Rated PG 13
He graduated from high school and was able to continue to pursuing his education further. At least, that’s what I heard. His parents never spoke about what happened to me, or to us. I never saw him again after I dropped out. He walked away as if nothing had ever happened, even though he was clearly guilty. He moved to another city, perhaps in an attempt to leave everything behind. But all I know is that his traces still lingers in our school: his trophies and the fact that he impregnated a student. I hope he understands the consequences of his actions, and I hope they haunt him to his grave, wherever he is.
As for me . . . I was left with shame, from my school, my friends, my community, and . . . my parents.
I can’t look at them without thinking how ashamed and disappointed they have been But, it won’t change the fact that . . . something is growing. Unbeknownst to me, a seed was planted, From which a love so deep was spawned. Your roots entwined my very soul, piercing the rims of my inner skin A mistake I long to undo, but “Hell will welcome you with open arms”, people say.
All I see now, is the unknown. As they wash through my body, It’s feeling my numbness and hopelessness, dragging me in. “Drown me. Silence me from reality”
“It’s so quiet . . . “
“What’s this?” “... a Letter?”
“Dear Ratna, I know you’re going through a difficult time, and we know you’re in a lot of pain. We know you’re scared and alone. But, we want to let you know that you’re still our beloved daughther and we’re here to support you. Even though Mom’s still struggling to accept what’s happened, but I know she loves you. And we both don’t want to see you suffer. So, please . . . Come out of your room, and let’s go to the clinic tomorrow to talk about your options. We’ll figure things out together, one step at a time. About the baby, we can talk about it later. Right now, the most important thing is your health, Ok? Mom & Dad.”
I have to face reality now. There’s a living creature inside of me, that I have to take care of. But . . . The waiting room, I can feel their gaze “What is a teenager doing here?” Let’s get this thing over with.
Seeing the baby, I realize it’s really inside of me. Reality sets in again, and I long for the ocean’s quiet embrace. I slowly swallow my selfishness and surrender to the unknown, knowing that I can’t undo the past but can only move forward.
How do I balance my life when you’re added to the equation? Now, we’re both put on the scale. How does a little human bare such a heavy weight. I don’t want to sink again . . . but
I don’t want you to sink as well.
I have so many things ahead of me . . . My dreams are slowly, slowly getting blurred, Lost and forgotten Now, it’s only you that is on my mind. If I hadn’t “eaten the apple” . . . I would go to collage Would I still be dating him? I would my friends still have I would achieve my dream becoming a bussines women I would help my parents with their retirement
But then, at the end of it all, you wouldn’t be here. Welcome to the world, Rama. A hand is missing, usually there would be 3 hands extending together. The child, the mother, and the father. But it would just be you and me. I don’t know if I would be a good mother. And, the fact that you wouldn’t have your father along side you, it scares me even more. The world wouldn’t be kind to you. I am scared that i wouldn’t be able to provide, care, or give you the love that you much deserve. Despite the challenges that lie ahead, I promise to be your unwavering protector. Even when the world feels like it’s crumbling around us, I will be your steadfast anchor. Never forget that you are not alone in this journey. Though your father is no longer with us, I will be your guiding light, leading you towards the future you deserve. You were born from a mistake I made in the past, yet you are the one who has rekindled my ability to love. You are my reason to keep fighting, to keep believing in the goodness of this world. I love you, Rama.
Despite time passing by, the memory of that night still lingers, The bright, salavating bite . . . attenuates my mind. If he’d known the consequences, maybe things would’ve been different.
Encased in youthful naivety, who thought the world surrounds me. Unsophisticated, lead me to the story with a lot of unknown. Knowing it now, scenarios unlike mine went through my mind, where my story would be different. Yet, I did nothing. Condoms 79% - 98% effective Pill Daily use 91% - 99% effective Patch 91% - 99% effective Ferility Awareness 76% - 88% effective
Enshrouded in ignorance, conversation like this would be abrupt and leads to how our faith to The Creator will guide our action. Yet, Aldhi’s gift of “The Forbidden Fruit” pierced through my blindness. That night, my eyes were thrust open, assaulted by a sudden influx of light, it became painful.
I question my action that lead me towards this path. He was . . . pushy. His words become a ribbon I follow as he said “it will strenghten us” His smile I thought I could trust him I was proving my love and commitment to him Yet where is he when i needed him? Amidst my precipitous fall, he remained a passive observer, his eyes vacant reflections of my despair.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t the only one. In my reflection, I saw a younger version of myself, her eyes mirroring the same desperate plea for help that I once tried to suppress. I realized that hiding her vulnerability would only prolong my suffering.
I prayed for those facing similar trials, hoping they find the support they need. Yet, I wish it were simpler. Marriage isn’t a solution to prevent a ‘sinful child’; it’s a commitment to build a loving family. But, equipped with the knowledge, we can pave the way for a brighter future for others.
More than 50.000 teenagers are married due to an unplanned pregnancy. 84% of students in Indonesia has not recieved a proper comprehensive sex education.
Some were imprisoned because of illegaly aborting the baby. Some, end the baby’s life, some taken their own life, feeling shameful and outcasted by the pregnancy.
After taking my time, coming to terms with my pregnancy, I went through a lot, and I learned to embrace love anew. It was unfortunate that I learned that about “The Forbidden Fruit” in the hard way. My bond with Rama served as our anchor amidst the storms of judgment and uncertainty. I am eternally grateful to my parents for their unwavering love and acceptance, a privilege not all young mothers experience. My story serves as a testament to the urgent need for comprehensive sex education in Indonesia’s school system. The End May young girls have a different story, where they don’t have to be lost in their adolescent years, as they have the right to their own quill.
The Forbidden Fruit : Aftermath