Alternate Ending Will You Stay

“And We will surely test you with something
of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth

and lives and fruits, but give good tidings
to the patient.”

Q:2:155.

Prologue

She inserted the key into the key hole. She paused for a moment and sighed.
She took a deep breath and turned the key. The sound the key, turning in the lock,
echoed in the silent hallway. She pushed the heavy oak door opened. The silence
was deafening. At least, at her place in UK, Dimitri was always at the door to greet
her.

She hesitated before entering. This was their home. Now, it’s hers, alone. It
was ironic as she had always dreamt of having a place of her own. In fact, prior to
getting married, she had begun saving up to purchase her own house. Never in a
million years she thought she would inherit rather than purchase her own house.

With a heavy heart, Amy walked in. The huge apartment was empty. It felt like
all signs of life, had left the place, leaving only an eerie sense of hollowness. Even
the ghosts had decided to leave, thought Amy, chuckling to herself. Perhaps she
should asked Nieza to come with her then Nieza could tell her if she was truly alone.

Not that Nieza didn’t offer. Both Hassan and Nieza are also back in Malaysia.
They insisted in accompanying her back. They wouldn’t let her go back alone. They
also offered to accompany Amy to the apartment but Amy wanted to go on her own
first and spend some time alone at the apartment. Hassan and Nieza had agreed to
meet her later, at the apartment.

It has been five years since she stepped foot in the apartment. The first time
was right after she and Rasyid got married. The last time she was here, he was with
her. Now, she all alone. Amy hugged herself, shivering involuntarily. She was trying
hard to keep it together. She felt a familiar ache in her ache. She absentmindedly
rubbed her chest, as if trying to ease the dull pain that she felt.

It has been three and half years since Rasyid left them. She still remembers
his smile. She remembers his scent. She remembers how he always opened the
doors for her. At true gentleman at heart. Her very own knight in shining armour.

Amy wiped a single tear that rolled down her cheek. Her chest felt tight. The
pain she felt was still raw. It was as if only yesterday that she was laughing with

Rasyid but the reality is, Rasyid has left her. If God is Willing, Amy believes that they
will be united againi, Insha Allah.

Amy glanced around the house. It was spotless. Not a speck of dust,
anywhere. Aminah told her that she has been keeping the place clean for her.
Everything was exactly how Rasyid had left it before his last trip to UK. After his
diagnosis, he never came back. Amy knew that Rasyid’s clothes are still hanging in
the closest upstairs, untouched.

Amy has been staying with Rasyid’s parents; Aminah and Omar since she
arrived back. Amy didn’t think she has the energy to face her mom and listened to
her ‘I told you so’ lectures. Her relationship with her had gotten from bad to worse.
After Rasyid’s death, it became more strained. Immediately after her mourning
periodii, her mom tried to arrange blind dates for her. The fact that was single again,
didn’t sit well with Rohana. Amy had never experienced rage as how she felt the day
Rohana told her about the dates.

Since then, she avoided Rohana like a plague and communicated only with
her dad and siblings.

In her current vulnerable state, Amy did not want to run the run of hating her
own mother. She is already struggling with the pain so she does not need any more
drama that would push her o the brink of insanity.

Oh…how she longed for him. Having Rasyid by her side, made facing her
mom bearable. He was her strength, her support.

Amy is closer to Omar and Aminah, more than ever. They are more like
parents rather than in- law, for her. Both of them treats Amy like their own daughter.
Amy knew that they went through the same hell that she went through. They were
always there for her, never leaving her side. So was Hassan and Nieza.

Amy had procrastinated coming back to Malaysia for as long as she could.
She needed time to grieve on her own. She needed time to heal. The funny thing is
that she doubts it if she had starting healing at all. Her feelings are still fragile and
her emotion are still jumbled.

Amy smiled through her tears.

She is indeed blessed. God made sure that she had people who care and
love her before taking Rasyid away from her. God had made sure that she wasn’t
alone. Amy drew comfort from them.

Amy walked into the library. It was their favourite room. They spent endless
hours in the library, reading and enjoying each other’s company. Amy traced her
finger around the edge of the oak table and sat down at the chair. She saw Rasyid’s
black leather counsel beg at the corner of the room where he last left it. She closed
her eyes briefly. This is hard, thought Amy.

Hassan had left everything to her.

He made sure that the paperwork was in order before he passed. Amy didn’t
know anything about it until Aminah sat her down after the funeral and told her.
Aminah wanted to assure Amy that she was still part of the family and will always be.
Aminah also wanted to assure Amy that she didn’t have to worry about Rasyid’s
estate.

Amy was shocked when she found out. She didn’t expect it at all. Even when
he was suffering and in pain, he had her in mind. He loved her that much. That
realization made her ached for him more.

Amy looked at the picture frame on the table. It was their wedding photo. She
remembered how happy they were that day. She smiled. She was over the moon
that day.

Something caught her eye. It was white envelope with her name on it, behind
the frame. Amy reached out to grab the letter. She recognised the handwriting. It
was Rasyid’s. Her breath caught in her throat. Amy frowned.

When did he write the letter? Questions swirled in her head. Her hand
shook. Her heart pounded in the chest.

Slowly, she opened the envelope and took out the letter. She drew a deep
breath before reading.

My dear beloved Amy,

If you are reading this letter, it means that I’m no longer with you and years
have passed by.

I know you’re wondering how this letter ended up in our favourite room. Well, I
enlisted Mom’s help. I know that you will not come back to our house so soon and it
will probably take you years to finally come home. I know the pain might prove to be
too much for you to handle. That is why I requested that this letter be left at our
home. I know that it will find its way to you once you’re ready and once the time is
right.

I am sorry that I will not able to be with you anymore. I would give anything to
hold your hand and hear your voice again. From the moment we met; again; you
have been the love of my life and light of my soul. You are truly God’s gift to me after
years of searching. You made me laugh. You have given me nothing but happy
memories. Memories that I will always cherish and take with me.

It’s true, that the best things come to those who waits. You, my love, is the
best thing that ever happened in my life, after years of waiting. You helped me be a
better servant of God and a better son to my parents. You also make me want to be
the best Imam for you. You bring out the best in me.

I am very, very sorry for troubling you with my predicament. I’m sorry that I
became a burden to you. I’m sorry that you had to put your career on hold, to take
care of me. I am sorry for the sleepless nights and worries that I caused you. I didn’t
mean to cause you any pain.

Please forgive all my sins and wrongdoings. Please forgive me if anything that
I did or said offended you or hurt you. I would never hurt you intentionally. Perhaps, I
did, in my moment of weakness.

Amy,

Please know that during the times that I was sick, you were my strength.
There were many instances when I wanted to give up but you didn’t let me. You
were my own personal cheerleader, my beautiful pompom girl. For that, I thank you.

I can never repay your kindness. I pray that Allah SWT grants you the highest
Jannah and an abundance of blessings. May He keep you in His Protective embrace
always.

Amy,
Please don’t be too sad, too long after I’m gone. Find your own happiness and
try to love again, if possible. If you do find love, please run after it. It’s okay. It’s okay
to let me go. You have shared your past with me so please share your future with
your new love. I want you to be happy. I just ask that you keep me in your prayers.
Words cannot describe how much I love you and I will always love you…till
eternity. You will always be my soul mate. My first, my last, my one and only.
I have to leave soon. I am tired, Amy. I think my time has come. It’s inevitable.
From God I came and to Him, I shall return.
Good bye for now and may we meet again…

All my love,
Rasyid.

Amy collapsed on the table in a heap. Gut-wrenching sob tore through her
body. Her shoulders heaving, her eyes blinded with tears. Her sweet Rasyid.

Amy knew that she needed to get herself together and carry on with her life.
She needed to keep away Rasyid’s belongings and not leave them in the closest and
pretend as if he is coming back.

Most of all, she needed to learn to be happy again. That is what Rasyid would
have wanted.

Amy realised that her journey had not been easy. If at all, it had been riddled
with trails and tribulations but she knew that she came out from all of it, stronger.
True, God had tested her time and time again but He also had stayed and been with
her, guiding her and helping every step of the way. Alhamdulillah…

"And when My slaves ask you (O Muhammad) concerning Me, then
(answer them), I am indeed Near (to them by My Knowledge). I respond

to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me (without any
mediator or intercessor). So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that

they may be led aright".

Qur'an 2:186.

i “And those who believed and whose descendants followed them in faith - We will join with them their
descendants, and We will not deprive them of anything of their deeds.1 Every person, for what he earned, is
retained.” -Quran 52:21
ii Mourning or grieving period in Islam for women is called Iddah. It is a compulsory waiting period before the
woman can remarry or go for pilgrimage. The iddah period is 4 months 10 days. “And those who are taken in
death among you and leave wives behind - they, [the wives, shall] wait four months and ten [days]. And when
they have fulfilled their term, then there is no blame upon you for what they do with themselves in an
acceptable manner. And Allah is [fully] Acquainted with what you do.”- Quran 2:234. The iddah period must be
observe in the matrimonial home. The woman is required to stay home but going out for necessities like work,
grocery etc, are allowed.