Of Flowers That Bloomed in Fire

BY ALDRIN OCAMPO

OF VOLUME 1 | NO. 1
F L OW E R S DECEMBER 05, 2020
THAT
BLOOMED
IN
FIRE

INTRODUCTION

Writing has always been my way to escape in this world.
It is a way of sharing myself piece by piece when I am
incapable of expressing myself. I started writing when I need
to comfort myself through spells of depression, and there
is an unexplainable feeling in knowing that someone out
there could possibly feel the same things that I do, to the
depths that I feel them. Sharing my words with the world is
comparable to opening up my journal, full of my deepest
vulnerabilities and desires, and allowing the world to read.
Once I realize that someone understands my feelings, I
suddenly do not feel alone anymore.

This project is inspired by my personal experiences. It
talks about my growth experiences and hindrances, God’s
greatest gifts, and my sources of strength and inspiration.
The title itself is from the book of Jerico Silvers, one of the
writers that I admire the most. I interpret the line ‘Of Flowers
That Bloomed In Fire’ as whatever negative situations and
past experiences that surround us, we are always able to
grow from them. As you read this, I hope that you can see
yourself reflected in my words, although we lead vastly
different lives.

growth

/grōTH/

FREEDOM FROM THE PAST

Sadness is better than feeling nothing at all. In years later but I still hold on to these words. They made

my younger years, everything seems not figured out, me realize that I have the power to create the life that I

like any of it does not make sense, and I feel like waiting want though I was just forced to accept this existence I

for something I do not know what for. At that age, I was did not wish for in the first place. As my favorite author

so eager to find the missing piece that will finally fill the Stephen Chbosky wrote, “So, I guess we are who we are

emptiness in my soul. I spent my time going out with my for a lot of reasons. And maybe we’ll never know most

friends drinking and was addicted to computer games of them. But even if we don’t have the power to choose

and sexual content on the internet. There were times where we come from, we can still choose where we go

where I would cut myself to feel something— to feel like from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel

a normal person. This, I thought, was the outcome of okay about them.”

having a physically and emotionally abusive father. I still Looking back on who I was before, my mental

remember the nine-year-old me, locked in a room for and emotional well-being has drastically improved, not

getting caught playing with girls, banging his head on only because of those words that I came across three

the wall crying and screaming, “God, if you are real, take years ago, but because of the courage I have established

me! Just take me, please!” I often wondered if things to finally embrace my flaws and my past experiences.

would have been better or at least different if I disappear I discovered a healthy way to distract myself from the

or if I was born in another family. madness of my own universe: reading books, writing

One time, while I was going home from school, poems, and listening to music and podcasts. I stopped

I walked past this middle-aged man wearing a black patching my wounds with inappropriate remedies that

cap and a printed white shirt saying, “Pain is inevitable will just aggravate them in the end. I learned that I have

but misery is a choice.” This statement has opened my no power to change the things that passed, but I have

mind in a very unexplainable way and almost three the ability to accept and rise above them.

“We can never rewrite the past. The words, the
actions, the love we’ve given— they will all stay
right there where we’ve left them: on the pages
where we’ve written them. We can only be better
for the future.

Sometimes, it takes a ton of courage to accept
that. Sometimes it’s hard to let go of the regret and
sadness. But we must remember that our stories
never stop, it must go on. And it is up to us, to
what we do now, how will it turn out beautiful.

- J E R I CO SI LV ER S

SELF-WORTH IS
NEVER SELFISH

Growing up, I have always wanted to prove myself. This
probably is the aftermath of being repeatedly asked: “Are you the
sibling of Adrian? The one who excels at math?” “Ocampo? Aren’t
you the younger brother of Steven who is good at drawing?” “How
about you? In what area are you good at?” Both of my older brothers
were known for representing my former high school in contests
such as journalism, poster making, quiz bees, and more. These
types of questions never failed to make me feel how mediocre
I was. They were my greatest nightmares whenever I have to
introduce myself to every class as the school year starts. The worse
is that these comparisons do not only happen at school, even at
home. I still remember disappointing my parents when I fell short
of being one of the academic awardees since my brothers were
consistent honor students from grade school to high school. I have
always lived in their shadows, and this perhaps is the reason why
my actions are governed by how I should satisfy others.
This idea of finding happiness by pleasing others changed
when I understood that the people around me are almost certainly
very different from whom my anxieties evolved. I acknowledged the
inadvertently harmful side-effects of my behavior. I may genuinely
have good intentions, but I was endangering everyone by not
speaking more frankly. In completing a group task, I was not doing
anyone a favor by withholding my doubts and reservations. And in
love, I realized that there is no kindness in staying in a relationship
simply because it seems that my partner might not survive without
me. She will, but I would have wasted a lot of her time through my
sentimentality. Lastly, I acquired the confidence to be artful about
the difficult messages I have to impart.
As a child, I couldn’t nuance the messages I wanted to
send out. I didn’t know how to craft my raw pain and needs into
convincing explanations. Now, it is open to me to be firm in my
own views – but highly genial as well. I can say ‘no’ while indicating
that I feel a lot of goodwill; I can say that someone is wrong without
implying that they are an idiot. I can leave someone while ensuring
they realize how much a relationship meant to me. I can – in other
words – be pleasant without being a people-pleaser.

““We’ve become
conditioned to
compromise and shrink
ourselves in order to be
liked. The problem is, when
you work so hard to get
everyone to like you, you
very often end up not
liking yourself so much.”

-RESHMA SAUJANI

hin·drance

/‘hindrəns/

FACTORS THAT
HINDER MY
GROWTH

Lack of Self-Discipline

I have lofty ideas about the things I would like
to achieve and the person I would like to become
but lack the self-discipline to accomplish those
things, so I only end up disappointing myself. I
want to believe that I can be disciplined. I draw up
sophisticated to-do lists, habit charts, and resolutions
boards. I try to make new habits, and for a few days,
it works. I write poetry, brainstorm random designs,
learn a new language, study my lessons, and do
my daily work out. For a few days, I really think that
I have managed to turn things around, that I have
become a self-disciplined person. And then it all falls
apart— something comes up, I’ll miss a day, and then
another, and then I’ll just let the habits slide.

Lack of Motivation

I notice that it is easy for me to say that

I would like to do something (exercise, learn a when faced with things I want or need to do. I have

language or get better at being in a relationship) but a great fear of the unknown, unable to stand up for

I do not understand why I want to do something so what I believe in, and don’t have the courage to risk

I do not accomplish it. I do not have the motivation embarrassment.

that creates a powerful force or drive that can propel

me to achieve what I want. I just think I should want Negative or Pessimistic Attitude

something and create a fantasy around the thought. I can see myself as frequently identifying and

focusing on the negative, or unfavorable, aspects of

Lack of Self-Confidence a situation rather than concentrating on what is going

Having low self-esteem has always been right. Expecting only the worst sort of outcomes

a challenge to me and is the result of focusing too often clouds my mind and hamper my possibilities

much on the unrealistic expectations or standards of growth. This consistent anticipation of negative

of others. I am afraid to take risks on tasks that I am results causes me to always feel sad and worried

able to do and I get paralyzed by the fear and anxiety which is unhealthy for my mental health.

““There are days you just
notice your nails or hair are
already long, right?

Because growth is like
that. You don’t always feel
it happening. You don’t
always see the changes.”

- J ER I C O S I LV ER S

gift

/ɡift/

GOD’S GREATEST GIFTS

Family time we have been given. I have arrived at a place

We are all going to face obstacles throughout in my life where I am convinced beyond the shadow

our lives, but without that motivation from outside of a doubt that I have been created on purpose for

sources, we will never be able to overcome them. a purpose. I am thankful to know that God’s plan for

My family continues to motivate me to be the creating me was intentional and deliberate, there

best version of myself that I can possibly be in was a process of planning which crystallized the

any situation. As a student, it can be so easy to be details for the finished product, and that my talents

tempted to give up when things get stressful or and capabilities are all part of His plan. I am thankful

tiring, but my family always keeps me focused on to know that I am created on purpose for purpose—

the path ahead. They remind me of my goals in life to be a physician and serve the community.

and help me realize that I am lucky to be getting this

education to ensure success in the future. Without Salvation

them, I would be nobody. I simply would not be here Before, I believe that you only get what you

without them. work hard for. That’s why I think that the message of

Christianity is that if I am good enough, then perhaps

Purpose God will love me. But then I realized that the central

I learned that life is more than just passing message of Christianity is that God already loves

through to get to a better place; even though that will me and that because of what Jesus has done, I am

be the end result, we have to believe that life is much accepted into a perfect relationship with Him. Jesus

more and that the reason we were put on the earth is took my sin, He gave me His perfect life, and that I

not to buy time but accomplish something with the am guaranteed an eternal life because of Him.

““Having gifts that
differ according
to the grace given
to us, let us use
them: if prophecy,
in proportion to
our faith.”

-ROMANS 12:6

in·spi·ra·tion

/ˌinspəˈrāSH(ə)n/

WHAT KEEPS
ME GOING?

Parents

Of all the sacrifices my parents have done for me, the
last thing I can do is to be successful for them. Growing
up, I have witnessed all the difficulties they faced, and
they inspired me to be as strong and persistent as
them. My dad only finished basic education since
he was forced to work as a child and was an illiterate
person until we, his kids, taught him how to read and
write. My mom, who was a working student, only
graduated high school, and both of them grew up in
families in extreme poverty. Despite that, they were
able to gain financial stability from almost nothing.
Their dedication and support are what push me to
keep going, so when the time has come, I could pay
back the things they have given me.

Patients

Since I was in fifth grade, I always dreamed
of being a medical doctor and it is what drove me to
take biology as an undergraduate major. Whenever
I feel demotivated and in the verge of giving up, I
always think about the people that I will serve and
the lives that I will save in the future. The thought of
putting smile on the faces of those I will help, pushes
me to move forward.

Future Family

All the hard works that I am investing in right
now is not merely for myself, but also for the family I
will establish in the future. I want my family to have a
more comfortable life and my kids to dream without
limitations. The last thing I want to see from them is to
stop pursuing their goals solely because of financial
problems. From a parent’s perspective, the best thing
I can do for my family is to support them in every
aspect of their lives in any way possible.

““When we strive
to become better
than we are,
everything around
us becomes
better, too.”

-PAULO COELHO