Reader's Digest

I asked our sixth grader, We use a really strong sunblock when we go
Noah, to help his to the beach with the kids. It’s SPF 80: You
brother carry them in. squeeze the tube, and a sweater comes out.

“I could,” he said, — LEW SCHNEIDER, comedian
“but I’d prefer not to.”
My five-year-old is a it always came out
Spotting a teachable very picky eater and kitchen. Undeterred,
moment, my husband doesn’t like vegetables. she pushed him for one
asked Noah, “What One day, he updated more try. Matt sighed
would Jesus do?” me to say he would eat and said, “Why don’t
carrots, as his friends we just call it a duck?”
Noah answered, at school liked them.
“Jesus would heal him When I tried to include — PAMELA SPINNEY
so he could carry his them in a meal and he
own cupcakes.” protested, I reminded Me: You know better
him of what he’d said than to use that
— RACHEL NICHOLS earlier. He casually bad word.
asked me what day it Five-year-old: Yes.
My four-year-old just was. I told him it was Me: Then why did you?
brought me a block of Wednesday and Five-year-old: My brain
colby–Monterey Jack watched the gears said not to, but my
cheese and asked for a turn in his head. mouth does whatever
piece of party cheese. it wants.
“Oh, Mom,” he said.
— @WILDRAINBOW2 “I don’t eat carrots — @LHLODDER
on Wednesdays.”
My two-year-old thinks Living with toddlers is
that cars fill up on soup — MARICEL ROMERO-VISTO, like being stuck in an
at the gas station, and episode of Scooby-Doo,
now I’m really sad it’s Brampton, Ont. with all the running
not true. between rooms and
My five-year-old, Matt, slamming of doors.
— @THATMUMMYLIFE worked with a speech
therapist on the ch — @HOMEWITHPEANUT
My four-year-old just sound, which came out
looked up from her k. The therapist asked Send us your original
breakfast and said, “Uh, him to say chicken. jokes! You could earn $50
Daddy, I ordered fruit, He responded with and be featured in the
too.” So there’s at least kitchen. They tried magazine. See page 7 or
one dine-in restaurant again and again, but rd.ca/joke for details.
still in operation during
quarantine.

— @THECATWHISPRER

rd.ca 49

LIFE LESSON

Traditional tips
for modern grief

A NEW MOURNING

BY Katherine Ashenburg

illustration by genevieve simms

MY DAUGHTER HANNAH was deep in Like Queen Victoria or mourners
wedding preparations when her fiancé, in  ancient Rome, she wore special
Scott, was killed in a car crash in Janu- clothes—something of Scott’s every
ary 1998. She was a 25-year-old medical day. She remembered him in com-
student and not much interested in his- pany, taking an unintentional cue from
tory, so she knew almost nothing about bereaved Jews who say Kaddish, the
how people in previous times had mourner’s prayer, together in syna-
mourned. And yet, in the months after gogue every day for up to 11 months.
Scott’s death, without realizing it, she “The Scott Coffee” met every Sunday
recreated many traditional mourning at his favourite Vancouver spot to flip
customs from around the world. through a photo album of his and

50 september 2020

reader’s digest

reader’s digest

Hannah’s, sharing memories. Many MOURNING REQUIRES
cultures have long followed a mourn- SOME EFFORT
ing timeline, the period during which,
for example, people donned black or Sigmund Freud wrote about “the work
limited their social lives. Hannah also of mourning,” a bereaved person’s
did this, wearing her engagement ring painful acceptance that their beloved
on her left hand until the one-year is no longer alive. Freud believed the
anniversary of Scott’s proposal. After, relationship could evolve into a con-
she moved it to her right hand. tinuing, internalized bond—one that
allows the mourner to achieve a new
Our era has worked hard to mini- normal. Such work is enormously flex-
mize mourning, a shift that started in ible and individual and can range
the aftermath of the First World War. from actions like Hannah’s “Scott Cof-
Following the unthinkable losses of the fee” to hours spent staring at a wall,
war—and also, among other reasons, remembering the dead and wishing
the belief that medical advances would for their return.
relegate death to a concern only for the
very old—many people began to see Rosa Spricer, a Toronto psychologist,
grieving traditions as old-fashioned, says, “Research shows that people from
irrelevant and morbid. Very gradually, cultures that allow them to fully grieve
in the past few decades, the pendulum for a long period of time tend to have
has begun to swing back as people less complicated and unresolved grief.”
realize mourning, and death, are too But paying attention to your grief can
important to be sidelined. be easier said than done, she adds,
especially if your usual way to deal with
Years later, when I asked Hannah difficult feelings is to ignore them.
about her wholehearted mourning,
she told me about the sadness she Sarah Kennedy, a registered clinical
experienced when her father and I counsellor in Vancouver, agrees that
divorced. She was nine when it hap- stifling grief can lead to long-term dif-
pened, but she never cried about it and ficulties. Often, clients who’ve tried to
never wanted to talk about it. With repress their grief arrive in her office
Scott’s death, she wanted to let herself with anxiety, sleep problems, relation-
experience the fullness of her grief. “I ship difficulties and more. “An array of
wanted to do the work,” she said, “and symptoms can come knocking, as if
have the worst part over.” Hannah to say to the denier, ‘You’ve forgotten to
found her way on the mourner’s path take care of something important here,’”
by instinct, but there are some tradi- she says. While mourning can be fright-
tional tips that would benefit many ening, she adds, speaking of her most
bereaved people. resistant clients, “They know that griev-
ing is the medicine they need.”

52 september 2020

CHOOSE THE RIGHT suggests trying to cut friends and fam-
SUPPORT SYSTEM ily some slack. When you feel better,
you will likely find their friendship is
Bereavement can be a time of great still worth having.
loneliness, when friends and family are
more important than ever. But the REMEMBER YOU’RE
modern aversion to discussing death IN CHARGE
has left many of us inhibited and
clumsy in these situations. People may People who attend an Orthodox Jew-
inadvertently downplay the mourner’s ish shiva, or condolence visit, don’t
plight or say the wrong things, like, “Are approach a mourner unless the
you still brooding about that?” or, “Life mourner beckons them. The mourner’s
goes on. It’s time to forget the past.” instincts and wishes are paramount.
That’s something to keep in mind what-
Unfortunately, during a fragile time, ever your religion (or lack of religion).
such false steps can feel like abandon- “There isn’t one way to grieve,” Spricer
ment, says Spricer. These failures in says. “Every mourner comes to loss
friendship and family are common, she with their own history and their own
adds, but they don’t have to be. Some ways of coping with emotion.”
mourners benefit from directly stating
what support feels best for them. In other words, mourning isn’t one-
Spricer recalls, for example, a church size-fits-all. Don’t let anyone tell you
funeral at which attendees found what to do, how you should feel, or
instructions titled “Ten Things Never how long it will be until you feel better.
to Say to a Mourner” at every seat. Even when two people are mourning
the same loss—siblings, for example,
Kennedy’s clients often mention a who are mourning a shared parent—
“failure of attunement” from family each person has to be able to choose
and friends. When they experience their own path. This can be a source of
others’ impatience with the speed of friction or hurt to the other person, but
their mourning, she urges them not to it needs to be respected.
internalize a sense of failure. “People
need to be discerning about whom When it came to mourning, Hannah
they open up to when feeling vulnera- marched to her own drummer. More
ble and overwhelmed by their feel- than 20 years after Scott died, she is a
ings,” says Kennedy. When looking for busy doctor, wife and mother, but for a
confidantes, head for good listeners, long while she still wore his engage-
not those who jump in quickly to tell ment ring on her right hand. To her, it
you what you should be doing. was the sign of a well-earned, continu-
ing bond that coexisted healthily with
Hannah also chafed at friends who her current life.
didn’t respond as she hoped but now

rd.ca 53

It’s Time to Have

“The Talk”

Four tips for starting the conversation
about end-of-life wishes.

L ife has a beginning, middle and end. Find an entry point
Knowing your loved one’s end-of-life
wishes can be a critical step towards If you feel awkward bringing up the
a celebration that feels both personal subject out of the blue, there are a few
and meaningful. It can also alleviate the ways to integrate it more naturally into
pressure of guessing during an emotional the conversation. Rather than asking
time. Try these four recommendations for about your loved one’s expectations,
bringing up the d-word: you can mention your own end-of-life
preferences, refer to a funeral that you
Start sooner rather than later attended or share a recent article that
you read. If that fails, watch a movie like
You don’t have to wait until a loved one The Bucket List with your family for a
is ill to talk about end-of-life wishes. In helpful jumping off point.
fact, it’s easier to broach the topic when
everyone is in good health. Not only will Keep the conversation going
you normalize death for your family—
since it’s an inevitable part of life—but It can feel overwhelming to talk about
you’ll also avoid the need for a high-stress every aspect of funeral and estate
conversation when your family is coping planning all at once. Instead, break the
with an unexpected or imminent loss. conversation into more manageable
chunks. The first time you talk, you

may simply get a sense for your Funerals & Memorialization
loved one’s preference for a burial or Your Pre-Planning Checklist:
cremation. Next time, go over options
for services and receptions. ☐ Consider your needs

Think about everyone involved ☐ Compile your information

An end-of-life celebration may focus • Legal will
on the life and memory of one person, • Power of attorney
but it’s also a chance for family and • Family registry
friends to process their grief. When
discussing wishes, consider both ☐ Create your unique plan
sides: the person honoured and all of
the people that remain. • Burial, cremation or donation
• Service options: Viewing,
To start the pre-planning process and
discover how to commemorate your wake, religious or graveside
loved ones in a highly personal and services, reception
meaningful way, visit ArborRD.ca. • Religious rituals
• Personal touches: Theme,
Arbor Memorial Inc. music, readings, speeches,
videos, photographs

☐ Complete the financial details

• Budget
• Payment options

reader’s digest

WORLD WIDE WEIRD

BY Rebecca Philps

Hole in One stole $1,000 worth of painting was thought pierre loranger
Mary Ann Wakefield, 84, fruit from an agricultural to be the work of an
became the unlikely star centre in the town of unknown artist in Dutch
of a University of Missis- Hilo this past February. master Rembrandt’s
sippi basketball game in The thieves showed up workshop. Then, two
February, when she was around 9:15 p.m. and years ago, it was sent
selected to participate made off with 18 infam- to New York University
in an entertainment ously smelly durian for conservation and
break competition. The fruit. According to Cap- cleaning, where conser-
objective? To sink a putt tain Kenneth Quiocho vators realized that the
the entire length of the of the Hawaii Police painting was obscured
basketball court in order Department, fruit ban- by thick varnish. Using
to win a new sedan. dits aren’t unheard of: X-ray, infrared and
Wakefield couldn’t see they typically sell the electron microscopy to
the ball once it rolled stolen bounty to dis- reveal the brushwork,
past the halfway line, tributors or at farmers’ conservators noticed
but she heard the markets. Still, the durian the strokes were consis-
excited screams of the swiping strikes him as tent with the Dutch
crowd when it hit the odd. “There’s no under- master’s work. Outside
mark. No one was more ground market for experts later confirmed
surprised than Wake- durian here...although I it was an authentic
field—she admitted hear it tastes good, if you Rembrandt. The Allen-
that she’s always been can get past the smell.” town Art Museum vault
great at driving the ball, is now potentially worth
but hopeless on the Big Upgrade tens of millions more—
putting green. An overlooked painting all because the sus-
called Portrait of a pected student became
Stealing Stinks Young Woman hung the literal master.
Police on the Big Island, in the Allentown Art
Hawaii, are searching for Museum in Pennsylva-
two men who allegedly nia for decades. The

56 september 2020

LAUGH LINES

To be or not to be a horse Do other animals have
rider, that is equestrian. signature tranquilizers,

— MARK SIMMONS, comedian or are horses just
especially stressed out?
A chicken just told me
her top-three favourite — @ATANENHAUS
composers of all time:
“No, YOU are a
Bach, Bach, Bach. drama queen,” said
the fainting goat to
— @ERICDADOURIAN
the opossum.
Whoever named
the ewe really didn’t — @_WATER_BABY
like female sheep.
The laminator is
— @DAWN_MAESTAS a device that
sounds a lot

more dangerous
to baby sheep
than it actually is.

— @TUPS13

LIFE ON WHITE/GETTY IMAGES Barnyard
Yuks

rd.ca 57

ENVIRONMENT

In the early
summer, caribou
migrate north
along the Kongakut
River in Alaska.

reader’s digest

How Americans vote this fall will ultimately
determine whether oil exploration commences
in the Arctic Refuge—threatening the caribou

and the Gwich’in people who hunt them

rd.ca 59

reader’s digest

THE CARIBOU COW gives birth on her The days and weeks immediately (PREVIOUS SPREAD) JOHN SCHWIEDER/ALAMY STOCK PHOTO
feet. She stands with legs wide apart, after its birth are critical. That’s why its
or turns on the spot, shuffling in slow mother will have sought out a place of
circles, craning her long neck to watch relative safety before it arrived. That’s
as her calf emerges. The calf, when it why, every year, tens of thousands of
comes, does so hooves first. It climbs heavily pregnant caribou cows return
into the world fully extended, like a to the places where they were born.
diver stretching toward the water. The
calf doesn’t know it, but the land on For the Porcupine caribou herd,
which it is born is one of the most 218,000 strong, that means a long march
contentious stretches of wilderness in through snow-choked mountains to
North America. one of two calving grounds. One, lesser
used, is in Canada, in the northwestern
The calf takes its first steps within corner of the Yukon Territory between
minutes, stumbling awkwardly to its the Firth and Babbage rivers. It’s pro-
feet. Within 24 hours, it is able to walk tected by the invisible boundaries of
a kilometre or more. Soon, if it survives Ivvavik National Park.
long enough, it will be capable of swim-
ming whitewater rivers, outrunning The other, the most commonly used
wolves, and trotting overland for great by the herd, is a small slice of land
distances every day. Its life will offer just across the border in northeastern
myriad dangers and only the rarest Alaska, a flat patch tucked between the
respite; for the caribou, staying alive Brooks Range and the Beaufort Sea.
means staying on the move. The land is unassuming but critical:
when, every so often, the herd fails to
make it to the calving grounds on time,
their calves’ mortality rate can climb
by as much as 20 per cent.

This primary calving and post-calving
ground lies within the Arctic National
Wildlife Refuge, but unlike its Cana-
dian counterpart across the border, it
has not been permanently sealed off
from large-scale industrial activity.
Instead, for over 40 years, a debate has
raged about its status.

On one side are those who want the
oil that could lie below the calving
grounds extracted. On the other are
those who want the area protected from

60 september 2020

industry forever. The Porcupine cari- doubled the size of the Arctic Refuge, to
bou herd is caught between the two, about 19 million acres, formally desig-
its fate tied up in Washington commit- nating 8 million of those acres as “wil-
tee rooms and the fine print of legisla- derness”—defined as a place where
tion. And intimately connected to the “the earth and its community of life are
caribou is the Gwich’in Nation, roughly untrammelled by man, where man him-
9,000 people scattered across Alaska self is a visitor who does not remain.”
and northern Canada. In fighting to
protect the caribou, they are fighting The act also set aside 1.5 million non-
for their own survival. wilderness acres on the refuge’s north-
ern edge for further study—an area of
IN 1953, THE Sierra Club Bulletin ran the Arctic Refuge’s coastal plain that
an article by National Park Service encompasses the calving and post-
staffers George Collins and Lowell calving grounds of the Porcupine car-
Sumner titled “Northeast Arctic: The ibou herd. Section 1002 of the act
Last Great Wilderness.” Collins and outlined the land assessment process
Sumner had recently travelled around needed before oil and gas exploration
Alaska, and their article was a call to could be authorized, leaving the door
permanently preserve the area that is open for development.
now the Arctic Refuge.
FOR 40 YEARS, A
Seven years later, Collins and Sumner DEBATE HAS RAGED
got a watered-down version of their
wish: 8.9 million acres of land in north- ABOUT OPENING
east Alaska was designated as the Arc- THE ARCTIC REFUGE
tic National Wildlife Range. Under the TO DEVELOPMENT.
original terms of the Arctic Refuge’s
establishment, however, some indus- Even with this allowance, the move
trial activities were still permitted, and was seen as a conservationist victory.
later that decade, the march toward Simply by continuing to exist in its nat-
wilderness preservation in Alaska began ural state, the belief went, the Arctic
to face competition. In 1977, the Trans- Refuge would provide an example to the
Alaska pipeline system was completed, world of what once was. It’s a beautiful
and Alaska’s oil began to flow from the idea. But there’s one key omission in this
Arctic to an ocean port. framing: the Gwich’in people who, for
at least 20,000 years, have been much
Then, in December 1980, the United more than visitors to the land.
States Congress passed the Alaska
National Interest Lands Conservation
Act. Among other things, it more than

rd.ca 61

reader’s digest

IN THE SUMMER OF 2018, I visited the Virtually every part of the caribou ACCENT ALASKA.COM/ALAMY STOCK PHOTO
Gwich’in community of Arctic Village would be put to use. The heads would
during caribou hunting season. Arctic be boiled or roasted, the meat stewed,
Village, or Vashraii K’oo, is home to boiled, fried or salted and dried. The
roughly 150 people. Reachable only by hides would be stretched and dried for
plane, it lies along the east fork of the use as is, or tanned to make into cloth-
Chandalar River. Cross it, and you enter ing. Even the hooves, boiled to extract a
the Arctic Refuge. thin gelatin in hungry times, would be
saved to make into traditional rattles.
The permanent settlement here is
only a century old. Within living mem- The antlers, used in the old days to
ory, most Gwich’in residents of the make everything from arrow points to
region still lived nomadically or semi- cutlery, were less needed now, in the
nomadically, following the seasons age of stainless steel and cheap plastic.
and the caribou, hunting, trapping and
fishing. Today, the village still depends Clockwise: a calf from the
on the wilderness that surrounds it. Porcupine Caribou Herd; a tower
Hunting and fishing are critical sources of antlers in Old Crow, Yukon;
of food. The small store on the corner a caribou hunter on his boat.
of the village’s main intersection is
thinly stocked with alarmingly expen-
sive non-perishables. With every-
thing flown in by small plane, and
flights often cancelled by weather, fresh
food is a rarity.

Late on the evening of my second day
there, two hunters shot four caribou
outside of town. They brought the field-
dressed animals home, where it’s cus-
tom for them to be blessed. The next
morning, the women of the household
began their part. By the time I arrived
the next night, most of the work was
done. A hide was tacked up, skin side
out, on the wall of the house to dry.
Their smoker was filled with deep-red
cuts of meat, the slabs of ribs and back-
straps, and lacy skeins of white fat, all
hanging in the hazy darkness.

62 september 2020

(TOP AND BOTTOM) DEDDEDA/ALAMY STOCK PHOTO They hung above lintels or were stacked and from Fairbanks, far to the south.
in front yards all over Arctic Village, In the old days, gatherings would be
silently testifying to the bond between called in times of crisis. The Gwich’in
the caribou and the Gwich’in. would come together across their tra-
ditional ground to work out a way for-
IN JUNE 1988, Arctic Village hosted the ward. Now, for the first time in more
first Gwich’in Gathering of the mod- than a century, they felt compelled to
ern era, documented in the 1988 film do so again.
Gwich’in Niintsyaa. People had come
in from all over: from Old Crow, in the Relatives and old friends who’d been
Yukon; from the villages of the Macken- separated for decades by an interna-
zie Delta, in the Northwest Territories; tional boundary to which they’d never
from Venetie, just a short hop away; agreed were reunited. They talked of
many things, but mostly they talked

rd.ca 63

reader’s digest

about Vadzaih, the caribou, and Izhik the chiefs of the 15 Gwich’in villages
Gwats’an Gwandaii Goodlit—“the sequestered themselves to draft a res-
sacred place where life begins.” The olution. “The Porcupine (River) cari-
birthplace and nursery grounds. bou herd remains essential to meet the
nutritional, cultural and spiritual needs
The establishment of the Arctic Ref- of our People,” it read. “Their availability
uge years earlier had far from settled the to Gwich’in communities and the very
question of development in the region, future of our People are endangered by
and by 1987, a U.S. Department of the proposed oil and gas exploration.”
Interior report recommended that Con-
gress clear the way for potential drilling The Gwich’in committed themselves
in the 1002 area, despite the report’s to a long, hard fight to protect the
scientific assessment that development herd’s nursery grounds. As the gather-
risked major impacts to the Porcupine ing wound down, an elder offered a
caribou herd and its habitats. prayer in Gwich’in. “Heavenly father,”
he said, “have mercy on me. It is hard
“THE GWICH’IN DO for me to live as I used to. This is why I
HAVE POWER AS am asking for your help. Have mercy
A PEOPLE. GIVE US on me, if it is your will. Help us. With
MORE TIME. WE’LL your loving kindness, help us all.”
NEVER GIVE UP.”
IT WASN’T LONG AFTER the 1988 gath-
The Gwich’in were sufficiently ering that the Gwich’in faced a major
alarmed to call the gathering, and the challenge. In March 1989, a bill to allow
event was galvanizing. Sarah James leasing across the 1002 area passed a
was there that day and is now an Senate subcommittee. But then, eight
elder and spokesperson on the Arctic days later, Exxon Valdez tore open in
Refuge for the Neets’aii Gwich’in tribes, Alaska’s Prince William Sound, spilling
which own 1.8 million acres of tribal millions of gallons of crude oil. The
land, including Arctic Village. At 76, Edmonton Journal called the spill a
she has spent decades working to “gift” to the caribou. Juxtaposed against
preserve the calving grounds and images of oil-slicked seals and birds,
described the gathering to me as “a the Senate subcommittee bill withered.
rebirth of the Nation.”
So too did every other such bill for
After the hugs and the tears, the danc- nearly 30 years—until 2017, when
ing and the songs, after all the speeches, President Donald Trump signed the
Tax Cuts and Jobs Act into law. The
new act contained a provision to
remove prohibition on oil and gas

64 september 2020

drilling and development on the coastal portfolio right now is also personal:
plain of the Arctic Refuge, formally Frost took her first caribou at age 12,
opening the area. and she still hunts with her daughter
when she’s at home.
The Gwich’in haven’t given up. “We
do have a power as a people,” James Frost told me that she is in close
told me. The hope, when I visited, was touch with her counterparts in the
to stave off drilling at least until the Northwest Territories—also home to
next American election, in November several communities that depend on
2020, when a friendlier administration the herd—as well as in Alaska, Ottawa
might win. “Give us more time!” James and Washington. “We are clearly con-
added. To her, preserving the calving cerned,” she told me. “We have an
grounds isn’t a conservation issue. It is international agreement that we signed
a human rights issue. “We’ll never give off on in good faith.”
up,” she says.
NOT ONLY HUMANS
It’s also an international issue. Sev- RELY ON THE CARIBOU.
eral thousand members of the herd
are hunted on the Canadian side each THEY PLAY A VITAL
year, where a modest road network ROLE IN THE NORTH’S
and a handful of larger communities WIDER ECOSYSTEM.
offer greater access than in roadless
northern Alaska. In July 1987, the fed- And it isn’t only the Gwich’in people
eral governments of Canada and the who stand to lose if the caribou’s calv-
United States signed a bilateral treaty ing grounds are put at risk. Mike Suitor
dedicated to the protection and con- is the Yukon government’s North Slope
servation of the Porcupine caribou and migratory biologist. The North
herd. That treaty remains in effect Slope includes the northernmost part
today, and several levels of Canadian of the Yukon and stretches from Alaska
government are warily watching the to the NWT border—it’s where much of
potential for oil development in the the Canadian portion of the Porcupine
Arctic Refuge. herd’s range lies. Suitor emphasized
the herd’s role in the wider ecosystem.
The Yukon government’s current In addition to humans, bears, wolves,
minister of the environment, Pauline wolverines and golden eagles—just for
Frost, is a Gwich’in woman from Old a start—rely on the caribou. “They’re
Crow, the fly-in Yukon community in born to be eaten,” he told me.
the heart of the Porcupine herd’s range.
(The Porcupine River that gives the herd
its name runs right through town.) An
important and ongoing item in her

rd.ca 65

reader’s digest

The herd today is healthy and in a fry bread, slightly sweet and studded
growth phase of its natural cycle, but with raisins. Then one of James’s
Suitor warns that the Porcupine herd friends introduced me to akutuq “ice
grows and declines slowly. “Unfortu- cream”—freshly picked salmonberries
nately,” he said, “if the herd gets into a with whipped Crisco and sugar.
hole, it’s going to be very difficult for it
to dig itself out.” Everything was delicious, but it also
felt weighted with meaning. The peo-
I WANTED TO SEE the calving and the ple here live off caribou, first and fore-
caribou hunt for myself. I thought that most, but also moose and mountain
seeing the animals travelling from birth sheep. They eat salmon, lake trout,
to death would help me understand whitefish, burbot and pike. They eat
the precise nature of the connection ducks and geese and muskrat and the
between them. This, I thought, was how small fatty Arctic ground squirrel. They
I would understand what was truly at supplement their wild foods with a
stake in the fight over the Arctic Refuge. few price-inflated essentials from the
store: flour, rice, crackers, the odd can
For a number of weather-related rea- of mixed vegetables.
sons, I didn’t get to see either birth or
death. But I did get to partake in the I had asked myself what really mat-
final piece of the journey. tered in the fight over the calving
grounds, and this, I realized, was it. In
Over my days in Arctic Village, I ate 1992, in the wake of the Exxon Valdez
caribou prepared a half dozen different disaster, the Yukon government had
ways. On one night, I arrived at James’s published a pamphlet titled “What Is
house to find a feast waiting for me on at Stake Is a Way of Life Thousands of
the kitchen table. She served fried car- Years Old.” That was intangible, though;
ibou, rice, and salad made with the it was hard for me to grasp. Here, on
only vegetables consistently available the table in front of me, was proof I
at the small village store—a mixture of could hold onto. Here was something
peas, corn and diced carrots from a I could taste.
can, dressed with mayo and spices. We
finished off the meal with homemade © 2019, EVA HOLLAND. FROM “BORN TO BE EATEN,” BY
EVA HOLLAND, FROM LONGREADS.COM (MAY 30, 2019).

To Top It Off

Always serve too much hot fudge sauce on
hot fudge sundaes. It makes people overjoyed and

puts them in your debt.

COOKBOOK WRITER JUDITH OLNEY

66 september 2020

DOWN TO BUSINESS bookstore doesn’t have
a single book with
actual photographs
of real dinosaurs.

— @WATERSTONESPICC

What’s Up, Dog?
I work at a pet-supply
store. A customer once
called to set up a deliv-
ery. Among the items
he wanted was a dog
toy, but he didn’t know
which one. I had to pick
out toys and squeak
them into the phone
for him until he heard
the “right one.”

— @KRISTINNEUMAN

“The comments section is now closed.” When I worked at a
video store, a woman
SUSAN CAMILLERI KONAR While I was working at just wear your pyjamas! asked if we had a copy
a gas station, a guy Wear yesterday’s of Three Dalmatians.
asked me for a refund clothes you grabbed To clarify, I asked,
on gas he just pumped off the floor. “Three Dalmatians?”
because he changed — JESS ZIMMERMAN, editor She answered angrily,
his mind. “I don’t know. There
The Customer Is (Not) could be more.”
— @OBSCUREAARON Always Right
A customer’s child — @PANICKEDIDIOT
When you’re working is doing a project on
from home, for focus dinosaurs. Customer Are you in need of some
and mental health it’s cannot believe our professional motivation?
really important to not Send us a work anecdote,
and you could receive
$50. To submit your
stories, visit rd.ca/joke.

rd.ca 67

HEALTH

WWoelrldnsesofs
NOT LONG AGO, Linda Khan was sitting
The surprising by a hospital bed in Houston, feeling
reasons why ill at ease. Beside her lay her 88-year-
reading is good old father. His heart was faltering. He
for your health needed surgery.

BY Meghan Cox Gurdon What troubled her almost as much as
his health was the fact that all day the
FROM THE ENCHANTED HOUR two of them had engaged in nothing
illustration by genevieve ashley but depressing small talk. She and her
father had always had good conversa-
tions, but now he seemed to be sunk in
querulous contemplation of his pre-
dicament. He talked about the lousy
hospital food, the tests, the doctors, the
diagnosis, the potential outcomes.
The scope of his interests seemed to
have shrunk to the size of the room.

That day in the hospital, Khan’s eye
fell on a stack of books that people had
brought as gifts. Her father had always

68 september 2020



reader’s digest

been a reader, but lately he didn’t have as a kind of health-giving tonic and
the energy or focus. She picked up insisting that epic verse is good for
Young Titan, Michael Shelden’s biog- one’s health.
raphy of Winston Churchill, and started
to read it out loud. An epic poem might be a tall order,
but in truth, almost any kind of reading
“Right away, it changed the mood to another person can be beneficial.
and atmosphere,” she says. That after- A 2007 study of community reading
noon, Khan read to her father for an groups in the U.K. found that groups
hour. It was a relief and a pleasure for had both social and therapeutic
both of them. Reading gave Khan a way benefits for participants. The study’s
to connect with her father and help authors wrote: “Reading a literary text
him in a situation that was otherwise together not only harnesses the power
out of her hands. Listening allowed her of reading as a cognitive process; it
father to travel on the sound of his acts as a powerful socially coalescing
daughter’s voice, back into the realm presence, allowing readers a sense of
of intellectual engagement, where he subjective and shared experience at
felt like himself again. the same time.”

“He’s in and out of the hospital a BRAVE THE WEIRDNESS
lot now,” Khan says, “and I always read OF READING TO
to him.”
ANOTHER ADULT AND
That may be just what the doctor YOU’LL BE SURPRISED
ordered. In a 2010 study in the United
Kingdom, adults who joined weekly BY THE JOY OF IT.
read-aloud groups reported better
concentration, less agitation and an WE ARE NOT the only species that ben-
improved ability to socialize. The sur- efits from this kind of oral medicine.
vey’s authors attributed these improve- Dogs do, too, which is why, since 2014,
ments in part to the “rich, varied, non- volunteers at the American Society for
prescriptive diet of serious literature” the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals
that group members consumed, with have read to the animals under the
fiction encouraging feelings of relax- group’s care.
ation and calm, poetry fostering
focused concentration, and narratives “Ten or 15 years ago, I was essen-
of all sorts giving rise to thoughts, feel- tially the only person who worked with
ings and memories. the neglect and abuse cases,” says Vic-
toria Wells, the organization’s senior
The second-century Greek doctor
Antyllus even prescribed daily recita-
tion to his patients, recommending it

70 september 2020

manager for behaviour and training. “I Reading to a spouse, sibling or parent
used to sit with them, in front of their might seem a little peculiar. Right before
kennels, and play guitar and sing. I Linda Kahn started to read to her father,
noticed that the dogs who were very she was tempted to put the book down.
fearful, shivering and cowering in the It felt odd to presume to read to a man
back of their kennels, would slowly who, for her entire life, had always been
creep forward.” strong and independent. She didn’t
want him to feel patronized. Her fear
The dogs’ response to music led to the was misplaced; they both ended up lov-
idea of reading aloud. It was a practical ing the experience. Like so many others
means of allowing a larger number of who brave the momentary weirdness
volunteers to minister to recovering ani- of reading to another adult, they were,
mals. Some volunteers keep the animals to borrow a phrase from Wordsworth,
apprised of current events by reading surprised by the joy of it.
the newspaper, some choose children’s
books, and others prefer adult fiction. Who wouldn’t want that? One night
On the day I stopped by, a retired opera years ago, a friend of mine wandered
singer was reading the sci-fi thriller into his family’s living room after sup-
Logan’s Run to half a dozen dogs. per and picked up a copy of Michael
Shaara’s Civil War novel The Killer
“The fact that it’s not threatening but Angels. Without thinking much about
is attention all the same is what’s most it, he started to read the preface out
beneficial,” says Wells. “I think it’s that loud. Immediately, he was joined by
soothing, even tone of voice and the his eldest son, who was about 12 at the
presence of somebody to keep them time. A moment later, his wife came in,
company that benefits them.” followed by the couple’s two young
daughters, who at six and eight were not
READERS GET REWARDS, too. For Neil perhaps the target audience for an intro-
Bush, the late-life hospitalizations of duction to Robert E. Lee and Joshua
his famous parents, George H.W. and Chamberlain but wanted to be part of a
Barbara Bush, became opportunities family moment. Within a few minutes,
to repay a debt of gratitude. “When I everyone seemed so comfy and engaged
was a kid, [my mother] would read to that my friend kept reading. It went on
me and my siblings,” he told a reporter for an hour. He picked up the book
in the spring of 2018, shortly before his again after dinner the next night, and
parents’ deaths. With his mother and the next, until he had finished it.
father in and out of care, he said,
“We’ve been reading books about EXCERPTED FROM THE BOOK THE ENCHANTED HOUR
Dad’s foreign policy and, most recently, BY MEGHAN COX GURDON, COPYRIGHT © 2019 BY
Mom’s memoir.” MEGHAN COX GURDON. REPRINTED WITH PERMISSION
OF HARPERCOLLINS PUBLISHERS.

rd.ca 71

HUMOUR

HE SLIMEDME
My son’s obsession with “i have an idea!” my son, Leo, said to
his gooey creations has me about a year ago, with a wild look
been my undoing in his eyes. “Let’s make rainbow slime!”
It was not yet 8 a.m., and I was hard-
BY Olivia Stren pressed to think of anything I wanted
to do less.
illustration by graham roumieu
“Maybe later,” I offered my then-four-
year-old, avoiding the more flammable
answer that sprang to mind (i.e., “No”).

72 september 2020

reader’s digest

“But I neeeeeed to make something!” girl from Massachusetts sustained
he pleaded, as if he were Monet, had second- and third-degree burns on her
just beheld a water lily for the first hands in a DIY slime injury involving
time, and here I was denying him oils a dangerously toxic activator called
and a canvas. sodium tetraborate.)

At the time, Leo was six months In Canada, Alyssa Jagan, an 18-year-
into his obsession with slime: we’d old slimer from Toronto, just published
made fluffy slime, galaxy slime, clear- her second slime book and claims
glue slime and retro Ghostbusters 745,000 followers on Instagram, where
slime-kit slime. For the (blissfully) she posts “new satisfying slime videos”
uninitiated, slime is a squishy, goo- every day.
like substance made from the viscous
marriage of polyvinyl acetate glue, PARENTHOOD IS
food colouring and some kind of “acti- A CONTINUUM OF
vator”—saline solution, laundry deter- PHASES, AND THIS
gent, liquid starch—whose chemical SLIME ONE WAS A
makeup transforms all the other ingre- SINGULAR HELL.
dients into a slippery, malleable glob. If
those ingredients are non-negotiable, all of this to say that if slime clung
others (glitter, googly eyes, gummy itself to my son’s imagination, he was
bears) can be tossed in for a certain on trend. But if it’s relaxing for many,
textural or aesthetic je ne sais quoi. it’s deeply anxiety inducing for me—I
have found it encrusted on our couch
Slime was first devised by Mattel in and adhered into the fibres of our
1976 and sold in toy stores, but the real clothes (and our lives). At the height of
slimers make it at home. Slime-making, what I can only call Leo’s addiction, I
I’ve read, can prove as relaxing for noticed my husband had glitter (a sou-
young children—a break from the venir from the weekend’s galaxy-slime
pressures of, say, kindergarten—as it enterprise) in his nostril. When I
is for their parents. The substance’s pointed this out, he replied that I had
popping, squishing and clicking a fleck of it on my left eyebrow.
noises, a sound the slime community
(yes, there is one) has dubbed the “It’s so beautiful!” my mom said in an
“thwock,” are allegedly soothing to the enabling way during one visit, as she
nervous system. spread out a glob of kaleidoscopic slime.
“It looks like Notre Dame’s stained-glass
Now, in 2020, slime has expanded
into an economy, an art form and
a culture, with its influencers, trail-
blazers—and tragedies. (An 11-year-old

rd.ca 73

reader’s digest

rose windows!” I’m all for appreciating a moment of diabolical instability, to
beauty wherever it may hide, but— say to my bored son, “I know, do you
and forgive the slime pun here—that want to make slime?” He looked at
seemed a bit of a stretch. me searchingly, as if even he couldn’t
believe the extravagance of my mis-
Parenthood is nothing if not a con- step. “Okay!” he chirped, clasping his
tinuum of phases, and this one was a little hands in anticipatory madness.
singular hell. Partly because I didn’t
want to deny my kid something that There we were, again, in production.
provides him such deep satisfaction, I Leo gleefully began to toss cloudlets of
leaned into it, waiting for the day that fluffy slime (made with shaving cream)
a mention of Elmer’s glue wouldn’t onto the walls, and he wondered, “Do
kindle in him such a gleam of excite- you think it sticks, Mummy?” (PSA: it
ment. It’s messy, but it’s creative, I’d try does.) As the concoction cleaved to my
to convince myself as I climbed a lad- walls, in my mind was a combination
der to scrape a remnant of sand slime of regret, despair and this question:
stuck to the kitchen ceiling. how can I, in this moment, self-distance
from myself?
the summer offered relief: we spent
more time in the sunshine and less of People reveal themselves in a crisis,
the day mixing blue food colouring goes the truism, and I have revealed
with glitter glue and liquid corn starch. myself to be an idiot, with a talent
But just when I thought (hoped, for self-sabotage. However, I’ve also
prayed, etc.) that Leo’s interest might revealed myself to be a person who can
be waning, COVID-19 arrived, demand- expertly claim a position on whether
ing that we all stay home. While neces- or not to use Tide as an activator. (I
sity is the mother of invention, in my prefer Persil.) And so this season of
case, it was also the less proud mother pestilence has bloomed into a season
of derangement. of slime—with moments of despair
and longing, along with glittery flecks
We can never predict how we’ll of hope, all mixed together, slime-like,
respond to a plague; it caused me, in as it were.

Fast Lane

Driving a race car is like dancing with a chainsaw.

CALE YARBOROUGH

What’s behind you doesn’t matter.

ENZO FERRARI

74 september 2020

(mug) istock.com/anatoliy sadovskiy; (tablet) istock.com/mikimad; (town) istock.com/kyle bedell Get More RD

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CRIME

THE
PREDATOR

He targeted them on dating sites,
showered them with attention

and flattery, and promised they’d
be together forever. How Marcel
Vautour broke the hearts

and the bank accounts of
women across Canada.

AND
HIS PREY

BY Courtney Shea FROM CHATEL AINE

76 september 2020

reader’s digest
rd.ca 77

reader’s digest

Like most middle-aged women dipping (PREVIOUS PAGE) PHOTO COURTESY OF ANDRÉA SPERANZA; PHOTO-ILLUSTRATION BY JOHN MONTGOMERY
a toe back into the dating scene, Jodi got
on Tinder because a friend convinced
her to. They were hanging out, drinking
wine. It was a few weeks into 2018, and
Jodi, a health information analyst in
West Kelowna, B.C., hadn’t been on a
date in more than 23 years. Her profile
mentioned her love of camping and
kayaking and included a link to her
favourite country song, “Meant to Be.”

One of the first guys she met was having spent the last decade in Viet-
Andy. She was sitting in her home nam. He was an engineer on offshore
office when she got a message from oil rigs and had apparently done well
him: “I like your profile.” Turns out they for himself. Now he wanted to slow
had the same favourite song, which felt down and enjoy life with someone who
promising. They met at Starbucks that wanted the same things. He told her
afternoon, and Andy told her he was his name was actually Marcel Andre
moving back home to Canada after Vautour. Jodi started calling him Dre.

78 september 2020

On their third date, sitting together (CAFC), romance fraud cost Canadians
in her living room, Dre told Jodi he was $19 million in 2019. That’s more than
falling for her. Big time. “Everything he any other form of fraud in terms of
said was exactly what I wanted to hear,” monetary losses. It’s also an extremely
says Jodi (who asked us not to print low estimate: The CAFC and the FBI
her last name). believe that only between five and
15 per cent of fraud victims contact the
They started to plan their life together. authorities, meaning the actual dam-
Dre would have to go back to Vietnam age is far greater, from both a financial
to get his money, much of which, he and psychological perspective.
explained, was in gold bars. They would
go together, he said—sort of like a hon- Under the right circumstances,
eymoon. First, though, he was going almost anyone can fall prey to romance
to take a job delivering water to oil fraud, but the most common victims
rigs in Edmonton. It would just be a are well-educated women in their late

PHONY ROMEOS THRIVE IN THE DIGITAL ERA,
WHEN YOU DON’T NEED TO EVEN MEET YOUR
MARK TO TAKE THEM FOR ALL THEY’RE WORTH.

few weeks, and the money was great, 40s, 50s and 60s. (The FBI estimates
he told Jodi. Then he asked if he could that 82 per cent of victims are female,
borrow $500, so he could pay for the but that number may be off since it’s
recertification required to take the job. possible men are even less likely to
Jodi wasn’t totally comfortable with report.) They tend to be trustworthy,
the idea, but Dre had a story about prone to impulsivity, community-
how he couldn’t access his own funds minded and, yes, romantic.
and promised to pay her back. And at
the time, she believed him. To a con man, your Facebook page
provides an invaluable cheat sheet: a
Like other fraudsters, phony Romeos years-long record of your interests,
are thriving in the digital era, when you values and personality, including the
don’t even have to meet your mark in organizations you care about, the pol-
person—or live on the same conti- itics you subscribe to, your hobbies and
nent—to take them for all they’re worth. favourite TV shows. So suddenly you’re
According to the most recent numbers not just meeting some guy—you’re
from the Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre meeting a fellow outdoor enthusiast

rd.ca 79

reader’s digest

who also loves dogs or basket weaving for a wedding. She told everyone about
or your favourite song. her new boyfriend. “People said I was
glowing,” she recalls. After she got
Shortly before Jodi was expecting home, she drove to the grocery store.
Dre back from Edmonton, he called to Dre would be back in a few hours, and
say he was in trouble over unpaid back she wanted to have dinner ready. At the
taxes. He had a big cheque to cash checkout, her debit card was declined.
from the Edmonton job—a little more A second card didn’t work either. Her
than $49,000—but if he put it in his stomach started to sink. When she got
account, the government would claim home, she sat down at the computer
it. Without the money, he couldn’t pay and brought up her banking informa-
his subcontractors. They wouldn’t be tion, which confirmed that Dre’s
able to go on their trip. There was one cheque had bounced, leaving her
possible solution, he said—not imme- nearly $20,000 in overdraft. Between
diately, and almost like it had just

JODI TOLD EVERYONE ABOUT HER NEW
BOYFRIEND. BUT WHEN HER DEBIT CARD WAS

DECLINED, SHE GOT A SINKING FEELING.

occurred to him. Maybe he could have that and the money she had lent him
his employer make the cheque out to for work expenses and accommoda-
Jodi, and they could deposit it into tions, she was out $45,000. Her dream
her account instead. Jodi questioned man was a con man. And he was gone.
whether this was legal; Dre’s answer
was that pretty soon their names would police records on Marcel Andre Vaut-
be on the same cheques anyway. Wasn’t our go back at least 24 years. While
that what she wanted, too? romance scams appear to be his spe-
cialty, other allegations and charges
They were on FaceTime when Dre against him include credit card fraud,
e-deposited the cheque into Jodi’s identity theft, possession of goods
business account and got her to trans- obtained by crime over $5,000, obtain-
fer him $19,500. To this day, she doesn’t ing by false pretense and auto theft. He
understand why her bank didn’t put a has mostly escaped prosecution, but
hold on such a large deposit. in 2005 he did receive a suspended
sentence of one year’s probation in
It was the Easter long weekend, and
that same afternoon, Jodi flew to Vegas

80 september 2020

Quebec for credit card had deposited into her

fraud. In 2009, he served account. Rosey spoke with

a six-month conditional members of Vautour’s fam-

sentence in Victoria, fol- ily in Quebec and New

lowed by two and a half Brunswick. They learned

years of probation, for a lot about their scammer

fraud. There are active but nothing about his

arrest warrants for him in whereabouts. “We had

Quebec and Manitoba. The almost given up,” says

fact that romance fraud Rosey. “And then we heard

is almost never handled MARCEL ANDREW from Andréa.”
federally plays a key role VAUTOUR’S Andréa Speranza, a
in how scammers are able PLAYBOOK:
to evade capture by skip- 50-year-old divorcee and
ping from one jurisdiction ■ Sometimes goes by fire captain, met Vautour
to another. Andy, Marc or March at a Tim Hortons in Halifax
three months after he had
Soon after being conned, Herbert. scammed Jodi and Rosey.
Jodi was approached by ■ Claims to be an oil He was using the name
a 46-year-old B.C. nurse March Hebert. On their
named Rosey, who had rig engineer who first date, Vautour casually
also fallen for Vautour’s made a fortune. mentioned that his Crohn’s
stories while going through ■ After winning a disease sometimes held
a difficult patch with her woman’s trust, asks him back from physical
husband. Rosey ended up to borrow money for activity. About four months
a medical emergency
or bounces cheques.

giving Vautour just under later, when Vautour said

$7,000 before he disappeared on her— he had a medical emergency relating

but she discovered a Facebook page to his Crohn’s, she lent him $1,500,

he’d created while he was with Jodi. then $500 more when it turned out

Talking on the phone, the two women the medication he needed was more

COURTESY OF ANDRÉA SPERANZA discovered that Vautour had told them expensive than he thought, then

the same tall tales about gold bars and another $2,000 for a second dose. He

fancy homes, and both had seen the couldn’t access his own money, he said,

same photo of the bed covered in because his backpack had been sto-

American cash. Investigating Vautour len. Looking back, she sees how the

soon became their shared passion stolen backpack and the unproven

project. They would check in every few medical claims were warning signs,

days, giving each other assignments: but in the moment her brain just didn’t

Jodi traced the phony cheque that he go there. “What seems crazier, the

rd.ca 81

reader’s digest

idea that he had his backpack stolen Ontario, for example, small claims max
or that every single thing he ever told out at $35,000—but it’s often the best
me was a lie?” of the three available options, the other
two being civil or criminal charges.
Their relationship lasted just over Victims of romance fraud can (and
five months. During this time, Andréa should) make a complaint with the
gave Vautour about $5,000, most of it police, but actual criminal charges are
for medication. The last time she saw rare. Numerous victims and experts
him, he was going to Toronto to pick I spoke with say that just getting the
up his dog from his ex. (Andréa paid authorities to take a complaint ser-
for his train and accommodations.) iously can be a challenge.
From Toronto, he emailed her a link
to the hotel he wanted to stay at; it When Rosey went to the police, she
came from an email address under a was told that yes, Marcel Andre Vautour
name Andréa didn’t recognize: March was a fraudster with a lengthy record

HIS VICTIMS LAUNCHED A PUBLICITY BLITZ
TO RAISE AWARENESS—AND TO CATCH THE

DIRTBAG WHO DID THIS TO THEM.

Vautour. Unsure of what this might of complaints. But since she had sent
mean, she started typing variations of him the money while they were dating,
Vautour’s name into Facebook, ultim- proving criminal activity would be dif-
ately landing on a picture of her boy- ficult. It was Andréa’s idea to take their
friend with a single word written manhunt public. In March 2019, she
across it: BEWARE! launched “Stop the March Madness
Campaign,” an online publicity blitz
if the scammer has used a real name with three objectives: to raise aware-
(or has a lot of online aliases), a private ness about the prominence of romance
investigator can run a background fraud, to provide support and commu-
check and hopefully find a criminal nity to victims and, of course, to catch
record and track them to an address— the dirtbag who did this to them.
perhaps even locate assets. Then their
victims can serve them with a small They got a few tips from women who
claims charge. This may or may not had been out with Vautour in Toronto,
cover the full extent of the loss—in but nothing particularly useful—until
they heard from Nikola. The 28-year-old

82 september 2020

backpacker was visiting Toronto from the identical backpack, for sale by a
the Czech Republic on a 12-month guy in Nanaimo named Marc.
work visa and first met “Marc” at a hos-
tel in North York in March 2019. Nikola This was June 2019. Jodi immedi-
and Vautour were never a couple; ately left for Nanaimo with her new
instead he said he could get her a well- boyfriend, Vince. Rosey was also en
paying job working as his assistant. route. They started visiting the kinds
When she mentioned her plan to drive of places where he’d typically hang
to B.C., Vautour showed her a photo of out. At Tim Hortons, a worker said
his beach house in White Rock that he Vautour had been in just a few hours
had been meaning to get back to and ago. At a library, they showed a flyer
offered to come along for the ride. After of Vautour to a guy, who responded,
giving her a (fake) contract, he sug- “Oh yeah, sure. That’s Marc.” He was
gested Nikola get a Canadian credit living just a few blocks away at the
Salvation Army.

JODI HAD SPENT A YEAR FANTASIZING ABOUT
CONFRONTING THE GUY WHO RUINED HER LIFE.

THEN SHE SPOTTED HIM.

card and went along to the bank posing At this point, Jodi had spent more than
as her new employer. Over the next a year fantasizing about coming face to
three weeks, Vautour racked up $5,000 face with the guy who nearly ruined her
in charges on Nikola’s card and stole life. “I wasn’t looking for an apology or
another $500 by depositing an empty anything. I just wanted him to see that
envelope into her bank account. he hadn’t broken me,” she says. Just as
she and Vince walked through the door
Soon after they arrived in B.C. at the Salvation Army, she spotted Vaut-
together, Vautour had to leave; an our walking out in the other direction.
emergency, he said. By the time Nikola “Hey, Dre,” she said, cornering him in
realized what had happened, she was the reception area. At first, it seemed
alone and broke. like he was trying to place her. And then
he looked scared. He claimed he had
Nikola gave Vautour’s other victims been messed up on drugs when they
a good tip: Vautour had bought himself were together and he barely remem-
a fancy backpack with her credit card, bered anything. He was finally getting
and knowing him, he would try to sell
it. Rosey went onto Kijiji, and there was

rd.ca 83

reader’s digest

clean and would pay her back, he said, myself in the head and remind myself
before getting buzzed into a secure area of who he really is.” That part is worse
of the shelter. Jodi called 911. than losing the money, although not as
bad as the shame.
By the time police got there, Vautour
had vanished. Yes, romance scammers are master
manipulators who target, groom and
That day was the last time Jodi, Rosey, exploit innocent victims. But our cul-
Andréa or Nikola have seen Vautour. ture has its own role to play. “Invisible
They are still in touch with each other woman syndrome” describes the phe-
and with a community of people (16 in nomenon wherein women are ignored
total, so far) who allege that Vautour after they reach a certain age—by
defrauded them. potential employers, by suitors, by bar-
tenders. No longer imbued with youth
Andréa has taken a self-defence or fertility, we have ceased to serve our
course and installed a new security sys- biological purpose and are deemed
tem at her home. Rosey is living apart less valuable. Then along comes a per-
from her estranged husband. Nikola son who sees you and appreciates
has returned to the Czech Republic. you and promises to make all of your
Jodi has been with Vince for nearly two dreams come true. Who wouldn’t want
years now. That day in Nanaimo, when to believe in that?
she saw Vautour, her heart was pump-
ing pure ice. But sometimes she’ll come © 2020, COURTNEY SHEA. FROM “HE STOLE THEIR
across a photo of the two of them, and HEARTS, THEN THEIR MONEY. MEET THE WOMEN TRYING
she’ll feel a sudden rush of affection. TO CATCH ONE OF CANADA’S MOST PROLIFIC ROMANCE
“It’s only for a second. I have to knock SCAMMERS,” CHÂTELAINE ( JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2020).
CHATELAINE.COM

Drop Zone

It’s the first day of autumn! A time of hot chocolately mornings, and
toasty marshmallow evenings, and, best of all, leaping into leaves!

WINNIE THE POOH

Autumn passes and one remembers one’s reverence.

YOKO ONO

Every leaf speaks bliss to me, fluttering from the autumn tree.

EMILY BRONTË

If you look around, complacency is the great disease of your
autumn years, and I work hard to prevent that.

NICK CAVE

84 september 2020

LAUGHTER important papers.

the Best Medicine — @ROBFROMONLINE

After your third sneeze, “Congratulations! You I can give you the cause
that’s between you and are the winner,” says the of anaphylactic shock
God. I done did all I emcee, enthusiastically in a nutshell.
could do. to the man. “Your prize
is this $100 bill!” Still — GARY DELANEY,
— @SCOR_PINKO showing zero emotion,
the man replies, “Sorry, comedian
At an event famous for would you mind coming
giving out awards in over here and putting it Johnny Cash: I fell into
bizarre categories, the in my pocket?” a burning ring of fire.
emcee enthusiastically Dante: Just one, huh?
announces, “The next — JOSÉ J. ZULUAGA
prize will go to the lazi- — @DRANKTURPENTINE
est person in the whole Meet Cute
audience. If you think It’s pretty wild how The Fun Ones
you qualify, raise your before dating apps were LMNOP is the party
hand.” Everyone raises invented, the only way zone of the alphabet.
their hand except a to meet someone was to
middle-aged man who bump headfirst into — ALENA SMITH,
seems to show abso- them while carrying a
lutely no interest. huge stack of really screenwriter

Send us your original
jokes! You could earn $50
and be featured in the
magazine. See page 7 or
rd.ca/joke for details.

THE BEST JOKE I EVER TOLD

By Anasimone George

Of course I have a gay agenda. Every gay has an
agenda. It’s the Kate Spade collection at Indigo.

George is the Toronto-based producer of the comedy
show Shade. Follow her at @theanasimone.

rd.ca 85

reader’s digest PHOTO CREDIT TO COME

Mid-battle, the Canadians
discovered German
soldiers concealed in a
network of mine shafts.

PHOTO CREDIT TO COME EDITORS’ CHOICE

In one of the bloodiest battles
of the Second World War,
320 Canadians faced three

times as many German soldiers.
Where was their backup?

“Black Watch,
Advance!”

BY David O’Keefe

FROM SEVEN DAYS IN HELL : C ANADA’S BATTLE FOR NORMANDY
AND THE RISE OF THE BLACK WATCH SNIPERS

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reader’s digest

Verrières Ridge, Normandy,
July 25, 1944, 0930 hours—H-Hour

NONE OF THE MEN in the 1st Battalion sweltering heat, intense combat and ALL PHOTOS COURTESY OF HARPERCOLLINS CANADA
of Canada’s Black Watch, the oldest waves of soul-destroying fear.
Scottish Highland regiment of the
country’s army, had seen the sun for a The Highlanders came from the ranks
week when it pierced through a thin of the citizen-soldier, men who volun-
veil of overcast to beat down upon teered to cross an ocean to fight some-
their position at the foot of Verrières one else’s war. Known primarily as a
Ridge. They quickly realized its rays Montreal regiment, the Black Watch
did little to relieve the tension and gut- had drawn its officers from the upper
gnawing dread. echelons of society and its soldiers from
the working-class districts of the city.
Each of the 320 hollow-eyed, grimy By the fifth year of the war, however,
and grim Highlanders, all that remained nearly one-third of the men came from
of four battered rifle companies after a all parts of Canada, the British Isles and
week-long baptism by fire, crouched in Nazi-occupied Europe, and included
a muddied, vacant beet field, waiting a contingent of Americans who had
for the next move. Their heavy woollen joined to get in on the action.
battle dress was smeared with mud,
plaster dust, ash and splatters of blood. Having learned to take nothing for
Sweat-soaked armpits, groins and granted in the moments before battle,
necklines bore witness to their maca- some of the men fumbled with but-
bre dance with the unholy trinity of toned flies or webbed belts to relieve
themselves. Others chose to suck back

88 september 2020

a freshly rolled cigarette or wolf down a Watch had called the hill “home,” sit-
slice of hardtack, washed down with ting exposed to enemy observation,
a hidden stash of rum, to help steady enduring constant German sniper fire
nerves. Others silently muttered prayers and the thunder of rocket, mortar and
or fondled rosary beads, while those artillery shells that crashed down in
suffering from the vagaries of crushing torrents of white-hot steel and high
fatigue built up over the last seven days explosive—all while fending off enemy
sat despondent and stone-faced, star- patrols that used the blanket of wheat
ing aimlessly. Racked by fatigue that as cover to infiltrate their lines by day
clouded minds, impaired judgment and by night.
and left them ragged and sapped of
strength, some toyed with trading near- In the shallow valley at the foot of Hill
paralytic exhaustion for death. 61, spiralling columns of smoke eddied
up from the ghostlike ruins of the con-
The northern slope of Verrières joined towns of St. André and St. Mar-
Ridge, coated now with thick, tall tin. The mining and farming commun-
wheat standing shoulder high, rose ity, which had stood for centuries,

IN THE MINUTES BEFORE THE ATTACK, THEY
ROLLED CIGARETTES AND SIPPED HIDDEN
STASHES OF RUM TO HELP STEADY NERVES.

from beyond a curtain of grain. Shim- had been reduced to rubble, strewn
mering impressively in the prevailing with debris and the scores of unbur-
breeze, it accentuated the long, slow ied dead from both armies. Periodic-
and gentle slope that led to the main ally, muffled explosions from unat-
line of German resistance concealed tended fires erupted, punctuating the
behind its crest. strange calm.

Behind the men lay the evidence of Off to their immediate right stood a
the last four gruelling days and nights. small cluster of industrial buildings. The
Nine hundred metres back sat Hill 61, Canadians had mistakenly believed it
a slight rise littered with singed wheat, was little more than a factory, unaware
smashed vehicles and hundreds of of the 365-metre mine shaft that bur-
abandoned slit trenches. A constant rowed under Verrières Ridge to the iron
cascade of shells had left the land- deposits below. There, German infantry
scape pitted and scarred. The Black took shelter from Allied artillery. To

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reader’s digest

Known as a Montreal
regiment and renowned for
their training as snipers,
the Black Watch soldiers
actually came from across
the country and drew from
all parts of society.

90 september 2020

dislodge them, it took a liberal dousing encounters with the Germans in St.
of white phosphorus grenades and Martin, which cost the life of their
explosives crammed into ventilation commanding officer, Lt.-Col. Stuart
ducts and pithead openings. Now, wall Cantlie, had left the battalion four
panels and sidings that once flashed in hours behind the schedule of the
the sunlight stood scorched and black- tightly timed corps plan code-named
ened, riddled with bullet holes and Operation Spring. Instead of pushing
pockmarked by shrapnel. Doors and up the wide-open slopes of Verrières
window frames hung limply, ripped in the haze of the pre-dawn light, they
from their hinges by blasts that left now faced the unnerving prospect of a
mounds of shattered glass glinting matinee performance.
in the sun, guide ropes severed, skips
alight and trolleys overturned. In None of the Canadians starting up
almost every corner, dead and dying the northern rise of Verrières knew that
German grenadiers lay slumped in gro- a veteran force roughly three times their
tesque angles on conveyor belts and size lay in wait behind the ridge. The
villages south of the Norman capital of

THEY EXPECTED SUPPORT FROM A SQUADRON
OF CANADIAN TANKS AND FIELD ARTILLERY. BUT

AS H-HOUR ARRIVED, NONE MATERIALIZED.

refuse heaps, while others dangled from Caen featured fieldstone houses ringed
power pylons atop the nine-metre-high by high dirt mounds crowned with
tipple used to load the iron deposits. dense hedges and thickets, all con-
verted by the Germans into fortresses
Not a single member of the Black brimming with automatic weapons
Watch spoke in the beet field—or if they and anti-tank guns. Each “hedgehog,”
did, nobody remembered later what as the defenders called them, formed
was said. Nightmares festering from the part of a defensive web with interlock-
recent fighting bubbled to the surface ing fields of fire supported by artil-
and clashed headlong with the soldier’s lery, rockets, mortars and battle groups
bid to husband whatever fumes of (Kampfgruppen) from elite SS and army
courage remained for their final assault. panzer divisions.
They wondered in the backs of their
minds if the attack would indeed go Getting up the wheat-covered rise
on. A series of nasty surprises and fatal that lay directly ahead, however, was

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reader’s digest

Clockwise from top left:
The ruins of the town of
May-sur-Orne; the mine
where the Canadians found
concealed German soldiers;
a temporary graveyard for
the fallen Black Watch men in
St. Martin; a German photo of
captured Canadians after the
July 25 battle.

92 september 2020

their immediate problem. As with pre- wheat and discovered the going more
vious attacks that week, they expected trying than they’d imagined. Although
to have a squadron of Canadian Sher- they had a brief taste of fighting in this
man tanks in support, which would type of terrain earlier in the week,
pepper the objective with direct fire nothing compared with this labyrin-
from the cannon and machine guns. At thine crop blanketing Verrières Ridge.
the same time, a full regiment of field
artillery would drop a steel curtain of Cutting telltale paths into the grain,
high explosive shells 45 metres ahead the Highlanders struggled slowly up
that would “creep” towards the enemy the gentle rise that in centuries past
as the Canadians closed on their line. had hosted the armies of William the
Off to the right flank, smoke would Conqueror and King Henry V but now
shroud the battlefield in a great, thick masked a more sinister horde. Spread
mist, cutting off enemy observation out in a loose configuration, and care-
from the heights across the Orne River fully concealed in trenches and weap-
to the west. ons pits, Wehrmacht and SS panzer-
grenadiers, snipers, machine guns,

CAREFULLY CONCEALED IN TRENCHES AND
WEAPONS PITS, GERMAN SNIPERS AND MACHINE

GUNS WAITED PATIENTLY FOR THEIR QUARRY.

Yet by the time H-Hour arrived, none panzers and anti-tank guns, from some
of these elements crucial for success of the best units Hitler still had to offer,
had materialized. Operating under a waited patiently, baiting their quarry
direct order to press on immediately, into a carefully crafted killing field.
and with regimental pride and hon-
our at stake, Major Phillip Griffin, the Slogging steadily through the wheat,
26-year-old acting commanding officer, prairie boys, longshoremen and lum-
reached back with his right arm and, berjacks strode side by side with the
after a slight pause, waved it forward. wealthy and the powerful. Caucasian,
Upon his cry of “Black Watch, advance!” African Canadians and Indigenous
the men rose to their feet in unison. men moving seamlessly with Jews and
Gentiles, communists and capitalists,
Clomping through the mud with rifles conservatives and liberals. The men
across their chests at the ready and bay- maintained an unyielding faith and
onets fixed, they dipped into the sea of obedience to authority underscored

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reader’s digest

by their devotion to principle, duty, chest-high grain, each man hoping
friendship and the ironclad concept not to draw the short straw.
of “regiment.”
One by one, however, they started to
Forty-five metres into the field, a fall, swallowed by the wheat that ren-
screen of high explosive and white-hot dered command and control almost nil.
shrapnel arrived, erasing any notion of The cadence of the few soldiers still left
escape or withdrawal. In quick succes- on their feet, once calm and firm, now
sion, German artillery observers, dug in rose sharply. With no hope of stopping,
on the crest and the heights across the of withdrawal or of mercy, the soldiers
Orne River valley, zeroed in on the felt an increased sense of urgency.
three-metre whip antennas of the bat- “Stay in step! Keep it together! Keep
talion’s wireless sets, waving madly moving, men. Keep moving forward!”
above the wheat. In quick succession,
the crackle of wireless traffic ceased as Any trepidation built up in the
German mortar shells found their moments before the attack had van-
mark. With communications cut, the ished, replaced now by a scorching
rush of adrenalin. With their hearts

IN THE WHEAT FIELD, THE WOUNDED
AND DYING CALLED FOR HELP FROM A MEDIC,
A STRETCHER-BEARER OR THEIR MOTHERS.

men in the Black Watch could not now racing, throats burning and arter-
have been more alone. ies pounding in their ears, only the cries
from the wounded and the dying rose
Ninety metres into the field, Ger- above the racket. Once smooth and
man machine guns, sitting snugly in controlled, their collective glide has-
camouflaged hides lining the flanks as tened in pace, turning rapidly into a
well as atop the ridge, barked to life. frantic gallop as they slammed into the
Firing on fixed lines, their bright green- German picket halfway up the ridge.
and-yellow tracers ripped into the men Hidden beneath the grain, any defender
from three sides, cutting deadly swaths naive enough to offer surrender received
into the wheat with scythe-like preci- no quarter when the Highlanders over-
sion, their rounds tearing flesh, tissue ran their slits.
and tendons, leaving organs and bones
shattered. The Highlanders, devoid German rocket and heavy artillery fire
of cover, bobbed and weaved in the joined the choir just metres from the

94 september 2020

crest, and a hurricane of steel and fire on rose above the cacophony. “C’mon,
greeted the mass scurrying through the men! Keep moving! We can reach
wheat. The ordinarily pleasant scent of the objective.”
petrichor, kicked up from the soggy soil
with each blast, mixed with the bleach- Of the 320 men who made the assault
like stench of cordite, the charcoal-like up Verrières Ridge on that summer
smell of singed flesh and the sulphuric morning in late July 1944, no more
stink of melted hair. With every step, the than 20 reported fit for duty the next
ground shook; bodies and body parts day. The fate of the rest came into sharp
flew in all directions, striking those still focus weeks later when Verrières Ridge
pushing forward up the ridge. finally fell to the Canadians in the sec-
ond week of August. On July 25, the
The only reward for the intrepid Black Watch had suffered 94 per cent
Highlanders who reached the crest casualties killed, wounded, missing
came in the form of elite panzers and and prisoner of war—a rate that put
panzer-grenadiers, who opened fire at them on par with those suffered by the
point-blank range. From beneath the Royal Newfoundland Regiment on
grain, screeches from the wounded the tragic opening day of the Somme
and dying, calling out in vain for a in 1916. Most of the 129 men who were
medic, a stretcher-bearer or their killed in the assault are now buried in
mothers. In short order, cries turned to the Bretteville-sur-Laize cemetery out-
whimpers and then, mercifully, irre- side the village of Cintheaux. The day
versible silence. would go down as the second costliest
for the Canadian Army in the entire
Drenched in sweat and wild-eyed Second World War, after the bloodbath
with rage and terror, the Highlanders at Dieppe two years earlier.
who were still on their feet continued to
press through the fire and the carnage, EXCERPTED FROM: SEVEN DAYS IN HELL, PUBLISHED IN
spurred on by desperate “do or die” CANADA BY HARPERCOLLINS PUBLISHERS LTD. © 2019 BY
calls from their acting commanding DAVID O’KEEFE. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
officer, whose repeated pleas to push

Slam dunks

Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen,
and others make it happen.

MICHAEL JORDAN

Ability may get you to the top, but it takes character to keep you there.

JOHN WOODEN

rd.ca 95

reader’s digest

reader’s digest

BOOK CLUB

Every month, THE PULL OF THE STARS
we recommend a new by Emma Donoghue
must-read book. Here’s
what you need to know. ($34, HARPERCOLLINS)

BY Emily Landau what it’s about: See if this sounds famil-
iar: a violent pandemic has engulfed
96 september 2020 the world, infecting millions, hospital-
izing thousands, stretching health care
systems to their limits and forcing
essential workers into life-saving tri-
age. Except in Emma Donoghue’s new
novel, the year is 1918, not 2020, and
the plague is the deadly, indiscrimin-
ate Spanish influenza, not COVID-19.
The book unfolds over three harrowing
days in the life of level-headed Dublin
nurse Julia Power as she works furiously
alongside a tough Dickensian orphan
and a steely female doctor. The trio
cares for patients stricken with the
unfortunate double whammy of influ-
enza and pregnancy. The result is a
compelling minute-by-minute account
of Julia’s apocalyptic experience work-
ing on the front lines.

why you’ll love it: Back in October
2018, Donoghue began to think about
the centenary of the Great Flu, which
prompted her to start writing The Pull

of the Stars. Donoghue only finished FAST FACTS ABOUT
her manuscript two days before the THE 1918 PANDEMIC
World Health Organization declared
COVID-19 a pandemic. Her publisher ✦ From the spring of 1918 to the summer
wisely decided to fast-track the book’s of 1919, the flu pandemic infected about
release (it was originally scheduled to 500 million people—around one-third
hit shelves in spring 2021). Like Room, of the world’s population at the time.
Donoghue’s 2010 bestselling novel Approximately 50 million people died.
(later an Oscar-winning movie) about
a woman and her son held captive in a ✦ While it’s commonly referred to as
backyard shed, The Pull of the Stars the Spanish flu, the title is a misnomer.
combines hope and horror. It’s also The first case is thought to have been
alarmingly relevant to our present pre- in the United States. But media in many
dicament. You’ll be surprised by the countries censored their coverage to
similarities between the 1918 pan- keep morale high during the First World
demic and our own—and reassured by War. Spain, which remained neutral
how the world survived that upheaval. during the war, reported freely on the
And like the best of Donoghue’s books, flu, giving the impression the country
it’s thrillingly grisly: the author luxuri- was dealing with a worse outbreak.
ates in the gruesome bodily terrors of
the plague, describing a placenta as a ✦ The flu caused average life expect-
“dark-maroon side of meat.” Sensitive ancy in the U.S. to fall by 12 years.
stomachs beware.
✦ Walt Disney, Franz Kafka and Geor-
who wrote it: Donoghue was born in gia O’Keeffe are some of the most
Dublin in 1969 and now lives with her famous people to have contracted and
family in London, Ont. Few writers survived the flu.
boomerang between genres and time
periods as nimbly as she has in the 13 JOIN THE CONVERSATION
novels she has written to date. Her
books, which have been translated Visit facebook.com/readersdigestcanada
into more than 40 languages, take to share your experience of reading The
place in settings such as Victorian Pull of the Stars with fellow Reader’s
London, the French Riviera during Digest Book Clubbers. Comment on
the Second World War, turn-of-the- plot twists, discuss what we’ve learned
century San Francisco, contemporary (and haven’t) since the last global pan-
small-town Ontario and, in Room, demic and post photos of your own
present-day suburbia. moments of levity during quarantine.

rd.ca 97

reader’s digest

BRAINTEASERS

OOXOOX X Herding Cats
XOOXOX X Easy There is one three-by-three
X X XOXOO arrangement of squares in this
OXOX X XO grid that forms a “cat’s game”;
OXOOOX X that is, a game of tic-tac-toe in
OOXOOX X which neither X nor O has three
OXOXOXO in a row. How fast can you find it?

Bubble Math 10 (HERDING CATS) DARREN RIGBY; (BUBBLE MATH) RODERICK KIMBALL
Moderately difficult 12
Assign a whole number 8
from 1 to 5 to each of the
10 bubbles, using each 8
number exactly twice. 7
The sums of some of the
numbers are revealed in the 7
areas where their bubbles
overlap. No two bubbles
with the same number are
touching. Can you figure
out which number goes in
each bubble?

98 september 2020