Make It Through the Rain - after the floods ebook

Make it Through the Rain

For Those Experiencing
Sudden Changes and Loss from the
Recent Weather Events and Floods

Written by the Founders of Paradise Kids,
Rev Dr Ian Mavor (OAM) and Deirdre Hanna.

WHAT IS GRIEF

Grief is your emotional response to a loss of any kind. Grief is often painful. It is about letting go and saying
goodbye. The recent floods have created personal, family and communal grief. People grieve differently but,
for many people, the pain of grief is as acute as any physical pain. In our society, the emotional pain of grief
can often be overlooked and, while the physical clean up of debris after the floods is necessary for health, the
emotional and physical healing needs to be recognised and attended to at the same time. Experiencing the
pain of loss, shedding tears, talking to someone about the loss, and turning to friends or family for support is
a vital part of our healing process. Grief is a natural, normal and necessary part of our humanity.

BEREAVEMENT

The word bereavement comes from a word meaning “torn up”, a feeling many of you will readily associate with.
It feels as if you have been stripped of something, of having your heart torn open. Grief takes many forms -
death of a loved one, divorce or separation or addiction, loss of a home through financial hardship, flood or fire,
moving house, loss of a pet, moving to a different area, changing schools, losing possessions, photos, books
and memorabilia. These and other losses cause great anguish. Any of the following reactions may occur after
a loss and, if you recognise them, it may help to know that you are experiencing what many, many people go
through. Although no one can know how deeply you feel, you can know that these reactions are normal.

Feelings: Sadness, anxiety, insecurity, loneliness, fatigue, helplessness, yearning for the loved one or home,
shock, numbness. Fear that you will never be safe again. Allow the feelings to be present, notice them, name
them if you can and write about them, through story telling or poetry. Write or play an instrument or dance out
your feelings to music. Music might stir up strong feelings but can soothe them as well. If you are angry punch
a pillow or rip up newspapers.

Physical Reactions: Hollowness in the stomach, pain in the heart, tightness in the chest and throat,
oversensitive to noise, breathlessness, weakness in the muscles, lack of energy, dry mouth, susceptibility to
viruses, cold sores and rashes. These are normal reactions to the stress of grief. Try to breathe deeply into the
parts of your body that are hurting.

88 Allied Drive, Arundel 4214 | Phone: (07) 5574 6853
For More Information Visit: www.paradisekids.org.au

Cognitive Disturbances: Disbelief, confusion, preoccupation with what used to be, sense of the presence of
the loved one or pet. These are normal reactions to a loss of any kind. You are not going crazy.

Behaviour Changes: Appetite disturbances, sleep disturbances, absent mindedness, withdrawal from friends
or family, dreams of the loved one or past life, searching and calling out, sighing, restlessness, over-activity,
crying, treasuring objects. Try to get some exercise to dispel the chemicals of stress, try to write, journal, draw
and paint or create but, most importantly, recognise that these reactions are normal.

If you experience any of these symptoms, you can help your own healing by doing things such as having a
cuppa with someone, talking, sharing, writing these feelings down, crying - alone or with someone who has
also suffered a loss, and writing imaginary letters to your loved one
or pet or even your home. What were you grateful for? What will
you miss? What will you maybe gain… in time? (You don’t need to
post them; just the act of writing is a healing process. Studies have
shown that your immune system is boosted!). Your tears even help
remove chemicals linked to stress and that helps in healing. It is
healthy to cry! If you have a pet, pat it often. Stroking pets is also
very healing. Once you have recognised these symptoms, reactions
and feelings in yourself, you will be able to help others who are
going through the same pain. You will be able to reassure them that
they are not going crazy, they are simply going through a stage of
grieving.

Grief is Love Not Wanting to Let Go of What has Been
and Never Will Be Again - in Quite the Same Way! 

GRIEF AS A HEALING PROCESS

Rather than seeing grief as an illness to be cured or as something to be got over as quickly as possible, grief
can be regarded as an essential healing process. Just as the human body has natural healing powers that can
be supported, grief is another such healing capacity that has its own timetable. It takes as long as it takes.
When a bone is broken, it heals better if there is support and stability. The healing happens from within but the
support helps. Similarly, grief is a natural process that can be assisted with appropriate support. Such support
will assist the person to feel their feelings and will avoid ‘cheer up’ messages that try to speed up the process.
This takes some practice, as it is not easy to see someone else in pain, and especially children, so there is a
tendency to want to make people feel better. At Paradise Kids, we say that we are not there “to make children
feel better but to be better at feeling.” Going into the feelings, even when they are painful, actually helps the
grief process. For a person grieving, and for those providing support, it can be helpful to be aware of factors
that are natural components of the grief process. These will vary greatly depending on the significance and the
circumstances of the loss for the particular person, unique in both personality and prior experiences.

88 Allied Drive, Arundel 4214 | Phone: (07) 5574 6853
For More Information Visit: www.paradisekids.org.au

THE TASKS OF MOURNING

In providing support to others or in reflecting on one’s own grief experience, the four Tasks of Mourning
identified by William Worden can be helpful. While his focus was on loss through death, the same tasks can
be applied to other significant losses, such as the end of a relationship, loss of health, a child leaving home,
loss of a job, and loss of a home through fire, flood or economic hardship.

William Worden suggests four tasks through which grieving people resolve their grief and move on:

1. To Accept the Reality of the Loss: To fully face the reality of what has happened and to understand that
reversal of the loss is not possible. This may take weeks, months or even years.

2. To Work Through to the Pain of Grief: To get the grief work done requires acknowledging and feeling the
pain of grief, both physically and emotionally, with the range of normal feelings being very wide. Anything that
continually allows the person to avoid or suppress this pain can prolong the course of mourning.

3. To Adjust to an Environment Without Who or What has Been Lost: This may include feelings of
helplessness and major changes in roles, in the sense of self and of the world, and in fundamental life values.

4. To Emotionally Relocate Who or What has Been Lost and to Move On with Life: This doesn’t mean
giving up all links to the past but finding an appropriate place for it in their emotional life, then growing into a
new life, putting time and energy into new people and things.

Paradise Kids had its origins in the work of Hopewell Hospice
Services Inc., which commenced on the Gold Coast in 1994 to
provide palliative care in a home-style setting for people unable
to be at home at the end of life. Paradise Kids supports children
and their families when going through painful experiences of grief,
loss and illness. Paradise Kids is located in Arundel on the Gold Coast.
In the Paradise Kids programs, grief and illness are recognised as powerful
life experiences that affect a person physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. With support, a person’s
natural healing capacities can help them get through the experience. They can even be enabled to learn and
grow, becoming better able to deal with such experiences in future.

For more information about Paradise Kids and for information on our range of programs
and resources to help heal the heartache of hurting children, please visit our website at:
www.paradisekids.org.au.

88 Allied Drive, Arundel 4214 | Phone: (07) 5574 6853
For More Information Visit: www.paradisekids.org.au

Courage!Dear Heart,

C.S. Lewis