iPain Living Spring 2021

twenty operations since 2013. ous day, one of the most in- for people with rare
Fear nearly overwhelmed me. credible days of my life, was diseases. I am living
Emotional scars accompanied eight years after my Muckle- proof that we can take
physiological scars. My self- Wells diagnosis. I stared down back control of our
image wavered, relationships that son-of-a-bitch disease and lives despite illness
faltered, and I thought re- its despicable chronic pain… and focus on well-
sistance was futile. Control, and I won. ness! If you don't take
once again, eluded me. care of yourself, what
So I had to do it again. else do you have? My memoir
But something kept nagging at will prove to people that they
me. It was as irritating as my Determined to get back in can do what I've done, twice.
chronic pain because I couldn't shape, I rediscovered my pas-
put my finger on it. I couldn't sion for fitness, and it has Through my journey, I found
quite hear the whisper in my served me well. Fitness has a my purpose. My purpose is to
head that was dying to give me tremendous impact on my self- prove that anyone can control
the encouragement that would esteem, and it helps manage challenges and see hope and
save my life. the symptoms I live with every happiness! I would love the
day. Exercise isn't just about opportunity to talk!
Then I saw it. building big muscles and look-
ing good. Exercise is about the Contact Jessica:
It was an old photograph. It decision to be the best version [email protected]
was one of the pictures of me of myself I can be. I want to be
on stage back in 2013, accept- healthier, feel better, and get
ing the trophy for a fitness lev- stronger inside and out every
el that few women ever single day. And that is in MY
achieve. My eyes were closed control. Nobody else's control,
in the picture, and I was breath- and certainly not in some nasty
ing in the victory. Profound disease's control. MY control.
happiness was all over my
face. That day I took first place Now, while I still deal with my
in three divisions: Figure Nov- disease daily, I'm teaching oth-
ice, Figure, and Tall. I won the ers how to use fitness to regain
Overall Championship, earning control of their lives. I'm writ-
the title Ms. USBF 2013! ing a memoir, launching an
online presence, and I am de-
It occurred to me that victori- termined to be a spokesperson

International Pain Foundation—49

HOW COURAGE CAN TRANSFORM
YOUR PAIN INTO PASSION

By Laura Formentini

“The stars appear to us as if they are never moving, and yet, they are in a cosmic dance. As the earth rotates,
the stars change their position in the sky,” the Elder said. “They sometimes leave our sight, but they never

disappear. They simply move on to another part of the world as the seasons change.”
–– From the fable Starlight, 21 OLIVE TREES—One mother’s walk through grief into joy by Laura Formentini

I have found that losing ones we the founder and director of Mer- might not know when or how. He
love is like being unable to see ciful Redeemer Children’s Home has his own timing. We are ex-
our favorite constellations in the outside of Nairobi, Kenya. Her pecting miracles! We are expect-
sky. Just because we can no vision and burden had always ing miracles from today!” And
longer see them, it doesn’t mean been to reach out to the needy she received the miracles she
that they aren’t present in our and less fortunate in society. The talked about just like she said––
lives. They are simply out of our home began when she took in not in her way or her timing. So
sight. It is perhaps one of life’s one orphaned baby two decades did I.
most profound experiences to ago.
feel the love of those we’ve lost Later during afternoon tea she
more deeply after their death in When I arrived at Merciful Re- had a simple request. “I wonder,
indescribable ways. I’m an au- deemer in February 2018 for our would you consider no longer
thor, a nonprofit photographer, first and only meeting, Mama being a sponsor but rather to run
and philanthropist who has John greeted me with her signa- the orphanage?”
worked all over the world. Seem- ture smile, saying “Karibu.” Wel-
ingly everywhere I go, I encoun- come, in English. She wore a I nearly dropped my teacup,
ter ordinary people who’ve trans- gorgeous dress covered in yellow “Me?”
formed their grief into something flowers, the very symbol of hap-
beautiful. Here are a few. I call piness. I remember witnessing “You,” she said with a smile.
them heroes. what felt like prayer after touring
the school that day. My immediate response was, oh I
Love In Action don’t know, something like
Mama John turned to the nearly WWWWHHHAAATTT?
I had the pleasure of meeting 100 children gathered before us
Rev. Anne Mugane, known as and said, “Remember what I’m I don’t know how to run an or-
Mama John, during what would telling you. God accomplishes phanage! Especially an orphan-
be the sunset of her life. She was His plan in His own way! We age in Africa where I don’t speak

50—iPain Living Magazine

the language? She must be jok- felt to listen to Faith’s story, turmoil that comes with em-
ing. someone who’d accomplished barking upon and creating
something so huge, with no ex- something so ambitious.
The expectation of miracles is a pertise or workshops to support
powerful practice. Do you ex- the ambitious project. It woke A Human
pect them? Believe me, miracles me up to the fact that because Responsibility
and encounters with the Divine she did it, I might be able to em-
were the last things I expected bark on something equally im- In Ethiopia I received the news
on my travels around the world. pactful one day. Her story also that my son had taken his life on
But they showed up every- planted the seed that people the other side of the planet. His
where. I’m still struggling with who accomplish great things name was Blaise and he was an
what to do with these encoun- rarely know the details of how incredibly sweet, generous, and
ters because I’m not a religious to accomplish them at the be- ultra-sensitive soul. After I re-
person. But I do have faith in ginning of their journey. They ceived the call that would
something I call Love in Action just follow where the path leads. change my life, I will never for-
which is the act of doing good get how an Ethiopian stranger
things for those in need. It gave After listening to Faith’s story, named Assefa held my hand
me the courage to say yes to my determination to save ani- until it was time for me to board
Mama John when I would have mals grew stronger. In time, I my plane to go back to the Unit-
said no. She died six months would co-found my own animal ed States and bury my son. Eve-
later. sanctuary and discover that any- ry few minutes Assefa asked me
thing can be accomplished, if in his beautiful Amharic lan-
Keeping The Faith we possess a burning desire to guage, the official language of
do it, persist on the follow- Ethiopia, “Are you okay?”
Faith Maloney, one of the through, and take risks (albeit
founders of the Best Friends calculated) that definitely take While I was completely dis-
Animal Sanctuary, covered a us way out of our comfort traught thinking about how I
wide variety of topics at the zones. It took around ten years would manage on the desperate-
How to Start and Run an Ani- before Best Friends finally be- ly long trip back (Addis Ababa-
mal Sanctuary workshop I at- came successful. During that Dublin-Boston-Denver) without
tended. She’d co-created the time, Faith and her friends going crazy, his presence imme-
sanctuary 35 years ago with a found themselves on a rocky diately became my lifeline. He
handful of other friends out of a road full of obstacles and hic- met me as I shivered, shook and
desire to make a lasting, posi- cups. A pattern familiar to any- cried, not knowing what to do,
tive impact in the world. one embarking on a big goal–– how to handle the very long trip
lots of going two steps forward back, and also not knowing how
I’ll never forget how amazing it and one step back––along with he would handle
the roller coaster of emotional the situation with me.

(Continued on page 54)

International Pain Foundation—51

(Continued from page 9)

(Continued from page 53) breath or smothering, feeling Check out Christina’s thoughts on
of choking, chest pain or dis- this topic in her recent blog on the
When I asked him why he took comfort, nausea or ab- iPain Blog: internationalpain.org/
such good care of me when he dominal distress, feeling diz- overcoming-anxieties.
didn’t even know me, he an- zy, unsteady, lightheaded, or
swered in his sweet voice, “I did- faint, derealization (feelings Breathwork. (n.d.) Medical Dic-
n’t do anything special, Laura! It of unreality) or depersonali- tionary. (2009). Retrieved January
was my human responsibility.” zation (being detached from 11, 2021 from https://medical-
And that’s what motivated me to oneself), chills or hot flush- dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/
write 21 Olive Trees: One Moth- es, paresthesia (numbness or Breathwork
er's Walk through the Grief of Su- tingling sensation), fear of
icide to Hope and Healing, release losing control, and fear of Cell Press. (2012, May 17). Pain
date June 2021. I have a human dying. relief through distraction: It's not
responsibility to lift up as many all in your head. ScienceDaily.
people with these fables as possi- The DSM-5 uses the term Retrieved January 12, 2021 from
ble and give people something to "panic attack" to describe the www.sciencedaily.com/
hold during their darkness, like he hallmark features associated releas-
held me, so they can glow once with the condition known as es/2012/05/120517132055.htm
again, or find the wisdom they panic disorder. Which is also
need to glow even brighter. defined as recurrent and un- Goecker, L. (2019, October 14).
expected panic attacks, per- The Biology of Panic Is Much
It’s my belief that anybody can sistent concern about addi- More Than an Adrenaline Rush.
create something beautiful out of tional attacks or their conse- The Swaddle. https://
their pain to become who they are quences and, a significant theswaddle.com/biology-of-panic/
truly meant to be, even during maladaptive change in be-
these challenging times. When we havior related to About the Author: Chr istina H
become aware and own our expe- the panic attacks. Chororos , Owner Kairos Chronic
rience, we can cast our fears aside (Ruby, Small- Pain Coaching, LLC Founder,
once and for all. I believe there is wood, Engen, & Educator, Speaker & Writer.
a hero inside each one of us want- Singer, 2013)
ing to join in the cosmic dance.

About the Author: Laur a For -
mentini is an author, nonprofit
photographer and philanthropist.
LauraFormentini.com

52—iPain Living Magazine

International Pain Foundation—53

54—iPain Living Magazine

Alex Dressler, MD Candra Bass, MD Donald Corenman, MD
@AlexDresslerMD @CandraBassMD @drcorenman
Vail, CO
Manchester, NH Cary, NC
Allen Miller, MD Cie Allman-Scott, PhD Harbinder Sandhu, HCPC
@DrHSandhu
@Drasmiller @DrCie Warwick, UK
California, USA Paradise Valley, AZ
Antonio Ojeda N, MD Craig Davies, MD Edward A. Perin, MD
@tratar_eldolor @edysseus
Barcelona, Spain @Coach_Davies Reno, NV
Brian K Rich, MD Orlando, FL
Eellan Sivanesan, MD
@bkrichmd Dan Laird, MD, JD @DoctorSivaMD
Lawton, OK @DanLairdMD Baltimore, MD
Las Vegas, NV

G. Hakeem, MD Julian Grove, MD Michael Cooney, DC
@ghakeem @JulianGroveMD @CalmareNJ
Bergen City, NJ
Riyadh, Saudi Arabia Phoenix, AZ
Greg Bryson, MD, FRCP Karolina Wartolowska, MD Philip Getson, DO
@DocGetson
@glbryson @KAWartolowska Marlton, NJ
Ottawa, Canada Oxford, Engand
Jessica A Alexander MD Vanila Singh, MD
Lynn Webster MD @VanilaSingh
@jaalex88 @LynnRWebsterMD
Houston, TX Salt Lake City, UT Silicon Valley, CA
Marcin Chwistek, MD
International Pain Foundation—55
@mchwistek
Philadelphia, PA