reader's digest

rdasia.com 49

READER’S DIGEST PHOTOS: OMOMOM

50 may 2021

CRIME

The mutual distrust and hostilities
between Russians and Americans is
nothing new – but conflict over caviar?
When a sting was set up by US fisheries

officials to catch illegal Russian
poachers of paddlefish, prized for

its caviar, the stakes were high.
Or were they?

KRAZY
BY David Gauvey Herbert

FROM LONGREADS.COM

PHOTO ILLUSTRATIONS BY JOHN RITTER

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READER’S DIGEST

MIKE REYNOLDS WAS WORKING
AT CODY’S BAIT AND TACKLE

in rural Warsaw, Missouri, when two Russian men
entered the shop and began rifling through fishing

poles that didn’t yet have price tags. Reynolds
asked them to stop, but they ignored him.

Reynolds, then 57, had seen plenty of Warsaw (population 2127), paddlefish PHOTOS: (RIVER, PADDLEFISH, CAVIAR) COURTESY OF MISSOURI DEPARTMENT OF CONSERVATION

Russians come through the shop. He capital of the world.

was tired of them poaching the town’s For most of the 20th century, con-

beloved paddlefish. noisseurs considered only the roe of

He removed a .40-calibre pistol beluga, Russian sturgeon, Persian

from under the counter. The two men sturgeon and stellate sturgeon fit for

looked up, backed out of the store, making caviar. But after the fall of the

and never returned. Soviet Union, several factors, includ-

It was just another dust-up in the ing poachers, decimated the Caspian

long-running war between caviar-lov- Sea’s sturgeon population. Russia re-

ing Eastern Europe- stricted commercial

ans, local fishermen harvesting. Prices

and state and federal The new soared.

government agents arrivals spent The American pad-
that centres on this big and drank dlefish, a distant cous-
unlikely town and a in of the Caspian stur-
very curious fish. hard. They geon, is a mediocre
developed a substitute. The best
The American pad- reputation for Russian caviar has a
dlefish can weigh overfishing clean pop and tastes
more than 72.5 kilo-

grams and measure of the sea. Paddlefish

2.7 metres long, in- roe typically has an

cluding its needle-nose snout. Paddle- earthier flavour with an inconsistent

fish eggs taste quite a bit like Russian texture.

sevruga caviar. This curious fact ex- Yet it’s a sign of the desperate times

plains why, in the mid-2000s, Russian that a 125-gram jar of paddlefish cav-

immigrants began descending on tiny iar – a by-product that for years local

52 may 2021

Caviar Krazy

fishermen tossed back with fish guts by the mid-2000s, a different breed
– was selling for US$60 at the time of of Russian was arriving in town every
writing. A pregnant female paddlefish spring, driving flashy imported cars
can carry up to nine kilograms of roe, with out-of-state plates.
which was worth more than US$2100
on the retail market. If a poacher sells Most of the men didn’t have fishing
the eggs as high-grade sevruga caviar experience, but they’d spend hun-
[which is harvested from critically en- dreds of dollars on bait and tackle,
dangered sturgeon fish species], it’s hire guides, and drink vodka shots
worth US$40,000 or more. with breakfast. And they developed a
reputation for overfishing.
Every spring, tens of millions of
dollars’ worth of roe sit at the base “The phone was ringing off the
of Truman Dam, near Warsaw, when wall,” Rob Farr, the local agent for the
paddlefish stack up there like wood. Missouri Department of Conserva-
tion, told me. State law allows fish-
Eastern European fishermen are ermen to keep just two paddlefish a
a more familiar sight here than one day. So locals were angry. “They just
might imagine. Russian and Ukrainian ripped open the fish to remove the
immigrants who live in nearby Sedalia eggs, and let the carcass sink,” a com-
have fished in Warsaw for years. But menter wrote on OzarkAnglers.com.

rdasia.com 53

READER’S DIGEST

“A similar punishment should be ad- He’d throw bait in the water. He want-
ministered to the poachers.” ed a feeding frenzy.

Around 2009, Gregg Hitchings, an When Felix Baravik pulled into
investigator with the Missouri Depart- Warsaw in the spring of 2012 after an
ment of Conservation, got a call from 11-hour drive, the madness had al-
Farr. Would he make the trip down? ready begun. The chance at landing a
paddlefish had drawn anglers from all
Handing out tickets for overfishing over the Midwest and beyond, prac-
is tough. The perpetrators are often tically doubling Warsaw’s population.
drunk, armed and furious. Over the Baravik and his buddies wanted to
years, Hitchings found more covert snag monsters, too. Females. Lots of
ways to enforce wildlife law. them.

The two men drove around Warsaw, Baravik had grown up in Belarus in
checking out popular fishing spots, the Soviet Union. His friends – Ark-
including the Roadhouse, a shuttered adiy Lvovskiy, Artour Magdessian
restaurant and dock. Hitchings peered and Dmitri Elitchev – were also immi-
into the ruined property. Operation grants from former Soviet bloc states.
Roadhouse began to take shape. He
wouldn’t catch poachers by casting Most of the Eastern European fish-
out a line and reeling in one at a time. ermen would have heard stories from

54 may 2021

Caviar Krazy

their grandfathers about the 1930s, weren’t selling them. Hitchings’s idea

when a tin of caviar only cost twice was that the federal agents would fol-

as much as butter. When stocks dried low the roe to a black market. Who

up, caviar lovers turned to the black knew what they would find? Russian

market. By the 1990s, overfishing and mafia. An international caviar cartel.

illegal exports had sent prices skyrock- Baravik and Magdessian went fish-

eting. Only oligarchs and gangsters ing with two local guides – actually

could afford to eat it. undercover agents – and landed sev-

Baravik and his friends rented a en paddlefish, well over the legal lim-

cabin, bought fishing licences and hit it. Elitchev and Lvovskiy skipped the

the Roadhouse, which was brimming hassle and bought three females from

with fishermen who paid $8 a day for another agent for $375.

a position on the small dock. The Russians drank. A lot. And with

None of the fishermen on the so much alcohol and competition over

Roadhouse dock knew about the in- fish, it was only a matter of time until

vestigation that the Department of something popped. Late one night,

Conservation was running with the Hitchings, who slept in a camper near

US Fish and Wildlife Service. ‘Gary the Roadhouse dock, was startled

Hamilton’, the friendly middle-aged awake by shouting. Rival groups of

man running the dock, was in fact fishermen prepared for violence, more

Hitchings. The Roadhouse ‘dockwork- than a dozen on each side. Weapons

er’ who sold day passes were everywhere.

had a hidden camera Hitchings’s Beer bottles. Fish-
over his shoulder and idea was that ing gaffs. Handguns.
was keeping records of Fists began to con-

their personal informa- the federal nect with dull thuds.

tion. agents would Undercover
Money was changing follow the roe to agents stopped the
fight, but the brawl
hands all over Warsaw. a caviar black laid bare the stakes.
Petr Babenko drove market The men who trav-
around town buying up

pregnant female pad- elled from all over

dlefish. Another man, the country for a

Fedor Pakhnyuk, bragged that he had shot at knockoff caviar would not be

sold $15,000 worth of caviar in 2011. denied.

Now he was en route to buying 28 li- A few days later, the four Colorado

tres of paddlefish eggs. friends returned home. The undercov-

The Eastern Europeans wanted so er agents would have been justified in

many eggs, it was hard to believe they feeling confident. They had helped

rdasia.com 55

READER’S DIGEST

Baravik and his accomplices illegal- bragged about his dream of an ersatz

ly buy and catch female paddlefish. caviar empire, was released and or-

The eggs were worth hundreds of dered to refrain from drinking. Agents

thousands of dollars if mislabelled returned his personal effects: a leather

as Russian caviar. jacket, $36 in cash, a lighter, two sticks

But there was a problem. Most of of chewing gum and some papers. The

the men were buying female pad- head of a caviar cartel he was not.

dlefish, processing A 2012 conversa-

knock-off caviar and One poacher tion during the sec-
... eating it. Illegal, ond and final season

yes. But the plot of a said that the of Operation Road-
Russian mafia thrill- caviar was for house, between an
er? Hardly. his family to undercover agent and
a poacher, was repre-
Some officers must give guests sentative. The agent
have realised the mis- when they wanted to know how
calculation on March came over many more female
13, 2013, when 125

state and federal paddlefish his client

agents descended on needed.

poachers across four time zones to “Fifty, twenty, one hundred...” the

make arrests. suspect replied. “Honestly, we’ll take

During an interview, one poacher them all. We have a big family. We’ll

said the caviar was for his family to stock up on them. Eat it all year.”

give guests when they came over. The Missouri Department of Con-

“Why would I want to sell it?” he servation considers Operation Road-

asked. house a success.

“To make money,” an agent replied. Paddlefish poaching is way down.

“Heck, no!” But Hitchings acknowledged that

Of the 112 defendants tagged with even the men selling were not trib-

state or federal violations, four pled utaries to a river of black-market

guilty to felony trafficking charges and caviar. The state and federal govern-

another eight, including Baravik, pled ment had spent millions of dollars to

guilty to lesser misdemeanour charg- protect a fish stocking operation that

es. Only one case went to trial, that of costs Missouri $100,000 a year.

Petr Babenko, the owner of a gourmet A few of their collars were small-

store in New Jersey. He was convicted time caviar hustlers. But most just

of felony trafficking of paddlefish and really, really liked caviar.

given probation. FROM LONGREADS.COM (FEBRUARY 2019),

Fedor Pakhnyuk, who had openly © 2019 BY DAVID GAUVEY HERBERT

56 may 2021

READER’S DIGEST

11 THINGS

Eye-Opening
Facts About

Tears

BY Jen McCaffery

ILLUSTRATION (TOP) BY SERGE BLOCH. PHOTO: GETTY IMAGES 1 Tears are generated 2 Onions cause tears because
in the lacrimal they secrete a compound
gland (lacrima is called lachrymatory factor
the Latin word for synthase. To cut down on
tear), which sits above the its release, refrigerate onions before
eye just under the eyebrow. slicing, and use a sharp knife, which
Humans make three different reduces release of the compound.
versions of tears. Basal tears
lubricate our eyes; reflex tears form
in response to irritants such as
smoke and dirt; and emotional tears
flow when we’re sad or overjoyed.
All are made of salt water mixed
with oils, antibodies and enzymes,
but each also contains different
molecules. For example, emotional
tears carry protein-based hormones,
including leucine-enkephalin, a
natural painkiller released when
the body is under stress.

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READER’S DIGEST

3 Charles Darwin was 6 Crying can be good for you.
fascinated by tears. For Some studies have shown
his book The Expression of it can cause the release of
the Emotions in Man and oxytocin and endorphins,
Animals, the father of evolution chemicals that make us feel better.
collected observations of South On the other hand, one study found
African monkeys and indigenous that people who are prone to crying
Australians and compared in general more often feel worse after
them with his own kids. Darwin crying during a movie than
concluded, “We must look at people who rarely cry.
weeping as an incidental result, as
purposeless as the secretion of tears Titanic
from a blow outside the eye ... yet
this does not present any difficulty Tearjerker
in our understanding how the
secretion of tears serves as a relief
to suffering.”

4 Babies cry a lot, but don’t
produce tears until they are
seven or eight months old.
Women cry the most; studies
have found they cry an average of
3.5 times a month, almost twice as
much as men.

5 For centuries, people 7 Speaking of movies, according
thought tears were created to Entertainment Weekly,
in the human heart. The the biggest Hollywood
Old Testament says they’re tearjerker of all time is Terms
formed when part of the heart of Endearment, about how a family
weakens and turns into water. In deals with a cancer diagnosis. In
medieval times, crying was perfectly second place is Bambi. The Merriam-
acceptable, even manly. In the Webster dictionary claims the term
Anglo-Saxon poem ‘Beowulf’, when tearjerker debuted in 1912, which
Beowulf is killed by a dragon, his happens to be the same year the
warriors were “disconsolate/and Titanic sank. Incidentally, the movie
wailed aloud for their lord’s decease.” Titanic is 16th on EW’s tearjerker list.
King Arthur was also known to cry.

58 may 2021

Eye-Opening Facts About Tears

9Tear gas was banned on the
battlefield via the Chemical
Weapons Convention of
1993, spurred by Iraq’s use of
chemical weapons in the 1980s.

8 Ever wondered why a cry 10 As we age, production
causes your nose to run? of basal tears slows,
Excess tears produced by the which can lead to dry
lacrimal glands flow into your eyes. Women going
tear ducts. From there, they drain through hormonal changes such
into the nasal cavity, where they mix as pregnancy or menopause are
with mucus to give you a runny nose. also particularly susceptible.
To help the situation, try some
lubricating OTC eye drops (also
called artificial tears) or use
warm compresses on your eyes
for a few minutes.

11 DOES READING IN DIM LIGHT
DAMAGE YOUR EYES?
By Dr Max Pemberton
Nearly every parent has, blind as a result are
PHOTOS: GETTY IMAGES at one time or another, wrong. Those people again adding to the
cited this myth when may have lost their belief that they’ve been
scolding their children eyesight but not damaged. There is,
for reading under the because of poor light. however, no evidence
covers with only a torch. that such eye strain
But it’s not true. Bad lighting can does any permanent
cause a sensation of harm. While good light
There’s not a shred of having difficulty will improve your
evidence that reading in focusing and it’s ability to see clearly,
poor light damages the thought that this may be it’s not essential to
eyes or the eyesight. the source of the myth. protecting
Anecdotal reports of Reading in poor light eye health.
people throughout also makes people blink
history studying by less, which can lead to
candlelight and going the eyes becoming dry –

rdasia.com 59

THEN AND NOW

THE

Mattress
From straw to feathers, beds have a long,
dust mite-filled history. Today’s mattresses promise
engineering technology that puts space travel to shame

BY Zoë Meunier

Pretty much as soon as grasses covered with animal skin – re- ILLUSTRATION: GETTY IMAGES
cavemen evolved enough mained the mattresses of choice for
to start sleeping horizon- many more thousands of years. Hey,
tally, they figured out that you’ve got to work with what’s avail-
a ‘mattress’ of some de- able. The Ancient Persians were the
scription was a clever idea. Apparent- first to raise things up a notch, with
ly, trying to sleep with a rock in your Persian royalty said to have paved the
back was no less comfortable then way for the waterbed trend by sleeping
than it is now. on goatskins filled with water some
3600 years ago. We’re guessing they
The earliest palaeontological ev- weren’t heated to optimum temper-
idence of a mattress is from an as- ature and available in semi-waveless
tounding 77,000 years ago. Found varieties, but it was a promising start.
in a rock shelter in South Africa, the
ancient bedding was only about two As humans evolved, so did their
centimetres thick and made with al- sleeping arrangements – at least, the
ternating layers of reeds and rushes. wealthy ones. Sometime between
3000 and 1000 BCE, many cultures,
Natural materials – straw, leaves,

60 may 2021

rdasia.com 61

READER’S DIGEST

starting with those clever Ancient Mattresses remained largely un-

Egyptians, began raising their mat- changed throughout the Renais-

tresses off the ground – all the better sance period, although cotton-filled

to avoid sharing the bed with rats and mattresses started to replace down

snakes. The mattresses themselves and feathers by the 18th century. It

were usually made from wool, while was in 1870 that the next big inno-

the beds were made from wood – for vation occurred, with the invention

your average Joe – while your Cleo- of the first innerspring mattress.

patra-types preferred a solid gold, The brainchild of German Hein-

jewel-encrusted slumber number. rich Westphal, he adapted metal

Throughout the Medieval period, coils from the seats of horse-drawn

mattresses continued to vary great- carriages to make a mattress with a

ly depending on wealth, with the firm-yet-springy sleep surface. Sadly

poor still often sleeping on piles of for Westphal, fame and wealth did

leaves on the ground or on a hay not immediately spring forth and he

sack, where ‘hitting the hay’ became died impoverished, his creation tak-

a nightly necessity to dislodge bugs ing a good 60 years to be adopted by ILLUSTRATIONS: GETTY IMAGES

from one’s bed. While the wealthy mainstream consumers.

opted for mattresses stuffed with By that time, the Industrial Revolu-

down and feathers, the focus was tion was in full swing, meaning that

more on the bed frames, which be- beds and mattresses could be mass

came increasingly ornate and made produced. But it didn’t take long for

of carved wood. This era also saw people to realise that an open

the rise of four poster beds SLEEP spring coil gone awry in a
covered with curtains. ON IT mattress could be almost as

A bit of shut

eye over the

ages

Medieval poor Renaissance rich 1920s coils

62 may 2021

The Mattress

uncomfortable as a good old-fash- moment – and borrowed his wife’s
ioned rock in the back. This paved cake mixer to whip the liquid latex into
the way in the 1920s for English en- a soft foam. The resulting air bubbles
gineer and machinist James Mar- gave the foam its unique cushioning
shall to patent his ‘Marshall Coil’, qualities. Now, we can’t help but think
the first pocket sprung mattress. if only there’d been a female scientist
Consisting of individual springs in in that lab, perhaps they would have
connected pockets of fabric, his con- figured out that solution a bit sooner.
cept allowed the coils to function in-
dependently of each other, tailoring Another game changer was memo-
to individuals’ posture and body ry foam, aka viscoelastic polyurethane
shape. Thank you James, you saved foam. First invented by NASA in the
many a bad back – and probably a 1970s to provide better seat cushion-
marriage or two as well. ing and crash protection for airlines,
the first memory foam mattress en-
Nonetheless, as something we tered the marketplace in 1991.
spend a third of our lives resting
upon, plenty more attention and in- Praised for its ability to ‘hug’ the
novation has been laid into mattress body, the material offers better spi-
design over the last century. nal alignment and more pressure
point relief, becoming an instant hit
The first latex foam mattress was amongst the bad-back brigade. Its ex-
introduced in 1931. Latex comes from treme density means it’s also resist-
the sap of rubber trees. The Dunlop ant to those ubiquitous dust mites
Rubber company spent several years and their havoc-causing droppings,
trying to turn it into a foam, until making them popular among allergy
one of their scientists had a lightbulb sufferers, too.

1970s waterbed 2020s technology

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READER’S DIGEST

Better yet, memory foam’s ability with graphite, to enhance fire retar-

to spring back to shape means you dation; AntiGravity foam to provide

can stuff ‘em in a box, which in recent the ultimate top layer comfort; hybrid

years has transformed the process of creations; and even nanotechnology,

buying a mattress. Sales of a ‘mattress in which a very thin sheet of carbon

in a box’ have doubled in the past five tubes are stacked to create a memory

years. foam-like substance even more supe-

Meanwhile, bubbling away on the rior than the original.

sidelines was the And of course, dig-

modern-day water- ital technology has

bed, developed by also come into play,

university design stu- because who doesn’t

dent Charles Hall in want a smart mat-

1968 as his Master’s tress? Eight Sleep’s

Thesis (for which we The Pod can auto-

hope he got a High MATTRESSES ARE matically adjust itself
Distinction). Water- EVOLVING, WITH to the perfect sleep-
bed mattresses, with ing temperature of

their sexy, bohemi- NEW FABRICS AND each individual in
an image and pres- TECHNOLOGIES the bed, courtesy of
sure-point free bene- its Active Grid hub,

fits, rode the crest of which will even reg-

a (waveless) wave through the 1970s ulate the temperature to gently wake

and 1980s, accounting for 20 per cent you up at the right time.

of mattresses bought by 1986, but their The ReST bed is like an airbed on

sales sprang a massive leak in the steroids, with three separate layers

1990s and are now only five per cent containing special cooling and pres-

of the market. sure devices that adjust to suit each

Mattresses are still evolving, with area of your body, and can be set to

new fabrics and technologies still automatically adjust to your needs.

being discovered. Celliant-infused And then you’ve got the Sleep Num-

fabric is one of the latest advances in ber SleepIQ technology, which not

mattresses, with University of Califor- only tracks your sleep patterns

nia-Irvine research showing people throughout the night, but contains

fall asleep faster on them, as it regu- PartnerSnore Technology ... so when

lates your body temp and transforms your bedfellow starts snoring, you can

body heat into infrared energy. press a button to raise their head and

Other cutting edge materials in- stop the drone in its tracks. Now that’s

clude sustainable organic latex; latex progress.

64 may 2021



READER’S DIGEST

LAUGHTER

The Best Medicine

Wake-up Call “Not really,” replied the C ARTOON: ROZ CHA S T/C ARTOONCOLLEC TIONS.COM

James received a bill for his recent anaesthetist. “I knocked you out for
surgery and was astonished to see
a $900 charge for the anaesthetist. free. The $900 is for bringing you
He called the office to demand an
explanation. “Is this some kind of back.” SUBMITTED BY ARKY MUSCATO
mistake?” he asked when he got the
doctor on the phone. Making A Noise About It

“No, not at all,” the doctor said KID: Mummy, why are all the cars
calmly.
beeping their horns?
“Well,” said James, irritated,
“that’s awfully costly for just MUM: Because there’s a wedding
knocking someone out!”
going on.
66 may 2021
KID: But Mummy, isn’t the horn a

warning signal?

MUM: Exactly, son. —Herway.net

Laughter

Rhyme or Reason

If the person who named walkie-
talkies named everything, would ...
◆ stamps be lickie-stickies?
◆ hippos be floatie-bloaties?
◆ pregnancy tests be maybe-babies?

Seen on the internet

Rumour Has It WOOING TECHNIQUE

Is there rehab for gossiping? I don’t Three male dogs are walking down
need it, but I’ll tell you who does ...
the street when they see a beautiful
JEN STATSKY, COMEDIAN
female poodle. They all scramble to
The winning pot of curry at the
neighbourhood cook-off was named reach her first but end up arriving in
Gossip. Good to your face, but it
talks behind your back! front of her at the same time.

SUBMITTED BY KATHRYN KITCHEN Aware of her obvious effect on the

Accident or Design? suitors, she tells them, “The first one

At the supermarket, a customer who uses the words liver and cheese
buying a lot of groceries was
checking out. together in an imaginative sentence

As the shop assistant lifted the can go out with me.”
final bag, its bottom gave way,
sending the contents crashing to “I love liver and cheese!”
the floor.
the golden retriever blurts out.
“They don’t make these bags like
they used to,” the assistant said to “Oh, how childish,” says
the customer. “That was supposed to
happen in your driveway.” GCFL.net the poodle.

The Labrador tries next.

“Um. I hate liver and cheese?”

“My, my,” says the poodle.

ILLUSTRATIONS: GETTY IMAGES “I guess it’s hopeless.”

She then turns to the last

of the three dogs and says,

“How about you, little guy?”

The Yorkie, tiny in stature

but big in finesse, gives her a smile

and a sly wink, turns to the other

dogs, and says, “Liver alone –

cheese mine!” Planetproctor.com

rdasia.com 67

READER’S DIGEST

YOU CALL
THAT A

68 may 2021

HUMOUR

PHOTOGRAPHS BY JOLEEN ZUBEK O ne day, if I HAD JOINED AN AEROBICS CLASS
the stars are
aligned and made up mostly of older women
you’ve worked like me. At first, it was difficult to
hard to do the follow all the steps, but after a few
right thing, weeks I felt that I had a good grasp
you, too, might be lucky of the routines. One day, a fellow
enough to receive a lovely classmate stopped me to say, “I’ve
compliment like the one been noticing you. You’re very
Nancy Phelan got a few years coordinated.” I couldn’t have been
back. “When I was visiting prouder. “Thank you,” I replied.
my son, his fiancée and her “Yes,” she continued, “your shirt
children,” Nancy wrote to matches your pants, and your
Reader’s Digest, “I made pants match your socks.”
them a specialty of mine:
breakfast pizza. After eating Joyce Thomasson
several slices, my eight-
year-old future grandson WHEN I WAS IN MY 20s, I had
leaned back in his chair and
proclaimed, ‘This is so good, a streak of grey hair. One day, a
it makes my tongue dance!’” complete stranger noticed and said,
“I really like your grey hair. Where
Alas, life isn’t always so did you get it done?”
sweet. In fact, we sometimes
get treated to a more “Oh, thanks,” I said. “It’s natural.”
stinging kind of praise – the She recoiled. “Oh my, what are
backhanded compliment. you going to do about it?”
We asked you for some of the
favourite backhanders you’ve Donna Calvert
heard or endured. It’s OK to
laugh. We did. A STUDENT STOPPED ME in the

hallway to say that she’d just
learned that her mother had had
me as a teacher. Then, after looking
me up and down, she asked, “Did
you used to be good-looking?”

Bob Isitt

rdasia.com 69

READER’S DIGEST

AS A WANNABE MUSICIAN, I took “HAPPY BIRTHDAY! You don’t look

advantage of an opportunity to play 60, but I remember when you did!”
with a local recorder group. During Susie Barr
a break in our first rehearsal, the
woman sitting next to me, an AFTER I SANG A SOLO in church,
accomplished musician, said,
“You have a beautiful vibrato!” an elderly gentleman offered me his
I was basking in the glow of her highest compliment.
praise when she added, “You’re not
supposed to.” Vicki Morrison Goble “I liked your song for two
reasons,” he said. “You sang it well,
WHEN I MET MY BROTHER’S NEW and you didn’t sing too long.”

FATHER-IN-LAW, he took my hand Ann Abernathy

and said warmly, “You look just IN HIGH SCHOOL, a female

like your brother. He has a big classmate told me I’d “make a really
handsome guy.”
nose, too.” Marie Ball
Kimberley Coleman

ONE MORNING shortly after we got

married in our 60s, my husband and
I were sitting on the bed putting on
our socks and shoes. Out of the
blue, he reached over and patted
me on the knee, saying, “I am
so glad we got married.”

He was being romantic,
and I appreciated it. “Me,
too,” I said.

He continued, “Do you
have any idea how nice it is to
open my dresser drawer and
find my underwear and socks
all folded nice and neatly?”

K.C. via email

MY GRANDMA USED TO TELL ME,

“There’s no conceit in
your family. You’ve
got it all.” Devon

Christenson

70 may 2021

You Call That a Compliment

Case in point, the time she
tried to praise me for being
outgoing and having lots of
friends.

With a great big smile she
declared, “When I grow up,
I want to be a big mouth just
like you!”

Amy Reynolds

AMONG MY ALL-TIME
FAVOURITE MOVIES

is Babe. For years, whenever
I wanted to compliment
someone, I’d quote the film’s
famous line: “That’ll do, Pig,
that’ll do.”

Recently, I finally got my
husband to watch the movie
with me. When that scene
came on, he turned to me,
stunned. “It’s a compliment?

All these years I thought
you were insulting me!”

Tiger Miller

SOMEHOW, A FRIEND and I got on OUR BOSS AT THE FACTORY was

the subject of age, which led him to a grump with a management
philosophy that harked back to the
ask how old I was. sweatshops of old. A shift without
being sworn at multiple times was
“Thirty-seven,” I said. considered a win. But one day, after
I spotted and corrected a problem
He cocked his head and asked, with one of the machines, he offered
me the highest compliment he could
“Is that all?” Mary Carruth think of. “Rich,” he said, “you’re
stinking less at this job all the time.”
WE ADOPTED OUR DAUGHTER
R.P. via rd.com
from China when she was nine, and
we soon discovered that common
English-language phrases and
idioms didn’t always come easily.

rdasia.com 71

READER’S DIGEST FROM A REFERENCE LETTER written

BACK WHEN MY DAUGHTER by my first boss: “Sarah is very lazy.
When given a task she immediately
was an infant, I was out pushing figures out the easiest and quickest
her in the stroller when a woman way to complete it. This tends to
stopped us on the street. make her highly efficient.”

“My goodness, what a beautiful S. J. Garner
baby!” she remarked. “Does she
look like her father?” Peggy Greb I WAS TAKING MY FOUR-YEAR-OLD

grandson out of his car seat when PHOTO: GETTY IMAGES
he gazed into my eyes and delivered
this bit of wisdom: “Papa, you’re old.
But at least you’re not dead yet.”

Owen Wilkie

A CLIENT WAS SO IMPRESSED with

my work, he made a point of calling
to tell me that he had named his
new puppy after me.

Sheila Compton

AFTER READING A POEM

I’d laboured over, my mother said,
“This is good. Really good!”

I was beaming!
Then she felt compelled to ask,
“Are you sure you wrote it?”

Theresa Baumbach

Lockdown or Lockup?

A man in the UK who was wanted by police handed himself in so he
wouldn’t have to spend another moment in COVID-19 lockdown
with the people he lived with. Sussex police officers said the man
was wanted for recall to prison and gave himself up to get some
“peace and quiet”. The man told officers that he would rather go

back to prison where at least he could have time on his own. REUTERS

72 may 2021

QUOTABLE QUOTES

People can’t “WE SHOULDN’T
drive you crazy LET WHERE
if you don’t give
them the keys. WE COME FROM
DETERMINE WHERE
MIKE BECHTLE, AUTHOR
WE CAN GO.”
WHATEVER
WORDS WE JASMINE SOKKO
UTTER SHOULD
BE CHOSEN WITH TRUE WISDOM LIES IN GATHERING
CARE FOR PEOPLE THE PRECIOUS THINGS OUT OF
WILL HEAR EACH DAY AS IT GOES BY.
THEM AND BE
INFLUENCED E.S. BOUTON, EDITOR
BY THEM FOR
GOOD OR ILL. Those who
cannot feel the
BUDDHA
littleness of
PHOTOS: GETTY IMAGES great things in When I show my
themselves are daughter she can be
apt to overlook anything she wants
the greatness to be, she wonders
of little things why I ever thought

in others. she couldn’t.

OKAKURA KAKUZŌ, CANDACE PARKER, ATHLETE
JAPANESE SCHOLAR

rdasia.com 73

READER’S DIGEST

HOW TO

Lift
Your Own

Spirits

We all feel down
now and then,

especially lately.
These techniques

can help you
bounce back

BY Courtenay Smith
and Samantha Rideout

On a freezing winter’s For Austrew, trying improv was PHOTOS: JOLEEN ZUBEK
evening, Ashley the first small step to improve her
Austrew sat in her car self-esteem. “All my life, I’ve lacked
in a carpark working confidence,” she says. “I didn’t have
up the courage to go the courage to try anything new.”
into a comedy improv class. For So she made a list of all the things
about 20 minutes, the 33-year-old she was afraid to attempt and then
journalist and mother of two sat asked herself, What if I didn’t let
with swirling thoughts of self- my excuses win? Improv was her
doubt: OMG, I can’t do this. I’ll be biggest target.
the worst one. Then she turned off
the engine, took a few deep breaths, Her fear dissolved as soon as
and went inside. she walked into the class. Her
classmates were also beginners,

74 may 2021

Lift Your Own Spirits

and she discovered that she was on this,’” says psychologist Ethan
perfectly capable of earning a few Kross, author of Chatter: The Voice
laughs and making new friends. in Our Head. If you need to deal
with an immediate problem – say,
Over the next two years, Austrew reining in overspending – that call
went on to tackle other what-ifs, to focus is helpful. But negativity
including writing a book. “Self- spirals into something harmful
esteem is like a muscle – you have to when a particular thought circuit
work it constantly,” she says. just won’t shut off. If you can’t sleep
because of it, feel physically stressed
Some people are blessed with a all the time, or keep rehashing the
seemingly unshakable positivity, same situation, those are signs you
but most of us need to learn how to need to employ tools to break the
pull ourselves up by our bootstraps. cycle, says Kross.

Psychologists say we tend to ENGAGE IN SMARTER SELF-
experience our lowest self-esteem TALK In his lab at the University of
in adolescence and spend much
of our adult lives slowly building Michigan, Kross asks subjects to talk
it back up. Staying positive has to themselves in the second person,
been tough in the past year. Since and to use their own names. Instead
the pandemic began, three times of saying, “I’m so nervous about this
as many adults have reported meeting on Tuesday,” for example,
symptoms of depression or anxiety say, “[Your name], you seem pretty
(the malevolent cousins to low self- nervous about this meeting.”
worth) compared with 2019.
Kross’s research shows that this
Thankfully, like Austrew, we can simple shift in language gets people
learn to feel better about ourselves into problem-solving mode more
and strengthen our feelings of hope. quickly. “They turn into coaches
(Of course, anyone experiencing and start advising themselves,
severe or persistent symptoms taking stock of the problem and
should seek professional help.) Here figuring out if they have the
are seven science-backed strategies resources to meet it,” Kross says.
to improve your relationship with
the person in the mirror.

EMBRACE THE UPSIDE OF CHANGE YOUR VIEW –
FEELING DOWN First, realise that LITERALLY If you are looking

negative emotions aren’t inherently out the window lost in a thought
bad – they can be useful. “That loop, walk to a different window.
ping of anxiety gets my attention Alternative perspectives help
and says, ‘Hey, you need to focus us digest our experiences, and

rdasia.com 75

changing our physical view
intuitively jogs a different emotional
one as well. “When I’m stuck feeling
a certain way and I choose to walk
away and look for something better
– that’s a choice to do something
good for myself. That itself is a
treatment,” says Sasha Storaasli, an
end-of-life counsellor to terminally
ill transplant patients.

BELIEVE THAT YOU MATTER REPEAT A TASK YOU’RE
GOOD AT Psychologist Patrick
To matter is the bedrock belief that
you are important and worthy of Keelan plays piano every day. When
consideration, and according to a he’s helping people with low self-
2020 study, it is linked to joy. Strong esteem, he suggests they routinely
personal relationships are the best engage with activities that use or
aids to believing you matter. Spend improve their skills. “When you’re
time with loved ones, and remind doing something that you’re good at
them you offer a shoulder to cry or getting better at, it gets harder to
on. Maintaining a sense of control, think negatively about yourself,” he
especially over your healthcare explains.
issues, also boosts that sense of
importance.

REMINISCE While some research GET MOVING There’s no silver

suggests happiness increases bullet for improving low morale,
with age, studies also suggest that but exercise is the closest thing
self-esteem peaks at age 60, then we have. It is good for stress
declines. As people get older, the loss management and general mental
of loved ones, professional identity or health and provides a sense of
independence can threaten the sense competence and accomplishment.
of who they are. Telling someone Dozens of studies have indicated
stories from the past may bolster that exercise has a significant
self-esteem at this key moment. Take impact on physical self-worth.
a trip down memory lane by looking The activity you choose matters
through a photo album with loved less than enjoying it, sticking to
ones or playing music that reminds it, and getting at least a moderate
you of meaningful moments. challenge out of it.

76 may 2021

PHOTOS: GETTY IMAGES ONLINE

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READER’S DIGEST

CAREFUL,
You Shouldn’t
Say That

When it comes to adoption, the words we
use and how we say things matter

BY Jen Babakhan

78 may 2021

PARENTING

PHOTOS: GETTY IMAGES ADOPTIVE PARENTS ARE are still asked about her country of
just like any other par- origin, presumably because her
ents. They’re crazy about daughter is a different ethnicity. Julia
their kids, stretched too says, “People should know that not all
thin between responsi- children that are ethnically different
bilities and get tired. But there are from their parents are from a different
some things you may not know about country,” she says. “As my daughter
adoption that adoptive parents wish gets older, these conversations will be
you did. even more difficult for us to explain to
her.” Questions about a child’s birth
Don’t ask us why we didn’t country can make some children feel
have children of our own like they don’t belong in their adop-
tive family, which can be detrimental
The topic of adoption can become an to self-esteem. It’s best to check your
unwanted focus during conversation motives when asking any questions
for adoptive parents, especially when of adoptive parents, and ask yourself
the children in question are present. if your inquiries could be insensitive.
Asking adoptive parents why they Better yet, wait for information to be
didn’t have children of their own is volunteered. That is most polite and
not only quite nosey, but it assumes appreciated by adoptive families.
that adoption was the last resort to
grow their family. Adopted children Adoptions begin with
can understandably become sensitive change for the child
to these kinds of assumptions, and
no parent wants their child to feel as No matter the circumstances be-
though they are a consolation prize or hind an adoption, it begins with the
a last resort. Adopted children belong life-changing event of separation
to their adoptive parents – they are from a birth parent or parents of the
their own children. There is no need child. This can be an incredible loss,
to ask this insensitive question, ever. particularly if the child is older, and
the trauma of the separation can stay
Don’t ask where the child with children even after adoptions
came from are official. Brynn Contino, a mother
of six who adopted a daughter from
Julia and her husband adopted their a different ethnic background, says,
daughter domestically, and yet they

rdasia.com 79

READER’S DIGEST

“With adoption comes great trauma bottom line: if you want to make an

and loss,” she says. “My daughter is adopted child feel special, why not

four and it’s only been ten months, tell their parents how lucky they are

but she’s very smart. I let her express to have found such an amazing son or

her feelings as much as she wants daughter?

and we often talk about her biological

mother.” If this happens in your pres- Asking about the cost of
ence, it may make you uncomfortable adoption is rude

to witness, but be respectful. Adoption can be expensive, and the

Every adoption experience costs associated with international
is different adoption are often widely discussed.
Even so, asking adoptive parents about

Just like no two pregnancies are the the money spent on the adoption of

same, so it is with adoption. While their child is tactless. If the adopted

some adoptive children are present

parents wait years Families with when it is asked, it
to be chosen by a adopted children implies that their lives
birth parent, others have a monetary value,
might be called for don’t consider and may bring up more
a placement within themselves complex feelings and

months. different from discussions than their
any other family parents want to handle.
Don’t tell us that Julia says of the many
our children questions she and her
are ‘lucky’ husband are often

One more thing on the list of what not asked, “Overall, people are curious

to say to an adopted child or their par- about the experience, but unless the

ents, is that the child is lucky to have information is offered, it’s rude to ask

found such a great adoptive family. people why they adopted, how much

Not only is this rude, but it also has they paid, and the information behind

implications that extend beyond its it, as this is personal and private.”

well-meaning surface. Julia runs into

this comment often, explaining “Tell- Drop the ‘adopted’ before
ing kids this makes it seem like their son or daughter

birth family wouldn’t have been good Most families with adopted children

parents to them, and this is not true at don’t consider themselves different

all. If anyone is lucky, it is us. Her birth from any other family. Parents with

mother chose us to raise her, and we children they’ve adopted don’t think

will be forever grateful for that.” The of them as an ‘adopted daughter’ or

80 may 2021

Parenting

‘adopted son’. They are their children, that is parenting. Adoptive par-
their sons and daughters. When refer- ents are no different, and for sin-
ring to children in a family that have gle adoptive mothers the value of
been adopted, it is safe to assume that a supportive community is para-
it’s just fine to refer to them as only mount. Jessica, a single adoptive
their daughter or son. mother, says of having a support
network, “If you choose to make the
Don’t ask if they worry decision to adopt as a single moth-
about the future er, make sure that you have a solid
support system of friends and fam-
Asking an adoptive parent if they ily as you will need to lean on them
worry that their child will search when you need help with childcare,
for their biological parents when emergency contacts and just gen-
they are older is insensitive at best. eral support.” You can be support-
Like anything else, all parents differ ive to adoptive parents just as you
in their feelings on the issue, and would any other parent by offering
some may welcome or encourage to babysit or picking up items at the
their child to seek their birth parents supermarket when you’re there.
when the time presents itself. Oth-
ers, like Jessica, might be hesitant. Love is the common
She says, “As an adoptive parent, I thread of all family types
struggle with feeling that she will
eventually want to know her biolog- Deciding to raise a child is an im-
ical parents and fear that she may portant decision in any person’s life,
choose them over me.” This subject and it is something to be celebrated.
is one that is best left alone, and Adoptive families deserve to be cel-
most adoptive parents can at least ebrated and acknowledged for the
agree on that much. unique contributions they provide
to our communities. Jessica says of
They need support her daughter, “The love I feel for this
child is beyond words, and no one
Every parent needs a supportive could ever tell me she was not meant
group of people surrounding them to be my daughter.”
to carry them through the jungle

Toddling Along

Sorry we’re late. Our toddler spent 30 minutes with water in their
mouth that they wouldn’t drink, spit out, or walk with.

@motherplaylist

rdasia.com 81

READER’S DIGEST

ALL IN A DAY’S WORK

Humour on the Job

“Have you tried turning it off and on again?”

Hard to Please ancient. However, I was surprised

Client: Hi, how much does a when someone asked, “Do you have
brochure cost to print?
Me: Before I answer, I need a bit any native speakers in your class?”
more information, such as size,
pages, and how many ... Sadly, that person was the CARTOON BY VAUGHAN TOMLINSON
Client: Well, if you want to be that
difficult, I’ll just find someone else. principal. SUBMITTED BY KEITHA ITO

clientsfromhell.net For Starters

Classical Mistake A colleague at our car sales auction
was having trouble starting one
As a high school Latin teacher, I’m of the cars. Looking defeated, he
used to fielding questions about my complained, “The only thing that’s
subject, which some find arcane and working is the blinker on the check-
engine light.”

SUBMITTED BY DENNIS MARQUARDT

82 may 2021

All In a Day’s Work

LEST YOU BE JUDGED

At times, evaluations meant to
put professors in the firing line
reveal more about the students
who wrote them:

“There was too much maths

expected of us.” Course title:

Animal Distribution Maths for Special Education

Teachers. @njbailey17

Our local pet store’s pandemic For a European History to 1500
course, a student was upset
rules were laid out on a sign that that I didn’t include more about
China during World War II.
read, “Please maintain two metres
@quinnkl
between you and others. That’s two

Great Danes, four cats or 16 guinea

pigs.” SUBMITTED BY PEGGY HOLT

Not Sew Young “Too many women writers.”

My friend has owned a sewing Course title: American
machine shop for decades. Recently,
a customer he hadn’t seen in years Women Writers. @maryloeff
came in to buy a new machine.
The student evaluation that
Looking around the small shop a I remember to this day:
bit befuddled, she asked, “Whatever “He knows more than I do and
happened to that young man who that makes me feel bad.”
used to work here?”
@Normie_Salvador
My friend smiled. “I got older.”
“She should wear more green.”
SUBMITTED BY JAMES METZ
@Deborah_T7

Completely Floored “Professor wanted to be here
less than we did.” @CarlLPalmer
The first day of university can be
disorienting, even for returning
students. I was walking in the lobby
of one of our main buildings when
a second-year student stopped me.
“Excuse me,” he said, looking lost.
“Is the third floor still upstairs?”

SUBMITTED BY KAREN LOVE

83

PHOTO FEATURE

Clear as a

BELL
Tracking device, metronome
or submersible – bells can do
more than just chime a tune

BY Cornelia Kumfert and Zoë Meunier

As anyone who’s ever heard a peal
of bells in full flight can attest, the
sound is at once wondrous, majes-
tic, holy and a bit deafening. While
bells are renowned for calling the faithful
to prayer, it’s interesting to learn that bells
actually came from China, where they
were the measure of all things. Their sound
helped to find the correct pitch, their diam-
eter was considered a measure of length,
their hollow space a unit of measurement
for corn and their weight even used to cali-
brate scales. Even today, you’d be surprised
just how versatile a bell can be.

84 may 2021

c Gloriosa, the Glorious, is one of the largest

free-swinging bells in the world. Several of its
predecessors were destroyed, often by fire. The
present-day Gloriosa has been hanging in Erfurt
Cathedral in Germany since the 15th century. She
is also no stranger to damage. On December 24,
1984, for example, a 60-centimetre-long crack
temporarily silenced the bell. It took expert
welding to give Gloriosa back her voice.

rdasia.com 85

READER’S DIGEST

86 may 2021

Clear as a Bell

PHOTOS: (FROM LEFT CLOCKWISE) PICTURE ALLIANCE/DINODIA PHOTO LIBRARY; PICTURE ALLIANCE/IMAGEBROKER; SABINE THIELEMANN/ X The Almabtrieb is a marvellous Alpine
AL AMY S TOCK PHOTO; (NE X T PAGE) GE T T Y IMAGES/ADAM GOR; PIC TURE ALLIANCE/DUMONT BILDARCHIV/MARTIN KIRCHNER; BE ATA Z AW- event that takes place every autumn in
RZEL/NURPHOTO VIA GETTY IMAGES Switzerland, Austria and Germany to
celebrate the return of cattle from their
mountain pastures. The lead cows are
singled out to wear the most elaborate
headdresses as they make their way down
into the valley. The large cowbells around
their necks herald the coming of the herd
far and wide. As these massive bells are
extremely heavy, the cows only wear them
for a matter of hours. The bells they wear
on the mountain pastures during the
summer are much smaller and lighter.
Their clanging noise lets the herdsman
know where the herd is and helps them
find injured animals.

W Setting the beat is easy for Indian
dancers because whenever they
perform, they always have their
metronome with them – on their feet.
Ghungroos are leather or cotton ribbons
covered with lots of small bells and tied
around the ankles. Every dance step
creates its own particular sound, and as
the tinkling bells barely resonate, they
help define the rhythmic movements of
the dance for the audience.

X How do you keep your feet dry while
enjoying the fascinating underwater
world of the Baltic Sea? Inside one of the
largest diving bells in Europe, that’s how.
Up to 30 visitors at a time can descend
beneath the waves inside the bell-shaped
gondola in Sellin, north-east Germany.
With a bit of luck, you will be able to spot
some grey seals, flounders and eels. The
pressure inside the diving bell remains
the same on land and under water, even
at a depth of four metres.

READER’S DIGEST

X These delicate little bells not
only thrive in warm climates, the
colourful flowers also grow in
Arctic regions. There are about
500 different species of
Campanula and they all have one
thing in common – the flared
shape of the flower’s head. Which,
no doubt, gave rise to their
romantic name – bellflower.

XXA carillon is a musical
instrument that contains at least
23 stationary bells. Australia’s
National Carillon, located on
Aspen Island, Lake Burley Griffin,
Canberra, has 57 bronze bells
each weighing between seven
kilograms and six tonnes. A gift
from the British Government to
celebrate the 50th anniversary of
the national capital, it is played
regularly, its 50-metre-high tower
allowing the sound to drift over
the lake to nearby parks.

X Altar bells ring three times
during a Catholic mass,
immediately before the bread and
wine are changed into the Body
and Blood of Jesus Christ. In earlier
times, the bells were rung to let
the worshippers know when they
ought to kneel as mass was read in
Latin right up until the 1960s. The
priest would stand with his back to
the congregation as he performed
the holy rite and the ringings of
the bell signalled the moment in
which this transformation took
place.

88 may 2021

Clear as a Bell

rdasia.com 89

QUIZ

Napoléon

BONAPARTE
May 5 is the 200th anniversary of the death
of Napoléon Bonaparte. Can you answer
12 questions on the life and work of perhaps
the most famous French leader?

BY Caroline Friedmann ILLUSTRATION: THE PRINT COLLECTOR/GETTY IMAGES

QUESTIONS

1Napoléon Bonaparte was born c. His Moroccan parents became
on the island of Corsica in French citizens just days before
1769. Possibly the most famous he was born
Frenchman of all time nearly did not d. His parents never registered
turn out to be French at all. Why? his birth

a. He was the illegitimate son 2 Napoléon rose up the ranks
of an Italian woman and only of the French army during the
became French after he was French Revolution. He then
adopted became a brigadier general at the
b. Corsica was part of the age of 24, before leading the Italian
Republic of Genoa until 1768

90 may 2021

rdasia.com 91

READER’S DIGEST

campaign as commander-in-chief Marie Louise, Duchess of Parma,
at 26. He is celebrated as a national in 1810. What did he expect to gain
hero in France. What event made from it?
him First Consul and supreme ruler
in 1799? a. Money for his campaigns
b. An alliance with Austria
a. The death of the king c. An heir
b. A coup d’état d. Both b and c
c. Free elections
d. Luck 4 Over his 20-year military
career, Napoléon fought many
3In 1796, Napoléon married great battles. In October 1813,
Joséphine de Beauharnais – the one raged for several days near
daughter of a naval officer. He Leipzig, Germany and became
married for love and gained entry known as the ‘Battle of the Nations’.
into Parisian society. He divorced Why did Napoléon lose this battle?
Joséphine in 1809, before marrying
a. The French army was severely
weakened by a cholera outbreak
b. The Austrian army used new
long-range cannons
c. The French army was
outnumbered by Allied troops
and artillery
d. The French army was kept
awake all night by Russian
soldiers banging drums

5On March 21, 1801, the
Napoléonic government
enacted the Napoléonic Code,
also known as the Civil Code. To
this day, the laws of many countries
are based on this system of law.
What does the Civil Code specify?

a. The equality of all citizens
before the law

The widow Joséphine de Beauharnais
became Napoléon’s first wife

92 may 2021

Napoléon Bonaparte

The ill-fated invasion of Russia is portrayed in Napoléon Bonaparte in Burning Moscow by
Albrecht Adam (1841). His army found the city deserted, on fire and without supplies

PHOTOS: GETTY IMAGES b. The freedom of all citizens 7 During Napoléon’s rule, France
c. The protection of private controlled large parts of
property Europe. As great as his military
d. All of the above skills were, physically speaking, he
is often described as short. What
6 Archaeologists can thank was his actual height?
Napoléon for a momentous –
yet accidental – achievement. a. 1.50 metres
During one of his campaigns, an b. 1.60 metres
officer found the Rosetta Stone, c. 1.68 metres
which later allowed scholars to do d. 1.75 metres
what?
8 The French Revolution in 1789
a. To develop a remedy against left the relationship between
the plague church and state in tatters. In
b.To decipher hieroglyphics 1801, Napoléon soothed matters
c. To produce artificial light with the Vatican by signing the
d. To locate ruins of a Roman Concordat, a state-church treaty
village that defined the status of the Roman

rdasia.com 93

READER’S DIGEST

10Napoléon is famous for some
witty remarks. Which of the
statements below is attributed
to him during the retreat from Russia?

a. ‘The best is the enemy of the
good’
b. ‘Man is born free and
everywhere is in chains’
c. ‘From the sublime to the
ridiculous there is but one step’
d. ‘Such is life’

An idealised portrait titled Napoléon 11In 1814 Napoléon was exiled
Crossing the Alps by Jacques-Louis David to the Italian island of Elba,
following the annexation of
(1801-05). Napoléon crossed the Alps Paris by Allied nations. He returned
on a mule, not a horse to France briefly in February 1815
and took back command. What is
Catholic Church in France. What this ‘comeback’ known as?
caused the break with Pope Pius VII
less than ten years later? a. The Saint Bartholomew’s Day
Massacre
a. The Pope refused to close b. The Reign of a Hundred Days
Vatican-owned ports to the c. The Reign of Terror
English navy d. The Great Comeback
b. Napoléon refused to introduce
a church tax 12Charles Louis Napoléon
c. Napoléon’s divorce Bonaparte ruled France as
d. All of the above President of the Republic
from 1848 to 1852, becoming
9 As a leader, Napoléon aspired Napoléon III, Emperor of France in
to rule all of Europe; as a 1852. How was Napoléon III related
private person, he harboured to Napoléon Bonaparte?
artistic ambitions. What discipline
of art did he enjoy? a. Napoléon III was his nephew
b. Napoléon III was his step-
a. Sculpture grandson
b. Composing c. Napoléon III was his illegitimate
c. Writing son
d. Painting d. Both a and b

>> Turn to page 96 for quiz answers

94 may 2021



ANSWERS TO BONAPARTE QUIZ

1b. Corsica belonged to the Republic were later able to decipher the
of Genoa until it became part of hieroglyphs.
France in 1768.
7c. At 1.68 metres, Napoléon was an
2b. In 1799, the French government average height for men of the time.
was brought down by a coup d’état A calculation error caused the rumour
supported by Napoléon’s military. A that he was only 1.58 metres tall.
new constitution was drawn up under
Napoléon – appointing him as First 8 a. Among other demands,
Consul. Napoléon wanted to close Vatican-
owned ports to the British Royal Navy.
3b and c. Hoping to strengthen When the Pope refused, the French
the alliance with Austria, in 1810 leader directed his troops to invade
Napoléon married Marie Louise, the the Papal States. When, in 1809, Pius
eldest daughter of Emperor Franz I of VII excommunicated Napoléon, he
Austria. The long-awaited heir to the had the Pope arrested.
throne was born a year later.
9 c. Napoléon wrote a novella,
4 c. The Battle of Leipzig (16-19 Clisson et Eugénie.
October, 1813) was the largest
single battle of the Napoleonic Wars. 10 c. ‘From the sublime to the
The French had an estimated 190,000 ridiculous there is but one step,’
soldiers and Austrian, Prussian, is considered to be one of Napoléon’s
Russian and Swedish forces almost most famous witticisms.
330,000 and more artillery.
11 b. After about a year of exile
5 d. The Civil Code upholds on the island of Elba, Napoléon
the following principles: the returned to France for the ‘Reign
freedom of all citizens, the equality of a Hundred Days’, although his
of all citizens before the law and the ‘comeback’ lasted 110 days.
protection of private property.
12 d. Napoléon III was the nephew
6 b. In 1799, during the Egyptian and step-grandson of Napoléon
campaign, one of Napoléon’s Bonaparte. Napoléon III’s father was
officers found the Rosetta Stone. Napoléon Bonaparte’s brother, and
The same text is carved three times: his mother, who was adopted by
Egyptian demotic, ancient Greek Napoléon Bonaparte as a child, was
and Egyptian hieroglyphic. Using a daughter from Joséphine de
the Rosetta Stone, Egyptologists Beauharnais’s first marriage.

96 may 2021

THAT’S OUTRAGEOUS!

BY Rebecca Philps

STICKY SITUATION Two men were close to an area that controls the
fine movement of her left hand.
arrested and charged after doctoring She needed surgery, and Professor
a scratch-off lottery ticket to make Keyoumars Ashkan, a brain tumour
it appear they had won $100,000. specialist at King’s College Hospital
Mississippi authorities said they used in London, was the person to do it.
super glue to affix winning numbers His plan: rouse Turner during the
to a losing ticket in an attempt to surgery and ask her to play her violin
cash in. “They cut some numbers off to ensure they didn’t damage any
a second ticket and super glued them crucial tissue. Turner was awake for
to this one,” said a spokesperson. about two-and-a-half hours during
the successful operation, in which
RUNNING OUT OF TONER time she played the scales, ‘Bésame
Mucho’ and ‘Summertime’.
A Texas library apparently failed,
for quite some time, to notice its PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT When
printer was running out of toner at
a suspiciously fast pace. A former Steffen Schwarz, a farmer from
employee of the Austin Public Germany, decided to propose to his
Library is accused of fraudulently fiancée last year, he had his best man
buying $1.3 million worth of printer program a seed drill to leave empty
toner, which he then allegedly stole areas in his cornfield. Once the
and re-sold online. Surveillance crops grew around those spaces, the
video showed the employee carrying words “Willst du mich heiraten?,” or
printer toner to his car.
“Will you marry me?” would be
MUSIC TO HER EARS written across an area 200
by 100 metres.
Last autumn, Dagmar When the corn grew tall
Turner, a violin player enough, he persuaded
in the Isle of Wight his girlfriend to fly
Symphony Orchestra, a drone over the
learnt that a brain field. Her reply to the
tumour she’d had surprise proposal?
treated six years earlier A big yes.
was growing again,

rdasia.com 97

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98 may 2021