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Published by nicrford, 2019-08-28 17:08:29

2019 IFFL Preview

2019 IFFL Preview

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LETTER FROM THE COMMISSIONER

Gentlemen,

Believe it or not, it’s that time of year again. The weekend we look forward to
all year and dream about all spring and summer. Draft weekend is upon us, and
it’s time to write the next chapter in the IFFL’s history.

This year marks the 8th of our league, and we are certainly coming off an
historic one. The 2018 season saw a first-time champion in Daquan and a
first-time Suckmaster in Jardyn, who also suffered the first-ever last place
punishment - which he crushed, I might add.

In 2019, we say goodbye (and good riddance) to kickers. While they served our
lineups well in the past, the league has outgrown them. We are smarter fantasy
players now, and can better use that roster spot to find those hidden gems to
round out our rosters with. The only downside to this is that Hunter now gains a
draft advantage, as he doesn’t have to spend an 8th round pick on Stephen
Gostkowski anymore.

For the first time since the league’s innaugural draft, all members will be
present on draft day. This is a huge accomplishment considering we have GMs
that live as far away as Arizona and Indiana. Well done, men. For that reason
alone, this draft should be one for the record books.

So ere is my annual ode to you, IFFL. The IFFL Preview Magazine is some-
thing that keeps me busy in the offseason and makes the time until draft day go
a little bit faster. I always wait until the last minute to squeeze in a lot of the
copy, but it’s worth it. I hope we’ll all be able to look back at these league
previews in the years to come and reminisce on great times had in the IFFL.

Good luck this year everyone, and as always, suck my goat wang.
Your Commish,
Nic Ford

2012-2019 theiffl.com

6

CONTENTS 6
8
LETTER FROM THE COMMISSIONER 10
LEADING OFF 12
2019 DRAFT WEEKEND ITINERARY 14
DYSON’S SHED: IN MEMORIUM 16
2019 IFFL OPEN CHAMPIONSHIP PREVIEW 22
RAGS TO RICHES: AN IFFL STORY 27
10 EXPERT TIPS TO DOMINATE YOUR DRAFT
TEAM PAGES & COMMISSIONER MOCK DRAFT

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Leading THE PATRIOT WAY
Off
The New England Patriots continue their dominance in the NFL by beating the upstart Los Angeles Rams in Super
Bowl LIII. Todd Gurley was noticeably limited during the biggest game of his career due to what we now know is a
degenerative knee issue, leading many experts to question his effectiveness for the 2019 fantasy season.

Stefon Gilmore make a crucial fourth
quarter interception off Jared Goff in
Super Bowl LIII as Brandin Cooks
looks on. This was the Patriots lone
takeaway in the game, and in a tight,
low-scoring game, the play ended up
being huge for the champs.

8

TRYING TO MAKE A TRADE?
LEAGUEMATE NOT BUDGING?

TELL THEM THEIR TEAM
FUCKING SUCKS.

From professional bullshitter and IFFL Trades in a Season record holder
Ethan Massey comes the guide to all your trading and negotiating questions.

Learn how to manipulate your opponents by lowballing them with offers,
send 3-4 long-winded text messages explaining your reasoning, then berate
your opponent when they say no. Ethan will teach you that the word “NO”
is not in his vocabulary. All these tips and more are available in Massey’s
debut bestselling book. Pick it up today wherever clearance items are sold.

9

Intergalactic fantasy football™

2019 IFFL DRAFT
ITINERARY

9:42 AM 4:00 PM 6:00 PM 6:30 PM 9:30 PM 9:30 AM 11:00 AM

1st Tee Time AUGUST 31 AUGUST 31 AUGUST 31 AUGUST 31 SEPTEMBER 1 SEPTEMBER 1

9:50 AM

2nd Tee Time

9:58 AM

3rd Tee Time

AUGUST 31

GOLF CHECK INTO WHEEL OF 2019 IFFL PARTY HANGOVER LA
DEATH SPIN DRAFT DAY 1 RECOVERY PAR
TOURNAMENT LAKE HOUSE

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9:30 AM 11:00 AM WHAT TO BRING TO THE DRAFT:

SEPTEMBER 2 SEPTEMBER 2 DRAFT CHEAT SHEETS

AKE DAY / CLEAN DEPART Don’t be that guy that comes to the draft unprepared. Forget your
RTY DAY 2 UP cheat sheet? Tough shit, no one’s gonna lend you one.

ENTRY FEE

If you haven’t already paid the commish via electronic
cash, bring $80 to the draft. This covers your contribution

to the pot, the website and the trophy plate.

EXTRA CASH

Bring some extra cash to contribute to food for the weekend
and to play some betting games if you so choose.

SWIM ATTIRE & WARM CLOTHING

Don’t forget your Speedo! We’ll have access to a dock behind our
house and plan to have a lake day all day Sunday. It may be
cooler than normal, so bring a hoodie along as well.

B.Y.O.B.

Bring your own drinks or pick some up when we go to the
grocery store.

11

SHEDDyson’s
in memorium
3 DRAFTS
3 WINTER MEETINGS
1 PISS BUCKET

> This year we say goodbye to Dyson’s Shed. Megan and

Dyson have decided to move on from their first home and
onto bigger and better things. And while we’re happy for
them, we can’t help but shed a tear as we lose an old friend.

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WE’RE NOT SAYING GOODBYE... WE’RE JUST SAYING SEE -

WELL, ACTUALLY WE ARE SAYING GOODBYE.

WE’LL PROBABLY NEVER SEE THAT PLACE AGAIN.

w ho can forget the absolutely enormous collection of
Nintendo Amiibo figures, proudly and neatly
displayed on the white, tiered shelf? Or wathching
the IFFL Royal Rumbles projected onto the white
sheet after arguing with each other over rule changes? And
of course, the bleach-filled piss bucket that refused to stink
no matter how many times it was pissed in.
We remember all these glorious things because we will
never experience them the way that we have ever agian.
Dyson has moved houses, and with the move he leaves the
Shed behind. We’re excited for Dyson and Megan and their
new digs, but we can’t help but have a bittersweet feeling.
Dyson opened up his screen door to us for many IFFL
events over the past four years. It was the perfect dude
hangout spot and had everything we needed. Being cooled
by a small A/C unit and heated by a small propane furnace,
it was just a little too cold in the winter time and a little too
hot in the summer - perfect.
The shed was the place where Brandon Kinkead got
shitfaced off Twisted Teas and smoked an entire pack of
cigarillos at the 2017 draft. The Shed was the place where
Ethan threw his balls in Trae’s face while Facetiming with
Dakyn. Trae was immobilized by his knee brace, and it took
him years to forgive Ethan (hell, he still may not). The Shed
was the place Alec and Ethan almost got into a fist fight
about whether or not rules could be voted upon if they
weren’t on the docket pre-meeting.

The Shed was the place where IFFL history
was made. Championship teams were draft-
ed and rules were put in place the made our
league better. While this Shed may be gone,
we’ll find a new place to hold events, drink
beers, and draft teams. And wherever that
place is, you bet your ass we’ll set up a piss
bucket.

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2019
IFFL open
champtionship

SATURDAY, AUGUST 31ST | 9:42 AM
INDIAN ROCK GOLF CLUB | LAURIE, MO

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Indian Rock Golf Club is part of a vibrant We’re back with the 2019 IFFL Open Champion- him to pick us up on some shots on the course.
golfing community at the Lake of the Ozarks. ship! Last year’s round was one for the ages, as two Team 2 is headlined by the MIP (Most Im-
Majestic rock formations guard the club’s sig- teams tied for 1st place and took the coward’s way
nature 17th hole while a deep, clear lake guards out of declaring it a tie. “Everybody wins! Yay!” proved Player) Ethan Massey. Ethan plays more
the front. Golfers will experience a mix Zoysia/ than anyone in the league, and his results show
Bermuda fairways and tee boxes and bent grass What a crock of shit. it. He’s now firmly in the 2 spot of IFFL golfers.
greens. Six tee boxes give golfers a choice of Is long ball and iron game are the most reli-
This year is different. New teams, new course, bet- able second to only Daquan. Scott joins Ethan
what type of course they want to play. ter golfers. No paddy cake bullshit this year boys. and creates an extremely formidable duo in this
We’ve yet to decide on a bet for this year’s round, but tournament. Scott is another player than can
rest assured we will decide on something pre-round consistently keep the ball in play in hit quality
and the losers shall be punished. shots time after time. These two should create
a very tough team to beat. Joining them is Trae,
Team 1 will tee off first at 9:42AM. The team con- who has also been playing lot more golf recently.
sistss of the IFFL Ringer, Dakyn Dollens. The for- Like Jardyn, he doesn’t quite play enough to re-
mer Mizzou golfer remains the league’s best golfer, ally get consistently, but I know he’s made trips
with max stats in every category. To quote Dakyn, to the driving range and played multiple times
“Zoysia fairways and bent greens. You boys in trou- this year.
ble.” I have no idea what bent greens are, but he’s on
my team so i’m thrilled with his confidence. Speak- Team 3 is the only team of four, and it is made
ing of me (Nic), I join Dakyn’s squad for the first time of four quality golfers. Alec and Hunter are prob-
in league golfing history. My game, as usual, is up ably the tops in this group, followed by Hockman
and down. I can hit some shots here and there, but and DJ. Alec and Hunter both struggle with con-
mostly i’m just trying to keep my ball in play and sistency at times, but can also get on hot streaks
limit mistakes. Putting has been a strength lately on the course that could swing strokes very
so hopefully I’ll be able to contribute to my team. quickly. DJ and Hockman can hold their own on
Rounding out the squad is Jardyn. Jardyn has taken the course and should certain contribute some
more of an interest to golf lately, and can certain- shots. Having four swings on every shot could
ly hit some shots here and there. He doesn’t play prove to be a huge advantage.
enough to be a huge contributor, but we’ll look for This will be a fantastic golf outing. Good luck to
everyone and see you on Saturday!

TEAM 1 DAKYN NIC JARDYN KEY
ETHAN SCOTT TRAE
TEEING OFF AT 9:42 AM ALEC HUNTER DJ Driver
Irons
TEAM 2 Putting
Consistency
TEEING OFF AT 9:50 AM
HOCKMAN
TEAM 3

TEEING OFF AT 9:58 AM

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CHAMP

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MPIONS
Rags To Riches:: An IFFL Story
Some called it legendary, some called it heroic, some called it
impossible, whatever your thoughts, the story of the Demon
Dakyns’ franchise needs to be told to the world.
by DaQuan Dollens

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The Sandusky Shower Squad team name was all fun and games until it put a curse on onships, giving him three straight to start off the
Dakyns fantasy team, proving that making light of child abuse is never a good idea. IFFL era. DaQuan figured patterns and streaks,
both good and bad, come in threes so this one had
I T ALL STARTED IN 2012, when a wise the time; however it produced a curse that started an to come to an end.
football expert, DaQuan Dollens, was asked awful streak of bad luck for DaQuan. In the first IFFL
to join a league of raw, but exceptional indi- season, SSS had a slew of players who got injured or A streak did come to an end, but that was CFB’s
viduals to play fantasy football. The league performed dreadfully below expectations. This led to streak of championships. A new champ was
would be known as the Intergalactic Fantasy an extremely unexpected, by all parties involved, last crowned, the Flying Goats franchise that had
Football League (IFFL). DaQuan had dabbled place finish (named the Suck Master) for the fran- shown consistency every year and finally broke
in fantasy football prior to that but nothing would chise. DaQuan was left with confusion and misery. through. In season four, DaQuan found himself
ever compare to the gravity involved in the IFFL. The only solace he found in that first season was the in last place once again despite his extraordi-
champion general manager was a bloke by the name nary management skills and fantasy dominance
The inaugural IFFL draft was a standard online fan- of Colton Fucking Brumley (CFB), who comes from a outside of the IFFL. By this time, he was getting
tasy draft through ESPN. All members of the league place where incest is encouraged. Given that, the only large amounts of razzing for being the continuous
were online during the draft and no auto-picking reasonable conclusion that could be made from the Suck Master and had to wear obscene clothing to
was done. This was a small sign that the IFFL was first IFFL season was: it was a fluke. DaQuan took the annual league golf outing. The ridicule was
a legitimate, no nonsense group of men seeking fan- that mindset into the next season with high hopes of getting extremely old and he knew that if the fifth
tasy football glory. Like any fantasy football manag- fantasy fame. season ended similarly, he would have to make
er, DaQuan had felt he drafted a well-balanced team drastic changes.
from top to bottom that could compete for a champion- The second and third seasons turned out to be mir-
ship. DaQuan’s one and only downfall that would lead ror images of season one. SSS had the injury bug and DaQuan and the SSS franchise started down
to years of despair was the naming of his franchise: world-class players performed like JV benchwarmers, a similar path in season five and decided that
Sandusky’s Shower Squad (SSS). which led to the Suck Master title again and again. To changes would have to be made mid-season in or-
go along with that, CFB rattled off two more champi- der to try and turn things around. The SSS fran-
The franchise name was extraordinarily hilarious at chise was demolished and rebranded to become
the Demon Dakyns. Unfortunately, the SSS nam-
12 DEMON DAkyns wins by season ing curse had already done its damage and the
season was lost.Season six was a make or break
year for DaQuan as he was highly considering
leaving the IFFL if things didn’t change. He had
had enough nights crying alone in the shower.

Season six was a make or break
year for DaQuan as he was high-
ly considering leaving the IFFL if
things didn’t change. He had had
enough nights crying alone in the
shower.

The Demon Dakyns started strong
and ended up with a winning record
and avoided the Suck Master “tro-
phy”. Due to an early Thursday
morning stat correction, the
Demon Dakyns were thrust
into the playoffs and Team
Token was wrongfully
yanked from them. A
playoff berth was a
nice way to end
the last place
streak; how-
ever due to
the late
cor-
rec-

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8

6

4

2

0 2013 2014 2015 2016 2017 2018

2012

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George Kittle and Stefon Diggs headlines
a stellar draft by the Demon Dakyns,
setting the stage for their first-ever Erle

Bowl Championship

tion, the franchise missed getting to do waivers. the franchise. Back to back playoff berths really
This minor detail was too hard to overcome for the helped to suppress the shame and crying nights
general manager master DaQuan and it proved to that came with five straight Suck Masters. The
be the one and only reason the franchise was un- squad DaQuan had assembled was well balanced
able to take the championship in 2017. It was a and had a good shot of going the distance. Sure
heartbreaking end to a great turnaround season, enough, the franchise made a run to the cham-
but if DaQuan knew what 2018 had in store, he pionship game. The Demon Dakyns were heavy
would have nothing but demonic smiles. underdogs against Team Token who had made
some great trades and gotten healthy at exactly
The seventh season of the IFFL, 2018, brought the right time. The matchup came down to the
the best season yet for everyone involved. A major- final NFL game for the week. Team Token had
ity of the league got together for a live draft at a numerous players going and the Dakyns only had
lake house (right across the way from dock babes one. The game went on and on and Token kept
might I add), golf was played, delicious beer was edging closer and closer. At last, the final whistle
drank, and an enjoyable time was had by all. The was blown. The Demon Dakyns had held on for a
draft began in the afternoon on the second day. 1.9-point victory and were the 2018 IFFL Cham-
DaQuan had an amazing draft strategy in place, pions.
execution was the only thing left to do.
DaQuan was overcome with joy and celebrated
At this point in the IFFL era, there had been like he had won the lottery. Despite five years of
three different champions. First was CFB, which grueling pain and agony of getting last place, the
was already noted as fluky, second was the Fly- franchise got what all hope for, a fantasy cham-
ing Goats, and third was 3 Chainz. The Demon pionship. Franchises who have not tasted that
Dakyns knew going into the draft that their main championship juice would say it wasn’t worth the
competition would be the two legitimate past Suck Masters again and again, but the Demon
champs, Flying Goats and 3 Chainz. As the draft Dakyns would argue otherwise. No matter how
went on, general manager DaQuan monitored great the fantasy football manager, one cannot
what those teams were doing very closely. When overcome a curse placed by the Fantasy Football
3 Chainz unexpectedly drafted Mohamed Sanu in Gods. Through rebranding and demolishing the
the eighth round, DaQuan knew his championship old, the Demon Dakyns fought back from the
competition had dwindled down to one. The draft- curse and received fantasy glory.
ed ended and the regular season had begun.
Some called it legendary, some
The Demon Dakyns had a great regular season, called it heroic, some called it im-
with good trades and roster and waiver wire man- possible, whatever your thoughts,
agement. It led to another playoff appearance for the story of the Demon Dakyns’
franchise is freaking epic.

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20

2021 DRAFT

SEE YOU THERE.

21

1 TRUST YOUR GUT

ADP is merely a suggestion. If you have a gut
feeling on a player, you’re probably right - even
if the pick is 3 or 4 rounds early. Take
Muhammed Sanu for example. Matt Ryan has
to throw to somebody besides Julio Jones, right?
Right. Take your guy and don’t look back.

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10 EXPERT TIPS TO

BY NIC FORD

DOMINATE
YOUR

DRAFT

EVERY YEAR we pour countless
hours into draft prep (well, most of
us). We mock draft, we read articles,
we research. But can too much re-
search be a bad thing? I think so.
That’s why I’ve come up with 10
fool-proof, expert tips to dominate
your fantasy football draft in 2019. If
you feel like you have fantsy research
overload this offseason, turn off the
podcasts and simply read this article
for a guaranteed fantasy playoff berth.

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4 RUNNING BACKS WITH DREADS ARE WORTH MORE 2 DEFENSE WINS BALL GAMES

Watching Steven Jackson or Marshawn Lynch run people over while their dread- How many times have you seen a big game come down to
locks cascaded from side to side with every hit and juke was truly a thing of beauty. whether or not a defense can get a stop? It’s crucial that
When you think of those to players, you think “beast” or “dynamic”, same with you account for this in your draft strategy. Defense is the
players like Jamaal Charles. Is that because of their athleticism or skill? Nope - most valuable position in fantasy football. Compared to the
dreadlocks. Today, those players include Todd Gurley, Alvin Kamara, Dalvin Cook, other positions, in which you only start 1 running back or 1
Aaron Jones, D’Onta Foreman, Isaiah Crowell, and others. Don’t miss your opportu- wide receiver, defense has 11 men on the field at one time.
nity to draft one of these running backs so you can watch and cheer as their badass 11! More players on the field equals more opportunities to
dreads juke people on Sundays. score.

24 3 LIKE THE REAL NFL, QBS ARE KING

Perhaps I spoke too soon on defenses, becasue quarter-
backs are just as, if not more valuable in fantasy. They
actually score the most amount of points, so they are the
most important position. Draft them early and often,
perhaps even two or three of them to account for bye weeks
and injuries. The elite guys are few and far between, so
grab your Rodgers and Luck before the rest of the league to
ensure you have an advantage.

5 PAY ATTENTION TO COACHSPEAK

Pay attention to what coaches say during training camp
and preseason. The NFL has methodically placed media
personnel at these events in order to ask coaches questions
and get insight on players. You think Sean McVay is going
to say Todd Gurley’s knee is “great” and he “looks good” if
it’s not the truth? Absolutely not. You think Pete Carroll is
going to say that C.J. Prosise “has a chance to be a
playmaker for us this year” if he doesn’t mean it? Yeah,
right. Listen to the coaches - they always provide valuable,
factual information on their guys. Use it to your advan-
tage.

6 WHEN IN DOUBT, ASK A FRIEND

Everyone in the league is your friend. Listen to their
advice. They will always have your best interests first. If
Steve from accounting tells you that Devin Funchess is a
steal in round four, then you draft Funchess. Steve
wouldn’t lead you astray.

7 LOOK GOOD, PLAY GOOD 9 DRAFT WIITH YOUR HEART, NOT YOUR BRAIN

This strategy is severely overlooked. It’s a theory that There are going to be moments in your draft where ECR and ADP say one thing,
science has proved for years. When you look good, you play but in your heart you know the experts are wrong. 10 times out of 10, listen to
much better, so stop scouring through pre-season box yourself. Even if an amazing “value” on a player presents itself, if you don’t like the
scores and start breaking down film. Find out which player, don’t take him. This tip is similar to tip #1, Trust Your Gut, but your gut and
players are wearing the best accessories. The more your heart are different. Listening to you gut mean you just have this feeling about
accessories, the higher the rank. You have to make sure a player deep down. Listening to your heart is is not drafting a player if they’ve hurt
you rank accessories right. One guy might overdo it, and you in the past. Or if they’ve beaten their children. Just listen to your heart and
you can’t have that. You’re trying to put out a winning don’t take those guys.
team, not a try-hard team. LGPG (Look good, play good) is
an acronym that should be engrained in your mind while
you’re drafting.

8 DON’T DRAFT FOR NEED

You’ve already picked up Patrick Mahomes and Aaron
Rodgers is staring you right in the face. Are you going to
pass him up? Heck no! You draft him–you’re going to need
him for Mahomes’ bye week. Not only are you picking up
another golden arm, you’re keeping someone else from
getting him. Think about that. Don’t trade him later on
when you don’t need him, either. I mean, he’s Aaron
Frickin’ Rodgers. You can’t trade that. You can never have
too many players of the same position. You can always find
your running backs in the late rounds, or as free agents
after the draft.

10 DRAFT YOUR SLEEPER IN ROUND 1

I love sleeper picks. They can make or break a season.
What really grinds my gears is when someone grabs your
sleeper right before you do. How do I combat that? I draft
‘em early. I’m talking really early, too. No one is going to
see my pick up of Khiry Robinson coming. Sure, Le’Veon
Bell is available, but he’s an Adam Gase buttholing away
from being relegated to the flex. With your sleeper, you get
a great RB2 or WR2.

I hope you find these tips
useful in your upcoming
draft. I want all of you to
have as many tools neces-
sary to crush it. Good luck,
25 everyone.

26

COMMISH
MOCK DRAFT

Settle in and get comfy. Grab a beer and relax, because i'm about to tell you exactly how the first
round is going to play out. I know your draft tendencies. I know who you like, who you don’t. I
know who will screw their pick up and who will grab a steal.

27

THE ALL-TIME RECORD 56-42
MANCHILD DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIPS 2
IFFL CHAMPIONSHIPS 0
LAST YEAR’S RECORD
8-6

2019 SCHEDULE

1 J-HOCKS

2 @ 3 CHAINZ

3 @ CRYPT KEEPERS

WINS BY SEASON 4 @ TOKEN

565 65 FINGER LICKIN’ GOOD

60 60

655 55 @ FLYING GOATS

50 50

745 45 @ STICKY BANDITS

40 40

835 35 DEMON DAKYNS

30 30

925 25 SMART ALECS

20 20

1015 15 CAPTAIN DICK

10 10

115 5 3 CHAINZ

00

12 @ J-HOCKS
2012
2013
2014
2015
2016
2017
2018

13 CRYPT KEEPERS

28

1 LAST SEASlOaNst:season:

Commish’s Mock Pick TOT. YRD. REC. TOT. TDS FAN. PTS.

SAQUON BARKLEY 2,028 91 15 385.8

Barkley was the second overall pick in the 2018 NFL draft and it's fair to say TEAM OWNER
he'll be the first overall pick in most 2019 fantasy drafts. Barkley was a work-
horse as a rookie, racking up 261 carries (second-most among running backs) ETHAN MASSEY
and 119 targets (third-most), while pacing the position in routes (458), scrim-
“ mage yards (2,028) and fantasy points (386). Barkley finished worse than 13th LEAGUE RECORDS: 96.15 PAPG
at the position in fantasy points in only two weeks. He was on the field for 83 10-3
percent of the Giants' snaps, handled 75 percent of the designed runs and took Easiest Schedule (Season) 11
on 21 percent of the targets. That workhorse usage isn't expected to change in Best Regular Season Record (Season)
what could be an even run-heavier offense in 2019. Barkley was part of the Most Trades (Season) 115.2 PAPG
Manchildren last season and Ethan won’t hesitate to get this stud back on his Easiest Schedule (Career)
squad.
theiffl.com/manchild
“ “ALL THE
RUNNING BACKS
WERE GOING.”
- THE MANCHILD

29

SMART ALL-TIME RECORD 46-47
ALECS DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIPS 1
IFFL CHAMPIONSHIPS 0
WINS BY SEASON LAST YEAR’S RECORD
8-5
65
60 2019 SCHEDULE
55
50 1 TOKEN
45
40 2 @SLAUTER ISLAND
35
30 3 @ FLYING GOATS
25
20 4 @ DEMON DAKYNS
15
10 565 CAPTAIN DICK
5
0 60

30 655 STICKY BANDITS
2012
2013 50
2014
2015 745 J-HOCKS
2016
2017 40
2018
835 CRYPT KEEPERS

30

925 @ MANCHILD

20

1015 @ 3 CHAINZ

10

115 SLAUTER ISLAND

0

12 @ TOKEN

13 FLYING GOATS

2 LAST SEASON:

Commish’s Mock Pick TOT. YRD. REC. TOT. TDS FAN. PTS.

CHRISTIAN McCAFFREY 1,965 107 13 386.5

If not for being rested during a meaningless Week 17 game, McCaffrey would've TEAM OWNER
led all backs in fantasy points last season. The Stanford product took his game
to a new level in 2018, playing an almost unheard of 97 percent of Carolina's ALEC FORD
snaps through Week 16. He finished 10th among backs in rushing attempts
(219) and was first in targets (124), receptions (107) and receiving yards (867). LEAGUE RECORDS: 138.27 PFPG
McCaffrey had at least five receiving touchdowns for the second year in a row. 122.63 PAPG
He improved his yards per carry from 3.7 to 5.0 and his catch rate from 73 Highest Scoring Offense (Season)
percent to 86 percent. The 23-year-old does it all and is well worth Toughest Schedule (Career)
the early-first-round fantasy investment. Alec tends to take a WR in
“ the first round most years, but he can’t pass up the opportunity to theiffl.com/smart-alecs
snatch up one of these workhorse backs.



- SMART ALEC

31

THE ALL-TIME RECORD 44-54
J-HOCKS DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIPS 3
IFFL CHAMPIONSHIPS 0
WINS BY SEASON LAST YEAR’S RECORD
9-6
65
60 2019 SCHEDULE
55
50 1 @ THE MANCHILD
45
40 2 CRYPT KEEPERS
35
30 3 3 CHAINZ
25
20 4 @ FINGER LICKIN’ GOOD
15
10 565 @ FLYING GOATS
5
0 60

32 655 DEMON DAKYNS
2012
2013 50
2014
2015 745 @ SMART ALECS
2016
2017 40
2018
835 @ STICKY BANDITS

30

925 SLAUTER ISLAND

20

1015 TOKEN

10

115 @ CRYPT KEEPERS

0

12 THE MANCHILD

13 @ 3 CHAINZ

3 LAST SEASlOaNst:season:

Commish’s Mock Pick TOT. YRD. REC. TOT. TDS FAN. PTS.

ALVIN KAMARA 1,592 81 18 354.2

Following as efficient a season as you'll find for any running back (let alone a TEAM OWNER
rookie) in 2017, Kamara's 2018 went about as expected: He regressed to the
mean, but still played at a high level and was a terrific fantasy asset. The JOSH HOCKMAN
former third-round pick finished top-eight among backs in snaps (628), touches
(275), scrimmage yards (1592), offensive touchdowns (18) and fantasy points LEAGUE RECORDS:
(354). Kamara has yet to clear 200 carries in a season, but he has caught 81
passes in both of his NFL seasons and saw a significant uptick in work near the Biggest Blowout 208.7 - 78.3 (vs. Manchild)
goal line last season (his 14.5 OTD ranked second in the league). Kamara's role
“ won't change much with Latavius Murray added to replace Mark Ingram II. theiffl.com/jhocks
The 23-year-old back remains a solid RB1 option. Hockman has taken a RB in
the first round 6 out of 7 IFFL season - look for him to make it 7 out of 8.

“TIME TO FLY!

- J-HOCK

33

SLAUTER ALL-TIME RECORD 42-40
ISLAND DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIPS 0
IFFL CHAMPIONSHIPS 0
WINS BY SEASON LAST YEAR’S RECORD
7-7
65
60 2019 SCHEDULE
55
50 1 @ FLYING GOATS
45
40 2 SMART ALECS
35
30 3 @ TOKEN
25
20 4 @ CRYPT KEEPERS
15
10 565 3 CHAINZ
5
0 60

34 655 FINGER LICKIN’ GOOD
2012
2013 50
2014
2015 745 DEMON DAKYNS
2016
2017 40
2018
835 @ CAPTAIN DICK

30

925 @ J-HOCKS

20

1015 @ STICKY BANDITS

10

115 @ SMART ALECS

0

12 FLYING GOATS

13 TOKEN

4 LAST SEASlOaNst:season:

Commish’s Mock Pick TOT. YRD. REC. TOT. TDS FAN. PTS.

EZEKIEL ELLIOTT 2,001 77 9 329.1

An absolute workhorse since entering the NFL in 2016, Elliott has played just TEAM OWNER
under 90 percent of Dallas' snaps and handled over 80 percent of the carries
when active over the past two seasons. That's led to a league-high 868 carries CAM SLAUTER
despite Elliott having missed eight games during that span. Elliott's game
reached a new level last season as he easily reached career highs in targets (94), LEAGUE RECORDS:
receptions (77) and receiving yards (567). Elliott led all backs in touches (381)
and was second in scrimmage yards (2,001). His underwhelming usage near the Closest Game 124.92 - 124.90 (vs. Token)
goal line remains a concern (his 10 carries inside the 5 ranked 17th last season).
“ Nonetheless, Elliott is a young, high-end talent set for a ton of volume. I think theiffl.com/slauterisland
Cam will embrace the risk with this pick. Experts seem more optimistic on Zeke
returning for week 1, myself included. Just pick up Pollard late in the draft and
you’ll be fine.

“LIFE IS SHORT
- STUNT IT.

- CAM SLAUTER

35

AARRIIZZOONNAA ALL-TIME RECORD 46-48
DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIPS 1
CRYPT IFFL CHAMPIONSHIPS 0
KEEPERS LAST YEAR’S RECORD
7-6
WINS BY SEASON
2019 SCHEDULE
65
60 1 3 CHAINZ
55
50 2 @ J-HOCKS
45
40 3 THE MANCHILD
35
30 4 SLAUTER ISLAND
25
20 565 STICKY BANDITS
15
10 60
5
0 655 @ TOKEN

36 50
2012
2013 745 FLYING GOATS
2014
2015 40
2016
2017 835 @ SMART ALECS
2018
30

925 @ CAPTAIN DICK

20

1015 @ FINGER LICKIN’ GOOD

10

115 J-HOCKS

0

12 @ 3 CHAINZ

13 @ THE MANCHILD

5 LAST SEASlOaNst:season:

Commish’s Mock Pick REC. YARDS TDS FAN. PTS.

DEANDRE HOPKINS 115 1,572 11 333.5

Hopkins has been the No. 2 scoring fantasy wide receiver during each of the TEAM OWNER 10-3
past two seasons and has finished in the top 4 three of the past four seasons. 54.2
Hopkins has been a workhorse, ranking no lower than sixth in targets, recep- D.J. ROBERTSON
tions, yardage, touchdowns and end zone targets during each of the past two
seasons. He has topped the position in OTD both seasons. Finally attached to a LEAGUE RECORDS:
quality quarterback for a full season, Hopkins caught a career-high 70 percent
of his targets in 2018. Hopkins has managed a massive 35 percent target share Best Regular Season Record (Season)
over the past two seasons. That could drop some with a healthy Will Fuller V Least Points in a Single Game
and Keke Coutee in the mix, but Hopkins will still rank at or near the top of the
“ position in the category. The sure-handed 27-year-old remains an elite fantasy theiffl.com/cryptkeepers
asset. DJ has taken a running back with his first pick every IFFL season except
the first. But with only one playoff berth in his team’s history, I think he
switches it up and takes the safest option in round one.

“STICKS AND STONES MAY
BREAK MY BONES... BUT
CRYPTS AND BEATING
THE MANCHILD’S ASS
EXCITES ME!
- THE CRYPT KEEPER

37

FLYING ALL-TIME RECORD 61-39
GOATS DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIPS 5
IFFL CHAMPIONSHIPS 1
WINS BY SEASON LAST YEAR’S RECORD
9-4
65
60 2019 SCHEDULE
55
50 1 SLAUTER ISLAND
45
40 2 @ TOKEN
35
30 3 SMART ALECS
25
20 4 CAPTAIN DICK
15
10 565 J-HOCKS
5
0 60

38 655 THE MANCHILD
2012
2013 50
2014
2015 745 @ CRYPT KEEPERS
2016
2017 40
2018
835 3 CHAINZ

30

925 @ FINGER LICKIN’ GOOD

20

1015 @ DEMON DAKYNS

10

115 TOKEN

0

12 @ SLAUTER ISLAND

13 @ SMART ALECS

6 LAST SEASlOaNst:season:

Commish’s Mock Pick REC. YARDS TDS FAN. PTS.

DAVANTE ADAMS 111 1,386 13 329.6

Adams took his game to another level in 2018. In fact, before missing Week 17 TEAM OWNER
because of an injury, Adams was the No. 1 scoring fantasy wide receiver.
Incredibly, Adams ranked in the top 18 among wide receivers in all but one NIC FORD
week last season (27th in Week 4) aside from the one week he missed. In
addition to catching 13 touchdowns (second most), Adams ranked fourth at the LEAGUE RECORDS:
position in routes (618), fourth in targets (164), fifth in receptions (111) and
“ sixth in receiving yards (1,386). Adams has hauled in 35 touchdowns over the Highest Scoring Franchise (Career) 124.67 PFPG
past three seasons, which trails only Antonio Brown for most in the league. Highest Regular Season Win % (Career) 55-37 (.594)
Adams has done this damage despite missing at least one game three of the Highest Overall Win % (Career) 61-39 (.610)
past four seasons. The 26-year-old soaked up a massive 30 percent target share Most Division Championships
last season and has little competition for targets again in 2019. He's a fine Most Playoff Appearances 4
choice in the middle of the first round. In the middle of the draft it’s all about 6
safety over risk. Adams is about as safe as they come.
theiffl.com/flying-goats
“SUCK MY
GOAT WANG.

- COMMISH

39

CAPTAIN ALL-TIME RECORD 49-49
DICK DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIPS 3
IFFL CHAMPIONSHIPS 0
‘‘NN HHIISS SSEEAAMMEENN LAST YEAR’S RECORD
6-7
WINS BY SEASON
2019 SCHEDULE
65
60 1 FINGER LICKIN’ GOOD
55
50 2 @ DEMON DAKYNS
45
40 3 STICKY BANDITS
35
30 4 @ FLYING GOATS
25
20 565 @ SMART ALECS
15
10 60
5
0 655 3 CHAINZ

40 50
2012
2013 745 @ TOKEN
2014
2015 40
2016
2017 835 SLAUTER ISLAND
2018
30

925 CRYPT KEEPERS

20

1015 @ THE MANCHILD

10

115 DEMON DAKYNS

0

12 @ FINGER LICKIN’ GOOD

13 @ STICKY BANDITS

7 LAST SEASlOaNst:season:

Commish’s Mock Pick REC. YARDS TDS FAN. PTS.

JULIO JONES 113 1,677 8 325.9

Say what you want about Jones' occasional touchdown deficiencies, he arguably TEAM OWNER 10-3
has been the league's best wide receiver since entering the league in 2011.
Incredibly, Jones' yards per target has ranked inside the top 20 wide receivers DYSON DICK
all eight seasons of his career. Despite an unlucky 2017 season in the touch-
down department (3 TDs, 8.4 OTD), Jones predictably regressed to the mean LEAGUE RECORDS:
and found paydirt eight times (8.0 OTD) in 2018. He finished fourth in fantasy
points and hasn't finished a season worse than seventh since 2013. Jones is 30, Best Regular Season Record (Season)
but his game hasn't slipped, and a role that allowed a position-best eight top 10
“ fantasy weeks in 2018 is unlikely to change. He's a rock solid top 5 fantasy theiffl.com/captaindick
wideout. Despite lots of RBs still on the board, Dyson’s love for Julio Jones will
trump the risky round one RBs and give him a safe stud to build his 2019 team
around.

“YOU ALL BETTER CALL 976,
FIND A DOCTOR AND TAG AN
AMBULANCE BECAUSE I’M
GONNA RIP OFF YOUR TOE AND
SPIT DOWN YOUR HEADS...
WHOOOOO!!!
- CAPTAIN DICK

41

TEAM ALL-TIME RECORD 32-37
TOKEN DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIPS 0
IFFL CHAMPIONSHIPS 0
WINS BY SEASON LAST YEAR’S RECORD
10-6
65
60 2019 SCHEDULE
55
50 1 @ SMART ALECS
45
40 2 FLYING GOATS
35
30 3 SLAUTER ISLAND
25
20 4 THE MANCHILD
15
10 565 @ DEMON DAKYNS
5
0 60

42 655 CRYPT KEEPERS
2012
2013 50
2014
2015 745 CAPTAIN DICK
2016
2017 40
2018
835 @ FINGER LICKIN’ GOOD

30

925 STICKY BANDITS

20

1015 @ J-HOCKS

10

115 @ FLYING GOATS

0

12 SMART ALECS

13 @ SLAUTER ISLAND

8 LAST SEASlOaNst:season:

Commish’s Mock Pick TOT. YRD. REC. TOT. TDS FAN. PTS.

DAVID JOHNSON 1,386 50 10 246.6

Johnson's career has hit a snag since he dominated the fantasy scene in 2016, TEAM OWNER
pacing all backs in snaps, touches, yardage, touchdowns and fantasy points. An
injury cost him all but 43 snaps in 2017, and inefficient play in a weak offense TRAE FORD
limited him to only two top-10 fantasy weeks (24 backs had more) in 2018.
Johnson's yards per carry plummeted to 3.64, his YAC to 1.44 (seventh-worst LEAGUE RECORDS:
among running backs) and his catch rate to 66 percent (second-worst). On the
plus side, Johnson ranked top-five at the position in snaps (714) and touches Lowest Scoring Offense (Season) 99.88 PFPG
(308), which allowed him his third top-10 fantasy campaign in four seasons.
The 27-year-old workhorse is expected to retain a hefty role in new coach Kliff Most Free Agent Acquisitions (Season) 63
Kingsbury's offense. Johnson has been going as high as #4 overall in some mock
“ drafts, but with Kyler Murray’s shaky preseason, the offense may not be as Highest Scoring 2018 - Patrick Mahomes,
high flying as previously thought. Still, Johnson is a true bell cow RB, and even Player (Season) 467.1 points
with a terrible offense last season, he still finished as RB10 in 2018.
theiffl.com/token
“WE’LL BE
BACK.

- TOKEN

43

STICKY ALL-TIME RECORD 52-48
BANDITS DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIPS 1
IFFL CHAMPIONSHIPS 3
WINS BY SEASON LAST YEAR’S RECORD
4-9
65
60 2019 SCHEDULE
55
50 1 DEMON DAKYNS
45
40 2 @ FINGER LICKIN’ GOOD
35
30 3 @ CAPTAIN DICK
25
20 4 3 CHAINZ
15
10 565 @ CRYPT KEEPERS
5
0 60

44 655 @ SMART ALECS
2012
2013 50
2014
2015 745 THE MANCHILD
2016
2017 40
2018
835 J-HOCKS

30

925 @TOKEN

20

1015 SLAUTER ISLAND

10

115 FINGER LICKIN GOOD

0

12 @DEMON DAKYNS

13 CAPTAIN DICK

9 2017 SEASlOaNst:season:

Commish’s Mock Pick TOT. YRD. REC. TOT. TDS FAN. PTS.

LE’VEON BELL 1,946 85 11 341.6

Bell has signed on with the Jets after infamously sitting out the entire 2018 season TEAM OWNER
due to a contract dispute. A longtime NFL workhorse, Bell ranked first among
running backs in snaps (3,449), fourth in carries (1,229), third in rushing yards HUNTER BRUMLEY
(5,336), fourth in rushing touchdowns (35), first in targets (390) and first in receiv-
ing yards (312) from 2013-17 despite missing 18 of 80 possible games. Bell, who has LEAGUE RECORDS:
appeared in all 16 regular-season games once in his career, saw his efficiency take a
“ dip in 2017, but pacing the position in rushes and receptions was enough to help him Most Erle Bowl Championships 3
post his third top-three-overall fantasy season in four years. Jets coach Adam Gase's Toughest Schedule (Season) 135.12 PAPG
tendency to pass near the goal line (NFL-low 23 carries inside the 5 during his three Best Regular Season Record (Season)
seasons in Miami) could cost Bell some touchdowns, but the former Steeler won't Most Wins in a Season (Reg. + Playoffs) 10-3
have trouble generating big volume in an improving offense. He's a solid RB1. 12-3
Hunter won the 2014 Erle Bowl with Bell on his squad,
so I think he jumps on the chance to get him back. theiffl.com/stickybandits

“DON’T TRY TO
PET A TRAPPED
COYOTE.
- ERLE BENNETT

45

3 ALL-TIME RECORD 57-45
CHAINZ DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIPS 3
IFFL CHAMPIONSHIPS 2
WINS BY SEASON LAST YEAR’S RECORD
1-12
65
60 2019 SCHEDULE
55
50 1 @ CRYPT KEEPERS
45
40 2 THE MANCHILD
35
30 3 @ J-HOCKS
25
20 4 @STICKY BANDITS
15
10 565 @ SLAUTER ISLAND
5
0 60

46 655 @ CAPTAIN DICK
2012
2013 50
2014
2015 745 FINGER LICKIN’ GOOD
2016
2017 40
2018
835 @ FLYING GOATS

30

925 DEMON DAKYNS

20

1015 SMART ALECS

10

115 @ THE MANCHILD

0

12 CRYP KEEPERS

13 J-HOCKS

10 LAST SEASlOaNst:season:

Commish’s Mock Pick REC. YARDS TDS FAN. PTS.

MICHAEL THOMAS 125 1,405 9 315.5

Thomas has been in the NFL for three seasons and has finished each of them TEAM OWNER 209.7
as a top 7 fantasy wide receiver. Thomas has ranked top 7 at the position in 1-12
targets, receptions and yardage during each of the past two seasons. He paced JARDYN ANGELL
the league with 125 receptions last season thanks to an otherworldly 84 percent
catch rate. Thanks, in part, to super-accurate Drew Brees, Thomas has posted LEAGUE RECORDS:
a catch rate of at least 72 percent during each of his three NFL seasons.
Thomas has yet to reach double-digit touchdowns and has never cleared seven Most Points in a Single Game
end zone targets in a season, but his elite efficiency and hefty target volume in Worst Record (Season)
the Saints' high-scoring offense is plenty enough to allow top-end fantasy
“ production. He's a solid first-round target. This will most likely be the first time theiffl.com/3-chainz
in four years that Jardyn doesn’t get to draft DeAndre Hopkins on his team, but
Michael Thomas is a great replacement. Ultra-efficient and a safe first round
pick for 3 Chainz as he looks to get the Suckmaster off his plate in 2019.

“ N/A

- SUCKMASTER

47

FINGER ALL-TIME RECORD 30-39
LICKIN DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIPS 0
GOOD IFFL CHAMPIONSHIPS 0
LAST YEAR’S RECORD
WINS BY SEASON 3-10

65 2019 SCHEDULE
60
55 1 @ CAPTAIN DICK
50
45 2 STICKY BANDITS
40
35 3 @ DEMON DAKYNS
30
25 4 J-HOCKS
20
15 565 @ THE MANCHILD
10
5 60
0
655 @ SLAUTER ISLAND
48
2012 50
2013
2014 745 @ 3 CHAINZ
2015
2016 40
2017
2018 835 TOKEN

30

925 FLYING GOATS

20

1015 CRYPT KEEPERS

10

115 @ STICKY BANDITS

0

12 CAPTAIN DICK

13 DEMON DAKYNS

“ 11 LAST SEASlOaNst:season:

Commish’s Mock Pick TOT. YRD. REC. TOT. TDS FAN. PTS.

JAMES CONNER 1,470 55 13 280

Second-year Conner was abruptly thrown into the fire last season with Le'Veon TEAM OWNER
Bell sitting out the season. Conner picked up where his predecessor left off,
handling 81 percent of the team's carries and 13 percent of the targets prior to SCOTT RODGERS
suffering an injury in Week 13. During those 13 weeks, Conner put up 1,368
scrimmage yards and 13 touchdowns, which helped him to the fifth-most fanta- theiffl.com/finger-lickin-good
sy points among running backs. Conner's efficiency was solid and, unlike Bell,
he benefited from getting many carries inside the opponent's 5-yard line (15,
third-most). With Bell now in New York, the 24-year-old Conner returns as the
Steelers' clear feature back. He's a back-end RB1. Previous to last season, Scott
has taken a RB in the fist round every year. He’ll get back on track with that
and snag a bellcow in round 1.

“FLG IS COMMITTED TO
DOMINANCE ACROSS THE IFFL.
WITH GUT DECISIONS, STRATEGIC
MOVES, AND ASTOUNDING
NEGOTIATIONS, DOMINANCE IS
WHAT WE WILL ACHIEVE.
- FLG

49

DEMON ALL-TIME RECORD 37-59
DAKYNS DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIPS 1
IFFL CHAMPIONSHIPS 1
WINS BY SEASON LAST YEAR’S RECORD
11-4
65
60 2019 SCHEDULE
55
50 1 @ STICKY BANDITS
45
40 2 CAPTAIN DICK
35
30 3 FINGER LICKIN’ GOOD
25
20 4 SMART ALECS
15
10 565 TOKEN
5
0 60

50 655 @ J-HOCKS
2012
2013 50
2014
2015 745 @ SLAUTER ISLAND
2016
2017 40
2018
835 @ THE MANCHILD

30

925 @ 3 CHAINZ

20

1015 FLYING GOATS

10

115 @ CAPTAIN DICK

0

12 STICKY BANDITS

13 @ FINGER LICKIN’ GOOD


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