ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN WITH A VENGEANCE (DRAFT 1.0) - Odzihozo

ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN WITH A VENGEANCE (DRAFT 1.0)

EXT. BACKYARD - DAY

DARREN chops at sapling with a battle axe. NATE stands
nearby, waiting for his turn with the weapon.

DARREN
Its dangerous to want a thing like
that. What if it never
happens? What if I’m not allowed
to decide what race I am?

Poor aim causes the battle axe to bounce off the sapling in
an awkward manor. DARREN stumble under the weight of the
battle axe. He continues his assault with renewed vigor.

DARREN
What if Middle-earth turns out to
be not as fun as I expected? What
if I’m trapped as an orc and it
sucks. You’re opening a can of
worms.

NATE
Alright. You killed it.

Darren looks at NATE with serious anguish in his eyes.

DARREN
Disappointment is another word for
avoidable pain.

Nate holds out a hand to be passed the axe, but Darren
ignores him.

DARREN
I’m cold. Let’s go inside.

INT. NATE’S HOUSE - DAY

Nate opens the door and leads Darren inside.

NATE
Take off your shoes.

Darren hands Nate the axe.

DARREN
Wipe it down. I gotta take a
monster shit.

2.

INT. NATE’S KITCHEN - DAY

Nate grabs a dish rag and begins removing moisture from the
metal. Darren shows up a few moments later, helps himself to
a soda from the fridge and takes the axe, inspecting Nate’s
work and nodding his approval.

DARREN
When do your parents get back?

Nate checks the fridge.

NATE
Did you take the last Mountain Dew?

A phone rings in the other room.

INT. OTHER ROOM - DAY

NATE answers the phone. It’s ZULKOSKI, NATE’s cool friend.

ZULKOSKI (PHONE)
Hello is Nate there?

NATE
This is Nate.

ZULKOSKI (PHONE)
Sup faggot. It’s Zulkoski. We’re
doing sledding.

Nate’s eyes widen with excitement.

NATE
(nodding)
Yeah. I’d heard you guys might be
doing that.

ZULKOSKI (PHONE)
Yeah. You wanna come over?

This is good news. Nate has never been invited to one of
Zulkoski’s legendary sledding parties.

NATE
(nodding)
Yes.

ZULKOSKI (PHONE)
You know where I live?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 3.

NATE
(nodding)
Yes.

ZULKOSKI (PHONE)
Can you bring an extra sled?

NATE
(nodding)
*stunned silence*

Commotion on the other end of the line pulls Zulkoski’s
attention away from their conversation.

ZULKOSKI (PHONE)

Cool.

Zulkoski hangs up. Nate keeps the phone to his ear for a
beat, stunned, still processing his good fortune. He returns
the phone to its receiver, then launches into a celebratory
pantomime, swinging an imaginary broadsword in triumph.

(we enter Nate’s mind during the celebration, show him
conquering Zulkoski’s famous sledding hill, laughing and
partying, having a great time.)

INT. NATE’S KITCHEN - DAY

Nate re-enters the kitchen. He has mostly regained his
composure. Darren is busy doing (something super dorky), and
doesn’t even look up.

DARREN
Who was that?

NATE
It was my parents checking in from
Vegas. They won five-thousand
dollars. I have to take you home.

INT. NATE’S CAR - DAY

Nate navigates Darren’s neighborhood, stealing glances at
the clock on the dashboard. They arrive at Darren’s house.

DARREN
(pointing to empty driveway)
My grandma isn’t home from work
yet. Want to come inside and watch
porn?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 4.

NATE
Nope. I gotta go do my homework.
Parents are forcing me.

DARREN
My grandma never forces me to do my
homework. I’d like to see her try.

Nate leaves the car running and drums impatiently on the
steering wheel. Darren doesn’t get the hint, but starts
getting his stuff together to get out of the car. The
process seems to take forever.

Darren double checks the zippers on his duffel bag. He
fumbles with his seat belt. He buttons his jean jacket. He
finds his house keys. He reaches into the backseat to
retrieve the battle axe and almost decapitates Nate lifting
it forward over the headrest.

DARREN
Thanks for the ride. I’ll have
grandma drop me off at your house
after dinner.

Darren steps out of the car.

NATE
(shouting)
No. You can’t. I’m busy.

Darren stops dead in his tracks and turns back to face Nate.

DARREN
Why not? Where are you going? What
are those sleds for?

Darren points at the two sleds in the back of the car.

NATE
(flustered)
None of your business. I need to
leave right now. Going sledding.

Darren’s face brightens.

DARREN
Shotgun.

Nate puts the car in drive and floors it. Darren attempts to
give chase, but it’s futile. The car fishtails down the
street. After a safe distance, Nate slows down. He takes a
hit from his inhaler and closes the passenger door all the
way. The side mirror realigns to show Darren slipping on a
patch of ice and eating shit in a snowbank.

5.

EXT. ZULKOSKI’S HOUSE - DAY

Nate parks his car at the end of a long driveway. There are
a lot of other cars here. Party music echoes in the
distance. Nate drags his two sleds up the driveway towards
the house.

EXT. FRONT DOOR - DAY

Nate cautiously approaches the front door. Just as he’s
about to knock, ADAM ZULKOSKI, Zulkoski’s older brother,
opens it. He isn’t looking towards Nate and doesn’t seem to
notice him. He’s appears to be in conversation with someone
beyond Nate’s line of sight. Adam Zulkoski is laughing.

ADAM ZULKOSKI
Around back.

Nate starts laughing too, and leans his head through the
door to see who Adam Zulkoski is talking to.

ADAM ZULKOSKI
Backyard.

Adam Zulkoski stares at Nate, annoyed.

ADAM ZULKOSKI
Backyard.

EXT. BACKYARD - DAY

No one is sledding. Zulkoski is riding his dad’s snowmobile
with ERIN MILNITZ. Everyone else is standing around drinking
beer under a pair of heat lamps. Nate grabs a beer from the
hollowed-out chest cavity of a snowman.

TRENT, Zulkoski’s best friend, waves Nate over to his
conversation. He makes a bizarre production out of Nate’s
arrival, craning his neck to see behind him as he
approaches, showing faux concern, as if he had been
expecting too see someone/something else.

TRENT
So where’s the other one?

Nate points back to where he left the sleds he was told to
bring.

NATE
(Thinking he understands)

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 6.

NATE (cont’d)
Don’t worry. I brought an extra.
That one with the flame decals is
mine.

Trent loses himself laughing. The others do a better job
restraining themselves, but not by much. It’s like they’re
all wasted.

Trent holds up a hand and attempts to catch is breath. He
opens his mouth to say something, but Zulkoski shouts from
the snowmobile drawing everyone’s attention.

ZULKOSKI
Hey Nate.

Zulkoski flips Nate off.

ZULKOSKI
Bend over.

NATE
(laughing)
Fuck you, Zulkoski.

Zulkoski smiles and says something inaudible that makes Erin
laugh. He turns and winks at her.

NATE
I brought an extra sled.

ZULKOSKI
(not paying attention)
Sure.

Zulkoski drives into a dog that he doesn’t see. There is a
yelp followed by a horrible grinding noise.

Zulkoski kills the snowmobile’s engine and swivels
frantically to get a better view. He doesn’t know what he
hit. Erin screams.

SOMEONE
(shouting)
You hit a dog.

Zulkoski struggles to catch his breath. His face flushes.

ZULKOSKI
What dog? Whose dog? What did I
hit?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 7.

Nobody replies. The sliding doors on the deck open and
everyone turns towards the noise. It’s Adam Zulkoski,
holding an acoustic guitar, walking towards the railing with
an astonished look on his face.

SOMEONE
Your brother hit a dog.

Adam Zulkoski tenses his grip on the neck of the guitar.

ADAM ZULKOSKI
Okay. I’ll go get a shovel. C’mon
Oscar.

A yellow lap joins Adam Zulkoski on the deck and follows him
off along the side of the house. Nate chugs the rest of his
beer and opens another.

Across the yard, a shaken Zulkoski dismounts the snowmobile.
Erin follows suit and then dashes, raw-faced, to her also
sobbing girl friends. Everyone else moves closer and forms a
cautious ring around the vehicle, just outside the spray of
blood.

The dog’s head is half-buried upside down in the snow. It’s
lower jaw extends at an angle like an open stapler. PHIL
FROM WORLD HISTORY moves closer. He squats near the sections
of dog that are most intact. He prods the largest with his
beer can.

PHIL FROM WORLD HISTORY
This isn’t a dog. It’s a coyote. My
aunts kept coyotes on their farm
when I was a kid. You only hit a
coyote.

Oscar the yellow lab returns from out of nowhere and sniffs
the dead animal. Phil from World History tries to pull Oscar
away, but it dances out of his reach and sinks its teeth
into the coyote’s shoulder. It whips the carcass back and
forth a few times, then clenches into a tug of war with the
vehicles undercarriage.

SOMEONE
Hey Oscar. Save some for the rest
of us.

A tendon snaps and Oscar tumbles backwards with most of a
foreleg still in its mouth. It shakes its head and delivers
the mangled limb to Zulkoski, then rolls over and exposes
its belly.

Zulkoski laughs. Everyone laughs, even Erin and the girls.
Nate laughs with them, but it makes him uncomfortable.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 8.

The camera slowly pushes in on Nate. He is the last of the
group to start laughing. We see him look at the coyote, then
at Zulkoski and his friends. Nate is obviously troubled, but
he’s also happy be to laughing along with the group. Adam
Zulkoski returns with the shovel, confused and annoyed. The
camera continues pushing in on Nate, eventually pushing past
him into a clean shot of Zulkoski’s house. Day turns to
night (time-lapse party). The lights in Zulkoski’s house
turn on, The large sliding door into the basement is of
particular interest. We see that the party has migrated down
to the basement. The camera pushes closer on the sliding
doors, which introduce and frame the next scene.

INT. ZULKOSKI’S BASEMENT - NIGHT

ZULKOSKI is waddling in place like a penguin, hugging
himself, puffing his cheeks. On the television a black
Cadillac rolls to a stop in front of a wheat field.
According to the subtitle it’s a scene from The Godfather.
The original audio has been replaced with a Mediterranean
variant of the Jeopardy theme and disembodied Italian
accents saying things like Delicious and I’ll take seconds.
A flashing timer counts down in the lower-right corner.

SOMEONE

A car!

TRENT
Marlon Brando!

SOMEONE
The Godfather!

SCOTT SCHAEFER
Marlon Brando!

Zulkoski tightens his expression and flares his eyes and
shakes his head no. The timer grows larger. The Jeopardy
music speeds up. Clemenza leaves the car. Rocco raises his
gun to shoot Pualie.

NATE
Cannoli!

Zulkoski exhales a burst of air and points at me.

ZULKOSKI

YES!

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 9.

The screen shakes with earthquake sound effects as the final
seconds strobe away then the DVD’s narrator yells Cut and
the word cannoli appears in the livery of an Italian flag.
The game awards ZULKOSKI 10 points for successfully acting
out cannoli and awards NATE 15 points for guessing it.

NATE gets up for his turn. Everyone else turn their backs to
the TV. The DVD gives NATE three different charade options
of varying difficulties worth varying points: Claymore,
Freedom, and Primae Noctis. The movie is Braveheart. NATE
choose Primae Noctis because it’s worth the most points. The
DVD starts a black and white countdown like an old
projector. At two, the narrator calls Lights Camera Action.
NATE purses his lips. He frowns. NATE points to a pretend
Scottish bride. He tries to look as much like nobility as
possible. He scowls.

SOMEONE
Braveheart!

NATE scowls harder. He points again at the invisible bride,
this time directing her to stand in front of him. He holds
out his hand and he tells the invisible bride to kiss it. He
draws his sword to keep the groom at bay and with his free
hand. NATE bends the bride over. He starts making love to
the invisible bride. Every man dies but not every man truly
lives, says a Scottish voice from the DVD. NATE continues
pumping in rhythm with the bagpipe Jeopardy music until the
time runs out and Primae Noctis appears in bold white
letters over a flaming Union Jack.

NATE
(catching his breath)
Primae Noctis. The right of English
nobility to sleep with brides on
their wedding nights.

The room is silent. NATE feels a cold rush over his body.
Zulkoski stares past him while Trent whispers something in
ZULKOSKI’s ear. Every part of TRENT’s body communicates
such an intense I Told You So that NATE can’t help but look
away.

SCOTT SCHAEFER
I guess I’ll go next.

Some of the guests stifle laughter into their hands - not
the sort of giddy restraint meant to spare someone’s
feelings. It’s the mean kind, the kind that demonstrates a
shared desire to keep whatever joke hidden from NATE for as
long as possible.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 10.

NATE reclaims his drink and slouches into a papasan chair
facing the sliding doors into the backyard. He can hear the
party making fun of him. He’s stares at his reflection,
almost in tears. Then, for a second, he can see Darren’s
face staring at him from behind his own reflection. Nate
downs the rest of his drink and leans forward under the
glare of the interior lights, resting his forehead against
the sliding door, fogging the glass with his breath,
searching for evidence of Darren.

The motion lights in the backyard switch on. The sudden
light blinds Nate. But he’s able to perceive a brief, swift
movement leaving his field of view towards the side of the
house. Nate raises his glass to take another sip, but it’s
empty. He considers his options, then opens the sliding door
and enters the night to investigate. Nobody sees him leave

EXT. BACKYARD - NIGHT

Warmed by his drunkenness, Nate edges along the slope of the
houses exterior, careful not to destroy any footprints. His
eyes are having trouble adjusting to the dark. The light
from Zulkoski’s house keeps drawing his attention, one
basement window in particular, flashing from dark to light.
Nate stoops closer to investigate.

INT. ADAM ZULKOSKI’S ROOM - NIGHT

Adam Zulkoski and Erin Milnitz are fighting over a light
switch. She turns the lights off. Adam Zulkoski turns them
back on. He keeps her from the switch by slapping her butt.

Erin shrugs and advances and to help guide Adam to the
mattress slowly. She smiles as if to prelude to a sex act.
She works his pants to his ankles. Then instead of removing
them she re-fastens the belt to bind his legs, punches his
dick, and ballet twirls back to the light switch, laughing.

The moment the room goes dark, a motion lamp triggers
outside, perfectly illuminating Nate peeping through the
bedroom window. Nate bolts.

EXT. BACKYARD - NIGHT

Nate runs along the side of the house, totally panicked.
Behind him, Adam Zulkoski’s bedroom light switches back on.
Nate turns a corner of the house and ducks into the front
door.

11.

INT. ZULKOSKI’S HOUSE - NIGHT

Nate sheds layers in the vestibule until he’s changed what
he’s wearing, then double backs so it looks like he just
came up from the basement. Phil from World History is near
enough to the top of the stairs to see the truth, but he’s
been busy arranging open beers in concentric circles on the
dining room table. He looks excited when he eventually
notices Nate standing there.

PHIL FROM WORLD HISTORY
(Gesturing to his work)
I rescued the fallen soldiers from
this afternoon. It’s for Liquid
Courage. It’s my drinking game I
invented. We’re gonna play it
later. It’s kind of like strip
poker. It involves stripping.

Phil from World History winks at Nate and leads him to the
Kitchen.

NATE
(very drunk)
Your aunts have pet coyotes.

Phil laughs. He opens the freezer, takes out two gallons of
milk, then puts them in the sink to thaw.

PHIL FROM WORLD HISTORY
Yeah. They’re lesbians. My aunts
are lesbians.

Phil from World History laughs. Nate laughs. Phil from World
History passes him a bottle of whiskey.

PHIL FROM WORLD HISTORY
Kill it.

Some sort of neat party/montage transition to the
mountain/hill.

EXT. ZULKOSKI’S HILL - NIGHT

Nate hikes up the slope. He’s pretty wasted. Behind him in
the distance we see the lights of Zulkoski’s house and hear
the sounds of the party he just left. We also hear a wolf
howling. Suddenly the party noises cease, the lights in
Zulkoski’s house go off, Nate becomes more lucid. He quickly
turns to look back, as if he could sense the sudden change.
He stands there taking in the reality of the dark and quiet
house. The howling continues, and gradually shifts from

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 12.

obviously a wolf into obviously a person pretending to be a
wolf.

Realizing this, Nate turns back up the hill.

NATE
Darren?

The howling continues. Nate follows it further up the hill.

NATE
Darren?

Nate sees him. Darren is 20 feet ahead in the margin of the
sled path, standing just in front of the trees. He’s holding
his axe above his head like a barbarian, trying to look
cool. He howls.

NATE
(pointing)
I see you.

Darren howls again, but his voice cracks.

NATE
(still pointing)
I see you, retard.

Darren points back and gives a thumbs down. He lowers the
axe and starts spinning in circles while loosening his grip
along the length of its handle -- like an Olympic hammer
thrower with zero athletic ability. After a dozen or so
turns he lets go. The weapon silhouettes as it sails up the
hill to where it lands a good fifteen feet from either of
them.

DARREN

Balls!

Darren and Nate both race after the axe, but Darren is dizzy
and Nate is faster. Somehow the axe is in Nate’s hands and
Darren is on the ground under his feet.

NATE
I’m faster.

Darren looks up. He’s having trouble breathing.

DARREN
Not really. Because I let you win.
If anything we’re equal. Or I’m
more like the agility specialist
and you’re maybe more strength

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 13.

DARREN (cont’d)
focused. Plus you saw me coming.
Next time I’ll just ambush you.
You’ll see. Next time.

Darren winks at Nate. He repositions his hands palm-down in
the snow to push himself upright, but Nate put a bare foot
on his chest and presses him back to the ground. NATE lifts
the battle axe in the air and chops off DARREN’s right arm.

NARE ignores the yelp, the squealing that follows it, the
punches, the kicks, and DARREN’s futile attempts to
escape. NATE also ignores DARREN’s repeated declarations of
friendship, the disbelief in his eyes. It all only makes
NATE chop harder. NATE keeps chopping until he’s severed the
denim sleeve from DARREN’s jean jacket. NATE tosses the axe
to a clean area beyond the bloody slush. He grabs Darren’s
arm and runs down the hill in great leaping strides.

EXT. BACKYARD - NIGHT

Everything at Zulkoski’s is locked. NATE finds a door with a
doorbell and rings it. He keep ringing it. He knocks
too. NATE is not wearing gloves and Darren’s arm is getting
sticky. He shuffle the arm in place. NATE hears the release
of a deadbolt. ZULKISKI steps out of the doorway looking
annoyed so NATE passes ZULKOSKI DARREN’s severed arm.

EXT. BACKYARD - DUSK

The sun is setting and NATE stands alone in the backyard
holding his sled. The sounds of the party ragging in the
house can be heard. NATE is looking down at a rust colored
stain in the snow. He studies the grittiest splotches and
locates the mixed-in animal remains. The backdoor of the
house opens and ZULKOSKI gives OSCAR, the yellow lab, a
treat, letting him into the house. NATE directs his
attention back to the rust colored stain. Looking up, NATE
notices the snowmobile and another rust colored stain in the
snow a dozen or so yards away. He’s not sure what he’s been
looking at for the last few minutes, but doesn’t have the
energy to walk over the the real stain of discolored snow
where the snowmobile accident happened. Instead, he turns
and walks back to ZULKOSKI’s house, dragging the sled behind
him. Some variant of the Jeopardy theme can be heard coming
from the basement.