The coaching manual

THE COACHING MANUAL

● What do they need to do to be successful in their current situa-
tion or role?

● Do you have any other messages for this person?

All messages are attributed – i.e. the coachee hears both what was
said and who said it (obviously it’s important to make that clear
to everyone).

Recording and gaining approval for disclosure
After the interview, I’ll summarise the conversation in a docu-
ment and send it to the person I have interviewed, so that they
can review, edit and approve it for open use. People might change
or reshape their comments, making them clearer or more helpful.
Once the individual is happy for me to use their feedback, I can
share the same document with the coachee. An example of this
summary document (based on real interviews adapted for this
purpose) is what follows.

Coachee name: Simon Everett
Input name: Helena Phillips
Date of interview: 17 March
Date approved for use: 25 March

Q1 What is Simon good at?
I think generally Simon brings skills we really need to the role –
he’s got relevant experience and qualifications and it shows.
He’s experienced in both building strong teams and managing
projects; he’s a professional. When things get awkward, such as
when we’ve got technical issues, Simon can usually contribute.
He’s also pretty objective and remains focused when things get
stressful – I wish I could say that of more people around here.
Plus he’s a nice guy to have around generally – it’s fair to say he’s
well liked.

Q2 What do you value most about him?
On reflection it’s probably his ability to focus on solutions, rather
than problems. We have some pretty difficult individuals here who
like to apportion blame. Simon seems to stay out of all that; he auto-
matically seeks the resolution: e.g. ‘Okay, that’s how it is – so what
can we do now?’ I think I’ve come to really rely on him for that.

342

APPENDIX

Q3 What does he need to get better at?

Generally I think I’d like to see Simon speaking up more, mak-
ing a bigger impact. He tends to stay quiet sometimes. Like I said,
he’s often got a lot to add to the conversation, but can sometimes
get ‘drowned out’ by the bigger personalities in the room. I don’t
know if it’s a confidence thing; he seems pretty confident. I won-
der if it’s about avoiding conflict – not sure. In a fast-moving
environment we need people to get in fast with views and opin-
ions. It’s just not a culture here where people seek out consensus,
or listen patiently to quiet voices.

A smaller point is that he sometimes seems preoccupied with
detail. In discussions it sometimes feels like he’s over-explain-
ing things. He needs to either find a way to communicate the
key data more quickly, or else make more generalised points.
Keep the conversation at an appropriate level. It’s fine to tell us
that the plan is going to be changed, but as an operational area
we don’t need always to understand the finer detail of what led
us to that decision. We’re more concerned about what’s going to
happen most of the time – if we want the detail I guess we can
always ask. On matters of planning and scheduling, we trust his
­judgement – maybe he doesn’t appreciate that?

Q4 W hat does he need to do to be successful in his current
situation or role?

I think he’s already doing a good job, so I would say that he’s
already fairly successful. I think if he wants to bring true value
to the role he could use his position to act more as a ‘bridge’
between departments. For example, he sits between the customer-
facing departments and the more technical functions. He’s in an
ideal position to mediate some of our issues, or facilitate discus-
sions for us more. His ability to remain calm in a crisis (or a row)
makes him ideal. But that’s going to mean stepping forward more
often into those situations, which may cause him discomfort.

Q5 Do you have any other messages for him?

Just that I’m pleased to have been asked to do this. Simon is
someone I’m incredibly supportive of – we really value his con-
tribution. If there’s any of this feedback he wants to discuss with
me, I’d be glad to – I’ll even buy the coffee!

343

THE COACHING MANUAL

Gather feedback which is clear, supportive and constructive

During interviews I encourage people to make statements in a
balanced, constructive manner and eliminate any overly harsh
or insulting language. While I rarely hear insulting language,
if I do I’ll ask for a more helpful version of the statement. For
example, if someone tells me ‘Jayne’s team is making a fool out
of her, instead of her managing them it’s the other way round’, I
may say ‘Okay, that sounds a tough message, what’s appropriate
for me to record here?’ The person will normally give me some-
thing more constructive, like ‘She needs to lead from the front
more and find a way to keep the stronger characters following
her lead’.

So as a coach you need to help people give feedback that is clear,
objective and balanced. You are a natural ‘filter’ in the process
and your job is to encourage openness, clarity and constructive
comment. It may surprise you that in my many years of using
this approach, no coachee has ever responded badly when receiv-
ing this type of feedback. When the more challenging messages
are stated constructively and balanced with praise and acknowl-
edgement, most people respond very well and are grateful for the
additional information and input.

Deliver feedback messages in a considerate, constructive
manner

I aim to deliver all feedback to my coachee in person and also to
share all feedback gathered at the same time. This helps to illus-
trate common themes or messages, across multiple viewpoints.
When delivering feedback to the coachee, it’s important to
remind them that all comments are reflecting a perception that
has been created. People’s comments are not ‘true’ – they are sim-
ply that person’s perception of the coachee. For example, in the
feedback a colleague may have described my coachee as ‘disor-
ganised’. That does not necessarily mean that the coachee is dis-
organised (although they may admit to that!), but it does mean
that they have created the perception of being disorganised with
the person giving the feedback. The coachee is more likely to
accept responsibility for having created the impression of chaos
than that admit they are truly ‘disorganised’.

344

APPENDIX

Read directly from the document

After telling the coachee a little about what to expect, I’ll read
out directly from the document. I’ll also add any positive or
balancing statements I think will help, e.g. ‘This person is
clearly a supporter of yours and wants to see you do well . . .’
While I don’t want to tell the coachee how to respond, I do
feel I can help them distil key messages, or keep messages in
perspective.

When a coachee hears the interview summaries, they can be
informative and thought-provoking. Rarely do we see ourselves
through the eyes of others. The coachee may be surprised by
how other people experience them, and the feedback can lead
to breakthroughs in someone’s understanding. For example,
a coachee is frustrated with her lack of acknowledgement or
promotion at work. When her feedback is returned, she gains
information that helps her understand why. Her manager and
colleagues view her as happy, contented and unambitious. In
addition, she is perceived as someone who prefers a small group
of colleagues and does not actively seek new friends or contacts.
By receiving this feedback, the coachee can decide for them-
selves what the important messages are and what they want to
do about those. Their goals for the coaching assignment can be
refined or changed, e.g. ‘I need to promote myself and my goals
more. I also need to develop relationships with a much broader
group of people.’

Leave paper copies with your coachee

After the conversation, I leave paper copies with my coachee, so
that they can work through them again after the session. I also
encourage my coachee to contact those interviewed to acknowl-
edge their input and also discuss the feedback further if that’s
helpful.

This method requires that you deliver the messages from the
interviews in a supportive, sensitive manner. Clearly, you need
to be able to give effective feedback. For further guidance, please
refer to the supportive feedback section in Chapter 4, ‘Funda-
mental skills of coaching’.

345

THE COACHING MANUAL

Toolkit summary

Summary of feedback interview process

Gathering constructive feedback can be a valuable way to s­ upport
coaching. The additional perspectives or views are often new
information for the coachee. The information creates useful
­discussion with your coachee and helps them become clear about
their development goals. As a coach, it’s important to appreciate
the principles of gathering the feedback plus those for recording,
approval and delivery. When you are well-prepared, you add value
to the process and improve the benefits of the feedback for your
coachee.

Building block 2.5 Questions for reflection (coachee)

What is this? A writing method to help your coachee reflect on
What does it do? their sessions and their learning. They will need a
When might I use it? paper and pen.

Helps to accelerate their ongoing clarity and
engagement in the learning by provoking further
enquiry and reflection.

You might offer the method for your coachee to
use at any time, most obviously after a coaching
session. They can also use it any time they feel
they want to examine their own progress; perhaps
where they feel something is missing, or they
have an issue to work through.

Two options – write freestyle or use questions

Your coachee can choose to write freestyle (‘here’s what just hap-
pened’) and that’s often called a learning diary. Or they might
use questions to help them write. For example, reflection ques-
tions they might use include:

1. What happened during that conversation that seemed impor-
tant to notice?

2. What are my key thoughts arising from that session – e.g. what
ideas or insights do I want to focus on now?

346

APPENDIX

3. What actions or decisions do I want to take as a result of this
conversation?

4. What might stop me? (or how might I stop myself?)
5. What else do I want to remember?

Toolkit summary
Questions for reflection (coachee)

Reflection is a valuable way to accelerate our awareness, learning
and behavioural change. This is an optional tool you might offer
your coachee as a way of supporting them to make progress after
and between sessions.
To download a blank reflection note template for your coachee’s
own use, check out the online Toolbox at www.starrconsulting.
co.uk.

Building block 2.6 Personal development plan

What is this? A document which outlines someone’s
What does it do? development areas.

When might I use it? Helps to maintain a focus on someone’s goals
and objectives throughout a coaching assignment
(and beyond).

This can be offered to your coachee to complete
at any time: e.g. at the beginning of an assignment
to help focus their goals and objectives, or at the
completion stage, to help them stay focused once
the assignment has ended.

Short summaries which maintain focus

Try to use brief, succinct statements that explain the topic and
goal in summary detail only; they can always record further
detail separately. Descriptions are intended to be a simple record
to support action planning and discussion. The document is
intended to be updated regularly as progress is made and objec-
tives develop further.

347

THE COACHING MANUAL

Please discourage too many development objectives or goals. For
example, between three and five can work well, while seven to
ten is too many as they become difficult to remember and poten-
tially overwhelming to focus on.

Development Benefit/opportunity Actions to create
objective/goal
Increased flexibility: progress
1. Increase tolerance e.g. willingness to
to, and appetite for, accommodate the Stay aware of all
risk. unknown/uncertain. available options. Use
Increase ability to a structured way to
•  Increase comfort maintain progress evaluate risk (find a
in situations where rather than ‘stop and method).
infallibility is less stall’. Be willing to commit
guaranteed: e.g. to a path forward,
‘This is a balanced Enables fulfilment in spite of some
risk (and still a of personal and ambiguity.
risk).' professional goals.
Enables a focus on Consider personal,
2. Develop a pathway topics of personal domestic and
and plan forward fulfilment: e.g. professional aspects/
to become self- supporting others, impact.
employed within next creativity, etc. Identify support and
12 months. Provides personal resources required.
challenge and growth. Create a robust
3. Build a broader business plan
network of business Builds greater for appraisal by
relationships and awareness of the professionals, such as
contacts. business marketplace. the bank and business
Increases potential mentors.
• I ncrease personal for career success/
impact, raise choice. List key areas of focus
profile: e.g. ‘This Enlarges potential and contribution.
is what I’m doing/ contribution. Identify (and
this is what I’m Increases sense of communicate with)
involved in.' self-expression and groups, communities
enjoyment. and networks of
individuals with
natural resonance and
synergy to own goals.
Build awareness of
ways to communicate
more broadly, such
as social networking,
blogging, etc.

348

APPENDIX

Decide what works for your situation
There is no one correct method for creating a development plan;
simply aim for what best supports the needs and situation of
your coachee (and any stakeholders). You’ll notice that item 1.
reads like more of a personal development objective while item
2. is more of a personal goal. Item 3. incorporates both – i.e. in
order to build a broader network the individual is going to have
to learn and grow personally.
Why not try completing a row for one of your own objectives or
goals and see what feels helpful for you?

Toolkit summary
Personal development plan

This can be a useful document to help create mutual clarity of the
aims and focus of a coaching assignment. It can also be a use-
ful way of documenting someone’s way forward once a coaching
assignment has ended. It is intended to be a short, succinct docu-
ment which creates a quick reference or point of discussion. The
document is best kept fresh over time, by revisiting and revising
the content fairly regularly.

To download a PDF version of this document, see the
online ­Toolbox at www.starrconsulting.co.uk.

349



Index

acknowledgement 134 using of support activities and tools
action statement 193–4 to raise 224–5
action(s) 223, 339–40
awareness of others 270–4, 279
and agreements 189 benefits 272
and detail 192–4 and coach 271–2
encouraging 230–2 and coachee 274
identifying 325–6 developing 273–4
and personal development plan 247
sharing your note of their 194 barriers to coaching 264, 303–4
turning insight into 229–30 ‘amazing moment’ search 146–8
active listening 77–9 behavioural 132–54, 161
activities 166–7 ego 155–9
administration 210 focusing on what not to do 154
agreements, shaping of in looking good 149–52
physical and situational 127–32
conversation 186–94 relevance of previous knowledge/
‘amazing moment’ search 146–8 experience 153–4
aptitude for coaching 52 three-step response to 134
assessment tools 273
assignments 201–54, 304–5 Bays, Brandon 261
becoming a coach 283–310
framework for 201–6, 305
order of activities/stages 204–5 equipping for success 294–6
Stage 1: context 206–21 meaning 284
Stage 2: increase awareness, paid or unpaid 286–8
part-time/full-time 288–91
purpose and action 221–38 reasons for 285–6
Stage 3: completion 238–53 types and styles 291–3, 308
structure 204, 304 behavioural barriers 132–54, 161
attention control 136–9
combining with intention 82–3 playing ‘fix-it’ 139–46, 154
shifting of 80 strategising 141–6
toolkit: developing effective 315–16 talking too much 134–5, 154
attributes of a good coach 20–2 behavioural profiling 224
authenticity 143–4, 291 beliefs
awareness 134, 315 coaching 25–48
balancing with integrity 62–3 and rapport 62
increasing 161, 221–8

351

INDEX

benefits of coaching 8, 240–3, 244, identify sense of future direction
329 244–7

blame 37–9 purpose of 239
body language 56 reasons for 248–9
brain 86–7 sign-off 249–52
breaks between and during sessions and support 247–8
completition of conversation 194–6
129, 196, 289, 335 conclusions, shaping 186–94
buddies 248 confidentiality 331
building blocks (toolkit) 312, 328–49 confirmation of learning 201, 203
conflict, strategising to avoid 142–3
capabilities confusion 142, 150–1
and results 40–2 consistency 197
context for coaching 206–21
change, commitment to 219–20 control
chemistry meetings/conversations and closed questions 137–8
and directive style 18, 19
209, 213, 219 domination of conversation 136–9
clarity 173, 173–4 questions 96–8
closed questions 98–100, 137–8 conversational listening 76–7
closing a conversation 65, 194–6 conversations 7–8, 165–98, 301, 302,
clothes, and rapport 55–6
coaching overview document 211, 304–5
based on equality 46–7
328–32 completion/close 194–6
coaching path see conversations elements 222–3
coaching relationship, developing enquiry, understanding and insight

over time 68–71 177–86
coaching styles/types 291–3, 337–8 establishing 168–71
code of ethics 331 guiding principles 166–7
collaborative coaching 13–22, managing session time 196
pulling together 186–8
42, 134 shape conclusions and agreements
attributes of a good coach 20–2
less directive versus directive style 186-
topic and goal identification 171–7
14–20 cosmetic listening 74–6
meaning 13–14 counselling 330
principles 25–48, 301–2 courses 239, 265, 277, 290, 295–6
toolkit: help someone else find the criticism 108, 111
self- 158
answer 313–15 cynicism 219
commitment(s) 31, 69, 130
Data Protection Act 236
guidelines to help us keep 70 deep listening 79–83
to change 219–20 definition of coaching 286
to support 26–30
communication, non-verbal see non-

verbal communication
completion of coaching 238–53

benefits of coaching 240–3, 244
checklist 252–3

352

Index

delegation 227–8 external objectives/goals 213–14
detachment 130, 316, 330 eye contact 64–5, 118
detail
familiarity 168–9
and actions 192–4 fatigue/tiredness 27, 127, 128–9
direction, maintaining 214 feedback 107–23, 220, 339
directive style 15–16, 17–18, 96, 110
discipline, personal 197 based on fact and behaviour
domination of conversation 136–9 113–14
drifting 173–5
constructive and beneficial 117–18,
ego 43, 155–9 120–3
in coaching 157–8
and influence 155–6, 158 external 243
spotting signs of your 157 giving effective 111–13
staying present 158–60 and integrity 112–13
three horsemen of 156 and learning 107
meaning 107–9
emotional intelligence 259, 278, 306 negative responses to 118–20
emotional maturity 257–79, 296, 306, objective and subjective 114–18
positive intention 111, 112
307 and raising awareness 224–5
awareness of others 270–4, 279 and reviews 235
benefits 263 and self-awareness 107, 265
elements 260, 307 timing of 109–10
indicators of 258 toolkit: getting 319–21
meaning 257–62, 278 toolkit: interview process 340–6
relationship management 274–8 feelings
self-awareness 262, 263–7, 279 and rapport 61–2
self-management 267–70, 279 final coaching session 249–50
emotional quotient (EQ) 259 first session 169
emotional states 129–31 starting a 332–4
empathy 130–2, 270–1, 272 summary of 335–40
engagement ‘fix-it’, playing 139–46, 154
building 216–21 flexibility 98, 165
factors affecting 218–20 focus 153–4
increasing 221 on coachee’s thoughts and
maintaining 230–2
signs of 217 experiences 42–4
enquiry 177–8, 313 on coaching objectives 225–8
environment of coaching 127–32, on desired outcomes 213–15
increasing 228–32
207–8 on what not to do 154
equality, conversation based on 46–7 full-time coaching 288–90
existing skills/experience 292–3 further sessions 241
expectations 219, 330, 331 future of coaching 308–9
future direction, identify sense of
agreeing on 210–11
experience, previous 153 244–7

353

INDEX

gestures 56 judgement 27–8, 30
goal(s) 41, 334 non-judgement 27–8, 30

benefits of clear 214–15 knowledge
external 213–14 coaching of 17, 18
flexibility 98, 165 previous 153–4
identification 171–7
and personal development plan 246 language
session 176 directive versus less-directive
toolkit: building clearer 321–6 14–18, 96, 110
unrealistic 41 precision in 190–2
Goleman, Daniel 259, 262 and rapport 59–62
great coaches 20–2, 84, 90, 251,
learning
284–6 confirmation of 201, 203
consolidation of 301–10
‘head space’, creating 338 and feedback 107
help someone else find their answer ongoing 19, 147, 222

313–15 learning diary 265, 346
honesty 32, 41, 143 less directive style 14, 15, 16–17,

idea(s) 301 19–20
giving someone an 231–2 life coaching 4
refining 188–9 line manager 206
listening 71–83
imagination 323
influence 324 active 77–9
conversational 76–7
and ego 155–6, 158 cosmetic 74–6
and listening 73 deep 79–83
and questions 96–8 and effective influence 73
regain feeling of 186 levels of 72, 74–83
information 211, 212 toolkit: developing deeper 317–19
care of personal 236 with your body 80–2
keep building 181–2 location 127–8
insight, turning into action 229–30 logistics 209–10
integrity 31–5, 41, 69–70 looking good in a conversation 149–52
balancing awareness with 62–3 loyalty 33–5
and feedback 112–13
intention 316 martyr perspective 37–9
combining attention with 82–3 matching, increasing rapport through
and rapport 67–8
introductory conversation 208–9 63–5
intuition 83–9 meditation 80
developing 87–8 meeting room 127
pitfall of 89 meetings
subtle nature of 88–9
IQ (Intelligence Quotient) 260, 279, 306 chemistry 209, 213, 219
team 28

354

Index

mentors 248 personal information/data 236
mind chatter 29 personality profiling 224,
mismatching 64, 65
mistakes, making 120, 151, 152 265, 273
motivation 91, 150, 269, 270, 325 physical appearance 55–6
mutual respect 18 physical/situational barriers to

navigation 170 coaching 127–32
negative emotions 230, 261 possibility 185
negotiation 207–8 posture
neuro-linguistic programming (NLP)
martyr-like 37–9
296 matching 64
neutrality 232 victim-like 36–7
non-judgement 30 powerful questions 100–4
pre-meetings 208–9
coaching from 27–8 precision in language 190–2
non-verbal communication 86–7 preparation for coaching 331–2
present, staying 158–60
body language 56 present-moment awareness 81–2
eye contact 64–5, 118 principles of coaching 20, 25–48
voice 57–8, 97 procrastination 16
note-taking 170–1 professionalism 169
purpose
objectives 18, 336–7 integrity of 33
confirming of 225–8 maintaining sense of 214
external 213–14 questions with 92–6
and personal development plan
246 qualifications 294
session 335 questionnaires 233–4
questions 90–106, 185
objectivity 29–30
observations 106 closed/open 98–100, 137–8
open questions 98–100, 138 and control 96–8, 137–8
openness 28, 31–5, 40, 71, 143 effective 93–5
outcomes influence versus control 96–8
as keys to open doors 92
benefits of clear 214–15 powerful 100–4
focus on desired 213–15 purpose 92–6
and reviews 234–5
paid/unpaid coach 286–8 simplicity 90–2
part-time coaching 288–90 thinking of next 99–100
perfect solutions toolkit: for reflection (coach)

generation by coachees 44–6 326–7
perfection in the eye of the beholder toolkit: for reflection (coachee)

147–8 346–7
personal development plan (PDP) and voice 97
when stuck 104–6
226, 245, 246–7, 347–8
personal discipline 197

355

INDEX

rapport 52–71, 333 developing 265
balancing awareness with integrity and feedback 107
62–3 self-criticism 158
creation of 54–6 self-discipline 197
decreasing 65–6 self-management 262, 267–70, 279
increasing 63–5, 66 and coach 268
and intention 67–8 and coachee 269–70
meaning 53–4 self-study 224
scale of 55 selling coaching services 291
signs of 56–62 session breaks 129, 196, 289
session time, managing 196
reading 211, 219, 225, 245 sign-off 249–52
and developing self-awareness 265 silence 104, 135
simple, keeping things 90–2
recollection, writing for 170–1 skills of coaching 51–123, 302–3
redundancy 36 aptitude for coaching 52
reflection 27, 89 feedback see feedback
intuition 83–9
questions for (coach) 326–7 listening 71–83
questions for (coachee) 346–7 questions see questions
and summaries 182–4 rapport see rapport
written 224, 265 toolkit: strengthening 311–27
reflection note 273 solutions 301
relationship management 274–8, 279 coachees and generation of perfect
and coach 275–6
and coachee 278 44–6
improving 277 sponsors 205–6, 250
repetition 190 stages of assignment see assignments
resonance 64 stakeholders 206, 250
responsibility for results 35–40 starting a first session 332–4
results 240–3 state of mind, maintaining an
and capabilities 40–2
focus on desired outcomes appropriate 129–30
strategising in conversation 141–6
213–15 stuck, questions when 10406
no results 217 substitution 154
responsibility for 35–40 success, equipping for 294–6
reviews 232–8 summaries/summarising 105, 182–5,
deciding when and how 234–5
methods 233–4 189–90
question types 235 superiority 46–7
typical schedule of 236–7 supervision 234, 289
right, being 151–2 support 224–5

scheduling sessions 128–9, 197, 209 commitment to 26–30
self-awareness 107, 262, 263–7, and completion of coaching 247–8
context for coaching 206–21
279, 330 feedback 107–23
and coach 263–4 and raising awareness 224–5
and coachee 266–7

356

Index

Survey Monkey 235 feedback 319–21
sympathy 130–2, 271 help someone else find their

talking too much 134–5, 154 answer 313–15
team meetings 28 questions for reflection 326–7
testimonials 243 topic identification 171–7
therapy 329–30 training 329
time management 196, 338 travelling time 289
toolkit 311–49 trust 18, 19, 31–5, 40, 52, 71,

building blocks 312, 328–49 331, 340
coaching overview document truth 41, 71, 142, 143–4
328–32 understanding 272
personal development plan 347–9
questions for reflection (coachee) building 179–80
346–7 maintaining 230–2
starting a first session 332–4
summary of feedback interview unrealistic goals 41
process 340–6
summary of a first session vagueness 173–5
335–40 values, and rapport 62
victim postures 36–7, 38
strengthening skills 311, 313–27 voice
build a clearer goal 321–6
develop deeper listening 317–19 quality of and rapport 57–8
developing effective attention and questions 97
315–16
wellbeing 128–30
work-life balance 290

357