Describe without using: Morality: honor, respect, honor
U N D E R S T ANDING R E S P E C T R E S P E C T FUL E N D U R A N C E Inclusive Ta-boo U N D E R S T ANDING R E S P E C T R E S P E C T FUL E N D U R A N C E Inclusive Ta-boo U N D E R S T ANDING R E S P E C T R E S P E C T FUL E N D U R A N C E Inclusive Ta-boo U N D E R S T ANDING R E S P E C T R E S P E C T FUL E N D U R A N C E Inclusive Ta-boo
Tips for Teachers
• Joking around • Laughing and fooling around • Irrita�ng others • Disturbing others • Purpously delaying tasks • Trying to a�ract others' a�en�on and admira�on • Doing silly things to a�ract a�en�on • Trying to be liked by the teacher and seeking their approval Engage the youngster in a produc�ve ac�vity to divert a�en�on. Express what your ac�on would you take. (Example: I no�ce you and I will give you a�en�on later.”) Do not try to set the situa�on straight or to save them from difficutly. Establish specific �me for 1:1 me�ngs. Encourage the youngster to resolve issues. Establish subtle communica�on. Divert the student by giving them a task to focus on. Encourage them to provide or achieve something for the class. Use “I” statements to express your feelings Give them a message wri�en on a paper. Give them chances to par�cipate. Don't be predictable: • Voice volume down • Alter your intona�on. • Stop class ac�vity for a while. Re-direct their a�en�on: • Ask them to do smth for you • Present them with op�ons • Switch the task • Ask them a ques�on • Swap their place Limit your interest in them: • Don’t treat them special. • Remind them that the behaviour is not appropriate with touch, without words. Steer clear of: • Telling instruc�ng them again and again and repea�ng what they forgot. • So�ly convincing them to do their assignment. • Only when I'm recognized or receiving special unique treatment do I feel like I belong. • Only when I am being no�ced or when people are seeing me do I fit. • I only ma�er while I'm occupying your a�en�on. • Pay a�en�on to me. • Include me in a way I can feel I am contribu�ng. Examples of probable behaviour: Ideas for proactive and motivating reactions: Intention of the student: to get recognised and to be more noticed What is the student’s unexpressed conviction: What they want to tell us:
• Playing the vic�m • Pretending to be incapable • Pretending to be afraid • Being clingy • Insis�ng authorita�vely about something Establish certain way of doing tasks. Encourage them to resolve issues. Spend �me prac�cing this. Let them be frustrated and dissa�sfied while they master new skills. Encourage independence Allow them to learn from their failures. Pretend to be “clumsy” or “incapable”. Give them a chance to assist and help. Instead of trying to protect or correct them, trust in their capacity to manage their emo�ons. Keep away from: • Telling instruc�ng them again and again and repea�ng what they forgot. • Accep�ng accountability for something that is their duty. • Trying to jus�fy their ac�ons. • Assis�ng them in ways that they could assist themselves. • Trea�ng them in an overprotec�ve way and spoiling them with a�en�on. • I feel like I fit only when I keep other people engaged with me. • I want to be treated as excep- �onal. • I want you to do my task for me because I am doub�ul I can do it on my own. • Pay a�en�on to me. • Include me in a way I can feel I am contribu�ng. Examples of probable behaviour: Ideas for proactive and motivating reactions: Intention of the student:: Unique treatment What is the student’s unexpressed conviction: What they want to tell us:
• Always telling others what to do • Having disputes with the authority figure • Not willing to perform tasks • Describing ac�ons as "dumb" • Pu�ng off tasks • Following their own idea of doing things • Being judgmental of others • Interfering • Being uncoopera�ve • Being indifferent • Takes over the control in the group Shi� the a�tude by asking them for assistance. Give them op�ons, but just a few that you consider appropriate. Avoid engaging in conflict and resist surrendering. Do not engage in arguments. Be asser�ve and confident while also being considerate. Be�er to use ac�ons than words. Remove yourself from the situa�on and take a minute to regulate your anger. Work on fostering mutual apprecia�on. Establish a few appropriate boundaries. Make sure you follow up on them. Offer them the chance to make a valuable contribu�on. Hear: “I want to assist and be of use. I want op�ons.” How to avoid such behaviour before it escalates: • Appreciate what the students do, quietly. Pay a�en�on to small things that the students do or say. Welcome students when mee�ng them. Display interest about them and their interests. Share meals with them. Recognize the child and what the situa�on requires: • Recognize the student’s poten- �al for winning the power struggle. • Do not engage in arguments and don’t fold in. • Shi� the a�tude by asking them for assistance. • Give them op�ons, but just a few that you consider appropriate. • Express (include) both perspec- �ves. • Set a �me to have a chat with the student. • Establish and follow certain rou�ne ac�vi�es and a�tude. Set an elegant example: • Retract from the argument. Remove yourself from the situa�on and take a minute to regulate your anger. Delay, postpone the argument for discussion in another �me. Show them ac�ons, not words. Engage their energy in a posi�ve way: • Assign them tasks in the class room. Allow them to be the leader. Make them help a younger student with their studies. Request their opinion. Keep away from: • Having quarrels. • Compelling them to do something. • Surrendering your power. The desire always win and to make them do as you say. • The desire to be correct • The desire for power • Trea�ng them harshly. • I feel like I fit in only when I am in charge and when no one can tell me what to do. • You cannot compel me to follow your orders. • You cannot halt my ac�ons. • I want to assist and be of use. • I want op�ons. Examples of probable behaviour: Ideas for proactive and motivating reactions: What is the student’s unexpressed conviction: What they want to tell us: Intention of the student: Inappropriate attempt for power struggle
• Talking offensively • Causing physical harm to subjects or people • Loo�ng • Being dishonest • Being insul�ng and cruel • Being self-distruc�ng Recognize hurt emo�ons. • Try not to feel offended. • Do not seek revenge or give penal�es as retribu�on for an offence. • Create a safe environment. • Be reflec�ve listener. • Express your emo�ons. • Show that you are sorry if you did something wrong. • Focus on their posi�ve quali�es and skills. • Take no sides in an argument. • Use tools for relaxa�on and de-escala�on of conflict. • Explain and use “I” statements • Refrain from blaming How to avoid such behaviour before it escalates: • Do not engage in conflict. • Work on building trust and tolerance for one another. • Establish a few appropriate boundaries. • Cheer for them Show coping mechanisms: • Advise and demonstrate how to properly apologise. • Advise and demonstrate how to ask and act in order to correct a mistake or a bad situa�on that they caused. Tip: Use cards from the game Recognize the child and what the situa�on requires: • Recognize any hurt emo�ons. • Express your emo�ons. • Try not to feel offended. • Do not seek revenge or give penal�es as retribu�on for an offence. • Express that you care • Ac�ons speak louder than words. • Be a good listener • Do not shield them from the natural implica�ons of their ac�ons. Show them how to solve problems: • Use posi�ve �me-out for a set �me limit. • Encourage them to state emo�ons via “I-statements” Keep away from: • Saying or doing something harmful to them because they did or said something harmful to you. • Trea�ng them through rough discipline. • Inflic�ng guilt on them, while making yourself look pi�ful and as if you are the wronged person. • I don’t think I fit in here and I feel upset, so I will upset others. • I'm not likeable or loveable. • I am upset and I am suffering. • Accept and confirm my emo- �ons. Examples of probable behaviour: Ideas for proactive and motivating reactions: Intention of the student: To seek vengeance or retribution What is the student’s unexpressed conviction: What they want to tell us:
• Stepping back from projects and tasks • Seem like they have lost confidence or enthusiasm • They show apathy towards assignments • They want to be correct so bad that making a mistake terrifies them and they hardly a�empt to do anything. • Hopelessness • They believe that nothing can be done to help them. Divide the assignment into manageable pieces. The cri�cism must end. Cheer for all successful endeavors. Highlight their strong skills. Do not feel or act sorry for them. Do not despair and quit. Create condi�ons for posi�ve achievements. Show them how to do it, do not do it for them. Divide the task into baby steps. Make them feel important by assigning them responsible tasks. Express confidence and belief in their skills. Teach students to divide assignments into manageable components. Show them that it is okay to have flaws and to make mistakes. Hear: “I want you to keep trying for me. ” Refer and remember prior accomplishments and good quali�es they have. • Advise them to focuse on their strengths, posi�ve a�ributes and skills: • Be an example of how making mistakes gives you a chance to gain more knowledge. • Show that you are not perfect. • Encourage them. Tip: use cards from the deck • Use ques�ons that start with “what” and “how” • Encourage and advise students on how to use their strengths to overcome obstacles • Prac�ce ge�ng and accep�ng compliments during class hour. • Encourage them not to use “I can’t”. Keep away from: • Commen�ng similari�es and differences between students • Cri�quing • Taking the responsibility of the student if they cannot do a certain task. • Do not despair and quit. • I don’t fit in because I am not as good as others. • It's pointless to a�empt because if I tried, everybody would see how inadequate I am. • I'll persuade people not to have high expecta�ons for me since I'm not the best. • I want you to keep trying for me. • It is easier for me to finish what you expect from me, if you give me small tasks that amount to something large. Examples of probable behaviour: Ideas for proactive and motivating reactions: What is the student’s unexpressed conviction: What they want to tell us: Intention of the student: To behave like they are unable to deal with a situation and thus, they prefer to quit and to be left in solitude - to avoid shame