOAN DIDION

If there’s heaven for me, I’m sure it has a beach attached to it.

JIMMY BUFFETT

rd.ca 63

reader’s digest

AS KIDS SEE IT

“Mother, I think I’m good enough to exhibit on the living room walls now.”

Our six-year-old wasn’t Welcome to parenting. they don’t know how to SUSAN CAMILLERI KONAR
eating his lunch, and Your choices are: open their fruit snack.
then started flicking A) Listen to your toddler
poppy seeds off his scream and cry for 10 — @MOMTRIBEVIBE
bagel one at a time. minutes because you
When I asked what he opened their fruit snack. My cousin’s three-year-
was doing, he said, “I B) Listen to your toddler old grandson, James,
don’t like the freckles!” scream and cry for loved playing doctor
— NESYA JACOB, Toronto 10 minutes because with his stethoscope.
One day, my cousin

64 july/august 2020

said to him, “James, My daughter just asked me where we keep
come and check Grand- our crow bar. I’m pretty sure that’s my cue to
ma’s heart!” He quickly end the unsupervised play portion of our day.
replied, “Not today! I
don’t work on Fridays.” — @SARABELLAB123

— WENDY HAUSER, apiece,” he said. “And then replied: “I have a
I’ve packed four things dollar and 32 senses!”
Chilliwack, B.C. so far!”
— SUSAN WARMINGTON,
Dad: Cameron, you put — CHRISTINA JOHNSON,
your boots on the Toronto
wrong feet. Breadalbane, N.B.
Three-year-old Cameron: Co-worker: You look
No, these are definitely I was driving back from tired.
my feet. a camping trip when, Me: (Remembering
from the back seat, that at 2 a.m. I had to
— PETER BELYEA, my three-year-old explain to a crying
granddaughter said, three-year-old that
Woodstock, N.B. “Grandma, I have a just because it was
frog in my throat.” I told snowing did not mean
My four-year-old threw her to cough it up, and it was Christmas.) No
a wrapper on the floor. she vomited all over idea why.
I told him to pick it up her car seat.
and put it where it — @MOM_THO
belonged. He put it in — BARRY DUNBAR,
my purse. When my kid was a
Madoc, Ont. toddler, my sister tried
— @MOMMAJESSIEC to teach him to say,
I sometimes volunteer “What’s up, homie?” He
My children and I were to tutor young children. couldn’t pronounce it,
helping my mother One day, I was watch- so he went around for
pack and move. My ing a fellow tutor teach like six months saying,
mother told my kids six-year-old Peter about “What’s up, pony?”
that she would give the five senses, and he
them five dollars apiece seemed to have an — @ANNE_THERIAULT
for helping. After she excellent grasp of the
said that, I heard my concepts. As the session Send us your original
son counting “Five, 10, was wrapping up, I jokes! You could earn $50
15, 20,” and I asked asked Peter how many and be featured in the
what he was doing. senses he had. He pon- magazine. See page 11
“She said she was giv- dered for a minute and or rd.ca/joke for details.
ing us five dollars

rd.ca 65







HEALTH

Acts of kindness
can boost our health,
lower our stress and

help us live longer

Beinogf Nice

BY Marta Zaraska FROM GROWING YOUNG

illustration by taryn gee

rd.ca 67

reader’s digest

HUMANS LIKE TO pretend we are unique of care—just ask any under-slept new
in truly caring for others. In reality, parent. To ensure that mothers and
altruism and helping behaviours are far fathers won’t abandon these needy
from rare in the animal kingdom. Just creatures, nature equipped us with two
Google “animals saving other animals” systems: one reward-inducing and the
and your screen will be flooded with other stress-reducing.
videos of hippos rescuing drowning
baby zebras and baboons chasing off Snug in the middle of our brain is a
leopards to save antelopes. If that’s not grape-sized area known as the insula,
enough to convince you, rest assured which is activated by such things as
that proper scientific studies also find helping others, donating money to
genuine altruism in many animal spe- charity and, yes, caring for kids. Addi-
cies, from capuchin monkeys and chim- tional reward-related brain areas, the
panzees to ravens and rooks. septal area and ventral striatum—the
very same ones that light up when you
Yet there are some evolutionary rea- find a winning scratch-and-win card—
sons why human altruism should differ also buzz with activity when you take
from that of other species. One popular care of others. In other words, parent-
hypothesis states that caring for others hood and other forms of caregiving are
developed from parenting behaviours. wired to the brain’s reward system.
Since human babies are born particu-
larly vulnerable (thank you, big brains), Evolution also linked caring with
they require unusually high amounts mechanisms that dampen stress. For
elderly human volunteers, taking care
of infants reduces cortisol levels in the
saliva (which could translate into such
health benefits as a reduced risk of
high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes
and osteoporosis).

The upshot is good news. Whether
we’re parents or not, everyday kindness
can ultimately lower our stress, boost
our health and help us live longer.

ONE WAY CAREGIVING may inhibit stress
is through dampening the activity of
the amygdala, the brain’s centre for
emotions, emotional behaviour and
motivation, and disrupting its connec-
tions with the fight-or-flight response.

68 july/august 2020

When adults hear the whimpers of that although we believe we gain the
infants, the response of the amygdala most happiness from buying stuff for
is tempered, allowing them to care for ourselves, in reality we end up better
little ones without burning out. off if we lavish money on others.

Down the road, this altruism-related Imagine you’ve found $20 on a
turning down of the stress response has deserted sidewalk. What would you do
an impact on our immune systems and with it? In one experiment, Aknin and
inflammation. People who frequently her colleagues handed volunteers either
volunteer have lower levels of C-reactive a $5 bill or a $20 bill, then instructed
protein—a marker of inflammation. If half of the participants to blow the
your blood is teeming with C-reactive windfall on themselves and the other
protein, that’s a bad sign, suggesting half to spend the gift on someone else.
you may be headed toward such health Once the money had been spent and
problems as cardiovascular disease. everyone’s moods had been carefully
evaluated, Aknin discovered that those
Experiments confirm that it’s the act who used the money to please others
of volunteering, not some other char- ended up significantly happier.
acteristic of people who tend to sign up
for unpaid work, that keeps inflamma- EXPERIMENTS
tion at bay. At one high school in West- CONFIRM IT’S THE ACT
ern Canada, students were divided
into two groups. The first group was to OF VOLUNTEERING
volunteer, helping kids in after-school THAT KEEPS
programs. The second was wait-listed.
When blood samples were compared, INFLAMMATION AT BAY.
a clear image emerged: people who
volunteered had significantly lower lev- A pleasant mood is not the only
els of an inflammatory marker called benefit we may derive from treating
interleukin 6. Elevated levels of inter- others. The gains can be as varied as
leukin 6 can mean double the risk of better sleep, sharper hearing, stronger
dying within the next five years. muscles and lower blood pressure.
When seniors suffering from hyper-
If you don’t have the ability to vol- tension were handed $40 per week
unteer in person, monetary donations, for three consecutive weeks to either
informal caregiving and even simple, spend on themselves or on someone
everyday kindness work well for our else, those who donated saw their blood
health, too. pressure drop as much as if they had

Research by Lara Aknin, an associate
professor of psychology at Simon Fraser
University in British Columbia, shows

rd.ca 69

reader’s digest

picked up a healthier lifestyle or started perform in my hometown—a small
new medication. village in northwestern France. I con-
tacted two scientists at King’s College
You can also boost your health by London who study cortisol response—
caring for your family. It may seem Carmine Pariante, a professor of biologi-
counterintuitive that, say, nursing an cal psychiatry, and Naghmeh Nikkhes-
ailing parent could make us physically lat, a post-doctoral researcher—and
better off, as caregiving often involves they generously agreed to help me out.
poor sleep, labour and psychological We discussed the details of my experi-
strain. However, several studies have ment, and soon a package arrived in
shown that many caregivers actually my mailbox. Inside were printouts to
live longer. In one such analysis, a be filled out on each day and a stash of
study published in 2013 in the Ameri- small plastic tubes called Salivettes.
can Journal of Epidemiology, scientists For seven days, I was to collect my saliva
carefully compared over 3,500 family in the tubes, morning, noon and eve-
caregivers with more than 3,500 peo- ning, and then ship them back to Par-
ple who didn’t nurse anyone and dis- iante and Nikkheslat, who would mea-
covered that the former had 18 per cent sure my cortisol levels. On four of the
lower mortality rates. saliva-collection days, I’d follow my
regular routine. The remaining three
YOU CAN BOOST YOUR would be my “intervention days,” where
HEALTH BY CARING I’d add small acts of kindness.
FOR FAMILY. MANY
I woke up on day 1 and reached for
CAREGIVERS ACTUALLY the Salivette prepared on my night table.
LIVE LONGER. I unscrewed the blue cap and slid a roll-
shaped swab into my mouth. I repeated
If you are a grandparent, and not this three times a day throughout the
too frail, family caregiving can take the week, dutifully noting my moods and
form of babysitting your grandkids. everything that happened in a journal.
Offering such help occasionally can
lower mortality rates by as much as 37 On the third day, it was time for my
per cent—more than regular exercise. first kindness intervention. As I sat
down at my desk planning fun things I
IN JANUARY 2019 I decided to test could do for others, I felt my spirits lift-
whether I could boost my health through ing. The implementation phase was
everyday acts of kindness, which I’d even more fun. I left a smiley-face sticky
note on my neighbours’ car. I bought
and delivered a small box of chocolates
for the nice lady at our local library.

70 july/august 2020

At a grocery store, I opened the doors days, I woke up with considerably lower
for an elderly woman. I didn’t know cortisol levels.
whether my cortisol response was
healthier, but I certainly felt happier. OF COURSE, the health-boosting effects
don’t mean you can just skip your
Over the next two days, I continued hypertension medications. In a perfect
with random kindness. I bought sand- scenario, you’d still eat well, do 30 min-
wiches for a homeless family. I donated utes of physical activity a day, and
books. I baked cookies for my husband engage in kindness. But sometimes it’s
to share with his colleagues. And I felt easier to skip the gym and instead just
really good. do a few nice things for people.

When the experiment ended, I pack- For my part, I look for more oppor-
aged up the Salivettes and mailed them tunities to perform acts of kindness in
back to London. About two weeks later, everyday life. I’m not always as delib-
I received news from Nikkheslat: they erate as I was during my experiment,
had the results. but I’m trying. I certainly let more cars
pull in ahead of me when I’m driving.
While on my regular days I produced
on average 64 nmol/L of cortisol, on Unlike other healthy habits, philan-
my acts of kindness days I produced thropy is contagious. By giving to others,
just a little under 54 nmol/L, suggesting you will not only live longer, but you may
lower levels of stress. Pariante and also end up spending the extra years in
Nikkheslat found that on my first day of a slightly better, kinder world.
random kindness, I woke up with quite
elevated cortisol levels, which then EXCERPTED FROM GROWING YOUNG: HOW FRIENDSHIP,
dropped significantly by noon—by OPTIMISM, AND KINDNESS CAN HELP YOU LIVE TO 100 BY
which time I’d already started my acts MARTA ZARASKA. COPYRIGHT © 2020 MARTA ZARASKA.
of kindness. The next two intervention PUBLISHED BY APPETITE BY RANDOM HOUSE®, A DIVI-
SION OF PENGUIN RANDOM HOUSE CANADA LIMITED.
REPRODUCED BY ARRANGEMENT WITH THE PUBLISHER.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Fighting Fright

Courage is the most important of all the virtues
because without courage, you can’t practise
any other virtue consistently.

MAYA ANGELOU

Don’t be afraid of your fears. They’re not
there to scare you. They’re there to let

you know something is worth it.

C. JOYBELL C., WRITER

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reader’s digest

B

DRAMA IN REAL LIFE

B ITTE N !anhtDiedsorcopcltoroteeorKsgaraeasadsrllnritttasahhotcerahdeons’edusdnagtbatiohhnokfidcSehyn’hs,idanavlgataetnbnahhocekamring
BY Stacy Lee Kong
illustration by mathias ball

rd.ca 73

reader’s digest

W stepped from the sand to the sidewalk,
Kalliath felt a sharp pain in her right
when shalabha kalliath arrived on pinky toe. She lifted her leg and saw a
Thailand’s Ko Phi Phi Don Island last skinny, half-metre-long brown snake
spring, her plan was to sightsee, sun- dangling from her foot. She instinc-
bathe and check out the island’s night- tively kicked, slamming the reptile
life with her high school friend Santra against the wall of a nearby building.
Navas. The 26-year-old Kalliath lived Seconds later, she was hit by excruci-
in Waterloo, Ont., where she was com- ating pain. It started in her toe and
pleting her master of applied science swiftly moved to her ankle, calf, knee
degree at the University of Waterloo, and, finally, her thigh.
while Navas was working as an assis-
tant art director in Singapore. After “It was like hot lava travelling upward
four years apart, they were excited to through my system,” she says.
catch up.
Kalliath’s leg buckled and she fell
The Phi Phi Islands are known for to the ground. Navas and a passerby
their white sandy beaches, turquoise picked her up and carried her to Ko
ocean and soaring limestone cliffs. At Phi Phi Don’s WorldMed Center, a
the end of the day, crowds flock to medical office with a small walk-in
beachside bars and restaurants. That’s clinic, while another passerby fol-
where Kalliath and Navas found them- lowed with the dead snake.
selves on their first night in Thailand,
still wearing their swimsuits, cover-ups Within minutes of reaching the
and flip-flops while watching one of clinic, Kalliath’s leg started swelling
the island’s famous fire shows. The pair and the pain became even worse. “We
looked on as young Thai men spun held on to each other’s hands, and
flaming staffs, ropes and balls of fire on I kept telling her that she would be
chains, their choreographed motions okay,” Navas says, “but I was uncertain
set to pulsing dance music. of my own words.”

During an intermission, the pair kalliath had been bitten by a Malayan
opted to explore the beach. But as they pit viper. Found throughout Southeast
Asia, these snakes typically grow to
around 50 centimetres in length,
though some can reach more than a
metre. Malayan pit vipers are not con-
sidered aggressive, but they will bite if
disturbed—and bites can be serious,
leading to swelling, pain, skin discol-
oration, blistering, hemorrhaging and

74 july/august 2020

necrosis—the death of cells

in tissues and organs. Severe

necrosis can require limb

amputation, and in cases of

hemorrhaging or a bacterial

infection, bites can even

cause death.

At first, the clinic staff

weren’t sure whether the

viper had actually injected

venom—roughly 25 per cent

of pit viper bites are “dry.”

But Kalliath’s leg was so

swollen that her flip-flop no

longer fit her foot. The staff Shalabha Kalliath and Santra Navas in Thailand.

administered pain medica-

tions, IV fluids, antibiotics and a tetanus weak and fading in and out of con-

vaccine. Then they performed a blood sciousness. “I could hear everything,

test to determine whether there was but I couldn’t respond with anything

venom in her system. While they waited other than a yes or no,” she says.

for the results, Kalliath and Navas called Antivenins are made by injecting

their respective fathers, who are both animals—usually horses and sheep,

doctors. Kalliath’s father was half a day both of which have very strong immune

away by plane in Brunei, but her symp- systems—with snake venom so they

toms were progressing so quickly that can produce antibodies that neutralize

they worried about him being unreach- its toxins. Then the blood is harvested,

able for even that length of time. Both purified and concentrated into anti-

men offered advice over the phone. venin. Venom has different qualities

Seven hours later, the results were depending on the species it comes

COURTESY OF SHALABHA KALLIATH in: Kalliath needed antivenin, and fast. from and even where that species lives,

Snake venom doesn’t stay at the site of so every bite must be treated with a

a bite—it floods into surrounding tis- specific antidote. In Kalliath’s case,

sues, where it can start to destroy cells the clinic didn’t have the right type on

and impact the blood’s ability to clot. hand. She had to be transferred to Phi

The doctor told her that there was no Phi Island Hospital, a larger facility

guarantee she’d survive. about 10 minutes away.

The terrifying news was made worse There, the hospital staff decided to

by the fact that Kalliath was extremely run blood work again to confirm that

rd.ca 75

reader’s digest

Kalliath needed antivenin. The added for hours. She was disoriented, scared
delay intensified the women’s sense of and in constant pain.
helplessness. But antivenin can cause
an anaphylactic reaction in the short But by the following morning—her
term and an uncomfortable immune third in Thailand—she was beginning
response known as serum sickness in to see small improvements. She was
the long term, so the attending doctors still in pain and her leg was very
didn’t want to risk giving her a dose bruised, but she was alert. The doctor
unless it was necessary. even allowed Navas to take her out of
the hospital in a wheelchair so she
When the second test confirmed she could get some fresh air.
had venom in her system, the doctor
administered the antivenin, then waited BRUISES BEGAN
to see how Kalliath’s body reacted. If TO BLOOM ACROSS
her blood started clotting normally, KALLIATH’S OTHER
she wouldn’t need additional doses.
LEG AND ARM.
Unfortunately, her blood didn’t clot. SHE FELT DIZZY.
And another problem had arisen: the
doctor was concerned that the venom The day after that, she was able to
was causing tissue in Kalliath’s foot move around on crutches, and her
and leg to die, which could mean she doctor decided she was out of danger.
would need an amputation. With just over 24 hours left of her trip,
Kalliath was discharged.
The language barrier made the
already tense situation more stressful. Though her leg was still painful and
Neither woman spoke Thai, and the swollen, she wanted to see as much of
doctor struggled to communicate the island as she could. She slowly
complicated medical information in made her way around Ko Phi Phi Don
English, saying they might need to on crutches with Navas, checking out
“chop” her leg. restaurants, boutiques and even a
beach party. “I couldn’t dance much,
Ten hours after Kalliath’s first dose but we took it slow and still made an
of antivenin, the doctor tried a second. effort to dress up,” she says. The next
This time, it worked—but not without morning, they even went on a boat ride
side effects. Kalliath’s grip on reality and snorkelled. Kalliath was eager to
began to disintegrate. As she slipped try swimming with sharks, but Navas
in and out of consciousness, she nixed that plan.
was unable to differentiate between
dreams and reality. Kalliath would fall
asleep mid-sentence, then wake up
seconds later, feeling like she’d slept

76 july/august 2020

“After our ordeal with the snake bite,” machine. The medical staff ran the tests
Navas says, “I thought it was best not to again. When the second test yielded
interact with wildlife for some time.” the same results, they realized that the
problem was Kalliath’s blood, which
Later that day, the friends started was taking a dangerously abnormal
their separate journeys home. Kalliath time to clot.
had to travel in shorts because her leg
was still too swollen to fit into her Dr. Russell Uppal, the ER doctor on
pants, but otherwise her trip went duty that evening, usually sees patients
smoothly. Her insurance company even with abdominal pain and injuries to
upgraded her to first class, allowing the extremities. He’d never encoun-
her to keep her leg elevated during her tered a venomous snake bite.
flights. By the time she touched down in
Canada, she figured the worst was over. He contacted the Ontario Poison
Centre and consulted a toxicologist,
six days after being bitten, Kalliath who speculated Kalliath hadn’t
was back home in Waterloo. Initially, received enough antivenin in Thai-
she’d planned to get some sleep and land, or that her body had experi-
then call her family doctor. But after a enced a delayed reaction to the
nap and a shower, Kalliath realized her snake’s venom.
exhaustion hadn’t improved at all.
Bruises began to bloom across her Either way, she needed another
other leg and arms. She felt dizzy. dose. Finding one wouldn’t be easy.
Kalliath called two university friends, The closest option was at the Toronto
Bharat Venkitesh and Jerry Wilson, and Zoo, which had on hand an antivenin
asked them to get her to a doctor. for Ontario’s only venomous snake,
the Massasauga rattlesnake, also a
They first tried a nearby walk-in venomous pit viper. The toxicologist
clinic but were quickly sent to Grand hypothesized it was similar enough to
River Hospital, three kilometres away. the Malayan pit viper to be effective.
They waited in the emergency room The second option was a polyvalent
for several hours, chatting and trying antivenin, which was located at
to keep Kalliath awake. She was Indian River Reptile Zoo in Asphodel-
exhausted and fell asleep easily— Norwood, Ont., just east of Peterbor-
sometimes in the middle of speaking ough. It was more easily accessible, but
with Venkitesh. Eventually, medical the toxicologist wasn’t sure if it would
staff tested Kalliath’s blood to see how be effective—no one had ever used it
freely it could clot. to treat a Malayan pit viper bite. The
closest vials of Malayan pit viper anti-
The results were so extreme that they venin were in the United States. The
were undetectable by the hospital’s hospital put in requests at both of the

rd.ca 77

reader’s digest

Canadian locations. They also raced was almost never alone while hospital
to obtain frozen plasma for Kalliath. staff closely monitored her for worsen-
Her blood’s ability to clot was so low ing local spread—increased pain,
that she was at risk of brain hemor- swelling, redness—and any signs of
rhage, bleeding from her body’s additional internal bleeding.
mucous membranes and organ fail-
ure. She’d need a transfusion if her Two hours later, the antivenin finally
health plummeted. arrived via car from the Toronto Zoo,
accompanied by a police escort. After
Lying in her hospital bed, Kalliath a small test dose to rule out serious
felt more tired than sick. “I could still allergic reactions, Kalliath received the
talk—I was communicating, laughing,” full dose via IV. Then, more waiting,
she says. “I didn’t realize the serious- for a blood test that would indicate
ness of the situation.” whether she was stabilizing.

In fact, she felt so much better than The results came in: the antivenin
she had in Thailand that she thought was working. Doctors and nurses
she must be recovering. But when Ven- cheered and hugged one another,
kitesh asked if they could step out for a while Venkitesh ran to the only shop
coffee, she quickly learned otherwise. that was open in the hospital to buy
chocolate for everyone.
“The medical staff told me I shouldn’t
walk,” she says. “If I bumped into some- within days, kalliath’s blood work had
thing and fell, I could bleed out.” corrected, the internal bleeding had
stopped, and her organs were return-
In fact, she was so fragile that even ing to their normal functioning. It took
minor ailments, like nausea or light- a few weeks for the swelling in her bit-
headedness, could cause serious dam- ten leg to relent and for Kalliath to get
age. Even vomiting could cause a life- back on her feet. For a few months
threatening internal tear or rupture. after being bitten, she’d still feel the
tingling of pins and needles in her foot
Her organs were shutting down, a and lower leg.
nurse explained, and she already had
internal bleeding. “There’s a 50 per A year later, she’s back to normal,
cent chance that you won’t survive the living in Ottawa and working for an
next six to 12 hours,” the nurse said, as engineering consulting firm. Despite
the medical team moved her from the the ordeal, she doesn’t fault the snake.
ER to the intensive care unit. “At the end of the day,” she says, “we
were the ones in its path.” But she
Kalliath was stunned. She wasn’t vows to always buy travel insurance.
prepared to die. And to always look where she walks.

kalliath waited anxiously for one of
the antivenin options to arrive. She

78 july/august 2020

LAUGH LINES

Never get into a lane-merging The worst thing
game of chicken with a about parallel parking

person who has a garbage is witnesses.
bag for a car-door window.
— @ARMYVET1972
— @MELVINOFYORK

If anyone Laughs Somebody
catches me in the actually
singing in my car, Fast Lane
my reaction is to complimented my
stare at them until driving today. They
it’s awkward for left a little note on
both of us. the windshield that
said “parking fine.”
— @RHODES411
— @AADIL

How is it that a The irony of
parking spot gets being hit by
paid more per hour
a Dodge.
than I do?
— @RIKPAYNE
— @MARKEDLY

JENNY STURM/SHUTTERSTOCK

rd.ca 79

reader’s digest

LIFE LESSON

The COVID-19 pandemic
also poses a threat to

retirement savings. Here’s
how you can bounce back

WHEN THE
RAINY DAY

ARRIVES

BY Bryan Borzykowski

illustration by megan sebesta

rd.ca 81

reader’s digest

THE NIGHT OF this past February 25 Early Income
was one I’ll never forget. Earlier in the Earners
day, my wife and I had paid a photog-
rapher a $1,000 deposit for my daugh- In some ways, the youngest group of
ter’s bat mitzvah in August. Even bigger savers—people between 25 and 39—
bills for the event would be due soon. are in the best shape during and fol-
That week, thanks to growing concerns lowing a crisis, says Allan Small, a
over COVID-19, our bat mitzvah sav- senior investment advisor in Toronto.
ings, which were tied up in a mostly Many of them don’t have much money
stock-filled tax-free savings account in stocks, which rise and fall more
(TFSA), fell by about 7 per cent. I began dramatically than a savings account.
to panic: what if it falls further and I Whatever they do have in stocks,
can’t afford to have the party? though, has plenty of time to recover
from the fall. “Investments will not go
The next morning, I moved all of the to zero, and we will get through this,”
money in that account out of stocks says Small.
and into cash, narrowly avoiding a
steeper loss as the market fell by close Although it may seem counterintui-
to 30 per cent over the next few weeks. tive, Small’s advice for this group is to
What I didn’t do, though, was sell off start putting money into the stock
my retirement assets held in a regis- market if they haven’t already. In 2008,
tered retirement savings plan (RRSP), during the last financial crisis, many
which lost thousands of dollars in that investment portfolios lost close to half
first month. I turned 40 this past Feb- their value, but investors who held tight
ruary, so it’s likely that I’ll make that were rewarded in the end: between
money back and then some by the the date the market bottomed and the
time I retire. day the current crisis began, stock
markets in Canada and the United
It’s a different situation for my father, States were up 137 per cent and 398
a 66-year-old project manager who still per cent, respectively.
takes on freelance contracts. If the
market doesn’t rebound in the next Of course, many early income earn-
couple of years, the hit to his savings ers have goals that aren’t as far away
could force him to significantly rethink as retirement—a house, a new car or
his retirement plans. a big event like a bat mitzvah. For the
expenses that can’t be put on hold,
No matter your age, a financial crisis there is one immediate upside to the
will impact your savings, investments crisis. “If someone wants to make a big
and earning power. What you can do
about it depends on how much time you
have left before your last day of work.

82 july/august 2020

purchase, interest rates are low, and INVESTING 101
that makes borrowing attractive right
now,” says Jason Heath, a financial RRSP
planner in Markham, Ont. “You just Contributions into a registered retire-
have to keep in mind that the economy ment savings plan are tax deductible.
is weak, and taking on more debt at a Later, when you withdraw during
time when we are entering a recession retirement, you’ll pay income tax but
is risky.” He suggests creating a at a lower rate than when you deposited
detailed budget to make sure you’ll be those funds.
able to pay back a line of credit before
opening one. High-interest savings account
While a chequing account is best for
If you have some time to save for day-to-day expenses, banks often offer
your goal, Heath advises putting what- higher interest in a savings account. You
ever you can into a high-interest sav- may be required to keep a minimum
ings account. Despite its name, the amount of money in the account.
interest rate won’t be very high—
maybe two per cent or so—but you TFSA
won’t lose anything if the market keeps Like an RRSP, a tax-free savings account
going down. is another place you can invest in stocks
and bonds—often for shorter-term
For people with credit card debt, goals. Unlike an RRSP, you don’t pay
however, it’s always best to pay that any tax when you withdraw.
down first, as a savings account will
never bring in more than most credit RRIF
cards charge in monthly interest. At age 71, when RRSPs must be closed,
you can convert your account into a reg-
High Income istered retirement income fund, where
Earners you can continue generating investment
gains without paying taxes on them.
If you’re in your 40s and 50s, and still
10 to 20 years away from retirement, Stocks vs. Bonds
your RRSP may be more invested in Investing in stocks, which give you an
stocks than bonds. If that’s the case, ownership stake in a company, can be
you’ve likely seen your assets plummet more volatile than bonds, which are
by thousands of dollars. loans you provide to the government or
a corporation in return for an interest
The first thing you should do is make payment. —Micah Toub
sure your financial house is in order.

rd.ca 83

reader’s digest

With job losses rapidly rising across breath. For anyone who was able to
the country, you’ll want to be prepared save the recommended 10 per cent of
for a potential hit to your income, pay- your income during your working
ing down credit card debt and paring years, you’re not pulling all of your
back expenses wherever possible. money out of your RRSP or your regis-
tered retirement income fund (RRIF)
As with the early income earners, if at once. “A lot of older people think
there are unavoidable costs coming up their stocks don’t have time to recover,”
in the weeks or months ahead, put says Small. “But unless you need it all,
whatever money you can into a high- then it does have time to rise again.”
interest savings account so it stays out
of the stock market, which could con- Of course, some retired or nearly
tinue to fall if COVID-19 doesn’t retired people may need more cash to
improve as quickly as expected. cover their day-to-day expenses. Per-
haps they didn’t save enough or their
If you are continuing to earn a sal- investments were more concentrated
ary, don’t stop saving—a drop in the in stocks than bonds than they should
market can give you an opportunity to have been at this late stage of life. If
buy stocks at a cheaper price. In fact, if this is you, then you may have to delay
you’ve reached this age and have never your retirement or, if you’re already
held stocks, now is a good time to talk retired, find a part-time job to make up
to a financial planner to see if getting for lost savings.
into the market is right for you.
You won’t be alone. A study by
If you are already investing, you Brooke Helppie McFall, an economist
likely have a balance of stocks and at the University of Michigan Institute
bonds. As the stocks portion of those for Social Research, found that 40 per
savings goes down, and if you’re still cent of older Americans postponed
feeling okay about taking some risk, their retirement after the Great Reces-
you can move funds from the bond sion of 2008.
part of your portfolio into stocks to
keep the balance as it was. At least for the moment, though,
scaling back expenses is easier than
Nearly Retired, or usual: even as the COVID-19 lockdown
Already Clocked Out eases, most retirees aren’t spending as
much, especially when it comes to
People like my dad may imminently travel. If that’s the case, you can use
need the money they’ve saved. The those saved dollars for daily purchases,
first step for them is to take a deep or put them into a high interest sav-
ings account for potential unexpected
expenses to come.

84 july/august 2020

Unfortunately, the value of pension funds,” which automatically get more
group investment savings has fallen, conservative as you get older. If you’re
too. However, if you’re still working in one, then you may have lost less
and making contributions into one, try than you think. If your plan was
not to stop. If you think you’re at a real instead overly weighted towards stock-
risk of losing your job and would rather heavy equity mutual funds, then you
have that money in your pocket, then may want to find different funds to
you can either reduce the amount of invest in at this time.
money you put towards your pension
or stop contributing entirely. Remem- Saving and investing in a time of cri-
ber, though, pension payments come sis is not easy. But no matter your age,
right off your paycheque, so it’s not if you stay invested and if you’re able
money you’re used to spending any- to continue saving, then you’ll come
way. “It’s forced investing,” says Rona out farther ahead when the rebound
Birenbaum, a certified financial plan- finally comes.
ner in Toronto. “And that’s always a
good thing.” That’s my plan and it’s one I’m
encouraging my dad to adopt, even
For everyone, it’s a good time to though we’ve both had more than a few
review your pension plan investments, sleepless nights. As Birenbaum says,
as you may have signed up for one “Those who can invest through this time
years ago. Fortunately, today’s most will be glad they did. And those who
popular options are called “target date can’t shouldn’t worry—they will get
another opportunity in the future.”

Marital Mischief

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

RITA RUDNER

The best way to get most husbands to do something
is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.

ANN BANCROFT

I’m getting married today. My only fear is that instead of “I do” I’ll say “I do do.”

TIG NOTARO

Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer
with slow Internet to see who they really are.

WILL FERRELL

rd.ca 85

HUMOUR

Mom LATELY, WHEN “MOM” pops up on my
Needs call display, I look at my phone, sigh
IT Help heavily and think, “What now?” At
Again almost 80 years old, my mother seems
to have more tech gadgets than I do,
I’ve become her always- and yet she’s hopeless when it comes
on-call tech assistant to basic troubleshooting. Whether I
like it or not, I am her dedicated tech
BY Craig Baines support. I field calls about her laptop,
smartphone, printer, scanner, univer-
illustration by emily chu sal remote, Wi-Fi network, Bluetooth
speaker and ultrasonic toothbrush,
86 july/august 2020 just to name a few. Twenty-four hours
a day. Rain or shine.

If you have been similarly con-
scripted, here are some tips from
the trenches:

reader’s digest

Always take her call. I know, I job, but since when is that a Get Out of
Jail Free card from helping Mom figure
know, it can be painful, but you have out where her Spider Solitaire icon dis-
to trust me on this and pick up. She is appeared to? (I have a life, too, Sis!)
your mom, and she’ll play that card. I
usually get a “Craig, I am your mother.” Help mom’s wi-fi help her.
Plus, if she detects even the slightest
hint of my exasperation, she hits me Recently, while taking a break from
with “I changed your diapers!” Well, looking out her front window, Mom
Mom, being your personal Geek Squad managed to locate that one corner of
is a crappy job, too! her home that has a weak Wi-Fi signal.
What prompted her to use her tablet in
Don’t troubleshoot in front of the furnace room I’ll never know, but
co-workers. Over the years, Mom she sure as sugar called me afterwards
to complain about it…followed by
and I have developed a familiar, “unfil- an update on her neighbours. Faster
tered” tone when we talk to each other. than Roto-Rooter, I was over fixing her
My side of a typical call starts with “Yes, network and decided to rename it. I
Mom?” and quickly spirals from there felt “Linda Wi-Fi” was boring. Thanks
to “You can’t do what?” to “I would love to me, folks within a five-house
to help, but I don’t think ‘thingamajig’ radius have seen “Pick Up After Your
is a $%&# technical term!!!” Such talk, Dog Wi-Fi,” “Mow That Lawn Dammit
while often justified, doesn’t go over Wi-Fi” and “Your Powder Room Needs
well in an open-concept office. Your Blinds Wi-Fi!”
colleagues will think you’re The. Worst.
Son. Ever. To avoid raising any eye- Avoid emojis at all costs. Finally,
brows, take the call from the nearest
supply closet. (Pro tip: if you need a word of caution. I mistakenly intro-
something to scream into, a roll of duced Mom to emojis thinking they
paper towel works great!) would liven up our otherwise mundane
text exchanges. At first, I needed the
Share the burden. The next time Rosetta Stone to decipher Mom’s mes-
sages. For instance, on one occasion I
Mom hands you her smartphone to “fig- wasn’t sure if she was describing her
ure out,” take a proactive step by creat- garden or curious about medical mari-
ing a new contact called IT Emergency juana. But things turned really awk-
Helpline and encourage her to use it. ward last August after Mom got home
But instead of inputting your number, from the local peach festival. Her
use your sister’s. (Sorry, Krista!) It’s texts describing plump, lip-smacking
about time she stepped up. Sure, she peaches still give me nightmares.
may be balancing three kids and a new

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reader’s digest

EDITORS’ CHOICE

PLAYTIME

When it opened in 1972, there was
nothing quite like it. How one Ontario

playground reinvented the way
kids everywhere have fun.

BY Nick Hune-Brown FROM THE LOCAL

rd.ca 89

reader’s digest

The greatest playground in Canadian history was built
as an afterthought. In spring 1971, Ontario Place opened
with all the fanfare and anxiety that attends the launch
of any large-scale development in Toronto. Sparked by
the success of Montreal’s Expo 67, the massive water-
front project was conjured out of a mixture of large-
scale optimism and small-minded jealousy. The park’s
somewhat unpromising theme: the glorious past and
thrilling future of the province of Ontario.

During that opening season, visitors McMillan didn’t hesitate. “I think it’s (PREVIOUS SPREAD) COURTESY OF ERIC AND ROSE McMILLAN
were awed by the IMAX movies, the boring,” he said. “Well, what would you
open-air Forum theatre and the park’s do?” asked Ramsay. “I don’t know,”
self-flushing toilets. They ogled archi- said McMillan. “Give me two weeks.”
tect Eberhard Zeidler’s series of man-
made islands and “pods,” which stuck McMillan huddled with his assis-
out of the water, skewered by columns. tant David Lloyd, and when they
But one oversight quickly became clear: returned it was with a series of sketches
there wasn’t enough for kids to do. for a playscape unlike any seen before,
When the park decided to build an area in Toronto or any other city—a colour-
devoted to children for the following blocked kingdom of hanging punch-
year, park director Jim Ramsay turned ing bags, vinyl-clad foam mountains
to design consultant Eric McMillan. and soaring climbing nets. Children’s
Village would be a massive success.
McMillan was a lanky, wild-eyed, It would launch McMillan’s career. It
30-year-old Englishman with the accent would sit at the centre of kid life for
and mannerisms of one of Monty a  generation of Torontonians and,
Python’s more unhinged characters. briefly, promise to revolutionize the
He had designed Ontario Place’s most way we play.
successful exhibition that year, a multi-
media tour through the province’s the playground is a curious creation.
history, but he’d never built anything The first one in North America was a
for children. During a meeting with simple pile of sand in Boston’s north
Ramsay, McMillan remembers his boss end, installed in 1885 by female
asking for his opinion on the park. philanthropists who wanted to give

90 july/august 2020

poor immigrant children a place to play full of Dickensian deprivation and

and, crucially, a means to assimilate casual violence. McMillan’s biogra-

into American society. That push and phy—a mixture of fact and family

pull, between providing children with mythology that is difficult to untan-

autonomy and controlling them, has gle—was that he was stillborn during

been at the heart of playground design the bombing of Sheffield during WWII,

ever since. They’re places to expand revived by a nurse, and from there life

children’s imaginations while con- only got harder. “Lots of violence,” he

straining their bodies. “Playgrounds says, “lots of drinking, lots of poverty.”

are places made by adults, for children, As a kid, McMillan was often hungry

always with the hope of harnessing and nearly always dirty. For a time, his

their play to a specific location,” writes family lived in the shadow of the Man-

architecture critic Alexandra Lange in chester prison then called Strangeways.

her book The Design of Childhood. They were desperate enough that, one

In theme parks, where the prerequi- cold winter, his uncle and father broke

sites of play meet the demands of capi- into the prison to steal coal. He was

talism, the balance between controlling constantly moving from rooming house

a child’s behaviour and stimulat-

ing their creativity becomes more

wobbly. Parks in the Disneyland

mould are, above all, about man-

aging the play of children, mov-

ing them along efficiently, safely

and profitably. The equipment

is to be used in a specific way,

with no latitude for experimen-

tation. The modern theme park

seems to offer boundless cre-

ativity to its designers while

TORONTO PUBLIC LIBRARY ARCHIVES leaving little scope for the chil-

dren themselves.

McMillan wasn’t interested in

controlling kids. In designing

Children’s Village, his driving

philosophy was simple: “What Eric McMillan
would I, as a child, like to do?” asked: How did he
It’s an interesting question for have fun as a kid?
someone whose childhood was

rd.ca 91

reader’s digest

to rooming house, school to school. He graduated a few years later, with
His father was a day labourer, when he growing confidence and an enormous
had work. On weekends, he would put chip on his shoulder. After designing
on his one good suit and play piano in museum exhibitions in England, he saw
local pubs, earning as much in a single ads looking for a designer for Expo 67
night as he would in a week, before and made his way across the Atlantic.
drinking it all away.
At one point, McMillan’s personal
The flip side of a childhood of neglect website included the story of how he
is absolute freedom. “My early memo- escaped his upbringing. He told the
ries were just being like a dog, let out story with a characteristic mix of arro-
in the mornings and let in at night,” gance and deadpan understatement:
says McMillan. In those early years, he “I became an apprentice house painter
would play in the rubble of bombed- and then moved up to art school, and
out buildings, clambering over the then I became a genius and moved to
ruins, playing violent games with bricks, North America.”
building paper airplanes out of the
pages of discarded books. There were i’ve known Eric McMillan since I was
no restraints, no control. a child. My father, another English
immigrant who found himself in Can-
CHILDREN’S ada in the 1970s, was also on the ori-
VILLAGE OFFERED ginal Ontario Place team, as an editor
AN EXHILARATING on the park’s first IMAX film, and the
AND EVEN SLIGHTLY two quickly became friends. As a kid,
SCARY FREEDOM. I remember McMillan striding into
our house—a wild presence, all jutting
When he left school at 15, he could elbows and knees, who would appear
barely read or write. He got a job as a out of nowhere with a trunk full of plas-
painter’s apprentice and prepared for tic balls or a truckload of couch-sized
a life as a labourer. The trade school interlocking plastic blocks, prototypes
was attached to an art school, however, for a new experiment in fort-building.
and as he slowly began to talk with the
neighbouring students, the idea of At Children’s Village, he was given
applying there himself became fixed in free rein and a $700,000 budget—or
his mind. He took the exams, got in, about $4.5 million in today’s dollars.
and immediately entered a new world. The time in which he was working was
a remarkably fertile one for children’s
design. In the postwar era, with the baby
boom, there were suddenly brand new
economies around childhood. With

92 july/august 2020

COURTESY OF ERIC AND ROSE McMILLAN government and institutional sup- Children’s
port, designers felt free to experi- Village was
ment. “People at the highest echelon instantly
of design were interested in child- popular
hood,” says Lange. “It wasn’t a sub- with kids.
set; it was at the centre of design.”
In my memory, the overriding feel-
This was the era in which “junk ing of entering Children’s Village was
playgrounds” or “adventure play- of an exhilarating, perhaps even
grounds”—places where tiny chil- slightly scary freedom. The world
dren were given tool belts and a under the iconic orange canopy was
fistful of nails and left to build their capacious enough that you always
own forts—proliferated across the felt as if there were undiscovered cor-
continent, including one at the foot ners—a kid-sized hamster wheel
of Bathurst Street in Toronto. It was beneath a small hill, a new rope bridge
an era in which designers emerging from one of the watchtowers you’d
from the ’60s, full of dreams about never taken. Here, at last, was a place
building political and social uto- that had been built specifically for you
pias, took their visions to the local and then left to your dominion. There
parks, building abstract sculptures were no parents to help you in the chaos.
and modernist experiments that chil- Exactly how you chose to scramble
dren could clamber over. your brain flinging yourself between
the giant vertical rubber bands was
At Children’s Village, McMillan cre- your business. The place was yours. It
ated a hectare of mayhem under an was your village.
orange canopy—reproducing his feral
childhood scrabbling through rubble
in the safety of Toronto, with moun-
tains of colourful vinyl and foam. He
erected an enormous spiderweb struc-
ture made out of rope that hung from
soaring watchtowers. He built a series
of wooden ladders that spun on their
axes, hurling would-be climbers to the
mats below. He strung swinging mon-
key bars over a pool of water and sus-
pended a forest of punching bags at
the centre of the village that was, for
decades, the most reliable producer of
bloody noses in Toronto.

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reader’s digest

children’s village was a hit. Families asked to transform a 3,000-acre plot (CLOCKWISE FROM TOP LEFT) TORONTO PUBLIC LIBRARY
flocked to it, and international media into a science park. In 1980, McMillan ARCHIVES; COURTESY OF ERIC AND ROSE McMILLAN
praised it. McMillan remembers Time teamed up with Jim Henson’s Chil-
calling it “one of the most imaginative dren’s Television Workshop to create
playgrounds in the world.” The next year, Sesame Place, the first of a planned
the Ontario Place brass gave McMillan series of tactile amusement parks to be
control over another section of the park, built across America with the aim of
and he set to work creating a water play helping children learn through play.
area. It included lagoons and climbing
equipment amid rushing water, enor- It was a decade of remarkable cre-
mous squirting faces controlled by ativity. McMillan remembers sitting
pumps and bicycle-powered water guns. around with Lloyd one day and look-
ing at a glass jar of pickled onions.
Built before the first water parks or “Wouldn’t it be something to be able
splash pads, McMillan’s attractions
were created from scratch, gathering a
team of prop builders, metal workers
and craftsmen who could manufacture
his dreams. One of the early visitors
to McMillan’s park was an American
named George Millay. Today Millay is
credited as the father of the water park,
the progenitor of a massive industry.
When Millay opened the first Wet ’n
Wild in Orlando in 1977, however, the
name he gave the children’s area was
a tip of the cap to his inspiration: Cana-
dian Water Caper.

With his success at Ontario Place,
McMillan became a major figure in the
blossoming world of children’s design.
“Suddenly I became the world’s expert
on child’s play,” says McMillan. People
began calling him the next Walt Disney.
Over the next decade he designed play-
grounds in various SeaWorlds in Amer-
ica and amusement parks in France.
He built a park in a mall in Chicago
and was shuttled out to Alabama and

94 july/august 2020

Chaos in the
much-loved
punching bag

forest.

to roll around in there,” he thought. never have anticipated, made him
Shortly after, they ordered masses of more and more certain: play wasn’t a
light plastic balls for a “ball crawl” in frivolous distraction from learning, but
San Diego—the world’s first ball pit, an something essential to childhood and,
invention that soon became ubiqui- indeed, humanity. The line-up-and-go-
tous in McDonald’s PlayPlaces and on-an-iron-ride model of the theme
Ikea stores across the world. park was unfulfilling. The key was to
build things that sparked interaction,
It seemed to McMillan as if he between kids and the equipment, but
worked in virgin territory, designing especially between the kids themselves.
places for kids with a seriousness of According to his design philosophy,
purpose he says he hadn’t seen before. each park wasn’t just a place to jump on
Watching the way children used his a shockingly large air mattress. It was
equipment, often in ways he could

rd.ca 95