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Published by , 2018-04-24 14:47:01

REVISED-MAG

REVISED-MAG

Masturbation

Volume 1

Issue 5



Mas·tur·ba·tion-noun
[mas-ter-bey-shuh n]
The stimulation or manipulation of one’s own genitals,
especially to orgasm; sexual self-gratification.

JOCKSTRAPES YOU’LL NEVER WANT TO HIDE.

JOCKSTRAPS.COM

Foreplay 4-7

Pubic hair 2

Glimpse 10-13 Rolodex

Slippery When Wet

Divulge 16-19

The First Times

Climax 25-27

It’s Okay



Foreplay

5
Foreplay

Carpet, bush, rug, landscape, landing strip, etc. just like everything else sexual 6
it goes by many names it’s pubic hair. It has almost as many names as it does
variations between length, texture, color, curl, and style. Whether you have a jun-
gle, landing strip, or are hairless you’re genitals have a hairdo. But society has
determined the haircut you’re expected to have women are supposed to smooth
while men can walk around with a secret garden of pubic hair.

Foreplay

7

But if a man does ‘man scape,’ he’s either smooth or just shortened the whole
situation anything else and he runs the risk of being ‘gay.’ However, there seems
to be a return to the 70’s mindset, and women can now have their secret garden
in all its glory without the 2000’s label of gross, unkept, and unsexy. Bush is the
new black.

Foreplay

However, just like everything men are still stuck worrying about the connotations 8
their pubic hair has. Why shouldn’t men have the freedom to give their one eyed
snake a hairstyle? It goes back to the idea that you’re less of a man if you do
anything that’s been considered feminine. So lady and gents grab those trim-
mers make that heart or shave it smooth I’ll give you a warning it’ll itch like fifty
thousand ants, or don’t grab the trimmers and let it grow.

Foreplay



Glimpse

11
Glimpse

Baby oil, Vaseline, conditioner, shampoo, and Icy Hot,

are all huge no-no’s for your downstairs mix up. Most

of these risk applies to you ladies baby oil and

Vaseline can lead to bacteria build which can

cause yeast infections, UTI’s and loads of other

complications. Fellas the biggest risk is burning pee

from a build up in your urethra or an intense burn, 12

I’m talking about Icy Hot. However, you can still get a

pit, water bacterial infections call epididymitis in your testicles
based,
silicone and urinary tract. Now for butt stuff it’s really about
based, and
coconut oil, keeping everything balanced we have good bacteria in
they all have
one thing in common they can all our intestines, and the goal is to keep it there.
make sexy time a lot more fun.
However, there are a few things Now that we’ve sped through the no’s of sexual lubri-
you should know about lubing up cation lets talk about the oh yes’s. Let’s start off with
your engine before you should hit a classic spit. Cavemen used it, ancient Romans used
the road. Just like you shouldn’t go it when they couldn’t find the olive oil, and Rose and
putting diesel in your Ferrari there Jack probably used it. For me, spit is about 50/50 on
are a few things you shouldn’t use pros and cons. Pros its free, endless-ish supply, and
on your genitals. Now don’t get me easy cleanup. The main drawback is there are a lot
wrong diesel is great for the right of varieties of spit which depend on a what you ate,
engine but just like gas different hydration, and what you’ve been doing. Using spite
lubes are better suited for differ- post a spicy, sweet, or sour snack can leave you with
ent things. So I’m going to give you red, irritated, and burning genitals regardless of sex.
a breakdown of the regular, premi- So wait thirty minutes and drink plenty of water before
um, diesel and even the chevron letting your trouser snake swim in spit pond. This
with techron of lubes. also comes to my next point if you’re not hydrated
producing enough spit can prove to be difficult.

Glimpse

However, the main issue in my opinion of spit as lube
is it’s not very lubricating it more so gets things wet,
but spite produced after oral play tends to provide
more lubrication. All in all, I give spit 7 out of 10
strokes it gets the job done just at a discounted rate.

Water it’s the source of life every living
creature needs water to survive however in my
humble opinion lube does not need to be water
13 based. Water based lube is the most common due to
it being cost-efficient, easy to clean up, and easy to
find in stores. However, it’s as fast to provide
lubrication as it is to become sticky and tacky.
Water-based is often best used in combination with
spit or natural lubrication. Water-based is also one
of the safest lubes to use vaginally, anally, and with
toys. Water-based comes in a variety of flavors as well
which can provide more fun however with flavored
lubes you increases your chances of complications.
Given its versatile and putting aside my personal
biased I’ll give water-based lube 6 out of 10 strokes.

This next lube has a valley named after it and is a
personal favorite, silicone. Its long lasting and often
has a velvety smoothness. However, in contrast to
water-based lube silicone often requires a shower to
clean up and cant be used with certain toys.

Glimpse

However, silicone lube can is com- An added benefit of coconut oil is it moisturizing attri-
patible with condoms as well as butes and has a pleasant sent leaving your downstairs
anally and vaginally. Even with it a mix up both soft and with a tropical fragrance. How-
difficult clean up, I give it silicone ever, it’s not a total island vacation coconut oil when
an 8 out of 10 strokes, it provides used excessively has a difficult clean up requiring a
the smoothest lubrication and is few scrub downs similar to silicone lubes. Coconut oil
the longest lasting. is also first and foremost a food product so there is
the added risk of it wandering into your kitchen which 14
Newest on the scene is coconut can transfer bacteria, just make sure to have to jars
oil in recent years it has become a on hand one for kitchen carrots and another for your
miracle product providing mois- carrot. Coconut oil finishes off with 9 out of 10 strokes
ture, a nutty flavor to your sautéed hydrating, cheap, easy to purchase, and versatile.
vegetables, and you guessed it a
personal lubricant. Coconut oil is With all that said its always different strokes for differ-
both safe for ingestion and to use ent folks, so next time you’re in the lotion isle maybe
with silicone toys. This provides slip on over to oil section and grab some coconut oil
you with the flexibility to switch the grab some silicone fun in the condom aisle. Just like
order up of things and even bring with cars test drive these lubes to figure out what revs
new things into your bedroom. your engine.



Divulge

17

THE FIRST TIMES

I asked men to tell me about their first time masturbating.
These are their stories.
Divulge

My first time jerking off was when I was around 14. My two friends 18
and I was having a sleepover outside in his tree house. It was late at
night, and we were getting undressed. My one friend mark who was on
the football team had no problems getting undressed fast. I noticed he
started growing the happy trail hear his belly button. So I commented
on “damn..look at that pubic hair.” He looked so sexy in his boxers,
and I could see his cock head hanging out when he was sitting down.
I remember him saying yea I started growing a year or so ago. I dared
him to show the rest. He looked at our other friend and smiled, pulled
down his boxers and showed the full package. Damn! He was hung
for 15 and had a nice bush surrounding it. I remember that day like
yesterday. He had no problems showing off what he was proud of.
Mark wanted to compare. So our other friend got up and whipped out
his cock, he was a little smaller but thick and smooth. Mark got out the
measuring tape and measures the size of both cocks. I’m sitting there
trying not to get hard...but too late. Already there hiding it. It was my
turn to measure, and when I got up, Mark noticed I had a semi growing.
I was a little embarrassed, but as I pulled down my boxers, Mark said
here I’d help you a little. He took his hand, spit on it and grabbed my
semi-erect cock.going up and down. I backed away but both friends
said it’s ok we do it from time to time together watching porn. So I let
mark jack me off a little while The other friend played with my balls.
I remember standing there not realizing where I was but enjoying it.
All of a sudden I got this strange feeling and shot my cum all over the
floor. We eventually sucked each other off a few weeks later. Had the
best time with my two friends as it was always our secret pack. The
sad part is that mark moved away a year later and the other friend and
I became distant. But I’ll always remember the great times we had in
the tree house.

Divulge

I first jerked I was in school in detention I was about 12, and I had a
really fit teacher he was itching his bulge. I started touching my boner,
and he kept looking at me he started touching himself. He tried to
make it so I couldn’t see but I could, and then I started wanking under
the table. I made so much noise that he came over and wiped my cum
on his hand and he ate it, then he touched me and then I went.

Probably about 14. Not sure what got me hard think just playing in
19 bed. Didn’t cum though the thought was going to piss.

I was about 12 or 13 I took a shower and got hard and was like oh
that’s a new feeling. Like it was the first erection I paid attention to.
I started stroking it and playing with the head. It felt amazing I don’t
know if I came since the water was washing of me.

My first time jacking off was when I was 16 losing my virginity my
boyfriend at the time had me laying on my back with my legs up.

I don’t really remember it, except a friend taught me.I think I was 11
or 12, of course, I enjoyed it he took my hand and put it on my dick and
showed me how to move.

Divulge

I was 15 when I jerked off for the first time. I never thought about 20
it, until I heard some guys talking about masturbation in class. I
got home, went to the internet and googled, man, jerking off. I was
innocent and straight at the time, so I freaked out. I tried it anyway a
few days later, and it was like an addiction.

I was about 15 or 16, stumbled upon some hot videos on youtube.
There wasn’t ass much censorship back then.

Let’s see I was 12-13. I remember I was spying on my stepdad
shower. I watched him soap up and lather his thick uncut dick. I would
run my dick as I watched, but he showered so quick it didn’t leave
time to enjoy it. So I went to the restroom and started rubbing my
dick. I pulled the skin back and realized was stuck to my cock head.
I started it lightly stroke it more and just like that. I came it wasn’t
much, but after that, I couldn’t stop.

I was like 13, and I had friends over, and we played dares.
Throughout the night, it got more and more sexual to the point where
the dares were to get hard and full your pants down and stuff.After
everyone left my best friend stayed over, and we continued the dares
to be more like lick my dick for 10 seconds or stuff like that. That lead
to us jerking each other off. We ended up experimenting a lot in the
coming years.

Divulge

Calvin

I am naughty in my #mycalvins

Klein

I am nice in my #mycalvins

Abusing the wicked stick DCaoDDtCmeaaDoDtnbCManeicinrssnDriRuDcucDnsCgisoileoDs.gDCinothDCtgsDCtbvPDiCooomghiriCnDirieeuunanaeitCoouiaegtbofrwrCnmagCDdCgtlCDrhDcrnriatmPeumthgnlrgrwdoairuhahlehukopioatotaioapignslneMfiebmhyiinenoewlsflhwsntitteihkroimyrtigtphhiyyednittopjgnnntanhuhoasao-hhoyethtrgcticgcyngreisuhantfanoluteenhetkFoherahldhyrnhedegwuirMtoeemeruatconeyoikehdoooorivteowyishkorasinshuioietamnwesnwwrhkcehbenuhroeslfrancdi’iirhoailfntrieenspeurairn-trnbshiorprlhnekirneldrewucyefiegbtggfaplatotiiadykiraeokmnnfvhaaooesidelaitgrtrneeltgvelaunrrtrdetipedeekeoyiuprdrvdesnnprabeasaaetirirurgisiteaklgntoaSHlehGeGrtaretrhiseelGvlGlpnriyonosiiGntgiGGonagoGGntaeglGhaptrorsaHeedetutcotiFeGaahdthmoHFnFrnasnaeGeFaGouMrliauistGtaooFnlyendGGspaefvlGirgyrnoStgatg-alliende.boFeilowvgrdotottnoGGagrtwlselKeieuooiHslmlFihooFiogptnetioHonatrunGleievlraegfynwkhetgaydtsytaepeepyoohtorrhntehlwoetnitvheondHtofoehuntdhhoteoniiehubtiehudituslhgtreaasohWerlfwteerDelharphfoneoeaehinglbeSjxgnpomemabaoivtilfdeledy’lnldlldhctFahdhwgsoarboislsaog-rupaucgyoitelieaowtrerlgeeugsrhgiplwkkirnrfrllpuaeztpirgriwnkldliimveeyVisenaeMdsogmditeaersenanrhhsPelaionbfndielsagdoetdnfagadottetrterdlhreclrctmrP’horihn’ocJosaiweiswsonulrmhemsmggelhoheaoMtldniacoeeonaylL-toMowkMaitishnMMaLtLMgMukeMMoaMaMbirfMacoknkMMMoraaoBukkuigiiMrNaknkntcaacaiaiLnLhnMnncceigeaghkMkkocatnoMLeglhigLrtMieMevouMNpintOamgvaogkniriootheinltnaeeugnoupiiagalkoawthiaTuc’enlykg,sllluoshlenkctkeahoekgoptltsfdtmhabettuwhahotihtluiutarttefhthnabtcleeaeapaahhereseoermhbibhreegbaeorstlhonleeerwMteodateshgbwmtosvblhrthtlslytulhwavlmireoikarmmdusiooieFotrzpoReotsracbtvrilhoeipavruuuonhuoartiimaeokmnnoaeblleddiprhplodlsdfodnssrgdoeddcnsebgmaeademdsieotaodfreeeptnrnathhitioinanrtsuaogldnfieHncoewnegoklvoodrrkoargueeayoennfDNrrlroygscaeuopdrchkdnaeug
Adjusting the antenna

Aiding and abetting a known felon
Applying the hand brake

Arguing with Henry Longfellow
Arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel
Attack the one-eyed purple-headed warrior

Audition your hand puppet
Backstroke roulette

Badgering the witness
Barking up the wrong tree

Bash the candle
Basting the ham
BattliBngeitnhgerpouurgphlew-hiatehatdheedsyeoxgsutritcsklinger
Be your own best friend
Beat the bishop
Beat the bologna
Beat the dummy
Beat the meat

Beat the pud
Beat the stick
Beat up your date
Beef tips stroking off
Bleed the weed
Blow your own horn
Bludgeon the beefsteak
Bop the bologna
Bop the bonzo
Box the Jesuit
Box with Richard

Brushing up on your typing skills Dry humping the ottoman Hitchhike to heaven Onan’s olympics

Buff the banana Eating grapes with the one-armed man Hitchhike underneath the big top One gun salute

Bugger your hand Electing the President Hitting too close to home One man band

Building upper-body strength Engage in safe sex Hoisting your own petard One-night-stand with yourself

Burp the baby Exercise one’s right Hold the bishop Opening the flood gates

Burp the worm Exercising your right to privacy Hold the sausage hostage Pack your palm

Butter the corn Feed the ducks Holding your own Paddle the pickle

Calling down for more mayo Feeding bologna to the Smurfs Hone the cone Paint the ceiling

Calling in the secret service Feeling your way around Honk your horn Paint the pickle

Caning the vandal Fiddle the flesh flute Hosing down the driveway Painting the flag pole

Caulking the cracks in the bathroom tile Firing the pound gun Hotfooting it to the nearest exit Painting the picket fence

Charm the snake Fishing with dynamite Hug the hog Palm the calm

Check for testicular cancer Fist your mister Hump your hose Paying at the turnpike

Cheese off Five knuckle shuffle Investing in pork bellies Peel the banana

Choke Kojak Flick your Bic Invoking the Oscar Meyer love spell Perform diagnostics on your man tool

Choke the chicken Fling your phallus Jack hammer Pet the lizard

Choke the sheriff acnodmweait for the posse to Flip the bishop Jazz yourself Pip the pumpkin
Clamp the pipe Flipping your omelet Jerk Jamby Play a little five-on-one
Clean your rifle Jerk the gherkin Play a one-stringed guitar
Flog the bishop Left to your own devices Play five against one
Cleaning out your account Flog the dolphin Letting the cat out of the bag Play in a one-man show
Clear the snorkel Liquidating the inventory
Flog the dong
Flog the log

Play pocket pinball Rub the pink eraser Smiting the pink knight Tickle the ivory

Play pocket pool Rubbing Buddha’s tummy Snap the monkey Tickle the pickle

Play tag with the pink torpedo Run off a batch by hand Snap the rubber Tickle the taco

Play the skin flute Sacrifice sperm to the god of lonely nights Snap the whip Ticklewigglejigglepickle

Play tug-o-war with Cyclops Safest sex Solo flight Tipping off the inspector

Play Uno Sailing the mayonnaise seas Solo marathon Toss the snag

Playing it safe Saluting the general Solo sex Toss the turkey

Playing the one-stringed melody Sampling the secret sauce Spank Elvis Toss yogurt

Playing the single-string air guitar Sand wood Spank the bishop Tug the slug

Plugging in the toaster Scour the tower of power Spank the frank Twang the wire

Plunk your twanger Scraping the bottom of the barrel Spank the monkey Tweak your Twinkie

Polish Percy in your palm Scratch the itch Spank the salami Twist your crank

Polish the family jewels Screwing your courage to the sticking place Spank the wank Unleashing the alabaster yak

Polish the helmet Secret handshake Spanking the rooster Unloading the gun

Polish the rocket Self abuse Spending your Christmas bonus Unpacking the moving van
Varnish the flagpole
Polish the rock-hard staff of St. Peter Self-induced penile regurgitation Squeeze the cheese
Varnishing the banister
Polish the sword Sex with someone you really love Squeeze the juice
Visiting with Papa Smurf
Pound off Shake hands with Abe Lincoln Squeezemitdhdeletoofotthhepatusbtee in the Wake the dead
Shake hands with the midget Squeeze your cheese-dog Walk the dog
Pound the bald-headed moose Shake hands with the unemployed Walk the plank
Shake hands with your John Thomas Squeezing the happy lumberjack
Pound the pud Shake hands with your wife’s best friend Stewing in your own juices Walking a mislheoeins Mr. Wiggly’s
Shake hands with Yul Brynner Stinky pinky

Shake the sauce
Shake the sausage
Shake the snake
Shaking hands with Dr. Winky
Shellac the shillelagh

Shemp the hog
Pound your flounderC l i m a xPullthecarrot

gh- Pounding the fence post Stir the batter Wallowing in self pity
Prepare the carrot

Prime the pump Stir the yogurt Wank with thweeaosneel-eyed wonder
Wash the meat
Pull rank Strain the main vein Wax the Buick
Wax the carrot
Pull the bologna pony Straining your cabbage Wax the dolphin

Pull the goalie Stretching the truth

Pull the pole Shift gears Strip-mining wmitahn the spaghetti Waxin’ n’ Milkin’

Pull the Pope Shine the helmet Stroke the carrot Whack it

Pull the pud Shine your pole Stroke the mole Whack the weasel
Shoot for the moon Whack Willy
Pull your own leg Shoot putty at the moon Stroke the goencek-oeyed burping
Shoot the airplane Stroke the satin-headed serpent Whip the dummy
Pull your taffy Shooting yourself in the foot Whip the one-eyed trouser snake
Stroke your poker
Pulling your own weight Shuck your corn Stroke your Twinkie Whip the one-eyed worm
Sizing things up Strumming the one-string harp Whip the rat
Pulling yourself up by your own bootstrap Slam the ham Take matters into your own hands Whip the stiff
Slam the salami Take part in population control Whip the wire
Pump the python Slam the salmon
Take the fifth Whip up some sour cream
Pump the stump Take the monstreidr efor a one-armed Whip your dripper

Punch the clown

Punch the munchkin

Punish Percy in your palm

Putting your best foot forward Slam the Spam Taking a few practice shots Whitewashing with Huck and Tom

Putting your foot down Slap high fives with Yul Brynner Taking a load off Whittle the stick

Putting your thumb in the porridge Slap it Talk quietly to yourself Wiggling your walrus

Raining on your parade Slap pappy Tame the shrew Windsurf on Mount Baldy

Ram the ham Slap the carrot Taunt the one-eyed weasel Wonk your conker

Relishing your hot dog Slap the clown Teaching the Cyclops the lambada Work things out

Riding the five-legged pony Slap the donkey Tease the weenie Working at your own speed

Roll your own Slap the purple-headed yogurt pistol Tenderize the tube steak Working late at the office

Rolling it off the lot Slap the salami Tending to your own affairs Working up a foamy lather

Romeo and himself Slapping Johnny on the back Test your batteries Working without Annette

Rope the pony Sling the jelly That crazy hand jive Wrestle the dragonWrestle the eel

Rope the Pope Smack the salami Thrash your thing Wrestling with the bald champ

25

RAY-BAN.COM

It’s Either you do it and are lying, do it and are 26
Okay! proud, or haven’t done it and are missing out,
masturbation its fun safe and natural. Whether
you want to call it jerking off, flicking the bean, or
your special time it’s something that isn’t talked
about openly. Back in the day, only men with hairy
hands and the blind jerked off. But why let the
wolfman and Hellen Keller have all the fun? So
first things first let us make sure we’re all on the
same page and define exactly what we’re dealing
with. Masturbation is typically an act done alone
where one stimulates their genitals typically until
climax is reached. Masturbation is one of those
things like walking no two people masturbate
the same way so no matter what you’re doing
along as its safe and legal it’s probably normal.
Masturbation is different from other sexual acts
because it allows you to get to know your body and
figure out what you like. If you’re an owner of a
penis and find you like slow strokes on your shaft
and quick twisting motions on the head of your
penis, awesome! Those with vagina’s it’s def your
time to shine, most vagina owners don’t orgasm
via penetration and for a vast majority of the vag
owning population that’s the main aspect of their
sexual interactions. So discovering whether
you like dry humping your bed while fingering
yourself or prefer a classic “back massager”
from Brook Stone.

Climax

Masturbation not only allows you to get to know This adds a layer to your sex life and can even be
yourself and let you orgasm it can also provide a more exciting than the act of actually having sex.
slew of health benefits ranging from relaxation, This more common in gay relations especially
headache relief, improved mood, and even makes lesbians. Heterosexual couples typically don’t
future sexual encounters more fun. Masturbation discuss masturbation or accept that their partner
can build up your stamina help you maintain might masturbate whether it be out of sexual
strong, healthy erections.Also by knowing what desire or heck sometimes it’s fun to do it. The
your body likes can help you and your partner aspect of it just being fun more than sexual could
understand what’s cause make your toes curl explain the existence of jerking off with friends
and make them feel like a sex god thus everyone which is another form of mutual masturbation.
27 wins. This brings me to the different kinds of However, this is much more common in men due
masturbation starting with mutual masturbation; to the desire to compare size and figure out if
typically masturbation is done alone, but that’s not they’re normal. Masturbation is a way for to safely
always the case. You can have your partner join navigate and cope with a lot of societies sexual
either as foreplay or as an alternative to sex. expectations.

Climax

Men are supposed to sleep around and be This beacon shines for the rest of their lives
‘playas,’ while women are meant to be virgins and especially for heterosexual husbands and
keep an aspirin between their knees. However, boyfriends left pent up till their partner goes
masturbation can one take care of all the urges, out of town or they escape for a boys weekend.
allow ample time to explore and not end up with a Masturbation shouldn’t be the dirty secret hidden
torn hymen (ouch!) and allow the youth to become in an old shoe box, but something accepted and
comfortable with their bodies. Society expects respected as natural. So dim the lights lock the
and finds humor that boys masturbate. Stories door and touch yourself.
of boys taking four showers a day, constantly
washing socks, blankets, or always needing 28
more kleenex are abundant and humorous.This
not only alienates woman making masturbation
seem like boys club but also shines a beacon of
embarrassment on boys for masturbating.

Climax

Percentage of people that should masturbate.

29

100%

*WOMEN

Climax

30

100%

*MEN

Climax





“Misery loves company. So does masturbation.”

unknown


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