Partial Affinity_by Annis_Eng.Fest

PARTIAL
AFFINITY

Life here in this institution is always dull. Even during Ramadan, the classes are still going
on. Talk about the programmes, ugh, they are non-stop! Ever since the first Ramadan, Han
would always have nosebleeds. Despite the worrisome thoughts, she did not even bother as
she knew the reason behind this sickness.
"Okay, tell me then," Han said without even looking at her talkative friend. Her fingers gently
went through the pages of the book she read.

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"My! Stop reading and pay attention to me, Han! I’m about to tell you the whole thing!" The
girl poked Han’s hand. Annoyed, Han shoved her chin slightly forward, signalling her friend to
continue her story.

"You see, my class was in the academic building, right? Precisely on the second floor which
means, you will get to enjoy beautiful scenery after being tired, forcing yourself to climb
the big stairs. The vast blue sky and the higher you were from the soil (obviously because of
the class on floor two), make you want to shatter the fragile clouds just to see if they really
do carry water in them-"

"Okay fella, why don't you make it straight to the point?" Han interrupted. The girl clicked
her tongue. "Let me be lah!" She sighed yet still had the will to continue the story.

"So, I was on my way to go wash my face at the toilet, right? I trudged along the hallway
slowly to enjoy the gentle breeze. However, the blue sky was so extravagant that day, so I
stood there to enjoy the scenery. You know how I had always liked the wind, ocean and the sky,
right?" The girl paused, took a sip of her cold mineral water and continued again.

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"It was at that moment that I spotted something in the sky. I squinted my eyes…" The girl
imitated her actions that day in front of Han. "...Trying to figure out what was that thing that
I saw. I thought it was a big bird at first, so I was delighted!" The girl excitedly moved her
hands up and down in excitement.

There again she paused. She looked at her surroundings carefully. Then, she leaned over Han
and started whispering, "After staring at it longer, my excitement faded.” The girl shook her
head. “You know what? That creature peculiarly actually looked like a person, but it was vague
and kind of glitching, like in one of those mirages. I was confused. But, the eeriest thing was,
the cool wind of that moment was queerly turned warm. And that sudden change gave me
goosebumps." That girl hugged herself as she shuddered. Han's slanted eyes shook a little.
'This is not what I expected.'

"So, what happened next?" Han drawled while tapping her index finger on the table pretending
as if she was not interested, to begin with. The girl was pissed but she still continued her
queer story. She shrugged a little.

"I thought of asking other people if I see things wrong. But nobody was there and that faint
creature was flying… no, it was running in the air towards me." She gulped.

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That state caught Han off guard as she immediately looked at the girl fiercely. But the girl
did not see it that way. She thought Han finally paid attention to her story and so she
continued her narrating enthusiastically like a child.

The girl pointed at her stubby legs. “My legs were glued to the floor even though my instinct
urged me to escape for my life! This is up to no good, I said. Thump, thump, thump. My heart
pumped too quickly and then, my anxiety got the best of me. Oh my Lord, I pleaded. Why is
this happening to me, I said. The way that creature was running even closer to me was really
a quick way to let me die over anxiety.” She snorted. Han on the other hand was agitated a
little bit while in the girl’s eyes, Han seemed to be enjoying her story.
The girl flapped her hand up and down proudly again. “Now that the bird-man-like creature
was really a few meters away from me, I realized there was thick mist around it. Perhaps, it

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was the reason why I could not see it clearly. However, as it got closer, the mist was getting
thicker. It made my head spin and I suffered immediate asphyxiation.” The girl’s face then
turned dark a little as she recalled the terrifying moment. She chuckled guiltily.

“I was so scared that I thought the time was somehow frozen. All it took was one blink and
that creature was standing beside me. My mind went blank. To make it worse, I had forgotten
how to breathe! I could not even feel my heartbeat or even my tongue! But I could tell my
eyes were wide open in amazement… Or perhaps I was actually petrified hahaha…”

Han flustered as she tapped her index finger on the table again. She tried to pretend to look
around the gloomy library when she was actually uncomfy with the girl’s story. ‘Should I stop
this nonsense or not, eh?’

But the girl proceeded in sharing her thoughts instead. “That creature was… actually
beautiful, so breathtaking. The feathers on its shoulders looked fluffy but lethal. Its beak on
the head looked as if it could drill my skull.” Han somehow could not help herself from
gasping. ‘What on earth… I thought she was scared?’

“Oh Lord, how come such a creature existed, I was dumbstruck. It was scary yet beautiful at
the same time! The longer I stared at it, the longer I suffocated as if it was stealing my
oxygen. My ears then strangely started to ring as the world suddenly became so bright with
some kind of holy sunbath. Too bright, especially for someone with sensitive eyesight like
mine.” The girl moved her fingers in a funny way.

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“Due to our short distance, somehow I thought I could touch it. Hehe. Indeed, I was afraid. Still,
my right hand was ready to touch it, slowly I raised my hand toward it.” The girl raised her
right hand closer to Han and imitated her action back then. Han’s mind was so chaotic that
she flinched when the girl’s hand suddenly appeared in front of her face.

“Oh, my!” The girl laughed hysterically. “You’re similar to that creature! When our eyes
struck one another, the creature suddenly flinched too!” There she goes laughing.

Ehem ehem, the girl faked her coughs. “Well, I too flinched but partly because the creature
had no face. But, I seriously was taken aback by that creature’s body build as well. It looked
like our body and height, oh, your height precisely, but the feathers covered its shoulders and
somehow it looked like a torso.”

Han rubbed her face with her slim fingers. ‘Goodness. Just how much did she see-’, Han’s eyes
shook again. She had always been scared that the girl would learn her secret.

“Hey.” The girl said as she grabbed Han’s fingers and asked, “You had scratches on your
fingers now that I realized. It must be hurtful, doesn't it? But you did not even complain when
I poured the sanitiser on your palm. It must be stinging and prickling.” The girl babbled.

“Just what on earth did you do to have this many scratches?”

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“Well, someone did not wash her dirty clothes last night. So, I had to help her.” Han cracked a
joke. The girl burst into laughter, “No… It is my fault now, huh?” Han might be coldhearted
but she was her best friend in this college.

The girl walked up towards the counter desk in the library and took the ointment stuck
between piles of thick unorganized old books. Then, she rubbed the ointment on Han’s
fingers. Han was about to be at ease when the girl stopped talking about her queer story until
she opened her mouth again. Han’s heart raced like a jet.

“What’s our dinner for today?” The girl asked.
Han was somehow dumbfounded. “What?”
The girl looked at Han in the eyes and chuckled, “I said, what are we going to buy for dinner?”
“Oh… We promised to buy Nasi Kukus with Atin, right?” Han flustered.
“Ah. Sure, we did.”

Han absent-mindedly stared at the girl as she was jabbering, acting as if she listened to the
nonsense when her thoughts were all jumbled. ‘Did she not remember when I accidentally

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slapped her face and hit her brooches? How else would I have gained these scratches if not
for her who-knows-for-what brooches on her brown pleated shawl? Not that I prayed for this,
but I thought she would figure out my secret. Good thing she is dense. Had she seen through
me, our friendship would be ruined. Although I’m in debt to her, even if she loathes me, I
would never once miss her shadow.’

“Han…” The girl called. But Han did not respond. She was too immersed in her thoughts,
fearing for her friendship with the girl would meet its end. Annoyed with no reaction from
her friend, the girl slapped Han’s shoulder gently. “What’s on your mind?”

Han flabbergasted. “Oh, nothing.”
The girl stared at Han without blinking. She touched Han’s scratched fingers and massaged
them softly as if they were fragile. “You have something to tell me, don’t you? We have been
friends for years. I know your gestures and what’s on your mind without having you telling
me, just like how you can read me, I can read you too.”

‘How could I tell you,’ Han thought. She liked to deny the girl’s statement but just like she
said. They were books to each other, could be easily read. Han looked at her phone and opened
the calendar. “1, 2, 3… 5… A week. I have a week with you.”

“What?” The girl asked. ‘What’s wrong with a week?’
“I… This is hard for you to accept. But I hope you know that this is even harder for me.” Han
closed the book and her hands started to organize her stuff.

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“Han, why are you tearing up? What’s wrong with a week? Where are you going?” The girl
frantically pleaded. Their conversation had attracted nearby students in the library.
“Shhh…” The librarian frowned at them.
“Listen, I have matters to finish right now in the HEP (Hal Ehwal Murid) building. I cannot tell
you right now. Go to my room, and take the black envelope in the red thick book on my bed.
My favourite book, ‘Kids of Appetite’, remember?” With those instructions, Han rushed her
way out of the library.

The girl was so ready to bicker with Han. However, she had this unpleasant feeling in her
heart. Thus, she went to Han’s room in the students’ residence named Dang Merduwati. When
she arrived there, she immediately turned on the fan and picked up the red book. Her gift for
Han for her 20th birthday. The girl cut open the black envelope to see numerous letters
written for her. ‘What… Are these all for me? Is it my birthday present? ’

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To my dear friend, Dhana. I had been protecting my secret from you for years. But
my time is up and I’m afraid I could not make it to tell you directly. I could never
actually. I’m weak to see you crying. I was there when your father was dying. In fact, I
was the cause of his traffic accident. I’m sorry. Sorry because I know I could not do
anything equivalent to redeem my sin. An apology cannot resurrect the dead after
all.

The girl frowned and she started to tear up. She put down the letter and was pensive. ‘What
on earth… What is happening exactly? Did I read it right? How come Han killed my father?’
Dhana was rather speechless and puzzled than disappointed. Yet, she took the letter and read
it again.

I was flying in the cold night as usual when I recklessly knocked on your father's
helmet. It was dark, I swear I did not mean to.

Tear beads from the girl’s eyes wet the letter a little bit. Snot started to overflow, making
her even hard to breathe. Still, she read through the letter, one by one. Each letter contains
nothing but pain for her. Soon, Dhana bawled her eyes out. Apparently, Han was a creature
that she was not meant to mingle, see, touch, or associate with. However, while Han was
taking her night stroll at night, she accidentally knocked on Dhana’s father’s helmet, which
caused him to lose control of his motorcycle. Then, Han had two out of four of her wings cut
and burned down. Han said it was her punishment for her recklessness and worse, had caused
the death of an innocent being. Having a few years left to live before her death sentence,
Han tried her best to trace Dhana down to redeem her sins.

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It’s the rule of our kin to redeem for our sins and to pay blood for blood, a soul for a
soul. If I were able to redeem my sins even for a little and was accepted by you,
perhaps we will meet one another again, with me in a different form.
Dhana covered her face with her palm as she silently cried. When Han said she had a week
left, it actually meant 7 minutes left. Apparently, the time zone for their worlds was
different, according to Han, which made sense in Dhana’s thoughts, there were occasions when
Han would tell the time wrongly. Now that she took hours to digest and contemplate her whole
situation, she started to yearn for Han, knowing she went to HEP was actually a lie. Nobody to
lean on, and nobody to blame. Upon the extreme heartache, Dhana crumpled the letters into
a big sturdy ball. The feelings of betrayal, disappointment, and regret lingered in her head.
How she wanted to slap Han in the face, or how she desperately wanted to hug Han so tight,
Dhana could not stop crying.

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Even days after the heartbreaking memory, Dhana could not regain her composure. Since
Han was a forbidden creature, according to the letters, once she disappeared from the world,
everybody and every trace of her will be gone except for those she dared. This fact tortured
Dhana even greater, to know she was chosen to remember Han, as well as to remember the
betrayal and those memories they created together. ‘How brazen of you.’ Every time she
remembered Han, she would curse that creature from the top of her lungs. Still, her love for
her friend would out best the hatred, especially when she was reminded of the last letter.

Dear Dhana. I know you would hate me. I hate myself too, I hope you know that I love
you, and our friendship is the most thing that I valued. I am sorry for my selfishness
in not tell you beforehand. I am just afraid that you will reject me. But I made you lose
your father as your dear person, and so I need to make myself lose you as my dear
person too. An eye for an eye, Dhana. I may not be able to come to see you anymore
though I may promise to never leave your shadow. You have the right to decline my
apologize. But, I wish you are not fond of me like how I am fond of you so you don’t
have to bear this hard prickling feeling to lose another person you hold dear.

Bold of me but I hope you are willing to take care of my favourite book.

‘Haa… Immature. Of course, I will hold the book close. Either I hate you more than my love
for you will be decided by time.’ Dhana rubbed her swollen eyes with her hands.

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The wind gently touched Dhana’s pale cheeks. The hallway at the academic building, her
favourite spot now only replayed bad memories in her head numerous times. ‘That creature I
saw that day, how strangely I hope it was you, Han.’
“If you are here, you should face me bravely, Han…” Dhana said with a stone face. “... we have
a lot to talk about.”

- END -

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