REVIEW

I enjoyed my time in the game, the good and the bad, nor do I
hold grudges or have any ill feelings. Professional baseball
was an experience I will always remember and never forget.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

MAAHRA - MY LIFESAVER

I mentioned Maahra's name a few times by now.
She was my last committed relationship after my baseball
career and there through many of my ups and downs, including
my Jet Ski accident. She who would call the hospital to check
on me and learn from a nurse that I had come to the hospital
already with "my girlfriend" and she couldn't be my girlfriend.
When it was Maahra all along who was my real girlfriend.

She was there to encourage me to return to baseball for my
encore.

She worked and supported our family when I could not. For
that, she is special too me.

Maahra and I would cross paths many times before we
actually met and became a couple.

Years earlier, I had a friend who was dating a girl who
happened to be an AKA.

One day I was going thru the AKA members book like a
smorgasbord, and I saw her picture. I asked about her, and my
friend's girlfriend told me she had a boyfriend. So she ended
up hooking me up with another AKA girl that was single. We
dated for a quick minute but that relationship didn’t last.

During one of my many off-seasons, when it was the norm
for me to go up to different colleges and hang out with friends
and party. I would see her again at a party on the Northern
Illinois University campus.

I saw her from across the room, she caught my eye again,
and I didn't recognize her immediately as the girl from the
book, but it didn't matter. She was there with her boyfriend,
and I was there to see another girl. It wasn't an opportunity to
shoot my shot at her.

Now fast forward two years later, my friend and his AKA
girlfriend, who's AKA book I was originally going through,
we're getting married.

I attended the wedding alone, and I was there, as usual,
interested in another girl.

I was standing on the podium, as the Best Man, overlooking
the crowd, as I was about to give a speech, I saw Maahra again
sitting at a table with her friends.

This is my third time seeing her but never talking to her.

The party was beginning to wind down, some people were
leaving, some people were not, and I was standing with the girl
I supposedly interested in.

Maahra happens to walk up to say bye to this particular girl.
I immediately stopped talking to the girl, and asked Maahra
if she was leaving.
She told me she had to leave because she had to go to work
in the morning.
I asked Maahra to walk her to her car.
She said sure. so, I did! As they say, the rest was history.
We would try to date at that point, on and off for a few
months.
One of our first dates is one we still laugh about.

Me and Maahra in San Francisco, she is 6 months

pregnant with our daughter Asia....

Me and Maahra at home, she is 9 months
pregnant with our daughter Asia....

Maahra isn't the type of girl you can just say anything to, and
thought it would get on my nerve sometime; I have always
been attracted to her headstrong ways.

At the time, she lived on the north side, and one night she
invited me over to watch movies. Maahra had let me know she
didn't cook and I decided that I order some Chinese food.

But, instead of ordering the Chinese Food on the north side
of town where she lived so that it can be hot, I, without
thinking, ordered the food on the south side of town where I
lived, and so the food was cold when I arrived to her house.

I jokingly told Maahra that she should go warm up the food,
as it was the least she could do since she didn't cook.

She took offense to that.
Without hesitation, she told me to get my food and get out!
She did that to Jeff Jackson, wow!
Two weeks later she would call and apologize. We would go
back to dating on and off again.

But she was also different.
Maahra was the only child from a well to do family who had
her own apartment with nice decor and set up.
She had her own car.
She was ambitious and worked as a General Manager of a
Lens Crafter.
Really, I never admitted this to her ever, but she upgraded
me, unlike any other woman I had dated before.
She had her stuff together.
In fact, when my parents began to hint that it was time for
me to make some transitions, to grow up a bit, and perhaps

leave home, it was Maahra’s home that I moved in. She helped
make the transition from baseball easy for me and that's why
she is important to my baseball career and my life.

It is not that she cared at all about baseball. In fact, she
didn’t want to date me at first because I did play baseball. She
could care less and was not impressed.

She was a lifesaver for me, I have to admit. I was mentally
sick from my entire ordeal with baseball, and she was there at
the tail end of it to help me pick up the pieces. I had a pattern
of making women my outlet, it was true. Maahra developed
into something more. Our relationship lasted ten years, we
would have a beautiful daughter named Asia, and we are still
great friends and hang-out as a family until this day.

We would break up for all the typical reasons and mostly
that included me. Maahra was always trying to get me to do the
right thing, but I was still the same old damaged Jeff.

I took my issues everywhere with me.
We moved a few times, throughout Illinois, eventually
settling in L.A. Where Maahra wanted to pursue her acting
career. And…I could be the new Jeff, with dreadlocks, and
less noticeable to those who wanted to identify me by the
young man they saw on baseball cards, and countless
newspaper articles.
That particular guy, the baseball, Jeff, did not have
dreadlocks. The baseball, Jeff couldn’t be caught working a
regular job in Chicago, or anywhere in Illinois without being
ridiculed or met with cameras. It would be too embarrassing.

The new Jeff in L.A. did have dreadlocks, and no one was
looking for him. I was even looking for him. I was looking for a
new me and a place to allow that transition to happen with
whatever humbling experiences that need to take place.

Life had changed.
I didn’t know the process of me growing dreadlocks was the
beginning of my preparation to leave Chicago, leave baseball,
and attempt to disappear into an unidentifiable new me.
I would not return to Chicago for 10 years, not even to see
Momma.
Momma would move on to Kansas City before I saw her
again.



CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

MY WHY

W hy would I write this book now? You might ask!
I moved from Chicago and have been in L.A. now for
about 15 years.

It has taken me this long to work thru the pain, the guilt, the
shame, self-pity and the self-blame I carried around for a
while. I am now 46yrs. old and tired of being frustrated and
broke, and I don't mean financially broke. I mean broke in
spirit and mind.

For so many years I felt like I let down the entire cities of
Chicago and Philadelphia, plus my family, my friends, and
myself. L.A has been my safe place.

I disappeared into life in L.A. determined just to be
"regular" Jeff and not thee Jeff Jackson baseball star.

I could have started a career as a baseball coach, or scout,
and make money off my name somewhere, but the pain was too
great, even too undefined, or quantified, to bring that type of
energy to a young baseball player still full of hopes and
dreams.

I could have pursued an acting career. Although we went to
L.A. for Maarha to pursue her acting career, I was the first one
to get an agent, not even trying. I was simply sitting in a salon
getting my dreads redone, one day, and wondering why this
particular white guy was staring at me, thinking he was
possibly sexually attracted to me.

It turns out he was a legitimate commercial agent, he signed
me to a contract the first meeting I had with him at the office.
He tried his best for a whole year to send me to every audition
he could, almost daily. He sent me everywhere, from T.V.
commercials to a few T.V. pilots etc... The truth is I didn‟t take
being an actor serious.

I had finally had a job at a high-end retail boutique in
Hollywood, my first real job ever in my life at age 31! I finally
had a way to get paid and take care of my daughter, and that
was my priority.

I didn't have any real opportunities other than baseball, and
right now Maxfield‟s was the most stable gig at the time.
Again, I could have gone off and become a coach or scout
somewhere in baseball, but I didn't want that… at least not
now.

I needed simplicity. Acting would sort of put me back in a
spotlight that I had just left and hadn‟t quite healed from So, I
didn't follow through on many of the auditions that were
scheduled for me. I wasn't in L.A. to be an actor; I was in L.A.
to disappear. My agent eventually dropped me from the talent
agency after a year of me skipping out or was a no-show for
most of my auditions.

I could have been a reality TV star.
I was up for three different reality shows at one point, in
fact. If you check the 2nd season website of the very popular
reality show „I Love New York 2', you would have seen my
face. They wanted me on that reality show very bad but the
producers knew I wasn‟t attracted to New York, during the
interview process. I said it very bluntly in many talks between
us.
Instead, they used my image and a brief excerpt from an
interview I did with them, to help promote the show. I got so
much attention from that brief appearance, and so many
women sent me marriage proposals and sexy invitations in
what was then my MYSPACE account, that if I never had any
publicity again, I was good then and forever!
I chose to hide out for many years, working at Maxfield‟s.
Maxfield‟s was the high-end store I mentioned. It was located
in West Hollywood, where a lot of rich and famous people like
to shop.
And like every valued employee, I showed up each
scheduled day, I got my raise each year, and chose to let few

people know as possible about who I was and about
my baseball career.

I only told the hiring managers about my career during the
job interview. I had to explain why I never worked before and
why Maxfield‟s would be my first job. Otherwise, a 31-year-old
man who didn't have a job history would be assumed to be a
drug dealer, and I was not that!

It was the owner‟s girlfriend‟s son who discovered my
baseball cards on the internet that brought my celebrity status
to Maxfield‟s. There was a rumor mill circulating already about
me being an ex-pro ballplayer, but when he discovered my
baseball cards on the internet, that is when people started
bringing baseball cards to work to get them signed, etc.

But for years, Maxfield‟s was my „incognito' place, they
always honored me as a valued employee and really helping
me transition back into the real world quietly, while getting my
life back together.

I would end up leaving the company after 7-8 yrs.
Maxfield's was a great company. It was a great experience, and
I needed it.

Unfortunately, me and Maarha broke up and she would
eventually kick me out the house because I started up the
womanizing again, when we got to L.A.

Women were always my outlet.
I wasn‟t finished yet.
Maarha would eventually get tired of being my rock and
putting up with my continual „merry go round‟ of a mess.

A picture of some recent fan mail...

I‟d end up “couch surfing” for a while. Until I eventually
found a roommate.

I had that roommate until he‟d commit to a relationship,
and leave me to have a nice place in the Hollywood area of Los
Angeles all to myself.

It is in this alone time, in that very same apartment, over
the last few years, that I had to reflect on my life and come
face to face with the pain and my demons.

I have dodged reporters who somehow found my number,
for years. I still receive letters from fans who never let me
forget what I meant to them or my impact in baseball.

The request for my story never stopped, and the voice in me
began to want to be heard.

And then the time came.
People change when the pain of remaining the same
become too great.
My pain had become too great.
And I had to learn to forgive myself and learn to love myself
again through the process of spiritual healing and prayer. This
book represents a lifted veil that now can expose me, show my
true self and tell my story, in my own words.
I needed to explain to so many fans, friends and family over
the years why my career had gone the way it did. I needed to
free myself from the burden of the blame, the guilt, and the
embarrassment... I needed to take apart and analyze every
dynamic that took part in making me into the man I am today.
I needed to heal.

I was once told that there is healing in sharing your story,
freedom in revealing your truth.

This book represents my truth!
Now that the reader understands I am free and more healed
than ever before, I just want it understood that, if given an
opportunity, don‟t take advantage of it!
Work hard, have faith, and believe in yourself no matter
what people say. And seek counsel or a mentor or some sort. A
closed mouth does not get fed, and only you are responsible for
your healing, so get help!
I tell my children, “Don‟t be like me...be better than
me.....don‟t make the same mistakes I made!”
Your attitude will absolutely determine your altitude.

A picture I received from two of my younger fans...

I had a chance to fly…
I soared…
But I dived…
Just make sure you do better!
I want my family, especially my children, Jeff and Asia,
friends, and fans to take something from this book that will
hopefully make them want to persevere through the hard times.
I never gave up.
I just switched gears.
I believe there are no coincidences. Everything happens for
a reason!
God intervenes. Who knows? If I had continued with
baseball, I'd probably be dead from a drug overdose or in jail.
I was living on the edge because I was under a lot of pressure
and was given a lot of responsibility at such an early age, with
no outlet for help, or at least I thought.
I trust that I am here to survive, and even live life to the
fullest, and so should you!
When it's all said and done, I may have a few regrets, but I
wouldn't change a thing, I believe everything happens for a
reason. I have no ill feelings against anyone and accept full

responsibility for my part in how my career played out.
Baseball is a great sport with great players and great fans.
Baseball will always have its place in the fabric of America.
It served me as best it could….
To sum it all up, It was a gift and a curse!

Me and my two kids Asia and Jeff Jr...