2 CONTENT A modern. Who is she?............................................................................................4 The stark reality .......................................................................................................4 A short story how I became a mother.......................................................................6 Self-love...................................................................................................................7 Self care ................................................................................................................ 10 Job and career……………………………………………………………………………………………………….14 Power steps to raise up your kids successfully ………………………………………………………21 When stress comes……………………………………………………………………………………………….29 Last words……………………………………………………………………………………………………………32
3 “YOU WILL NEVER SEE A RAINBOW IF YOU ARE LOOKING DOWN” Charlie Chaplin, an actor
4 A MODERN MOTHER. WHO IS SHE? Have you ever asked this question? Have you ever heard this question? Don’t make laugh, but a modern mother is the most imperative person in the world. She is even cooler than James Bond and other worldfamous movie characters. She must be everywhere, know almost everything and be able to cope with any challenge. If you are a mother and reading these lines now, you will wholeheartedly agree with me. Think about your mother. When you were a little boy or a little girl, she spent much time caring about you. You didn’t think about anything, moreover, all kids are blissfully unaware about daily commitments and running errands their mothers provide. And now, when you are a successful lady or gentleman, she has a go to do the same. She is the best person to extol virtues. Am I right? Our world has been changing for ages and centuries, many things are happening, otherwise life is going on. Thus, numerous transformations have been recorded in the past that changed the nature of motherhood. It’s such a significant part of life, nevertheless literally nothing that motherhood is expected to be before you have kids, is an accurate reflection of what is is actually means. In some areas of the world, the social media portrays the “ideal lady” as successful in her chosen career – highly paid, immaculately dressed and totally self-assured. Is it true about you? THE STARK REALITY The stark reality is that modern mothers desperately try to juggle careers and housekeeping without losing their feminine features. Mothers eager to set up goals and the ways to implement them. They are set to develop their kids, be a business woman…you know, I really can’t mention all the roles modern mothers play at the life stage.
5 Psychologists distinguish four types of modern mothers with different styles of behavior. That’s quite interesting. Calm and balanced mother. This type of mother is a real pearl of motherhood. She knows everything about her kids, their needs, openminded, approachable. She growths her kid in the sense of love and kindness. Anxious mother. She often sees threatens for her kid’s well-being. She always thinks that something will soon happen with her kids or in their background. Such suspiciousness doesn’t lead the benefit neither herself nor kids. It creates a kind of hard emotional ambience in the family. Just a little while longer and she will wear a superman’s costume. Dreary mother. She often can be unsatisfied with things, moreover dreams about “old days” when she was freer, more talented, more voluptuous. She had more opportunities for making career and explore new life horizons, self-development and personal growth. Now she has to change diapers or draw the “Lighting Mcqueen”. Confident and imperious mother. She is really steadfast. She has already planned her kid’s life-span just meticulously. Free-time activities, what school to attend, what university to enter, wedding, future career – all are foreseed and “appealing is not provided”. Raising up kids using this “business plan”, confident and imperious mother suppresses kids’ initiative, individuality and self-dependence. We all sometimes have these features, hence we understand that mother’s mindset has huge influence on kid’s well-being. Mothers try to do the best for their kids. It’s commendable and perfectly natural. From my own experience as well as listening other mothers experience, I can suppose that on the one hand, mothers feel strong connection to their kids that is indescribable. You love them so much that it feels almost unhealthy. On the other hand, modern mothers continually feel like providing the best for kids is impossible because of everything else demands mothers energy and time. Would you not agree? I didn’t realize it many years ago. Well, I’d like to share with you my motherhood story.
6 A SHORT STORY HOW I BECAME A MOTHER Twenty years ago, I had plenty of goals and opportunities to make my career as a teacher and psychologist. There were incredible amounts of summits, launching projects, business trips, meetings with my dear colleagues from different cities, universities and colleges. It was amazing time and I fervently loved my job. I have taken great pains for getting my Master’s degree in educational research. I was apt to change my life around. The last touch was that I won the state grant. I was long for developing new projects in Pedagogy and Psychology and nobody could hinder my progress. Meanwhile, I always loved kids and tried to promote their development and mental health. It was exceedingly for me to have practical cooperation with kids. For several years I have been creating methodical material for kids’ learning in art, gender socialization and foreign languages. It was the complex interaction between mind and body. Suddenly, I felt myself not so well. The first thought that spread into my mind was: “I’m terribly ill”, but…The point was that I was pregnant. I really don’t remember what I was thinking about that extraordinary period of my life. I tried to conceal my innermost feelings and thoughts. I wasn’t ready to be a mother because of my attitude to career. I was like a fire horse and it appealed me! When I gave birth to my elder son, I was swamped, disheartened and a little bit depressed. I had some surge of emotions. I totally apprehended my limits and the biggest problem for me was time. Some months later I longed for setting up a new schedule for myself, but it was worthless. There was a little baby, who was absolutely depicted to me. And at that very moment I got the idea that everything that wasn’t included in my “bottom schedule” was called life. During my motherhood I exerted myself to cope with all problems, hence those endeavors to combine “all in one” were out of touch with reality. In the long run I was ready to set aside my thoughts about career. In hindsight, it would have been better to wait, but patience is not my stark point. Everything has its place and time. It’s a really wise thought, but I overlooked it. Don’t repeat my mistake. Your kids grow so quickly and you are at the risk to skip your kid’s first words and steps. Believe me, you will regret
7 about these wonderful moments. Trying to be everywhere means nothing. If you run after two hares, you will catch neither. The key problem will be your attitude to your new circumstances. It was an insight for me when I gave birth to my younger son. In a nutshell, I want to say, that even in the worst of times, I was never went without. I’ve learned to move quickly, set priorities and unburden my brain. Many things made me crazy, but I redefined the meaning of “self-care” and “self-love”. Dear, women! I’d like to share with you not only with my thoughts and ideas, but also with my tips how to set the right attitude to the magnificent role in your life be a mother and not to ruin your well-being. SELF - LOVE “Self-love” is a little bit tricky point. We used to think it’s about selfish inclinations and ego-centric behavior. That’s not a word. Self – love is about your actions, things that you do for your mental and physical wellbeing. We can indicate, that it is proper to love yourself to a reasonable degree. Such love includes caring for yourself, respecting yourself and having a sense of self – worth. Self – love must be in its rightful place. It is normal and beneficial. Women often forget about it. Women can show a reasonable love for themselves by taking time to rest, eat and enjoy association with friends and family members. However, today a number of people can claim that happiness comes from putting yourself first. That does not up to when you have kids if you catch my drift. A mother is a unique person who keep seeking not their own benefits, but that of her kids. Nevertheless, love yourself indicates not to demand perfection of yourself and not to demand perfection of kids. Self - love however is focused on the thoughts and feelings you have about yourself. It is a dynamic or over changing state of gratitude and appreciation for who you are. This feeling does not mean “self - adulation” and “self - centeredness”. Why should you prioritize self – love? Through self – love a mother can create habits that allow her to break toxic comparisons or limits she puts on herself. What to do?
8 1. Stay true to yourself. 2. Stay true to your values. 3. Stay true to who you are. What are common obstacles to self – love? 1. Self – criticism. 2. Lack of self – worth. 3. Weak personal boundaries. 4. Lack of self – care. Personally I realized constantly that seeking approval from others undermines my self – worth. A lack of self – care in your daily routine can eventually lead to the absence of self – love. When I lack boundaries, I am more likely to be too lenient or allow others to treat me in a way I feel uncomfortable. Your boss or even your neighbors can treat you in an abrasive or too forthright manner. And what are you doing? You are trying to pent up your feelings, anger or fear. And what is the next step? Obviously, you will lose your temper on your kids. WAYS TO CULTIVATE SELF – LOVE Here are some ways to do it: To get in tune with tour needs and desires that means to have a good understanding of it. To take stock – to do a review or overall assessment. Do not be afraid to turn over a new leaf. It means to start acting or behaving in a better or more responsible way. Consider every single day as an opportunity for a fresh start. To set clear personnel boundaries. Show compassion towards yourself. You can do it by stop comparing yourself to others, believing to yourself, breaking toxic patterns and remembering that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Develop a practice of self – care. It is truly essential to carve out time for yourself.
9 Remember, that self – love is a journey and absolutely is not a light switch. You can not turn it or off. It is not all or nothing. And now I would like to ask you two questions. These are two the most central points of creating your self – love. These are rather tricky questions to answer them off the top of your head. That’s truly indeed. For starters, a woman should comprehend, that it is imperative to cultivate self – love in order to be at peace with herself. As for me, I practice self – love by setting aside 15-20 minutes for myself to paint. Prioritizing daily exercises allow me to maintain a self – love practice, as I want to be healthy. My physical health plays the bottom role in my life. If I am healthy, then I can help my family members to stay healthy. Moreover, I will be the best role – model for my kids. You know, I have two sons, they are teenagers. But every morning one of them ask me a question: “Mummy, are you going to do fitness?” And my answer is: “YES”. I am proud with myself. Thirty minutes of fitness on a regular basis and I am a brand – new woman. A modern mother needs to be conscious, mindful and deliberate in proceeding self – love. Otherwise she will lose herself. For instance, you could say to yourself: “This week I’ll be intentional. I fancy being focused on how to handle negativity”. Think about your fruitful results. You will be surprised. You will have positive outlook on life. You will become healthier, wiser and more confident and stress – resistant. How do you carve time for yoursrlf when your schedule is crazy busy? What is one thing you can do today to help youself to cultivate self - love?
10 You can draw your life as you can. You are the most magnificent painter. SELF - CARE What about self-care? Is it really a bottom in your life? Self – care is any activity that you deliberately, intentionally proceed to take care of your emotional, mental or physical health. It incorporates three bottom items: 1. To practice self – care; 2. To develop a self – care practice; 3. To be proactive about self – care. What is the main point? – You spread yourself thin. You are doing too much things at the same time and as a result, not able to doing anything well. Have you ever been in that position? Then you should do next steps:
11 Ask yourself: “Have I ever taken time to unplug from technology or done a “digital detox”? Believe me, it is not a matter of life or death if you don’t use social media or surf the Internet one or two days. Maybe you will try not to start your day by looking through your friends’ Instagram accounts. Start your day with something awareness or pleasant. You can prioritize self – care by including only fifteen minutes a day on your calendar to do something relaxing or something that is joyful. And here are nice ways how to say “NO”: Sounds nice, but I am not available. I’m honored that you asked me, nevertheless I can’t do it. I’m so sorry, but I can’t help you this time. Unfortunately, it’s not good time. I’m not available at this moment, bit maybe next time. Unfortunately, this is not something I can do right now. I really appreciate you asking me, but I can’t commit to that right now. Sorry, but I can’t make it; maybe another time. Thanks for thinking of me, but I can’t. No, thanks. HOW TO IMPLEMENT SELF – CARE? Ladies, you can do it using these two steps: to schedule some "ME" time to take "a self - care" day or "a mental health day" to create a "NO" - list
12 SELF – CARE TIPS It is crucial for women to provide self – care in different parts of their well – being. We can consider some of them. Physical: exercises (doing sport, fitness, ballet, palates etc.); Emotional: expressing emotions, journaling, painting, cooking, reading, travelling; Social: spending time with your lovers, family, friends; visiting siblings, calling parents, co- workers; giving compliments to others; Spiritual: observing the nature, journaling your innermost feelings and thoughts, spending time alone, reading, pondering the purpose of your life; •to do something for yourself (set a morning or evening "ME" routine) make a conscious effort •remove everything that adds to your stress through negativity reduce negative inputs Physical Emotional Social Spiritual Intellectual Sensory
13 Intellectual: learning new things, new languages, reading educational books, providing your self-development routine; Sensory: going outside, listening to relaxed music, drinking favorite tea, using a flavored shower gel or perfume. SOME IDEAS FOR MENTAL HEALTH You can use some of these items to be in high mood: “My daily affirmation is……” “Today I will force on shifting my pattern of…..” “Traits my future – self will have….” “The person I am becoming will experience….” “I have the opportunity to be my future – self today when I….” “When I think about the person I am becoming, I feel….” Here are some affirmations that help me: “Life is full of give and take. Give thanks and take nothing for granted” “When you love what you have, you have everything you need” “A champion is defined not by his wins, but hoe he can recover when he falls” (S. Williams) “It is never too late to learn new skills. You just need positive mindset and a bit of hard work” “Give, but do not let yourself to be used. Love, but do not allow your heart to be abused. Trust, but do not be naïve. Listen to others, but do not lose your own voice”
14 “Never give up! Failure and rejection are only the first steps to succeeding” Journaling prompts for mental health: Talk about your day. Write and describe the best compliment you have ever received. Identify things you are grateful for. Write a story with yourself as the main character. Describe your goals. List and describe your emotions. Write about how different you were five years ago. BENEFITS OF SELF – CARE If you proceed your self – care practice one time per month you will not see any positive results. However, if you do it day by day on a regular basis, you will feel satisfaction with what you will achieve. You will be happier, more feminine, affordable and amorous. Moreover, benefits of self – care will boost your self – being, reduce anxiety, stress, pressure of always being on the top of your game. You will reassess what is working and not working. JOB AND CAREER Not all mothers work full time because of economic necessity. A significant number work outside and agree to secular job to boost their sense of self-worth. Some women work to gain a measure of financial independence or even to pay for luxuries. Others are just good at their job and enjoy it. Another problem is peer pressure. Thus, lots of people acknowledge that working mothers constantly battle stress and exhaustion, those who choose not to take a secular job are often misunderstood – even ridiculed. It’s out of trend to be a housewife.
15 A modern mother wants to be in demand. What can be her work? Perhaps, rewarding, creative, promising, profitable (why not), prestigious and eventful. But the question is about the next three items: A career mother sometimes can be underestimated. She is trying to solve hundreds of crucial issues and vital problems through the whole day. Approximately 70 percent of all issues concern her family wellbeing. Some of mothers make a career brake during pregnancy. But if a woman wants to move up the career ladder, she must come up with the balance between her career and house. goals a workload balance
16 Well, the first item is about your goals. Why are you working? Most mothers work not out of choice, but out of necessity. On the one hand, you try to help your husband to earn money for the essential necessities. On the other handб you probably eager to have a successful career, to develop career growth and to be a career girl. For most of my career I was totally overwhelmed with the idea to be the best mother and the best employee at the same time. I had to set my goals. I stopped to ask myself: “If I were…?”, “If it would be…?”, “If I had more time and opportunities…?”. It looks like a hurdle race. At times I felt myself as if I were on the verge of a breakdown. I could not define my goals and how to combine everything. Simply put, if your goals are aligned, it’s time to create a reasonable plan and actually get into action. If you are a single-mother, putting goals can be the greatest challenge. Another challenges are tiredness and a constant lack of time. What can be a suggestion? Look for support from trusted relatives and friends. Why not make a short list of people, whom you can call on for help, whether for child care, transportation, home maintenance, or emotional support? It’s not hard,
17 just keep this list current. Similarly, don’t try to bear heavy emotional burdens alone when you can ask somebody for help or just to talk. The second item is about your workload. The job market requires mothers put in long hours at work and at the same time get heavier workload. If you are a full-time working mother, that’s extremely hard to take care of your family members. As for me, I always tried to find work for only six or seven hours per day and it was an ordinary kindergarten. My kids were with me and I escaped lots of anxiety. I totally comprehend that my kids need me, I saw how they played with other kids, how they danced, slept, went for a walk. Instead of hanging on the phone and waiting for their teacher’s call, I dove into my work as a teacher and psychologist. The third item is about how to find a balance. What is balance? It’s mental and emotional steadiness. A balanced person strives to be orderly in his activities. This man or woman plans ahead, avoids procrastination and is moderate in habits. This person displays self-
18 control in food, drink, recreation, hobbies and entertainment. Actually, it’s easy to say, than to do! Who of us is a fully balanced person? I suppose, that nobody. But there’s good news. Later you can learn how to become a balanced mother. Personal balance is essential if we are to maintain our balance. Wisdom, understanding and self-discipline are key elements in maintaining your life balance. Just imagine this situation. Being tired from a full day’s work, you come home, not to chill out or to get away with everything. You dream about a warm bath with flavor bubbles and calming music. You are absolutely assured it is what the doctor ordered for you now. On contrary of this you continue with the regular house chores. Why? Because in most cases, whether you work secularly or not, you are still the only person seen as the main ones responsible for your house and kids. That is truly indeed. What should you do? 1. Be reasonable and realistic. If you turn yourself into other’s expectations and try to fit yourself into the “ideal mother”, mold weakens the spirit and creates worry and lift up the degree of guilty. You are not a perfect
19 person. None of us has so much time, energy or personal possibilities to do or to accomplish everything we would like. 2. Simplify your life. Analyze your life – style. Perhaps, you may put aside some activities and possessions that are not really necessary. What is the most important in your life? Is it having everything now, at once, or can some goals be postponed while you pursue others? Some years ago, I was like a fire horse. There were lots of projects to be fulfilled in the nearest future. I was emotionally drained. My elder son was terribly ill and I was desperate. In behalf of his wellbeing I rejected some purposes that were really appealing to me. One day I stopped and asked myself: “What’s the rush?” It took me two weeks to analyze this situation and redefine my goals. I started with my daily routine plan. There are tons of versions how to do it, a plan for a week, for a month, even for a year. I realized that the most reasonable plan in my current situation is a to-do list only for the next day. Let me share with you, ladies. For starters, I am an early riser. Getting up bright and early is to my liking. I recon this step immensely helpful for me to start my daily routine in high spirit. The window in my kitchen where I am sitting is always opened in spring, summer and autumn. Thus, I can soak up incredible views outside. There is a huge tree with fresh foliage that doesn’t wither just opposite my window. I read something undertone, contemplate, ponder on my future day or some bottom questions. It looks like: “Today is such a brilliant day outside! I just can't exhibit my feelings and emotions. I'm of cheerful disposition. I feel intoxicated air and exhilarating light breeze. There's calm ambient noise. The nature is so quiet that I'm a little bit bewildered. People often don't observe the nature and even can overlook beauty created around us. It spread to my mind, nature beauty has its own wisdom and goals. It can teach us to be more wholesome and take a close look at ourselves. Moreover, it's so evident for humans to be sometimes self-absorbed and unyielding. I'm yearning to find reasons on this unpleasant situation. It's not what I can "take it or leave it". It's an early autumn in my country. There's an amazing autumn this year, it's so colorful with yellow, gold and all shadows of red and green.” Early morning is the best time to lean the ropes. I launch new projects just in the early morning when I am alone and there is nothing toxic around me, just the sunrise, birds’ singing and fresh air.
20 3. Make changes that are possible. Determine how much your real income is. It will help you to stop overspending. We usually spend too much because we feel deprived or like we are missing out on something and we spend money to compensate for our loss. When you budget for what you love, you avoid that feeling. Maybe the problem is in your impulsive shopping. If you are impulsive, it might be the reason you have restricted yourself for too long. For woman it is evident. You try to buy the best for your kids: the best toys, the best gadgets, the best cloth, the best buns etc. But you forget a little bit about yourself. If you keep restricting yourself, then you can feel the need to splurge. The secret is that if you budget for the things you love, you won’t feel the need to be impulsive. As for me, I try to set amount of money for my personal needs. It is a separate column in my budget list for every month. By virtue of planning my budget, I don’t care about buying a new lipstick or a fashion dress and perfume. 4. Get help. Establish a system of sharing the housework so that you have time to fulfill the goals that you have set earlier. I have two wonderful sons and they both have responsibilities and duties in household chores. 5. Make time for relaxation. Success as a mother depends on your ability to stay balanced throughout demanding times. Definitely your kids need you just almost all time. But they also need you to be content, amorous and affable. You need reasonable relaxation. The right mental attitude is vital to cultivating steadiness. If you take negative attitude toward your responsibilities as a mother or toward difficulties and hardships that come with your way of motherhood, you will lose your balance and fall down. Gaining this right mental attitude doesn’t come without effort. It’s not always easy. Why? The answer is evident. We all make faults, both you and your family members. If your kids mistakenly made an unwise decision, that should be no reason for you to become disgruntled or sour. Sometimes the better way is to overlook mistakes you kids make and spend time for warmhearted conversations. You are greatly helped in cultivating right mental attitude keeping your mind on what is upbuilding and positive. Teach your kids this way of thinking. They will be grateful for this gift. Moreover, your nerves will be calm.
21 Living a balanced, simple life will protect you as it will allow you more time and energy for different things: your hobbies, journeys, gardening, reading, helping others. You can wisely ask yourself: And the main question is: What are the benefits of living a balanced life? POWER STEPS TO RAISE YOUR KIDS UP SUCCESSFULLY Step 1. Create a loving home Without a doubt, its rather difficult to put love at the heart of kids’ raising. Stressing situations, self-absorbed backgrounds, distorted messages can strain family bonds and make existing family problems escalate. • Am I simplifying my life, or am I complicating it? • What things really come first in my life? to be sound in mind to accomplish more to avoid hectic life to reflect greater stability to have good relationships
22 For starters, parents should be openly expressing affection for their kids. That means to comment them for good behavior. For sure, try to spend time with your kids “from dawn to dusk”. In fact, it takes huge amount of time and efforts to raise and teach your kids, also to shape their attitude and demeanor. But you can be successful in providing your greatest role of loving parent. “Afternoon tea” by Harry Brooker, 1895 Some mothers may struggle such a challenge as finding it difficult to express their love for kids. Perhaps, these women have been raised in a household where parents didn’t have warm and tender relationships with each other and with children. If that is your case, you don’t have to repeat your parents’ mistakes. You should learn, how to express your love, care, support for your kids. Embrace your kids before sleeping. Make it a daily rule.
23 It may be difficult to change your way of thinking, feeling and acting. But it can be done, and those changes will benefit both you and your family. “The young carpenters” by Harry Brooker, 1897 You know, Harry Brooker is my favorite painter. He was an English painter of genre scenes, mostly featuring kids. His paintings of interior scenes reveal the warmth, humor and charming of childhood. He depicted traditional gender roles, it impresses and inspires me every time I see his artworks. The atmosphere is absolutely amazing, full of kindness and natural affection. The term “gender role” is defined as a set of cultural norms that precept the appropriate demeanor of people depending on their gender. Women are traditionally deemed as primary caretakers of the household, while men are deemed as protectors and responsible for the advancement of their families. Having had lots of conversations and curing thousands of family problems, I found out that playing traditional family roles enhance the understanding how to create a loving home.
24 “Modern carpenters”, Ivan and Boris; pupils of the kindergarten “Petushok” Step 2. Exercise your parental authority with love Your kids also want to take part in family making – decisions regardless of what the adults think. The adults hold diverse views on this topic. On the one hand, parents might be extremely lenient to their kids’ actions, behavior and other people’s attitude. On the other hand, we can observe how parents try to keep full control over kids, their inner life, possibilities and future goals implement. And here’s a key question: “How to gain the confident to exercise their parental authority in a balanced manner?” Without a doubt, parents should be reasonable in their requirements and expectations of kids. Obviously, it’s hard to overturn strongly entrenched habits and actions. The main reason is our inheriting conflict emotions. And
25 sometimes you can’t see the underneath difference between how you exercise your parental authority and the ways your kids see it. Step 3. Define family rules and stick to them promptly Children grow up better with established clear rules and firm consequences. Without family rules and adhering to good moral, kids might be self-absorbed, dishonest, even aggressive. Parents must outline the outcomes of disobeying. For your kids’ demeanor and enforcing them takes time and efforts. It’s not a piece of cake! Actually, these problems sometimes need to get the upper hand. Remember, that defining reasonable, coherent rules and limits allow your kids to grow emotionally balanced and dependable persons with your helping hand. Implementing this goal goes through hard work and perseverance. Don’t procrastinate and don’t bargain! You can creative two simple lists.
26 Discuss family rules or household laws alongside your kids. In fact, this will encourage them to stick rules habitually. Setting rules, pay attentions on admonitions. Of course, the most common admonitions for kids are: “Don’t be in a rush!”, “Don’t stay out too late!”. Why do we use these admonitions? We are keenly interested in kids safety and well-being. We always tell them to be on guard when they are out in the evening. Step 4. Establish routines Making routines is an extremely popular activity among adults. It’s a major part of adult life. As to kids, there’s no use to chart out their day meticulously. Another thing is if parents don’t teach their kids to grade a day and keep track on routines, it will handicap their confidence and discipline. Moreover, making routines help kids to stay on top of things. Here’s the set of some family’s routines: To eat at least one meal a day; To read books before falling asleep; To have heartfelt talks after visiting school; To be genially interested in future plans (What will we do tomorrow?) Step 5. Acknowledge your kids’ feelings and emotions Being a loving parent, you should absorb your kids’ feelings and emotions. It’s not so easy, but don’t give up! If your kid is under the great pressure, be a capable comforter! Household laws 1…. 2…. 3…. Consequences for breaking family laws
27 No doubt, sometimes you are like a fire horse. The same is to your kids. To grab the main feelings and emotion range need deep understanding of human nature. Often it seems queer, as we expect our kids do everything automatically without any burden. Nevertheless, parents shouldn’t get profound knowledge in Psychology to raise their kids. Every kid is unique and express feelings and emotions in his own way. Step 6. Be a good role-model You are the primary mentor and teacher of your kids. What they learn from your actions, dreams, values, interests will have a profound impact on their personal development and life. Moreover, your personal pursuits manifest has a great influence not only on what you say but also on what you eager to achieve. Remember, that kids have been carefully observing you from infancy. For instance, if you lie, your kids will discern that. They will get rather shaky with your actions. On the other hand, if you try not to become
28 downhearted and to cope with obstacles and challenges, that will show that it is of utmost to you. They will do the same. Another lesson is to shoulder your responsibility. To train kids is the parents’ duty. Evidently, some parents may be tempted to shift their kids’ raising to teachers, child-care professionals. Well, nobody could take your place! Never underestimate your importance and influence. There are some points how to carry out this step. Take a close look at yourself. Learn your kids to handle any problem calmly. Keep in check your own emotions. Spend quality time with your kids using wholesome and appropriate family entertainment. Learn your kids to distinguish right from wrong. It will be a foundation of a worthwhile education.
29 WHEN STRESS COMES Stress has a particularity. It never “says” when it will come. To cope with stress, you should think a little about your priorities in life, physical health, the way you interact with other persons – that is, what you consider to be utmost. Let’s review some practical tips to deal better with stress and perhaps even reduce it. TRY TO LIVE ONE DAY AT A TIME Daily anxieties are a part of mothers’ life. Let’s not increase today’s anxieties by adding tomorrow’s to them. Why? Try to live one day at a time. Do you remember Scarlet O’Hara’s words from “Gone with the wind”? She said:” I’ll think about it tomorrow.” Your first step is to recognize that stress can cause anxiety. Having some stress is inevitable. Fretting over things you can’t prevent increases your stress situation. And the most important is understanding that quite often things don’t turn out the way we may fear they will.
30 NOTE WHAT STRESSES YOU Negative emotions can cloud clear thinking. Identify what triggers you being stressed. What do to? You can stop for a minute and have a deep breath. Note your feelings, thoughts and behavior. A sheet of paper will be your best friend in stressful situation. By becoming more aware of your response to stress, you can be able to deal with it more effectively. If stressful things are unrealistic, look for ways to reduce their impact by managing your daily tasks or time more efficiently. Try to see things in a different light. We are all different. What stresses you may not stress me. The difference may be in viewpoint. See a positive side of a stressful situation. Remember: 1. ALL IS NOT LOST; 2. DON’T IMPUTE BAD OR SRLFISH MOTIVES TO SOMEBODY; 3. NEVER BELITTLE YOUR ACHIEVMENTS. Ask yourself: “Will this problem (if it is really a problem for you) be a huge issue tomorrow or some days later?” Distinguish between minor and short-term issues and more serious and bottom ones. PURSUE A BALANCED LIFESTYLE What is balance? It’s emotional and mental steadiness. A balanced person strives to be orderly in different activities. This type of mother plans ahead, avoids procrastination, and is moderate in habits. Have realistic view of money and work. More money doesn’t mean more happiness or less stress. In real life the opposite can be true. Make allotted time to relax. You can relieve stress by doing things you enjoy. For instance, I’m inti drawing or doing fitness exercises when I feel stressed. My mind and body are grateful for these activities. Keep your devices in their place. Set fixed time to check your e-mail, texts, social media sites. Unless circumstances require it, don’t check work-related email outside of working ours. In these photos you can see my pupils and my son. I tried to teach all of them the best I know. I wish you not to forget, that you play the thrice-noble and honorable action in the world – to be a real woman and mother. As to my experience, well, you can take it or leave it.
31 TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEALTH Regular exercises promotes better health. Physical activities can lift up your emotions, mood and your body’s response to stress. Eat nutritious food. Avoid harmful “solutions” to stress, such as drugs, smoking and alcohol abuse. SET PRIORITIES This is the most vital point in mother’s life. The ideal mother doesn’t exist in real life. She can’t do everything at the same time in a very impactful way. It’s impossible. Thus, you MUST set priorities and carefully consider them. What can you do? Firstly, list your tasks in order of importance. This will help you to be laser-focused on initial tasks, and it will reveal which ones you can put off. Delegate household tasks. Even little toddlers can put their toys in boxes. I always delegate some tasks to my sons. It’s top for them. They wash the dished, cook simple food, go to supermarkets. They will be thankful for this life experience in the future when they will have their own families. It learns them to take initiative and care of other people. Secondly, you can keep track on how you use your time. Then look for ways to make better use of it. The more you are in control, the less pressured you will feel. Thirdly, some downtime for yourself. Every mother needs breaks. They can reinvigorate you and reduce stress, otherwise you will be like a fire horse and make harm to your well-being. Stop for a minute, make a deep breath, sit on the sofa and close your beautiful eyes. Please, make some quiet time regularly to get sufficient relaxation and sleep. Lack of sleep leads to exhaustion and decreases your ability to manage stress. The best advice I’ve got when I gave birth to my first son was: “Do only what you can do now When your baby sleeps, go to the bed and sleep”. I can say, that it WORKS!
32 LAST WORDS Having much to do doesn’t mean that modern mothers can’t be happy. The busiest mothers can be among the happiest if they display wisdom, keep well-balanced life, maintain a fine outlook and are reasonable. Thanks a million for reading this book. I hope this information will help you to support your well—being. And I wish all of you happiness and love.