Defog Your Focus Page 51 of 60 Talk About Things That Weigh Your Heart and Mind Image by Jennifer Menendez from Pixabay “Every stress leaves an indelible scar, and the organism pays for its survival after a stressful situation by becoming a little older.” -Hans Selye At times, life may take a different path than what you had intended. You want it to go right, it turns left. You wait waving Wrong Turn but life keeps going left. Then you’re faced with either of these three things. 1. Struggling with acceptance if there is no way back to your preferred way. 2. If there is a way back, how to get back to it?
Defog Your Focus by Fiza Ameen 3. Dealing with an uncertain road as your forecasted life hasn’t translated as reality. Stress, much like an unwelcomed guest, might come anytime. But, uncertainty and disappointment, welcome it with open arms. Inverse relationships between optimism and depressed symptoms have been discovered in recent research1 studies. But, of course, we cannot be happy and positive all the time. In fact, too much positivity has been found2 as intoxicating and derailing mental health as well. However, along with understanding the value of low feelings, we must aid ourselves on our way out toward optimism and life. This, then, is not toxic because we do not just overlook the details of our experience. Here, we win over the experience by going through its depth. The key thing is: unaided stress can be harmful. Good stress and bad stress? Let's be clear about when stress is healthy and when it is detrimental. Mild stress about approaching deadlines, low performance, uncertainty is good. This, in many ways, defogs the concentration on what’s in one’s control. Long-term stress, especially over what’s not in one’s control, is bad. So, the very same thing might facilitate getting more done and it might weigh the heart and brain down, triggering anxiety, emotional imbalance, and mental illness in some cases. The border-line between these two aspects is the magnitude and duration of this stress and the situation you are in.
Defog Your Focus Page 53 of 60 Long-term solution for stressful conditions: Stress cannot be helped with more stress. And of course, stress cannot help you in finding a way. Now, to truly get over the stress, we must know the cause. Whether it is the job or some personal problem or pending work. The first step, here, is clarity. You need to get a clearer mind. Depending upon what the problem is, the solution varies. Figure out a way if your problem has a solution that’s within your control (in any way). If, unfortunately, you’re in a long-term dilemma, first work out on stress. How? Show light to stressful thoughts. Exercise, meditation (as discussed in this piece), change of environment are all helpful ways depending on the level of stress, the circumstances you are in, and of course, the amount of concentration you can put forth. Sometimes, distracting oneself through a change of errands also helps. But it’s possible as soon as you are no longer distracted by the distraction, you are distracted by stress. Your banished stressful thoughts come back to you. To permanently evade this kind of stress, the researchers suggest writing it down. (More on that here3 .) However, at times expressive writing might be difficult for there’s so much electricity running wild in your head. Moreover, not having enough time and mindfulness at that time can possible impede help through writing. Another way out is discussion. First, see….
Defog Your Focus by Fiza Ameen Keeping things to yourself when stressed. How bad it is? Image by Nikko Macaspac on Unsplash If life is turning upside down and you’re stressed about what isn’t in your control, and put up a good show that everything is okay within you but deep down this stress wears you off. While keeping things to yourself, you hoard a swarm of anxiety within you. Even emotional and physical health deteriorates. Perhaps starting with a lack of concentration and headache. So, now you have three things to tackle: 1. Aggravating level of stress 2. Instability in physical and emotional health 3. And, of course, the problem that brewed stress A question that might be worth answering, here, is: how can we help stress with more stress? And with poor health? With avoiding healthy exchange of views?
Defog Your Focus Page 55 of 60 Need for dialogue when stress is evoked (in any way) through a person: Being a social animal, at times, the thoughts oriented to other people might trigger stress. The situation could be multifold. If possible, one should find a way to the person concerned. The author Suchi Gupta in her book Healthy Ways to Relieve Stress: Smile With Yoga Poses, Acupressure and Stress Advice Tips!4 writes, “Just talk to the person because of whom you are feeling stressed. Talking will help releasing what’s going on in your mind. Maybe they have a different viewpoint for whatever they did/said, listen to their side of the story as well while sharing yours. Don’t get into blame game though!” Oftentimes, its miscommunication that stems misunderstanding. We take the not-soaccurate impression of what other people mean to say. Discussion, then, is the key to making ourselves plain and allowing others to do the same. At any rate, it channelizes the emotions. (However, it is important to note that blame-gaming and responsibility-shifted should be avoided.) Exchange of views when the person not directly involved with your stress “Sometimes you just need to talk about something—not to get sympathy or help, but just to kill its power by allowing the truth of things to hit the air” -Karen Salmansohn.
Defog Your Focus by Fiza Ameen Image by Pezibear at Pixabay Finding ‘right’ person to discuss. A right person is someone who is willing to listen, and who extends heartfelt compassion. They have a way with discussing even the most complicated matters. Such person helps you to understand how you were at fault in a particular situation, and how you can make amends. The one who is not just interested in giving advice and telling you what to do, but is also there to support you as you make your own decisions. It’s just like having a pair of sincere eyes on your pending work. (If you’ve read the section about empathy you can spot such an understanding person when you see them.)
Defog Your Focus Page 57 of 60 How does discussion help? 1. It evokes hope. Regardless of whether one prefers humans or patient paper, one is presented with hope and new possibilities through both. Yet the underlying issue remains the same. It is difficult to predict how long the process will take to be completed, or even if it will be completed at all (even with writing and discussion). But, mostly dialogue (with right people) as well as writing expressively (in right way) tend to unearth the big or small which is still in one’s control. When you hold it, you can make all the difference. This evokes hope. And, life gleams through hope. For when does one need more light than when the sky is dark? 2. It helps banishes negative thoughts. “The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.”—William James When you’re stressed, it’s helpful idea to let go of some of your thoughts and think about the next ones. But not sharing your thoughts is like keeping dangerous things to yourself. When you’re not sharing them, you’re caught up in them. Your perspective on them hardly changes. You repeat the same picture (even though you do not want to). Share them to put the thoughts in perspective and order. But, find the right person(s) to share. (Such kindred souls maybe anywhere.)
Defog Your Focus by Fiza Ameen 3. It identifies fears and emotions. Researchers5 believe the process of labeling of emotions as the first step to deal with them. This process is tricky, and with the loops and loops of inner dialogue, it gets trickier. But, as the views are exchanged, sometimes latter unknowns become known. The first thing always is the awareness, as they say. The second step is the cause and then comes the practical step: the way forward. So, talking about what eats at your heart helps to recognize our fears and discern feelings. 4. It uses positive affirmations. When you express your thoughts, it is more likely that you will receive a positive version of the experience. This sunny side sprouts hope. The hope, in turn, breeds vows to take control of what can be managed. Researches6 have demonstrated that self-reflection and positive affirmation can help combat the toxic effects of stress. It also helps your problem-solving capability. If you would like to learn more about the effectiveness of such affirmations, please refer to this research6 . The Message? In any situation, it is important to recognize: the type of stress your control in a situation the action to channelize stress effectively That will make a lot of things easier to take care of.
Defog Your Focus Page 59 of 60 For, “It's not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” Hans Selye References: 1. Chang, E.C. and Sanna, L.J. (2001) ‘Optimism, pessimism, and positive and negative affectivity in middle-aged adults: a test of a cognitive-affective model of psychological adjustment’, Psychology and Aging, 16(3), pp. 524–531. Available at: https://doi.org/10.1037//0882-7974.16.3.524. 2. Toxic Positivity: How Being Too Positive Causes More Harm (2021) MyCareersFuture. Available at: https://content.mycareersfuture.gov.sg/toxic-positivity-being-too-positive-causesmore-harm/ (Accessed: 21 August 2023). 3. Niles, A.N. et al. (2013) ‘Randomized controlled trial of expressive writing for psychological and physical health: the moderating role of emotional expressivity’, Anxiety, Stress, & Coping, 27(1), pp. 1–17. Available at: https://doi.org/10.1080/10615806.2013.802308. 4. Gupta, S. (no date) Healthy Ways to Relieve Stress: Smile With Yoga Poses, Acupressure and Stress Advice Tips! Lulu.com. 5. David, S. (2017) 3 ways to better understand your emotions, Harvard Business Review. Available at: https://hbr.org/2016/11/3-ways-to-better-understand-youremotions. 6. Creswell, J.D. et al. (2013) ‘Self-Affirmation Improves Problem-Solving under Stress’, PLoS ONE. Edited by J.C. Perales, 8(5), p. e62593. Available at: https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0062593.
Defog Your Focus by Fiza Ameen Acknowledgements To my parents for showing me the worth of truly living. To my brother for showing me the warmest love. To the sister for deepest understanding. To friends for their patience. To mentors for believing in me. And, to you for your courage to choose growth. ©Fiza Ameen