Chapter 8 . oT pic 7
Directed wtinrg:i strcutur nig
your esponse
O n c e y o u h a v e a g o o d u n d e r st a n d i n g o f t h e p o i n t s t h at for a school a ssembly, giving your views on
e a c h t e x t m a k e s , y o u n e e d t o w r ite d o w n y ou r i d e a s i n htob ubtxeteb,st
a c l e a r a n d e ng a g i ng w.a y
O ption 2 O ption 3
Explore the skills
S t a r t with most i m p o r t ant S t a r t by going through
Reread the ta sk. common area covered by both Packham’s ideas one by one,
writers. agreeing or disagreeing.
Write a spee c h
whether money raised through school fund -rai sing events Continue with other common esatehytbgenui tlnkoCconcd
should be given to a charity called S ave Our Tig e r s o r u sed in areas (but le s s i m p o r t a n t ones.) oybenos’saredti.iewnr
some other w.ya
In your spee ch, you should: End with a conclusion summing End with a conclusion
• up your views. summing up the ideas .
evaluate the views given in both tex t s about ‘single
s p e c i e s ’ c o n s e r vation
•
give your own views , b a s e d on what you have read.
ni daer epvsahruouwhyonyoeshatcBeae
surowotnwohltuorbfudeoAsyrsae.csrdep tel lub eht.stfnoio
taepsrofr…uoyuy.oayndTc‘eoinekgpne,ithsBacde’hnmyehtg
Write about 25 0 to 350 word s .
Upto15 marks are available for the content of your ans wer
and up to 25 marks for the qualit y of your writing.
u o Y createdasil tofponitsthatbothtext scommaesnkt3oonnfiT
poTouicn8o.w5.nYeedtodecidehowyouwolrgianiseyourwork
todealwiththesepoints .Therearedifferentoptionavsalb:ile
Option 1
S t a r t with ideas you agree with
from both pass a g e s .
Continue with thos e ideas you
don’t agree with.
End with a conclusion summing
up your views.
S e c t i o n 2: Applyi n g k e y s k i lls
198
.7
8
1 Look at the set of example notes below. Which of the thre e
options do th e s e n o t e sfolow?
•
r aP agr:aepxht1inction–isitnaturalorcanit/
should it be stopped?
•
cost of conservation
•
P aragraph2:appealof‘fl uff y ’animals:hardscience
versus emotion
•
P aragraph3:whethersinglespeciescampaigns
aroe‘ ut of date’given todays ’ concerns(i.e.climat e
cha)nge
•
P aragraph4:habitatcamepratihgannssbinegle-
speciesones?
•
P aragraph5:naturalists’knowledge of therealfacts
versustheviewsofordinary people
•
Conclusion
Build the skills
Once you have d ecided on the order in which you will tackle the
keypoints – whe ther synth esised fro m both pass a g e s , o r each
p a s s a g e i n turn – you need to think about the struc ture of your
paragraphs.
Here is an example of a straight f o r ward paragraph addressin g
one of the second writer ’esky poi n t s .
Somearguethatmostordinary people are not able to Ithinkthisisverytrueandagoodreason topic sentence sums
focustheirwholelives on the more detailed aspects up wristepro’int
of nature and conservation. Instead,theyrespond to
thebeautyorpower of nature throughtheirfeelings, develops explanation
andthatiswhysymbols such as the panda or tiger are
i m p o r tant. expresses studesnt’
why weshoudlsupporttheS‘ avethetiger’ charity: own view
itwil keepusinvolvedwith conservationandinthe backs up/supports
futuremaylead us to suppor totherlesswelk-nown view with own
speciestoo. evidence/ideas
C h a p t e r 8 : E x t e n d e d r e s p o n s e t o r e a d i n g a n d d i r e c t e d w r it i n g
199
Chapter 8 . oT pic 7
2 Copytheparagraphbelow,reorderingitsothatitfolow sa
similarstru cturetotheexampleabove.Thencompletethe
finalsentence,whichexplains the stu d e n tsv’iewmore.fyull
e Y t,Idisagreebecauseifthatchildisgievnafalse
viewofnaturethenthatisnothealthy. Itcanturn
people into strong support ers of conservation.Itis
also assert edthatchildren firsste’ xperiencewith
magnificent animals such as pandascancreate a life-
long interest innature.
They need to knowtherealityabout…
Develop the skills
It is also imp o r t a nt to consider the conventions of the form your
writing shouldtake. In this tas k, you areaske d to write a s p e e c h ,
so you should think about the following conventions:
•
Direct address: I’m talking to you…
• A s I walk around the
Personal and relevant per s p e c t ive:
school…
• Pandas may be cuddly, cute and childlike in
Presentation of arguments through imager , y p a t t e rn of
, but…
three, and so o n:
manner
• It is hugely
Use of intensifiers or oth e r p o w e r ful language:
that…
significant
3 D ecide which elements of the paragraphains kT2 could be
improved, using some or all of the point s above.
S e c t i o n 2: Applyi n g k e y s k i lls
200
Appylthe skills .7
8
4 Choose a plan from Option1,2or 3 on page 19 8 and write
out how you wil tackle the t a s k . T h e n , choose any of the Checkyour progress:
points that have not bee n covered in this topic and w rite a
paragraph. Makesure that it: I can create a ba sic plan
for my chos en res p o n s e
• and create informative
includes a topic senten cethatmake s clear what a s p e c t paragraphs.
of the passage or passages you are addressing I can s e l e c t from a ra nge of
planning op tions and write
• c l e a r p a r a g r a p h s to convey
includes explanatory sentence/s that explore the idea in my viewpoint.
more detail
•
includes a sentence that shows clearly what your view i s
on the point you have s e l e c te d
•
i s w r i t ten in a st yle that suits a s peech to the school.
C h a p t e r 8 : E x t e n d e d r e s p o n s e t o r e a d i n g a n d d i r e c t e d w r it i n g
201
Chapter 8 . oT pic 8
Practicquestoinsandsmaepl
responses:extended response
to reading
Key skills
uoY will need to show the following skills in e x te n d e d r e s ponse to
reading task s :
•
I d e n t i f y the main ideas in a task in order to sel e c t relevant
information.
•
Consider how to use information form the pas s a g e e f fe c t iveyl.
•
Create a role with a convincing voice, based on id eas in a tex t .
•
Plan and execu te a suitable s t r u c ture.
•
Write paragraphs that clearly co nvey a point of vie.w
our tYask
1 Read the following t a s k , t h e n write a res ponse of 25 0 – 350
words.
Richard Branson is a very
Imagine that you are Richard Brans on and you have b e e n successful busines sman. He
youinclud e:
asked to speak abou t e x tr e m e s p o r t s at a loc al colleg e.Make founded the Virgin Records
sure that music stores when he was
•
w h a t h a p p e n e d that day
22 years old. Since then, the
• Virgin brand has grown to
what Branson learned about him s e l f
encompass many d i f ferent
• t y p e s of busines s, in cluding
what he would say to stud ents who are facing probl e m s
or in adver s i t. y
a record label, an airline and
Base your rep o r t o n what you have read in the text , but be a m o b i l e - phone compa.ny
careful to us e your own word s
Begin: . Branson has also made s everal
experience withy.ou…’
a t t e m p t s at breakin g world
‘I am delighte d to have be en invited here to share my
records in sailing and hot-air
ballooning.
S e c t i o n 2: Applyi n g k e y s k i lls
202
nI1,9Br8a7nson at tempt e d t o c r o s s the Atlanticbyhot- air balloon with his part ne,r Per .8
Lindstrand. In this ex trac t , af t er a disas trous at tempt to land, P er has leapt into the sea to save 8
himself but Branson remains in the balloon.
Alone in the balloon baloon
Whatever I did in the next ten minutes would lead to my death o r s u r vival. I was on my ow n.
5 We had broekn the record but I was almos t cer tainly going to die.,Pwerith no survival suit, wa s 203
either dead or tr yin g to swim o n. I had to get s o m e b o d y to fi n d him. I had to sur vive. I cleared
my mind and conce ntrated on th e options in front of me. I hadn’t slept fo r over 24 hour s and
my mind felt fuzz. y I decided totake the balloon up high enough so I could parachute o f f the
capsule. I bla sted th e burners and then found my note book and scrawled acros s the open page,
01 J‘oan,Holly, Sam, I love you.’I waited until the altimete r showed 80 0 0 feet and then climbed
outside.
wI asaolnenithecoludcI.rouchedbytheinraligsandlookeddown.Iwalstiwheelingthrough
thepossibetisli ujfI.mped,Iwoudkblieyltohaveonylt womniutestoivlefI.managedto
openmyparachutewI, oudlesllitndupinthesea,whereIwouldprobablydrown.Ifeltforthe
5 1 parachutereelasetag,andwonderedwhetheritwasthergihtoneP.erhapsduetomydyslexia,
Ihaveamentalblockaboutwhcihsirghtandwhichislef t,especiaylwtihparachutes.Thelast
timeIhadfree af-elnpIuel dthewrongreleasetagandjetistonedmyparachuteA.thetime,I
hadseveraslkydiversaroundme,sotheyac vaittedmyreserveparachuteB.utnowwI asbymyself
at80 0 0feet.IslappedmyseflhardacrosthefacetoconcentrateT.herehadtobeabette.rywa
20 ‘Give yours elf more time ,’Isaid out loud. ‘Come on.’
A s I crouched on top of the cap sule, I looke d up at the vas t ballo on above me. The realis ation
dawned that I wa s s t a n d ing beneath th e world’s l a r g e s t parachute. If I could bring the
down,thenperhapscIoudlujmpoffnitotheseaath e last m oment before we crashed. I now
knew I had enough fu el for another thi r t y minu t e s . I t m u s t b e b e t ter to live for thir t y minutes
25 than jump off with my parachute and perhaps live for only t wo minu t e s .
‘ W h lie I am alive I can still do something,’ I said. ‘S omething m u s t t urnup.’
I climbed back inside and took off my parachute. I ma de up my mind. I would do anything for
t h o s e e x tra minutes . I grabb ed some chocolate, zipped it intomyjacke t pocke t, and che cked
that my torch was s til there.
3 0 Peeringoutofthecapsuleintothefogbelowme,Itriedtoworkoutwhen I should stop
burning, whenIshouldopenthevent,andwhenIshouldleavethecontrolsandclimbouton
topofthecap suleformyfi naljump.IknewIhadtojudgethela st burn exactlysothatthe
baloonwouldhittheseaasslowlyaspos sible.Despitelosingal ourfueltank s, thebaloonwa s
stilc a r r y ingaweightofaroundthre e tonnes.
35 A s I c ame out throu g h t h e b o t tom of the cloud s, I s aw the grey sea below me. I al so saw an R A F
helicop. Itegrave a last burn to slow my de s c e n t , a n d t h e n l e f t the balloon to come down of its
own accord. I grabbed a re d rag and climbed out through the hatch. I squ a t t e d on top of the
capsule and waved the rag at the helicopter pilot. H e waved ba ck rather ca sualy, seemingly
oblivious to my panic.
C h a p t e r 8 : E x t e n d e d r e s p o n s e t o r e a d i n g a n d d i r e c t e d w r it i n g
Chapter 8 . oT pic 8
IpeeredovertheedgeandsawtheseacomnigupsI.huffl edroundthecapsuletrynigtowork
40
outwherethewnidwascomni gfrom.Itwasdiffi cutlobesuresniceitseemedtobegus ting
fromadlriec oitns.Ifi nalychosetheupwindsideandolokeddown.Iwasfi f t y feeta,wthaey
heightofahousea,ndtheseawasrushinguptohtimecI.hekcedamcjkefilytandhedlonto
thneiralgiW. ithoutmyweight,Ihopedthebaolonwoudlrsieupaganirathetrhancrashingon
topomfweI.atei dunwIltiasjustabovetheseabeforepinulgmylife-keacj trpicordandhurnilg
45
mysefalwayfromthecapsuel.
The sea was icy. I spun deep into it and felt my sc alp freeze with the w.aTtehren the lifejacke t
b o b b e d m e s traight ba ck up to the surface. It was h eaven: I was alive. I turned and watched
the balloon. W ithout my weight, it quietly soared back up through the cloudlikea magnifi ce nt
alien spaces hip, vanishing from sight.
50
From Losing my Virg i n i t y by Richard Branso n
204
S e c t i o n 2: Applyi n g k e y s k i lls
.8
8
Exploring responses
Now read this example response to the tas k .
Response 1
I am delighted t ohave been invited here today to share vocabulary is repetitive
myexperiencewithyou. The experienceIhadwasev r y does not really say why
excitingbutvery dangerousandIalmostdied. the audience ought to
listen
WhathappenedwastehmatpItwinagsaarecord-
breakingballoonfl ightbutmybaloon ran out of fuel. I uses Bransoenx’act
wasovertheseaanditwasfoggy–IknewIwas going to words and doesn’t even
crasheventuy.laAt fi r st,Ididn’tknow what to do as my explain why he felt like
mindfelt all fuzz. y I wersotteolemychildrenandwief this
as I thought it was the end. Finayl, I came up with a plan
to survvieI. let all the fueloutoftheballoonandused
itasagiantparachute, thenjustbeofreit hittheseaI
jumped out. I was wearing aaej-licfket and the sea was
icybutIwasalive!
I l e a r n e d a l o t a b o u t my s e. l fO n e t h i n g I l e a r n e d w a s
that my dyslexia made things diffi cult for me: I could
n o t d i s t i n g u i s h b e tw e e n r i g h t a n d l e f t a n d t h i s m e a n t
I didn’t know how to open the parachute. But I was
clever too because I realised there was another way
t o s u r v ive. I w o r k e d o u t I c o u l d u s e the balloon as a
parachute t o s u r v ive – and that is what I did. I also kept
calm and realised that panicking d oesn’t solve a n y thing.
youfaiSfrencopgi,roeblmsotrhnigsthatfrgihtenyou,
thwenIoudstlyahaytocuandefi ntoyievlrcomethem.
Therearoeltsotfhnigsyofuadcernox:ampdesly,axi
oucanudsitnhey’odmlunirtegbialeYcnkc.eandkeep
camlandworkuatnswerstoyouprobelmTsh.astwi hat
daiIne.tsdiamfviylThanykosfuirltenigtmoe.
Feedback
This respo nse make s an attempt to takedet ails fro m the text
and integrate th em into the sp eech. Unfo r t unately, the st yle
is inconsistent and the conte nt lacks s t r u c ture and the sens e
of audience is missing. Vo cabular y i s mostly l i f ted from the
original tex t , although there is s o m e a t tempt at original ideas,
if rather clum sily expre s s e d .
C h a p t e r 8 : E x t e n d e d r e s p o n s e t o r e a d i n g a n d d i r e c t e d w r it i n g
205
Chapter 8 . oT pic 8
2 I d e n t i f y t h r e e f u r ther things in this resp onse that could be I a m d e l i g h t e d t o have b e e n i n v i t e d h e r e t o d ay t o engages audience
improved. Use the ‘Excellent progress points’ on pag4e12 share my experience with you. What happened had by using powerful
to help you. a p r o f o u n d i m p a c t o n m e , a n d t a u g h t m e i n c r e d i bly adjectives
valuable lessons. ‘profound’ and
Now read this se cond sample re s p o n s e . ‘valuable’ and
In essenecme,pItwinagsaarecord-breaking baloon adverb ‘incredibly’
Response 2
lf ight but had got into terrible diffi cultyoverafreezing use of second
concisely person creates
paraphrases cold sea andwasrunningoutof fuel. Can youimagine direct contact
information with audience
from later in that? Facedwithprobable death, I wrogtoeo‘dbye’ not es
text to sum up
predicament formyfamily;Icouldn’tthinkclearlyandal theoptions
seemed to lead t omyinevitable destruction, but fi nalyI
clearedmymindandworkedoutaway to getthroughit.
Usingthebaloonasaparachute, I plunged into the sea
butwithoutharmingmy.sfle Isurvived!
The experience taught me that I could work out solutions
to problems through cool thinking: that panicking doesn’t
hepl. Equally important, it told me thatIlovedfileand
thatIwoulddoany thing to sur vvieandseemyfam.ily
It showed me thateventhough I had problems such as
dyslexiaIcould overcome them through lateral thinking.
This,then,ismy message to you.Whetherthechalenges
youfacearebigorsmall,don’tfix ateonyourweaknesses.
o Y uaremorecapablethanyouthink!Keepacoolhead
and consider all the options – somewhere inside you is
theansweryou seek.
Feedback Thespeechdevelopslocel,agrcilayyl
Thsianexcelentresponse.Itnistantlyengagestheaudience
andkeepstherinterestbydescribnigthenicdientnidramatci
detail.Itusedpowerfulanguagesuchasstrongadjecivtes
andrhetoricalquesitons.
covenrigtahlreeofthebuletpointsinthetask.
S e c t i o n 2: Applyi n g k e y s k i lls
206
.8
8
3 U sing the res p o n s e s a n d feedback in this topic, and the
p r o g r e s s points on page421, evaluate your own r e s p o n s e
and improve it where you can.
C h a p t e r 8 : E x t e n d e d r e s p o n s e t o r e a d i n g a n d d i r e c t e d w r it i n g
207
Chapter 8 . oT pic 9
Exametlio-squeytns
andsameplresponses:
directed wtinrgi
Key skills the text , but be
uoY will need to show the following skills in e x te n d e d r e s ponse to
reading task s :
•
S e l e c t keypoints from a source tex t .
•
Show that you unde r s t a n d explicit and implicit meanin g s
in a text .
•
Compare and contra s t i d e a s from two t e x t s .
•
Synthesise and evaluate poi n t s .
•
Choose an appropriate str u c t ure for your res p o n s e .
•
Write paragraphs to clearly convey your viewpoint.
our tYask
1 Read the tas k and the pass age that follows it. Then write
your respon se to the ta sk in 250 – 35 0 w o r d s .
Write a spee ch to be give n to stu dents at your school abou t
t h e e f fe c t s of global touris m .
In your spee ch, you should:
•
evaluate the views given in the tex t about the ef f e c t s of
tourism
•
give your own views , b a s e d on what you have read ,
about tourism to beautiful or historical place s , a n d how
it should be dealt with.
Base your spe ech on what you have read in
careful to us e your own word s . A d dress both of the bullet
points.
Begin your spe ech: ‘T hank you for givin g me the oppo r t u n it y
to talk abou t this impo r t a n t is.sue’…
208
S e c t i o n 2: Applyi n g k e y s k i lls
xeT tA .9
8
Mass tourism i s at a tippin g point – but we ’re
all part of the problem 209
B y M a r t in Kett le
Nearly 30 years ago…],I [i n t e r viewed the zool o g i s t ,
D e s m o n d M o r r i s . During that inter view, Morris said
something that was hard to forge t. “We haveto
recogni”seh,e said, “that human beings may be becoming
5 an infest ation on the plan”et.
Those words came back to m e a s r e por t s came in about
the increasing r e a c tion in many par t s of Europe against the
depredations of mass tourism. La st week I read a stre s s -
inducing sto r y in The Time s about ap palling pa s s p o r t - check
01
delays at Milan airpor t ; three days la,te r Iwalked through
those selfs ame passpor t gates with only a brief and
c o u r teous check .
N e v e r th e l e s s , when places from the Mediterranean
to the Isle of S k y e all st a r t complaining more or les s
5 1 simultaneously about the sheer pressure of tourist numbers
in their stre ets and b e a u t y s p o t s , as has happ ened this
A u g u s t , it feels as if the always uneasy balan c e b e t we e n
the visited and the visitors has gone beyond a tippin g
point.
02 ] .…[
P r e d i c t ably,Venice is one of the mo st agonisingly pressured
of all. It emb odies th e increasingly irreconcliable forces of
vernacular life, tourism and su s t a i nability in histo r i c p a r t s
of Europe. But that doe s n ’ t s top the mililons arriving all the
52 time – 28 mililon this y,eianr a city with a population of
55 00 0, many disembarking fro m m o n s t rous cruise s hips
that dwarf the ancient cit y as they approach the Grand
Canal. Each day in summer is a humiilation of mos t of the
things the wo rld treasures about Ve nice. Not surprisingly,
30
many locals have had enough.
But these are only the hot sp o t s . T he tourism problem runs
far wi.dHeurman beings a cross the wo rldmake more than
a billion foreign trips a y,etawr i c e a s many as 20 year s
ago. In Britai n , s t atistics this we ek show we to ok45million
foreign holidays last y,era a 68% increase on 19 9 6 . A n d
53
foreign trips cut both ways . Many of tho se who were
C h a p t e r 8 : E x t e n d e d r e s p o n s e t o r e a d i n g a n d d i r e c t e d w r it i n g
Chapter 8 . oT pic 9
i n t e r viewed in the me dia when th e narrow road to Glen
Brittle on Skye became jammed with traf f i c this week were
European visitors , a t tr a c ted not jus t by the s c e n e r y but by
40
the advantage ous exchange rate.
The problem shows its elf in both supply and demand.
There isn’t enough room for the many to walk through the
centre of Dubrov nik, o r enough publict[oilet ]s on Skye for
the visitors . But th e number of p eople wanting to visit such
places is ri sing all the time, fed by greater global pro s p e r i t, y
54
cheaper air travel and increas ed overall provision of hotels
worldwidoeu. rTism is now the lar g e s t e mployer on the
p l a n e t . O n e in ev1eprye1ople relie s on the indu s t r y for
work. Unsurprisin gyl, few government s want to pu t a
50 squeeze on such a source of wealth.
]…[
It would be won d e r f u l if government s could fi n d e f f e c t i ve
ways to at leas t mitigate the wors t problem s . S o m e , such
as those of T hailand and Bhutan, have been bold, even
55 t h o u g h m o s t r e s t ri c t ions hit harde st at the less wel l - of f
and are most easily circumvented by the rich. The role of
government action to ensure ad equate and app ropriate
infrastr u c t ure in tourist areas is indis p u t a b l e .
In the end, though, I think we have totake greater
individual resp onsibilit y t o] …[o.
60
We have to re- examin e the idea that we enjoy an
u n f e t tered libe r t y to travel at wlil or for pleasure.Wehave
to rethink the imp ulse that says that a holiday from work –
or retireme nt from work – is an o p e n s e s ame to exploring
56 vartnahcs]Wmeno[…–auhsnc.dtraheltwlroehdtluo
os’enomnuihusambeoapn–ledvsgandhwicn
-raf ethitlaoclnsaiyocflcitoxetdnaoufnobghsnel.r
a .ryaspehetyTemnd,sohabenrhitelBvutsrsonwhose
retiswcadihbu-sahltgkosurtmeinditnaondi
07
skcquiaMorhenftoatsgoaniLtiaoPrfnalei beeofer
ehccairhacaletohanmgheitdeplioanrsltiretsaner
swhonehetnhaentceipxrnesphitenamdseofunt
ehbthetgniohrcwdtsamrebituter fglkcba?hetnei dsaren
efniWnae.ebtiButondubtmay.aeItoryawitsnet
nmiehtworrannaca.otlervd Temopbrl.
57
From The Guardian
012
S e c t i o n 2: Applyi n g k e y s k i lls
Exploring responses lots morepeoplearenowtravelin vocabulary is repetitive .9
g 8
Now read this example response to the tas k . lots of delaysat
and limited 112
Response 1
words taken directly
Thankyoufor giving me the opportunitytotalkabout from text
this importantissue.Icansee that tourism is on the
increaseanditneeds to be lookedat. personal view but no
Itisrealyclearthat real sense of audience
aroundtheworld.So,thismeans
airports,plusmorepeople going to beautyspotsand
famousplaces.LeikneicVewheretherearethese
monstrouscrusiehpwsichmi usbteveryugytlolokat.
Butitisn’tjustfamousplacesbutalsoplaceslikeSkye in
Britainwhichare being spoiled bytraffi cjams.Itisaw f ul
whenaplacelikethisisruinedbecause of visitors.
Also,there are places like Dubrovnik where you can’t even
walkinthecentrebecausethere are too manypeople.
But people want to travel, and I want to travelwhen
I’m.ostI’ldseormuchcheapernow and hotels aremuch
. er Pbleustourismmakesalotofmoneyforcitiesand
countriessothatmustn’ t sto. Lpotsofpeopleworkin
tourism, abo1upte1opinle.1
So we all need tothinkhardbeforewetakeaholiday to
someloveyl placeelikneicVeorThailand.Becausethe
traffi c andthenumberof peoplewillmakeitabitunreal,
notlikesits’ upposed teorhbaep. Pswewon’tenjoyitas
muchasstayingathome,becausewemustnotorfge t
thatthereisalot to do and see in our own countr. y
Thank you.
Feedback
This resp o n s e d o e s d eal with both sides of the i ssue at a basic
level and sums up s ome of the key points made, but there is
little a t t e mpt at synthesising the m and drawing conclusi o n s .
There is als o little sense that the speake r i s t r ying to connec t
with the school audience.
2 Identifythreefurtherthingsinthisresponsethatcouldbe
improvedU. sethe‘Excelentprogresspoints’on4pa1ge2 to
helpyou.
C h a p t e r 8 : E x t e n d e d r e s p o n s e t o r e a d i n g a n d d i r e c t e d w r it i n g
Chapter 8 . oT pic 9 develops the point and
neV ice,for example, sees28milion responds to it from a
Now read the se cond sample re s p o n s e . personal perspective
Idowanttoexpandmyhorizons. Ialso
Response 2 synthesises points from
both texts
Thankyoufor giving me the opportunitytotalkabout
this importantissue.The g i f t of being able totravelthe clear expression
worldisonemI’ sureweal lookofrwardt oaswege t,older viewpoint and of
but we need to question its eff ect.
intentions
The fact is that globaltourismhasseenahugeincrease
andthishashadaprofund eff ect on the worlsd’most
popular destinations.
visitorsa, myeanryarrivingonuglycruiseships.Iask
you – is this the bestbackdropfor such an ancient city?
Thesheerweight of traffi cisalsoamajorproblem, with
roadsliketheones tyoIstlheeoinfpgSrekye g e
clogged,uapnd so too is the factthatpeopleareunable
towalkthroughthecentreof popular cities due to the
staggeringnumberof visitors.
What does this meanofr us as youngpeople? It is
diffi cultbecauseon the one hand I don’t want to visit
placesthataresooevrwhelmed youcannoteevn see
the sights, but
recognizethatsuch tourismhasben e f i ts too: there is a
goodchanceo,fr example,thatoneineev r yelevenofus
inthisroomwillendupwith a job in tourism. And every
governmentis pleased with the money tourism brings in.
Ultimate,lIythinktheissueofwhat sortoftravelwe
want is important.Wilstayinginadul modernhotel
andtakingafew snaps on your pholneetahseyouba
hordesrealysatisf y you?Whenweleaevschool,wehave
a choice – to blindlyfolowthecrowd or do something
diff erent.Asyoungpeople,wecanblazeatrailforhowwe
wanttravel to look in the coming yearsF.or my part,I’m
going to beginingbtoykngoewmy own country fi r st –
onfootorbicycle. I hope you do too.
Feedback
This respo nse cover s the ta sk in a logicalway, a d d r e s s ing each
of the bullet points and de m onstrating a good un d e r s t a n d ing
of audience and purpose. T he writer su c c e s s fullyevaluate s
the points raised in the text and synth e s i s e s t h e m to provide a
celar, concise analysis in their own words .
S e c t i o n 2: Applyi n g k e y s k i lls
212
.9
8
3 U sing the res p o n s e s a n d feedback in this topic, and the
p r o g r e s s points on page421, evaluate your own r e s p o n s e
and improve it where you can.
C h a p t e r 8 : E x t e n d e d r e s p o n s e t o r e a d i n g a n d d i r e c t e d w r it i n g
312
Chapter 8
Checkyour progress Good progress
Extended response toerading
•
Directed writing I c a n u n d e r s tand the main ideas and p oints fro m a source ex tra c t .
•
I can expres s ideas clearly and in a straightfo r w a rdway,although they may not be
well develope d.
•
I can use s o m e d e t alis and examples to back up my ideas .
•
I can focu s on some of the bullet s in the t a s k .
•
I can use s ome conve ntions of a sp e e c h .
•
I can includ e a basic ‘voice ’ in my writing that sometimes evoke s a sense o f p e r s onali.ty
•
I can seque nce my writing well and choo se a broadly e f f e c t i ve s t r u c ture.
•
I o f te n g e t s p elling, pun c t u ation and grammar right.
Excelent progress
•
I can look clo sely at a tex t and show my opinio ns about it.
•
I can includ e well- developed and su s t a i n e d i d e a s , using convincing and ef f e c tive
language to exp ress thes e ideas.
•
I can use e xamples and det ails to ad d power and p urpose to my r e s p o n s e .
•
I can addres s all the bullet point s listed in the ta s k .
•
I can use the conventions of a spe e c h e f fe c t iveyl.
•
I can recreate a co nvincing voice that reflec t s s omeone’s p e r s o n a il t y a n d s u s t ain this
throughout my writing.
•
I can organise my ideas to have an ef f e c t on the audience.
•
I almost always get spelling , p u n c tuation and grammar right.
Good progress
•
I can sometimes write using the conventions of a sp ecified form.
•
I can organise my respons e, sometim es choosin g words that are p o w e r f u l.
•
I can sometim e s u s e language appro priate to my audience.
•
I can generally use a ccurate spelling, pun c t u ation and gram.mar
Excelent progress
•
I can write in a var i e t y of forms, using conventions app ropriate.ly
•
I can organise my ideas to influe nce the rea.de r
•
I can choose words for their impact a n d e f fe c t .
•
I can consis tently u se language to engage and influence my audience.
•
I can use co nsistently accurate spelling, pun c t u ation and gram.mar
S e c t i o n 2: Applyi n g k e y s k i lls
412
Composition
9
Links to ot her chapters: oppoatehnotivtuoigitysinoumysptoketCrs
Chapter 3: Key writing form s
Chapter 4: Writing for purpos e oy whotgnlreuollyawothayseheTotti rw.u
a tnetnoc eht cufrotidnasetgsdrnedunfot
ev i dtagnroriatngni irwetphietdvrnwaciisee,
soehtgihlfefhevidtekskaylstrtunetoiarerrot
rw fo eceip lanigti.ergcosnuedhoicnratpoaripopa
o T write a composition, you will need to use
your writing skills to:
•
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dna t lefW)(,dtehnguigo1mahit
•
osdndranoafsaeesdnionaigneriotucprt
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•
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•
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•
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512
Chapter 9 . oT pic 1
Undaensrtndigcomponitsi tasks desavWihstipwoh.cilerc Toptpi
tgnitiwrev?iketkMsaanoest Look backotopiTcs 4.9 and
uoY w i l l h a v e t o m a k e q u i t e a f e w c h o i c e s i n your 0 1 to4r.emindyourself of the
composit i o n w r i t ing. I t i s i mp o r t a n t t h at yo u f u l l y edevahuoyoepdn.ic keyfeaturesofdescriptive and
understand what t h o s e c h oi c e s a r e a n d ho w t h e y w i l l narrative writing.
a f f e c t y ou r r e s p o n s e . C o m p o si t i on t a s k s u s u a l l y g iv e o people meet for the fi
y o u a c h o i c e o f t w o t y p e s o f w r i t i n g – d e s c r i pt i v e or rst
n a r r a t i v e . A c o mp o s i t io n s h o u l d b e 3 5 0 – 450 w o r d s . t, I heard the sound of
e. I opened t.he’ d…oor Individual elements aretackledin turn in
Explore the skills t a stor . y detail.
1 desaviswWtkihepaxsmtohbceoaibLtplkwr.sc
iwrevitotanrraMnetak?enghcwkisanhditsnwgikrst
daihtcedhcaewmhsecvohnayktsetyuopyeodn.
)a
D e s c r i b e an occasio n w h e n t wo people mee t for the fi r s t
time.
)b
‘ A lthough it was alm ost mmiiddnniigghht, I heard th e sound of
f o o t s t e ps approaching our house. I opened th. e’ d…oor
Use these t wo se ntences to ssttaar r t a stor . y
Build the skills
E a c h t y pe of writing has its own conventi o n s . T h ese might be (how ideas and information are se quenced or ordered)
s t r u c t u ral (how language is used).
or s t y l is t i c
2 Copy and complete the chart below.
Conventions of good narrative s Conveonitnsofgooddescprivtiewntrig
structure structure adds interestbyrevealing orconcealinginformation
s k o o h t a h t g n irneedpaoe r g neohrtt s
style
use of flashbacks?
surprising ending?
dnagnfio aeprutyclidpisvtneisiv
yregam’iredganeriseunitmcdainsrashrc
S e c t i o n 2: Applyi n g k e y s k i lls
612
.1
9
Develop the skills
uoY can develop you r u n d e r s t anding of the co nventions and
p r a c t i se using th em. Howe,vienrexam conditio ns you will n e e d
to deal methodically with the task s . I t can help to follow a proce s s
such as the one below.
1 Read the four ta sks (t wo de scriptive writing and two narrative writing).
2 S e l e c t the one task from the four for w hich you:
•
un d e r s t a n d the conventions (the form /purpo se and its s t yle and stru c t u r)e
•
have a good range of ideas (it is no good choosing a topic or theme that you know
nothing about o r c a n n o t p i c ture in your mind)
•
c an write in a co m p l e x , s o p histicatedway(no t j u s t statin g the obvious but providin g
detail an d depth of language and ideas.)
3 Quickly plan your ans w. er
3 Reread the two q u e s tionsains k1T. Which would you
choose?Why?
Appylthe skills
Once you have s e l e c t e d the task ,make sure that you under s t a n d it is asking you to odou.cYan do this by highlighting the
what
key words in the ques tion.
tobetold Narrative writin g Use these two anarrateivis a story, so
in the first A‘ lthough it was al m o s t midnight, I heard I must use what I know
person (‘I’) aboutgood storytelling
the sound of foot s t e p s approaching our
house. the content: a person hears
I o p e n e d t h e d .o o r ’.. someone coming to the
sentences to star t a stor . y house and opens the door
makesure I only
write the beginning
Checkyour progress:
4 I d e n t i f ythekey words in the following ques tion. I u n d e r s tand w hat each
t a s k i s askin g and c a n s e l e c t
Descriptive writing a form tha t I ca n write
D e s c r i b e a scene in which a customer complains to a c o m p e t e n t l.y
shop manager about an item he/she has bought.
I u n d e r s t a n d t h e r a n g e of
t a s k s o n o f f er and c an draw
creatively on what I know
of them.
C h a p t e r 9: C o m p o s i t i o n
712
Chapter 9 . oT pic 2
i rgonfiinkrvncssaiaeadttelpadeP
asenkthpwrendsiyorehkgteinhglHi
ppoleho?lpenstvredmtuoyaib,tponratwidoes
Explore the skills sniaomltproeusc ot regamnapohs a bouta thguob/ehmesathiehnsa.
Look again at the following task. The key words have be en
highlighted.
Descriptive writing
beircDse wni eanechscaih
1 Q uickly generate ideas abou t the content , based on thekey
words. Jot down:
the customer and manager are elik
• complaining about .
what
. Copy and complete these spid e r
•
what the cus tomer is
2 Create two spider diagrams to help you focus on the
descriptive elements
diagrams, or come up with your own.
angry mdti ,smlal
other customers manrge
ecaf
sweaty shirt
Unhappy customer
Sights and sounds
sdnahdehcnelc meti foflesh
The grid below collect s some po ssible notes on the initial idea s Overall f o c u s Descriptive elements U p close
you might have. customer enteringthe shop
h i s / h e r s p e ed of walkin g wooden crate with
Paragra p h p e t ’ s eyes jus t visible
1
c a r r y in g o b j e c t
clothing – coat
2
3 W hat would you p ut in your se cond paragraph?
Jot down some ideas.
S e c t i o n 2: Applyi n g k e y s k i lls
812
Build the skills .2
9
4 Follow the same proces s for the ta sk below. Pick out the
key words and then jot dow n: Toptpi
a) the main content of th e task (and what you should / Look back otopiTc s 4 . 9 and
should not inclu de) 1 . 9 for help if you ne ed to.
)b thedepvsceitrlmhte(instygosupanltodebrsice–
foerxampswel,nigsf,olwerbeds,b.enche)s
Descriptive writing
Describe a summer af ternoon in a park.
Develop the skills – pigeon pecking in the grass – flies up in old
noti lsiartoadsyrwaoendsenagoriseiuhcoigtsfnotnskAs stone basin… shouts…
lmde:ieubtlmaepdxlneaevrcroisedFateapdhcaie.ortdn square table…
child chasing pigeon Checkyour progress:
man’s face – green grass – sc ared face
I can g enerate basic i deas for
5 Ndoenktwilondropsrharosefwlseonrhflgatie.ohcf a d e s criptive ta s k .
a) children with football – I can ge nerate a range of
b) water fountain – i d e a s a n d c h o o s e one tha t is
c) old men playing ch e s s – original or s triking .
6 N ow conside r how you can lo ok at your des criptive t ask in C h a p t e r 9: C o m p o s i t i o n
an original or unusualway. For example, think about the
shop task: how would the des cription change if:
•
the shop was on efrom10 0 year s a g o
•
the shop sold ver y unusual, out of the ordinary o b j e c t s
•
the custo mer complaining was a small child
•
) rotaer?kwpuroehayns(kwusroeahyrrtepnemoe
7 Choose one of these options. Write a listofkeynouns or
noun phrases related to the shop, the customer or the
shopkee per or mana.ger
Appylthe skills
8 Read the des criptive t ask below. Note down th ekeywo r d s
and then generate ideas usin g one of the methods above.
Descriptive writing
D e s c r i b e someone exploring an underground cave.
912
Chapter 9 . oT pic 3
Strcutur nigdescprtoincreat yveli
D e s c r i pt i v e w r i t i n g i s a b out creat i n g a v i v id p i c t u re
t h r o u g h y o u r c h o i c e o f w o r d s . I t i s a l s o a b out ho,w
a n d i n w h at o r der, y o u r e v e a l t h a t p i c t u r e .
Explore the skills
Look at the followin g t a s k :
D e s c r i b e someone’s impressions of a new town or ci.ty
T h e r e a r e s e veral ways y o u c o u l d a p p r o a c h s t r u c turing a time :
r e s p o n s e . o Yu c o u l d l o o k a t i t t h r o u g h
arriv?ing (For
•
Has the per son jus t arrived or are they place .
example, you could describ e their impre ssions as they come
into the city onatrain.)
•
Are they jus t waking up in a new place, rea dy to see it in the
light? If so, is it dawn – or wh? en
•
Could the impres sions be at different times – for example,
a s t h e y w a k e u p , t h e n l a t e r i n t h e day?
Alternative,lyou might decide to struc ture your description
according to
•
Are you des cribing the w hole of the cit y – th e c i t y s c a?p e
•
Could you des cribe dif ferent location s(a café, a bus y
c r o s s r o a d s , then a p eaceful par?k)
•
Could you contras t this new place with the one your narrator
h a s j u s t come fr?om
Here is a plan fo r s t r u c turin g a d e s cription.
r aP agr:aLpha1te night:arrivingbytrain–citylights 1 W hat str u c t ural device doe s the
ae l Ii csaeh:t2ersofhoilapcfawerPpyMugi vayevtsr plan mostly use to divide up the
d e s c r i pon?ti
no i tats eht
r aP agraph3:Dawn.Sunlight.The view from the hotel 2 Ad d a f u r ther change for
wnidow. paragraph 5.
r aP agraph4:Lunchtime:moretobe seen from my
.b…alcony
r aP agraph5:
S e c t i o n 2: Applyi n g k e y s k i lls
220
.3
9
Build the skills Throughthewindo,wa row of offi cebuildings topic sentence
oppositeslowlycometolife.Amodernglass tower gives the general
S t r u c ture also relate s to how you reveal detalis within refl ec tstherisingsunastheblindsareslowly view
and betweenparagraphs.Wlyioludescribeawhole?scene l i f t ed. One window revealsabusinesswomanina
Wyoliufocusonsmani,ldviidu?aldetails smartbluesuitwhositsat herdesksippingacup
Note how in this example below, the paragraph begins by s e t t ing of coff ee,refl ec tingonthedayahead.
the whole scen e, then ‘oz oms in’ on more preci s e d e t ali.
compound sentence
gives a specifi c
example of one of
the buildings
3 Write a paragraph following a similar stru c t u re. compelxsentenceprovdieseven Toptpi
Read an example of how thi s idea could be developed. moredetaolifwhatsihappennig
• nitheg‘alstower’ Think of this te chnique as
In the fi r s t sentence, de scribe a new scene from your the ‘came ra’ method: you
]4[ zoom in from a general
window. Likeabalerina, on tipt oes,shereaches w i d e - a n gle view to a close -
up of a particular per s o n
• 5[] o r o b j e c t . It can give your
In the secon d, add more detail – what can you ‘paint in’ Onthepavement, a sparrow picks at writing a strong sense of
p e r s p e c t i ve
tomakethe place more vivid?
•
In the third, de scribe a specifi c p e r s o n o r o b j e c t
c o n n e c ted to the scene you are des cribing(u se a longer
sentence to provide more d etailed information.)
.
Frommy hotel windo,wIwatchasthelongstreetlinedwithsehroepdsa,nsdhsuhut,slowly ]1[ ]2[ ]2[
awakes ,acafé s ’ lightsfl ickerbeofrethey illuminate fu,llwyhileattheother
At. one end
blindslif t uponafashiondisplaHy. ere,ayounggirlstandsoutsideandstaresatthemannequins
]3[
, then retreats inside and steps into the glass box.
andadjustsanamber scarfonapaleandstaticneck.
cru.mbserin the gu
4 H ow does thi s r e s p o n s e apply ‘c amera techniqu? eLisnk the Key term t h e p a r ticular
t y p e s of camera shot below to the numbered sente nces in p e r s p e c t i ve:
the text . angle or direc tio n from
a) wide angle which something is seen
b) panning from side to side or experienced; it can also
c) long shot framin g a p e r s o n refer to some one’s attitude
d) tracking shot towards som ething
e) z o o m - in to close up
C h a p t e r 9: C o m p o s i t i o n
21
Chapter 9 . oT pic 3
5 H ere are some ideas for a fur ther paragraph. Match each long shot framing one thing
one to the type of camera shot. zooming in
crumpled can of fi z z y drink on paveme nt
in, at, on ,by, n e x t to, beside, n,ebare t w e e n ,
s c h o o l s tudent on bike c y cling past behind, infrontof, u n d, beerlow, o,vre above,
through, acros s, tow a r d s , onto
sun coming up over distant hils panning from one side to another
Pr e p o s i t i o n s of place/position
6 Put these id eas together to create your ow n‘zoo m i n g -
in’ paragraph. Begin with the wid e - a n g le view before
narrowing to a clos e - u p .
Develop the skills
I t i s i m p o r t ant to be clear in the way you ilnk or sequence words ,
phrases or sentence s . P r e p o sitions can help you.
Prepositions can indicate the time or s equence of events , or the
place or position of people or object s. The table below s hows
some common prepo sitions.
Prepositions of time
on, in, at, since,,fboerfore, to, p a s t , from,
til/until, by
7 I d e n t i f y the prepositions of time or place in the examples
below. Note down what each prepo sition tells u s .
a) Through my wind ow I see the row of offi ce buildings
opposite co me to life.
b) …abusinesswomaninasmartbluesuitsitsatherdesk…
c) … a cafe’s ilghts fl icker before they illuminate f…ully
8 H ere is a fur ther paragraph from the city scene. Copy and
complete it, adding appropriateprepositions .
The sun has risen a…nd thedawnthequiethush of the
morninghasbeenreplaced by the bustleoflife..thelamppost
lemouseaslniiff sandscurriespa…sttheyelowlight
ersansdpgluoesout.Ajogger ru…nsit,andscreamsin
fright… running off … the street toherwaitin.gcar
S e c t i o n 2: Applyi n g k e y s k i lls
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9
C o n j u n c tions are als o useful in descrip tive writin g. Conjunctions a s the blinds are slowly lif te d.
that indicate eve n t s h a p p e ning concurrently(at the same tim e)
can sto p you from slipping into telilng a sto ry. For example: while at the other blinds lif t up on
A modern, glass tower refl e c t s the rising sun Checkyour progress:
At one end , a café’s lights fl icker before they illuminatefully,
a fashion di splay. I u n d e r s t andhow d i f f e rent
s t r u c tu r e s c a n help me
9 Rewrite each pair of s entences b elow, using organise my work.
a conjunctiontomake them a single se ntence.
a) The fi s h erman hauls in the n e t s . The small fi s h I c a n u se a r a n g e o f s t r u c t u ral
slither free. devices a t whole t e x t and
b) T h e b u s i n e s swoman s t a n d s up. Her fi r s t visitor paragraph level to enable
enters the room. t h e r e a d e r to follow my
p e r s p e c t i ve clearly.
Appylthe skills
10 Wtreitwhtoerpargarpnerhispsonsetohetaw.skobel
D e s c r i b e a stree tmarket as it opens up for custo m e r s .
Checklistforsuccess
✔
Decide how you will str u c t ure the text as a whole.
✔
Use camera - s t y le techniques to control the pe r s p e c t ive.
✔
Use linking wo rds and phra ses to s equence your ideas.
C h a p t e r 9: C o m p o s i t i o n
223
Chapter 9 . oT pic 4
Usingethsensesanmdiager y
in descprtive writgni
Key terms
Explore the skills
simile: using kiel or as to
compare things thing in terms of which des cribe
I m a g e r y is the creative us e of words to create sens o r y pi c t ures Similes and m e t a p h o r s are both types of imagery. metaphor:
in the mind. . (metaphor) one
Images play akeyrole in bringing your descriptive writing to life. another
T h e s e n s e s are also ver y imp o r t a nt to descriptive writing. Good
d e s c r i p ti o n s o f tenevoke s o u n d s , s m e l l s , t e x tu r e s , sights and broken brick on sandpaper .
tastes. tiny
Here are two good examples o f i m a g e r y in description:
•
The man’s hoarse voicewaslike a
(simile)
•
The childs’fi n g ers on mine as I ope ned the door were
splinters of ice
1 M akenotes on the followi n g q u e s ti o n s .
a) What dif ferent s e n s e s d o e s each description app e?alto
b) What is par ticularly effe c t ive about each d escripon?ti
Build the skills
T h e b e s t i m a g e r y is about choo sing your idea s carefu.lly was like fl owing honey .
•
The man’s hoarse voice .
2 Read the beginning of each de scription below, then decide speeding
which of the simile s fi t s b e s t with what is bein g describ e d .
.
a) T h e c u s tomer’s a n g r y words hit the manager like a
soggy towel / shar p whip / bowl of warm rice
b) H i s p o w e r fu l s e r ve crosse d the net likea
missile / gent l e b u t t e r f l y / hovering helicopt er
3 N ow have a go your self.
a) The light bur s t t hrough the wide gap onto the fl oor (add yoursimile; think of a liquid)
kile..
b) Anarrow… of light shone onto the fl .oor (add your
metaphor; think of something thin, nas t y and sharp)
S e c t i o n 2: Applyi n g k e y s k i lls
224
Develop the skills .4
9
T h e b e s t descrip tive writin g combines images to create an
effec t overall
.
The midnight lake shone like a huge, silver brooch, and
around it, in the swaying grasse s, glow - w o r m s glittered
likeminiature diamond s. A co ol mist fr o s t e d my skin.
The moon, which hung from the sk y’s dark neck, was
an enormous locketwhich I felt I could reach ou t and
touch. I was poor in terms of money bu t living in such a
beautiful place, I was likethe richest prince on ear th.
4 a) Identifythethreesimile s and two main sense do th e s e i m a g e s appea?l Wtoh a t
Hereisanotherparagraphonadifferenttopic. metaphors in the text .
analogy being ma?)de
b) W h a t
o t h e r s e n s e s you can identify?
c) What link sallth e s e i m a g e s togeth?e(Irs there o ne
overallcomparison or
There was a wild rush to get to the front to see the band.
Likebe es racing towards th eir favouriteliy, we sped
towards the s tage. From the sides of the arena, oth er people
s w a r m e d over the barrier slike soldier ants or a tide of
b e e t l e s s wallowing up the space.
5 Look at the three possible fi nal sentence sbelow. Which fi t s Key terms
b e s t w i t h the paragraphabove?Why? analogy:
comparison bet w e e n t wo
• ideas
I was a tiny leaf swept up in a huge , u n s t o p pable storm.
•
Ifeltlike a leader of an arm. y
•
I was a shark spe eding through the w.ater
a developed
Appylthe skills Checkyour progress:
6 Write your own de scriptio0n(1 0 521 –words) ab out a
journey into an unknown town or cit . y Create a mood that
s u g g e s t s the experience is leikenjoying a delicious feas t .
I can u se the s e n s e s and
imagery in my des criptive
writing.
I can s e l e c t from a ra nge of
s e n s o r y i d e a s a n d i m a g e r y to
create the g r e a t e s t i m p a c t .
C h a p t e r 9: C o m p o s i t i o n
225
Chapter 9 . oT pic 5
Natra ive wr nitgi:
s t rcut u reanddteail
Narrative wri t i n g n e e d s:
•
a strong op ening to ho ok the reader
•
a complex, i n t e r e s ting narrative (the events are
told in an original way)
•
mgnayoltsul)hteftirwaflhocth(warngaiyedeas
•
detailed descrip tion and ambitious v ocab u l a r y u s e d w h e n
appropriate.
Explore the skills
Look at the followin g t a s k , which you cam e across.oi1npiTc 9.
lA‘ though it was alm o s t m i dnight, I heard th e sound of
f o o t s t e ps approaching our house. I opened th. e ’d.o.. or Use
t h e s e t wo sentence s to st a r t a stor . y
How can you res pond to thi s t a s k , fulfilling the requirements of T hink about creating an interes ting narrative. This means
narrative writing listed abo? ve writing the s t a r t of a stor y that will engag e the rea.der
Copy the table below, then ad d more ideas totheright-
1 hand column.
Who is approachin?g A strange r in the ho?use
Another member o r m e m b e r s of the fam?ily
Who are ‘you’ ? Are you a teenager in a hous elike your o?wn
Or are you som eone else, old, e r anadult?
Why has the person come oT m e e t s o m e o?n e
to the house? oT reveal a secre?t
oT steal so meth?ing
What will happen next? An argument?
A ch?ase
What might have A myste rious even?t
happened earlier? Other visito?r s
Someone watching the house f o r w e e?k s
S e c t i o n 2: Applyi n g k e y s k i lls
226
.5
9
u o Y may have come up with lots of ideas, but now make your key
decisions (for example, who the person is and why they are there).
Bear in mind that the more original the idea is (without it being
ridiculous), the better the story will be.
2 M akeyourkey decisions based on th e table you
createdains k1T.
Build the skills
A good narrativ e o f ten:
•
ilraenaugome)slfetoriwkraestchrtalber(ltariksehcba
•
includes a surprise and o/ r s u s p e n s e (things are not as they
if r s t appear)
•
withholds information(d oes not tell the reader eve r y thing at
once).
The beginning of the narrative is a vital ele ment. It will shape and
form what follows , inclu ding the us e of these techniques .
3 H ere are two potential o penings to the sto ry. Decide which
one uses th e techniques above.
Althoughitwasalmostmidnight,Iheardthe sound of
footsteps approaching our house. I opened the.dInoofront
of me stoodmyabro, tPher ulo.Hehad gone missing tenyears
earlier and although he had changed, I knew it was him .
A l t h o u gh it w a s a l m o s t m i d n i g h t , I h ea r d t h e s o u n d of
f o o t s t e p s appr o a c h i n g o u r h ou s e . I o p e n ed t h e d o.oForr a
m o m en t , I p e e r ed i n t o t h e d a r kn e s s. Was t h er e s o m eon e
t h e r e o r n ot ? I t o o k a s t ep f or wa r d a n d a h a n d gr a b b ed m y
shirt .
‘ Y ou ? ’ I g a sp e d .
SuddwniIeyl,fas yvear odlsa gapianl,yinanhityg erd,
m ta l ml ey,moesahretrsmgu.noeiakka
4 wod eoetcdoceneiss ,nweeohtawlhtmparrgxuonoefyinodsUnan Did hheerurun off and get los?t nwodsaeetdoni tnw,aoehwlmprauoxefy d nd work and not ret?unr
of sehuqt grnedhiwoti.oslonrobtl.Cidtehhnetppah Didd hheeggo off to fi n d work and not ret?unr of sehuqt grnediwoi.rslenohl.Ctiotrb e
• Did hheeggeet into trou?ble n o f f and get los?t
• How old w as?he o o f f to fi
• W h aatt s os or r t o f p e r s on was?he t into trou?ble
•
• ashe?
t of pers on was?he
C h a p t e r 9: C o m p o s i t i o n
227
Chapter 9 . oT pic 5
5 Continue the fl a s h b ack from this point (writing about
1 0 0 w o r d s ). F o r e x a m p l e:
Wewerealways close, even though he was much older than me,
butthatdayintheyardwasthelastday I saw hima–uPlo.My
bro…ther
6 If possible, compare your fl a s hback with a partn e r ’ s .
a) Did you come up with similar id?eas
b) W h o s e w o r k s best?Why?
7 Fl a s h b a c k s only really work wh en they have so m e i m p a c t
later in the sto r. Iymagine that the pe rson at the door is the
brother who has disappeare d. Note down some reasons for
his return – for example, he is in trouble and needs help.
Develop the skills climax , w h e n e v e r y thing comes
G o o d s t o ries work toward s a Mysteriousstrangeratthedoor turns out to be bro,ther
together in a dramatic mome nt, followe d by an ending that uaP ol.
resolves o r completes what has occurred, for g ood or bad. For
example: Flashback–why he lef t,hasreturnedbecauseheispenniless,
livingrougha.Wnts me to st ealfoodforhim from the cupboard.
Stage :1grab r e a d e rs’ a t t e ntion Makes me promise not to t elparents.
r aP entscatchmeandbrotherinthe kitchen.
Stage 2: developm ent or Theyforgevi himofrrunningaway–al iswel.
complication
Stage 3: climax
Stage 4: ending
8 T his plan en ds‘all is w,ebllu’ t the be s t s tories of ten contain Key term the most
t w i s t s – somethin g surprising – in their conclu sions. W hat
could be the t w i s t o r u n e x p e c ted ending h?eer climax:
i n t e r e s ting or exciting
9 Read these t wo endings and complete one of them with point in a sto r y
a fi nal t w i s t, or come up with a completely new ending of
your own.
Myparentshugg ed my bro, tahnderweal sat down around Toptpi
oursmal woodenkitchentable.Myfatherpoured us all some
waterwith limejuice.Thenmy brothersighed,‘Ihave something Look bac0kot1opiTcto4.
else to tel y’oHue.gotup, went to the doorandopenedit. remind yourself about the
basic fiv e - p a r t s t o r y structure.
S e c t i o n 2: Applyi n g k e y s k i lls
228
.5
9
Aswesatetherdrinking,limIelowoaketdr atmybrotheragainas
hareised the glas to hispils.Teherwassomethingworng–something
not …htgri
Another way in which you can organise and s t r u c ture a stor y i s
through your us e of senten ces – and in pa r t icual,r your use of
t e n s e s . F o r example:
I am waiting here, hoping to be res cued. I remember how it all
began decided
– the moment when I to explore the caves . present progressive
present simple
The use of the two present te n s e s p l un g e s u s s traight into the past simple
a c t i o n . T h e p a s t tense sen ds the read er ‘back in time’ to how the
narrator got into this position. Checkyour progress:
I can p lan and write a s t o r y
10 W hich of the se ntences below would fi t both which has an effe c t ive plot.
grammaticaly and in terms of making sen?s e I can p lan and write a s t o r y
Think about where the writer is taking us – using a range of technique s
f o r w ard, back or ke eping us in the prese n t . to engage the read e r ’ s
i n t e r e s t and se quence my
a) It had been a glorious day – p e r f e c t for i d e a s i n a n i n t e r e s t i n g way.
exploring.
b) It is a glorious day – per f e c t for explorin g.
c) It will be a glorious day – p e r fe c t for explorin g.
11 N ow,imagin e that the trappe d narrator be gins
to think of the future – he dreams of e s c a p e .
Use future te nse forms (I am/he is going to or
, and so on) to write the
I/he/they wil/might/may
n e x t paragraph. Begin:
I try t othinkaboutthe future.Howsomeone…
Appylthe skills
12 N ow return to th e original taAsklt(h‘ ough it was alm o s t
midnight…’ ) or think of an entirely new sto r y of your own.
Plan and then write the fi r s t d r a f t of your narrative piece. It
should be 350 – 4 5 0 words long.
C h a p t e r 9: C o m p o s i t i o n
229
Chapter 9 . oT pic 6 tell , the reader about a
show , rather than
Natra ivewr nitigch:acratersonait
Toptpi
uoY w i l l n o t h a v e m uc h s p a c e i n w h i c h t o t e l l y our
s t o r, ys o y o u ne e d t o b a l a n c e d i a l o g ue a n d d e s c r i p t i o n , When implying character
a n d u s e l a n g uage clev e r l y t o r e v e a l c h a r a c t e r s . andcontex t,small details
can reveal a lot: for examp,le
Explore the skills t a t t y school book implies that
I t i s i m p o r t ant that you Minaisperhaps untidy and
c h a r a c ter or situation. For example, your s t o r y may hinge on the disorganised as well as bore!d
a c t i o ns of a bore d child that lead to a dramatic eve n t .
Which of the following examples is more interes ting to read?
Minawasbored.Shespental dayinherroomthinkingabout
whattodo.
Minalayonhretinybedstaring at thecei lingS.hehad
alreadycountedther owsofdull,fa dingfl owe r osnhre
walpapearn dha dreadh tre a t t y schobolohtkreeti m e s . She
sigh edh eavi lyan dli sten eda hs rebedis d ec l ock tic kedls owl.y
1 T he second example not only impil e s s o m e thing about balance between
Mina’scharac ter – that she is bo red – but cleverly shows her
being bored. How is this do?en Note down an s w e r s t o the
following ques tions.
a) What is Mina do?in g
b) How is she acng?ti W hat det ails add to the overal to?ne
Build the skills
r T y not to spend too much time on just o n e p a r t
of your stooruy. Ym u s t create a
the different elements . For example, if you spend
too much time on Mina bored in her room, you
might not have enough space to write what this
makes her do. A goo d plan might lookliketh i s .
S e c t i o n 2: Applyi n g k e y s k i lls
230
9 .6
Introduction: Mina is bored in her room. 57words
Development and 5 7 0151 – wodrs
complication: Falshbacks:hse’ beensenttherefornotdoingher
homework.Sheclmi bsoutofwnidow,triestofi nd 5 2 1001 – wodrs
Climax: herfriends ’ housebutitisdarkandshegetslost.
57words
Resolution: She is chased by someone or something
and cornered; it turns out tobeherfa,ther
2 desperate t o fi nd. her
Complete the sec tio n about Mina in h er room using
3 5 – 4 0 words. Backathome,shenowfi ndsherroomacomfor t .
Develop the skills Improved version
Dialogue can help bring your stor y and characters to life. Mina kne w she shou l d h a v e d o n e
3 her h o m e work, bu t she s a t d own
Read these t wodialo g u e e x tr a c t s , t h en complete the with a thum p a n d …
improved ve r s i o n .
mI’‘ vrey disapponi tedM, ina’,said
First version herm ,aothngreilyturning her back
and star tin gtowahs theplat es.
W‘ el,Mina,Ihave tosaythatI’m very
disappointed inyoubecauseyouhaven’t Checkyour progress:
done your homework somI’rea,lryealy
cross’,saidMinsa’motherangr.ily I can create main cha r a c te r s
woenvkahuoysI st,’luti’aftenI.modyIton‘’n in a well- organi se d plo t .
aGrhtwi’,oSIegnebiepsu.aldechaedbvn I can create interes ting
’ ylnrio,b’utalhstpe.ankrMirfhdteiast’noId c h a r a c ters through a range of
e f f e c tive t e c h n i q u e s .
Appylthe skills
C h a p t e r 9: C o m p o s i t i o n
4
Write your own narrative in res ponse to this task or
complete the sto r y about Mina:
‘ T h e E s cape’ – w rite a narrative with this as a title.
Checklistforsuccess
✔
Keep the convers ation simple; makeit reveal some thing
about the charac t e r s .
✔
Makesure that the spee ch is broke n up with action or
d e s c r i p tion.
231
Chapter 9 . oT pic 7
Practicquestoinsandsmaepl
responses:comopnoist tasks
Key skills
uoY will need to show the following skills w hen answering
composition q u e s t io n s .
D e s c r i p tive writing:
•
Generate a range of interes ting idea s , i n cluding ones from an
unusual or original pers p e c t ive.
•
Include vivid detail s , u s ing the sens es to exp r e s s w h at is felt
or experience d.
•
U s e i m a g e r y or other techniques to create a stron g i m p a c t .
•
Organise your descrip tion in intere sting w a y s , through time,
place or a combination of both.
•
Use a variet y of ‘ focusing’ techniqu es to move from wider
o v e r views to clos e detail.
•
Link ideas str u c t urally through prepositio n s , c o n j u n c ti o n s ,
and so on.
Narrative writing:
•
Generate a range of interes ting plot s , i n cluding on es with
unusual forms of narration.
•
U s e s t r u c tural or organisational devices such as flas hbacks or
changes of ten se to engage the rea.der
•
Create compelilng and engagin g characte r s .
•
Use dialogue accurately and to add meaning an d i m p a c t to
your stor i e s .
our taYsk: descriptive writing
1 Read the following d escriptive writing co mposition ta sk.
Then write a r e s p o n s e of 350 – 4 5 0 w o r d s .
D e s c r i b e a hidden or s ecret place.
S e c t i o n 2: Applyi n g k e y s k i lls
232
Exploring responses: descripvtie writing .7
Now read this example response to the tas k . 9
Response 1
clear opening sets the scene
ThesecretpalceIntesrithroughathaledgTe.heresiadoor aerganivmoest.smoeihlavdanrsweoipgnreti I but with no sense of where
agrwltahieandealndwhtephi,neuIdloorpe.nsolwyl the garden is or how the
Thgr,tahodeuegnohptehnesduopaoncrdaeInsfe,hlear writer got there
andsmsomel anythnigs.
use of the senses to
mlseehtsiehtsesfnoessenmyiklca aioftTehgnihttrs convey feeling
l f .srewo
use of ima,giferaylittle
lati eki lttuIbedrvu,shromcausgtonaihdmtaehetohefyrlIn unoriginal
tiafhktsleawsmgyn’ teiuzmnlaoIritonsocs.tudgnjiIa
.gnimzaos intriguing idea that could
have linked to the game
NowIseeoldtreesbendingdownovermewithcurvedbranches concept, but not really
likeoldmen’s arms which seek to grabme.Ipushthem to one fully explored
sideandfi nd Iamstandingonastonebridgeoverasparkling
stream.Therearelotsof fi shes to see. C h a p t e r 9: C o m p o s i t i o n
Al aroundthegadren isthetal hedge, likeabox,andinside
therearelots morehedgescreatingamazel-ike eff ect.Ifeel
likeIaminsideagameanddon’tknowwhere to turn. Now I am
not sure of the way out so I go backtheway Icameover the
lebridgeandlipasttheoldmantrees.ButIcannotfi nd the
.door
olIokupaboveandtheskyisabrailntbuledB.sri fromthe
garden,onesIdont’ recognise–theydont’ lookevr yniceor
friendly–wel,theyswoopdownandpeckclosetome.Ithink
theyaresomesortofseabrid,whichseemsstrangebecause
wearenotnearthesea.Thegrassbythepathislikeagreen
blanket,sof tandinviting,soIsitdownwhileIconsiderwhat to
donext.
hTosm.eortagyneilfehtfo lmlseeerhtweNsgoiylslraweo
ffusdnaerusylskcioistfotImvoegail.tIgnostiymeteaclor
csemetmeiltslihlTwi oh.cefpae,iwhtkoonradlehtvraehr
.erehtylsuiolu,tcarmi
I feelikeAliceinoWnderlandwakingupbutIhaven’tbeenasleep
sothisisnotadream.Iwil comeback to this gadren againifit
isstil here.
233
Chapter 9 . oT pic 7
Feedback
While the r e s p o n s e p r e s e n t s a clear and vivid picture, there is
something lacking here. T here is lit t l e sentence var i e t y and the
d e s c r i p ti o n s , though easy to visualise , are sometimes a lit tle
dull and repe titive given the possibilities . Ideas are sugges ted
but not fully developed. There is evidence of original thought,
but it never quite gets going. Having said that, this is a more
than compete n t r e s p o n s e that does have i m a g e r, ycontrol and
a flu e nt s t r u c ture.
2 I d e n t i f y t h r e e f u r ther things in this resp onse that could be
improved. Use the ‘Excellent progress points’ on page 240
to help you.
Now read this se cond sample re s p o n s e .
Response 2
A t t h e t o p o f m y p a r en t s ’ d u l l , gr e y a p a r t m e n t b l o c k i s a i n t o m e t h a t a f t er n o on w h en I d e c i d e d t o c l i m b
s e t o f i r o n s t a i r s t h a t l e a don t o t h e r oof – or so I th ou g h t .
T h e m e t a l s i g n w a r n s, ‘ N o e n t r y – d a n ,gr’e so I c a n ’ t t ell you . T h ey g l i m m e r e d a s w a t er s p o u t e d
w h a t ge t s I am at p e a c e. Awa y f r omi t a l l .
them.
F o r c i n g open th e h e a v y t r a p d ,oIors t epped in t o a n o t h er change of tense correct?
w o r l d . For t h er e , f a c i n g m e w a s t h e m o s t l u sh , l u x u r i a n t
g a r d en I h a v e e v er s e e n . A n a r c h , t wi s t ed r o u n d w i t h t h e good variety of sensory
d e l i c a t e f i n g er s o f f r a g r a n t pin k r o s e s c onf r o n t e d m e, a n d adjective
beyond wa s a m a t t e d w a l k way, spr i n k l e d with sa n d , l i k e zooms in, using imagi-
g o l d en pa.per native metaphor
effective simile, if not the
As I took my fi r s t ten t a t i v e s teps, t h e t i n k l i n g s ound of tin y best comparison
excellent, original simile
f o u n t a i n s a t e i t h er s i d e r o s e up, li ke a th o u sa n d m i n i -
short sentences provide
orche stras tuning up effective contrast
new topic sentence and
f r o m s c u l p t u r e s . B e l o w,th e s o u n d o f t h e b r u t a l c i t y s t r e e t s connective links to new
description
c o n t i n u ed. C a r s sna r l i n g like wi ld c a t s . People c h a t t e r i n g
l i k e m on k e y s .
Yet th e r e w a s m or e . O ff t h e m a i n pa t h w a y w e r e f u r t h er
r o u t e s. I e x p l o r e d e a c h in t u r n , e a c h r e v e a l i n g a n e w d el i g h t .
Down one , a ha m m o c k s w u n g b e t w een bambo o t r e e s , a s i f
i t s o w n er h a dju s t d i s a p p e a r e d . Down an o t h, er w e r e r o w s o f
t i n y f l ow e r s I d i d n ’ t r e cogn i s e , w h i c h seem ed n e w l y pla n t e d .
I h a d n o i d e a w h a t w a s w a t er i n g t h e m but d e s pi t e t h e
i n t e n s e t r op i c a l h e a t t h e y w e r e t h r i v i n g.
How cou ld I h a v e m i s sed th i s pla c e ? Who c r eated i t ?
W h o ever i t w a s m u s t h a v e rea l i s e d t h a t w e a l l n eed an
e s c a p e f r omt h e sp e e d o f e v e r y d a y l i f e. T h i s w a s a r e al oa s i s ,
n o t a m i r a g e . It f el t l i k e m i n e , a s if I wa s t h e fi r s t e x p l or. e r
S e c t i o n 2: Applyi n g k e y s k i lls
234
.7
9
M y d r e a m s were br okenby a m el o d y i n t er f e r i n g n e a r m y lacisyhpnonoitnettadesucof
s i d e . I gla n c e d d o w n a t t h epa t h w a y r a i l i n g. On it , a r ow erehpsmotaot sdda tnmevmo
o f t i n y blu ebi r d s , s i x o r s e v en, I c a n ’ t r e c a l l e x a c t l y , s a t l i ke
a l i t t l e c h o,i r c h i r p i n g out th e i r s o n g – j u s t f or m e! I r e a c h e d feelings of the writer
d o w n a n d on e h o pp e d o n t o m y h a n d a n d t i l t e d i t s h e a d a s
i f c h e c k i n g m e o u t . T h en , i n a fl a s h of blu e i t w a s g o n e a n d excellent list of details
s o w e r e t h e o t h er s. P e r h a p s t h eyd’ h e a r d s o m e t h i n g . provides contrast at dis-
tance
I s u d d e n l y f el t l i ke an i n t r u d. er T i m e t o l e a v e . Wil l I t e l l m y
p a r en t s? I f el t l i ke I wan t e d t o keep t h e p l a c e t o m y s e l f , l i k e a effective single sentence
d r e a m w h i c h you th i n k you will r u i n if you re v e a l i t . paragraph to conclude
I c l o s e d t h e d o or behi n d m e. mI m e d i a t e l y it wa s a s i f t h e
g a r d en h a d n e v e r e x i s t e d . B e l o w I c ou l d h e a r t h e s o u n d s
o f c o u p l e s a r g u i n g i n t h e i r a p a r t m e n t s, p o t s bubbl i n g i n
k i t c h en s , t e l e v i si o n s b l a r i n g o u t .
I w a s b a c k in t h e r e a l w o r l d .
Feedback
This is an excellent piece that really conveys the se t t i n g and
atmosphere of the garden. Th e descrip tion is built u p v e r y
well, with each paragraph developing what has go ne before or
taking the read er down new pathways (literaly.) There is a real
variety of vocabula r y a n d i m a g e r, yalthough for the ans wer
to be improved it would nee d to be inve ntive and per f e c tly
matched to the d esired atmosphere. We also get a real sense
of the ‘interior voice’ of the writer and his or her feeling s .
O c c a s i o nally it feels as if the de scription is going to spill over
into stor y t elling but f o r tunately that doe s not oc.cVuerry
occasionayl,too, tens es are a lit t l e insecure, although overal
the account is con sistent in this resp e c t . T he use of sentences
is excellent, w i t h s h o r ter sentence s u s e d f o r e f fe c t . All in all, a
v e r y i m p r e s s ive piece.
3 I d e n t i f y t h r e e f u r ther specifi c features of this r e s p o n s e that
are an improveme nt on Respon se1.
4 U sing the res p o n s e s a n d feedback in this topic, and the
‘Excellent progres s points’ on page 24 0, evaluate your own
r e s p o n s e a n d improve it where you can.
C h a p t e r 9: C o m p o s i t i o n
235
Chapter 9 . oT pic 7
ourtaYsk:narrativewr iting
5 Read the following narrative writing compositi o n t a s k .
Then write your own response of 350 – 4 5 0 words.
Write a sto r y that begins with you overhearing a phone cal
which is meant to b e secret.
Exploring responses: narartivewriting good use of questions,
but we need to fi nd
Read the example res ponse to th e t a s k b eolw. out more about the
narrator
Response 1
began to think about other things. Itwas
Iwasonthestairs in the middle of thenightwhenIheadrthe
phonecal.Itwas a very hotnightandIcouldn’tsleepand
needed a drink. I was coming downthestairs,rubbingmyeyes,
whenIsawmy father by the phone.Hewasspeakingquietly
andhehadhisback to me so he couldn’ t see me. The hall islong
and narrow so there wasnoway he could spot me.
‘He mustn’t fi ndout.Haveyougotthat? ’ myfatherwhispered.
I could not tell if he was worried or ang,rbyut I began to ask
all sorts of questions tomy.sWelfho was ‘he’? I wastheonly
boyinthehouse,soitmustbeme.Myfather andmotherhad
been acting quitesecrety,ielvitwastrue. They seemed tobe
whisperingtoeachotheral thetime.
‘Irealisethisisthebest time to phone, butbecaref ul.Don’t
callagain.I’ l cal yo’ mu,yfathersaid.
Becaref ulaboutwhat?Wasmydadinvolvedinsomethingbad?
Had he got into deb t?Butwhy hide it from m?e
The next da, Iywatchedmyparentscaref yu.l But they didn’t
giveanythingaw.aIyevenoflowed my dad to the trainstation
one morning beofregoing to school, butnothingstrange
happened.
Inanycase,my mind
my birthdayattheweekend.Thatwaswhenitallmadesense!
Of course, mydadhadbeentalking to someone aboutmy
present!Hewanted to keep it secre tfromme.Butwhyspeak
to someone in the middle o fthenight?Thatwasstilweird.
S e c t i o n 2: Applyi n g k e y s k i lls
236
.7
9
Thedaycame. Iopenedmypresents whichwerewhat I’ d asked
for–like a new bike but no real surprises. Then my dad said he
needed to pop out t o get something–andcouldIhelphi?mI
said yes of course.
Suddenly, we seemed to be going to the airpor t.Whatwas needs detail or imagery
goingon? to create pictures in the
mind
Ourcarpuledupatthe shortstayparking.Isawsomeone
good, concise ending
walkingtowardsus.No. Itcouldn’tbe!Itwas!Itwasmyolder that shows us how close
they are
sisterwhohad emigrated t oAmericafi ev yearsag.oShehad
comebackjustofr my birthday.Sothatwaswhymydadwas
talking in the middle of thenight.
le bro‘Htehleor,!l’ishesaid,huggingme.
Feedback
T h e s t r u c t u re of this resp onse is cl,rae achieving a balance
b e t w e e n dialogue and eve n t s , although it ends v e r y suddenly.
The charac t e r s are clearly drawn but they are not d e s c r i b e d
in any detail. There is a lack of image r y and sense of location
o r s e t t ing, and rather too much ‘telling’ of information to the
reader rather than ‘show.ing’
6 I d e n t i f y t h r e e f u r th e r t h i n g s i n t h i s r e s p o n s e t h a t c o uld
be improve d. Use the ‘ Excellent progres s points’ on page
240 to help you.
Now read the se cond sample re s p o n s e o n t h e n e x t page.
C h a p t e r 9: C o m p o s i t i o n
237
Chapter 9 . oT pic 7
Response 2
IheardmyolderbrotheraFbricse’ hushed tones as I walked good opening tells us
past his room. The door was slightly open, a shadr of light how brother is speaking
slicing t,haenadirI could see him, in hisintgraocnksuit,si
the edge of his bed,speakingonhismobile realistic speech and
good characterisation
‘Nowa, myan. I can’t doouigto!tYme? ’
a bit repetitive and not
Fabrice soundedanxious,upset.Whatwasgoingon? really a proper word
Suddenlyitwentquiet. The calwa.sover Iheardfootsteps good ‘showing’ rather
paddingover the fl oorboards comingtowadrsme. I froze.My than ‘telling’
brother opened the door wide.
‘ W h atyoudoing? Listening ,huh? ’ hesaid,angr.ilHye pushed me
upagainstthewal,hiseyessparksoffi re.
‘No – well – I heardsomething, but I didn’ tunderstan’d, Ireplied , ‘Ime’ an…Ididn’thaev time to fi nish.
worried. ly of view while they gatheredbehindtheoldpavilion,
‘Keep it that way!’ He slammed the.door
Thatweekend wewereatabigathletics meetingatWaorokd.P
Mybrotherwas a bril iant runner and he wasthefaovu r i t efor
t0h0-em1etrerace.Itwasmdi-af t ernoon,thesunbaking
thesandytrack. He was prowling about beside it, like a caged
cheetah, his musclesripplinginhisback.Inhisownworld.But
then,justbeofretheracebegan,thecheetah seemed to melt
away.Isawhimtalking to a gang ofolderboys. One of them – a
thin,paleboy witharinginhisnose–grabbed him by his white
vest.Theboypokedafi ngerintoFabrices’ chest.Whatabout
thosemusclesa,Fbrice,Iaskedinmyhoeuad?oYn’thave to
takethis!
ButnextIkne,awFbrice wascomingtowardsme.Hehadtears
running down his face, butwalkedstraightpast.
Something got intomleeb.Mitaoybfetahalitcheetah
spirit. I needed toknowwhatwasgoingon.So,Ifolowedthem.
Hid out
smotheredingraffi ti, smears of whit eandreeadrs.T, they
lookedlike.Iheard itall.
SoonIwasbackinthegrassy arena, and tracke d my brother
down.Hewastying up his running shoes – lef t shoefi r st,
alwaysthesameroutine.
‘Iknowwhatishappening,’ I told himou. ‘muYstn’tlosethe
races.Itn’ ot right!’ I added,asforcefulyasIdared. He didn’t
lookup,justpausedandthenmoved on to the other shoe,
meticulouslyofldingthe perfect white lacesovereacho. ther
S e c t i o n 2: Applyi n g k e y s k i lls
238
He stood,usptaredfor a moment into the distance,at .7
nothingitseemed… 9
BeforeIknewit,theracehadbegunt.Afi r stmybrotherwas this is the climax but it is
a long way behind. But that was his usual style.Hisstrength over too quickly
ertwhoruoludgbahinthelast30metres. But he’ d l e f t it
laotoel.aTte,surely?Hewas going to lose becauseofthat s e v l o s e r – gn i dne doog
gang,becausesomeone wanted to fi x theracefor a bit of no i t au t i s ne ewt eb
cash.Bu…tnoIwaswrong.Suddenyl hewassugringthrough!
Itwaslikehewasinhisowncorridor o,sfwaifr t asthe s u s e v ae l t ub s r eh t o r b
cheetah,swi f t ermaybe.Hedippedontheline. H e ’ dwon! oo t gn i r ednow
H e ’ dwon!
Soon a man in a business suit was giving him a longredsash
with a shiny medal on it. When the man hadshakenFabrices’
hand,Iwen.toevr
AsIapproachedIsawthegangofboyswalkingovertoo. They
did not look happy at all.
‘ W h at are you going to do?’ Iasked.
Fabrice put his arm around my shoulders.
Gu‘ess we’ljusthave to face the music toge,twhoenr’tw?e ’ he
said, gripping me tighyt.l
Feedback
This respo n s e d e m o n s t ra t e s g o o d characterisation by showing
c h a r a c ters’ individual actions and contrasting ways of sp eaking.
There are als o some nice pieces of d escriptive detali, but more
i s n e e d e d . El e m e n t s of the plot are a bit unbalanced: there
could be more su spense at the climax (for example, would
Fabrice lose the ra ce delibe rately or n.o?) t
7 U sing the res p o n s e s a n d feedback in this topic, and the
‘Excellent progres s points’ on page 24 0, evaluate your own
r e s p o n s e a n d improve it where you can.
C h a p t e r 9: C o m p o s i t i o n
239
Chapter 9
Checkyour progress
Soundprogress
•
I u n d e r s t and what a t ask is asking and can sel e c t a form I can write compete ntyl.
•
M y u n d e r s t anding and planning of the tas k shows that I know what the form is and
have some ideas for my res p o n s e .
•
I am able to use basic senten ce stru c t u res in des criptive te x t s .
•
I can use s o m e i m a g e r ytomake my writing me morable.
•
My stories contain the main str u c t ure of introduc tio n, developm ent, climax and endin g.
•
I can seque nce sto ries clearly and use simple sentence s t r u c tures and vo c a b u l a.r y
•
I can includ e easily und e r s t o o d c h a r a c ters and a recognis a b l e s e t ting.
•
I can includ e all the main ele ments of a stor y with equal balance.
Excelent progress
•
I can think creatively of detalied and original ideas for my chosen t ask before I s t a r t .
•
I can use a range of str u c t ural devices to enable the read er to follow my p e r s p e c t ive.
•
I can selec t fro m a range of imag e r y an d s e n s o r y ideas to make my writing me morable.
•
My stories contain the main str u c t ure of introduc tio n, developm ent, climax and endin g ,
and include features such a s flashback, t w i s ts and holding back information.
•
I can manage elem e n t s s u c h as the climax and ending well, f i t t ing them to the s t o r y in a
way that satis fies the re a.d e r
•
I can use co m p l e x , b u t appropriate and varied se ntence str u c t ures and ambitiou s
vocabular y fo r e f fe c t .
•
My characters are clearly drawn, detailed and believable with the right balance of
dialogue and ac t i on.
•
M y s e t t ings and de scriptions are vivid and inte restin g.
S e c t i o n 2: Applyi n g k e y s k i lls
240
Approaching
writtencoursework
01
uoY r coursewo rk assignment swillgive you the
o p p o r t unity to explore ideas at length, and to selec t
unusual or original ways of res ponding, giving your
own views on your experience of the world abou t
you. One assignment will b e w r i t ten in resp onse to
a n o n - f i c tio n t e x t .
Courseworka ssignments arearealchancetoimpre ss!
uoY wilhavetimetoexperimentwithdif ferent
viewpoints , stru c t uresandtime sequences ,totr yout
unusualformsandtodevelopcharac t e r sindet a.li
f id eht hguroetrphahtscekuatosnmtentygiehiTrsesaf
ruuooyy gpno. silwelovlel,idbslekiasosttsiop
uoY will write three a s s i g n m e n t s:
writing to dis c u s s , a r g u e a n do/ r
Assignment 1:
p e r s u a d e in r e s p o n s e to a tex t o r t e x t s writing to de scribe
Assignment 2: writing to narrate.
Assignment 3:
o Y u will need to focus on these writing skills:
•
a r t iculate experience and exp r e s s w h at is thought,
felt and imagined ( W) 1
•
d rsofdnasaedrseibnagiefferolu(ecturtcW)2
•
use a rang e of vocab u l a r y and sentence s t r u c ture s
appropriate to context ( W 3)
•
u s e r e g i s ter appropriate to contex t ( W4)
•
ni l lepscudnasenotiafeotrakupuamnctg,
W.(ma)mrga5
Links to other chapters: For Assignment 1, you will also need to use your
Chapter 3: Key writing form s
Chapter 4: Writing for purpos e reading skills:
Chapter 8: Ex tende d response
to reading and dire c t e d writing •
(direc ted writing se c t i o ns) demonstraetundersta1mn)Rdntiegoan(cxgfpil s
Chapter 9: Compo sition
•
d e m o n s t r a te u n d e r s t anding of implicit meanings
and attit u d e s ( R 2)
•
poleveadvedna,eesdtyaituaclfndanl,asae
pus trpexa)t3aRgn,ehis(notrmsoupinorfoiptr
•
ps rpofrnupinocei)s5Rutfm(ard.inoacsetlso
142
01 retpa.hC o1 Tc ip
Deveolpnigpersonalw r i gtni
uoY r c o u r s e w o rk a s s i g n m e n t s g i v e y ou a w o n d er f u l B not
o p p o r t unit y t o r e f l e c t a t l e n g t h o n i d ea s a n d i s s ue s , a s
w e l l a s t o f i n d your ow n p e r s o nal ‘voice’ a n d t o w r ite TheWorstSchoolBusEevr
about y o u r o w n i n t e r e st s a n d e x p e r i e nc e s .
L e t ’s b e h on e s t – t h e r i d e wa s
Explore the skills p l e a s a n t . I ’m ta l k i n g t h i r t y s m el l y el e v en -
y e a r - ol d s; I’m t a l k i n g a r i c k e t y old bu s
Writing per sonally can mean writing honestly about your own h i t t i n g e v ery pot- h o l e i n t h e r o a d ; Im’
thoughts and viewpoints , develo ping a st yle of writing that is t a l k i n g b e i n g s q u a s h e d a t t h eba c k wi t h
your own, or choosing title s o r t a s ks that in t e r e s t you. Read the m y n o se pre s s e d like a sq u a s h ed tom a t o
two example s below – b oth of them are d escriptive accounts of a g a i n s t t h e g r e a sy w i n d o ws. Wh at f u n !
childhood memories.
A
The ThoughreteT
There,underthe huge, curvingbranchesof
thewilow, I would lie with my backagainst
the knoy trunk, staringupattheclouds
thatflickeredthroughtheleaves,formingand
reformingthemselvesingreysandwhites.
This is the place my dreamsandhopesbegan.
1 W hat dif feren ces do you notice in:
a)
t h e s u b j e c t m a t t e r chosen by ea chwriter?
b)
t h e s t yle and mood each crea?tes
Build the skills
Writing doe s not need to be entirely truthful to be p e r s o n a l – for
example, the bus might not have ‘hit ev e r y pot-ho, lbeu’ t when
you draw on som ething det ailed and concrete fro m your own life,
you can embellish it to create an impact .
2 wgt rwueohyhtsceanorempd?ii nfrotWecatixrehsotie
3 T h e s t yle of each example is quite distin c t ive. Which s t y l e
do you think is clos e s t t o your o?wWnhat ‘childhood
m e m o r y ’ would you choose to w rite about?
242 S e c t i o n 3 : A p p l y i n g k e y s k i l l s i n c o u r s e w o r k
1.
01
Develop the skills Check your prog r e s s :
oT e x p r e s s ideas that sound convincing and have impac t , you need I u n d e r s tand h o w pe r s onal
to be able to sus tain and develop them . Explorin g ideas in de tail i d e a s c a n help my w r i t i n g .
shows your reader that you have fully engage d with the subjec t .
I can co n s i d e r s o m e p e r s o n a l
H e r e i s p a r t of a plan for example A above. i d e a s a n d a p p l y t h e m to
writing t a s k s .
✓
The old wililnogwu–ndmeeristi–theclouds.
✓
Thetreeinmoredetainilg–atittshseeend of the gadren.
✓
Mylifeatthattime–whyI used to go there.
✓
How I sintgotphpeeredassiIgrewolder and made friends.
✓
Thetreenow–orhowIimagineitnowwenolongevrilethere.
4 T he writer u ses ‘change’ as a means of developin g and
e x t e nding their idea s .
a) W h a t p e r s onal changes do they inclu?d e
b) What change in time do they refe?otr
This stru c t ure of beginning with a core idea then developin g it
w o r k s e qually well for p e r s u a sive writing. Below is the st a r t of
some notes ab out the infl u e n ce of social media.
Mymemoriesofmyfi r stmobilephoneandhowIfetl.
5 H ow could this account be develope d?Think about:
•
the same idea of change due to ge t t i ng older
•
adding linkin g ideas relate d to other a s p e c t s of social
media in the writers’life.
Appylthe skills
6 T hink again about a childhood m e m o r y you would choos e
to write about .Make brief notes ab o u t :
•
what your title an d focus would be
•
what detail s you would inclu d e
•
how you could develop or sust ain the account (for
example, through change sintime)
•
what impres sion you would liketo give the rea.der
C h a p t e r 10 : A p p r o a c h i n g w r i t t e n c o u r s e w o r k
243
01 retpa.hC o2 Tc ip
gn i hcao r ppA meng: 1i stsAn
t,ssiucsrgWindeugoriat
edauos/rdepnra
For A s s i g n m en t 1 , yo u w i l l w r i t e i n r e s p o n s e t o a t e x t
o r t e x t s y ou h a v e r e a d .
Explore the skills
uoY wil:
•
e xplore the ideas in the tex t / s
•
e xpress your own views on the information an d ideas you have
read about
•
w rite in a par ticular form, such as a news a r ticle, a spe ech or a
l e t t, eanrd for a par ticular purpose.
What topic s or issues intere st y?ouou cYould conside r:
•
p e r s o n a l or local is sues (for example pocekt mo ney, traffi c
issues in your neighbourhood)
•
wider issuesorideas(forexample,yourthoughts aboutnature,
wildlife,theolder generation, gender issues,culturalid.e)as
1 N ote down ideas about all the different things that interes t
or concern you. Then draw u p a s h o r-tli st of key areas.
2 Choose one or t wo of the topics from your lis t and think
Which of the following would be par t icularly useful for?you
about how you would:
•
f i n d a r ticles or othe r forms of writing about them
•
research info rmation (fa c t s , s t atistics and oth er ideas.)
•
looking in the lo cal news paper or loc al news website
•
looking in national newspape rs or magazin e s
•
using general online search e ngines
•
talking to, or i n t e r viewing, peo ple
•
s roi rpnaetmraoedriffeglnroirsdkontoebssoircteinfctiat
.sdrocer
Build the skills
In this ty pe of writing, you nee d to show your ability to evaluate
ideas or argume nts in a tex t .
S e c t i o n 3: Appl y i n g k e y s k i l l s i n c o u r s ework
244
2.
01
3 W hat does ‘evaluate’ m?eaTnhink about each of the
d e f i nitions below. Which one b e s t m a tches what youwill
need to?do
•
Give your clear viewp oint on the topic you have chose n
and give suppor tin g evidence.
•
Explain th e d i f ferent argument s on the to pic as a whole
without giving you r p e r s o n alview.
•
Refl e c t on the different ideas given and make a
judgement about whether th ey are convincing or not,
before giving you r p e r s o n alview.
Develop the skills
Once you have evaluated theeky ideas in a tex t , you need to Toptpi
respond to them in a spe cifi c form. Imagine that you have chosen Look bac,koap1t iTcs 3.5
as your issu e the subjec t of e b o o k s ve r s u s p rinted bo o k so.u hYave and3.6toremind yourselfof
found an interes ting ar ticle about the revival of printed b o o k s . theconventions of speeches,
a r t icles and letters.
Here are three p ossible fo rms that your ow n writing couldtake:
N ews paper article
•
a lette r to a book shop owne r about the is sue of ebo o k s
•
a speec2h11–yteoa1r olds abou t the topic
•
a n e w s p a p e r a r t icle in respo nse to the ar t icle you read.
4 For each of the three forms above , note what conventions
you might includ e. For example:
Letter to bookshop owner S p e e c h t o c hildren
welcome introdu c t i on
opening salutation – formal: using ‘we’ to draw stu dents in
Dea…r M r
if r s t paragraph – ex plaining
reason for writing
Appylthe skills Check your prog r e s s :
5 T hink again about a topic that inte r e s t s you. Create Iunders tandthemain
your own tas k–like the ones above – that allows youto requirementosfAs signme.nt1
evaluate the ideas and expres s your own viewpoint.
I can ap p l y w h a t I have
poT ic:… learned about A s s i gnment
ArticlethatIwil respondt o:… 1 to make my w o r k m o r e
roFm of tex t I will writeinresponse:… e f f e c tive.
Conventions required: …
C h a p t e r 10 : A p p r o a c h i n g w r i t t e n c o u r s e w o r k
245
01 retpa.hC o3 Tc ip
Asginmt1en: coVabulary a company that
Respondnigto a text
Mintel:
W h e n w r i t i n g t o d i s c u s s , a r g u e o r p e r s uade, you w i l l carries out market research
n e e d t o s e le c t i n f o r mat i o n , e v a l u at e it a n d adapt it for p c : per cent) (%
your own p u r p o s e s.
Explore the skills
Imagine that you have decided to explore the i ssue of ebo o k s a n d
printed bo o k s , and have found the following article. How wil you
respond toit?
How printed books entered a new chapter of fortune
bySam Dean, DaieleygraTph “The pr int book revavi l cont inues as consumers,
157YJ2U1•:1602PML
young and old, appear to haev establ ished a new
appreciatoin for t h is t r a dtional for m”a t , said
Itwill noctomeas asur p r isetoanoynewith ven
RebeccaMcGrath, Msin’setnleoirmed iaanalyst.
a brief understanding of the Brtish high stre et
that the number of independent bookshops has As,rev there a re mu lptilet heoreisfor the ret u r n
almost haelvd in the past 1 1 years, accordi ng to of the old fashioned book. A widley held bleief
the Booksel lers Associaotin. is that it is a man ifestatoin of our dig ita l-heavy
elivs, where dyas a nd ngihts are sp ent st a r i n g at
But there is hope – the book rviae l is gat heri ng
screens, and all wewa ntisamomentofrespit.e
pace. Once seen as doomed to an ebi-oonkflict e d
death, the physical version has been creeping “Consumers are placing growing vaule on
back into the ma inst ream a f t e r years of delci ne. phycsia l goods in a dig ita l ”world, adds
Fresh research has found that sales of ebook s a re McGrath. “I n such a connected owrld, many
expe ctedtofa llfor the first time. Mintel predicts people increasi ngyl vaule time when they can
pc . At
that ebook sales in 7 120 will decl ine by 1 get away f rom scre ens. When it comes to pri nt
the same time, print sales are forecast to grow readers, mayn va lue the chance to enojy some
6pc this year and25pceovr thenevxtifyear s. digtia -lfree time ath”ome.
Those ga ins in print sales are d riving the book Mindy Gibbins-Kelin, t he ofunder of publisher
market in the UK, wh cih is estimated to su r p a ss Panoma P ress, agrees. “Peopel spend so much
£2bn th is year, a n a n nual rise of 4p.c In short , time on t heir scre”ens, she says. e“W need a
thetidehastu r n e d . Anda llof asudden,thebook bre”ak.
businedsosensosteemlike sudcaahuntipnglace
For iSmon Key at t he igB G reen Bookshop, ti
to be.
is more to do wtih the ta ngbile na t u r e of books,
]…[ theirdesig ns and theirfe.le
S e c t i o n 3: Appl y i n g k e y s k i l l s i n c o u r s ework
246
3.
01
“It is the physical book that kovees a m” em, ory see oyur office a nd bo”oks, says Gibbins-Kelin,
he says. “tI is about seeing that book, rather than whose publ ishi ng compa yn focuses mai nly on
just being about the story itse.lf T hat is a big business a nd personal dpolevment book s.
selli ng point. It is not just the content, ti is the
As the leader of a fir m that tr eis to publ ish their
memories they bring back to oyu when you heav
books i n as many ofr mats as posbiel, Gibbins-
finished reading them. ou Y do not get that wit h
Klei n sees firs-hta nd that consumers are happy
an e-”reader.
to fork out the cash for a hard copy ven when
T h i s , Key says, is one of the mai n reasons t hat other opt ions are aav i lab.le “It does not seem to
consumers appear wi lling to spend more money b e price-”se,nestivi she syas. “People a r e willing
on a pri nted book, rather than buying a cheaper topay”more.
elect ronvecirsion. Iitsalwsohy hebelsvei more
T h i s is backed up yb t he M intle research, which
focusisnowgoing into theirdesig n.
stayshantea ylr 70pcoUf Kconsumeras rheappy
eW“ are based ni one of hte ptseor ougbrhs in to ievn st more t ha n £ 6 on a hardback book, but
London adn we can esl,l and do ,les hardabck just p7 c1 are willing to spend that much on an
oyxewdtowahuplnsohtie,c5i2co£brtoksf ebook.
in an idpnet pohs in ood W” Gern, he .syas
] .…[
“tI si parylt because tyeh kol os wnoderful thta
”ouhctotefnlapowdethanmel. For Key t here a re st i l l .“owbble”s He s:ysa “e W
go th rough patches where we are loo k i ng at the
A l a n Staton of the Bookslelers Associatoin adds
b a n kstatemeenvtr y day toseeifwe canpay the
that “publ ishers are publish ing more beaut i f u l
b”ills.
boobakondsoksleleacrrsreeating mboeraeut i f u l
places to disceovr. them” The sig ns are undoubt edly encourag ing. On a
simpl istci ellv, more people are w i l l i ng to pay
The “shelfie” interoir desgin craze, where
more money for more books. The question, then,
peopel show off their intelel ct th rough thei r
iswhether that wil lbeenough.
book col lect ions, also adds vaule to the physical
F r o m w w .wt e l e g r a ph.co.uk
book. “There is prestgie about people com ing to
C h a p t e r 10 : A p p r o a c h i n g w r i t t e n c o u r s e w o r k
247
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Collins Cambridge IGCSE™ ENGLISH STUDENTS BOOK
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